Dear Chelsea - Best Of Dear Chelsea: Matthew McConaughey

Episode Date: December 30, 2023

We’re counting down your favorite episodes of 2023!  Here’s number two on your list of  most loved & most listened-to episodes of the year.  See you in 2024!     * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Oh, hi, Chelsea. Guys, guess what? It's our season finale. It's our season finale. What season are we in?

Technically three, but it was sort of like a twice as big season as the last season. Yeah, we just decide when the seasons are going to be over. Yeah. Podcasting is the wild west. You can kind of do whatever you want. With climate change, everything is so unpredictable, so we're applying that line of thinking to podcasting. Exactly.

Yes, this is our last episode of this season, and then we will be back shortly for season four. Yeah. Okay. Wow. What a success, you guys. It's a success.

Yes. Four seasons. That's yes. Chelsea, what do you love about this show? There's a lot I love. Oh, okay. Well, why don't you start? I'll start.

You know, it's really become this cool show where, like, people's lives are being changed. Like, people are making better choices. We're breaking people up. Like, it's so wonderful to see people respond with, like, you helped me to, you know, move my life into a better direction or, you know, get that job or, you know, say no to that mother-in-law or whatever it is, people are really being filled with joy and also connecting because of the show. It's so exciting. Yes. And it's very nice what Catherine does goes the extra mile above and beyond for a lot of our callers. You know, when they when somebody reaches out and is interested in hearing more about a certain issue or recommendations like you really do go the extra

mile to make sure people feel like, okay, we're all in this together and we're helping people, which is so nice. Yeah, I feel the same way. I'm just so happy that people are so impacted. I can't tell you how many people come up to me talking about my podcast and saying, or our podcast, I should say, saying just how their lives have changed and that they listen every week. And it's also a really great reminder about humanity and that everybody just really wants, needs a little push at some point in their lives. Everybody does. And that's essentially what this is, is a shove in the right direction. It's like a pep talk.

You're getting a pep talk when you're on the fence about something or getting advice about how to handle, you know, a difficult situation in your life. And I think the more adept we become at handling difficulty, the better we are at helping others handle difficulty. Yeah. And so many of these are universal truths. Like, you know, you can hear something that might not be exactly your situation, but you're able to take a life lesson from that and bring it into your relationship or bring it into your life in a way that's really beneficial. And I just think that's really wonderful. Yeah, and I like helping people. It makes me feel like I have a purpose.

Even though I feel like I do have a purpose, it's nice that this is part of my purpose. Yes. My dad always says that we're blessed to be a blessing. And when you have this sort of like overflowing wealth of knowledge or wisdom or whatever, it's really nice that you can share it. Yeah, I remember we were talking about a quote a couple weeks ago on the podcast, something about being a teacher.

Like when you need the lesson, the teacher will show up. When the student needs the lesson, the teacher will appear. And when the student has learned the lesson, the teacher will disappear. It was something along that line. I don't know if it was Rumi or if it was someone else. But anyway, that's a very good way to look at people coming in and out of your life. You know, sometimes it takes you a couple times to learn a lesson. And sometimes you can learn it the first time.

And so my goal moving on in life is to learn things the first time, the new lessons, not to have to do things on repeat. Yeah. Because then you offer yourself up to a new experience the next time and you don't have to repeat that. Absolutely. I used to go to this Reiki lady in Oswego, Illinois, and she had said, you know, when you get those taps on the shoulder of a lesson that you're supposed to be learning, that is, you know, your guardian angels trying to help you learn the lesson. And if you don't get it, they're going to tap you a little harder and they're going to tap you a little harder. And then eventually it's going to be the two by four that, you know, sort of hits you upside the head.

And it's just it's sort of how life works. So I love that. Learning a lesson the first time. Right. Well, when we're young and stupid, it's hard to know that you're even learning a lesson. You just feel the two by four. You're just like, why does this keep happening to me? Why does this keep happening to me?

And it's like, no, it's not happening to you. You're happening to it. You know, like you're not changing the way you're thinking about something. So, yes, these are all good things to keep in mind. And I want to thank everybody for being such loyal listeners and for your calls and all of it. We just love it. And I'm down. This audience is particularly awesome.

Yeah, they are. They are. But that's you know what? I have to credit myself with that because my audience has been fucking awesome my whole career. Just badass fucking women, gay men, and the straight men that are on board are really on board. And they're the cool kind of straight men. So I'm down with them too. And of course, black men. I'm always down with black men.

I don't know how many black straight guys are listening, but if you are, hit me up. So what's going on, Catherine? I actually just spent yesterday at Disneyland, so I am hurting. Oh, Catherine. You know what? Go fuck off. I am hurting. Honestly, I am so sick of your shit.

First the eggs and now Disneyland. I know. And I even wore my new little Mickey shirt that Brad got. That's actually a cute shirt. That is a cute. To wear at home. Instead, I'm wearing it in a professional environment. Brad, did you go with her?

Are you an accomplice? I did. I am. Yeah, we took our nieces. That's not an excuse, you guys. You can use them as scapegoats, but obviously you both wanted to be there. Oh, how is your niece? How's it going?

So good. Are you having nice conversations with her? Yeah, we're having a really nice time. There are two nieces here. One is 14 and one is 16. And all you have to do is be like, so what's going on with your friends? And then they go off for an hour on their friend drama. Oh, yeah.

And it's great. Right, right. I kind of like hearing about that drama. Yes. And one of my nieces, she's had a new little girlfriend. And she's talking all about her relationship. And she's so happy and in love. And it's just, it's really sweet.

It's cute. her relationship and she's so happy and in love and it's just it's really sweet it's wonderful i mean honestly i'm just glad they're past the phase where they only eat macaroni and cheese because they'd be missing on some delicious street tacos yeah that's cute they're loving street tacos here in la what's not to love about street tacos oh my god it's the best i'm so excited so no we're having a wonderful time with them. Well, my lesbian sister and I, she's going to be a lesbian when I get done with her, just planned our honeymoon portion of our vacation. I was like, we're all on this email with our safari guide planning like our African trip

because we're taking all our nieces and my ski buddy, Kelly, a different ski buddy than Lindsay. We're taking my ski buddy, Kelly and her different ski buddy than Lindsay. We're taking my ski buddy, Kelly, and her two twins. I forget their names right now, even though they're my daughters. One is called Jesse and the other one is called Katie. Anyway, we're all going, Charlie, Seneca, and Jordan, my three nieces, and my sister, Simone, and Kelly, and her two girls. And so we're going for two weeks. We're going to Kenya and Tanzania.

And then Simone and I are going on a lover's week. She goes, I have a week off after that. Do you want to do something? And I was like, you bet I do. So we're going to go to Cape Town and we're going to go to Zanzibar for a couple of nights. That sounds very fun and exotic. I know. And he was like,

okay, here's a villa. I'm like, we don't need a villa for the two of us. She's like, yes, we do. Stay away from me. I beg to differ. I'll be in my wing. Incredible. That's so fun. So I'm excited.

I'm going to have a big summer of travel. So we're going to have to bank a lot of episodes, Catherine. Yes, we will do that. Okay, so our next guest is an Academy Award winning actor and a number one New York Times bestselling author of Green Lights, Matthew McConaughey. Are we in line and on time? Yeah, we are. Hi, Matthew. Hello. How are you, Chelsea? I'm great. How are you doing? This is my co host, Catherine. Hi. How are you? I'm pretty good. Good. Doing great. Great, Matthew. I am in a state of being blown away because I read your book in the last 24 hours. I'll be honest,

I got it months ago and everybody was talking about it. And just like you describe in the book, when you were accusing somebody of not being interested in something because it was a success, it was popular. Everyone was talking about it. And I was like, oh, fuck it. I'll read this later. And I read this yesterday in a day. It is so fucking impressive. I am so blown away by the depth of your humanity, about the depth of your soul searching. It's so, A, nice for a woman to be able to read a man who speaks and thinks the way that you do. We need more of that. Absolutely. And the fact that you are just so in touch with yourself is really remarkable. Wow. Cool. Thank you. That feels good to hear that. I promise you. Thank you. I bet. Yeah. The success of your book must have been a huge

boon to you to get all of this out on paper. I mean, how did it feel to get that kind of feedback and that kind of reaction from everybody? Yeah. Well, you know, you put something out, you don't know if it's going to stick or not. And I remember when I started writing it, I was actually found myself writing to try and impress you or an audience. Right. And then all of a sudden, after a couple of weeks, I was like, that's not the way I got to do it. Make this personal for me is possible and hopefully make it as entertaining as well. And then if it sticks, it sticks. And I got lucky. It hit a nerve with some people. So the reactions that I've found in travels and emails I've gotten from around the world to say, hey, I saw myself in your stories. Hey, I'm taking more risks to do things in my life that I was afraid to take before. Hey,

I'm going to laugh this time when I step in shit instead of thinking, oh my God, it's a crisis. I want to come across some cautions in life and I'm going to blow through them when I should, not give a crisis so much credit. Or I'm going to slow down and take a little inventory. Just to hear the feedback, it was, you know, when you put something out, you have in your mind what you hope a reaction will be and if someone says it you don't say it out loud but if someone says that back to you you're like yes that's what i was hoping and i got a lot of that from the book and that that felt really cool i mean the writing of it for me was i'm not a guy who looks in the past i like to go forward and hey what's in the background what What's behind the rearview mirrors and the rearview mirror? So to go back and look at who I was and how I got here was fucking

embarrassing. I had a lot of shame. I was like, oh my God, I can't believe you did that, this, that, and the other. But after a few weeks writing, I started to laugh at that shit and started to giggle and was like, well, no shit, man. You know, he's perfect. Yeah, you screwed up. Put that one in there too. Put that story in there. And that turned out to be some of people's favorite stuff is when I'm writing about me stepping in shit, me eating crow, you know? Yeah, because I think it's very attractive when people are able to not take themselves so seriously, especially in our industry, because it's a byproduct, right?

You have to take yourself seriously at times if you want to get serious about working or you want to get serious about accomplishing whatever your goals may be. So to take yourself seriously and also at the same time, not take yourself seriously enough that you can't expose the shortcomings or the embarrassments or the self-recrimination. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I call that, Hey, I think we should take it all seriously, especially the comedy, especially the screw ups, take them seriously too. And just own them and go, yeah, I take that, you know, the comedy of my own life seriously too. So let's put that up. I, I take the, uh, the times when I eat crow or fall on my ass pretty seriously too. And let's just put that out there as well. It was it. Look, it was you've

written. You put something down on a page and you're directing your writing. You're the main character. It's cleansing. I mean, you kind of it clears up a lot of things. I found out that I remembered a lot more than I gave myself credit for. Meaning I saw things that I wrote down when I was 15, 20, 25 and was going like, oh, you're essentially the same guy, the same person. You've evolved, I believe, I hope so, McConaughey, but you're essentially the same person. Oh, you do remember that. Even though I always like to say this, I write things down so I can forget them so they'll be there. You never do that at the dinner table. I know when I pull out my phone, I always have to go, hey, I'm not writing somebody else that's not here. I'm actually

writing a note of something you just said. And then I'll show it to you and you go, Chelsea, did you say that? And you're like, yeah, I did. I'm writing that down so I can forget it and be present in the situation again. Because if I don't write it down, I'm going to be thinking the whole dinner. Don't forget that thing she said. Don't forget that thing she said. And so there was a lot of freedom for me in writing the damn thing and putting it out there. Matthew, are you sitting in front of two flags right now? Yes, we have an American flag and a Texas flag. I love it.

State and country. I love it. Well, you were supposed to become the governor of Texas at some point, right? I wasn't supposed to become. I considered getting in that run. And then decided no, not for you? No, no. No, I don't think that's where I can be most useful right now. I'm not having too good of a time. I got three kids, 14, 13, 10, and the adventures were going on.

I'm not going to get them again. And right now I'm enjoying being a dad, family man. Everyone says it, but it's true. I've got seven more years and then they're out on their own, hopefully. And then everyone says, get what you can while they're in the house because it doesn't come back. You don't get the time again. Yeah.

Well, one of the things that you talk about very emphatically in your book is becoming a father. That was one thing you knew about yourself. You say is that you knew you wanted to be a father. That was one thing you knew about yourself. You say is that you knew you wanted to be a father. And that's also a very nice thing to hear a man say, to be that passionate about it. And when you talk about your family, it feels like, you know, we have our first nature,

our personality that we're born with. And then we have our second nature, our experiences and the people who raise us. And your family sounds A, fucking fun. And B, like you'll never get away from them for your life. You are part of that ecosystem. Yeah. And that it had such a huge influence on you,

your father, your values, your morals, your mother, everything that you've been through, and now as a parent to try and redistribute that, right? Yeah. That wealth of knowledge, but in a better way, I'm assuming, right? You think you can do almost a better job. Trying to. How is that going for you?

I'm happy to say I think it's going pretty well. Not making straight A's, but I think it's going pretty well. I've got some considerate children. Hopefully they can get out of the house confident, having an idea of who the hell they are and who they're not. Hopefully they can be conscientious. I'd like to talk about being a Renaissance man or a Renaissance woman to my daughter. But, hey, you know, surf in the morning, conduct the orchestra at night, be able to go from shirtless and no shoes in the mud to a tuxedo on the same day and feel at home in both those places we're filling their passports which as you know i think is one of my one of the best resumes

someone can have you see a full passport you got a pretty good idea that that person has some wisdom of how the world works and how humanity rolls you know we got like i said 14 13 10 we're just getting into those teen years. That's a whole new roller coaster, you know, more, more rhyme, no less reason. And then when you have kids, I noticed early on that it's more DNA than I thought. Meaning I thought it was before I had kids. I thought it was more the second thing, environment, culture, what you're raised around. And I noticed early on that, oh, these, oh, these young people are who they are.

I can shepherd them. I can nudge them. I can put in front of them what lights their fire and try to keep them from hurting themselves too bad. But other than that, they are who they are. And so I've had to, you know, I use this line when it comes to discipline the family. I'm going to treat you all fairly, but I'm not going to treat you all the same. And it's a pretty fun one. We have a good time. With the 14 and and 13 i'm getting to that age where i'm starting to become their buddy a little bit which is cool meaning like my daughter to call me over and go hey i want to talk to you about this thing and we can just talk where i'm not teaching i'm not talking as the parent we're just jiving where my son can go flipped on like a npr the other day

and didn't want to listen to music i want to listen listen to music. I'm like at 14. I'm like, what'd you get out of this, this, this talk? He's listening to podcasts and stuff. I'm going, okay. Okay. So I'm becoming buddies with the older two right now, which is nice. Yeah. I think that's the thing that always has scared me about parenting is having to be a teacher for so long. That always has been like, Oh God, so many questions that i probably don't have

the accurate answers to well and the other thing is you get that thing that happens as parents is they'll ask you that question like for instance i got one in the book where my eldest son comes to me and goes why is it before camilla and i were married he comes to me and goes why is it mama on mcconaughey well those are those questions where as a parent you go i better have a fucking good answer for this because what i say right now is going to be branded in their mind. Or they ask you a big world question and you go as a parent and you may be tired, may have had a couple of drinks. It's late at night and you go like, whoops, I better have a good answer for this one, because what I say right now, they're going to remember forever. And the good answer. Well, the good parenting is actually going and finding that answer, which resulted in you marrying your wife,

right? Because had he not posited that question to you, who knows when you guys would have gotten married, if maybe ever or not ever. I might have sat there and stayed in neutral and not set a date, but that did give me a kick in the backside to go, you know what? Everything's going great right now, but let's go ahead and take this to another level and start a new commitment and adventure together. Yeah. Okay. Well, this book has led to a very unexpected event, probably unexpected for you too, to a certain degree. You're doing a live event with Tony Robbins and some other people, Tony Robbins being probably the most notable one. And it's called The Art of Living.

So let's talk about it. What are you going to do? No G on the end because life's a verb. That's right. That's how we say it now. Living. It's not living. Yeah. So Tony and Dean read the book, liked the approach and came to me and said, look, it's a great approach book.

Do you want to dig deeper and maybe make it more of a show the process so people can more personally may have some transformation? And I was like, I'd love to. And they're great at that. So that's what we're going to do on April the 24th. We're going to go live, the two of them, myself, Trent Shelton, Mary Forleo, and we're going to get out of the hood of green lights. Share how you can, if anyone out there can make it personal to their lives, how we can understand if we're at a green light on our highway of life, when things are rolling and we can't do no wrong, how do we trust that green light? That it's one that's going to last longer and feed us for longer.

What do we do with the yellow light? Those pauses in life where we're like, I got to hitch in my giddy up a little bit. I got to reconsider. What do we do? Do we pause and have a look over our shoulder and go, I'm going to have a look for the first time why I keep stepping in that same pile of shit? Or do we say, no, I'm going to blow this. I'm going to put the pedal to the metal and blow this yellow light in life because I'm not going to give the crisis credit because what comes after the yellow light? The red light. And that's the big crisis is like pain, loss, things suck. They feel like dead ends. I have learned, and I think it's true for everybody, that there is a gift in those red lights. I'm sure y'all have been in times in your life where like, there is nothing I can get. This is, this is sucks. There's no lesson in this when you're in it. And then later on go, oh, I did get something from that red light. Oh, there was a gift in that.

So we're going to get under the hood of all that to make that practical for people to go, how do I assess my green, yellow, and reds in life? We're gonna talk about defining more. You know, you hear it all the time. People go, I want more, I want more. But we kind of, we forget to say more what? You know, it's like, we wanna be relevant. Well, relevant for what?

Define our more first, admit some truths, admit some lies that we tell and we believe in our lives so we can kind of be more ourselves, which you've done a really great job of that, Chelsea. I mean, you've gone and said, it seems from the outside that you've done a really good job of being yourself. So by hook or by crook, whether what you put out considered works or doesn't is seen or sells or doesn't, doesn't seem like you've been someone who's like, well, I sold out and I took a chance and I was somebody I wasn't. And that always feels better, I know, for me, and I think it does for everybody. If you can do something authentically

as yourself, if it works out, hell yeah, great. But if it doesn't, you don't feel like you sold out to try and sell something that wasn't ourselves. So we're going to talk about all those kind of things and try to make them practical, transformational for people. Yeah, I relate it to so much of everything that you wrote in the book because you have honored yourself in so many different ways in your career, in your personal life, with your relationship with your family, and that honor, that kind of self-value, self-honor, self-respect, and respect for others. Because I don't really

think you can respect other people until you truly respect yourself, right? And I think that the way that you demonstrate in the book, like the times were like, as one example, just walking away from romantic comedies, which was fruitful and money and everything that you could ask for that would make a regular person, would make them think that they could be happy and exist on that for the rest of their life, eating popcorn and not desiring anything beyond that popcorn. And you said no. And you were offered lots of money and you still said, no, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not doing that. And you waited and you waited. And I think the key ingredient for so many people who want to take risks, who don't think they have the

courage or the balls or whatever you want to call it is because it's just patience. You know, it's really, it takes balls, but it takes patience and knowing that you have to trust yourself, knowing that you are the person that you can trust. Yeah.

Can you believe in those times that time is actually on your side? Oh, it's tough. Yes yes the clock's ticking man and then we make these plans and then you have babies that you have to support and they're going or or i have a friend who's like he had it planned out at 30 i'm going to meet the woman for me at 35 i'll be married and have kids at 40 they'll be here 30 he didn't meet the girl 35 he didn't have the family he He started getting anxious. I write about it in the book before I met Camilla. I was on the hunt. I was looking for the possibility of my mate at every red light in every produce section. There's an angle, maybe. And I was trying. I was not being myself. I was not content with myself to be patient. And then once I became that man and sat back and trusted and was patient that, hey, I don't

have to keep looking. I'll find it if I quit looking so hard. Well, that's when she showed up. I mean, with the career, that two years that I took off, I got wobbly. I like to say it, that old bottle of my favorite spirit over there on the counter started looking a little bit better earlier in the day. I was like, I would lack purpose. I didn't have significance.

I was like, what am I doing? I considered other vocations. Like maybe I wrote a one-way ticket out of Hollywood. I got to find another job, another career. And I hung in there. Luckily, I had Camilla by my side sitting there going like, this is non-negotiable. We made this choice and we know it's true to your soul. So we're not going back. And there was never a choice of going back, but it was spooky. And then all of a sudden,

that patience paid off. All of a sudden, I was gone from Hollywood enough to become a new good idea for the dramas I wanted to do. And the phone rang for that. And all of a sudden, went and did all the things that I'd been wanting to do that Hollywood was not offering me years before. Yeah. We got the McConaissance. Yeah, the McConaissance. That's great. Is that a term? It is. Oh, no, I wish I had. Probably People Magazine or something. Did I ever tell you the story about that? No, tell us. Check this out.

Oh, geez. It was some self-marketing. So I'm at Telluride, and I think I was there with a movie I'd done, Mud and something else. And the guy in this interview was going, I mean, you're like on a really, you're on a roll right now, man. You did this and this, this, it's like it needs a name or something. I went, yeah, you know, I was talking to this guy a minute ago and he actually called it the reconnaissance. Incredible. I threw it out there. Right. And he goes, reconnaissance. I love that. You like that? I go, yeah, it sounds good, man. So I snuck it in and

son of a bitch, it didn't stick. So I made that up in one interview and it stuck. I gave it a little song title, a little album cover. I like the idea of coining a phrase about yourself. I like that a lot. And also like most people can't give themselves a nickname, but no, you deserve, yeah. It stuck, I got the wink. Yeah. I love it. Okay. Well, Matthew, first, let me ask you something before we start with our callers. Have you been to therapy? No. Wow. I've not been to therapy. I got nothing against therapy. You know, I was writing about this yesterday. So we go to therapy and again, I had nothing against it. I've seen it really work for people and I might wanna go and need to go later in my life.

But we go to therapy and we learn to get objective about ourselves, right? We go to therapy and we learn to see like, hey, are who we think we are, what we're actually putting out, is what we're putting out there, is that what the world's receiving? Or is there a big gap between those?

You know what I mean? Are we living a life where the rubber meets the road? And it's great because you get an objective sort of third eye, a Google eye to the world of what we're doing. But I do think we have to watch with too much objectivity of awareness of like, well, how is what we're doing landing? Well, how is it being is it being received? We have to watch because it's good if it if it leads us back to being more subjective, meaning what's great is when you're not even being objective at all. You're just being the subject in your life and you're just doing it and it happens to

be reciprocating. That's green lights in life. You know, that's great when it rolls that way. And we all need to hop back and go, hey, let's be considerate and have a little check out context to the situation. That's that awareness of objectivity. But I do think we have to watch the rabbit hole of going and trying to be too objective for too long that we forget to be the subjects in our life. So if therapy leads us back to being a better subject, a better individual without being sort of even conscious of what

we're doing or what we're doing, how it's landing. I think it's very helpful. Yeah. I hear what you're saying because when you have too much self-awareness, it's almost like you're not even in the moment because you're analyzing everything you're doing and how it's being perceived by others. That's definitely a struggle I had coming out of therapy. I'm like, fuck, I mean, when am I going to be able to go back to me instead of making sure I'm making sure everyone's okay around my behavior? It can just be paralysis of analysis almost. It can immobilize us. I mean, look, I got a mother who, 91, and she's a great example of the value of denial if you actually commit to it okay if you

really commit to it she and look she's not shallow she is not a shallow person but I asked her about four years ago she's wild ass rebel outlaw and she was doing all these things that were the opposite of what she had raised me and my two brothers to do. We're like, I was like, mom, come on. No one forgives themselves quicker than you. I was like, don't you have anything at the end of the night where you like, you go, oh, I need to do that better. I need to work on that. And she was like, oh, honey, every night I go through a mental list, 25 things, the things that I could do better, things that I want to improve on. I go, ah, okay, good. She goes, you know, Matthew, do better, things that I want to improve on.

I go, ah, okay, good. She goes, you know, Matthew, but the thing is when I wake up in the morning, I forgot them all. And she just rolls like that. And like I said, she's not shallow, but she's, there's a beauty in her inconsideration. What bruises others tickles her. And she, she is proof that there's a loophole in the golden rule doing to others you'd have them doing to you well not everyone wants to do what you want to do but she just 91 she just rolls and she's been doing that kind of all her life and it's

pretty awesome to see that simplicity because she's not objective at all she takes no context she has no a lack of consideration and it can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but 98% of the time it's like, go girl, go get it. Keep doing what you're doing. Yeah. She's a real renegade as your father was as well. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So on that note, we are going to Catherine, you're going to tee up what we have in store for Matthew today. Absolutely. We've got some crises of conscience in here. We've got some confidence issues.

Some what am I doing next in my life? Okay. So we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding?

I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry.

What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way

in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending,

or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you two? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts,

to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections.

Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. And we're back. We're back. Well, our first question comes from Sage. Sage says, crisis for years. I've lost sight of not only who I am, but what's important to me. I feel like I spend every day going through the motions, then all of a sudden years have passed. I came to the realization the other day that I don't actually enjoy my life. I just get through the days.

I feel like I'm waiting for that light bulb moment or some type of epiphany to wake me up, but I also understand that's not realistic. How do I start enjoying life again? Liking who I am, not caring what others think, taking chances and living a life of happiness and purpose. I suppose I don't even know where to start. I'm 27 now, and I know that I'm wasting my youth, being lost, and I don't want any more excuses. I'm ready to live a life I'm proud of, and that's true to me, but how do I figure out what that is? Thanks in advance, Sage. I'm going to let Matthew take this from the top because he seems to be on a real roll, and then I'll follow up after.

I just want to say everyone feels like this at some point in their life, if not multiple times in their life. So just know, A, that this is not uncommon and you are not alone. Matthew, why don't you go first? Well, thanks for saying that first, Chelsea, because that is such, we bypass that as far as helping somebody out by going, hey, just to know it's not a singular experience, just to know that, oh, hey, me too, helps so much. Sort of just flattens everything and takes the air out of the pressure. So way to start that off is saying, hey, you're not alone. Look, I'd say this.

A lot of this, we all want to talk about who am I? What's my purpose? What am I going to do? And we're trying to look for that first. Don't look for that first. Start with something much easier because knowing who you are is fucking hard. Knowing who you're not is easier. So start off with process of elimination.

Start eliminating the things in your life, Sage, that don't pay you back. The people, the places, the things that you're doing, what to do, eat, drink, whatever, your habits that, you know what? They may feel good at the moment, but the next day they kind of give you a hangover or they didn't pay you back. You were in the debit section the next day, or you felt like less after you left that group of friends that maybe talked about certain things that were maybe were funny at the time, but made you feel like a heel when you left. Start eliminating those things. So by process

of elimination, when we get rid of the things in our life that don't pay us back, that don't feed more of who we are, by sheer mathematics, you end up with more room for the things that will feed you and will pay you back, line up in front of you. So start with eliminating who you're not to get to who you are. Yeah, I like that a lot. I also would like to say, you know, when you're having all these kinds of feelings that aren't giving you positive vibes, right? The important thing, I think, the first thing that you need to do is learn how to get really still and get really quiet so that you can understand exactly what your desires are

and what makes you excited, what gets your heart rate up, what gives you excitement. When you think about fashion or do you think about television or you think about therapy, like what is your retail? Whatever it is, there's no judgment on it. It's whatever your desire is, what draws your attention, what keeps you interested, what helps you stay focused when

you're on that subject matter. Like, those are the things that you need to find out about yourself. And the way to do that is to really kind of go within. You have to be still with yourself. You have to give yourself like space and time to be quiet, to not have noise around you, to not have influence around you, to really sit down with a book, sit down by yourself, sit down to reflect, to meditate,

however you wanna frame that. But it's about the inner desires because your body will speak to you. You will speak to yourself when you've however you want to frame that. But it's about the inner desires because your body will speak to you. You will speak to yourself when you've given the time to do that. Like it's a matter of self-respect in a way. You're allowing your body and your mind to tell you what they want. And this is all going to sound very spiritual and big worldy to you if you haven't done this yet. But I promise you, if you make this a practice of just trying to get in touch with yourself, there will be a voice inside your head that is on your team that is going to direct you and tell you, just like there's always a voice telling you that you're not good enough, that

you're not smart enough, that you're not brave enough. There's a voice, your real voice that is centered, that will guide you. And you have to trust that, that intuition, that self-knowing, it's there for each one of us. And the only times we get separated from that voice is when we're not focused and we're not centered. And it's easy to disengage, but it's easy also to get back on the track. It doesn't take that as much as you think it's going to take. And obviously, I can't tell you what your purpose is. You're going to have to find out what your purpose is for yourself. But the more time you spend with yourself with less noise around you, the more in tune you're going to get with yourself and you're going to understand what you need to do

to move the ball forward in a direction that's going to make you excited about your life. And also understand that you're not always going to be excited about your life, but you want to be optimistic about your life. And you want to be, you know, challenging yourself and going to new areas and doing things that scare you or that you can't and taking risks. You know, all of these things are part of the equation. So I would start by doing that. You know, if it's meditation, then make it a meditation. But give yourself some time each morning or each day, whenever you can, 20 minutes and just be still and sit in a garden or by trees in nature and just sit with yourself.

And you're going to come up with more answers than you would ever even believe. That 20 minutes, if you hadn't done it, it feels like hours when you first start, but don't pull the parachute. Don't back out. What Chelsea's saying is right. Stick with it. It gets easier and easier. And when you first do it, you will not like the company. Every time I go off on my own, I do not like the company.

I cannot stand the dialogue that's going on in my head. But if you stick with it through that time, what do you end up realizing? You end up realizing. That you're the best company. And you're the only company that I can't get rid of. So we've been trying freaking it along. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

So fun. It's so true. It's so fucking true. I mean, I can't tell you how noisy my life was for so long until I did this. And I hated the company. I was like, you're so annoying. This, this. And then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I only want to hang out with you. Like, you're the annoying. This, this. And then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I only want to hang out with you. Like you're the best company. You know, even when I go skiing now, I'm like, I try not to let my friends know. Like when I'm in my ski house, I try not to let my friends know because I want at least a few runs by myself and they can never understand why I want to ski alone. I'm like, because it's fucking more fun to be by myself sometimes than to be around other people. So anyway, start doing that, Sage. Sage, right? Yes, Sage. Yes. Keep in touch with us and connect with us when you've had a little bit of an awakening.

I guarantee you it's coming. Just have faith in the knowledge of yourself and just start practicing some alone time and real thoughtfulness. And I promise you, you're going to get where you want to go. Yeah, absolutely. Like, this is what happens at times in your life, but especially when you're 27, like 27, everybody feels this way because you're in this like crux between the young adulthood that you've just been in and like adult adulthood. And it's just a weird flexion point where you feel so much change. And I think all the sevens are like that, 27, 37, 47. There's something about, and I think in Judaism, yeah,

seven is a number where pivotal things happen. So it's all good. Run towards it. It's all good, exciting, because new things are going to happen. Yep. Well, our next question comes from Sean. Sean says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 37-year-old flight attendant from Kansas City,

Missouri. It goes without saying that I am, of course, gay. I've been a flight attendant for five years, and people always say, oh, what a dream job, or that's what you were meant to do. I enjoy the perks of my job, but have you met people? I have to deal with almost 300 of them for eight hours inside an aluminum can. No one dreams about that. Sure, being in Paris or Amsterdam weekly is great, but I know this is not viable for the long term. I've thought about taking flight lessons to become a pilot, but that still feels like settling. Several years ago, some friends who did stand-up informed me that I was funny. I legitimately had no idea due to my penchant for thinking I have no valuable

skills. They asked me to do a little set at their show, and I agreed. Well, I killed it. I felt like I was in the right place for the first time. They laughed when they were supposed to. They clapped. It was amazing. I did it again, and I didn't do as well, but still pretty good. Now, it's been years since I've done it because I'm so scared of being disliked. I would be stuck doing open mic nights in Kansas City. I'm scared of not only doing poorly, but I'm also nervous about the rednecks hating me just because I'm gay. Plus, I'm burnt out, so I just don't feel funny or creative. How do I move through the stress and bullshit to get back to a place where I can be funny and confident? I know I'm still young, but I would hate to look back on my life and regret never doing anything that was actually difficult. I just finished your special revolution,

available now on Netflix, and it just solidified that I want to do what you do, Chelsea. I want to make people laugh and find a way to find humor in this craziness. Thank you for being you, and I promise you really are changing the world. Sean. Hi, Sean. Hi. Hi. Our special guest today is Matthew McConaughey. What a treat. Oh my gosh. Hi. How lucky am I? I know. I know. Look how cute you look too. How are you? My God. Thank you so much. He's got this gorgeous hair. I'm great. How are you guys? Yeah, I'm great. You met Catherine, obviously. This is my co-host. Well, it's nice to meet you. You too.

Thank you. I'm going to go first, Matthew, okay? Sure. I'm going to just, since this is a stand-up comedy question and you just watched my special and I've felt like you before at different times in my life where I'd had no creativity. I didn't know if I was funny. I didn't care. I didn't want to work, blah, blah, blah.

I understand what you're feeling. You have to understand, A, how lucky and fortunate you are to know what lights you up. That's what every person is looking for. Our last caller was trying to find that light. You know what lights you up. You know what makes you feel something that you really want to feel in this life.

And that's the biggest thing. You know what I mean? You know that. Now you just have to walk that avenue to get where you're going. And that's easier than you ever thought it was. Yes, you're going to bomb. You're going to do badly. People aren't going to always like you. That's not the point. The point isn't to get everybody to like you or to succeed all the time because there's no growth or learning in either of those things. That's just a cherry, you know, like that's, oh, great. I have that moment. It also doesn't last forever. The idea is to get really just better incrementally at something.

And in order to get better at something and to make a career out of it, you need to fucking start doing it. So you have to start performing. It doesn't matter if there are rednecks. It doesn't matter if there are people that don't like gay people. It doesn't matter. You know, that's even a better challenge to get the people that won't necessarily be predisposed to liking you to like you. You know what I mean? You're going to be surprised. A lot of those people are going to like you and you're not going to believe it. But in order to do that, you just have to start the action. And you're a flight attendant.

It's a great way to practice material on people. You have new people revolving through your door or your aluminum can, as you say, which is very apt description. I don't know how the fuck you guys do that. I don't need that. But you have an audience to play with at all times. So you can be practicing your material at all times. Like you have all these advantages, I think that you're looking at as disadvantages and they're not right that makes sense sean where chelsea's saying you've got an audience on that aluminum can sounds like you also have a huge source of your particular comedy i mean your opening question you know i'm a flight attendant i'm on aluminum can i serve 300 people instead of steel can and without saying it yes i'm gay that's

already so i was already laughing at that. Just your delivery of how you wrote the question. Those 300 people, the different idiosyncrasies or the shit they do that you're like, are you kidding me? That sounds like great material where you're getting new material with every flight. Right. So it sounds like maybe just keep an ear open for every one of those things. When you get annoyed at somebody in 17A, clock it. Ooh, that's going to be a good joke. Ooh, that's going to be a good turn of phrase. Oh, I'm going to use that. Every time you get annoyed at somebody, look at it and go, how could that be funny? Or how could that actually could be funny if I'm telling someone

else because someone's going to go, no shit. I know people do that. They're going to go, I didn't know people do that. Really? Oh, shit. I think you got great source material in all 30, however many rows of people, those 300 people are sitting there. That makes sense. Matthew, do you also have some advice on like how Sean can reclaim that confidence that he felt the first time he performed? How do you reclaim a confidence?

Look, some of it, I'm going to go back to what I was talking about my mom with being a queen of denial. A lot of it is, look, I've had thousands of days at work where I'm not confident. And I'm like, I'm just going to blow through it. I'm going to make sure, one, I have to convince myself that 80% of me doing the job is fucking showing up. And there's getting there. And I've had some of my better performances when I was not confident. Walking the razor's edge going, man, I am. And then found it in the performance.

But showing up and doing record. And what Chelsea was saying, you're going to bomb. Ha ha. No shit. You know, you're going to have lines. Man, when I rehearsed that, I was right to bomb. Ha ha. No shit. You're going to have lines of, man, when I rehearsed that, I was right on the money, everybody. And I waited too long or I got excited and I blew through the pause that set up the punchline. So what? Do it the next time. But it's just,

I think, getting back out there and doing it and doing it the next time and doing it the next time. And by practice, when you, I find you build confidence when you start to get a little better at something, you know, or even you start to feel a lot of people say, I don't like what I'm doing. You can start to dig it by just purely getting better at something. It's fun to get better at something, to improve and become more competent at something, you know?

It's also fun to flip the script of your attitude towards it. Like your nervousness can be excitement. You know what I mean? You can be like, oh, this is great. My very first jokes were about waiting tables when I started doing standup because I got a DUI, had to go to DUI class where they made everybody get up

and give a speech about their DUI. And I was so scared shitless of public speaking that I would hide in the back of the class hoping this guy wouldn't call on me. And when he did, I got up and told my DUI. And I was so scared shitless of public speaking that I would hide in the back of the class, hoping this guy wouldn't call on me. And when he did, I got up and told my DUI story. I was 21 years old and the whole place was dying laughing. And I didn't get off stage. I was like, oh, this is fun. And then the DUI guy came up. He's like, hey, listen, this isn't standup. Like this isn't a comedy club. Get off the stage. And everyone was like, you got to be a standup comedian. And I was like, oh, that sounds scary. scary and I was like but I guess I have to I had

what are my other options I mean what was I gonna do I didn't know I just thought I had to be a public person so I my whole material was like people asking me what the specials were and me actually saying what I wanted to say to people you know know, like as if you're going to even remember this fucking meal in seven days, who gives a shit what the specials are, figure something out. You know, my ass in your face is the special. Like I just had a whole slew of material about waiting tables. You can do exactly the same thing that Matthew said to start and launch your creativity and you're going to naturally move and flow and and ebb and flow and all the things and bomb and succeed you're going to have it all but go into it knowing that it's a full-breadth

experience and don't expect everything to just go well that's not the way we grow right i think that's what's scary is the not doing well it's i think because the first time I did stand up, they introduced me and the crowd was applauding and I got up on stage. And the very first thing I said was, I kind of expected that to last a little bit longer. And they like started applauding again. And I was just like, oh, shit, they like they're doing what I tell them to do. And so it's like this high and I'm like, I don't want to like, what if I would have said that? And then they were then they were just like yeah well it's not going to last longer yeah but what if because there's there's so many millions of other people that have your desire and are doing it do you know what I mean maybe not millions but thousands definitely that are doing it yes how much how

much of stand-up is entertaining yourself? A lot. A lot. I mean, when you think that joke's funny, by hook or by crook, F them, the crowd, if they laugh or not. A lot of times it becomes funnier to them because you enjoyed that joke. You think it's funny, right? Yeah, for sure. It's hard to, if you don't get the reaction,

it's hard to relax and go. Yes. All right, nobody laughed at that one. Well, I'm going to clap for myself. Whatever that is, you know, I mean, how how much is a lot of it is entertaining yourself well a lot of it's entertaining yourself but it's also a practice of like I tell stories all the time in my personal life and when I see that they get a big reaction I'm like that's a story for the stage if you know my stand-up is very personal your stand-up may be very joke oriented, but I think anything that comes from your personal truth is valuable to creativity. You don't want to pretend you're someone you're not.

You obviously, being a standup relies on the audience laughing at some point, you know, that is part of it. So yes, you want to get there. But, you know, Matthew and I discussed this a little bit earlier. We touched on not taking yourself too seriously. You want to take everything seriously. But any moment like that is not a life-altering, changing moment in a negative way. It can always be a life-altering, changing moment in a positive way. But a moment on stage is just never going to crush you

the way that you are fearing. Like your fear, you're letting you yourself be led by fear. Instead, you got to be like, bring it on. Like, let's bring it on. Let's get the scary parts over with. Like the sooner you get on stage and the more you get on stage, the quicker all of that stuff is going to be out the back door. So like get moving. Yeah, that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like, is there somewhere you can go to a set like a stand-up comedy club where you live yeah there's a ton of places here in kansas city that have like there's like weekly open mic nights and stuff yeah yeah do it just start doing it make

sure make us a commitment that you're gonna do it what this week next week when can you get on stage yeah i can i can do next week all right Make that commitment to us and yourself and go do it. Okay. Let me tell you one thing that my mentor, Penny Allen, my greatest mentor, this woman of 19 years told me, and it was so liberating. Before I'd go to every job and every morning at work, what I'd tell myself, I'd tell myself, Connie, I dare you to screw up. Go, I dare you to screw up. Dare yourself to screw up. Watch how I dare you to screw up. Dare yourself to screw up. Watch how I found that I screwed up less when I dared myself to screw up.

I dare you to eat shit here. It just kind of like popped the bubble and so much pressure was off. I'd give myself that dare. So try and screw up. Dare you. Okay. I like that. Yeah.

Even if it goes badly, it's five minutes in the beginning. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It's just the only thing that matters is you making the step in the right direction of what's going to really fill your soul up. And it sounds like you know what that is. Look at that as a gift instead of a negative and just run towards it. You know, and anytime you have a bad set, that's like great. Because when you have a bad set, the next one's always the best one. I speak from experience. you do all right thanks for calling sean okay thank you so much

good luck break a leg i mean sorry yeah good luck isn't good for comics thank you so much bye y'all 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,

for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed.

I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers

to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?

His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all.

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com.

And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created the Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine.

A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to

play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. We have one other caller. Her name is Carrie.

A friend of about 16 years has recently professed his love for me. I've known he's had a crush on me for a long time. He always tells me I'm his type. With his recent admission of being in love with me, I thought, sure, why not? Let's try it. I warned him that he's setting himself up to get hurt and that I may never get the feelings for him he has for me, but he wants to try anyway. I told him I can't just flip a switch from friendship to relationship, so I asked him to court me, and he's been trying really hard. The trouble is, he's not my type. I don't really have a strong physical attraction toward him, but the person he is and the time we spend together,

I love. I'm a bit of a disaster with dating and have been single most of my life. I'm 48. My longest relationship of three and a half years was with a woman, though I don't identify as a lesbian. It just felt right at the time. I don't know what it is with men. I just seem to find fault in all of them and end up breaking up with them. So Carrie told me that they dated for about a month and she finally kissed him or they kissed and she got the ick and didn't want to continue. But I think the bigger issue that came out of the conversation is that Carrie's having trouble finding chemistry in general with other people that she's dating. So I thought we could explore that, explore what's wrong with the vibes and what's going on there. Okay. Yeah. Hi, Carrie. Hi. Hi there. This is Matthew McConaughey. He's our special guest today.

Hi. Nice to meet you. You too. Hi there. And you know, Catherine, obviously you guys have spoken. Yep. Yep. Yep. For sure. So yeah. So she told you that it went sideways. Well, you had a kiss, right? That was it. Yeah.

So we dated for almost six weeks. We tried the dating thing and he was doing, cause I asked him, I told him he has to court me because you know, I'm not just going to date him for no reason. And yeah, he finally asked me on Valentine's, can we kiss? And I said, sure. And honestly, it was like kissing a family member. Okay. Well, let's go back.

You said that you have problems with intimacy with men, right? Is that what you said? Is it men or you don't have problems like that with women? Well, it's not so much with all men. I'm kind of more of the I like the wine, not the label kind of thing. That said, I've dated more way more men than women. So I think with men, it's just I do have some trust issues with men. So it is harder for me to get closer to them. I also find men over 40 extremely needy. And that is like one of my least, like, I just, it's so unattractive to me. So that part is hard as well. Well, I think if you have, self-admittingly, that you have a lot of guard

rails up, it's very hard to break those down. And I think that should be your number one objective right now because I don't think you can probably clearly even kiss this guy while you're looking for excuses to not like him. You know what I mean? And I had the last guy I dated, I was friends with for 15 years and was never attracted to him. And it took a long time.

And I did, I fell in love with him. I became attracted to him. I was, couldn't even believe it. You know, I said, there's no way, there's no way. And then it happened. So I don't think a kiss is definitively the end or the beginning of anything. I think that you have some work to do about being open and, and, and not every guy is that needy. Not every guy is anything. Look at Matthew McConaughey. He's sitting here. He just wrote this book. Well, he didn't just write this book, but he wrote a book that you should read called green lights. I read it. Oh, great. Perfect.

So then you know about green lights, yellow lights, red lights. Exactly. Yeah. And you're a yellow light right now. Yeah, exactly. That's right. It's nice to hear that, you know, because I know with you and Joe, you were friends for a long time. And then so how long did it take for you to be able to look at him that way? Well, it's funny you say that because in therapy, when I was wrapping up therapy because I needed a break,

I said, am I supposed to be in a relationship? I just don't feel like the relationship type. Like that's not it's not I've never been boy crazy. You know, I don't go, God, you know, like when I'm single, I like it. I'm not trying always to find a guy. And I just thought maybe something's off with me. And he said, you have too many barriers up. You just have roadblocks all around you. He said, and you have to strip those away until you're going to see somebody for who they are, not what they represent.

You know, not the fact that he's wearing Prada jumpsuits that make me sick or driving around in Ferraris that makes me cringe. Just I had to get past all of my bullshit and finally just see him for who he was, which is a real person, you know, and those things don't define a person. And I understand if you don't feel like you have chemistry when you kiss somebody, it's hard to even think about kissing them again or anything like that. But this feels like it's a good opportunity for growth for you in terms of really kind of trying to strip away your layers and go into things that make you uncomfortable, not to a degree where you have to go have sex with somebody that you're not interested in, but to a degree where you're pushing yourself to perhaps go out with him again and try it again,

you know? And if it's not him, another guy or another woman, like whomever, but as a practice for yourself, not necessarily to be in a relationship, but in a practice of like tearing down the things that go to you when something says to you or you have that feeling, you've got to make a note of it and go, oh, that's that's a yellow light. Is that about me or is that about him or her? Right. Right. And I'm pretty sure it is about me because, you know, we have we have all the things in common. I'm like, if this doesn't work, how the hell am I going to date anybody else that doesn't have all these boxes ticked? Right. And it was just kind of that all it's lacking is that spark. You know, when you kiss somebody and then you want to sleep with them. And that was kind of like, I don't really want to sleep with you. That said, I have slept with him in the past. So my bad, I've maybe sent off the wrong signal. Well, you skipped that part. Yeah, exactly.

So you slept with him in the past. Or not your bad. One thing I hear you kind of keep doing, and it's what Chelsea was saying, you said a minute ago, I like the wine, not the label. Yeah. You're, but you are labeling exactly what you want and you have your own labels, which happens all this with maturity. As we mature, we get kind of set in our ways and know it needs to fit this. And this is how I, this is how my life goes. This is what I expect. And we're less malleable.

And what I hear Chelsea saying, which I would second, is relax your own labels on yourself and the boxes that he or any other man needs to absolutely fit for you. So maybe just enjoy that wine without looking at the label a little bit. And I think that's what Chelsea's saying is if it's not just perfect, cut yourself. Or you go, wait, that didn't fit. That didn't fit. That didn't fit. That didn't go exactly how I want it to be. That kiss didn't make me want to go further.

Well, maybe that was all that was needed right then. Maybe start with that. Sometimes you get to know somebody. You already got your asset with this guy is that you already got a friendship. Well, not anymore. Well, if it was there. Yeah.

If it was there, the last 18 years are not gone. Whatever y'all formed over 18 years, it's not like White Outs over it. It's still there. You want to rekindle that and go, you want to pick back up and just go have a freaking cup of coffee and not kiss? You want to get back at doing some things that we used to like to do just together? And just maybe restart in there. And if the kiss works it'll probably be the time where he doesn't ask you or you don't ask him and it just happens exactly and when right

and to circle back when you were asking me about when it happened for joe and me we had hung out for over a year before anything happened and when it happened i made it happen because that had to come from me and i would suggest hanging out with them. First of all, repair whatever damage has been done, which you can easily do over an 18-year relationship, and say, let's just try this again as friends. Let's see if it goes anywhere in a more natural progression. Because I think if he ticks all these boxes, A, it's worth another go.

You know what I mean? You're saying he has got all these things except for your feelings towards him. And that can happen. That comes up for people all the time. They fall in love with their friends all the time. You can't force it to happen. It has to naturally organically happen. And you can continue to spend more time together. You don't have to kiss each other or fuck each other or whatever, but spend more time and see if it happens naturally. And also as a test for yourself, also explore that with other people too, you know, because I'm glad Matthew said that about the wine and the label, because as soon as you made

that declaration, it was clear that you're doing the opposite of what you think you're doing. You don't have to make declarations about who you are. You know what I mean? So I think that you might think you're looking at the wine and not the label, but it's quite the opposite. Right. Fair enough.

I think right now it's good that this call worked out when it did, because I was actually thinking of writing him a letter because right now he's just cut me out of his life completely. Unfollowed me on Duolingo and Goodreads and Facebook and all the things that we shared common interests in. And I text him and I was like, so my biggest fear was losing the friendship. And he just said, I can't be friends with you because I'll always want more. And I thought, okay, so you're just willing to throw away 18 years of friendship because your feelings are hurt. So it's like, at this point, is it crossing a line to write him a letter and just be like, hey, maybe we didn't try long enough or I don't know at this point. Sounds like you're very similar.

Maybe just simplify a little bit. And then if you do write him a letter, which sounds like you should, that 18 years, you don't want to throw that out like that was a nothing part of your life. That was real. Exactly. Whether it works out for you or not or not that was real you built that uh you don't want to throw that out completely i mean i think if you do write him a letter be considerate i'm sure he feels like he got bruised or lost or made an advance and and you had it and then you were like nope that's it he probably feels a a little embarrassed, a little shame, a little loss, a little less.

Just maybe as a friend go, man, this is how it made you feel. I didn't mean to hurt you, but that's how I felt. This is all so damn complicated. And you want to go back a few months before that kiss and just start with when we were high fiving and go have a cup of coffee or a walk and start right there with some simple shit and maybe cuss each other out and go, this fucking made me pissed off and this hurt me that could be it could be fun you know yeah yeah i agree with that and i think you should definitely write him a letter but also acknowledge his feelings definitely acknowledge the fact that he with the way he may

be feeling right now but you know as an effort to retain you this friendship. You can say in the hopes, I want to have these feelings for you. I'm willing to like try this again, but we also have to be adults. And if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. People have been turned down before and been able to maintain friendships. You know, obviously he needs a little bit of time to get over what he's dealing with, but I think that you should really definitely focus on some of the things that we said to you about looking within yourself and figuring out, you know, what your stipulations and kind of roadblocks have been and kind of just try to open them up and just kind of be open to whatever. Don't have it in your head the way that it looks needs to look perfectly. Right. Absolutely.

Well, Carrie, let us know how it goes. Okay. For sure. Thanks. Okay. Good luck. 48 is great. I just turned 48 and I'm thriving. Yeah. I'm kind of at that age where it's like, you know, I, I'm not one of those people that is desperate to be in a relationship. I, I actually quite like being single and that probably part of my problem with dating is like I'll start dating and then I'm like actually single's not so bad so yeah definitely at 48 I'm not even at 48 I'm not in a rush to get into any sort of relationship but it would be nice okay take care nice to speak with you thanks okay right we're running out of. So we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back.

2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can

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The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide.

Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. And we're back. We're back. That was awesome, Matthew McConaughey. You were great, as predicted. Yes, thank you so much. As predicted. So to this event, to Matthew's event that he's hosting with Tony Robbins, it is a virtual event.

It's called Art of Livin', live on April 24th. Right. So you can go online and register at artofliveinevent.com and sign up. It's actually free to attend. So go check it out. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. So it's all free. Yeah, it's all free. Oh, great. And online. Okay. Awesome. Thanks for sharing today. Thanks for being here. Thanks for giving advice to our callers. Appreciate it. I enjoyed that. Okay. Enjoy that. Bye, Matthew. Have a badass day. Bye.

You too. Bye. Oh, well, great episode. Fabulous. And don't forget, everybody, my new special, Revolution, is now streaming on Netflix. And it's badass. And then I'm doing a tour, a little big bitch tour. Go to ChelseaHandler.com for tickets.

I've added some new dates. I added a date in Monticello, New York. I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming to Kalamazoo. And then I'm coming to a bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga. That's May 19th, 20th, and 21st. And then I'll be in Atlantic City, June 10th, which is almost sold out. So get your tickets.

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