Dear Chelsea - Breadwinner with Heather McMahan

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

Heather McMahan joins Chelsea in studio to talk about why she needs a pied à terre to not be a c*nt, keeping a baby girl on ice, and how she burst onto the scene out of nowhere (or rather, Atlanta).�� Then: Tummy trouble and nosy co-workers trigger a listener.  A mom deals with a playground clique. And a 20-something sees red flags when her bestie’s boyfriend wants her barefoot and pregnant.    * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hello, hello, hello. What a week. What a world. I mean, honestly. Where have you been? I will. I've been spending a lot of time in my hyperbaric chamber last week. I had some healing to do, so I was in there getting after it. And so I read about four books. I reread that book, Letting Go, the one I love to talk about. Yes. And it couldn't have come at a better time. I should have read it about two months ago. And I want anyone who is going through any sort of turmoil, stress, negative patterns of

thoughts, or any of those things, anyone who needs to put a little extra pep in your step, this is a very deep book about metaphysics. So it's kind of, I've started to read this book before and put it down about 10 pages in going, well, this is too much. But I promise you, if you can get past that window and you don't give up, you will change your vibes within 24 hours. It sounds like it comes back into your life when you need it. Well, it should have come a lot sooner. Okay, Catherine, because, you know, I was getting stressed out about all the nonsense

going on around my house. You know, finally, we're seeing my house come together and progress and everything. But again, letting negativity get you is up to you. You don't have to go into that. And I know people are dealing with much more serious problems and much less serious problems. But when you actually change your outlook and your vibration, you change everything that's coming your way. All of a sudden, when nothing seems to be be going right and you can get in there and actually understand what letting go means, things start to go right. And then you start to get all these opportunities start to come your way and then fixes come your way and nicer people come your way and

people want to help. And it's been, it's really transformed. I mean, I'm still reading it. I read it. I'm in the middle of it now, but I won't go that long without rereading it again. Yeah, that's awesome. It's by David Hawkins, for anyone listening. He is no longer with us. Oh, is he dead? He's dead. Oh, well, God rest his soul. We tried to get him for the show, but you know. We did. I was going to say we should book him. He was not alive. He was not alive, unfortunately. I just finished my reading goal for the year. I'm very excited. What was the goal? 32 books. And I finished last night. 32? For the year? For the year. How did you come up with that number? I just sort of guessed. I was like, well, not quite three a month and not quite two. So,

you know, somewhere in the middle. That's great. Good for you. Reading is really the biggest gift we can give ourselves. Truly. And you know what? I have been using Goodreads, which it like keeps track of everything. And it really sort of gamifies reading. So you're like? I have been using Goodreads, which it like keeps track of everything. And it really sort of gamifies reading. So you're like, oh, now I'm at 10% instead of yes. Oh, nice. Have you read the book The Island of Sea Women? I gave you the copy, actually. Oh, you did? I was gonna ask, have you read it? Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, I started reading it. And I had to read another book for another guest we have we're having on, but I'm in it. And then I saw that it's a show on Apple. Oh my gosh. It's a show on Apple TV.

I was like, wait, well, I didn't want to watch it because I want to read the book first. Yeah, yeah. I was like, if I watch it, I'm not going to read the book. It's fascinating. It is fascinating. That's a cool book. That is a cool book.

I tried to get, my friend and I were like, oh, what should we read from Abraham Verghese? You know, like that guy who wrote Covenant of Water. And Cutting for Stone was recommended to me by like three people. So I gave it to my friend and he was like, nothing has happened in this book in 200 pages. And I go, oh, I was going to let you read it by yourself because after 15 pages, I was like, I can't go down this road. It's just his writing is so dense. It's dense and it's a faraway land like island of sea women is

obviously in a far away land literally but this is really this is another far away land and i'm like i i don't i don't know what you're talking about and i don't i don't want to read hard right now like i mean letting go is something i am familiar with you know you just have to get back in the practice yeah so that's easier even though that is deep i kept thinking of you when I was reading this last book that I just finished. It's called Night Bitch. Have you read it? No, but that's what I am. I'm a date bitch. It's a movie or it's going to be a movie with Amy Adams. And it's by a Mennonite author, which is what made me first get interested in it. It's kind of a horror, kind of little magical realism, but it's about a woman who is a new mom and she believes she's like turning into a dog at night. So it's a little wild, but also it's an

incredible meditation on motherhood, on being a woman, on the responsibilities that we face, on not asking for what we need. So I would recommend it. There seems to be a lot of that going around. I can't wait until after the election and hopefully in success, it'll just be all positive female vibes you know what i mean if we can make this happen i'm already pretending it did happen i campaigned earlier this week for the first time actually in this election which you know i've been doing other things but more quiet because you know people don't like when i love to bang on and bang on with jane fonda actually my girlfriend connie britain this week in Albuquerque

yes we went earlier this week so that was fun oh also I'm coming where am I coming Kansas City St. Louis and Indianapolis tickets are still available I always ask my agents I'm like why are tickets still available and they said because this is your third time returning to the market in two years and I'm like well isn't that your job? Come on, let's show up, people. Anyway, and then I'm going back to Vegas November 2nd and November 30th. So that's fun. Oh, yeah. Our guest today, I watched her new special that just came out, which is really funny,

called Breadwinner. And her name is Heather McMahon. So please welcome Heather McMahon. The good thing about chows is that they're a one-person dog. Like, they're not interested in others. And I never really noticed that, but I don't mind it anyway. Like my friends would come over and walk into the room and the dogs wouldn't move. Yeah.

And I was like, well, you're insecure if you care about that. You know what I mean? Like, who cares? I don't want a dog jumping all over me, but this dog is so, he distributes his love so evenly to men and women. Oh, that's nice. It is such a joy. Equal opportunist. Yeah. And he's so sweet and he cuddles up to people.

And then the joy that that elicits is joyful for me. So he's really bringing, I didn't know how much joy I was missing out on. Yeah. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. You should stick to that. I am a Frenchie mom, so I get it. I mean, they like growl, they scream, they're, you know, breathing deeply in your face. And I'm obsessed. I look at my dogs, like I breastfed them. I carried them for nine months, the whole thing. Those are my children.

I'm craving breast milk. It's weird that you bring that up. I'm sitting with Heather McMahon. Hi, honey. How are you? I'm just so happy that I know who you are. Oh, thank you. No, and I don't mean that the way it sounded. I love it. But I didn't know you.

And then Jamie somehow, which is why I wanted to talk to you because I'm like, how could we not know each other? Because you're a very accomplished stand up comedian. Thank you. And the only reason, and this sounds terrible, but whatever. The only reason you came to my attention is because Jamie Greenberg, our mutual friend, my makeup artist and your makeup artist, I'm presuming, was like, oh my God, you have to meet Heather McMahon. You're going to love her.

And I was like, how do I not know who Heather McMahon is? And then I started seeing your name everywhere. And then I saw you were doing the Pantages like right before I was doing it. And I was like, oh, you're a really successful comedian. How the fuck have we not met? It's because I'm not in L.A. I used to be in L.A. And I owe a lot to Jamie.

Shout out to Jamie Greenberg. Not too many shout outs. Not too many. You know what? To that cunt. Can I tell you, that cunt's been very busy. Yeah, a little too busy. She's like, we haven't booked me in a minute.

I go, Jamie, you're always fucking booked. Oh, that's a funny thing. She says that. Because Jamie, I hope you're listening. And she is because she listens to every podcast. She said the same thing to me. She goes, are you sure I'm still number one on your call sheet and I said I'm pretty sure not number one on my call sheet but number one on my makeup and I go yeah I'm

sure I yes Jamie never avail and then so I made sure again that she was and guess who was not available the next 16 fucking times I needed hair and makeup so Jamie this is your intervention Jamie we know you have three children who have a lot of after-school activities. A lot. One of them is like a professional softball player already. She's not even 14 years old.

They just came back from Italy. She was playing softball in Italy. In Italy? Your life has gotten away from you. Oh, my gosh. I'm telling you right now, I don't have kids yet, but when I do,

they're not doing the travel sports. No travel baseball. I hope I have indoor kitties. I hope that they just want to play Halo all day. That's great. You don't strike me as somebody who would want children. Really? I mean, your personality doesn't seem, do you want children?

Do I seem selfish? People tell me all the time, they're like, are you an only child? I'm like, I don't know what that says, but no, I am not. No, I do want kids. I don't know how. I guess I just wanted you to not. No, I do want kids. I don't know how. I guess I just wanted you to not want kids. Yeah, I know. I thought maybe we could be closer.

Here's the thing. I want kids. I don't want a baby, though. I want a 10-year-old. Well, those are easy to get, by the way. Yeah, true. But I really want a kid who can kind of talk back. I want that parent-child relationship.

But there is nothing inside of me that craves the baby, that craves any of that craves the any of that and i think it's just because i see all my friends like i'm in my late 30s like they're all going through the toddler phase and they're all fucking miserable and they it really when you're the only friend i mean you get this but like when you're the only girlfriend in a group that doesn't have kids and then you come over and you're the fun aunt and they trauma dump all their shit on you you're like and then in the same breath they're like so when are you getting pregnant you're like what the fuck do you expect from me you know well, what is your game plan if you're in your late 30s?

I don't know. Have you tried to have a baby? Yes, I tried to have a baby. I have one baby girl embryo on ice. It's crazy they can tell you the sex. Oh, yeah. I have a daughter on ice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I did that a couple years ago. But then I've got to probably do another round. I don't want to get pregnant. My mom was like- Can't you just have someone else have the baby? Yeah, I can. But the problem is the statistics of when you have, usually people have

multiple embryos. Because I only have one, the stats are really low for it to stick in a surrogate. So I have to do another round of IVF just to even get a couple more on ice. It's a bitch. And then after IVF, you basically feel like you had a baby. So you go through postpartum blues, all your hair falls out, you put on the weight, your

hormones are all fucking crazy, and then you like nothing to show for it it's fucking awful so i don't know i it's funny the other day i was literally like okay i definitely want to have a kid i gotta think about this next year but i'm trying to get these other you know projects off the road and all this shit and it's like it's different when you're a woman like if i'm starring in my own show or some shit guess what i can't be pregnant for the show no no exactly so i need to find a you know a small swedish woman who wants to No, exactly. So I need to find a, you know, a small Swedish woman who wants to carry my enormous baby. Is it better to have a smaller woman

carry your baby than a larger woman? Less room for maneuver? No, I definitely think I need a large woman. My husband's like 6'3". He's a large Italian guy. I mean, I'm a 16. You know, look at these shoulders. It's going to be a big baby then.

It's going to be huge. Okay, copy that. But I would, if somebody just has a 10-year-old that they're sick of that you want to drop off at my house, I think I'd rather that. I feel like you could easily adopt a 10 year old. I mean, probably from a different country, but, or no, in the foster system, there's 10 year olds. I mean, if you can, yeah. Do you know, that's such a new, that's

probably a much easier age to adopt or foster a baby. Yeah. Even though that sounds like a whole saga in and of itself. Anyway, let's get back to why. You don't think I should have kids. Yeah. I'm against you having children. Okay, let's just be honest. Yeah, that's great. I love it. I love it. But let's get back to why I didn't know you. Okay. Because I can't get my mind around that. Because I saw you at the Netflix is a joke festival and you came up to me and were like, hi. I was like, oh my God.

Right. Came to experience. Yes. Hello. What's happening? And then you said to me, you're like, I don't know any of these people. I don't know anyone. So then I realized, oh, okay. You must have come up somewhere else other than LA. So I was in LA and then I had to kind of pick up my life, move back home to Atlanta. My dad had died all of a sudden very quickly from cancer. So of course my family was like, oh, you're just going to come back and like deal with it. So I had been doing like UCB and improv and sketch and all that in LA and stand up,

but then I just kind of picked up, moved home. And then it wasn't until I went back to Atlanta that all of a sudden, like then the career took off. So I wasn't in the real standup scene here. I was doing more like improv and sketch. And then it just kind of took off from Instagram and being online. And then I just hit the ground running and was on the road. So I was more like New York and Atlanta based, but I was out here here doing the, I thought I was going to do SNL and putting on the wigs, doing the characters, doing the sketches. They never called. So I was like, we're going back to stand up.

Well, from everything I can gather about SNL, it doesn't sound like the most exciting environment. It might be exciting, but it doesn't sound like the most positive environment. It seems a bit soul crushing. Yeah, and everyone's just on cocaine the whole time and I'm tired. It feels like you know like it's the abuse of the situation like the amount that they work all of the writers and all of the performers it hasn't caught up to

where we are in modern day society like yeah it's almost like the women's gymnastics team like you're not allowed to do that anymore you know what i mean like you can't be working all fucking night yeah and it is still like the holy grail as like a comedy writer to like get that gig but now I said you know I reworked the vision board I'm like well now I just want to host like I just want to be able to say you know we got a great show stick around you know pitbulls are musical artists that's like that's a new goal okay so do you have a vision board I do I'm like a fucking loser I want to know about vision boards okay so here's my thing I started it because I like to do arts and crafts stuff right I like tactile things with my hands that keep me away from scrolling on TikTok and like letting my brain ooze out of my ears and I like to get really high when I do a

vision board so on like New Year's Day I'll take a couple gummies my husband's watching you know sports in the background and I'm just chilling and I and I make my little creative vision board and then I made it like four or five years ago and then all the shit started to come true really no like freakishly and I said it fuck, I think I'm onto something. So then I just make them every year and I keep checking things off the list. Do you have a vision board, Katherine? I mean, I have done them before and it is weird. You go back and look and you're like, oh, it's all right there.

I do more of a written one. I'm more of a words person. So I've written my stuff out. But you go back and look and you're like that, that, this, that, that. It's weird. Yeah. And you're not mad at the things that didn't happen. You're just focusing on the things that did.

Yeah, because they could also happen in like 10 years. Like I had this giant villa that I want to like raise my, you know, kids that I probably won't have in Italy. And that's on there. You want to raise your embryos there. Yeah, I want to raise my embryos there. And, you know, it'll happen eventually. So, yeah. It's just wild.

I think it's also like a different way of goal setting. And especially, you know, if you're, you know know a little high and you just start to visually put it together but I mean I literally put like Radio City and all these things and then they just started to check them off the list it's fucking crazy wow yeah I'm into that stuff to a degree but I've never written like I've never done a vision board and I really don't see myself ever doing that it doesn't matter how many edibles the more more edibles I take, the less inclined I will become. I will be to write a vision board or create one. I also am anti-crafts. I fucking hate crafts. She doesn't have a single glue stick. I don't have a glue stick. Yesterday, my cousin and I were traveling back from the road and she said she has a young

daughter and she was like, oh, plus I have this huge crafts box. So because I was saying she was saying some days we don't leave the house at all and I was saying one of the most annoying things about having children right is having to create activities for them all the time like I have enough trouble keeping myself entertained I don't need to be fucking entertaining other people you know what I mean 100% like yesterday I came home the other day I had performed on a Friday and Saturday night on the east coast I flew home and I took a Xanax at 3 p.m. and slept for, I think, 14 hours. See, that's the dream. That really is.

And that to me is like a vision board. Yeah, my vision board is me in the Turks and Caicos without my husband, with no one bothering me. That's the thing. When you come home from the road and you still have the responsibility as a family, like, I don't get a Sunday. Like, the day you're traveling home is actually the worst day of the week. At least Thursday when you're flying to the gig, you're, like, amped up. You're working on new shit. You've got excitement.

That Sunday, you were, it is literally fight or flight. There is nothing left in the tank. And then I've got to go home and, like, do sex or I've got to, like, be entertaining for my family or, like, try and show up for someone else. I thought about getting, and I think I'm going to just do it, getting another like condo in Atlanta where that's my night when I come back from the road and I don't see anybody. So that way I don't show up to my house as a huge cunt on Sunday evening.

Are you based in Atlanta now? I'm based in Atlanta. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. And just have my little pied-a-terre

and like nobody knows about it. I mean, everyone will know about it. And I, you know, and I have like an assistant like drop off my dogs so that they're there with me, but I don't have to speak to another human being for 24 hours. That's so great that dogs can't talk.

Whenever anybody says, oh, I wish my dog could talk. I wish I knew what my dog was thinking. I just think, I don't want to know what they're thinking. It's all going to be judgment. You know what I mean? They're not going to approve of my lifestyle.

They're going to be like, what is your fucking problem? You come home after being gone for three days and sleep for 14 hours. What are you? Like a high level prostitute? And basically it's like, I think I am. I'm already in comedy. People tell me they fucking hate my face every other day.

I don't also need my dogs to be like, you look weathered. This is another interesting conversation I had that I keep repeating lately. You know how sometimes you get on a thing and you repeat the same shit? My friend was telling me, I had a friend who used to always tell me that I needed to find somebody who would put me in my place,

like in terms of a partner. You need someone who's going to put you in your place. And then I was at my friend Leah's house the other day and I was talking about that. She goes, you're in your place. What do you need someone to put you in your place with? She's like, all you do is fight with men all day long as your career like i mean not literally but kind of theoretically i do i'm like you're fucking right i don't need someone i'm not looking for another challenge you know

what i mean i don't need to come home and argue with that person it's like every day is a fight almost yeah every day i i wake up i put on my you know dress from anthropology that barely buttons and I'm like I'm good I'm already fighting the fucking man I'm fighting the system yes we're already in entertainment we fucking hate ourselves like I don't need that I want someone who's gonna kiss my ass and just tell me that I'm a wonderful that I'm beautiful and I want you to fuck me a lot you know what I mean that's all I want amen and don't be a douchebag be a good person and don't interject during conversations where you don't know what you're talking about. 100%.

To make yourself heard. Just sit back and enjoy the show. Yeah. You know? And be hot. Be hot. Just be fucking hot. Yeah.

That's it. This is for my husband. Jeff, just be hot. Yeah, Jeff. I told him the other day, he plays a ton of golf, which is fine. Do your thing. Not hot to me. Yeah, exactly.

I told him, though, I said, you have to, if you wear the golf suit to the course and then you come home and we're doing like a date night, you have, he's like, he'll put on a clean golf shirt with a nice pair of jeans and like his Gucci lovers

are like, no, no, no, a different fucking shirt, Jeff. Like, help me the fuck out here. Seriously, the golf shirt said no. No, no, no. They are for golf. They're for golf. But we live in the South

and everybody wears golf attire to fucking everything. Golf shirts are for golf is the title of this episode. Golf shirts are for golf. Seriously're for golf. We live in the South and everybody wears golf attire to fucking everything. Golf shirts are for golf is the title of this episode. Seriously, because that message needs to get out there. It does. And it's going to get out there from the women that listen to this podcast because I don't know a ton of straight men that are listening to this podcast.

And if they are, they're not going to be straight for long. No. My whole new special is about just like I try to explain to like because I consider myself a golf widow I'm like you know because I never see him I mean my husband could be fucking dead you know you don't hear from for hours it's always the excuse they're on the back nine you're like you could be blowing 10 dudes in a clubhouse somewhere and I don't know you know you could be gay for

I don't know what you're doing but I try to like go and like explain to my audience is like guys this is why your wife is fucking bitchy on a Saturday because she's stuck at home with the three kids. Will you disappear for 18 hours? As women, we don't get that fucking luxury. You know what I mean? I escape to get my nails done. I get 90 minutes to get my nails done. Well, if you're Jamie Greenberg,

you actually go get your nails done for four hours. Have you seen her fucking nails? I know. I'm like, you know that you're not a rapper, first of all, right? Yeah. You don't work at Magic City. What is she up to?

I know. And she's got the lashes. She's just. It's a lot. It's a lot. And she always has the b-boy pants on. I know. She's very cool and hip.

And I don't know what the fuck's happening at these softball tournaments. Cool and hip or hanging on tightly. You know what I mean? To a decade that she's not part of. That's how I like to frame it. Jamie, please do not fuck up my face tomorrow. I have a very important thing to be on camera for. Please don't make me ugly.

I'm going to see her for dinner tonight. I'm going to tell her that we dragged her. She'll, she's fine with it. So wait, when is your new special coming out? Sometime in October. I'm waiting. It's Netflix. It's Hulu.

It's Hulu. We're on Hulu this time. You went to Hulu because Hulu was offering the big bucks. Yeah, yeah. Yes. I guess. I don't know if I saw the big bucks, but they're offering it to some of the men. A lot of comics have gone over to Hulu because Hulu was offering the big bucks. Yeah, yeah. Yes. I guess. I don't know if I saw the big bucks, but they're offering it to some of the men. A lot of comics have gone over to Hulu.

Yeah. A lot of comics have gone over to Hulu. Yeah. Okay, so it's coming out sometime in October? Yes, coming out sometime in October. Do we know what the name of it is? Yeah, it's called Breadwinner. Breadwinner.

Yeah. Oh, nice one. Yeah, it's all about making more money. Yeah. Yeah. Leaning in. So tell us what's on your vision. Are you okay telling us what's on your vision for this year?

Speaking into existence. Well, I really want to play Madison Square Garden. That's the dream. I want to do the arena. There's not a lot of women doing arenas. And I think we could do the arenas. We all might have to band together. But we need a women's show at Madison Square Garden.

I mean, I want to have my own TV show. Like a talk show? No, I would love a talk show, but I'm trying to do scripted right now. And I've sold like three shows and like I can never get anything picked up. So I'm trying to like get it, you know, get it picked up. Yeah, I'm a little sick of myself. Like I love stand up, obviously, because that's like storytelling. And I love that. That's like a given. Right. So when you get on the road, it's like as long as I can put asses in seats, I can do whatever the fuck I want. I think the development side of like

television. I mean, you've been in this business forever, at least with scripted. It's like, as long as I can put asses in seats, I can do whatever the fuck I want. I think the development side of like television, I mean, you've been in this business forever, at least with scripted. It's like you're not in control of anything. You could have the best fucking idea in the world. You got the best script, but it's up to some like guy in a suit who has never met you. And that's what's making me fucking nuts. I just want to get my show across the finish line. I see.

That's what I want to do. Well, I mean, it sounds like it'll probably happen for you. Let's hope. Let's hope. I mean, it seems like you're somebody who gets shit done. I try to. Yeah. But like today, you know, I'm sitting in my office with my agents and I'm like, all the

things that are happening is because we were talking about this earlier, because we're still hustling. Yeah. I can't wait. Chelsea, I'm not in the position yet. I can't wait till they're offering me shit. I'm like, no, no. You know what I mean?

Or it's just, I don't, I'm still in the audition phase. I'm making self tapes in my basement with my mom. You know what I mean? That's where we're still at't, I'm still in the audition phase. I'm making self tapes in my basement with my mom. You know what I mean? That's where we're still at. We're still grinding. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing.

It's like at a certain point, aren't things supposed to get easier? I'm 49 years old and I'm like, why am I fucking, I'm flying to parts of the country where I'm like, wait, shouldn't I have crossed this place? Didn't I cross this city off my list like six years ago? What am I doing back here? Yeah. Yeah. I 100% agree.

But it's like, like you know the road life you're just like all right we're going back to Vermont let's just buckle up get the van we're going and then those people are so happy to see you and then there's a nice silver lining to almost everything because it's like my lifestyle is so nice I'm sure yours is too I get to provide and support so many people in my life including myself and and so it's like i i don't want to be seen as complaining i would just like a little bit a little bit of a fucking strategy that's what it is it's like i'm like am i supposed to do this until i'm 70 what am i supposed to do i know my strategy but i just need y'all to get the strategy yeah let's get some synergy going yeah synergy yeah can i ask you a personal question about your sex life with your husband? Absolutely. It seems like I can. Yes, of course.

Since you because I don't get a lot of people that are married without children. OK, so what is the sex life? How long have you been married? We've been married three years. We've been together like 13 years. OK, so that's a long time. Long time. So what is your sex life? Not having children, not having children. Well, we do have two French bulldogs in the bed. So there are moments where we have to physically remove them. But our sex life is still great. You know, I feel like there's kind of this idea

that people don't want to have sex with their spouse anymore. I'm still very hot and horny for my husband. But I think the reason people don't want to have sex with their spouses anymore is when they have children because that fucking ruins it. Well, and I will say, I've had this conversation with my husband. I'm like, listen, I love you,

but watching you play golf all the time, I need to know that you're going to step up and he'll be an amazing father. But there is that little tiny bit of me that's like, will I be resentful? Because I see my other girlfriends who can get resentful of just the men not caring enough of their weight. But when it comes to sex, we still have a really great sex life. But it's tough. I actually think one of the reasons why it's good is because I am on the road. You know, it's almost like we're long distance.

Well, that's what I was going to say. I'm out. I do my thing. And then I come home and I still want to see you. If I was home all the time, I'd probably fucking kill. Well, my best friend, she has a big job and her partner are always away. And I think I don't know anything about their sex life because she's British and she would never talk to me about that. But I think that the reason why they have such a healthy relationship is because they don't spend so much time together and I do want to say like I do have some friends who have kids

who have a sexy great health uh sexy healthy sex life is what I was trying to say like my friend Christine she and her husband have sex all the time and they have girls but it's definitely I noticed that people without children have the best sex lives and then people who are on their second marriages have the best sex life because they didn't have the kids with that person yeah there's something about children and obviously there are exceptions to this rule to people who are listening if you have crazy sex with your husband call us write us in because i'm sure we'll have an episode about that at some point or how to keep your sex life going because it's just a matter of having like i only want long distance relationships.

I don't want someone in my house. I know I will get tired of fucking you. I know it. Yeah. And we also, I mean, we don't have kids, but we do have like a 76-year-old toddler because my mom lives with us. We live with her. However you want to splice it. So there are times where I'm like, meet me at the St. Regis in Buckhead and we're just going to have our moment. Because there is still, you can hear Robin making her cup of tea, you know, on the other wing of the house and you're just like, Jesus.

Okay. Yeah. You know, Robin's yelling up, Heather, did you set the alarm? I'm like, mom, if it's fucking red in the kitchen on the keypad, the alarm's on. So where did you grow up? Atlanta. But my mom's from Boston. Where's this accent?

Oh, okay. I was just in Boston. So I was like, I was in Maine actually. And I kept saying to my cousin, oh, this is a Boston accent. And I go, I love these accents on women only. On men, it's a little bit, you know, it's like, oh. But when women talk like that, I fucking makes me, I just love, it reminds me that I, it makes me know that I'm getting fresh clams soon.

You know what I mean? Because I'm an East Coaster. I grew up in Martha's Vineyard in the summer so I'm a total like when I hear a Boston accent I feel at home yeah you get the tingles

it's like the ASMR tingles my mom's so funny she's lived in the south for like 30 almost 40 years and she'll be at her country club and she's like thinks that she is so southern

but she's like packing the can having it have they get me you know a red wine that Pinot Noir like she's screaming across the bar

in her country club. She's a tiny little redhead, looks like Judge Judy. And everyone just leans in. They're like, that's Robin, Boston Robin. She runs Atlanta, though. And she runs in these circles with these super Southern women. And it's just Robin running the show. So you grew up in Atlanta.

So you spent your time there. My brothers and sisters went to Emory University. Oh, great school. So I grew up going. There's a bar there called PJ's. It's no time there. My brothers and sisters went to Emory University. Oh, great school. So I grew up going, there's a bar there called PJ's. Yeah. It's no longer there, but that was the first time I went and was served alcohol. Well, the first time I went to a bar, I was 10 years old and my sister was- Oh, starting young. Yeah. Well, no, I wasn't drinking, but I went with my sister because that was her local haunt and she was 18 and my sister got carded and I did it.

And that's when I knew I was going to have have some problems that's honestly the same for me my sister did georgia tech and i was like a freshman in high school and i would show up and i had braces on and i would show up to like the ato house like these fraternity houses and my sister would be like looking for me i'm like making out with some guy named morgan who's like the president of the fraternity with my braces on and i just ran shit because i had double d's young you know I'm just running the fucking show did you didn't you hate your boobies when you were young well they kind of came out of nowhere I didn't have them and then when I had them no I felt powerful what age were you I think I got real tits at like 14 they really showed up mine came in overnight after a man put his arm around me in a movie theater

I was 13 no I was 12 I was 12 and I woke up and i had my period and i had boobs oh fuck so i did not like that at all yeah because a i was like nobody had talked to me about my period of course because my family was you know not on the on the level right and i didn't like my boobs i would tape them down because they were too big and too and they were bigger than they are now for some reason when they come out they're like big and so i was ashamed of them no i leaned in because i remember the day that my mom took me to Victoria's Secret because she's like, you really need like a real bra. And I was like, you know, a 36D. And my mom was screaming in Victoria's Secret.

And she was like, this is because my mom is for 76. Listen, she's single. If there's anybody out there and you've got like a hot dad or a hot uncle, please. Robin has the perkiest tits you've ever seen in your life. I mean, my mom has a banging mom. Wow. Good for her. She's very, very sexy. And she was like, I don't has the perkiest tits you've ever seen in your life. I mean, my mom has a banging mom. Wow, great. Good for her.

Yeah, she's very, very sexy. And she was like, I don't know where you got these tits from, but like, everybody just show them. And I was just like, always just very overly confident. But now I'm like, they're down to my ankles, and I'd like to get them snatched up to my neck. Well, that's not good if you haven't had a child yet. No shit.

You just sleep with a bra. I sleep with a bra on every day, and my tits are perky. You do? I sleep with a bra on every night. If I don't, if I have a lover staying over, and I don't sleep with a bra, the more, I wake up in the middle of the night, and I have to put a bra on every day and my tits are perky. You do? I sleep with a bra on every night. If I don't, if I have a lover staying over and I don't sleep with a bra, the more I wake up in the middle of the night and I have to put a bra on. It's so uncomfortable for me to be freestyle. Oh my goodness.

I like to be loose. You two have really perky tits. Thank you. You are a great judge. Thank you. But at this point, I'm ready to get the neck done and the tits done. Just do it all at once, you know? Yeah, the neck and the tits at the same time.

Can you turn my tits into my neck, okay so on this podcast heather we take callers and like we give them advice so it's awesome you're gonna be great i know i know so we're gonna take a break heather and i are gonna take our tits out yep and rub them together and see what we come up with no we're not gonna do that but we might anyway we'll be right back. I got great nips. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs

in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money

so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other? Courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around.

On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really.

No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast, Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello? And how would you feel if your doctor advised you

to keep your life-altering medical procedure a secret from everyone? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child? These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since season one and others are just tuning in.

Whatever the case and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our family secrets family where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others and the secrets we keep from ourselves. Listen to season 11 of family secrets on the I heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people.

What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody.

Every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations

like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back. We're back and we both still have our nipples on. Great. Are you ready to give some advice? Yeah, I think so. I love giving advice. It's my favorite thing in the world. I love it too. And I also want to say I love about this podcast. I just love talking to real regular people. And you'll see my callers. They're all so nice and sweet and real and cute. Yeah. Yeah. And it's

not that we only accept cute callers. You don't have to be cute, but you are cute when you call in just so you know. It's true. It's true. We actually had someone write in once that was like, do you only take cute people? No, they're like emotionally cute. I also want to say we don't screen you. We don't know what you look like. Everyone just ends up being everyone on my podcast. You're ugly. You're not fucking calling.

Well, our first question comes from Ricky and Ricky needs some help from women who will tell people to shut the fuck up or clap back. So I think she's in the right place. Ricky says, help. I listen into the podcast weekly and you have given me so much to work with. Thank you. Oh, good, Ricky. Hi, Ricky.

I have had body issues since as far back as five years old. Same. I've always been thin and athletic built, but I have a gut. Even at my thinnest, I had a small chub that I would feel insecure about. Now that I'm a little thicker, I have been mistaken as pregnant over 10 times in my workplace by coworkers and other people in our building. It makes me want to curl up and cry, but I usually laugh it off and say, oh, it's a food baby. Now that I've been asked for what feels like the hundredth time, I'm writing to ask what the F do I say to these people? I used to say, oh no, it's a food baby. His name is Chipotle.

But unfortunately, the idiots who ask dumb questions like how many months are you to a stranger do not have the comedic mind to understand my food baby jokes. I am all around angry, frustrated, and feel so sad because even though I'm doing everything right, I still have this gut. How do I confront the totally awkward question about my non-existent pregnancy? Oh, and I also used to have a restrictive eating disorder from 2017 to 2020. I was 100 pounds and all bones, so I'm very sensitive to comments that make me not want to eat, and being asked if I'm pregnant is definitely a trigger for my ED. Please help, Ricky. First of all, I cannot believe that people still ask other people if they're pregnant

without knowing for sure unless the baby's crowning i'm not saying shit and if the baby's crowning i won't be in that room so don't even worry about it like we are not supposed to be asking people if they're pregnant at all or like commenting on their bodies at all yeah also this is what's wrong with like corporate america you know, some guy named Mark who's, you know, in finance who's just like, hey, Ricky, when's the baby due? Like, I already see this scenario. I really like to fuck with people. I would

double down immediately. Like, it's a giant cancerous tumor. Like, I don't know. I would lean in and make them feel really fucking shitty. Start some sort of rumor. Maybe then you'll get some paid time off, you know, just to go relax yeah i mean there's two issues here first of all it's so frustrating to have a part of your body that you're not happy with especially when you're dieting and you had an eating disorder like i

understand your frustration because we can hyper focus on our imperfections or what we perceive to be our imperfections but when other people are also confirming your feelings about yourself that you don't like, that is hurtful. And like, yes. So what does she say to these people? I mean, I don't even know how to attack this. Like, yeah, I like that idea. I like saying, yes, I have a tumor that is growing. I like really turning it on its head.

Yeah, like I've got three days to live. I just want you to know it has been such a pleasure working with you at Bank of America. And then just walk away. Walk away and go to lunch. Like, fuck with them. And tell everybody something different. Exactly. Really stir the pot at work. So you get attention for being

funny and crazy rather than being having a little extra weight around your belly. But I also want to help her with her belly weight. There's got to be a way for you to deal with this without dieting and living in a healthy way. First of all, I want to just provide this because this is two different things because one is actually addressing her body issue.

I don't know if you've done this, but if you haven't and you want to, and if you're interested in dieting, which you obviously don't have to do, there is a system that I use whenever I want to lean out and that I've given to my friends that I got from my nutritionist named Mark McDonald. And when you eat every three to four hours and you do four ounces of protein, four ounces of carbs and like a scoop of peanut butter or a tablespoon of salad dressing, like wherever you hold your fat,

it will come off. You have to be really diligent about this and you can do it for up to like two three months and you don't do it forever because hormonally as women we hold on to it in the weirdest places that's the thing it's the hormones 90 of the time it's like get your hormones checked yes because that was me after ivf dude i was a completely different fucking person i got up to like 240 and i mean i'm not a small girl i have always been like i my healthy range is like 200 but i was like i was like want to crawl out of my skin. And it was my hormones were through the fucking roof. My cortisol was off my adrenals. They were, my hair was falling out like 90% of the time when you can feel it though. And she clearly said she was like a petite person. Get the hormones checked. You're stressed out about something in your life. You're not sleeping.

Something's happening. Yeah. Yeah. So, so do all of that. And then, okay, on top of that. Lie to all your coworkers. Yes. And make it very clear to people. Make sure that whatever they're saying to you is going to be the last time they ever say to another person, are you pregnant? Make them feel as awkward as it makes you feel. Yeah. So are you asking me if I'm pregnant because I have a little belly and you have absolutely no idea about my history, about my personal life, about

anything. About my fertility issues. Is that what you're asking me? Have you considered getting hair plugs, Mark? Yes, yes. What are we going to do about that receding hairline? And I've realized too when people say really fucked up like shitty stuff, they're so projecting on their own insecurities. Seriously. That's why, Ricky, don't let any, of course

this hurts your feelings. Listen, we're both on the internet. The shit that I see that is written about me sometimes is just like, holy fuck, how did somebody have time to write about? And it's always about my physical appearance. And you're like, get a fucking life. People are especially like, and I'm not just dogging on men, but sometimes like when I go on like some other like male comedian podcast, like the shit that their fans say. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always about my body. And I'm like like give me a

fucking break but if you if i stopped at the one thing that somebody said about me physically then i wouldn't have ever been able to like live my life so just tell me to fuck off and i guarantee this is mostly coming from men yeah what she's talking about it's like men have no idea how to even interact with women and they also you need to like go right back at them about whatever their shortcomings are because they can you ever imagine being online and writing about someone's, a male person's body? Can you imagine ever having the desire to go, actually, yeah, yeah, you have a walleye and I wouldn't fuck you with my dead mother's vagina. I would never take the time. It is insane. Yeah. I think you double down you tell every

co-worker something different they need to get more obscure like actually I'm a part of a government experiment they've been doing this thing they're trying to see if I can get pregnant with a dog you should say that really freak people out it's a shih tzu you know this is I don't know I needed extra cash so I decided to sign up for this experiment and just

freak people the fuck out at work I love doing that you really want to make everyone's first time the last time yeah you want to make their mistake on your watch the last time they make that mistake for anyone coming forward after that for anyone that crosses their path after yeah yeah i feel like me giving weight advice is the bad is was totally off but i just i i just that i needed that because i honestly like my friend had this had that body type and she went to him and it changed her life he's actually out of atlanta too but you don't even have to go to him you just go online and look at his thing

and it's like this great system like it it shreds your fat for you that's what i also be like bloating go to a gastroenterologist get shit checked out you know what i mean. It could also be like bloating, go to a gastroenterologist, get shit checked out. You know what I mean? If it's just in that one area, like, you know, get it checked out. I had a friend who held all of her weight right underneath her arms and she was so frustrated because in pictures, she would look like she was way heavier

than she was in the doctor's day. She ended up doing Mark McDonald's program. Okay, well, Mark, call me because I'm in Atlanta. I'll have you cook for me, whatever you do. I'll put you in touch with him. Because that's me.

I have a very like, I mean, my whole like catchphrase in life is like, I have a thick neck and thin ankles. I have the tiniest legs. Growing up, I was always considered tight chubby. Like I have a really tight like muscular body, but it's also I cannot get off that top like baby fat layer. And I'm pushing 40.

You know what I mean? Right. I hear you. We got to figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've done every diet. I have done all of the things.

And you know, it's a lot. So I'm calling Mark. Mark McDonald? I'll put you in touch with him. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've done every diet. I have done all of the things. And you know, it's a lot. So I'm calling Mark. Mark McDonald. I'll put you in touch with him. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I love him. Yeah. So Carly is our first caller today. Carly says, Dear Chelsea, long time fan, first time writer. My best friend from high school has a toxic boyfriend and I'm not sure what my place is in the situation. My best friend is the type to never be single. She's 23 now and has had one boyfriend or another since seventh grade. She typically jumps from one boyfriend to the next and is automatically head over heels for whoever the new guy is. I have yet to meet her current boyfriend as he's living in Alabama for law school and I live in Boston. My friend currently lives in Nashville working her dream job in music

marketing, a job she worked her ass off for, and I couldn't be more proud. She's always telling me how great he is. They talk about future, kids, etc. But I recently learned from a mutual friend that things aren't as great as she makes them out to be. She got drunk and opened up to this friend, saying that he says a woman's happiness should come from their kids and their family, so they don't need hobbies. He doesn't believe in IVF, abortion under any circumstances, and said that feminists are stupid. He wants her to quit her job and move to Alabama with him since it's, quote, pointless for her to have a career since she's going to be a stay-at-home mom. He even went as far as finding a job at his law firm for her and said, my parents and I want you to apply for this.

Psychotic. He's already told her that when they get married, he wants their prenup to have a clause saying that whoever files for divorce would owe the other one a hundred thousand dollar penalty, which she wouldn't be able to pay as she wouldn't have a job. He has strongly encouraged her to break her lease and move immediately to Alabama with him, which she's on board to do in the near future. It kills me she would leave behind an incredible dream job and dream life that she's built for herself in Nashville to live with this piece of shit.

I'm mostly scared that he'll isolate her and keep her from her friends and family. How do I talk her out of moving and potentially even leaving this guy before she moves and before it's too late? She's sensitive, so I don't know how to approach the topic. Thanks so much, Carly. Hi, Carly. Hi, how are you?

Hi, this is our special guest, Heather McMahon is here today. How are you? Hi, I'm a big fan. I'm good. How are you? I'm great. Okay. So what's her name? Well, we're using a pseudonym, right? For friend. H. Okay, because I was just going to say we can just talk to her directly and we can just

send her this video. Yeah. Get, because I was just going to say we can just talk to her directly and we can just send her this video. Yeah. Get as far away from this fucking person as possible. Any man who is deterring you from having a career that does not have your best interest, does not care about you. Any man who does not support reproductive rights for women does not care about women and does not care about you. Those are two blanket issues that have no wiggle room. Just those two issues alone. Forget about everything else that you said that is fucking crazy.

Your poor, I mean, she needs to hear this from two strong women, three strong women, four strong women, sorry. Four of us. Allegedly, you could also just run them over with your car. I know, but then you're on the hook for murder, and that's not in Alabama. My mom tells me to goodbye Earl him. yes yes what is goodbye earl it's a dixie chick song and basically

one of the girls was in an abusive relationship and her best friend was like i'm just gonna fucking kill him and they killed him and they hid the body but i think you just gotta sit her down i think you maybe kidnap the friend and you sit her down you're like this is some bullshit well i mean this is not even I thought that was almost like a prank email. Right? Because surely he wouldn't say all of these things. Yeah. And I think there's some questions to ask her too. Have a

girls weekend if it's just you two or you and some other girls. Do you have any other friends that you can enlist to have some sort of intervention? It has to be of the tone of an intervention. It can't be a casual conversation because she has to understand how, you know, when you get in a relationship and you get this kind of tunnel vision and you don't realize how weird it gets and you're so far in

that you can't. She needs to understand how heightened this is and that it's an emergency situation to get her away from him. Yeah, I agree. But the issue is she's so far away. So plan a weekend. Can't you guys plan a weekend to go somewhere? Because where are you? Mass. Oh, doesn't matter. Get down to Nashville.

Nashville's a fun place to go for a weekend anyway. Yeah. And do you have other friends that can go with you? Yeah, for sure. A lot of us are worried. Okay, so you have to plan an intervention. Yeah. Yeah, like tomorrow.

Like, get off with us, get on the horn, call the girls, and we need a full intervention. Anybody who's talking about a divorce. Yeah. Yeah. Like tomorrow. Like get off with us. Get on the horn. Call the girls. And we need a full intervention. Anybody who's talking about a divorce. Yes. So for the first two primary issues are reproductive rights and not supporting a woman's career. Yeah. Yeah.

Talking about a divorce before you're even engaged is fucking crazy. Are they engaged? No, not yet. Oh, OK. Thank God. Yeah. OK. That's crazy.

That is absolutely crazy and and he's basically talking about a punitive dance like he's gonna charge her a hundred thousand dollars when she doesn't have a job which is also stupid because assuming it's community property in alabama it comes out of the same pot there's never gonna we're never gonna get that far you have to and i know that she didn't she this is this information as you said in the letter came from another girlfriend right she didn't give you this information directly as you said in the letter, came from another girlfriend, right? She didn't give you this information directly. So you have to go to her and say, we're all sharing information.

We've all spoken about you because we are very, very concerned. And we know that you're not looking at this situation clearly. As your friends who are removed from the situation and not in it every day, we can see it very clearly. We are very concerned about you. Yeah, and I think there's power in numbers in the sense that if she just hears it from one girlfriend, she might be like, well, you just have an issue with them. But if it's all y'all sitting down and being like, we're not going to allow you to continue this relationship because this is fucking toxic

and we're not going to allow you to do this. Like, I think it'll be a much more powerful message. That's a great idea. You got this girl. So are you ready to do that though? I am. I think I've got enough of us, four or five of us. Yes. I think we can do it. And I think your brother has to be in person.

She's going to be embarrassed. She's going to be upset and give her 24 hours. But then, you know. Yeah. But allow the time, like you go down to Nashville, say you guys go down on a Thursday night,

give yourself more than 24 hours. You need like time because there's going to be like a period of, you know what I mean? Shock, crying, and she'll probably agree with you. And then you have to stick with her while she goes through all the emotions of what just happened and that she actually has to break up with him. And you have to impress upon her how much you guys love her that you took the time out to do that, you know, for her because she could be defensive and all of those things. And what it really comes down to is that you took the time out to do that, you know, for her because she could be defensive and all of those things. And what it really comes down to is that you guys are taking time out of your

life because you care so much about her and her well-being. And it's just one big red flag after another. It is. It is. Yeah. And interventions typically go well. I've only had one go awry. I mean, seriously. And it wasn't even a drug intervention. It was a friend intervention. But for some reason, she saw it completely differently and just thought we were attacking her, which was not the case at all. We were really trying to help her. But typically, they go very well. I would actually also suggest you guys like get together and talk to one of you has a

good therapist or get together and rehearse all the points you're going to bring up because it shouldn't be an attack. It should be a conversation of love and caring. That's what my therapist says. Yeah, there you go. Right. Yeah. I've discussed it with her. I mean, in the future, she can be happy with someone else. And that's what you want for her. You're not doing it because you don't want her to be happy with this guy. I also suspect since she got drunk and told this other friend tearfully about all this information that she may be relieved if you guys are stepping in. 100%. I agree. So.

Wow. Even my dog is walking out of the room. He's so disgusted by this. I was like, no. I don't blame mom. And if you need to, you know, play this conversation, do it. You know what I mean? We're behind you 100%.

We just heard about the situation and it's absolutely ridiculous, archaic, antiquated, and unacceptable. What would you both say to H? Would you say you deserve better? What would you say if you were talking directly to her? Don't ever let any man dim your light. And if you're with the right guy, he's going to put you up on a pedestal and tell you to reach for the stars.

Anybody who's already telling you no and trying to control what you can and can't do is not the partner for you. Yeah. Period. And you want someone who is part of the future, not living in the past. His ideals and his way of thinking is the past. And you don't need to go back.

No woman needs to go back to when things were great for us. When the fuck was that? Yeah. Yeah. All right. You got this. Thanks, Carly. Thanks, Carly.

Thank you. Thank you guys. It was nice to meet you. You too. Listening to some guy from Alabama talking. Shut up. That gave me acid reflux. Like, I needed an episode.

You have acid reflux? I have really bad acid reflux. Do you take Prilosec? What do you take? Do you take Prilosec? You know what works actually the best? Baking soda. Oh.

Dude. Like in water? Yep. I take a little bit of baking soda, like a half a teaspoon, put it in water, and immediately knocks it out. I was on Nexium Forever, Omeprazole. I had voice nodules a la Ashley Simpson growing up. I used to do musical theater

can't sing anymore. And I was on all the drugs and apparently Nexium and shit gives you Alzheimer's. So I was like, I'm not messing with that. So I just do baking soda and water and it fucking works. When I travel abroad, because I like to party hard in Italy and I'm drinking all the red wine. Is Italy your place? Italy's my place. It's my place.

It's my joyful, very happy place. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, because your place is Spain. Oh yeah, you got married there. Yeah, I got married in Italy and I'm drinking all the red wine. Is Italy your place? Italy's my place. It's my place. It's my joyful, very happy place. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, because your place is Spain. Oh yeah, you got married there. Yeah. Yeah, I got married in Italy. Oh yeah, yeah. We'll have to connoiter together while we're over there. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, I'm in Spain a lot. Let's go. Okay, I love it. What part of Italy are you in? My home base is Florence

but I hit everywhere. Oh, my niece has just went overseas. She just went to Florence. Did she study abroad? She's there for a semester. Oh, God, good luck. When I tell you, I feel like my sister goes, it's going to be like Girls Gone Wild for the next four months.

No, it was. One of my favorite memories of study abroad is I was making out with this guy outside of a nightclub, and then my friend tapped me on the shoulder. He's like, Heather, take a step back. He has no teeth, and the man had no teeth.

I just thought it was like a nice, smooth, I thought the gums were an outer lip. That's how fucked up I was. He had no teeth. I just thought it was like a nice smooth. I thought the gums were an outer lip. That's how fucked up I was. He had no teeth. You know, what an allegory for H and Carly. You know, you take a step back, you realize the guy has no teeth. Guy has no teeth. Well, he could probably give an incredible blowjob.

On that note, do you want to take a break and we'll take our last caller? Sure. We'll take a break and we'll be right back. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early,

well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt.

The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me.

It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door to life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. God bless you all. Hello, Newman. And

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It's called Really, No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro,

host of the hit podcast Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello? And how would you feel if your doctor advised you to keep your life-altering medical procedure a secret from everyone? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child. These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since Season 1, and others are just tuning in. Whatever the case, and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our Family Secrets family, where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we keep from ourselves.

Listen to Season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes. And they paved the way for those that followed.

You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland. Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe. And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and the RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out.

All right. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back. We're all fully clothed. Everything's fine. So our next caller is Lynn. Lynn says, Dear Chelsea, I have a kindergartner and the moms in the class are super clingy, clicky, and nasty and exclude me from

everything. And you were a sorority girl, right? Oh, yeah. You know about nasty. I did not have a negative experience, but continue. Okay, right. I blocked and muted these women on socials, but I'm still hearing from other parents about every social event that I'm not being invited to. I want to tell them all where to shove it, but my daughter will be with these kids for the next seven to eight years, and I can't ruin her social life because of my ego. Tell me how to tell them to fuck themselves politely without ruining my daughter's social future.

Lynn. Oh, hi, Lynn. Hi. Hi. Okay, so what was it like when you met these women? Were they like this from the outset? No, at the beginning, it was pretty normal. And then things just quickly changed.

And we had first day of school last week, which was super awkward. And I was telling Catherine that we tried one play date over the summer because I felt bad for my daughter. Like I shouldn't restrict her time with her friend. But the whole time they just pretended like I wasn't there and like literally didn't acknowledge me. And like my first reaction is like kind of to set boundaries and cut off people like that. But it just feels awkward because, you know, my daughter, it's her friend.

So does your daughter have play dates with these people's kids a lot? We did before this all went down. We saw them once over the whole summer, but like tonight they have soccer practice and they're on Girl Scouts together. So we're going to see each other. And there's only one grade per class. So she's always going to be in her class until eighth grade. This is so disappointing that grown women act like this. Yeah. Like high school ended for a fucking reason. And is it multiple moms or just one? Yes. Okay. There's about four of them. And so like first day of school, no one even looked me in the face. It was just really. What did something happen? Was there ever like some sort of altercation or disagreement about

something? It wasn't so much an altercation. It was just they just started like not including me in things. So like, for example, they all went on a bunch of vacations together for like weekend trips locally. And then I confronted the one mom and she was like, oh, sorry, we just didn't think you'd be available. And I'm like, well, it's just hurtful that I'm finding out online and not in person. Like, I don't have to go on every trip. I'm not a child. Like, I can be mature enough to be okay with that. But it was just that it was like, oh, there's all these moms that are all my daughter's really good friend on vacation and no one told me.

Here's the thing. I think that that is all they have. And Lynn, you seem like you're doing a lot. Like I know that you have other things outside of your, your kids' social group. This is probably all these women have, you know, feel sorry for them and those kinds of aspects. You don't even want to hang out with them. Fuck them. You know what I mean? That's how I I feel too yeah that's very much how my personality is it's just how do I go forward through the next many years and it's just awkward you know it's like being fake and I don't like yeah it is like being fake but there also is like you need to rise above their behavior because it's so low it's just so silly to be quickly like that at this

age, especially when they're not even the ones in kindergarten. It's like the parents. So it's just, you have to like rise above it. And I do think there is going to involve a little bit of like fraudulent behavior on your behalf in order to get to the place where I want you to get, which is you don't give a shit at all. You're happy when your daughter hangs out with their kids and you're fine if they don't. There's got to be other mothers there that you can hang out with and that you can talk to and be real with. And you really cannot act like it bothers you at all because that's what they will get off on. If people are that small, then they like the idea about excluding another person. And as long as it doesn't affect you in a way that's

visible to them, it's like taking the air out of the balloon. There's nowhere for the balloon to float if there's nothing happening. So you have to really just suck it up, be as friendly as you can be. Not like kissing their ass or anything, but like, hey, how are you? If they're ignoring you, that's not your problem. Great. Bye. You know, like you're in a good mood no matter what they do. When you're around them, you're just going to be like that. You're just going to be like, okay, great. Oh, are we invited? We're not. Okay. No problem. Have a great time. It can't bother you at all. Yeah. Stay completely unbothered. And maybe every time you drop your kid off for these playdates, show up in a new like power track suit. Maybe it's just like a

full cheetah print suit. The next time it's gold lame something. I think you just start slowly fucking with them just a little bit. Maybe it's like a, like a cowboy hat or something the next time. And just like, Hey, I dropped some brownies off for the girls. Y'all have a good time and just bounce.

And then kind of be like a little mysterious. Yeah. Yeah. Be a little mysterious. And also get off. Don't follow these people on social media. Yeah. No, they we're not i'm not engaging okay so and like that's what i've been doing is like basically pretending everything's fine but blocking them isn't pretending everything's fine that's aggressive a like in a heart hey you know you don't need to block them

you just mute them you don't need to follow them like you don't need to block them you don't need to follow them or look at what they're doing but you don't need to block them. But mute them. You don't need to follow them. You don't need to block them. You don't need to follow them or look at what they're doing. But you don't need to block them from following you because that is an act of aggression. What is that? That's as immature as they are. You know what I mean? But when you show up to the next play date in a power suit,

they're going to be like, what's she been up to? What's her side gig? Yeah, agreed. I don't know. I really just think you should play like be smarter than them and this you have a job yes what what do you do i'm in real estate okay so you have plenty of you you have your own shit going on anyway so very busy yes exactly so you don't like you just have to treat that as such like these are these minions that are beneath you that are

acting like little children that belong in school that are not in school that are living vicariously probably through their kindergarten children so go about your business they are not your problem there is no problem so like if they ask for a play date do you think i should engage or just yeah i can't make it but i would love my daughter has a great time in fact i was thinking maybe the kids go to a movie just kill them with fucking kindness. Make it till you make it. And don't, it's not worth your kid, you know, feeling any type of way about it.

Any type of way. Yeah, just always remember you're doing this for your kid. Just be above it all. And yeah, don't, if they want to play it, great, great. You can play with my kids. Just, but be a little bit like, you know, like avoid hanging out with them one-on-one or in a group. Just avoid that. It's not good for you. It's like poison almost, you know? It's hanging out with them one on one or in a group. Just avoid that.

It's not good for you. It's like poison almost, you know, it's just it's not a good scene. So your kid, everything is for your kid having a healthy relationship with the other girls. And that's it. Yeah, because they're all probably miserable at home, too. It's projection. When you're a bitch like that, you're projecting because you've got your own shit you're staying on. So it's not it's really don't think about it as you they're just miserable in their own shit i have a couple kids so i have plenty of other mom friends that are normal healthy people so great

yeah so it's not like this is my only child and like my whole world is just this class so there's lots of other opportunities there it's just just, it's just awkward. And I want to just say, go F yourself. No, don't. Living well is the best revenge. Yeah. Seriously, don't do that. Don't let your temper get the best of you. I speak from experience. I have a big temper. I've learned how to modulate it and it's worked in my favor immensely. So just save that and just treat these women like they deserve to be treated, which is like they're basically like butterflies, but less attractive. They're just flying around and it's not your problem.

Yeah. And get your velour tracksuit ready to go. Yeah, yeah. Get your velour tracksuit. Yeah, we'll get, go to jamiegreenbergmakeup.com and you can order one there. You got this girl.

Have a good day. And please do not let these people take up more than like 30 seconds of your day every single day. Focus on where the light is shining with the friends and the parents of the friends of your kids, friends, whatever the fuck I'm trying to say. Focus on the people that you get along with that are normal. Yes.

Awesome. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Yeah, no problem. Ciao. Thank you. Have a good one. Ciao.

Now I say ciao too because of Heather McMahon. Yeah, I just say ciao everywhere. Ciao. Thank you. Have a good one. Ciao. Now I say ciao too because of Heather McMahon. Yeah, I just say ciao everywhere. Yeah. Every doctor's office, every place I go, ciao. So do you want to live in Italy eventually?

I do. Is that your game plan? It is my happy place. Yeah, I would like to spend at least half the year there. Oh, that's nice. Have a place down in Amalfi. Yeah.

You know, just really be by the ocean. I need at least twice a year to dip my toes in the Mediterranean. In the Mediterranean. I start to get itchy. Yeah, I'm not interested in these oceans anymore. twice a year to dip my toes in the Mediterranean. In the Mediterranean. I start to get itchy. Yeah. I'm not interested in these oceans anymore. No, absolutely not.

The ones in the United States. Oh, what am I going to do? Go to Florida? Fucking kill me. I know. I know. Well, I mean, you're close enough. You live in Atlanta.

So be careful. Okay? Yeah. I'm more of a Charleston gal. Be careful because if Florida falls into the ocean, like I predict it will one day, you're going to be on the coast. Literally. Yeah. Okay. Heather McMahon. That was just really, you're a to be on the coast. Literally. Okay, Heather McMahon, that was just really

you're a home run of a person. Listen, I adore you. Thank you for having me. So much fun. Yeah, and I got to say, Chelsea, when I saw you at the Netflix brunch, you were so kind and I've really looked up to you in this business and I'm not kissing your ass. I really mean this like you've just fucking done it and you did it your own way. And so I, you know,

we need to go have drinks and I'll just, I'll really smell the tea with you. And you can tell me, don't do this, do that. Tell everybody that you suck your dick. Absolutely. I would appreciate that. Well, I'm going to have dinner with Jamie Greenberg tonight. Do you want to join us?

I'm free. Oh, great. Okay. We'll do it. Okay. Awesome. Love you, Heather. Love you.

Okay. See you next week. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have, you guys, I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn,

New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. If you'd like advice from Chelsea,

shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard.

Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal

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What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships

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