Dear Chelsea - Crowdsourcing Your Marriage with Natasha Leggero

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

Natasha Leggero is in the studio this week to talk about the anxiety that becoming a mother induces, what it’s like to have your mother-in-law live on your block, and why her daughter can never find out that Natasha is a stand-up comic.  Then: And Natasha wants to know how to save her monogrammed bath towels from being used as puppy pee pads.   Click for your copy of The World Deserves My Children! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and

conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests

to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. Hi. Hello, Chelsea. If you're listening to this on Thursday, I'm on my way to Tampa, Florida for two shows tonight in Tampa, Florida. And if you're listening to it and you want to come tomorrow night, I'm in Fort Myers Friday night. And Saturday night, I'm in Daytona Beach. And Sunday night, I'm in Hollywood, Florida. So that is five shows this

weekend. Holy fuckskeedoodle. Tickets are available at ChelseaHandler.com. So whatever Democrats are left in that state, I'm coming. And this is the last leg of my tour. And then my special is airing. It's official on December 27th on Netflix, everybody. It's called Revolution. That's so exciting. I know. I'm so happy.

Oh, Chelsea. Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah, we love Netflix. Netflix and chill. I haven't done five shows in a few months. I'm going to have to figure out what my alcohol game plan is because I'm on a pre-holiday buzz. You're going to have to get some of those patches, those pre-drinking patches. Oh, yeah.

I tried the awake ones, those patches. Yeah. They're supposed to give you buzz. I felt like that worked a little bit. Oh, I like that. Yeah. I like an awake thing that's not caffeine. Yeah, right, right. I don't respond well to caffeine. Plus, I take Excedrin a lot in the morning when I wake up. That's kind of my coffee. It's a great habit. You guys might want to pick

that up, okay, if you're listening from your health guru, Dr. Chelsea Handler. Man, I used to have to take so much Excedrin. I used to get headaches almost every single day. Oh, really? I did some cleanse stuff to like detoxify. Honestly, detoxification baths really helped with that. What are those? So you get in a bath like as hot as you. Yeah.

Epsom salt, sometimes some activated charcoal and a little lavender. Oh, it's the best. Is Epsom salt with an N at the end or an N? Epsom. Epsom. Oh, I thought it was Exxon M at the end or an N? Epsom. Epsom. Oh, I thought it was Exxon salt. That's not something you want to be then. Okay.

I have a follow up. Okay, great. Yay. Okay. Well, this is from Courtney. Courtney with a K? Oh, I wish. Courtney with a C.

And she was following up after our mushrooms and Mallorca episode about the caller Lisa, who was thinking about maybe moving to New York and having a new adventure at 40. And she says, Hi, I'm listening to the Mushrooms in Mallorca episode and just heard the caller Lisa talk about making the leap and moving to NYC. I came to NYC from San Francisco six years ago for what was supposed to be three months, and I never left. I found a great community here, especially during the pandemic, and I absolutely love the freedom, energy, culture, and of course, the bars and restaurants. As I was listening to Lisa's concerns, I realized I should offer to connect. Two main reasons. I'm a professional, single, child-free, 42-year-old with great contacts here and would love to help her settle in. I've moved around on my own a lot, LA, Chicago, SF, DC, NYC,

and it can be daunting but also rewarding, and especially rewarding when surrounded by good people. Two, I also travel quite a bit, and if she wants to try NYC on for size, she can stay in my place for free if she's willing to watch my adorable dog Cheech. Feel free to pass along my email to her, which I did. I'm happy to help her explore NYC options. Love your podcast, Chelsea, and you always make me feel better for being independent, strong, and single. You also gave me hope for finding true love. Dating has been a defeating process for me, and you remind me to stay open while also continually working to better myself. Thank you both for the weekly company, Courtney. What a cutie pie. I know. That's sweet.

I just love it. We get emails back sometimes based on callers who have called in or emails saying, I can help with this or I can connect them with someone. And it's just so lovely. There's actually a little bit of a community. I know. I love this. Yes. Sweet. It's really lovely. Thank you, Courtney. And with a C. I appreciate old friend. She is the host of the Endless Honeymoon podcast, which she hosts with her husband, Moshe Kasher, and her book, which is now out. It's called The World Deserves My Children. And it's so funny. Actress, comedian, and author, Natasha Leggero. Hi, Chelsea. Oh my God. How happy am I to be talking about this book that is finally coming out? You helped me every step of the way. I couldn't find a title. You gave me great advice. You helped me. See, because you're a natural book writer and you're a voracious reader. So I feel like you deserve all this book success. This was so hard for me. I hated it.

That's why you deserve the success too, when it's hard work, right? It took me like two and a half years and it's just like was not the kind of writing I was used to doing. And someone gave me the advice that it's more like an accordion, you know, like, so if I have a story as a standup, it's like this punchy thing where I'm trying to get right to the joke or the book is like spreading it out and thinking about it from all these different ways. So it was very taxing, but very rewarding. But I think that's one of the best things about when comedians write books is that it's like stand up. You know, like I remember the first book I ever wrote, I sent it to my manager,

who's no longer my manager, because I can't keep a relationship going. And he was like, you write just like you talk. And I was like, oh, and he said that like an aside, like it wasn't a good thing. And then as I learned going, and he said that like an aside, like it wasn't a good thing. And then as I learned going through the writing process so many times with so many different editors, that is your biggest strength is writing like you talk because standups are writers. That's what we do is we write what we say. So to put that into a book, I understand the accordion kind of analogy also, because you do have to, you know, you can't just be writing jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes. Of course. But also, as a comedian, our caliber of jokes is a little higher than the average person writing a book.

No offense. So it's like they're funnier. Your books are funny. Comedians' books are always funnier. And you can get them on audio and listen to them. Yeah. And this book is called The World Deserves My Children, which is a fucking awesome title. And I want to tell you guys that I have read a lot of parenting books.

Don't ask me fucking why. I don't know why, actually, because I'm just curious about, well, I read What to Expect When You're Expecting. You did? Yeah, because- That is so cute. I just, because I want to know

what everyone's fucking talking about. But I draw the line at watching The Housewives. I can't watch The Housewives. That's one thing I can miss out about that everyone's fucking talking about. But I draw the line at watching The Housewives. I can't watch The Housewives. That's one thing I can miss out about that everyone's doing. But yeah, but this is the funniest parenting book that you will read. It is so funny.

It made me laugh out loud. I was on a plane. I mean, I picked it up to read a couple chapters and I finished the whole thing on a plane ride because it was so good. Yes. Aw, that's so nice. I mean, I'm really psyched for people to read this

because every fucking parent can relate to so much of this shit. And if you're not a parent, you're going to be so grateful that you didn't have children when you read this. Because even if you're not a parent, this is worth reading. It's just so fucking funny. And the way you talk about Moshe, which is her husband, and if you listen to her podcast, you can hear both her and her husband.

It's called The Endless Honeymoon Podcast, where she and her husband basically just bitch and moan to each other about each other. No, I try to use the podcast. You can hear both her and her husband. It's called the Endless Honeymoon Podcast, where she and her husband basically just bitch and moan to each other about each other. No, I try to use the podcast. Well, we also, you know, listen to people's secrets and give some advice. But I also use it as a way to hijack him with issues I have with him. And then we can sort of crowdsource it. And I always win. Right. Often. Yeah. And in the book, you go after him in a very, very funny way. And I remember I was texting with you and you're like, is it too harsh?

And I was like, no. And at the end, you give him a platform to actually, he talks about his experience parenting and being a father. I interviewed him for one chapter because he thinks he knows everything. So I'm like, what do you think being a mother is all about? And what do you think being a father is all about? And he really, I actually learned from our conversation. I did too.

I thought it was a good illustration of who he is as, you know, his kind of character. That he's in charge of more of the fun because it has been an issue because I feel like I used to be this person like you full of joie de vivre and would go to Africa to drop of a hat and you know yeah sure pump vaccines up and down my arms and go to Thailand and river rafting without a helmet and now I'm like completely paralyzed with fear and I hate it and I want to get back to like pre-motherhood Natasha but I've changed a little bit so it's just sort of like grappling with that a little bit and trying to get back to this. Parenting is degrading, Chelsea. You know what?

It feels demoralizing. I remember. In a good way. The benefits are amazing. I bet. But I remember coming over to your house one day. It was pouring rain. And I went over on a whim for some reason.

We were texting. I'm like, oh, I can come over right now. And I drove over to your house. And I met your baby a whim for some reason. We were texting. I'm like, oh, I can come over right now. And I drove over to her house. And I met your baby for the first time. And we were in the playroom. And I remember just seeing your life, how it had transformed. Like this baby, if she walked, you know, Natasha had to walk after her. If she walked out of the room, Natasha had to walk out of the room.

It was just like that age where you can't leave them alone for two seconds. And I remember just going, oh, fuck. Like, this is a total life change. Did you pity me a little bit? I did. I felt sorry for you. I just felt like, oh, this is... Because I just always related to myself if I were in that situation and I just would not be able to handle it. But kids love you because I've seen you around kids and you're like a magnet. Well, sometimes, sometimes. Or all your nieces and nephews.

Well, I mean, they love me for different reasons. You know, I do like kids when they have something to offer. You know? They're mostly just sucking from your life force. Yeah, yeah. But in a way that you're happy for, I guess. So tell me about when you became a parent. Tell me about your relationships with

your friends that aren't parents. Did those change at all? Did you find yourself becoming friends with more people that had children or closer to those friends? I mean, I think it's I don't know. It's really hard having an only child because I'm I'm a little overactively trying to make sure she has some deep connections with some people. I don't know. Like, she doesn't have cousins. She doesn't have brothers and sisters. So my friends, I'd rather hang out with my friends who have kids than her friends who have kids.

Her friends who have parents. Her friends who have parents. Because I don't know these people. And I'm used to hanging around the funniest people in the world. So, you know, it's kind of hard sometimes to be like, and moms can be very judgmental. But to answer your question, I don't know what the fuck I'm used to hanging around the funniest people in the world. So, you know, it's kind of hard sometimes to be like, and moms can be very judgmental. But to answer your question, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I mean, oh, am I still friends with people? I feel like I have no friends.

I don't know. I mean, the pandemic was just sort of this. See, you did it right. You probably still like had a small group of people. The pandemic, I was so excited to spend time by myself. I just, because I had just come out of therapy. And that was my big thing was that I never spent time alone. And he just kept inculcating that to me, like, you have to spend time alone. And then I was like, I got out of therapy, and I treated it like I was getting a master's degree

in psychology. Like I took the pandemic, and I read every book that I had looked at before and hadn't read. I read every self-help book, every psychological book that I could like that would speak to what I was experiencing. So I just treated it like I was going to, you know, getting my master's degree and I fucking loved it. And I had such a blast with myself. I was like, what am I doing around all these people all the time when I'm the fucking fun one? And yeah, I took lots of mushrooms. And if I had a kid, it would have been a much different story. So tell me a little bit about you and Moshe.

You talk about your relationship a lot in the book, how it's changed since you've become parents. Are you still able to laugh as often as you did before you had a child? No. Well, it's just harder because there's like so much you're doing. Your life has become so busy and you're picking up now after two people and that can kind of get to you, you know? But yeah, no, we laugh. We do laugh. It's a different kind of laugh. It's like we laugh more when the kid's there. It's like performative. No, but sometimes I'm like I want to make sure I'm modeling like a nice, fun relationship for her because it's like you can't just always be like, we need this done, we need this done. Moshe and I like half the week her lunch is from Starbucks because I have to pack her a lunch every day.

And like I'm always out of what I need. So I'll like just have Starbucks little snack packs. It's just hard. I've gotten shamed at the school because I packed my brother's lunches. So I would just put them in a brown paper bag and send them off to school. When I was little, I was in charge of that. I did that when she was in preschool. And the teacher came up to me and she was like, just so you know, the kids all have these bento boxes.

And she showed me. And she opened it. I swear to God, it had rice, steak, a vegetable, like these mothers. The kid had steak. I'm not kidding. That's another reason to not have children, to deal with those fucking schools and that bullshit.

And the other moms. And I bento box. But it's groovy. Every kid had it. So I'm like, okay, it's probably better for the environment to not use like all the little plastic bags. But still, it's like, it's just, it it's a lot of so much about parenting presupposes that you have nothing else to do in your life. And, you know, I'm busy. So it's challenging.

And how has it affected your ability with like with stand up? Like, are you able to perform as much as you did before? No. I feel like this is going to make everyone not want to have a kid. Because it actually has affected my stand-up in a bad way. And this is why. She's like a fountain of comedy and so much stuff. And it's everything that I think about and talk about. Not everything, but so much of it. And then the other day, she was like, Mom, I don't like it when you tell people things I said.

Because I was just telling a friend something she said. Because she was like, Mommy, when the pandemic's over, can we wear any kind of mask we want? You know, like so it's like things like that. She hears me telling someone she's like, don't repeat things that I say. And then I'm like, she doesn't even know that that's what I do for a living. What's she going to do? Be 12, look at a Netflix special and then never talk to me again? So I'm like, I'm not going to do a special now. And I'm just going to try to milk it, I guess, live. Until she finds out?

Until she, yeah, until she knows. And then I'll pivot. I don't know. It's hard. Well, I think. I want to respect her. Do you? Well, I want, I have one kid.

I don't want her to hate me when she's 12. Yeah. But I feel like that's just a thing that you say as a little kid. It is your life experience. You can talk about your life experience. You're not giving away. It's not so personal. It's almost just like she's having an idea that you're telling her stories and she doesn't like it for this moment. That's going to change, too. Right. But I have this joke where I'm screaming that she wants caviar at a Black

Lives Matter rally. And like that didn't exactly happen. It's like a culmination. But that's even your more of an out because you're like, honey, these aren't even true stories. I'm making them up. But then what happens when she's 12 and she's like you violated my I mean who knows what kids will be like then I mean yeah they all hate you at 12 right that's a good

point yeah I definitely hated my mom from 12 to 17 yeah yeah 12 to 17 is a very hateful time because you're so pissed about what's happening to your body and your hormonal like I just was fucking crazy from 12 to 17 and anyone who has a girl and if you well you were a responsible kid actually I mean you took care of your whole family yeah only if you if you only knew when you were a preteen what was going to happen to your body when you turn like 50 like you wouldn't be so mad at what's happening like when you're it's the hormones but yeah it's definitely hard but I can't tell you it makes me so happy I know that's what's like weird about it I know I can tell and you can tell that in the book

too talking about all of the things that are stressful about it but while also supplementing that with all of the because I always ask my friends is it worth it like what are the moments that makes it so worth it because when I see my friend's parent, it just seems like chaos. It's like getting lunches ready, getting everyone ready for school, braiding their hair, da-da-da-da. And I'm just like, where are the aha moments that everyone talks about? Well, I did one thing because I felt the same as you, and I made a decision to have one child. I don't want to be a referee. I don't want to deal with more than one child.

So I feel like- But isn't Moshe sort of a child? He is. That's true. But I do feel like we can like go to Japan or go, I'm a little more mobile, you know, portable. And it's almost like, I felt this a lot during the pandemic,

but like she was just this angel who didn't know who Trump was. And just being in the presence, it just felt like a higher being. Also, she's like really good. I grew up with a problem child, so he kind of ruined our family. So you could also have a monster. I don't know. But it just really feels like this like angelic thing and everything's new to them.

And anything you tell them, they have never heard of before. Like her biggest problem, like the other night she was like crying in bed. I'm like, what's wrong? And she's like, I can't stop thinking about cotton candy. Like that's her biggest problem. Like it's just very precious. Yeah, I can see that. It is angelic.

It is, they're like unbesmirched. Yeah. Right, they haven't been ruined yet by the world. I know. And they haven't been jaded. And they're just, it's like brand new brains do you feel like you're molding a personality i try so hard yeah but at the same time it's like like moshe was so mad the other night because last night was halloween and we really wanted her to

be a zombie so we had this like cool like princess costume but a zombie yeah and then we she put on the zombie makeup and then she looks in the mirror and she's like i hate it i hate it i just want to be a princess mermaid so she like takes off all the makeup and then just wants to put on the zombie makeup and then she looks in the mirror and she's like, I hate it. I hate it. I just want to be a princess mermaid. So she like takes off all the makeup and then just wants to put on a crown and this like very generic Disney costume that she wore last year. And I think Moshe was just like very upset about it. He was like really fighting her on it. And then finally he was like, can you just take over? I need to take a break. And he's like, I don't know why this is making me so mad. And I know he just wants her to be cool and unique.

And the idea of her is like this Disney princess. The second year in a row is really upsetting to him because he wants this like hip child. But it's like you can only do so much. You know, the girl wants to be a frickin mermaid princess, basic ass Ariel. I don't know. Yeah. But you just I guess my job, what my mom did for me, she like put me in so many extracurricular activities that finally one day I

ended up in a theater class. And that really started my life, you know, and I feel like that's kind of our jobs in a way is to try to. What about your swim career, though? Well, but that was she she would compete in swimming and then come in, like, dead last. I have a whole thing of yellow ribbons. But swimming was kind of... It's so sad. Is that participation? But guess what?

I never drowned. I mean, that's actually... It's a pretty smart thing. Do you get a ribbon for not drowning? Well, I mean, I actually want to get my kid into swimming for the same reason because my husband's always wanting to take her surfing and I'm like, no, she should be like the best swimmer she can possibly be. So I guess that's the thing is to guide them, try to show them something that could be their passion, but try to also not make them be an actor or a comedian.

I mean, I would not let her be a child actor. No, I know. That just feels wrong. No, I don't think so. I mean, I think everybody says that that's in the business. And then once they turn 18, it's like with two parents who are entertainers, like what else is going to fucking happen? They're going to become an accountant. I know. You know, like that's what happens. I like want her to be an environmental scientist.

You should just talk down about it. Be like environmental science is the worst. That's a hilarious idea. She'll rebel. Do you, how do you, do you and Moshe fight a lot about parenting styles? Well, the problem with, you know, raising a child with a man is that, or, you know, a partner in general, but this, the man thing. More specifically a man. It's really rough. And it's just like, we just we just you know when you're with someone you get together because you guys share a world view so like all the big things we were very aligned on you know that's how you're able to stay with someone but then all of a sudden the

minutiae of parenting is what we started fighting about like he's like she needs sunlight i'm like no she needs her head protected no she needs sunlight no head protect you know and then we're just like taking going on a walk and taking her hat on and off and it's like then we're in a fight you know or we go camping and he wants her to be experiencing the flame closer in her pack and play and I'm like no let's move it back this thing's flammable it says flammable on the side and so we'll be at a campground moving like when she was a little baby moving it back and forth and it's those, you know, it's like the same fight over and over. It's like I'm trying to protect her. He's trying to like let her have this amazing adventure.

And so we're trying to get a handle on that. It's the same thing as in a relationship without kids. You have one thing that you fight about all the time. It's the same thing. It just keeps coming up in different ways, you know. So it takes a lot of dedication to your relationship. I mean, let's face it. If there's no kid, you're kind of out after a while, right? You're just moving on to the next one. At least that's how I've always been.

But you guys are married. But the kid makes you, yeah, it's true. I've never been married before, but the kid really makes you like, how are we going to make this work uh-huh yeah yeah maybe that's why maybe you should cut that out no you can keep it it was just so cool that's why i married him too he was like when we started getting together we're both doing stand-up and i was like do you mind if i say that on stage you know make fun of you he's like oh you can say whatever you want on stage i did not care at all and i was like thank you is that just because he wants license to do the same? He's not really like that.

I think he's just confident. He's just like, he knows it's a joke. As opposed to guys being like, oh, why did you say that? And getting all dramatic, and then you've got to deal with them. Which is a lot of comics, to be fair. A lot of male comedians are very sensitive egos,

very fragile, which is always a turn on. Fragile ego. I can't get enough of this stuff. How has your relationship with your mom changed since you've had a baby? That's kind of a sad subject because it's just because of the pandemic. My mom is just I think there's a certain sect of person who is just completely terrified. They watch MSNBC all day long. They're afraid of COVID. They're afraid of everything. And they're just not able to be mobile in their life, I guess. But we did. So she's seen her a couple times. that is sad it's such a bummer I know but I think that it was so crazy because you never really know when you have a kid who's gonna be the good grandparent because you can think it's gonna be

like my husband's mom moved here to be close to our child little did I know it was to be close to Moshe so she's like always wanting to come over to hang out with Moshe and I'm like, could you watch the kid? Hello? She's deaf, so she's very into her technology. So she's always got like a fanny pack with two phones, an iPad around her neck. You know, she's got cords wrapped around her. She's very like tech tech person. So maybe maybe it's hard for her to communicate with with my kid because she doesn't speak. I'm trying to teach her sign language, but it's it's very hard. Well, this that's a perfect opportunity'm trying to teach her sign language, but it's very hard. Well, that's a perfect opportunity for her to teach her sign language.

That's what I thought. Yeah. I know. It's weird. Your grandparents are fucking weird. She lives three blocks away. I mean, it boggles my mind. And so is she over there every single day?

No, no. Moshe goes there like twice a week to have like tea and dinner and then we all hang out once a week. That was something I learned in therapy. The therapist was like, I think once a week is good for his family. He wants to spend more time. And that works out good.

But I really do like them. But yeah, it's just challenging because I thought it would be a built-in babysitter. But it's okay. I mean, it's loving. Do you have somebody that helps you like a nanny or a babysitter? I mean, well, now she's in school. So I did have it's loving. Do you have somebody that helps you, like a nanny or a babysitter? I mean, it's, well, now she's in school. So I did have a nanny. But the real hard part is before school starts.

I mean, you're like alone with them all day long doing chores. It's pretty intense. Chelsea, I don't think you're ever going to do this. No, I'm 47. Where's my baby going to come out of? I mean, what ovary is working? Your uterus is great forever. Is it?

Maybe I can house a baby. Just going to be a surrogate for somebody else. Yeah. I'm amazed by anybody who's a parent. I just am amazed by it. It's just so hard. It's so hard to remain patient and be gentle and loving to someone who is requiring all of your attention.

Yeah. And also, when you're in the prime of your life and then you're having this child, it's a little bit of a different situation than when our parents had us. You know, I feel like, and this IVF has really afforded women like two extra decades to like have their career,

make some money, have fun, party, try out different partners. You know, I think all that pressure to like have the babies in your 30s is really stressful because guys suck and it's hard to find someone who could be a good partner. And to me, that was really important. So I'm so grateful to IVF

and that it's this thing that our parents weren't able to do that we're able to do and just start our families a little later. Yeah, that's a good point. It gives people a lot more foundation so that you are more independent by the time you have a kid. Your peak's not earning years are like what 40s, 30s, 40s. But if you 50s, maybe I hope. But if you have a young kid, it's rough. That's why I'm so jealous. People like Reese Witherspoon. She's got like an adult child. Yeah, she like did it. She's the

same age as me, but like, like 27. No, not that old. But you know, it's like- Like in college, I think, right? Yeah. It's like, now I'm like, it's hard keeping up the energy sometimes, but it's, you know. Yeah. But it also probably gives you a lot of energy. Totally.

Because you have to, like you have to be there. Can't just like fucking cop out. That's why you got to have a partner. Yeah. And some extra NyQuil for the baby. We're gonna take callers and people are gonna

call in for advice. I'm assuming on the subject of parenting. We've got some parenting stuff. We've got some... Marriage, marital questions are my favorite.

All right, well, let's try. Some relationship stuff. Let's try it. I mean, I feel like I'm too honest. No, that's what you need to be. These people all need a kick in the ass usually. Yeah, they want a kick in the ass.

Moshe gets mad at me because I tell so many people to break up. But I just feel like, I don't know. I mean, sometimes you can just sense it. But we'll see. We'll see what we got. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll take a quick break and then we'll be right back.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back.

Well, our first question is about parenting and comes from Tired Mom. She says, When he was in his crib, he was the best sleeper and never tried to get out of it. However, I can count on one hand the number of nights he's stayed in bed for the entire night over the past two plus years. Every night at some point, he comes running down the stairs and jumps in between my husband and I in our bed. I feel like I've tried everything, and many nights we're so exhausted that one of us just goes up and sleeps in his bed with him. It's starting to really affect us. Our sleep is horrible because he moves around all night or wants to snuggle so close it's suffocating. Any advice? Love the podcast.

Sincerely, Tired Mom in New Hampshire. That's funny. We had another emailer who went by Tired Mom who wrote in a couple of weeks ago. Can't they just put it back in the crib? Well, no, I think she's saying it's like a walking age. Yeah, I know. Put him back in the crib. He seemed to like the crib. Well, no, I think she's saying it's like a walking age. Yeah, I know. Put him back in the crib. He seemed to like the crib. Well, no, but they climb out of the crib.

No, believe me, this is very hard. First of all, I want to say I have three elderly chihuahuas I can't get out of my bed. So and they're like disgusting. And I don't even know how I don't know how this happened. I know it sounds so unsanitary. It really is. I have I've been changing the sheets like every other day and it's very hard. But to answer the question, I mean, I did something that probably people will think is wrong. But like we had a lock on her door and I don't think she knew that she could come out of the room until she was like four. But I mean, I think she didn't know that that was an option. No, maybe three.

Okay. And then she slowly was like oh well because it's like you can get them on Amazon and like she's safe we have a monitor but like you know when she could start walking out because she was she was a very early climber out of the crib or you know like so now she's just on a bed and but she definitely comes into the room one thing you can do is you can wake them up at like midnight and have them pee because then they don't have to pee at like 4 a.m. So then if you can control because I think that's what's waking them up a lot of times

is peeing. So that's something. And then the other thing is you just have to be really strict about it. Like what you said, Chelsea, you just have to say you have to go back to your room. Yeah. It's kind of like the same thing with the dog. You can train the dogs to not sleep in your bed. It just takes energy and work.

And consistency. And consistency. But if you can put one of those little Amazon doorknob holders, that worked for us until she was three. And then she does get into our bed a lot. But usually it's around 7 a.m. now. And so that's about what it is. It sounds like with this four-year-old, though,

that since he's already been out of his door, if you put a lock on his door, he's going to fucking lose his shit. That's not going to work. So you're going to have to just be consistent about taking him back upstairs and explaining to him that he's no longer he's too big to sleep with you guys. He can't sleep with you anymore. You know, it's crazy, though. That's why it's so fun to hear Chelsea's version of it, because I'm like, yes, that's right. But then why is my kid coming in my bed every night? Because you're right. It's just because they're so tired in the middle of the night and it's upstairs. The idea of bringing him back up there is too annoying. And they have to go do it and like do it every single time. And then eventually he just gets the message. I mean, it's like training a dog. I have a friend who will like tell kids and we've

done this before, too, like if you can do seven nights of not coming into the room, you can like get this present. And my friend actually bought his kid an Encanto Lego set and showed it to her and was like, you can have this. The carrot, not the stick. In seven days. If we cross out every day. That's good. That's good. But then there's other forms that, you know,

other mothers on Instagram are like, don't bribe your children. Who gives a fuck? I know. Whatever the fuck you can do to get your kid to sleep in their bed is a good way. Bribing works. Bribing works.

Yeah, bribing is a good tool. I agree with that. Yeah, and they take enough energy as it is. If you're not sleeping on top of that, like, it's over. Exactly. And like, you know, it's better. Because I remember I knew a kid who was like seven or eight and slept with his mom, like it's over. Exactly. And like, you know, it's better because I remember I knew

a kid who was like seven or eight and slept with his mom and it seemed weird. Yeah. You don't, you know, that's going to come up before you know it. Also, if you do choose not the carrot version of bribery, but the stick version, there's going to be like some terrible. Wait, what's the difference? I'm sorry. Oh, like the carrot is the like put the carrot in front of the donkey to get it to go versus like hitting it with a stick. Obviously not kids with sticks but I think you're gonna have like some terrible nights if you just get really strict about it like you said but it will quickly pass it's worth it's like yeah it's like your first week at the gym when you haven't gone in five years like it's not fun but you're gonna you're gonna be happy that you made those inroads I have one more thing to say too I

had a I had this revelation because it is like my kid is so cute. It's so hard to say no to her. She's so excited about any kind of like she hasn't tasted every sweet. So she tastes something and she's like, this is blowing my mind. Like, you know, it's so fun to give them stuff. And I was watching the Amy Winehouse documentary and her mom. And it was a very tragic story, obviously. And I remember her mom said, I could never say no to Amy. And I remember thinking like,

this is what could happen if I can't say no to her because it is so hard. So I'm actually trying almost as a religion to say no to her because she's just like, mom, can I have this? Please, please. Can I have it in this many minutes? And then she'll blink her eyes. And I'm just like, it's just like impossible. And then it doesn't hurt me to give her something or give her the extra thing she wants. But it's just like a vibe. I don't know. It's a culture. Yeah. And I don't think you want to create a culture where the kid is like ruling your life. Uh-huh. I totally get that. There's someone in my life. The kids are in college now, but they had this sort of parental situation where like mom and dad weren't getting along anymore and they wound up divorcing. And like one of them decided to join the military and the other one converted to Catholicism, even though no one in their family is Catholic. And it was like, what's going on there? And we kind of realized they just really had a desire for some structure in their lives and some boundaries that they didn't get growing up. Whether or not they realize that's what they're

doing, it kind of seems like that's what's going on. It's so true. It's like you crave boundaries and structure. When I grew up, I don't think anyone ever said no to me either. And I was so spoiled and so entitled. I remember my grandmother talking to my mom going, she's so spoiled. And I was like, so what? That's good. You know, like I'm living my best life. But when I grew up, I had no structure as an adult. Like I still don't have structure. The only structure I have, like when I did Chelsea Lately, I had the structure of the show was the structure that I had never had my whole life. Like I had people constantly having to know where I was, when I was coming in, when I was going to arrive for this.

And it felt like I was being parented for the very first time at my own talk show because everyone had to know where I was. And I remember drawing that correlation and I was like, oh, that's why that worked out for me because finally I had somewhere to be. Even now I'm so structureless. If I don't have anything to do all day, I could easily find myself in bed from like, you know, noon to five watching TV. You'd be reading though. Well, sometimes, sometimes I read, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm just like, fuck, no one needs me today. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Or yesterday I was outside in my backyard. I'm in this rental house. I was outside reading a book. And then I was like, I looked over at that little stand or the little table next to the chair I was in. And book. And then I was like, I looked over at that little stand or the little table next to the chair I was in and I saw joints and I was like, oh,

I'll smoke a joint. And I was like, I guess I'll take that. And then I was thinking, look at you, you fucking asshole. Like I just see an idea and I'm like, I can do that. You know, there's no structure and there never will be in my life because I'm just not like that. But you had a bunch of brothers and sisters, right? Yes, but they didn't provide structure. They didn't take away from people saying yes to you? No, they did too because they were just like, yeah. Oh, because you were the youngest. And I was so loud and obnoxious that they just wanted me to shut up. I remember once my mom and my brother Roy were in our living room and I would throw tantrums if I didn't get what I wanted. Just

throw, kick and scream like seven, eight years old, right? Bang my head against the fucking glass window and be like, I want it. And I remember my mom, I couldn't have been even 10 years old. And I remember my mom going, just let her keep hitting her head. I'm so sick of it. Just let her. And my brother goes, oh. And then they both walked out of the room and I was like, I hit my head harder.

You know, I'm like, I'll break this glass and then they'll be sorry. I mean, crazy. I mean, it's amazing I have like any sort of normal behavior at all, quite frankly. But you're such a successful person. Maybe it's okay to. Maybe, yeah. I mean, that's the thing. It's like nobody knows what's right.

You just have to kind of go with your instincts. And I do feel like having an only child and like sometimes, you know, I'm putting her shoes and socks on and Moshe's trying to brush her hair and we're like, is everything okay? And then she's bawling and you're like, what's wrong? And she's like,

this pine cone's too nature-y. And you're like, oh, can I switch it out for you? Do you want a different pine cone, honey? So it's like, it's very,

you know, that's not good. Like we have too much energy. We have too much time for just her. Like there's not like nine kids dispersing it or even two kids or whatever. So I just feel like you have to really watch yourself and make sure that they aren't becoming like totally tyrants, I suppose. Yeah. But that

being said, that's a very cute thought of Chelsea screaming for what she wants. I will crack my skull against this window if I don't get strawberry shortcake doll. Yeah. I was telling a story the other night on stage. I was like, I used to go, I used to have like Tourette's for like a year. I think I was auditioning Tourette's and I would go behind my dad would be in a lazy boy. He would sit in the living room watching the stock market all day long. For what?

I don't know. Cause he had no money in the stock market. And, but like, you remember that scroll on the bottom of the tv like nasdaq or whatever and he would watch it and I would stand behind him and I would just be like fuck pussy cunt shit motherfucker pussy fuck fuck shit and my mom my dad be like Chelsea what are you saying right now and I'm like nothing and then my mom he'd be like Rita my mom he's like Rita she's doing it again and my mom's like sweetie you can't talk like that. I'm like, I didn't say anything.

And then I'd be like, fuck, motherfucker, cunt, licker, fucker, sucker. I was like, psycho. And I was like, that's Tourette's. No, that's a female comedian in the making, I think. I remember Sarah Silverman saying that that's when she knew, like, she would be at the grocery store saying swear words to people, like, in the little cart. I think it's like, it's a very female, funny woman person. And that's when she knew she would be at the grocery store saying swear words to people in the little cart. I think it's a very female, funny woman person. Have you spoken to Sarah recently?

She had her tonsils removed. And it's almost like she has been lobotomized. She's been recuperating for like two weeks. And I'm like, I don't know what happens. She can't talk? Well, she can. But it's just brutal. Like what happens. She can't talk? Well, she can, but it's just brutal. Like what happens when tonsils are taken? I told her, I'm like, I got my tonsils out and I went for a jog that night.

And she Marco Polo'd me and she's like, I don't know what kind of jog you went on, but I have been in bed for two weeks. And I was like, oh, maybe I met my wisdom teeth. Maybe I got my wisdom teeth removed, not my tonsils. Does everyone get their tonsils? I think I have tonsils. I have my... But it does sound like a real common procedure.

Yeah, but it's big. It's invasive. And you're really like... Because you have stitches in your throat. I'll check on her. That sucks. Yeah. Anyway.

Sorry, we got carried away. That's all right. With personal stories. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman

reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really?

That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Our next caller is Regina, and she'll join us as well. Oh, cool. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 36-year-old lesbian writing to you from Los Angeles, California. I've been at my company for 14 years and absolutely love my job. In March of this year, a 27-year-old coworker of mine who had been at the company for one year began flirting with me. I flirted back because it was

fun and seemed harmless at first since she had a live-in girlfriend of two years. We'd been friends since she came to the company and I did not see her as someone who would ultimately cheat. Well, after about two months of flirting, feelings began to surface and we subsequently slept together by May. Since that first time, our feelings for each other have continued to become more intense, we've grown incredibly close, continue to have sex as often as possible, and now we are in love with each other. While she has told her girlfriend that she isn't happy in their relationship, her girlfriend has no idea. She still has a girlfriend. Yes. She still has no

idea her partner is having an affair and she does not have a plan when it comes to how to resolve the situation. She can't make up her mind of what she wants to do. I have no interest in going out and dating other people. And while I know I shouldn't wait around for her to figure out what she wants, I find myself feeling stuck and doing just that. Because we work so closely together, ending the affair seems almost impossible, given the fact that I see her most hours of the day. I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I want to be with her, but I don't want to wait around hoping she'll pick me. Any advice you have would be so appreciated. Regina. Hi, Regina. Hi.

Hi. Natasha Leggero is here today as our special guest. Hey, Regina. Hi. Hi. Natasha Leggero is here today as our special guest. Hey a liar. And I would be very cautious about, because, you know, if it was just about her casually dating someone else and needing to pick you, that's a different story. That's a, that's a, hey, you know what? I have feelings for you. I'd like to be with you. Let me know what you want to do. But this is a little this is too much for me to have you have this other person. But I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who's that deceitful. How long have you guys been having an affair? Since May. It have relationships and stuff. It's not ideal, but it happens all the time. I've had experiences with people that have been in relationships. I mean, actually once, not more than once, because I didn't want to repeat that. I don't want to make that a habit. And I'm sure you don't either. But I think that's enough time. You've established that you're in

love with her. She's probably established the same thing. You feel that way. I understand you see her every day and that's very difficult. But I think out of respect for yourself, you really have to like draw the line in the sand and say, okay, we've experimented with this. It's been six months. That's been plenty of time for you to unravel your past relationship. We all understand breaking up is difficult, but the way that you see it, it's like, it's just too deceitful. You can't be a part of this anymore. You can't be a participant in somebody who's lying to their spouse. I mean, even if they're not married, they're in a relationship and she is actively lying and you are too because of it.

And you're not so weak that you can't control yourself. You may think that, but that's not true. You can control yourself. And I think laying down a boundary is going to bring everything to the surface because if she's going to leave this woman she will then if you're like I'm not participating in this anymore I can't have good mind have an affair with somebody that's in a relationship either you want to be with me and if you don't want to be with me that's fine but I'm not doing this anymore you know I think you have to really stand up for yourself and stand up for that other woman too

because you would never want this to happen to anyone and And it's karmically, it's just so bad to participate in this kind of shit. Right. And you said you work together. Yeah. That's an issue because you really need some space from her and she's breaking up with a long-term partner is not easy. And so it's something that you guys kind of need your individual space for. So I would maybe try to look and see how you could achieve that. I don't know the particular situation, but you can't be like breaking up with your lover and then see them every day at work. I mean, that's so hard. That's why they say don't do that. Exactly. Right. And I mean, I certainly didn't intend for it to get to the place that it's now gotten to, but it is where we are. And I agree that I have initiated a stopping of this, like, let's take

a break so you can figure this out. And I have trouble with boundaries anyways. But when it comes to seeing her day in and day out, I like what you said, Chelsea, it feels impossible, but I know that it's not. It just, it feels that way. No, you're going to also have a lot more respect for yourself when you stand up and say like, I'm sorry, but this is kind of beneath both of us. Because it is. That's a good way to say it, but you can't then fuck her. She just did the aw shucks motion. You know? Yeah. I think like when you make statements and proclamations, like what I'm telling you to do, you really have to stand behind them. If I'm in a relationship with somebody and I say something, I didn't always do this,

but in my adult life, I mean it. There are boundaries and there are behaviors that are beneath me. And I won't participate in that. And I won't let anyone treat me in a way that doesn't feel like that I'm as excellent as I am, which is how you should see yourself. Right. Do you have like a break coming up? Because I think it can really help

to just like completely cut off contact if possible for like even two weeks or something. So what's really helpful and falls in with good timing here is that I'm going to South America tomorrow for 11 days. Great. There you go. And I think you don't want to talk to her while you're

there. So I think you need to have this conversation with her before you go. Let her know you're going to take a little time to yourself. You're not happy with things how they are. You don't want to keep being deceitful. It doesn't sit right with you. So if she wants to continue with you, she's going to have to like talk to her person and change the situation and ask her maybe to not contact you. What do you think about that? Yeah, I'm down with that. But I'm just like, so the job situation, Catherine told me what you did. Is there any possibility of you changing that job situation and getting a job elsewhere? Well, yeah, I mean, I put in the in the email that, you know, she's worked here for about a year and a half. I've been here 14 years. And I mean,

I've really like earned my tenure here in my career it's certainly not a position that i favor to have to leave right okay but i think that it probably falls more in the line of something that she could do but it's not in the cards in the immediate future i mean i i'm certainly not going to give up what i have with my career for this. Okay. Yeah. Then that's, then that's settled. Then you don't have to, you've been there for a long time. Absolutely. But you're stronger than you think. So I think, I think you should have this conversation with her today and mean it. You know what I mean? And mean it. Obviously when we break up with somebody, we vacillate, we miss them. We're like,

well, maybe if I do this, they'll finally see the light. Or maybe if I if they see me one more time or talk to me one more time, it's like, no, no, just act in honor and with honor. And I'm sure what's supposed to happen is going to happen. And she obviously needs one last push to get rid of that relationship. It's obviously not working for her either. It's probably not sexually working for her. It might be working for her in other ways, but she's clearly getting her sex from you. And I'll have sex with you if you want. But don't forget to tell her all the things you really like about her. If you do think that you guys could have a future together, you don't want to just be like scolding her. No, no, no, no. It's a very adult way just like to part ways. It just in in an adult way. Like, I'm so sorry. But just use that language. This is beneath both of us. And I'm not cool with it anymore. So I need my space. I'd like to, you know, just move on.

And if you want to come back and, you know, if you're going to break up, then we have something to talk about. Otherwise, we don't. That's great. And I have one more thing to add to it that I think could really help because I have a lot of success with scripts because like I can get like talked into things really easily. And so I find if I make a phone call, it's best. And I write down what I want to say for these really important conversations sometimes if it makes sense for it to not be in person. And just like you can just keep referencing it and repeating it, you know, and then you can just kind of say you have to go because then they can't pull you into like the thing that Chelsea said. This has been you can just keep repeating it in different ways. And like then it's not in person and you forget what you're thinking and they get you off track and then they you start fucking. Right. There's no chance of you fucking if you're not

if you're on the phone. And that was one of the comments I was going to make is that, you know, the two times that I've said, let's stop, like to, you know, to give it a break and take some time. I really meant it in the moment. Right. I really felt that way in that moment. And whatever time passes by a day or two and I see her at work and I'm like, well, fuck, I don't feel that way anymore. You know, I'm not I don't feel so like angry about it or and I just kind of like fall back in well you've thought about it a little more deeply now and you know that it's not sitting well with you because more time has passed and more deceit and more you know that that's horrible for someone to be lying to their partner you know like it's happened to me it's happened to probably most people but it is like the most horrifying feeling to know that someone's like fucking someone else when they're

with you and not telling you yeah it's really it's really awful and i think you raised a really good point right at the beginning natasha as well like if you were to be the one who she picked is there ever a point that you would not be thinking who is she out there fucking like who is she out there cheating on me with right yeah I mean listen I don't think everyone who cheats on their spouse is a lifelong cheater like or their partner like I think certain people fall in love and then they find the right person I don't think they're always you know I don't define people in that way so I don't want you to feel hopeless that she's not a possibility if she does the right thing now.

But yeah, all of that stuff is stuff to consider. And you know, you've already attempted to break up with her a couple of times. Like now you can do it. So you know that the writing is on the wall and like you're strong enough to do it and you're going to feel dignified about it. You're right, Chelsea.

I've cheated on people before. Yeah. But I'm not a cheater. Right, right. Well, that's right. Fair. I mean, same here. Yeah. But I'm not a cheater. Right. Right. Well, that's right. Fair. I mean, same here. Yeah.

Just one final question, though. If I if I have that conversation, which I plan on having tomorrow because my flight's tomorrow night and I just as we talked about, I'll write the script out, do all those things. Can I have sex with her one more time? No. No. Oh, you can masturbate to like your favorite porn this is a test for you and you need to fucking follow up with us now that you just said that you need to follow up with us in one month

no more sex you're stronger than sex sex is whatever you can go fuck people in south america i mean what are you talking about There are people everywhere to have sex with It's just really really good I know but don't say It's just really really good It's not worth it anymore You had enough sex with her That's enough

Jesus can I have sex with her one more time There's the title of this episode Anyway Have fun in South America No more pussy pounding until you get there, okay? And just wait. And I bet you it's going to all work out exactly the way you want it, by being

strong, not by being weak. And download whatever the Grindr app is in South America. Yeah. Women are hot down there. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. Good luck, honey. Alright, thank you so much. Follow's a good point. Yeah. That's a good point. Good luck, honey.

All right. Thank you so much. Follow up with us in a month. I want to hear what happens. Okay. Okay. We'll do. Thank you. Bye. Thanks. That was a good reminder, Chelsea. People aren't always cheaters.

No. I guess I was being. But I just mean like if you're the person cheating with them, like I don't know that I would get past thinking like who are they out to, you know? It's. I think people can change, but I would just think. I used to be so jealous of, like, hot nannies, hot people coming over. And then the pandemic happened and I was just like, take him. Come on, but, like, this will make my life easier. You can, I used to, to like try to wear cute outfits.

Now, like, I don't want to look too sexy. Oh, no, this is see-through. Put on a sweatshirt. Get away from me. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like...

Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason

bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. Well, this is the part of the show, Natasha, where I would like to know if you have any advice you'd like to get from Chelsea. Would you like some parenting advice?

Well, I know that we're similar, like we both like nice things. You know, I take pride in my things. I like my house a certain way. And that's a thing of the past pretty much. However, I don't want to nag my husband. So and I've already told him like twice. So I have these like beautiful towels that have my name on them that I had monogrammed because like that's just special to me.

I like old Hollywood. Like I thought it was cool. He when he leaves the bedroom, we're supposed to put a pee pad out for the dogs. He's been using my monogrammed towels, but laying them out like all spread out. So that's where they pee. They're white. They say Natasha on them. I've already told him once and I'm like, please don't use those towels.

He's like, oh, so they don't be on the wood floor. And I'm like, no. And so then he did it again. And I know if I say something, but like, what would you do? You would, isn't that appalling? Yeah. It's fucking appalling. I mean, honestly, I fucking screamed at him. Like what, what does it scream? Well, no, I mean, not about a towel, but I mean, what doesn't he get about the situation? How much, why do you have to be more clear than that? Why is he using those towels? And don't you guys use pee pads? We have pee pads.

He has ADD. So he thinks he's like killing it because he remembers. Does he take Adderall? No. Oh, you think he needs that? Yeah. The advice is get him on Adderall. There's a pill for every solution.

Every problem, there's a pill solution. No, I think if people have ADD and they're not actively trying to deprogram the ADD, then yeah, they should be on Adderall because it fucking makes you focus. So deprogram the ADD. Well, I mean, yeah, but that's like meditation and you have to really focus. I had really bad ADD and I do not have it anymore. Really? Yes.

I have gotten rid of it over time. Really? Yeah, with a lot of meditation and concentration. Like I put my phone away. I read. You know, sometimes it comes back in. But I used to be in the middle of conversations and just be like, what is happening right now?

You know what I mean? My mind would be off in a million different directions. And I'm not like that anymore. Would you like lose your phone and be scatterbrained inbrained? Always. I was a hot mess for sure. Because like he he never has his credit card. He never has his life. Everything's there's a chaos that I'm enveloped in. And it's very hard. And can you just put those towels somewhere where he can't find them? I mean, they are I'd like to keep them in the bathroom. Right. But I guess I could get a safe. Or you could just put nice little post-it notes on them saying, do not touch these.

Yeah, I know. Because it's like, and then you want to get nice things for them, for these guys. And it's like, they don't deserve it. No, no. They don't appreciate nice things anyway. Because I got him monogrammed towels and he doesn't care. Can't you use those to clean up the dog piss? Well, I mean, it wasn't even

to clean up the dog piss. It was like he was laying it out as a nice little thing for the dogs to defecate on. But yeah, it's the ADD and it does keep coming back in all these different ways. Oh, ADD is so annoying to be around. It's so annoying. I didn't know that. I thought it was cute. Oh, no. And then once

we had the kid, it became something a little less manageable. You should have him try an Adderall. I know it's like terrible to say, but it's like such a good solution. Like my friend's dad is on it. And I go, what's it like if you don't take it? He's like, I can't focus on anything. I'm all over the place. I go to the store and I forget where I'm going.

I get distracted with this. And then I talk to a person. I forget what I have to do. He's like, my whole life is different. Like my quality of life, I'm able to like go from A to B to C to D. He's like, I had no idea you could live like that. So for people who have serious ADD, Adderall is, you know, that's what kids take or Ritalin, depending on what you have. But yeah, I don't know. I think that's a good solution. But he's sober. So that's an issue. So we can't take Adderall? I don't know. I did have a boyfriend once who was sober and he acted like when his Adderall came, it was like he was snorting it. And it was like,

he had Adderall for 30 days, but like the 21st day he was out of it, he'd start freaking out. So I'm like, oh, you're using more. Moshe's not like that. But yeah, who knows? I don't know. A lot of people think it's going to like dull their creativity. And I find that to be a misnomer too. Or a fallacy, I should say. A lot of people say that and then they take it and you're like, no, you're much better this way. But yeah, you're right. It's definitely sedictive because people use it to party.

Maybe he should start doing cocaine. Or maybe you should just, yeah. I mean, is there a possibility of you getting out of the marriage? I'm taking my towels with me. Well, I hope we answered your towel question, even though I know we didn't. No, it was just kind of like a, I wanted you to know that's what happens. It was like barely a question for advice because there really isn't anything you can do except pity me and be glad. That I'm not in that situation. Yeah.

But the world would deserve your children, Chelsea. Well, thank you. The world deserves my children is Natasha Leggero's book. Order one or go to an independent bookstore and buy one. Support independent bookstores or order one from Amazon. Whatever floats your boat but please get this book because it's so fucking funny

yes and it comes out November 15th comes out November 15th and I'll be on a tour I'm going to Philly Boston Nashville

Denver Chicago and my homeland Brea what is that NatashaLeggero.com is that where people get tickets

yes okay alright thank you Natasha it's always a pleasure to be aroundcom? Is that where people can get tickets? Yes. Okay. All right. Thank you, Natasha. It's always a pleasure to be around you. Thank you. You too.

I'm so excited. So I am winding up my stand-up tour. Vaccinated and Horny is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year. I have my last dates coming up. And these are the last opportunities you have to also buy merch from the website, chelseahandler.com. If you want vaccinated and horny captain's hats that say we're the captains now for women only. Or t-shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.

I only have a few dates left. Two shows in Tampa. A show in Fort Myers, Florida. Daytona Beach. Hollywood, Florida. Concord, New Hampshire. Worcester, Mass. Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. There, I said it. And then San Diego and Riverside,

California, and then Baltimore, Maryland. And then my very last date is December 16th in Redding, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast. And you can rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any podcast that you like. Subscribing, giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Subscribe and comment. the word. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Subscribe and, and, and, and comment. Yeah. And follow. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseapodcastatgmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknoworeally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where

boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives

dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.