Dear Chelsea - Dad's New Girlfriend with Tiffani Thiessen

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

Tiffani Thiessen joins Chelsea this week to chat about the time she kicked her co-star off set, the mean girls of her past, and how a blind date turned into the man of her dreams. Then: A daughter is distraught when her dad starts dating too soon after the loss of her mother.  A botched blocking on Instagram blows up a friendship.  And a hairdresser’s dreams of becoming a writer may be slowly coming true. * Level Up Your Leftovers by Tiffani Thiessen * Books mentioned on today’s episode: Leave the World Behind * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

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Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child? These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you?

I'm good. I'm good. I'm here. I'm queer. Get used to it. You are heading to Whistler very shortly, aren't you? I am. I'm about to go on a road trip with the dogs and I'm scared a little bit, but I'm also looking forward to it. I'm going to listen to a book on tape. I just have to figure out which book. Do you have any suggestions? You know what? I do. So I just watched the movie of this. Leave the World Behind is a new movie that came out on Netflix. It's got like Julia Roberts and stuff. And it's about not post-apocalyptic, but like the apocalypse basically starting. There's some like race elements in it. It's very interesting. What's it called?

Called Leave the World Behind. Oh, yeah. I've heard about this. Somebody else mentioned that. Yes. I read the book a couple years ago, and I loved it. It's really good, and I loved the movie, too. So, yeah, that's what I would recommend. Leave the World Behind. Leave the World Behind. Okay.

Chelsea, you've got some new dates in Australia. In Australia, yes, yes. We just announced dates in Australia and New Zealand, so I'm coming in July to Australia. So, yes, get your dates there. ChelseaHandler.com. And I still have all my Canadian dates this winter. And more dates coming in the fall for North America, Chelsea Handler America, which is the lower 48, even though I'm half Canadian at this point.

I mean, your tour goes right on through the rest of next year, right? Yes. There's no end in sight as of now. So I don't know. Honestly, I feel like it's a really good holiday gift because they can get themselves a ticket and their best friend a ticket or a spouse or whatever, but then they also get to go see you. It is a good holiday ticket. And this show is so fun. Yeah.

I mean, it's always fun, but this one is really stupid. You know, this one is so stupid because it's so not political because we're so all exhausted from politics and all that. So this one is really, there's nothing quite like getting to masturbate on stage. In front of thousands of people. To show people what I was up to when I was nine years old. Excellent. Should we welcome our guest? Oh, yes.

Today we have one of my childhood idols, Tiffany Amber Thiessen. Even though we were the same age probably, I was obsessed with her growing up because I always wanted to be a brunette, even though I was dyeing my hair. Yes, she's on today. So I ran into her the other night. I was like, oh, yeah, you should come on the podcast. She came to one of my shows. So let's, yes, let's say hello. Okay, I'm here with Tiffany Thiessen. Didn't it used to, first of all, Tiffany, hello. Hi, how are you? Hi, welcome. Welcome to the show. What happened to Amber? Where is she?

So it's still there legally, like on my driver's license. It says Tiffany Amber Smith now because I did take my husband's name, but it's just my middle name. It was hyphenated when I started this crazy business because I thought it was cool. I guess it was kind of, it was popular back then to have a hyphenated name. They call that in, you know, in the UK, they call that like a double barrel name. When you have like, well, I mean, it's two last names. Oh, right, right, right, right.

It's like a last name for your middle name. Right, right. So it sounds a little bit more pretentious. But they hyphenated. It wasn't legally hyphenated. It was never legally hyphenated. You have to get something legally hyphenated? I don't know if they did, but on my resume and on all my headshots,

they hyphenated it to make it Tiffany Amber, which was weird. I don't know if they did, but I'm just on my, like, resume and on all my headshots. They hyphenated it to make it Tiffany Amber, which was weird. I don't know. Yeah. Some agent told me to do it, and I was like, okay, I'll do it. You know what a guy told me he wants to do? He told me to put a bird on my fucking shoulder to do stand-up because he thought I wouldn't. This is Jamie Masada from the Laugh Factory once told me, put a bird on your shoulder so you can separate yourself from the other girls. He goes, because you're too pretty.

I was like, and he goes, he said it was distracting that people wouldn't be able to pay attention to what I'm saying. So he said a bird would help. Yeah. And I was like, well, obviously I'm never going to fucking do that. And I still tell him the story anytime I pop into the Laugh Factory, which is very seldom. Is he still working there? Yeah, he still owns it. He runs the place.

Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. What was it like for you when you started out in this business? Because that was before anybody had any rules about how to treat women. That's true. That is very true. I have to say, I think I was pretty lucky.

I had moments. One specific one I do remember when I was shooting 90210, which is nice. We actually can talk about this shit now. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I know, isn't that crazy? But yeah, no, I was actually pretty lucky to not have a lot of horrible stories. I've had a couple, but not for as long as I've been doing this business, you would think I would have a shit ton of them,

but I don't. Yeah, you know, it's funny when you hear how prevalent and, you know, rampant it is. No, I had an actor totally grab me in the middle of a scene and he thought it was okay because he was in character. And I was like, fuck you. This has nothing to do with being in character. He grabbed you in the Pikachu? Oh, completely. Stopped production. I was pissed.

I was mad. I was really mad and I embarrassed the shit out of him in front of my whole... Good. Because it was my show. I was on 90210. It was my show.

He was a guest star, like a reoccurring older gentleman. Piece of shit. Total piece of shit. And I stopped production and everything. We were shooting in Mexico, too.

Oh, good for you. I'm sure someone will figure out who it was. I gave a lot of clues. Yeah, yeah. How was it working with the girls on 90210? That was probably, because my experience, my experience, I had more trouble with women in powerful positions, not,

because you guys were all kind of. I think women, I have a teenage daughter. I think women are 10 times harder. I know. They're total little you know what's. I know. I think because they're just so emotional and they get insecure. Of course.

You know, like my husband always says, guys would just beat it out. They'd hit each other and you'd move on. Like girls are like manipulative. It's all mental, you know. So I think it's sort of the same. Yeah, they were cruel. They were horrible. Yeah. I've been very open about it.

I talked about it on Howard Stern. Like, I'm very open about it. They all know it was terrible. They made me feel like shit. Well, because you were a newcomer on the show. I was a newcomer. I was coming on replacing Shannon Doherty on the show. Oh, right, right.

So that must have been it. Well, and they didn't get along before that. So they were having, I guess, issues with her in the beginning. And then I was coming on. But I was coming from another popular show. Who knows what the reason was? But, yeah, it was bad at the beginning. And then, you know, I think they finally realized I was kind of a nice girl.

I wasn't, like, mean or anything. And then they came around. Yeah. Yeah. So I saw you recently. You were at my show at the Fantagious in L.A. Thank you. It was such a nice surprise to see you there.

Yeah, it was fun. It was awesome. Yeah. So tell me about your life now. Tell me about your marriage. Tell me about being a mother. I want to know how. Do you really want to know? I do. I'm curious because I'm never going to do it. So I'm always fascinated by it. I have quite a few friends who are very adamant and very sure that they do not want to have kids. And I appreciate that because I appreciate people who know what they want for whatever reason, career, life choice, marriage, not marriage, kids, or whatever. I appreciate people who know what they want.

And I also appreciate we have a lot of people in this planet. Like for people who don't want to procreate, good for you. Thank you. I know. Exactly. It's like a gift for the climate. So thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.

I appreciate it. Tiffany, you're welcome. It's true, though. I wanted to have a couple. I, you're welcome. I appreciate it. Tiffany, you're welcome. It's true, though. I wanted to have a couple. I had one of each. I was lucky. And then I'm done. You know, I'm done.

That's a lot of fucking work. And what is the best part about it? I think a little bit of the, like, when they do something good, you're like, oh, that's me. You know, like a little braggy. A little braggy. A little braggy at times, you know, in a good way, I guess. The unconditional love is quite nice. You know, you don't have to work at it as hard. Like marriage is hard. I feel like the unconditional part of having a child is a little easier because it's a piece of you. Maybe. I don't

know. I don't know why. You're not trying to cultivate a relationship with them. It's a very natural relationship. Yeah, it's a natural thing. As much as, you know, there's moments where I want to kill them. Because I was reading this book and it really got me thinking about, you know, how when you're a child, you're so consumed with being a child, right? You're not considering your parents' existence even. You're not considering your dad's or your mom's job or the stress that they may be under. No, no, no. And certainly not their history. You're not considering your dad's or your mom's job or the stress that they may be under. No, no, no, no. And certainly not their history. You're not thinking like, oh, I wonder what my mom, what your child was like. I didn't, I didn't wonder.

I was like, oh, I'm here and I need attention. It wasn't until later. It's so funny because, you know, you're a child and you think you're the most important thing in the universe. And your parents are the most important things in the universe as well. But you're not as interested in their, like, complexity or nuance or story. And then you become a parent and the roles completely flip because all you care about is your child. But it's not all you care about. But then you also have the other flip side.

So now I have aging parents too, right? So I have taking care of my children because I started a little later. And then I have the taking care of my children because I started a little later. And then I have the taking care of my parents. So it's this really interesting sort of dual other side of taking care of people that you really care about. Right. The sandwich generation. That's the same. Right.

And that's kind of where I am right now. It's like both sides. And are your parents still together? They are. They're still together, still married. My dad's a lot older than my mom by seven years. So we see the age difference now as they're getting older. My mom's still doing awesome. And my dad's, you know, definitely aging a little faster. Right.

Yeah. how do you shift from what your own needs are to what your child's needs are? Like, when do you know that you, like, that has to be a priority, you know? Regardless of being, like, sick or in the hospital or an emergency situation, how do you know how to balance what you want to do with your life? I think it's an everyday thing. There is no rhyme or reason. I do believe now that my children are a little bit older, I feel like I can have a little more selfish moments, you know? And I've talked about this pretty openly. I'm going to be 50 and I'm like, you know, I feel pretty good where I've been able to kind of almost breathe a little bit more with my kids

now that they're older because they're not babies. They're not infants where that is like 24 fucking seven. Yeah. I mean, they can do nothing. They can't even sit up when they're born. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, so like I feel a little bit better, but now it's a different difficult, right? I have a teenager now, so I'm dealing with making sure, like, boys stay away from her and she understands, like, you could ruin your life if, you know, if you do anything like that, you know, right now at 13 and, like, trying to get her to understand how bad social media is and not have that right now. Does she not have it?

No, she does not have it. Oh, is she pissed about that? Oh, yeah, of course she is. Yeah. She's asked for so long the last, like, year and a half that I think she's tired of asking. So she's gotten a little bit better about it. And she'll just kind of come over and check mine out every now and then. But yeah, I mean, it's I feel like this might be the moment in time where we all just I know I'm not on social media nearly as much as I was before this whole thing started in the Middle East. I can't even look because it's so ugly and so nasty that I had to set a timer. I had my girlfriend, because I'm technologically not equipped. I had

my girlfriend set a timer, a time limit on my Instagram. They can do it. I'll shut it down for you. But it gives you the option. Your 45 minutes are up. Do you want to stay on? Or would you like to ignore this for an hour? Or do you want to ignore this for the day? And I'm like, uh, but that timer hasn't come up once in the last six. This whole thing started. I know. Back in the day, we weren't meant to see all that kind of stuff. As much as I know we should, and we should be aware of what's happening in our world,

but it's a lot for the psyche. A lot. Yeah, it can really bring you down. And I think for a 13-year-old girl, I was like, uh-uh, no for the psyche. A lot. Yeah, it can really bring you down. And I think for a 13-year-old girl, I was like, uh-uh, no way. Not happening. Like, they're not dealing with enough. They're already dealing with shit at school. I remember getting left out

of stuff in, like, elementary school. Like, my girlfriends would all get together, and the reason I found out was because, like, one of the mean girls would say we're all getting together without you. And it would just, like, destroy me. Can you imagine if the evidence is just all in front of you? That instant. Yeah.

That instant. And then they all talk about it and then they share photos and this whole Snapchat thing and like, ugh. And does your daughter have a pretty healthy attitude? Like how would you describe her state of being with regard to social media? I think she's pretty good, but she's also 13. She's in middle school and middle school sucks. I mean, I don't know anybody who said middle school was the best years of their life.

Wasn't mine, that's for sure. No, I mean, certainly not high school. High school was brutal. Middle school was brutal, too. I think middle school was more brutal for me. High school, I just checked out. I had an older boyfriend, and I was like, fuck this show. I had an older boyfriend, too.

I was like, I don't need you. I mean, it was illegal, for sure, what I was doing. I think I was, too. Whatever. But we don't talk about that Chelsea because I'm a 13 year old daughter and she knows nothing about that. That's right. And I don't know what the statute of limitations is on that. So we'll just keep everybody protected here. And you're into food and you're into like, I know you're into cooking because of your cookbook. I love food. She has a new cookbook out. What's the name of it? Here We Go Again. Okay. It's

called Here We Go Again. I need a fucking cookbook because I have a brand new house with this gorgeous kitchen, and I don't know what I'm going to do in there. I'll come over and I'll help you. I would love that. I'm also really good at organizing, too, so I can help you put your kitchen away. And also, you're, like, very into clean food, right? Well. Like, you recycle.

Like, not wasting. Oh, you mean, yes, wasting. Right. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I was going to say clean food. No, I'll have a good mayo sandwich with some meat and bacon and all that. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm not Gwyneth Paltrow. I understand it. And I try to eat as clean as possible during the week. And then I have a little fun on the weekends. But no, I to do a book this time around about food waste, because I believe it truly is one of the biggest contributors to climate change. Now, granted, you know, corporations are really the biggest issue, right, we have right now, but it really can start at least a little bit at home. And so I've been trying to teach my kids about,

you know, recycling food in a way where I'm like, don't throw that out. We'll make them into like, you know, enchiladas tomorrow or whatever, like that kind of thing started. And then it got me thinking, I was raised that way. I was raised in a house where, you know, my dad worked two jobs to allow my mom to stay home and raise kids. And we didn't have a ton of money. So my mom was kind of doing this as I grew up. And I was like, my mom's really like the queen of leftovers, really. Like that was how I learned how to like upcycle food. So I was like, I've never seen a cookbook like that. So that's what I, that's what I did during COVID. I was like, oh, this sounds like a good idea. Let's try this one. I like upcycle food. I like that. That's good. Yeah. So anyways, and it's really trying to like, you know, teach my kids to be better because the kids are the worst. I feel like the

kids are the worst about wasting. I know. It's like they need to have a class in school about climate change, like solely dedicated to that. I's like they need to have a class in school about climate change, like, totally dedicated to that. Well, I feel like they're starting to. Are they? These kids are getting a little more. I think they're also, like, high in anxiety. I know. Like, really, like, having some anxiety issues, understanding, like, the issues that we're having in our world about climate change and all that.

But I do believe. I think they are teaching. At least in my kids' school, they're starting to teach it. So, I don't know. We'll see. Let's hope. So, tell me about your husband. How did you guys hook up we are together 20 years married 18 which in Hollywood

is a fucking lifetime we were set up on a blind date really that crazy and were you nervous to go on a blind date no I had been on a couple before uh-huh and he was supposedly a serial date or two so I think we were okay like we were but he was like a Texas boy I didn't know anything about him he had never seen any show that I had been on. So that was kind of fun. Yeah. I had no clue.

Right. You know, sort of had a clue, but like his college buddies knew who I was, but he wasn't really like, I didn't watch any of those shows. So,

and completely hit it off. Like first date, five hours long and here we are. Oh my God. Whoever sent you out must be fucking celebrated. They must think

they are the shit. I mean, yes, I guess so. She probably feels that way. We don't talk anymore, but there were some issues with that, too. Don't worry. I have plenty of those. I hear you. Loud and clear. Loud and clear. I think she wasn't happy in her life, so. Yeah, that's usually how it goes. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. But you've been together for 20 years.

For 20 years. And you see he's not in the business. He is in the business. That's what I'm saying. It. Absolutely. So, but you've been together for 20 years. For 20 years. And you see he's not in the business. He is in the business. Oh. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy. So he's an actor. He's kind of made a shift and he's mostly now, he's an artist as well, a painter, graphic

artist. And so now he's doing kids' books and graphic novels. And does he do the artwork for you, the illustration or any artwork for your books? Actually, he doesn't. I should make him do it. Yeah. It seems like that would be a nice collab. He would think so. We did one children's book together, but now he does them

all on his own because, I mean, I don't draw. And do you like being married? I do like being married. I mean, you know, let's be honest. There's days where I'm like, I could do this by myself so much easier. But no, it's nice having someone to help, right? To take, to parent together, not to have to make all the decisions, even though I feel like I make a lot of them. But no, I'm being totally, I'm kidding. But you're not. But I mean, there's times, but I'm not. I mean, it's a very, I mean, it's a very typical female male dynamic. It is. I mean, I look at my parents and they're kind of the same way. His parents are still married who I'm very close to my in-laws. We come from very similar stocks.

So it was an easy relationship from the beginning. It really was. That's nice. I know it's not always like that. I know. I mean, you sound like you have a pretty cushy life and everything is pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, like, I'm pretty fortunate.

He's not, you know, he's like a pretty normal guy. I like it. You seem pretty normal, too. Yeah, he's like a pretty normal guy. I like it. Yeah. Well, you seem pretty normal too. Yeah, I feel like I'm pretty normal. You don't feel like you've got any major issues that are jumping out. At least not now. Maybe later. I'm going to, by the end of the episode, I'll do a full analysis. Would you? Would you let me know where I sit? No problem. We're going to take a quick break and we will be right back. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle.

One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf.

This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt.

And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts

so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to really no really sir bless you all hello newman and you never know when howie mandel might just stop by to talk about judging really

that's the opening really no really yeah no really to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called really no really. And you can find it on the I heart radio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, I'm Madison Packer, a pro hockey veteran going on my 10th season in New York. And I'm Anya Packer, a former pro hockey player and now a full Madison Packer stan. Anya and I met through hockey, and now we're married and moms to two awesome toddlers. And on our new podcast, Moms Who Puck, we're opening up about the chaos of our daily lives between the juggle of being athletes, raising children, and all the messiness in between.

We're also turning to fellow athletes and beyond to learn about their parenthood journeys and collect valuable advice, like FIFA World Cup winner Ashlyn Harris. I wish my village would have prepared me for how hard motherhood was going to be. And Peloton instructor and Ratchet Mom Club founder, Kirsten Ferguson. And I remember going in there a hot mess. So listen to Moms Who Puck,

a production of iHeart Women's Sports and Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. And we're back. We're back. Sorry, I have never worn a hat while we're doing this podcast. I forgot to take it off. Yeah, but it still works.

You still see your eyes. It's my Bruce Springsteen hat that he signed for me. Oh, I didn't even see that. That's so frack. My friends are like, you have to put that in a collector's whatever,

a glass. I'm like, no, I don't. I'm going to wear the shit out of this fucking hat. Are you kidding me? Bruce Springsteen? Oh, my God. That's awesome. Tiffany, you don't. I'm going to wear the shit out of this fucking hat. Are you kidding me? Bruce Springsteen? Oh, my God. That's awesome.

Tiffany, you might not have any major issues, but hopefully you can help some folks that have major issues. Hey, I'm always up to discussing anything. Yeah. So, confusingly, we have two Kylies today. Oh. Is one of them Jenner? Both of them are, actually. Both of them.

It's one set of lips and then the other set of lips. Back to back. Our first caller, Kylie, is calling in from Las Vegas. She says, Dear Chelsea, one of my closest friends got married a few years ago, and I showed the fuck up in every way, bridesmaids, bachelorette party, etc. When she had a baby a few years later, thing basically i've been there for every major life event for her and of course i would be because i love her so when i got engaged and was planning a wedding obviously i invited her then she told me she was pregnant with her second child due a few months before my wedding our wedding was in italy which is a humongous ask and i kept reassuring her if she couldn't come it's's totally okay. Weeks before the wedding and well after the

RSVP date, she finally said she couldn't make it, which is completely valid. The weekend before my wedding, however, I'm in bed with my then-fiancé, and he showed me his Instagram. Said friend was at another wedding in a different state. I then went to my Instagram, and she had blocked me so I wouldn't see. She explained she blocked me because she was, quote, protecting me and, quote, didn't want to hurt my feelings. I feel at a total loss here. My 20s are defined by this girl and the friendship we had. And never once have I had bad blood with her. But the fact that she can't even put pen to paper and write me a note or call me, I found so incredibly disappointing.

I feel sick over this, but I also don't know if I can forgive her. This was all so messy and so unnecessary, and it kills me that someone I thought was a real one could act this way. Again, this has zero to do with her not physically being at my nuptials, but has everything to do with showing me the same love I've given her over the years. What should I do, Kylie? Hi, Kylie. You're cute.

All the callers are cute. Are they? They are. They're so cute. Sort of the prerequisite. Yeah. You have to be cute to call in. She's super cute.

Hello. This is Tiffany Thiessen, our special guest today. Hi, Kylie. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys? We're good. Great.

We just heard your letter about your wedding. When is your wedding? Has it happened yet? No. Yes. It was in September. You know, we both lived in the same area in New York City. We were like thick as thieves for years. She got married. I was everywhere for her bachelorette party, weddings, baby showers, the whole nine yards. And then you consider her your best friend. Was she your best friend?

Oh, for years. Yeah. For years. And, you you know, again, you know, I moved to Las Vegas. I met my now husband when I came out here to party for a weekend. And now I live here. That's a whole nother story. Oh, it's great. And I know, you know, she moved to Atlanta and I knew we were never going to be as close, but there was no reason for us to have a falling out yeah we used to say that it was destiny that we met each other and for her to act like this and just completely i can tell you're really hurt yeah oh my god i've been and i feel like a child i'm 33 years old and i feel like i like keep waking up in the middle of the night and then rereading our text messages. And I'm like, I did tell her a hundred times if she couldn't make the wedding, it's fine. It's totally cool. I do not. I don't care. I mean, I know you got another life. You got kids, you got babies. I get it.

I'm not going to hold it against you. Do you think she felt guilty? Is that where you think this comes from? Is that she felt guilty about telling you or being honest? I don't know. I really don't know. But what I'm struggling with now is moving forward. I just don't know how to move forward. What was the state? Where did she go from what state to what state to the wedding?

Oh, the other wedding that she didn't tell you about. She said it was close by. So she lives in Atlanta. Because you said it was another state that she went to. Yes. Right, because I was thinking like, said it was another state that she went to. Yes. Right. Because I was thinking like, oh, Italy, obviously too far or whatever. But this was an out of state wedding. So I'm like, not exactly the same thing.

But it depends. It could have been a dry. I mean, right. She could have driven. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think it's just more probably what hurts you the most is the dishonesty, which that would bother me the most as well. Because I don't believe in dishonesty. I don't care how hard it is to swallow it or not, especially if you're that close. Exactly. Yeah. What was your last exchange with her when you saw that she did go to this other

wedding? So I messaged her. I was like, are you kidding me? Like you completely block me on Instagram. My husband sees it and all my other friends who know her see it as well. And I go, why did I don't understand why you had to, why I had to get this bad, this messy for no reason. And she kind of turned it around on me and was like, you know, this is who I am. And if you have a problem with that, I don't know. This is who I am? That I'm not honest? Yeah. She's like, I don't know how many more times I can apologize. You know, I. But did she apologize? She kind of apologized. But after the fact, because she wasn't honest.

She apologized when she didn't RSVP every month and month and month. Oh, got it. Okay. And like only texted me. She sent me like an ungrown plant that was supposed to grow into an olive tree. I'm like, whatever. And then. You should put that in your bathtub and see what happens.

Ungrown plant. It's so annoying when people send shit like that. I'm like an ungrown plant. I'm like, what am I supposed to do with a twig in, in, you know, whatever. So, yeah. And I was just, you know, I was getting excited for wedding. I'm moving on. It's fine. It is what it is. And then, you know, I'm packing and I see that this is happening. She blocked me. I was like, I'm packing and I see that this is happening. She blocked me. I was like, I was ready to kind of move on. I was ready to just like put this in the past and then you block me.

So when I called her out for that, she kind of turned it around to me. She's like, this is my life. Like, this is how I am. You know, if you have a problem, then like have a great wedding and blah, blah, blah. She got defensive. Yeah. Yeah. That's usually what happens. Well, that's usually what happens when you. She got defensive. Yeah. That's the wrong move. That's usually what happens.

Well, that's usually what happens when you know you're wrong. Yep. That's exactly right. Because it's like if the need to be right is so fierce, you're wrong. Like, if you're really right, you don't put that kind of, you don't have to be defensive about anything. You also don't need to lie. That's the thing. I've always said that.

And here's the thing. I'm going to say this. This is going to be a really simple thing because I've had a couple of relationships. And I had one that was best friend, long time relationship. We had an issue, had a falling out. And another friend of mine said, you know, not all relationships last. Sometimes relationships and friendships last for a period of time in your lifetime for that period of time that you need them. You may not need her anymore. I know. But that like I you know, when your phone, you know, you wake up in the morning and your phone will show you pictures that you have on

your reel and it will remind you of memories. I have so many pictures of her that it will just make a video montage of her face. I know. So did I. I mean, I didn't have this was a while ago, so I didn't have that phone that could do that. But I'm just saying, like, yes, I have those memories and they're great memories, but they're memories. Right. And so you take that part of your section of your life that you had with her and appreciate what she brought to your life during that time. Apparently, she can't give that to you right now. Wish her well. Thank her for what she gave you. And know that it'll open the door for somebody else hopefully to come in and give you what you need at that moment in the next chunk in your life. I like that. And another

analogy, let's use a plant because you have one and I'm sure it hasn't grown yet. Like think about a plant being watered every day, right? And think about the duration of a plant's life, like however long that a lifespan is for a plant. For six years, say, you got watered by one person. And then after that, someone else started watering you. You're still healthy because of it. You still have memories. You're still lively. You still have vibrancy because someone was watering you. It's just going to be a different person that's doing the watering from now on. I agree completely with what Tiffany said. Like you can't hold on to anger. The biggest thing you could do is be like, okay, you know, if you want to write her one last thing, then that would be fine too, to be like, listen, I don't, you know, for a closure, like it was really upsetting for you to respond like that. Blocking me on Instagram was childish.

There's just really no other way around it than that. That was childish. I've never put pressure on you to come to my wedding. In fact, I gave you out many, many times. So if you're mad at me, like you should really question about who you're upset with and why, because it shouldn't be me. I haven't done anything except called you out when you blocked me on Instagram when you went to another wedding. Of course you're allowed to go to weddings, you know, but make it short and sweet and loving and be like, you know, it's really sad that this feels like our relationship's over. And, you know, I just want to let you know, thanks for all the good memories. They pop up on my phone all the time and blah, blah, blah. I don't think you should try to, there's no reason in matching her level of anger, defensiveness, or like not being forthright. You know, I think you could kind

of like, I think when someone demonstrates that behavior to you, it's an opportunity for you to demonstrate the opposite behavior. Because whether or not it heals now or she's open to hearing it now, it's just good to put that vibe out there in terms of your energy and the people that you're gonna wanna attract

moving forward. That to keep your head high and be generous of spirit and be like, okay, I got it. You know, I just want to let you know, like, I I'll think fondly of you. Yeah. I think what just, what struggled for me because I didn't move far away from all the people that I've known and loved my whole life. And I just feel like I've just had to like slowly trim the fat off because my time when I'm home is very precious. And I really want to spend time with people that really bring me joy. And I just feel

like through the years since I've moved here, I've now lived here for five years, like each year, like someone kind of is trimmed off. Yeah. And it's going to get trimmer and trimmer as you get older, I promise you. But that's kind of a good thing. Because honestly, your time is so precious. And as you get older, it's okay. Because having 40 billion friends doesn't cut it. You're too fucking tired, first of all, as you get older. I agree. I agree with that.

I'm tired. But this one just felt like I hadn't been realizing it. This one just sucks. Yeah, no. And that's okay. I've been just, this one just sucks. Yeah, no, I've been, I've been through one of those too. Long, long-term girlfriend. And for, it was like our break, our relationship was fracturing for like three years before we made a break. Three years. I was like, Oh, let me try and do this. Let me try and do this. Let me include her in this. Let me do it. And it just, every time I was reminded that we no longer had the friendship that we used to have. But we have different paths.

I mean, you have to remember, like, we really, as people, we're all so different. And sometimes when we come together, like you guys did, was an awesome time. You learned from each other. You supported each other, whatever you guys needed. But that doesn't mean you're going to continue doing that. So it sounds like you're at a place right now where that relationship is kind of run its course. And that's okay. Yeah, I get it.

It's just such a mourning for me because the other ones that I have, like, I saw the ones that were running their course. I was like, you know what? Let's leave those in the past. It's just like it's waking me up at night. I had one that did the same thing. I did. I did. I did. You need to really just send good vibes her way as a way to like release your holding onto it because you need to move into

the idea of, you need to move into acceptance rather than resistance. Cause you know, right now you're resisting it. You're like, well, I can't believe you're still upset. You're holding onto the hurt and it's okay to grieve, but you have to understand this is just not the time in your life that she's going to be in it you know and unless she comes to you and she just like does a whole 180 or 360 or whatever the fucking degree circle term it is and comes and says i'm so sorry i'm so sorry then you would forgive her because you're being reasonable about all of this but also don't expect it no No, please don't expect it. I know. And, you know, word on the street through, you know, my other friends is that she's apparently written me a letter, but apparently that letter was written like during my wedding weekend,

but now it's November 13th. There's still no letter. You may never see it. And that's okay, too. That's okay, too. You know what I mean? Truly. I know it's hard because I can tell. Like, you've been through a lot of big moments with her. And I feel like you were waiting for her to do that for you. But that's part of friendships. You want to be able to share kind of similar things, right?

And that's exactly how it happened. My best friend had gone, you know, she was actually in her second marriage. But then, you know, had babies and all that. And I was there for all of it. And I hadn't done any of that yet. You know what I mean? So by the time it came around for me, it just, she wasn't the person that needed to be there for me for that. And it was hard, but it's okay. Do you have some other friends that you hang out with now? Vegas. I live in Vegas. It is a really tough place to meet people. You know, I moved here five years ago. We were long distance

for almost two years. And my job at the time let me move out here. It was like it was just a great, you know, situation. But yeah, I mean, in New York, I would just walk out my door and just meet. That's a very different place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is Vegas going to be it? Like, is that where you guys are going to stay, you think, or no? No. I mean, I told him I wouldn't marry him unless we were getting out of here. Yeah, that's a rough spot. I don't think that's helping. I don't think that's helping either.

The backdrop of Vegas is not an uplifting, you know, spirited kind of place. Yeah. You don't seem like a Vegas girl either. And I don't know you well. You know, I found my weird little places here. There is some great things about this place, but you just really got to find them. It's like such a dig. But I think that's also heightened why I feel so sensitive about this topic is because I don't really have like a friend outlet as much here. I think you're right. Yes. And I think that's very smart to recognize that because that's going to help you move on to. Oh, yeah. My poor husband, he's like,

I don't want to hear about this anymore. Do you have a therapist? I do. Well, that's the outlet for it. You know what I mean? Because at a certain point, you don't want to keep belaboring it either. Not to your husband. You're just putting out that energy when you're constantly talking about it. When you're in the thing with the therapist, and obviously this is a good place to talk about it because that's why you called in. But when you're in under the umbrella of therapy with another professional, then that's the place to really get into it. I know that was really helpful for me when I was dealing with this girlfriend that I was talking about, because he was like, this doesn't sound like your friend. And I'm like, I know, but she wasn't like this before. I'm like, she's never

been like this. And he's like, well, you know, you're changing and that she probably doesn't like that. She's not on board with that. And that's exactly what was true. And it was a very, very hard pill to swallow. But you have to understand like everything does pass. You know what I mean? This too will pass. Like everything just needs a little bit of time. And then it doesn't feel as acute as you're feeling right now. And you should really just start like, just start a meditation practice where you are sending her, it's like called loving kindness meditation. And you send her and then people, you know, you go down a whole list of people. We've talked about it on this podcast many times, but you can look it up, loving kindness meditation. And then there's a bunch of other ones just to get yourself like in a, like a higher vibrancy

so that that doesn't kind of take you down like a gift to yourself. You know, like this is what I want to attract. I want to attract people I want to hang out with. I want to attract whatever your hobbies, or if you want to add hobbies or interesting books to read. Anytime you can take yourself out of yourself, you're reminded that it's one person in this mass universe of billions of people. And she's not going to define how you think about yourself or feel about yourself. Yeah, you're right. I think also it's interesting now in the world that we live in that you kind of are able to hold on to things a little longer because of social media. Like back in the day, you were just like, okay, I'm done with this person. Like, whatever.

Goodbye. I don't need to see your face. So I'm friends with all her friends. She's friends with all my friends. You know, it's like it's so intertwined, the worlds, and I'm not there. And it's just, I just see it. And I just don't, that's what makes it harder to let go. And I've been taking serious social media breaks because of this. Yeah.

That's a good thing. Cause I'm like, I can't see it. That's not a bad thing. That's not a bad thing. I don't hate her, but I'm just so disappointed. And I think I need to start taking the step. It hurts. I just feel hurt. And I hate that it stems from a wedding. Like that makes me want to die. I hear you. I hear you. Yeah. But just start giving yourself medicine in different ways.

Meditation, things that are just going to like lift your spirit a little bit more because that's what it does. You know, meditating every single day, even for five minutes, it gives you a little boost. And then you're like, oh my God, why was I worried about that? And why was I worried about this? And yeah, I would stay off social media as much as you possibly can. You're not fucking missing anything. No, you're not. Exactly. And you may find like as the sting sort of dissipates, you find yourself able to throw a heart on her posts or send her like good vibes and be like, oh, those are like her cute kids and they're whatever, Halloween costumes. I have a friend, a situation just like this where it's

like I still love her, but at the same time, like she's not the person I prioritize when I'm visiting home because she showed me that's not where she's at with me. You know what I mean? I don't hurt mine. So just so you know, you don't have to. You know, you wish them well. I still wish them well. But it's always good to just put good output out there it's good it's good to be the bigger person i wrote my exit letter but i wrote it knowing that i was not going to give it to her and that helped me because i put it penned you know like thought thought to pen right and i wrote it and maybe that's what she did to you and she's not going to give it to you, but whatever. This is about you. So I did that and I folded it up and I just literally put it in my drawer and I never gave it to her. But it was helpful to just get all my thoughts out.

Again, not giving it to my, at that time, fiance, now husband, because it was too much. It was getting, I was just like, I was so upset. I was hurt. I was pissed. And it helped me move on a little bit. And there is something about writing it down that you get out of rumination mode because your brain is constantly trying to think of the ideas and remember the things that you would say. But if you get it physically out of your body, that's really helpful. Yeah. Well, that's what I originally did.

I do that in my notes section. And then I was in my car just marinating. I parked in my garage just sitting there. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to send this to Deerfield. And then I just edited it for you guys. And I was like, okay. And then it's out in the world.

I'm going to send it. And here we are. Okay, Kylie. Well, do a loving kindness meditation. And I think maybe like in 30 days will you check in with us and tell us where you're at with it? Yeah. Cause you have to take some steps actively between now and then to start filling yourself back up and getting rid of the like kind of pain that you're holding on to. Cause it's not good for you. So that's, you're going to do it in the effort. Like you're giving yourself medicine. Okay. You got it. And get back to us in 30 days and tell us how your mood is. Okay?

Okay. I will. Thank you guys so much. And when you're feeling inclined to go on, you know, in moments of weakness to like look at the friend's Instagram or do that stuff, like scroll, I think you should really go try to read a book or a treat. Take a walk. Do something else so that you're just giving yourself a little bit more space away from it. Especially if you're looking at it feeling a little weak, don't ever look at it when you're just giving yourself a little bit more space away from it. Especially if you're looking at it feeling a little weak, don't ever look at it when you're feeling like you're searching for that specific thing.

Don't go on it. And don't comment snarky things. No snark. No. No. You wouldn't do that. No. All right, Kylie.

Thank you for calling in. It was nice talking with you guys. Thank you for having me on. Bye, Kylie. Good luck. Bye. I mean, living vegas was the worst part about that story i just i just can't or think she so doesn't look like someone that you would

like i mean from new york to vegas oh it's brutal i had a boyfriend that lived in vegas and i was like what are you doing with this house get rid of it immediately we didn't really live there but he had a house there and i'm like no or what knows? I'm like, Vegas is not for living. It's for visiting. Just to throw a loving kindness meditation in there for anybody who's listening. I found this one actually a couple of weeks ago and I made a note of it because I knew it would come up again. May you be comfortable. May you be nourished. may you be appreciated, may you be loved. And you can think that about like maybe someone who you're really close with and then someone you're less close with and then this person you're having an issue with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. I use that. Right? Isn't that nice? I like it. Yeah, I used it for like 60 days after, I don't remember, after I broke up with someone. Yeah.

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a production of iHeart Women's Sports and Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Are you ready for Kylie number two? Yeah.

Is she in Vegas too? Where is she from? She's in Pacific Northwest. She's up north. Kylie number two says, Dear Chelsea, The holidays are quickly approaching and I'm in a predicament. My mom passed away in January

and it was indeed one of the hardest moments we faced as a family. About five months after her passing, my dad let us know he was seeing someone. My parents had been married almost 30 years, so to hear of a partner so soon was gut wrenching. Men, and then she did the eye roll emoji. Since then, he's asked me and my sisters if we'd be willing to meet with her. Both of my sisters are against it and totally refuse, and I simply told them I'm not ready. He was understanding, but you could see it crushed him. He mentions her from time to time and even asked if he could take my three and one-year-old to see her. Again, my response is not yet. Now it's time for the holidays, and my grandma, my dad's mom, wants my dad and his girlfriend to host. My heart is broken to think that not only will I be grieving the first holidays without my mom, but I also won't be spending it with my family.

I'm fortunate to have an amazing support system and my husband's family during this time, and maybe it will just be a pill I eventually have to swallow. But I'm just not ready yet, and I'm afraid I'll spend the holiday crying and make everyone feel uncomfortable. How do I handle this? Kylie. Hi. Hi, Kylie. Hi. Hi, Kylie. This is Tiffany Thiessen, our special guest today.

She's here. Hi. I'm so sorry about your loss. Thank you so much. When did your mom die? January of this year. And you cared for her for a little while before she passed, correct? Oh, yes.

Yeah, she came and lived with us. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's completely reasonable, and? Oh, yes. Yeah. She came and lived with us. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's completely reasonable. And you said it in your letter, like it's too soon for you to have not yet as a very gracious way to say, I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet. You know, or I know I have to get here, but I'm not there yet. And it's totally reasonable for you to tell your father what it is like. I know this is, you know, disappointing to you, but I have to honor my feelings and I'm not ready. I'm not ready to meet your new girlfriend. I'm not done mourning my mother. And it's hard for me to even think of you with someone else. So I

really need you to respect my wishes during this time. I love you. I understand that you don't want to be alone and that you found someone, but that's not part of what I'm ready to deal with yet. It's not like it's been five years. It's been not even a full year. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's totally fine. And you can put, I would put that in a letter. I love that idea. I, I'm not very good verbally talking about it with him. So a letter sounds like a really good idea. Yeah. And you can see, see your other sisters and make sure everyone has eyes on it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And your sisters feel the same way? My sisters are more passionate about never meeting the person. Oh, okay. Are they younger? Are they younger than you? I'm the middle. The middle. I was the middle. Yes. Okay. Is there any particular reason that they don't want to meet her ever? Like, is it someone that you guys knew already or? Just relationship-wise, our whole lives,

it's been rocky with our parents, but I think I chose to forgive and they're still in their healing process. Okay, so there's some backstory then, I feel like. So your parents' relationship was rocky or your relationship with your parents was rocky? Both. All of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I think I feel like I want him to be happy and us not meeting him is stopping that happiness or meeting her I should say it's not it's kind of stopping that happiness but no it's not stopping his happiness he's he's probably happy when he's with her but he he's just not getting a full, he's not getting everything he wants. That doesn't mean he's not happy. And that's okay, too.

Not everybody gets that, you know? Can you elaborate a little bit on the rockiness? Like, what was the dynamic that made it rocky? Their relationship? Yeah, their relationship, for sure. I mean, they loved each other so much. But one, two, I don't want to, like, say narcissist, but very self-absorbed people create humans it causes a lot of disruption

yeah you might want to leave that part out of the letter but I get it I get it I'm like which is but what's better one narcissist as a parent or two I don't know two don't seem to cancel each other out so it's like shit

no I think you can write it in your very sweet way that you are. You can tell that I can tell how sweet you are. And just be honest. And that's it. You don't owe him anything. I think it sounds like you have, too, already. Like you've had a little bit of this conversation with him, right? Yeah, yeah.

I can shut it down now because I'm very emotional when I speak brilliant things. I just didn't want that to come across. Right. Yes. Yeah. And so a letter is perfect. So write a letter and just say it all. And you don't have to cc your sisters or do whatever you think is right. Well, because this is about you. They can handle themselves. And this is really your relationship with your dad and what you feel right now, not about them. Now, does the girlfriend have like adult kids or anything or family nearby? She unfortunately has lost both of her kids. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, at young ages. Okay. Oh, they've died? Yeah. That's a lot of loss. No, a lot of trauma bonding I feel in that relationship. And you know what? That's very common, actually.

It's very common in a lot of relationships so men are just so disappointing it's like they should be alone for a year like honestly they really can't it's just so pathetic no they can't I'm sorry and I'm so glad you have somewhere else wonderful to go for the holidays with your husband or your boyfriend and his family. That's awesome. Like, thankfully, you have something. You have that, you know? Yeah, you have kids, don't you? You said you had kids? Yes. Yeah. So just trying to keep it special for them, I guess. Absolutely. Put all your energy into those. I'm telling you, that's where you put your energy, babe. One thing you could do sort of to honor her would be, you know, if there was a special tradition that she loved to do or a special dish she loved to make, you could make that and bring it to your husband's holiday party.

And I think if that doesn't feel right, another option is to just do something that feels completely unlike anything you've done before. For example, a friend of mine, after her divorce for Mother's Day, you know, instead of doing the thing at home with the gifts and the breakfast and all of that, she took her kids to Six Flags. And, you know, they just ride roller coasters together and have a great time and eat churros. So yeah, I think there are a couple ways you can honor your mom and make sure you carve out a special moment for her. Do you normally go to your parents' house? To my grandparents, but my grandma's really

pushing my dad doing it with his new partner. So yeah. Do your grandparents understand where you're coming from? No. Old school. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just don't know how you could say anything like that and have anybody like keep going with an argument. I would be like, I got it. You got it. Yeah. You're coming from such an honest place. You can hear it and see it in your face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you're just honest with him, this hurts too much at this point, but I love you, all the good things, and give your kids and your husband an extra squeeze too. We'll look at next year maybe. We'll see. Yeah. Yeah.

Right? I mean, there's always next year, Dad, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, ladies, so much. It was so great to talk to you. Yeah. Nice to meet you, Kylie. Lots of love, sweetheart. Lots of love.

Thank you. Bye. Bye. I remember when my mom passed away, my father, I wrote this story in one of my books. My brother, Roy, was at my dad's house. He walked in and his housekeeper was in the kitchen naked cleaning with no pants or top on. And my father was on the couch watching in his boxer shorts. This was a week after my mother's funeral. And Roy sent our whole brother and sister thread a text being like, I have an update

for everybody who's wondering what dad's been up to. This is it. Yeah. And we were like, oh, my God. Yeah. Men are funny. Something is wrong with everyone. Men are funny.

I have a very good friend who found out his dad has been spending their life savings going to those massage places every day. Oh, my. Racking up major bills when his wife was at home. How many massages can you get in one day? Well, I think he was doing like four a day. Oh, wow. I didn't even know that was legal. And he was not a spring chicken. That's your retirement fund. But like all the money like

gone. Yeah, because at a certain age, men probably can't perform, right? So they'd rather just watch a woman. I don't even want to think about what's going on. Me neither. Okay, we'll take a quick break and then we'll come back and wrap it up with Tiffany Thiessen. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt.

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Anya and I met through hockey and now we're married and moms to two awesome toddlers. And on our new podcast, Moms Who Puck, we're opening up about the chaos of our daily lives between the juggle of being athletes, raising children, and all the messiness in between. We're also turning to fellow athletes and beyond to learn about their parenthood journeys and collect valuable advice, like FIFA World Cup winner Ashlyn Harris. I wish my village would have prepared me for how hard motherhood was going to be. And Peloton instructor and Ratchet Mom Club founder, Kirsten Ferguson.

And I remember going in there a hot mess. So listen to Moms Who Puck, a production of iHeart Women's Sports and Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. And we're back. We're back, Katherine. We are back. Well, our last caller today, all callers today, is Rob. He's finally not a Kylie, and he is in New York City. And he's got a bit of a career transition question, so I thought both of you would be great to help answer that.

Dear Chelsea, first off, I have to tell you how much I love and appreciate the podcast. I listen to every single episode and feel like I learn a little bit more about myself with each story that's shared. Recently, I've been feeling super trapped in life and in my career choice. I'm a hairstylist and have just never been super passionate about it. I thought it would be a super easy job and the money would just roll in, but it's fucking hard and people are exhausting. I have been brainstorming for years on what to do with my life, and I haven't really figured out what would make me happy. I even tried college three times and have no degree to show for it. As a child, I dreamed of being a writer, but never had the confidence to just go for it. I never thought that people

would want to hear what I have to say. And I've felt for a long time that most of my clients come to me to hear stories about my hot mess of a dating life. I also feel like I have a pretty wild imagination. So why not write a book about my shenanigans? I find that sometimes I'm super confident in this becoming a great book that will give people a laugh.

And then I go to a negative place and think my writing is shit and no one will care that I'm not smart enough to write. Any advice on how to get past this? I dream that one day I'll be done and I'll be a guest on your show and not just asking for advice, just trying to manifest here. Rob. And he's going to join. Hi, Rob. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Hi, Rob. Good. Oh my God. It's Tiffany Thiessen. Hi. Hi. I have a thought a little bit about thinking of it as, like, I have to write a book or have to, like, have a compendium of all my experiences. And I wonder if there is, like, a smaller piece that you can break this down into, whether

it's, like, I'm going to write an essay about this funny thing that happened or, like, I'm going to do a TikTok. Like, I don't know, funny dating stories like that feels TikTok to me. And like doing something that feels a little more manageable and a little bit easier and or a blog, like soon enough you'll have several things that like maybe could become a book. Have you actually started writing at all? Because it sounded like you started. Oh, okay. Yes, I've started writing. I had about like a good hundred pages going on. I've been on the go.

Well, that's good. I just get too much in my head sometimes. And then I don't even know who could read this for me to give me a little bit more advice. Or if I wanted to publish it someday, how would I even go about that? But why would he, in my opinion, why think of that right now? Exactly. I know. I'm like thinking like way too far. So far, right? Like I think what she was kind of saying, Catherine is saying, like, maybe take it smaller. Take it, take it a little bit smaller instead of looking at like, who knows how far in the future. Take it where you are right now and say, let's

finish this chapter or this many pages or whatever, you know, sometimes biting off something you can chew a little bit easier than like a huge meal or a huge banquet is a lot easier. I try to give myself like, I say, oh, I'm going to get up in the morning and maybe I'll sit for like a half hour or an hour. And then if I go past that rate and if I don't, it's okay. We could put it down for a little bit and just step away. You should pick up this book called Daily Rituals. It's about all these artists and philosophers and painters and writers, basically what their work ethic is and what their hours of productivity are. And you'll see a very common theme, which is first thing in the morning, I know this is true for myself. When I write, and I'm writing a book right now too,

and it's completely overwhelming, and I know where it's completely overwhelming and I know where it's going and I know when it's going to be published and I, everything that has, that you're talking about, you know, is still applicable to anyone who even has a plan. So like you do have to take it one day at a time, but what's cool about this book is it says like the early morning hours are your most, you know, where you're the most clear of mind and you have the most hours of productivity. And then a lot of people take breaks in the afternoon and then do something physical or many of them just start drinking. And then they come back for like an afternoon session and do that. But I know for me, like I write, I write an hour, two hours, sometimes three hours if I'm really, really feeling it in the morning.

And, you know, you're coming back and you're editing and you're losing stuff and you're adding stuff all the time. That is the process of writing you. So it's not important that what you write is perfect. It's like, okay, sometimes I take fragments of a sentence and put it so in a completely different chapter. Cause I'm like, wait, this is, this is applies to that. And so it's constantly reorganizing, constantly editing, and you have to get into that rhythm where you're just doing it all the time. Like you have to give yourself one hour every morning. Let's make it one hour, not a half hour, one hour every morning. And if you go beyond that, great. But then you're on like, you know, then you start to feel like you

have a pattern and you have kind of almost a system in place. Because that will breed more and more creativity. And the more you write, the more you write. You know what I mean? The more you sit down and say, I have to write, the more you're just going to start writing. And some of it may be crap, and some of it you may throw out the window. But there's going to be slivers of greatness in there.

Like, we all have important things to say. And you don't have to worry about anyone seeing it until you're at a place where you think this is ready to show another person. And it's usually not when you think it is. I know from experience, I send in chapters way too early then, and I'm like, wait, I'm not even done with those. I'm just trying to show them I'm doing something. So the longer you can have without anyone looking at it, the better off it's going to be anyway. Yeah. I figured I shouldn't always be looking for other people's feedback to validate myself.

Yeah. So take the pressure off and also just write a list of the way you want to be every day. Like you write, say every day I write from, you know, nine to 10 or whatever your hour is after that, you know, you don't have to make a whole list of things, but like, however, you're going to fit your writing in throughout the day. You know, I'm always writing notes in my notes section and then I go through that and I implement them into the chapters and stuff, But don't start worrying about shit that doesn't apply to your situation. It's just a waste of your energy and a waste of your time.

And that energy can be put into your writing. And every time you, yeah, every time you do start worrying about it, go back to writing. Anytime you're like, who am I going to show this to? How am I going to get this sold? Just go back to writing. Go and be like, oh, I have to go right now for 40 minutes for letting those thoughts, you know, control me. It's a punishment. You know, like it's a good way to just like get back in the game. And the more productive you are, the better and more confident you're going to feel about it as time goes on. So just consistency is key with anything like this. Yeah. Yeah. I just have to be more disciplined without beating myself

up about it. Yeah. Then use this call as your wake up call to be more disciplined without beating myself up about it. Then use this call as your wake-up call to become more disciplined. Yeah, I will. Just write a big, like put a piece of paper next to your desk, next to your computer that says, Chelsea and Tiffany say these and then the following things. Every morning I write for one hour. Put your phone down, put the alarm on so you know when an hour's up and you are not allowed to look at your phone until an hour's up. Yeah, no looking at phone. Absolutely, yeah. alarm on so you know when an hour's up and you are not allowed to look at your phone until an hour's up. Yeah, no looking at phone. Absolutely.

Yeah. The worst distraction you can do. Yeah, I would like to leave my phone in my bedroom or something. I would like to throw it to the side. Yeah. And I live alone, so it's a lot easier to have quiet time. Yeah. For sure.

Yeah. And then give yourself a reward. You can go masturbate or go take a walk, whatever you're into. I always masturbate after I write. That's not a bad idea, actually. I recently felt like I was abusing smoking a little too much. So I've given it up. It's probably been about three weeks now. And I definitely feel like I'm thinking clearer. Yeah, for sure. Good for you. Yeah, don't fucking smoke. I am terrible.

Every couple months, I'm like, I could have a cigarette. And then I'm like, no, I can't. Why can't I have a cigarette? Oh, I need weed, not cigarettes. Oh, smoking weed. Oh, yeah, no, that'll fuck your mind up too. Yeah. Yeah, I can't.

I can't write when I'm smoking weed. Only when I'm polishing. Then I can go when something's almost done. Then I go back and I'm like. And you use it as a polisher? Yeah, I use it as like, you know, put in some more humor. Thank you so much. And then when it does get published, I would like to have a little bit of a, you know, little blurb. Yeah. Acknowledgements. Yeah. Just a little,

just a tiny little one. Okay. Or yeah. Or our names could be in the title you decide i'm okay with that awesome thanks rob good luck thank you bye guys bye okay so anybody you can pick up tiffany's new cookbook she don't forget she's the host of mtv's deliciousness and you can pick up her newest cookbook which is called here we go Go Again, Recipes and Inspiration to Level Up Your Leftovers. Leftovers. And her previous cookbook is called Pull Up a Chair. So you can get both. You can get both. Holiday gifts. Yes. Thank you, Tiffany. Thank you. So nice to see you.

So fun. Nice to see you too, babe. Thank you. Chelsea, do you have some new dates for us? Oh, you know I do. You know I do. I have a lot of, we added lots of Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming. We added about 15 new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary, Indiana, Baltimore, Verona, New York, and about seven dates in Canada. So go to ChelseaHandler.com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the rest of the year through December. And then next year,

I'm going to be touring all year. So come and get it, you guys. It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world. So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com, and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert,

executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer.

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network,

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello? And what if your past itself was the secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child? These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.