Dear Chelsea - Enduring Friendships with Michelle Monaghan

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

White Lotus favorite Michelle Monaghan is here with Chelsea to discuss why Aussies make the best partners, what six months in Thailand felt like, and why SOMEbody had to f*ck that guy.  Then: An ...endo warrior is ready to take the next step after a successful surgery.  A mom struggles with a messy teenage daughter.  And dating boundaries may have unexpected consequences for the person who set them.  * Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey all you women's hoops fans, and folks who just don't know yet that they're women's hoops fans. We've got a big week over at Good Game with Sarah Spayne as we near the end of one of the most exciting women's college basketball seasons ever. The most parody we've seen in years, with games coming down to the wire and everyone wondering which team will be crowned national champions this weekend in Tampa. Listen to Good Game with Sarah Spayne on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:00:30 Are you hungry? Colleen Witt here and Eating While Broke is back for season four, every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. This season, we've got a legendary lineup serving up broke dishes and even better stories. On the menu, we have Tony Baker, Nick Cannon, Melissa Ford, October London, and Carrie Harper Howie
Starting point is 00:00:49 turning Big Macs into big moves. Catch Eating While Broke every Thursday on the Black Effect podcast network, iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, wherever you get your favorite shows. Come hungry for season four. Dressing. Dressing. Oh, French dressing. Exactly. Dressing. Oh, French dressing.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Exactly. Oh, that's good. I'm AJ Jacobs and my current obsession is puzzles. And that has given birth to my podcast, The Puzzler. Something about Mary Poppins? Exactly. This is fun. You can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears.
Starting point is 00:01:24 Listen to The Puzzler every day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Bob Pipman, Chairman and CEO of iHeartMedia. I'm excited to introduce a brand new season of my podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing. I'm having conversations with some folks across a wide range of industries to hear how they reach the top of their fields and the lessons they learned along the way
Starting point is 00:01:49 that everyone can use. I'll be joined by innovative leaders like chairman and CEO of Elf Beauty, Tarang Amin. Legendary singer-songwriter and philanthropist, Jewel. Being a rock star is very fun, but helping people is way more fun. And Damian Maldonado, CEO of American Financing.
Starting point is 00:02:06 I figured out the formalities have to work hard, then that's magic. Join me as we uncover innovations in data and analytics, the math, and the ever important creative spark, the magic. Listen to Math and Magic on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. How's Whistler?
Starting point is 00:02:24 Whistler? Whistler has welcomed me with open arms. It's springtime, spring skiing has sprung. Doug and I have reunited. We took a plane ride together with an e-bike, the three of us, and I sent him back to training camp and somehow he came back a slightly more aggressive. So we are, I know, I have my work cut out for me.
Starting point is 00:02:46 I'm hanging out here with all my girlfriends, having a grand old time, very happy about a break. I hope everyone has checked out my new Netflix special, The Feeling, it has premiered on Netflix, it's out now officially and yes, very exciting, my book and my special. I mean, it's all coming up roses. I'm getting so many emails, especially about the book.
Starting point is 00:03:09 I mean, the special just came out so I've gotten a few about that too, but so many emails from listeners saying how much they love the book, how much it's meaning to them. So, yeah. Oh, nice. I love that, I love that. I've tried to answer all my DMs.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Some of them are a little fucked up though. So sometimes I read them and I'm like, unread, unread. I couldn't find, there's like a section from, when you get DMs from people that you don't know, like there's nothing to say unread. But then I realized once you, they're not in your primary or, you know, they're in your not, so it doesn't matter
Starting point is 00:03:40 if you read them and don't, cause I'm like, oh God, I don't wanna deal with this. So many people are asking me for money. I would love to help everyone with money. I don't have that much money to be giving out to strangers. I can't really do that for legal purposes mostly. Because I've had bad experiences in the past. So while people are reaching out, I mean,
Starting point is 00:04:01 I want to help you, but I can't legally just give out money to people all the time. But that's why it's nice that we have that resource of like pandemic of love that we can send people to that helps connect people with people who can donate. Yes. And also there's all these great teachers that are asking for supplies.
Starting point is 00:04:18 That is something that we can do and everybody can donate to for teachers who need supplies for their classrooms, especially considering everything that's happening in this hot mess administration do and everybody can donate to for teachers who need supplies for their classrooms, especially considering everything that's happening in this hot mess administration that is driving me to drink more. Even while I'm in Canada, all my Canadian friends are like, no one will buy American goods up here.
Starting point is 00:04:37 It's like an American boycott. I don't know how much longer Americans are even going to be welcome. I mean, listen, I, a millennial, have not shopped at Target in like two months. So like if that doesn't tell you something's crazy, I'm fully on with the boycott. So I am as well. I am as well. It's hard to boycott Amazon. Everyone orders everything from Amazon.
Starting point is 00:04:57 I'm trying to minimize my Amazon. Like it's down to the bare bare bones. Yeah. Well, on the bright side, our lovely guest today is Michelle Monahan, who can be found on this current season of White Lotus. Please welcome Michelle Monahan. Hi, Chelsea.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Hi, how are you? Long time no meet. I've been waiting to meet up with you. I'm excited to meet you, too. Look at all of your people leaving your room. Were those people servicing you? Yes, they're all servicing me. Oh my goodness. Where are you?
Starting point is 00:05:28 I'm in New York. I'm in New York. I just got here for a couple days of press and I'm excited to be talking with you. Oh my God. Oh my God. Well, we have so much to discuss. First of all. Yes, we do. We have so much to do. I hope you're seeing Leslie while you're in New York. I'm sure you probably are. I'm just going to miss her. We were just texting and I don't think it's going to happen because she's knee deep in
Starting point is 00:05:51 all of her press at the moment and I am too. But I did get to see her a couple of weeks ago. We both happened to be in Paris and so we had a beautiful dinner and a great catch up. Yeah, she told me. She told me. I was like, oh my God, the fact that the two of you are working together, I was so excited. I don't know Carrie yet,
Starting point is 00:06:08 but I'm gonna have to meet her too because of the three of you. But so, okay, we're not gonna give any, well, we are because who cares? You know, if people aren't caught up to White Lotus, then they're fucking not paying attention to the life anyway. Exactly, it's gonna be ruined for them.
Starting point is 00:06:20 The internet's gonna ruin it for them anyway, so they shouldn't catch up. But by the time we air this, there'll have been at least one more episode come out. So let's just talk about the most recent episode where you fuck the guy that your friend wanted to fuck. Okay? So I saw this, I mean, I guess I didn't see it coming. I want to say I saw it coming after I came. But I mean, we just see the lead up. But the whole dynamic between the three of you, we'll start with White Lotus because it was such a huge filming experience.
Starting point is 00:06:46 And I have a couple of friends that were on this show. So I was so like, I heard so many different things about being away for that many months. You guys were away for six months in Thailand? Yes, yes, absolutely. Yeah, six months. And what, how, I mean, I know you have children. You have two daughters, right?
Starting point is 00:07:04 I have two. I have a 16 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. 11 year old son, how do you stay away from your son for an 11 year old son, was he able to visit you? Yes, yeah, I was lucky because the show basically started filming in February. So they came over for three weeks at spring break and then they came over for three months during the school holidays, the summer vacation. So I got to actually spend quite
Starting point is 00:07:32 a bit of time with them. And then as you know, the show is very much an ensemble with multiple storylines. And so with the nature of filming, you would have kind of one storyline front and center. The ladies specifically, as Mike refers us to, as the ladies, we kicked off production. So we shot pretty intensely for about four weeks, I think. And then the rat lifts started. And so the ladies had a couple of weeks downtime. So I flew back home to be with the family then. So what I thought was going to be a really, really intense time of being away from my family and thinking like, holy shit, how the fuck am I gonna make this work? Actually, it didn't end up being that at all.
Starting point is 00:08:17 I was actually able to travel to see them. And the real big joy was them being able to come over and spend time in Thailand and kind of having that family adventure there was them being able to come over and spend time in Thailand and kind of having that family adventure there was like- No kidding. A second to none, yeah. I mean, what, tell us about Thailand. Tell us about spending so much time there.
Starting point is 00:08:35 You know, I am someone who loves to travel. It's probably my greatest pastime and certainly the greatest privilege. I've been traveling since I was about 17, kind of on my own. I started modeling when I was a teenager. And so it's something that I feel really comfortable doing and I am excited to always do.
Starting point is 00:08:57 I mean, listen, even if it's in like Winnipeg or Albuquerque, I will find my jam. I will find that routine, those fun things to do. Listen, I've heard Winnipeg about five times in the last two weeks. I have spent three days in Winnipeg. I will never, ever see the inside of Winnipeg again. So the fact that you,
Starting point is 00:09:17 you gotta be in Winnipeg in summer because that's when all the beer gardens come out and like everybody's in a good mood. So, you know, you gotta do Winnipeg in the right season. That's the key, that's when all the beer gardens come out and like everybody's in a good mood. So, you know, you gotta do Winnipeg in the right season. That's the key. That's the key. Yeah, I would imagine Winnipeg as really celebratory in the summertime after what they got through
Starting point is 00:09:35 in the winter time. They're like Chicago, you know, like all the crazy comes out. Well, without the shopping and without the civilization, I mean, Winnipeg, I spent three nights in Winnipeg. I was performing and on tour there. How much online shopping did you do? Online, are you kidding me?
Starting point is 00:09:52 I took Xanax one after another and just kept sleeping. I was like, fuck this place. I woke up from my show and then went back to sleep afterward. I flew in there and it was a sheet of ice. And there were people ice skating, like not in an ice skating rink, on the streets, people were ice skating to work. I was like, and with no mountain.
Starting point is 00:10:14 So I love the snow if there's something to ski, but there was nothing to ski because it's all flat. You're right. You're right. That's, it's very anti-climactic there. Right? Exactly. Well, that's a good note to go back in the summertime. I'm sure they, I mean, I can't get any worse.
Starting point is 00:10:28 It's beautiful, right? It's okay then. But I will say Thailand was amazing. I'd never been to that part of the world. I'd spent a little time in Singapore, probably a couple of decades ago. It's been time in Japan, but never been to Thailand. And it was a place that I've is kind of always on that list.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Yeah. And it's gorgeous there. I mean, it's called the land of smiles for an absolute reason. And you get there, and the people, the culture is so warm. And the food, I mean, listen, I'm a huge fan of Thai food. I love to eat. And there wasn't one day that I was ever sick of eating, you know, Thai beef salad or green chicken curry or grapow or any kind of Thai dish and fresh fish.
Starting point is 00:11:18 I mean, they, you know, you eat the most incredible like sea bass, red snapper. I mean, it's all just caught fresh. It was just, it was a beautiful experience to be able to just have that as a part of like your daily routine. Yeah, I would imagine. It was pretty sweet, yeah. So you talk about this experience
Starting point is 00:11:39 being one of like the most expansive experiences career wise and personally that you've had working with Mike White, working on this show. Can you talk a little bit more about why it has been such a special experience? Yeah. I mean, listen, I've been in this industry for 20, 25 years. I mean, it is not lost on me how special that is to be able to have that kind of longevity as an actor, to have the kind of breadth of a career that I've had, you know, been able
Starting point is 00:12:12 to explore so many different kinds of genres, you know, in my career, independent film, big films, you know, television. And that's been incredible for me. But I'm also a woman in my 40s. And we always get fed that narrative, you know, that like, you know, your career is going to start to dry up in your 40s. There's not going to be those kinds of roles. And I guess in some ways, I've maybe experienced that notion. But I also think like that we feed ourselves that and those are like stories that we tell ourselves which I don't necessarily think are a reality. I think to be able to specifically work with Mike on this
Starting point is 00:12:54 particular storyline was really special for me. We were coming out of a strike as a union. Things were really slow. You know, the opportunity came to me and said, you know, Mike would like you to audition for this character. And I was like, holy shit, I loved Mike from Chuck and Buck. Like from back in the day, I've been obsessed with that dude. And I randomly met him at a dinner party, like, I don't know, probably 15, 17 years ago, and I sat across from him, my husband and I did,
Starting point is 00:13:30 and I remember us leaving that dinner party. I was like, that fucking guy is so cool, weird, and awesome. Like, I just gotta spend more time with that guy. And within that span of time, of course, we've watched the trajectory of Mike's career as an actor, as a writer, and most certainly as a director to then actually have an opportunity to kind of work with him.
Starting point is 00:13:57 When I got the gig, I was overwhelmed. I cried tears of joy because I knew how big of an opportunity this was. And I think as an actor and as a fan of the show, you know, he's a master of tone. And so to get to creatively to dive in and to kind of flesh out the neuroses of these people that walk such a fine line between comedy and drama and it's melancholic,
Starting point is 00:14:29 it's all this acerbic, all those things. Like that's such a challenge. And I was so excited to be able to challenge myself as an actor, as a performer and go like, all right, can I lean into these things? Can I deliver exactly what his material deserves? And so I was super excited about getting that opportunity and to get to do it also with like the likes of Leslie Bibb
Starting point is 00:14:55 and Carrie Coon who I hold in such high esteem. Yeah, I mean, it's such a great trifecta, the three of you girls, I fucking love it so much. Well, I wanna ask you a question as an actor. When you read this, right? When you're first auditioning, you're just reading probably sides or you get the first script maybe.
Starting point is 00:15:13 I'm not sure how he works, but I'm sure it's very secretive. Yes. Right? So once you get hired for the role, are you able to read through the entire series? Yeah, so it's such a great question. I mean, when I first got the sides, I was just like, fucking, hey, man,
Starting point is 00:15:29 I just have some, like, insight into what season three is. Like, I was just excited to, like, just to have, like, 10 pages of, like, his brain, you know? And then once I got the role, he... You get them all eight episodes in your inbox. You get to binge read the role, you get them all eight episodes in your inbox. You get to binge read this show. And I remember my husband and I and the kids,
Starting point is 00:15:51 we got it right before Christmas break, 2023, I guess, because we were shooting February, 2024. So I got it right as we were going to Australia. And I was like, there's no way I'm gonna sleep on this flight. It's a night flight. I was like, I'm just gonna stay up. And I read all eight episodes and I was like, holy shit, man, he has done it again.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Like the guy is, gee, he writes every single scene and every single character is so complicated and layered and ooey and gooey and cringey like all of these things and you don't know where it's going like you think you know where it's going and then you just don't know where it's going and you get to the end and it's like holy shit you know I get to do this. Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, so when you are portraying this character, knowing how it ends has to impact your performance, right?
Starting point is 00:16:57 Or does it, or do you play it because there's so many misleads on the show. So like, how do you play that? Is that something you work with, with Mike? Like obviously your character's going in a direction. We don't know what's going on with your boyfriend. Seemingly he's unavailable. Who knows what he's up to.
Starting point is 00:17:14 And you're lashing out in the last episode when you and I are speaking today, the last episode was your boyfriend didn't return your calls or texts. And then you decide to go out on the town and party, blah, blah, blah, with the girls, and then you end up hooking up with Carrie Coon's potential supposed love interest that you set up, that you set up and then stole from her, which is probably the most fun character to play. It's true. It's true.
Starting point is 00:17:40 So basically what happens is you get all eight episodes and You shoot them so far out of sequence. It's crazy. So for example and our very first Day of production we were shooting scenes from episode one and episode eight so that's a really really intense kind of Bookend of bookend of, in terms of your emotional arc and where you need to be. So you need to be as a performer, as an actor, incredibly clear about all of the emotional beats
Starting point is 00:18:17 so that you can tap into one and tap out of one, like within hours of each other, if necessary. So the process was very much sitting down with Mike specifically once we got to Thailand one on one each of us as actors and said okay what are the qualities in Jacqueline that you really want us to lean into? Like what do you what is it that that you love about Jacqueline? You know, what is it that you, you know, like you said, are there things that you kind of, what are the privileges maybe that she enjoys, you know, the things that she can kind of take advantage of in terms of her fame and
Starting point is 00:18:59 things like that. So that's kind of the process. And I think like for Jacqueline, you know, she was really excited, you know, sincerely about taking her girlfriends on vacation. I think that she feels like this is something that she wants to do to kind of re-kendle this, this long time friendship that she's had and, and she's proud to do that., you know, these are ladies that have all kind of gone their different direction. They've made different life choices. And you know, you see in those first few episodes that there is a lot of toxic positivity going on with the gals. And you know, you see sort of that tension building within the friendship. And I really loved this idea that Jaclyn is completely sincere with Lori and saying, like,
Starting point is 00:19:55 listen, this is a perfect week for a fling. You deserve this. You've got a hard life. You've been working. There's a lot of things personally that she's been going through. And like this guy looks like a fling type of guy. Like you should go for it. And I think unfortunately as the relationship, as the season progresses, we start to see the relationship in each of the gals kind of devolve really. And, you know, as you mentioned, you know, she's in a relationship, Jacqueline's in a relationship where she's being ignored a little bit. And listen, Jacqueline needs a lot of validation. She needs a lot of external validation. You can tell that she's like needs
Starting point is 00:20:39 to be stimulated a lot. She's very kind of colorful and bright. And she was a, she was a butterfly to me and somebody who's like very bright and colorful and beautiful, but just kind of just like flies in and makes a little commotion and then flies out. And butterflies have real short lifespans. And so for me, I thought like, as an actor, I, you know, I felt like Jacqueline feels like she's got a short lifespan.
Starting point is 00:21:06 I don't know. I just kept thinking she's like a butterfly. I think she needs that stimulation and all of a sudden she's not getting it. She's done with the fucking detox. The ladies are kind of boring her and she wants to get out there and like have some fun. And she goes out to kind of create some fun for better or for worse, she's gonna get that validation where she needs it.
Starting point is 00:21:33 And I think that at the end of that night, she just makes a really impulsive decision. I don't think it's malicious. I don't think it's manipulative. And I think it's something that she's probably going to tell the girls about the next day. Like, guess who I, you know, like guess who I hooked up with. Right, right, right, right. I could see that happening. That was really like, that was kind of my, you know, when we're talking to getting,
Starting point is 00:21:57 I know I've gone off on a tangent, but in terms of like creating that arc, because we shot that scene. We shot like the pool scene and the me kind of, you know, summoning Valentine to the room. We shot that like on day three. That was all, but then like the party scene and the dancing scene and all that,
Starting point is 00:22:19 that was like six months down the road. That was towards the end. And then the actual sex scene happened on the very last day. I think it was the last scene that I shot. So you can see that we were all over the place. So I think it was just like the split second thing that Jaclyn's like, I'm back in bed. She probably tried to call her boyfriend again.
Starting point is 00:22:40 He didn't pick up the phone and she was like, hey, I wanna get laid. You know? And she's like, Hey, I want to, I want to get laid, you know? And she's like, and she obviously didn't take Valentine home. So I guess like he's up for grabs. Like I think it was that. And then, you know, it's not going to fight. Yeah. Somebody's going to fuck this guy and he's not going to fuck himself. So I better do it. I don't know. He might though. I mean, I mean, I don't know. Yeah, he's pretty hot. And so I think, I think it was just like, she was just, she's having fun. She hit the
Starting point is 00:23:12 fuck it button, you know? Yeah. And then I think like, as, as people will see, as they will watch the next episode by the time this, this particular air is, is she immediately gets, you know, called out on it the next the next morning, you know, one of the girls actually sees Valentine leave, Kate actually sees Valentine leave her room, and then Kate immediately gets on it with Laurie. And what it does is it ends up being a massive betrayal. The women perceive it as a massive betrayal to them.
Starting point is 00:23:50 And for Jaclyn, I think she just didn't think it was that big of a deal. And so, you'll, you know, the rest of the season is sort of like, is it irreparable or can they get kind of past this? the season is sort of like, is it irreparable or can they get kind of past this and can Jacqueline take accountability for, you know, having this indiscretion with Valentin? It wasn't like, Laurie's husband, you know, it was the dude, it was the butler. I just, I just, I know. He's very server, right? I love him. It's so funny.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Served and serviced. He's very sober, right? I love him though. It's so funny. I mean, I am so much like that character when I go on vacation. I'm just always like, oh, like even the way you talk to people who approach you, like, oh, you're so nice to them. I'm always so nice to them. But like after like the fourth or fifth time, I'm like, okay, can we go somewhere else? You know what I mean? I mean, you were left because of the elderliness of the second hotel. But just even the way you interact with them as a public,
Starting point is 00:24:49 like as a famous person is so funny. I was like, oh, that's me on vacation. Totally, I bring my friends. I fucking hook up. Not with, hopefully not with the people they're interested in, but that's what I'm up to for sure. Exactly, exactly. And I think that's why, you know, listen,
Starting point is 00:25:04 this is a testament to Mike White, you know, in not just our storyline or Jacqueline's storyline, it's in all the storylines, it's all the characters. I mean, he really creates roles and characters that people relate to. Like you either are that person or you know somebody who is like that, it's subtle, you know what I mean? And there's so much subtext in it,
Starting point is 00:25:26 but I think that's like, and it's universally relatable. You know, it's why people all over the world are just like, oh my God, I so know these women. Or even men are like, oh my God, my wife, and then her friends, you know, and the Ratliff family. Like, who doesn't know like the Southern woman that Parker Posey is playing? Super privileged and maybe fewer people who understand the incest.
Starting point is 00:25:50 The incest you were seeking. You're coming on another show, hopefully. But I think that's why people are getting a kick out of the storyline. I think specifically the ladies storyline because I feel like it's very familiar. It's very familiar. And it also, it's kind of a pointer for your future self. Everyone who sees the show in groups of women, it is a reminder of how to kind of honor friendships
Starting point is 00:26:18 and not honor friendships. Totally. Lowest common denominator to talk about people once they leave the room. For families, I think it's acceptable because families deserve that and they've been together and it's not a choice. But when you have friendships, it's like, it's kind of a reminder. Don't be like, it's ick.
Starting point is 00:26:39 It's an ick to talk about your friends when you're on vacation with them and they're acting. I mean, well, it's one thing to find out once a Republican. That is, that's where it is. We need to talk about your friends when you're on vacation with them and they're acting, I mean, well, it's one thing to find out once a Republican, that's where it is. That's it. We need to talk about that. We need to talk about that. We need to talk about that. Okay, on that note, we're gonna take a break, Michelle.
Starting point is 00:26:55 We'll be right back and we're gonna take some callers. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. We'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on. And this week we're looking for questions about queer relationship issues. So if you're a queer person and you're dating
Starting point is 00:27:12 or are in a long-term relationship, write in about your relationship woes at dearchelseapodcast.gmail.com. Sonoro and I Heart's MyCultura Podcast Network present The Set Up, a new romantic comedy podcast starring Harvey Guillen and Christian Navarro. The Set Up follows a lonely museum curator searching for love.
Starting point is 00:27:33 But when the perfect man walks into his life. Well, I guess I'm saying I like you. You like me? He actually is too good to be true. This is a con. I'm conning you to get the Delano painting. We could do this together. To pull off this heist, they'll have to get close and jump into the deep end together. That's a huge leap, Fernando, don't you think?
Starting point is 00:27:55 After you, Chulito. But love is the biggest risk they'll ever take. Fernando is never going to love you as much as he loves this doll. Chulito, that painting is ours. Listen to The Setup as part of the MyCultura podcast network available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast, This Is Working, can help with that. Here's advice from Google CMO Lorraine Twohill on how to treat AI like a partner.
Starting point is 00:28:31 I see AI as an incredible co-pilot. You may use different tools or toys to get the work done, but ultimately as editor, as creator, as maker, you own it it and it needs to be good. AI is just the latest flavor of that. You're still the judge of what good looks like. I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor in chief. On my podcast, This Is Working, leaders like Indra Nuiye, Ray Dalio and Rich Paul share strategies for success and the real lessons that have shaped them.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Dr. Joy here. You may know me from Therapy for Black Girls, where we're celebrating 400 episodes of the podcast. That's a whole lot of girl me too moments. For years, we've had deep, thoughtful, and inspiring conversations about black women's mental health.
Starting point is 00:29:21 And now we're celebrating this milestone in a big way. In this special episode, Peloton yogi Chelsea Jackson Roberts shares how yoga has taught her to stay grounded and present while balancing motherhood and self-care. I can't control my partner. I can't control my child. I can't control anyone outside the way that I govern myself in this world. And the celebration doesn't stop there. We'll continue this milestone with Dr. Lauren Mims, who joins me to discuss the powerful yet sometimes challenging
Starting point is 00:29:49 transition from girlhood to womanhood for Black Femmes. Together, we explore how we navigate this transformative journey with strength and grace. Black girlhood is giggling. It's sisterhood. But it is also, I think, focusing on
Starting point is 00:30:04 learning how to cope with really difficult things that are happening. With insights like these, this 400th episode celebration is one for the books. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Cyrus the Great of Persia was a conqueror and he tried to increase his empire by marrying Tamyrus, the widow of the King of the Masanggedi people. She refused his offer and so he decided that he would invade her kingdom instead.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Turns out that was a big mistake. To hear the full story of Tamirus's bloody revenge, listen to the latest episode of Noble Blood, available now. New episodes of Noble Blood every Tuesday. Listen to Noble Blood on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Michelle Bonahan. It was a quick break. But I think like what you were saying, like is so true. Like I think that this, it holds a mirror. You know, this, the storyline really holds a mirror
Starting point is 00:31:18 to women out there, the way in which we endure these sorts of relationships and the way that we also perpetuate them, right? By like judging ourselves so harshly, judging our friends so harshly. It's like there is enough room for all of us to kind of celebrate each other and our, you know, each other's respective sort of life's decisions and, you know, successes and inevitably all of our failures.
Starting point is 00:31:47 And I think like, I think the storyline really highlights that for, for, for women to kind of across the board and it's confronting and you know, it's kind of vulnerable. So and important. It's like underlining the idea that everyone is different. Like your friends are different. The reason why you're attracted to them is because you share some similarities and you share dissimilarities. But it's a reminder also we're not all the same. So don't be so judgmental or quick to go to the lowest common denominator, which is gossiping and da da da. It's like everyone has something to add.
Starting point is 00:32:23 So it's a nice reminder to like let each other, you know, it might be less comedic, but it's nice to just like open up and let people who are different in and be like, okay, these are my friends. Let me learn what I can grab from them rather than, you know, consider them less than because they behaved in this way or that way.
Starting point is 00:32:42 That's right. And I think that's why people will enjoy this second half of the season. I think that you're going to see the idea of that take place within the front row. Things have kicked off for sure. The first couple of episodes, I'm like, this is getting, I'm like, this is a little bit slow.
Starting point is 00:32:57 And then all of a sudden I was like, okay, here we go. Here we go. Yeah. And then we had a couple circles. We're going to take a couple of callers now, Michelle. We give advice to people, real life advice. Love it. Because the best advice you could get
Starting point is 00:33:11 is somebody who has nothing to do with your situation. I'm a firm believer of that. So that's what we dole out here at Dear Chelsea. Great. I was gonna say Chelsea lately, and then I was like, where am I? Wrong show. Whoopsie.
Starting point is 00:33:21 Well, our first question is just an email. Erin says, Dear Chelsea, I am a day one dear Chelsea Gurley. I've been listening religiously week after week since your launch. I find every single episode so relatable, helpful, and enjoy the giggles to keep me going through each Thursday. I very much identify with all of Chelsea's views on happiness, single womanhood, and no children life. I'm 31, successful, happy and independent. I've
Starting point is 00:33:45 been dating my entire life with a few long-term relationships that always end due to falling out of love or not having the lasting connection I'm looking for. My current issue is something I've never encountered before. It's relatively low stakes but would love your honest opinions. I started dating two guys about a month ago. Guy number one, my age, a hustler, different than my normal type, but so cute, kind, caring, and goal-oriented. He has such good energy, makes me feel like I can be my silly self. I have no reservations that he would integrate well into my life,
Starting point is 00:34:16 and not to mention pretty good chemistry as well. Guy number two is five years older, a hustler, but lives a much slower lifestyle and hangs out with all men in retirement, 50s to 70s, and golfs five days a week. We have the best sexual chemistry, cuddles, and kisses I've ever experienced. We have not developed the full emotional connection yet, and I have not integrated him into my life and I'm unsure if he will vibe with my friends. During a conversation with guy number two about me seeing other people, I disclosed that I'm seeing others and he said he's not interested in
Starting point is 00:34:47 Seeing anyone else he doesn't want to continue dating if I'm seeing other people I told him it's not enough time for me to tell if the emotional connection is strong enough to make a decision either way How should I handle this a should I just respect his boundaries and move on from guy number two? B should I commit prematurely to guy number two C should I lie and keep them both in my lineup, going against my morals slash honesty? Hopefully this is a quick and easy one to answer. Help, Erin. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:35:15 Interesting, very interesting. Well, what was A? What was A? It was A was to? A was, should I respect his boundaries and just say like move on? You know, if like if you aren't okay with me dating other people, then I just have to move on. Which really is respecting the boundary. Yeah, I also think it reveals something else. I think if you, I think A for me, it's an
Starting point is 00:35:41 A. And I think what's revealed in A is, number one, you're respecting the boundaries, right? You're kind of doing the right thing. But moreover, it might actually allowing her to take a break and making that kind of that solid break in him having created that boundary and her respecting it. You might walk away and like two months down the road, you're like, Hey, actually, I miss this guy. I miss those cuddles. I miss those snuggles.
Starting point is 00:36:10 If she's kind of like in between and half in and half out, she's not going to really know for herself what it's like to not have him in her life. So I think that's creating a nice boundary for herself to maybe kind of learn about who she really does want in her life, if that makes sense. Yeah, I agree. I'm not gonna encourage anyone to be dishonest when somebody's asking for the truth. I think what you can do in addition to A is also say,
Starting point is 00:36:37 listen, I am gonna continue to see other people because I do really like spending time with you. I would be willing, since they have such great sexual chemistry, I would be willing to continue having sex with you, no strings attached, and we don't have to talk about a relationship if that's what you want. Like, I love that part of us. And if you're okay with that, let me know because that's an option.
Starting point is 00:37:01 And I guarantee you, she will hear from him. Maybe not initially, he'll say, okay, no, I'm not interested in that. I don't want to see other people, and I don't want you to see other people. But I bet you he will call you at some point and say, oh, why don't you come over and da da da. And that way you have him for sex when you want him, and that's the part you liked about him.
Starting point is 00:37:21 And you have this other guy that's a burgeoning relationship, and when that gets more serious and you want to be committed, then do that. Yeah, I think the worst thing you could do is prematurely commit, you know, because you're not in it. Worst, worst. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't prematurely commit.
Starting point is 00:37:33 No, absolutely. And also you have to respect, and you have to respect other people's boundaries. If they're not cool with your multiple lovers, then they're not. Yeah, I think he's going to be really shocked by that though. Like I think that's the most surprising thing is he's like, this is my boundary, take it or leave it. But why is he also hanging out with retirees?
Starting point is 00:37:49 I don't understand what that's about. This guy also a little bit strikes me as maybe a dud. A 36 year old hanging out with a bunch of retired people and plays golf five. He seems like a pretty good catch. I don't know. She kind of had me with like, I feel like myself around him. I'm like, that's all we want in any relationship, right? Whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship
Starting point is 00:38:11 or even a work relationship, just to be able to be silly and to be yourself and to be comfortable, like that's gold. Yeah. All right, well, there you have it, Erin. Problem solved. Problem solved. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Our next question comes from Kim. Kim says, Dear Chelsea, and Kim, by the way, is recovering from surgery right now, but she'll be joining us here on the phone. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Kim and I just turned 37 and had surgery for a problematic cyst, along with having my tubes removed as I don't plan on having children. During my surgery, it was discovered that I have endometriosis despite being told over and over that I didn't. There was a great deal of endometriosis despite being told over and over that I didn't. There was a great deal of endometriosis tissue that had to be removed and the recovery was
Starting point is 00:38:49 more painful than I expected. My entire life's health issues seem to now be connected to this diagnosis from systemic inflammation that was misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia, being put on harsh drugs that resulted in me going on disability and losing my job, a spinal epidural angiogram, and incidents where I was blacking out in pain and could not comprehend why. I've been fortunate enough to work with a lymphatic doctor for several years, and I truly believe this work has saved my life on more than one occasion. As a woman, seeing how absolutely horrific the health care is for us, and the years we go with our pain dismissed and lives destroyed,
Starting point is 00:39:23 how can I advocate for other women going through this, who like me were blindsided by a diagnosis like this and don't have the appropriate resources to improve their quality of life? Thank you again, Kim. Hi Kim, hi. Hi. So sorry to hear about all of your health, all of this.
Starting point is 00:39:41 And yes, you are not the only woman that is completely frustrated with our healthcare system, which in the immediate future, I, you know what, I was with someone this weekend and we were talking about this very issue with regard to health care, with regard to education, with regard to this administration. And she is somebody who she's like, there are so many opportunities right now because of, of the defunding of all of these governmental agencies that help with all of these things. There are so many opportunities for us to redefine
Starting point is 00:40:13 helping other people. And I was like, oh, that's such a great way to look at this. Like, you know, she's in mutual aid and she runs this organization about mutual aid and she's trying to codify that in the government. So like this here, to me, sounds like an opportunity for you to definitely be helping other women. Also, first things first, have you had an ablation? No, thankfully I have not.
Starting point is 00:40:34 But I did have this cyst rupture in October and got bounced around from hospital to hospital. They told me I had pancreatitis. They gave me no pain meds. I literally had to leave one hospital, go to another hospital. They told me I had pancreatitis. They gave me no pain meds. I literally had to leave one hospital, go to another hospital. And, you know, the care was just horrific. And I didn't know what was going on. They had said it was just a cyst. Everyone told me this wasn't endometriosis. So I had no idea. My mom had to have an ablation years ago. So I didn't know if this was hereditary, if this, you know, what it was. And it wasn't
Starting point is 00:41:04 until I had the surgery. And my doctor said there was endometriosis all over and we had to remove it. And that she said, that's why your recovery was so horrific because it was, it was just everywhere. It was just everywhere. Well, I'm bringing up an ablation because it sounds like something you might want. Are you planning on having children? No, but they did remove my tubes. So from here on out, I don't have a follow up again, women's health care for four weeks. So I don't get to talk to my doctor until then. And at that point in time, I'll see what her thoughts are. She had told my mom, well, she'll probably need to be on a low dose birth control. And
Starting point is 00:41:37 I said, you know, I don't really want to do that. There are, there have to be other options for us other than just throwing us on birth control pills. And if that is my only option, then so be it. But I'd like to think that there's other resources and other things out there to help us. Well, first of all, an ablation, in my opinion, would be a great thing for you to have because it stops your period for 99% of women.
Starting point is 00:42:00 So then you don't have to deal with, I mean, it blanches your uterus or your uterine lining. You don't have, I got one, my sister got one, I found out about it. I'm like, what? You can stop your period? And she's like, yes, you could get your uterus scorched. I'm like, I signed me fucking up and my gynecologist was like, Chelsea, it's not really elective. I'm like, you want to make a bet? I'm like, if you don't do it for me, I'm going to go to the next guy and he'll do it for me. So she did it. And I don't get my period anymore. I mean, I'm probably going through perimenopause, I'm sure, at my age because I just turned
Starting point is 00:42:26 50, but it's been a joy. And it also like that, that's half of your problems, it sounds like. So you should inquire about that. Is there a reason you don't want that? No, no, I had no idea that that was an elective thing either. I thought it was just, you know, a friend that just had it done, but I had no idea. I'm going to do a public service announcement on my Instagram to make sure every fucking woman knows that they don't wanna have children
Starting point is 00:42:48 and they have bad periods. I didn't have a bad period, I just don't want my period. Why would you want your period if you're not gonna have children? I mean, it doesn't affect you hormonally, it only affects your uterine lining so you don't bleed. And you know what else I just learned too is that they can do, I mean, this might be a little too far
Starting point is 00:43:03 for what you're experiencing, but they can do a hysterectomy, but leave your ovaries so that you still have your hormones coming in. So it doesn't throw you immediately into menomahas like it used to. So I know somebody who had that and it's all going well so far. What I would say in terms of helping other women, first of all, I would be very loud about it. I think women need all the help that they can get. I would contact your local Planned Parenthood and have a conversation with them and see how you could be like a
Starting point is 00:43:28 mouthpiece for them and figure out a way to either start a newsletter or to, you know, even starting small in your community or starting or tapping into their networks or other women's networks because right now is the time. I mean, our healthcare is very much at risk and that's a very understood problem that we're dealing with. So I would talk to as many medical professionals. I understand that the medical community has kind of run you around, but there are good people within that community who do want women to be more educated
Starting point is 00:43:58 and know what their options are. And I've heard this story so many times, even some of my celebrity friends have dealt with this. And you would think that they would be getting better attention from their doctors. It's not true, it's simply just not there for women. So, I mean, I think it's great wanting to be an advocate for women's health,
Starting point is 00:44:15 and I think there are a million ways to go about it. So I would really just start talking to everyone you know, every woman you know, about what they know, and really think about using your social platforms, using like, maybe you write a newsletter, maybe you connect with a women's group or multiple women's groups in your area. Or I like what you said about writing a newsletter because she said on her previous call that she's a writer. So like maybe a sub stack, something like that, or Tik Tok.
Starting point is 00:44:44 I mean, yeah, I think that's great. And Michelle, I know that you have advocated for like melanoma awareness. Can you talk to us a little bit about your experiences with like getting the word out about getting checked and that sort of thing? Yeah. I mean, as just becoming an advocate for your own health care is the best thing that you can do. I was diagnosed with melanoma about 10 years ago.
Starting point is 00:45:06 My husband actually found it. Fortunately, I discovered it at an early stage and removed all of it and I was cancer free. But it was a huge wake up call to me because actually initially the doctor didn't even want to remove it. The doctor was like, I think it's fine. And my husband is Australian. He happens to be very well educated in what skin cancer looks like.
Starting point is 00:45:28 And he was like, no, no, no, no, you need to have that biopsy. You need to have that removed. And I too, as an American, I had like a lack of sun sense, if you will. I had a lack of awareness kind of growing up, didn't wear a lot of sunscreen. And when I found out it was melanoma,
Starting point is 00:45:43 I was actually shocked. I didn't even realize melan of sunscreen. And when I found out it was melanoma, I was actually shocked. I didn't even realize melanoma could be fatal. And so once I started doing my due diligence and really started to educate myself about the dangers of too much sun exposure and ingredient safety and wearing sunscreen and how important that is, I went, wow, like I need to share this information
Starting point is 00:46:03 because I'm learning a lot and I need to impart this not not only onto my children, you know, simultaneously happened as I was becoming a mother, but with my friends because I'm seeing all my friends like sitting out in the sun and not really fully grasping the dangers of the impact of what the sun can do to you. So I started as Chelsea was just saying, you know, talking to my friends and my family about how important it is to get your skin checks and things like that. And so now I would consider myself a skin cancer advocate and I love like every May comes around and you know, I like to shout it from the mountain tops cause it's skin cancer awareness month. But you know, the most important thing that we have as women is our ability to communicate with each other and amongst our friend groups. You know,
Starting point is 00:46:58 one of the latest things is like I'm in the middle of perimenopause and I didn't even know it. And all of my symptoms were dismissed by like my GP and my actual gynecologist because like I didn't have hot flashes, but like I had all these other things. And I was like, what is this? This is so weird. This is not like me to have this kind of anxiety. Like why do I have this hormonal acne?
Starting point is 00:47:20 Why do I, why do I feel, why am I not sleeping well? All of these things. And it started with a conversation with my friends And they're like well, I guess we're like in perimenopause because we're in our mid 40s and I was like wait What is this thing? You know and Though I think that's our greatest superpower is to be able just to share the knowledge that we have and that we learn and like we don't gatekeep on things. And I'll say in terms of endometriosis, I have so many friends that have also
Starting point is 00:47:57 endured that. And now I'm seeing the conversation a lot more, you know, online and people are talking about it. I'm from Iowa and there was a great state representative that like put a bill through and there was a great state representative that put a bill through the Iowa Congress to add more funding into the research of endometriosis. So even where you're at, I would look into states. As government is defunding, there are folks out there that are actually, as Chelsea said, there's these strong little coalitions that are actually trying to help people. So maybe even look into that, into just even in your local kind of policies and, and see if there's people out there trying to, to motivate the research forward.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Also Kimberly, like this is, this, this is a huge opportunity for you. Like it is a huge opportunity to get your message out and also having real conversations with these doctors and saying, you know, it doesn't have to be confrontational. It doesn't have to be argumentative. You can just be like, listen, this information, this is not cool. There are so many women out here dealing with this problem.
Starting point is 00:48:53 And you as a medical professional need to hear from your patient that you guys need to do a better job of actually taking our concerns seriously, taking our pain seriously, and really go through it with them. So as a learning moment and a teaching moment for these doctors, I mean, this is their profession and some won't be receptive to it, but I'm sure one or two will be and you're going to
Starting point is 00:49:14 kind of change the trajectory of how they treat their patients moving forward. So it is a worthwhile endeavor for sure to have these honest conversations with anybody and everybody you can. Yeah, that's huge. That's huge actually. Yeah. And the political aspect is great too, because there are going to be representatives in your state who are very concerned with women's healthcare.
Starting point is 00:49:33 So like get into it. It seems like a big hill to climb, but it's really not. Once you make a couple of steps in the right direction, everything kind of comes together and they're going to be grateful for the information. I agree, I mean, so many parts of this journey have just been wild and they just dismiss your pain and tell you it's a bad period and that's it. They just knock it up to it's a bad period
Starting point is 00:49:56 and you'll deal with it. It's so interesting. I just had this conversation with my daughter this past weekend, she's 16. And because I know that this is such a pervasive issue for women, I said, let's talk about your period. Let's like have a real conversation about your period. Like, I wanna know like, are you having bad periods? Like what are, do you have cramps?
Starting point is 00:50:18 So how long are you periods? Like, I wanted to have an understanding because I feel like once someone gets their period, you're like, okay, you got your period. And then the conversation ends, right? And that's part of the problem. I think like a part of the education is talking to a younger generation and saying like, this is what a real period should be and feel like.
Starting point is 00:50:39 And if it doesn't feel like this, then we need to know about it. Because a lot of young women start their periods, but don't necessarily start singing in a gynecologist until later in their teens. And so by that time, they're enduring kind of enduring this pain. And these are, you know, things that they just think, I guess, are normal and attributed to being a woman, you know. So I think the education starts from the time that we're talking kind of about the birds and the bees, you know, and what's normal. So I think the whole narrative needs to shift. So for any Dear Chelsea listeners that want to follow Kim, I'll put a link in the description,
Starting point is 00:51:16 but you can just follow her on Instagram at kim.versus.endo. That's at kim.vs.endo. Awesome. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Cool. I mean, my goal throughout my whole life was I don't want people, and Chelsea, in That's at Kim dot vs. E and do Appreciate it. I mean Michael throughout my whole life was I don't want people and Chelsea in your in your book He said I don't want people to feel alone like you're not alone and I read that in your book and it was just like that Was the that was that driving force?
Starting point is 00:51:39 It's like, you know what? I'm not gonna shut up and I'm not gonna buy it and I'm gonna talk to everyone and I'm gonna do something about this. So thank you for being an inspiration and giving people like me a voice and an opportunity to try and change the world because without you I wouldn't be here right now and I wouldn't have this drive to just really change things, really make some. Well, you would be here. You would be here without me. So let's not give me too much credit. But she makes it more fun, doesn't she? But yes, I'm so happy you called in and yeah, go and run with this.
Starting point is 00:52:10 Absolutely. Yeah, make this part of your purpose in life. It is. It is 100%. Thank you all so much. I really appreciate it. Bye, Kim. Thanks, Kim.
Starting point is 00:52:20 I can't tell you how many, I mean, obviously we're all women. We know how many women have that, have endometriosis and go on. I've got it. Oh yeah. And go undiagnosed. I mean, I remember when Amy Schumer was pregnant, like they, I don't even know what the term is for what she has where you're nauseous every day for your pregnancy, throughout your pregnancy.
Starting point is 00:52:39 It'll come to me. It starts with an E, but it's got about 47 syllables. Anyway, she didn't get diagnosed until like, halfway through her pregnancy. And she was vomiting every single day. No one ever told you that was an option. They tell you about morning sickness last in the first trimester.
Starting point is 00:52:55 They don't say, oh, you could also be sick for nine months straight or eight months. Exactly. It's like something grava something, I don't know. Gravlocks? Gravlocks, that would make you sick. I think that's what you put on your bagel. Well, our next caller is Lizette, and she says, Dear Chelsea, I have a 14-year-old daughter
Starting point is 00:53:14 and like everyone told me, my little girl has become a nightmare. She's a good kid with a good hat on her shoulders, but the attitude is real. I cannot get her to help clean up around the house, the biggest issue, or clean up her bedroom or bathroom. We have a two bed, two bath condo, and it's just us two. She's just so messy, and I thought by this age she would get a little better, but she's just been a walking disaster.
Starting point is 00:53:37 I've tried grounding her and taking away her electronic devices, but she doesn't even care. Please help, Lizette. Hi, Lizette. Hi, Lizette. Hi, Lizette. Listen, I've got a 16-year-old daughter. It's the towels that really do my head in, that don't get hung up. And then I get in the shower because we share the bathroom. And then I'm like, wait, where are all the towels? And then I go into a room and they like are scattered everywhere but I do want to say something encouraging she's 16 now and this weekend we were hanging out and we were getting home and we're gonna go and do something and she's like but mommy
Starting point is 00:54:19 she's like I want to I want to tie you up my room first because like my girlfriends came over last night and we just like it's a disaster so I want to tie you up my room first because like my girlfriends came over last night. I mean, just like it's a disaster. So I want to tie you up and then I'll come down and we'll do the thing. And I was like, Whoa, wow, this is crazy because at 13 and 14, I just thought like I was just raising a kid that just was like going to ignore all of the things. Like, can you just make your bed? Can you just like pick up the towels? This and that you're in the thick of it right now, but I promise you,
Starting point is 00:54:49 they come out on the other side. And when they come out on the other side is when they start like hosting their friends. And then they have like a boy come over because now all of a sudden, they don't wanna live in a pig style. But as soon as like they start to invite other people in they like actually really start to care about you
Starting point is 00:55:10 know the things that kind of matter and they realize they have to start picking up after themselves. Because yeah taking away the electronics and all of that stuff like none of that worked for us either and then all of a sudden it just switched. She just kind of matured and evolved, which is really exciting. How is she outside of her messiness? Just raging, hormonal? No, she's not at all actually. She is really like a grounded kid. And that's something also that I always want to, like I kind of want to touch on. I feel like when you are in conversation with other people and you say that like, I have a teenage daughter, everybody's like, oh my God, you must be going through it.
Starting point is 00:55:52 How is that? And I just want to point out that nobody says that about a teenage boy. Nobody says like, oh God, you must be going through that. I think that's such bullshit. I want to call that out and I want to stop with that narrative because I think that we're putting these things that are unrealistic and not entirely true on our young daughters. I don't know, girls do seem, I mean, from my experience, as if I'm such a fucking raging bitch
Starting point is 00:56:24 from the age of 13 to 18. Liz, how is your daughter outside of the messiness? Is she just hormonally out of whack? Like, because I do think girls at that age are having a harder time than boys at that age. I don't think they're worse than boys. I think they are struggling more than boys do at that age. I don't think they're worse than boys. I think they are struggling more than boys do at that age. My daughter is definitely not like raging hormones are out of control. She's really
Starting point is 00:56:52 grounded and oh, you know, she does very well in school. She's in a lot of activities. She's just messy. She's gonna grow through that. She will. She will. Yeah. Was that tell them what you told me about like some things she's fine at and some things she has like a panic over and a breakdown. Yeah. So like I try to give her easy enough chores. Obviously she's learning to clean correctly still. But yeah, like if I tell her to unload the dishwasher, she has no problem with that. like if I tell her to unload the dishwasher, she has no problem with that. But if I tell her to load the dishwasher, it is a full panic
Starting point is 00:57:31 attack. It's, I can't do this. It's just a huge meltdown. I don't know why you're making me do this. It's so hard. And yeah, it's just crazy. Yeah. Well, I feel like you already have a lot going for you in terms of her other behaviors. So I mean, if this is the worst problem, and it's temporary, as Michelle has elucidated, like, yeah, so have her unload the dishwasher instead of load it, have her do the things she's capable of and feels good about, and she will grow out of it. Absolutely. And she's got all these other things going for her.
Starting point is 00:58:03 Like, she's getting good grades. That's really the most important thing that she's grades. That's really the most important thing, that she's grounded. That's also the most important thing. Those are all good qualities. Listen, I was away with my family this weekend. My sister had a big birthday. And I went into the kitchen to try to add something to a plate.
Starting point is 00:58:21 There was all this food in this dish, and it was stripped pork pork, like carnitas. And I was trying to put it in the pan for my aunt who was cooking. And three of the people were like, Chelsea, don't touch anything in the kitchen. We don't want your help. Just go outside and use your strengths,
Starting point is 00:58:39 which are personality and talking. Like that may mean never something I'll never be able to do is anything that's involves kitchen, cooking, da da da. Like I'm not good at that, I've never been good at that. It's like my brain freezes when I have to do anything that involves that. So like give her a little bit of latitude. I know you're her mother and you don't want to be sitting
Starting point is 00:58:57 around cleaning up after your daughter, but messy is not the worst thing in the world. And I bet you if you stop actually like trying to punish her and talking about it, I bet you without the pressure of it, she'll kind of come to it on her own at some point also. Yeah. It could also be like letting the pressure off by saying like, okay, well, you've got a choice.
Starting point is 00:59:17 Like, do you want to load the dishwasher or vacuum the living room or something like that? So she's got a little bit more autonomy there, but she still has to like help out in the ways that you need her to help out. Yeah. And I also think honesty is the best policy. You know, there are times where I just like,
Starting point is 00:59:34 my husband and I have sat the kids down and just be like, hey, guys, we really need you to help contribute because we're really stressed out right now over this or we're really busy or I'm working or daddy's trying to get this finished. I'm really overwhelmed with work. I'm going to be traveling a lot. I really need to focus on this today. Whatever you can do to kind of help get us through the day or this week and just having
Starting point is 00:59:58 that kind of communication and having that vulnerability because I think kids like CS's, I always kind of run into this problem too. I have to be really careful because I'm busy and I'm traveling a lot, and I have to be careful to like not come into the house and like, if I'm just kind of passing through and like be the nigger, you know, and they can do this and do that, you know? And I want to come in and be the person that kind of uplifts them and be like, hey, like, wow, well done.
Starting point is 01:00:24 Like, you are killing it at school right now. I'm so proud of you. Like, thank you so much. And I feel like in life in general, we all want kind of that, we all wanna be tapped on the shoulder and get that recognition for like the hard work and the things that we are doing right.
Starting point is 01:00:40 And I think at the end of the day, that helps build confidence and inspires us to kind of do better or try to contribute more in other areas that maybe we're not doing so much. So, that might be another approach as well. Yeah, that's good. That's encouraging. Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you for calling in, Liz. Yes, thank you. Okay. Have a great day. Okay, we're going to take our last break and come back to wrap up with Michelle Bodahan. Sonoro and iHeart's MyCultura podcast network present The Setup, a new romantic comedy podcast
Starting point is 01:01:15 starring Harvey Guillen and Christian Navarro. The Setup follows a lonely museum curator searching for love, but when the perfect man walks into his life... Well, I guess I'm saying I like you. You like me? ...he actually is too good to be true. This is a con. I'm conning you. To get the gelato painting, we could do this together. To pull off this heist, they'll have to get close
Starting point is 01:01:40 and jump into the deep end together. That's a huge leap, Fernando, don't you think? After you, Chulito. But love is the biggest risk they'll ever take. Fernando is never going to love you as much as he loves this job. Chulito, that painting is ours. Listen to The Setup as part of the MyCultura Podcast Network available on the iHeart Radio app,
Starting point is 01:02:05 Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Dr. Joy here. You may know me from Therapy for Black Girls, where we're celebrating 400 episodes of the podcast. That's a whole lot of girl, me too moments. For years, we've had deep, thoughtful, and inspiring conversations about Black women's mental health. And now we're celebrating this milestone in a big way. In this special episode, Peloton yogi, Chelsea Jackson Roberts, shares how yoga has taught her to stay grounded and present while balancing motherhood and self-care. I can't control my partner. I can't control my child.
Starting point is 01:02:40 I can't control anyone outside the way that I govern myself in this world. And the celebration doesn't stop there. We'll continue this milestone with Dr. Lauren Mims, who joins me to discuss the powerful yet sometimes challenging transition from girlhood to womanhood for black femmes. Together, we explore how we navigate this transformative journey with strength and grace. Black girlhood is giggling.
Starting point is 01:03:03 It's sisterhood, but it is also, I think, focusing on learning how to cope with really difficult things that are happening. With insights like these, this 400th episode celebration is one for the books. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast, This Is Working, can help with that. Here's advice from Google CMO Lorraine Twohill on how to treat AI like a partner. I see AI as an incredible co-pilot. You may use different tools or toys to get the work done, but ultimately,
Starting point is 01:03:45 as editor, as creator, as maker, you own it. And it needs to be good. AI is just the latest flavor of that. You're still the judge of what good looks like. I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor-in-chief. On my podcast, This Is Working, leaders like Indra Nooyi, Ray Dalio, and Rich Paul share strategies for success and the real lessons that have shaped them. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Cyrus the Great of Persia was a conqueror, and he tried to increase his empire by marrying Temiris,
Starting point is 01:04:21 the widow of the king of the Masanggedi people. She refused his offer, and so he decided that he would invade her kingdom instead. Turns out that was a big mistake. To hear the full story of Temiris' bloody revenge, listen to the latest episode of Noble Blood, available now. New episodes of Noble Blood every Tuesday. Listen to Noble Blood on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Michelle Monahan,
Starting point is 01:04:59 most recently from White Lotus, but you've seen her a million things. She was in Mission Impossible 3. She... I didn't know you were married to a million things. She was in Mission Impossible 3. I didn't know you were married to an Australian guy. That's funny. I have so many Australians in my life. Australians know all about skin cancer. They know all about skin cancer. They really do.
Starting point is 01:05:17 Aussies are fantastic. I mean, you know, they're just so loose and fun. Loose and fun, yes, for sure. Yeah, have a great sense of humor. Well, it's been such a pleasure talking to you. I hope I get to see you in person at some point. I hope we get to hang out. Let's do it.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Yeah, we love that. We definitely will. You will get together with Leslie also. Great, great. And best of luck. I can't wait to see all the good things that come from White Lotus for all of you. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:05:42 Thank you so much, Chelsea. You rock. Absolutely appreciate you. Have a great day. All right, you too. Bye-bye. Thanks, ladies. Bye-bye. Drum roll, Catherine, please. Chelsea Handler Abroad Abroad is my European tour. So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the health out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin,
Starting point is 01:06:15 I'm coming to the UK, I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast, in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona, Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad. That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
Starting point is 01:06:40 I know. I want to go see me abroad. And there I'll be. There I'll be. Excellent. Upcoming Vegas dates, April 18th, July 5th, August 30th, November 1st, and 29th at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Starting point is 01:07:05 Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. Hey all you women's Hoops fans, and folks who just don't know yet that they're women's Hoops fans. We've got a big week over at Good Game with Sarah Spain as we near the end of one of the most exciting women's college basketball seasons ever. The most parody we've seen in years, with games coming down to the wire
Starting point is 01:07:33 and everyone wondering which team will be crowned national champions this weekend in Tampa. Listen to Good Game with Sarah Spain on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Are you hungry? Colleen Witt here, and Eating While Broke is back for season four, every Thursday,
Starting point is 01:07:51 on the Black Effect Podcast Network. This season, we've got a legendary lineup serving up broke dishes and even better stories. On the menu, we have Tony Baker, Nick Cannon, Melissa Ford, October London, and Carrie Harper Howie turning Big Macs into big moves. Catch Eating While Broke every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio
Starting point is 01:08:12 app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your favorite shows. Come hungry for season four. Dressing. Dressing. Oh, French dressing. Exactly. Oh, that's good. I'm AJ Jacobs and my current obsession is puzzles.
Starting point is 01:08:28 And that has given birth to my podcast, The Puzzler. Something about Mary Poppins? Exactly. This is fun. You can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears. Listen to The Puzzler every day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:08:48 My name is Brendan Patrick Hughes, host of Divine Intervention. This is a story about radical nuns in combat boots and wild haired priests trading blows with J. Edgar Hoover in a hell bent effort to sabotage a war. J. Edgar Hoover was furious. He was out of his mind and he wanted to bring the Catholic left to its knees. Listen to Divine Intervention on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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