Dear Chelsea - Big Words for Being Cheap with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Chelsea and Catherine discuss why you probably shouldn’t discuss murder during commercial air travel, several different ways to call someone a cheapskate, and caller followups that make Catherine cry.  Then: Lesbian bed death becomes a good thing.  A badass success-story makes a caller’s friends cringe.  And a teacher’s co-workers are having an affair… and everybody knows. * Trigger Warning: this episode mentions suicidal ideation in general terms. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Thanks to Betterhelp for sponsoring our new segment, Calling In Backup, and to Courtney Cope, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist and Principal Clinical Operations Manager at BetterHelp. * Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline.

Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together our mission on the really no really

podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor what's in the museum of failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created the Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all.

Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Good afternoon, everybody. It's me, Chesty Hanjob, and Catherine Long. Oh, hello. Hey. Oh, my God. You guys, I was in Tennessee all weekend. I had dates in, I performed at Graceland. Oh, my gosh.

I performed in Knoxville and then Chattanooga. So I thought for sure, you know, there was going to be trouble. And there never is. They were like three of the greatest shows of my tour so far. That's awesome. And Tulsa was another highlight. All these random places that I'm like, I don't want to go there because you know how I feel about Florida, which, listen, I know you guys are all DMing me about Florida. And I know that I have fans in Florida and I have friends in Florida that I want to see. And I have relatives that my rabbi lives in Florida. So nothing would make me happier than to go to Florida. But I mean relatives that my rabbi lives in Florida. So nothing would make me happier than to go to Florida. But I mean, the only stance I could take politically that matters is an economic one. And while it may not make a difference if I don't go on tour there, like hopefully other artists are feeling the same way and we'll do the same thing because it's just not a place that I'm

going to contribute to when the laws are so discriminatory. The NAACP just put out a travel warning for the LGBTQ community and all African-Americans that Florida is a hostile environment. It's basically one large sundown town. It's exactly like that. Speaking of sundowners, I was on a plane to Memphis this weekend going to perform at Graceland, right? This is my first time ever. So we went to Graceland, but more on that later. And this man sat down behind me. He was older, 70-ish. He was next to a 50-year-old-ish.

And I was sitting next to the man's wife, I think. And I was reading my book. I'm reading Andre Agassi's book right now, which is really good. Cool. And it's worth reading because he was addicted to crystal bath. I like any and his whole childhood about being controlled by his father, but I love any addiction story. And I like any affair story. Like I want to hear about cheating and drugs. That's what I'm interested in. So I heard this guy, the older man talking. He's like, oh, yeah, where you from? He had just come from Manila or

something. And he was like, oh, where are you from? And he goes, yeah, you know, somehow they just got right to guns. And the guy goes, yeah, I just I want I'm never giving my they talk about giving our guns away. I'm never giving my guns away. I don't trust this government. And I'm going to you're going to have to shoot me if you want my guns. You know what my guns are for? If the wrong person walks up to my door. And so I gave me a chill down my spine. So I turned around and between the two seats and put my pop to my head in and said, please stop talking like that, because what you're talking about right now is murder. And I don't want to hear about it. And the older man was like, oh, like clearly he had never had anyone call him out on anything. He was like, oh, sorry, sorry.

Like it was perfectly. They don't realize what they're saying. Acceptable conversation to be having in a public space, you know, never mind in a private one. But anyway, we weren't in a private space. And so he stopped and then they were quiet for a couple of minutes and then they picked back up again. But this time he was talking about Biden and how the country is going to hell in a hand

basket because of all of the immigrants. And it's Biden's fault. And he hopes somebody shoots him before the election. So then I got up for the second time to get my bag over my overhead bin to get my headphones in so that I didn't have to listen to this nonsense. And while I was standing, I said, do you know how racist and disgusting you sound? I'm sorry. Do you know how racist and disgusting you are? Yeah. And the both of the men just looked at me and didn't say anything. And he was like, what? I go, racist. You are a racist. And because what do you think they're talking about when they say the wrong person? Of course,

we know what they're saying. Do you know that there was a boy that was just shot three weeks ago because he was picking up his two younger brothers and he accidentally went to the wrong house? An innocent boy who was shot by a man like you. Do you know that? And then the guy just couldn't even respond. And I was my my heart was beating out of my chest. Yeah. And his wife was like hiding in the corner for me.

And so I was like, oh, great. Here we go. You know, and but I was shaking and I was like, I couldn't not say something because I just wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't be happy with myself if I didn't. Anyway, I sat down and as I was sitting down, the 50 year old ish guy said, why don't you mind your own fucking business? Pretty hard to do when they're talking in your direction. I said, excuse me, what did you what did you just say?

I would love I would love to mind my own business. But unfortunately, we're in a public place. And all I can hear is you talking about murdering people. And then they didn't talk again. You can talk about anything else. Just not murdering people. Or don't, actually. Just you now, you're suspended.

Yes, yes. It's just so disgusting to think like that casually. And then I was like, oh, remind yourself you're on your way to Memphis. And then I thought, oh, God, this is going to be tough. And I have to tell you, Memphis was one of the most moving trips because we went to go see where Martin Luther King was shot at the Lorraine Hotel and right next door to it they have they have bought in the button oh god they've that's that's from the guy on the plane I learned that from bought and they had bought they have bought they have bought who knows what I'm saying they have purchased the hotel the hotel is part of

the Civil Rights Museum and the Civil Rights Museum. And the Civil Rights Museum that they had in Memphis was phenomenal. It was at least like a two hour, 90 minute to two hour minimum time, which I appreciate that kind of information. It was so comprehensive, all about MLK Jr. and about all the other people who had stood up for something for the first time and real heroes. Well, and I'm glad it's part of the museum. I know you had posted a picture of the hotel, and I guess I just didn't even realize it was at a hotel. You know, that wasn't where I pictured it. I don't know where I did picture it happening. So you can, in the museum, in the tour, you walk in and you, at the end, it is,

you see the hotel room exactly how it was left. But I didn't realize Martin Luther King was only five foot seven. I realized that in the picture. I'm like, how did I not know that? Yeah, he was not super tall. I know. Interesting. I always think that. I don't know why that's interesting, but it is for some reason to me.

Because he's a man of stature, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, stature doesn't equal height, clearly. But there's also, you know. And then we went to Graceland. We got a tour of Graceland right before I performed there. And that was really cool. I didn't expect it to be that cool. I was like, oh, I mean, I'm not a huge like Elvis fan. I mean, obviously, I respect what he did and how meaningful he was, but I don't care about that stuff. Anyway,

I was like into the tour. We saw his house. It's so cool. Isn't it still done? Yes. Like how it's yeah and then they have had lisa marie's presley's casket there already next to her son who died during covid and then him and his parents and i guess priscilla presley was just denied to be buried there oh she wanted to be buried with her family which seems right yeah and she is a major part of his legacy like i don't know but maybe her and her granddaughter i right. Yeah. And she is a major part of his legacy.

Like, I don't know, but maybe her and her granddaughter. I don't know what the deal is with that. There's a lot of family drama. Anyway, the woman at the thing was like, oh, no, Priscilla's not being buried here. I'm like, OK, copy that. I won't ask again. But yeah, so that was cool. And then we went to Dollywood. I had a full Tennessean experience. You did. And Knoxville was amazing. Chattanooga was also so much fun. I just love going to these southern towns. But I mean, I'm just going to have to keep crossing states off my list with all of the legislation that is being passed, right?

I mean, Texas is a huge place to perform. I mean, there's so many cities there that I go to and I'm like, all right, what am I doing about Texas? Yeah. It's like, can you just go to Austin? Probably not. You know, you got to like mark the whole thing off. No, you can. But do I want to? Right. Is that the right thing to do? So I have to really consider all of those things. I want to be really responsible and back up my action,

my words with actions, not just, you know. Well, I mean, I know, you know, a friend of mine who is, you know, traveling and performing as well. She has been trying to get pregnant with her husband and she had had an abortion that she had to have because of an ectopic pregnancy a year ago. And she basically was like, there's places I can't go because if I need an emergency treatment for an ectopic pregnancy or something else, which is like in her situation more likely to happen again, she's like, I just can't go to these places. Yeah, right. No, it's not safe for women. It's not safe for a lot of people. Well, Chelsea, I have an update from a caller,

and I'm really excited about this one. I might have cried a little bit reading it, but this is from Anna, who called in about her dental work that she needed help with. And she, you know, had a lot of guilt and shame around her eating disorder, which had caused the need for this dental work. And so we talked to her through that. And Dear Chelsea listeners contributed to her GoFundMe, which was really exciting. Anna says, Dear Chelsea, wanted to send y'all an update. First, I can't even begin to express the depth of my gratitude to you, Chelsea, Atsuko, and the entire Dear Chelsea family for the outpouring of support you've shown me in the last few months. Since the podcast in December, the Anna from Dear Chelsea GoFundMe page has raised over $14,500 for my dental fund.

And as of today, 723 people have donated. These numbers speak volumes to the power and compassion of the community that you've cultivated through this podcast. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you. As a nonprofit professional and marketer, I know the importance of sharing impact stories to help people better understand the power of their donation. So here's how you have changed my life, dear Chelsea fam. Over the last five months, I've gone to the dentist monthly for batches of procedures aimed at repairing and healing my teeth. In January, I went for a set of procedures to repair three teeth and crowns. Unfortunately, it was too late to salvage one of those teeth, and it had to be extracted. But wait, there's more. That could have been the end of that story, and I would have had to live the rest of my life missing a very important tooth.

But thankfully, the GoFundMe allowed me to say yes to the process of a bone graft and eventually an implant to help me salvage that molar. Undoubtedly, being able to tackle these procedures with urgency is saving many more of my teeth that otherwise I would not have been able to attend to for years due to financial limitations. My dentist confirmed this and wanted me to make sure I sent this gratitude to the dear Chelsea community for your support in this process. Y'all have changed my life profoundly, not only with your donations, but with your compassionate and empathetic messages on the GoFundMe as well. Thank you for helping me heal on so many levels. I'm forever grateful. Anna.

Oh, I love it. Yay! I know. It's awesome. It's so exciting. See what happens when people care and are nice and caring and sweet and empathetic and compassionate instead of buying fucking guns. For sure. And also, like, Anna came to us with this issue and was so vulnerable and open about the like shame she felt and guilt she felt. And that I think for me was what was so moving about her story is like she wasn't actually even here asking for money. She was like talking about what she'd gone through, why she felt like she'd done it to herself and why she deserved it. When like none of that is true.

It's all just had trash and she deserves all the good things. Absolutely. And a beautiful smile is everything. Yes. Well, we are back with our sponsored segment, calling in back up with BetterHelp. And we have a brand new therapist to help us out today. Licensed marriage and family therapist

and principal clinical operations manager at BetterHelp, Courtney Cope. Hello, Courtney Cope. What's happening? Oh, it's good to be here. Thank you for having me. Oh, yeah. Well, we love BetterHelp and we love referring people to BetterHelp. Yes, we love therapy. Well, we have kind of a really tough question that we're going to have Courtney help us out with. Priscilla says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 25 years old and just finished graduate school. I've been with my boyfriend for over four years. We're young, I know, but I'm in a phase in life where I feel it's time to decide

if this is the person I'm marrying or not. I love him so dearly. He's everything that most women my age complain about not being able to find. He's sensitive, in touch with his emotions, an excellent communicator, and he tries so hard at everything he does. The problem, however, is that he's severely depressed. He's been hospitalized twice for his mental illness and continues seeking treatment today. He never gives up, even when things are really hard. He always takes his medication and is extremely willing to try any and everything to help. But despite his best efforts, nothing seems to really alleviate his hurting. I don't know if I can live in fear of him dying from this my whole life. I want children, and I don't want them to lose a parent that way either. Any advice, Priscilla? Wow, such an important question. And first of all, I just want to commend this person for really weighing the importance of this decision regarding a long-term partnership and potentially bringing children into the world together with someone. So

kudos to this person for wanting to make a thoughtful decision here. Second of all, I think the broad theme to this question is the one that we see a lot in the therapy office. And that theme is, I love my partner, and they have so many great qualities, and here's all the things I value about them. But there's also this other thing that has me questioning if we're a good fit. And so one of the biggest pitfalls I see when people are asking this question in their relationships is to make it specifically about their partner or their partner's behavior or their partner's issues alone. Meaning, my partner has this thing, and if this one thing could go away, then we could move forward and

everything would be great. So instead, what I find to be really helpful for people who may find themselves and listeners who may be listening to this and finding themselves even in a similar quandary or situation is to take a compassionate approach and approach this from honestly asking yourself, do I have the capacity to love this person on their journey, wherever it will take them and wherever it will take us? Am I equipped for that? Do I possess the capacity? Do I possess the desire? Is this something I want to put effort into? Because you get a say in how you want one of the most important decisions of your life, potentially marrying and creating children with someone, you know, to play out. Does that make sense? Yeah. And as you mentioned, having

children with this person, as Priscilla did, there is also something to consider about. A lot of times, depression, anxiety, these things are hereditary and, you know, that can be passed generation to generation. So there is something to think about there as well when you're choosing a life partner or somebody to procreate with. And the other thing I want to point out is, look, we, any one of us, we could have a partner who struggles with their mood or emotions. We might have a partner who maybe spends more money than we're comfortable with or has a different sexual appetite than us. We may have a partner who has a different religion or culture than we are a part of. And none of these things are inherently wrong. These are all just the kinds of typical things that we see in therapy, whatever the subject matter is. So like we have to be honest about

what our capacity is to be with someone who is fill in the blank. And so for this specific person, one thing that I would recommend is to start with some self-exploration here and inquire, is this partnership with this specific person and all that comes with it, the good and the not ideal, is it really something that you want and something you have the capacity for in your life? Because if it is, then perhaps it's about bolstering the support that you have for yourself and your partner so that you have someone to help you when you're helping your partner with their feelings of depression. Maybe it's about getting

in couples counseling with both of you so that as a unit, you two have support for navigating these challenging situations. Or as a third option, perhaps it's about acknowledging that this life path and this specific relationship isn't right for you. And that's okay too. There's literally no right or wrong answer here. It's just about being lovingly honest with yourself and not getting yourself into a situation where when the rubber meets the road, you'll feel resentful or full of regret for decisions you made in the past. But how do you handle something when it's delicate, like, you know, the other partner suffers from severe depression? You know, I think that puts a lot of pressure on the partner,

even thinking about leaving or breaking up the relationship. There's a sense of responsibility that comes with that. So what advice do you give to people who are making the decision to say, OK, maybe I'm not cut out for this. Maybe I don't want to bring children into this dynamic. Yeah, I mean, look, relationship issues are tough because you're dealing with two people's lives and potentially children's lives. And so if this is one of those tough situations, like you're mentioning, you know, someone who's dealing with depression and you feel bad about leaving. I mean, there's all kinds of reasons why we have to be really mindful about the decisions

we are making. And this person sounds like they have a lot of great qualities, right? Like they are sensitive. They're doing all the things. Like there's a lot of reasons why this person loves their partner. And if they aren't the person to be with them for the rest of their life, there's going to be someone else who's going to love them and accept them where they're at. I think where people get into trouble is where they think these two people, we're together and you have to meet all my needs and I have to meet all your needs.

And if those two people aren't compatible, sometimes the most loving thing is letting them go so that they can go and find their better match. Yeah, I think this question jumped out to me because whether it's us that's been with a partner who's depressed or a friend, like everyone knows somebody who's been like, I can't leave them. They're having X, Y, Z mental health issue. When would you say it's like, I mean, obviously we wanna prioritize our own mental health before we can like reach out to another person.

But what would you say is sort of like the defining factor of I know that I can't withstand a relationship with this person. What would you say is the flexion point there? Yeah. I mean, it's the same thing that we hear every time we board an airplane. It's put on your oxygen mask first and then help the person next to you or your child or your partner. It's like, if you're finding yourself in a place in your life where you're not able to thrive and function in an ongoing basis. I mean, every couple goes through rough patches. Every person goes through periods of feeling down. But if you're not able

to thrive in your own life because you are self-sacrificing just so that another person can live, I mean, we're not meant to self-sacrifice to the point of our own depletion. We have to be radically self-responsible for our ownrifice to the point of our own depletion. We have to be radically self-responsible for our own happiness and our own path and our own trajectory and give that other person the gift of doing that as well. I think that we make a mistake when we say, I have to stay with this person because they're depressed. It can sometimes be the most loving thing to allow that person to be on a journey where they're not feeling guilty. Like they can read the room. They can tell, oh, my

partner doesn't enjoy being with me or spending time with me or is feeling resentful. So I think that's the elephant in the room that I want people to hear because I see that in the counseling room a lot. You know, the person who has depression, they know if you're resenting them. Yeah. And I think another thing to point out here, too, is, you know, we're not static beings. I think one of the really cool things that Priscilla outlines is that her partner is willing to try new things, you know, down with taking his meds, et cetera. And I think that's kind of half the battle, like not that we can bootstrap our way out of depression, but you never know like when that certain therapy is going to make all the difference for him or adding that extra drug to his, you know, regimen, whatever the case may be. You know,

I have someone in my life who has been severely depressed for years and it was like, okay, we're going to add this extra medication and therapy is going to be two times a week. And it was like, OK, we're going to add this extra medication and therapy is going to be two times a week. And it's made a huge difference in how they operate in the world. So, you know, you can have somebody who is like perfectly fine with their mental health going along one day and then all of a sudden something happens and it triggers years long depression or on and off years long depression. So giving her partner room to change and grow, I think, is huge, too, if she feels like she can go the distance. Absolutely. And I love that she mentioned all these positive things about him because it sounds like this is a person who

is a great partner and who would eventually be a great father as well. They possess some of those traits. And it's a matter of figuring out what works best for the two of them. And if they can partner together and move forward in a way that's meaningful, great. If there's a way maybe for this person to navigate her own anxiety around having a partner who is depressed, like that's great too. Again, I just like to bring it back to individual personal responsibility because we cannot control the choices of our partner and whether they're going to continue to whatever, take their medication, go to see their therapist

or whatever. So it really comes back to what we can control. And I think that's the most powerful thing any individual can do in their own life. Awesome. Any closing thoughts, Chelsea? I know. I mean, I think that's a tricky situation, but I think it's difficult for people to make those kinds of decisions, you know, especially when you're dealing with depression and possibly suicidal thoughts and ideations. You don't know how deep somebody is. So it's a very tricky. Yeah, I'm glad that you're here to help navigate. Courtney, thank you. Thank you. Awesome. Well, thanks again to BetterHelp for sponsoring this segment. And thanks to Courtney, who's a licensed marriage and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at BetterHelp for being our backup today. Absolutely. My pleasure. Awesome. We'll see you next time. Bye, Courtney.

Bye. And we'll take a quick break, Chelsea, and we'll be back to talk to some callers. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors

to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with

money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you

and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park.

Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really.

No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column.

Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. We are back. Okay. Well, our first email comes from Leanne. Leanne says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 34-year-old lesbian female in South Louisiana. My partner and I have been together for three years. We have an exterior maintenance company that's very successful. Sounds very lesbianic. It does. It's great. We work together, we live together, and we basically do everything

together. We're both in recovery from extreme drug use. So we're both on a medically assisted treatment called Suboxone. And this medicine really affects our sex drive. So we rarely have sex. The thing is, the rare sex doesn't bother either of us. And we're both very happy in our relationship. Great. Yeah. And we honestly don't have any problems in our work relationship nor our home relationship. My question is this. Is it healthy that we're both happy and content and very much in love even though we rarely connect intimately? Would love to hear an outsider's opinion. Thanks so much, Leanne. Yeah. Who gives a fuck about sex? Same. I don't give a shit about sex. I care about it when I'm in a

relationship when I want to have it, but when I'm not having it, I don't even think about sex. I mean, first of all, welcome to being a lesbian. I would imagine lots of lesbian relationships are sexless. Great. Lesbian death. As are a lot of heterosexual relationships as well. So the only relationships that are not sexless are homosexual men. Okay. But no, I wouldn't worry about that at all. You found your person. You have a reason why you're not having sex. It's like a medical reason.

It's much more important for you to stay sober than it is for you to have sex. Period. So you're putting your priorities in order and I applaud you. Yeah, I totally agree. I feel like 90% of the issue that any of us have with like sex with our partner is frequency. You know, so many people have this issue of he wants it more, she wants it more, somebody wants it less. The fact that you're on the same level is like amazing. Yeah, no to other callers. You want to get on the same meds as your person so that you guys are on the same wavelength.

So, Leanne. Yeah, you're just fine, Leanne. Don't worry about it. Don't overthink things. Exactly. Just, Leanne. Yeah, you're just fine, Leanne. Don't worry about it. Don't overthink things. Exactly. Just enjoy your partner. You know. Well, our next question comes from Samantha.

Samantha is calling in today. Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with something I'd love your input on. I have a friend who is having an affair with one of our coworkers. Well, technically, he is her superior as he's the principal and she's a teacher. She's recently divorced and this affair was a huge catalyst to her divorce. Oh. She divorced, he did not.

Oh, oh, oh, God, this is good. It's getting real juicy. Juicy is my favorite. Here is why this is an issue for me. Eight years ago, I was in a very similar situation. Had an affair with a colleague that led to the end of my marriage. He, though, did not divorce and went on about life as usual. Not to get into the sordid details, but this was hugely devastating to me in many ways.

I see so much of myself and my situation in my friend. And yes, I know I'm projecting a lot onto her. However, I also know these situations aren't really unique. They generally end in the same way. Devastation for at least one, if not many. It's very hard to hear about her participation in this affair, especially after her divorce and her now being the side chick to this married man. I've seen her melt into an incapacitated puddle over this man. I have talked her off the ledge several times and gotten her to free herself from him. But since they work together, they always end up back together after daily and constant text calls and in-person meetings. Now they're regularly having sex at her home, even when her kids are home and in bed, a line she said she'd never cross. She refuses to see it negatively at all.

I can only see the negative. She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose her. Samantha. Hi. Hi, Samantha. How are you? I'm good. Thanks. Thanks for having me. I have the same feelings as you do about affairs. Not that I've been completely guilt-free of having them in my younger life. I did. But I also am very judgmental about participating in that because I just feel like it's such bad juju.

Like there's no reason to have sex with somebody that's married when there are so many other people to have sex with or have an affair. So I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think there's anything you're going to be able to do to convince your friend either than distancing yourself from her if that would make you feel like have a greater peace of mind. I don't think there's anything you can do to make somebody stop doing something that they're addicted to. You know what I mean? She's in love. So that's like an addiction and it's sad, but it's going to have to play itself out. And somebody is going to get her probably more than one person. But you know, if you are constantly in judgment of someone, they're going to stop sharing with you. And maybe that's what you want. I mean, I don't know.

What would you like to see? Obviously, besides the affair ending, your relationship with her, does 90% of it take up this affair? Is that what you're always talking about? Yeah. I mean, yes. When she's actively involved in it, then yes. I would say 90% of our conversations or interactions are surrounded by that, whether it's her personal meltdowns that she's having because of whatever has recently happened,

or whether it's her just being in turmoil over what to do, what to do, and I'll give her the same guidance and she won't take it. And you've told her, I'm sure she understands that you don't approve. Yeah, she understands that. And I mean, part of the situation is that I was also in that same situation eight years ago. And so I project onto her my own experience. And I know how this is going to end. And it's not going to be good.

There is no good way. Yeah. And I think to even like make it more pointed of your situation versus hers, if I'm doing my math correctly, she's about the age that you were when that happened to you, correct? Exact age, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So are you willing to take a step back from the friendship? Yeah. Yeah. And I have. That's the thing. Like we've, this whole school year, we've been kind of back and forth between being super close when she's off, you know, and I'm proud of her. I'm her cheerleader. I'm encouraging her. And then the next thing you know, I feel her kind of distance. And then if I call her on it, well, then she's upset with me.

So it is like an addiction for her, you know, it's like addict behavior. Yeah, I would try to just remove yourself from her. I understand you want to be a good friend and you should be, but there's no reason to subject yourself to her when she's basically using her drug. You know what I mean? Like you don't have to be up there for the ups and downs of it. And when she comes crying to you, you don't have to be so available to her in that way. You can just say like, listen, as a friend, this is so unhealthy. I've been watching this now for however, how long has it been going on for in total? Two and a half years. Okay. So that's plenty of time for you to have drawn your own conclusion about why this is toxic for her.

And did she leave her husband hoping that the principal guy would leave his wife? Yeah. Yeah. She won't admit that, but that's exactly what happened. Well, of course. I mean, and what's his plan? Not to leave his wife? No.

I mean, I think he'll continue having affairs because she definitely wasn't his first one. So this is how he lives his life. And he believed that he can keep his marriage separate from other women. And that's his mindset and belief. So does he know that, you know, he does. The reality is there's about 20 people that know that I know. I mean, who knows? You know, it's like a spider web, right? Yeah. Because she's full full of multiple people so he knows that I know I was there on the ground level when it began and I mean he he trusts me but he would he would die if he knew that all these people know well he's gonna get caught I mean yeah everybody gets caught if 20 people know than 150 yeah right exactly probably some of the students know probably probably. Probably. Probably. There was a pastor at my church when I was growing up who, like, everybody thought was the bee's knees and he was great. I never liked him. But he wound up having an affair with one of the other people at the church. And kids would come up to his kids and be like, oh, is that your mommy with your daddy? Like the kids could spot it, even when they were just standing next to each other at a church function. Like people know,

like people can read between the lines and also people talk. Yeah. Oh, yes. Is there any world in which like he actually has an open marriage? Probably not. No, no, no, no, no. Because he's very careful about his wife not finding out. And he would also be just, I mean, he could be fired for sure. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. He could be fired. Part of me. I mean, if I kind of want to like tell on him because he deserves whatever is coming his way. But yeah, you don't want to do that to your friend. No, no. You want to just I think you just want to be a little bit firmer in your boundaries and explain to her that this isn't a situation that you enjoy watching her be a part of and compare it be like it's like watching an addict go back and forth and I know

that this is not going to work out the way you want it and you're not being honest with yourself you're you know delaying the rest of your life the next person that's supposed to come into your life is on hold because of this of this bullshit and know, people have to learn their lessons their own way, unfortunately. You know, you could tell the truth as long as you want, but you can only tell the truth in your sense of like creating a boundary. Like this isn't working for me anymore.

I'm not interested in picking up the pieces every time your heart gets broken or you're having a meltdown. This is not a good use of my time. It's starting to weigh heavily on me. You know, not even start. It obviously has been for some time. And just create boundaries with her that you're not going to be social with her or

hang out with her while she's seeing him. And it's just not healthy. Here is a question I have for you, Chelsea. Do you think it's like we can't have a relationship or it's I love you, I want a relationship with you, but you can't talk about him, positive or negative, broken up or together, like you cannot talk about him with me? I don't know. I mean, I guess that's an option for everybody. Personally, setting a boundary about what you're allowed to talk about is not a friendship. You know what I mean? I've already tried that. I tried that. Right. And it doesn't necessarily work. Like you can't talk to me about this. It's like, well, okay, then how are we friends? I think you could say like, I love you. I will always be here for you, but not for this. I'm not interested in this

anymore. It's been too long. You're not learning your lesson and you're continuing to kind of poison yourself with this man's behavior and you're going to get caught on top of it. And then her job is at risk. Not only his job, but her job is as well. Yeah. Yeah. And just the reputation. You know, a female processes that, I think, so much differently than a male. And I just know that she would be crushed, shattered. Well, and people process that about the scorned woman differently than they do about the guy. You know, I mean, she will have a different reputation in the community. And it's obviously a small enough community that, like, people know and people are talking. People do know. And yeah, I'm sure they're talking. And also

it's just karmically like for me, I'm not doing anything that's going to bring back any negative karma in my life. That was what my 20s and 30s were for. I don't do anything that is going to be perceived like you don't want to harm another woman. Let him go fuck someone else that is going to be perceived. Like you don't, A, want to harm another woman. Let him go fuck someone else that is less informed. You know, I don't want to, she doesn't have to screw his wife over in this way because that's essentially what you're doing. It's not just him doing it. You're choosing to betray his wife. You don't have to aid him in betraying his wife. Let him go do that with someone else. You know, if he's single, gets divorced, then of course that's a different story. But that's not the story right now. And you don't have to be part of that story. And I think creating boundaries for that is

exactly what you should do. And don't feel any guilt about it. You're doing the right thing. You don't want to be exposed to it anymore. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that because I have had a lot of guilt. Yeah. No, no, no. You shouldn't have any guilt. Why would you have guilt? What do you have guilt about? Just about betraying her as a friend. You know, she's been a good friend to me. But you're not betraying her.

Well, I guess just not, I don't know, maybe kind of taking the easier way because this is hard. It's hard on me. You know, I don't. No, no, no, no, no. You're not betraying her. Betraying her would be telling everybody about it and outing her. That's a betrayal. You're not betraying her by setting up boundaries. You're actually setting up a guardrail to protect her and yourself. You don't want to know any more information. You don't want to have any more information in your head to ever have it come

up or discuss it with another person. Betraying her would be telling other people about it. You know what I mean? Betraying her, there's a million ways to betray her. This is not one of them. You don't need to feel guilty for having a moral compass in this situation. You know, I understand people cheat all the time and they're having affairs all the time, but it's your exposure to that affair that is what's important. Like, as long as you're not part of it, you know, then you're not aiding and embedding something like that.

Sometimes real consequences in our lives are what make us change our behavior. And a real consequence for her that's not blowing up her life but is a real consequence is you saying, I can't be your friend again until this is well and truly over. You know, when we lose relationships. Yeah, I can speak from personal experience that the consequence is what will change the behavior. So, okay. Well, I so appreciate you ladies. So what are you going to do? But I'm honestly so looking forward to it. Like, I can't wait to get out of here and get out of this environment. And if she chooses to leave, I mean, she should. She needs to leave more than I do.

Seriously, she should transfer, too. Yeah, yeah, she should. But I made up my mind. I can't make her do that. And honestly, this actually brings something else up for me. I think it's a really good thing for you to be getting out of that sort of like soup of grossness. I have someone in my life who didn't. She knew about an affair. It was a co-worker thing. It was like this person always came to her talking about the affair. It literally made her

physically sick. And now she's dealing with the consequences of that illness. But really and truly, I believe and she believes it's like part of what caused her chronic illness. Yeah, I don't I don't need it. So I'm looking forward to what's next. Well, good for you. You seem like you're solid. Yeah, I think so.

Now, eight years ago, not so much. Totally. Well, you know what? Well, you live and you learn. Listen, I did that once when I was young and I would never, ever do that again. No matter what. Like, it's just not worth it. Yeah.

I would never do that to myself. I'll never do that to myself again because just I can't even think about the anguish. And like I was on the floor crying. I mean, it's just it's shameful. But yeah. Yeah. But now you know better. Well, just tell her that anguish is easily available elsewhere.

Right. Like in regular dating relationships. Yeah. Yeah. But now you know better. Well, just tell her that anguish is easily available elsewhere. Right. Like in regular dating relationships. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, this has been a dream come true. Really, truly. Thanks, Samantha.

Okay. Thanks, Samantha. Take care. Bye. Bye. Solve that, Chelsea. Well, I don't know if we solved it, but I wish women just didn't do that. I know.

It's like there's just so many men. There are so many men. Why do you have to fuck somebody that's married? He's also like, by that definition, like not a good one. No. You can go find a good one or another shitty one. And then getting divorced? For what?

For him? Like what? Right. Like it caused her divorce and like still this man's poor wife doesn't know. Yikes. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love.

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Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Well, our next caller is Amelia. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been dating the same guy on and off for nearly two years. I love him dearly and most of me wants to stay, but I have a few serious reservations due to one, how he's treated me in the past six months while he's dealing with a health crisis, and two, his seemingly selfish, cheap tendencies. I just listed my condo and we talked of moving in together when his lease ends, but now I'm having doubts and wondering if I can tolerate the way he operates for the rest of my life. Regarding his above selfish, cheap tendencies, here are a few anecdotal examples. He frequently plans social events or dates, yet more often than not, lets

me treat or splits the bill down the middle. I'll fully admit that part of it's my fault for constantly offering. Mind you, he literally makes $50,000 more than I do and has lower bills and expenses. We live in a mountainous area and go hiking or skiing most weekends, and since I have a dog, he pushes to always use my car instead of his, which puts wear and tear on mine in addition to not offering to chip in for gas. I've flat out told him before, I cannot keep up with your spending, and if we're going to take my car most times, I would appreciate if you split gas with me. He will agree and then suddenly quote-unquote forget. He occasionally will make a point to pay, but does it in such odd ways.

We recently went to the movies together, for example, and his contribution was to Venmo me for both of our water bottles. I'm not sure how to approach this topic with him or if I should throw in the towel, as generosity in a relationship is a deal breaker for me. I'm overly generous, forgiving, and patient, yet I have to plainly and repeatedly ask him to contribute financially and in other ways in the relationship. While I love him dearly, this, coupled with his constant excuses of his recent health crisis, is getting old. Help, Amelia. Hi, Amelia. Hey, how's it going? Hi. Good. How are you? Good. Thank you. So can you tell us a little bit about what's the health crisis? You mentioned it, but didn't really expound on that. Yeah. He's been dealing with a series of neurological... I don't know that I want to go too much into detail just for the sake of this, but constant headaches, fatigue, trouble sleeping,

focusing, mood swings, et cetera. That has nothing to do with him being cheap. So I would say if I honestly, I have a real problem with paucity or penuriousness, which is two words for being very cheap. I feel like it is much more than a money thing. It is a personality thing and it is tight, holding onto everything for yourself. All the examples you listed made my skin crawl. I find that irredeemable. You know what I mean? I just, I can't express enough that cheapness is just not about money. It's just about what you are willing to give of yourself, your generosity of spirit, your generosity of attention. And because you're always, always preoccupied with saving money. That is your number one thing in your mind is like, how do I get away without paying this? How do I trick her into driving? And then

I send her money for a fucking bottle of water on Venmo. I mean, please getting married and spending your life with somebody, there are going to be so many hurdles that you're going to have to cross. And there are going to be ups and downs throughout a lifetime naturally, you don't even want to deal with the money aspect of this shit. You know, you want somebody who's like-minded, who's like, oh yeah, let's split it evenly or, or yeah. And maybe it is your fault for offering it up too much, but who cares? He shouldn't have accepted that all the time. He makes more money than you and you're in a relationship. Yeah, I get it. People want to be 50-50, but not down to the T like that. It's icky. To the penny. It's not attractive. And you're going to not be

attracted to him after a while if you already, you know, I mean, I'm sure it's, I can't imagine it not having an impact on your sex life already. Yeah. And to be clear, he's phenomenal. He's a great person, but there's only so many times. He better be. Yeah. With that fucking quality. I mean, there's only just so many times and it just kind of makes me feel like to have to ask, right? Like, please, sir.

You know? Yeah, I very much agree. I'm in the same boat with Chelsea. If there were a fix for this, I wonder. First questions first. If you guys are going to move in together and you are actually thinking about spending more of your life with this person, is there a world in which you'd combine finances? Because that kind of would negate the entire thing. Well, I think he's, I should have probably added this. I'm pretty ambivalent when it comes to getting married and

having kids. He's pretty settled on not. So I can't imagine that he would be open to being on the mortgage with me or something like that. So that would probably be a no So I can't imagine that he would be open to being on the mortgage with me or something like that. So that would probably be a no. I haven't asked that question though yet. Okay. Yeah. I think you know the answer to this question, but when you wrote in, I think you're already on your way out. And I think I encourage that exit. Yeah. I mean, you do allude to like, there are other ways he's stingy more than just money and like just money is pretty big and pretty icky. It may help. You could try it for a few weeks to be like, OK, time for you to get out and pump and pay for gas. Like just being very direct about it, which I find sometimes helps when I've been like, hey, could you could you. Sometimes you just got to be like, here you go. I'm going to sit in the car while you pump and pay or whatever the case may be. But it does feel like this is emblematic of bigger things in the relationship. Right, Amelia?

Yeah. I mean, I don't think that anything's ever going to be like 50, 50, 100 percent of the time, but it doesn't. It shouldn't be like 90, 10, 90 percent of the time. Oh, for sure. For sure. It should not. And why have you guys broken up? You said on and off for two years. Like what were the issues that broke you up?

I think that he will not have anything that inconveniences him. He doesn't have a history, I think, of long committed relationships from what I've been told. So various reasons, but they actually weren't related to money. Okay. Surprisingly. I think if you needed a last ditch, if you guys weren't going to combine finances, like when you move in together, if you move in together and get to that point for other people who might be having maybe a lesser version of this, you could always have a combined slush fund of like, here is how much you contribute, how much I contribute. And since you point out the disparity in how much you guys make, it should be a percentage of what each of you make so that it's even in a way that's not like monetarily the same dollar amount. No, that makes sense. And I think that's more than fair. So yeah, I think that's a great idea. Cool. Okay. And you know where I stand. Yeah, no, I do. You made it pretty clear. Okay. All right, Amelia. Thanks for calling in. Let us know how it goes. I will. Thank you.

All right. Thanks so much. Bye-bye. It reminds me of, I remember my friend dated this guy and he was always, I mean, the minute I met him, I was like, is he cheap or what? Because he's so, and you know how I am with money. I don't give a shit. Yeah.

At all. And I was like this when I had no money, which is why you get money. It's true. The tighter you hold on to money, the easier it is to lose. Yes. The less you hold on to money, the more comes your way. That is a fucking fact of life. I fully believe that.

The more you're just like, oh, money isn't this like big cloud over my head. It's in and out. It's always moving around. That is what helps it flow through you. What I wanted to say is the more tight your grip is, the more you tighten your grip, the more likely you are to lose something. And someone too. And someone, exactly. When you cannot control your emotions or your feelings towards something, that is a bad sign. My friend had this guy and I remember him bringing groceries over and she was cooking or I don't remember. I definitely wasn't.

And she was, he was literally looking, he had like a six pack of beer that he had brought over and I went to grab a beer. She went to grab a beer and he's like, we only have four left. And it's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. You just brought a bucket of beers over. What is the, what did you want to happen? Nobody to take any? And if you're sitting there counting that and you're counting money, how are you present?

How are you present when you're preoccupied with saving? Yeah. And how are you enjoyable to be around also? Like when you have an open hand, it just it fills you up in a way that you can't even explain. It's not tangible, but it also is tangible. You karma or whatever, they think of it as concrete money that they have that is going missing and that they're losing this when they spend this. And it's one thing to want to save money, but it's one thing to hold on to something that is going to go away anyway, like fucking food or beer or tangible items. Like all of it is just it's not important enough to get upset about and to obsess over. So I have a brother who's very, very cheap and it's a big turnoff. He'll fly to, let's say, California from New Jersey, but he'll stop over in Atlanta and perhaps Texas in order to save money to get to LA. I'm like, why not go to Guatemala, you fucking moron?

Why don't you have a layover there? There is the like mental and emotional toll that that also takes on you to have to stop twice. I remember the first time I was in with my brother, Glenn, I was in a hotel room. We were dating. And I went into the mini bar to grab something. He goes, don't take anything out of there.

It's too expensive. And I looked at him. I was like, if you think that I'm going to live a life where I don't get to eat or drink shit out of the minibar, then you're fucking out of your tree. Like I am going to take out of the minibar and then you're going to pay for it. Sorry, Glenn. No, that is sort of a mental shift that I mean, I had to make at one point from being like, oh my gosh, I don't have any money, whatever, and being like, wait, no, I do need a drink of water and it's worth $7 to have this drink of water that's not from the tap. Well, you know, I was broke for many years

when I moved to LA. I moved here when I was 19 years old and I waited tables and I barely scraped by and I didn't have money, but I had credit cards and I used them not sparingly. I used them all the time. I mean, I acted like a hotshot when I wasn't a hotshot. I take all my friends out to dinner all the time. I racked up like 30, 60 grand worth of debt. And I watched all my friends do the same thing, not to the degree that I did, but, you know, file bankruptcy. Like girls were filing bankruptcy because back then, I guess that's probably the same now. I haven't had to contemplate that in recent years, but you could just get new credit cards a week after you filed bankruptcy. So you started all again,

they expunge your whole previous record and you get to start anew. And I never did that because I was like, that's so dishonest. I know I'll make the money to pay it back. I know I'm going to make money. And sure enough, I did. And I was able to pay back all of that debt in a matter of probably months once I started, you know, really like hitting it and making real money. And it felt so good. It felt good to pay off my debt. It felt good to not be in debt. And so I understand like the notion of stressing out about, you know, you have a lot of debt to pay and that's one thing. And so I don't want people to get confused about being broke and being cheap. You know what I mean? Yes.

You can be broke and you can also not be cheap. You can just be like you have to have confidence in your ability to be able to earn that money at some point in your life and pay your bills. And also not to hoard things for yourself. I mean, it's not even like about how much you have. It's about your willingness to share what you do have. Like that, I think, you know, especially traveling, like that's what you see in so many other cultures. Like here we're very about, you know, keeping up with the Joneses. Here's what I have. Here's my benchmarks. But like in so many other cultures, when you travel, like people who have so much less than you are so willing to give everything they have, you know, come stay with me,

come have a meal in my home, whatever. And that's what it's about. It's about being open handed. Oh, I have a really moving story. This is kind of like me patting myself on the back, but fuck it, who cares? I always like to leave a tip in the hotel room for the chambermaid or the cleaning lady, whatever they prefer to be called. I think chambermaid is from the 1700s, so probably cleaning lady is more apt or appropriate. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm from Canada now. Sorry. Did you hear that? It slipped out. My Canadians are having such a big influence on me. Anyway, I want to say, so I always leave money. And when I'm in really small towns that I think people are suffering, I leave more money. And obviously, I don't have any financial issues now. I have a healthy financial situation going on. So when I'm in a small town or a worse town, I'm like,

oh, I should just give more money because these people are even more. They need it more. Right. Right. So over one weekend when I was on tour, we were in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And I just thought, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to leave. I had 100 on me. I said, I'm just going to leave 100. This is a nice thing to do instead of going down, breaking change that I don't need. So I left $100, walked out of the room, and I was sitting there waiting at the elevator. And the cleaning lady ran up to me with tears in her eyes and hugged me and said, thank you so much. You just made my entire month. And I was like, no, you just made mine.

You know, because you don't know how you're helping people. So if you are in a position where you do have money, please be generous with these people. Like we are, you know, with inflation and everything that's going on, like $20 isn't what it used to be right now. It's not. And you have to make sure you're thinking of all these people when you're in a position to think of them. I know if you're broke and you don't have $20 to leave a housekeeper when you're staying in a hotel, I get it. You don't have to leave $20, but leave whatever you can. If you can, leave something. You know, you're impacting and then you're causing this beautiful ripple effect of goodness wherever you go.

You know, you leave it around and the more you have, the more you should share. Absolutely. It goes back to, you know, what we were saying on the season finale. You know, my dad's saying is always you're blessed to be a blessing. And when you have blessings, whether that's financial or spiritual or mental health or whatever it is, good things bubbling up in your life, pass them along. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money

so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt.

The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life.

The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason

bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created the big take from Bloomberg podcasts to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column.

Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Our last caller today is Katie. And this actually goes right with what we're saying. So this is perfect. Dear Chelsea, I'm a woman in my mid-30s who crafted an amazing career and can provide for

my super hilarious family of four, five, if you count our loving doggo. When the pandemic hit, my husband lost his primary income. He was an independent contractor for a travel company that was devastated by lockdowns. There wasn't any time to panic when our financial situation changed. We kept our heads down, figured out a plan, and pushed through it. He and I always find a way to make opportunities out of disasters. He's the hardest working guy I've ever known. I have a full-time job in the tech industry and an academic side hustle. Sometimes it feels like both have taken off almost faster than I can keep up with. I went from being a stay-at-home mom and part-time psychology student to a formidable breadwinner,

and ultimately, I'm happy that things have turned out this way. My husband went back to school to become a lawyer, and I was able to pay his tuition. He's finishing his law degree this semester and has already secured a contract at the top-rated law firm in his field. Here's the thing. We've grown accustomed to not telling others about our accomplishments throughout this process. As we continued to level up

and our hard work started to pay off, anytime we shared some details about ourselves, like getting promotions, buying a new house, giving speeches, et cetera, some a new house, giving speeches, etc., some friends and family would remain quiet, say very few words, or pass sarcastic remarks. For example, when Hubby got into law school, some people from our inner circle said, oh, okay, and that was the extent of their feedback. I'm the kind of person who will shout from the rooftops on behalf of my friends and family. Although not everyone is a hype girl, a big part of me was expecting a more congratulatory reception. Don't get me wrong,

there were so many people who've been supportive of us, and I understand the three years in lockdown knocked the wind out of everybody's sails, so it might be hard to rejoice on behalf of someone while you're struggling. I totally get it. Somehow, hitting massive milestones without the support of people who intimately know your journey feels different. I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this matter. As we grow our personal wealth, succeed in our careers, and elevate to a new status or whatever, is there an inherent isolation that comes with advancement? Best, Katie.

Hi, Katie. Hi. How are you? Good. How are you doing? I'm doing well. I'm very happy to be here with you. And hi again, Catherine. Hi. Well, what I would say first and foremost is that your success and your milestones and all of the hard work you guys have put into everything isn't contingent upon other people's

reactions. Like, I understand what you're saying. I've been there. I've had people, been very close friends in my life, not be happy for major accomplishments that I've been there. I've had people, very close friends in my life, not be happy for major accomplishments that I've had. And that's just, there's really nothing you're going to be able to do about that. Going from person to person and being like, why aren't you happy for me? Are you jealous? Are you upset with your own? You have to be doing all of these things for you, which you are, and looking for outside confirmation is going to be a losing battle. You just can't depend or to be disappointed in that.

And maybe it's a lesson for you to maybe not. Maybe your accomplishments are supposed to be celebrated between you and your husband. Look what you guys did accomplish. Like, it's fucking badass. That's incredible what you've done. That you supported him and were able to do that for him after him working so hard for so long and then changing his career trajectory. And now he's already got a job. So he's going to actually be able to like, you know, return the favor to you if and when that's necessary.

And like, there's already so much goodness. Don't look outside for confirmation and affirmation. That comes from within. And the better you get at that by celebrating each other with each other, the less interested you're going to be in what other people think about it. Yeah. Thank you. I'll say this. I wasn't really seeking validation from anyone. I was just kind of sharing news when people were asking, Hey, like what's going on? How are you? Yeah. Yeah. And I would, you know, share something positive kind of in this newer realm of career for me, because before my career took off, I was the adventurous one who always got in trouble. So I'm kind of also wondering, maybe I was typecast in a way as like that kind of crazy, fun girl. And then I became quite serious. So I don't know if maybe that's a factor, but you're right.

I definitely don't need to seek approval from anyone else. No, and who knows what's going on with other people? Maybe other people feel like you're bragging or maybe other people feel shitty about what's going on in their own lives and they don't have room to celebrate you because they're struggling with something that you don't know about.

You know, like this is good stuff. You've got good vibes going. Don't let other people rain on that parade, period period and don't shove it in people's faces necessarily especially if their feedback hasn't been what you had wanted it to be or hoped it would be maybe there is something going on with that person maybe you want to check in with them about what's going on with them and you know before you kind of advertise your good news i'll'll never forget. This is a perfect example. I was waiting tables and I got signed with this management firm when I was in my early 20s or mid 20s. And I walked into this restaurant I used to work at called Chaya Venice. And there was a morning meeting

and everyone at the restaurant is trying to be an actor or an actress or a writer or whatever. And I walked in and I was so excited that I got representation. Like I, I was like, I just got represented by the same people who represent, you know, I don't know who it was at the time, probably Tyra Banks or something. And I was like, oh, that's my new manager. And the whole table just looked at me like, no one gives a shit. Like, we're all fucking struggling here. And you're coming in here like, you know, you're the king of the, you know, the queen

of the thing. And I was like, it was a lesson for me. Like, don't spread your good news where it's not, you know what I mean? Like, know your audience too. Yeah, you got to read the room with that stuff. And when you're in a one-on-one with a close personal friend, like, or a relative, like, then that's the moment to be like, oh my God, I'm feeling so great about everything we've done. But just be careful about spreading good news because you don't want,

you don't want other people kind of raining on your parade, even in their private moments. You know, what if they're like, Oh, she's so full of herself. She thinks she's accomplished this. And, or she used to be so much fun and now she's so serious. Like all of that is just noise. It doesn't matter what you're doing matters. Your relationship with your husband matters and what you've done and cultivated is beautiful. And that's all you need to know. No, thank you. And you're right. I think I am just going to be kind of selective, you know, about what I do and don't share.

And that's fine. I don't want to come off as braggadocious anyway. That's not my goal. No, not at all. But yeah, I think, you know, there's room to talk about what's going on in your life. I had a friend like this who, you know, when I or anybody else in our friend group would

like talk about any sort of career successes, she would sort of like smile through her teeth and be like, that's so great for you. But you could tell she was very upset by it. And she has become a person like because other things outside of career have improved in her life. Now she's like genuinely can like spill over with happiness whenever anyone talks about something good that's happening for them. So you just, you know, you never know what's going on for them. But like, I think it's okay to talk about what's going on in your life. And if it's received with some lukewarm emotions, move on. All right. Excellent. Thank you both. That's kind of what I was hoping to hear. So thank you. Awesome. Good. Well, congrats on everything we're happy for you thank you thank

you so much thanks katie bye ladies bye well chelsea what a fun episode we had today oh yeah lots of lots of money stuff i know cheap cheap stuff cheap stuff cheap stuff well juliana margulies just texted me we have to put her back on the new season. Oh, my gosh. Well, I'm excited. It won't be the same without her. She's not texting me about that, but she's texting me and it reminded me. We have to use her for every season because she's a fan favorite. She is a fan favorite.

I still get emails all the time about, like, when are you having Juliana back on? So we'll have to have her post-haste. Chelsea, do you have any tour dates or anything else that's coming up that you want to talk about? Yes. I have all sorts of shows on sale now, you guys. I'm coming to the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. Check ChelseaHandler.com. And yeah, New York, L.A., San Francisco, all the good ones, you guys. They're all on sale and we're adding shows. So if your city sold out, look again. Courtney Cope's input is general psychological information based on research and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring

for guidance. Courtney's feedback is in response to a written question, and therefore, there are likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also, just because you might hear something on the show that sounds similar to what you're experiencing, beware of self-diagnosis. Diagnosis is not required to find relief, and you'll want to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnoses, if that's important to you. If you or your partner are in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety, reach out for support, like crisis hotlines and local authorities. Have a safety plan that can be done with a therapist too. If you'd like advice from Chelsea,

shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law, and be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of

your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational.

The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. museum of failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign jason bobblehead the really no really podcast follow us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts the forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers so that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists

like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.