Dear Chelsea - Fanilow to Ambassilow with Michael Urie

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Shrinking’s Michael Urie joins Chelsea to discuss what it’s like joining the cast of OH MARY! while reveling in his first Emmy nomination, building a mall in your basement, and everything you need to know about the Male Barbra Streisand.  And the female one.  Then: A UK-dwelling sister begs to skip her sister’s nuptials. A friend rebels against a pathological liar.  And a man struggles to stay in a 10-year marriage… that has never been consummated.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm Dr. Joy Hardin-Bradford, host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. I know how overwhelming it can feel if flying makes you anxious.

In session 418 of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett and I discuss flight anxiety. What is not a norm is to allow it to prevent you from doing the things that you want to do, the things that you were meant to do. Listen to therapy for Black girls on the I-Heart Reef, video app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness.

I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Black Business Month, and Money and Wealth Podcast with John Hope Bryant is tapping in. I'm breaking down how to build wealth, create opportunities, and move from surviving to thriving.

It's time to talk about ownership, equity, and everything in between. Black and brown communities have historically been last in life. Let me just say this. AI is moving faster than civil rights legislation ever did. Listen to Money and Wealth from the Black Effect Podcast Network on IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you?

I mean, I'm not. I'm weak. I'm very weak. I was in a visa for like 72 hours, maybe more. It was ridiculous. And then I came to New York, so my stomach is still not right. Oh, no. Something's off.

Were you okay to go to the U.S. Open or did you have to like? No, I was okay to go to the U.S. Open. I had a ride home from Ibiza that I missed. Then I had a flight that I also missed. Then I spent an extra night getting sleep. So that was good. It was a rough. It was a rough trip all the way around.

I just really banged myself up. So I'm just recovering in time for me to be in New York. We had to the U.S. Open yesterday with one of my favorite people, Hannah, Berner. And then I'm headed to Montauk tonight. And then I've shows in West Hampton. tomorrow night and Thursday night. Excellent. No, and Friday night, 21st to 22nd.

So yes. So, but a bunch of my friends are flying in, so we're all driving down to the Hamptons tonight together. Apparently, I'm meeting them at an airport. So I was like, guys, this is not a good meeting spot. Not for me anyway. I just loaded everything into my car, the, my driver's car, thinking he and I were driving to the Hamptons.

He's like, no, I'm dropping you off at the airport. I'm like, what? Anyway, we'll get that sorted. We have one of your attendees for your West Hampton show. calling in today actually. Oh, really? Oh, perfect. They can call in about the show as for a preview. That's what they're going to want. Yeah, she wants to do a type five. I love when you do interviews, when I do interviews and people, when I'm promoting shows and they're like, what can we expect? It's like fucking comedy and laughter. It's such a weird question. It's such an

annoying question. And so I have to talk about how annoying it is. So hopefully all these interviews will hear it at some point and stop asking comedians what to expect. It's like, what to expect? Comedy. You're going to send a see. my jokes? Like I'm doing, then I'm doing material. Right, right. You get a little drunk and listen to comedy. Yeah, or yeah, just a little drunk. Just a little. We have a very, very funny guest on today who I'm excited about. He stars in Apple's TV hit show shrinking and is nominated for an Emmy for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. And he's also just made his debut in O'Mary on Broadway. And you can find him this fall in Shakespeare's Richard the Second. Please welcome Michael Yuri.

Michael Yuri. A giant ray of sunshine is here today. Hi, Michael Yuri. How are you? I'm so good. It's great to see you all. Hello. It's great to see you too. Your hair's wet. Did you just get out of the shower? I did. I wanted to be clean for this because I'm a clean little boy. I went to the gym and then I went and I went and I'm clean. Okay. Let me tell you what I did this morning. I took a shower before I went to the gym. I took a shower because I was like, fuck, when am I going to? I have a busy day. I'm like, When am I going to have time to shower? Usually I would take one after my workout, but I was like, well, fuck, I'm just going to take one before as a prophylactic, you know? And then I went, so I go to my trainer's house and I go in his bathroom and I change.

And my hair was like damp and gross from sweating, but I had to put on a regular outfit. So I feel like a dirty little whore right now. I like when she stinks, so it's fine. Thank you. Thank you, Catherine. It's a musk. It's a mormones. It's a good stuff.

But, yeah, I've never really had B.O. So at least that's what I like to tell people. So it's not really an issue. Why is Michael Frozen on our end? I'm not sure. It just takes it, Brad. You're back again. You're back. What I can see is you and cork board.

And I like this setup because it's, there's no distractions. We can completely focus on you. Yeah. If you freeze again, we'll let you know. Let me close my other. Yeah. I'm closing everything else just to make sure. Close your only fans and, yeah, whatever else you're on.

I'm on only fans and I know that you're on my account. So please close it. This is inappropriate. Michael, first of all, the most recent set of congratulations need to be conveyed to you on your most recent Emmy nomination for your role in shrinking. Thank you. My most recent end only. It's all very new to me, this whole thing. This is like an amazing world of Emmys is so new and exciting and crazy. And I still don't really believe that. I know. It's pretty exciting. How did you get the news? Were you waiting? Did you know that you knew you were in contention to get nominated from an Emmy? Yeah, I mean, I guess I, you know, people were like, you should wake up, you should, you should be paying attention. You should, you should try to, you know, try to be up for it. We had a night shoot the night before. Actually, we were shooting shrinking at the time and we had a night shoot that went till three, four in the morning. So I was dead asleep and my phone started buzzing. But I was kind of aware because, you know, they were like, I was on a list or two. And people were definitely trying to, you know, get me. Not a get me. I know. I know. It's always fascinating to the people who don't try to get nominated, but get nominated.

I'm like, how much effort has to go into trying to get nominated? Exactly. So tell us about the text you got from Harrison Ford texted you, right? Oh, my gosh. So, well, I texted him first, but he wrote back right away and, yeah, I just texted him, dude. And he wrote back the same thing, dude. And then he said, he was like, yeah, and Bighead. because we call Jason Siegel Bighead

or it's a part of the show that he's called Bighead but I love that Harrison kept that nickname yeah it's just so cool that he got nominated I got nominated Jessica and Jason and the show and casting and sound like it just feels like like the show

spoke to people definitely it was a really night so that day so I woke up you know to my phone buzzing and then that night we had our last night of shooting actually was our rap day and so we all got to be together and sort of celebrate together that's so nice and such a nice show to watch it feels like that you guys have such a

nice vibe between everyone your character is great i mean it's a perfect for it's just so like i know bill lawrence does this with his shows he makes them very inviting you know like these places these kind of it's always set in some backdrop that is very appealing that you want to keep coming back to and the neighbors are like you know walking over to each other's houses. I don't want to give any of my neighbors any ideas that I would be interested in that. So that's all we'll say on that front. But this is just your most recent success because you have a huge, huge long history. You've done so many shows from Ungley Betty to Younger to Broadway. You're in O'Mary now, which everyone can go see on Broadway, which is fucking

exciting. So congrats on all of that too. And I know that you, before we get into any of that stuff, I know that you have a, you've had a very long, romantic relationship with Barry Manilow. Yes. Thank you for asking. Yes. I'm a fan alo. More than a fan alo. I am an ambassalow.

I bring people to him. I introduce. I make, I make virgins fanaloes. I guess it was my, I went back home after my first year in New York, my first year of drama school. And I was back in, I'm from Texas. And I was back in Plano, Texas, driving around the suburbs. And I was very melancholy because I felt like I belonged in New York. You know, as soon as I got to New York, I was like, this is where I belong.

And going back to Texas was really weird that first summer. And there was a new Light FM station in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex, and they were playing a lot of Barry Manilow. And I'd never really – I mean, I'd heard him, but it was really speaking to me this summer. But was there any correlation between you coming out and then appreciate it? Barry Manilow or was, were you already out? I was, you know, like, ish at that time. I was like, I was like 19.

I think those two dots are connected, though. I mean, I'm sure that's why he spoke to me. So I'm sure that I was like, even though he's singing about Mandy and Melissa and all these women, I'm sure that I was like, he means Michael. He's actually means Michael here. But I went into, I was so into him and I went into, you remember like used CD stores back in the late 90s. I went into a used CD store in the suburbs.

And I was like, I was like, I was like, I don't think it's, I don't think it's cool to like Barry Mantelon. I don't know if, I don't know if I, I'm going to be, I'm going to be under the radar here and I'm going to pretend like I'm shopping from my aunt or something. And so I went up to the counter and I was like, you guys don't have any, you guys and I'd be like, Barry Manalo CDs, do you? And the woman looked at me and said, every record store in the world has Barry Manalo. It's right over there.

And I went and bought The Greatest Hits and just like lived my life. life in the car, driving around, singing Barry Manilow. And then as soon as I got on TV, as soon as I was on Ugly Betty and I had even like the slightest bit of notoriety, I made it my mission to meet him and find him. Of course. And what else is fame for other than to meet your heroes. Like, I mean, that's exactly what I use it for too, restaurants and heroes. And doctor appointments, let's be honest, okay?

I want to skip the line. Is that a thing? Yes. Every doctor, like, yeah, I mean, doctors want celebrity clients, so that works out nicely. I never even thought of that. I used Doc Doc, like an idiot. Like when you go to a doctor and you go to a doctor like they won't leave you in the waiting room, they get you right away. You don't have to wait because they don't want you to have to, you know, it's just, it's a nice perk that is probably underrated.

But I see doctors all the time because I just want everything to be taken care of at all times. You know what I mean? But anyway, I diverge. Back to Barry Maniloh. I'm so sorry. Continue. I will always get us back to very malice. He means so much to me.

So I finally, like, so, so I was got, I met him. I got, I went to see him in Vegas and I got to hang out backstage. So when you met him, did you, like, were you able to contain your excitement or was it, was it a bit of a hot mess? It was, I played it cool. I have to say, I did play it pretty cool. I was with some friends who were, you know, like, not as big a fan as I am. Nobody is.

And we'd just seen the show in Vegas. And they brought us backstage, and it was, everyone was really nice. And it was like someone in the band's birthday, and they were singing happy birthday. And he has a vineyard, so we were drinking Manolo wine. And he couldn't have been cooler. He was so chill and so nice. And he didn't really know who I was then. But I've been about, you know, like 20 times since then.

So now he does. And now he's even, like, come to see me in some shows and we'll occasionally, like, text. And he's very nice, a very cool man. and loves to perform. I think he's like in some ways, I mean, I love his music and I love watching him perform. But I also am really inspired by him as a performer. He's 82, 83 now, and he's still like doing 200 shows a year.

It's so crazy with these guys that are like 70, like 75, 80, like Bruce Springsteen, 75. Paul McCartney's something like 79, I think. All of these guys. And like I saw Paul McCartney at Glastonbury. He's fucking looks like, like, he's in his, like, late 60s. He's bopping around going from concert to concert show to show.

Like Bruce Springsteen puts on a three-hour show, Mick Jagger, all these old guys, there must be stuff that you can take that just keeps you young. I mean, I know there is because I'm fucking taking it. But, like, just in the nick of time to have this, like, this whole, there's a whole, like, you know, group of older men who are just crushing it now. Sting still performs all the time, you know. Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford.

Yeah, Harrison Ford. And Harrison Ford's body's still banging. He's running in movies. No, no. He takes a shirt off in like one of the first seasons of shrinking and you're like, excuse me, who put that body back together? Because that's not natural. Who has, he's like ripped.

That's exciting. And he came to see you do a show, right? Barry Manelow? Barry came to see this show. Well, he came to see this show. The first time he came to see me to show was doing this play off off Broadway that was about Barbara Streisand. And it was a really brilliant play, one-man play.

I didn't write it, but this guy, Jonathan Tolens, wrote it, really brilliant play that imagined, you know that she has a basement mall at her house? Like, she has a shopping mall in her basement. No, I didn't know that. A shopping mall. She can't, like, go to a normal mall because she's Barbara Stry's hand. So she has been the biggest. So what even do she, there are shops there, retail shops?

Yes. Well, not like the gap or, you know. Lain Bryant? No, not that. Laine Bryant. Forever 21? No, like, it's like an antique store and a gift shoppy and... Who's picking out the items to sell in the shop?

It's a very good question. It's her collectibles. It's like dresses that she wore in movies. Ah, okay. She's collected all these dolls. There's a doll shop. And there's like a yogurt shop, like an actual yogurt shop. And so it's this like, it looks like a European arcade.

And it's all in the basement of one of the homes on her. property and she did a book you know like back in 2010 or 11 a coffee table book of this house this huge amazing house and all the all the different homes on the compound and this mall is chronicled and this wonderful writer john tollens was looking at the book with friends and he was like how do you like to be the guy who works down there and everyone laughed and it sparked this idea so he wrote a whole play imagining that a guy gets hired to work there and this play is called buyer and seller, seller, seller like a basement seller. And it imagines this guy gets hired to run the shops and he has one customer. And she comes down and pretends to shop. And then

it goes on and it's like not just, it's like, and it's all imagined from his mind. And people would come who know her and they would flock to it. I mean, people who know her kind of flocked to it. And they were always like, how did you know? How did he know that she was like this? Because he just had this, like, incredible insight. So that's, that's the first time Barry Manilow came to see me in a play. About Barberstries, and it was a play about Barbara Streisand. And it was so funny because we had just started doing it. I wasn't even, I didn't, like, it was a long monologue, like a hundred minute monologue, and I was like barely knew it.

I was still so nervous. And one day the house manager, I came in and the house manager was like, you'll never believe who bought tickets today. And I was like, who? He was like, I'll give you a hint. It's like the male Barbara Strysand. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Barry Manelow bought tickets to the show. And I knew immediately who he met. And I said, you will not tell me when he's coming. And then I just pretended like he was there every night until he finally showed up. And I was so good imagining him in the audience. So now that's kind of a thing I do. I just sort of pretend like he's there. Okay. Well, first of all, I don't think Barry Manelow bought tickets. I think he called and said he wanted tickets. So that's the first inconsistency with your story. The second question. The second thing, because first of all, if he bought tickets, nobody would know about it unless he announced he was coming. Second of all, Michael, I wonder, do you think Barry was inspired by the show enough to build his own underground mall?

Because that seems like something you would do only when things got completely out of control money-wise. When you have so much fucking money, you're like, I have a plane, I have six homes, I don't really know what else to do. I guess I don't want to go shopping again. But that usually just involves a person coming to your house and bringing you stuff. But I like it. She cloned her dogs, too. You know, Barbic shows and also cloned. I don't know about that.

She has had like three or four of the same dog. I mean, I would like to clone people before I would like to clone dogs because each dog brings something different to the table. But some people who are A pluses, I really just want to see them over and over again reappeared in different lifetimes. Like young again, like a young, you know, like a young Barry Madelow again. For example, just as an example. Perfect example.

Exactly. that's your, that would be your choice. My choice, I don't know, I'd have to really think about that and narrow things down. What would you clone? I would, oh, God, who would I clone? Well, I don't know. I don't know.

I have to put thought into that because that's a serious question that I just posited myself or posed myself. Maybe we'll circle back by the end of the episode. Something will dawn on me. Something will dawn on me. But like dogs, like, it also doesn't make sense

because they don't have the same experiences as the dog before them. So even when you think you're cloning them, they're going to have to be a slightly, It's like twins. They have the same DNA and genetic composition, but they don't end up exactly the same because of their life experiences. So it's kind of a futile thing to do.

But if you really like the way somebody looked and the way that they walked and like those things, yeah, I would go for it. That sounds sexual and it is. So Michael, with all these things that you do, like what, I mean, you, first of all, congrats on all of your success because it feels really good to be successful. And I can tell that you are feeling it and you're having a moment and you're having a moment and you deserve it because you're obviously a really hard worker. I don't know how anyone does anything on Broadway.

I have no idea how you guys do that schedule. Do you have to just give up everything? Kind of. I mean, it's kind of a, even though this play is only like 80 minutes long, O'Mary that we're doing right now, O'Mary is only like 80 minutes long, but you do kind of have to play in your whole day around the idea that I got that thing later. Yeah.

That's going to be a lot of really concentrated energy. And sometimes twice a day. Mm-hmm. Yeah, sometimes twice a day. And actually on this show, it's really fun. We do it at five, on Saturday, we do it at 5 p.m. And then we do it immediately again at 8.30, which is so cool, actually, to like, to do it back to back. Right. Because sometimes you do it at two and then you don't do it again until 8 and you're like, all right,

what am I going to do now? I got all this energy and all these, you know, endorphins running through my, so stuff like trying to sleep and eat or whatever. But it is a crazy. And I, I mean, I love it so my, I love being in theater so much because it's so exciting to tell a whole story to a group of people in the same and be in the same place at the same time because you make a movie or a TV show and it's really fun and it reaches way more people obviously but you're such a cog in the wheel and you're not really part of the you're like a part of the storytelling you're not part of the whole story and when you start a play at 730 at night for this group of 900 people and you finish it together it's so special and you share something with them and and it's really

thrilling because I always get kind of emotional about it when I'm rehearsing a play and then there comes the point where you think, okay, we've been doing this in this room for each other, for the creative team over and over again, maybe the designers come in, maybe we do it. But then at some point, new people are going to come in. And then it's just going to be new people every night, every time. And they're going to have no idea what we're going to do for them. Even if they know the story or they know the play, it's still new. It's a new version. And And it gets, it's really thrilling to imagine, oh, my gosh, these people have no idea. We've been in a room incubating for three, four weeks.

They have no idea what's coming. And this play, especially because it's, oh, Mary, it's about Mary Todd Lincoln. People know that coming in, that it's a comedy about Mary Todd Lincoln. And the premise is that she's kind of a belligerent drunk who wants to be a cabaret star. And that's kind of all you really get. And then the story kind of just, like, you know, out of the gate is hysterical and crazy. And there are a lot of twists and turns. And my character, especially Mary's teacher, like, I, you have, nobody really knows what I'm coming in with.

And it's very cool. It's a very thrilling thing to do every night. Oh, it's nice. I can see how much you enjoy your work. And I really, like, I respect that a lot. Because in order to really be successful in this business, you have to be doing it for the, like, the actual enjoyment of the action. of doing it. I remember in my early like career, like I love doing my shows, but like I would burn out so much that like when I would be on stage doing stand-up, I just, I liked getting off

stage more than I liked being on stage. Like I liked the idea of completion rather than the act of. And that's what I feel like I lost my, like then I had to recalibrate and come back and actually be so present and really have something to say and enjoy my time on stage, not going when is this going to be over? Obviously, because that's like working at a desk job. You know what I mean? If you're going to be in this business and you're a performer, one of the things you have to do is love to perform. You can't just like love all the other things that come with the recognition. Did that come around for you? Did you come around? Yes, yes. I took a long break. I took like six years off of stand-up after I quit Chelsea lately.

I didn't do stand-up for six years. And that was a long break, probably too long. But when I did come back, I actually, it took a lot of nerve and a lot of courage because I hadn't used that muscle in so long, but I was, I had recalibrated in such a profound way. I'd gone to therapy. I did all this work on myself. Like, I had stuff to deal with. And so when I came back now, it's like, I'm so solid when I go out there. I'm so present when I go out there. I'm never even looking at the time. You know what I mean? Like, I'm never like, like, now I go over 20 minutes and I'm like, oh, shit, I got to wrap it up, you know? So it's just a much, much healthier way for me. as a performer, but that was also burnout.

You know, when you do too many things at once, it's hard. And when you get successful, you want to do all of the things that are coming your way. It's hard to say no to anything, right? Totally, like, yeah. Can I ask you, can I ask you? I know you're interviewing me, but this is actually an interview. This is actually my interview. You're interviewing me.

So go ahead. Well, because you hosted the Critics Choice Awards this year. Well, I know you do it every year, but this year I was there. And lucky enough to receive that. One. And it was right after Trump was re-inoguated. Yes. And you went there with some stuff.

And it was like, it was such a dicey time. You know, like everyone was afraid. Yes. And everyone was like, what's she going to say? Right. And you killed. Oh, thank you. I thought you killed.

And like right out of the gate made like great, great topical. But so my question, because I've hosted some stuff too. And I really like to host. and I always think it's not at all like to me I mean I never done stand up but I feel like it's you're so you have you have like parameters and you have a script and writers probably or I I've always had writers that I've worked with but how do you approach it differently than stand up when you're hosting something especially when like there's such a when the when the news cycle is so crazy and you want to be topical on something like you know live television because I think it's like literally taking the air out of you know what I mean like you know what I mean? Like, you have to poke the, like, you have to, like, take the air out of the balloon. Like, there's so much tension. Everyone is, it's the same way I approach stand-up, quite frankly, even though it's a totally different room and a totally different set of, like, you know,

it's a totally different context because you're dealing with actors and actresses and the people are there to win awards, so they're nervous, and they're competing with each other. There's all of those elements, you know what I mean? So you just kind of want to be the person that sets the tone of the night. That's how I always think of it. Like, I'm going to go out there and make them understand that this is going to be fun. this isn't going to be too serious and I'm going to say the things

so that nobody else has to like I'll get it right out there like it was the Blake it was right off the back of Blake lively and Ryan Reynolds thing so like I could not wait to say that line because it was so it was at the height I mean I don't know

I think it even went higher after that because there was such a crescendo with all of that drama but I had to say something about that because that with the backdrop of what we were experiencing politically just felt so inane right you're just like wait there's accusations of sexual misconduct but that's very blurry and everything

she seemed to be saying he was refuting and I'm like wait guys we have a huge crisis that we're dealing with can you seriously get your shit together so we can fucking focus on the loss of democracy you know that was before we were losing democracy so yes I appreciate the question because it is a different skill set a little bit but the bottom line is like when you are hosting one of those things. You are the leader and the conductor. You have to set the tone. And then everyone will follow. Nobody else wants to be in charge of that. No, it's, you know, I used to be like, I'll never host an award show. And I'm doing it again this year. This will be like four years in a row, but it's the perfect award show for me because it isn't the Oscars where it's really

serious. And if somebody loses, you know, they leave. The critic's choice is more of a party. You know, it feels that way anyway to me. Same with the Golden Globes. That seems like more of a party. But this is the question I wanted to get back to you about. Okay. We can talk about me again, I guess. Yes. I just wanted to add one of your jobs prior to booking Ugly Betty was medical marijuana testing. I tried to get that job like so many times. I'm not joking. Like whenever there's this, you know what maps are like that company? It's a not a company. No, maps like, you know, the psychedelic kind of organization. I'm going on a boat with them to Antarctica. So I mean, who knows if I ever come back. But I'm

I was going on this trip to Antarctica with like 100 people and they're all like, you know, it's all about psychedelics and the healing effects. But I have tried so hard to be the person that tests drugs, medical marijuana, maybe 10, 15 years ago. I was interested in testing that. And I'm always like, bring me the drugs. I'll do them because I'm like a horse. Like, I can take a lot of drugs and still be standing. So how did you get that job?

And why? Why did I get it? It was in the village voice. Oh, that's why I didn't get it. That's why I didn't get it. Fuck. It's always the village voice. Yeah, it was like, and it was always, it was a joke.

We would always joke about it. Like, you know, they have these ads in the village voice. Are they real? And I just answered one. And actually, my good friend, my dearest friend and I, we were roommates. And we both answered it. And he had this kind of like brain thing. It's not that serious.

But at the time, he was like having some seizures and stuff. And so he did not get it. accepted and he was so pissed because he had this one little tiny anomaly and and i did get accepted and i would go in it was wild it was a wild thing i would go into a hospital and i would sit in a hospital room and it was a double blind test so the person administering it to me did not know what they were giving me and it was always a different level of strength so so like one time i got just high as fuck and I was I was so stoned and I was like looping like like rolling around on the hospital I'm playing with the with all the different things even better to be in a hospital

another one of my favorite things is a hospital I love hospitals I love being taken care of I love when people are attending to me in a medical way I love when I can pretend that I'm in pain and then they bring me something I love that whole setup it's safe because anything things, nothing's, what could possibly go wrong in a hospital if you're stoned and high? It's like, they're going to come and help you. Absolutely. And she stayed with me. She was very cool.

This lady, young lady, stayed with me. And she, you know, made sure. And she was sort of, and I remember when I would get really high, the days I would get really high, I'd be like, she's, I think she's, I think it's double blind, but maybe it's not. I mean, that's just what they say. And she, you know, I get paranoid. And then I would take these tests. So they would put me in front of a computer and I would take these, like, cognitive tests. They were like, like a shape would pop up.

It's a triangle or whatever and fill in the blank. And sometimes I was really good at it and sometimes I wasn't. And then there were days when it was like a placebo. So they'd give me a joint. I would smoke a few puffs of this joint. I was just going to ask. I would be pissed about that. Yeah.

And I was like, well, this is nothing. I can tell there's nothing going on here. And I'm bored. And then I would not, sometimes I wouldn't do as well on the test because I was like cranky and bored. And then they would feed me hospital food. Oh, wow. That's where Uber Eats comes into the picture. about you probably didn't have that then.

So. No, this was so long ago. This is 20 years ago. When you say they give you cognitive tests, did they give you comprehension? Like, do they ask you like to read something and then regurgitate it or like give a synopsis? Oh, no. It was, it wasn't like that. It was all on the computer. It was, I think there might have been like some word.

It was definitely memory stuff, but it was simple games. It was, it was never like read an essay and tell us what it was about. It was never like that. And it was all on the computer. So there was no, it was always multiple choice or fill in the blank. Because like when I'm stoned, like lately I've been staying at a friend's house because I'm waiting for my house to be done. And I was, and I take an edible usually around like 6 or 7 p.m.

just to like set the tone for the night. And then if we watch a show and if it's not the most compelling show, she'll be like, wait, what just happened? And I'm like, I have no idea. Like I cannot tell you what we're watching. I don't know what situation led to the situation we're watching. My comprehension skills are like, but if I knew I had to pay attention, I would. I just am in La La Land. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, totally. So I always wonder, like, I'm like, I should take a comprehension skill and see if I had to pay attention if I could under these conditions. It is true that what's, it's true when you're stone that like you don't remember things. But I have, I have started, well, I've been doing it for a while now, but when I have to learn lines. Yeah. Like a big chunk of text or something or a scene, I will do it high. I will learn it high. And then, and then like immediately. when I'm high, and I try to, like, if I say, will you run this with me? I won't be able to do it. But then, like, when I go back to it later, sober, it's there. So you think, you think learning it while your stone helps cement the memorization?

I think so. Oh. I think so. Well, this is a great ad for marijuana. This podcast is sponsored by THC, Indica and Sativa. I hate what people ask. Is it indica or sceiva? I'm like, it's whatever the fuck you want it to be.

It might over matter. It doesn't matter what you take. You can make it whatever you want. If you want to stay up, stay up. But people are weak. You know what I mean, Michael? People are very weak. You're right.

You're right, Chelsea. Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back with Michael Yuri. This week, we'd love to hear from queer couples. If you're a queer couple with a question, please write into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail.com. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new. anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you.

On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer, yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network.

Tune in on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. A foot washed up a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases, but everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA. Using new scientific tools, they're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen.

I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors. And you'll meet the team behind the scenes at Othrum, the Houston Lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. American history is full of wise people. What women said something like, you know, 99.99% of war is diarrhea and 1% is gory. Those founding fathers were gossipy AF, and they love to cut each other down.

I'm Bob Crawford, host of American History Hotline, the show where you send us your questions about American history, and I find the answers, including the nuggets of wisdom our history has to offer. Hamilton pauses, and then he says, the greatest man that ever lived was Julius S. Caesar. And Jefferson writes in his diary, this proves that Hamilton is for a dictator based on corruption. My favorite line was what Neil Armstrong said. It would have been harder to fake it than to do it. Listen to American History Hotline on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesement.

Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The Deva of the People.

The Deva of the People. I'm just like, text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. That's us. My name is Curley.

And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heart rates, men, and, of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. We're back with Michael Yuri, currently being. He is currently enjoying. He's basking in the glory of his Emmy nomination for shrinking. And we take callers on this show, so we're going to give some advice out to people who are calling in. Okay?

Are you ready for that action? Yes. I believe you are. I believe you in your cork board or whatever I'm looking at, polished cement, are ready. All right. Well, our first question comes from Mandy. Oh, Mandy. This is a Barry Mandelow.

She came and she gave without taking. that I sent her away. I plan that. No, I didn't actually. So Mandy says, my sister is getting married in September. She lives in Detroit and I live in the U.K. About a year ago, I completely stopped talking to my parents. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom enabled him.

When I brought this up to my mom recently, she acted completely shocked like she had no clue my dad ever treated us poorly. I already was keeping a distance from my parents, but that moment of pure gas lighting made me decide to cut off contact. completely. I've thought long and hard about whether to go to my sister's wedding, and I truly think it's best for my mental health to not get involved in that family situation. My sister and I talk regularly, but I haven't been back to the U.S. to visit family in almost a decade, nor has my sister come to visit me, and I've never met this fiancé, even on video chat. My sister has asked me to be her maid of honor. I sort of said yes, although I had explained to her that I would not at all feel bad if she gave the role to her best friend since I wouldn't be there

or be doing any of the maid of honor jobs ahead of time. I know that I need to tell her sooner rather than later. I'm just not sure how to tell her. My family has this whole passive aggressive vibe and I don't want her to freeze me out because of this. My inclination is to lie and say I got a job offer and I'm not going to be able to take vacation time in the first six months, but any advice? Sincerely, Mandy. And this one's just an email. Okay, Mandy, I'll go first for this one, Michael. Mandy, first of all, I think you have to go to your sister's wedding. You don't have to stay there for five days or three days even. You can fly in the night before if you want. If you want to avoid your parents, I understand that. But you said yes

to your sister and that's your sister and she's getting married once. And like you already kind of committed. So like to say you got a job is a way to end. It's like a relationship breaker. Like now if you back out, that's not good. You already told her you would do it. And follow through is kind of like 90% of life, in my opinion. I think you have to follow through on your commitments. And I think you have to take your baggage that your family has, your family baggage, and literally just be above it for the duration of time that you're going to be home for your sister's wedding.

Suck it up, demonstrate what a good sister looks like, and then get the fuck out of there. Don't get involved in any drama. Be a great bridesmaid. Do anything you can for your sister. Let her know. You can only come in for a limited amount of time. I mean, you're coming from the UK, right, to America.

So maybe it's only three days or whatever, but you're going to feel better for doing it than you're going to feel for canceling on her. That's going to create a bunch of drama, I promise you. Michael, what do you think? I totally agree. I think you're totally right. I also think especially the lie, the possibility of telling a lie.

First of all, you just told it on this podcast, which is, you know, like what if she finds out? Well, this is a right, and it could be anybody. And also, she probably used a fake name, Michael. So that's that, so just cancel those. But it's so specific. well it is it is specific actually i don't know why i'm defending it i fucking say shit all the time that i think no one's going to hear and everyone fucking hears on your own podcast on my own podcast

yeah exactly my sister's like why are you talking about our problems on your podcast i'm like where else am i supposed to air my dirty laundry but yeah like you when you make a commitment you got to follow through on a commitment that's like being an adult and a grown-up and everything that's important about you know having a good kind of moral compass Yes, I totally agree. And I also think lying is, I mean, white lies are one thing, but that's a major lie. And I just think lying is so dangerous because the truth is always easier to remember. And it's a long life. And also, how does somebody feel when you say, oh, sorry, I got a job. I can't, I got a job offer. I can't come to your wedding. It's like, that's kind of like a lame excuse for a wedding should be paramount to a job offer, especially when it's not like a, you know, she's talking about what sounds like a freelancer's type situation. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah.

And you made a commitment and, you know, and take the high road. Yes. Your sister, you'll be the better person for taking the high road. Yeah, because if you're the one who's a victim of gaslighting, you're like, I can't believe I was gaslighted. It's like, then you're a victim. Like, are you a victim? Do you want to be a victim or do you want to be, you know, on higher ground?

Yeah. And you can even express your concerns to her like, hey, can we maybe make sure I'm not sitting next to mom and dad for a lot of this? Yeah. And then also, like, make sure to maintain your autonomy. Like, it's easy to be like, I'll stay with a family member. or my sister or whatever and ride with people. No, get a car, get a hotel.

Like, make sure you can have your own space. And get a hooker. Bring a hooker to the wedding. That'll be a great way to not get invited back. All right, Mandy. That's really good advice of having your own car. Yeah. That's such a good.

In general, in life, to anyone who's listening, if you can, get your own car. Yes. Yeah. That way you can escape if you need to. Always get a car. All right. Well, Mandy, let us know how it goes. Our first caller today is Mitchell.

His subject line of his email is, I'm definitely the asshole. Hello, I'm a 36-year-old man, and I've been with my husband, 40 years old, for almost 10 years, married for five, and we've never had sex. When we first met, he would give me a peck on the lips occasionally, never with tongue, and the only time he would try to do sexual things with me or even French kiss is when he was drunk. After about a year of being together, I started cheating. I was looking for what I wasn't getting at home, and I'm 100% of it. positive that I'm the asshole for this. I feel like a piece of shit for the amount of times, which I can't even count that I've cheated on my husband. Him not being intimate with me is not an excuse for cheating, and I'm well aware of that. I was attracted to him and wanted a sexual

relationship with him. This is something I made very clear from the beginning, and I always let him know that I thought he was sexy, I wanted to be intimate, but he seemed very uninterested in that part of our lives. I've asked him multiple times why, and he says, I've just never been very sexual because I don't know what to do. So much time has gone by, and now the attraction I once had is gone. It's taken away my confidence in myself. Not having someone want me in that way has left me feeling unattractive and worthless. About a month ago, I asked for a separation. I was so afraid to do this because he's the breadwinner. He does 100% not want a separation and thinks that therapy and still living together will work, but I disagree. I think I need to learn to be financially

stable on my own and know how to make it in the world without someone there to pick up the pieces. I also feel so bad about the horrible husband I've been to him, I feel like he definitely deserves better than me. At this point, he's my best friend and a roommate that I share a bed with and an occasional peck on the lips. To complicate things, we share custody of my sister's kids. I moved out of our house last week with my 15-year-old niece and the boy stayed with him. So the question, am I the asshole for wanting out of this marriage, for wanting better for myself, from a partner and wanting to give my best self to a partner in return? Am I the most selfish person ever? I know that I'm not the victim in this situation and that I am the villain. This is definitely

not the person I ever saw myself becoming. I was always the one getting cheated on, and now I'm the one who's cheated. I love your podcast and enjoy the advice you have to offer others, so I hope you have some for me, Mitchell. Hi, Mitchell. This is our special guest, Michael Yuri. It's nice to meet you. You too. You're not a bad person. No, you're not a bad person. Stop self-immolating like that. You're not a bad person. Your actions are circumstantial. So, first of all, stop that. You have to start, flip the script on that. Like, you were in a situation that was untenable and the reason I mean and it's very crazy to even hear and I'm sure it's not as uncommon as I'm acting it is that you were in a non-sexual marriage for as many years as you

were like that's not fun for you and I'm sure it's not fun for your partner because he sounds like I have a friend who's gay who doesn't like to have sex either and I just I don't understand that because the human touch, even sexually, like, you know, people, people need that. It's like scientific. And I can understand that you're a man. You have needs, and you went out and met your needs because they weren't being met at home. So I don't think you're a terrible person at all. Michael, do you want to talk a little bit first, like, from gay man to gay man, since I'm a woman.

I'm going to come in later, but. Yeah, I also know that that's the thing, that there are people who are not very sexual. It sounds like your husband maybe didn't, feels like he has never tried it, had it, been open to it. And that could be out of disinterest or it could be out of fear. But I think you can have a relationship with him that is non-sexual, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a sexual relationship with other people that, you know, like, I mean also like us gays, like things are pretty fluid often. You know, there's a lot of open relationships in the gay community. and there's a lot of, we don't have to subscribe to heteronormative ways of monogamy. So I feel like there are probably some boundaries you can set with each other.

I do think, you know, I was saying as I'm the last person. I do think lying is bad because it's always easier to remember the truth. And it's just like, you know, that'll just haunt you. But I feel like honest, frank conversations are possible. You're down the road. I mean, you've been doing this for so long now. So I get it that it's complicated. Now you have kids.

And there's so many other companies. And you've moved out. And you've moved out about a week and a half a real. So you've basically done all of the things that I would tell you that you should do already. You've kind of taken control of the situation. So what's the temperature now between you and your husband or ex-husband or however you want to frame it? Yeah. Still married. But yeah, I think the situation is more, it's easy. I would dare say it's the best fucking divorce ever if it's going to happen like that because it's so easy. And he, obviously, by Like I said, he doesn't want to be separated or to get divorced. This is not the word he wants to go down, but I just, at this point, I feel like it's the right thing to do, and that's why I moved out, because I feel like I keep, I keep choosing

his happiness over mine, which is that he wants to be with me. And I've said continuously throughout our relationship that he, if we don't make it or if something ever happened between us, he would never want to be with anyone else. It would just be me and I'm the only one he wants and all these sweet things, but I all also feel like that's made me stay longer because I'm so afraid of hurting him and because he is a good guy, but I'm just not happy and haven't been for so long. And I just feel like it's time to choosing myself. But even though, so with that, I was like, well, I kind of still feel like the asshole for like beating all these times that I have. And I should have chosen myself then and maybe not done that. So I didn't have to worry about the hurt feelings that I would have for having done that to someone. Does he know about your infidelities? He does not. I think, I do think that he suspects, but he, I think he just doesn't want to,

he's that desperately not wanting to lose me. He just, he would never say anything if he did know. And did you ever broach the idea of doing an open relationship? No, because I, as crazy as this sounds, I didn't want that, but that's not what I want. I would love to be with someone who just needs to be with me and be in a relationship with just me. That's what I want from a relationship, which is why it's so crazy

that I've done what I've done in our relationship. And does he understand that the relationship is over now? Is he in any sort of acceptance mode about that? Not at all. No.

He thinks that we're going to be separated, that we'll work things out, we'll get therapy, and it's all going to work out for the best. And I just don't see that happening. Okay. Well, I think, first of all,

congratulations you did a great job by moving things along in the right direction you're not still living there you've made big moves and that takes a lot of courage so you're on the right track stop talking to yourself like you're a bad person you're not a bad person you have needs and they were being met so you went elsewhere okay so that's okay i don't i think that it would be worth going to a couple's counselor therapist with him for a few sessions to to rip the bandaid off slowly and explain to him because eventually he's going to understand that he's going to be happier too. You know what I mean? Like he's going to understand the issue with your sister's kids, you're basically best friends already. That's what you are, is best friends. And you can continue

that relationship once you've made a few things clear to him and that this isn't enough for you sexually. And it might be helpful based on what a therapist advises you to be a little bit honest about your extracurricular activities to let him know how serious it is. Like, I don't want to be like that. I want to be in a loving, committed, monogamous relationship, but I'm not getting what I need from you. So this is not workable for me. And it's been so many years, I no longer even have these feelings towards you.

And as difficult as all of these things are to say, I want us to be friends and raise these kids together and continue on the relationship that I think we've already built for however many years we've been together, that's what you have. Now you're going to be living separately, which isn't going to be that big of a difference. You're not going to be a couple anymore. And like, I think that with the right therapist, like you do three or four of those sessions, it's kind of like exiting a relationship, you know, if you think of it like that, and make your intention clear. I want you to be in a better headspace about this. I think we should go to a therapist. And when you sit down with a therapist, they're going to say, are you here to save

the relationship or are you here to leave the relationship? You know what I mean? And you have to be honest. Because being lying to someone to save their feelings is not helping them. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's really good advice. You know what I mean?

It's hurtful. It doesn't feel good. But it's like it's important to let that person move on and start to heal from their pain. They have to understand that it's a real situation. And, you know, and if you have to, you know, I wouldn't say you've had millions of affairs. That's not necessary. But you can say, yeah, I've actually had to have my needs met elsewhere. Like, I'm not, I didn't get married to kiss someone on the lips.

I'm so sorry, but, like, that's not enough for me. And I wish it were, I tried, I tried, I tried, and it's not. Yeah. And I think, like, you got to work real hard to forgive yourself, even though if you don't tell him about the infidelities, like, you don't need forgiveness from him. You just need to forgive yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you think he really doesn't want to be a sexual person, or do you think that there's, you know, a hang up? I mean, I've looked into, like, asexuality. And maybe he thought that's where he was. I mean, he had been, he's been with women before. And then he had been with a couple of guys before he met me. He came out really late in life where I came out when I was 13. So the weird thing is I've never, I've never questioned a gay man's sexuality and thought maybe he's straight.

So that, but I've asked that a lot throughout. Did he enjoy straight sex? As far as I know, it was good for him. I mean, we haven't really talked too much about that. But with, yeah, with us, it's like, I guess that's the part that's weird to me. It's like the not getting, or only did any sex or sexual things whenever he's drinking and drunk. I mean, drunk to the point where he passed out, you know, in the middle of trying to do anything sexual with me or even the kissing is weird. And it's like, I don't know if he's just afraid of doing it.

And he's that insecure with himself, maybe. I don't, I really don't know. I've asked myself all of these questions, but I can't pinpoint. And he won't ever say, the only thing he ever says is, I just don't know what to do. And I'm like, well, let's do this and try this, but he will only do this or try this when he's drunk. Was coming out hard for him? That's the even crazier thing. His family is amazing, and they all were, like, super accepting of him and loving and caring and all the opposite of what the hell I've had.

So, it can be just as much. of a mind fuck as having to fight your way out, I think. Because there's, I mean, this is like, like coming out of the closet, there's no easy way to do it, even if it goes well or it goes badly. Like, like, we're doing it every day in this, in this society. You come out of the closet every single day. And, and, you know, like, we all have hangups. And when we're gay, and we spend all of this time pretending we are not for however long, whether it's until we're 13 years old or 40 years old that that is a period of time when you are completely lying to everyone including yourself and and so the hangups are totally natural and not to be ashamed of and

maybe maybe you know maybe there's a world where he doesn't like gay sex and he does only like straight sex but he loves you and he wants to be with you the other thing is also you know you're not attracted to him anymore is what you said in your letter so it's like even if he were to like work through this or you guys would go to a sex therapist and they would try and help you guys push you along a little bit further sexually or anywhere basically it's you're you've lost your mojo for it because otherwise I would say okay like exhaust all efforts but like that kind of ship has sailed you know so I I would really just focus on the children of course and focus on yourself and forgiving yourself and no you're not a bad person at all people do that's not

the worst thing in the world. Yeah, I just want to give you a lot of love and a big hug and like, you know, good for you for knowing that you have to choose yourself. Like if you want to have a nice sex life and a real great relationship with someone that you, those things are both possible. You can have a great sex life in a relationship with someone. So there's no reason you shouldn't do that if that's what you desire. Yeah, for sure. Also, the world's going to end like any minute. So you better get out there and have a fucking good time. You know what I mean? Like enjoy your life. Please, everyone, listen, enjoy your escutche me. Enjoy your life. All right, Mitchell, will you check in with us in a couple months?

Absolutely. Thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate all of that and the love. So thank you so much. Yeah, big love to you, Mitchell. Bye, bye. Bye, Mitchell. Bye. Oh, that was so, I mean, yeah. And he also, it was so nice that he had taken all these steps. And then, like, so usually Michael would be. people call in. It's like, I'm in this situation. What do I do?

And they haven't taken the steps. And I'm like, oh, you know, well, first you need to get the fuck out of the house. Yeah. Well, and part of that was actually an update because he, we had, you know, I'd emailed him. And it was that first part. And he was like, and now I've moved out. So that part was actually like an update. Catherine goes camping with all of our callers first as a preliminary.

Exactly. Well, our next caller today is Emily. The subject line of her email is lying about having cancer. Dear Chelsea, my husband's best friend has been dating this girl, and I really do not like her. I have my reasons. For starters, she has lied for years about having various health issues. She claimed to have cancer, but then last year admitted she was, quote unquote, misdiagnosed. Although she only told that to one person and nobody else, but the secret is out because of how much she lies and how much the record needs to be straight about her.

The craziest part is, her boyfriend, dear friend to my husband and me as well, was recently diagnosed with leukemia. And the irony is chilling. She continuously sends Snapchats or group chat messages about her health issues while neglecting the fact that she's a liar and also minimizing her boyfriend's issues. In fact, she goes as far as complaining about him needing so much from her and how he, quote, better propose after all she has done for him. It's really hard to type out all the reasons she is a terrible person, but I'm hoping I'm giving the gist. She is constantly looking for attention and pity, but quite frankly, I have none to give.

I've never liked her for many reasons and nothing can change that. I'm at a point where I wish I could say something to her about how I simply do not consider her to be a friend in any way, but it's tough given that her boyfriend is our dear friend. Looking for any advice on how or if I should communicate my dislike and distrust and disinterest in being her or just continue to be fake. She has burnt bridges and created a circle of mistrust around her that frankly I do not wish to surround myself with, but it's hard to draw a line in the sand without communicating something for her to get the message across. We'd love to hear your blunt advice, Emily. Hi, Emily. How are you? Hello. I'm good. How are you? Hi, good. This is our guest, Michael Yuri. He's here today. Hi. Hey, Emily. Well, she sounds like a real pain in the ass. I don't like when women act like that. I don't like anyone acts like that, but it's very, very annoying.

I mean, I hear you. I would go, yeah, I would be telling this woman in a second what I thought of her, but for what? Like, what's that going to accomplish? You know what I mean? It's almost more important that her boyfriend know about her instead of her. She's not going to change because she's got some problems, obviously. No, she for sure has like Munchausen syndrome or something. And it's kind of like what my friends and I are just saying is like it's not even about her anymore. It's more about like her boyfriend who is actually our friend and who we care about deeply. So I've, you know, even before kind of chatting with you guys, I've been chatting with my sister-in-law about maybe just addressing things with him and just talking to him and being like, you know, I'm worried

about you, care about you, and kind of just pushing, I don't want to say pushing her off to the wayside, but essentially doing that because quite frankly, I don't really care about her. No, no, exactly. You care about the friend. You explain myself to her. Yeah. And I, and I wouldn't, like, is he on these group chats that she's sending? No, not at all. It's just to girls. It's not to any of the boys that were friends with significant. others or anybody. So I'm not even sure, like, how in the know he is about a lot of the thing she says and does. And how does your boyfriend feel about broaching this object with the two of you as a couple, like, talking to him? Is he open to that? He is so non-confrontational.

And it would come down to me being the bad guy, which I have, like, I'm totally fine at this point, like taking that on because I don't really care what she thinks of me. But at the same time, like, he's very isolated already because of like taking care of himself and then in turn kind of taking care of her right now because whatever is happening with her. And then just not going out. Yeah. I would have a straight up conversation with him and do it without your boyfriend because he's not going to be helpful. Anyone who does. He's not going to be helpful. No, I think you should go straight to him and be like, I need to have a real conversation with you and be as direct as possible. and show him some of the snapschats.

Just be like, I don't care if this woman likes me or not. Like, I'm invested in you. You can tell her I did this. Told you, I don't really care. Like, make it so that it's, you can bring her in here and I'll tell her to her face, you know? Like, your attitude is great because it is you are caring for your friend. And now that he's dealing with leukemia, the last thing he should be dealing with is some woman who's, like, trying to get him to propose to her.

That's gross. Yeah. And just the mere fact that she's not even, like, encouraging a better lifestyle, like, Like, I don't think- By the way, there's also a show that just came out with Caitlin Dinever or that one about the girl in Australia who faked him. Oh, yeah. Remember she faked all of her illnesses? It was a huge guru, quote-unquote. She was like a wellness guru, and she pretended she had all these diseases. It was just a huge show on Netflix. Fucking make him watch that. Go, you have to watch this with your girlfriend. Make him watch that show. It's really good. And it's based on a true story. There was a real woman in Australia who did this. And she faked all these diseases. And then she got found out. And yeah, that should be the first thing that you had. So the woman's name is Bell Gibson and the show is Apple Cider Finneger. Apple Cider Vinegar. Oh, yes. Funny enough, one of my best friends watched it and we've made the comparison of the situation. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So maybe tell them that they have to watch that. Go, oh my God, you guys, we just saw the best show.

Have them watch that and then go in for your conversation. No, I mean, I think that's a good starting point for sure. This also brings up another question. When someone who you love has like a shitty partner and you want to hang out with that person but not the partner, like, how do you do that? How do you go about being like, we don't want you to bring her to the barbecue or whatever? Yeah, I mean, you run the risk of them like him canceling you out as a friend. But like I'm sorry, I feel like being morally like, you know, up front is more important than worrying about the repercussions of the truth. You know what I mean? Like, and I think you do. too. And so, like, I like that you have this attitude that you're not, that you want to say something. I think you should say something. It takes, it's so much easier to sit back and do nothing and watch your friend just deal with this one. That's the easier way to do it and to talk behind their backs. A real friend goes and tells her friend, like, listen, this is what's happening. This is what we all think. It's gross. I hate seeing you treated like this. These text messages and these snapshots are gross. She's faking illnesses. Like, you need to wake up. You're sick and you need people around you who love you and care about you. And, you know, what else are you doing it for? You already have a husband. It's not like you're hitting on him. Well, yeah, I'm like, I'm 34 years old. I don't need more friends. If I lose one, it's at doing it out of the goodness of my heart to just kind of wake him up, give him a little shake. Yeah. And I'm at the point, like, I don't care. Yeah, right. Okay, good. Okay, good.

I worry about my boyfriend caring about the defy that might make, but I think I would go into it with well intentions that it's like. If you want to cut him out, that's your prerogative, but you should, you should dislike me for what I'm saying. This has nothing to do with him. Yeah, absolutely. Add that to the list of things. But I support you 100%. And please follow up with us. Let us know how it goes. That conversation goes. Yes, I absolutely will. Thank you so much. Good luck. That's wonderful. Thanks, Emily. A big stamp of approval, Emily. Thanks. Okay. Bye. Okay. We're going to be right back and we're going to wrap up with Michael Yuri. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebeney, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.

I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all, childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network, tune in on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

favorite shows. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York state number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camp. are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training.

These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning.

nobody tells you anything listen to shock incarceration on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey sis what if i could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again welcome to brown ambition this is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards if you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards you may just recreate the same problem a year from now When you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union, shopping around online, looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets.

I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt when it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment-free money advice, listen to Brown Ambition on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in.

That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it.

Get in here! Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The Deva of the People. The Deva of the People. I'm just like Text Your Ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. That's us.

That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love. friendship, heartbrates, men, and of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And we're back to wrap up with Michael Yuri.

Michael, how did you enjoy your therapy sessions? It was good. You give really good advice. Oh, thank you. And it's so fast. How do you come up with that so quickly? I'm very impressed. She doesn't look at these beforehand.

Like, this is all off the... It's really, it's really good. You've, you've really figured out how to, like, zero in on the problem. And you're brave. I'm so... I'm not confrontational, and I'm afraid of lying. And so I'm a little bit of a noodle like that. But honesty doesn't have to be a confrontation.

It can be like, you know, I have to tell you something. You know, this is what's happening. I just saw this happen. You didn't see it. It's about you. I want you to know. That's a friend. That's not a confrontation, you know, going to that girl and going, you're a liar, you're

a da-da-da, that's a confrontation, and it's also unnecessary because she's not going to change. You know, she's got big problems if she's lying about having cancer. But anyway, listen, we solved the world's problem today. Things are looking up, okay? We needed a bright spot in our day. I definitely needed a bright spot in my day. This was it. This is going to be when I write my three favorite things about my gratitude journal tonight,

I'm going to say, well, this is one of my highlights, having Michael Yuri on the podcast. We had great callers, Catherine, today. I mean, great advice and good, good, healthy. Good vibes. Yes. So, and I just am very delighted to have you. You're a delightful person. Yeah, thank you.

I'm such a huge fan. I love this show and I love you. And I'm, I was really delighted to be asked. Thank you. Oh, yay. Yay. Well, I hope I bump into you at person at some point. And we can have a, we can have a nice stiff drink together.

Yes. Or a stiff joint. We'll have a joint. We'll have a joint together. Yes. Okay, Michael, have a great day. Thanks for coming on. Thanks so much. Thank you guys. Bye, bye. Okay, well, that's the end of our episode and reminding people. We got a lot of feedback on our Yamanika episode. People were loving Yamanika. Yamanica's opening for me in Vegas on August 30th. So if you want to see the two of us in action, we'll be there. Okay, well, we'll see you next Thursday. Bye. Bye.

Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming, and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my. residency on August 30th and then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th. I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing inside myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay. Thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.

I'm Ebeney, and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace.

You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of family season of family. Secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford, host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. I know how

overwhelming it can feel if flying makes you anxious. In session 418 of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Dr. Angela Neil Barnett and I discuss flight anxiety. What is not a norm is to allow it to prevent you from doing the things that you want to do, the things that you were meant to do. Listen to therapy for Black Girls on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. From tips for healthy living to the latest medical breakthroughs, WebMD's Health Discovered podcast keeps you up to date on today's most important health issues. Through in-depth conversations with experts from across the health care community, WebMD reveals how today's health news will impact your life tomorrow. It's not that people don't know that exercise is healthy,

it's just that people don't know why it's healthy, and we're struggling to try to help people help themselves and each other. Listen to WebMD Health Discovered on the IHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.