Dear Chelsea - Everyone’s a Little Bit Bi with Bretman Rock

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

Chelsea is joined by multi-hyphenate Bretman Rock to talk about sugar daddies, why everyone’s a little bit bisexual, and how to know if your grandma is looking out for you from beyond the grave. Then: A 20-something wonders if she should stick with a guy who can’t get it up.… or ghost him for good. An ex attempts to get back with his boyfriend without ruining their friendship.  And a girlfriend wants to get engaged ASAP - or else.   * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, hi, everybody. It's us. It's Katherine and Chelsea. Hi. And it's called Dear Chelsea, is what you're listening to, in case somebody tricked your phone. Yes. I found mushrooms in my place in Whistler. I had these chocolate mushrooms that I supplied

the entire mountain, probably BC, British Columbia, with last year when I was in Whistler. And then when I left, I left everything there. And so this year when I was going through my things, I found them. And I have been taking like the tiniest, like a half of a half a square every day because now that I know more about microdosing, like I don't like the rush of the feeling, but I like the up of the feeling. I have to say, like I found a perfect dose. Is this the chocolate mushrooms? These are chocolate mushrooms. Now in Whistler, everyone has capsules.

They give you 50 milligrams or 100 milligrams or 250 milligrams, which are also just like they don't make you hallucinate. They just give you an up and it's almost imperceptible and it's nice. And it's great if you're outside in nature. These though, I took a little one a few days ago just to see, because I was like, oh, you know, when you're not acclimated, you know, you can have bigger reactions. And I don't like that whoosh feeling that sometimes comes on with mushrooms where you're like yawning and it's very overwhelming and you almost nauseated slightly. Anyway, I think I found the perfect dosage. And I gave some to Joe Coy, who's never done mushrooms, but somebody had given to him.

Well, he doesn't need an upper. You know what I mean? Yeah. Somebody gave them to him in Canada and we were falling asleep. We had played pickleball and we were falling asleep that night. And he's like, honey, you're just so funny. Everything you say is so funny. And I was like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. And he goes, I just can't stop smiling. Every time I think of you, I'm like, oh my God, honey, those are mushrooms. That's what you're feeling. That was not a microdose. That's a dose. And he's like, is that what it is? I go, yes. I go into

bed with a smile on your face is mushrooms. So I just want everyone to know that you also can go to bed with a smile on your face if you get yourself some mushrooms too. I've never done mushrooms. That's very hard for me to believe. Really? Do I seem like a person who's like out in the world? Yeah, I would think that you've experimented with drugs. I have. Well, let me tell you, I am also like not a very good weed smoker. The first time I ever smoked weed, it was great. I had a fun time. The second time I ever smoked weed, I had the worst time ever. It was in Indiana. It was like maybe laced with something like hallucinations, voices. It was terrible. That definitely sounds like it was

laced with something. Yeah. So I didn't touch it for the longest time. And I can really only do it when like my set and setting are very specific, like I feel very safe. But I also just find like I don't love the feeling of being high. I don't love the feeling of like the time distortion. But I do just like and this is advice I got from you from working on this show, but just doing tiny, tiny doses. Like I find even one or two and a half milligrams is like my sweet spot, which is just a little twinkle. Yes. Like you don't feel high. Yes. That's good that you found that out about yourself and that you didn't shy away from it

because there is a right amount for everybody. And some people's, sometimes like yesterday, I had a day off unexpectedly. I thought I was working all yesterday, I had a day off unexpectedly. I was thought I was working all day and I had the day off. And so I had a fun day. And I took two edibles at around three o'clock, got into bed and watched a bunch of TV, which is basically my favorite thing to do in the whole world is to lie in bed and watch TV, especially if there's something good. I love it. I love it. I got that from my mom. My mom used to lie in bed all the time. And then when I was seeing my therapist,

he's like, your mom sounds like she was depressed. I'm like, well, then I'm fucking depressed too because I've got the same sleeping gene. I just want to be snuggling all the time. And you're on the go so much. I'm sure that it's like when you get those. I have an inordinate or disproportionate desire to be in bed.

Like it's just too, it outweighs everything else I'd like to be doing. So, yes, I can have a very busy life, but I have no problem chilling the fuck out. Good. Very good. Well, I have a follow-up from someone who has taken your advice, Chelsea. This is from Christina, and she joined us on our episode with Taylor Tomlinson, Comics Dating Comics. She was the one with the boyfriend who her friend thought he was a deadbeat, but she's a lawyer and she needed to talk to her friend about how she's really into

this guy. She says, Dear Chelsea, I have a little update. I talked to my friend and we had a really honest conversation. She admitted that she did want me to break up with my boyfriend, but mostly it was because she feared I wasn't just settling for him. I was settling in life. Side story, in law school, I interned at the ACLU and my school's environmental law clinic. I wrote a published piece on racial discrimination post 9-11. Like, this woman does everything. She's wonderful. Suffice it to say, I really care about social justice and have much bigger dreams than my current corporate job. I'd love to take a job doing something I care about, but those are scarce in Miami.

My boyfriend has always said he'd never leave Miami. She said she really believes in me and thinks I can do so much more than just live in Miami with my boyfriend forever. And I explained to her I understand. I have my own fears about waking up in 20 years with regret. But for now, I have no idea what life has in store, and I'm still hopeful I won't have to compromise my dreams or my relationship. Maybe it's cocky, but I'm really shooting to have it all. So I made it clear we're not breaking up anytime soon

and asked that she please respect my decision. She seemed a little disappointed but understanding, and so far our friendship is as strong as ever minus the verbal sub tweets. Thanks so much for your advice and I cannot wait to see you on your vaccinated and horny tour. Oh well good that's good. Yeah. Good. Great. Good for her. Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited for her. Uncomfortable conversations are worth having. Yeah. And especially if, you know, the friend is somebody who can handle that conversation, then, you know, they're there to stick around. Yeah. And also the truth brings you together. Like saying that she wanted you to break up with him is truthful. And that's not easy to say either.

So, like, it's good that she was honest and it's good that you were honest. Yeah, absolutely. Well, we have a really exciting guest today. Oh, yeah. He's an internet sensation, you guys. Oh, my God. And he's Filipino, so you know that I love Filipinos.

You guys, if you don't follow this guy on Instagram or TikTok, he is an Asian-American digital superstar known for his unique sense of comedy, gender-bending fashion, and creating the new standard of male beauty that is followed by over 45 million fans globally. He is comedy, fashion and beauty sensation Bretman Rock. He has his own TV series on MTV. It's called Bretman Rock and his YouTube

originals limited series 30 Days With Bretman Rock, which showcases him digging deeper into his spirituality while alone and off the grid in the jungle. Please welcome this little nugget, Bretman Rock. Bretman! Oh my God, let me see that hot little body. Why are you hiding it from us? This is Catherine. Catherine's my producer. Hi. Hi, Miss Catherine. I love the purple hair. Thank you. It's nice to meet you. Thank you. Catherine's my producer. Hi, Miss Catherine. I love the purple hair. Thank you. It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Bretman, the last time that you and I spoke, are you good? Are you ready? Yes. I needed some lighting, you know. Oh, honey. Of course you need it. By the way, Bretman's pronouns are he, she, and they.

So you can just call him, her whatever right whatever you see honestly that's what i say whatever you see is what you can call me well what i see is a phantasmagoria of light and energy that's what i see when i look at you thank you i am a divine creature i get that a lot thank you uh first of all i'm panay now did? I know. I was like, we have so much things in common now. You're like Filipina these days. Thanks to the power of semen, honestly. Oh, tell me about it. Also, I did not know you guys were dating for the longest.

I thought you guys were just like besties for a while because you guys were just like making videos. And I was like, Miss Jokwe and Miss Chelsea's really hanging out. And Hawaii loves Jokwe, by the way. I was there. I don't know if he's told you but he had like nine sold out shows back to back to back i didn't even get a ticket but um my mom wanted to go well we're gonna hang out with you when we come in july i'm there july 3rd and 4th in maui and then oahu aren't you on oahu i'm on oahu wait did he his book Mixed Plate because of his experience in Hawaii or what? Because I have a theory that it's because he ate at Zippy's. I ate at Zippy's.

Yes. And like all of the food and Zippy's are like all mixed plate food. So I was like, he probably ate at Zippy's. Well, we came the last time he was playing the Blaisdell Arena the last time we were here. We came for Thanksgiving. And so I was there for like literally two and a half days. Otherwise, we would have been looking for you. But in those two and a half days, I ate more mayonnaise than I've eaten in 45 years. Because in Hawaii, they put mayonnaise on everything. Everything.

Mayonnaise. And sometimes we do the mayonnaise ketchup mix, you know, like the cute little hot pink color. We put that on everything too. Is there a name for that? Is that Russian dressing, mayonnaise and ketchup? I don't know what we call it, but I am the mayonnaise that I think you're like, do you like the mayonnaise here? Well, I just don't need that much mayonnaise really on anything. Because I think we use like more of the Japanese mayonnaise instead of like the.

Yeah, it's like an aioli, isn't it? Like an aioli sauce kind of thing, like calamari. Yeah, it comes like a soup more so than a dish. But whatever, you know, if I'm going to transition into being a Filipina, and being Hawaiian, I'm just gonna have to accept all of these things and let my body just do its thing. Yeah. Also, we're both like Playboy models now, Miss Chelsea. I don't know if you saw that, but- I saw that. I saw that. That was a dream come true for you recently, right?

It truly was. And then I saw your Christmas one that you posted like a while back, and I was like, she's really coming for my gig. First she's Boobie, and now she wants to be a Playboy model. I've always been coming for you, Bretman. Bretman and I first met, we did this like makeup collaboration for

something a few years ago. And Bretman showed up to the set and was one hot mess. And I this is from the queen of hot messes. Okay. Okay, first of all, let me explain myself. My first night just told me about that deal. I was like, What is me and Chelsea gonna talk about? So she was like, Oh, you know, you guys have so many things in common. You guys are both funny, and you guys smoke weed. So I was like, Oh, you know, you guys have so many things in common. You guys are both funny and you guys smoke weed. So I was like, I'm going to go high. So I took a fat rip before I came. And that was that. So I was I Yes, I was a mess. And I'm so sorry. No, I know. It wasn't it wasn't a shoot that required us to be anything less than a mess. To be honest with you. We had to be a mess. We had to cover it up.

Yeah, exactly. He did my makeup. I think I tried to do his. Anyway. No, remember you were like mad at me because I think like last minute I was like, I don't think I could do her makeup today. So I ended up like having to teach you how to do it. Oh, yeah. You couldn't apply it yourself.

Why was that? Because I low-key don't know how to do other people's makeup. I know how to do my face, but I feel like if I did your makeup, you would have just looked like me, which I mean, there's not really a problem with that, but I didn't want you looking like a Brevin Rock, so

that. I think it's because I know how my face is shaped, and we obviously have different face shapes. We do? I don't want you to look like an egg. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Totem. obviously have different face shapes. We do. You look like an egg. the floor? We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom

Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.

It's called really no really. And you can find it on the I heart radio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. What's going on with you these days? How's your love life? Is there anything happening in that department? Let me motherfucking tell you, tell me why I'm in Miss Chelsea. I went to go see a spiritual healer and I know you believe in that shit. And she was telling me all these things about like my grandma because she was

kind of like my spiritual guide growing up i grew up very spiritual and i was feeling off so i went to go see a native american woman who does like all these practices and at the end she was like are you seeing anybody right now and i was like no sis and she goes I think there's somebody that like hexed you and when she said that it clicked to me it was my ex because he practiced that stuff and he would always joke around and be like if you ever leave me I'll make sure you never find anybody again and at the time I was just like oh my god that's so funny like you're so goofy but that bitch really hexed me and now I have a hard time like connecting with men and like every time like men flirt with me like it's hard for me to like distinguish now like my assistant

literally has to be like right he was hitting on you it's hard for me to like see that now every time i get close to somebody i always feel like i'm cheating on somebody so i always like ghost boys just for an odd reason. And I and when she said that I was hexed, I was like, Oh my god, it's him doing that. So yeah, that's the update on my love life. So was that person able to remove the hex? I asked her I was like, How do we get rid of this? What the fuck? And then she was like, I think your grandma is strong enough. And I really feel like your grandma let it happen. And when she said that it also clicked in my head that like after I got dumped Miss Chelsea my life turned upside down like I grew out my hair I look like more like Bretman Roth more than I've ever did in my whole

entire life and I feel like I needed that shit to happen to finally step into who I was meant to be and like ever since that I had like my MTV show my playboy like back-to-back covers like oh my gosh I'm so sorry I don't mean to be like bragging about myself but like brag away brag but really like I went through all that shit I've been to go for a whole year just so that I could focus myself and she said that your grandma if your grandma did not want you to go through it she would have like blocked it off and she said that I had to go through it. And I think I had to because I found who I really was, I think. And I'm more confident than of who myself in my career than ever before. So yeah, that's a great feeling, isn't it to feel self assured and confident in who

you are? Yeah, I think I really at the end of the day, I really just had to fall in love with myself. And I think that's what happened. I fell in love with you, who you are, not just the way you look. And especially in the world that we're in or in the social media and everything, everyone kind of gets reduced down to the way they look and how good they look for how old they are or whatever. Well, more for me than for you since you're like eight months old. But I like that, that you took a break and you kind of stepped into your own power because I think that's a typical situational circumstance. When you get out of a relationship, you kind of stepped into your own power because I think that's a typical situational circumstance. When you get out of a relationship,

you start to look at yourself in a different way. And it's a huge growth experience, right? When you break up and you're on your own. And he was like my first love. I swore I was going to marry him. He broke up with me eight times. I ran back eight.

It got to a point where like literally the seventh time he broke up with me that one month, I literally was, I don't even pray Miss Chelsea. I don't pray. And I was like, please God, like, please leave me already. Cause I could not, I don't know why, but I could not have the willpower to like break up with somebody after like chasing them eight times. So it got to a point where I was like, please, whoever is listening out there, please tell him to leave me. Yeah, seven, seven or eight times of going back. I call that recidivism, where you are performing the same wrong thing you've done so many times, then yeah, I think after you break up with somebody twice, and you get back together, that's a wrap. We should have like term limits on all of

these things. Just for younger people coming into it, because it's like, there's no healthy relationship where you're breaking up five or six times and getting back together. No one's ever going to be like, this is going to work out. What about therapy, Bretman? Do you go to any therapists? I go to like physical therapy because I injured my shoulder the other month. Yeah, that's not the same fucking thing. I know. I know. I struggle finding the courage to go see a therapist miss chelsea i do i genuinely do and i think it's because i was traumatized from like early years when i did see like a therapist like that didn't know how to like deal with like kids and especially like growing up with like an asian mom who joke i probably said something similar to this like some asian moms truly do not believe in mental health like not some asian moms truly do not believe

in mental health like not even asian moms like foreign moms like they think that we're just like being dramatic like even when i told my mom like i was telling her about my anxiety and then how i have social anxiety and she was like girl you're just being dramatic like you're like she didn't say that but in my language she did so i think for like a while I also like didn't take my mental health seriously because my mom convinced me that it was like all in my head and that's what it is it is all in my head but um yeah I am I am I really am building the courage to go see a therapist I texted my manager like last month I was like I think this is the year that I need to see a therapist because even if it if even if it isn't forman, I need to see a therapist for Bretman Rock because

fame is not fun. So let's talk about your fame. How are you handling being famous? I think I don't like to call myself a child star, it kind of is because like i started this journey when i was in high school i was a sophomore and so a lot of like my audience like grew up with me and so i also grew up with fame and like handling fame but also at the same time i lived in hawaii and so you know population of four fucking people so like it's hard for me to like feel famous in hawaii when like really like everyone that wants to meet you here have already met you when you were in high school. Everyone here has met me three, four, five times already. It's like, oh, it's just Bretman.

But I truly only feel fame when I'm in LA. And that's why I think I hate LA because LA reminds me of work. And that's why I thrive in Hawaii because it doesn't have the pressure of fame. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, Joe and I are spending like our winters in Whistler and I love to get out of LA to go to Whistler because it's just a completely,

it's all about nature. It's all about skiing. It's all about being outside. If you're not skiing, you're doing something else physical. No one gives a shit about Hollywood. No one's talking about that. No one's stopping me to say I need a picture.

They just all know that I'm there and that's the way it's going to be. But is Whistler in Canada? Yes, it is. Bitch, I have a story about getting into Canada, but continue. But I think that yeah, a lot of artists and creators like to be away from the hustle of it. Like being in LA all the time is just not a healthy situation. I know for me, I need a timeout all the time. And I like being on the road because one of the reasons I love being on the road and being on tour is to be out of LA because you just, I don't like to be competitive and I don't like to look around too much. And when I'm in LA, I noticed that about myself more. Exactly. So, um, yeah, that's kind of like me too. And what's up with your sister? How's she doing?

Girl, how is she not doing? Honestly, my sister is something. She's also on her focusing on myself era right now. Because she just got out of a relationship. We raising our two kids. And yeah, we're getting back to our regular scheduling with like YouTube videos and stuff like that. I actually wanted to ask you about like podcasts. That's something that we wanted to do. Like, is this fun? Oh, yeah. First of all, you can do it wherever the fuck you want to. So that's a number one,

you can do that right there where you're sitting. And you could do it with somebody you love to talk to. All you have to do is shoot the shit. That's so easy, right? Yeah, it is. I feel like it's more simpler than a YouTube video. I feel like even just now I feel like I didn't even know we started when we started. But with YouTube, it's like, oh my gosh, you have to kind of follow like a story. Let's talk about this now. Let's talk about this now. Or I mean, a lot of people don't even have guests on their podcast, like you and your sister could just hang out and talk and have guests when you feel like it. Because yeah, that way you're just shooting the shit and you don't have to have like an A, B and C cut it up in any way.

Because people do love to hear you talk. It's just more of you to give people. So it's an easy thing to deliver. And I would say, yeah, go for a podcast. It's another way to just gain more people listening to you, talking to you. And it all feeds the other things. Like it feeds the YouTube things like it feeds the youtube the youtube feeds the podcast and i also am so tired of getting ready for youtube i got ready

today and i just and half when i was like halfway done doing my makeup i was like wait isn't it just isn't it just our voice like why am i getting ready so yeah i feel like with podcasts i don't have to get ready anymore i could just show up right yeah well everything. Well, everything now is online. So it doesn't matter. Even though a podcast, it's like, I thought fucking podcasts weren't makeup and hair. And now podcasters, they post them. They're on YouTube. You can have them. So it's like, it's basically a television all over again. It is. It is. Yeah. You look beautiful, by the way. Your makeup is amazing. Like you do have a really great knack for not for white women, obviously, because he tried that on me.

But you do have a great hands at makeup. I mean, look how beautiful he looks. Thank you. Thank you so much. That's so sweet. I just grew up with too many women in my life, I feel. And I grew up watching our version of Super Bowl, which is Miss Universe in the Philippines. We treat that shit like of Super Bowl, which is Miss Universe. In the Philippines, we treat that shit

like a Super Bowl. And I just grew up like in awe of hair and makeup and like watching these women and their heels and like bikinis and gowns. And I just grew up watching that. And I wanted to be those women. And like, the third world country girls are always winning Miss Universe because we got the face. Yeah. You know? Yes, the bone structure. Yeah. Why don't we get, you're not kidding. Why don't we get you

into Mrs. Universe? That was actually my first gig. And that was actually when I realized I need to, I'm not an interviewer. My first gig ever was, I was 16 years old. They did Miss Universe

in the Philippines and I hosted the red carpet thing. And that's when I realized I cannot host. I truly do not give a fuck about other people. Like I cannot sit there and pretend like I care what you're wearing. So, yeah, I did Miss Universe, but I need to be a contestant, honestly, or like a judge. No, that's what I'm talking about. Not the red carpet.

You need to be competing. Or a judge. Well, no, I still you need to maybe after you red carpet. You need to be competing. Or a judge. Well, no. I still, you need to, maybe after you win, but you need to be in the Mrs. Universe's pageant. Why not? Right. I feel like I'd be really good at the Q&A portion and the bikini portion. Yeah.

Yeah. Anything. Well, that's, yeah. Well, we'll see about that. Is that the thing that Donald Trump runs or is that Miss America? Not anymore. He's Miss America. Thank America. Trust me, I looked it up. I made sure I made sure that bitch was not running it when I posted the red carpet because I'm not having that bitch sign my check. No, don't worry. He wouldn't sign it anyway. He'd sue you, sue you for hosting. And

somehow you're like, how do I owe fucking money for doing this? So Bretman, on this podcast, we have callers and people who write in for advice about life. And so, yeah, so we're going to take some callers and Catherine's going to read us some emails. And we're just going to give off advice of what we think, how they should handle the situation. Okay. I feel like my first advice would probably be don't take my advice. Okay. Well, noted. We'll keep that in there so that everyone is aware

not to take Bretman's advice. Thank you. I will say an advice, though. Okay, good. Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be back with some emails and calls. Cue the commercial.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us

today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back from break. Bretman just took a quick shower. You took a shower, right, Bretman?

Thank you, guys. I actually needed an outfit change, so thank you for letting me change, Ms. Chelsea. Okay, well, it looks like you're wearing the same exact thing, so it's all very suspicious. Well, our first email comes from B.

Subject line is, a little slash big problem. Dear Chelsea, I recently went on a few dates with this guy who checks all the boxes except for one thing. He told me he has a problem getting it up. He's 30. I asked if he takes anything for it and he said nothing works. It's a huge problem because a healthy sex life is a very important part of a relationship to me. I don't want to be the one to, quote, help him fix it because I think I'm way too young to have to

deal with this issue. I'm 27. I think there are so many other men in this world that it's maybe just on to the next one. But I really like him. Thoughts, B. Hmm. I have so many questions. Miss Chelsea, would you like to go first? No, why don't you go first, Bretman? Ladies first. Well, that kind of like, honestly, when you were reading it, it kind of just brought me back to, honestly, I had a whole flashback, like whole Raven-Symoné moment.

When I used to have a daddy at one point, once upon a time. And he was also like in his 30s. And I wouldn't say he had a hard time like getting it up, but he would always be like, you have to squeeze it. So I would say, have you tried squeezing it really hard? That's okay. Well, there you go. So squeeze his dick as hard as you can and see what happens.

And if nothing happens, then you have your answer and you can stop dating him. Yeah. Yeah. But also do you believe in like those like aphrodisiacs and stuff like that i'm very filipino and we have a lot of those shit there's this one shot where like it's like an alcohol shot and there's like a rattlesnake inside and i guess it they believe that it has like aphrodisiac components or whatever the fuck so if you struggle struggle, like getting it up, I recommend getting a shot of the Cobra liquor. Yeah. Okay. So those are two great options for solutions. The other thing you can do is like, you can make a small amount of effort to try and help him with

his problem. Like, you know, finding a sex therapist. I'm sure that he hasn't really sat down and run through all the options of what might because there's there's something for everybody There's an antidote for everything and you already said you're not gonna marry the guy so it's okay for you to walk away But you can put in a little effort towards trying to figure out what might help his situation And then I would agree with you like only if you really like him I would agree that there are too many men out there if that is such an important thing to you Which it is to me like I need to get fucked too. I like sex. I would agree that there are too many men out there. If that is such an important thing to you, which it is to me, like I need to get fucked too. I like sex. Yes. All the time. Whenever I want it, I want it. So like, I get that if this won't work for you, it won't work for you. But if

you want to try and make a little bit more of an effort, sit with a sex therapist, see if she has anything interesting to say to him that he has never heard before, or he can go on his own, whatever. And then if that doesn't work, because it could be something that he hasn't tried that he hasn't even thought about. There's so much shame behind people when they can't perform sexually. Shame on both ends. You know, it's like it's shameful for a girl when I've been around so many guys who can't get it up, you know, due to my personality. And I always blame myself. Like there was a period where I thought something was seriously wrong with my vagina. Like I always blame myself. Like there was a period where I thought something was seriously wrong with my vagina. Like I had my friends look at it. I had them smell it. I was

like, is something off here? Because I need to know. And no, it had nothing to do with you, which you you're not, you know, struggling with. But yeah, if that's important to you, then you know, that doesn't sound like your guy. So end of story there. Yeah. And if all things fail, try men, you know, tell him, try a man. Oh, tell him to try a man. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Well, if all things fail, we can give him Bretman's, uh, give him Bretman's direct line. Yeah. And so he could just get in touch with him right away. Yeah. I'll squeeze it. Would you like to get your dick squeezed in Hawaii? Because we have the perfect candidate. Yes. Thank you. Thanks, B.

Yes. Well, our next question comes from D. And I didn't put those next to each other on purpose, but this is D. She's on the phone with us as well. She says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of seven years will not propose to me. We've had many conversations about it. We've both said out loud that we want to get married. He treats me incredibly well and we're best friends and very much in love. However, I feel like I'm watching him prioritize other pleasures before our future together. For example, he has a monthly marijuana bill that he won't give up and recently bought a PS5. Understandable. He's always been able to be present despite these indulgences,

and I never want to criticize his lifestyle, especially when I thought there was room for an engagement, too. I thought that the proposal process might be intimidating to him, so I tried to take the pressure off and suggested we get engaged as a team, pick out rings together and celebrate. He insisted that isn't the way it's supposed to be.

He told me to email him styles of rings I like, so I did. The first time I thought he might pop the question was in October when we took an overnight trip to a comedy show in Detroit. It didn't happen. I didn't realize how much a proposal disappointment would fuck with my head. It was brutal, but I kept my cool. Then when we exchanged Christmas gifts, the big gift I received was a speaker system for our TV. And I don't know why he thought a sound bar and subwoofer was a gift I would ever want or need. How do I stay calm and centered about this? And what the hell more can I say to convey how I'm feeling about this to him?

One more dashed proposal may take a serious toll on my mental health. D. Hi, D. Hi, D. Hi. Hi, D. This is Bretman and Catherine. We're all here for you today. Hello. It's so great to be speaking with you all. Hi. Okay. So you want to get married? Yes. So yeah, I was very angry when I wrote in, but somehow I did not completely go off on him. We got through the holidays together

and I sat down with him and I just said really blatantly, I am ready to be engaged. I don't see why we can't be engaged at this point. And I did suggest once again, to just do it together. Like it doesn't have to all fall on his shoulders. His response was he just had some car troubles and he didn't want to propose over the holidays because we're really busy. And his words were, it will happen soon enough. To which I replied soon enough is not going to work for me so um oh no it's it's okay so I said that wasn't going to work for me I really need to know that it's like a priority for you as much as it is for me so So he said, no, seriously, like it's a priority now. It's going to

happen soon. I promise. And after talking to him, like he's never said that much information about this topic before. So I did feel a lot better at that point. Okay. And how are you feeling now? Now I'm feeling good. I think I just need him to know, and I did say this, when you think a proposal is coming up and then like special dates happen and you go on a trip or something, like you think it's going to happen. And so I just, it's a real mind fuck. I was stunned by how much it impacted like my mental state. Right. OK, so is there a timeline where if he doesn't propose, you're done? No, I didn't make it like an ultimatum thing. Like I was really scared to bring it up, to be honest, because I don't want to sound like some kind of pressuring nag.

Yeah, no, I mean, it sounds like he's going to propose to you. I mean, and he hasn't said that much yet, right? Thus far, that was the most he said about it, right? The most committed he's been about it? Yes. Like we've talked about marriage, of course, like it wasn't really a question of whether it would happen or not. But he always like laughed it off before if it was brought up, like that was the first time that we had a serious conversation about it. I don't know if it's like because of the element of surprise that we never talked about it more in a less ambiguous way. But if I brought it up before, it was like kind of laughed off by him or just subject changed.

So that there's progress, right? In that conversation, it sounds like there is or has been. Yes, that was the best conversation we've probably had about it so far. And when was that? That was right around the holidays. Okay. Well, I think it sounds like it's going in the direction you want. I just think you need to relax a little bit. Your timeline isn't his timeline. You're not and you don't have you don't need to be on a timeline. You're young. You know, like it's a matter of months. I think we're talking about at this point. You know, if six months goes by and he doesn't propose, then yeah, then you need to give him an ultimatum. But I think what you said was perfect the way you put it like this is a priority for me. And not giving him ultimatum is really good you know that was strong you made yourself be heard he understands I don't think him buying a ps what is it called Bretman a ps47 ps6 is going to interfere that much five I think five I'm sorry I'm not straight so he doesn't So he doesn't know. He doesn't know. Bretman, what are your thoughts on this topic of marriage?

I'm kind of just like thinking about where, how he values marriage. Because for me, I come from like a very traumatizing marriage of like parents. And so the way I see marriage is different from other people. I'm also at the age where like all of my friends are getting like engaged and they're so excited about it. And it's like everything they ever like think of. And I'm just like, Oh my gosh, if I ever got engaged, I feel like I, I would say no, like, I don't know, I marriage to me kind of scares me sometimes. So it's so cool to see like that you're so excited for it. Because I think my parents ruined marriage for me. So I almost want to ask you, like, if he had bad experiences, like with

marriage, and if that's why he's kind of like scared to get engaged, or even the idea of getting engaged, like probably scares him. I don't know. We don't know where his mind's at. I think that's a really good point. I mean, we both come from divorced parents. So that definitely could be impacting him. I also wonder too, if again, the conversation was so ambiguous before, I wonder if I was more straightforward, like earlier on, like maybe we would be engaged right now, but I totally hear what you're saying. I think though that you were, listen, it doesn't matter what you did before. Like, don't blame yourself for this. Like you're playing in reverse and future instead of playing in the present. You put it out there with integrity. You said what you did without whining

or you said it like, okay, this is what's important to me and you've got to level up. And that is really dignified. So enjoy the moment that you're in, let him come to you and have it just a time period in your mind that is, that's not going to be work for you anymore. You know, if it gets past, say, six months and you want to say, listen, I told you what I needed. You didn't listen. And now we have to talk about like what what we're doing. Are we breaking up? Are we going to stay together? Because my future, this is what I want. I mean, are you willing to break up with him if he doesn't want to marry you? Is that something? I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it's a really good relationship. I wouldn't go so far as to say that right now, but it feels like

I know him really well. So now that we talked, like it, it feels like I know that it's coming. Whereas before I could tell that it wasn't coming. And yeah, I mean, again, it's a good relationship. So I don't I don't think I would go so far as to say that now. OK, OK, well, you've got all that. You've done everything you can possibly do. You just have to let it go and let it happen. Let him come to you.

I bet you he's going to do something really, really special for your engagement. And I bet you you're going to look back at all of the times where you were upset. Who wants to get proposed to in fucking Detroit? I mean, what are you talking about? You know, a comedy club in Detroit, that's not the right time for him to propose to you. Maybe he's also waiting to take you on Chelsea's comedy tour. That's where you get proposed to. Yeah, that's where you get engaged. Let's where you get engaged let's be real here oh my goodness that would be such a thrill and it'd be such a full circle thing and i'm

i only let gay people get engaged at my shows so we're very discriminatory at my shows but you know what i mean like your ideas and his ideas you're two separate personalities i tell joe this all the time because joe has a completely different person and he doesn't understand why like I don't get excited about anything he'll be like he gets excited to wake up in the morning and I'm like pipe down you know and he doesn't and I always have to go Joe I'm not you I don't fucking think like about you know I could say at two o'clock in the morning let's go I want to go ice skating he'll be like let's go like I will never have that reaction for him if he, let's go. I want to go ice skating. He'll be like, let's go. Like I will never have that reaction for him. If he says, let's go ice skating at two in the morning, I'll say, fuck you. Like I'm not going ice skating, but you have to remind yourself you're

two different people. You have two different like outlooks. You know, your outlook is not his, your imprint is not his and your life experiences are not his. So let him come to this. You've made yourself very clear. It's going to happen. Everything's going to work out. And just be proud of the way that you conducted yourself. And don't stop around and don't do anything else until it does happen. You know, don't have the expectations. Even if you go away for a night, don't put that in there. Just remember what you just told me.

This is a really good relationship. Enjoy being in it because so many people don't have that. Yeah. And also I would say communicate about stuff before it's like oh my god i'm going out of my mind about this like bring it up early get it out there start talking about it and also tell him that a subwoofer is not what you would have wanted tell him he needs to get you gifts for you not gifts that he wants himself yeah men are so fucking stupid with gifts i mean honestly i, my driver bought his wife a blender for their 50th anniversary. I had to take it away from him. Yeah, I had to go in. I had to get jewelry Blendtec if I hopped inside it and spun around myself.

But I'm assuming it wasn't because Billy just doesn't know what he's doing. But Dee, you also just have to remember one other thing. This is a great thing to remember to like use this experience moving forward. When you guys do get married and you start a family or whatever your dreams are, remember this. Because you had expectations you weren't sharing with him and then you did and you feel a lot differently now. So yeah, use this as a guide for your further communication in the future of this relationship. Absolutely. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. And let us know what happens. Keep us posted. Okay. Yep. Oh yes. I will definitely let you know when it happens. I'll send the cliche.

I said, yes, Instagram. Please do. And then we could have Bretman officiate the wedding. It'll be a slam dunk. No, you said finally, not yes. I love that. Thanks so much, Dee. We wish you a big surprise when it finally happens.

Thank you so much for having me on. I really admire your work, Chelsea. You're welcome, Dee. Nice to speak with you. Nice to speak with you. Bye, Dee. Bye. Miss Chelsea, you are so good at these advices.

Oh, my God. The way I would have been like, then propose to him. Oh, yeah. Well, most people are just calling in because they just need comfort, right? Don't you think? Yeah. I think so. They just want someone to tell them that it's going to happen.

Do you know how many times when something went wrong with a guy that I was dating or someone didn't call me or I hooked up with a guy and didn't hear from him, I would go around the world until I got every answer that I wanted, which who was from people who had nothing to do with my experience. You know, like those experience where you'd give somebody your number and then, and then you're talking to your girlfriend. She's like, maybe he lost it. Maybe, maybe he died on a bicycle accident on the way home from our date. Maybe he's dead. It's like, no, no, he's not fucking calling you because he's not interested. Stop creating bullshit around basic fundamentals. Yeah. And then you just pick the answer that you like.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. Exactly. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.

It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question comes from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for four years. We met working at a restaurant when we were in our teens, ran it together along with our friends until 25. We've had our ups and downs just like any other couple, but I know he's my person and we both feel that on a soul level. I recently went back to school for massage therapy and started working at a local coffee shop for a flexible, easy job to get me through. It's been great so far, but I'm the oldest employee. All the other girls are late

teens or early twenties. The other day, a coworker asked if I was bi. I wasn't offended or anything as I know I give off that vibe, but I nonchalantly said no. She stared at me a while, asked if I was sure, because her and another employee's gaydar went off when I first started and they wanted to ask me about it. They think that I have unlocked potential. I told them I don't consider myself anything but straight. It's not like I've never been attracted to women, but I've never experimented before, and it's not something I could fathom inside my current relationship. My boyfriend and I have talked about it in the past, but we're both uncomfortable inviting another person into our sex life. I'd be super jealous, and so would he. We both have

anxiety, and I think I'd be excited but freak out when it came time to get down to business. Neither of us want to share each other. Even in the situation he gave me a hall pass of sorts to experiment on my own, I'd feel as if I was cheating. I do watch girl-on-girl porn sometimes, but it's always when he's not around. He knows and doesn't seem bothered by it. My question is this. Are these young whippersnappers right? Even though I don't feel I identify at all with being bi, there is something there. It's just not something I can explore while in my current relationship. And while we aren't married, we plan to be together for the long haul. I can't imagine my life with anyone else. What do I do, if anything? Sarah. Well, first, I would say don't let two girls in a coffee shop convince you that

you're interested in fucking them when you're in a perfectly happy relationship just because they may be interested in fucking you uh that's the first thing i mean if someone comes up to you and says i think you might be attracted even if it were a man and said i think you love me and you don't know it yet what what's your response to that exactly and listen first of all i watch girl on girl porn too. I love girl on girl porn. Like that is where I'm at. And I'm not a lesbian but I've also been with women. Not in a relationship

but I've experimented with women sexually and everyone's a little bi. Of course you're a little bi. Honestly, even I am. Trust. Even I am. I had girlfriends. Yeah, exactly. Even Bretman is bi. I had girlfriends. Yeah, exactly. Even Bretman is bi.

Okay, so there you have it. Everyone's a little bit bi, but it's more of like you call this person your soulmate. Like that's then that's your answer. That's your guy. And these aren't feelings that were born in your mind. They were feelings that were brought to you by two people that you work with. And therefore, I declare them invalid. Bretman?

But also, like, Gen Z just loves calling everybody gay. So, honestly, it's just probably, like, the Gen Z-ness that's telling you that you're gay. Because everyone that's in Gen Z, like, swears everyone's gay. Honestly. So, yeah, don't listen to them. Yeah. I feel like Gen Z is the first generation that gets that it's just full sexuality is a full spectrum like it's just you know you can be in a straight man

and woman relationship but like that doesn't necessarily mean that you're not queer it just means like for somebody who does have those feelings it just means that like you did find your person but also like how do you look bi like you know what i mean beanies i think crocs crocs for sure like what is because like i feel like there's a gay look a lesbian look and everything between but what is a bi look you know well there's not going to be a look for bi in a 20 more years because everyone is going to be bi and it's going to be like you know like i could easily be turned on by a woman i could definitely be sexually turned on by a woman. I don't want to be in a relationship with a woman. I want to be in a relationship with Joe.

So like, yeah, you could fuck around and have sex with a bunch of people, but that doesn't sound like it's going to be good for your relationship, especially if you aren't bi yet. If you're straight and you start fucking around, it doesn't work well with straight people. They have to acclimate to that mindset. Yeah. And that's an open door policy. Wide open. Yes. So I think, Sarah, like keep watching Girl on Girl Porn and like enjoy your relationship. Yeah, watch your Girl on Girl Porn and think about those two baristas at your coffee place if you need to. But don't let it go any further than that. Perfect. Yeah. Don't you feel like everybody's bisexual? Oh, I absolutely do. This. OK, so this is a very interesting thing. So there's a young woman in

my life who is like middle teens, sort of exploring the dating world. And her dad, who is in his like mid 40s, he was sort of like, yeah, you know, she has a little girlfriend, but like, it's just a phase. And, and it felt so outdated to me to think about it as a phase when it's like, no, like she likes girls and, you know, we'll see where she winds up. But it just was interesting to me. Yeah. Well, I think anybody over 50, you know, any male over 50 that's white is usually doesn't understand what's happening. Like they don't women are a little bit more understanding of like, okay, things need to change. Whereas men are like, they just don't want to be a part of it that they don't even necessarily have a problem with it,

but they don't want to be involved actively. Right, right, right. Sort of writing it off. Yeah. And yeah, and that that's like, as soon as you think like, oh, this is too much for me to understand, you kind of have to be like, okay, listen, if you want to be a full person, especially if you have a child like that. I know it's they say it's hard for men to accept their daughters being lesbians. It's like, fuck off. Fuck the fuck off. It's hard for you. Why are you fucking your daughter? Who gives a shit? Exactly. Why do you have a problem like it's harder for men everything's so hard for men all the time yeah and it's also like being a lesbian is like

the safest relationship your daughter could be in like exactly what about you bretman when you came out did you come out to your parents or did they know i actually don't have a coming out story my mom always knew i was gay i feel like like when I came out, they're like, it's the gay. But yeah, my mom always knew I was gay. My dad always knew I was gay. But also like my grandma going back to her. She explained to my dad that I was like going to be gay. Like when I was super young. And so like she was like, if you mess with him, like you mess with me type of energy. So I have always been supported. Like my first time going to church, my grandma put blush on me and I swear I was like the cuntiest angel in there.

And so to be honest, I've always been supported. And it kind of transferred to like my family members, my cousin's daughter, who is gay now. She just came out and she came up to me. She's like, Uncle, I love that i had a gay uncle growing up because it was so much easier for me to like express myself because we all like her mom is like very religious and so she had a hard time with that but like now she's fine like she's out and proud and she is out and proud like younger than i was so that's Also, I a lot of like my family members are like gay men. So it's cute to have like a lesbian around finally. Everyone needs a lesbian around. Exactly. Yeah. But also

like I have a trans cousin that I grew up with growing up. And so I just grew up surrounded by like such loving, accepting people and people myself. How cool is your grandmother saying like, yeah, you see you fuck with him. You're fucking with me. Like that's great energy to bring in. I think I have reasons to believe that she like put a spell on her pussy

because she has seven kids and each one of them has a gay, has a gay, each one of them. So my dad has me, my dad's twin has a gay and then like so on like all her kids has a gay daughter or a son wow it's it's so weird and so she has like seven gay cousins I have seven gay cousins from my dad's side it was so from the moment you said I think something was there was a hex put on her pussy or something it was like deja vu it was like

I've had this conversation with you before and And you've told me that before, but you never have. I knew you were going to say that your brother, your father, his brother, twin brother, you said, right? Yeah, I even knew you were going to say twin brother. It was so deja vu. It was like, Oh, yeah. I don't think I told you that. No, you haven't told me that. No. I just grew up with too many of me. So I was just like. Grandma's here. Grandma's here telling us about it. Yeah.

Well, our next email comes from Alex. And by the way, Alex is 28 and the other person he's talking about here is 21. Alex says, I have a large problem. Like a large one. Oh, I thought he was going to say a large penis. I was like, let's go. I know. It seems like that's what he's saying. A large problem. Like a large one. Oh, I thought he was going to say a large penis. I was like, let's go. I know. Let's go.

A large problem. Like a large one. I've been dating my ex on and off for about three years. We've been together more than we've been apart. I've been struggling so much with possibly getting back together. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Yes.

I'm kind of, wait, what? You're dating your ex? Oh, this one, there's so many reveals. Are you dating or is that your ex? Like, bitch, are you dating or is that your ex? Pick, this one, there's so many reveals. Is that your ex? Like, bitch, are you dating or is that your ex? Pick one. The fuck? That is that is the crux of the issue here, Bretman. So I'm really hoping that you can help. We always say that we love each other. We just never worked because we're different people. Lately, through therapy, I learned that I have so much guilt

about being gay and having a relationship. This was the reason I broke up with him each time. We have both been dating other people, but at the same time having a friends with benefits relationship as well. We have said that we'll stop when someone starts dating someone seriously, but I'm not really actively pursuing anyone because I want to get back together with him. We're being very couple-y with our hangouts, like going on friend dates and sleeping in the same bed together, buying each other dinners, kissing, etc. We've had so many good conversations that we would never have had before when we were dating. I think it's because of the work I've done in therapy. I've been thinking about making a grand gesture, like rose petals, getting him a cat that he's always wanted. I'm allergic, by the way. Renting a suit. I mean the whole nine yards. At the same time, though, I don't want to mess up our

friendship or make it weird because we do live together. Oh, wait. I'm not sure I said that. We live together. What? He moved in in November. I love him so much, but I just don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to try this again if it's going to end the same way. What the fuck? They moved in together after they broke

up? I'm just having such a hard time knowing what to do. Please help, Alex. Is this a same-sex couple? Yes. I was going to say, that's the gayest shit I've ever heard. Oh, my God. Kissing?

The kissing is it. Once you're kissing somebody, aren't you together? And living together. And living together and sleeping with other people while you're with somebody. What is that? Oh my God. I sound like I'm judging you. It's low key.

I'm jealous, but also what is that? Low key, I am judging you. You need to get your shit together and fucking confront the situation. This is like dilly dallying and keeping everything in a gray area. And as long- Somebody needs to move out.

Or somebody needs to have a conversation and then you could maybe stay together and live together if they want to be together. Alex wants to be with him. Yeah. So we just have to find out if the partner, the ex-boyfriend who is- The partner ex, I could not get over that.

Well, yeah, yeah. They need to just, you have to nip this in the bud. And I don't, when people behave this way and don't face a situation head on, I get frustrated because you are, that's what I'm saying. You are postponing your reality. Yes. You are postponing your future. You are postponing your reality in the hopes that this person is going to come around. Maybe they've already come around. Just put it out there, have the conversation and also be ready to accept that it might not go your way. And then you have to find a new roommate.

Jesus. Yeah, it sounds like they kind of already are that couple that he wants to be. It sounds like they're completely in a relationship that they're living together. Like, are they living in separate rooms? I don't know the answer to that. But you know what I noticed too,

that there's actually like people out there who loves and thrive off like toxic relationships. I don't know if you guys watch euphoria, but it's giving like Maddie and Nate vibes. Like they know they're not good for each other, but they love the toxicness of it. Like that's what, that's what the relationship thrives off.

I don't just, I don't get it personally, but if that works for you, miss Alex, like he says, he doesn't get it personally. This is someone who got back together with his ex seven or eight times. I don't get it anymore.

So straight up. Yeah. Straight up. I used to get it, but you need to get your shit together, Alex, get your shit together. Okay. And treat this situation with dignity. And it's deserved to be treated with dignity. And skating around the issue is undignified. Just have a face to face conversation. Be prepared for the news that you don't want to hear even though it sounds like

you're already in a relationship with this person. I'm more confused than I was before you read that letter. So fuck it. Also, don't put the cat in that situation. Like, oh my god, that is my biggest advice. Yeah, if you want to be with this person, like don't get a cat that you're allergic to. Exactly. Like bitch, you're allergic to the person already. You're gonna get another thing you're allergic to girl. Yeah, my prediction is if you don't say anything and you get this cat, you're going to be the one looking for a new place because you're going to have a bad reaction to that cat and then nothing's going to go your way. So definitely don't buy, make any grand gestures until you get the answer that you guys are going to continue being in a relationship and it's official. You'll be alone with a cat. And nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be alone with a cat. And nobody wants that. Nobody wants that.

Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with Bretman and Chelsea. I need a fucking break after that convoluted email. I do. That shit got me fucking. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast. Our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back. We're back. Bretman had a pee pee break. He had a shower break. Do you have to do any pottery or anything? No, I just had to walk my dogs real quick as well. So yeah, I have two new dogs. Oh, do you have them? Can we see them? I have four dogs now. I don't have them. They're out right now. But I have like all the bulldog family. I have a pit bull terrier. I have a shorty bull. I have a pocket pit bull and a French bulldog. You know, French bulldogs are like all the rage right now. Really?

Well, not in a good way. People are stealing French bulldogs off of people in San Francisco because so many people have French bulldogs that people will go out and their dogs are being kidnapped and then sold on the black market for $10,000 or $15,000. People are buying French bulldogs that people will go out and their dogs are being kidnapped and then sold on the black market for 10 or $15,000. People are buying French bulldogs, French bulldogs. Yeah, that's I think, well, to be fair, I would I would probably dog not Bert and Bernice as well. So I do see where they're coming from. Well, by the way, you would have to because they have as little inclination to move as anybody as a vegetable so you would have you would have to kidnap them just like i have to kidnap them i would just dress up as your housekeeper honestly because they go to her well those are some big shoes to fill so we'll get we'll get you the right outfit yeah they're pretty fucking cute though my dogs oh they're so cute so fluffy i could i could

never get like hairy dogs i i don't know. Do you like have to like clean everything all the time? Well, I mean, like my short hair dogs, their hairs everywhere already. I can only imagine. Well, that's the thing. Some long hair dogs don't shed. They shed like twice a year. So these dogs actually don't shed that badly. It's short hair dogs shed more in some instances.

But my dogs know I don't brush their fucking hair. Let's be honest. I'm not doing any of that stuff. but they are getting that stuff done to them but last night Bert took a shadoobie in the kitchen and I know that was a sign that was saying fuck you because he doesn't ever go shadoobie at night it's only in the morning in the daytime but he went in the kitchen like left it in there because Joe came home late last night and I was already asleep and that was his way of saying there's too much commotion going on fuck Fuck this shit. He usually sleeps in the bed with me. But when Joe's there, I don't have him in the bed because Joe doesn't understand why dogs

are in the bed. He said, you can have it, whatever makes you happy. And I was like, well, Bert makes me happy. And he's like, yeah. So why don't you go fucking sleep upstairs and Bert can sleep down here. All I wanted to do is wake up with Bert's soft fur. You know, I want to put my hand down and feel that soft fur. That's how I want to wake up every single day. Yeah. Honestly,

I slept with my dog for the first time in like a couple of months. Cause the girl, she was always like doing stuff in the middle of the night, but like last night she did so good. Like we actually cuddled. I don't sleep with all of my dogs. I also don't want to wake up smelling like a dog every day. But yeah, I love my dogs. I'm such a dog person. Did you always have like dogs growing up Miss Chelsea? I always I yeah, we always had dogs always mutts and rescues, you know, like weird dogs that were just like half

wolf, half German Shepherd or some mixture. But I always loved chows because they look like teddy bears. And they are they look like real life bears that are just hanging around your house. They're so fucking cute. And I've had these dogs for I don't know how many long how many years but I just cannot they never become less cute. You know what I mean? They stay cute. A dog has to have such a shitty personality to become less cute. And I've met they stay cute a dog has to have such a shitty personality to become less cute and i've met dogs like that that dog oh yeah it's always the ankle biters always the ankle bite and the pomeranians like they're adorable when they're groomed and they have and then their personality sucks it's like you don't like anyone but your owner then i you

i have nothing for you so So and they they they get really old and they really look like they're decaying sometimes. Like, have you seen like really old, like small dogs before not to talk shit about them? But I'm just like, girl, put this girl out of her misery. Like her eyes are popping out like her tongue. Yeah, yeah. Out of her nostril. Like, oh my god. Yeah, sometimes you can put dogs down a little bit earlier, especially if they start to look bad. Yeah. My neighbor had a dog like that. And it was exactly like, exactly like you said, like, I think his eyes were gone. Like it couldn't walk. It was like, I think he said it was 19 years old, something crazy. And I like, I just was like, this, this dog is not having fun being alive. Like it's just not happy. There's no way the vet,

you go to the vet and they're like, he's totally healthy. Yeah. Well, Bretman, did you have a piece of advice you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Yes, actually I have, I need to ask for two advice actually, because I really admire Ms. Chelsea's work. I really do. And right now I am, I'm wanting to like write a book and I know you have like six bestsellers or who really is counting these days. So I would say like, how do you not run out of things to write about Ms. Chelsea? Cause I feel like, I feel like I don't even have anything to write about anymore. Oh, well you, well, if you're in the process of writing or getting close to finishing something, that's how you always feel. Like you'll never be able to write another thing or write anything, but just trust your life experience is what's

going to give you the material to always have something to talk about. Everything that's going on with you, you know what I mean? You're never going to run out of that. So just don't even put that in your head. Just know like there's more coming down the pike. You have like this huge, busy life. it's material every single day and when you get to a place where you're ready to go do it again you start to draw from all that and even when something great or a funny story happens to you or a funny experience or something outlandish or crazy just make sure you're right like make it like have a note section in your phone to write things down because you'll be surprised. All I need is

one sentence and I can write a chapter about it. And when you're a creative, that's almost everyone can do it. It's just that so many people don't try to do it. So writing a book is a very, I think, natural thing for anyone, especially anyone with a big personality who likes to share and likes to talk about themselves. It's no problem. What is your favorite book that you wrote? Like out of all the books you've written, like what is like the one? My most recent book would be Life Will Be the Death of Me, but it's always my most recent book. That's my favorite. That felt like it had my humor, but it also was deep and profound and it helped people. And it showed a side of me that I've grown up with my whole life,

but I didn't know no one else had seen. So it was really kind of nice to share that with my fans and people and have the reaction. So that's definitely my best my best work, I think. Love that. Oh, my gosh, wait, my my second advice, actually, I kind of already hinted it earlier, but I want to do a podcast with my sister. Like, do you have any tips for like, future podcasters? You know? Yeah, I'm not the only one. Well, you got to do it with your sister. I mean, who else would you do it with? First of all, you guys, I need me a Catherine, I need me a Catherine. I mean, just you have to look at it like this. People want more than what they're getting from you, right? They want to hear more between you and your sister. And you guys can get

someone like Catherine to kind of oversee it so that there's somebody moving the ship forward. Or that role can be played by your sister, certainly not by you, as you've demonstrated today, that you can't run a podcast. But just keep in mind, like people want more, right? They want to listen to more. They love the way you talk. They love the way you converse. They love the dynamic between the two of you so don't put a lot of pressure on yourself just go and have fun conversations with her you can pick any topics you want or not pick any topics at all and just shoot the and then when you feel like you want to add another layer add another layer but yeah just be like do what people love

from you which is talking i can't wait to build my set. I was thinking yellow velvet curtains. Oh, how interesting. We can just send you these. Okay. You need a new set of curtains anyway. Yeah. Oh, well, Bretman, you're just a delight as always. Oh, I'm going to hit you up when we come back to Hawaii. Please.

Oh my gosh. I'm bored. Yeah. No, we'll hang out. Yeah. You, me and Joe Coy. We're going to have a whole, we're bringing a whole gaggle of people there. It's on say gaggle. Oh, I saw I saw your new tour date, bitch. You better fucking give me a ticket when you get here. I'm

not fighting for the tickets. No, you'll get your own ticket. You'll get your own VIP box even though there aren't any of those green room please. I'm kidding. Batman. We love you. Thank you so much love you guys continued success in everything that you do and good luck with your new doggies thank you i need it aloha aloha mahal kita everybody we have new merch we have dear chelsea merch which you can order on my website chelseahandler.com and we have cute t-shirts and cute hats and yeah, go and get some. And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a

guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.