Dear Chelsea - Bad Sisters with Sharon Horgan

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

  Sharon Horgan joins Chelsea to talk about big Irish families, the delights of divorce, and murdering your brother-in-law. Then: A little sister leaves her wife for a cheating ex.  A caller solves her own problem.  And a Type-A sibling frets about her baby sister’s pregnancy.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline.

Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer.

Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships

and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, I'm straight off of Texas. You sure are. Hi, Jessica. Home from Texas. And you actually had fun, it seems like. We had a great time.

The Texas crowds were amazing. Houston, Dallas, Austin. It was really fun. I had Yamanika was my special guest this weekend. She's fucking crazy. We're going to have her on the podcast. She is crazy. She should be in a mental institution, which is why I'm going to stay very close by her side.

I'm so glad. Dylan Mulvaney was telling me that you guys were hanging out. We ran into her. We ran into Frances Tiafoe, the tennis player who I love, who's such a great tennis player. We ran into my cousins, friends, everywhere. It was a real fun weekend in Texas. I had a lot of tacos, but only one decent one.

We stopped at Buc-ee's. We, of course, didn't travel with any drugs there that would be illegal oh but they have drugs there now they have delta nine oh what is that that's that you know it's i feel like it's like yuzu for you know when they don't have real alcohol at restaurants and they have yuzu that's what i feel like delta nine is i'm not really sure what delta nine is actually it's like cannabis like if it's legal in Texas, it can't be real. Is it like you get it from a gas station sort of thing? Like that K2

from the 90s? I don't know where you get it from. I mean, the Sudafed maybe. I'm not sure. I'm not the person to ask. My study of cannabis has kind of taken a back seat. Yeah, you use the real stuff. And then I was just dealing with Yamanika. I mean, really. She's a mess. She's horny.

She's horny all the time. We love horny women. She wants to get action all the time. And I felt like if she didn't get it from a man, she was going to come to me. Do you know what I mean? And I was like, it was getting very physical. And I was like, listen, I'm not the one. Can you provide?

No? No. No, I can't. I'm not going down on anybody. So that's what she was specifically looking for. And then she stays at these terrible motels or hotels to get points. I don't know where the points are going or how you could even accumulate points at these places, but whatever. I mean, if you stay at a terrible motel to get points, you can just

get more stays at a terrible motel. I guess so. Yeah, I guess so. But we had a great time and then we came home and now we're home. And then I'm shooting my special this weekend. Yeah, you're going back home. Yes, I guess so. But we had a great time and then we came home and now we're home. And then I'm shooting my, I'm shooting my special this weekend. You're going back home. Yes. Yes. Great. I am. So I'm going to a new wave. I hear seek and Doug flipped out. You know, it was funny. I was in the car on the way home from the airport and watching Instagram. And there was this video of this dog. It was a new Finland. So it wasn't Doug, like a chow, but New Finland, black New Finlands look a lot like Doug. Sure.

And the dog had the zoomies when his mom, it was a video called Mama's Home, and the dog went nuts and nuts and nuts. And I literally walked in the door, and that's exactly what Doug did. So it was like life imitating art. That's incredible.

Yeah, yeah. He went nuts. I mean, he was airborne a couple times, just jumping over things. So that was exciting. It's nice to have a man who's just like so excited to see you. And also when I don't put the pressure on the relationship with Doug,

when I'm not like, of course I'm all over him and I want, you know, to be with him inside of him. But when I don't put the pressure on it and I let him do his thing, he is actually much more, like he came into bed twice the night before last and last night he came into bed and that was so sweet.

Like I didn't ask him to. He just hopped up and wanted to cuddle. I love that. That's very sweet. I feel like chow personalities are a little more cat-like. Yeah, they're very fickle. Like if you leave them alone, they come to you. Yeah, you have to leave them alone.

And, you know, I didn't learn that lesson with Bert and Bernice, but I'm learning it with Doug. Yeah. Well, this says I'm excited about our guest today. She's responsible for Catastrophe, Bad Sisters. Bad Sisters is in season two on Apple right now. So please give a warm welcome to Sharon Horgan. Who's a lucky duckling today? We are.

Oh my God, where are you? You look like you're, it's such a nicely designed studio room in a, where are you? You look like you're, it's such a nicely designed studio room in a, where are you? It's the Ritz Carlton. It smells like a Ritz Carlton from where I sit. Yeah, it really does. It's 37 floors up, which means your soup's cold when it gets here. Sharon, are you drinking a cocktail at 11 in the morning or where are you? I wish I was as soon as I'm finished this. Well, first of all,

I would always recommend having a cocktail when talking to me, but I was on a plane yesterday at like 9 a.m. And this guy next to me ordered a bourbon and Coke and I almost threw up in my mouth. I was like,

why does it have to be a bourbon and Coke at nine o'clock in the morning? Also, that's not one of the designated breakfast drinks you know because exactly right mimosa is a breakfast drink acceptable and a bloody mary is a breakfast drink that's right you could drink a bourbon at breakfast is christmas day when all drinks are all drinks are legal yeah sh, speaking of early morning drinking, I mean, you are Irish. And isn't that where early morning drinking began in Ireland?

I think so. That's what the scriptures say, the ancient ones. I think we're very, we are very good at drinking. I quit for nearly three years, though. So that was a weird sort of landscape to be in whenever I go back home. That was an odd one. Why did you quit for three years? Why?

No, there was a good reason. I'll tell you why. It was at the end of COVID and everyone's drinking had just gotten out of control, I think. I know, but three years is a long commitment. I know. I had like, in fairness, I had like in fairness I had like if someone got married I'd have a glass of champagne and drink like half of it I suddenly just became freaked out that I wasn't like if I had a drink then I'd sort of get professional again

and we were just partying all through COVID and one night I was, this sounds so middle class, I was shucking oysters. And I put the thing, the shucker, through my hand. I still had the scar. Ouch. And I was just like, oh, that's, oh, fuck it. And carried on with the night. And then I woke up the next morning and I couldn't move my hand.

It was like blood all over my pillow. And I went to hospital. I thought I should probably just like chill, take a break, just chill out for a bit. And then, and then, you know, the way if you're someone who is a bit, you know, I just got really into it. I got really into not drinking the way people who like to drink get into drinking. So I found that I was really good at it. And then, you know, I guess the novelty wore off a little bit. Yeah, I think everything's good to experiment with for a few years here and

a few years there. Sobriety included. I like it sometimes. I mean, sometimes I feel like I think everyone had a very similar experience in COVID, unless you were sober and your sobriety was probably challenged or threatened. But I mean, there wasn't much going on. I took lots and lots of drugs, mushrooms, edibles throughout my COVID experience. I went to heights I had never seen before. I just wanted to see at a certain point, like I just started experimenting with my own body. I'm like, what can I handle? Like, I felt like a Mack truck. I'm like, can anything take me down? But I want to make sure everyone listening, that's not for everyone. That's just for me. So, Sharon, I first caught wind of you in a big way with Catastrophe, which is still to this day.

You and Rob Delaney in that show was so fucking funny. Every scene in that show was so ridiculous and so well written. I was like, who is this woman? And I wanted I have to do something with you at some point. You have to put me in one of your shows because I just want to hang out and be stupid. Yes, please do. But, and then she tops that off. Hang on, didn't we ask you to be Rob's sister?

I think we did in Catastrophe. No, I don't know. Not that I know about. Yeah, I think so. We'll next offer you, I just switched agents. That's probably why next time you have something for me go to WME they'll let me know all right will do but after that I saw the next time I was so you left that show sorry how many seasons was Catastrophe uh we did four which

is a lot for the UK yeah and it felt like you could have done more, but probably wise to leave before, right? Yeah, I think that sort of stage of having kids, we sort of felt like we'd done it. You know, we'd said everything we wanted to say about that particular era of having young children. But like, maybe we always sort of talked about down the line, whether teenagers or something, we might revisit it. It's different now, though. I think we both feel a bit like, oh, shit, what do we do? I'd rather write something new with him because we had such a great time.

I know, and you could tell. Writing it together. It was such an unusual show for that time because it was a very unique idea about these two people just hooking up, not knowing each other and getting pregnant and then staying together, which is just so crazy to even think about doing.

But your chemistry together, you should definitely be doing more stuff together. It's so fun to watch as a viewer. And as a comedian, you know, I don't find many things funny because I guess I don't know why that is. I get it. I mean, we were obsessive about the amount of jokes

that had to be in it. We had really strong opinions about how many jokes that had to be in per page. And I think my sitcom background was funny, really funny sitcom. And Rob's background was standoff. And, you know, he's just a naturally one of the funniest people you could ever meet. So we would sort of read it out all the time. And if it didn't feel like there was a high level of jokes throughout, we sort of, we would get panicky. And it was kind of one of the first things we thought about. I mean, character, obviously, but then it was just jokes.

I feel like true comedians just care more about the comedy and then the character comes after. And if there's enough, like, I know that's the opposite way of professionally, like as any writer would look at anything, they're always like, no, this character wouldn't do. I'm like, but it's not funny. Let's make it fucking funny. That's what the relief is for viewers to really be laughing at something, you know, at the absurdity. So you left that show, you guys were done with that. So for those of you who have not seen it, Bad Sisters is out season two, but please watch season one first because this show, talk about original concepts and talk about great characters.

I mean, I'm from a big family. I know, Sharon, you're from a big family as well. I love nothing more than sisters. I have two sisters. Whenever we have sisters call into the show with problems, I am so sister positive. And this show is so fucking funny because there are five sisters five or four four five five all together yeah five sisters all together okay five sisters who are all very different who all and they have one sister who has a total douchebag for a husband and this guy

plays this role to a tee I mean he is repugnant he like you you are your vagina closes when you watch him it's amazing isn't it it's amazing because he's a handsome man like he's a you know tall dark handsome man but he is he absolutely does close your vagina up like as soon as he opens his mouth totally extraordinary the sisters are all plotting together to figure out a way to get their sister away from this man. And then it becomes, and it's also set in Ireland. So it's so beautiful to see and so refreshing to see another backdrop like that. Just even the architecture and your houses and the design of being in a different country. It's just so refreshing from American television, you know.

And our, in American La La Land, our new fad, which I'm sure you're very well aware of, is everything needs this gorgeous backdrop, you know, and our, and American La La Land, our new fad, which I'm sure you're very well aware of is everything needs this gorgeous backdrop. You know, it's that got to be like a white Lotus or perfect couple, like everything's in Nantucket. And it's like, I don't like that. That's not relatable at all. It's very real and gritty is what I'm saying. It is real. And I guess, you know, there's an aspirational element to it in that, you know, people want to be part of a big family. And there's sort of a wish fulfillment that comes with deciding that you'll kill someone that awful. There's plenty to sort of look at and enjoy. But we always thought it has to look real. Like the women have to look real in it. if it's not real and if people don't believe this setup and these women and their connection they're not going to get behind them in the same way he kind of really had to get behind them every episode they tried to kill him so in order to sort of make that conceit work and and to to really feel like you were behind killing a man I think

it had to be truthful as much as possible. Which is something I've always dreamt of doing with my own family group, you know, picking one of our, like my sibling spouses and just getting rid of them forever. Like that sounds like it's such a good, how did you come up with that concept? Oh, well, I can't, I can't take credit for that. So it's based on a Belgian series called Klan which was a marvelous same conceit I mean it was completely different execution it was way crazier like there was a lot more murders and a lot less uh you know collateral damage whereas I was kind of really interested in the emotional side of it you know and the impact that being in that kind of abusive

relationship would have on Grace and on the sisters. And they hired hitmen and dead bodies ended up in dog food sort of factories. And, you know, it was kind of OTT, but the central conceit of these five sisters and their bond and one of them being married to a prick and just like we've got to save her before we lose her entirely that that already existed so I was really lucky to get that for the second season I had to think it up myself yeah exactly so how did you tackle that I suppose I was really interested in in would happen next. Like the end of the first season, I loved, you know, great, he's dead and they're back together and they saved her and she jumps into the water into the 40 foot with her sisters. And it was lovely, but it was also

kind of a fairy tale, I guess, a fairy tale ending for her her and I think the idea of what would really happen and how someone as good as Grace would be able to just get on with their life after that like how the guilt would eat her up and also you know someone like that who would have isolated herself for all those years and sort of would try and hide the kind of relationship she was in and how abusive it was wouldn't wouldn't be very good at like going to her sisters then and opening up if something, if something else terrible happened. So,

so yeah, I just, I actually felt it was closer to the kind of things I used to write, you know, like I loved writing the first season and the thriller and the caper and all that, but actually the, the real true fallout of,

of being in a situation like that, I found kind of easier, you know, naturally kind of easier to dig into. It's also great that you write all your stuff and then you star in your own stuff. And you're a 54-year-old woman, I would like to say. So I grew up in this industry. When I was coming up, I'm going to be 50 next year. When I grew up, not when I grew up, but when I was coming up and all my actress friends were, I had one specific actress friend who was like, everyone becomes invisible when they're 40. Like you are no longer valuable. You will no longer be looked at the same way. And I always thought, no, that can't be true. Like that depends where your value is coming from.

I thought exactly the same thing. I thought exactly the same thing. I remember my agent taking me out for lunch on one of the visits to LA. I used to make lots of pilots and nothing got picked up. And I started getting more and more like panicky. And I remember taking him out for lunch and I think I was only like early forties max. And I was like, this is, we've got to split the time because very soon no one's going to want to see this. And, but I think that must have been what I was seeing around me. You know, there was, there is that huge jump where women just sort of disappeared until they were, you know, Judy Dench or Maggie Smith. Or it kind of felt like you could be up to a certain age where you were acceptable and then you kind of had to just fuck off for a bit

and then you could come back when you were a crone. And so I guess that's what I was so nervous about. But I mean, that's not entirely changed, but it is. I think it's changed a lot. It's changed a lot. I think especially when we consider like where we are politically right now, the reason why men are so, you know, so scared of female empowerment and female success is because it threat, you know, that's threatening to them,

right? Because we wouldn't be at this moment if they didn't really see women succeeding in ways that we hadn't been before. We obviously have way more work to do. But it is it is a threat to this male white supremacy idea that so many females are in charge of their own lives, that are single, that are businesswomen, that are creatives, and in all sorts of areas of business, not just Hollywood. Exactly. I mean, when it comes down to, it comes down to commerce all the time, doesn't it? And there was definitely, there came a point where you just couldn't deny the fact that female content, whether it was created by or written or starring, was getting watched by not just a specific demographic of women of a certain age.

You know, I had this wide audience. And once it comes down to that, I think they have to sort of believe it. Yeah. And there's more women than men, and women spend more money than men. And we live longer. Yeah. We're believe it. Yeah. And women, there's more women than men and women spend more money than men. And we live longer. Yeah. We're spending it for longer. Because we're happier once the men are gone. We can live even longer because it's less stressful for anyone who's married.

You're not married though, right? You're divorced? I, I, I, yeah, I got, um, I got my, um. Congratulations. I was, I, um, I got my... Congratulations. I got my... I forget what it's called. Decree Absolute yesterday. Oh, wow.

Thank you so much. You deserve a party. I know. I am going to party tonight. I have got a boyfriend there, and that's lovely. But it took so long. I mean, COVID came in the middle of it all and all sorts of shit. But it just came through. Yesterday, I was sitting in a cab and it came through and it was just

such a Nicole Kidman moment. Yeah. Totally. How long were you married for? How many years? I can't remember. No, I think 15 or something. It was a good while. And you have two children. Yes. Yeah. I think 15 or something. 15. It was a good while. And you have two children. Yes. Yeah, I have two amazing girls. I've got a 21-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old. Oh, nice.

Oh, that's nice. And they're even almost cooked. Yeah, it's handy now. Yeah. They can look after each other. Yeah, it's great. I would suppose it's meaningful for you to be able to go and shoot in Ireland, right? It's huge.

I mean, it's something I was looking to do for years. I left Ireland when I was really young, like 20, and it took so long for me to get my career off the ground. But when I did start filming, when I did start writing my own stuff, it was just something I was slightly obsessed with doing, like getting back there and filming something at some point. But it took a long time. It took until I was 50 to find the thing that that would be.

But Bad Sisters happened to be the perfect thing. Because it really suited our audience, because we all have big families. No one used any precautions. Everything kind of made sense in terms of setting it there. But yeah, I was was thrilled and so when you let's go back to I like think this will be very important for our listeners since they're all women about your success you were talking to when you're talking to your agent in your 40s like okay

time is ticking let's go what when did you first experience your big first success my big first success? My big first break, I think, was when I got my first sitcom made. I mean, before that, I was doing, you know, writing a bit for radio and doing like some sketch comedy and that kind of thing. But I think I was 38. I love that. I didn't get successful until I was 32-ish was when I really started to like, people started to know who I was. But many years led up to that. But people call into this show all the time thinking, and these are 20-year-old girls worried about when they're going to realize what their passion is. It's like, oh my God. Oh, listen, it frustrates me so much, but it's the same even with my own daughter, just seeing her, my eldest girl, like stressing out about not knowing what she wants. And I was like, Jesus,

I was working as a chambermaid, a barmaid, a waitress, working in a job center, selling bongs, selling power showers. I did all of that right the way through my twenties into my early thirties before I figured it out. If I really try, then I can probably do this thing that might make me happy. But yeah, I remember someone saying to me when I was in my late twenties saying very, very straight and truthfully going, if you haven't made it by the time you're 26, you're going to make it. And I was terrified at hearing this piece of wisdom because I was like, well, I'm screwed then. But, well, you know, I, there's a part of me that kind of thinks I wish I'd pushed myself a little harder.

You know, I wish I'd sort of had the confidence to step out and try and make it happen sooner. But at the same time, I'm really grateful for everything now. Like everything is a bonus, you know, and also I had so much more to write about. There was so much like living in low level accommodation, not having a pot to piss in, all those terrible jobs. Like, otherwise, I don't know. I just feel like, I feel like it sort of rooted me and gave me something real to, to write about and to draw on. So I should be grateful for that.

Yeah. And I think there's so much more of a groundedness that comes with success later in life, not prematurely. I mean, we see what happens when people become successful prematurely. That's not a recipe for anything positive. I mean. They're, they're ruined, aren't they? They can't, I mean, I know there's exceptions, but for the most part, yeah, they're weirdos. Yeah, they are. And I mean, I always look back at my 20s. And I like when anyone calls in from their 20s, I was like, I drank, slept with my whole 20s was just craziness and crazy behavior. And thank goodness, like I had all those experiences, the same thing. That's where I got all my stories from you know that's how I started writing books and started doing stand-up and started learning

about storytelling and what makes a good story you know and and all of those things are invaluable so it's like I know we're always eager to get to the success part of our lives but part of the road you know the road getting there and this always sounds annoying coming from an older person. I know. But it is the ride. It's the ride to get where you're going that gives you all of the juice so that when you get where you're going, you have tons of fucking material. Exactly. That's it. Exactly. I mean, my 20s were gross. they smelt they actually smelt on that note we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with sharon horgan 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities i'm joel oh and i am matt and we're the hosts of how to money we want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays

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And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that

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episodes out all right listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeart Radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Yum. Wow. We have a very sister-centric, almost exclusively sister-centric episode today. And in real life, Sharon, I need to know how many sisters do you have? I've got two sisters, two brothers. My sister is one younger, one older. And what number are you out of the five?

I'm the second eldest. Okay. All right. Well, before we go into questions, there was something that we wanted to get talking about what's the craziest thing you've ever done for your sisters? A time you covered for a sister or the most outrageous thing you did to protect a sister? I asked my sisters that this morning. I just flew in from Raleigh, North Carolina, where I saw Pink last night.

And I knew we were going to talk to Sharon about. And so I texted my sisters and they reminded me, I'm the youngest of six kids. And my sister was getting divorced and I was going on safari. And there were five of us, I think, and we had room for one more. And I was like, oh, Simone, you should come with us on safari. She's like, Africa, it's two weeks. She was moving into her new house. She got a divorce. So I bought her a house. I want to just throw that out there, which I would do again in a heartbeat. And I, which I also ended up biting her in the ass because the house, she's like, I don't need a house like this.

This is too stupid and too big. And she's like, and now I have to live in some house you designated for me. So yeah, think twice when you're buying homes for people. But anyway, I said, come to Africa. And she's like, okay, Chelsea, but I have to be home by August 15th because we're moving into the new house. And I was like, no problem. The trip was going to go to August 20th. But I just was like, whatever, I'll just get her movers. She doesn't know what, you know, she doesn't have to go back for the move. But when she got there, she assumed like, you know, that I had gotten her ticket to come home on August 15th. And I was like, I just went along with it until it was like August 14th. And I was like, by the

way, you're actually not going home tomorrow. You're going home on the 20th. And she's like, Chelsea, this is exactly why I don't trust you. Like, you can't just, this is not based on your desires to be around me. I have a responsibility. I have to move my three children into a new fucking house. I'm like, please, we'll hire movers for you. We'll make your ex do it. That's the least he could do. He's the reason for this divorce. And so she didn't want to stay.

She wanted to be responsible. She had her three children. I convinced her. I was like, it won't be the same if you leave. We're in Botswana. When are we going to come back here? This is the trip of a lifetime. And I said, I called my brother-in-law, my ex-brother-in-law.

And I was like, you have to step up. This is, you're going to have to move them into the house that they're moving to get away from you. I was like, that's your responsibility. But she never forgave me. And she doesn't trust me now on making any travel plans because she thinks I'm only out for myself and that I can't be trusted. And she's not she thinks I'm only out for myself and that I can't be trusted. And she's not wrong. I'm totally out for myself. Was the rest of the holiday good? Was

it worth the deduction? Oh, yeah. She had a great time. We had a blast. I mean, she had the time of her life. And I'm like, you can't come to Africa for eight days when you could stay for 14 days. You know what I mean? We're in Africa. When are we coming back to Africa turns out we went back like two years later but who knew then what was gonna happen so yeah so that was an extra outrageous thing that I've done for my sisters what's the most outrageous thing you've done for your sister like nothing nothing all right I was thinking like I'm sure pretty sure I held her hair out of the way when they vomited. But like, you know, I don't have, I mean, nothing. I've got no big story like that.

That's extraordinary. Thank you. I don't even know what to say to that. I mean, it doesn't sound like you were doing it for her. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. I always think I'm going in for these things in an altruistic way. And it turns out I'm only trying to service myself. eye to eye until about 14 years ago when her life fell apart and she moved to the city where I live to start over. It was then that she seemed to make family a priority and get into a better place in

her own life. She met someone and ended up getting married. She and her wife relocated to another state and began fostering children. Over the last few years, they adopted four children who are now all under the age of five. Over the years, she continued to take on more and more with her wife's family, her job, each adopted kid, and even additional foster care. Our family kept warning her that she was doing too much, and then a couple of months ago, she called to tell me her marriage was over. She had not been happy for the last couple of years, and she rekindled a romance with an ex who cheated on her. She is now trying to expedite a divorce and move in with her ex. She plans to move straight into her house.

I'm so disappointed on so many levels with her. She worked so hard to build this family, and now she's just throwing it all away. She's digging in her heels, which is probably why we didn't get along for many years, and treating her wife, my sister-in-law, like trash. To make matters worse, she has a drinking problem and has even begun taking amphetamines lately to lose weight. I'm at a total loss. Should I just let her destroy herself and her life or try an intervention?

I'm grateful to be communicating with my soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law so I can maintain a relationship with the kids. Should I just leave it at that? Allison. Oh, my God. Jesus, what a hot mess. Hi, Allison. Hi. Hi, this is our special guest, Sharon Horgan.

Hi, Sharon. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Yikes. Wow, that's a lot. It is. Feels pretty reckless. Where are all the kids? They're with her ex? Yes, they're all, believe it or not, still under one roof for the most part. They haven't legally separated, but right now my

sister spends a lot of time with her new girlfriend. And do you and your sister talk a lot anyway? No, not for how long? Well, we were up until this happened. And then once I found out how quickly she was moving, how fast she wanted to go straight into this new relationship, how she wanted to go straight into this new relationship, how she wanted to force my sister-in-law to move to Texas because that's where her girlfriend is. I just felt like- Well, good luck with that, by the way. Good luck with having your girlfriend in Texas. Exactly. Oh, jeepers. She sounds pretty unstable in this moment. That's very accurate. And I think when people are in that kind of maelstrom of emotion like this, and they're using drugs, and they're trying to lose weight, and they're newly in love, and she just kind of ditched her family, is she spending time with

her children at all? She is. I mean, when she's there, but now she's spending extended periods of time away. So she'll go for eight and 12 days to go stay with her girlfriend. Feels like to me, your relationship with her ex and maintaining a relationship with all of her children is more of a priority than doing an intervention because I feel like an intervention needs to happen at the, you know, like it's not gonna be well received in this, yeah, she's not gonna listen to you in this moment.

She's in love, she's all over the map and she's using amphetamines. Like there's not a lot for you to grab on to there right now. And I think it is paramount, right? Do you want to maintain a relationship with her children? And her ex probably could help with the support emotionally. And I would think your time would be better served focusing on them. Absolutely. No, my sister-in-law has been very open. She understands that I've been, you know, critical of both of them. I don't think it was all my sister's fault. And I knew that they were both making really bad decisions along the way that led to this. But I just kept pleading

with my sister, like, get therapy, do something first. Don't feel like this is the answer that's going to change your life because we all know that it's not. Was your sister always someone who was very sort of steadfast in the idea of being right? Do you know what I mean? Is she that kind of a person? I would say because she came out pretty early in life. She came out in eighth grade. and this was back in the 80s when it was not acceptable. I grew up in a very traditional Catholic family. And so, you know, my parents didn't know what to do. And it was almost like even back then she dug her heels in,

became very rebellious. You know, she wasn't going to listen to anyone. And pretty much ever since then, that's been her approach. Like, I'm going to make you accept me type of attitude. Yeah. This is all weirdly familiar to me, not through my sisters. Okay. But, you know, in terms of someone sort of moving on with something else and that being their absolute focus and deciding to themselves that this is the absolute right thing and this is what I should be doing and not really listening. So when you're kind of dealing with someone like that, it's sort of best to sort of get out of the way a little bit.

I would just save the intervention for when she's in a different place. Don't blow that right now because she's not going to hear you gonna hear you right now so i think you should wait it out maintain the relationship with the children try and be there are you in close proximity to those children no i'm also in texas unfortunately so but i should get out of there first things first you should get out of texas i'm trying i'm all actually i'm headed there this weekend so it's funny i'm saying that because i'm doing stand up there. I'm doing three shows in Texas. So I guess I'll bring my water gun for protection. Yeah.

But yeah, I would just try and I wouldn't interfere with her life right now. I would focus on the kids and that maintenance and her ex and maintaining a relationship with her so that you have access to those children and that they have some stability, even if it's you FaceTiming them or doing family Zooms once a week, just figure out a way to like extend yourself to them during this time. Cause it's probably really difficult on them too. Absolutely. And at first, when my sister-in-law and I started talking, my sister became very angry. And of course she accused me of betraying her and things like that. And I don't know. I mean, she tried to force me not to talk to her. And I just said, look, that's not going to happen.

Like, no, no, there shouldn't be like boundaries. But that's not helpful either. No, to not speak to someone is not helpful. The whole picking sides thing is like just a quagmire. Can you spend any time with them? Can you go and spend time with them there? Yeah, actually, I'm going at Christmas. We just found out her dates when she's going to be gone.

And so I'll go while she's not there. Perfect. Okay, well, that's good. Yeah, I would prioritize that in the meantime. Okay. And then wait for an opportunity, you know, wait for a moment of vulnerability or a moment when her life really does get carried away, you know. But with people who are always defensive and want to be right, you know, as long as you're like arguing a point, you're in defense mode. Because if you're an open person, you can actually hear anything anyone says without being defensive.

And so until she gets there, there's really nothing for you to do. That's really true. Hey, what's your sister's new partner like? I mean, I don't know. I haven't talked to that woman in 14, 15 years since she broke up with my sister the first time. And like I said, the only thing I know about how that relationship ended was she cheated on my sister. And so I don't know what she's like now or what she's been doing all these years. But I just feel like I know my sister needs therapy.

She desperately needs to figure out what these demons are that have made her so unhappy, even with all the things that she's accomplished in life, and so running to someone else is not going to make her suddenly happy or fulfill all her life dreams. There is something I'm sniffing out here too with the willingness to sort of dive into this chaos, the drug use, the alcohol use, that like maybe there is some mental illness. Maybe there's some just like emotional dysregulation. I don't know what else you can do about that other than to keep saying like, I love you. Let's try therapy, that sort of thing. Because obviously throwing that at her is not super helpful. But just for you to maybe have kind of in

the background of like, maybe she's using this to sort of like help regulate some of this emotional chaos that she's feeling. Yeah. Yeah. And also, just talking to you, obviously, you're coming from a place of judgment, you know what I mean? You're disappointed in her choices and blah, blah, blah. And that's never helpful with that personality type. You know what I mean? You're disappointed in her choices and blah, blah, blah. And that's never helpful with that personality type. You know, you have to really come from a place of love and support. Like, I know what you can do. I know your potential. I know you're going to do the best you can. It's almost like you're flipping the script to try and make them believe in themselves a little bit more because people like that, you know, everything you're describing sounds like she is masking a lot of stuff. So as long as you can try and really not pass judgment on her behavior and rather be a support system for her and someone she feels safe coming to so that you can kind of build that trust back up and hopefully that can lead to something. It's obviously hard because I love my sister-in-law.

Yeah, I know. It's your sister. Believe me, I'm so judgmental. But, you know, I care about the kids. And I have been divorced before. And I know what that does and how it tears families apart. So I did try to a little bit come from that angle of like, look, if you don't want to be married anymore, that's one thing. But, like, figure that out before you just go right into something new. Absolutely.

Well, keep us posted with whatever progress is made, okay? Let us know. All right, I will. Okay. Thanks, Alison. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

I can't believe people are still living in Texas. A lot of them. Sharon, aren't you so happy you're not American? I really am. You know, it's not great in London at the moment either. I mean, honestly, it's, I mean, all over the world is a bit of a going to be any, no one's cares, you know, some tropical place where no one's, we're not going to be involved in any of all of the shit that's happening globally.

Yeah. Maybe we could man make one, you know, or, or buy one together, like pool our resources. I am. I've talked to my friends about my female friends about this a lot.

Like I, I think the future is some kind of commune of some kind for me conversations I'm having all these conversations with my female friends I mean every different group of female friends says the same thing like why don't we all just pool our money together and you know buy some property yeah or so Ireland that's why not people are happy there. They're happy. They're drinking and happy.

When do you get to experiencing those things together? Well, our next caller is Taylor. She is 36. Dear Chelsea. It is Taylor Swift. It is Taylor Swift. No, she's 35. Oh, yeah.

Wow, just got that tucked right away. Dear Chelsea, my sister and I were never close growing up, but became friends as adults. We now have lived in the same city for 10 years, and over those years have felt like good friends. We have sister dates without the husbands, run errands together, and try our best to stay connected. Recently, I've felt a shift in our relationship. I've always been the one to initiate our hangouts. That never bothered me, as being the planner of the family has made me.

That's been my self-appointed role. I had a baby this year and have had less motivation and time to arrange hangouts and now I don't hear from her sometimes for weeks at a time. It's become very apparent to me that I was really the one driving the relationship. I'm afraid to talk to her about this. In the past, I've had to have a hard conversation with her about not wanting to babysit her dog anymore. He marked in the house. That conversation went pretty badly and she didn't speak to me for a month. I'm really feeling her absence, but I just can't get myself to address it with her. Do I just accept that maybe things have changed and that's okay? Or do I need to get over myself and talk to her no matter what the outcome is? Chelsea, you have sisters. Please help Taylor. Hi, Taylor. Hi, Taylor. Hi, Kelsey. Hi. This is Sharon Horgan,

our special guest today, too. Oh, man. What an honor. You have to you have to talk to your sister. Actually, there's been an update. And I apologize. I'm coming from my car. I just left an acupuncture appointment. So yeah, I sent that email a few months ago and my sister and I've always had a very good, strong, loving relationship. But as sisters go, there's been ups and downs as we've gone through life or Honestly, it's just gotten so much better. I'm going to admit we never chatted about it directly. But my daughter turned one a month ago. And a few months ago, it's like she started reaching out and we started doing things. And so yeah, I don't know if it was just like the beginning of baby stuff and we needed some time or what but you know there's ebbs and flows to a

sibling relationship it's it's a lifetime relationship right so and when you have a baby you're so you know exposed and emotional and sensitive and it's the only time I've ever fallen out with my sister yeah and we had to do I mean and it was out it was wasn't a long-term fallout but it freaked me out because we're so tight and and in fact I always felt like my female friendships are so important to me but I would kind of sideline them a little because my siblings were just everything but I was very shit around about the time she had her second child, her daughter. And I just wasn't around. I think, I don't know what was happening, like marriage stuff and work stuff, but I

was just not very present. And I was just being a bit useless. And she was so hurt by it. You know, she really, really felt and and was having a hard time herself and we it came to a point where like she she was like I don't think I want to be around you at the moment and I was just like straight on the phone we we hashed it all out and was really tricky you know because you kind of have to you know swallow a lot of pride and say a lot of sorries and just own up to the fact that you were being a bit rubbish, but I'm so, so glad we, I'm so glad we did it. It was scary. It's scary when

you think you're going to fall out with your sister. Yeah. Your sister, I mean, I can't imagine not having a sister. Like she's my most, one of my most important relationships, but yeah, to your point, I think so much changes when you have a baby and there's a lot of raw emotion and you want this need to be like every, all the women in my life stay close to me. But at the same time, you are busy and things are kind of falling apart and you're sleep deprived. So it was almost like we just needed a few months to kind of like find a new routine. And I feel like we've really gotten there. And also don't forget when you have a baby,

you know how hormonal you are and how sensitive that person is. Like you're overly sensitized to everything and a small like infraction can feel like a big one. And, you know, so you have to like allow yourself that. But for future, if you guys have any issues and this is to anyone who's listening, I don't believe there is any ego involved with your sisters.

It's not like a friend where there's some sort of gamesmanship or you don't know where the other person stands. You know at the end of the day that you love each other and that you have years and years of proof of that. So if you're feeling distant from her, there's nothing wrong with going, I miss you. I need to see you. When am I going to see you? I love you. I miss my sissy. Whatever, however you talk to each other, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure that probably would have put a big smile on her face too. You know, like, oh, you know, sometimes you don't realize how much distance. I mean, my sister just crashed my weekend this weekend. And she's like, you know, we haven't spent time

together. She's like, you're always with Simone, my other sister. She goes, like you know we haven't spent time together she's like you're always with Simone my other sister she goes you know we haven't spent time together like this in months you're oh you know you see Simone all the time and I was like but she invited herself on the trip she's like I'm coming with you from Brooklyn I was doing shows all weekend she's like I'm coming to all shows and I'm sleeping in your hotel room with you and I was like okay and we had a great time I totally relate to all of that I remember that feeling of being jealous when one sibling would spend more time with another like feeling so hurt by it and and you know it's usually circumstantial or for geographical reasons or whatever but it's there's always like smaller allegiances within a bigger family anyway you know like the eldest and

the youngest of a special thing and like my brothers have a special thing and then our sisters. And, but yeah, God, I remember that terrible feeling of FOMO, you know, feeling like you've been left out with some kind of sibling get together. It's more FOMO than jealousy. Like you're not really jealous of your siblings spending time together. We're all part of the family. Like I don't own them and they don't own me, but you know, my sister invaded my weekend. We had a great time. We slept in bed together. We giggled our asses off. We had our cousin there and it was totally fun and great. And that's how you have to act. You know, if you're feeling a little bit, it's not like somebody you, it's not like you're in a romantic relationship and it's new and you have to tiptoe

around them. Just be upfront and be like, I miss you. I want to see you. I need to bond. And I think it's also as the planner, it's also okay to be like, I don't have the brainpower to plan something right now, but I want to see you. Can you plan a little outing for us and like put the onus on her and have it move forward that way? So Chelsea, you're talking about having a trip with your sister. My sister and I and my daughter, we traveled down to see my grandmother. My sister and I stayed up one night talking to like 1.30 in the morning.

And we, again, we didn't like address like, I miss you. But it was like, oh, this is like what we needed. Since then, it's been really great. So. So good. I'm glad everything's improved and have fun and, you know, good times ahead. Good times ahead only. I told Catherine this, the world is very scary right now. America is very scary right now. So holding your family and your community and your friends so close and really focusing on that kind of positive love that you get is now what I'm focusing on. So no matter what, my sister's wonderful and she's empathetic and caring now what I'm focusing on. So no matter what, my sister's wonderful and she's empathetic and caring.

And I'm like, I just have to, you know, we just had to like figure out our new relationship with the little baby involved. Yeah, absolutely. And that is your fault for having a baby in the first place. So take some responsibility. I really, why did I do this? One day you'll find out.

But thanks for calling.. But thanks for calling. Yeah, thanks for calling. Have a great day. So nice to meet you. Bye. It's so nice when they figure out their own problems. I know. I love when we have callers that are like,

oh, we were going to call in with this, but we've already figured it out. That was way easier than the last one. The last one was tough. Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and wrap up with Sharon Horgan. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

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Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical effort. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the people who were the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers,

but we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA.

These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We are back. I have one more quickie if we want to. Sure, let's do a quickie to close it out.

We don't want to cut Sharon short of giving advice three times. Exactly, exactly. We don't want to take that away from you. How bad is my advice? Is it like... No, it's good. Listen, I think the most important advice anyone could give is being a good listener. And you're a good listener. So that's

all that's half the battle. You know what I mean? Actually care, listening to people's problems. That's it's nice. Yeah, you know, it kind of takes everything away from yourself. So I like this activity. Yeah. Well, our last question comes from Ariana. Ariana's subject line was, how do I stop stressing that my baby sister is pregnant? Dear Chelsea, I'm a 27-year-old living 600 miles away from home fairly intentionally. I'm the eldest of three girls, and I definitely identify with the pros and cons of being the high-achieving, controlling fixer of an oldest sister. My middle sister and I have been slowly growing closer as we've gotten older, which brings me to my current problem. My 23-year-old sister has made a fetus with her 20-year-old boyfriend. They've been together for about a year and are, quote-unquote,

definitely keeping it, and I'm holding so much stress about this. They've moved in with my parents, and I feel the stress and anxiety that caused me to want to get out of there. Thank you, Ariana. First of all, this has very little to do with you. So you're a control freak. You're a self-identified control freak i'm here to confirm that you are there's nothing you can do she's pregnant is that what she means by fetus i'm assuming it's not in a freezer oh it's not like on the rocks no no no no it's they made a fetus so unless you're the freeway oh that's done yeah so she's not going to convince her to get an

abortion you know what i mean so how do you it go? You have to actively surrender the idea that this is within your control. It is not within your control. You have no say in this matter. This is not your issue because it affects your family. It will affect you, but you still have no argument. You have no, what's that duck in this race? Horse in this race. You have no duck in this race, okay? You can't, there's nothing you can do. So you have to just understand, you have to really understand that you are not in control of everyone's destiny. The only thing you can control is your own behavior and your response to things. And I would work really hard on trying to be supportive

rather than being combative about this because it's already happening. There is nothing you can do. And if you can exercise restraint and the idea of letting go of something that is not your, it's not your thing to control. So I don't know what to tell you, but you have to really understand that and also move forward in life understanding that as well. You don't get to be in control of other people's lives. Sharon, any thoughts there? I don't know. It sounds like she's more sort of worrying about her parents having to, you know, get involved in the baby's life and do the looking after.

So, like, I kind of get that a little bit. But, yeah, what are you going to do? But I mean, totally. But what's she going to do? The parents already let her move in with her boyfriend or husband. Is it the husband or boyfriend? Boyfriend. Boyfriend. They'll have the baby. They'll probably break up in a few years. And then they're going to have to clean up their own mess. And your parents already allowed them to move in. Again, not your decision. Like you're not in charge of everyone in your family. You're not going to force your sister to get an abortion, are you? No, you're not going to force your sister to get an abortion, are you?

No. You're not going to force your parents to kick your sister out. No. So I would throw my hands up and look at a different direction to see, to find a situation you can have an impact on. And I think Ariana's like kind of on the right track of like, she knows it's her own thing to deal with. So I would get a therapist so you can gripe about this. Like, no, it's not your problem. It's

not your responsibility to help them learn these lessons either. But the other thing, too, is the boyfriend is probably going to go away at some point, like you said. But when there is this baby and this baby actually does come into your life, you're going to be like, holy shit, I love this little niece or nephew. So there will be like a good outcome of this. That's really hard to understand until they're physically here. Exactly. It's true. It's true. But it did.

I was the first person in my family to have a baby and wasn't planned in any way. But I remember bringing her home and my brothers and sisters just like it's a mental image I have in my head to this day, like all of them just crowded around this tiny little thing in the middle of my parents bed and they were they immediately like fell in love and yeah that's pretty undeniable like you know once somebody in your family has and you obviously care about your family so I would really start to just focus on the positive impact you can have on them moving forward in the future rather than trying to prevent what's happening from happening also you live 170 miles away or whatever so yeah 600 yeah find it find a new family if you

want it's so bad if you can't 600 miles is that bus what did you say 600 miles 600 miles that's a different country that could be it could be can. Who knows? Well, there's nothing 600... Oh, 600 miles. I was like 6,000. There's nothing in this country that's 6,000 miles away. Okay. I'm a geographical wizard and a mathematician in case you hadn't noticed, Sharon. Okay, well, I can't wait to see season

two of Bad Sisters. Sharon Horgan. I can't wait for you to see it too. I'm so excited. And also, I love you and I'm so glad we got to do this. it too. I'm so excited. And also, I love you. And I'm so glad we got to do this. Me too. I've been an admirer for years. Oh, likewise.

And I hope to see you in person one day soon so we can have a cocktail together now that you're back on the sauce. Can we just do that? I would be really happy. Yeah, preferably in the early morning hours on a flight. Just drink some bourbon at 9 a.m. Flame drinking.

Okay, we will. We will, Sharon. Thank you so much. Have a great day. Okay, lovely to meet you. Everyone needs to watch Bad Sisters. And if you haven't watched the first season, watch the first season first and then go to season two.

It's on Apple and it's out now. Okay, guys, stand-up shows that I have coming up. I am going to Texas this weekend. I'm going to Houston. I'm going to Austin, Houston, and then Sugar Land, Texas. Then I have my specials taping in Montclair, New Jersey. Those are all sold out. I have San Diego on 11-29.

That has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on November 30th, right after Thanksgiving, and there are tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on November 30th, right after Thanksgiving. And there are tickets available for that. And then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa, December 5th. December 6th is Omaha. And then December 28th, I'm coming to New Orleans right before New Year's. And then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December 29th. And those are the rest of my stand-up dates for this year. It's over. New tour, new year. If you'd like advice

from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the Check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com.

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