Dear Chelsea - Folk Magic with Wendi Mclendon-Covey

Episode Date: June 12, 2025

Wendi Mclendon-Covey joins Chelsea to chat about her love of New Orleans, why she’s obsessed with costar David Alan Grier, and the best thing about being childfree by choice. Then: A childfree woman struggles when her partner’s teenage kid moves in with them. A mom wonders if her daughter is asexual.  And a 20-something is put in an awkward position when her neighbor sleeps with her best friend.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart podcast. Wendy McClendon Covey. Good morning. Good morning to you. Was that your brother helping you set up your podcast? That was my husband. My brother husband. My brother husband. Hi, it's so nice to see you. It's good to see you. I tried to see you the night

we were at the Critics' Choice Awards together. I saw you, but I didn't see you. Good job with that, P.S. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. That was amazing because you had the unenviable position of having to make everybody happy after the city had burned to the ground and that show had been rescheduled three times and you nailed it.

You were fantastic. Thank you. Thank you so much, Wendy. I appreciate that. Wendy and I share a gynecologist and his name is David Alan Greer. So I first wanna just talk about your experience working with him because I have never ever been able,

nor will I ever, Wendy, be able to take that man seriously. As an actor, as a person, as a skier, I tried to ski with him once. I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He tried to tell me he could ski. And this was before I became the skier that I am today.

Before I, I'm a pretty decent and competent skier now. Yeah, you are. Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that. And I worked hard to get there, you know? Like I took it very seriously, like almost like a college degree. But David, like the idiot that he is,

and will always remain, tried to convince me that, or he's the one, actually, no, I have to give him a little bit of credit. He's the one who got me back into skiing because he took me skiing on the West Coast. I don't remember if we were in Tahoe or we were in maybe Aspen Comedy Festival. It was something where there was like a comedy festival related. So it must have been Aspen. And he was like, oh, let's go skiing. I said, I don't have any ski clothes. It was like springish. And he said, you don't need any, you just need jeans and like, you know, a vest.

And I'm like, since when? Cause I grew up in New Jersey. So I skied on the East coast. And so he convinced me to go skiing. We went skiing. We went out for about an hour and a half until he started complaining. He was too cold in the springtime.

He was the one who dragged me out there and then started complaining. And finally I told him to get off the mountain. I was having a really good time on my own. I was like, leave me alone. And that was when I discovered that skiing could be actually pleasurable when other people weren't with you

and in warmer weather when you didn't have to put on all that gear. And so he kind of was, he was kind of the person that reintroduced me to adult skiing. So I do want to give him that shout out, but I've had so many personal experiences with him as a friend that I don't want to give him any credit beyond that.

Okay, you're blowing my mind that he skis at all. Well, he doesn't. Because he doesn't like to leave the house, the David I know. Now, again, I've only known him for a year or two. You've known him for a lot longer, but that he would willingly go and ski or do something physical. That's amazing to me. Or do something fun. Yes. I don't know what's happened to him over the past couple of years because I haven't stayed in touch with him. I think I haven't hung out with him

probably in like 10 years, But whenever I see him, I just think of that day on the mountain. And I just think of, I mean, he is one of our funniest people. He is. He really is. Yeah. And what, tell me about what it's like working with him.

Well, okay. So you and I are roughly the same age. So we both watched In Living Color, right? Yeah. And that was a pretty mind blowing show. Yes, at the time. And he was so damn funny on that and in anything he does. So when I heard that he was doing this show, St. Dennis Medical, I couldn't say yes fast enough. And when I'm on set, I feel like I just catch myself staring at him like, wow, you're really right there.

And we know each other and you know who I am. And this is crazy to me that this is where my life is. So when we're in a scene together, I basically turn into an audience member. And you forget to say my line. So you respect him? Oh, yes. Yeah, that's the difference between you and me. I don't have any respect for him.

Actually, we should book him on this podcast because I would like to tell him to his face. Yeah, tell him. I think he needs to hear it. But I like that you do respect him because he is very entertaining. And obviously, the show is a huge hit. Congrats on all the nominations you guys received. Thank you.

Well, the Critics' Choice nomination for sure. And congrats on season two. Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you. Also congrats on being one of the funniest women out there because you make me fucking laugh. What? I mean, a lot of you-

You laugh? That is- Yeah, you do. You make everybody laugh. You're ridiculous. You and Carrie Kenny Silver on Reno 911 is just too fucking funny. These two are ridiculous together.

Well, the whole cast of Reno 911 deserves an award every year, just for ever having done that show. Well, you had some fun with us, didn't you? I did. I did a guest star on that show years and years ago. I was so... I was... Yes. Which was also a ridiculous experience. It was so fun to be a part of that show because you guys improv so much and everyone was always just about to break and always laughing in the middle of scenes

and that's really what I those are the only kinds of productions I like to be involved in is when people are breaking on camera. Well, we were lucky to get you and you were so cool about it because I remember, you know, Reno was just like a fly by the seat of our pants kind of show, like, permits, never heard of her, you know, we never got permits for anything. We, it was just guerrilla shooting.

So we needed cars for some reason. We needed cars to drive by and it wasn't safe, but you said, oh, you can use mine. I'm turning it in tomorrow. It doesn't matter. You can thrash it. And it was like, that's a good girl right there. She will go there.

Yes, of course. And she's hilarious. So yeah. All in the name of comedy, right, Wendy? That's right. That's right. So tell me about your life. What's happening? What's happening in your personal life? So this is your husband brother that set up your podcast for you

Yes, and right now we're in New Orleans. Oh, what are you doing there? We have the tiniest condo in the French Quarter and we come out here as often as we can I love this city. I cannot tell you what kind of hold it has on me. Wow. But we hadn't been able to get out here since right around new years. So we needed to come out and just check on things, do some housekeeping. And of course we're going to have fun and try to hear some music and stuff. But we've missed Mardi Gras this year. We're missing Jazz Fest. We missed French Quarter Fest, but it doesn't matter. I just love it here.

I feel like there's always a festival happening in the French Quarter. Always. And when we got here, there were three parades. Three parades. We couldn't, our cab couldn't even get us to our house. Well, they had to drop us off at the park and we just walked our luggage through the quarter.

Yeah, pretty much. Became part of the parade. You should have immersed yourself in the parade until you got to your house. I know, I should have just, you know, disrobed. Do you ever run into Amy Schumer down there? Cause I was recently, when I did a show down there, I went to her house in the French Quarter.

I heard that she has a house and no, I've never run into her. Oh, you two need to connect. You two would really get on like a house on fire. Really? Yeah, I'm gonna put you on a text with her. Do you know if she has a big house? Cause like I said, we've got a tiny little place

cause I don't wanna worry about a big house. No, no, no, no, no. It's not crazy or anything like that. It's normal. It's normal size. She does have a pool in the backyard, but it's not. Wow. Yeah, but it's not a crazy house.

Amy's not crazy like that. She's like, you know, she's pretty normal. Now you have a house in Spain? I do, that is not a normal house. Oh my God. No, and I'm not gonna pretend that it is. You know what I mean? But do you, you must go there a lot.

I do go there, I go there in the summer. I, we rent out that house a lot because you know, it is so ridiculous. So in order to justify it, I have to rent it out. But I do go there with it. I go there like I'll be there in June for a week and hopefully I'll spend like the month of September or October, whatever my schedule allows. I share that house with a lot of my friends and family. And it is the biggest, it's one of the best gifts I've ever given myself

is the house in Majorca. Catherine's been there. It's so gorgeous. It's just amazing. It's kind of like a slice of, I remember looking at this house and, you know, places speak to you as you're talking about New Orleans, right, which is such a magical place.

Everyone, if you haven't been to New Orleans, once you go, you understand. There's just something there that is not available anywhere else in any other city in the United States. And I'm not sure about the world. I mean, you know, maybe there's parts of Paris, I feel like the French Quarter or something, but which was why it was probably called the fucking quarter. But I just piece that together as I was saying it. I'm like, oh, but you know, when you find something and you're like, whoa, whoa saying it. I'm like, oh. But you know when you find something and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa,

this is like my childhood. Like it came from my childhood memories. It evoked all of these happy feelings, like the view of the water in the setting that it is, and just the boats, like the sailboats parked in the bay reminded me so much of my childhood growing up on Martha's Vineyard and seeing. And it's not the same exact view obviously,

but it's a very similar view. And I remember we would always sit outside on our deck and my dad would every time we would be outside, he'd be look at this view, look at this view. So I've had that imprinted in my brain. And when I found my house in Majorca, it was dilapidated, it was run down. I had to climb over some balustrade and banister

to get up there with a couple of friends. And I remember turning around once we got in, once we broke in and turned around and looked at the view. I said, look at this view. I cannot believe this house is abandoned. Like, I'm gonna get it. And so that's how I feel every time I'm there, like, look at this view. I cannot believe this house is abandoned. Like I'm gonna get it. And so that's how I feel every time I'm there. Like look at this view.

And I could get lost in that view and sit in front of that water for days and not leave the house and be perfectly happy as long as somebody's making me a frozen mango decree. That's really magical. There it is. The older you get, the less it takes to make you happy. And sometimes it's just a nice view and a good drink. You know, the older you get, the less it takes to make you happy. And sometimes

it's just a nice view and a good drink. I know. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, your, your house was abandoned. You, you just found it. You didn't go through a realtor or anything. You just, it said for sale in Spanish on it, but like it was, it was like the roofs had caved in, like, like the pictures were still on the walls. The, the, the, Like you could go up halfway up the staircase, but you couldn't go all the way up to the top. So it needed just to be re fortified. There's not a lot of leeway they give you in those small towns.

You have to kind of stick to the plan and just like re fortify it. You know what I mean? Like the, even the banisters outside on the terrace, they have to be in like, you know, Majorcan code. And so that's even more beautiful, I think, so that you can't really, you know, you can obviously design it however you want in the interior, but what you would do on the outside

has to have, the edifice has to match the area. But yes, best gift I ever bought myself. Amazing. And you earned that. Thank you. You earned that. Thank you. You worked your ass off.

So yes, you absolutely deserve to have a beautiful vacation home. Well, you deserve the same. You absolutely deserve the same. You don't have any children, Wendy, right? Nope. Nope. And how do you feel about that decision? Every day I pat myself on the back for sticking to my gun.

Fucking high five. High fucking five right there. I mean, the best thing that, the thing that people never tell you about making the choice to never have children, which nobody ever told me that was a choice either. Did anyone ever tell you it was a choice or did you just inherently know or?

I just always knew I didn't want them. Yes. But I never said that cause it seemed like something that I was gonna have to do, regardless. But I mean, even when, when I remember being little, being presented with a baby doll and being like, oh, no, that's so much work. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to fuss with this thing.

I got stuff to do. I've got to go make mud pies and you know, I never wanted them, but I liked Barbies. I liked, you know, she's a career woman. Me too. I like she's a career woman. Exactly. I had never contemplated this though, but you're absolutely right. That's how I felt about like playing mommy and baby and with little babies.

Like I liked Cabbage Patch Kids because they seemed like they had a little personality. Yes. You know what I mean? Like they could change their own diaper probably. Yeah and they were like you could get one with a dimple and green eyes and brown hair like you could kind of design them or they you know like pick out the ones you saw had freckles but they seemed like they had a little spunk. They weren't babies. You know I remember getting a preemie cabbage patch. I'm like I don't want this. I want the one with the long brown hair,

the green eyes and the dimple. That's what I was into. The preemies, they're too young. You gotta be fussing with them all the time. Every two hours you gotta feed them. No, thank you. Nothing to do with that. The other thing though is what we need to tell people

who are listening to this, as we have so many female listeners, and I'm sure many of them are on, you know, thinking and deliberating about whether or not they wanna be a mother. When you choose not to, because people go, am I gonna regret this decision? I don't know anyone that hasn't had a child

that sits around and goes, I wish I had one. Anyone that is child free goes, thank God I got through that area of time, that period of time where I could have been vulnerable to possibly dislodging a child. I did not fall for fall prey to that. And I made it through the tunnel that where I am no longer able or viable to have one.

Like I feel like, I got through that test. Yep, yep. And then for a while I looked at like Diane Keaton who adopted at 50. And I think, well, is that an option? No, it isn't. No, no it's not. It isn't.

And I love kids. And I love that people want to have kids. I don't judge that, but boy do I feel judged when I tell people, yeah, that was never in the kids. I don't judge that, but boy do I feel judged when I tell people. Yeah, that was never in the plan. Never wanted them. I've been told, you know, oh, well, that's really selfish. It's really selfish of you not to have them.

And it's like, I don't think it is. I think it's selfish to have them because you think you're supposed to and then resent them. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And turn them into an unfunny comedy routine that a lot of people do. Oh yeah.

I think that's repugnant, but whatever. I think it's selfish to bring a child into this world where you're not 150% down with the idea of what's gonna happen. Like if there's any doubt at all, then it's not for you. You have to yearn for something. The way that like we would yearn for our careers, the way that we yearn to be creative, you have to have that longing and that yearning with regard to children. And if it's not there,

then I think that's your answer. Yeah, exactly. And I see people going through IVF and doing all these things and it's like, well, I hope it happens for you. You clearly want it so much, but I've never wanted it. And Greg and I, we've been married 29 years and we would check in with each other. You good, you don't want any? Great. And we've always been on the same page with it.

Wow, 29 years, that's great. And that's why you're still together probably because you never had a baby. I think so too, I think so too. What are you gonna do for your 30th anniversary? Do you want to go to my house in Majorca? I'm offering it up for you to celebrate your 30th anniversary, wedding anniversary.

Oh my God. That's amazing. That's very sweet. I'll obviously pepper in some other couples who are celebrating big milestones so it can turn into a big swingers party. Because I can't ever leave well enough alone. That would be amazing. And we'll look at the view.

Give us some serious nuggets of wisdoms or not so serious of why you have a successful marriage for 30 years. Like what is the secret? What's your secret? Well, my secret, my quote unquote secret is before I say anything critical of him, I look at myself and find out that I'm not so delightful either. So I try not to criticize him before I see what I'm doing wrong. And I'm usually doing something terrible. I'm a pain in the ass. He's very easy. How are you a pain in the ass?

Well, listen, I'm an actor. I'm very needy. I'm moody. I'm a perfectionist. And I have a short temper. Whereas Greg is nothing but pure sweetness, is very slow to anger and is just the most supportive person in the world. So if there's anything wrong in our marriage, it's usually my fault. And I'm willing to admit that. I can admit it. And I think admitting it is one thing. And also when he does something sweet, I tell the whole wide world. So I brag on him a lot because he is really like, I couldn't do anything that I do if

I didn't have that man. He's the only one who ever encouraged me to go into acting. The rest of my family and friends were just like, Oh, this is embarrassing. Don't do that. Well, he was right. Apparently, it worked out. He was right. But like, he's the one who wakes me up in the morning, he gets up before me, he fixes my breakfast every morning and sends me off to work.

What else can I ask for? It sounds like you chose very well for your personality. He's just my everything. I was just born to love that man. I love that. I love to hear that. That's so, it is very heartwarming to hear. Did you make bad choices before you met your husband? Like, did you have a pattern of dating other types of men? Yes, I did. I did. But I learned my lessons quickly. Like, if I do something terrible once, I will not do it again.

So like if I date a drug addict once, that's gonna be the only one. You know, I'm done. I see the signs, we're not gonna go through this again. You can't change people. That's not my job. I got other things to do. So there's that.

And also like my parents and I love them and they're still together. They are having their 60th wedding anniversary next week, but they fought constantly. They got married very young and they fought constantly. For some people when they grow up in that, they seek that out without realizing it because it feels normal that never felt normal and I won't do it. I'm not gonna live in a house where there's constant chaos and arguing.

So I knew that's not something that I was gonna put up with. Yeah, a lot of people who call in have a lot of trouble breaking that. Like I'm a big proponent of what you're saying, make your first time the last time. You know, like I don't wanna learn the same lessons twice. I'm busy.

I wanna like move on and learn another lesson. I wanna, you know, I wanna have new experiences. But a lot of our people are like how, you know, like they have such trouble letting go of toxic relationships. And at our age, it's so easy to give the advice of like, this is just not for you. Like the sooner you learn these lessons,

the happier and freer you become as a person. And then the things that you want and think that you need come to you without so much effort being put out. No, you're 100% right. And if you will just do that kind of mental house cleaning, then you make space for all that good stuff to come in. But if you don't clean house, you're always blocking your blessings, which I know is a very woo-woo-woo thing to say about- No, no, no, you're in the perfect place to say that. No, that's okay, I'm woo-woo-woo too.

I mean, you can't move to California, live here for 30 years and not just fucking capitulate. You know what I mean? I'm like, okay, I'm two Easter's away from celebrating that. You know what I mean? I'm like, okay. I mean, I'm like two, I'm two Easter's away from celebrating that, you know? I mean, and that's, and that's not woo woo. That's actually woo woo to me now is, that's what I consider woo woo is like real religion.

I'm like, okay, get away from me with that. But what do you guys have to talk about after 30 years together out of curiosity? Is that ever- Oh God. Just anything, just so natural that you don't, it doesn't even, it's not an issue. Cause I have trouble keeping a conversation

with somebody I've been dating for 10 months. Yeah, I think the way to get around that though, is that silence is okay sometimes too. Yeah. You don't always have to be entertaining. No. You can just sit there. It's fine.

And then things do pop up that you've never, you know, stories you've never told before. I don't know. It's just that it does seem like you would run out of things to talk about, but there are always things. And I don't know how to explain it, but it never gets boring. Back to St. Dennis Medical, do you guys do a lot of improv

on that show? We do. We do. we do. Our show runner, Eric Ledging, he was one of the creators of Superstore and American Auto and stuff like that. He really does encourage us to get it done the scripted way and then we can improvise,

that there's just something we have to do. And they usually leave it in, they've been pretty generous with us. And I have to say, working they usually leave it in. They've been pretty generous with us. And I have to say, working on that show is such a pleasure because our showrunners love their families and want to go home at night. So if they don't, you know, for the listeners at home, if your showrunner doesn't necessarily want to go home, you don't get to go home either. So it's great because we're usually done by six

o'clock every night. Oh, what a treat. That is ideal. Yeah. In this business, that is very unusual. I got the script for that show like four hours after the Goldberg's was canceled. I'm lucky it came my way because it was in a during a year where they just weren't making a lot of pilots at all. I think they made four across network television. And this one got picked up. I remember that year. I remember when they was like out of, I mean, they used to make like 25 pilots a year and then pick up, I don't know, 10. And then all of a sudden there was one year where they made four fucking pilots

and people were panicking about the state of the industry. So you were on the Goldbergs for 10 years, was it? Yeah. 10 years and you played a mother and I read that you didn't want to play a mother again. Isn't it funny even playing a mother's exhausting? Well, I mean, I had, look, I got to relive the eighties again. So I've been in the eighties for 20 years, all right, which I've had enough. All right, I get it. The eighties again. So I've been in the eighties for 20 years. All right. Which I've had enough. All right. I get it. The eighties were fun. I loved playing a mom and now I understand like kind of what my mom went through at that time. But I got that

out of my system, play, you know, the overbearing mama and I loved it, but I didn't want to do it again. Not for a while anyway. And so when I read this, you know, the character of Joyce, the administrator, the hospital administrator, she's such an oddball that I found her irresistible and was like, yes, I want to do this. Yeah. I mean, the role is so perfect for you and you're so perfect in it. Thank you. Absolutely, I love you. I think you're just so fucking funny. I mean, so talented. Thank you, Chelsea, thank you. Okay, we're gonna take a break

and we'll be right back with Wendy McClendon Covey and her brother husband. We'll be right back. And we're back with Wendy McClendon Covey. Okay, Wendy, we're gonna take some callers, okay? We're going to give out advice here. So, Katherine, what do we have today? Well, our first email comes from Andrea.

The subject is 26-year-old virgin. Dear Chelsea, my daughter just came to visit me for a couple of weeks. My daughter is beautiful, thoughtful, and smart. She graduated college, went to cooking school, and is now working successfully as a chef. Whenever I ask, the subject of dating is always changed to another subject or answered with a one-word answer.

She never has a boyfriend and never has and never really even kissed someone, and I'm just at a loss as to why. I asked her if she was asexual and she said no. She's only getting older and I don't want her to be alone and never see what joy being in a relationship will bring, let alone sex. I don't know what to do or say. Please help. Coming from her loving mom who only wants the best for her, Andrea." Is she gay? Is your daughter a lesbian? And do you have feelings about her being a lesbian that are preventing her from being truthful to you

about being a lesbian? Asexual isn't the only question to be asking though. No, totally, totally. You know what I mean? Like if she's asking if she's asexual, she's asked if she's gay, she didn't mention that part. And she keeps mentioning a man, not a person. Right, right.

So maybe she's a lesbian. So maybe you should think about that. Or I don't know, do you know a lot of asexual people, Wendy? I do know a couple. I know a couple, I know a couple. And look, she's 26. She could be just very picky. She could be gay. That was my first thought as well. Or she might have a secret life that you don't know anything about. Sounds like that's probably, or she could be a totally late bloomer, you know? Some people don't really come into their own until they're in their 30s, like sexually.

First of all, you don't even come into your own sexually until you're like 40s and 50s for a lot of women. So that could be something too, but definitely you pushing her is not going to put her in a relationship. That has no impact whatsoever on anyone. I would leave the situation alone for as long as possible until she comes to you with some information

that allows you to ask further questions. But I would also put it out there that if she is a lesbian, if she is asexual, if she does have some secret life that she doesn't want you to know about, that you are okay with that because you have to be. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and some people, I think dating now is so intimidating.

It's weird. It's bizarre. It's like we went full tilt on the dating apps and everyone went bonkers and now there's like a contraction. Like people are so disgusted by dating apps and by what's available out there that people are like, I'd rather be alone. So I think we're in that phase of things. And plus our younger generations are not as sexually active as we were

because there's so much porn and everything. So they actually don't need to get it. You know, so there's a there's this possibility that she's asexual. Yeah. Also, just leave her alone. Like, there's nothing that's sexy about talking to your mother about sex. Yeah, that's not going to probe her. I. So that's not going to probe her. I mean, that's not going to push her, sorry to say probe. That's not going to push her into anything.

So back off, mom, back off. Our first caller today is Beth. She is 30. Dear Chelsea, I've been with my partner for almost seven years. I'm 30 and he's 52. I am biologically child free. However, last summer, my partner's almost seven years. I'm 30 and he's 52. I am biologically child-free. However, last summer, my partner's teenage son moved in with us full-time from the West Coast

to the Southeast because he was expelled from his school and was having various behavioral challenges. The transition was extremely challenging for me personally as someone who has no desire to have kids, so much so that I got my tubes removed earlier this year. But I also did it for our relationship as my partner and I have different ideas of parenting at times.

I do think his son is a good person at heart, but his communication is regularly disrespectful and loud. He doesn't ever take accountability, which is super triggering for me. My partner and I have been in couples therapy for co-parenting, which has been helpful for the relationship, but I still find myself frustrated with his son's behavior. I absolutely loved your book and how you wrote about your relationship with Poopsy, Whoopsy, and Oopsy. been helpful for their relationship, but I still find myself frustrated with his son's behavior. I absolutely loved your book and how you wrote about your relationship with Poopsie, Whoopsy, and Oopsy.

It really touched me and I admire how you built a relationship with them and became such an influence in their life. So my question is this. When I am so frustrated with my partner's son's behavior, how do I get over my frustration and irritability? What do you think I can or should do to build a stronger relationship with him? I've been in his life since he was seven. We've gone on vacations together.

We play video games sometimes. I drive in places, do his laundry occasionally, cook family dinner for the three of us nightly, among other things. But I'm still struggling with the relationship dynamic I have with his son. Please help me be a better step mom. I'd like to have what you're having.

Love you so much, Beth. Hi, Beth. Hi Beth. Hi Chelsea. Hi, this is Wendy McClendon-Covey, our special guest today. Hi Beth. Nice to meet you. That's nice that you're, I mean, first of all,

it's very nice that you're trying so hard and that you want to try hard, you know, and that is a difficult situation. How old is he again? He is 15. And it was hard in the beginning when he first came. I was kind of on the fence because it was so hard because I'm the oldest of seven kids.

So that was also, that's like just a component of life. Like you've done your mothering. Yeah, it was hard, it still kind of is, but now I'm more in the spirit of like, okay, I'm trying to give this a try and just fully embrace it. And when I get so irritable and frustrated, like this has kind of also been a hard week.

It makes me, I don't wanna say not wanna try, but it makes me feel just overwhelmed. And is he, how how like what level of disrespect does he exhibit to you towards you? So he'll get I mean he's a teenager so I know teenagers have attitudes but he'll have an attitude or he'll talk back. He also doesn't know when enough is enough or like when to stop. So like for example this weekend we went to the beach and, you know, we're porcing around, we had fun. And then it's like, okay, we're done. But all throughout the rest of the day, he kept antagonizing and just hitting me. And then I was laying in bed Saturday night with my partner. And he comes in and like hits me on the head,

like thinking he's joking. And I'm like, I'm trying to go to sleep enough. So it's just also just like not knowing when enough is enough. And I'm also someone that stays very calm. I don't like yelling, whereas my partner, you know, they'll get in arguments and yell. And so when I say something to him or point out, you know, Hey, your dad is trying to tell you XYZ, he then will shut down or he'll become nasty back towards me. Mm-hmm. Sounds like a typical teenager. Yeah.

And sometimes I see a lot of myself in him. Like when I was a teenager, I was also very like headstrong, so I relate to him on some levels. We're also both Libras if that like means anything to you. But I'm a Libra as well. I get it. Oh yeah. Let's go Libra. Great because I don't get it. I don't know what that means. Just balance and wanting balance and stuff.

It's been hard also because I don't want kids for a very, very long list of reasons. So yeah, I'm just not sure what to do in terms of how to not be so triggered and frustrated. Because I'm also in my own recovery for mental health. So personal responsibility and accountability to me means a lot. And it's very, very frustrating to try to build awareness around him of like how to take accountability, like he's getting he gets in arguments with teachers a lot. And it's always the other person's fault. So that's, that's hard for me, too.

Yeah, that's annoying. Well, and but also, again, he's 15 years old. So his brain isn't fully formed yet. Right. And it's not going to be for unfortunately for another 10 years, because he's a man. So that's like what 25, 26 was when their brain's fully formed. Yeah, yeah. Is that right? Yep. Or is it later?

I want to say like 25 to 20 is when your frontal lobe is done cooking. What I've learned when I took my parenting classes for poopsie whoopsie and oopsie, what I've learned is like when they're combative, it's different with a boy. So when they are combative, it's like you have to be in a joking mood with them. Like you can't meet their anger with anger.

Like your husband yelling at him, when him yelling like that doesn't do anything. That just keeps the cycle going. And it's like a storm in the sky that's just moving around in different areas. But when you meet their anger with like, yeah, I hear you, you sound pissed off, you must be pissed. Yeah, you sound really pissed off. Not validating his feelings, but but acknowledging how he feels, you know what I mean? Not saying you're right. And so and that your feeling is justified, but

like, wow, you do seem really pissed off, let me give you some space. Or like, okay, well, I'll be over here when you calm down, when you wanna talk about it, if you wanna talk about it, I'm here, you don't have to, whatever. You just kind of throw it back at them in the moment that they're in so that you're not ignoring their feelings

and it actually makes you feel better because what we tend to do, I think, when we're dealing with other people's children is take things so personally and it's not personal. Like, they're going through puberty, they have all these hormones raging through their bodies, their temper is not their own, their emotions are not their own. It's a period in their life where they're just uncontrolled. It doesn't happen as badly with every teenager,

but it happens a lot. And it sounds like that's what's happening with him. And in the moments of calm is when you can kind of point things out. And since you're a stepmom, it's a very specific dance of being like, you wanna be like a cool person in their life that they can come to.

You wanna like open up that avenue and be like, listen, I know this is frustrating, but like when you wanna talk about it, if you ever do wanna talk about it, I'm here, I'm always here for you, you know? And not to like impose yourself on them, but to make sure, and it sounds like you're doing all those things.

You're spending time with him, you're cooking dinners every night, you're doing all of the things that put the marbles in the jar, so that he knows he has an ally and someone he can rely on. And like the instance of him coming in and smacking you on the head in the bedroom when you're done playing, like how did you react in that moment? I just turned over slowly and looked at him and I was like, really? Like just, I didn't yell at him or was like, what are you doing? Why would you? I just acknowledged maybe this isn't the time and place. Like it's nine o'clock at night. We had fun at the beach earlier, but you know,

and his dad has noticed the same thing. Like they'll rough house and they'll play around, but then it's still the same of like, he doesn't know when to stop. And if we try to, I don't want to say get stern, but like more serious of like, okay, hey, it's time to stop, then that triggers him and he gets upset and then it's like, oh, you guys are no fun or, you know, why do you always have a problem? And it's like, no, it's just enough.

Well, cause he's embarrassed. He's embarrassed to get like, so how did he react when you did that? When you turned over and you gave him that look, did he get the message? He just walked out. Great, great. But that's the result you want. End of that.

You know what I mean? Without an argument. He got the message. So I think you're doing a good job with the way you're handling it by not losing your temper, by being available when they need you. And when he gets in fights with his teachers repetitively, it's not about like, oh, you know, what's your part in this? Because he's not there yet. He's only 15 years old.

But it's just acknowledging, yeah, that must be really tough without laying blame on either person, him or the teacher. Be sure that you're not doing that, you know, which it doesn't sound like you are. But by just being available, available for the good moods, for the bad moods, being around there, don't allow yourself to be a punching bag, but that doesn't warrant a fight either. You can just say, I'm sorry, I'm not interested in this right now.

Like, you're kind of being aggressive, that's fine. You're in a mood, I'm going to go over there, or I'm going to go to my room, and then when you're ready to talk, come get me, I'm always here. That kind of attitude. Do you get what I'm going to go over there or I'm going to go to my room. And then when you're ready to talk, come get me. I'm always here. That kind of attitude. Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I do. That that makes sense. And I think because it's it's like I want to be a support for him, which I think I am. But I like it sounds like you definitely are.

Yeah, I try. And I've known him since like I said, I was seven. And, you know, we've had instances where he'll just come and talk to me and start telling me stuff about girls or whatever's going on in school. And we've had some good conversations, like why he thinks he lies and why he thinks he does the things he does. And I've noticed that if he is not being yelled at, he is also more inclined to be calm, which

is the ideal. Well, of course. I mean, everyone's going to be more calm when they're not being yelled at. Yeah. What do you think, Wendy? Well, first question, are they in therapy together? He was in anger management classes when he lived back out on the West coast. And I'm a big proponent for therapy.

I wish he would do it and that his dad would kind of push him to do it. He thinks he doesn't need it. Okay, well, the two of them need to be in therapy together, I think. Yeah, I think so, too. I think that's a great idea. And I'm I am a little concerned that you have been adamant about how you don't want kids, but you are taking on this mother role. I don't know that that just kind of stuck out to me like,

hmm, I don't know, Beth. I think that at the very minimum, the least that your husband can do in exchange for you taking on this role that you did not in exchange for you taking on this role that you did not seek out for yourself would be to mandate that there is a therapy, like that he goes to therapy with his son or that his son go alone. He's the father, the kid is 15. He doesn't really have a choice.

It doesn't matter that a 15 year old doesn't think they need therapy. That's just invalid, you know? And, and that has to be on that him. And you know what I mean? That has nothing to do with you. It can't be coming from you. It has to be coming from his father. And that could be an easy requirement.

He wasn't living with you guys and he was going to anger management. That's a sign that he should be continuing in the direction of therapy in some capacity for sure. Yeah. And you shouldn't be the only one doing all the inner work. You're in recovery, you said. So that can be very triggering. And I feel like that's the biggest piece of the puzzle is the two of them need to work

on this together. So can you talk to your husband about that? Do you feel comfortable having that conversation? Yeah, for sure. And I think he might be open to it. I hadn't thought about it before, of both of them going together, because my partner, we were together in therapy,

which we've only, well, we've been doing it for about three months now, which it's been helpful, but he's admitted and knows he parents from a place of guilt, of like dad guilt, but that's his stuff he needs to deal with, not me. Yeah, and that kid should just be going to therapy on his own anyway. It sounds like he's been uprooted and moved around,

like he needs to go to therapy. You don't just go to anger management classes and then that's the end of the story. You know, there's gotta be another transition and another phase out and it's only gonna be helpful, but that has to come from your husband. So why don't you have that conversation with your husband and be like, listen, this is,

I'm putting a lot of effort here, and also the self work that you're talking about, letting him, you're doing a great job, so pat yourself on the back for that. This kid's not gonna un-more you. He's not gonna, think of yourself as a tree, you're a tree, and there are leaves and there are branches that might wave around through the wind and storms, but you are firmly planted in the ground. You've done your work, you're in recovery.

And this is just another way that you can like spread your love around with, you know, via him, with, with all of the components in place. and that being one of the major components being therapy. Thank you. I do really appreciate that, because I've really been trying, and yeah, in the start, it was a debate, for me an inner debate of do I stay or do I go, because of just the trauma I've been through in my life,

you know, being a little seven, and just mothering and parenting is just, I like my time being my time. I like having my freedom. And I mean, I still kind of have that. It was a real adjustment in the beginning last fall. I bet. I bet. But I think one way to get a little bit of time back is he's 15, he can do his own laundry. Let's get that off your plate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need to be cleaning semen out of socks. That's below your pay grade.

Okay, Beth, will you check in with us and let us know how it goes? Yes, definitely. Thank you. I just want to say thank you so much. And Chelsea, I look up to you so much and value your authenticity. Like I just, I really am so grateful for this opportunity.

And I just, yeah, I just, you're an inspiration to me. So thank you for everything. I love it. Thank you so much. Thank you. You as well. Hi Beth. All right.

Well, let's take a quick break and we can come back with our caller. Okay. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Please tag me for the special cause I get so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special and my special is the newest thing out. So I want to make sure all my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me and I'll repost you. And yes, it's called the feeling. And we're back with Wendy McClendon Covey. How mellifluous. It just rolls right off the

tongue. It just roll, you know what? Yeah. Wendy McClendon Covey. Yes. Well, our last caller today is Alexandra. She is 32. She says, Dear Chelsea, I am in a very awkward situation with my neighbor.

Me and my neighbor became friends this past year over our dogs becoming friends. So annoying. We started going on dog walks together and hanging out occasionally, having drinks and things like that. We never had any issues until she slept with my best friend, Jack. When I found out they were texting, I told them both they shouldn't sleep with each other because it's going to make things very weird between all of us, and boy did it.

Essentially, they ended up sleeping together, both agreeing that it was a one-night stand, and after he didn't message her because it was a one-night stand, she started acting really weird. She started to take her feelings out on me on our dog walks, even though I asked not to be involved. Two times, she asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, and the walk was perfectly fine until out of nowhere she corners me and says things like, I feel like I'm just your dog walking friend and we never hang out together on the weekends.

She started to get really possessive over me to the point where I had some friends over for my birthday with my friend Jack included, and she got really weird because she wasn't invited. I decided that I needed to tell her she can't treat me like shit like this before we go out. So I replied to a text with the following. I wanted to say this before we go out to walk again.

Since you and Jack slept together, you've taken some of your feelings out on me and I don't want another awkward walk. Us being dog friends was never a problem before you guys slept together and I don't feel like I should have to explain myself for having close friends over for a party. Good for you. Nice text. Yeah, I'm cool if you are. I never got a response and this was a little while ago. I feel we're both actively avoiding each other. Chelsea, what do I do? Our windows literally face each other. Alexandra. Well, hi.

Hi, Alexandra. Well, good text, by the way. Good text. I mean, I don't know. She has to get over that. I don't know that there's anything you can do other than like, time will pass, but it's gonna be a problem

because Jack is your best friend, so he's going to be resurfacing, right? Yeah, it's always a little bit of time has passed now, but we've bumped into each other and not said a word because I'm like, I'm not gonna back down. And she probably feels the same. And yeah, I don't think they've spoken to each other either. I think they said hi in passing,

but I've just been like, no, like you can't just ghost me like that. Yeah, I feel like it's really strange behavior, but I'm also not backing down. Well, but also who I mean, like really who gives a shit about her and you know what I mean? And your and your dog is like, like your dog has can you can go for a walk without her? You know, you don't it's not like a relationship that is built like you have this deep, deep friendship like you were dog walking buddies. So until she can actually get her shit together and get over it. It was one night stand and not to take that at face value. People say all the

time they're fine with that and then they're not fine with it. And it's so annoying. It's like you you knew what this was. So I wouldn't worry about extending an olive branch or anything, you know? After like a few months go by, you can like, if you want to drop a bottle of wine at our front door and be like, are you ready to start walking our dogs again? Or do you need more time? You know what I mean?

Like you could do something cute like that if you want to, but it sounds like you don't want to. And by the way, who cares? Like, yes, your windows face each other. But, you know, this is why you don't become friends with your neighbors. Oh, my God, I definitely learned my lesson. We had some new neighbors move in a couple of days ago, and I was just like, hello. And yeah, you're so right. I don't really I've really stopped caring about being

friends. I think in the beginning, it was just really weird because our windows literally face each other. And like, her front door is right there. And I'll see her leave and she'll see me leave. And it's just like, yeah, I don't care. But our dogs will just be like, oh my god, you again. And like my friend like, and then I'm just like, no, you can't be friends anymore, this friendship's over. Yeah. And we like bumped into each other out on a dog walk and like nobody else was there. It was really weird. It was like six in the morning. And like our dogs were like playing with each other and we just didn't say a word to each other. I was just like, this is so weird. But yeah, I don't really want to be her friend if I'm honest with you, because clearly her friendships, you have

to have like, yeah, some conditions. And I'm not really down for that. Exactly. And it's annoying. Right, Wendy? Don't you agree? Like, who? I mean, it's hard when the dog children get involved. But the only thing you can do, the only sane thing to do is ignore the whole situation. She's an adult who made an adult decision and this does not have to fall on your shoulders. She's an adult who made an adult decision and then acted like, is acting like a child. Yeah. So, and you didn't do anything wrong except for warn them not to do it because of this

outcome and now you're sitting here. You didn't do anything to her. Yeah. No, and I even tried like before they, when they were talking about sleeping with each other, I had her around and I did like the whole girl code thing. And I was just like, I'm going to look after you here and I'm going to tell you not to do it or please not to do it. Because like, and tried to say it a nice way, like he he is my best friend and it wasn't like you're not, but also like it's just is going to get weird. I was like, oh, but isn't a little bit of fun, okay?

And I'm just like, and I knew he just wanted a one night stand anyway, and he made it perfectly clear. And then I just had a feeling something crazy was going to happen. And then they did it anyway. And I was just like, look, I've worn you and I tried to be like the good girlfriend and you didn't listen and now you're just being really strange. So yeah.

I feel like you don't have to be friends with her, but just to like, you know, you've said to her, hey, we're cool. And I would just act as such. Like you are going to run into her when you do like, hey, so and so and like, you know, that's like, that's on her. Like you don't have to ingest that. You know what I mean? You be you, you do your thing. You don't have to be silent when you see her.

You can say, how are you? Did you read this or I don't know, whatever you guys would normally talk about or talk about something related to the dogs. But like if she's acting strange, then that's on her. You haven't done anything. Yeah. Yeah.

And you warned her. I did. You warned her. I'm so sick of it. I did. You are absolved from any responsibility. That's I think why I'm more mad than like sad. I just got really angry because I was just like I tried to do the right thing by you and really I really didn't to, clearly didn't need to like try and look after you. So thanks. Okay, well problem solved. Thank you.

You need to move. I keep hoping she will. I hope she does too. Yeah, I'm sure she will. All right. Thanks for calling in Alexandra. Thank you so much. Thank you, bye. Bye.

This reminds me of an expression from like one of my second grade teachers who used to say, a word to the wise, what did she say? A word to the wise should be sufficient. That reminded me, this story is like, don't talk to your neighbors. You can be neighborly, but don't get involved

with them. Well, since I'm in New Orleans, I do have a folk magic, sure, for sketchy neighbors. What is it? And that is you focus a mirror at their house and all their bad energy gets reflected back to them. Oh, you know, depends on how bad they are, how sketchy they really are the, you know, whatever happens as a result. But we did that with some of our neighbors and they moved. Well, great Wendy way to wait for the guest to be off of the show to tell us that, especially when they have two windows fucking facing each other. Well, she's gonna listen to this podcast. Catherine, would you email her that

and tell her to put a window reflecting? I'll text her right after. Doesn't have to be a big one. Yeah, exactly. And then that's a great, that's great. I would actually try that. Try it. Yeah, if I could hang anything.

What's the worst that can happen? Okay, Wendy, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. Thank you for having me. And when does this St. Dennis Medical season two start? Do you know? We start back at work in June, but I'm assuming the fall we will be back on NBC. So.

Awesome. Yeah. And is it Peacock or is it NBC? It's NBC the first run and then the next day on Peacock. Okay, so everybody can watch St. Dennis Medical on NBC or Peacock. You can catch up on Peacock. And you can catch up on Peacock.

Watch it first and then catch up on it later. Exactly. Thank you so much for being here. Love speaking with you. All right. Have a great day in New Orleans. Thank you. You have a good one in New Orleans. Thank you. You have a good one as well.

Talk to you soon. Bye. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July 5th. It will be the next date that I'm there. July 5th, August 30th and next state that I'm there, July 5th, August 30th, and then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th. I will be in Las Vegas

at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay? Thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. Find full Okay? Thank you.