Dear Chelsea - Friends to Lovers with Sophia Bush

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Sophia Bush is here to talk about her acceptance into the club of Hot Celesbians, takes the reins on how to weather the political landscape, and wonders why nobody noticed she’s been kissing gir...ls onscreen for quite some time.  Then: A FWB situation has a caller dickmatized.  A lesbian is angry about politics - but should she hold back? And a best friend wonders how to tell her bestie she’s in love with her.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is an iHeart Podcast. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay and this is Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club. The new podcast from Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs,
Starting point is 00:00:31 book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the You vs. You podcast, we welcome Polo Molina, music manager to the stars.
Starting point is 00:00:50 From Will.i.am and the Black Eyed Peas, Ty Dolla $ign, YG, and Fergie. Here's a sneak peek. Are you so hard on yourself? That's the way I was raised. And the people that were hard on me are not here no more, so I'm hard on myself. You're gonna make me cry.'m part of myself. You know,
Starting point is 00:01:05 make me cry. Listen to you versus you on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why is a soap opera western like Yellowstone so wildly successful? The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater podcast network. So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to The American West with Dan Flores on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Over the years of making my true crime podcast, Hell and Gone, I've learned no town is too
Starting point is 00:01:50 small for murder. I'm Katherine Townsend. I've heard from hundreds of people across the country with an unsolved murder in their community. I was calling about the murder of my husband. The murderer is still out there. Each week I investigate a new case. If there's a case we should hear about, call 678-744-6145. Listen to Hell and Gone Murderline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Oh, hello, Chelsea.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Hi, I'm fresh off the boat. Fresh off the boat from Greece. I mean, you're even wearing a flowy white shirt. We took her. Because I'm headed back to Europe. As soon as we get on, we were done with this. I am fresh off the boat. Fresh off the boat from Greece. I mean, you're even wearing a flowy white shirt. We took, because I'm headed back to Europe. As soon as we get on, we were done with this.
Starting point is 00:02:30 I'm going back. No, we actually did take a boat to Greece. We took a ferry boat from Athens to Paros, which was like three and a half hours. Wow. Yeah. And then I took the flight back. I took a flight from Paros to Athens.
Starting point is 00:02:43 And so I can't decide which one was more unpleasant, the flight or the boat. Was the flight bumpy? No, it was just the airport. You know when there are those little small, tiny airports and there's like a line and it takes like an hour to check in and there's nobody really there? It was just one of those.
Starting point is 00:03:00 It was fine. We got there safely. I think that's probably the most important thing, but I'm not positive. I'm not positive that's the most important thing, but I think it might be the most important thing. I announced three dates. I'm doing three more standup dates to close out the year because I decided that I wanted to spread a little bit more of joy and sunshine around this country since, you know, things are in such a good place. We need a little escapism.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Yeah, so aside from my Vegas residency, my next date is July 5th. I'll be in Vegas everybody. So hopefully you'll be joining me there. I'm gonna do West Hampton Beach, New York on August 21st. Then I'm gonna headline the Fringe Festival in Rochester, New York on September 3rd. And then I'm gonna be in Napa, California on October 3rd.
Starting point is 00:03:44 So I'm just adding those three dates. It's not like a tour. I'm just doing some standup to round out the year. So I hope you get your tickets at ChelseaHandler.com. And it's fresh material, right? It's all new material. It's all a lot of LSD in there. A lot of stuff that we've touched upon on the show and a lot of me smuggling LSD from country to country,
Starting point is 00:04:04 basically. I've just started leaving stashes in different countries that I visit so that I don't have to keep continue traveling with it now that I'm talking about it so publicly on stage. I mean, I've always talked about it publicly, but on stage specifically, I'm like, okay, I better stop talking about it and also continuing to carry it with me. Yeah. Traveling with it is not, that's not the move. That's probably not the best idea. It's just gonna be there waiting for you when you get there. That's perfect.
Starting point is 00:04:31 Yes, yes, yes. So I'm assuming that at some point I'll be on some sort of list that will prevent me from returning to my homeland. I'm just making that assumption. But I've been to so many countries already and it's only June. I'm so excited. But I'm getting surgery when I get back. It's making that assumption, but I've been to so many countries already and it's only June. I'm so excited, but I'm getting surgery when I get back. On July 7th, I'm getting foot surgery on my little bunionette. I'm calling it a bunionette because it makes it sound cuter.
Starting point is 00:04:52 It is much cuter. Your little toe spacers didn't do the trick? No, the toe spacers probably would work if you're like 20 and you're really trying to nip it in the bud. I bet those are helpful, but I'm 50 and And mine isn't on the inside of my foot. It's on the outside of my foot. I think it's related to my knee injury because I like lean a certain way on one leg.
Starting point is 00:05:13 So I just can't look at it like that. I mean, and so I have to remove it. And it's apparently a little bit of a hectic recovery, but we'll see. We'll see. I like recoveries. Yeah, you get to like take a bunch of fun drugs and like chill at home.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Yeah, exactly. Unless I'm making it work, cause I'm like, oh, do you wanna just schedule a bunch of podcasts while you're recovering? Well, ideally that would be me walking downstairs, but apparently my house will not be ready for the 50th time in my life. My house is not ready for move in.
Starting point is 00:05:39 I just got that news. It did not go over well, but we are in the home stretch, I'm being told. Oh, I'm very happy to hear that for you. Me too. I'm sorry, Chels. It's really tough to be displaced for that long. And the gross incompetence of it all is just mind boggling.
Starting point is 00:05:56 I know, it's unreal. I can't believe it. I mean, I can't believe I'm even still talking about it. It's just absolutely absurd. My family's like, why don't you talk to a therapist? I'm like, about my house? You want me to talk to a therapist about my house? I did actually. A year ago I had a conversation. Should I have the same fucking conversation I had one year ago? For some reason I'm so resentful. Every time something happens with a house I'm so
Starting point is 00:06:22 angry towards my family. Like I'm like, I'm always the one who's getting everybody out of bad situations, yet here I am and no one's getting me out of this situation. I keep waiting for someone to come and rescue me, but no one's rescuing me. I mean, if anyone out there has advice on how to get RFK Juju out of a home... Have you tried a priest?
Starting point is 00:06:44 An exorcism? I haven't tried an exorcism, Someone out there has advice on how to get RFK Juju out of a home. Have you tried a priest? An exorcism? I haven't tried an exorcism, but I did have a healer and a house cleanser come by. That obviously didn't take. I'm now in a lawsuit with my prior contractor, so just the hits keep on coming. But listen, you know what? It's just a house and I have other homes and obviously I don't whatever. I can't complain about my life life so I won't continue to.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Yes. Well, you know what? Pretty soon you'll be out of the country anyway and you'll have to be in Canada or Spain. So it'll, you know, it'll all just come on the wash, right? Yeah. I'm heading out here from as soon as we get off today. I'm going up to Boston. I'm going to record Mel Robbins' podcast tomorrow morning.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Oh, nice. Nice. Uh-huh. And they gave me instructions, specific instructions not to arrive early because there's no waiting room. I was like, well, that's delightful. Thank you for that warm, warm welcome. That's the worst thing they can say to a person who's always early.
Starting point is 00:07:38 Oh, my God. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Who's our guest this week? Oh, our guest this week is your buddy, Sophia Bush. Oh, Bush, she's a Bush lover. Sophia Bush lover is our guest this week. I was gonna say this weekend.
Starting point is 00:07:55 I'm already in Glastonbury in my head. Yeah, Sophia Bush. Oh, this is a great interview, I'm excited. Yes, and her new movie, The Stranger in My Home is out now on video on demand. Love it. Hi, guys. Oh, the baby is here.
Starting point is 00:08:11 The baby. Hi, baby, baby, baby. Hi, baby back ribs. How are you? I'm good. What are you doing? Oh, you know, just getting ready to talk to you. I've been seeing a lot of you, actually. We've been seeing a lot of each other. Yes, well not as much as I would like but it has been fun to do. Well it's never enough. It's never enough. Congrats on your interview with Michelle Obama on Sophia's podcast, Work in Progress.
Starting point is 00:08:37 She did a two-part episode with Michelle Obama that was all over the place and it was a fucking great interview. Thank you. I had so much fun. It's like hanging with her for that section of time, you know, felt a lot like when we all get together. Like, it's crazy to, you know, look up to someone like her for so long and to watch the way she navigates the global stage and then to like hang out and wish you had a cocktail to watch the way she navigates the global stage and then to like hang out and wish you had a cocktail to shoot the shit. I was like, God, the world must forget that you're also just this wonderful human. You don't always have to be like a leader or a figurehead. She's funny and sassy and has such great advice about life and love and parenting and all
Starting point is 00:09:22 the things. And it was really cool. Yeah. I mean, I think she does. It's so annoying when everybody always like, you know, I'm in Canada, everyone's like, why can't Michelle Obama run? I'm like, Michelle Obama doesn't wanna be the fucking president of the United States.
Starting point is 00:09:35 She didn't want anything to do with it the first eight years. Like as if it's her responsibility to run. And I always just think about how annoying that must be for her to constantly hear that. As if it's that simple, you know, as if she's just supposed to give away her the next eight years of her life. Yeah, I think people don't understand what a service is required to be in public office, like any sort of real political organizing takes so much work and you certainly can become a target for things.
Starting point is 00:10:07 You have to give up a lot of things. When you run for office, it's not a one plus one equals two situation. It's like to the power of 50. Everything is amplified and enlarged and at the same time, your life really shrinks. I think people, I don't know, probably because the internet's full of trolls who say shitty things that travel very far, but people are like, oh yeah, they're doing it for the money or the exposure.
Starting point is 00:10:34 And I'm like, they don't make any money and they literally can't go outside. Like she can't go for a walk anymore without guards. So everybody take it, just relax. Yeah, she seems like she's really kind of you know, since she left office also really letting her hair down and being more of herself to the public and which is really you know, she doesn't have to do that either. She doesn't have to like
Starting point is 00:10:57 bother with the public. She doesn't have to do anything. But I mean, that's just how devoted they are to public service is that they all are over, you know, they're always involved. I think so. And I really think it's also something when you have to bite your tongue for so long, when you have to put your, you know, sort of professionalism or decorum first, I think, yes, decorum is something we should aspire to have, especially in public life. I think they are people of incredible class and integrity.
Starting point is 00:11:28 And I think eventually it gets really tiresome to always have to be quiet or be perfect or whatever. And she's kind of like, guys, I'm also just a lady and I'm going to have cocktails with my girlfriends. I want to go play tennis. My kids are out of the house. I'm going to go visit them and then I'm gonna enjoy my life. This is my time.
Starting point is 00:11:48 And I think, I know that's such an exciting example for me to see among my friends. Imagine the power that a former first lady has to do that, let alone one with Princeton and Harvard degrees who, I mean, she's just like the coolest person. Yeah, she really is the coolest person. Let's talk about your cool person. Tell me how that feels to be a hot considered a hot lesbian. Quite an honor. I mean you know what's funny is you do this weird math like if you're dating if you're a woman dating men nobody wants to talk to you about your sexuality they just want to either say like you're a prude or a slut, you know. If you date too much, they criticize you. If you don't date,
Starting point is 00:12:28 you must be frigid, whatever. And then the thing that gets added when you're actually more fluid with your sexuality is the swing goes from nobody gives a shit who you're sleeping with to you better identify exactly who you are so we can figure out what name to call you. And it's like, OK. And, you know, I sort of looked around and was like, has nobody been paying attention to like all the hot girls I've been kissing on camera and like, you know, maybe not in front of you off camera, but hi, I've always been here. Right. But let's talk about that a little because that's this that seems to be the kind of calculus or the consensus now that we have some retrospection
Starting point is 00:13:04 of the election and people are talking some retrospection of the election and people are talking about the identity politics of the left. And I know you talk a lot, we both talk a lot politically together and without each other. What is your view on that? Of us focusing so much,
Starting point is 00:13:18 because my view is like when we say, oh, you guys focused too much on the trans issue, you guys were too inclusive, it didn't have to be like that big of an issue. And it was like, well, but trans people were starting to have problems with other people. And there were lawsuits and somebody has to get on the side of that, like on the right side of things. So it wasn't like it wasn't like liberals were like, oh my god, what's another issue we can tackle that's gonna be really exclusionary to white supremacy? Oh, trans people, we'll go be with them.
Starting point is 00:13:48 That's not how it happened. But how do you think about when you reflect about that issue and LGBTQ rights issues and the left being too focused on that in many people's opinions? I think it's all just such bullshit, Chelsea, honestly. It's like, what do you mean we're too focused on being nice to people? What the fuck are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:14:11 And we're not too focused. To be clear, the Trump campaign spent something like, it was either $27 million or $57 million on those ads that were like, she's for they them and I'm for you. Like, ew, you fucking creepy sexual predator. Stop talking about people's genitalia. They have outsized an issue in a way that makes me so sad. You know, just this week they're ranting on Fox News about like, oh, you know, all the athletes are trans.
Starting point is 00:14:42 And it's like, there are less than 10 trans athletes out of 510,000 athletes in the NCAA. Leave these people alone. Like to be the smallest and most vulnerable group in the world and to constantly have people project all their shit and fear and anger at you, it's not only traumatizing for people, it's so dangerous. And when you start seeing these rollbacks of protections, you know, homosexuality being
Starting point is 00:15:15 criminalized in Trinidad and Tobago this year, when you see right-wingers literally trying to encourage the Supreme Court to overturn marriage equality, like let me be clear, I've tried that with some dudes who turned out not right wingers literally trying to encourage the Supreme Court to overturn marriage equality. Let me be clear, I've tried that with some dudes who turned out not to be great. I deserve to try to be just as miserable with any fucking woman of my choosing as I was in my past. What? You think the lesbians don't deserve to be as unhappy as you all? Shut up. Joking aside, it's like, you all like, shut up. And it's, you know, joking aside, it's like a right doesn't matter
Starting point is 00:15:46 if it's not a right for everyone because then you're not concerned with freedom. This is something Tim Walz says a lot. He goes, you know, you can't say you're concerned with freedom and then try to deny freedoms for people. Then what you really want is privilege. And like, for what? And I don't know why the right has been able
Starting point is 00:16:06 to so effectively weaponize the idea that equality is somehow an attack. Like, it's not. Guys, I hate to tell you, you MAGA folks, nobody's thinking about you that much. We're all just trying to like raise our kids and pay our bills and do our shit. I don't care whose marriage makes you uncomfortable. Don't be in a marriage that makes you uncomfortable and move along with your day. Same for people's healthcare. Same for how people live. Like, maybe if you stop running around with baseball bats attacking people in tiki torches
Starting point is 00:16:38 and beating up cops, like you could just live peacefully in whatever weird way you want to live. Like we're living well and kindly. Like, back off. I just don't. I don't want to fall into the trap that we're supposed to abandon people to somehow seem more neutral. Like, neutrality never got anybody anywhere. That's true. How do you feel about everything? Like, what are you, what's your state of mind right now politically? I, oh man, I think things are very bad and I think they're moving in such a terrible direction at such speed that in a way a lot of people are looking around going look I know it's a lot of noise but nothing's really happening.
Starting point is 00:17:27 And I'm like, you don't get where you're going to be in 18 months. Like if as retribution, because Gavin Newsom won't kiss the ring, Donald Trump clear cuts all of California's forests. Like, do you understand what that's going to do? Not just to California, to the nation. You know, this guy wanted to crash the stock market so his friends could make hundreds of billions of dollars. And he said so in the Oval Office and bragged about it and pointed out how many billions
Starting point is 00:17:52 they all made. When he went, JK, no tariffs. It's like, I just want to know honestly how Martha Stewart feels about it. I'm like, bitch, you went to prison for so much less. How are you doing in Bedford? Are you mad? Are you getting stoned? Are you laughing? What you getting stoned? Are you laughing? Like, what is going on here?
Starting point is 00:18:06 It's so crazy. And what's coming, you know, the RFK at HHS and the dismantling of lead protection teams at the CDC. And like, I mean, it's about to get like so bad. And what would be the motivation for them poisoning people? Because that's effectively what they're doing by dismantling these agencies. Like people are going to get sick and die.
Starting point is 00:18:34 What would be the advantage? What would their MO be going into that? They want everybody to get sick and die, Chelsea. And I know that might sound crazy, but you're not trying to defund Medicare if you don't want people to die because dead people are less expensive to take care of. They don't care.
Starting point is 00:18:54 These are people who have the $50,000 a year concierge doctor who flies to them. These are people who have now the whole White House medical apparatus serving as their own personal dispensary. I don't know if you saw that Reuters article about how during the last Trump administration, they were handing out like, I mean, amphetamines, opioids, like they were just prescribing shit to people who worked in the White House like willy-nilly. They're going to get what they need. Just like any mistress of Donald Trump who's ever
Starting point is 00:19:23 been pregnant that he's wanted to have an abortion has had one allegedly. You know, allegedly, I'm like, I'm not about to get sued for calling an adjudicated rapist a rapist. Like, what a ridiculous man he is. And clearly a tyrant, but they're going to get what they need. They just don't care. They don't care if your, you know, elderly grandparent doesn't get their social security check because if they did, they wouldn't be supposedly, this hit the news last week, moving all the comms for social security onto Twitter. Like what? What 80-year-olds know how to use x.com?
Starting point is 00:20:01 Like the shock and awe is the goal and you see it in the way that they behave in what they're doing and in how they talk about people, right? Like you see the way Donald Trump loves Putin. He loves dictators. He says, you know, oh yeah, the dictator of North Korea, his people all really bow to him. They really respect him. I want that. And then you've got JD Vance using absolutely derogatory language, not only to insult our allies in Europe and, you know, on the base in Greenland, but talking about China and saying, quote, these Chinese peasants, and he says the word, it's like dripping with judgment.
Starting point is 00:20:41 They want to create a peasant class and an oligarchy in America so that we can't ever get out from under it. Like they love this shit. They're like, they're horny for oligarchs and kleptocrats. Like they want to be that. And it's interesting now that you sort of see a lot of people go, well, I thought maybe the federal government was too big. Maybe it wasn't efficient, but I didn't realize what they did. I didn't realize what their programs ran. I didn't realize how much of
Starting point is 00:21:12 my life they took care of. And it's like, well, yeah, you didn't realize it because Mitch McConnell made it his mission over 40 years ago to defund education in America, because they started to see that uneducated people vote for them, and that's it. And I don't say that to judge people. It's hard to get a good education because they've made it hard. They make having an intellect seem like it's elitist, and it's like, that's the whole reason my great grandparents came here for a better life, and to be like, we want to pursue the American education system. We want to give that to our children.
Starting point is 00:21:45 My family built a great, big, beautiful American dream life for that. So when you start to really peel the layers back and I think see that these folks have tried to tarnish everything that actually makes America any word you want to fill in the blank, great, exceptional, special, something worth fighting for. They want to like break it down and sell it for parts. And once you start to look at these guys, like a bunch of used car salesmen, I think it gets easier to understand why they behave the way they behave and also why their suits are so bad.
Starting point is 00:22:19 The suits are the worst. There is nothing grosser than seeing him in a suit. Honestly, all of them, all of them. They're also physically, part of the stipulation of being a member of that administration is being physically repugnant. That is A number one. Isn't it funny how like all the bad guys look disgusting
Starting point is 00:22:39 like bad guys, like in a cartoon? Like villains. Yes. Well, because what you are on the inside starts to come out. It's like Mitch McConnell's neck has been trying to swallow his head for the last 20 years. Even his body is like, we got to go.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Well, his brain is gone. His head is unfortunately still there. Sadly. But it's like, you know, I wonder what it must be like. Maybe they like it. Maybe it's the same kind of thing that they get off on a little bit, that they're a group of people that when they walk in the room, all the women cover their drinks. Just instinctively, you're like, oh, the roofie patrol is here.
Starting point is 00:23:13 And it's like, this is our best and brightest? Really? Just because people couldn't vote for the lady? Just because they were like, oh my God, if gay people aren't getting assaulted or trans people aren't hiding, do I have any power? Like, what? That's your metric?
Starting point is 00:23:28 Come on. Okay. On that note, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back with Sophia Bush. Just like great shoes, great books take you places through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay, and this is Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from
Starting point is 00:23:53 Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts. Every week I sit down with your favorite book lovers, authors, celebrities, book talkers, and more to explore the stories that shape us, on the page and off. I've been reading every Reese's Book Club pick, deep diving book talk theories, and obsessing over book to screen casts for years. And now I get to talk to the people making the magic. So if you've ever fallen in love with a fictional character, or cried at the last chapter, or passed a book to a friend saying, you have to read this. This podcast is for you.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeartRadio app. Apple podcasts are wherever you get your podcasts. Don't miss the you versus you podcast. Join Lex Borrero every week as he sits down with some of the biggest names in entertainment to talk about the real stuff, the struggles, the doubts, and the breakthroughs that made them who they are.
Starting point is 00:24:56 They go deep, covering childhood trauma, family, overcoming loss, and the moments that shape their journey. These honest conversations are meant to take the cape off our heroes with the hope that their humanity inspires you to become a better you and therefore set you free to live the life of your dreams. Here's a sneak peek. I'm trained to go compete. I'm trained to be like harder, but sometimes that mentality stops you from stopping and smelling the flowers in your own garden. Is it wrong to want more? We migrated, our family migrated here. I'm like second generation. Listen to You Versus You as part of Michael Tura podcast network Available on the iHeart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I
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Starting point is 00:26:32 Binge episodes one, two, and three on May 21st, and episodes four, five, and six on June 4th, ad free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. us on Apple podcasts. The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater podcast network, hosted by me, writer and historian, Dan Flores, and brought to you by Velvet Buck. This podcast looks at a West available nowhere else. Each episode, I'll be diving into some of the lesser-known histories
Starting point is 00:27:05 of the West. I'll then be joined in conversation by guests such as Western historian Dr. Randall Williams and best-selling author and meat-eater founder Stephen Ronella. I'll correct my kids now and then where they'll say when cave people were here and I'll say it seems like the Ice Age people that were here didn't have a real affinity for caves. So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to The American West with Dan Flores on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
Starting point is 00:27:42 wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Sophia Bush, who has the wonderful podcast, A Work in Progress, and she also has a film coming out called The Stranger in My Home, which is an adaptation of an Adelle Parks novel. Mm-hmm. Okay, Sophia, we're gonna give advice.
Starting point is 00:28:02 We have callers calling in. Oh, I love this. Catherine, what are we focusing on today? What is our topic today? We have so many things. You know, we're actually going to start with a caller. Great. So, Lauren is 36 and she says, how do I get on the friends with benefits to wifey pipeline? Dear Chelsea, I've been in a casual friends with benefits type relationship for a year
Starting point is 00:28:23 and a half. It's worked out great for both of us, especially since I'm a solo parent to my young daughter and he's a workaholic. His dick is better than anyone else's, he's sweeter and more considerate than anyone I've dated, maybe ever, and I care for him deeply. Here's where I need the advice. For the last few months, I've been having feelings of wanting more from him. I want him to stay longer, to come over more often, I want us to be more official.
Starting point is 00:28:47 Essentially, I want him to make an honest woman out of me. But I'm so scared to talk to him about it because I don't want to ruin what we have. When I think of these things, I usually end up reconciling with myself that this is the relationship I can handle right now. But what do you think? Is it because his dick is so good that I want him to wife me up or is it a sign that I need to end things with him so I can pursue a quote-unquote serious relationship? Will it be worth sacrificing what I have already? Thanks so much, Lauren.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Hi Lauren. Hi there. Thanks so much for taking my call. You're so welcome. This is our special guest, Sophia Bush is here today. Wow, amazing. We're here to assess your, the dick that's so great. I don't think I've ever, you know, I honestly, I'm just thinking like, I don't think I've ever dated anyone where I thought the dick is so great. Like it's usually an emotional relationship that makes you love the sex. Yes. But you're saying you just love the sex and then that's bringing you in emotionally. I mean, both really.
Starting point is 00:29:48 It's all good. It's been really great. And so what's the vibe? He just only comes over. Did you guys ever spend time together that's not sexual? We did in the beginning a little more, but our schedules are kind of crazy. And so we got into a bit of a routine of just getting together at night and enjoying each other's company.
Starting point is 00:30:10 And do you get the impression from him that that's all he wants? It's a tough read. It's a real tough read because he doesn't talk too much about his feelings. And that's kind of worked for us, I think. So yeah, it's really tough to read at the moment and that's why I'm like a little scared about bringing it up because I don't want to lose what we have. Well, that's how you can bring it up. You can just say, you know, hey, I like one night when you're not having sex or when you're
Starting point is 00:30:41 done having sex or when just, you know, you can say, hey, I really enjoy spending time together. And I know this is kind of a sexual thing, but if you're ever interested in more than that, I'm down for that. And make it light, like, so that there's not a huge, like, repercussion if he doesn't feel the same way that you can't continue to have sex. Unless you think, I mean, Ken,
Starting point is 00:31:01 do you think you can handle continuing to have sex if his answer is no? I hope so. I really hope so, yeah. Right, Sophia, don't you think, I mean, Ken, do you think you can handle continuing to have sex if his answer is no? I hope so. I really hope so. Yeah. Right? Sophia, don't you think you should just, you have to bridge the, you have to say something at some point? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:13 I mean, I think to Chelsea's point at the end of the day, it's always a good idea to tell people how you feel. It can be really scary. I mean, especially when, you know when you're considering shifting a dynamic into perhaps a more serious one, whether you're going to tell a friend you have fallen for them or you're going to tell Mr. Digmatized that you want more than just that. Like I don't know. But I think the advice of just sort of start there is good to say, this is
Starting point is 00:31:47 great. Nothing's wrong. I'm having a great time with you. And if you're open to more than that, I am as well. Like I don't know, maybe after you guys sleep together the next time, like ask him if he wants a grilled cheese and like eat a snack. Talk to each other for 10 minutes and see what happens. Yeah, we, I did broach very delicately the idea of him meeting my daughter. We had dinner
Starting point is 00:32:14 out one time and you know, I got the impression like, you know, she's almost four. So she's kind of wild right now. And I, I don't know if it was like the vibe, but he was well what what what did he do? What was his response to that? He's so caring and generous and like he would just kind of went with the flow and so that part of that Reaction of his makes me think like he's kind of taking my lead But at the same time, maybe he's like, this is too much for me. Well, you don't have to have him meet your daughter right away.
Starting point is 00:32:50 That's a big jump from just slipping together. Oh, it wasn't right away. It wasn't right away. But I mean, there's this in between there somewhere. So like the next time you bring it up, you can bring it up more lightly. And also you should bring it up because you want that. Like you have to go after what you want.
Starting point is 00:33:04 It's not just gonna like necessarily happen without you saying it and facilitating it. And also just to have like a conversation with yourself beforehand. Like I know it's like a little bit like, you know, we get nervous to say these things, but they're so important for us to express ourselves. It's very important as a woman,
Starting point is 00:33:21 just like think of your daughter, you know what I mean? Think of doing it for your daughter, like standing up for what you want, saying what you want. And if you don't get it, then okay, fine. And then you can continue having sex with him if that's what you want to do. But yeah, just do it with a little sense of female empowerment. Like, yeah, I got this. I want this. I'm going to ask for it. Yeah. And on the on the meeting the kid thing, if I may, I think there's also
Starting point is 00:33:44 something, it's a big deal for somebody to may, I think there's also something, it's a big deal for somebody to meet your kid. It signifies, I think, a certain level of a relationship. So if you want to go from the friends with benefits with him to see if you guys are compatible for a real relationship, work on building the relationship between you two as adults. And if that really does take off, then he can meet your kid. Your kid is the center of your world and the reward for him actually showing up as a partner. I agree with Chelsea.
Starting point is 00:34:18 I think skipping to that probably would feel a little overwhelming for someone. Center as she's advising you, like center yourself, you deserve that. Do you feel like this desire for something more serious is because of him or because maybe you're just like ready for a relationship that's a little more traditional? Yeah, that's part of what I think as well. It could be that, it could be like, because my daughter's getting older,
Starting point is 00:34:48 it could be like a little bit of a sign that I'm ready for something. But you know, I tested the waters with other people and dating like more seriously and he's still, he's kind of it. He's still it. That's why I want to try it out with him. Yeah, I think you should. Okay, yeah, you definitely should do it. Come up with a plan and do it and be, you know, be proud of yourself for like, and push forward. Like if you do this act, regardless of the outcome,
Starting point is 00:35:17 you just have to like try to detach from the outcome. I know what you want. You know what you want. You can say that, but it's a good exercise period, you know, to start asserting yourself in that way. That's excellent advice. That's totally what I need to hear. I was kind of hoping you guys would give me some, like, feminine wiles that I can tap into and convince him to, yeah, to wife me out. But you're right.
Starting point is 00:35:39 I think the feminine wiles come from the casual approach that Chelsea mentioned. Just like, hey, like, what do you feel about this? This sounds good to me, if that's where we're going to take it. You know, I think that is, like,s come from the casual approach that Chelsea mentioned. Just like, hey, what do you feel about this? This sounds good to me if that's where we're going to take it. I think that is a perfect way to do it rather than being like, here are two choices. Do we do this or is it over? I think that puts a little too fine a point on it. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Yes. Okay. Well, good luck. Report back. Okay. Let us know what happens, please. Thank you so much. I will. Nice to meet you. Bye.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Bye. Bye. I want to get a dimple like Sophia. Why don't people try and get dimples when they get plastic surgery? Because you never see somebody just all of a sudden show up with a dimple. That should be a good request for plastic surgery. I would like a dimple on my left cheek, like ordering it up like a cabbage patch. I do think there's a certain child actor that did do that.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Oh, well. I don't want to name any names. I'll have to bring that up with my next plastic surgery appointment. But I think a dimple is technically a deformity. But yeah, it's so cute. Who cares? I mean, I like mine, but it's literally, I think it's like a, I think it's some sort of a situation where like your muscles don't completely grow together all the way. And you just have like a hole in your face. So I don't know how they would make one for you. I'm sure they can make one for you. I'm sure they can come up with something. Yeah. If they can give you a whole new face, they can probably give you a template.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Exactly. Right. Well, our next question comes from Katie. It kind of goes with some of the political stuff that we have been talking about. So she says, Dear Chelsea, I have so much anger at the world. I have ADHD's justice sensitivity, which is a phrase I only learned a couple of years ago when I was first diagnosed. It explained a lot. My whole life I've been jokingly prodded at for my anger.
Starting point is 00:37:25 It often comes out in exaggerated and dramatic jokes where I'm known to be brutally honest, crass, and passionate. It's been a blessing and a curse where I've been thanked throughout my life for speaking up and calling out wrongs, but then I've also been seen in my family as constantly angry about something. I know deep down anger is grief. I've seen therapists before and I'm open to it again, but I can't help but shrug it off as futile considering a therapist can't fix the selfishness
Starting point is 00:37:50 and stupidity of most humans. The pandemic, the elections, the denial of climate change, and the weaponization of marginalized communities weighs on me daily. I'm finding that I'm growing so angry I'm compartmentalizing just to operate. My faith in humanity is wrecked. I can't look at people who I love as worthy of my love because I feel their integrity has reached unfathomable lows and their support of a serial sex predator in the White House. All in all, people love me and I know that I have enough support to be happy overall. I don't want to change the fiery passion I have regarding the injustices of the world and I thrive on bullying the bullies. It feels good. But rage is unhealthy. I need a shift in perspective. I've related
Starting point is 00:38:29 to Chelsea my whole life for being honest and calling people out so maybe you can help. Thank you, Katie. Hi, Katie. Hi. Hi, Katie. Hi, this is Sophia Bush, our special guest today. Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me on. I'm a fellow justice sensitivity girlie.
Starting point is 00:38:46 Thank you for that. Yeah, I think we can both relate to how you're feeling, absolutely. I think a good word that you used is integrity in that email. And I think we should talk about that word. Because I think that when you have a lot of integrity and you see people that don't have it,
Starting point is 00:39:02 we can be judgmental of that. We can be like, dismissive of those people. But we don't know that they're not acting within their own integrity. Like to me, the genuflecting to Donald Trump after he's become elected is lacking integrity. He's supporting him from the beginning. That's a different set of rules
Starting point is 00:39:19 because that could be integrity or that could really be your belief system. And you believe you are acting with integrity. But the one thing I want you to hold on to is your integrity. And having integrity means being able to treat situations with respect, even when you don't respect them. And when you have high levels of anger,
Starting point is 00:39:39 like you're talking about, you've got to harness that rage and turn it into something positive and something like that is loving. And in got to harness that rage and turn it into something positive and something like that is loving. And in order to do that, you got to figure out where your deep anger is coming from because it's not like when this happened in 2016, I was exactly what I was going off the rails. I was screaming at people, arguing with people. If I didn't agree with them politically, they were no longer my friends. I was freaking out.
Starting point is 00:40:10 And I realized when I went to therapy that that anger was that was just a place for me to put my anger like that was an obvious place to store it. Now I had somewhere to direct it and a reason. But really what it was, was a much deeper kind of delayed grief, delayed pain that I had never experienced from my childhood, right? So you really want to find somebody, a therapist, that's going to be good. And it might not be the first one or the third one that you meet with. And I know that sounds exhausting, but like you're talking about your mental wellbeing and your mental health for the rest of your life. Because if you can invest some time into getting into like getting in with a good therapist, it's going to yield so many benefits for your life moving forward,
Starting point is 00:40:47 when you have to deal with all of these unpalatable situations that we're all dealing with and conversations, because it's much more meaningful to be able to disagree with somebody without becoming rageful. It's much more powerful to have an argument without losing your shit. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:41:03 And the rate like, I'll put it this way. I stay articulate, I stay informed. I know what I'm talking about when I engage with people. And I try to approach it with respect, but it's like, we keep reaching new lows every week, every month, every day. It's just new lows where the justification for this kind of cult mentality
Starting point is 00:41:22 is driving me absolutely insane. Where I'm like, you believe one thing, you know, you advocate for the constitution, and then all of a sudden, we're seeing that get bypassed. And you're now justifying why it makes sense and why authoritarianism makes sense. And it's like, I'm seeing just this like degradation in moral values, in logic, where I'm totally down for therapy. That is something I've advocated for my whole life, but I just don't know how to approach that from a sense of respect because I start to lose respect for those people because they're now almost hypocritical in what they've always claimed to be their values.
Starting point is 00:42:06 And that's where I'm having trouble is reconciling, hey, this is who you say you are. This is how you represent yourself. But how you vote and how you reflect your politics does not mirror what you claim to be. And it's happening with some loved ones. I've got a great support system. A lot of people who support me and agree, and we don't all have to agree. But it's getting to a point now where it's just so inhumane that that's where I'm struggling. Like the grief, the sadness, the fear, I recognize
Starting point is 00:42:36 that my rage comes from that. But getting it out in a healthy way, other than going online and trolling somebody and berating them or logically making an argument that holds up like, you know, sure, that'll give me some adrenaline, but that's not sustainable. We keep reaching these new lows and only lately, we're seeing people regret their decision because the markets are in turmoil. There's just chaos.
Starting point is 00:43:00 And that kind of is another angle where I'm like, well, now they care because their wallets are getting hit. And I need that shift in perspective of like, okay, well, maybe the silver lining is they're starting to regret the decision. They're starting to question their decision. But I need to get away from this while they're stupid and lazy and misinformed. And they're late. Can I offer you something on that? Absolutely. And I'm not going to say that it's like a magic solve, but something that I've really had to reckon with, because I think I've had the exact verbatim conversation you're having,
Starting point is 00:43:34 like we could do a Freaky Friday swap in this moment. Chelsea and I have both been in the thing. I think we all know what it is to be so angry at what is so apparent. And so let's be frank, like hurt by it. The idea, you know, we were talking about this earlier, the idea of the American dream is that we built a democracy to allow for people to be free. Granted, we fucked up a lot along the way, but like, we're supposed to be generationally getting closer and closer to those ideals.
Starting point is 00:44:03 And when you see people take the collective agreement on the ideal and just torch it for personal gain, or so that someone else can be the butt of the joke or the center of the target, it's really, it's not just hard, it's like traumatizing, it's very destabilizing, because you realize like real isn't real. What's been helpful for me to understand about people is actually to do some of the nerdier research on confirmation bias and to understand that we're not having a conversation about logic, we're having a conversation about shame. And when people have put all their eggs in a basket that operates like a cult, that is abusive,
Starting point is 00:44:43 that is absolutely fascist, and they've been told that it is the most American, most patriotic thing. When they start to have facts that push up against their confirmation bias hit, it's more likely that they're going to double down on the lie that they believe than admit that it was a lie because it's personally individually traumatizing and it creates so much shame to realize you bought a lie, to realize you bought the snake oil from the salesman. And so I've had to take a deep breath and try to,
Starting point is 00:45:19 and I don't say this to be a dick, I really like I put myself in the space that I used to when I nannied, when I was a camp counselor, when I'm dealing with a three and a half year old who like irrationally doesn't want to eat even though they're having a meltdown because they're hungry. I have to remind myself that I know something about the irrationality that they're experiencing in their body that they haven't quite dealt with yet. And it gives me just enough pause and grace to say, the trauma is gonna hit them too,
Starting point is 00:45:50 and what are we gonna do about it when they get here? And that's really a self-preservation tactic for me. It is a way for me to be more human instead of more enraged because the angrier we are, the more they're winning. The more they get to be like, look at these fucking screaming, you know, screaming leftists. And it's like, I'm not screaming actually. I'm desperate to save the American experiment. Right.
Starting point is 00:46:19 I wholeheartedly agree with all of that. And so I think if you can give yourself a little bit of the psychology in your own personal interaction, it can help you. And then honestly, one of the greatest things I learned from a friend was instead of doing the thing, which you know, many of us neurodivergent girlies do, which is like, I have every fact and every stat and I know this and let me tell you about this. And if I can just give you enough information, you're going to see, because math is not emotional, and then you won't be emotional. And if I can just give you enough information, you're gonna see because math is not emotional and then you won't be emotional and then you'll know that this is true. And then, and you get yourself like really psyched out.
Starting point is 00:46:49 Sometimes you just need to lean in and go, well, why do you believe that? Where'd you hear that? Ask people questions. Cause if they can't defend their own position, it'll do more for your conversation than you trying to defend yours. So those would be my two.
Starting point is 00:47:04 I've definitely taken that approach of asking leading questions and the why and the how and trying to relate of like, you know, at the end of the day, we want similar things for our country. We want safe communities. We want, you know, good paying jobs. Like we were not that different. And I try to kind of point that out. And I definitely am trying to take it from a standpoint of like, yes, they're ashamed
Starting point is 00:47:26 to admit that they've been wrong or like nobody likes admitting they've been wrong. But it's just that what point like how much longer will it take? And that's just where I've been struggling. And I'm trying to approach it from a softer approach. My wife has kind of taught me about being vulnerable instead of being on the attack. You know, my whole life I'm like, okay, that's that's weak. Don't portray vulnerability, because then you'll you'll show who what you're afraid of. So I've, in recent years, kind of been trying to do that. But it's just, I just feel like it just gets worse and worse and worse. And I do productive things. I nourish
Starting point is 00:47:59 myself and nourish my life. But it's just weighing on me. And I just don't know how much more I can take. I've been compartmentalizing, disassociating, throwing myself into my work, just all of that, just to get by. And I know that that's kind of like you said, a trauma response. And relating it to them having their own almost delayed trauma response is a helpful way to think of it, but then I'm like, well, I pity them and they're, they're slow. And I have to shift. I have to get rid of that because that's still a negative look at somebody who deserves compassion as well.
Starting point is 00:48:32 I mean, you remind me so much of myself, like when I went into therapy, because one of the first things I said to my psychiatrist was, I think everyone's annoyed. He's like, okay, let's talk about your childhood. I'm like, that's not important. I said, I find everyone very annoying and I have no patience for stupid people. This is my biggest issue right now. So it sounds a lot like you're echoing that kind of sentiment. And when you have that kind of attitude, something is deeper,
Starting point is 00:48:55 the deeper is happening. And I understand circumstantially what we're all dealing with. I completely get it. I completely understand being angry, being disappointed, blah, blah, blah. But there is stuff within you that you need to talk to someone about to help you. And even if you go in there and you're talking about fucking Donald Trump for an hour,
Starting point is 00:49:12 that's okay, but just exhaust the anger. You know what I mean? So like learn how to get through your anger and learn how to turn that anger into positivity, because that's what therapy taught me how to do. How to turn everything into like gratitude even when you wake up and you read the news and you're like what the fuck am I going to be grateful for? There's plenty to be grateful for. There's always plenty to be grateful
Starting point is 00:49:33 for. We're not at a point yet where we're all there's nothing to live for like that's not happening yet so you want to be able to like you know and inject people with that you know and and when you're coming at people with a softer self, you're gonna get a lot farther. Right, right. And you saying that, I mean, I've been watching you since I was a teenager, and I kinda had the joke in my head
Starting point is 00:49:53 that you were the first time I saw representation, because it was the first time I felt like a woman. Bitch representation? You saw bitch representation, and you're like, this looks good. This was the first white lady that represented me. But it was just like the first time that I saw somebody speaking their mind,
Starting point is 00:50:08 being funny about it, and just being able to kind of just say things out loud that people are afraid to say. I need to probably get back into therapy. I've been in and out. My family's always advocated for it. But it's just, yeah, like getting that passion out in a way that enacts change. And like I said, like, like I have pride in my work and what I do is like semi-political, it's related to the environments, related to plants, and it's just like, that's helpful.
Starting point is 00:50:36 But I need something just for myself because like you said, it is probably deeper, it is probably something ingrained from childhood. But it's just like, damn, like how much more of this? And yeah, watching Your Journey has helped a lot because I was thinking like, I do need to practice gratitude and every day I'm trying to think of like, like I am happy overall. Then of course I think of, I'm happy in my own little bubble. I've got all these things and here we have all these people suffering and it's getting worse for your average American and not enough Americans give a shit.
Starting point is 00:51:06 And that's in like, yes, like it is external, but like the practice of which I express it is something that I need to seek therapy for. But I'm still just like, you know, like, do I just keep disassociating until then? Like, I don't know. But no, you really just need to get into a therapist. You do. You have to get this out because you can be happy and angry.
Starting point is 00:51:29 That's not an uncommon combination. You can be happy and angry, but what you really wanna do is learn patience for the other people and learn compassion for other people and not be so set in your own opinion, even no matter how right it is, just to be able to understand and take in other people without it making you fucking angry,
Starting point is 00:51:50 and without yelling, without screaming. It's gonna give you the toolbox you need that you're gonna need to get through the next three years of this. Patience is a good way to put it for me, because patience is something that I need to practice. Yeah, it's something you have to cultivate too. Like it really is to Chelsea's point, it's a practice.
Starting point is 00:52:09 It requires work. It's like a muscle you have to build. And I also think, you know, for a lot of us that are really justice minded, that can't kind of look away from the news, it's also really important to do something that isn't about activism, that isn't about learning a fact, that isn't about having a conversation, but that gives you
Starting point is 00:52:33 a reminder of why those things matter to you. Like truly, if you can figure out where the Feeding America food pantry is closest to you and like every other Sunday for two hours, go volunteer with some people you love. It will shift your energy. Like therapy and service will be the two greatest things that will shift your energy because when you get caught on the hamster wheel of I always have to be doing or fixing or learning or speaking, you're not existing. You're trying to solve something all the time and that is a way to stay in trauma.
Starting point is 00:53:09 And so to go out and hang with your neighbors and serve a meal or go somewhere even with a family member you disagree with and agree on something for an hour, it's like a, not to sound like the most LA person, but it's like a psychic kind of healing too. Right, I did start looking into volunteer opportunities and but then there was one that was like political climate change and all that. And I was like, maybe I shouldn't go there. Yeah, you're doing enough of that.
Starting point is 00:53:36 You're doing enough of that. Yeah, yeah, so, but I have looked into a few volunteer opportunities and it is something that I thought would nourish my soul, but I just, you know, ADHD ADHD procrastinated haven't done it yet. Yeah but that's great advice do that do that look for a therapist go and just start getting this out so that you're just you're just gonna bring yourself you're gonna be so much more centered so that it doesn't feel like this all the
Starting point is 00:53:59 time like it's at the level where it's gonna fucking blow like I know exactly what you're talking about. And you just wanna break, you're gonna be so much more valuable to all the people in your life when you are able to really ground yourself and center yourself. Right.
Starting point is 00:54:14 And that involves a lot of self-awareness and that's where therapy comes in. It's like you're purchasing the gift of self-awareness. Right. Absolutely. So I'm glad you called So I'm glad you called. I'm glad you called. I'm like, yeah, this was perfect.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Perfect time for a perfect guest for you to speak with. And, you know, do what we say, okay? And because we want you to be useful. We don't want you to burn out. Right, right. That's the main thing. I have been operating at just this high frequency of just ready to respond whenever I need it.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Like almost like I'm ready to respond whenever I'm needed, like almost like I'm ready to be called to action and that is exhausting. Yeah, hypervigilance. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Hopefully we'll see better news ahead. Let's hope so. That would be great. I would love some good news.
Starting point is 00:54:54 We would. Yeah, well, I'll get that text someday. Yes, we're all in it together. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah, yes. And I do, I've been in the same room with my wife and my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same
Starting point is 00:55:02 room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in the same room with my kids, and I've been in that text someday. So yes, we're all in it together. That's the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And I do.
Starting point is 00:55:10 I again, great community around me and I'm leading on my friends more than ever. It's just feeling it so deeply. I'm exhausted. Yeah. Well, you're not alone. Yeah. Yeah. I do take solace in that.
Starting point is 00:55:23 Let's do it. Okay. Keep us updated with your progress, okay? Absolutely, absolutely. Thank you so much. Nice to meet you, Katie. Thank you. Bye. Bye, Katie.
Starting point is 00:55:32 See ya. Oh, God. Sweet angel. I mean, that's, she's speaking for half the world right now. Yeah. You know how everybody feels. Let's take a break and we'll be right back with Sophia Bush. Just like great shoes, great books take you places.
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Starting point is 00:57:26 We migrated. Our family migrated here. I'm like second generation. Listen to You vs. You as part of My Kultura podcast network. Available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I know a lot of cops, and they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. Across the country, cops call this Taser the revolution.
Starting point is 00:58:02 But not everyone was convinced it was that simple. Cops believed everything that Taser told them. From Lava for Good and the team that brought you Bone Valley comes a story about what happened when a multi-billion dollar company dedicated itself to one visionary mission. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Inc. I get right back there and it's bad. It's really, really, really bad. Listen to new episodes of Absolute Season One,
Starting point is 00:58:34 Taser Incorporated, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge episodes one, two, and three on May 21st, and episodes four, five, and six on June 4th. Add free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple podcasts. The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater Podcast Network hosted by me, writer and historian Dan Flores and brought to you by Velvet Buck. This podcast looks at a West available nowhere else.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Each episode, I'll be diving into some of the lesser known histories of the West. I'll then be joined in conversation by guests such as Western historian, Dr. Randall Williams, and bestselling author and meat eater founder, Stephen Ronella. I'll correct my kids now and then where they'll say when cave people were here. And I'll say, it seems like the ice age people that were here didn't have a real affinity
Starting point is 00:59:31 for caves. So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to The American West with Dan Flores on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Safiya Bush. Do we have time for one more? Let's do a little not caller.
Starting point is 01:00:00 A quickie. Well, this one isn't a caller. I tried to get her to call in, but she is currently staying with the person in question, so I wasn't able to. So this is a good, good juicy one. She says, Dear Chelsea, this is Shannon. I need some advice. I have a slow burn crush on my long-term best friend. I met her eight years ago through work on a trip abroad. At the time, I was assigned to travel one-on-one with her to visit business partners in another country. She's a few years older than me and I was so attracted by her intelligence and powerful presence and confidence.
Starting point is 01:00:30 Every time we went out for dinner, I would get butterflies whenever I made her laugh. However, my stomach dropped when she said I reminded her of her favorite gay younger brother. At that point, she also had a long-term boyfriend and I assumed she was straight, so my crush faded and we've developed a solid friendship over the years. Going on trips and I visited her a few times, I never thought much more of these feelings because she was always in a relationship. Two years ago, she ended things with her boyfriend and last year she told me she was attracted to women and wasn't completely straight, although I don't think she has explored this since. After staying
Starting point is 01:01:02 with her for a month, my feelings came rushing back. And since then, I've moved to her city for work. Living in the same place for the first time, we've been spending a lot of time together. And my feelings for her and those butterflies are only growing. Sometimes when we're together, I catch myself thinking my girlfriend and quickly remind myself that she's just my friend. I'm torn. On the one hand, I feel this intense attraction and just want to be around her more. On the other, I'm unsure if she feels the same way. She's a generally flirty person, so
Starting point is 01:01:29 sometimes I wonder if it's just me reading too much into things. I don't want to risk ruining our friendship or making things awkward, but I also don't want to look back and wonder what if. What should I do, Chelsea? Shannon? Well, you know what I'm going to say. Sophia, what are you going to say? No, I want to know what you're going to say. I'm going to say, go for it. Always go for it. I'm like, hello. I don't like when people wait around for things. You know, it's your life.
Starting point is 01:01:51 You got to grab it. Grab life by the balls. Get after what you want. And if she doesn't feel the same way, that's not a loss. That's like, oh, OK, it's a disappointment. Then you know, then you have even more information moving forward. So she's not an option moving forward.
Starting point is 01:02:06 And then you can decide if you want to spend time with her. But like, always go for it, I feel. What do you think? Yeah, I think there's nothing worse than to wonder. You know, and listen, I think all of us, we were talking earlier about hindsight, like you look back and you go, well, maybe I should have let myself wonder about that one. You know, like, but, but if you had, who knows what would have happened? And I think, I think no matter what, to throw yourself toward what you want to, to
Starting point is 01:02:37 be willing to risk for love, like what else are we here for? And so, yeah, I, I kind of think it think it harkens back to the way you advised our first caller to, you know, maybe don't read that whole letter to this person, but just say, hey, I could be off base. I feel like there's a little bit of a shift in our dynamic. I don't know. It feels like there's something else going on here. And if I'm misreading it, we can pretend we never had this conversation. But if I'm not,
Starting point is 01:03:10 I want to talk about it. And I'm kind of liking it. And like, just see. I think it's always worth saying, is there something happening here? If there is what might happen next? Like, oh! Also one thing to think about is like, I understand you want to preserve the relationship and that you don't want to ruin the relationship in case she doesn't have those mutual feelings. But when you go after something in life and the reason, the thing that's stopping you is what if it's, what if the answer is no? Then you're not going to find out a lot of things in life.
Starting point is 01:03:46 Like, you have to be ready to accept a no. Then you now, you have the truth. And then you can move on with your life in a different way. And knowing she's not an option. So it's like, thinking that, oh, what if the answer's no? If this guy, if I bring up our relationship with this guy, doesn't wanna be in a relationship with me from our earlier caller, he doesn't wanna go in a relationship with me from our earlier caller,
Starting point is 01:04:05 he doesn't wanna go from a booty call to something more serious. Okay, well then you have that information. That's an advantage, not a disadvantage. So we all have to look at nos with a more positive outlook. Like that's one step closer to getting where you're going. Yeah. One thing that also like just popped into my mind
Starting point is 01:04:20 is like every woman who dates other women that I know, like if there is like a dating situation and they break up, like generally people stay friends. You know what I mean? Like women often stay friends with exes who are other women in my experience. So I don't think it's a bad thing. Well, that's the theme of today's episode, everybody.
Starting point is 01:04:38 Go for it, okay? The whole world could end in about fucking six months. We don't know what the fuck's gonna happen. So definitely get after it, go for it. Make sure you tune into Sophia's podcast if you're not already a listener. It's called Work in Progress, and her new movie is coming out in June,
Starting point is 01:04:53 and it's up to you to go find it. Right? We did it, we did it. I love you, Sophia. I'll see you soon. I love you. I will see you soon. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July 5th. It will be the next date that I'm there.
Starting point is 01:05:20 July 5th, August 30th, and then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th. I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo, performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason, okay? Thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com.
Starting point is 01:05:42 Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. Just like great shoes, great books take you places through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters
Starting point is 01:06:05 you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay, and this is Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars,
Starting point is 01:06:26 and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the You Versus You podcast, we welcome Polo Molina, music manager to the stars. From Will.i.am and the Black Eyed Peas, Ty Dolla $y, YG and Fergie, here's a sneak peek. Are you so hard on yourself?
Starting point is 01:06:52 That's the way I was raised. And the people that were hard on me are not here no more, so I'm hard on myself. You're gonna make me cry. Listen to You vs. You on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why is a soap opera Western like Yellowstone so wildly successful? The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater Podcast Network.
Starting point is 01:07:21 So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to The American West with Dan Flores on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Over the years of making my true crime podcast, Hell and Gone, I've learned no town is too small for murder. I'm Katherine Townsend.
Starting point is 01:07:47 I've heard from hundreds of people across the country with an unsolved murder in their community. I was calling about the murder of my husband. The murderer is still out there. Each week I investigate a new case. If there is a case we should hear about, call 678-744-6145. Listen to Hell and Gone Murderline on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart
Starting point is 01:08:10 podcast.

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