Dear Chelsea - Back by Popular Demand: Julianna Margulies

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

Chelsea is joined this week by one of our favorites: Julianna Margulies.  They discuss good vacations and bad flights, the best books they’re reading right now, and why you should never have a tv in the bedroom.  Then: A dog groomer dreams of escaping a job where he works with his ex - and their new love interest.  A sister-in-law finds herself in a Single White Female situation. And a nurse who cares for everyone else struggles to accept that she must also take care of herself. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so my stand-up dates, I have some dates coming up in California. In Long Beach, I'm performing on Friday, October 14th. And then I'm in Bakersfield, October 15th. And then October 21st, I'm in Paso Robles. And then I'm in Vegas at the Mirage Saturday, October 15th. And then October 21st, I'm in Paso Robles. And then I'm in Vegas at the Mirage Saturday, October 22nd.

And then Wheatland, California, October 29th. And then you can go to ChelseaHanler.com for more dates when I'll be performing. And yeah, that's pretty much what's happening right now. Hi, Katherine. Hello, Chelsea. Oh, Katherine. Hello, Chelsea. Oh, good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

I have such a funny story. So, well, it's not that funny, but Juliana Margulies, who any avid listeners to this podcast know that when she was on, she was so great. And I was texting with her after telling her how great she was and the response I had gotten. And then she was like, if anyone ever falls out, will you please let me know? I would like to come on again. And then someone fell out this week and I was like, you know what? Let me text Juliana.

Then she was like, yes, I'm down. So how cute is that? That's our guest today, you guys. And that's how it transpired. Juliana Margulies is our special guest, back by popular, popular demand. Yes, by her demand also. Yeah, by her demand. We're open. And she's also going to be in the third season of The Morning Show, reprising her role. So you can look forward to that. If you miss Good Wife ER and everything else that she's ever been in, you can tune in to The Morning Show on Apple TV. She also has a great

book out that I've read, which I'm going to read again, Sunshine Girl. Yeah, Sunshine Girl and Brandi Carlile's book. Those are two great books that I read, autobiographies. Please welcome Juliana Margulies. Hi. Hi, kids. Hi. Without any further ado, we're going to hop right into it.

Back by popular demand, Juliana Margulies is back with us today because we had such fierce responses, right? Yes, we did. I got so many emails about that episode. You did? Really? Yes. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, that makes me so happy. I got so many, Juliana. So many people are like, oh, my God, Juliana Margulies. Like, you guys are so connected. I said that to Juliana. I go, I feel very connected to you, especially after the podcast. I just felt like your openness,

it was just so infectious and people really responded to it. And I think you really were able to help so many people. Oh, that makes me happy. I love it. I love it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm on Zoom and a mess,

but I've been out in the depths of the woods all day today with contractors. Trying to get Lyme disease? What were you up to? I stay away from that. No, we're trying to build something in our house and I have to meet with contractors. And here's my problem. I know you're in the middle of a renovation. I'm always in the middle of a renovation. Me too. Always in the middle of a renovation. I'm always homeless. I kind of love it because I love the creative process of it, but like meeting contractors, I love them all. I don't want to say no to one because I feel bad and that's my problem. And I literally looked at the architect and I was like, I don't know what to do. He was like, wait till the bids come in, blah, blah,

blah. But so my, my problem, these are champagne problems, I know, but my problem is always saying no to people. Yeah, I have that problem too. Whenever I'm like, I remember hiring directors, meeting with directors. I was doing a documentary series for Netflix and I was meeting with all these directors and I was just like, okay, let's hire that woman.

And then the next guy, I was like, oh, I like him too. Right, they're good too. Yeah, and my cousin Molly's like, you have no discernment like between people. And I was like, what? That doesn't seem like it goes with my personality, but it does for some reason. You know, after reading your last book, I've read all your books, but after reading the last one, I feel this tremendous connection to you. I feel like you are that person. Yeah. Well, maybe I am. You're the person that worries about, you do. You worry about everybody. I see how you take care of your family and how you do. That's sweet. How has your summer been going, Juliana?

My summer's been going very well. My son came off the bus from camp an inch taller and his voice is no doubt. Oh, that's so bittersweet. And that was weird. You know, his whole life, I've looked down at him when I tell him to do something. And now I'm like, um, and that's just the beginning. So he's 14 and a half. So it's been nice having him back home. And it's been good. Gentle, a gentle summer. Yeah.

Yeah, pretty good. We are going to take a quick break so you can hear an ad and then we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, really sir bless you all hello newman and you never know when howie mendel might just stop by to talk about judging really that's the opening really no really yeah no really go to really no really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign jason bobblehead it's called really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

How was your vacation? How was your... Oh my God, I had so many vacations. They've been so great and like healing and friends and family and strangers and people. I have new people. I love meeting new people. I always love meeting new people, especially British people. I have an affinity for British people. So in Greece, it was my friend's sister's getaway. She and all of her British friends and their couples and their kids all go to this island, Lefkada. And I had never been to Lefkada. I had

also never flown on EasyJet. I don't know if you guys are familiar with that, but it is something to avoid for the entire world. Really? EasyJet sounds like a cheap ticket. Yes. It's like being airlifted in a, I don't even know ticket booked, but they were leaving a day early and they had gotten their tickets confused. And she goes, okay, I have some bad news. You're going to have to fly with us. That's the good news. The bad news is we're going to uneasy jet and you're not going to like that. And I was like, okay, I go, you know what? Just give me an edible. I can handle anything, you know? And we got on it. I read an entire book, Daisy Jones and the Six, by the way, Juliana, if you're looking for a good quick fiction read, that's a really, really good. I love when I finish a book, you know, in a couple of days.

And then I get sad. I miss them. Yeah. I have always had a rule in my house not to have a TV in the bedroom because I'll just watch it rather than read before I go to sleep. Yeah. I mean, of course it's also better for a relationship, but nothing makes me more depressed than someone falling asleep to the TV in their own bed and then waking up at three in the morning and the TV's on. But when you have a book, you like read your dreams are better. There's no, none of that. The rays of the television going into your head. I always say to my kid, the best gift we ever gave you was your love for reading.

Oh, yeah. Because you want to have a friend no matter where you are in the world. A book is a friend. A book is a happy, safe place. Yeah, yeah. And you know what I've realized recently is that I'm reading too much serious shit. Like I love to be like analytical and think about things and have things that provoke my thinking. But at the same time, I'm like, no, it's an escape also. And I deserve to read fun things. That's why this book, Daisy Jones and the Six was like a departure from what I normally read. And it was such a welcome reprieve because I was like, oh, this is like being in a fun, different world, you know? Right. No, it's so important. Disappearing into a novel is my favorite thing to do. Yeah. Yeah.

The idea is to, is to go into someone else's world and not have to be in your own. I love a memoir and I love, but it's hard because whatever you read, when you're reading really tough stuff, I'm reading a memoir right now called unraveling, which is actually fascinating. It's not out yet. I'm reading it to give her a blurb, but it's by Peggy Orenstein and it's called unraveling. And it's about, she's a huge author, New York times bestselling author who writes about sex for girls and sex for boys. She, she talks about gender in children and she was a journalist, but in the pandemic, she's a knitter. And I think, I guess she said, I don't know how people know shit, but I knit, I've always knitted. I don't have a knit

in a while, but I used to be a big knitter. Anyway, she decided she wanted, if she was going to knit, she has to learn how to shear a sheep. Go to the store. And the whole store. And I thought, are you fucking kidding me? I said yes to this and I'm going to be on a farm like shearing sheep. It is so fascinating. The rabbit holes because she's a journalist and because she's an, an because she's an author and a great writer, it's all about her experience. Sharing the sheep is unbelievably difficult. And also she goes into what we're doing to our planet with all this bad, you know, all

the cheap, easy clothing. That's like the landfills. And then she goes and she said, once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it. I think that's what's hard about reading really realistic books is that once you go there, you have to change because now I literally was like, oh, I'm just going to run into this store and buy it. And I thought, is that going to be landfill? I'll just buy vintage then. Oh my God. And the way I used to joke about sheep, actually, if you're ever looking for a different job, we're in need of sheep shearers and sheep need to be sheared and they actually can help global warming. Like I didn't know any of this stuff. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah.

It's fascinating. Everyone says sheep are stupid. They're not. They're so smart. The reason their eyes are slanted is so they can see behind them. And you always think like, oh, they have such little funny eyes. You know, they're just stupid little sheep. I'm learning so much that I want to know and that I don't want to know because now I have to change the way I live. So I think reading is, I don't read that book before I go to sleep. I read a novel. Well, I think that's probably so true for so many things, right? That we don't even know about in our environment that are actually helping us live and breathe clean air and helping put oxygen out into the atmosphere. Like we are constantly surrounded by these things.

But until you read a book like that, you don't even know. You're like, oh, wait, this is a contribution to the environment that we could be using in a much more mindful way. Exactly. Like I never knew that a lot of clothes are made with plastics in them. All the stretchy stuff. It's all, all of it. And, and by the way, and, and, and, you know, and then I go, but we send all the used clothes to Africa. I was saying, we don't wear them. We don't want them. Stop sending like it is anyway. I digress, but literally I do think that reading is important to educate, but it's also really

important to disappear and go into someone else's world and think outside of yourself. Yeah, there is no comfort like a good book. What are some of, if you can think of one or some of your favorite books to recommend to listeners? Did you ever read that book Circe by Madeline Miller? No. Oh, that's a beautiful book. And it's like fantasy. I mean,

it's about Greek mythology, but it's so beautifully written. I mean, I had to read that. That was one of those books where you read a paragraph and you put the book down and just think about how she wrote that. It's so impressive. But yeah, that was one of my favorite books. Did you ever read The Red Tent? Yes. Oh my God, I loved it. Anita Diamante, right? Yeah, yeah. That was a great book. You know what's interesting about that book? That book, I was in Ireland doing a film and it was right after 9-11 and someone had told me to read that book. And I started it and there were so many, you know, it's biblical, right? So there were so many names and I was like, I always give a book 50

pages before I say I'm out. I remember turning page 50. I was getting frustrated with it because there were so many characters and I couldn't keep track of everyone. Page 50, turned it. I never put the book down. I couldn't wait till they were like, we have 10 minutes for lighting. I'd run back to my dressing room, read the book. Those are the kinds of things. There's another book. Oh, this is why I write things down in my notes on my phone. That's no offense, Julia. That's why everybody writes things down in their notes. Really?

Yeah. You're not the only one. Oh, in that realm of the red tent, there's a book called Pope Joan. Did you ever read it? No. What's that? Oh my a book called Pope Joan. Did you ever read it? No. What's that? Oh my God. So Pope Joan. Let me just write that down in my notes section. One second.

Yeah, write it down in your notes section. Pope Joan is about, a lot of people feel that it's complete falsehood. You just go in for the story, but it's basically the first Pope that was elected that was actually a woman. And there's historical evidence showing, for example, did you know that when someone is elected Pope now, because of Pope Joan, when they found out she was a woman and they killed her, she was masquerading as a man in 13 whatever it was, they have basically a ball throne where the elected Pope has to sit on it and someone goes under his robes to make sure he has testicles. Oh, wonderful. And that's because of Pope Joan.

It is such a fascinating read. And some producer sent it to me when I was on The Good Wife and said, we want to make this into a movie and we think you'd be a great Pope Joan. And it was like, you know, 800 pages. And I went, guys, I'm on set 14 hours a day. You're insane if you think I'm going to read this in two weeks to give you my answer. So, and they said, take all the time you want. I read it in a week. I could not put the book down. It was absolutely fascinating. I love those kinds of, because you also learn about history and you learn about, you know, anyway. So you didn't end up doing the project.

Oh, so, so I said, yes. I was like, I'm in. This is an unbelievable character. And they couldn't get it greenlit anywhere. Oh, that's so fucking annoying. Yeah, you know, I mean, I've been attached to so many of those, but you know. Right. You keep throwing shit at the wall and whatever sticks, it sticks, you know. You got to make lemonade. Exactly. But anyway, it's a great read. I just read The Latecomer. I'm going down a Jean Honf Corlett's sort of rabbit hole because I've always loved her writing.

And then she had read my memoir and actually asked, she has all these book events. And she said, my name, I knew who she was because I'd read her books before, but she just came out with a book called The Late Comer. And that was so much fun because while it's very New York story, but it's about these triplets who came into existence from a petri dish because their mother couldn't get pregnant. And it is a fascinating, fabulous, fun read. And I was really sad. I love triplets. I like anything where there's twins, triplets, or sisters. Those are my three.

Have you ever seen that show, The Split? Have you ever watched? Oh, my God. I love it. Oh, my God. It's my favorite. Wait, I haven't seen it. I have a new show for you.

OK, so here's what happened last night. I drove up. I'm upstate. And for the first time by myself, no dog, no kid, no husband. Like I walked into my house, there's no food. I'm like, okay, I'll figure it out. There's some eggs. Like, what can I do?

Like you, Chelsea, I'm 100% technically challenged. Like the fact that I'm on the Zoom with you and no one's going to help me is shocking. And I've never actually turned my television on up here because my kid or my husband are always here and they know how to do it. And it's got like, I'm like, what is HM1? So I don't watch TV. I just like wait till they're here. So I had just finished watching Catastrophe. Have you seen Catastrophe? Yeah, it's awesome. Love it. And I love her. Sharon Horgan. I'm obsessed with this actress. The way I was with Nicola Walker in The Split. She's genius. Oh, that show's awesome. Awesome. In fact, when I watched that show, I emailed Robert Michelle King, who created The Good Wife. And I was like, do you think maybe this was born out of the good wife? Because there's way too many similarities, right? She's having the affair with the guy at the law firm, blah, blah, blah. And they said, oh, we heard about it.

And the Washington Post said, if you're missing the good wife, watch the split. So anyway, this show. So after I watched Catastrophe, I heard that Sharon Horgan, I'm sure I'm saying her name wrong, but she writes, directs, produces and acts. And I, I just love women who do that. I don't know if I could ever, I can produce an act, but I don't know if I could do any of the other things. She has a new show called bad sisters.

And I immediately thought of you, Chelsea, you have to watch this show. Oh my God. I saw it. You know what? I saw it. And I was about to, no, no, I was about to watch it. And then my assistant said, oh, you should watch Severance, I think, because they're both on Apple, right? And yeah, Severance is on Apple with Adam Scott, who I love. Yeah. I love that show.

Oh yeah. You watched that show, Severance? Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have to say at one point, like by episode three, I was getting so angst. I was watching with my husband. I said, you know, by the next episode, if it doesn't get a little bit lighter, I don't know if I can handle it anymore because we watch it together before we go to bed. And then in walks, I mean, I loved all of it, but, but the characters were so sad and brutal and also frightening. Patricia Arquette is a genius, but she scared the shit out of me. And then in walks Christopher Walken with

John Turturro. I was like, Oh my God, it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I know Christopher Walken. Anytime he walks into a room, you're like, first of all, Patricia Arquette is the fucking best. She's unbelievable. Oh my God. Every time you see her, you're like, you feel dehydrated from missing her. You're like, hey, I need her in more shit. She is one of those actresses I've always admired because she is unapologetically that character. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like she just goes in there and you're like, wait, wait, seriously, this is how, and you believe everything. Like she's crazy in Severance. Yeah. Well, she's crazy. You can now watch Bad Sisters. Okay. I definitely will.

I love Sharon Horgan. I'm going to watch Bad Sisters. We should have Sharon on the podcast also. She's awesome. You really should. I think she is truly talented on every level. She's funny. She's funny.

Catastrophe was so good. I started watching Severance. I'm not to the end because I also found it slightly depressing. I'm just like, this is- I'm not good at like television analysis. Like when there's a bigger kind of metaphorical thing going on, it's not always easy for me to identify, you know, like even in, in the bear. Did you watch that, Juliana? I've watched three episodes of it. Yeah. That's a great show. And that I watched it. And then I read a review of it. And in the New York

Times, I'm sure because those reviews are like, I might as well be talking to somebody who speaks French. And I'm like, wait, what? I was like, toxic masculinity. Okay, I could see that. But then they listed like all of the things that the show was about. And I'm like, wow, I'm a real dummy. Like I didn't pick up on that. I'm late to the game on a lot of things, but I just finished watching the entire four seasons of Ozark, which was brilliant. Oh, Laura Linney is another, she just deserves it on another level. I know. But in the beginning I was like, I don't understand money washing. Wait, what? And I'm a fairly educated person with, you know, a medium-sized brain, but literally as the show went, I went, thank you for not, you didn't talk down to your audience. I love a show that allows me to learn what they're talking about through time, because writing a pilot is really

difficult and any network, you want to set up everything within that first show to keep the audience coming back. But it's like, no, if you really believe in the work you're doing, then let the audience learn with you. So by the end, I felt like, oh, I understand cartel and I understand money laundering. But the one show I couldn't keep watching because they talked too fast and I was on it was billions because I would look over to my husband and be like, I don't understand. What does that mean? What are they trading in? I don't get, I didn't, it was a lingo that went over my head. Well, billions is like Red Bull, like that's Red Bull television. You know what I mean? Billions is like two, it's high octane.

And that's like, it's like at a pace where there's, yeah, I know exactly what you mean by that. Ozark is one of the best shows ever. And Jason Bateman is so good. And so is Julia Garner. She's a badass. Yeah, it was fantastic. So it's been fun catching up.

I know it was on like years ago, but. Well, I think a lot of people are going to be surprised to hear that you are not money washing in upstate New York, Juliana, because that's what this podcast was supposed to be about. I'm washing other things all the time, but not money. Okay. Well, now that we've done our television roundup. Television and books. Book and television review. Entertainment corner. Yeah. We're going to have, this is going to be a regular thing the next time we have to call on Juliana. Okay, Catherine.

Well, I'm going to make us take a little bit of a break, and then we'll be back with some colors. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like. Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing

back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all.

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason

bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. What do we got going on today, Catherine? Oh, my goodness.

Hit us with so many things. Well, our first question is a sister question, or rather a sister-in-law question. This comes from Les. Dear Chelsea, I'm not sure what to do about my sister-in-law. The problem is that she's been purchasing things that I own to an extent that is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel like I'm being stripped of my identity when I'm with her. I don't even like to wear things that are special to me around her in fear that she'll ask where it's from and buy it. Multiple pairs of shoes, jewelry, coats, sweaters, pants, art, etc.

It may be partially my fault because sometimes I share links with her when she asks, where did you get those pants? I'm getting increasingly upset when I see her wearing things I own and she dresses almost exactly like me now. I'm extremely close with my brother, her husband, and I'm afraid confronting her will cause us to get in a fight. Please help less. Oh boy. I have so many. You go first, Juliana. I have so many. Well, my first reaction when hearing that is imitation is the best form of flattery. Agreed. Chelsea, you know, I think she's your agent, but my best friend, Blair Cohan from college is truly one of the most fashion forward people I've ever met. Like everything she puts on,

I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. She's got style up the bejesus. You're just like, what the fuck is this? You're like, are those shoes? Are they milk cartons? And somehow they're sexy. She's the most gorgeous, stylish person. And I am not ashamed to tell you that I now have half her wardrobe. And she takes it as a compliment. She really does. Like she, she was in town a couple of weeks ago and I was wearing these Nelly low 10 pants that I had seen on her first. And she was like, Oh girl, you look great. Like I understand with family, it might be different because you suddenly you're both showing up. But if you could look at it from a different angle, which is that you're inspiring somebody, your taste, I mean, nothing makes me happier than when someone comes into my home and

says, oh my God, where did you get that lamp? I have to have it. And I think, oh, I did good. Yeah. I look at it as a compliment, unless it's that single white female thing where she's trying to become you. I wouldn't look at it as anything except she likes your style and take it as a compliment. That's my feeling. Yeah. What do you think, Catherine? I think she should start sending her affiliate links so she can make a little money on the side when she clicks on a little commission. I mean, you could do the old, oh, this old thing and tell her you don't remember or tell her it's vintage. I mean, I do agree. It's flattering. Yeah, I think it's flattering. And I think you need to adjust your mindset and perspective on it.

It's a compliment. And you should take it as such. Like she's never going to steal your identity. If it's really crossing a line and she's acting like you and mimicking you, then that's a separate issue. Then that would call for attention. But somebody who's just dressing like you is a huge compliment. And I, again, Juliana, like when people come over to my house and say, Oh my God, this or that, I'm like, Oh yeah, right on nailed it. You know, I always take it as a compliment. I take it as a compliment when people show up at my shows, wearing jumpsuits, like I wear. I started wearing jumpsuits because of Chelsea. I did. And then I did her first, the first podcast I did with her, I was wearing a jumpsuit to pay homage to Chelsea. It was a compliment.

Thank you. That's sweet. I would feel complimented if someone showed up wearing something, you know, it's about your identity. So I say, stay who you are. If you start feeling like she's talking like you or it's different when there's trying to, she's married to your brother. If you start feeling like she's talking like you or it's different when there's trying to, she's married to your brother. So it's not like she's going to try and date the same person as you or. Right. There you go. I just, whenever someone is like, Oh, what do you eat? Cause I love the way you look at what I'm like, Oh, let me, I'm so happy to share. And also remember this. I'm a child of the eighties.

Like that was when I was, could afford fashion or, or cared. We all were the same thing, right? When you're in middle school and high school, you're, you're wearing this, you, you wear what each other wears because you're around each other and you like each other, you know, and you want to be cool. So you're probably really cool to her. And she wants to be like you because a, your brother is married to her and she probably knows you're really close with your brother. And maybe, you know what I mean? Like it could be so many different psychological things. If it gets creepy, you can say, Hey babe, I love that you love what I'm wearing and I love that you buy this stuff, but can we just talk? Are you okay? Cause I feel like

you're a little bit coming into my orbit too much. And you can say it sweetly if you're feeling creeped out. Yeah. Yeah. And you can say it sweetly if you're feeling creeped out. Yeah. Yeah. And you could even suggest, say you're wearing something in yellow and she loves it, be like, you know what would look great on you is the blue one. You know, so it's not exactly the same. Actually, that's perfect. You're absolutely right. Yeah. These aren't big problems. You just have to be a little bit more gracious about it and just remember that that's cool. That's a compliment, period. That's a compliment.

Turn it around. Well, our next question comes from Chandra. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 24-year-old trans man and recently started living alone in my two-bedroom apartment. My partner of three and a half years ended things with me back in March. This was an incredibly difficult adjustment as I had just moved to Pennsylvania and left my family to be with them to find work out there. I ended up working under my partner in our grooming salon. Since then, I've moved up to co-managing the salon with my now ex-partner. Less than two months after they broke up with me, they started dating our friend slash co-worker. I will admit this is hard to witness, and I had a lot of friends tell me to get up and leave my job to get away from that hurt. It's been an overwhelming loss, but my ex

and I still maintain a distanced but respectful friendship. Here's the deal. I'm now reaching a pivotal moment in my life, and I'm stuck, frozen in fear of which choice to make. I've always dreamt of living in Germany, but I'm too afraid to make that leap, and my German needs a lot of work. I've also had friends offer to have me stay but I'm too afraid to make that leap and my German needs a lot of work. I've also had friends offer to have me stay with them in Chicago until I figure things out. I don't know what I want to do or where to go, but I do know I want to start learning to listen and trust myself to make decisions. Any advice? Chandra. Hey, Chandra.

Hi. Hi, Chandra. How are you? This is Juliana, and of course you've spoken to Catherine already. Hi. We're here to help you, Chandra. How are you? This is Juliana. And of course, you've spoken to Catherine already. Hi. We're here to help you, Chandra. We're here. Thank you.

I need it right now at this point. Okay, so how long have you been working together with your ex? We broke up in March. And so I've been working with all of them together for the last six months. And I've been working with my ex for the last six months. And I've been working with my ex for the last three years. And you obviously feel like you need a change, right? Yeah. I mean, I've given it a lot of thought and I'm 24 and basically every major life choice I've made has been around a partner. I left Michigan and went to college for somebody who

was going to the same university. That didn't end out well. And then I moved to Pennsylvania for my ex and that didn't work out well. I mean, I really thought this last relationship was going to be it for me. I mean, I thought I met my life partner because I've never been in such a supportive, nonjudgmental relationship. I mean, we were open the whole time. And it was because, like, my partner believed that I should experiment with men. And because my partner, my ex, is female, but non-binary. So it's still a trans for trans relationship. What was the last word you used?

Trans for trans relationship. Trans for trans. Okay, good. I need to make sure I'm up on all the lingo. Okay. It doesn't matter. But what sex is this person that she's having a relationship with? Is it the same sex or is it another non-binary or male? They took a huge leap. He's a cishet conservative male. Oh, okay. Wow. Well, first and foremost, I want to say that you're 24 years old and I am here to tell you that you are probably going to fall in

love and have your heart broken multiple times from now on. And that is part of the way of the world. And the sooner that you can get on that train and accepting of it, the more emboldened and empowered you're going to feel because relationships do not define you. The way you handle relationships defines you. You know what I mean? So like you saying, I thought I met the love of my life. Of course, we all want to meet that person and we all want to feel that way. But the chances of that happening at your age are just not, you know what I mean? The time, your age is not on your side. You're here to explore and to learn and to have multitude, a multitude of experiences, not just one, not just two, not just three.

You want to be a full person, right? So I really don't want you to even think about, I know it's easier said than done, but don't think about something as it has to be forever. There is no forever. All of that is hogwash anyway. Just think about you right now. Just think about what is going to make you the most productive, happiest version of yourself. And when you think of that, what comes up? That's the hard part is I have to basically retrain my brain to make me the person I'm taking care of instead of a partner or a family member. You feel your worth is more valuable to you when you're taking care of someone else other

than yourself? A hundred percent. I've always felt like I'm valuable when I'm useful. And yet you're not useful to yourself. Not at this moment in time. No, I got back into therapy. So a lot of this past six months have been like basically creating who I am from the ground up and trying to figure out what I like.

And I bought a bike and trying to find out hobbies so I can be around other people that aren't connected to my ex and stuff like that. So here's what I want to say to you right now. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. You're at the age where you're exactly where you're supposed to be, but you don't realize that the world is your oyster because when you're 24, you don't see that. When you said something that really struck me in your letter was that you want to go to Germany. I can tell you as someone who went there once for 24 hours and fell so in love with Berlin. And I really like, I can say three words in German.

You go to the country to learn the language. You don't learn the language and then go to the country. My biggest thing when I hear what you're saying is you've already said, I went to college for someone. Then I moved here for someone. Where are you going to move for you? And when you say, I would love to go to Germany and I would love to speak German, you're opening up a whole new world, like the whole point. And by the way, when you get there, because you will, after Chelsea and I are done with you, you are totally going to Germany. I can say this. I bet you dollars to donuts, you are going to write into Chelsea and say, had I not gone through those experiences

where I was in so much pain, I would not have found the path I'm on now. And that's just life, right? So instead of looking at it like an obstacle, look at it like a challenge. And an opportunity. And an opportunity, right. My challenge to myself is, can I take care of me first? When, you know, it's putting the mask on the plane, the parent has to put it on before they do the kid, otherwise they die. Right. And then they're no good to the kid. So you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can be in a relationship with anybody because you'll lose yourself again. Yeah. I've been there. I've lost myself and then spent years going, why did I do that?

And therapy and blah, blah, blah. It's all good. And I'm so grateful I had that terrible relationship because I definitely wouldn't have what I have now. And I wouldn't know who I am now. Don't live your life regretting. Live your life full of an open road because you never know what's behind each door or a left instead of a right. Where is that going to take you? You know, I remember a friend of mine was, we were both moving back from LA to New York and he was really wanting to drive cross country because he wanted his car in New York. He didn't have a lot of money and he was nervous about it because he's gay. And he was like, I don't know the Midwest, you know, when you're from either LA or New York, you think like nobody's going to accept you anywhere else in the world. And he was nervous about it. And I said, you'll never know unless you do it.

And to this day, he says it was the best experience of his life. And it gave him so like, he was more confident when he came home. When he came back to New York, he was like, I did that. I did that by myself. And then he could conquer the world. And he did. And he's been married now 12 years to an amazing guy and he has an incredible career. You can create your own path. Don't wait for someone else to create your path. And by the way, if you can, get the hell out of that job. Because I don't think it's healthy to have to walk into that every day. Why would you want to put yourself through that? It's the best job I've ever had. And if I'm having a crappy day, I can grab a dog and feel better.

And the departments are separate enough and we're respectable enough and I can find 50 million reasons to talk myself out of it. But it hurts you, right? I mean, that's what I heard in the letter that you're working with them hurts you. It does because it's at this point, they have just completely shut off the emotional understanding of the situation and just seen it from like a logical choice. I guess I'm a very emotional, hopeless, romantic person. They're very clinical and logical person. So it's easy for them to just move on. Or they're just cut off from their feelings. Oh, they're, trust me. That's the hardest part is knowing that they need way more help than I do, because at least I know my feelings.

Yes. But here's something that I can just tell by looking at you, your aura and your energy is a little defeated. And you've been a little depleted by this experience. While it was honorable to continue to do the job and show up and kind of face that that would be hard for a lot of people and be a deal breaker I know I would probably be like out the door and be like I'm there's no way I'm going to face my ex with their new person every day why would I put myself through that hell even if there

are physical like you're not on top of each other all day, you're away, departments, whatever. I don't know. I've never worked inside a building, so I don't even know what I'm talking about. But what I do want to say is you are a little bit, your energy's sad. And that is a result of putting yourself in a situation that is going to make you sad. And it is up to you to get yourself out of that situation. The idea that you're even thinking about Germany is the only answer you need. Go. You need to go to Germany. Don't worry about learning the language. Exactly what Juliana said. You go there to learn the language. Do you know how empowering and the build of self-esteem that you will acquire by actually being immersed in a culture that is foreign to you? By learning the

language, learning the idiosyncrasies of a completely different culture and vibe and the energy that comes with Germany. People love Berlin. People love what's the other city that everybody loves in Germany? Munich. Yeah. People love Munich too. I mean, and West Germany I've visited. I mean, it's beautiful. All of it is beautiful. And you have people that are very open incredible energy there you need different energy around you well i mean that's that was the first time i ever felt connected to myself was when i was 19 and i lived in berlin for four months straight like i literally did something on my own pushed myself to that and did a program that let me live there on my own for the first time in my entire life. And I just, there's always

been something keeping me like going back to it as an option. And I don't know, I think I just staying here is just playing it safe. And I'm really tired of doing the same thing that makes me feel like shit, but it's comfortable. It's actually more damaging. It's not playing it safe, staying there. Yeah. Yeah. I have to say just hearing you and Chelsea, you're right. You're, you're very deflated. You're very, there's a sadness, right? But there's such a sweetness. And so when I hear you say, first of all, when you say this is the best job I've ever had, you're 24, how many jobs have you had? Um, four or five. Yeah, please. You don't know the best job you bet you'll ever have have. You're fine. So don't live to work,

work to live. Did I say that right? Yes. Yeah. You don't want to be a slave to something that isn't bringing you joy. And also it's like you're inside this box. Even the way you described the building, like you're inside this box and they're there. That's energy, whether you communicate with them or not, they're there. And so you're feeling it. And just from someone who once had a horrible breakup with someone I'd only really dated like, I don't know, six months, but I was crazy about him and he broke it off with me. I would go everywhere I knew he'd be just so I could see. And what would, I was torturing myself. It was ridiculous. But of course I was, I just wanted him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be in his,

around him, even though he was a fucking asshole. You know, I look back now and I'm like, oh my God, what was I thinking? Go find someone else. Go, go let yourself be loved by other people. Love other people. Berlin is the perfect place for it. And you already are familiar with it. It's not like you're going to need a map. You just need a plane ticket and, and the inspiration to go. Yeah. Yeah. A good push. Don't regret your life. Do you know you're going to Germany. Or do you have a place? Do you have a place to live? Or do you have somebody to live with? What's the

situation on that front? The family that I live with, they said that I'm welcome back anytime. If I'm there again, I might actually have a couple classmates in Berlin. Basically everybody that I know that's gone to Berlin has gotten drunk on Berlin and needed to go back. Yeah. Sorry. Can I just say this one thing? Because I don't want it to feel like, like if you say I'm moving to Berlin, that, that almost sounds too much. Like it's too much of a challenge that can be really disorienting. Right. But if you say, why don't you just go for a month, go for a month and take your family, that family up on it, you know, and don't overstay your welcome, but feel it out, seek it out, look at it as a journey. And then if you love it, you stay. And if you don't, you find something else, but you don't have a mortgage. Do you?

No. You don't have children? No. And you don't have a partner? No. Go. Nothing's tying you down. You're 24. If you didn't go in 10 years, you would sit there and go, I fuck. I wish I had gone when I was 24 when I was thinking about it. So you called us for a reason. This is the universe telling you, you need to go. You need to go explore the world and you are going to forget about all of this in a very short period of time. I promise you that. If you change your surroundings, you will change. This is the time in your life for big moves. Make big moves. Yeah. You're not going to have the energy to do it when you're 54. So don't do it when you're 24. Yeah. I mean, that's my biggest fear is waking up a little too late, realizing I could have done

this. I could have done that. And it's cool. It's also cool because you're going to look back and be like, you know what I did when I was 24? I went to Berlin. I was in a situation that was pathetic and that I had to get myself out of. You have to extract yourself from this situation. You have nothing keeping you here. So go have a thirst for the world. And I guarantee you, you're going to find exactly what you're looking for. And there are dogs in Berlin as well. Yeah. They're really nice with their dogs. They have laws where like, if it's a good dog and it passes a class,

it can be in public off leash and you can be in a cafe and some dog will go up into your lap. I'm telling you. Well, you're supposed to be there taking care of those dogs. Well, it's now or never, I guess at this point,

you have nothing to lose, right? You have nothing to lose. No, I mean, I did just give myself a year here. I have to move out and re-up the lease with a roommate. So I have a year here, but I am definitely going to be planning a trip to Germany at

least to go. Okay. Good. Okay. We'll do that and plan and plan on going for a longer than a trip. You know what I mean? Like do a month or do three months or whatever sounds good to you, but start planning it. You have that on your side too. And then you have the anticipation of going and the excitement of

going and you're going to have something to look forward to. I really, yeah. And you can outreach, you know, on social media to people that are in Berlin and start cultivating friendships. It's a good preparation for you, but I want you to get that ticket and then send us a picture of it, please. You got it. Yeah. You'll get your little receipt. Okay. Good. And also don't be fooled that you need to like finish out a lease. Find somebody to take over your lease. If you're ready to go in two months or a month or a week, you will figure it out. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So Chandra, what's the plan? I'm going to hang up and then probably look at plane tickets to Germany and

plan for next summer. Cause that gives me enough time to plan and get my passport updated. Cause it still says female and send you guys a picture of the ticket and just walk around in Berlin for a while. Absolutely. Absolutely. You won't regret it. Yeah. I deserve some fun. I think. Yeah. We're sending you some fun. I think. Yeah. We're sending you lots of love, Chandra. And have your own little mantra every morning. Just wake up and say, today, I'm going to take care of me.

I think it helps to have a mantra about you come first. It was always really hard for me. But then I realized like no one wants to be around a martyr. And if I don't take care of me, then no one else actually gets taken care of. So have a mantra for you. Start meditating on that. Yeah. I've started to basically tell myself that I am my partner. Everything that I missed out on my last relationship, I'm guaranteeing that I'm making it happen for myself. Yeah. And you're a man now, so you should be putting yourself first. I got to get used to that. That's the norm, dude. I know. God. What an adjustment that must be.

It's like, well, you know what? I actually am right. And I'm going to tell you why. Yeah, actually, I need you guys more around when I get questions from my co-workers, because I really just back down all the time. Yeah. Well, just start with your mantra. Don't forget it. It's really important. That stuff is really important. It's very subliminal and it seeps into your brain and it permeates throughout your whole life. So you have to value yourself more. Okay.

The next time I see you, I want to see a big, bright, shining light coming out of your head because you've made such great decisions. Okay. You got it. Okay. Awesome. Good luck. Thanks, Chandra.

Bye. Bye. Oh. Awesome. Good luck. Thanks, Chandra. Bye. Bye. Oh, what a sweetie pie. I love him. Oh, yeah. I'm so glad I'm not 24. I could feel his angst. I know, but it's like 24. Oh, my God. I don't even remember what... I mean, I knew I would end up like this because everyone's like, oh, youth is wasted on the young. And it's so true. It's so true. And I hate, I used to hate hearing that when I was younger. And now I'm like, God, I just, I didn't know. Because you know what the thing is, is the suffering. You put yourself through so much suffering that is so unnecessary. We care so much about other people and their perception of us and all of that. And we care. We're just, it's like the struggle is so unnecessary.

The pain. So unnecessary. But we don't know that. We have to learn it. Everyone has to learn it at their own time. And for me, it was always like the idea of being alone was just horrific. And so I could feel in his, like, I knew that he was going to that job every day because he wanted to be at least somewhere

in their orbit. I just could see that. And it's so toxic. You can feel it through a cement wall. Like it's, you know, even though we're in separate floors, whatever, no, they're in the building. Yeah. There's nothing good. that's going to come from that. No. Yeah. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead.

It's called Really, No Really Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question is from Heidi. Heidi runs an animal rescue, I believe, but also has another job. She says, Dear Chelsea,

I've had depression my whole adult life, started antidepressants at 21. I suspect I've actually suffered from it since childhood, but was undiagnosed. I'm tired of the way I always feel and the lows that make me want to hide away in my home. I started fostering dogs to help me get through the stress of the pandemic as I was an ICU nurse. I also changed my career and left bedside nursing to see if that would help my depression. My anxiety improved, but it's a constant struggle every day. I recently started online therapy, but my brain then told me, this is self-indulgent. I'm single, without children, but I do have several dogs and a cat. My brain says, what's the point? You don't

matter. Your struggles only affect you, so get over them and shut up. Other people have real problems and have people who depend on them. Any advice to help me get back into therapy? It's hard to fight your own self. Thanks, Heidi. Hi. Hi. We have Juliana here today as our special guest because she gives great advice, and you know Catherine. Oh, hi. Yes. How are you? Okay. So talk to us. So you are, did you say you're on medication or you're not on medication? Yeah, I've been on medication off and on since my mid twenties. I'm 34 now. I always have to think about it. We all do. Don't worry.

And these are, you're talking about antidepressants. Yeah. Yeah. I've been on Lexapro. I increased my dose recently. I know a lot of people on Lexapro. It helped my mom tremendously. And she's a, she would never take a drug in her life. And she's like, Oh my God, why didn't I know? Yeah. Changed her life. Yeah. And you're on it now or you're not on it now? No, I am on it. And yeah, it was a life changer for me. I've always had, I think, a little bit of depression. It runs in my family. My mom was diagnosed when, actually, I was the first one to be diagnosed. And then by me kind of working on it, my mom decided to see a therapist and psychiatrist and she also

was diagnosed and she actually has a little bit of social anxiety disorder. So she's on some different medications. And then my sister has also started going to therapy. And she was diagnosed with depression in her early 20s as well. So I don't know if it's familial or we're just sad people or I don't know. Well, it's pretty genetic, by the way. First of all, it's pretty common. I mean, I think one in three people are on antidepressants, just like one in three people have herpes. But don't connect this. That's a personal story. But everyone's on something. So don't even judge yourself about that. You know what I mean? My question is, why do you go on and off of it? Well, insurance.

Because recently is when you've been able to get antidepressants sent to you from home. But I was a travel nurse for a while. And when you're not working for the company or the hospital, you get kicked off the insurance. And, you know, you're in your twenties and you're young and you're, I at least didn't take my health too seriously in my twenties. It wasn't until I kind of settled like when 28, 29, and I realized, okay, we got to stop messing around. And that's when I started seeing a regular doctor and started taking care of myself. And, but yeah, there's really no reason.

It was just, I think a little bit of shame. And I felt like, let's try to fix this just with courage, with working out with this and that. But then I slowly came to realize like, no, it's just chemistry. It's brain chemistry. It's nothing to be ashamed of, which all makes sense up here, but it's hard for me to do the therapy part of it because so many things I've read have said like the medicine will help, but the therapy helps you realize how it can be exacerbated and whatnot. And so I recently went through kind of a bad spell of my depression and it was really bad. It was like, I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to clean myself. And I listened to a lot of podcasts and everyone's always talking about like better help and all those online ones. And so I started it.

And then after a couple of sessions, I just, I felt like, who are you to complain about anything? And again, it's probably the chemistry stuff. But it's hard for me to justify the expense and the talking about myself. And that's the biggest issue I have. I don't like to talk about myself. Right. Okay. Well, first of all, you have to stop judging yourself.

You're judging yourself. Saying therapy is self-indulgent is a judgment. It's not self-indulgent. It's self-help. You're helping yourself. You know, I had a friend who always be like, it's navel gazing, it's navel gazing. And then guess who ended up in therapy for three years because she needed to be navel gazing. So we always have these two voices in our head. We have the real us and then we have our shadow,

right? Who kind of says, oh, don't eat that or you're stupid or you're not funny or did you do that right? Or da da da, that's poking us on the shoulder. And as soon as you give that little person power, then that person has power over the real us. And that's not the way it goes. It goes the other way around. We have power over that voice of when to say, shut up voice. You don't know what you're talking about. You want to be a healthy person. You want to feel good about yourself. And the best way to do that is, you know, when you have clinical depression is A, to be taking medication and B, to supplement that medication with information about your condition and why you feel this way and how to actually articulately grasp what is happening with you. So you have a language, you know what I mean, with yourself that you can say, oh, I'm feeling like this right now because of what happened to me over here. Or this brings up, this triggers me because of something that happened when I was eight that I'm not even cognizant of, but my body might remember. There's so many interfaces that are going on in our bodies between our brain and

our stomach and our heart. We all have, we have brains throughout our body that are communicating with each other. And if you don't have the toolkit to understand that messaging, then you're basically just jumping into the water with no raft, you know what I mean? You wanna set yourself up for success and therapy leads to success. And if you didn't have the right person,

then maybe you need to find another person and try BetterHelp again with another person. If you can afford to go to a therapist on your own, whatever you can afford in your lifestyle, but you have to make the effort to get yourself to a healthy spot. You have to. I'm always so amazed when someone says, I don't deserve to go to therapy. It's too self-indulgent, especially someone, I mean, anyone who's suffering through any kind of depression. If you had a broken leg, you'd go to the doctor, right? It's that simple. And as human beings, we're all slightly broken inside. Without therapy, I definitely would not be where I am today, which is a very calm place.

And I thought, I remember being judgmental and thinking, oh my God, this is so self-indulgent. Really, Juliana, you had a shitty relationship now twice a week? This is ridiculous. But you know what? I had to do it. And it was hard and it's hard to go in there. It is hard to go in there and figure it out. But just what Chelsea said is like, once you have the tools, when you have that feeling coming on, you know exactly what tool to take out of the box to stop the feeling. And it's not actually just about you. It's about the people around you too, right? When you are fully in a good mental healthy state, you're paying it forward to other people. You let out an energy that other people can take into. I always thought, you know, it was just about me. It's not, it's about everyone you. And I think you need to think of it more because you're an RN, you take care of people, right? Like that's what you do. Yeah. And yet, and yet you're having a hard time taking care of yourself

because you feel it's self-indulgent. If you look at it more in just layman's terms, rather than trying to understand the pseudo psycho, whatever, if you just look at it like, one thing I always say to myself is, why would you treat any of your friends or your child or your husband this way? Why are you treating yourself this way? It's a mantra I play all the time because I'm so hard on myself. And it has become so normal now for me that I almost don't do it anymore to myself, but it took therapy. It took tools. It took work. And now I'm a lot nicer to be around, to be honest with you. I know my kid and my husband appreciate it because I'm not always taking on the world. I'm like, I can't do that guys. So let's order in. It's that easy. Yeah, no, that's a good perspective. I didn't think

about you're right. I mean, sorry. It's good to cry. Let it out. For me, the reason I felt in my mind, why it's self-indulgent is because I don't have a partner. I don't have a family. I have my pets and everything, but, but, you know, I do have my sister, my nieces, my family. I see them often. I have friends and you're right. My behavior affects them and my moods. And I think I almost, the first two sessions of therapy were so eye-opening that I almost think that I got scared. I bet you did, of course. That's going to be good for me to remember. Even though I don't have people in my home, I still have people in my life.

Thank you. What you need is yourself in your home, right? Yeah. Ultimately, it's yourself that you owe it to yeah sorry your tears are welcome here and also you're talking about being a nurse you're you're taking care of others it's just what juliana was saying about the mask you know that you put on a plane you have to take care of yourself in order to be a value to other people. You have to be a value to yourself. And that is the most important part of growth and learning about yourself is to know to take care of yourself and get yourself in a healthy place. And there's just there's nothing that is ever going to top that.

Can I ask you something, Heidi? Was that the first time you'd ever done therapy? No, I had a medical malpractice with my eye revision and it left me with a lot of anger. And so I had therapy for that three or four years ago, but then I purchased a home. And as a single person, I didn't have the economics to continue or I felt like I didn't. And then COVID happened. And I worked ICU, I don't remember if I put in the letter, and that was very difficult, very isolating. So it's almost been like a slow build since my previous therapy, you know, with a lot of accelerants. And then I think it's weird, but like, since my life has calmed down, you know, I left bedside, which has helped a lot with my anxiety and I'm doing things I enjoy. I'm fostering animals. I'm trying to take better

care of myself. It's almost like there was this one part of everything that was lacking that I guess I had been ignoring for so long that it's almost like it's shot one part of everything that was lacking that I guess I had been ignoring for so long that it's almost like it shot. I don't know if I can describe it, but like, it's a yelling in my brain, like a shout in my brain. That's like, you're skipping something, like, you know what you need to do. And, and so that's why I finally tried to face it again, because I did that therapy and it helped me get over the anger of, you know, all the medical stuff, but there's issues from childhood and just anxiety. And there's probably issues you don't even know yet. Yeah. I found out it's a long road. Nothing's going to fix it in two sessions, you know, and it's hard, but you deserve it. Yeah. Like I said,

I think I, I scared myself because I, you know, my it's hard, but you deserve it. Yeah. Like I said, I think I, I scared myself because I, you know, my grandmother recently passed and I think that was a precipitous. She was a big cheerleader for me and she had dementia and Alzheimer's. Sorry. I'm telling you guys my whole life story, but she had dementia during all of COVID and we couldn't visit her because, you know, the lockdown and everything. And she was always a cheerleader of mine. And I think losing her presence, my brain was just like, now you have to be your own cheerleader. Yeah. Right. So, and I don't know if I know how to do that. It sounds so silly. Well, here's an exercise for

you. Your, your grandmother's still with you. Remember that her energy can never be eradicated or erased or anything. Your grandmother's around you and she doesn't have dementia anymore because she's not here anymore. So she's your cheerleader. And when you're talking to yourself, you can pretend you're your grandmother telling yourself that you deserve to go to therapy, that you deserve to figure out all of your shit. As difficult as it may be, it is the most rewarding endeavor that you'll ever encounter in life is to have the gift of self-awareness and self-understanding and self-love. Thank you. You are worthy. Yes. Yes.

And I want you to remember that. Think about your grandmother every single day because she would want this for you and you can do it in her honor. Yeah. You have such a beautiful energy to you. Like you are so just the fact that you're asking these questions, you know, and that, and you're so gentle, you have this beautiful speaking voice, the way you're speaking. And I feel like you're already halfway there because you're obviously asking those questions. Your brain is way up to those questions right so we're so hard on ourselves just give yourself a break and and and and think like if your sister was going through this what would you say to her yeah i always think about that like what would someone tell me to do

because i know i'm going to be too hard to tell myself to do the right thing or the thing that will help me the most what Yeah. What did they say? Your own worst enemy type deal? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, until you get the tools to recognize it, but you're not going to learn that in two sessions of therapy or quite frankly, maybe a year. You might need two years. I mean, I've had friends whose therapists have been like, it's been 10 years. You're good. You can go. What are you going to do though, Heidi? What's your next move going to be? Well, we're going on a family trip next week for Labor Day. So I'm hoping to, I'm going to set my appointment for therapy before I go away. Great.

Yes. That's smart. It's something that I know I needed. I think I just, I appreciate you kind of giving me the push. It's almost so silly, but I feel like I needed an approval. Yeah. I don't know. No, that makes sense.

Sure. And do me another favor. Also download a meditation app like Headspace or Chopra. Or Sam Harris. Or Sam Harris. Yeah. 10% happier. Any of those.

And just give yourself five or 10 minutes each morning, starting out with, there's all these little classes and series. They all have different 10 sessions of something. Find one that speaks to you and that resonates with you just by the title. It could be happiness. It could be calmness. It could be sleeping better, whatever it is. Just find that and start that practice because you need to get into a practice of taking care of yourself. And it doesn't matter whether you're doing it right or not. It just matters that you're giving yourself that amount of time each day to say, I care about my day and I care about myself and practice self-love.

And so add that with your therapy session and just start doing that. And I bet you, you're going to feel the effects of that in no time because you seem very open. Yeah, I'm trying. You're going to feel the effects of that in no time because you seem very open. Yeah, I'm trying. You're going to be okay. Just say that. You're already asking the right questions. It's when you can't ask the right questions. That's when I really worry about people.

I'm like, boy, they are so closed down. But you're already asking the questions, right? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. It was nice to meet you all. So much a pleasure to meet you. You're wonderful. Love you. Have a great vacation. Enjoy. Thank you. Thank you. It was nice to meet you all. So much a pleasure to meet you. You're wonderful. Love you. Have a great week. Enjoy. Let go.

Oh, I'm so excited. A little getaway. I've even told my family, I was like, I'm going with you guys, but I need my own time as well. I'm going to try that with my family. Thanks, Heidi. Bye, Heidi. Take care. That's like the opposite.

When I go away with my family, they're like, you're going to need a time out. They send you to your room. That was so sweet and meaningful. What a meaningful episode we had today. Absolutely. Oh, my God. I love it. I don't think she's alone, though. I think so many people after COVID. Absolutely. Oh my God. I love it. I don't think she's alone though. I think so many people after COVID are going through what

she's going through too. Yeah. It's been so isolating. They had depression before or not. I just, I talked to so many people who were like, I cannot move forward. I think there was a lot of that going on. She's gorgeous. Anyway, this was so fun. Thank you so much for joining us again. Yeah. I told Juliana she doesn't have to ask me the exit question because that's too much pressure. She's already been on the podcast. So we're going to skip that part. Although I did have one.

Oh, okay. Well, hold on. Let's do our break, right? We're going to take a break, and we'll be right back to close out this episode with Juliana and Catherine. I like the way that I say Juliana in a different way each time. Sometimes it's Juliana. Sometimes it's Juliana. Which one do you prefer? Whatever you're feeling. It's just Juliana. I mean, honestly, I love hearing someone say Juliana

or Juliana, whatever you want, but it's almost never that I hear that because everyone calls me Jules. Oh, okay. Everyone. And sometimes Keith will be like me and Jules. I'm like, Keith, that's your like, I don't know him. My nickname is an email. Jules. But but yeah, but either. But Julianne is the name. Doesn't matter to me.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called

Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever okay and we're back yeah yes yes okay that was a little bit heavy that was a heavy episode today yeah um and i really hope it helped a lot of people so i'm gonna ask the lighter question okay okay even though i told juliana that she does not have to ask me a question she is insisting upon it i am because i am because I really appreciate your advice and I like how your brain works, Chelsea. I find that it stimulates my mind. So here's my question to you. What do you do, Chelsea, when you go to see a play or a performance or a standup, whatever it is, of a friend of yours and you have to go backstage. But it really was awful. So as someone who has been on stage and then heard all of it, I've heard all of it. I've heard, I'm going to tell everyone about this, which means they hated

it. And that's their way of, or how do you feel? How do you feel about your, I want to kill them. I want to shoot them dead. I want to be that supportive friend. And I was once in an acting class where the teacher would let us comment on the scene study we were seeing, but it could only be positive. Even if the scene was awful, you'd be like, I love how you dressed and I loved your voice in it, but you know, and that's how you would give a compliment. What do you do, Chelsea, when you go backstage? I do that. I just lie. That is not obviously the time to be honest. And when somebody can't change the performance. No, no. I just think of something positive that I saw or a character that I loved or wasn't that girl amazing or your performance. I loved it when

you do this. I find that being specific with things to deflect from an actual review, people are really drawn to that. They want to hear about their performance as a performer more than anything else. And if you can just give them a couple of like kernels of that, that's just the best way to go about it. There's no reason to tell the truth in those situations. There isn't, right? No, no. That's what I thought you'd say.

And I'm glad I heard it from your mouth. I've definitely been in that situation. All right, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Love you. Have a great day. Love you, too.

I'll be in touch about the other stuff. Anytime you need a filler, let me know. We love it. We will. Thank you. Bye. Bye, guys. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseaproject at gmail.com.

Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor,

what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.