Dear Chelsea - Eventually Good Advice with Justin Long

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

Justin Long joins Chelsea to talk about mistaken identities, falling in love, and the underappreciated value of a Smartcar.  Then: A 19-year-old wants to step outside her relationship for some sexploration.  A sommelier struggles with her dad’s wedding one-upmanship.  And a wife stumbles across some unexpected sexts on her husbands phone.  Do you need advice from Chelsea? Send us your question at: [e-mail]   * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

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conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. Hi, Catherine. How are you? Hi, I'm doing great. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. maryhandler.com. We are in California, back in our studio. This is a very exciting time to be alive. We have a guest today. We have some letters that you wanted to go over, right? We did. Some write-ins. You know what? We got an update from our caller, Alexa, whose parents had started dating each other again after her dad had cheated. She was the one who caught her dad having an affair while trying to take that test, and her parents had split up and were dating again, and she found it really yucky. But she says, Hi, Chelsea. I hope you're doing well. I wanted to

thank you both and Tinks for taking the time to speak with me and provide insight on my situation. I took your advice and stopped letting my parents' situation weigh so heavily on me. Since then, I've been able to repair my relationship with my dad. Awesome. We're making plans for the future to cook together since we're both foodies and even go to a Haim concert. Oh, wow. My family and I.

I think it's Haim. Is it Haim? I think so. Go to a Haim concert. They once sang a song in my garage for my last TV show. That's fun. And I think I called them Haim and was corrected. Okay.

But you know what? I'm usually fucking wrong, so. Well, I appreciate it. So we made plans to go to a Haim concert. My family and I have been able to have more meaningful and intentional conversations, and we're showing up for one another in ways we haven't before. Life is too short to let things affect you that are out of your control. I greatly appreciate all you do and hope you come back to Florida for a show soon, although I don't blame you if you don't want to come back to this dumpster fire of a state,

Alexa. Oh, well, that's a cute update. That's a cute update. We should do actually show updates also. I added a show in Saratoga at Mountain Winery that is coming up this summer. I added two shows in Nashville on June 10th. And I'm also coming to Niagara Falls. And I'll be at the Montreal Comedy Festival hosting a gala on July 28th. And you can go to ChelseaHandler.com for tickets for all my upcoming shows. Because I'm going to Birmingham, Alabama and Louisville for tickets for all my upcoming shows. Because I'm going to Birmingham, Alabama and Louisville, Kentucky and all sorts of fun stops. You're going everywhere. Yeah. When you're doing that many shows, do they all kind of blur together?

No, I pretty much remember because I'm no longer shit-faced when I perform. So I have more clarity. And I pretty much remember every show. And it is always those smaller towns that you're like, wait, what? That ended up being kind of the best show. So yeah. Yeah. So just like Alexa said in her letter, life's too short to let things like that bother you. I think that's a great segue into our guest today who has a podcast called Life is Short. Oh, yeah. I've been on his podcast. He has a podcast called Yes, I've been I've been a guest on his podcast. I actually had a great time because I had never met him before then. So was awesome and he also stars in the show F is for family on Netflix so please welcome Mr. Justin Long. Catherine guys Chelsea hey what good morning good Good morning. Good morning.

What do you think? Was that your impression of me knowing that I was going to scramble for an excuse and start? No, that was just my reaction to you. I'm glad you made your bed behind you because that looks like you somewhat have your shit together. Well, I'm going to give you a little gift because I'm late and this is unprofessional. Totally unprofessional, unprofessional by the way I've never been late once in my life and I know that a lot of people would find that hard to believe but it's actually fucking true

I don't know if the totally unprofessional part was necessary I think just unprofessional covers it all I think it's totally I was just trying to fill in something in place of 100% so totally is what I said well if you watch The Bachelor, it's a thousand percent.

Oh, right. You know, there's a higher percentage. A million percent. A million percent has become more tolerable than 100%. Yes, I would expect it. Infinity percent is what they should land on, I think. I just don't love catchy lingo, Justin.

I don't like trendy bullshit. I don't like when people say obsessed or dead. I'm obsessed with her. Dead. I'm dead. She's an icon. I fucking hate dead. I hate dead.

It's also a horrible thing to, laughter should be a joy. It's a great part of life, living. Well, it's LOL now. You can't even laugh. You just have to say lol. Lol, deadpan. Which, it's LOL now. You can't even laugh. You just have to say, lol, which I refuse to participate in. Good. What about slaps? I've heard this one recently. Slaps, that's slaps. No, I haven't heard that yet. Does that mean funny? Yeah, I think it means... I worked with this producer who was great. The movie's great,

but she was in her mid-20s, late 20s, 27, 28. And she would use this language so casually. And she said slaps, and it was hard for me to tell because the tone that she used it in was like you just did with dad. It's just like, there's nothing joyous about it. So she just said, oh, that's slaps. That's slaps. Very deadpan. Like not even about a song or something? It was about something like that.

It was a good thing. It turned out to be a positive thing. That's dope. By the way, we sound really old. I mean. Well, we are old. Listen, just fucking face it, you know? I like being old.

I'm 47. The other morning I woke up and I was like, 38 is such a cool age. Like, I'm not yet 40. And then I'm like, bitch, you're 47. What are you talking about? Like, I just had this idea that I was all of a sudden 38 years old. That makes sense. I mean, mentally, you probably feel much closer to that. How old are you, Justin?

I'm 43. But I've been identifying as an older person lately when I, you know, that commercial, I think it's Geico. It's a really funny commercial. They're like, don't turn into your parent. Don't be like your parents. And there's a guy who has to instruct the younger people to not be prematurely older than they are. And there's a whole thing about they go to a game and they forget where they parked. And they just talk about parking the whole time and when they're going to leave the game. Anyway, I identify. I find myself really identifying with that commercial. Wanting to thank the clerk. Wanting to point out how nice the store clerk was that helped me out.

Wow, I've been saying young man. What a out. Wow. I've been saying young man. What a nice young man. I've been saying. Yeah. Yeah. You find yourself like complimenting the work ethic of a younger generation. Noticing it. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we've been making fun of all younger generations for a while, especially Gen X, right. About their laziness. Gen Z. See,

I don't even know the differences between all these generations. But the laugh will be, they'll get the last laugh, obviously, because they will outlive us. Right. And save the planet. And hopefully save the planet. And I wonder how much of my hostility is fueled by just that, just the biological truth that I will be dying sooner than them. Yeah, anyone who's over 40 is basically useless to the rest of the world. Because before the tech age, we had to like, you know, educate the next generation and kind of let them know, heads up. But now with Google and with all the information that's at everyone's fingertips, they don't need anybody. They just need a computer or a phone. And I mean, computers will even become obsolete for most

people at a certain point. So we're irrelevant. We just have no merit on society at this point. So that's true. Everything's at their fingertips. I didn't think about that. They don't need to look to an older generation to learn anything for wisdom. That's true. I never thought about that. Yeah. I was just with a friend. She was just talking about how much her culture respects the elderly and how- Japanese? No, she wasn't Japanese. So it was- Filipino?

Yeah, maybe Filipino. I'm stereotyping. I'm positively stereotyping. Yes, always. Just how much they respect the older generation and how when you see somebody who's old, they have knowledge to impart with you. They're sagacious. They're revered. Write that down. S-A-G-A-C-I-O-U-S. Yeah, I like that. older people. And I was thinking, God, you're so right about how American society, and it's not every family, but how I look at somebody who's a certain age and I dismiss them. Like they're too old school. They don't understand. They're not with it. They're not woke enough. They don't get it. They're antiquated. And I thought, oh, that's exactly true. Like I dismiss someone who's too old because I think that their value has lessened,

even though I know intellectually that's not right. Oh, I'm sure I've done that. Yeah. Yeah. I like to think in theory that I have great respect for the elderly. It's one of the reasons I love Japan. I love cultures that do revere. Well, there's only the elderly are only in Japan. So that's why you feel that way. They're mostly elderly in Japan because I think they've stopped having sex for the most part. You should double check that. I will. Before this goes down. I'm so sorry.

I don't know your name. This is Catherine. This is Catherine. Hi. Oh, okay. Hi. You did say it earlier, so, you know. Well, I saw you on a little, you're on a, there's a thing of you.

There's a picture of you. Great. That's really my fault for not introducing her. I mean, she's my co-host, so that's just my rudeness, you know. Oh, okay. Okay. It's classic Chelsea. Nice to meet you. Great. That's really my fault for not introducing her. I mean, she's my co-host, so that's just my rudeness. Oh, okay. Okay. It's classic Chelsea. Nice to meet you. Well, nice to meet you. Yeah. Justin, I was talking about your podcast because I had such a good time on your podcast and we had never met before that, right? No, we hadn't. Yes, I was thinking about that as I was scrambling to get here. To your bedroom? I just got a car. I just bought a car.

Oh, I didn't know you had your license. Speaking of being older, yes, I have my license. I'm an old-looking, young-looking person. I'm at a strange age where I look like an old teenager. Yeah, you do look like an older teenager. Like a really, really mature, seasoned teenager. Like you've been in high school for like seven years. Possibly eight and a half.

Parker Lewis can lose. That's a joke for our generation. See, I watched that show, though. I will synchronize my swatch with you. I had older siblings. Yeah, but I watched that show, though. I will synchronize my swatch with you. I had older siblings. Yeah. But I loved that show. Wow.

I'm surprised that you remember that show. I don't mean that in a condescending way. We had some good TV back in the day. We sure did. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

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No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You'll like this, Chelsea and Catherine. Chelsea, I know you'll like it. I just bought a... And you're the first person I'm telling. Because I just bought it and I have shame about it

and I need to say it with confidence. But I am now the owner of a smart car. Goodbye, everyone. Thank you. I thought you were going to say a Bill Cosby Funko. What's that? It's a little like toy thing that people love Funkos and you can buy them and they like represent different celebrities or athletes. Oh, really? Oh, and there's a Bill Cosby. Yeah. I had a smart car. I just want to let you know.

Really? What kind of, wait, what kind of smart car? Is it called a smart car? Yeah. It's a 2014 smart, the twoseater. Like the little nugget cars. Yeah, the little nuggets, the little blueberry. You know what? I bought one and I gave it away because it drove so slowly and was so ridiculous. But before I gave it away, I emblazoned. Yep. So congratulations on your new car.

Thank you. Hopefully it's not the one that I sold. Actually, I gave it away to a friend. And on the side, I had decals that said Chelsea Lately 1130 weeknights on E. Because at the time, I was on that show. So my friend was driving around LA in a car that was basically a commercial for my show.

Excellent. That's really funny. What a good friend. It's funny that you gave that to a friend. Well, I tried that car because I thought it was so cute. And I love little, small, super small- super small size things like i get off on that i love like little miniature things me too yeah oh i didn't know that about you that's cute that's why i like japan i think but i'm excited to drive it so i'm gonna and in new york i've always fantasized about having a car that can

fit into almost any thing are you so are you based out of New York, Justin? I am mostly in Connecticut and Massachusetts. I kind of go back and forth. Oh, and Japan. And Japan, ideally. That would be, yeah, that's the triangle. Connecticut and Massachusetts. Now that's interesting.

Why? What goes on there? Well, not much, which is why I love it. I was born in Fairfield. So i grew up in fairfield rather and i kind of wanted to be closer to my parents as they got older because you respect them i respect them because you're japanese yes i might be i wish i was i wish you know i've never done one of those ancestry things but i'm i'm were i to do that i would i would really hope that i had some japanese you know what i could see you having some Japanese in you. That wouldn't be too far-fetched. It's a huge compliment. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome.

I was once arrested. I lived in Santa Monica right by the beach. I lived between Ocean and Main Street. And I lived on a street that was quite crowded. It was hard to find parking and stuff. And houses were kind of stacked on each other. And I rented the bottom floor of this house. Anyway, I got a knock at the door at like it was it was one in the morning I think and I shuffled to the door and there were I saw three cops on my on my porch and I looked out and they were really banging you know pretty aggressively and I but I knew enough not to open the door right away I said I said what's the what's the problem officers from behind the door and they said your car's blocking a driveway and which is very plausible because people were always complaining about

stuff like that. But I was a pretty respectful parker. And so I said, well, what kind of car is that? And I was kind of confused. Like, how would they know it was my car? Why are there three cops? And I said, what kind of car is it? And they said, well, what kind of car do you drive? Which should have been an indication. I said, a Prius. it's a prayers and i said okay you know not thinking the cops are gonna lie i opened the door and they grabbed me and spun me around and put me in handcuffs right away really aggressive and one was particularly aggressive and they said what is your name david they kept saying david your name david your name david and i said no no it's not i'm you know i'm a little freaked out but i i kind of knew i hadn't done anything. There was weed in the house.

But other than that, like I knew I had, I wasn't like dealing. It wasn't like, you know, pounds of it. So I knew I was in the, should be in the clear, but you know, it's still intimidating. And they kept asking me if I was this person. And there were three of them and two were shining their lights on something. They were conferring around some photo. And they kept shining it back and forth from the light, I mean, from the photo to my face. And, and finally I said, my name's Justin Long. It's not Dave, you know, and they said, are you telling us that this isn't you? And they, they showed me the photo and it was a mugshot of, of an Asian person, fully Asian. It was like unmistakably Asian. And I said, are you, are you kidding? Is this a joke? It was around the time of punk, but they were way too good to be. So that wasn't even on my radar. I was just so confused. He had glasses. I had glasses. And he said, are you telling me that you just happen to have similar

looking glasses in the same? I guess he had put that address years ago. My landlord had rented it out. He was a criminal. And I kept insisting that I wasn't the guy and they didn't believe me. And so they went in to get my license. I told them where to go and i was living with joan joan hill was my roommate at the time and and they were walking toward his room so they went past where my license was on the desk and i said and i stood up and i said oh no no no uh officer it's you're going too far i didn't want them to wake up joan you know and and the one of the off one of the cops just he threw me down he goes sit the fuck the fuck down. Shut the fuck up. And when I'm nervous around authority, I kind of started to laugh.

I get like giggly. I get like nervously giggly. I was like, okay. And he goes, oh, you think this is funny? It's not going to be funny when he was like going on about prison and how you're going to be. Things are going to happen to you in prison. And I said, well, it's a little funny because you're going to find out that I'm not the guy you think I am. I'm not an Asian criminal. And then hopefully we'll all laugh about it. you're going to find out that I'm not the guy you think I am. I'm not an Asian criminal.

And then hopefully we'll all laugh about it. Did you at any point say, I'm not Asian? This person is Asian? Yes, I did. I did. And they ignored that. But they persisted. They insisted I was this guy.

And so then one was calling in my ID and obviously realizing that I wasn't the criminal. And the one who had been most aggressive at one point got kind of quiet. And I could see him studying my face. And he goes, yo, are you, wait a minute. Are you an actor? And I said, yes. And I'm there. I'm like, I got the handcuffs on.

And he goes, were you in Dodgeball? And I said, yes. And he goes, bro, bro. And he went like that to like, give me a man hug shake. And I was like, well, I got that cuffs on. I can't. And so, you know, then there, then they realized I wasn't the guy they, and they, and, and the strange thing was they, I said, well, and then I was of course freaked out. Well, what did this guy do? And is he going to come back to the house? Is he going to be, he's given out the address as his, and they think wouldn't tell me

what he did. And they said, if you have any, and then I was also starting to think like, well, wait a minute, there's been some violation, like something was not, doesn't add up about what just happened. There's, this can't be the way it shouldn't go down. I said, is there a number I can call if whatever he comes back? And he gave me the number. It was a general number to the Santa Monica police department. I called the next day and they had no idea what I was talking about. Why did I tell you that story? Because you're explaining why you live in Massachusetts and Connecticut? Yes. So a couple of days later, no, it was about, you said I could be maybe Japanese.

A couple of days later, Jonah and I were at a bar in Renee's, shout out. I don't know if it's still there. Santa Monica. I used to go there all the time. You did? Yeah. That's where I did the majority of my drugs in my 20s was at Renee's. Yes.

Oh, my God. I think that's mostly what's done there. But we were there and a very lovely Asian woman, she said, so what percentage Asian are you? And I started laughing. And Jonah was laughing because he had, of course, heard the story of the cops and what happened a couple days earlier. And I said, oh, did he tell you the story? And she goes, I don't know what you're talking about. And I realized he hadn't told her.

And I said, oh, no, no, I'm not Asian. She goes, no, come on, seriously. What are you, like 50%, 25%? And I said, I'm not. I'm not. I'm Italian. I'm German. She goes, you know what?

That's fucked up. I have a lot of mixed friends like you, and they refuse to admit that they're mixed. And I think that's really fucked up. She kind of stormed away. Joan was laughing so hard. Oh, no. But I said to her, I wish I would gladly embrace that. Yeah. I love Asian culture.

I love- Sounds like you're the victim of a lot of misunderstanding, like a lot of ethnic misunderstandings. Yes, that's safe to say. Within a couple days. It was really funny. What about your brother, though? Does he look slightly Asian? He's Asian. Oh, okay. Well, there you go. I think, I don't know what it...

No, we all, yeah, look, I guess, similar. You look very similar to your brother. I do. I did light Instagram creeping, just of course as research. I follow you guys on Instagram, and you guys do look alike. I love following Chelsea. What about Catherine? Do you follow Catherine, Justin?

I don't. Up until today, I was unaware of her existence. That sounds awful. Well, I will say, Justin, just to be extra creepy, I actually did know that you drive a Prius because I live sort of near Franklin Village. We used to see you driving around near Prius all the time. Also, I'm pretty sure I literally ran into you at Gelson's one time, like physically.

Did his Prius have Chelsea Lately emblazoned on the side? You know what? It did. It did. Oh, that's weird. It did. Yeah, I know. I know. I didn't know how to break that news. Must be. You have to be such a big fan. I was a fan. I was a fan. Wait, what did you say about Gelson's? That's something you had run into?

Oh, you were actually, when I first moved to LA like 10 years ago, you were like one of my first celebrity sightings. And I was like, I saw him at the grocery store. Oh man, that's funny. It's funny to know people are thinking that. Chelsea, do you ever think that's going on in their head that you are somehow, that they know you? Yeah, I don't. You know what? I always, no, no, I don't. I don't ever

think that. And I'm always like, anytime someone's like, hi, Chelsea. Hi, Chelsea. I'm always just like, what, what are they talking about? And then I'm like, oh shit, you're famous. Well, I assume because people often do that to me and they do it so casually and they're so nonplussed as they should be. I'm not saying they should be freaking out, but they do it in such a way that's so familiar that I often think I know them. It'll be like, hey, Justin, what's up? And I start panicking. How do I know this person? I'm trying to place the face. I'm so bad with names. And sometimes it'll get a couple sentences in and I'll have to say, I'm so sorry. Do we know each other? And they'll say, no, no, I know who you are. Because it's rarely like excited and it's clear that, yeah, nor should it be, I guess.

I love Franklin Village. I miss that area. Yeah, it's great. The Oaks is back. Yeah. Things are opening up. Yeah, Pubelle. Oh, yeah.

They have Escargot. I love Pubelle. Escargot. Oh, when you first ate Escargot, I love Pooh Bell. Escargot. When you first ate escargot, Chelsea, did you have to, was there a moment of like leaping off the cliff? I like gross food like that because I grew up on Martha's Vineyard and I ate fried clams and escargot and like all the muscles since I was a little girl because my mom really liked that stuff.

So I've always been into that kind of stuff. But I understand that people are very disgusted by it. Well, it's funny because they shouldn't be. I think this way about other animals, eating other animals. You're right. If you can stomach a clam. So my thing with clams is that I've never been able to get past the whole body situation. The fact that the entire digestive tract, all of it is going into your mouth. That's a hard one for me. Oh, yeah. Oysters. Uh-huh, right.

It's fun to watch someone eat an oyster for the first time. And especially if they have a good reaction, which is seldom, you know. Yeah. It's not always great because usually people are like, whoa, they have a preconditioned idea of the texture that they find revolting. It's not always great because usually people are like, whoa, they have a preconditioned idea of the texture that they find revolting. It is to me.

Yeah. Slippery and snotty. How many people have turned off, have stopped listening? Anyway, Justin, let's move on to. Sorry, Chelsea, before you, I'm sorry. Speaking of Instagram, I have to ask you about the skiing one that you did. Oh, yeah. Please tell me the story surrounding that.

Well, it's my birthday video. I do this every year. Oh, yeah. The naked skiing. Please tell me the story surrounding that. Well, it's my birthday video. I do this every year. Oh. And each year, I think the first year I had a ski jacket on, but I had underwear and socks and ski boots, obviously, because I need the boots on. Then the second year, I decided, fuck it. You know what? Let me just ski down the hill topless with some underwear on because, you know, my brothers

are still alive, so they don't need to see my Pikachu. Where is this? Where are you doing? It's at Whistler, Canada. I have a ski place up in Whistler. So I love skiing. It's like my everything. And I love a margarita and a joint. And so I implemented the ski video and I just kind of up it each year. So this year we went into the back country and we took our sleds up, you know, ski dues. Wow. That's serious. And I have Joe this year because you know, I'm newly in love and he was there. So I had to incorporate him into the video. And so we had to do a proper shoot and I love it. I loved it. Joe seems very playful. I love how playful you two seem with each other. It's very inspiring.

Well, thank you. I know that you're newly in love as well, Justin. So I want to say a big congratulations to you. Yes. And she loves you. She is a really big fan of yours personally. I like her as well. Am I allowed to say her name?

Is that okay? Yeah, yeah. It's kind of out there now. Kate Bosworth is who you're dating. And it's a new love affair. And I was really excited to hear about you being in love. So tell me a little bit about that. Because I just want to know how you're feeling.

I mean, you must be through. I know that I know the feeling. I feel it too. And it's pretty intoxicating. It is. It's such a wonderful feeling that you are so open. I love how open you are with your happiness and your joy. But there's something about it, for me, that I feel like I need to protect and keep sacred.

Because it feels sacred. It's just the best. You know it's the best. Catherine, I don't know what your situation is. Yes. Married for a long time. Oh, good. Still in love. Still in love. It's different. Well, look at us, the three of us. I know, just thriving as elderly people, basically. Yeah, elderly folks in love. But it's...

We've been laughing so much, and I've never had anything like this before. I've never experienced this. So it's something I want to protect and keep, you know, you know her. So you know how amazing she is. Yeah. Yeah. She is amazing. And I respect that. I totally get that. You want to protect that. It's a funny feeling because it is something you want to shout from the rooftops. I know. I know. And for me, whenever Joe and I like have an argument or anything like that, I'm like, fuck, why was I so public about it? What if we break up? Like I'm sitting here shouting from the rooftops, how madly in love I am with this man. And then if it falls apart at the seams, I'm going to basically be there sitting,

you know, no one's ever going to believe me about being in love again. So I totally get it. I get that. You know, that is the smart move. I'm just so open and overshary that that's my personality. No, zero, Chelsea, zero judgment. In fact, I'm one of the people that I bask in the glow of your love. Before I found my own, I was so happy for you. And it was inspiring to me to find somebody that you really laughed with. You seem to really enjoy one another. I had never really been able to distill what it all is. And people say, well,

what are you looking for? And people have checklists and I've done movies about it. And it's really like satisfying to be able to distill it down to just really enjoying somebody's company and wanting to be near them. And like I said, we just laugh so much. I feel so grateful. And I know that instinct. I have that instinct to like shout it from the rooftops. I really do. So it's the reason why I'm kind of gingerly stepping around it is because I'm going against that instinct, which I totally get it. I think the moral of the story without getting into details about your relationship is that for me, it was very inspiring, not only to other people, but to myself to fall in love at this age, to meet the person, well, even though I knew him, but to fall in love at 46. There was a period of time where I really just assumed that I was too tough for any man to have to deal with. It was

just going to be too much of a hill to climb for any man. And I accepted that. Like, okay, that's not what I'm going to get in this life. I've gotten a lot of things and I have a great family. I have a great group of friends and a great network. And maybe that's all I get. And that's okay. I'm going to be grateful. But isn't that the best place to be when it does then enter your life?

I mean, I think I was in a similar situation. I hadn't totally resigned myself to it, but I was so happy. I was so content being on my own. And I had a great network of friends and my brother, we were creative, we were being creative. I was close with my family. I didn't feel this pressure of having to find something, having to make something work. I just, I was really content with life. I was really quite satisfied with where I was. And

I guess that's the most open place you can be. Yeah. I think you have to be in a healthy place to attract a healthy person, right? I think so. Yeah. I don't know. You have to be happy with yourself and you have to have self-love and self-care. Like, I have a lot of respect for myself, probably more so than everybody else. You know what I mean? Well, that's healthy. So in order for someone to grab my attention, they have to have that same amount of respect, A, for themselves and B, for me, you know? Totally.

Well, because you think, what's the point when you are good in life, when you are settled, whatever that means. But I mean, just being happy with yourself. I guess it's that. Then you think, well, why change it? To change it, it requires something like exceptionally positive, I think, like a truly positive change in life and one that you can't avoid. That is unmistakable, I think, like a truly positive change in life and one that you can't avoid. That is unmistakable, I think. And so I've experienced that positive change and I'm

so grateful and I just hope it keeps going. Well, great. On that note, I think we're going to take some callers because you're going to impart your wisdom, your lifelong wisdom that you've learned, your life-learned wisdom. And we're going to have people, some will be writing in, some will be calling in. And we're just going to give them advice, life advice. People take this podcast pretty seriously, Justin. Even though you're on it, they're still going to take it seriously. Wow.

Okay, we'll see. You got to bring your A game, okay? Okay, I will try. Okay, Catherine's going to start for us. What do we have? First of all, give us a prelude of what we have in store for us today. Oh, my goodness. Actually, some wedding stuff, interestingly. And there's a couple of questions that I wanted really to get a straight guy's perspective on.

Because we don't have a lot of straight men as guests on this show. Okay. Yes, yes. And some, like, general life stuff, which I feel like is great. Works right with what your podcast has to do with. Straight men are often not called upon these days. Straight men's advice is often invalid. So that's why we keep that to a dull minimum.

I bet. This is a very small part of the show. Yeah. I think we've had Joe Coy and you this season. I'm flattered. I'm flattered. That's good company. Yeah, you are good company.

All right, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Crananson is with us today. How are you, too?

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Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with our guests today, Justin Long and Catherine, and we are going to hear our first email. Yes, it's an email. Dear Chelsea, as wedding season fast approaches, my husband and I have

entered what feels like an impossible situation. We have two weddings on the same day. One is for a family friend my husband has known since he was a small child. All of his friends will be there, and we've been looking forward to it all year. However, the other wedding my husband has been requested to be a groomsman in. We don't know any of the other attendees, and on top of that, I will be nine months pregnant. So we don't even

really know if we'll be able to attend at all. What do we tell the second wedding? It's a friend who was also a groomsman in our wedding. Is it fucked up if we don't go? Help, Nicole. Oh, well, first of all, are you taking notes, Justin? Yeah.

I love it. I love that. Family, friends, and small child, all his friends. I'm so curious what your thoughts are because I share her, this is a problem that I've had before, excuses to get out of things. Well, first of all, I think it's very simple because whoever invited you first, which it sounds like the first person did, like you, once you've been invited and accepted an RSVP to a wedding, you can't renege on that. Like, or you can, but like the other person,

if that invitation came in second and let's just pretend for the sake of argument that it did, that's all you have to say is, oh my God, we've already committed to a wedding on this day. I'm so sorry. I would love to be there for you. You know, I mean, it's pretty simple. But did she say that? Because one of them, I'm just like just based on their closeness and how much value they have as friends. The first one sounds far closer than the other one.

Yeah. But the other one is asking him to be a groomsman. So it's a little bit. And he was a groomsman in his thing. I think, like she mentions, not knowing anybody who's going to be at the other one. Yeah, but the other one is asking him to be a groomsman. So it's a little bit, and he was a groomsman in his thing. I think, like she mentioned, not knowing anybody who's going to be at the second wedding, that's irrelevant, and don't even bring that up because that's not why you go to someone's wedding

based on how many people you know. That's true. But based on how close you are to those getting married, right? Yeah, well, but he was a groomsman in that guy's wedding, so you got to return the favor. But if you've already committed to a wedding, then you can't go to two weddings in one day. That's just not physically possible. And if it is, and you can swing that, then your husband can try to do that.

But I mean, I doubt that's, she doesn't say the locations, right? No, and probably not as a groomsman, but like, you know. So yeah, I just, I don't think it's that big of a deal. So you say you accept the first one. You've already accepted an offer. You've already RSVP'd to one. Yeah. And so then you have to tell the other one,

regardless of how close you are to them, you have to just tell them, I'm sorry, I have a wedding that day. We've already committed to a wedding. There's nothing I can do. I'm so sorry. And you know, I would love to make this up to you. After my wife, I certainly

can't swing two weddings in one day with a nine month pregnant wife. That's just not going to happen. You're right. I overthink these things though too. And then I think, well, if the person does, which has happened to me, if they do hold it against you, that's kind of a good indicator that maybe, maybe it's time to move on as friends. Yeah. And if you don't know anyone who's at the next wedding that you were a groomsman to or that he was a groomsman to, that is kind of weird and that's an indication that your friendship isn't that close. That's true.

And maybe he'll be weirdly relieved that you, maybe somebody else, maybe he feels some obligation to let you be a groomsman. That's a good point. Yeah, exactly. So I don't think that's that big of a deal. So what's her name again, Carrie? Nicole.

Like I said, Carrie. Nicole. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. Just have him call and just say, I'm so sorry, buddy. Like, sorry that this happened on the same date. Do you struggle with excuses? You seem like somebody who's very honest, very direct. If you don't want to go to something, do you ever say, you know, I'd rather just not go?

Yeah, I'm just very honest with my friends. I just say I'm not up for it. Or like, you know, if I, if something happened, I tell them what happened. And I like to call people if I, if I have to cancel, I like to call them directly and just explain why instead of a text. And I like, yes. And I like to just say the truth. That's nice. That's interesting because I have a problem sometimes getting off the phone when I'm on the phone with somebody. I sometimes avoid phone calls for this very reason. I'm not good at ending phone calls. I try to do the wind down and oftentimes people won't pick up on that. I have a friend, Jerry O'Connell, if you've ever had him on your show, he is the best at, he'll just say, okay, anyway, if he senses the slightest bit of wind

down in your voice, like, well, so anyway, he'll go, okay, see ya. And he hangs up. That's amazing. Yeah. It's lovely. Yeah. I just say like, okay, let me wrap this up. I've got to go to bed.

Let me wrap this up. I just always go, okay, listen, I'd love to talk more, but I got to wrap this up because I got to go do this. And whatever it is I've got to do, you know. What if you don't have to do anything? That's what I'm saying. Oh, if you don't have to do anything? That's what I'm saying. Oh, if I don't have to do anything? Yeah. Like during the pandemic, it was hard to come up with experience.

It's like, I know you have nothing to do. I fucking hate talking on the phone, I got to be honest with you. I try not to get stuck on the phone. But if I'm in crisis, or any of my friends are in crisis, then I make the time for phone calls. But if it's just to catch up or whatever, you know, it's like I just got to hop on another call. I have a work call in 10 minutes. I have this in 10 minutes. No, I don't. I'm going to wrap this up. Yeah. Okay. Okay. But don't wrap

this up because we actually have to talk to some more people. Please stay on. Well, our next email, and this is just an email. She felt it was a little too personal to talk about over the phone with us. But Jay says, dear Chelsea, I'm 39 and I've been married for 13 years. We have an 11-year-old son and have had our ups and downs, but overall a happy marriage. Just this week, I innocently looked through my husband's phone and saw that he had been texting another woman. These texts were sexual, flirty, and inappropriate in nature. This has crushed me.

He says nothing happened in person. He's shown remorse and says he will fight for our marriage. He even said he would see a therapist, which is something he never would have done in the past. So I guess my question is, how do I get over this? I want to save our marriage, but I don't know if I can get over this and move on. Where do I go from here? Jay. That's tough yeah man that is really hard I'm so sorry Jay you know I'm in no way in authority on this because I've never been with somebody that long 13 year marriage I don't know Chelsea

Catherine what do you guys think I do think that there's space to work through something like this. Like I know couples who have come back from stuff that felt very ugly or felt like in this space where it's cheating, but it's supposedly not cheat. You know what I mean? It's It is in the sense that they were finding satisfaction and they were being intimate with somebody else. I would feel very betrayed. That would be really hard. And then trust is always the hardest thing, I think, to rebuild. And if you lose that, in my experience, it's been hard to regain that after an offense like that. I don't know. Because you have to think if that's in that person's psyche, if they have that after, after an offense like that. I don't know. Because you, you have to think if that's in that person's psyche, if they, if they have that impulse that they're acting onto the point where there are multiple, you know, that they're, they're engaging in that to actually pick up a phone and text the thing. That's all very deliberate. That, that means that that person has those and everyone I'm sure is, has moments of attraction or, you know, but to act on it like that is a,

it's a real betrayal. It's different. Yeah, it's a real betrayal. It doesn't feel good to be reading those things at all. It's a punch in the gut, especially after being with somebody for so long. But listen, you had an instinct and you weren't wrong. Who cares about checking his phone?

I mean, if you check someone's phone and you find something, then you were right. And I don't have any boundaries about that. And I don't care if my boyfriend checks my phone. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like there's nothing to find. So go for it. But there's always space for healing. You never know. This could be a huge opportunity for growth for you, too. You could actually the fact that he's willing to go to counseling over this is very important. You should take him up on that. Do not defer that to another time or postpone it. Hop on that right now because clearly there is a chasm between the two of you that has been created,

which is why he's talking to somebody else. And you want to make sure that the first time is the last time. He disrespected your relationship. He disrespected your child. He disrespected you. And you need to go to a counselor and have this conversation with him and continue to go until you build a more, a stronger foundation so that you're never going to have a desire to check his phone because there's never going to be anything there. That was so well said. What great advice. It's true. There should be room for growth and a person, a personal evolution and therapy. I love therapy. Chelsea, that was really impressive. Oh, well, thank you.

I just think people sometimes make mistakes and we don't want to just cancel them. Like, you can't do that. Just let people understand you've been hurt. And if they are a deep enough person or worthwhile enough, I should say, they're going to recognize that they caused you pain and they're going to want to correct that pain, you know?

It's so true. So I think it's okay. It's not, your relationship isn't over. You can't throw that relationship away because every relationship has ups and downs and it's how you handle the downs. That is the most important thing. How do you deal with that? Can you be in, have a conversation with him, with the third party who hears both of you and gets to the root of the issue and the disconnect. And that totally plausible and i think it's hard for a lot of people to be vulnerable and to admit certain things that they're in this case something is lacking there's some intimacy component that is lacking and that's a hard thing to say to somebody that you love you don't want to hurt somebody but i think through therapy there's a opportunity like you said to

be really honest with one another and and like you also said, it would make you a lot, them a lot stronger, a lot more intimate and loving. Right. And also just something to remember, you can get over almost anything. Like, don't think you'll never get over this. It's fresh. It's a fresh wound. So it feels like it's going to be interminable. Write that down, Justin. But it's not going to be. It's, you can get over this. It's not like he had an affair. And even if that had happened, that's a possible thing to get over too for many, many people. So just focus on the here and now and repairing what has happened and just getting to the bottom of it. And let us know what happens. Yeah. Find yourself a real good

couples counselor and stick with know, stick with it because after all, there is a kid involved, too. The most sagacious one possible. The most interminably sagacious one possible. Yeah. It's funny. I'm looking up sagacious and it just says the quality of being. Oh, it's I see. Having or showing keen mental discernment and good judgment. Shrewd. Shrewd. Yeah. Discern. Yeah. Discerning. It's the opposite of it is a good word specious it's the opposite of fucking moron is what it's opposite right yes oh that is true that's one of the yeah fucking moron yeah perfect well our first caller today is cammy cammy says dear chelsea in about two months i'm marrying my best friend and the love

of my life, and I'm beyond excited about it. However, shortly after, my dad is getting remarried too, to a girl the same age as me. We'll call her Sally. Sally's a funny name for like when you're really hung up on somebody's age. It's a young sounding name. Yes. Yes. Sally. We even have the same color hair. And my dad, being an old guy, frequently mixes up our names when we're together. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and to be honest, a little sad. Every time I try to bring up my wedding to my dad in hopes that he'll be excited, supportive, and wanting to help. All I get is, well, Sally did this for our wedding, and Sally also went to a bachelorette party this weekend, and Sally and I went cake tasting. Did you get cake?

It's extremely exhausting, and it feels like a jab to the heart every time I talk to him. I'm struggling to find ways to tell him that I just want the next couple of months to be about my wedding and all the things that come with it. Cammie. Wow. Hi, Cammie. Cammie's with us here. Yeah, she's with us on video. She's zoomed in. Hi, Cammie. This is our guest today, Justin, and this is my co-host, Catherine. Hi. So nice to be here. Hi. Hi, Cammie. So nice to see you. Yeah. It's a beautiful day. I got a glass of wine. It's Friday. It's payday. Oh, she works at a vineyard. Oh, perfect. Well, then you should always have a glass of wine. Always. So Cammie, is the issue that his wedding is competing with your wedding or is the issue that, you know, she's your age? What's the bigger, do they already get married?

No. So they're getting married in July. I'm getting married in May. So it's shortly after. Um, so it's not necessarily that it's competing. It's just every time I try to bring it up and you know, he's supposed to be like part of my wedding and it's always talking about his wedding. Is he doing that in an effort to relate to you? Like, you know, sometimes people try to find commonality and you know, if they they say like, oh, I just, you know, I almost stepped on a frog. That's so funny. A couple of weeks ago, I, I also almost stepped on, that's a terrible analogy, but is he doing it in an effort to, to feel closer and to, you know, move the conversation? I guess that could probably be it. I mean, he is probably trying to find common ground between it all, but he never listens to when I talk about anything about my wedding. It's always, he's

always thinking about theirs, never responds to a single answer to what I'm planning for the whole wedding. So. Okay. Well, I think what your action needs to be is to sit down and have a conversation or write him an email, whatever you prefer. I think face to face for this would be best if you're comfortable with that. And to explain to him that you're planning on being married for one time in your life and it's coming up in a month or in two months, whatever time in May, and that this is the only time in your life that you have to celebrate this time and that your father is your only father and that you need him to be present for your event. And once that's done and over,

then he can be focused on his own marriage. It's marginalizing your experience and you need him. You need to share this experience with him. And that can be said in a really loving way. Like, dad, I want to be able to share this experience with you without it being about you all the time and your wedding. You're my dad. Like, I need you here for me just for this amount of time. You know, can you do that for me? I don't think that's asking a lot. It's one thing that you're even getting married so close to when I'm

getting married. That wasn't necessary. I'm willing to accept that, but I need your attention focused on me. Yeah, definitely. I, it's always like one of those conversations where you think you can get the, you get, you can muster up the thing. You're like, I'm going to say that. And then it's so much harder to say it than an actual hobby. If I can add to that, which I can't improve upon it, but I would say I found a lot of value in writing things. I know it sounds like cheesy and maybe basic, but like when I have to have those heavy conversations, I find a lot of value in writing down a clear intention. You know, my intention for this is to communicate this and, and, and just boil it down to the essence of what you want to say to your father. And Chelsea said it so perfectly. So I

would just actually write down exactly what she said, but have it so you can reference because some, especially when you're face to face things, emotions get involved and he might try to, he might deflect and avoid the substance of what you're saying. But if you have it written down in front of you, you can always go back to reference the intention of what you're trying to communicate. I think that really helped. Yeah. That's a great idea. Great suggestion. Finally from Justin, you should write that down and you can even write what you want to say in a letter and read it to him, to his face. But I think with a father and daughter dynamic, it's more powerful to just sit in front of him and show him. And it's got to be with so

much love, you know, like I love you. I want to have this moment with you. This is the one time in my life that I get to have this experience hopefully. And I want to share it with you. This is the one time in my life that I get to have this experience, hopefully. And I want to share it with you. And I want you to be present for me, you know, and how meaningful your relationship is. And just try and make it all about the positive things and that there's a time to celebrate your wedding and then there will be a time to celebrate his. Yeah. And validate his thing too, because it sounds like he might be trying to overcompensate for having feelings. Maybe he doesn't feel like you've totally embraced his situation. Maybe that's why he keeps bringing it up and overpowering your wedding stuff. But Chelsea, it was so well said.

I think you have to really let him know that you're his daughter and he's got to be there for you. And he's got to hold a space for you during this time. I might also need to add to the bottom of the letter that he really needs to think about whose name he's saying first. Oh, that's wild. In what context is he messing it up? Oh, like we'll be like sitting and having dinner and he'll be like, oh, Sally.

Oh, I mean, Cammy. And I'm like, oh, in reality, our names kind of rhyme. So it's actually quite funny. Do you laugh about it? Like what's your reaction when it happens sally is sally like oh geez uh i don't i just go dead silent and i'm like oh jesus not again it might help to laugh about are you close yeah i agree i think that that is just laugh like that is something to laugh at you, it's ridiculous that your father's confusing your name with his

girlfriends. Really, it's just a true testament to his age. How old is he? 63. Okay, well, he's not that old. You know, he's with it enough for you to have a conversation with him about this and for him to understand that it's a little bit, you know, inappropriate. How does your mother factor into all of this? She's quite the comical one about it. She hates it. She has everything to say about this. Is she remarried, Cammie? She is, yes.

She's happily remarried to a wonderful man. We love him. Oh, good, good. But other than the age thing, I mean, which I know bothers you, do you like Sally herself? I mean, do you guys get along? To be honest, I've only really had a few conversations with her. I try to keep my distance. to as hard as it might be to to you know reach out to her and say hey we should let's let's yeah i don't know try to connect with her that might be bothering your dad that may be one of the reasons i i don't mean to keep defending him men men defending each other um but that there might be some reason why he keeps overcompensating you know and mentioning her yeah yeah and i think also

like this is your time this is your moment you know, your relationship with her can develop over time, which is a more natural way for things like that to happen. No, force it, force it. You don't have to rush into that. Like, you know, you can even relay that to your father. Like, I'm totally willing to support you and be there for you. I need this from you. I'm asking you, I'm sitting in front of you, asking you to be here for me in this moment. This is your daughter. It's not Sally, just so you know. Yeah. And wear a big nameplate on your chest. Make that clear. Yeah. No, that's definitely very helpful. And just setting boundaries, I think is going to be really important. And yes, maybe getting to know her a little bit better, but it's pretty weird to relate to her because obviously we have a lot in common being that we're the same age. Yeah.

It freaks me out. No, I get it. It's an icky thing for girls to have to deal with their father's girlfriends that are the same age as them. It just makes you question a lot of different things. So I can relate to that. But, you know, as long as you're not taking it out on her, you know, whatever. Like she's irrelevant really at this point. It's more about your dad's, you know, attention span and understanding of this time in your life and how important it is to you. Yes, absolutely. So do you feel like that's a

conversation that you can have with him? Yes, but I think I'm going to have to write it down because they're also going to say that I don't mean. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And take your time with the conversation. Try not to be reactive. If he says something that brings it up, you know, just try and take a breath because you don't want that conversation to escalate. You really want it to land. So even if he says stuff, just take a breath and go, you know, like don't respond in a way that is going to like denude the entire meaning of your conversation. You know, you really want to have an impact with it. So meditate before, write down your intentions, write down what you want to say, and then go in like you are just going to win this conversation, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. And I think when you're applying to his like nature as a dad, like I need you to just be like my dad walking me down the aisle go to that sentimental place and I think he'll he'll be very much on your team yeah that's such a good point yeah well thank you so much Cammie yeah yeah congrats yeah on your dad's wedding on your dad's marriage on your on your on your wedding yeah I really excited. It was so nice to be on this show and Chelsea, I'm so excited. I get to see you in a couple of weeks live. So. Oh, awesome. Where is that going to be? Uh, in Santa Rosa. Oh, cool. Santa Rosa. Is that where you work? Uh, I, yeah, close by.

Oh, okay. Cool. Okay. Well let us know, like follow up and let us know how the conversation with your dad went and if he was able to hear you. Yeah. Thank you so much. Okay. Thanks, Cammie. See you soon. Bye-bye. Oh, what a sweetie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad when my mom died, we found my father naked in the kitchen with his cleaning lady about two weeks later, as my mom was dying, she said to me, your father is a piece of work and you guys are all about to find out how fucked up he is. She didn't say fucked up because she never cursed, but she never cursed. She was like the opposite of me. She was quiet and demure. And she was like, wait, I, she said, I will be laughing at you in heaven when you find out what I've been

protecting you girls from. And my father, within two weeks, my brother Roy texted us going, just went over to check on dad. His cleaning lady was naked in the kitchen cleaning while my father had his pants down sitting on the couch. And I just thought to myself, thank God my mother is in heaven and not privy to this. And then I looked up and I just smiled at her like you were right all along.

And I, yeah, I'm- You ate an orange. And then I ate it. And then I ate an orange and started laughing with my mother in heaven. That's great. That's wild. So did your dad end up remarrying or did you just- No, I think he just slept with all the people that worked at the house. So, you know, I don't even think my father was in any physical condition to be having sex. So I think it was more of just like a, a voyeuristic, you know,

I, you know what I mean? Yes. So we don't really need to delve any further. No, but that's interesting. But you, you,

yeah. So you can relate to a daughter marrying somebody. Yeah. I mean, a father marrying it. If he had had been spry enough by the time my mother died, like he completely fell apart when my mom died. Had he been able to keep his shit together, he definitely would have brought some women around that would have been a hard pill to swallow for my family and I.

Yeah, yeah. And my family and me. Excuse my grammar. Yeah. That's interesting. Are your parents still married? They're still married. And I can't imagine. I mean, even if they weren't, I'm trying to imagine like what that would be.

I guess it's different for guys. I think there's something uniquely strange maybe for a young, you know, for a daughter to have her father dating somebody her age, you know, to, I don't know, just the sexual implications that it brings up. Yeah, right, right. It must be strange. Yeah, yeah, right. It must be strange. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I also wonder if Sally feels just as weird about it. She probably feels weird about having a stepdaughter to be that it's her age. Now I'm kind of contradicting what I said earlier about wanting to respect the elderly,

but I have to question, and I shouldn't, but I do. I find myself questioning a person that age, their motivation for being with somebody who is 63, just because I would imagine it'd be so hard to relate to somebody that much younger. Yeah. Yeah. I had a driver this weekend who said that he has a girlfriend. He was 73 and his girlfriend is 33 and there's a 40-year age difference. Oh, man. And I said, really really like, how does that work out? He goes, great.

It's my third wife. You know, when I, when I got married, I thought, oh wow. You know, I was 60 and she was 20. And, and I'm like, and what drugs was she smoking that she was attracted to a 60-year-old man? Oh, my God. And when I was 42, she was two. That's crazy. So that disturbed me.

It is disturbing. I guess it depends on what at that age you value. And if you value enough, if you value youth and whatever that whatever that person's vitality not enough hotness if you value that enough that it's enough to overwhelm the lack of common ground and an inability to have like a really like challenging conversation I I don't know maybe yeah I tried not to be too judgy because like you know some people really are in love like Like when I was 20, I dated a, when I was 22, I dated a 36 year old and that was a pretty big age difference. And I, but I was a

baby. I just, I was so, I had the biggest crush on this guy, you know, why he was dating me is a separate issue, but so let's get them on the show. I try not to be too judgy because, you know, people do fall in love at different ages in their lives. So it's not all badly motivated or motivated for the wrong reasons. Yeah, that's true. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us tonight. How are you too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk

about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really and you can find it

on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next email comes from Mary. We are old people in love, so hopefully we can give some advice to you. This is for a young person in love. Oh, good.

Dear Chelsea, I'm 19 and I've been with my boyfriend for a year now since I was 18. In the past six months, I have accepted that I'm bisexual and I had a conversation with him about that when I was ready. He accepted my sexuality, but my attraction to something he can't give me made him a little insecure. I had little time to explore many sexual or relationship experiences before being with him. Since the conversation, I've had the recurring thought that I'm so young and have so much to experience. I'd like to be with a woman, but I don't foresee myself ending things with him, and we're not polyamorous people. If he was okay with it, I'd like to explore my sexuality while still loving him, but I would not be okay with him experiencing other women. He's very straight.

If he had the need to explore his sexuality and wanted to see men, I would be okay with it. The advice I need is, how should I empathetically approach a conversation like this to a sensitive person like him? Also, is it too early in the relationship to approach a conversation like this to a sensitive person like him? Also, is it too early in the relationship to ask about something like this? Is it better to bring this up years down the road when we have established even more trust than we already have? P.S. A threesome is off the table. Thanks, Mary. A lot of rules.

Yes, I know. It's very strict. Boundaries. Yeah, a lot of boundaries. Conflicting boundaries. Yeah. A lot of boundaries yet. Okay. Conflicting boundaries. Yeah. Okay. Well, I think a, you need to bring it up immediately. That is dishonest to lead somebody on without giving them all the facts and all the information you're very clear, or, or you seem to be very clear about what your desires are and what your boundaries are. So you just all, all you need, all you can do is present them in an honest way

and accept whether or not he's going to be okay with that. And if he's not going to be okay with that, then you need to respect that as well and either end the relationship based on what you want to do moving forward or accept that you're not going to be able to act like that within the confines of that relationship. But you cannot lie to him or lead him on. You have to give everyone the information they need. And then everyone is allowed to make their own choice for themselves.

You don't get to decide how your boyfriend is going to exist within a relationship. A year is plenty of time to lay it on the table. Yes. Well said. You're so good at this. I don't mean I hope that doesn't sound. Oh, really? Like that's so succinct. You're so funny. It's true. I was I was like, God, what is that? Because I guess the proposition is that she wants to be with women while still being with him. But she doesn't want him to be with anybody else. But she wants to be allowed to be with other people. Yeah, that's a pretty tough that tough, putting him in a tough spot, but you're right. But he could be with a man if he wants to. Meanwhile.

Oh, he can. Yeah, but he's shown no indication of being gay. No, he's very straight. Or bisexual. So like, yeah. So what good does that offer? I promise. Yeah.

Yes. What if a woman were to dress as a man or to identify maybe as a man or said she you know you could maybe fudge the rules a little bit yeah there's a lot of fudging for the rules i just think she's 19 like when you're 19 you are changing you're learning about yourself and i know it's easy to want the best of both worlds like i want us to love him but i want to experiment i know i don't know that there's space for that. No, I know. I have a feeling she'll look back and think, oh, I wish I hadn't strung him along or been, I wish I had, you know, maybe ended things sooner, been honest sooner, because there was so much to explore at 19. I mean, you got the whole, it's, it's Mary, Mary.

Yes. You have the whole world to explore. You're so, you know, it's such a great time to be unfettered. So I feel bad for her boyfriend, but, um, well, I, yeah, I don't. And just, you know, Mary, something to remember is like, whatever you put out is coming back at you. That's like just the law of physics. You know, there's an action, there's a reaction. So you want to treat him with the same amount of respect that you want to be treated with because down the road, if you don't treat him with respect, someone's going to come along and someone's going to do that to you. And you're not going to like it. So you have to treat him with all the honesty, even if it's uncomfortable and it hurts you.

You have to treat him with all that honesty and respect and be as honest as you can. And then it's up to him whether or not he's willing to accept that. It sounds like she is. She wrote a really very honest in her letter. And yeah. Yeah. We've got all the rules. So just get on it, Mary. Just, you know, deal with the subject matter. And then, you know, who knows? Maybe you guys take a break. Maybe you go explore your feelings of bisexuality and maybe you come right back to him and think, wait, this is what I want.

Or maybe there's a whole new world for you that you're postponing by prolonging it by being in a relationship, in a heteronormative relationship. Yeah. I'm always so curious at what that moment is. She said she accepted it six months ago. I'm always wondering what the catalyst, maybe there's not one particular thing, but I'm always curious at that age when somebody has, you know, had a couple years of sexuality, let's say, or being a sexualized person. Mary, right back and let us know. Yeah. Let us know, Mary, what happened. Who triggered your bisexuality.

Yeah. What triggered it and act with integrity. Okay. Because I know you're 19 and sometimes integrity doesn't come to us until we're a little bit older, but try to get after it. Yeah. So this person who wrote in is going by younger than I sound. Dear Chelsea, she says, I'm 27 and I've manifested myself into living a very small life. I have a computer job and I work from home. I live out of state from my family and I was dumped last year. We didn't survive the pandemic, I guess.

Anyway, did you ever have a year or two in your 20s, even late 20s like me, where you were all alone doing it all yourself? I want to thrive in my career, independence and living alone. But I usually just feel like a 65-year-old widow living alone with her cats and waiting for the next big HBO show to come out. Younger than I sound. She sounds funny and sweet. Man, I have felt that way, late 20s. I would try to fill that void, whether it was going out and drinking and drugs, relationships that I probably shouldn't have been in. But in a way, I think she's doing a really healthy thing by being by herself

and kind of expressing those feelings of loneliness maybe and ennui and ennui. But I'm still curious what Chelsea's going to say because I remember that feeling and I don't think I behaved in as healthy a way as younger than I sound as behaving. She's actually, she sounds older than she is. Yeah, you do sound older, but that's okay. I think everybody goes through different phases in their lives. I just read a book for my friend Lily Singh, wrote a book called Be a Triangle. And it's a short read. I read it in an hour and a half. Like you can pick it up and put it down. But it's just a reminder that the times in your life where you feel loneliest are just are not forever. And there are a bunch of tools there about creating a foundation for your

life where you can build on that, you know, and your relationship with yourself is really the most important one to be focused on. And when you have a healthy relationship with yourself and you're confident in the decisions you're making, that's when you can bring other people into your life in a more meaningful way. Full circle. Yeah. That's what we were talking about earlier. Yeah, totally. And it's like this period of time doesn't define you you know i totally i was a person in my 20s and i was a different person

in my 30s and i you know and i'm now in my 40s and i'm a different person i was a recluse for like periods of time in my 20s because it just everyone just drove me fucking crazy i would watch tv i would lie in bed for hours a day like like for periods of like, you know, sometimes months, I mean, interspersed with like activities, but like overall, I would have termed myself as a recluse. I didn't want to go to bars. I didn't want to hang out. And then there were periods of time where that's all I did was hang out and party and meet up and hook up and, and date. And then I'd have a boyfriend and that would last for a year. And then that was my focus. And so there are all different. Chelsea and I, we have similar paths.

Yes. Yes. I wanted to touch the flame. And then, but then you find that you're a lot happier. I mean, everyone's seeking happiness, I suppose. But I found that I was a lot happier when I would just settle and I was by myself and I was able to cultivate interests alone and in silence. There's something really, I mean, embrace that time because it won't last for long. Chelsea's right. So it's a good time to kind of cultivate your own thing and

interests. And even if it's just sitting around with your cats, being still and present in the world is a beautiful thing. And coming to appreciate nature and being alive is a really special thing. So don't shortchange that. Yeah. And if you think, oh, I spend too much time alone, like just add some things to that, you know, go outside, go for a hike once a day or whatever outdoor activities you're interested in, go for a walk with your cat or go for a walk alone or find a friend to go for a walk with just like incorporate little things that are going to boost your mood. Being outdoor will always help you be in a better mood and be in a more positive kind of headspace. So just remember that. And also just kind of add things to your life that does, you know,

make plans with a friend, make plans with a relative, do things that are, so you can see if you enjoy that. And if you want to continue doing that and, you know, there's nothing wrong with spending a lot of time with yourself and using that time wisely to kind of get to know yourself and what, what you're going to accept in your life and what you're not, you know, kind of setting standards for yourself moving forward. Amen. Yes. Sorry, what's that book? It's Be a Triangle? Yeah, by Lilly Singh. She just wrote it. Yeah. Oh, cool. Okay. Yeah. And she was a guest on this show last season. Yeah, it's a cute little book. And it's just about positive relationships with yourself to remember that you don't, you know, a lot of times we spend our life proving things to other people when in fact your relationship with yourself and your spiritual

relationship with the universe and nature and being in touch and giving and instead of just receiving or, you know, giving instead of taking is just a huge component of how to be a more well-rounded person. I find a lot of value in this book. I have, because I interviewed Dr. Mark Epstein on Life is Short. It's going to pieces without falling apart. It's a Buddhist perspective on wholeness. I've really found a lot of value in that. And The Zen of Therapy is his latest book. I don't know why I'm plugging all of his work, but- I like Mark Epstein. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And taking walks and being present in nature has really helped me to,

I'm really rooting for this person. She sounds really cool and sweet and- Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And taking walks and being present in nature has really helped me to, I'm really rooting for this person. She sounds really cool and sweet. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wishing you the best younger than I sound. Yeah. Younger than I sound. I wish you the best too. So don't be too harsh with judgment on yourself. Okay. Yeah. Take it easy. Take it slow and just, you know, keep moving. Yeah. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back to close it out with Justin and Chelsea. Okay. We'll take a loofah break. We'll be right back. Justin, keep your hands where we can see them. Okay. I'm just getting my loofah. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And

together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?

His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all.

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com.

And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No, Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Well,

we're back to close it out. And Justin, did you have any advice that you'd like from Chelsea? I've also found myself getting, now that I have the smart car, it's going to be a little bit more of a problem, but getting my reactivity. You mentioned reactivity, which is, I think, so important for a lot of these callers. It's been so important in my life to be aware of. But on the road, I still tend to get, people drive like maniacs here. And I find myself getting very reactive on the road. I had an encounter yesterday where a guy swerved into my lane and to, just to let him know he was coming to my lane, I gave him

the beep beep. It wasn't an angry beep. I didn't, it was just a pop up. You're coming in. And he gave me the finger. It was wild. And I said, what's me? And he started swerving purposefully into my lane. Now, I don't know in those moments, I've been really working on reactivity and I've loved meditation, but sometimes those moments I find very challenging. What do you do? I'm curious what you do on the road if it were something like that to happen i mean my whole therapy was about my reactivity so yes i am able to laugh at anyone who acts like that like i'm able to go oh god that person is obviously having a really bad day or time or life like yeah no one needs to give anyone the finger on the road like it's crazy and it shouldn't you and

you reacting to it is just getting right down to his level instead of elevating to your level so i don't know what the right thing is but recognizing that reaction in yourself is the first step by going oh i was just about to give him the finger back, but I'm not going to do that because this is so silly. We're driving. Great. And superficially, I'm wondering if you can recommend a strain of sativa that is an edible potentially. That's good for driving? Yeah.

Being out in the world, maybe younger than I sound, might want to try it on one of our nature walks. Just being a little bit more so you don't crash. I've been really crashing and getting tired. Yeah. i don't like strong edibles during the daytime i love i think the most popular one are those kiva blueberries oh yeah what i'm talking about those are light and they're kind of fun and giggly and also another really light option are those breeze mints they are 2.5 milligrams for really new beginners. And they're an upper. Like that's a fun thing

to like go outside and do something with. Great. So those are two good suggestions, I think. Great. Thank you. Oh, you're so welcome, Justin.

What a great way to wrap up the episode. Yes. Yeah. And it was a terrible beginning. Totally my fault. Terrible beginning. Terrible middle.

Yeah. But we really cleaned it out at the end. It's a great ending. I my fault. Terrible beginning. Terrible middle. But we really, we really cleaned it out at the end. It's a great ending. I'm really good at endings. This was so fun. Thank you for having me. Well, thank you

for being here. It was a pleasure to see you again, too. Yes, it was. And I'm so happy that you're in love. Congratulations. Tell Kate,

give her my love for me. I will. I don't know if you heard her. She said she came in looking for, she was looking for a plug. She said hello. I did.

I did hear her. Yeah, okay, okay. Well, thank you guys. So nice to meet you, Catherine. Likewise. Give Kate my best. I will. I will. I will. Thank you guys. And have a great day in Massachusetts and Connecticut, Justin. Okay. Thank you, Chelsea. And give Joe my best. I will. I will. I hope we all get to hang out. Oh, that'd be fun. Let's do it. Bye-bye. So if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at dearchelseaproject at gmail.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door

doesn't go all the way to the floor, what in the museum of failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really dot com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign jason bobblehead the really no really podcast follow us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts welcome toisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.