Dear Chelsea - Failure is the Best with Kelsea Ballerini

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Country music’s Kelsea Ballerini joins Chelsea this week to discuss how her parents’ divorce impacted her own, why divine timing requires patience, and the importance of being yourself.  Then: A father’s affair makes one bride wonder if he should be uninvited to the wedding. A Nervous Nelly wonders if it’s her intuition speaking - or her anxiety.   And a Floridian isn’t upset about her breakup… until a new woman is involved.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. Hi, Catherine. Oh, hello, Chelsea. Hello, listeners. I am currently in Matha's Vineyard with my family vacay,

and we have cousins coming. We have, I just got here, so I'm solo. And my family arrives and starts to ruin everything probably in four to six days. And I have my show coming up at the East Hampton Clubhouse, August 26th. So that's right around the corner. If you haven't got tickets and you're in East Hampton, get them. It's an intimate show and there are still tickets left. So I'm not really sure what that's about. But anyway, my family is coming. And we added some people.

I always like to add randoms into the mix on family vacations. Because my family is always like, who's coming? It's like, none of your fucking business. So yeah. But my cousins are coming this year. And my Aunt Gabby, who's my queen bitch in our family, she's the one who created the bitches in our family. Oh, I love it.

We blame her. I love it. She's very antisocial. And yet she wants to be with everybody. Yeah, she likes to be there, but she doesn't want to be in the mix. She wants everybody around her, just like my mom did. My mom would go upstairs and bring a liverwurst sandwich. It was, like, so gross.

I wouldn't even go into her bedroom when she had one of those until it was consumed. And she would just keep her door open. And my mom would just sit there and listen to us. She's like, the best joy in my life is to listen to my family. I'm like, but not be interacting with any of us. My dad is a little bit like your aunt where he, at family gatherings, like he loves to be there. But he wants to like sit quietly in the corner by himself and just sort of like watch everybody, which is, you know, just sort of weird dad move. But now my sister's husband, who is friends with my dad, he's kind of the same way.

So they just like sit quietly in the corner and like sometimes talk about lawyer stuff. I'm not interested in being quiet. Like, you know, if you're, I am, like I like to be quiet, but in solitude. But like when you're in a family gathering, we have too many people in our family that don't fucking talk. And they're not. No, really? Yeah.

Yeah. My sister's husband barely talks ever. My sister's son is very shy, but he's warming up at the tender age of 10 or 12 or 13. I'm not really sure how old he is. I have too many nieces and nephews to keep track, but he's not 10. But yeah, we have, there's a lot of quiet.

And I'm like, we need action. You know, we need action within the family. Chelsea, I stumbled upon an Architectural Digestive video of one of your home tours, like your old house, and you're like really into design and architecture. I'm into it. I like what I like. Yeah. I mean, I like, yes, I'm into it, but I'm not like somebody, you like somebody who's going to be designing their own furniture. Although I did design my new house in a way. Yeah, I'm into design. I like very specific vibe when I go somewhere and when I live somewhere.

So yes, I'm into soft contemporary. I like modern. I do not like traditional. That's not my vibe. Although my new house is kind of traditional. It is traditional, but we modernized it. So it's like it was white and then we painted it all black. My designer kept trying to take me back

down to traditional fixtures. And I'm like, that's just not the way that I like things. I don't like, how do I say, like, how can I describe? Boring? No, it's not boring because it's really nicely done in certain people's homes. It's just not my style. Like, I don't want it to feel family. I want it to feel bachelorette pad. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want it to feel like, okay, everybody gather around the dinner table. It's like, I don't sit at the fucking dinner table, you know? So that's not a main feature in my house, the dining room.

And I like it casual, but, you know, nice stuff. Yeah. And it seems like you like communal in a way of you like to entertain and I like openness I like everything to be open I like lots of glass I like a lot of black borders you know like the stain the chrome the stainless steel glass borders glass windows that have the black trim I love that yes but I need it to be sexy yeah do you think it's gonna be done by the time you come back I I'm homeless now. So, I mean, I'm just basically, I'm like on the lam.

I haven't had a home yet. It's supposed to be done in September. I'll be in Mallorca for the month of September. After this, I go to Mallorca after my show in the Hamptons. And then I come back and I do all my fall dates. So, if you haven't gotten tickets to shows in Columbus or Cincinnati or New York or D.C. or any of these fun places that I'm going. Get them.

And I'm really looking forward to getting back on tour. It's so nice to do my stand-up for three months and then take a three-month break and go back to it. It's the best way to do stand-up so that you never, for me, so I don't get sick of my own material. I mean, I can imagine you could burn out because you're so busy and it's like so draining to be traveling all the time, at least. Yeah, but now I'm on vacation. I've been on vacation for so long. My life has been so luscious. I'm so grateful.

Awesome. Okay, so our guest today is a personal friend of mine. I love and adore this girl. I shouldn't say girl. She's a woman. But to me, she's a girl because I'm so much older than her. She's a Grammy nominee and a CMA award-winning pop country artist. And an extended version of her new album, Rolling Up the Welcome Mat,

came out this week. Please welcome Kelsey Ballerini. Oh, oh, oh, there's my Chiquita Banana. Chiquita Banana. Hi, friend. Oh my God. Welcome home from that vacation. Thank you. It was a nice little break. Tell us about your vacation with Kenny Chesney. If you didn't have your new boyfriend there, I would have thought you and Kenny had become a couple. FYI. That was a hot take for a minute. That was not true. Kenny's he's become my brother which sounds insane but I'm from Knoxville he's from Knoxville and I grew up listening to him so I had a song about my hometown a couple years ago called half of my hometown and I just like out of the blue called him I was like will you be on the song he said yes and just through that we became really good friends. And then I toured with him this last summer and we just

became family. And so he took me to his house, which house isn't even the right word. It's just like he owns like a full mountain range. A mountain range. It's wild. This is Catherine, by the way, my co-host. Hi. Hi, Catherine. So Kelsey and I became friends because our names rhyme. And that was what brought us together. Off the topic, I wanted to ask you something about the country music industry, because every time I go to Nashville, I actually performed in your hometown recently, Knoxville, and it was the most fun ever. I mean, all the cities in Tennessee, I had the best time. I went to Dollywood. I performed at Graceland. I was like, oh, my God, I was getting the full Tennessee treatment. I was like, oh, my God, if I go to Tennessee and come out of this alive, it'll be a miracle.

And then I did. And they were the best audiences. Like I just every time I go to a community or a part of the country that I think is going to be like, you know, resistant, I end up having the best shows. That makes me so happy. Yes. Well, so I guess my question is, so every time I go to Nashville, which is, you know, usually I warm up my tour there. I always go to Zany's Nashville and the music community just shows up in droves to my shows. And it's so sweet because I don't know all of these people, but I know some of them.

And I want to know, like, I know you have a lot of friendships within the music community, but it feels like a much more supportive community than, say, Hollywood and actors and actresses. What do you think about the support that you get from other country stars? Would you say that that's kind of the attitude across the board or what? Yeah, there's a lot of camaraderie. I mean, I feel like the last few years, just like every other part of pop culture, there's definitely been more division. People kind of pick teams and sides on things. And you've seen that in country for sure. But yeah, I mean, like I look back, I put out my first single to radio nine years ago. And kind of the biggest turning points of my career have been mostly the women, some men, mostly the women that I grew up on turning around and either reaching out their hand and being like

hey come share my stage with me or calling me out of the blue and being like what do you need how are you feeling let me give you advice and that to me is the most telling part of like the country music that I grew up on that I was like I stars in my eyes I want to be part of that it was the warmth in the community that I felt when I was listening on the radio. And that has translated to me. I mean, there's still like competitive energy. I think there has to be. Listen, to be successful, you have to be competitive. That's just the way it is. And it's really nothing actually to be ashamed about. It's actually part of the motivation. It's when you're jealous or envious and you let that come out more so than being just healthy competition. And so, yeah, I've really had to retrain my brain to go, am I feeling competitive with

myself or in a healthy manner with kind of where I'm at in my career and in the game? Or am I feeling jealous because, you know, historically there's only been three spots and there's 30 of us and we all deserve it. So like I'm having to like undo a lot of the things that I've said in the last 10 years feeling really. Yeah. But it's also something to remember that it is like a human, it's a totally natural human emotion. It's what you do with it. You know, you can use it as a motivator or you can use it as a divider. And it's like, oh, the people that learn that quick, more quickly, you're better off because you can get consumed by another person's success if you're not where you want to be. For sure. I had seasons of that too, but I don't know. I feel like I've

just recalibrated my life the last three years really. And I feel like I got to kind of shed that skin because I still, I've pinned a lot of that on my youth. And I feel like the last few years I shed that skin. Yeah. The last time we saw each other in person, you and I were both broken up with our significant others, but we didn't tell each other because we were both, you're like, how's Joe? And I was like, great. Meanwhile, we were broken up because I was hosting guest hosting Jimmy Kimmel. This was almost a year ago. And Kelsey was on and I was like, how's yours? And she was like, great. And we both were just like, we just couldn't even tell each other because it wasn't public on my end and it wasn't public on her end. And now we're a year out and you're in a new relationship with your adorable boyfriend, Chase, and you seem happy as a pig and shit.

So I want to say I'm happy for you. And I want to ask you, what is it about this relationship that is making you so ebullient? Oh, my gosh. Well, I was wondering if you were going to bring that up because we haven't talked about it. But I think about that often because like I would consider us friends. Like we've offline, we've hung out, you and I.

And it was so funny to me that we both went into our public personas. To give it context, we weren't hanging out alone. I had Kelsey on as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel and Joe and I literally had broken up like the night before I started guest hosting so I wasn't telling anyone really except because I was like I was just still just trying to focus on the job at hand and you and we were backstage and it was a moment if you and I had been to dinner or something we I'm sure we would have been a little bit more honest but yes we went into pure Hollywood mode I didn't my thing that week was I didn't want

anyone at on staff to know that I had broken up with Joe because I didn't want them to feel like I needed special you know what I mean I didn't want I just I work best when I'm under pressure and I have to hide something. You're an entertainer, folks. Yeah. I, you know, to be honest with you, I don't even think, I think I was still kind of in my turmoil. Like I hadn't even gotten to the place of like hitting the breaking point yet. But I'd say, yeah, my life's a lot different than last time we hung. And thank God. I just feel like making that decision for my life was really daunting and scary for a lot of reasons. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and I'm an only child and just navigating that was traumatic. And then also like growing up in the South, growing up super religious, all these things, being in a relationship with another public person in my

industry, like all these things were telling me, like, just figure it out, stay where you're at. But everything in my heart and soul and body was like, this isn't it, you know? Yeah, good for you for following through on what you need. I mean, and you're very young to be able to even make that, especially being in the spotlight, like it adds a whole dimension of pressure. I mean, you and I have spoken about it and I'm like, just, you know, I'm always telling her now that I'm older, like be yourself, like you're only going to get rewarded for being yourself. I was saying this to Drew Barry more recently because I don't know if you saw her New York magazine cover, but like she's, you know, the talk show, she's finally being rewarded after probably so many notes and so many people telling her how to do it, how to behave, how to be less of herself on TV.

And guess what? The only thing that works is to be yourself. Drew does want to sit on your lap and touch your eyeballs. That's who she is. And so now the fact that the whole world gets to see her shine because of her effervescence and because of truly like her personality is so much more meaningful than succeeding in somebody else's shoes that you're pretending are your own. Yeah. Yeah. It's the, I kept going back to the quote, the right thing and the hard thing are usually the same thing. And so when you honor yourself and you do the hard thing, that is the right thing.

I mean, my God, I, I could tell you a million stories just in the last eight, nine months of just life, God, the universe, whatever you believe in, rewarding me and making it very obvious. And it's just been great. And I'm super happy. I love that. I love that. Can you share one of those stories with us? Oh, God. Yeah.

This is my favorite. So I lived a couple of years ago when COVID hit. I was downtown and this area of Nashville called the Gulch. It's like right between Music Row and Broadway. And it was nice because I was throwing all the time. My ex was throwing all the time and it was easy to just shut the door and leave it. But then COVID happened and it was like a ghost town and felt apocalyptic. And I have a dog. I was like, it's time for some green. I need an EDR. So I started looking for a house and I'm such a gut girl. I will follow my gut into the depths of the universe. I don't care if I'm wrong.

I just, I believe in trusting it. And I found this house. And before I walked in the door, I was like, this is the house. This is the house. And long story, very short, didn't get the house, bought a house 0.9 miles down the road and another artist who was going through a big life change bought the house so in fast forward two years I am having you know I'm going through a divorce and I just cold texted this artist and I was like I don't know if you ever knew it was me bidding against you but it was and I've always loved this place if you ever thought about selling it would you let me know two weeks later I found my dream home are you serious about the house and long story short it's my house now oh I love that yeah it was just like it wasn't meant to be

mine then it was meant to be mine now and like this new chapter so just like stuff like that over and over again yeah it's always interesting when you like look at timing of things, right? It doesn't work out the way you want it to. Or what's that saying? Like God doesn't come when you want him to, but he comes just on time. I mean, I don't really subscribe to the God, but I understand that it's like

the universe does have your back. Like things are working in your favor in ways that are unseen and that we'll never understand. You just have to trust it. Like you have to trust in it right which is a big leap sometimes and I know that this your most recent album is a testament to that because I know you've had like experiences where you've been kind of directed about what kind of music you should be putting out versus exactly authentically what you want to say and your breakup and everything that's happened in

your life led you to want to say okay this is what I want to put out and now you're being celebrated for your music for that very reason as well yeah it's it's the same thing you were just talking about with Drew you know I've always tried to be a commercial country artist but I also like I grew up on a farm in East Tennessee but my first concert was Britney Spears and so I'm like well how do I how do I do this because I want to write music that feels good to me. And I think it's country. Some people don't, whatever, but I always wanted to fit in a lane, which is a country artist. And I do, I, I always will ding my heels in here, but I would write with people that would kind of keep me in the lines, you know, and that kind of stuff. And then this last project, Rolling Up the Welcome Mat, it had nothing to do, it doesn't even count on my record deal.

It doesn't count towards my label. It was truly just a me project for therapy. And it's been the most successful thing I've ever put out. And so it's caused me to recalibrate in such a major way of like my artistry, the way I share what I want to share with the world all of it I'm like oh man I I need to care less about what it sounds like if it rhymes correctly all the things that I've told myself that make the craft good and just write the truth more you know and what do you mean it doesn't count towards your record deal like what is it I mean it's under the same label right but it doesn't count about what in terms of what you owe them. Right? Yeah. Like it's an extra that you just did. Yeah, I can't copy that. Just in case I want to get into the music industry, everybody. I know

everybody's waiting for me to come out with a country rap album. I can just see it now. So can you tell me about some of the things about Chase that make you so happy to be in this relationship or the things that bring you back to like your childlike self that make you giggle and like feels silly and I feel like I get to be silly again and I've had that in my friendships and my female friendships for years and they've always kind of been my refuge when I don't feel that in my whole life but I have that very much so with him and that's been really really beautiful to reconnect to that part of my relationship. I mean, I could tell you a million stories. He's the best. We talked for a month and then we met. And as soon as we met, it was like we were in it. And the second time we ever hung out, he asked me to be his date to a wedding in Charleston. And I was like, fair enough. I

guess we'll figure out really quick if we travel well together, if I like your friends, like all these things. I was in Nashville, he was in LA. And I had sent him Rolling at the Welcome before it came out because I'm like, you're going to ask about this. So here you go. And he messaged me and he was like, hey, I was thinking maybe I could fly to Nashville before Charleston. That way you don't have to fly by yourself. And I know like your dog means a lot to you. And I know you just got in your new house that you really love.

I'd love to meet your dog and whoever else you want me to. And then we can fly together. That way, like you don't have to plan it. You don't have to think about it from context clues. Well, I'm attracted to him now. I know. And he's hot and he's nice and he loves his mom. Yeah. Yeah. That's very cute. That's cute. You know, that's what I mean. It's nice to be pursued in that way. Also, as a woman, you know, like everyone knows people constantly are now like

I'm hearing these arguments from my friends going on dates about like chivalry and men are like, well, we'll just split the check. You know, now that women want equal rights. It's like, wait, wait, what? Like they're still dating and courting and like, come on, you would do that in a same sex relationship. Somebody would take the lead. Like it doesn't have anything to do with that. Don't take that shit away. Like how hard is it to be on a date and somebody say, let's split the check. It's like, no, fuck you, asshole. Like, I mean, if I'm on a date with somebody who actually that's not true because I sometimes pick up the check. It's like, no, fuck you, asshole. Like, I mean, if I'm on a date with somebody who, actually, that's not true because I sometimes pick up the check before the man could get it. But no, I wouldn't do it on a date situation.

It's not usually when you just want to get out of there. Yes, exactly. When they're like, oh, where's the check? I'm like, got it. Let's go. Got it. Yeah. I made that.

I did that in New York recently. I was on a date and I was like, no, this is no longer a date. And the check was taken care of. Throw the card down. care of right away. I feel like one of the most important milestones was literally having like my mom and my father tell me seriously, like how impressed they were with my drive and my success. And I feel like that is one of those seminal moments when you do make it and you start to really feel the success to hear it from the people that raised you. What did your parents

have to say about your success? It's interesting because my parents are really different. My mom moved me to Nashville when I was 15 to pursue music, which was like her uprooting, her life, her friends, all that to get me here. My dad's still in Knoxville. So my mom was she's walked this much closer with me, you know, this whole journey. She used to like drop me off at meetings or co-rides or whatever. So my dad's farther removed from like the intricacies of this whole thing. But he sees the big moments where my mom's kind of seen the whole thing. And I invite them to different things, mainly for my own mental health. I can't handle them in the same room. And so I think because we're both, I would say workhorses, like I like to be head down and go all the time.

There are not many moments that make me slow down and look up. But a lot of the ones that have are because my mom or my dad are in the room and I know that they're watching it yeah one was when I got inducted into the Grand Ole Opry I was like the newest member the youngest member and my mom was there and I just knew she bought me tickets for Christmas one year when we still lived in Knoxville to go to the Grand Ole Opry one year you know like that full circle moment I was like to be able to share that with her made me look up being able to go back to my hometown where my sweet dad was like, yeah, go you're 15, but I get it go and play a hometown show and like have him be there and like walk around like the mayor because he was so proud. Like that was the moment that made me look

up. So I definitely feel like the big pillar moments so far have had them in the rear. Yeah, it's much more meaningful when you have somebody in the audience. I know you don't have siblings. I have so many. So those moments happen a lot. But it's nice to know, like, when you have someone special at the show, like that you're performing for them, you know, like, you're like, look, look, I peak mark so big, especially when my friends are there. Like I have like just a group of girlfriends that I'm so ride or die for. And when one of them come out to a show, I mean, I strut a little stronger. Totally. That's so true.

Okay. So we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. And we're going to take some callers, okay? I'm ready. So put your therapy hat on, girl. It's coming. I'm Jason Alexander. And your therapy hat on, girl. It's coming. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk

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Lucky us. Well, our first question comes from Harriet. She's not on the phone. This is just an email. Harriet says, Dear Chelsea, basically, my father's dating a woman who's married and has a whole other life in another province. Province. That means Canada. My father is aware and they've been together for about six years. Obviously, the father's aware if she has a family. If you're aware, the father's aware.

I don't respect it, but I am a person who works very hard to keep the peace. I recently got engaged to my partner of 10 years, and his family is very religious. My family is the opposite. I do not want my dad bringing his quote-unquote girlfriend to my wedding. My partner's family is very interested in others' lives and ask a lot of questions to people they meet, so I know they'll ask about her life. My mom is remarried and obviously will be bringing her new husband. My dad is very sensitive, so I know he won't want to be alone, but he's also very social and has many friends who could attend with him. Basically, how can I keep the peace, get my dad's girlfriend not to attend, and not make anyone feel bad?

Please help Harriet. First of all, your dad's girlfriend not to attend and not make anyone feel bad. Please help Harriet. First of all, your dad's girlfriend should not attend. She's married with a family and that's all you have to say to him. That is not acceptable to be flaunting in front of a whole group of people. I think if there's one person that's acceptable to offend, it would be your dad on this one. You've got to throw a boundary down. It's your day. Don't offend yourself and don't offend your partner. It's your moment. You're going into a new chapter of your life. You can't bring that in. That's fine. And also, I know it seems like there's billions of people in the world, which they are, but when you're dealing with communities

like that, him bringing his girlfriend, everyone is going to find out at some point that she's married to someone else. There could be a chance that somebody at the wedding knows her. And then what the fuck are you going to do? You don't even know every single person who's probably coming to the wedding who's bringing a plus one. You don't know one person. You don't know if every person doesn't know this woman or won't connect the dots or won't figure it out. Like it's too dangerous of a situation. And all you have to do is position it to your father as, first of all, this is something that I don't want overshadowing my special day. I don't want your affair that is illicit. She's married to another person. I'm not,

I don't support that. Obviously, I want to keep the peace, but this is my day and I need you to respect it. And that's it. Like he can't argue with you about your wedding day. And if he if he doesn't really respond to that, this might be going for the jugular, but also saying you clearly don't respect the boundaries of a marriage. You clearly don't respect what that means. So why would I want that energy in that room when I'm trying to start that? Great, great point. Exactly. Boom. Yeah. And I think even be specific about which one of your dad's friends you would want to attend with him. Like, I love, you know, quote unquote, Uncle Larry, whatever.

Why don't you bring him? That would be, you know, he'd be great to have at the wedding. He's not already invited. Whatever. And he'll have plenty to do. He's the father of the bride. Like, he's going to have plenty of people to interact with. And, you know, it's not your, this is your day.

Do not forget that. This is the only day you get. Don't let it be besmirched by something like tawdry like that, you know? If he wants to have an affair with a married woman, fine, great. But not at your wedding. Agreed. Our next question comes from Jessica. Jessica says, Dear Chelsea, I'm not sure if I need your advice or if I just need to be talked off the ledge. I just ended my six-year relationship. It was one of the healthiest

breakups I've ever had. We entered the relationship knowing that I don't want to have kids and he is the fifth generation in his family, so he's decided that he needs to have a son at some point in his life. Since ending the relationship, I've found the perfect place to live, started a new job I love, and have grown closer to my friends and family. I feel so free and I know us breaking up was the right decision. Now here's the problem. We haven't even been broken up for two months and he's apparently dating someone new and someone I know. I found out because the girl he's dating posted a piece of furniture from his house on Facebook Marketplace for sale. Eventually, one of our mutual friends admitted that they are in fact dating, and it seems like they'll be moving in together very soon. Am I crazy to feel like I'm boiling over with rage about this?

I don't really feel like I'm jealous, just pissed off. We've known this girl for a long time, and it feels like she was waiting for the second we broke up to pounce on him and move into the house we lived in together. Do I even have a right to be mad about this? I want to act like I don't care so badly, but it's hard. We have a lot of mutual friends, and I know I'll see him soon. And I do have a temper and honestly don't really like holding my feelings back. I'm concerned that when I see him, I might freak out or at least throw around a snide remark or two. Even though it didn't work out between us, I really did love him.

And with him moving on so fast, it makes me feel insecure about how he felt about me. How should I control myself when I inevitably run into him? I'm ready for any sage wisdom you're willing to give. Thanks, Jessica. Well, luckily, I've been through this exact same situation hi Jessica hi how's it going hi cutie this is Kelsey Ballerini our special guest today amazing hi great to meet you both of you hi that's so annoying first of all it's so fucking annoying to spend six years with somebody and then find out that two weeks later that they're dating somebody else. Was it two weeks or two months?

It was two months, but they basically started dating right after I just found out two months later. So, like, it pretty much was immediate. I just found out a little bit later, which was lovely. Okay, well, this exact situation happened to me. Not exactly, but very similar. I dated somebody for four years. I broke up with them. And two weeks later, they were moving in with someone else. So I understand exactly how

you feel and good fucking riddance because that is not the person for you. That says everything you need to know about that person, everything you need to know. And as you said in your letter, you knew you made the right decision. You're in a new place. Don't let his weakness throw you off kilter. Now you have the full picture of the fact that the decision you made was absolutely the right decision. Just him being with someone. And of course there are feelings. And if you want to make a snide remark, fucking go ahead.

Who gives a shit about that? You know what I mean? It is silly. But he would take a lot of pleasure in you being jealous about it. So remember that, you know, if you let him, if you let him see your jealousy, then he'll be like, oh yeah, I got her. So it's up to you. But I mean, you absolutely made the right decision in every way, right, Kelsey? Don't you agree? Yeah. The whole, there was so much positive affirmation in the beginning of that letter. I was like, there's no advice here. And then I was like, oh, my question is, are you close with the girl

still? So I was never really good friends with her. They actually, I know her through mutual friends. And then he started hanging out with like another friend group towards the end of our relationship. And she's in that friend group, right? So honestly, when we first started dating six years ago, they were kind of hanging out. And I think he kind of stopped talking to her than was dating me. So he's always been a little questionable. It just is unfortunate that we spent that much time together. And now he's dating the same girl or like she was hanging out. I just feel really weird about it all so I don't know well your feelings are valid I would just say like find a safe friend and or scream into a pillow because that is annoying that's super annoying and like low-key a little bit shady

but yeah what Chell said like it's you're exactly where you need to be thank god like to be with someone for six years and move on in two weeks, there was a disconnect. There was a bigger disconnect that happened. And the first page and a half of your letter said that you are happier where you are now. So just scream into a pillow, talk to a friend, and then stand in the place that you're at right now. Yeah. And if you see them, you know, what would really even drive him more mad is to be happy

for them to go go I'm so happy that you guys found each other I'm glad to hear that you're together even though it's a lie and you don't feel that way that takes all of the emotion out of it and you're going to walk away feeling so fucking good about yourself better than if you make a snide remark you're going to feel empowered you know you're going to tell your friends the truth, but he wants you to be upset. You know, you left him because you didn't want to have a child. So obviously he can't be alone. This is so many men cannot fucking be alone and they can't even be apart.

Whereas women, we're alone and we're so happy. We're like, oh, thank God we have this minute to breathe. And men are just kind of weak like that. And like, if anything, it's like, I know it hurts your feelings, but it won't for very long. I promise you're already like past the bad part of your breakup and all of that. You're not going to be upset for a while and it will be empowering for you to just when you're able to see them kind of give them your blessing. I'm glad you said that because I've been battling like I have a feeling I'm going to see them. Florida is weird and small. So it's like I know I'm going to bump into them at some point. And I go back and forth like I want to have a confrontational moment just

to be like, this is really disrespectful to me as a person. Right. But I do want to kind of just continue on because I'm not upset. Like you said, I'm not like sad the relationship's over. I know we ended it because I didn't want a family. And that's apparently the only thing he needs in life. Yeah, because he doesn't want to be alone. So he needs a family. Yeah. So I think you're right. I just need to kind of like move on. It's so hard to hold that reaction in. And that's actually why I reached out because I'm like, I know you've been dealing with the reactivity and I'm like, oh, just take a breath. Don't acknowledge. It's probably the best way to handle it. But it's hard sometimes.

It's of course it's hard. And thank you for not saying reactionary because people keep saying that. And that's a Civil War reenactor. It's reactivity, not reactionary like that. People don't understand what that word means. First of all, you should get out of Florida as soon as possible. But in the meantime, like I think, listen, I'm looking at your face and I'm looking at your vibe and your energy and you're positive and you're upbeat. Like don't belittle yourself by even saying anything negative to them. Obviously talk to your friends and just deal with it on your own. And when you have these feelings, one of the most powerful things you can do is to sit with negative feelings and let them work through your body instead of trying to stuff them away or distract or deflect.

If you literally sit and think about how icky this is, you will be amazed at how quickly that feeling goes away. Totally. And yeah. And then, you know, I had my friend say to me once, like, do you want to be on your highest like soul path or do you want to be down like you can let people take you down by reacting to their negative behavior or you can just be on a higher path and rise above it and actually when you do interact with them be you know be as nice and fake or whatever it takes to make sure that they know that they didn't get you or that he didn't hurt you in that way and I promise you when you because that's really the right thing to do anyway. It doesn't matter. It's not your business

anymore. He's not your boyfriend. He doesn't have to protect you in the breakup. So you wish you would, but anybody who gets together with somebody that quickly isn't worried about protecting you. They're worried about themselves. So I think you're going to be pleased with yourself if you just get to your higher soul path, so to speak, and just do the right thing, you know, and not be a cunt and just be cool. I have to say the petty part of me wants to do both. I know, I know. It's so hard. But you have to understand it's an impulse. That's an impulse when you want to say something to somebody. It doesn't mean it's right. It's just an impulse. And it feels good, but it doesn't feel as good as taking the higher road that's true it doesn't last as long that feeling yeah you can walk away and then say the petty part to your

friends afterward right it's really easy to be petty with him because i don't know what's going on but he like turned 30 and then got a mullet and dyed the tips of the mullet blonde and i just really truly don't know like what in the world is happening so I'm happy that's not the section of him I got, but it does make it a little bit easier. It's bizarre. Onward and upwards, baby. Seriously. Not the mullet with blonde tips.

No, no, no, no. Not going to cry over family anymore. No more. No. I know that's some real Florida shit, but it is happening. How long, but within what time frame did he get that mullet and frosted tips after you broke up with him? It was transitioning into a mullet towards the end.

And then we frosted the tip, like, right when they started dating, I think. Okay. So I really, just be happy that this is over. You know what I mean? Yeah. You dodged so many bullets. You dodged a lot of bullets. And just be happy that you're free.

Be happy that that's not you with him. Be happy. I appreciate it. Yeah, that's great advice. I definitely think keep it inside. Let them live their lives and kind of move onward and upward, like you said. So I appreciate it. Awesome.

Thanks, Jessica. Thanks for calling. Thanks so much. Great to meet both of you. Bye. See ya. Isn't it funny to see how happy people are when they break up? I mean, she was just so happy.

And she's not even, she's upset about this, but she's not really. She wasn't upset. I know. She's got the post-breakup glow. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Gina.

She is calling in from Wisconsin. She says to you, Chelsea. Two months ago, I quit my soul-sucking job at a Big Four public accounting firm. I felt so empowered by leaving, and I thought it was the perfect time to do something I truly love, architecture and design and exterior design. Not sure about you, but I just about orgasm every time I skim my architectural digest mags or scroll through the hundreds of design accounts I follow on Instagram. I didn't pursue it in college because I was afraid of the risk of job insecurity, sucking at it, and ultimately not making any money. My question lies between two different life paths. One, getting a remote, lonely accounting job that I may not see

much growth in as I don't plan to pursue the CPA like my dad wants me to, but gives me flexibility to travel or potentially buy an old home I can fix up myself. Or staying in my hometown, getting a lower paying accounting job and attending community college to get an associate's degree in interior design. Although I've been looking at programs to pursue elsewhere. I'm horrible at making decisions and take everything into account to the point where I stay stagnant. But I need to get a move on because I'm 26 and already started late. Recently, I've been living by the lines of everything happens for a reason and you are where you're supposed to be. Yet here I remain, unemployed, living in the room I grew up in. Would love your suggestions. Sincerely, Gina. Hi, Gina. Hey, how are you? Good. This is Kelsey

Ballerini. She's our guest today. Hi. I know a song or two, I think. I bet you do. Your country, Brett. Yeah. I'm going line dancing tonight. So if you're noticing, which you're probably not. I love that. Big yeehaw energy. What's the name of that single?

The most recent single, Kelsey? If you go down, I'm going down too. Yeah, because I was hearing it on the radio and I hadn't heard it before. This was a few months ago and I was like, oh my God, it was so fucking good. I'm like, that sounds like Kelsey. Maybe, I don't know. It's hard to keep track. Anyway. Okay. So to your problem, excuse us. Sorry. I feel very passionately about following your passion and whatever it is that you are most passionate about. 26 years old is nothing. You have time to explore. And I don't think staying in an accounting job that just gives you the freedom to get a house you're going to like and fix that up. That sounds like a B plan, not an A plan.

Right. Yeah. I've kind of just gone with what my parents kind of expected of me. Yeah, but don't do that. That's not important. I'm going to make excuses, but I don't want to say I'm the pride and joy of family, but it's like I have to, I'm at this pedestal. It's like I have to have that stable, steady job that, you know, is the nine to five sort of thing that's going to have the 401k, all this bullshit stuff. It's not bullshit, but it's like it's what's expected. So I have to be that person. I feel for my mom.

Just to clarify, is that more of an expectations thing or is it like you're actually providing for your folks and your other siblings? I guess it's the expectation. I don't know if it's my purpose to be like their role model. I have a twin sister, so like she's kind of doing whatever she wants. I love how she's living, but. I think you do love how she's living because you're taking on the responsibility that she's not taking on as the oldest. She's older than me. By a minute?

Three. Okay. Well, listen, it is not your responsibility to fulfill your parents' dreams. That's not why people have children, even though people get confused and it becomes Well, listen, it is not your responsibility to fulfill your parents' dreams. That's not why people have children, even though people get confused and it becomes very obfuscated. It is not your reason for living to make your parents happy. That's what their life is for. You know, you have to search for your happiness because I have to tell you, when you really are true to who you are, the rewards, it's abundance.

Like, rewards come your way when you follow your true dreams. I mean, look, Kelsey and I were just talking about this, you know, she's doing everything she wants to be doing. And you're probably happier than you've ever been, Kelsey, right? Yeah, but I did have to make the decision to not do what was expected of me. And I think two things. I think I really would love to believe in my heart of hearts that your parents just actually want you to be happy. And I think they've probably projected what they've known to be sustainable to them in their life onto you. That doesn't have to be what you choose. And at the end of the day, you have to take the fear of failure out back. Failure sometimes is like the best thing, but you have to jump to know, you know, and like 26, I'm 29 and my life is unrecognizable in three years from where I was at 26 because I decided to change it. And you just have to open up to what you know is right for you because I listen to this podcast all the time I'm such a giant fan and one thing both Catherine and Chelsea talk about all the time is like we know what's right if we're

in tune with ourselves we know what we're meant to do we know like the next step we know like there's this little gut feeling that I have that I need to shift here like and it sounds like you know so just trust yourself trust yourself don't be to fail. And don't be scared to disappoint your parents because at the end of the day, you're not honoring your knowingness right now. And your happiness is pursuing what's going to make you feel fulfilled. And at the end of the day, I really want to believe your parents want you to be happy. I think now kind of the goal is not the goal is to disappoint them, but the goal is to to do the opposite, do what I want to do and not fear so much about what they or their friends think because it doesn't matter. And it's just going to keep me more unhappy than where I am.

Luckily, I've really come to know myself and become the person that I want to be. It's just finding where I belong and what's really going to push me out of that box even farther. But I think you describe like what your passion is, you know, which is design, architecture, you're interested in all of those things. And it's a good example to set for your younger siblings and your family anyway. It sounds like you're going to have a conversation with your parents about it anyway because of your close relationship with them. But, you know, in speaking with your parents, it's like, I have to go after my dreams.

Like I have to, I'm going to support myself while I pursue my dreams. This isn't a reflection on, or this isn't an indicator that you're going to have to start supporting me or I need your financial help, right? You can do all of this on your own, correct? Yes. Yeah. So there's really not any input from them that has any merit in my opinion, because you're not living your life for them. And there's so many regrets that

come with that. And so many people who are older that didn't go pursue their passion. And now they're 45 and 46 and looking at what you're looking at. So you have to take your age into consideration. There is no bad decision. You're going to succeed. You know what I mean? You just have to make a decision. When you say you're bad at decision-making, the key ingredient to making a decision is making one and going for it. You know what I mean? It's not one is going to be the best or the other. It's like, what do you feel is your purpose? And it's very clear that you know, and I have identified what that is. And by the way, that's a huge advantage too. So many people don't even know at your age what they want to do or where they want to be. So I think you should look at it in terms of setting an

example for your younger siblings and for your sister, your twin, and even for your parents. Like I'm doing this my way. I'm going to go after my dreams. And support yourself by going to community college and studying design. I think that's a great idea. And I think you're going to be much more fulfilled. There's often a stepping stone. Like Chelsea said, like making a decision, taking a step.

Maybe it's not interior or exterior design that you're going to be in. Maybe it's something beyond that. For me, I was like throwing shit at the wall, seeing what would stick. I thought voiceover was the next thing for me. And then I was like, wait, if I can edit my voiceovers, I can start a podcast. Started podcasting and here I am. Here's another thing too. Parents, sometimes the things you think that they expect of you are all in your head.

One of the best days of my life, my dad's a lawyer, my aunt's a lawyer, my sister's a lawyer. My sister's graduation from law school, I had all these expectations about what my parents wanted from me. And my dad said to me, you know, I actually don't think that you would like fit really well as a traditional lawyer of any kind. And I was like, thank God. I thought he had this expectation of me that I was going to, you know, go to law school, whatever, or that I was a failure if I didn't. And he was like, no, no, no, that's not for you. So sometimes it really is like coming from us, even though we think it's our parents' expectation. And it's also very typical for the oldest sibling, even though your twin is three minutes older than you, like you're

considered one of the oldest. It's very typical for you to feel this kind of sense of responsibility to your parents. And that's just the architecture of a family. You know, the oldest is supposed to be the most responsible and then it falls apart as you go down. Like for me, I never once thought about what my parents wanted for me. I'm like, I have my plan. I knew what was happening from a very young age. I'm like, this is what I'm going to do. And their opinion had no impact on me whatsoever. In fact, when I said I went to community college for like a half a semester and I was like, I think I'm going to move to Los Angeles. Like, I feel like I should just be famous or something. I was 19 years old. And my my parents were like, go, please go. That's exactly where you belong with those lunatics in California, you know, Los Angeles. So you're just letting all

this pressure. You know what I mean? It's the pressure of being the oldest. It's the pressure of being like modeling the behavior. but i would say that you have an opportunity to really model true happiness and go after what you want so the decision has been made and that's what you're gonna do do it okay okay thanks jana and if your parents have a problem tell them to call into the podcast oh i will i'll send them your way have fun line dancing yeah thank you i'm going by myself but that's fine shouldn't have discussed yeah i like that too good for you you're a ballsy i like that thank you yeah yeah doing new things this year so i like it awesome have fun thanks for taking my call So great to meet you all.

Yeah, of course. Bye, Tina. Bye. Well, our last question comes from Kate. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a huge new fan of the show and something I've noticed both of you mentioned during the advice segment is how important it is to trust your gut and follow your instincts. Here we are again. This is an idea I've heard time and again from people I admire, but I've literally never been able to understand it on a personal level as someone who lives with chronic anxiety. It seems like those times I think I have a gut feeling, it's proven wrong and is actually just my anxiety talking. So my question is, how do I differentiate between my gut instincts and anxious thoughts? My doctor has diagnosed me

with anxiety and I'm on medication. While this certainly makes my anxiety manageable, I still deal with it internally on a daily basis. Because I know you'll ask, I'm not in therapy and I hope and plan to regularly see a therapist someday, but it isn't financially viable for me at this point in my life. Thank you so much for all the entertainment and inspiration you've given me. Your podcast is such a light in my life and I cherish hearing your insights each week. Much love, Kate. Okay.

Kelsey, what do you think about that? Oof. I would say having people that know you well that can hold you accountable and help you decipher between the two until you kind of get into a rhythm where you learn to trust yourself and decipher for yourself,

whether it's a dear friend or a family member or a therapist, which I think is a great idea to bring those gut feelings or thoughts to and say, you know me, what do you think this is? Can you help me kind of relearn to trust myself and decipher between the two? I feel really strongly about reaching out to the people that know you deeply and giving them that responsibility like they've given you in their life, too. Yeah, that's a nice idea, too. I think also with anxiety, you know, there's impulse and there's instinct.

And those are two different things. And anxiety can make you feel very impulsive. So like if you're deciding between two things and you have to figure it out, right? It's good to say, okay, I'm going to sit with myself and here are my two options, right? And then do it not once, but you have to repeat this exercise over and over. Like you give yourself 10 minutes just to think with a thought, like to try and understand what your actual gut is telling you because anxiety is repetitive and it gut is telling you, because anxiety is repetitive and it will keep telling you the same thing. But eventually, if you give it time,

instead of just giving it one opportunity, I feel like the growth that you'll have in the answer will come. So I would say to sit down with this idea, say like five days in a row and just go, okay, I'm just going to sit with this and try to recognize where your anxious thoughts are coming. And you might be surprised at the way that they abate once you give yourself enough time with the subject matter and the decision you're making. Your anxiety will quiet from what I've learned about anxiety, the more time you give it with the same question. So instead of answering something as a one-off or like, oh, I got to do this, revisit it. Keep asking yourself, what do I do? And not throughout the day.

Like, that's your anxiety. You have to set aside a time and be like, okay, I'm going to think about this. If you like to write it out, that's great. If you just want to sit with yourself, kind of like a meditation, but you're not meditating. You're just thinking about what the decision is and trying to hear your anxious thoughts versus your gut. And I think the anxiety will quiet if you just keep revisiting it. That's great advice. For me, something that helps is asking myself, literally to the feeling that's coming up, you ask yourself, what are you trying to tell me? And when you ask it that, somehow the anxiety kind of falls away or you realize, oh, this is a gut feeling I'm having, but I'm anxious about the gut feeling of like, OK, I need to go do this new, fun, exciting thing that's a little bit scary.

You might be having anxiety about that, but underneath, you know what your gut is telling you. So I think, yeah, getting still, checking in with a friend, like seeing is this anxiety or is this the path forward? Yes. And I think recognizing is something that really helped me is impulse. checking in with a friend, like seeing is this anxiety or is this the path forward? Yes. And I think recognizing is something that really helped me is impulse. Understanding what impulse is, is an immediate reaction. You kind of want to like, oh, there's a situation and you have to act now. No, no, no, you don't. Most of the time you don't unless there's a fucking fire, you know, like you actually don't have to act now. And the longer the amount of time, the longer duration of time

you give yourself, the better you get at coming to it, like, you know, a sound conclusion. So I think time. And yeah, I guess that's it. That does make sense.

Yeah. Awesome. Well, thank you for writing in, Kate. Yes, thank you for writing in. Do we want to take a quick break and we'll wrap up? Yes. I'm Jason

Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost

drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever

you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're wrapping up with Kelsey Ballerini. Kelsey, so wait. Kelsey and Chelsea. Kelsey and Chelsea Ballerini. Tell me about some of the places that you're excited to go that you've never been. Are there any places that you haven't been yet?

Well, I'm doing headlining again, which is nice. So I'm kind of in like the in-between venues. So I'm doing like the Santa Barbara Bowl, like all these beautiful like. That is the best venue. The Santa Barbara Bowl is the best venue. I can't wait. I can't wait. It's all West Coast.

The weather is going to be great. So I start there. And then also I'm dropping an extended version of the ep that we were talking about earlier the rolling up the welcome mat with some of the stuff that's just become a fun thing during the shows or like my snl performance some live versions of stuff i'm really excited about that too where did you come up with the title rolling up the welcome mat it's in one of the songs called penthouse and kind of the this is an awful word to use and i don't know why i'm picking this word but the the climax what of the whole ep is um i hope is that line it says and it stings rolling up the welcome mat knowing you got half so that's kind of like the big bomb of the whole thing so i

wanted to kind of just make that the centerpiece. And do you write all your music, Kelsey? Yeah, I write everything and I've kind of gotten into the game of co-writing a lot because Nashville's built around that. Yeah, I love that. I did too, but I will say this EP

I wrote the whole thing either by myself or with one other person. I made this whole thing with one other woman from production to instrumentation to songwriting. So it was like the most close to the chest thing I've gotten to do. And it brought me back to trusting myself as a songwriter, too, which is nice. Oh, I love it. I'm so happy for all your success. You can go see Kelsey on tour.

Please do. She's delightful. I love you, honey. Thank you so much. Good to see you, my's delightful. I love you, honey. Thank you so much. Good to see you, my friends. Nice to meet you, Catherine. Likewise. Bye.

Thanks so much. Bye, y'all. Bye, y'all. Okay, guys. We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour because I'm coming all over. We added a second show at the Pantages in Los Angeles. So that's October 12th and Friday the 13th. We added a second show in Boston at the Wang Center.

September 29th and 30th is two shows in New York. I also have a show in East Hampton, New York, August 26th. We added a second show in Portland. So Thursday, November 2nd. Friday, November 3rd in Portland. November 4th and 5th in San Francisco. Two shows there. We added a second show in Seattle, November 10th and 5th in San Francisco two shows there, we added a second show in Seattle, November 10th and 11th

two shows Boston are November 16th and 17th at the Bach Center Wang Theater and I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and so many other cities

Columbus, Cincinnati Detroit, Louisville. So I will see everybody at all of these shows. Thank you. Get your tickets at chelseahandler.com. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. Baffling questions like... Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor? What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast.

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