Dear Chelsea - Comics Dating Comics with Taylor Tomlinson

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Taylor Tomlinson joins Chelsea to talk about what it’s like to date another comedian, how it felt to grow up in a deeply religious family, the backhanded compliments some people give women in comedy. Then: A lawyer is hurt when her best friend drags her boyfriend for his lack of career ambition.  Student loans get the best of a 29-year-old in the midst of a quarter-life crisis.  And a mom wonders how to smooth things over after her daughter overhears her entertaining a gentleman caller. *Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. It's me, Chelsea and Catherine. Hello. Hi, how are you, Catherine? Oh, I'm good.

I actually got a little chance to rest and relax over the weekend, which was really nice, and watched some shows and hung out with my husband, and it was really lovely. I have been watching Yellowstone because my girlfriend, Wendy Grillo, is in it, and everyone in Whistler watches the show Yellowstone. So I am on season two or three, and I think there's four. Are you liking it? Very, very soap operatic. A lot of soap opera stuff is happening on that show, and I think there's four. Are you liking it? Very, very soap operatic. A lot of soap opera

stuff is happening on that show and I'm down with it. Awesome. I know I've been thinking about watching it. My parents really like it, but like my dad's really into Western stuff anyway. I mean, I like Western stuff too, but everyone is talking about it. I'm not as into Western stuff. Like my friends here was like, I just love the landscape. I'm like, really? It just seems like so fucking boring living on a ranch and what just drinking I mean I the drinking part obviously I could get down with but the cattle and then the horse breaking horses I'm just like oh but speaking of breaking horses Joe is impossibly bringing Bert and Bernice back for a 10-day sabbatical up here in Whistler because last year I had them the whole season and they were not down with it. They did not like being stuck in like a house without access to the

outdoors. They're used to their luxurious leisurely lifestyle in Los Angeles and so we're thinking about bringing them up for like 10 days just so I could see them and maybe give them a second shot at snow. I feel like with Joe's co-parenting, I could really hit it out of the park because he's been really helpful with the laundry, with the cleaning. I don't know what I did last year, but he's and if I had to take the dogs for a walk, he would definitely be really helpful in that department, too. So I just feel like I'm a member of a two person team now instead of a one person team. Isn't that lovely? that's just great and Bert has already started calling him dad I was gonna say you guys aren't

married but like he's your house spouse he's like the guy yeah and he's much better at things like domestic stuff than I am so it really works although I did make him I make him scrambled eggs a lot in the morning and that's the one thing I can hit out of the park but every time I make them he's like I can't believe it you can do something and I'm like stop it you know I can make a scrambled eggs well hold on a second what are you looking for honey go for it oh you don't have it I'd like to go on the record and say that Joe is the only person that would look for his passport 20 minutes before he's leaving for something. If I was leaving, I would have my passport the night before. Well, somebody would have it.

Let's be honest. I wouldn't find it. But, I mean, he is unbelievable. He probably doesn't even know he's going to the airport in 20 minutes. Do you know you're going to the airport, honey? And where are you going when you get to the airport? Sorry. Yeah, I feel like I'm desperately more powerful as part of a couple than I am by myself in the parenting department, the domesticity and parenting department. That's great. And it'll be just nice to have the dogs there. And Chelsea, I actually have an update. A few weeks ago, we had an email from someone whose child had kissed their friend without consent,

and it created a huge rift between her and her best friend, the mom and her best friend, and between the children as well. But a dad wrote in who has had similar experience, and he says, Dear Chelsea, I just listened to your episode where you gave advice to the mom with the son who was sexually inappropriate with one of his friends. As a parent with a child with behavioral issues, there is help out there. The mom should find a therapist that specializes in family therapy and problem sexual behavior. whole family is affected and needs help not only working on the specifics of consent, but also with helping to set boundaries and finding what the underlying issues are that led to this situation. We used some great workbooks specifically geared toward children. A quick Google or Amazon search on consent for kids shows quite a few resources. I would suggest the therapist has some go-to tools

as well. Additionally, many therapists also use something called restorative justice, which could include writing an apology letter to the victim. This may help the mom with mending her relationship with her friend if she shares and includes her in the plan and the outcome of therapy. Lastly, the mom may be concerned about what this means for her son as he develops into a teen and adult. There was a study done in 2012 by the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers that found that adolescents who offended once and found treatment were highly unlikely to repeat their offense. It's just so important for her to get professional help for her son and her family so this doesn't become a repeat behavior. Hope this is helpful, Don. Oh, wow. Well, that's

good to know. That's a good resource. Thank you, Don, for writing in. And thanks. Yeah, thanks for paying attention. I would never want to be I mean, that must be so hard to be a mother that has to deal with that. And when it's your own child doing that, you know, and I'm sure you just feel from Don that he felt that isolating situation when he went through it and wanted to reach out. So I just wanted to share that with everybody. Oh, well, thank you for sharing. Should we introduce our guest for today? So our guest today is another stand-up comedian. You may know her from her Netflix special, which is called Quarter Life Crisis. Her name is Taylor Tomlinson. She has an Instagram series called New Couple Gets Quarantined with her boyfriend, Sam Burrell.

And she also has a podcast called Sad in the City and a new Netflix special that is coming out soon. So please welcome Taylor Tomlinson. Hi, Taylor. Hello. It's nice to finally meet you. Nice to meet you. Thank you for having me. I know.

I can't believe we've never met. We have met so briefly when I was much younger that you would not remember for any reason. As my boyfriend, Joe Coy, likes to remind me, I don't have a memory past six weeks or six months, depending on the topic and the person. So I wouldn't remember anyway. But it's nice to see you. I know you. And I loved your special quarter life crisis on Netflix. I loved that special. And I've been loving your series with your boyfriend, Sam Morrill about. Am I saying that right?

Morrill? Morrill? Morrills. I'm just going to call him Sam Morrills. Sam Morrill. Yeah. Which is called New Couple Gets Quarantined. So you were in a new relationship, I know, during quarantine, which has now gone on

for, I don't know, almost two years. Yeah, that was a little web series we did during lockdown that kept us busy during those first few months of terror, for sure, because we're both workaholics. So we couldn't just stop and go, oh, look, a break. Right. Well, that's probably what a lot of couples should have done is just started recording themselves. Right. So that there was an eyewitness account to everyone's behavior. I think it's a really solid idea. been Andy Haynes started one and they're still doing it. And I was like, man, we crapped out as soon as the world opened back up again. We were like, that was just a coping mechanism for us. They've really, they've really built something blasting. Yeah. They've really sunken into it because also I think her husband just got COVID. Right. And so she had to quarantine with him again. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. So they're just, they just keep quarantining and quarantine.

And with every new variant, they have another, yeah. So they just keep quarantining and quarantining. And with every new variant, they have another 10 days together. Yeah. We have not gotten COVID that we know of, I guess. Did you get COVID? I have not gotten COVID yet, no. Isn't that crazy? Are you surprised? We're like, we don't know how we haven't gotten it at this point.

Normally, I would consider myself to be some sort of super spreader. So I am very surprised by the fact that I haven't caught it or given it to several people because especially in the beginning and now I've lost interest in even trying to protect myself. You know what I mean? Like I just want to get it and get it over with so that I have some higher level of immunity. But I got I'm in Whistler, Canada right now. And I got here and my girlfriend was just recuperating from COVID. And I was like, you know what, I'm coming over. I don't care. She's like, she goes, I might still be infectious. And I was like, Okay, I have a test kit. Well, we'll test you. And we get over there and Joe Tess already looks at me goes, Chelsea, she's positive. You're like, I know, lick my face. I know. I'm like, who cares? And we're in her garage.

I'm like, I'm triple vax. I've got my booster. I'm like, whatever. Let's just get it already. And we're in her garage. And so we're all, you know, she's wearing a mask. We're standing like far apart. The door's open.

It was so stupid. And then finally I was like, it's cold, you know, because it's snowy and everything. And she put on a space heater and then she shut the garage door and shows like, hey, this is getting a little bit much. Like now we now we're just trying it's just like a culture swab of us all trying to get sick but we still didn't get it so I don't know if there's blood types that are not getting it like I think you know oh blood type doesn't isn't as susceptible yeah that's what they've said I think that's the only thing that i've been like is that a thing because i think i'm oh yeah i think most people are oh so i that doesn't really add up either but who fucking cares i normally i'm i consider myself to be some sort of medical doctor so i should have more

information on these things but i've lost my passion for covid has lapsed i don't i don't have the same passion for it as i used to yeah i don't feel like actual doctors go around going i'm a medical doctor yeah they don't have to introduce themselves for it as I used to. Yeah, I don't feel like actual doctors go around going, I'm a medical doctor. Yeah, they don't have to introduce themselves the way that I do to get people to take me seriously in the medical field. So I want to talk to you about, well, let's talk first about your stand-up experience coming up because you're from L.A., right? I'm from California. Yeah, not L.A. proper, but I'm from California. Where? I grew up up by, like, Sacramento until I was, like, 10. And then I was in Riverside County from the time I was, like, 10 until college.

If you know where Temecula is. Unfortunately, I do. I perform there in Temecula, I believe. At the casino? Yes, of course. All casinos all the time. Yeah, they've got a big beautiful theater've got a big, beautiful theater there. You've performed there too, I'm sure, right?

Not the theater. I have not performed in the theater. I think I did the club there, which I don't even know if that's still open. I mean, I will never perform in T and then found myself there either this last year or the year before going, wait, I thought I crossed this off the fucking list. And then you get there and you're like, you feel you like because the audiences are so appreciative when people come through the kind of like less inviting cities. The audiences are awesome. So you leave there with the feeling of like yeah i want to show up for these people like yeah and then a month goes by and you're like i really can't go back there right right but temecula is so funny because it's an hour drive from san diego and it's like two hours from la and i'm kind of like guys drive to a cooler place yeah to see a thing like Baja yeah yeah just go you know it's it's not that

far but I think Temecula is like it's like a great place to have a family I guess but if you're like 20s I'm like what are you doing here guys right so you came from a really like conservative background is that how you grew up? Religious? Yeah, I grew up super religious, very Christian. Oh, so how does that how did that all work out for you as you came into your own and your stand up career? When did you kind of well, no, you tell me, did you break ties with religion? Absolutely. Yeah, it's it's weird because the way I started doing standup is I started when I was a junior in high school. And I actually started by taking a class from, like, a Christian church comic.

And so I was, like, performing in churches before I could perform in clubs because I wasn't 18 yet. And then even once I started performing in clubs, I did Last Comic Standing. And they kind of, like, painted me as, like, a church comic because it was a new thing they could do. And so then I was doing churches a little bit longer up until I was probably 21, 22 is when I did like the last couple. And the last church gig I had was like opening for some huge church comedian and they fired me for a tweet. And I was like, I'm never doing this again. I like, I don't care what the offer is. I don't care what the money is. Cause there's a lot of money in church comedy. And I was like, I can't, I can't pretend to be this person because church comedy, they want you to be a Christian. Like they want you to be that thing all the time. There's no,

like, here's my church set and here's my club set. Like you got to be that always. And I just wasn't. I just didn't think I was a Christian and I was dealing with how I grew up and my relationship with my parents and whatnot. So that was kind of the moment I think I cut ties with all of it at once. Yeah. I would think performing comedy in a church is very limiting. Yeah. yeah yes you can't do that joke about how your dad didn't want to fuck you right right exactly that was not super church friendly and that's why i left i wanted to talk about my dad not wanting to fuck me and they just weren't cool about it yeah and i said this is the last straw for me well yeah exactly i mean you're not the only one i mean that's where i think that's where all comedians start. Somebody in the family

wanted to fuck you and we weren't down with it. And that's where our humor comes from. So what's your relationship now like with your parents? Because they're still religious, right? They're still religious. I my mom died when I was a kid and my dad and my stepmom. I don't speak to them anymore. Oh, really? But they're still very religious. Yeah, they're still very religious. And do you not speak to them because of this, because of your career and because of you leaving the church?

No, that's definitely an aspect of it. You know, you never want to like put people on blast in your life, no matter what they've done, because they're not in this world and they're not in this public space and they're not public figures like we are. But yeah, there were there are things beyond that that were issues that I was finally like, oh, I have to cut ties with this person. But yeah, it all comes from a place of like, this is a person who grew up with religion is sort of a slave to that belief system in a way that is not healthy. I think a lot of people, a lot of people in my family are religious and are like incredible, loving, forgiving, amazing people who use religion in a way that is beautiful. And they, they love other people in the way that I think Christianity at its best is, is meant to encourage, but then there are other people who don't use religion in that way. And they use it to intimidate and scare people and quite frankly, abuse people. So I would never want it to sound like I'm painting with this broad brush about anybody who is religious because I know it is such a

lifeline for so many people and something that makes a lot of people better human beings. But that was not the case with my specific parental situation. Understood. Understood. Well, it's bold move to cut ties with any family members. It's not an easy thing to do. And we discuss it on this show all the time because people are always calling in like, and I'm always like, yeah, fuck your family. You know, they don't deserve you. I mean, and that's coming from somebody who has really close ties with my whole family.

I've never been in a situation where my family judged me in that way. You know, I would have been out the door a long time ago had that been the case. So I think it is, it's, it's gotta be a painful painful thing and it's got to be, it's a strong decision. So I respect it. Let's talk about your, cause when I came up as a female, this is the question that I always got asked, which was so annoying at the time, but upon reflection, and now that I'm older, I'm in my forties, I get it because people would always ask me how difficult it was to be a woman, you know, in a male-dominated field, which is basically every field. And I always just thought I didn't see it that way. You know,

I saw it as an advantage. It was sparser for women, so it was easier to stand out, especially if you were cute and if you were out, you know, outspoken and you were loud and you kind of had all of that going for you. It was easy to get recognized and it was easy to get noticed. And I always, I didn't have any regard for what the male comics were doing or what they thought of me or any of that, you know. And I did feel that there was a lot more competition or kind of doors shut from other women rather than from the men. You know, women in powerful positions, women in booking positions

or in executive positions. So I'm curious to know, since you're a lot younger than me, what your experience was like coming up after you left doing church comedy. How did you see it? It's interesting because I feel the same way you do. I felt like being a female was something that helped you stand out. I was also clean for like the first five years or something. So that helped me stand out as well. I want to say Amy Schumer said this. I might be misquoting her, but somebody said this where somebody asked,

is it harder to be a female comic? And she was like, it's just harder to be female. Like it's not that it's harder to be a female comedian. It's just harder to be a female. And I think the hardest parts about being a female comedian just came from like being on the hardest parts about being a female comedian just came from like being on the road and it being unsafe, like having people try to like break into your hotel rooms. Cause they see that you're 21 and you're in this hotel. That's like in the middle

of nowhere. And you checked in alone. Like those were the hardest parts is just like constantly trying not to get murdered on the road. But as far as like the industry, it's funny you say that about having doors closed by other women. I do think that there are male comics, not all male comics, but I do think there are male comics, male bookers who do this thing where they will compliment the female comic in front of them in a way that makes us feel like we are in competition

with each other, where they go, you're the best one. Like, you're the good one. Like, who can touch you of female comics? Like, even now, like, I get male comics saying, like, you're the best female comic in this class of whatever, and you're like, why can't you just say you're a really good comic? Like, why can't you just say you're a really good comic? Like, why can't you just say like, you're killing it. You're doing really well. Like they're

always comparing us and not all male comics on all male bookers, whatever, but there are certain, certain people who do that. And women too, frankly, in this business. And I do think because we're this smaller pool within this male dominated field, it just makes sense for them to go, you are doing better than this person, or you're doing as well as this person, or you're going to be the next this person, as opposed to just seeing us as a comedian without the added context. Yeah, well, I think I mean, when we do it to ourselves, I remember coming up and when I had doors that were shut by other women, I was like, wait a second, this doesn't make any sense. Because all I wanted to do, it actually lit a fire under my ass. When I had an

opportunity to help other women, it was the first thing I wanted to do because I was like, oh, wait, this is a shit show out there. Our mindset has been structured in the same way. It's like, oh, there's only room for a certain amount of us. But now I just feel like there are so many female comics that are crushing it. The conversation must have shifted and must be changing. And do you think it is? I think so. I mean, there are just so many more female comics. And I mean, people like you who have been so successful and did kind of come up in a time where there may be less female comics, that has made a huge difference. And so, yeah, I think it's definitely far easier and far better to come up in this business right now as a female comic. And it is still an advantage, I think, in my mind. I think that's the only aspect

of it that still makes my skin crawl a little bit when people talk to me like, you're one of the good ones. There's still some of that, and I think it's leftover. I don't think it's the norm anymore. I think it's just leftover. And how did you get together with your boyfriend, Sam? Just doing comedy. I mean, I don't do anything else. So this is what happens. I think he had sent me a couple DMs just about like my late night sets. Like, hey, you're very good.

And obviously he's an incredible joke writer and everyone respects him so much. So getting messages from comics you respect is always very nice. And we just started talking and became friends and started dating a number of months before quarantine hit. And I feel like we have been together for a very long time because of that. I think if you were together during quarantine, you feel like you have a much longer history than maybe you do. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's an extended period of time on top of a period of time. It feels like twice the duration of what it was. I had never dated a comic before I started dating Joe Coy.

Never once. I was going to ask you. Yeah. I think I slept with Tom Rhodes. He's a comic. That was the only comedian I slept with. Or maybe, was there another one? Anyway, I didn't have a lot of experience with male comics because I just found them

to be gross, quite frankly. So funny. My cousin just sent me a text. She goes, I read this word today and it reminded me of you. And it said, it's misandrist, somebody who despises men. And I go, oh my God, it's so terrible. And she's like, I go, well, you know, I don't despise men, but I just can't stop fucking banging on about how much shit they've gotten away with, you know? And so, and the way that they've treated women and, you know, forced, like, I much shit they've gotten away with, you know? And so, and, and the way that they've treated women and, you know, forced, like, I hate that they've, it's not even

their fault. It's society's fault. You know, this whole construct is now nobody's fault, but I just want people when you wake up to know the truth, you know what I mean? Wake up to the reality of what's happening. Don't resist what's happening now and saying this isn't true for women that they haven't been subjugated or treated unfairly it is true it's undeniable it's indisputable so shut up and say you're sorry but I've never dated a comic and people are always like oh my god you and Joe Coy must just laugh your asses off laugh your asses off I'm like not quite I go we do laugh our asses off but like when you're two comedians it's like my comedies for when I'm on stage like at this point in my life like I'm not sitting around being funny all fucking day long by myself.

You know, you're just playing chess in the dark to unwind together. Pantsless. Always. I'm always playing chess by myself. And yeah, I've become much more serious as I've aged about like wanting my thirst for knowledge or reading the right books and making sure I know what's going on with that. I just read a book about the German war that was like 800 pages. And I was like, fuck, I should have read this a lot sooner. But I have a much greater sense of responsibility to like my fountain of knowledge. Like I need to know more and I'm pursuing that always. But when people say like, oh, you guys must just laugh your asses off all the time. I just want to be like, no, it's not like you're sitting here writing jokes for each other all day long.

Is it like that for you guys? Or how do you feel about that kind of comment? We work on jokes together. I mean, I think we make each other laugh a lot, but we're also very intense people. So we also complain a lot and bicker a lot. And yeah, when we're making fun of stuff and running jokes by each other, I think we probably laugh the least

when we're running jokes by each other and like working on jokes. You know where you're like, is this funny? You're like, yeah, that's good. That's really good. You should write that down. And then when we are just hanging out or watching movies or watching TV shows or whatever,

that's when we laugh the hardest, when we're just being stupid. But when we're actually working on jokes, it's not funny at all. It's just whatever, that's when we laugh the hardest, when we're just being stupid. But when we're actually working on jokes, it's not funny at all. It's just like, that will work. That's good. Yeah. And what do you like about being on the road?

Because I know, are you on tour right now? I am on tour right now. Yeah, we had to reschedule my New York shows this weekend, unfortunately, because of all the COVID stuff. So I was supposed to be doing Town Hall and The Beacon this weekend, and we had to move them to April. But I'm back on tour after a few weeks off this weekend. So I'm going to be in Portland and Seattle. And then like, I go to Michigan and I

think like Omaha and all these other places. So I'm on tour until like May. And then I need a break because my next Netflix special is coming out in the next couple months here. So I'm like, I need a minute after that, because I've also been on tour kind of nonstop since last year. I mean, before I was vaccinated, I was doing clubs that were like very spread out, like 40 percent full. And then once I was vaccinated, I was just back on the road and I was doing it every weekend. I wasn't doing the self-care stuff I had been doing before the pandemic where I was like, I'll do two or three weekends a month because I need to keep my sanity. I was like, put me on the

road as much as humanly possible. So I have not had a ton of time off in the last nine, 10 months. Yeah. And I think being on the road, it's like, it doesn't matter what level you're doing it. You know, I've been on tour for the last four or five months too, and just have this one month off. And it doesn't matter if you're flying privately, if you have a tour bus, it just wears on you because you are exhausted every morning. You feel hung over whether you've had a drink or not. That is how I feel on tour. It's like it is a wellness game and then you just give up on the wellness, right? Yes, you're just getting through it. Like I kept thinking I had COVID every time I came back from a weekend and I'd get tests and they'd be negative. And then I realized it was because I was just living in survival mode for like three days where I got

home and I took a minute to like unclench all my muscles. And I was like, oh, you're not drinking four cups of coffee a day anymore just to get by. Like you didn't wake up to get on a plane at 6 a.m. after three hours of sleep. Like you are recovering Monday and Tuesday. And then Wednesday or Thursday, you have to go back out and start the cycle over again. Yeah, totally. It's just it is. And then what do you do during the day when you're on the road? Do you go out and about or do you just hunker down in your hotel room?

It depends. I try to get out. I've been trying to be better about it. It depends where you are, obviously. Like if you're going back to one of those cities that you're like, I swore I'd never. Then you're like, I'm going to stay in the hotel. But if you're in a cool place, like if you're in Chicago or wherever else, you're like, I want to go to the restaurant I like, or I want to go see something. My buddy, Dustin Nickerson, who goes on tour with me, that's made a huge difference having like one of my best friends with me on the road. Because before it was just me by myself and that's very isolating and draining.

And it's hard to motivate yourself to go out and do anything. It's hard to motivate yourself to go find a cute coffee shop or a place to get breakfast. Like before I was just finding a grocery store and like bringing like bags of spinach and hummus back to my hotel room with a mini fridge. Like it was so sad. So now that I have like a buddy with me, it's much easier to motivate myself to get out and try to experience where I'm at in the country because, you know, it's, this is so much of our lives. Like for a while I was like, okay, the road is my job and then I'm going to come home and have my life. And now I try to treat the road with as much importance as I do my life at home, because it's 50% of my time, if not more.

Yeah, I like that. You're right about that. I need to be better about that too. I used to be a lot better and now I just am like, oh, I have to conserve my energy. You know, I have this idea that it's like, I have, all I have is what I'm going to put on the show that night, you know, and I want to, but it is good for the soul to be out and about in these places and have a little bit of culture. It's good to get out there about in these places and have a little bit of culture. It's good to get out there and like meet people and see what's going on in those cities. Even if it does, if you do find it depressing or whatever, it all kind of adds up. And it is a huge part of our lives.

So there's really no disputing that. So on this podcast, we take callers. They could Zoom in and we give them our advice. So we're going to go ahead, Catherine, right? And take our first call or Zoom or what? I still don't know how this podcast works. That's okay. Every week it's a new adventure.

I'm like, wait, what? Is someone coming in live? I'm going to make us take a quick break for ads and then we'll come back with an email and a caller. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth plus does tom cruz really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop

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It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we are back. I actually have something I wanted to tell Taylor. I'm sure we're not related, but my last name is Law, but I'm actually a Tomlinson. Oh, are you? Yeah, my dad's biological father's last name is Tomlinson,

so I've got lots of Tomlinson cousins and aunts and uncles. And according to the person who did our Ancestry.com, it's Illinois farmers back as far as the eye can see on that side. Oh, wow. Two Tomlinsons. Yeah, sometimes I get messages from people like, are there any relation to Tomlinsons over here? And I'm like, not that I know of, but who knows? You never really know. I mean, how would we know who we're related to?

Yeah. I guess you put your spit in a vial and you mail it somewhere. I've never done like 23andMe, but that's what it is, right? Yeah. I have some uncles who I'm sort of like, hmm, should you be worried? Part of me is like, if I did do that and like caught a bad guy, even if I was related to said bad guy, what a thrill. I think it'll be thrilling. So our first question comes from

just initial P and Taylor, because of your background with religion and all that stuff, I thought this would be a good question for you guys to tackle together. P says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to ask for help and explaining to my girlfriend why it's not the best idea for her to get baptized just because her grandmother wants her to. Her grandma believes she won't see her in the afterlife unless she's baptized. Neither my partner nor I grew up in religious households. We believe in higher powers, but certainly not the sweet baby Jesus her grandma believes in. My girlfriend feels that getting baptized will make her grandma happy,

but doesn't fully understand why folks get baptized, the personal choice behind it, the religious beliefs behind it. I'm no scholar in the subject, and I don't think you are either. However, I do believe you may have some great insight on why my girlfriend shouldn't get baptized just to appease grandma. P. Well, Taylor, why don't you start and then I'll follow up? I mean, I don't know if this is a dumb answer, but I'm kind of like, how much do you love your grandma? Like, does it matter really? Like if you get dunked in some water, if you don't believe in it, then it really just comes down to, do you want to do your grandma a favor and make her feel good? Because I don't think you should do anything that you're not

comfortable with and you don't want to do because like I don't know that I could personally do something like that like I know that I've told my grandma who I love more than anything in the world like I'm not a Christian and I'm scared I won't be a part of this family and she was like oh my god of course not you'll always be a part of this family and i'm like yeah but you do think i'm going to hell and she's like well you know i don't know what to say to that and so that's comforting yeah it's it's just it is what it is like if you don't believe that being baptized means anything then it's up to you if you feel comfortable doing that just to make your grandma happy, or if that feels not authentic to you and you don't want to lie. It's such a personal decision. I can't even say like, this is what you should absolutely do. But yeah, I mean, if my grandma

wanted me to get baptized and I wasn't Christian, I would probably say like, you know, I don't actually believe what you believe. And I understand that that's hard for you. I maybe would go, I could get baptized if you want, but know that if I don't believe it, then it's probably not going to do anything. Right? Like if you want me to get baptized, you know i don't believe in jesus i don't think it's gonna matter it sounds like your grandma just wants you to be something you're not it sounds like she just wants you to be religious and if you're not it's not gonna work yeah i would say i'm gonna say something surprising and i would say first of all if you really don't believe in it then who gives a shit? Then do it.

Like if you just want to make your grandmother happy so she can die peacefully, knowing that she's having her believe she's going to see you in the afterlife, go get baptized. Like if you don't believe in it, it's not it's no harm, no foul. Like if somebody in my life that I really cared about or respected wanted me to do that, I probably would just because it doesn't make a difference to me because I don't believe in that. So I have no problem getting dunked in water by a priest and eating that cookie or whatever happens afterward. It's not a big deal. And I feel like I do have a soft spot for older people, like religious older people. They do believe they're not going to see their family again.

And I almost have more compassion for that than being obstinate in your own belief system. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's kind of how I felt, too. It's more so just like if you're going to do it and feel bad about it, don't do it. But yeah, if you don't care, then just do it. Yeah. So there you go. I mean, you could do it or you cannot do it, but let us know what happens. Fantastic. Problem solved. We have a huge we have a great track record on this show, Taylor, so just watch out. We solve them all, just about. Okay, our next question, and we have this color on the line, comes from Shannon. I thought this would also be a great question for you, Taylor,

because she's sort of having a quarter-life crisis. Shannon says, Dear Chelsea, I'm turning 30 next month and looking back on my 20s, I wish I'd let myself have more fun. Money's been tight since graduating college as my husband and I both have large amounts of student debt. Stress around money has been a big factor in our lives, affecting each of our personal happiness and sense of self-worth and causing a lot of strain on our marriage. I think we also let money challenges stop us from having fun. What advice do you have for me going into my 30s? What are some ways that you put your stress aside and have fun, particularly that don't involve spending money? Shannon. Hi, Shannon. Hi. Hi, this is Taylor. Hi, Shannon. Hi. Okay, so you're stressed about money all the time. That must be really, that must take up a lot of your energy, right?

It does Yeah, and so how do you guys manage the stress? Do you spend a lot of time budgeting? Do you spend a lot of time saying no to things? I I think that my husband and I have different methods like I think for him it's hard to even look at it So I spend a lot of time. I feel like almost just staring at it, I guess budgeting, but almost feeling like, how do I move things around? You know, like, oh, great, I can balance transfer this and do this here or whatever, like trying to be strategic. And my husband, I think he

just kind of shuts down. And for him, it's intimidating. He's just like, well, we don't have enough money to do anything. So whatever. And I'm trying to be more solution oriented. So that becomes challenging. Yeah, I bet that is challenging. But I mean, I think there are so many things you can do without spending money and without taxing it. A, you probably have to open up a little better line of communication with your husband so that you guys can kind of handle it together. Because for you to be spearheading, it must be really stressful also. Yeah. I know my boyfriend doesn't like to talk about anything negative. Like if anything bad in the world happens, he's just like, like the news, politics, anything like that, he shuts down.

And I'm like, so I'm supposed to just fucking deal with all of this myself, you know? So I could understand that there's that imbalance kind of creates a lot of stress. But there are so many things that you can do that not only you can do for free, but that will add to your quality of life, to add to your de-stressing. Just being outside in nature, going for hikes, going for long walks through the woods, finding the areas around where you live, where you can experience nature in a nice, fun, cool way. And that it's like a double dose because it's free and it's going to lend to your happiness and level of happiness. And I think once you, you just have to

make a real effort each day to relieve that part of your day where you're, where you're so hyper focused on the finances, you're going to be okay. You've been okay this far. You have a track record to prove to yourself that you're going to be okay moving forward, even if finances are tight. So what kind of stuff do you guys do together? Mostly watch TV. I mean, we in non COVID times, we like to go to the movies. Definitely. Lately, we've been a little bit less active. So and I think too, it's like another, another struggle where my husband, he does like to go hiking and stuff, but not as much. And even something as simple as like, oh, let's go walk the dogs. Like he's, he's just not always up for it. And sometimes that's frustrating, but I also have to remind myself, well, like, I can go do that myself, too. I'm still going to get value out of doing that on my own rather than just not doing anything.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's really important for you to do that on your own, because sometimes the way to attract another person is just to enjoy yourself on your own. You know, by you going out and doing those things, coming back in a brighter mood and a happier kind of state of mind and him being like, oh, I miss that. I mean, when I met Joe, he never worked out a day in his life. And I would just get up every morning and I'm serious about working out and being like healthy. And after a week, he's like, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not sitting here sleeping while you work out. I'm going to level up. And I was like, oh, I didn't even ask him to do that. I never expected him to work out. I didn't know. Meanwhile, now he's ripped after two weeks of it. And I'm like, this is a little bit uneven. But Taylor, what do you

have to say about that when you're struggling with finances? Because we've all been there. Everyone's experienced that. Well, not everybody, but most people. Yeah. I had a question. Where do you live? I live in Las Vegas. Oh, so there's a lot of nature-y, you could do. Oh, my God. That's I mean, the people watching in Vegas alone is because I'm not when I go to Vegas to perform. I'm not like a big I don't gamble or drink or anything. So I do a lot of just like people watching, which is very entertaining to me. Do you have kids? No. Oh, so that's great. So it's

really just you and your husband. It sounds like the fact that you guys handle this stuff so differently. I so relate to that because I also have a partner who like, doesn't like to plan ahead. And if something's stressful, just kind of like, doesn't want to deal with it right away. And it sounds like hearing you talk, it just sounds like you are feeling like it's kind of all on you right now is he bringing this stuff up as well like everything you wrote in like is he communicating that he's feeling that too or is it just kind of you feeling it on your own and wondering if he does too no I mean we like kind of talked recently I generally would say that our communication isn't great but we did talk pretty recently and had like a more serious conversation than we've had in a long time.

And so I know it's both on our minds and we're both trying to kind of figure out together, but also for ourselves, how do we, we're definitely in like a slump just in general. And how do we kind of like pull ourselves out of that? Because I mean, we are actually doing exciting things. We're buying a house right now. And, you know, we didn't think that that was going to probably be possible for another several years. And so it's like we even have these positive things happening.

And it's like we're so nervous something's going to happen and our loan's not going to go through or or whatever. So it's like just finding that way to like pull ourselves out of that and not being the greatest at communicating along the way. Yeah. And I know you mentioned when we had our pre-interview call as well, you just started a new job. So that's very exciting and congratulations on that. But I wonder if there are any free counselors in the area that you guys could go see just to talk through some of these things because you know it shouldn't all just fall to you I know like in my household I manage most of the money

but it's not necessarily because my husband isn't there to talk about it he would be happy to but I don't know maybe it's a little bit more that I'm like okay I want to be the boss of this and make the decisions and he kind of just goes with the flow, which is great. But it sounds like you need a little bit more support in that area. And I also wonder if, you know, I know you said it's a lot of college debt. And that can kind of feel like you're looking down the barrel of years and years of the same. And it can feel really overwhelming. But I wonder if there's anybody that you can see who can help consolidate some of that or if there's any changes that can be made to like how long you're paying it off just to give you guys a little more breathing room. Yeah, I look at I actually look at that

constantly. I've refinanced already. Right now we're waiting to close on the house and then we're going to try to look again at some of those options, too. Good. Yeah. And a good way to like, you know, bring a little bit of like bright and lightness into your life. Like you have a new job, right? You have new people you're working with. Like you can do things that cost nothing. You can have, not that like this is something I've ever done, but I've heard about it. You know, you can have like group cooking classes with people from your work or friends. You can have a book club. You can just have these little kind of, you could join a volleyball league.

You could do any of these things that are gonna add to your mental fitness and health and alleviate some of the stress because whenever we're stressed, we're lacking endorphins. That's what we're lacking, you know, always. It's their serotonin and it's our endorphins. And getting outside and being social with other people and taking your attention off of yourself a lot of the time, you're already paying enough attention to yourself and your finances and your situation.

So a lot of time our stress gets alleviated when we put our focus elsewhere. And you can find ways to integrate your social life with your work life or have a night of the week where everybody comes over and you have like a potluck dinner and you're socializing with people. That's always going to bring everybody up. Or you join a softball league or whatever sport you find interesting or a book club. You know, there's something for everybody. And it's just about when you said pulling myself out of this, that's exactly right. You're in charge of pulling yourself out of this.

You're in charge of making your mood a little bit brighter. And you don't necessarily need him to do that. Sometimes when you lead, other people will follow. Start with yourself. And then, you know, hopefully, it will be a natural progression in addition to finding a counselor. You know, we do ads for BetterHelp all the time. That's like online cheap counseling where you can talk to somebody and bounce stuff off of them. But it's not a hopeless situation by any stretch of the imagination. And you're not alone. I mean, everybody is struggling with college debt.

Luckily, I didn't get into college, so that's not an issue for me. But everybody is struggling with this kind of stuff. And so you should take some solace also knowing that you're not alone. It's not unique to you. And remember that you got yourself this far. You're going to get yourself through the next phase of your life. And enjoy that you're about to buy a house. Like that's huge, right?

Instead of stressing about what could go wrong and operating out of fear, operating out of like abundance. Like this is wonderful. What else are we going to be able to do? Try and take the negative lines of thinking and turn them into positives. Like what if our loan doesn't go through? What if our loan does go through? And then this is such a success that we go get another house. And then we start flipping houses, whatever the dialogue is, that's going to get you excited about it, I think is integral to like getting your mind into a happier state of being.

Yeah. Yeah, I super relate to that feeling of like, oh, I'm so excited to be taking this next big step. But like, what if something horrible happens? I just constantly live in that place. And something that my therapist always says to me is like, don't freak out about something until it's actually happening. Because if it actually happens, it's not going to have served you to have been miserable up until the point it happened. You either can be positive until something bad happens and then deal with it once it's here. Or you can be positive and maybe nothing ever happens that you're worried about. And so I just wanted to say I completely get how you feel in that regard.

And I know how hard it is to stay present and stay excited and stay positive about what's going on in that regard. And I know how hard it is to like, stay present and stay excited and stay positive about what's going on in your life. But just know that like, if something bad happens, you can be upset about it then, you know, like don't get, don't get ahead of the bad thing in this way of thinking of like, well, if I am afraid of it, it won't happen. Cause it's going to happen if it's going to happen. And you deserve to feel happy and excited about something great that's happening for you. You're so right, because I spend so much time doing that. And now that you say it like 100%, I live like that all the time. Yeah, same. It's brutal. Yeah. And it's the power of your thoughts, right? It's the power of positive thinking that old book where it talks about your thoughts have an impact on your on the

way you live your life, and it becomes a cycle. So the great news is it's easy to change your habits. It's easy to change your negative thinking over time into positive thinking. And then that brings in a little bit more positivity. And then it turns into a lot of positivity. And you realize how strong your mind is. So you're in charge of getting yourself kind of out of this little rut that you're in, which is not the end of the world. You recognize it. You're calling in talking to us today about it. So I think you're going to be all fine. You just have to switch your script a little bit. Flip it.

Thank you. Yeah. And Chelsea, I liked what you said, too, about doing stuff in groups because it is you that has to get you out of it, but not alone. Like you don't have to be doing it alone. I mean, a lot of what Chelsea suggested was group activities. And I think that's really helpful. Yeah. And I think that makes sense too for, I didn't mention that my new job is also working with my husband and we work very well together, which is actually no problem. We've worked together before and it's great, but it is definitely something that I want to focus on moving into this job, just finding ways to like, like you said, find a book club or find other ways that I can make new friends, spend time with

friends I already have and I haven't seen in forever because my day to day is definitely not going to be, there just won't be as many people in the picture as some of my previous jobs. Last ski season, I remember I was up here, I'm in Canada and I love to ski. And one day I just was in this terrible mood and I was supposed to ski with four of my friends and I just blew them all off. And I said, no, I'm not skiing today, I lied, but I went out by myself.

And I ran into them and I was like, oh shit, I just got caught, you know, totally redheaded. But the way that my mood elevated just by being around other people that I was going to shut myself away from, I was going to shut myself down from that. And then it just came at me. And by the end of the day, I was in a completely different spirit. So you really have to pay attention to being around other people and the benefit that that has on your mental space. Does that sound good, Shannon? Do you feel like you got some decent advice?

I do. I have a lot of things to think about for sure. Yeah. And also start instilling like the positivity into your conversations with your husband because it's infectious. And when people are upbeat and fun, like it's catchy.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for calling. Thanks, Shannon. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. Bye. Bye for calling. Thanks, Shannon. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Well, our next call comes from Christina. She's 25. She's an attorney in Miami. Oh, well, shit. Yeah. She's got her shit together. She absolutely does. She's quite a winner. Does she have a reality show yet?

She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing about a very close friend of mine who I love dearly, but sometimes oversteps her boundaries by subtly opinionating on my relationship. For context, I recently became a lawyer. I'm a first generation college student and the first person ever in my family to go to law school. I worked my ass off until I graduated at the top of my class and passed the bar exam with flying colors. My boyfriend of three years works a respectable but mundane job, doesn't really have any passion for work or career goals, and really enjoys playing video games and watching sports. Nonetheless, he loves me deeply. He is and has always been incredibly supportive,

and he devotes himself to my happiness. He's a good man, and I love him more than I've ever loved anything. My friend, who I met in law school, knows how hard I've worked and has told me many times how much she admires me as a person, and I too admire her. My boyfriend, on the other hand, she does not approve of. I know deep down she's probably just protective of me and thinks I can do better. Probably another lawyer or a banker or something. That's fine. She's entitled to her opinion, but I really dislike when she makes passive aggressive

comments about my relationship. For example, she sends me memes about lazy boyfriends with overachieving girlfriends and makes jokes about him to me. It really hurts me and it hurts to know she thinks I'm settling. And in all fairness, she's never had a relationship in her entire life. So it also seems very hypocritical to judge mine. How do I tell her to back off without causing a rift in our friendship or coming off as condescending? Love, Christina.

Hi, Christina. Hi. Hi, this is Taylor. Hi. Okay. Hi, this is Taylor. Hi. Okay, so well, first of all, congratulations on being such a badass and having your law degree at 25 years old practicing in Miami. That's fucking cool. First generation college student. I love all of it. So congrats on all of that. Thank you so much. I like that you recognize that your boyfriend likes to play video games and has no ambition and has no drive.

That's also really sweet because you know what? You're not judgmental at all. You're not judging him. And not a lot of people are capable of not judging people. I know that I'm not. So have you spoken to your friend about this yet? Well, first of all, I want to say I recognize that I've known I wanted to be a lawyer since I was 12 years old. And so I've worked for it, but that's a gift. And to him, a job is just a means to an end.

And I think that that's totally fine. I mean, he's still working, you know, I'm not like picking up the slack or anything like that. So it's fine. I haven't said anything to her for a couple reasons. I know for a fact that it's nothing personal. You know, she doesn't dislike him as a person. It's just that she really wants the best of the best for me. And so I guess in her mind, these few character traits that she doesn't like takes him out of the running. But I do know that it's coming from a good place. And then I have to remind myself that she hasn't ever been in a serious relationship. So she just kind of still has this idea that, you know, love is like the movies.

And, you know, somebody sweeps you off their feet and then they never disappoint you again. And I mean, I, through my relationship, learned that that's not what it is. Relationships are work and nobody's perfect. But when you really love someone, you love them for their flaws. And as long as they're a good person and they treat you well, then you work through the rest. And so I've never really wanted to tell her, well, you know, you've never been in a relationship. So how would you know what the gives and takes are? Because it comes off really condescending and she can be a little bit fragile.

So I don't want to hurt her either. So now I haven't ever talked to her about it. I kind of just like laugh it off. I think there's a really easy, nice like solution to just you can either send her an email and then follow up with a conversation, but a loving one just saying, Listen, I love you so much. I cherish our friendship. But it really hurts my feelings when you are passively aggressive about my boyfriend or you're making judgments or sending me memes. Like we both know who you're talking about. This is my relationship, not yours. No friend has ever decided their girlfriend's relationship for them. So that's a huge, she should learn that lesson early on anyway, because you can't do that. You can't control who your sisters, your brothers, or your friends are going to date. They're going to date who they

want, just like you're going to date who you want. And you're going to love who you love. You can say this in a very tender way. Like you both are so important to me. You know, he's never once said anything about you or I don't know if that's true or not, but it's not true. Right. Of course not. He's probably like, fuck her. But you just have to really just map it out because you're not giving her enough credit or respect by not addressing it. I've never thought of it that way. It's true. If someone's disappointing you and they're not loving somebody that you love, you have to show her the amount of respect that you're going to show, that you show your boyfriend, right? The amount of respect that you show yourself. You want to be respectful to her in your relationship

and say, this isn't cool with me. I'm so sorry, but it hurts my feelings. Every time you mention his lack of ambition or drive, like those might be important things to you, but what's important to me is my ambition, my drive. I'm not looking for that necessarily in this relationship or with my boyfriend. I supply that for myself.

And you don't have to mention that she's never been in a relationship because that's a little judgmental, I think. Taylor, what do you think? I mean, if she wants you to date another lawyer, when would you see another lawyer? Like, I'm sure your workload is insane. Like, I know a few people who have gone through law school and I just like didn't see them for years. And then they had like a couple months off and now they work very demanding jobs. Like I think that a lot of relationships, if one person is in a field that's like very demanding and high stress, it works very well to have somebody else who is like, yeah, I have a job. I like it.

But like, I like a job. I can leave at work and come home and relax and play video games and love my partner. Like, I think it sounds like you're in a great relationship with someone who balances you out. And I think it's really beautiful and actually pretty empathetic that you're like, I haven't talked to her about it yet because she's ever been in a relationship. And I understand that from her perspective, it probably looks like this. Like, I think you are an incredibly impressive, mature person, but yeah, I totally agree with Chelsea. Like, you know, trust your friend enough that she will be able to handle you saying very directly, Hey, I love you so much. I'm sure you don't mean anything by this, but it really hurts my feelings. This is my partner. It's okay if you don't understand,

but I just can't keep acting like I'm okay with these comments because I know I laugh them off, but I'm really not. And they're also, you know, because she hasn't ever had a relationship like that, there also may be a fair amount of jealousy there. So I think, you know, like they both said, coming at this from a place of kindness and a place of love and just like considering that she might be hating on him because she sees how happy you actually are. And like that's her place to nitpick when she's never really had that in her life might be might be pretty big. I also think Taylor made a salient point like, yeah, what if you were to date another lawyer? When the hell would you guys be getting together? Like that

would be such an to like people who are working their asses off. That doesn't make necessarily for a good match. You need somebody who's going to be there when you get home that's going to like support you and and have stuff waiting for you for dinner when you get home and be there to snuggle with and all of the things that you want to make yourself feel better. So that's a great point to bring up to like, that's what her idea of you is not what your idea of what you want is. Yeah, I mean, I actually went to law school with the idea that I would meet, you know, my future husband there. But I actually started dating him right before I got to law school. So that didn't work out. But it really was for the best because now I definitely don't ever want to tell me basically you're doing too much. Like you're fine. You've got this, you've studied hard, you know, for the last three and a half, you know, almost four years. And that to me is just way more important than, you know, introducing him

at cocktail parties and saying what he does. Yeah, no, it sounds like, you know, yourself, and you're pretty secure and self-assured. And those are really the most important qualities you can have. So yeah, it'll be an easier conversation than you think. And just remember when you're having it or you're writing an email, however you decide to, you know, approach it, just remember like you're doing this out of love and respect. Yeah, that's, that's true. I definitely should give her some more credit and I'm sure she knows deep down that it is hurtful because sometimes she does backtrack and she'll be like, sorry, not to, you know, do exactly what I'm doing, but not to dig on him. But. And also when you do have these conversations with your friends,

like I want to remind everybody that more often than not, you become closer to them. Yeah, that's true. I'm just non-con with her. Because she does tend to take things a little personally, but she's also pretty self aware. So I think that she would be able to recognize and as long as I, like you guys said, like tell her not mentioning that she hasn't been in a relationship, but just that this is somebody that I love and you're somebody that I love. And it will be really awkward if I do marry this guy and you're a bridesmaid. So, yeah, I think I am going to have that conversation with her. Good. And are you thinking about marrying your boyfriend? Is that a real thing? You know, we have definitely talked about it. I have no plans of not being with him forever. Like there's no reason I wouldn't want to marry him. But just that we're young and I just got out of school and this is my first year working.

And I kind of want to see, you know, where my career takes me and all this stuff. I feel like I'm not really running to walk down the aisle. Yeah. Yeah. Don't get married at 25. Just wait. That's just good advice from anybody and for anybody. Yeah. It's been a long time, but I think that we'll both continue to grow. And I want to accomplish some more personal goals to me before I get married.

And that requires some like, you know, splitting up my attention. But we're good. Well, awesome. Well, good know, splitting up my attention. But we're good. Well, awesome. Well, good. Sounds like the problem's solved. So let us know what happens after you talk to your friend, okay? I will. All right. Thanks for calling in, Christina.

Thanks. Bye. Bye. We had such genuine, sweet women calling in today, Catherine. Yeah. Like, really earnest. Oh, yeah. I wish I was that nice when I was 25.

I was such a cunt. Like, they're so, so sweet and real. This generation is just I mean, not this generation, that generation after mine is just feels like much more earnest, you know, in a good way. Yeah. And just like trying to look out for her friends feelings, even while her feelings are getting hurt. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing that that makes me think of, too, is just like our job being our whole life or having to make our passion our job, I feel like is a very not just American concept, but it is very cultural. Like not every culture has the ideal that your job has to be everything to you and give you spiritual fulfillment and all this stuff. It's actually okay if someone's job is just a means to an end and they're pulling their weight and being good to incorporate your life into your work and your work into your life. Like I, when I was younger, I was like, I worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked. And I was just like, no, I'm not going to do this my whole life, you know? And now that I take time and I take set time aside for long breaks and I treat myself to like the vacations that I always

dreamt about going on, you know, I am able to give so much more to my work life when I'm doing it and to be so laser focused because I reward myself in these other ways, which is like, you know I am able to give so much more to my work life when I'm doing it and to be so laser focused because I reward myself in these other ways which is like you know personal growth and being able to become a great skier which was important to me and whatever is important to you know whoever you are whatever is important to you but it is a very Americana thing to be like my work is my life and my life is my work and when you're in the entertainment industry it does bleed together because it's all about what you're doing when you're not working. You know, it becomes the same thing.

So I think a lot of us can relate to that, too. Yeah. Do you find that as well, Taylor? Oh, absolutely. I think it's really beautiful that she has somebody in her life that is able to say, hey, slow down, appreciate how hard you've worked and recognize that you can take time for yourself now. And it doesn't need to be this endless race to the future. Like you did it. You're a lawyer. It's it's amazing. Like, I think that for high achieving people like her, it is so important to have people like that in your life to remind you to take care of yourself so

you don't just become this slave to your career yeah and like i know she's not thinking about marriage yet but if they were to have kids in the future it's like if she has to work late nights he's there you know he's there holding down the fort like i think chelsea said he's got dinner ready when you come home yeah that's the way of the world. That's the way it's going. Men are going to stay at home, raise children until we can force them to birth them. And then the tables are going to be reversed. So everybody just get ready. Okay.

And a lot of men are signing up for this. A lot of my friends are dating men that are stay-at-home dads that are killing it, that are great fathers, you know, and that have no problem with their women or their wives. Their women. Their women being more successful, you know, and being the breadwinners. Like, that's hot. I see men doing that. I'm like, fuck, that's sexy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, our last email comes from Jenny.

She says, Dear Chelsea, my 21-year-old daughter and I are both big fans. I'm writing because my daughter is really angry with me due to the fact that she heard me having sex with a 27-year-old rando. I have apologized, but she will not forgive me. She called me disgusting, perverted, slutty, and all kinds of terrible things, and now she won't speak to me. She seems most upset by the age difference. I'm 46. I want to be a role model and teach her how to own her sexuality, be sexually positive, etc. So it's hard for me to acknowledge and validate her anger because I kind of feel like a badass. The man is not someone I will ever see again or ever ask her

to meet. After being married and a mom for the past 25 years, I'm ready to live my life on my own terms, but I feel super shitty about my adult daughter's vitriol. Have I traumatized her? Am I a monster for choosing myself? When is it okay for me to live? Most importantly, how can I get her to forgive me? Can you get her to forgive me? I think she'll listen to you.

I miss her. I love her. Hugs and kisses. We both love you so. Jenny. Yes, absolutely. I want you to forgive your mother Jenny listen to me you do not want to be sitting there angry at your mom just get over that part I understand hearing your mother

have sex is not ideal so that's a separate issue but you don't want to spend your time being mad at your mother she loves you you love her it's unsettling what happened but you can get past that as for the mother yeah you want to live your happened, but you can get past that. As for the mother, yeah, you want to live your best life, but you want to be respectful of your children and their feelings too. This is coming from a parent. And you want to make sure that you know, you know, that there are boundaries and letting your daughter hear you have sex is not ideal. So, you know that you made a mistake or a misjudgment and you've apologized. I would just say, apologize again, mean it, and then give

her her space for her to come back when she's okay to talk to you again. And don't push it anymore. Just let her come back. And to the daughter, when you are ready to do that, do that. I think it's a really tricky situation when women are coming into their own and going through divorces and they have children. And how do you balance your sex life? Because that's no one who wants to hear their parents having sex. I mean, I'm still scarred from walking in on my parents when I was eight. You know, I haven't gotten that image out of my mind. So I can only imagine what it's like as an adult to hear that. But these aren't life or death issues. You know, this is nothing to be serious, that serious about, seriously angry about. Taylor? Yeah, I guess I'm just confused. I'd like more details on the situation. Like, why did she hear you? Like, did you have somebody? Oh,

does your daughter live at home with you? Does she go to college? Like, does she not live with you? Did she come home when you thought she wasn't going to be home? Did you have somebody over knowing she was home? Because if if you you have somebody over knowing she was home? Because if you, like, had somebody over knowing she was home, that I could see is a little bit of, like, have some boundaries, you know, your kid's home. But if you didn't know. Yeah.

I did email back and forth a little bit with her, and it was unintentional, and they do live together. So I don't know if she came back home, like, while it was in progress, but that was kind of the vibe I got. That she didn't think her daughter was coming. Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, if if she did her best to make sure that you weren't going to interact with her sex life, then why why are you really mad at your mom? I would challenge you, if you're listening to this. If you're not, I would tell your mom to ask you, why are you really angry about this? Because it's not cool to call your mom slutty and perverted for having sex with someone younger than her. I understand it making you

uncomfortable. I like fully get that. But I'm just curious why you're so angry. If it is like, how could you do that in the house while I'm there? I understand that. But if that was unintentional, then you might need to just process those feelings on your own and figure out what's underneath it for you. And it might just be that you're uncomfortable with it, but there's not anything technically wrong happening, you know, cause there's plenty of things that I react to in a judgmental way that I know is not fair. So, you know, I don't want to presume to know everything about the situation in your relationship with your mom. But it sounds like based on little information that I have that you are just sort of like grossed out by what you heard by accident.

And it's making you angry that you have to even see your mom that way when she's your mom. Yeah. And a small sense of betrayal as like a child, you know, it's kind of a child. Yeah. It's a childlike reaction. It's and that's OK. But again, you know, it's not cool to call your mom a slut or, you know, she's not cheating on your dad. She's she's living her life. She thought you weren't home like that. You guys both just have to get past it, except that it wasn't ideal. Nobody liked this situation. It hurts her included and move on. You know, there are more important issues you're going to have to face in life than this. So the way you react to difficult situations is like, you know, character building. So remember that. Yeah. And also these days, like it's not okay to call anybody slutty, especially your mom.

And like, good for you, Jenny. Like, I think it's great. She's experiencing some new things, having some fun. I mean, have some fun quietly when your kid is home or maybe when they're out of town. But, I mean, good for Jenny. Yeah, her daughter definitely doesn't want to hear that. We'll put in a little disclaimer, like, mute it. Well, just it just like she didn't make you sit down and have breakfast with the guy she banged like you accidentally hurt her it's you know it sucks as chelsea said it's not ideal but and it's okay if you have to be like mom i can't talk to you for a little bit like i'm not mad at you you didn't do anything wrong i know that logically my skin is just crawling a little bit

because I don't want to think of my mother having sex with someone I would also be trying to date in my age group. It's fine to just be self-aware and be like, this is why it weirds me out. I know that technically you did nothing wrong and I have no right to be angry with you, but I just need to like put some space in between me and the noises you were making. Ditto.

Yeah. And get a white noise machine maybe also. That's actually great advice. Yeah, that's great advice. Just for all the time. Anytime. Yeah. Maybe something with like seagulls.

Yeah. Seagulls or sirens. Either one. Yeah. Maybe something with like seagulls. Yeah. Seagulls or sirens. Either one. Well, we'll take a quick break right now and we'll be back to wrap up with Taylor. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna

drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. God bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts all, thank you for being a contributor to today's podcast, because I like your you're very strong minded and you have solid advice and you're sure of yourself, which I think is just the best quality any woman could have. Oh, thank you. I was very nervous about giving advice, but I knew but I knew you'd be here. So I'm like, well, if I I don't

have any good advice Chelsea can just take it yeah exactly whether it's good or bad at least at least you give it with like with the intention that it's crushing you know you're like yeah this is fucking awesome yeah it's like when you're bombing a tv taping and you're like they'll sweeten it it's okay I know it's like when I would interview people that were like duds on my shows, whenever I would interview duds, I'd be like, okay, how do I punctuate this with positivity so that not everybody knows how bored I was during that interview. And then I was like, wait, there's no way to do that. There's no way to fake an interview after you've already had it

by saying goodbye with a big smile on your face. Totally. Well, Taylor, do you have any advice that you'd like from Chelsea? Oh my gosh. I mean, so many questions. I guess the question that I would ask you as somebody who's been very successful in this business is how do you separate,

we've touched on this a little bit in this episode, but how do you separate your've touched on this a little bit in this episode but how do you separate your self-worth from your career so that it's not all just tied up in how your career is going was that something that you ever had to struggle with have you always been good about keeping who you are separate from what you do because i think my identity is wrapped up in my job. And part of it is that I've been doing it since I was a teenager. And part of it is just that I'm probably not as well-rounded as I want to be. But that was something that I found during quarantine is that outside of standup, I didn't feel like I knew who I was or if I felt like I had much worth if I wasn't working all the time. So my

question is, did you struggle with that? Do you struggle with that? And if you have, how do you combat that? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's one of the reasons I quit my show. I was like, this is all I am. Everyone just I didn't have a family. I didn't have children. I wasn't married. So I realized I'm like, is this who I everything like my career? Because for me, that wasn't enough. I wanted to have a personal life that was separate. And I wanted to get more well-rounded, like you said. I've had this exact conversation with myself many times. And anytime I've been there, I have just said no to things to make myself go to the places that I'm uncomfortable with going

and existing where, oh, you're no longer the host of a TV show. Okay, well, what are you now? It's like, well, I'm me now. This is what I'm doing now. And having the confidence in yourself to kind of explore that because we don't know all parts of ourselves yet. You know, I still don't. You certainly don't. We're always growing. We're always learning. And it's basically like how high you set the standard for yourself, I think, when you can say no to things. And there's a period of time to do that. And there's a period of, there's a building period, right? You're building your career. You want to be, lay the foundation so that when you do feel confident enough to take some time off or go in a different direction,

you've already laid the groundwork that any major hiccup or retreat isn't going to have a deleterious impact on your all-over career. So I would say that it's just a constant process of being really honest with yourself, which is really hard, especially in this industry, because half the time I feel like when I start to lose myself and I don't know myself well, or I start to have self doubt, that's the time that I need to retreat and go do my own thing and like fill up my gas tank with other shit. So. Okay. That's so comforting to hear because sometimes you feel like nobody else feels that way. Do you know what I mean? Where you're like, well, nobody else who has reached the level of success I'd like to reach

feels that way. They're just more balanced than I am or they're okay with it being that way. So it is so helpful to hear from someone like you that you have gone through periods of that and just have to be constantly reassessing where you are at and how you feel about yourself and your identity. Absolutely. We all feel that way. You know, nothing that's going through any of our brains is going through one person's brain. We're all in this, like we all have the same thing. So yeah, definitely always remember that for sure, that everybody goes through periods of self-doubt, insecurity, self-worth.

And then when you're successful, it's addictive. You want more and more and more and more. And so you just have to be mindful of that. And you're already in therapy, so that's always going to be your best kind of gift to yourself. Right. Absolutely. So where can everybody find you, Taylor? I am at Taylor Tomlinson on Twitter and Instagram. Taylor Tomlinson Comedy on TikTok. My website's ttomcomedy.com. You can go there for all of my tour dates. I am fully on tour right now. And my Netflix special, Quarter Life Crisis, that came out in 2020 is streaming on Netflix. Awesome. Awesome. I had such a good time with you today. Me too.

Thank you so much for having me. This was lovely. Sometimes you do podcasts and you're like, oh no, what did I, what did I agree to? And this was like so nice and I was so excited to do it. Oh, awesome. Awesome. Well, I'm glad we finally spoke and hung out. I hope I see you again soon.

Me too. Thank you. So nice to meet you as well, Catherine. Likewise. Nice to meet you, Taylor. Bye bye. And of course, we can't forget show dates. So what do you have coming up? Okay, yes, I have added more second shows to my stand up tour. We have two shows in Winnipeg, two shows in Toronto, two shows in Kansas City, Missouri, two shows in Santa Rosa, California. We've added a second show in Los Angeles at the Wiltern, which is May 5th. I'm doing a late show in LA.

We added a second show to Montclair, New Jersey, to Huntington, New York, to Port Chester, New York. I'm going to be in Portland, Oregon, February 4th, two shows. There are tickets available for the second show. Then I'll be in Eugene, Oregon on February 5th. And then I'm coming to all these fun little cities like Las Vegas, Springfield, Mass., Honolulu, and Maui. So Maui's not a city. It's an island. And when I learn how to pronounce the city I'm performing in, I'll get back to you.

Hey, do you have a question you want to ask Chelsea? To get some advice, write into dearchelseaproject at gmail.com. Bye. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer.

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really Podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.