Dear Chelsea - Getting Better at Marriage with Anna Faris

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

Anna Faris joins Chelsea to talk about life as a stepmom, learning to radically accept love, and the very particular smell that comes with reptile ownership.  Then: A sexist boss at a startup sends their best employee to the want-ads.  A twenty-something worries about his best friend’s gold-digging girlfriend.  And a stoner is concerned about the quality of her husband’s lil’ swimmers as they try for their first child.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and

conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. How are you? Hi. I'm great today. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. chows that are rescuable because I really want my next dog to be a full-blown chow, but I don't want to buy one from a breeder. I know there's a bunch of chow mix rescues. I'll probably end up getting a chow mix, but if anyone has a full-blown chow that they want somebody to take, I'm your person. I don't care. You're adding to the fold. I want more. I just want that face in my face, that fucked up scrunchie face. Do you know how much time I spend on TikTok and Instagram looking at chow videos? It's so pathetic. And they come in so many different colors and sizes. There's white.

There's black. There's orange. There's brown ones. Did I ever tell you I had a chow mix growing up? No. Yeah. He was a German Shepherd chow, but he looked much more chow. His name was Buster.

I think chow is a dominant thing. Chows have any chow that it's the dominant trait. He had like the purple tongue and everything. He was just the best. They're just the cutest dog. So that's my latest venture is to find a dog because I've spent so much time at home that I can just give the dogs to my bell to finally this. It'll just repeat. Talk about repeating a cycle of abuse. I'm basically repeating a cycle of just not being time at home that I can just give the dogs to my bell to finally this. It'll just repeat. Talk about repeating a cycle of abuse. I'm basically repeating a cycle of just not being considered a real parent. Right. Exactly. But now you have Joe in your life so he can like help co-parent and, you know. Yeah. He's got more experience in parenting than I do. So I guess he would be

a good co-parent. He just doesn't like when the dogs sleep in our bed, which I, you know, I do like. You need that. I want that body. I like when I hear when the dogs sleep in our bed, which I, you know, I do like. I want that. I want that body. I like when I hear Bernice snore in the middle of the night. I fucking love that. It makes me laugh in the middle of the night. The other night there was like, I don't know what was going on, but she came up to the doggy steps and she was whining. Like she went, and she never does that. And I look up and she's like can i come in it was basically like can she come in the bed because joe wasn't there i was like yeah bitch get up here let's do this i was like i will staple you to the bed yes you have to i see i even like when mimsy like

kicks me in the night like she wants to sleep in between my legs and she'll like kick to like i want someone who wants me all the time that's the kind of dog i'm looking for i thought i didn't like that because i had that in chunk but I'm ready for round two of Chunk. Exactly. Well, we have a quick update from Tara, who called in on one of our episodes and she was coming out. She was married to a man, but she was coming out as a lesbian and was going to like talk to her family. She was on Lilly Singh's episode. Yeah, yeah, I remember. So she said, things have been going well for me. After I told my mother, which turned out to be somewhat of a heart crusher, I did take Chelsea and Lilly's advice and basically stopped giving a shit about who I had to come out to and how I was going to do it. I took the same approach to

coming out as I do when people ask me why I don't have social media. My life is none of anyone's Oh, God. how it's told and who you tell it to. And always remember, when it feels like you're turning your life upside down, you're actually turning it right side up. Tara. Oh, God. Isn't that lovely? Look at this little ripple effect this podcast is having. It's incredible. Giving people time to share their problems and then them taking advice and making changes

in their lives. God, what a nice development, you guys. We love the feedback. Always send it in. And if you want to send in any questions, it's at DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Let me just put my bifocals on. Okay.

Let me mention some show dates I have coming up. I am winding down my summer dates. I will see everybody in Hawaii July 1st and July 3rd, Honolulu, Kahuli. So I'll be on Oahu and Maui. And then July 28th, I'll be in Montreal at the Just for Laughs Festival. And August 12th, two shows in Vancouver. And then Calgary, August 13th and August 14th. And then I just added another 22 cities after that. If you go to ChelseaHandler.com,

if I haven't already been to a city near you, I'm definitely coming to a city near you then. So check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Today's guest is Anna Faris. Oh, shit. Today's guest has her own podcast as well. It's called Unqualified. Please welcome Anna Faris. No. Today's guest has her own podcast as well. It's called Unqualified. Please welcome Anna Farris. No. Today's guest has her own podcast as well. It's called Unqualified. Please welcome Anna Farris. Hi. Hello, hello. Oh, my God. Look at how the tables have turned. You were the first original person to ever have a podcast, right? Well, after Marc Maron. I was the first original. You invented podcasting. And boy, do I regret it.

I know. Look at what a shit show. Now everybody has a fucking podcast. Unborn babies have them. Oh, my God. Like in 2015, I was able to say, I think I'm starting a podcast. And people would inevitably be like, what is that again? And I would say like cereal, you know, that thing that's going around. Yeah. And now here I am and, you know. Well, you should just remind people that it was one of the original podcasts. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

You're OG. I've actually had one since 2015. Yeah. I'll remind all my guests. Yeah. I think that's a good actually opening statement and opening thesis, if you will. Can I be a guest and open with a question? I knew you were going to pull some shit like that, Anna.

I knew it. I fucking know your shit. And I knew you were going to go, yeah, because I know you just had my lover on, Joe Coy. He was on your podcast recently. I adore him. Who doesn't? Oh, my God. He was such a great guest.

So wait, though. When you guys had known each other forever, when did it turn to romance? The first penetration happened last August. We were friends forever, but we hadn't been hanging out for many years. I hadn't seen him. And then he resurfaced, and then he would not get the fuck out of my face. You know what I mean? He was on it and on it. And he kept resurfacing.

And even I went away for three and a half months and we kind of kept in touch. And then it just turned into like all of a sudden one day I just was like, oh, wait a second. I think that this is my guy. Like this is it. But that's a major shift in mentality. I mean, he probably crushed on you forever. That's what I think. Because, you know, because it's a little, I don't know, in my experience, I guess, that most guys who are friends with me back in the day, because I don't have any friends anymore, but...

That's so Anna. That's so Anna. That's so Anna. That is so you. You're always talking about how you have no friends, which is ridiculous. I think, well, it's a different subject, I suppose, because I think I'm lazy and I'm a hermit. I kind of enjoy my own company. And also, we have three kids in the house. This is all boring. I want to talk about this. No, that's not boring.

This is your life. Listen, the last thing my listeners need to hear is more shit about Joe Coy and me. Because that's all we fucking talk about. So we do need to talk about you, actually. I'm just so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I appreciate that. And making that mental switch from friend to lover is kind of difficult, don't you think?

Yeah, I do think. I mean, it's not difficult because the ease with which you can be yourself with that person outweigh any difficulties that surround that kind of transition. Because it's really not difficult. I mean, I suppose if we were having an affair, that would have been difficult, you know, if one of us had been cheating on somebody or whatever, but it was just so pure and nice. And like everyone was rooting for us. And that was also one element that I wasn't ever expecting because if, you know, you had told me I was going to date somebody else who's well-known, I would be like, no, no, no, I'm not doing that. That's

the last I wanted, like a finance guy. And then I found out how fucking boring finance guys are. So it's much better to be with somebody that, you know, you think is cool. Like, I think Joe is cool. Like he everybody thinks he's cool, you know, and he's definitely cooler than I am in terms of my family dynamic. Like all my nieces and nephews now just think Joe is like the coolest. And I fucking love that because pressure's off. I'm sick of being cool.

I want like a time out, you know? I just want to be alone and do my thing and smoke a joint on the beach and not be asked too many questions. My enthusiasm for life is different than it used to be. Like now I really enjoy my solitude. So I can relate to what you're saying about being a bit of a recluse. When you said that it would be like

difficult if there was infidelity involved, you do not seem like a person who is a cheater. Is that right? Yeah, no, I wouldn't cheat on somebody. I would just break up with them. That's so mean. Well, that's because that's how I've always perceived you as being maybe proud is incorrect, but sort of the idea of like proudly straightforward. Yes, I'd like to be direct. I don't like to mess with people. Like people have a decision if they want to be around you, you know, you give them the information that they need. Here's the truth.

If you don't like it, I totally get it. But here it is. So if I were to do that, I would be very upfront about it. But I'm not like that. I just wouldn't even get myself into a situation. I mean, maybe when I was younger, yeah, when I was a little bit more reckless. Now I'm like, I'm not going to hurt somebody in that way.

I don't want to be responsible for anybody being in pain. I think that's amazing. So anyway, that's enough about me, Anna. We're here to talk about you. And then we're going to give advice to callers. So you don't even have to talk about yourself for so long. So just I want you to think about that as we go into this next phase of the interview. Love it. But you did mention that you are with three children now, and I know that you have one. So the other two, I'm assuming, came from your new husband. Yes, they're teenagers 15 and 18. Oh, oh, that's a far cry from what you were dealing with. Oh, man. And I am the youngest child. I was a camp counselor. So I had that experience and I was a really shitty babysitter. There's a peanut allergy story. I didn't believe in allergies. Anyway, whatever. I almost killed the kid. It could have

been a whole different life for me. But being a stepmom has been, I'm still learning. I really am. I felt at first like I wanted to be kind of like this wild, new, reckless person in their lives because I was also going through a divorce. And so I had that. Now that I'm like a divorce veteran, because I've been divorced twice, there is this kind of shift that happens, especially it hit hard the first time, I turned into somebody that I didn't recognize. Like I was always the kind of person that had their fridge filled. And I hosted a lot of dinners. That was back when I had friends. A time long, long, long time ago. But then I found myself in this apartment with just beer and mustard in the fridge. And I was going out all the time. I had no one to

text or call and say, hey, can I do this, essentially. It was incredibly liberating. And I reverted to, you know, like 17 years old. I went to a bar. I was like, look how dangerous I am. Right. I would have done something like that at 17 as well. I was down to get busy with whatever. And I also took a lot of pride in knowing that I could handle more drugs than anybody else. And I would still be able to like get us home or navigate something, some situation to get us taken care of.

I took a lot of pride in that. And that's rebellion and recklessness, obviously. I never, i was never promiscuous though is that like an old timey term i think so i think so i was never promiscuous but because i was terrified i was terrified that i wasn't a good lover i was terrified that especially young when i was younger i was so self-conscious of my body. I didn't want anybody to see it, but I would dance on the edges of it. I wanted to be desired desperately.

Right. How long was your first marriage? Two and a half years. So $900,000. Okay. Okay. Copy that. And then how long was your second marriage?

10 years. About 10 years. Was it? So you're getting better at it. Nine years, eight years? Yeah. You know. It's kind of how I feel about Chelsea lately. I don't know if it was eight years or 10 years. So you're getting better at it though. A 10 year marriage is not a, not success. It's not a, it's. I don't think it was 10 years I think it was like seven but it yeah but we were together for 10 years but anyway yeah I think there is it's slow growth on my end yeah well some of us are a little bit more I feel like there's areas in my life where I've

matured in a short amount of time as a little kid and then there are areas in my life where I'm still acting like a little girl. Chelsea, I feel like you and I might have this in common. I don't know. But I think this time it has been easier for me to accept a lot of love. Oh, it's still it's like I still kind of struggle with it. But are you like that, though? Like if there's so much love, like I think just when I was younger, if there was a lot of love, like I must have subconsciously liked a chase or something that, I don't know. It feels healthier though, whatever it is. It feels like I can be loved. Yeah, right. Which is such a, it feels like a corny thing to

say, but it's true for many of us. You know, it's the same way we feel about compliments. When people are unwilling to receive compliments, like, you know, I don't know if those two things are related, but like, I don't like a lot of adulation. I don't like a lot of people telling me to my face how great they think I am. I'd love it for them to be doing it behind my back. That's fine. But don't involve me in that. You know, like it's uncomfortable. And then I have to say thank you and thank you and thank you. And I've spent like an inordinate amount of my time saying thank you to you, whether it's my fans backstage at a show telling me, you know, nice things about myself. It's like that becomes too much and then it loses its meaning, right? It doesn't affect you in the same way it should each time. Joe Coy is very good at receiving adulation and adoration. He

loves that. And I know what you're saying about that, but I wonder if that is connected to the love part. It could be. Yeah. Because for a while it would be annoying to have somebody adore you that much. It's like, oh, there's a revulsion there. But that revulsion is a protection over your own person. You're trying to preserve yourself and not get hurt to the point where you would have be vulnerable to them. Right. You know, my mom is and but was this stunning, stunning woman. She grew up dirt poor. She had to get like all her teeth fixed and stuff but she really like i kind of want to show you a picture but she never complimented my physical appearance and because i i was such a late bloomer i had chubby cheeks i wore headgear for

fucking years i think my parents did that to me because they wanted me to stay a virgin, even though they're atheists. That was one of the struggles of my life, for sure. So I think that I can accept compliments that are about my work well, and I'm very grateful for that. But especially in Hollywood, like if you're at a thing and everybody looks beautiful and someone is like, oh, you look so beautiful. I can't absorb that very well. At least it's a little too much. So I just, you know, got fake boobs and bleached my hair. That was my strategy. And decided to have no more friends. She's like, that's it. It's me, myself, and I. No one else. That's right. That's right. I feel like I've met your mother. Would I have met your mother?

Maybe. Yeah. I think there was a party at my house once, and I believe you were there with your mother. This was many, many years ago. God, was I there with my mother? Why would I do that? Oh my God. Where else would I have met her? Maybe I met her when I did your podcast one year at your house. It was definitely in a house setting. That feels right. I think that's what it was. That was when you were still married to Chris because he was outside drinking a beer.

There was another guy. And then you and I were at your old house recording the podcast. This is my mother on her honeymoon. Like, she has like... She looks like something from that movie, that surfing movie, Gidget's surfing movie. Totally. Yeah. She had like that whole look.

But she didn't know it. She's very uncomfortable. I think that because it was her identity, like it was kind of how she broke through and she met my dad, but she never played it up. She was always, I mean, as far as I know, they've only slept with each other, you know, getting back to my parents' weird philosophy about sex. What's your relationship with your mother like now? We're really close. We're really close. She had a tremendously

difficult childhood. And as I get older, I can see how that really affected her. And it's kind of, it's really remarkable that she is as great of a mom as she is, I think. I mean, her parents, I've never told this story. I'll tell it if you guys don't mind. Her parents, I think. I mean, her parents, I've never told this story. I'll tell it if you guys don't mind. Her parents, one Easter when I was nine, they had this really dumpy family cabin. They lived in a, you know, a very, very modest home. It was kind of falling apart. And they also had this really dumpy cabin on an island, beautiful island in Washington state. And we were

all there for Easter and I was using the bathroom in, there was one bathroom and I could hear a lot of shouting. And then the door gets kicked in by my grandpa and I'm like on the pot and he's always been weird anyway, always made me incredibly uncomfortable. And he said, get outside. I'm getting the gun. So we're all like, my aunt like shoves us all into the station wagon where we're all hovering while my grandpa has this massive gun that my uncles are wrestling away from him. And I think about like, it was scary. It was scary, but I didn't even know how scary it could have been. He was such a violent, unpredictable man. And I think he had this hold on my mom and her sisters. So she came from that. And I admire her so much. Yeah, that's pretty scary stuff to deal with as a child. As an adult, it's scary. But as a child,

and not knowing if you're safe or not, I think is like the number one thing that we all wrestle with. And to stop perpetuating that cycle, right? Like to put an end to that cycle so that that cycle of abuse doesn't continue because that's what happens with families. You know, somebody does something and then the kid does it and then the kid's an abuser and then it's like, well, fuck.

I mean, I guess our whole, if you want to be like thinking of it on a really spiritual level, our whole entire existence and purpose should be in creating new imprints, right? And new memories and stopping any cycle of negativity, which is impossible to do because you're a human being. I think that's an amazing sentiment and important for parents to remember.

Yeah. Parenting is a tough, you know, a really tough job. And a lot of people go into it thinking that it's like very one dimensional, like, I can't believe I'm going to love this thing as much as I do, or I'm going to be loved as much as I want to be loved because I didn't get the love that I needed. You know, it's one of those two things are usually the basis of wanting a child is to give or receive the love. And it's like, if you could take care of that on your own before you have a kid, then imagine how healthy you can make that kid. Completely, completely. I'm really proud that Jack, the son that I have with Chris, he's nine and he is such an even keeled kid. He is hysterical. He's smart. He's and he's just and he's confident, but without being a jerk.

Yeah, that's the key for any man being raised is to be confident without being arrogant. Right. Yeah. I'm really proud of that. Oh, well, that's good. I'm glad you have an adorable son with him. And I'm glad that you guys are able to co-parent in such a nice, healthy way. That's going to be great for him as he grows up.

And I'm sure actually that's probably what we're going to turn to. I'm sure we have some parenting questions. Yes. Oh, God. And since out of the three of us, Anna, you're the only fucking parent on this podcast today, you better get yourself, yeah, buckle up. Truly. I live in a community that makes me feel like a terrible parent every day. Well, I think that's the community. It's like yoga and organic and like the what? You didn't know the assignment was due? Yeah.

Well, you may be helicoptering less than some people, you know? Definitely. Yeah. I tried helicopter parenting with my dogs and that backfired. So I no longer am a helicopter parent. Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be back with some questions. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really.

Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, and we're back with Anna Faris and Catherine, my co-host. Hi, hi. Hi, hi.

Well, our first question comes from Liza. She says, Dear Chelsea, My husband and I have been successful stoners for many years. Well, our first question comes better than ever. We're discussing starting a family soon, and I'd like him to refrain from using for some time before we conceive to try and have the healthiest baby possible. When I quit initially, he took a short break, but is back to daily usage. When I brought up my concerns, he got very defensive and told me he supported my journey but wanted no part of it. Am I overstepping by asking my husband to quit while we try to conceive? Liza. Hmm.

I don't know, medically speaking. I mean, I'm sure there's merit in that finding that marijuana causes weak sperm or the sperm that you get isn't going to be top notch. Well, there's less, right? It, like, suppresses the sperm count, I think. Oh, well, I have no problem with that. But Anna, you go ahead. Well, I think the important information, I think, is his behavior, right? If he's kind of checked out and if he's not connecting with her in a way that she likes,

you know, or if they're not having enough sex. It feels like there's, if it sort of reassures and affirms her journey, that's one thing. It's another thing if she's annoyed fundamentally that she's clean. And it's another thing if his behavior changes. Liza, we need more info. Yeah, we need, that's true. If he is kind of like a dud and doesn't get a lot done and isn't that motivated, fine. Then that's his own issue. But I would also say that like when you do something and detox and like go on a cleanse or a diet, you really shouldn't be trying to corral other people into it. That's not the way to get anybody to join in. The best way to do is to exhibit your

behavior and your changes and let that person catch on if they want, you know, let them go, oh, wow. It's like Joe and I, I go to the gym every morning. I have to work out every morning. That's my routine. And sometimes he comes with me and sometimes he doesn't. But the only reason he comes with me is because when he feels like, well, shit, you do this all the time. I want to level up. Like, I want to be like that, too. But I don't make him go. Your analogy is funny because I was thinking it's like there is a layer here. I don't know if Liza feels this way or whatever, where if somebody has a new workout routine and they got to tell you all about it.

Yeah, that's annoying. Yes. It's like someone telling you about their dream every day. It's like you felt these things, but this makes no sense to me. And I don't think you should really fucking read into any of this shit anyway. So I think that Liza needs to kind of figure out what elements of his usage makes her kind of irritated and to gauge it. And maybe it is like, babe, can you wait till 5 p.m.? Or I don't know. Or take a couple days off before they are like trying to conceive so he can still like do it

the rest of the month. I mean, the other thing there is like if somebody's defensive about having to stop doing something, then I think your answer is right there. Like if you're so freaked out, which so it's two different arguments, you know, like if you say to someone, oh, stop smoking weed for a month and like, why, why, why? I don't have to. Like, obviously, they don't want to because it's going to be a problem for them, which is even more reason to do it. Like it shouldn't scare you to have to abstain from something for a set amount of time. I did that alcohol cleanse and I was like, oh, this is so long, but I had to do it. So mostly so I probably wouldn't have to do it again. You know what I mean? I was like, okay. Okay, everybody. But yeah, unless it has, there's a medical component. Do you think that's the whole thing?

So I just looked it up and there's a University of Chicago study that says using marijuana can affect the sperm count and alter the shape and function of the sperm. So yeah, it can lower fertility. And maybe the conversation's even bigger than this, though, because according to the letter, Liza said he was pretty straightforward. Good for you, babe, but not me. It's not for me. Right. There could be. What if he's not quite as enthusiastic about having a kid? Or what if, I don't know. I don't know. That's a good point. There's a bit here.

Well, yeah, but you should also try to get pregnant. And if that doesn't work in three months and you think it's because of the sperm count, then you can revisit the conversation. Yeah. And talk to your doctor about it, too. Because your doctor may say, like, yeah, he needs to cool it for a week before. But I'm her doctor, Catherine. Excuse me.

I'm sorry. It's accurate. Have you guys ever heard, you know how sperm is the indicator of sex, of the gender of a baby? Like that's the one that chooses? Yes. They have either an XX or an XY. Okay. Or we have, no, we just have the X.

They either have a Y or an X. Okay. Okay. have, no, we just have the X. They either have a Y or an X. Okay. Okay. I'm going to sound like a real blonde. You're teaching us a lot right now, though. I know. Is the earth flat or round? Somebody tell me first before I ask this question again.

It's round for now. It's on the map. Those boats never come back. But on the map, it's flat. So on maps, I just want everyone to know the world is flat. So when Sherri Shepherd asked that question, she was not alone. I'm just going to put that out there. I just found out about the moon and the sun and their whole situation recently.

So you have to bear with me on my knowledge of basic fundamental information that is available at a fingertip away. This is what I believe, but I haven't checked its accuracy in a while. So we're XX as females, boys are XY, whatever. Why am I giving a biology lesson? Fuck. I thought it was just X and Y. I thought it was X and Y. Is it XX and XY? I don't know, Chelsea. I don't know i'm really gonna backtrack here what if we're i think we're probably giving so much false information on this podcast this is this is this is on fox news you guys you're listening to fox news okay totally totally from what i read though the um male sperm tends to swim faster but die sooner oh the female sperm swims slower is like more resilient

through slow and steady right yeah whatever yeah whatever business we got that tries to like prevent them so there's a whole theory about if you want to have a boy as your exit is like traveling down are you making a jerking off motion right now as we speak okay oh okay i like to do that yeah yeah you can use i just want to i just wanted to make sure that i was talking that yeah i'm terrible at hand jobs speaking who is this hand job conversation we were just talking about handjobs. Like, who is giving handjobs? Who is it? Are these girls in high school, like, because they don't want to give a blowjob?

That I can get behind. Yes. But a handjob as an adult is an insult to both parties, as far as I'm concerned. I completely agree. Who's doing that? Like, what? It's so, I mean, sex is animalistic as it is, obviously. But jerking someone off, just even the hand gesture is so upsetting. Like, I wish you could do it with my foot. You know what I mean? Because that's how far away I want that situation.

I know. I know. I bet some guys would like a foot job. How deeply into sex should we get? Probably not. I don't know. I mean, we'll see what the next caller has to say. Maybe it'll lead to a sexual conversation on a... Okay. Okay. All your dreams could come true. Chelsea, I always felt like you would be the popular girl in high school that would sort of befriend me because I was like, just weird enough. Yeah, I would totally I would totally do that. I love helping people out or saving people. I like to make sure people know that they're not alone. You told me on my podcast that you said, Anna, you are so fucking weird. And I took that as such a compliment. Yeah, you should. You should. You said it with love

in a weird way. Yeah. It was really nice. I think about that. That was a good compliment. Oh, well, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. Yeah, I like weirdos. I think it's much cooler to be a weirdo than to just be a follower. Everyone's a follower. I'm even a follower. We follow and there's like, we do so many things without even thinking because other people are doing them that it's nice to have originality. So that's what makes you unique. Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I do this purposeful disguise because I sure don't feel do you guys ever have like a serious brain body disconnect? Yeah. Like, man, this is a costume. Yes, absolutely.

Absolutely. Because everyone has a multitude of different things that are going on in their brain, you know? In one moment, you can be your confident, best version of yourself and totally secure in everything you're doing. And then two days later, you can be completely self-doubting and not sure what you're doing or having any confidence. I mean, I think that's what's so complex about like the human brain is we could get up our own asses and we have a hard time staying out of our heads. And so I like to think of things, anything that keeps you out of your head. That's why I love reading books like that requires my attention to something that has nothing to do with me. I always felt uncomfortable being a woman, like the idea of femininity.

I mean, it's not a struggle for me anymore because I'm 45 and I wasn't exactly a tomboy, but I really prided myself on not being afraid. Like I really always wanted to be brave. Like we had my brother, he belonged to the Washington Herpetological Society. What does that mean? Herpetological. Reptiles. Oh, I thought it was something to do with herpes. Okay. There's a society for that. Well, yeah, for animals with herpes.

Yeah. So we always had tons of snakes and tarantulas and piranhas and parrots and lizards. And the house had a very particular smell. And there was always like one loose. And I felt really proud of never being scared of bugs or kind of overcoming whatever. I was like this little feisty thing. I was incredibly short. And I was really angry for a long time that I wasn't born a boy. Yeah, well, I mean, I think what we're all learning is that it's not one or the other. There's this whole spectrum of like masculinity and femininity as we know it. I certainly didn't feel like a girl

for a very long period of time, but I feel like one now. I feel like a woman, you know, but I feel very masculine. I have a lot of very masculine tendencies. But does that get in the way of like your female friendships? Yeah, sometimes. I'm very, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I have a terrible history of friendship ending. So I am like, that is the one thing that I can't seem to shake no matter how much therapy I go to. It's just like, I have a very steadfast desire to let the truth be known and not to pussyfoot around anything and not to ever be insincere. So that gets you into trouble. Not everybody likes to hear the truth. and I understand that's part of my personality and it's not something I'm willing to like forego like if you came to me and you said I need to know the truth about something I would I would have to tell you this is the truth even if it were going to hurt your feelings as a sister as a woman to another woman even though you think

you're a man I would say to you hey Anna this is what I see and this is what I know because I think that's what you that's like the best gift you can give anybody in your life is the truth. No one benefits from being lied to. I am not like that. That's so funny. No, I'm much more like my female friendships are always like dancing with awkwardness. Oh, well, that's just you. That's you. You're awkward and you're in your head. I am. But that's your thing. Like, I mean, who cares? Like, that's your personality. It's not something

to resist. It's something to embrace. I have no choice. I know. You are you. So you have no choice. Okay, so what do we have next? We have to get through some callers, Anna. Sure. We can't just sit here and focus on you the entire episode. I know, I'm sorry. We have to help the masses make better life decisions.

That's right. That's right. Well, before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take a quick break. Okay, sounds good. We'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus,

does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason

Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our first caller today is Luke. Oh, they're going to be online, Anna. Get ready. Yes. We have friends joining. So Luke is a rarity on this show. He is a straight guy. Wow. Straight male listener. That is unique. Yes. He says, one of my friends has been in a

relationship for two years with a girl that's not good for him, and I'm struggling to help him see that. There are three main issues. One, extreme jealousy. She consistently does phone checks to see who he is talking to and does not let him talk to or hang out with any females unless she has met them and given her sign off. This has sadly led my friend to abandon a lot of long, completely innocent and platonic relationships with female friends. She also restricts him hanging out with the boys, which has caused a strain in our main friend group. Number two, gold digging tendencies. A year into the relationship, she moved into his apartment but does not pay any rent. She then persuaded him to get all new furniture for the apartment because she simply didn't like

his stuff. I get furnishing an apartment together, but when she's not paying rent, why should she have all the say? She's made several comments in group environments that she needs to marry someone rich and praises others for doing so. May have been said in jest, but concerning nonetheless. Three, pressure to get engaged. The girlfriend comes from a more traditional family where getting married young is the norm. My friend, on the other hand, has told me consistently he wants to focus on his career and wait until he's ready to get married, potentially in his 30s. His girlfriend has consistently pressured him, saying she cannot risk being single in her late 20s or early 30s and trying to find someone else all over again.

My friend is not ready for engagement, but when confiding in me, he tries to see it from her side and thinks maybe he should compromise on his engagement timing by a couple years. She currently has given him an ultimatum that it needs to happen by next year. I've tried having a few talks and raising these red flags, but he sort of justifies or rebuffs them. I'm trying not to be too aggressive and ruin our friendship over this. How can I prevent my friend from making a lifelong mistake? Luke. Hi, Luke. Hi, Luke. Hello. Hi, hi. Ana Farris is with us today, along with Catherine, my co-host. How's it going? Man, great. I am really excited to talk with you. That was a letter. You care about your friend. I really do. I'm not sure what to do.

I'm turning to you guys. First of all, I want to say congratulations on being the first straight white. Well, you're not white, are you? You're the first straight man to call into this podcast that is a feat that you must be very very secure in your masculinity and manhood so mazel tov to that yes well i feel like my whole family grew up watching chelsea lately so big fan yay awesome anna do you want to start you seem like an eager beaver, so when all the detailed information, she truly does sound atrocious, for sure. But all the detailed information, how did you get that? Does your friend tell you? Like, how does these conversations work? Yeah, it's a mix of me spending time with her and then him sharing with me a little bit.

Because he clearly sees some concerns. And so I've tried to talk with him about it. So a mix of both of those things. So when you hang out, what percentage of the time is he like, man, I don't know what to do about this thing? Does that dominate like 30% of the conversation? 40%? No, I would honestly say it's like only a handful of conversations I've had with him about it. Like I've tried to be careful of not always bringing it up to him. If he brings it up, I'm happy to talk with him.

I brought it up maybe on my own one or two times, but it's not like a frequent conversation we've had. Are you close? Is he close with his family? Yes, very close with his parents. And I've actually asked what do his parents think of these things, but he hasn't really opened up to them about these things. And does he open up to others? Because they don't like her. Yeah, maybe. But do you guys have a group of friends? Are there another couple of guys that also feel the same way? Or is it just you? I'm definitely closest to him, so I don't think he's opened up in the same way? Or is it just you? I'm definitely closest to him. So I don't think he's opened up in the same way to those other friends, really only to me. But I don't want to necessarily go around and like spread all of his personal stuff unless he's willing to do it. That's what

a girl would do. So don't do that. Because that's, yeah, that's how females behave. We're like, you also hate her. The thing is, it's like, listen, you can have one really like serious conversation with him out of love and for your, it's like, listen, you can have one really like serious conversation with him out of love and for your friendship and for your caring. And you can say you could put it all out on the table in a way that's thoughtful and sweet, but you don't want to lose your friendship. You said that all you could do is say it once out of love. He's probably not going to listen to you, but you never know.

And at least then you have a clear conscience. But don't go just it's got gotta be out of the love for him, not the hatred for her. You know what I mean? These are the things that I'm seeing. I know what kind of guy you are and she doesn't represent to me what you're looking for. Like calling her a gold digger isn't gonna be helpful,

but you can put that in other language that seems a little bit more, just that you've noticed. And just by noticing is a demonstration of your friendship by paying attention. You know, I think girls and guys react to these kinds of conversations in a different way. And I think men are definitely less emotional and they might receive it a lot differently than a woman might receive it. Don't you guys think? Yeah. Like just leveling with him and then not bringing it up again. Like you said it, I'm just going to say it once. I support you, whatever you do.

I'm always going to be your friend. This is what I see. And I just had to tell you because I know you would do the same for me. So I think here's the tough thing. I think I've kind of had those conversations with him and he always just like plays it off or rebuffs it. And so I've had two or three of those conversations,

but I've been very careful not to be too strong. So do I just lay off at this point and say it is what it is or go more strong into it? I have a question about the timing is, do you feel like a proposal is imminent? Yes. I feel like it could happen like in the next couple of months. It's not. Okay. So he does, he has very strong feelings for her. Is this his first girlfriend? Uh, yeah. First real serious one.

He may, I think he had one in high school, but I mean, that's high school. Yeah. I totally agree with Chelsea and Catherine, but the problem is he's vulnerable. This is his first thing.

This is his first relationship. And he's going to need you in his life. But there is a risk potential of those details, especially sticking in his head. It's like when you can paint the entire picture, those things get seared into his head. So if you back up your hesitancy about this woman with actual specifics, there's a risk of you guys not being friends. He will remember these things. He'll associate you with that kind of imagery. You know what I mean? So I wonder if the approach is if you open with like, hey, you know, maybe you guys can grab a beer or something, something along the lines of like, Hey man, how happy are you? Cause you're a great guy.

And I don't want you to have to go through like the financial pain of a divorce. If in three years you're pretty miserable. I want to check in with how you are, as opposed to getting into her a bit, which will immediately put his guard up. What do you think about that? Yeah, I think that makes sense. I think when I bring up things about her, he definitely, first instinct, he gets defensive. Can you give us an example give us an example of a time you brought something up so the the gold digging part i didn't i didn't call her a gold digger or anything like that but i i brought up there were a few situations in like group settings where she made those comments about marrying someone rich or like praising others for doing

the same and it didn't seem like a joke but so I brought that up to him and his first reaction was, well, all girls say that, like, it's not that serious. It's like those common, it's not a big deal type of thing. Does she believe that she's more attractive than he is? I don't, I don't know. I don't think so. Okay. Okay. That's a good question.

Is that something you're curious about? Ana, is that something you're curious about in your own life? I like thinking about the power balance in this relationship of Luke's friends. Like, how does she view herself? How does he view himself? And thinking about the imbalance there. If someone feels like they have more power, like I could do better. That is a that's that's a hard kind of that's a hard idea, you know.

And she definitely wears the pants in the relationship. I'll say that. And he makes more money. He does. Yes. I can see where you're concerned. Yeah. I think also what was his reaction when you said that? Like back to when I said, what did you, when you brought it up to him and he said, okay, what was his reaction when you said he gets defensive? It's almost like he's brainwashed in a way, like the jealousy part, he kind of acknowledged. Yeah. Okay. Maybe it's strange, but then he turns

around and be like, well, like, I don't really need female friends. Like, I don't, I don't care that much. Or like, he asked me like, does your girlfriend let you hang out with girls one-on-one or talk to girls and then the engaged stuff one end will be like yeah I don't know if I'm ready but like I don't know it's unfair to her if I keep her waiting like I think I should just compromise and do it like it's always like back to like she's right justifying it yeah I think that you probably have already said what you're gonna say and it doesn't seem like that you probably have already said what you're going to say. And it doesn't seem like he's in a place of like he's going to be able to receive anything you're saying anyway. And unfortunately, this is just a part of life, watching friends do things

like this, marry people you're not that into. And while it's a huge bummer, there's really nothing you can do about it. He's not your kid. He's not going to listen to you. You know, if he's in this state of mind, he's in love with her, he's about to propose, it would really take something big for him to get off track. So I think you're just, time is just better. I think you've probably made yourself clear. Like if he's defensive when you've brought it up, then he knows what you're doing. Are you close with his parents? Like friendly. I wouldn't say super, super close. You guys aren't like, like I wouldn't say super, super close. You guys aren't like, like I wouldn't like pull,

pull them aside. Right. I'm concerned type of thing. I would ask, like, are you happy most of the time with her? Because from what I hear, it only intensifies one way or the other when you're, when you're actually married or because even if he won't know how,

he probably won't know how to answer it, but at least he'll think about it you know he'll think about like fuck man she makes me miserable I am bummed out most of the time or trying to do damage control most of the time or at least maybe he'll it'll start to roll around in his head yeah leading him into this self-examination may be a better way to go. My sister-in-law, who I love, is a little bit of a judgy person. She's also usually right, so it's okay. But when she doesn't think someone's making the right decisions, she will ask them a series of questions to help them re-examine the choices that they're making. So for your friend, it might be something like, well, how do you feel about maybe compromising some of your financial and career goals in order to get married a little bit earlier?

And just bringing up those things in the context of a question, like Ana said, might be a little bit of a softer delivery and help him keep percolating on them after. And probably the engagement will be awful. There's going to be like, there's nothing like an engagement for people to just spin out. Yeah. So maybe there's hope there. Yeah. It just, it like, it hurts me. Like, it's one of my best friends.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Like, I want to be so happy for him if he gets engaged. So I get what you're saying, Chelsea. Like, at a certain point happy for him if he gets age. So I, I, I get what you're saying, Chelsea, like at a certain point you just have to, again, he's, he's not my kid. He's not in my family. Like push the best for him. Yeah, you have to, but I mean, you could try, you know, what these girls are suggesting, which it might be a good different strategy and see if that gets you anywhere. But I wouldn't double down on what you've already said, because you want to make sure you're happy. You want to make sure you're making the right decision. But, you know, I would want, I'd want you to check in with me. Are you married, Luke? No, I'm not. Okay. Like if you were going to do the same thing,

I'd want you to check in with me and just make sure that this is a big, big decision. I want to make sure you're in the best possible spot and that you're making the right decision based on what you want and your needs, not somebody else's. Yeah. I think that makes sense. I think it's a good non-threatening way to, to bring it up again. Okay, cool. Well, let us not somebody else's. Yeah, I think that makes sense. I think it's a good non-threatening way to bring it up again. Okay, cool. Well, let us know how that goes. Yeah, Luke.

You're a good friend. Yeah, you are a good friend, Luke. That's nice. I appreciate it. Yeah, it's really nice. You're a good friend. You can tell how much you love him. It's nice.

I appreciate it. All right. Okay, well, good luck with everything. Take care. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Who won? I feel like I care. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Who won?

I feel like I did. I think you did. While you were giving your advice, I was like, this is not a good idea because you're saying exactly what I'm trying to say, but in a different way. But then as I digested it, I think you did give him better advice. So you won, Eleanor. No, no, no. And I just piggybacked.

Yeah, you just, you found an easy way and just picked a side and she picked your side. That's how you won. Yeah. Chelsea, you just found an easy way out and just picked a side. And she picked your side. That's how you won. Yeah. Chelsea, I miss you. And Catherine, I miss you too. I miss you too. I know. Chelsea, I would love to, like, someday when the kids are gone.

When we're at an old age home living in Mulholland Hills together, we can have a coffee or a cocktail. Coffee. I don't even drink coffee. I would love that. We'll have a cocktail then. You can hit me up anytime, Anna. I'm right in the neighborhood.

Well, where do you live? What neighborhood? Pacific Palisades. Oh, yeah. That's why, like, of course I don't fit in here. Who does? That's not even a real place. It's like, it's just like white picket fences,

white, everything's like a makeshift mall. That mall up there, you're like, what kind of happy camper land is this? It's like, it's just like white picket fences, white, everything's like a makeshift mall. That mall up there, you're like, what kind of happy camper land is this? It's like the Truman Show. We are going to take a quick break so you can hear an ad and then we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna

drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. God bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So, this call is coming from Anne. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 29 years old and work at a startup. I've been with the company for six years and I'm the longest tenured woman there. I also happen to be their highest revenue producing team member. Not to brag, but kind of to brag. My boyfriend of four plus years also works there for almost as long as I have. Last week, our CEO invited my boyfriend to an NBA game because our investors gave him box seats.

He then proceeded to invite multiple other employees, but not me. He even invited a few people who no longer work for the company. I felt so excluded and left out. I also felt mad at my partner for not sticking up for me. At the end of the game, our CEO mad at my partner for not sticking up for me. At the end of the game, our CEO apologized to my partner for not inviting me. This isn't an isolated incident. Our CEO has routinely devalued me while uplifting and investing in my male partner. Despite the fact that I'm continually out-earning all the other men at our company,

I'm so frequently ignored and under-invested in, and I think it's because I'm a woman. Am I being too sensitive or is it time to look for a new job? Anne. Hi, Anne. Hi, Anne. How are you? Hi, this is Anna Faris, and then this is Catherine, my co-host. It's so nice to meet you guys.

Thank you so much for having me. Oh, you're so welcome. No, it's because you're a woman. I mean, this is the story of the century. Everyone tells the story and yeah. What did your partner say when he apologized for not inviting you? He recommended to like reach out to me, but when he came home, I had been crying for hours. Cause like when you feel left out, like they're not even like get a text, like it's weird you're not here. See you soon. Like it's weird. You're not here. See you soon.

Cause we live together also should mention that. So I had to leave our shared home to go to this thing and then kind of ignored it for a while. Very non-confrontational, very different communication style. So he got there eventually, but it did take multiple days of me explaining why it hurt so much. The layers of it all, the, they chose you and actively ignored me despite. Totally. It can't not feel very personal. Like this, you can't ignore that. It's like,

this feels very much about me. Yeah. And it was just like, why do all these men sit around thinking like, isn't it weird that like he came, like we've been dating for five years, all of which have happened at this company. Well, and another thing came up when we were doing our pre-interview. Mention about the Christmas gift. Oh, yeah. This is so small. I didn't even realize it until months later. They give us these Christmas gifts, classic startup-y thing. They gave out gift baskets. We got one gift basket to share yeah that's gross too yeah I didn't even think about it have you addressed this yet at all with your boss I have a little what's really nice is like my direct manager is also one of my best friends it's a very funny company like when you work at a startup you become super close with everyone so she's like one of my

best friends I did end up like sobbing on the phone to her the Monday after. And she kind of like immediately ran it up a flagpole and kind of sent up an alert of she might leave. Like she's so upset. Very validly. She might quit the company. So I got like the most awkward five minute phone call apology. Yeah, it was bad.

It was like a not to make excuses, but. So what was the excuse? The event got away from him. Like he only had a few tickets, only invited a few people, then saw more people were around and was like, oh crap, let me find more tickets. And then it just, he kept inviting other people without realizing like, oh, I should have stopped, gone back over here, which I get a lot of it sort of stemmed down to it wasn't intentional. It was a total blunder. He felt super embarrassed and bad. But like all these things were happening, like my son has pink eye, my dad has cancer. I'm so sorry. But it was just like it all boiled down to like it was unintentional

and you should forget it. And there was no like nothing done to sort of correct that mistake? Like no extra gift basket, no extra tickets? I get a month. I'll have like lunch with him like once a month. Do you like your job? I do. I built it. I was the 10th person they hired and now we're at like 150.

So of course this stings even harder. Yeah. It's super personal. And like my boyfriend is the golden boy. And you like your job and you're emotionally invested. That's it. So how do we, how do we get you, how do we get you feeling good, appreciated, and special, and acknowledged? How do we do that, guys? Well, I think it's very important for you to point out that if they're going to treat you as one person when they're handing out Christmas gifts, they should treat you as one person when they're handing out invitations. So I think you can be a little bit more assertive on the back end of that phone call and say, just so you're clear, this is how I see it from moving on forward. Like I expect to be invited to these events. I was at the 10th person hired to work at this company and I feel ownership in what we've created.

I have a piece of that. I was a part of that. Don't underestimate your value in this situation because women have a history of doing that. And don't say, I just want this. It's, I want this, you know? And don't diminish your role and what you've created there. Remind him of how integral you are in this company and how valuable you are. And based on that value and based on your seniority, here's a list of things that you expect to happen.

When there are invitations that go out, please do not invite my boyfriend without inviting me, okay? And please do not send us one gift like we are one person we are two people did your boyfriend start working there before after you uh like two and a half months after oh man it's the whole package but the only thing you can do as a woman is to be assertive you know what i mean without being a cunt be assertive and just say i'm just here to remind you of all these things please keep this in your consciousness when you're making your next round of invites to whatever event that may be. I can't wait to experience that with you so that we don't ever have to deal with this kind of conversation again. Yeah, it's no, you're completely right. It's when I was screaming about this to my family, they all stopped and were like, do you think that they're maybe like intimidated by you? Because I'm not quiet. I am like very direct. Yeah. And men don't like that. They don't like that.

They don't. So they probably don't want you there for that reason. But you're going to tell them that that is sorry. That's part of the package. We're not living in 20 fucking 10 anymore. I have to be included. I'm a founding member of this organization. What are you talking about? And along with what Chelsea's saying, I would list the reasons why you love working there, what you believe from the beginning and be, you know what I mean? Listen to me, be positive. I'm like from 1952. I mean, you have to trick them if they're going to change anything. No, that's true. You do. It's like you have to flip the wool over their eyes and be like, come with me, you fucking idiot. I mean, honestly, because that's probably what You do. It's like you have to flip the wool over their eyes and be like, come with me, you fucking idiot. I mean, honestly, because that's probably what it is.

It's like, oh, she's too much or she's got a big personality. We don't need her there. Sorry. That's the workplace. You have to deal with all the people that you work with because that's what adults do. I'm sorry if I'm not your perfect cup of tea. You're not mine either, but I'm going to be at this event. And that's why you're so good at your job.

That's why you're like crushing all the goals and blowing everybody else out of the water. And the other thing, too, is, you know, you can phrase it. I like this, like being really direct about it. And you can phrase it like, I'm trying to help you be better because I know like when it's a startup, it's a little messy. Everybody's kind of like figuring things out as they go along. But like there are probably other women at the company who are feeling similarly undervalued. And you can express it that way. Like I'm trying to help you do better because some of this could be seen as overt sexism. So like let's fix these things as the company grows so that by the time it's

really, really big, you're not getting sued by a bunch of your employees. That's one of the biggest issues, too, is that a lot of the team, they look to me because I was like the first, I'm the longest tenured woman at the whole company. And so there is a sense of like, they outwardly appreciate what I do. Cause I bring in like 20% of the revenue, right. It's one person just fucking cool. And I'm really proud of that. But like, that's what like tripled my anger of being like, if they're, if I'm getting treated like this in what world does absolutely anyone else have any ability to be valued and appreciated appropriately and not just have been like, good job. Yeah.

You're good and you're cute. Shut up. How aware is the CEO of this? He's aware now. Like I was very brutally like this sucked. i was so upset and really hurt and i don't think i deserved it and like he intellectually got it and i know that there are other steps being taken but it's just one of those things where it's like i really don't think it's actually gone yet and it really was salient to have to explain to so many men, like the textbook definition or, and definition

of sexism is you did something to me. You apologized to my boyfriend and you didn't apologize to me and just expected it to get there as though that is in any way, shape or form. Okay. And then when I finally told my boyfriend, like he didn't do anything, he has my phone number. He could text me. He was like, oh, okay. And I said, that's sex text me he was like oh okay and I said that's sexist he was like no that was too far and I had to be like I you have to accept my definition you did have a conversation with him after the fact yeah oh yeah it was like uh it escalated pretty quickly to me being like I will call five women of our company yeah I will ask them if they agree do you want want me to? Yeah. He said no. And he accepted. So and nothing's changed slightly. No, that well, there hasn't been an

event since though, right? That that yeah, honestly, like you can wait for that letter until something happens. And then it's going to be a different letter. Or you could preemptively send it and go, this is what I expect moving forward. And if they fail that, then yeah, you do have to look for a new job if this is that important to you. I will throw him a bone and say that when the Alito opinion dropped, we are enough like progressive, small enough company that like we were all pretty open about how upset it was. See, it was totally radio silent. I had to call him and then he answered and I'd be like, you have to say something to our team about this. And within like 10 minutes, he'd created a video. He had like built something, sent something out. So like he did listen to me. It was like one really positive

change of him being like, Oh, that's something. Yeah. Okay. Well, good. I think you know what you're doing. You're going to be just fine. Maybe he's a little scared right now, but as, as time goes on, he'll slowly start to become more good for you. Yeah, you could be the change for him. You could be the resource, yeah. Yeah. I do a lot of emotional labor. Yeah.

Don't we all? I think if the time comes to send an email, I think I would say I love my job. I love my job, And this is why. And I am an incredibly valuable team member in that way when it's in writing. I know you've already said this to him, but if it's in writing like that's strong, but passionate and complimentary and but demanding, maybe that's a better way for him to digest things instead of I don't know it was a face-to-face uh that was a phone call okay it's like we're i can go into the office i mostly work

remote because i'm literally just like on zooms all day with clients you probably like intimidate him i know i do i've had a lot of people tell me that take that into account you know when you're writing that letter take that into account yeah so that, when you're writing that letter, take that into account. Yeah. So that, you know, if he's going to be a big pussy about it, you want to make sure that you treat him like a pussy. Does it cause strain between you and your boyfriend? It has less so now. I think like my the intensity of my reaction to what happened, he was super not prepared for it because it did like fully fully melt down into like, oh, I'm going to start looking for another job.

To which he was like, honestly, fair. That was bullshit. You were treated poorly. He did objectively know, I do get that. That was so not cool. And it was unfair. I think that's good. I think you're already on the right track.

I think he's getting the picture. I think you're all set. You made your point and let's see what happens now moving forward. And if you want a new job, Anne, I'll hire you to do something. That would be very cool. I'd love to work if it helps.

Because you are really impressive. We would compliment each other because I'm a little more lamb-like. That's okay. It's completely fine. I'm very little more lamb-like. That's okay. It's completely fine. I'm very aggressive. I'll go after it for you. Okay.

It's our farmer's market knitting circle. Sisterhood of the traveling caslapai. And keep us posted and let us know how it goes. I will. Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it. I love both of your shows. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it. I love both of your shows. Oh, thank you. Thank you guys. Thanks, Anne. Wow. Isn't she a powerhouse? She's great. Yeah, she's going to be just fine. She Oh my god. Yeah. Really? I thought she was

wonderful. But what a doozy of a problem. My god, Chelsea, I loved what you said. Oh, good. Good. Well, great. Let's take a quick break. and we'll be right back with Chelsea and Donna. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a floor? We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you, and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman

reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us tonight. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

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What do we have now? Ana's going to ask advice to me. We do. Oh, yes. Ana, do you have any advice you want to ask me for? I love this part. Chelsea, as you know, I quarantined hard, right? Like nobody quarantined harder than I.

So I now- Is that code for something? I just like hermited. Okay. Like I didn't see any, you know, anyway. But I've always had a tendency to hoard however my shower looks like a sorority house shower there's so many products and my closet is like like I've I've really I've adopted a wartime mentality essentially like I'll never be able to procure these items again. During quarantine, I bought 10 pounds of Velveeta,

a cheese that I rarely use. Yeah. So you're trying to stop hoarding, right? Yeah, I'm trying to stop hoarding. You just have to get one of those closet organizers to come over your house and just release and let them fucking figure it out for you, clean it out for you so that you're not watching,

you're not sitting there. There's nothing in any of those places that you mentioned that are going to have a life or death impact on you. Let somebody come in and organize your life for you and just do whatever you have to do to allow that to happen because your life will be, you will begin anew and you are going to feel good about it. Not bad. I promise you. I believe you. I do. Yeah. There's all those girls on Instagram. Everyone's always posting about closet organizing. It's not hard to find. Just find somebody and let it go. Just clear out the energy, clear out all the shit, and just say, you do whatever you think and let me know when it's done. Because it feels very

psychological at this point. Kelsey, do you have a favorite face lotion that you feel loyal to? Yes, Liz Earle. I like the serum and then the lotion or the face cream. I put it on in the morning and at night. So do you have oily or dry skin? A combo. Like I still break out on my chin a bit.

Okay, so then you wouldn't want the serum. You just want the face cream. But it's a British company. It's called Liz Ear Earl and it's the best thing I've ever used. It keeps my skin very, very dewy all the time. Okay. Yeah. You guys, thank you so much. I don't, did I say anything of interest? No, you did not. You barely, you barely said anything. No, you said some things of interest. Absolutely. As we all did. You were a great guest, Anna. I totally appreciate having you on. I love you. I love spending time with you. I love you too. Thank you. And thank you guys so much. This was awesome. Thank you, Anna. Anna, Anna, Anna. It took me 10 years to say her name right. And now I say Anna. I just said I fucking ruined it right at the end.

Like truly, if I see someone with a name tag that says Anna, I will call that person Anna. This is my parents' fault and I don't hold it against anybody. And make sure you tune in to Unqualified, Anna's podcast. Thanks, Chelsea. Bye, honey. Thanks, Catherine. Bye, guys. Bye.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.