Dear Chelsea - Here to Meet Men with Monica Padman

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

Monica Padman of the Armchair Expert podcast is in-studio with Chelsea to discuss babysitting Dax Shepard (and his kids), forgetting how many intimate details of her life she’s shared on podcasts, a...nd having complicated feelings about freezing her eggs.  Then: A relationship is strained by dog-induced anxiety.  A gay orthodox Christian plans to leave home against his parents’ will.  And a college girl has deep regrets about unwanted advances at a party.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaProject@gmail.com * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey y'all, I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kick-starting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all-access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:00:31 I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.
Starting point is 00:01:31 You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity,
Starting point is 00:02:13 we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests
Starting point is 00:02:24 to relatable stories that'll resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters.
Starting point is 00:03:05 You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is I think embarrassing to the SEC. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Okay, I have a beef tip. Hello, everyone. Are you there?
Starting point is 00:03:23 It's me. God, are you there? God, it's me, Chelsea. And Catherine. Hi, Catherine. Hi. I have a beef to pick with airlines. Tell me. First of all, I am so sick and tired of not being able to get on fucking Wi-Fi on a plane when I have an account with Go-go in flight, with delta fuck fuck fuck. Boingo, boingo. Bingo, joingo, boingo shit face. It is so annoying that they just don't have the planes outfitted
Starting point is 00:03:53 with Wi-Fi for everybody. Stop making me join and have another password. I have a security thing in my phone with all my passwords. There are over 1,000 passwords. I have 1,000 passwords for different things, and I will never even find the password I'm looking for with all my passwords, there are over a thousand passwords. I have a thousand passwords for different things. And I will never even find the password I'm looking for if I go in there to look for go, go, and flight. And then it doesn't allow you to stay online.
Starting point is 00:04:14 It kicks you off the whole flight. It kicks you off, kicks you off, kicks you off. But somehow, I always see other people. Other people can do it. Just fine. They're not being kicked off. So like, I know that I have a disconnect with technology. Just like I have a new, my assistant, Casey, well, that's Carla's assistant.
Starting point is 00:04:34 Let's just be clear. My assistant has her own assistant. Excellent. And he's like, this speaker system at the house doesn't work because nothing ever works at any of my homes music wise. No. There's just no chance of anything going smoothly with music. And by the time I get it working,
Starting point is 00:04:48 I can't remember what I like to listen to. So he's like, oh, we're going to get Alexa. I was like, okay, great. Let's get Alexa. It's about time I have Alexa. Right. Even Alexa doesn't fucking listen to me. I can put my speaker on one speaker.
Starting point is 00:05:02 I can't put the rest of the speakers on, so I can only play music in one room. So I have to blast it and then stay away from that room where it's blasting because it's too loud in that room. This is so complicated, Kelsey. It's so annoying. I definitely think I have a hex, like a technology hex on me. And I want to say to airlines, you're already fucking losing. We're already trapped.
Starting point is 00:05:24 You guys suck. You guys suck right now. We're already trapped. You guys suck. You guys suck right now. Not flight attendants. I love my flight attendants and I love pilots, especially when they're sober. But flights are being canceled because there's not enough people working. People don't want to work. I get it. I don't get that actually, but I get it that that's happening.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Planes are so dirty and so gross now. Grosser than they were before COVID. We didn't learn anything about cleaning planes. When they say, we're cleaning, we're cleaning, we're cleaning before they... They fogged it with mosquito fog or something. Have you looked over the side of your armrest to see what's in there? No, it's bad. Every flight I look and I'm like horrified. Because Carla, my assistant, travels with wet wipes all the time. She's always cleaning. She's responsible. She still wears the mask still wears a mask wherever she goes. When I see her wearing a mask, I put my mask on.
Starting point is 00:06:08 I'm like, oh shit, what am I doing? She's right. Why am I not wearing it? Especially on a plane when the germs are where I can see the germs. But this Wi-Fi thing is maddening. It is insane. Just put Wi-Fi on every plane so that everyone can get on for free.
Starting point is 00:06:23 And make it free so that we're all happy and content and like lost in the blue screens. Yeah, we're all online. Everyone's online. Stop making a barrier of entry and stop making passcodes that are like W lowercase C uppercase zero lowercase U. Fuck you. Who do you think is coming in to break into your fucking Wi-Fi? Who is that?
Starting point is 00:06:47 Especially not 30,000 feet in the air. It's so annoying. Chelsea, I have to tell you about a woman I sat next to on the plane. Thank God she was across the aisle from me and not next to me. But she was an older woman. She chose that day to not wear a bra and wear a very clingy shirt, which, you know, to each their own. But I could tell she had like kooky grandma vibes from the minute she came on there. I was sitting there with Mimsy.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Because she had a cat in her backpack. I would not have doubted it. She proceeded to remove her shoes and not only place them on the seat in front of her, her feet. She placed them on the armrest of the person in front of her her feet she placed them on the armrest of the person in front of her she placed them inside the seat back pocket i've done that oh i mean when i was when i was in my 20s and i was fucking hung over on a plane but not today this woman was not hung over she was fully mainlining straight vodka on the rocks the entire flight and playing video poker out loud with the sound on. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I fucking hate that.
Starting point is 00:07:53 It was a lot. When people have their phones on and not have AirPods in, I have to say something. Yeah. Thankfully, she only did it for like 10 minutes before she passed out. But the real deal breaker for me was she kept reaching over to pet Mimsy, my dog, who was with me. And, you know, at first it was fine, but it was not fine after she proceeded to massage her feet, her bare feet with her hands, and then like eat chips and suck on her fingers. After that, I was like, no, no, no, we're done petting the dog. But this woman, this was like, no, no, no, we're done petting the dog. But this woman, this was the cardinal sin to me. She chose to go to the airport bathroom two times with no shoes on. On the airplane.
Starting point is 00:08:33 On the airplane. Where you know men are like jiggling around and they can't aim very well and there's pee all over the floor. I just was like, oh, I couldn't handle it. No, that sounds so disgusting. The whole thing is so gross and uncouth. Like, honestly, and this is coming from me, someone who doesn't have any dignity at all. I mean, honestly, that is so gross. We were on a flight earlier to New York, and this woman brought a cat on board. And then she took the cat out, and everyone who walked by her, she'd be like, oh, are you allergic? Are you allergic?
Starting point is 00:09:04 And everyone's like, yeah, yeah. Like five people out of the seven she asked that were sitting around our area. I was behind her. We're allergic. Everyone's allergic to cats. So finally I said to her, I go, I'm sorry, why do you keep asking people if they're allergic if you're not putting the cat away? And she just looked at me and she goes, I think some people are just allergic to life. I go, and some people are allergic to cats.
Starting point is 00:09:28 I'm not because I just don't like cats. I'd prefer not to be hanging out with cats. You're allergic in that way. But, but I mean, I'm not going to have an allergic reaction to a cat, but I was like, stop asking people to like, you're basically using the cat as a conversation starter and then ender. You know, if you don't want to get into the details, don't get into the details. Anyway, airlines, I really hope you guys step your fucking shit up because this is gross already what's happening. I mean, we really need. Someone's calling you. I don't know if it's someone important.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Scam likely. Oh, scam. Scam likely is a good title. Yeah, I know. It happens all day long. This is sort of a secret life hack. I get a lot of sort of scammy calls from where I'm from because my zip code, not my zip code, my area code is still from my hometown many states away. So I know if I'm getting a call
Starting point is 00:10:12 from like Moline, Illinois, not to pick it up. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty great. Wherever you live in the country, if you're getting a call from Moline, Illinois, don't pick it up. Do not pick it up. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were
Starting point is 00:10:56 told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Starting point is 00:11:24 Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the
Starting point is 00:11:40 bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you, and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise
Starting point is 00:11:55 really do his own stunts? His stunt man reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.
Starting point is 00:12:11 And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.
Starting point is 00:12:25 It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff
Starting point is 00:12:54 is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are, like, totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year? Or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about what is it I want to display? You don't plant a garden and then just walk away
Starting point is 00:13:53 and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it, you're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is gonna be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role?
Starting point is 00:14:09 A lot is in the follow up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes.
Starting point is 00:14:53 You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young donald trump and his apprentice roy cohen real character obviously both are real characters it kind of has a scarface vibe to it which i thought was very interesting listen to the i am rap report stereo podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. All right, well, let's get to our guest for today. We have a great guest today. She is a producer and the co-host of Armchair Expert.
Starting point is 00:15:39 And she has a new upcoming fertility-related podcast that we can't share the name of yet. But her name is Monica Padman, and we're happy to have you. Hi, Monica. Hi. Oh, I'm so happy to have you here. I am so flattered to be here. I can't believe I got the email. What do you mean you can't believe it, especially without Dax?
Starting point is 00:15:57 I'm sick of seeing you with Dax. I know. I mean, listen, you guys have created quite an extraordinary podcast. Thank you. So congratulations on that. Thank you. I know you guys just signed a Thank you. So congratulations on that. Thank you. Because I know you guys just signed a huge deal. Spotify.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Shout out. Sorry, iHeartRadio. Yeah. Fuck you, iHeart. Fuck you. But that's well deserved. Thank you. I mean, years and years of really hard work and amazing interviews across the board, whether
Starting point is 00:16:20 it be a celebrity, a neurophysicist. You. Me. Yeah. One of our very faves. A celebrity neurophysicist, a gynecologist is how I like to classify myself. And then you have another podcast that's coming out. Yeah, I mean, we have a gajillion podcasts, to be fair.
Starting point is 00:16:36 We just keep doing more and more and more. But I do have one coming out that's me and Liz Plank. Do you know Liz Plank? She has a master's in gender. She's on CNN all the time talking about stuff. She's a bestseller on how men are wonderful and bad. She's perfect. And we're doing a podcast.
Starting point is 00:16:53 We're going to freeze our eggs at the same time. And we're going to follow that process. We're going to check in every day and see how we are while also talking to different people with different fertility stories. Wow. Because everyone has one. Yeah, I know. My friend just posted something and I was reading it. I'm like, I don't even understand what the hell she was talking about because I'm so not well-versed in fertility.
Starting point is 00:17:13 No one is. No one's taught anything. Because it's women-related. Exactly. It's a female issue. So why would anybody have to educate themselves on the matter? Exactly. Did you see that disgusting documentary, Our Father, speaking of infertility? I haven't, but I heard about it. I'm so scared. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:17:29 it's pretty creepy, you guys. It's the story of a doctor who inseminated his own semen into all of his patients. Not all, but he has like 100 children out there and they all found each other on 23andMe. I'm like, wait a second. I'm like, first of all, I didn't know you could find siblings on 23andMe. I think there's an option where you put yourself on there to say, like, I'm looking or you keep it quiet. Oh, you know what's hilarious? Sorry to diverge us. But we had Malcolm Gladwell on recently and he did that.
Starting point is 00:18:02 And a sibling came up and he was like, oh, my God, I have a twin. It was a twin. I have a twin that my mom didn't tell me about. And what do do and do I do I confront her about I can't confront her my mom's a twin why would she do this and turns out it was him again it was his DNA again it was just like a weird fluke in the system and it was just him that's so stupid what a waste of time and energy. Right? I was laughing so hard. Oh, my God. We actually had someone write in to us who was like, I'm a product of one of these creepy doctors.
Starting point is 00:18:34 So gross. So gross. Yeah. And she and her mom are advocates now for like. I got to get these people on the pod. Yeah. Yeah. You got to look into it.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Actually, that's a great documentary for you to watch for you. Yeah. Because there's one girl who spearheads the whole thing. And she's the one who contacts each sibling that pops up. Because a lot of these people, you know, were married to their husbands, but couldn't get pregnant. So they thought they were being inseminated by their husband's sperm, only to find out 20 years later that their child is someone else's child. Imagine the disruption. I mean, that's just like, I mean, and the guy's not in jail. He's not. No, no. He's from fucking some Republican state.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Because it's not technically illegal. There's some weird loophole. Yeah, there's a loophole where a doctor could go jerk off in a room and then come back and put it in someone's vagina. So that's nice. That's cool. Cool loophole, guys. Monica, I want to talk about the story of you meeting
Starting point is 00:19:25 Dax and Kristen because I didn't know that you were their babysitter. I was. That's so funny. I know. So you babysat for Dax first? I babysat for them. Well, I did. I was, you know, I came out here to act. So I did an episode of House of Lies in which I played Kristen's assistant. Okay. Life art. Very simp. And she had just had her first kid and I was like, well, I also babysit. That's really how I make money. So if you ever need one, let me know. And then she called a couple of weeks later. So then I was like sporadically date night babysitting for them while they went to the like foot spa. And then they had their second and they needed a little bit more help. So they were like, do you want to come on more full time? And at first I was like, no, because I am an actor and I need time for my auditions
Starting point is 00:20:12 in Santa Monica. So you need time to prepare. So they were like, we'll make that work. Like, you can go on your auditions. It's fine. We'll figure it out. And I was like, okay, why not? But I really was like, do I want to babysit again? I had already babysat. Then I worked at SoulCycle as a big departure from babysitting. I was like, eh, but I love these guys. They're so fun and great. And then it just like slowly started happening.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Once Delta, their second, went to preschool, Kristen was like, well, we still want to keep you around, but we don't need you as much babysitting wise. Do you want to do more assistant work? And I was like, sure. So then I did that. And then I started like writing stuff for her. And then we kind of partnered up. And then Dax was like, I think I want to do a podcast.
Starting point is 00:20:57 And I was like, I'll help. I'll figure it out. Oh, wow. What a cool story. It is. And I mean, I have to give them so much credit because I don't, most people would just be like, stay in your, stay in your lane, please. Well, that's actually what Kristen said when she was on this podcast.
Starting point is 00:21:10 Really? That's exactly a quote that Kristen was talking about when she becomes invidious of other actresses getting parts or having different kinds of careers than she has that Dax would say, stay in your lane, stay in your lane, which I think is kind of like, I don't like that phrase, stay in your lane, because I don't want to, as soon as someone tells me to stay in my lane, there is no lane. I'm jumping in all the lanes. Yeah, the lane is gone. But I think he meant more, don't try to be who you're not.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Right. But he's problematic phrasing. Yeah, well, that's his whole problem. That's why he needs you as a co-host. That's why I added the show. I thought you actually babysat four Dax, not the two kids. No, I do that now. Now I do that.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Yeah, and I think that since Delta is named now after a variant, that she should take, Dax should have to take Delta's name, and Delta should take Dax's name. I know. But I do love their whole friend group, all of you guys. Like, you guys have a nice tight-knit group. It's very special. I feel like I kind of know you guys just by watching you guys on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Yeah. You talk a lot about not having had a boyfriend. Tell me about that. It is fun. So we did Kimmel, and he was like, so you've never had a serious boyfriend? And I was like, I was so, I could not believe he was saying that out loud on the show. And then he was like, well, you did a show on it. And I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot.
Starting point is 00:22:28 I told everyone already that I do that all the time. It's like you forget. You forget. Everyone knows. But yeah, I mean, no, I haven't. I have so many issues around dating. And also before that, I really was like, I can't get one. When I was in middle school and high school, when I started liking boys, I'm sure I was picking specifically, but I couldn't get one.
Starting point is 00:22:50 And then it taught me, it really implanted a narrative about myself that you won't, you can't, you don't deserve it, or you're not worthy, all those things. Then I morphed more into I would pick people who definitely were unattainable. And then if they started to become more attainable, if they were like, oh, Monica, then I'd be like, no, something's wrong with you now because you like me. If you like me, there's a problem. Then you're no longer adventurous. You're no longer appealing to me. Yes, exactly. So, you know, it's been that whole thing and I'm in therapy and
Starting point is 00:23:26 I'm working on it oh good and our show helped like Monica and Jess that show helped but that was like right before the pandemic and then and then I stopped doing anything yeah I mean that sounds like it's a definite inside job but I can relate to starting to believe a narrative about yourself for so long I also felt like even though I've had loves and boyfriends and stuff, there have been times where I'm like, oh, I'm not marriage material. I'm not going to be that person. I'm not somebody that anyone would even propose to. Right. It must be me. I'm not going to have that or I'm not going to have anything traditional in that sense. I'm not
Starting point is 00:24:01 going to have a life partner. I've had all those thoughts. But yeah. So you've never had a boyfriend. Wow. I know. It's really weird to say even still. Yeah. And how old are you? I'm about to be 35. OK, well, good. I hope that this is we're coming upon a big transition in your life. Well, if anyone wants to spray my eggs, I will have some eggs available. Are you going to implant those eggs? I don't know. You know, I don't know. That's sort of the whole thing. We're just going to freeze. I will have some eggs available in a couple months. Are you going to implant those eggs? I don't know. You know, I don't know. That's sort of the whole thing with this podcast. Well, you're just going to freeze them?
Starting point is 00:24:29 I'm just freezing them. Oh, okay. To see, like, you know, some insurance for the future, I guess. But also, like, because I don't even, I don't know if I want kids. I'm not sure. But I want the option, you know. And it's already been interesting because I had a call with my doctor yesterday. And so I've been on birth control for, like, ironically, I've been on birth control for
Starting point is 00:24:48 since I was 18 or something. I got on it for my skin and then I've just been on it. And she was like, well, it's going to affect your count. Probably you should get off of it for a few months before. And I was like, no, it's like I'm not doing that I'm not changing my daily operations for this thing that I don't even know if I want but and so I like got really in my head about it and I didn't get off birth control and then she called me she was like okay so like everything looks good we like your count does look a little smaller than it would normally be and I was like fuck that birth control like I should have done it would normally be. And I was like, fuck that birth control. Like, I should have done it.
Starting point is 00:25:26 You know, it's like it's already. And I don't even know. I don't even know if I'm going to use them. I know. Yeah. A lot of conversations going on in your head. Yes. That feel like I shouldn't be thinking about this.
Starting point is 00:25:38 I don't even have a partner. I don't have like why. But women are forced to think about it. Where did you grow up? Georgia. What city? Duluth. Like half you grow up? Georgia. What city? Duluth, like half hour outside Atlanta. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:48 So was it conservative or was that more liberal, Duluth? Now it is more liberal. It's like one of the counties that's blue. I was going to say, well, you can't get more conservative. But I'm sorry, you can. I forgot. You can get more conservative. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:26:01 Unfortunately, yes. There were like two blue counties. My family lives in one of them. And it is I mean, it's it was suburbs. It wasn't like down south or anything like that. But yes, there's a conservative undertone, obviously, to that whole state. So it wasn't too bad. I mean, I think once I left is when I really could see the differences. I know. I think that's the whole point of leaving is to actually expand your brain and have your thinking challenged. Exactly. I mean, just to have your understanding of the fact that where you live and grow up. Like when I meet people or I know people from high school that still live in the town that I grew up in. I'm like, what kind of life experience have you had? What are you doing? You live next door to your fucking mother.
Starting point is 00:26:48 I know. I know. Are your parents in Duluth? Yeah. I try, you know, that's my instinct too, is to be like, yikes, like with my friends who still live at home and a lot of them are married. We're all still very close and a lot of them are married to their high school sweethearts and yet they live near their family. And I'm like, oh, my God, if I had done that, I would have been so different. But then I see them and I'm like, it's working for them. It wouldn't work for me, I don't think, which is why I left.
Starting point is 00:27:16 But for them, I don't know. Like their lives seem happy. And I'm just trying not to make mass judgments yeah which I want to do all the time and I'm trying hard not to and what are you doing to actively start dating are you on any of these websites I'm going on this podcast so that somebody will reach out you have a lot of men listening right guys listen to this podcast that's for sure yeah we have one straight guy that works on the podcast and that's Catherine's husband um no sorry Monica unavailable which is my type we did have a straight man uh that came
Starting point is 00:27:51 on the podcast right he called it he was black of course because there would be no straight white male that would listen to this podcast and then stop listening and just fucking blow his brains out and be like oh my god why am I such an asshole? But, yeah, you have to be actively dating because you're a catch. Thank you. Yeah. And you deserve to be loved and to love. I know.
Starting point is 00:28:15 I mean, I know that intellectually. Yeah. It's a matter of knowing it emotionally. You know, like, do you have this? Like, you must because you're so smart and successful that like where your your brain is not matching your feelings no but yeah there's dissonance for sure at times with my brain and my but I mean it's an intellectual knowing I feel like emotional knowing is like guttural and an intellectual knowing is more powerful than your gut in some you know so I feel like when you know something in your head you can infuse that into your. And it's like a self-conversation. And you have to keep implementing that thought inside your brain so that it becomes part of who you are, your body, so that you know. I mean,
Starting point is 00:28:55 as long as you're here, you deserve that interaction. To be able to be lit up by somebody and to light somebody up is a huge gift. And look what you're doing and like how many people love what you do and listen to what you say, you know, like imagine if youx of it and the joy. So I do feel like as much as I get so much fulfillment from all these things, I'm like, I'm missing a thing. Like I do know it. Yeah. That's how I feel about children. Like I'm going to miss that love. I'll never know that love. You know, you make an active decision to not. I just have never had any desire to do that. Yeah. None. Zero. Less than zero. You're coming on our podcast. Well, you're actually, you have, I have less than zero interest.
Starting point is 00:29:54 It sounds like you have zero plus one interest because your commitment to your fertilization of eggs doesn't, you're not selling that. I know, it's so embarrassing. And I'm like, wait, what? Even giving up birth control. You may as well fertilize my eggs. I mean, I know it. And see what kind of frittata comes out of that. Okay, so
Starting point is 00:30:08 Monica, we're going to give real life advice to people. They call in and they zoom in. Oh my gosh. Catherine, give us the lowdown of what we can. Well, first we have to take a break, right? We take a bubble bath at the beginning of the episode. Okay. It's right behind that curtain, so just get undressed slowly. I love that. We'll keep the cameras on because this is
Starting point is 00:30:23 post Me Too and we want everyone to be positive. I love that. We'll keep the cameras on because this is pro, this is post Me Too and we want everyone. Body positivity. Yes, absolutely. Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. Hey y'all, I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford,
Starting point is 00:30:35 host of Therapy for Black Girls and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart Series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell
Starting point is 00:30:56 people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Starting point is 00:31:34 or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?
Starting point is 00:31:54 The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom cruise really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop by mr brian kranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to really no really sir bless you all hello newman and you never know when howie mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?
Starting point is 00:32:25 Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context
Starting point is 00:32:52 you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Very few companies who go viral are, like, totally prepared for what that means. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year
Starting point is 00:33:39 or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's editor-at-lar large for jobs and career development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about what is it I want to display. You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it.
Starting point is 00:34:07 You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen.
Starting point is 00:34:36 Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast Podcast where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history
Starting point is 00:35:08 ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back with Monica Padman and Catherine. Hi. Hi, hi. Well, we have a lot in store for us today. And I love it when it works out that what you guys have talked about is all the same things that we're going to talk about today. We've got people who aren't moving away from home. We've got love connections. Let's get right into it. We actually, in a break from tradition,
Starting point is 00:36:01 have a caller first. We usually have an email first. Have you ever had a caller yet? Never. I've never had a caller. This is Monica's first phone call. Wow. It's exciting. Welcome. Welcome to the wild world of Zoom. This question comes from Nicole. She says, Dear Chelsea, subject line is, my boyfriend is a helicopter dog dad. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year, and I know he's the one. We rarely have conflicts unless it involves our dogs. He is an overly cautious helicopter dog dad, and I am the opposite. He has a 30-pound spaniel that's softer than baby food. The dog is riddled with anxiety over any loud noise, has terrible vision causing him to
Starting point is 00:36:46 run into things, and gets diarrhea from anything that's not his own food. These characteristics have only increased my boyfriend's own unmedicated anxiety and caused him to watch the dog's every move, including carrying him down porch steps in fear he'll fall down them and following him around the yard, not allowing him to nibble on anything. I, on the other hand, have an extremely playful 60-pound husky mix. My boyfriend loves my dog very much, but having the two dogs together causes him a lot of stress. He breaks up play fights almost immediately, gets frustrated when they steal each other's toys, and is unable to focus on much else because he's constantly watching them. I try to respect this because I agree it's annoying, but sometimes I just want to shout,
Starting point is 00:37:35 let them be dogs. We only sleep over at each other's places once a weekend because of their energy. We have our own places, but he recently bought a house with the intention that I will eventually move in. I'm more than ready to take that step, and he is too, if it weren't for the animal chaos. I've offered to hire a trainer. I've regularly suggested that we just immerse them in more time together in order to get them more acclimated. He's receptive to this, but then his dog woke up a few weeks ago, unable to walk, and he began walking later that day, acting completely normal. My dog hasn't been allowed around him in over two weeks, meaning we also haven't had any overnights. He also canceled our cooking class that was part of my birthday present, as well as a golf trip he was supposed to take. This is so annoying. I know. Honestly, this is going on for too long. I mean, what the fuck? This is the cut down version.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Oh, shit. I'm concerned that his overly cautious parenting is going to cause issues when we raise our own children one day. And I'm beginning to resent the situation for holding back our relationship. So my question for you is, how do I express my concern that he's too overbearing and that it's only causing his dog and me to become more anxious as a result? And how do I get us to the place of being ready to live together without allowing the dogs to dictate that timeline? Nicole. Hi, Nicole. This is Monica. She's our special guest today. And you've met Catherine. Hello, Monica. Hi. God, your boyfriend sounds so sorry to use this word, but annoying. You know, I mean, God, it's like a fucking this is like serious, like his dog is overtaking the entire situation. Uh huh. He really has. Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:13 To say with love, it is annoying. Yes. This has been our one point of contention, as I was telling Catherine. I mean, everything else in our relationship is just so easy and natural and everything that I've looked for on the boxes to check off. So this is just the one that I'm trying to find my own acceptance of his parenting style, but yeah, just it holding us back. Okay. So has there been any conversation about going to an actual dog therapist for both him and the dog? Dog therapist? No, we do have a trainer that will start this coming weekend. I'll do in-home sessions with both dogs. So yes, I'm very much looking forward to that. At this stage, he is unapologetic of how he is. I think there's childhood trauma that I pair with it if I try to really dig deep in why he is so overly cautious.
Starting point is 00:40:09 But there's a deeper thing happening, I think. And look, I'm not and you're going to be mad at me for saying this. Maybe you already know, but I'm not a dog person. So, you know, take this with a grain of salt a little bit, I guess. But it does seem like he's putting that dog above you, the human. And that's the crux for me of the issue. Yes. And I've brought that up.
Starting point is 00:40:31 He doesn't see it that way. So that's why I'm seeking help of how to just bridge that conversation. Yeah. I think that, first of all, you have a legitimate reason to be discussing this with him. Any avoidance of going to therapy is kind of inexcusable at this point in the world and in society. It's not cool to not be open to that. And if you're talking about having children with him and he's using this behavior with his dog, you have every right to be concerned about it. Like, yeah, how are you going to have a future
Starting point is 00:41:01 with this guy if he can't handle his dog walking around the yard? I mean, I understand it's a special situation with the dog, but like he's got to learn how some coping mechanisms. And yeah, childhood trauma is going to bite you in the ass. It doesn't go away. It hurts you. It will come and get you. For all of us. Yes.
Starting point is 00:41:19 For all of us. Even her unfertilized eggs, it's going to get. They're going to get the trauma. And they're going to get dogs probably. And yeah, you've got to really impress that upon him. I mean, there's also a way, like when I say dog therapist, I mean like for the owner. The trainer's a great start and hopefully that will work. But if it doesn't, exhaust other possibilities. Try and get a dog therapist that can actually help a dog owner communicate with their dog,
Starting point is 00:41:43 help the dog because his anxiety is only leading to more dog anxiety. The two are feeding off of each other so clearly. And you can raise the concern, obviously, like you've already said with love about moving forward in your life, like this is actually becoming a concern for you. And you want to figure out what to do about it. You have to kind of introduce that in a way like that is a non-negotiable for moving forward because the situation sounds like it's become untenable. It has. Yes. I mean, they've never been left alone together. We've been together for over a year. The dogs have never been left alone in the house together. My parents have only met his dog a handful of times and we're together all of the time. So then it puts a barrier on our social outings because we each have to get back to separate homes with the dogs. At the same
Starting point is 00:42:30 time, he could very well be moving for work as soon as six months. And we've already had that discussion that I would be going with. So, hey, are we going to go from zero to 100 overnight? Like we need to start building this. And I just haven't had action yet. Okay. Well, that's actually a great first action for you to take. I mean, you're on the right track. You sound pretty sensible, pretty logical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. You should have that conversation with him for sure. But I mean, I think there are more, how old is his dog? Will he die soon? Can you put him down when he's at work one day i know that's terrible oh my gosh oh my god and how old's your dog two oh shit okay okay yeah we're in it okay well i
Starting point is 00:43:17 mean listen the trainer's gonna come if that doesn't work out then that leads you to the next conversation you've exhausted that possibility if it doesn't work out hopefully it that leads you to the next conversation. You've exhausted that possibility. If it doesn't work out, hopefully it will. Then you can talk about a dog therapist or a real therapist. And what about a couples therapist? For the two of you, it's always helpful to have like a third party there who can say to his face, hey, this is a little bit unreasonable. And also there's no such thing as this is just who I am. Like people evolve. And if you guys are a couple, you're going to have your own thing
Starting point is 00:43:49 that you're going to have to figure out. And if you have kids, oh my God, like everyone is forced to evolve. He needs to get on board. Right. That's what I said. Like our kids have to be able to fall down and get a scrape and, you know,
Starting point is 00:44:01 build resiliency and find risk in that. How have your conversations gone thus far when this subject comes up? How deep have you gotten? Not incredibly deep. I turn into a bit of a passive person when it comes into any conflict. And then I start to cry and then things get awkward. And so things come up regularly, but not in depth. No.
Starting point is 00:44:24 OK, well, you need to work on that. You have to. Yeah. And you can't, it's not fair to cry whenever anything gets, when the conflict comes up, because that puts the other person in a really not fair position. You know what I mean? Oh, absolutely. So you have to do that work for yourself as well and focus on that and just difficult conversations help unify people, not take them apart. And that's something to remember. Like when you have a challenging conversation, it's always an opportunity for growth. You don't have to get scared and look away or avoid and be passive and all of that stuff. It's a good skill to practice and learn, and it's going to come in handy with all of these issues.
Starting point is 00:45:00 So please start with this conversation. You know, it is a big concern. You called into us. You're obviously concerned. And the next step is to sit down with him and be like, we need to really address this. This is our first point. And now if the dog trainer works great after that, this is the next step. This is the plan of attack. And we also have to work on communicating better because I feel like this dog is ruling my life and that's just silly. And no matter what's going on with that dog, it shouldn't be ruling your life. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Yes. Thank you for that confirmation. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Let us know what happens, Nicole. Yeah. Yeah, I will. I will.
Starting point is 00:45:37 Thank you guys so much. Bye. Thanks, Nicole. All right. Bye. Thank you. How funny that we have the one guest that doesn't like dogs on our first dog question. It's not our first dog question, but we don't often get dog questions.
Starting point is 00:45:52 It's like, move. Get rid of that dog. No. No, no, no. I know. I kind of also was like, this dog sounds sickly. Maybe it will die soon. I mean, and that's part of why I wanted to have Monica for that question, because like you're not overwhelmed by like, oh, my God, I totally get it. I love that dog so much. But no, for me, it's like that's just indicative of a much deeper issue of he he's projecting all his anxiety onto this dog. It's going to go somewhere even if the dog gets trained. Yeah, he's got a. Yeah. And that hypervigilance, you know, it's early days kind of because they've been together for a year. But like that hypervigilance will permeate everything. Like that's something I've been working on a ton in therapy, not constantly being worried about what's the next terrible thing that can happen. And hopefully this dog trainer will help with some of that just being like, hey, this is normal dog stuff But also, they'll probably have to take an X-step and see an actual therapist. Yeah. I just hate people's resistance to therapy. It's just, it fucking drives me up a wall. That's still a thing?
Starting point is 00:46:53 Yes. It's still a thing. Yes. How? I don't, because people are scared to tap into what is dark and ominous underneath them. Like, they don't want to revisit that. They want to think that nothing in life has anything to do with that. Yep. Oh my God. I mean, just look at what happened to you, Chelsea. You're open and vulnerable and feeling things. Yeah. And I used to be shut off and closed down and angry and I'm not anymore because I know how to deal with my emotions now. Some people want to stay angry. Yeah. Well, they don't want to stay angry. They just don't want to feel sad to that dark
Starting point is 00:47:23 place and have to unearth it because it's not a pleasant experience. Yeah, but it's a valuable experience and it will make you a much more well-rounded person. I almost emailed you a few months ago because I was looking for a new therapist. And when you were on our show, you were like raving about yours. And I was like, oh, I should ask Chelsea. But then I found I found my. Oh, you did. I found an incredible therapist that I'm very happy with but oh good well that's great I mean I had already been in therapy but I was like this isn't enough I need more I need different I went to my therapist yesterday and after we were done
Starting point is 00:47:56 he's like okay I'm leaving in 10 days and I was like I am too I won't be back until September and he was like okay well dude let me know if you want to connect before you leave. I'm like, we just fucking saw each other. Like, this is it. This is goodbye for two months. This is incremental. Like now I only use it for incremental stuff. You know, I'm going through a breakup. I need my therapist. I want to handle these emotions, right? I don't want to fucking fast track anything. I want to do it the right way. And now I'm done with you. So please, I'm not seeing you again. Also, my therapist, this is so great. I go to his house, we sit in his backyard and there's a construction site inside his backyard. And I was like, wait, are you serious
Starting point is 00:48:37 with a chainsaw going the entire time? And I'm like, Dan, are you inviting like, please people, customers, are you inviting patients over that's what I call my fans customers when they're at the show the live show I'm like hello customers I'm like Dan are you can't have therapy sessions when there's a fucking drill happening in your backyard like I want to go to a construction site I'll go to my own house and reflect in the reflection pond. Well, our next question, and this is kind of a touchy topic, but this comes from Julia. She says, dear Chelsea,
Starting point is 00:49:13 I'm a college student. A couple months ago, I got really drunk and sat on a guy and kissed him. I vaguely also remember asking him if he wanted to have sex, to which he said no, obviously. This guy has since said everything is cool, he doesn't care about what happened.
Starting point is 00:49:30 However, my actions still haunt me, and this has become quite literally all I think about. I don't know why or how that happened. I'm assuming somehow in my drunken state, I thought that I was flirting, and since that point, I've never, ever gotten that drunk. I completely understand what I did was wrong, and I wanted to reach out for advice. I wanted to come to you specifically, Chelsea, because I know you've been caught up in a similar situation to which you inappropriately touched someone and meant no harm, but nonetheless, it still happened. How do I deal with the shame of knowing this will always be part of my record? Oh, my God. Hi, Julia. Hi. Hi. This is Monica and that's Catherine. Hi, Monica. Hi. Okay. First of all,
Starting point is 00:50:13 you need to give yourself a break. Yeah. All you did was, I mean, you kissed somebody and you were at a party and you were drunk. That is not anything to take to your grave to be shameful about. You made a mistake. That's okay. That's what human beings do. They make mistakes. And what was your interaction with him after the incident? I mean, after it, it kind of just was awkward, I guess. Like, I did apologize to him, which is one thing that I'm really happy that I did. But other than that, for some reason, it just really like sticks with me. I feel like a lot of people have told me like, it's okay, you can let it go. But it's just it's for some reason it has really stuck with me. Okay, you have got to give yourself a break.
Starting point is 00:50:54 You are going to make mistakes in life. You did not hurt anybody. You did not murder somebody. You were inappropriate. That is not a offense that is unforgivable. And you apologized and took accountability. That's it. That's the end offense that is unforgivable. And you apologized and took accountability. That's it. That's the end of that story.
Starting point is 00:51:08 So you have to get past that because you're beating yourself up here. And then this will become a pattern in your life. So you need to disrupt this pattern immediately and know that you just had a good time. You're at a party. And it's not like you did something that bad. You know, it was just unwelcome. And of course, it was awkward. That's what being in what are you in your 20s is about awkward fuck-ups I mean come on did you grow up in a household that made you feel really bad about everything you did
Starting point is 00:51:36 I think so I feel like I come from also a very religious background so I think well that's the problem yeah that's the problem you can't you have so much shame that's been ingrained and it's not fair and it's not about you it's just in your body now so it's on you to like shed that because I don't can we even call it a mistake I'm having trouble even accepting this as a mistake yeah I mean I don't think it's that big of a deal it's like that would be hard for me to take seriously. Like, that's something I would make a joke about, you know, like it was a silly thing. But yeah, your shame is coming from your family dynamic and from your religious background. And you have to get to a place where you understand that human beings make
Starting point is 00:52:16 mistakes. And all you can do is be accountable for that mistake. And then afterwards, that mistake is over. There's nothing else for you to do. Yeah. And I think right now there is so much conversation around consent. And of course, that's something that's so important. But there is also hooking up at parties. It's a thing that happens all of the time. And of course, you have to take what he said, which is, hey, we're cool. It's fine. Don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:52:42 You have to take that at face value. You know, and I think there's some forgiveness of yourself that needs to happen yeah I think for a very long time I was kind of trying to put words in his mouth like you should feel really bad about this like you should be mad at me but I really agree with that I feel like I need to take it at face value and just say like this is what you told me that it's okay and I need to be okay with that you also asked him you asked him if if you wanted to have sex and he said no and then that's that like that's I've had girlfriends who have done way more embarrassing things than that okay my girlfriend once had sex with a guy and as soon as they got undressed she said said, I love you. Can you imagine how she felt the next day when he told every fucking buddy that she told him she loved him because she was wasted and naked and said, I love you.
Starting point is 00:53:34 And he was like, oh, my God, I can't even fuck you now because what are you talking about? That's shame. OK, that's embarrassing. So whenever you're dealing with something, think about the more extreme versions of that. You know, you could have sat on his lap, pulled your pants down or pulled your boobs out and really made an ass out of yourself. You didn't do that. You didn't do that. You're sweet and you need to forgive yourself and watch an episode of Girls Gone Wild to make yourself feel better.
Starting point is 00:54:00 God, exactly. And I think a good thing to remember is you don't want to go through life having no regrets. Like what would you learn? What would you take away? If you look back and you're like, I did everything absolutely perfectly, exactly the way I wanted to do it. Like, first of all, just not possible. And secondly, like that's how you grow and learn.
Starting point is 00:54:19 You need those moments. That I also agree with too, because I think I also, from the same background, like, I feel like this is the first thing that I messed up on. And I think it's like a learning experience. And I feel like I'm going to start looking at it that way. Yes, yes. Because there's going to be other things that you mess up on. And you have to practice forgiveness for yourself. There isn't it's a such wasted time to beat yourself up and berate yourself. You know, you have to let it go. Just let it go.
Starting point is 00:54:47 There's a book called Letting Go, but that's a big read. But yeah, use this as your first example and make this first time the last time that you go through this with yourself and your self kind of immolation of it. Yeah. And if you do find that you can't get this out of your head, that's when it's time to talk to somebody. You know, why does this keep being on spin cycle in my mind? Right.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Well, thank you so much for calling in. Give yourself a break. Thank you, guys. Yeah, give yourself a break, Julia. Go out and have another experience with a guy. As soon as you have your next experience, that one's going to be forgettable. You're going to forget about that anyway. Oh, sweet.
Starting point is 00:55:24 That was like so virginal. When I talked to her a couple, like it was like maybe a month and a half ago when I first talked to her, she was like fragile. You know, she was just absolutely destroyed and I was like you need to come on here and you kissed a boy at a party
Starting point is 00:55:40 and when he said no, you stopped. You know, end of list. One thing I wish we had said, I didn't say. Oh, great, Monica. Can we call her back? She said in her letter, he said no, obviously. And the fact that she wrote obviously means she just doesn't have any, and I can relate, like self-worth. She's like, obviously he didn't want to have sex with me.
Starting point is 00:56:03 It was crazy. It was crazy that I even did that because obviously. Oh, I missed that part. Yeah. Shit. Maybe she'll listen now. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:11 She's still listening because she'll be on the podcast. So yeah. No, obviously there you go. That's your issue right there is that you don't believe that you're worthy of someone being interested in you. That's why you feel shame because you were rejected. And by the way,
Starting point is 00:56:23 rejection is what makes us all fucking badass and strong. Bring it on is what I say about rejection. I love that. Not too much. Let's not overdose on that. Just like 15%. Yeah, or 10. Between 10 and 15, what's here?
Starting point is 00:56:41 Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls, and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were,
Starting point is 00:57:21 how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. It's a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.
Starting point is 00:57:59 We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.
Starting point is 00:58:19 Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.
Starting point is 00:58:32 Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition sign Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers.
Starting point is 00:58:56 So that's why we created the Big Take from Bloomberg podcasts to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year? Or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room.
Starting point is 01:00:06 And so you really have to think about what is it I want to display. You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow
Starting point is 01:00:28 up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice.
Starting point is 01:01:21 And the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously, both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next call comes from Marcus. He is one that I was talking about that maybe hasn't gotten away from home quickly enough. He says, I'm a 25-year-old gay male that was brought up in a
Starting point is 01:01:59 very strict Orthodox Christian household. Although I was able to move out for college, it was always under the presumption that I'd move back, which I did. Since then, I completed my master's degree online and have been working in my career since 2021. It's taboo in my family to move out either before marriage or before buying a house. I have two older siblings, 29 and 31, who both live at home as well. Although I work from home, I leave during the day and drive around or work from my office just to get away. I have expressed the desire to move out to my older siblings and family, and I'm met with shame, discontent, and the conversation is shut down altogether. My sister tells me to wait until she's married, but I'm tired of living life this way.
Starting point is 01:02:43 I desperately want to go go and a room opened up where my friend is living just 15 minutes away i don't want to lose this opportunity but i know it will enrage my parents to go break their hearts and ultimately lead to a lot of chaos for everyone i'm not religious at all and i've had to suffer a lot from being brought up with such dogmatic people especially since i'm gay which i've not had this conversation with them yet. I just want to live my life. So what do I do? Sincerely, Marcus. Hi, Marcus. Hey, thanks for having me. Oh, hi. This is Monica and Catherine. Nice to meet you guys. Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm always so amazed by people who are so respectful and nice to their parents. I'm just like,
Starting point is 01:03:26 bye. I know. I know. I know. I agree. So what religion are you dealing with? Uh, Coptic Orthodox Christian.
Starting point is 01:03:35 Oh shit. I don't know enough about that. We don't know those words. Okay. So they want you to stay at home for when, until when? It's sort of like indefinite. I would say it's just the norm to stay until you're either married or you have a house to yourself. But I don't think anyone's going to
Starting point is 01:03:51 marry me while I live at home. And I don't see myself buying a house anytime soon. So I'm just floating around. And do you have a plan in place about having this kind of conversation with your parents? Because you definitely should move out. You need to have your own identity. Yeah. So I've already kind of like broached it with my mom and she hung up on me and we haven't really spoken about it since. That's kind of the norm, I would say, like in my household, we don't really talk about things. So I don't know. I just feel like it's sort of like, don't even bring that conversation. It's not even a discussion. You know what I mean? And I know, Marcus, you mentioned that you feel like you's sort of like, don't even bring that conversation. It's not even a discussion. You know what I mean? And I know Marcus, you mentioned that you feel like you have to be kind of a buffer for some of the family drama as well. So that's part of what's keeping you back.
Starting point is 01:04:33 Yeah. It's sort of like, I feel guilty abandoning them because there is so much like discordance in the house. I just feel like no one really has like tools to navigate that except for me because like I'm the only one that's like in therapy and stuff. So I just feel kind of like bad leaving. But at the same time, it's like I feel like I should leave. Well, I think you should leave, too. And I think that therapy, you can use that as a reason why you're leaving. Like you understand that the dysfunction in that household is unhealthy for you and that you have to remove yourself from that situation for your mental health. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:05:09 And you are gay. You have to be true to who that is and true to yourself. And you have to go and live a life for yourself, not for your parents. You cannot live a life for your family or for your parents. And the sooner that you get out of there, the sooner that that's going to break open. And yeah, it might cause a lot of chaos and a lot of disruption But you know what? It's one step in the right direction Because there is going to be a time and a place where your parents are going to have to accept that new reality And it's not going to happen while you're still living in their house
Starting point is 01:05:36 Yeah, you're right. I feel like i'm just kind of putting a band-aid on like a larger issue You're prolonging your future like your destiny is waiting for you and you're putting it on hold Because if you don't want to upset your parents and if you're going to live your life for your parents, then maybe it will help. Maybe it will some of the other people in your family will be like, wow, he did this. And maybe I could do something for myself, too. You don't know the good it could cause also. Yeah, you're right. And you could go from being a buffer to being a safe harbor if you're not in the middle of everything, if you become the sibling with a safe space that's outside of the house. Yeah. And I know it takes a lot of guts and courage. Like I know it's scary to make these kinds of moves, but they're life moves. I think in terms of the universe and energy and karma, when you really like stand up for yourself, you don't even know what's out there for you yet.
Starting point is 01:06:38 You know what I mean? What rewards are out there for you? What relationships are out there for you? What the domino effect will have on your brothers and your other family members. It could take a long time, but you could have a really positive impact on the entire family and their understanding of a broader world and not this kind of dogmatic, small thinking, narrow mindedness that you've grown up with.
Starting point is 01:07:01 You know, any Orthodox religion is obviously very, very particular. And you're not just thinking about yourself, you're thinking about your family, and then you're thinking about the whole world, right? And you're going to be doing the world a service by being brave enough to face this situation and leave at whatever cost. If your parents don't want to speak to you for a year,
Starting point is 01:07:21 then that fucking sucks. But at least you're being true to who you are. And that is way more valuable than anything else. Yeah. This is an Al-Anon thing, but like you can't fix other people. We all think we can be the one to fix everyone around us. And we cannot. And it can become totally all-consuming.
Starting point is 01:07:40 And so it is not your job to stay and make sure that the dynamic is positive. Like, you can't. Yeah, I mean, and it's not like I'm really making it positive anyways. I'm sort of just like, well, if I'm here, then it can't be terrible. But it's not like I'm really helping anything in the first place. No, you're not. You need courage. You have to get that courage.
Starting point is 01:08:02 It's inside of you. Take it and harness it and do make a move because what you're doing isn't courageous right now. You're just being a part of somebody's story. You have to create your own story. Yeah, because I have an opportunity to move out with a friend that I have to respond to by this week. Oh, you're going. Yeah, you're going. Okay. Yes, you're going. You need to tell them that you're going today or call him or her today that yeah you're gonna oh it'll be you gotta make this move you gotta make this move marcus smile yeah look yeah i know you're right now i was literally right before this i was like should
Starting point is 01:08:34 i just start packing like yes yes you should and you should say it's for your mental health that your parents just explain to them that you're in therapy. This is what's going to happen. I'm sorry if this is hurting you. I'm sorry if this is a disruption. But for me to be healthy, I have to move out. Okay. And if they hang up, they hang up. That's not your job to call back.
Starting point is 01:08:56 It's not like, yeah, let that be. Yes. Right. Yeah. And tell them you're a therapist. Dr. Handler. Yeah. I'm sure they're huge
Starting point is 01:09:05 fans all right thanks marcus let us know how it goes okay thank you thank you so much for having me thank you honey oh cutie pie so cute oh my god what the fuck orthotics ectopic pregnancy religion what is that haptic i know I even had to look up Orthodox Christianity. Coptic Orthodox Christianity. I'm like, Coptic Orthodox Christianity. Fuck. That's too much. I mean, can you imagine living with your family and being like in that much of a buzzkill situation? Oh my God. I mean, that's the definition of a buzzkill is an ectopic Christian Orthodox family. It's illegal in Texas. Well, we have one more question. This is just an email, but this comes from Jenna.
Starting point is 01:09:58 This is Jenna Bush. It's always Jenna Bush. She always does this. Can't wait to advise her. I'm writing to you today to ask for your advice about how to navigate friendships throughout your 30s. I wish more people spoke about this specific time of life as I'm finding it to be quite challenging. I'm 33 years old, married, and we do not have kids. I'm in graduate studies and I'm just getting started in my new career. We have a cat and a dog that are like our babies and a nephew that we absolutely adore. I've always had a big, tight-knit group of friends
Starting point is 01:10:29 and we've shared so many amazing memories over the years, like camping weekends together, fitness dates, parties, all that fun stuff. Over the past few years, a lot of my friends have had major life changes. Many are having kids now and some of our closest friends have moved across or out of the country to chase
Starting point is 01:10:45 their dreams. Everything feels like it's changed now. Everyone has different priorities, and many are not available to hang out the way we used to. It really bums me out. The friends who have kids I'm so happy for, but I have to admit that whenever I find out another friend is having a baby, a little part of me is sad because I know the friendship will be different now. I'm aware that this sounds so selfish, but I can't help but feel inadequate in conversations about kids, feel like my friends don't think I'm relatable anymore. As I get older, I feel increasingly uncomfortable in these group settings as everyone just talks about their kids. My husband and I maybe want kids later on. However, we're both in care professions that are really emotionally heavy and are living with an enormous amount of student debt, so we definitely don't feel like we have the
Starting point is 01:11:28 capacity to start a family right now. I can't help but feel so behind everyone else. At the same time, I'm happy and so grateful for what we do have, great health, great career prospects, and a really lovely relationship full of adventure and love. How can I get through all of these conversations about kids this next decade without feeling like an inadequate, unrelatable asshole? All the best, Jenna. I know this.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Yeah. You know, I think the most important, like when she says like I'm unrelatable, just give your two cents. Like when people are talking about their kids I'm sure she has an opinion on it I'm sure just because she doesn't have kids doesn't mean she doesn't know kids or is around them or have her own opinions like you can still share them whether or not you're in that club and I also think you can be the one to initiate conversations
Starting point is 01:12:20 that are not about that I mean I feel really lucky in my friend group because everyone's married. Everyone has kids except me. But it doesn't feel like that's the main focus. Like the kids are around, but we talk about other stuff. But you can be the one to be like, well, how about those Dodgers? Yeah. And also you don't have to look at the kids as an obstacle to a friendship. Like it doesn't have to be that way. You can reframe your thinking and look at kids as an additive. Like it's a learning experience for you to look at all the stuff you can soak something like, oh, look, this is a learning opportunity or, oh, look, this is an interesting situation that I could get something out of. Even spending time with children, like whether you're into them or not, like spending time with children is like illuminating. It's so fun and cool to hear their perspectives and see how they think and their unbesperched minds. When a kid sees something for the first time or puts two and two together about something you're like oh shit I never looked at it that way you know so there are a lot of
Starting point is 01:13:29 advantages to having friends with kids and like they're probably fucking jealous of you that you don't have to deal with any of those responsibilities you and your husband have careers and I know you said you work in like serious kind of care situation but you still like don't have the responsibility of raising children and like that's also something to be celebrating. Enjoy your time being single without those responsibilities. Enjoy your time together, you and your husband, your alone time. You never know what the hell is going to happen in this world. You never know how much time you have with somebody. So instead of looking at the things that you don't have, please start thinking about the things that you do have. And out of gratitude, things grow. You know what I mean? When you look around and you say,
Starting point is 01:14:08 thank you for all of this, more comes and you get abundance. And so I really just think it's your pattern of thinking that you can just easily switch around by reading, you know, a couple of decent books about spirituality and about recognizing the differences in other people are things that can draw you in, not push you away. You don't have to be like your friends in order to be with your friends. I love that. Yes. And also, like, it sounds like these friends might have babies at this moment, even though she says kids, it sounds recent. They will get more interesting. Like what Chelsea's talking about, like kids get funny. You can laugh at them. Like when they start to get like three, four or five, they'll be a lot more entertaining to be around.
Starting point is 01:14:48 And some acceptance that just all relationships evolve. So right now it's because of these kids, but it would have been something else or it's going to be something else. Like you have to like be on that ride and just accept that things change for the better often. Yeah, absolutely. Well, Jenna, let us know. Jenna Bush, I'm sorry you're going through this. Yeah, Jenna Bush, stop comparing yourself to Barbara. Yes, comparison, that's a huge... Yeah, yeah, Jenna has babies.
Starting point is 01:15:14 She has, I think, three, and Barbara just had her first one. So this is probably Barbara calling, posing as Jenna, which she's also fucking done on this podcast. These reindeer games. Yeah, yeah. Not again. Those two fucking bitches. All right. Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with Monica and Chelsea.
Starting point is 01:15:37 Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow.
Starting point is 01:15:59 I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. It's a little bit of past, present and future all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:16:42 I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden and together on the really no really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor we got the answer will space junk block your cell signal the astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer we talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.
Starting point is 01:17:15 Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.
Starting point is 01:17:27 Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.
Starting point is 01:17:38 It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC.
Starting point is 01:18:10 Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year? Or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's editor at large for jobs and career development.
Starting point is 01:18:51 And my show Get Hired brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about what is it I want to display. You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up.
Starting point is 01:19:26 Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever.
Starting point is 01:20:13 Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen, real character, obviously both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report stereo podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. And Monica, now, is there any advice that you'd like to ask for from chelsea so many things oh my god everything no i do i do want to ask you about
Starting point is 01:20:54 and i think i'm sure you've covered this a ton on this show but um grief because you i feel like you've done such a beautiful job of processing yours. And I just wonder, like, when you lose something, somebody, a relationship, a person, does that ever really heal? Does that ever really go away? Or do you have to just feel that for the rest of your life and accept it? And like, no, that's a piece of me forever. I think both things can be true who did you lose there's just been some friendship dynamic changes oh okay so people you're not losing someone to death no no no no then that's why and I think
Starting point is 01:21:37 grief can come in all these different forms and due to all these different things and it's like huh is this is this is something that I'm just going to be like, holding for a long time. I have a lot of friendships that have ended. And it is something that you hold. It depends on the friendship, obviously, to what degree. Yeah. But healing does come into place. You know what I mean? There is an amount of time that makes everything less acute. Yeah. When your feelings are hurt, especially. And I think the thing that is the key to healing is to give out love. You know what I mean? To give out love and forgiveness,
Starting point is 01:22:13 no matter what the circumstances are, whether who is right or wrong, just to send love to that person, whether you do it through meditation or prayer or whatever the fuck you're into, positive vibes. It's important to forgive people because holding on to that is a crusty notion. And that can embed itself into yourself and become a very toxic quality to be mad at people.
Starting point is 01:22:34 So when things change, you have to just accept that things are changing. And it can be very painful. I've had some very painful friendship endings that have taken me years to get past. But yes, it always be a part of you, but it will run you. Yeah. You know, the healing and like, understanding that people are there at certain parts of your life in certain ways, and it's not permanent. You know, that's the heart for me. that's such because I need so much safety. Like I have grown up like that with a lot of fear. So I'm just always searching for safety.
Starting point is 01:23:10 So when there's proof in the world that it's not safe, I just like can't handle. I have a hard time handling that. Yeah, I get that a lot. I get that. And but that's also you're trying to guarantee the unknown. Right. And that's a futile exercise what is a sagacious way to be is to be okay with the unknown to have something that like
Starting point is 01:23:31 a left you know a curveball come your way that you're not expecting that is gutting and be like okay I don't want to have to deal with this I don't like this it doesn't make me feel good but I I can deal with this. Yeah. And to work through it and to feel the feelings like not to ignore them or pretend they don't exist or posture or anything. But to be real with yourself is a real gift. And you know, pain does subside, you know, even like if somebody dies, it feels like it'll never go away. And yeah, that person is always, always going to be gone. But it really depends on how you reframe your thinking about that. Yeah. And over time, you get a healthier relationship with the loss. That's, that's, that's good to hear. I feel like there's so much control. You know, there's like such a need for control in general, for me anyway. And that's such a huge piece of it. Like all these things you can't control, but you're trying to control and it is all temporary, I guess. Yeah. I hope that helps, Monica. Yeah, it does. It does. Thank you, Chelsea.
Starting point is 01:24:33 We loved having you as part of the podcast today. Thank you so much for coming to the Valley. So grateful. Oh my God, I love the Valley. Yeah, there's a California chicken cafe right around the corner, just in case you were wondering. I love it. I saw that. I was like, oh, I love those pita chips. And then it. I love it. I saw that. I was like, oh, I love those pita chips. And then I thought about going inside and standing in line. I was like, not that much. I was like, wait, who? Casey?
Starting point is 01:24:53 Carla? Someone? Get me a California chicken. Thank you, Monica. Thank you so much. That was great to have you on. It was really lovely. Thank you, Catherine.
Starting point is 01:25:01 And what's your new podcast called? It's called Race to 35. Race to 35. Race to 35. This is where they are going to fertilize their eggs and give us a day-by-day play. Play-by-play. A day-by-day play-by-play. And then, of course, Armchair Expert, right? Armchair Expert.
Starting point is 01:25:17 Yeah. On Spotify. On Spotify. And thank you, Spotify, for giving us the gift of Monica Padman and to Christina Dux. Yes. Thank you, Spotify, for giving us the gift of Monica Padman and to Christina Dax. Yes. Thank you. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at DearChelseaProject at gmail.com.
Starting point is 01:25:33 Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all-access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:26:16 I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:26:46 People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:27:34 Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships and and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's
Starting point is 01:28:19 world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine.
Starting point is 01:28:53 A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.

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