Dear Chelsea - Dream Requiem with Rufus Wainwright

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

Pop icon, composer and legendary beauty Rufus Wainwright joins Chelsea to discuss why his music is the subject of scrutiny of the world’s leaders, how to hold failure and acceptance in the same hand, how to keep a glimmer of hope when you’re a tortured artist, and all about his new work featuring Jane Fonda. Then:  A hot tub romance heats up. A journal-reading boyfriend blames the victim.  And the sands of time have one caller wondering if she should call her mother.  * Get tickets to Rufus’ Dream Requiem with Jane Fonda here! * Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Clayton English. I'm Greg Glodd. And this is season two of the War on Drugs podcast. Sir. Last year, a lot of the problems of the drug war this year, a lot of the biggest names in music and sports. This is kind of star-studded a little bit, man. We met them at their homes, we met them at their recording studios.

Stories matter and it brings a face to them. It makes it real. It really does. It makes it real. Listen to new episodes of the War on Drugs podcast season two on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. My name is Brendan Patrick Hughes, host of Divine Intervention. This is a story about radical nuns in combat boots and wild haired priests trading blows with J. Edgar Hoover

in a hell bent effort to sabotage a war. J. Edgar Hoover was furious. He was out of his mind and he wanted to bring the Catholic left to its knees. Listen to Divine Intervention on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm ready to fight. Oh, this is fighting words. OK, I'll put the hammer back. Hi, I'm George M. Johnson, a bestselling author with the second most banned book in America. Now more than ever, we need to use our

voices to fight back. Part of the power of black queer creativity is the fact that we got us, you know. We are the greatest culture makers in world history. Listen to Fighting Words on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Sam Mullins, and I've got a new podcast coming out called Go Boy, the gritty true story of how one man fought his way out of some of the darkest places imaginable. Roger Caron was 16 when first convicted. Has spent 24 of those years in jail. But when Roger Caron picked up a pen and paper, he went from an ex-con to a literary darling. From Campside Media and iHeart Podcasts, listen to Go Boy on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you today? I'm good. Doug has diarrhea. Oh, right.

He's in Canada. My friend Cynthia texted me this morning saying she felt like Doug was depressed when I left, and I said, I doubt it. And then she said, no, he really misses you. And then she goes, actually, he hasn't eaten his food all day. And I go, oh my God. Oh, my God. He does love me. You gave him your stomach bug. Well, at first I eaten his food all day. And I go, oh my God. Oh my God.

He does love me. He gave him your stomach bug. Well, at first I thought he does love me. He does love me. And then I was like, wait a second, I had food poisoning. And then I was like, did he get food poisoning? Anyway, he had diarrhea on her couch and on her carpet. So I was like, okay,

I'll be back sooner than later to get him. Anyway, I was like, we can replace all of those things. We can replace your house. We can replace. She goes, he's so high, he's got such energy. And I go, just put him outside while he's sick. He's happy to stay outside, he'd sleep outside. He prefers it because he's so fucking hot

with all that hair. And she's like, okay, but just so you know, bears come through the backyard. And I was like, oh, I was like, well, he'll probably find his whole family. Those are his ancestors. You know what I mean? It's so true. probably find his whole family. Those are his ancestors. You know what I mean? It's so true.

He's basically a bear. He is a bear. So I don't know how long he's going to last in Canada, but I have people- Hopefully long enough to come back to LA. Well, he might not get in with the fucking way immigration is going. Who knows if they'll stop him at the border.

I mean, he is black. Who knows? They'll make up some fucking excuse. You know what I mean? Where are his papers? I know. Well, I do have his is black, who knows? They'll make up some fucking excuse. You know what I mean? Where are his papers? I know, well, I do have his paperwork actually, ironically. I should probably sell that to somebody. Well, not sell it, give it to somebody.

Listen to me. I would just like to say that it's early in the morning today and I got myself a parking spot all by myself. I paid the meter, I did it effectively. And it wasn't even in the normal place. It wasn't in a normal place. I parked up the street. We're at a studio. I went by my real house this morning to check on things. There was a lot of drilling going on.

I was telling Brad this morning, I'm like, I don't even know what exactly is happening at the house. I don't know. Nobody asks me anymore. Nobody should. Nobody asked me what's going on with my house. If you're listening to this and you want to rent a big house in Los Angeles for a lot of money, hit me up on DMs because yeah, I'm going to rent that house out until I make my money back. And I'll live in Whistler or Spain or I don't know, Guantanamo Bay, whatever place welcomes me.

Exactly. People can rent that if they're fans of yours or RFK Junior. I mean, it's great. Yes, this is a, what is it? A cautionary tale. Cautionary tale. True. I had one great house building experience and I got very confident, overconfident.

And then I now have another house building experience and I will never ever build anything again. Yeah. Well, speaking of Trump's cabinet, we have one of Trump's favorite people. His cabinet, they shouldn't even be called a cabinet. That's like, that's a fucking thing. That's an item you'd find in my house. That doesn't work.

It's not a cabinet. It's like a fucking broken toaster is his cabinet. Yes, we have somebody who has gotten, who has had friction with Trump on today. He's an amazing singer, songwriter, composer, and legendary beauty. Please welcome Rufus Wainwright. Hi, good morning.

Hello? Hello. Oh, oh, hi, Rufus. Oh, wow, look at you. You're like me, way early. Yeah. Yeah, no way early, but- And for a musician, no less.

I mean, this is, what is happening? Well, I have a 14-year-old child. Yes, I know about that. And- So I have to- You have to wake up early to breastfeed? Yeah. Yeah, I have to be on call basically 24-7 for any kind of horrific situation.

Absolutely. I understand. Yeah. Is that better? Okay. You look very thin. You look really thin on this. Is that what you said you're going for?

Well, I was more going for Marlene Dietrich, but thin will work. Well, thin and Marlene Dietrich. Rufus, first of all, there's a lot to talk about. Yes. Dream, what are you doing? I'm doing a lot of work. I'm doing a lot of work. I'm doing a lot of work. I'm doing a lot of work. I'm doing a lot of work. I'm doing a lot Marlene Dietrich, but then we'll work. Fin and Marlene Dietrich.

Rufus, first of all, there's a lot to talk about. Yes. Dream Requiem, which is what we're here to talk about. But first I want to just mention a couple of things. I know that the Trump campaign used your song, Hallelujah, your Leonard Cohen cover, Hallelujah, and you were pissed about that. So I was curious about that too. Like obviously your agents and managers are whomever get involved, right?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I was pissed, but I think above pissed, I was more just sort of flabbergasted and completely, you know, shocked. In the sense that, just because it was also so weird how it was used. Like it wasn't just used as a rally, you rally, ending thing where people are always shaking hands. He turned it into this sort of group dance slash prayer moment of seeking forgiveness.

And that was a horrified shockness. And then I was pissed. Yeah, I'm shocked and horrified. First of all, I'm not Catholic or religious in any way, shape or form. I'm shocked and horrified when they use any sort of religious backdrop or there are people praying with him. I find that so offensive to real religion.

Like. Yeah. I might have, I have a little bit of a scoop for you though. Oh great. We love that. Regarding this. I don't think I have a little bit of a scoop for you though. Oh great. We love that. Regarding this. I don't think I've talked about this yet, but it's sort of out there a little bit, but so that happened, right? And then, and this is before he won the election.

Or, I guess he won the election. He won Rufus. We're living in hell. And to answer your previous question, I'm in Canada right now. I'm in Canada right now, for real. Well, you're Canadian. I'm trying to become Canadian. Okay. Are you really in Canada? I'm in Whistler. Yeah.

Oh, right. Okay. So we're both in exile and probably will remain so for a few years. But anyways, but what happened is that he won the election and then one of the first visitors that he had was Justin Trudeau, the prime minister of Canada, our ex prime minister, as we went down. I'd met Justin a couple of times, you know, on Grindr and, I'm just kidding, but anyways, so then I got a call a few days later from Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister telling me that he said, I got this funny story for you. And so I answered the phone, yes, Mr. Prime Minister, make me laugh. And he said that when he was

down in Mar-a-Lago, they were sitting together. At one point, Hallelujah came up on the sound system in the ballroom, but it was Andrea Bocelli's version of Hallelujah, the song. At which point, Trump turned to Justin Trudeau and said, you know Rufus's version, right? And then Justin Trudeau said, oh yes, I know Rufus's version, but you have to give Jeff Buckley some credit because he's the first person to cover the song. At which point, I'm on the phone with Justin

Trudeau like, wait a minute, he brought up the Jeff Berkley. I was a bit riled internally. I also find it a bit surprising that Trump is aware of different covers of that song. I don't know. Well, he is, but then Justin said to him, yes, but you have to give Jeff Buckley some credit, at which point Trump said, oh, okay, well maybe, 20 minutes later, Trump walked up to Justin and said, you know, Rufus' version is really the best version. At which point Justin went, yes, it is the best version.

So in terms of like, hallelujah versions, At which point, Justin went, yes, it is the best version. So in terms of like, hallelujah versions, I'm a total Trumpian, but that's about it. Yeah, well, I'm glad, I mean, what an endorsement. Trump believes that yours is the best version of hallelujah. I know, I know. So you got that, I guess, yeah. Yeah, no, no, that's the, yeah, look,

I've been seeking that for years, and it's all I've ever wanted really, is to be acknowledged as the greatest singer of hallelujah. Forget my operas, forget my children. So let's talk dream requiem because I know that you have Jane Fonda was is going to, is she narrating it? Is that the proper terminology? Yes, what it is, is that I, many years ago, I discovered this amazing poem by Byron called Darkness. And he wrote it in 1814, which was this year

that there was this incredible, insane, not earthquake, what's another thing that we're about to have? Economic crash? Volcano, volcano. Oh, okay. Volcano, the went off, that erupted, that went off in Southeast Asia and the entire world was dark for a year. There was no season

and everybody thought the world was ending. It was the year that they wrote, that Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein. So it was like the most kind of Gothic year. And that was 1814, you said? Yeah, it's the most Gothic year except for this year. Oh, wow. And that was 1814, you said? Yeah, it's the most gothic year except for this year. We've now eclipsed that. So then you wrote that poem.

You took that poem. So as I found out the poem, it's all about the end of the world and it's about like ecological collapse. And then I was composing this Requiem Mass and I decided to put them together and I was maybe going to compose the music to the English words, but English is crap. And unless it's like rock and roll or rap, it sounds terrible if it's sung operatically. So I quickly shifted it and said, oh, we'll have a narrator, which in the end has turned out to be an amazing kind of trick. I don't want to say trick, ploy, where, you know, because the premiere in Paris, we had

Meryl Streep there as the narrator and that recording is available on Warner Classics. And yeah, Jane is doing it in LA. Have you heard anything about how she got the job? No, tell us. Well, I, look, Jane and I have, I know your friends too, or you've hung out, yeah, I know why. I mean, I run into her over the years here and there, but we never quite, you know, bonded, but we were at this, I had just done the Requiem in Paris with Meryl, and we were at the Hammer Gala in LA, and I went there and I was with my husband and Yoran

and we arrived and I saw Jane and we kind of ended up in just the same corner. We just started talking and it started to click. We just started to jive as they say. Is it jive or jibe? I don't know, I'm so white. Anyways. I think it's jibe but I'm also white.

Okay. So who fucking knows? Okay, we were doing something cool. And it was weird. But so we're talking and then I said to her, and I started talking about the dream requiem. I said, you know, we did it in Paris with Marilyn and actually it's coming to LA.

We don't have a narrator yet, but it's gonna come to Disney Hall with the master corral. And at the end of that little speech, Jane turned to me and she said, Rufus, I'm doing it. I was like, excuse me? She was like, no, I will do it with you. She immediately hired herself, which I mean, I was overjoyed, also a little shocked. And then it's just from there on, you know, we've been hanging out a lot.

And she's come to a few of my shows. And she's just so, like, when she wants something or there on, you know, we've been hanging out a lot and she's come to a few of my shows and she's just so, like when she wants something or loves something. Yeah, she's very present. Yeah, yeah. And so I'm just, I don't know, I felt very, it's been one of the great, great things in my life in the midst of all of this darkness and stuff. So when is this performance in LA?

This performance is in LA, it's May the 4th at Disney Hall. It's also with the Master Chorale, which is probably the greatest choir in America. Wow, yeah, even I know who they are. Yeah, no, they're amazing. And look, it's something, I don't in any way, look, as much as Trump likes to think that he rules the world, I kind of would like to say, well, maybe Trump, you exist because I wrote this death mass and is premiering at the perfect time. So you're just the backdrop to my music. So I'm kind of trying to turn it around because it is eerie how

you know, just the whole, you know, the apocalyptic dark, you know, it's a perfect thing to be putting out right now. That's all I want to say. Yeah, it's also, you know, I was, don't know where I read this what book I read this in probably my favorite book letting go but it's about being like, you know, even in times of strife or when the world is a dark place there are people who could create art and people who can thrive within the the darkness and not off of the darkness I'm not talking about like to the tech billionaires on all of that. I'm saying people who can thrive, who make something happen even amidst all the darkness

and continue to thrive. Yeah, well, I am very much fueled, not as you said, not fueled by the darkness, but I am, how can I say this? I am attuned to that sensibility in my work. I've always loved opera. I've always loved written ballads and very intense music. So I love, so yes, artistically I'm in a very good place. But what's funny when you bring up the tech bros,

because they have no artistic sense whatsoever. I mean, what's so kind of horrific about that whole situation is that their idea of art is like them dressed as the Mona Lisa or something, you know, with like a banana in the background. You know, they just have no aesthetic sense or anything. So they're not even, I don't know, like artistically, they cannot be... Yeah, so it's up to me. Right, right. It's up to me. Right, right. It's up to true artists.

Yeah, to actually show up. Yeah, and they think they're artists. They think they're artists. They think that they're like- Do they think they're artists though? I mean, they're clearly devoid of- They think they're everything. They think they're just everything.

Yeah, right. They think they're sexy too, which is pretty- Yeah, well that's the most revolting part. The sex, the assumed sex appeal is so revolting. I mean, I can't think of anyone, any group of guys that are less fuckable than all of those guys. Talk to me about Dream Requiem. So tell me how you would, first of all,

I hate this question when I'm asked how I would describe one of my shows, but I'm gonna ask you without saying those words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, look, I'm a shows, but I'm going to ask you without saying those words. Yeah. No, I'm a big, as I said before, classical music fan. The first piece that really got me going when I was 13 was Verdi's Requiem. The composer Verdi, he wrote this amazing Requiem. It's one of the great ones.

I just became obsessed with it and it began my whole journey in that realm. It was a little freakish for my dad especially who's not a big opera fan to see his 13 year old son in the corner in the dark with headphones on listening to Day of Wrath and stuff like that. So, but I stuck it out or everybody stuck it out. And now, you know, I've written, you know, several classical works and also pop works and all of that stuff. And now I just feel like it's time to give back to that. I will say, are you Catholic at all?

Or you're probably anti-Catholic, you hate. Yeah, I'm not anything at all. Were you brought up Catholic or? I was brought up Jewish actually. You're brought up Jewish, okay, sorry. Okay, there you go. But I am not anything, I'm not even baptized Catholic. I was brought up in a Catholic environment.

My mother was Catholic and I went to Catholic school and- How was that? Well, you know, it wasn't great in a sense, but it was really, they really ingrained it in you in the sense that I was a little shocked when I went to compose it and I was working with all of those prayers, you know, the Latin mass.

Wow. Just how fast it came out and how, it's just like wired into me, for better or for worse, probably more for worse in a lot of ways. That's how I am with state capitals, those are wired into me. Sounds nice. So anyway, so I just started composing it and then,

and it just came out really fast and it's just one of these things where the idea came. And then I said, okay, that sounds like a nice idea. Let's see if anybody's interested. And we asked Paris first. And then within two months, there was 10 commissioners, 10 cities all over the world that wanted to do it. There was a real kind of need for it. It was right after COVID. So I think people were whatever, they were pretty gloomy. Yeah. And so I think they could relate to that. The other thing, which I don't, do you know anything about the dog situation? Uh-uh, no, I don't know anything about anything except-

Okay, well this is interesting because, you know, the Requiem is, it's dedicated to two individuals. The first one is dedicated to Verdi, the composer, because, you know, of that. But then the second dedication is to Puccini, who most people would think is an opera composer, which he is. But Puccini, and I say this and think, used to be our little dog. We had a dog named Puccini. And actually within the poem, Byron's poem, there's Byron adored dogs and in the poem there's a dog that dies in the middle of the poem. It's kind of the most touching moment of the piece, or one of the many touching moments. And so, and we, my husband and I, we had a little dog named Puccini. And so we dedicated it also to the little dog. So yeah. So, there's a big dog element

to the piece as well for dog lovers. So if you hate opera. But it's a whole opera, right? It's not just one piece. No, it's one piece. It's only one piece. Yeah, yeah. It's a mass. But it's a whole opera, right? It's not just one piece. No, it's one piece. It's one piece. It's only one piece. Yeah, yeah, it's a mass. And it starts with some of the poem and then it goes into the mass. Like the choir sings all the religious mass stuff

and then the poem is recited by the narrator. And at certain points they intertwine. But it's 75 minutes. Like there's no intermission or anything. It's just there, you're in and you're out. And yeah, so it's some, I'm very excited about it. I mean, I've been fighting years and years and years to

make it into the classical world and it seems like I've done it with this piece of music which is very exciting. Of course, right at the time that I did that, I wrote a musical in London called Opening Night, which totally flopped. So, I kind of, the Broadway world, or the West End world in London kind of gave me the boot,

right as the classical world opens. So, it's always, it's been an interesting journey. You're always gonna have a door shut down on you at some point. Well, a door shut down on you at some point. Well, a door shut down on you right before a different door opens. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, you can never have just the door open

and it's all great. That's a cliche because, or well, an adage I suppose, because it's true. I mean, that does happen. So talk to me about it artistically how that makes you feel. Like when you are rejected, and then you are accepted into a different world,

like how do you balance those emotions? Yeah, no, look, when I did the musical, Opening Night, which by the way, we did record and we're releasing it, the soundtrack album and the songs are great. And I think the piece was actually kind of great. It was just a little out there for, it was based on the John Cassavetes movie,

at Opening Night. Anyways, so I was so depressed when that whole thing collapsed and to the point where I had to go on medication and stuff, like it was very, it was pretty dark. I mean, there was a lot of other things happening, but that was, kind of took me down. And has that happened to you before, professionally, creatively?

It's happened to you before professionally, creatively? It's happened to me once before, but I didn't kind of seek treatment for it. I just sort of white-knuckled it through the whole thing, but this time I just needed a little bit of help and I got it and it was great. I was able to come back. But right as that was happening, the Requiem was premiering in Paris and I had Meryl Streep there sitting next to me, listening to it for the first time. I was able to appreciate how special the whole thing was, and how lucky I was to be in this situation.

But yes, there was this gnawing sort of sense, which sort of limited me in my, in my joy at the time of my greatest triumph. Right. So, but let's talk about that because I think that is very relatable to, you know, not only people in the industry, but I think people, you know, a lot of things, you get good news or you get bad news and it's hard to kind of pick yourself up from that. And like, when you look back at that time, do you think that there was anything

you would have done differently or that you will do differently in the future if something like that were to happen again? Well, I mean, look, I'm speaking of religions and stuff. I mean, I don't want to do it, but I guess, you know, you have to be sort of Buddhist about it and say, you know, you have to let go of that attachment and that kind of idea of being, you know, fulfilled by your ego or whatever. And so that's probably the wise way to do it is just to not try to feel nothing a little

bit in a sense or just be, you know, very low key about it. But you know, look, then I wrote 10 songs in the depths of my sadness, that I'm now going to put on a pop record. So it's also for an artist. I think that's actually more what I struggle with, is just and that I've realized now in my 50s, is that there is this machine that I've created where I get depressed, and then I write songs, and then I feel better, but you know, I get depressed and then I write songs and then I feel better,

but then I got to get depressed in order to write a song and then in order to, you know, it's this cycle that, you know, certainly creates a lot of material, but it is a little bit diabolical at times. Yes, I'm sure. I'm sure it is. I mean, that's the life of an artist, typically, right? And it's a good, I mean, I think we're fortunate, but when I see people, young people, especially when they're like, oh, I want to be an artist, and, you know, my first comment will usually be to say,

well, you can't tell me you want to be an artist. You have to be an artist. Like, you just, you be an artist. You have to be an artist. Like you are an artist and good luck. It's not easy, it's not easy. No, it's not like anyone really takes care of you as an artist emotionally. And I'm not sure in what world you are taking care of emotionally unless it's by your spouse or family.

But at a certain point, when you go through all of the highs and lows of having any career, a public career also, you start to learn to rely on yourself for your emotional wellbeing. You're like, no one can help me with this. Yes, you can talk to a therapist, and of course, you can go on medication in incremental times or whatever you need it, whatever.

But no one takes care of you. And I think as an artist, there's this attitude, at least I had this attitude younger, when things didn't go right, you fix it, you do the, and yes, while that can be many people's responsibilities in your life, you actually just have to take the emotional burden of everything. It's your name on it.

It's your failure or success. And then it's your pressure. Yeah, and then in the end it's your glory when it comes to fruition. But at that glorious moment, there's always a little bit of, there's always a chink in the armor. Always.

Yeah, which is, I I just the way it is. It would be great to figure out a way and I'm good at this sometimes, but not foolproof to welcome the failure, to welcome the pain, you know, like bring it on because every time you have a failure, we all know that something, a rainbow is around the corner, like something happens. Well, I mean, I have a little thing to do with that, which I kind of relate to yin and yang, where anytime I'm happy, anytime I'm somewhat euphoric, I just always say, look, I'm going to take a little piece of this and hide it somewhere so that when I'm in the dark, I can, you know, pull it out and use it as

a kind of flashlight. But I think it's something you have to cognitively do. And practice. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Rufus Wainwright. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at dearchelseapodcast.com.

We'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on. This week, we're specifically looking for questions about surrogacy and fertility issues. So if you've gone through IVF or are planning to, please write in at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith. And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said

is just a beardless, d***less version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless D***less Me. I'm the old one. I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language.

It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. It could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out. It's a work in progress. Listen to Beardless D***less Me on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Sonoro and iHeart's MyCultura podcast network present

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Are we ready to fight? I'm ready to fight. Is that what I thought it was? Oh, this is fighting words. Okay. I'll put the hammer back. Hi, I'm George M. Johnson, a bestselling author with the second most banned book in America. Now more than ever, we need to use our voices to fight back.

And that's what we're doing on Fighting Words. We're not gonna let anyone silence us. That's the reason why they're banning books like yours, George. That's the reason why they're trying to stop the teaching of black history or queer history, any history that challenges the whitewash norm. Or put us in a box.

Black people have never, ever depended on the so-called mainstream to support us. That's why we are great. We are the greatest culture makers in world history. Listen to Fighting Words on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes as dads, I think we're too hard on ourselves. We get down on ourselves on not being able to, you know, we're the providers, but we also have to learn to take care of ourselves.

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And we're back with Rufus Wainwright. Hi. Okay. We're gonna take some callers, Rufus.ainwright. Hi. Hi. Okay. We're gonna take some callers, Rufus. Are you down? Are you ready to rumble? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I'm ready to rumble. Well, before we get to advice, Rufus, I have to tell you that my husband, who's the engineer here, who was floating around here on the Zoom, you are actually the reason that we met. Oh, really? In 2005, I went to go see your concert at Ravigna.

Oh, wow. In August, in 2005. And see your concert at Ravigna. Oh wow, okay. In August, in 2005. And was going with a friend. We met at the friend's house ahead of time and who should walk out but this dreamy tall guy. And here we are 20 years later. Oh, that's so sweet.

Oh, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I saw your roof is at some small place in Santa Monica a few years ago. maybe not a few, maybe 10. It was really fun though. It was only like, there's a small room with like 100 people and everyone was getting down to business. I think it was, yeah, it was McCabe's or something. Yes, yes, yes, it was McCabe's.

Yeah, yeah, those were some, those were great shows. Those were fun shows. All right, well, our first question is just an email, not a caller. So this question comes from Tina. Subject line is son's sexual preference. Dear Chelsea, I've been a fan of your podcast for a number of years. I love what you stand for and the advice that you give on your podcast. I listen every morning when I walk my dog before work. I'm a 47 year old single mom with three children who are all grown. I like to think

of myself as very open-minded and progressive when it comes to most things. I've always made it very clear to my children that whatever road they choose in their sexuality is their choice and free from judgment and then this happened. My 21 year old son told me tonight that he's dating a trans person, a woman who has been transitioning to be a man. I maintained complete composure and acted cool, but inside I was really just feeling a little bit of turmoil. I love that. I love that honesty. I maintained composure.

Yes. My son is the most beautiful, sweet, kind, and best person ever, and all I want for him is to be happy. I've always known or suspected that he was gay or otherwise, but I guess I'm just scared for him, but at the same time, so proud of him for just loving another human, regardless of their sexual identity or preference. I guess I'm asking for help on navigating through our extended family, some of which, including my sister and her husband, are very conservative.

My mama bear instincts are out and I think I'm feeling more protective than judgmental for him, but also feeling a little bit confused of my own feelings about the situation. Many thanks, Tina. I think this is easy, Tina. I don't think you have to make any proclamations or announcements to your family, like your extended family. First of all, get to know your son's new love interest and spend time with them and just keep opening your heart

and your mind because you're gonna learn lots of things that you didn't know about and that's gonna really normalize the situation. And you kind of calling attention to it too, even though I understand you're being a protective mama bear, because I'm a mother and I know what that meat feels like, I'm more of a father, but like putting an exclamation point on everything I don't think is helpful. Like I think you should just act with grace and normalcy. Like this is normal.

When they meet the person, whether or not they realize that they're trans or not is inconsequential to you. Like, that's not something that you need to like preface or tell them before. Let them deal with the situation. And when it comes around, I would suggest just going, I didn't think that was information that was necessary. Because you're protecting by telling your sister and her husband who are more conservative, you're protecting them. You're not protecting your son. You're protecting their feelings

and making sure they have all the cards. They don't need all the cards. This isn't their love life. This is your son's love life. So all you can do is show up for him in a really responsible and present way. Rufus, what do you think? Well, you know, I wanted to,

I totally agree with what you're saying, but I also want to sort of praise her for even being, you know, open to stuff because my mother, mind you, this was back in the 80s, when she found out I was gay, she had a cigarette in one hand and a scotch in the other and she said, Ruvus, don't tell me something I don't want to hear. Uh oh. So I was, you know, that was, that was, so I'm someone who, you know, whenever I hear a parent who's, you know, really trying to do the right thing, it's so important and should be really, really celebrated. Because unfortunately, still, I, you know, I just hear these horror stories with parents who are just out of their mind, you know, when this stuff comes

up. And so you're being the dad, I'm being the mom. Yeah, well, perfect. We're perfectly we're parenting perfectly. I also think like, open, open, open, just keep your mind open, like you're going to learn things, you're going to be surprised by the things you learn, and just be open hearted and open minded. Be proud of yourself for being open.

Yeah, be proud of yourself and just keep thinking like, you know, I understand the protective aspect, but like we're not there yet. You don't have to, don't worry about your son's, your son's happiness is paramount to anything else. Like just be open to that and open to understanding his world. And that way you're going to set the foundation

for him to be always comfortable coming to you, talking to you about these things, talking to you about these issues. And you want to just, you know, the last thing you want to be is shut out from any of that. So yes, just move forward with grace and openheartedness. Yeah. And I will also say just like a tiny asterisk, I think she did a really good job just like containing any fear or confusion that she might have had. Composing herself. Yeah, composing herself. But one tiny asterisk, Tina,

is just on the sexual preference language. You know, nowadays we say more like sexual orientation because it really is part of somebody's identity, not a choice really that they're making. And I think once you get to know this person, you know, I think the only scary thing is having not ever met a trans person. And once you get to know them, you're like, oh, they're just a person, you know?

They just act like everybody else. They're just a person. That was a sort of end of my mother's story, which is kind of nice. And maybe it softens it a bit as a, you know, when she was, when I finally did come out to her, we were in Paris and she went to Notre Dame Cathedral and she was brought up Catholic, so she went and she prayed and she went to Notre Dame Cathedral and she was brought up Catholic. So she went and she prayed and she claims that she got a message from somewhere that said, you know, Rufus is like any other person. You just have to treat him like any other

person. And it is that message, I think, that comes out eventually the world to people and that's it. Yeah. That message that needs to be transmitted to the entire world. Yes. and that's it. Yeah, that message that needs to be transmitted to the entire world. Yes, yes. That a human being is a human being, regardless of anything else. Yes.

Well, our next question comes from Amber. Amber says, Dear Chelsea, I met someone in the coolest way. We met in a hot tub in Michigan. I live in Washington and he lives in New York. He's my best friend and he totally gets me. I never thought I'd meet someone like him. I know he is the one. I have a great career in Washington and a fantastic community and friends. He has two kiddos and not the best job prospects where he lives. I'm so torn because I love my life but I also love him. What do I do? It's important to know I'm turning 40 this year

and have never been married. I want to marry this man. Hopeless in Washington, Amber. Hi Amber, this is Rufus Wainwright, our special guest today. Hi, that's so cool. Okay, so you fell in love in a hot tub in Michigan. You don't wanna leave Washington

because your whole life is there? Yeah. And what state is he in? He's in New York. Oh, okay. So you'd have to move to New York. What part of New York? Like rural Northern New York, like close to the Canadian border. Oh, okay.

Well, that is a pickle because we're not talking about any major city here. Yikes. I mean, that could be good to be close to the border for other reasons. How far is it from Montreal? We actually went to Toronto like last month. Oh, is there Toronto? Okay. Yeah, like he drove, he drove like four hours to Toronto and then I...

Four hours to Toronto. Okay. That is far. Yeah. I mean, listen, if you're in love and you know it and you feel it and you're 40 and you're ready to take a plunge for somebody then you got to do what you got to do. I wouldn't want to move there but I'm not in love with anyone that lives there. That is so true but like you know I have like this whole community here. I bought a house, my friends are here. My job is here. Although, will I have a job in a few months? I don't know because it's grant funded. Lovely.

Sure. And now I assume that like he can't move because of the kids, right? Like a custody situation. How old are the kids? 11 and two. Two? Well, that's another doozy. You're gonna raise a two-year-old with him? I mean, I used to work with kids. I love kids. I just, I don't want kids.

And then he doesn't want any more. He's had a vasectomy. It's fantastic. Like, I don't have to worry about it. Yeah, he sounds like a good option, minus the geographical. Are you interested in sort of being in a child's life in a major way, even though it's not your own,

is that interest you or? Totally, I have a lot of kids with kids and I love their kids and I love being like the best friend's auntie, you know, but I don't wanna be their mom, they have moms, they're good. Okay, so if you lose your job in a couple of months, say that happens, you know, I hope it doesn't happen, but say that does happen.

Does that, would that make it easier for you to move to New York? Yeah, I mean, it would. It's just, I think, it's not even more, not even about the job or the location. It's just when you're at my age, it's harder to, you know, make friends and build this community and I have like built this amazing friendship and community of people here and it's taken a while to build that, right? And then you go to rural New York and you don't know anybody, it's going to be really hard to make those friendships, but also he's like my best friend. So there's that and I could always visit and fly and I have that ability.

And you can't just keep it long distance for the time being? We are. Yeah. We're making plans. We're seeing each other like every other month or so. We talk every night and we've kind of built like little things that are special to us for being long distance. So I could, I told him, I said,

I could do this for about a year, but then that's it. I'm done. What do you, when you say you built little things, what does that mean? Like what's an example of built little things? Yeah. So like every morning I send him a picture of what I'm wearing to work that day. Just like every day. And then he sends you a dick pic. Those are fun actually. But only from sometimes. I've never wanted them before actually, but now I'm like,

oh, I didn't want them. I'm still waiting to meet the guy that makes me want to see a dick pic. So I never, I never thought I would be that way either, Chelsea, seriously, but he's, it is. Amber, you are in love. Is there a way for you to go there for like two months or three months, like an extended vacation so you have a sort of a sense of what a long, just being there over like a week is like?

I wish. I'm going to, the nice thing is I'm actually going to go next month to like see where he lives and see the neighborhood and just see what it would be like for like a weekend. But because of my job, I'm a program director and they need me in the office to handle my staff. It'd be cool if I had like a remote job and could kind of be bi-costal. Well, I think that you should definitely A, if you're okay with this for a year, great, take a year. Take a year, go see his neighborhood the next time you're going there and spend the weekend there. But you have to plan a next time you're going there and spend the weekend

there. But you have to plan a time where you're going to spend a longer duration of time there in this year that you're talking about. And if you do lose your job, then that opens you up to get a job where you can be bi-coastal. So then you can have the best of both worlds. Because is there a situation where you would keep your house in Washington and then also kind of go back and forth if you had a bi-coastal job? I mean, that's what you mean, right?

Yeah, I think I could totally manage that. I have a dog, but I have a place where she could go that she loves. So like I could make it work for a couple of years if I wanted to. Yeah, I think that's what you should do. I wouldn't make any rash decisions just yet. You know what I mean?

Just start spending time there, spend as much time there as you can so you can really get a feel for the place and see if that excites you, like are you gonna be okay living there? Hopefully you can just be bi-coastal because I think so many long distance relationships are successful because of the distance.

I know we all wanna like jump into each other's arms and everyone wants to shack up, but it's also, there's something to be said for missing each other, for keeping the fire burning, you know, for not living with somebody all the time and getting used to all their shit and then throwing wet towels on the fucking dry bed. All of that stuff, you know what I mean? Takes kind of the romance out of... And start to, and start to resent their dick pics.

Yeah, you're gonna start to resent his dick pics. But because how many, how many months have you guys been seeing each other now as we speak? So that's it's complicated because I've known him for a year and but when we've been talking and seeing each other but we've kind of like made it official like last month sometime. Okay, yeah. So give it some more time please. Just be smart about it. You're 40 years old. You're not going to I just want you to look at that community that you built. You know, in Washington, like as a very sacred thing, like a lot of people yearn for that. A lot of people don't have that. So I really want you to make sure you like that's more valuable, in my opinion, in your life than anything or any love affair.

That is your community and that is your group. So just be very respectful of that and don't toss it away lightly. Oh, no, I wouldn't. Yeah. No, I have been so lucky and blessed with my friendships and the friends that I have. They've really stepped up. I've had surgeries and they've stepped up to help with my dog and me. I just feel so lucky to have what I have here and that's why it's not so easy. As it might be for some people to be like, oh, it's not a big deal. I'll just move. And it just go, I'll just move. And it's like, I have everything here, you know? Okay, well just keep that in mind with everything, right?

Like put that at the top of your list. That is at the top of your list. Even your love affair is number two. Yeah. So remember that. I will, yeah. No, that's super helpful to hear. I really appreciate it.

Cause I've been really stuck, but I will say Yeah. No, that's super helpful to hear. I really appreciate it because I've been really stuck. But I will say, Chelsea, you are the reason I'm not married. Well, thank you. I appreciate that kind of feedback. No, like I always thought when I was like in my 20s, I had to get married and let a man take care of me. And I realize now I'm like, I take care of myself. I can pay my own bills and I can buy my own house and my own car and I can be the breadwinner. Yeah, Rufus and I were just talking before you came on

about taking care of ourselves emotionally as artists, right? And I think this is also a good kind of point of interest to talk about is that women are, we're all able to take care of ourselves in every possible way,, we're all able to take care of ourselves in every possible way, yet we're always looking for someone to lean on for whether it's financially or emotionally or spiritually. We want someone who knows more than we do or that we can go to when we have the capabilities

within us to take care of ourselves in every way. So I think that's a great reminder and I think a lot of women who are listening today are gonna respond to that and think about are they taking care of themselves? Have they built a life that they want for themselves? Because we all have the ability to do that. It's about going to a place that you love, building your community,

building your friendships that does take time. It doesn't happen instantly, not for everyone anyway. And certainly I'm sure not for you, right? Did it happen right away or did it take time? I definitely took time where I realized, oh, I can buy a house. I can do it on my own. And I've been on my own since I was 16. So it took a while to figure out that I didn't need a man to rescue me, that I could just rescue myself and I could do it all and it would be fine. And it's been great. I love my man to like rescue me, that I could just rescue myself and I could do it all and it would be fine. And it's been great. I love my life, like I said, you know, and I don't need

someone to pay my bills because I can pay them. You know, I can do it all and I don't need anybody else. But it's the, it'd be nice to have someone by my side. Yes, absolutely. I don't need anybody. Great. It's just like having that best friend that's just walking alongside you in life. Absolutely, and they can walk alongside you, you know, across the country. It's not like you're across the world

for the time being anyway. So, right? Yeah. You know, walk, just picture each other walking, picture him and you walking towards each other at a very slow pace. You love it. Yeah. Okay.

Well, that sounds like you've got a plan. You're going to wait a little bit. You're going to wait a year, figure it out, spend some more time there. And we're in agreement. We're all in accord. Okay? Hey. Yes.

Okay. Great. Love it. Thanks for calling in. Thank you. Everyone have a good day. Bye. Well, she was probably the most sensible person that we've had call in for calling in. Thank you. Everyone have a good day. Bye. Well, she was probably the most sensible person that we've had call in for advice ever. Yes.

And FYI, I want someone to pay my bills. I know. I'm at the point where I would also like that too, Rufus. Let's fucking be honest. I've been paying my bills and a lot of other people's bills for a really fucking long time. And I would like to commingle funds with another very wealthy person.

Yeah, yeah. It's this. Well, our next caller is Katie. Katie is 35. She says, you're Chelsea. I know I'm not the only one in this situation, but it sure feels that way sometimes. I have one sibling, my twin brother, who's married, and they've blessed me with a nephew and a little niece.

So that relationship factors into my question because it's just my brother and I, I haven't spoken to my mom or dad. He's more just collateral damage since I can't get to him without her being a part of it since November, 2021. My relationship with my mom has been complicated for a long time, but the final straw was how she interfered with my relationship with the love of my life and interracialial relationship she never fully accepted. We've since split for other reasons,

but it doesn't change how she acted. After giving her too many chances, I finally cut contact and honestly, my life has been better for it. Here's the problem. She just turned 70 and I know time isn't infinite. I feel at peace with staying no contact with the idea of getting that call one day

where it's too late makes me wonder Will I regret not trying am I just grieving the mother? I wish I had or should I make some sort of move before it's too late Or is this just one of those painful realities you have to sit with would love to hear your take Katie Hi, this is Rufus Wainwright our special guest today First of all, I find that kind of behavior, like any sort of racist, misogynist kind of anything that falls under that umbrella to be kind of unforgivable. You can learn and make mistakes and come back and that's fine. But if that's just the way you're going to be,

and that's your attitude. So I think that what you could do to just get your feelings down on paper is to write like now that you're not in the relationship, to let her know, does she know that you're not in the relationship anymore? Yeah, she did. My brother let them know, but a little bit of a plot twist. We have gotten back together. So it's a little bit-

It's still the issue. Oh, okay, great. Yeah, which is great for me. Yeah, I mean, I'm so happy and my brother and his family are really supportive of us. And so, you know, I'm just, I don't know, I just feel like I'm in this weird, I was going along fine. And then all of a sudden, it was like, I just when her she turned 70, I was just like, Oh, my god, I had this

weird pressure. Like, I need to do something. I don't know. But I'm so curious what you think about if it's okay to just stay. I mean, if I had it my way, I would just continue the way I've been continuing. It's been really good for me to have no contact, but I'm like, am I missing an opportunity for growth here? I think you have an opportunity to write down how that made you feel and to write down kind of like now that you're looking back at the situation, regardless that you got back together, that's great. Good for you.

I'm glad you guys worked it out, but just upon reflection, now that you've had time, how long has it been since you had, you said November, 2021, right? So that's been enough years to have a reflection. I'm sure she's had some thoughts about it too. So I think it'd be nice to write a letter, like send her an email or a written letter, however you see fit, just expressing how that made you feel, how your own mother could turn against you

based on the color of someone's skin. Not in a vitriolic way, but just in a confounded way. Like, you are my mother. You were supposed to love me unconditionally for the rest of my life and support me and guide me. And to find out that my mother had these feelings about someone makes me question everything I was raised with. You know, this makes me question the kind of person I am. I believed in you. I

believed in you and dad. And the fact that I that that that this issue in this day and age is keeping you from me, like however you want to frame it, but like use that as a kind of measuring stick to really just get all of your thoughts out so that they're not weighing on you so much and put it over to her. Send her an email with no expectations. Okay, but yeah, I mean you hit the nail on the head as far as my feelings about yeah, like I have mommy issues, but like as an adult, I feel like it's very, it was so jarring when that all happened. And yeah.

And also to maybe to posit a question, like, I would also love to understand how you can, do you still feel this way? Do you really feel differently about your daughter? Like help me understand what, how you were raised and what you were made to believe so that I can gain a better understanding of where you are right now. Throw her some questions that she can actually have to answer for herself. And then she's really going to have to contemplate, how do I explain feeling this way?

Okay, I love that advice. It seems so on the nose to like write a letter. And that's usually how you know, I bet that makes a lot of sense. And I think it would get I think there's some leftover feelings that have come to the surface. And I really liked that idea of just writing it down. I don't even need to send it to her, but at least having, you know, putting it on paper. I really liked that idea. Put it on paper.

And if you do send it to her, then, and then, and you never hear back from her, then that's your answer. And if you do, and you never know, you never know when people in their old age, what kind of like realizations they come to and places that they go to, you might be surprised, but don't expect anything. Just try to exhaust what's inside of you with relation to losing your mom in the way that you have, because it's kind of unforgivable.

You know, like that is really hurtful. Yeah. I would just say that, and this is more for way down the line from now, you're obviously a young, young person who is compared to me. So you've got some time on your hands, which is great. But, but- Rufus is 107 by the way.

Yeah. And I'm a dead composer. So anyways, but I, you know, I have a lot of friends who are, and I'm 51 to admit it, but I have friends who are older now and my age, and who have not spoken to their parents in many, many years. There's a distinct difference between those who eventually, and they never got in touch with their parents

again. You know, like it was over. Like if that happens, like, and I don't believe you have to, you know, even see your parents if you have problems with them, but you kind of have to forgive them at some point in your heart, you know, however you can, you know, I just see a lot of older people who never really have held onto this resentment towards their parents that abused them. And it was like, it really, I would just be mindful of that down the line. And when I say forgive, I mean, it's not even like, however you can or just let them free or something from tormenting you.

Because if it goes on any further, I hope it's settled sooner than that, but just way down the line, you have to let go of it at some point, I feel personally. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing they say about forgiveness is an inside job sort of thing. Yeah. And that's part of the process of healing yourself is just to exhaust those thoughts

and those emotions. And even when they come up for you, even though it may feel like, oh, like I can understand a dynamic where your partner doesn't understand how, or you know, you not understanding your mother's reaction or having difficulty with it, with relationships or your partner, like I can understand that that might be weird too, to even be like, oh god, it's so disappointing, or I miss my mom, or whatever, however your feelings might present. But like really feel those feelings, you know, it's very valid to be emotionally harmed by an event like this. That's very valid. So like the healing component is just really important to like really try to always continue to heal. It's not just a one and done.

It doesn't just happen in one sitting or one letter. It's a process of forgiveness and forgiveness. And every time these feelings come up, forgive her in a way where you don't have to communicate and be hanging out with her, but forgive her for her own ignorance, for the way she was raised, for whatever her parents did to her. You know? Yeah, no, I love this advice. And it's very validating. I think just to her, you know? Yeah, no, I love this advice and it's very validating. I think just hear it, you know, sometimes I'm like, am I being dramatic? But it feels, it's like, you know,

which I think is a normal response in these situations is for me to feel like I'm overreacting, but no, it has been unbelievably devastating and difficult. And then, you know, now that I'm feeling better and have healed a lot, I think, you know, I that I'm feeling better and have healed a lot, I think, you know, I'm like, maybe I should dive back in that pool. But I, yeah, I don't think that's the right way to go about it. I love that idea of just writing it down and, and also Chelsea, I appreciate.

This is the worst thing that's ever happened in my life. I've never would have pictured this. And I don't have that idea of, you know, it's not just one and done is really helpful to remember that it's a process. Yes. And it's going to just get, I'm not going to just wipe it away and make it go away. Well, everyone always thinks when they're going through something like, Oh, I thought I was over that. Why is this hitting me again? Why is this hitting me again? It was just a week ago. I thought for sure I'm done with this. That's the way grief happens. That's the way like

emotions work. They kind of slowly drizzle out, but you have to give them the proper amount of respected attention when they do come up. Right. So. Yeah. Also just to address the emotions that you're feeling about feeling selfish or feeling

like you're being too extra. I think that when you're in a relationship with someone like this, who's not caring for your feelings, some people like this will injure you and then treat you like you're being too sensitive because you're bleeding. And like you made a decision to move farther away

from the source of those injuries. And I think that's totally fine. Just remember like it's not your fault for being too sensitive. That's the one a lot of people use as like hypersensitive sort of thing. You made the right choice for you at the time and there might be a different choice in front of you.

I love that. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks for calling in. Yeah. Thank you so much, you guys. Yeah, for sure. Thanks, Katie.

Bye. Okay. We're going to take a break and we're going to be right back. Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith. And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, d***less version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless D***less Me.

I'm the old one. I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show.

We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out. It's a work in progress. Listen to Beardless D***less Me on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Sonoro and iHeart's MyCultura podcast network present The Setup, a new romantic comedy podcast starring Harvey Guillen and Christian Navarro. The Setup follows a lonely museum curator searching for love. But when the perfect man walks into his life...

Well, I guess I'm saying I like you. You like me? He actually is too good to be true. This is a con. I'm conning you to get the Delano painting. We could do this together. To pull off this heist, they'll have to get close and jump into the deep end together. That's a huge leap, Fernando, don't you think? After you, Chulito. heist they'll have to get close and jump into the deep end together. That's a huge lead for them that you think.

The usual it will love is the biggest risk they'll ever take that none of those never going to love as much as he loves this job. That painting is hours. Listen to the set as part of the Mike with the podcast network available on the I heart radio ats, or wherever you get your podcasts. Are we ready to fight? I'm ready to fight.

I thought it was, oh, this is fighting words. Okay. I'll put the hammer back. Hi, I'm George M. Johnson, a bestselling author with the second most banned book in America. Now more than ever, we need to use our voices to fight back. And that's what we're doing on Fighting Words. We're not going to let anyone silence us. That's the reason why they're banning books like yours, George.

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Sometimes as dads, I think we're too hard on ourselves. We get down on ourselves on not being able to, you know, we're the providers, but we also have to learn to take care of ourselves. A wrap-away, you gotta pray for yourself, as well as for everybody else, but never forget yourself. Self-love made me a better dad because I realized my worth. Never stop being a dad. That's dedication. Find out more at fatherhood.gov. Brought to

you by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the Ad Council. And we're back with Rufus Wainwright, who has a big show coming up in LA on May 4th. Dream Requiem it's called. Where is the show Rufus? It's at Disney Hall downtown. That's such a beautiful venue. No, I'm very excited about it. Very excited.

How does one rehearse for that? Do you go in earlier that day and rehearse? There's about three days of rehearsals with the orchestra and the chorus. Not a ton of time, because it's so expensive. The great thing about Disney Hall, though, with me and this project is that I had composed the piece, Dream Requiem, but it wasn't quite finished. And I went to see a concert beforehand at Disney Hall.

And when I got in there, I know they have one of the most amazing organs in the world at Disney Hall. And when I got in there, I know they have one of the most amazing organs in the world at Disney Hall. It's this insane instrument that looks great and it sounds incredible. And I sat there looking at the stage and at the organ and I was like, oh my God, I have to have an organ in my piece. That sounded good. I need an organ in my piece. That sounded good. I need an organ. But so I then went back and composed the last little bit

of the Requiem with that in mind. And now, you know, on May the 4th, I'm gonna get to actually hear that organ play in the piece. So it was whatever, I just feel very fortunate. Yeah, that's gorgeous. Beautiful. Yeah.

Okay, well, awesome. Well, do we have anything else, Catherine? Are we good? I mean, I do have one little quickie if you wanna. Let's do a quickie to close out, for sure. All right, fantastic. So our last question today comes from Casey. Casey says, dear Chelsea,

I'm 28 and in a new relationship with a guy for three months. Recently, my boyfriend read my private journal without my permission. In my journal, I had a relationship with a guy for three months. Recently, my boyfriend read my private journal without my permission. In my journal, I had written some things that weren't complimentary about him. I love him very much, but also sometimes I just need to vent in my own private journal. After reading my journal, he confronted me about it and instead of apologizing for reading it, he demanded I apologize for what I wrote, saying that what I did was much worse. Again, all I did was write personal thoughts in my private journal.

I ended up apologizing because I was so caught off guard, but now I feel weird about it, and I feel like I don't have a safe space to write my personal thoughts anymore. I also feel like I can't trust that he won't read my journal again. Additionally, after this happened, he went and told his friends and other people about what I wrote, which felt really embarrassing and invasive, because I also wrote about some personal things I was going through. Is this a big red flag or am I being dramatic?

Casey. No, that's a big red flag. Huge. You gotta get far away from this person. Yeah, no, that's an invasion of privacy. That is a reason to actually end a relationship. Yes. You can't go through other people's private things.

You just can't do that. Yes. And I mean, like to blame you for just being able to, that's crazy. That's crazy. Absolutely. First of all, if you read someone's, like you don't, that's supposed to be a secret.

And then, yeah, and then he said double, it's like a double whammy. He did that and then he wants to be mad at you about it. No, absolutely. Yeah, and then he tells his friends about it, which is like a triple thing. Yeah, exactly. It's unbelievable.

You're writing, where are you supposed to express yourself if it's not a safe place to write in your journal? Yeah. No, this guy's gotta go. No, that's a red flag. Break up with him as soon as you can. Problematic for sure. Okay, Rufus, thank you so much for being here today.

It was great talking to you. Yes, it's great to see you again. Yeah, andufus, thank you so much for being here today. It was great talking to you. Yes, it's great to see you again. Yeah, and I hope I see you in person sometime soon. Yes, yes. We'll try to come on May the 4th if you're around. And Jane's gonna be amazing. Am I around? Yeah, May the 4th.

I would be there. I would come if I'm in LA. I have to look at my calendar and see if I'm in town in May. Okay. Okay. Bye, Rufus. Bye. Bye. Bye. Drum roll, Catherine, please. Chelsea Handler Abroad Abroad is my European tour.

So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the health out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin, I'm coming to the UK, I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich,

Vienna, I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona, and Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad. That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad. I know. I want to go see me abroad.

There I'll be. There I'll be. Excellent. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelseapPodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Deckert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com.

I'm Clayton English. I'm Greg Glott. And this is season two of the War on Drugs podcast. Last year, a lot of the problems of the drug war this year, a lot of the biggest names in music and sports. This is kind of star-studded a little bit, man. We met them at their homes, we met them at their recording studios. Stories matter and it brings a face to them.

It makes it real. It really does. It makes it real. Listen to new episodes of the War on Drugs podcast season two on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Sam Mullins, and I've got a new podcast coming out called Go Boy, the gritty true story of how one man fought his way out of some of the darkest places imaginable. Roger Caron was 16 when first convicted.

He spent 24 of those years in jail. But when Roger Caron picked up a pen and paper, he went from an ex-con to a literary darling. From Campside Media and iHeart podcasts, listen to Go Boy on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm ready to fight. Oh, this is fighting words. Okay. I'll put the hammer back. Hi, I'm ready to fight. Oh, this is fighting words. Okay. I'll put the hammer back.

Hi, I'm George M. Johnson, a bestselling author with the second most banned book in America. Now more than ever, we need to use our voices to fight back. Part of the power of Black queer creativity is the fact that we got us, you know? We are the greatest culture makers in world history. Listen to Fighting Words on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

My name is Brendan Patrick Hughes, host of Divine Intervention. This is a story about radical nuns in combat boots and wild-haired priests trading blows with J. Edgar Hoover in a hell-bent effort to sabotage a war. J. Edgar Hoover was furious. He was out of his mind, and he wanted to bring the Catholic left to its knees. Listen to Divine Intervention on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.