Dear Chelsea - Home Births and Past Lives with Lily Rabe

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

Actress Lily Rabe joins Chelsea to talk about the perks of being a stepmom, why hippie healthcare is her vibe,  and her directorial debut, Downtown Owl.  Then: A business owner gets conned by an ex. A twenty-something wonders if she should follow a boy to his home country.  And a mom wrestles with asking her kids’ dad to give up his parental rights, so she can make their house a home. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? Oh, we're just packing up, getting ready for summer. My house is a, it's always, every day I come home, there's the furniture from the living room has been put into the library.

The furniture in the library is being put in the dining room. Everyone's just testing out different areas for different pieces. So it's a moving puzzle piece. Everything is moving. Are you in the design phase yet? We are designing, yes. The house is erect. It has been erected. We're not done. No, we're still not done. It'll never be done, but we are closing the gap between now and done. And then I had a conversation with my cousin Molly yesterday. I was trying to figure out whether or not to bring Doug to Mallorca for the month of June. Because I'm going to Mallorca. And I want him to come to Mallorca. But that's selfish.

Because it's not going to be so hot there in June. But there's not a lot of grassy areas. So, like, every morning I have to take him down to the end of the thing and find this dog park. And he's going to be in a new, in that house. He's going to pee. I was going to say, how much dog pee do you want in your house? That's, the new house isn't, it's all travertine. So it's okay.

It's not carpeting. Yeah. But I don't really want to clean up dog piss. Because boy is also, it's like not just on the flat surface. They mark, they mark, they mark. It's on. Yeah, I know. And he's also a lunatic.

So I have to bring him on a plane. Like, I don't think I can do that yet until you get trained. But you can hear me talking about you, can't you? Yeah. Because he's in the office right now with his big, fat lion's mane. That's right. You know, he's just perfect, actually. So what's it like to fly with a dog that's dog-sized?

Do you have to buy him his own seat or something? Yeah, I would buy him a ticket and we'd take like a honeymoon pod over together which I'm totally down to do but obviously because but I just think it's I just think it's gonna be a disaster yeah plus everyone's gonna be all fucked up all the time and then people are like where's Doug and I'll lose him and then yeah maybe he's an LA dog yeah he's an LA boy LA and Whistler he loves Whistler ohistler. So I saw you posted that he likes to sleep on the patio. Yeah, outside. Is it just because it's like nice and cool? Yeah, he likes cool.

He comes in. Sometimes it rains outside or drizzles and he comes in and he's all wet in the morning because he comes in the morning in the bed to say hello. And then he gets into the bed until I let him go outside. He probably can't even like feel the wetness because he's just like. He's so beautiful. Everything he does is excusable because of his good looks. I understand now.

You know why men get away with murder, because he's a beautiful man and he can do no wrong. I took him for a walk yesterday and it was like taking a kangaroo for a walk. I mean, he is such a lunatic. I have to carry treats everywhere I go because that's the only way he comes. It's the worst. I have never had a trained dog and now they're going to train him when I'm in Mallorca. But we'll see how that works out. I haven't had much success in the worst. I have never had a trained dog and now they're going to train him when I'm in Mallorca, but we'll see how that works out. I haven't had much success in the past.

Yeah, but he's very smart though. I feel like he'll pick it up. Is he smart? I don't know yet. Just dumb and beautiful. Okay, so our guest today is an actress. Her directorial debut is called Downtown Owl. It is streaming now and you can catch her in the upcoming The Great Lillian Hall. Please welcome Lily Rabe. She was my favorite in Love and Death. It was so funny. I was on Jimmy Fallon and Robert De Niro. It was a 10th anniversary. So Robert De Niro, they're like, would you mind being a second guest?

And I was like, why? They go, because it's a 10th year anniversary and it's Robert De Niro. He's the first guest. I go, of course, of course. And then I thought, God, you know, I really am sexually attracted to Robert De Niro. Like I was like, fuck, I don't even want to be in this thing. I've already made advances towards him publicly, like at the Critics' Choice Awards. I talked about how I wanted to, I think, sit on his face or something. I don't think I said it that way, but that's what I was thinking. And then and so I don't want him to see me. You know what I mean? I don't want him to have to deal with me. I just want to say I said to them last night I go please let me know when he's left the building

And then I'll leave And they're like he's still here He watched your whole segment Would you like to meet him? I go no thank you I'd like to go to dinner now Anyway we're here with Lily Rabe Which there's been a lot of back and forth

About how we pronounce your last name Because it's spelled R-A-B-E What kind of name is Rabe? It's German I german too yeah sprecken sie deutsch no sprecken sie deutsch i don't sprecken sie deutsch either so don't worry okay so it's a german name i think it might mean raven or something but yeah anyway maybe uh okay but not like the broccoli but then i always am like it's the silent e or my as my kids now, they say it's the magic E. When I learned it was silent E, now it's magic E. But like babe, rabe.

Babe, babe, babe. Okay. So I didn't know you came from like a Hollywood family. I guess. I mean, your mom's a famous actress, Jill Klayberg, right? She was. I had no idea. So I take that as a compliment.

Yeah. I mean, was that something that you had to struggle with, like with your career and stuff, kind of creating your And she really stopped working for a big chunk. So I had like mom and then sometimes people would come up to her on the street. But it wasn't like we weren't like in Hollywood. We weren't living in L.A. We were like in the country. It's not like your mom was J-Lo is what you're saying. It's also not like that. Yeah. But we were also very dissimilar. We were in a place where it wasn't you know, it's different living out here. It's like it was it's like such a it's like a mining town or it's it wasn't like that where we were. So there was a lot of separation. But yeah, I was like I danced

and I was a writer and I was like finding all these other ways. My dad's a writer, too. But I was like, you know, what can I how can I have my own way towards this thing that ultimately felt kind of like where I was headed the whole time. But I want to talk about this show that I didn't discover you on that show. I've seen you and I saw you on American Horror Story and then Love and Death. I saw you on the series Love and Death, which was such a phenomenal performance that I watched it twice. Not just with you, Elizabeth Olsen. I was blown away by every part of that.

And Jesse Plemons, your performance was just so, this was a story that was based on a true story about a woman, about an affair, and then about the woman whose husband was cheating, finding out about the affair. And then there being a fight between the two women and somebody dying. One of them murdered the other woman and her being on trial. And it was she was basically let off, right? Found not guilty for temporary insanity, which I always have a real problem getting my mind around temporary insanity because, OK, so if I lose my shit at a lunch because someone pisses me off and I stab someone and they die. You didn't stab them once.

I mean, so many, so many hits. It's like an unbelievable. So it doesn't feel very temporary. It's not temporary at all. I just can't believe that's a real thing. It's like even if you lose your mind for 10 minutes, that's not an excuse. You fucking did it. You still did it. I agree with you. Yeah. But what I recognized about you in that show is, A, you're so versatile because I've seen you in so many different things. And you have one of these very interesting faces where you're always like, I know who

that is, but I don't know who that is. And you're like, I think that's such an advantage as an actor. It's not. I don't think it is an advantage as an actor because you can be so mercurial or you can be that mercurial. Like a shapeshifter. Like a chameleon. Yeah. Right. Do you feel that way about yourself? I mean, it's hard to talk about myself, but I can say that in the actors that I love watching the most, those are the faces that I am sort of like the most attracted to as a viewer. I love when a face kind

of surprises me all the time. That's such a high compliment. And like Julianne Moore is like that. She's just and you never and you're constantly surprised by her. Yeah, she's in her character every step of the way. She's a character actress who plays leading ladies. And to me, that's like the most wonderful thing to be. But you're really approaching like everything through character. And she's a great example of that. I think Nicole Kidman too, who's like definitely one of the most beautiful women

on the planet. But I still feel every time I watch her, I'm just watching this absolutely new, surprising creation. Yeah, she's like that too. It's funny. I once saw, I was watching Meryl Streep in this, I forget which movie it was, and I saw her do this thing that only Meryl Streep does, but she was in character. And I got so upset because I was like, wait, you just revealed that you're Meryl Streep. She does this thing where she scratches or touches her nose. It was

some gesticulation. And I remember being so upset with her. And then I was like, you can't be upset with Meryl Streep. Stop it. Like, she's a gift to all of us. You know, the gift that keeps on giving. Talk about somebody who like cannot every time that woman does anything, she should be nominated just by being around for this long and being so revered. But I did see that you're directing your very first project. This is your directorial debut? Yes, co-directorial debut with my life partner, baby daddy. Baby daddy. Yeah. Also, we've worked together a lot and then we directed this movie together. I was in it. He's in it very briefly. I was in it a lot. It's called Downtown Owl. Yes. And where is it streaming? It's on Apple and Amazon. And there's one other one that I'm forgetting. Oh, I didn't know that you could do that. You could put it on multiple platforms. It is on multiple. But you have to buy it. Oh, okay. Or rent it. I see. I see. Rent it. Okay. Buy it. Don't rent it. Buy it. Buy it. Okay. Buy it, everybody. But it was adapted. I optioned this Chuck Klosterman book. Many years ago, I had done

the audiobook when I was doing a lot of theater and wanted to make a little extra money. I asked my agents how I could do that. And they said, well, audio books are, you know, some people love them, hate them. I like loved doing them. I wouldn't mind you doing my audio book. Oh, thanks. I fucking hate recording audio. Really?

I just don't like being in that booth for that many hours. But you just said you love it, right? Yeah, I do. I love that. I don't know. I love being alone. I do love being alone, too. It feels very alone. I mean, I know there. I don't know. I love being alone. I do love being alone too. It feels very alone. I mean, I know there's someone there, but they're... Yeah, but your children aren't

there. No one's there. How many children do you have? Three? Well, I have four. I have three. You have another one on your way over here? I have three out of my body. I have a stepdaughter too. Oh, that's nice. So like four in the house. Yes, I love her. I love being a stepmom too. Four is a great number for children. It's great. I'm from six. I like that. Are you? I like anything above three. Yeah, three, four, five, six. I just think it's, it just is so joyful when you have that many kids, you know? Yeah, and like outnumber the parents. Just outnumber them. My parents hadn't been saying anything.

It's great. It's just like beautiful chaos all the time and everything happens so quickly. And I don't know, I love it. But anyway, we directed this movie together. And my latest, and I'll say probably last baby, was because Hamish did say recently, like my eldest asked for one more and he was like, well, literally over my dead body. How old is your youngest? He loves it too. Two, but was three weeks old when we started shooting oh three weeks old so you're breastfeeding i was breastfeeding i was bleeding

i mean it was like three weeks like basically he was still coming out of my body you're bleeding i was i don't know he was like he was like the things that women are capable of uh yeah yeah because three weeks and he was big. But it was, I had him at home and I was like on a Zoom meeting, like I think eight hours later or something, doing remote location scouting. Now when you have three babies through your Pikachu, are you, is it not a big deal? Like once you've been down the road or is it scarier because you know what's coming?

To me, my vagina, like actually like like you said birthing at home I'm not actually talking to your vagina but I'm talking about your vagina like you said you had the baby at home so there's a level of confidence that comes with that to be able to birth at home or say declare that you're going to do that yeah yeah and each I had like my first labor was craves, like 45 hours. The second one was like 20. It just kept halving. So it was like 45, 22, and then like 11 or 10 or 12 or something, which felt to some women, they're like, that's so long. I had my baby in two hours.

But to me, that was like pretty fast. And how were those experiences for you? Gosh. To me, that was like pretty fast. And how were those experiences for you? I, gosh, you know, it's like I'm not a person who, I had this amazing doctor who really, he matched my personality so well because he is like half hippie, half total neurotic, which I think I am. So he would have, like I could be in the bathtub and we're all at home and the kids are there. And he like showed up to my house with like a paper bag of like a couple of tools. But I also knew that he would like call me always the next day and be like, I left it there. I have a video of Hamish like giving him directions while I'm screaming in labor in the background to my house for like the 40th time that I'll treasure forever.

He's like, oh, you passed the Gels? No, you've gone too far. But I also I knew that he was not going to push it. Like we would go to the hospital if we needed to. I'm always just amazed. But anyone says like home delivery, I'm always like, what do you know that I don't know? That sounds so scary. Like I want as many,

not that I'm having a baby, obviously, but if I had one, I would want as many doctors, medical professionals as possible. Which I completely understand. I just, yeah, I loved, I loved being at home, but not like I loved,

I mean, it's, it hurts so much. I'm not like, and then I, you know. And you having a natural birth. Yeah, it hurts. You're having a natural childbirth at home. You're not taking drugs or anything. I mean, the whole thing. Yeah, no, there's nothing.

And the kids, are they there when you're sitting there in contractions and screaming, your other kids? Or do you, how does that work? Yeah, you know, it went on for so long. Like, we blacked out all the way. I was like, I can't know if the sun is rising or setting at this point because this is never going to end. But yeah, they would come in like with the last one. They were, they were there. Particularly my, my eldest was, my stepdaughter. No, she was like, you guys can give me a call when the baby's out. I'm going to my mom's. But one of them like slept through so much screaming. It was unbelievable. And sort of like right when the baby came out like came in i don't know i they must have some sense of like those screams and noises

because they're so close to them that they know the difference between like she's not actually yeah dying or something in a way that maybe even adults don't know it feels like cosmic in that way a little bit. Because they, like, whatever, they... They've been through it. And they're nearer to it, right? Yeah. Yeah, that rings a bell.

That's an interesting... But that's an interesting way to look at it. Right. Because, like, if a neighbor heard it... Right. They would be like, okay, what's going on over there? Absolutely. And Hamish was like very...

He was always like, well, she's gone into the gorillas in the mist zone, which gorillas in the mist is always a good reference. Okay. So how was the experience directing downtown owl? You were telling me about the book. Tell me a little bit more about it. What's the story? I was easier than childbirth. No, no, it was, it was hard, but anyway, so it's eighties middle of nowhere, tiny, tiny little town. Everyone knows everything. And this woman comes in to sort of temporarily teach there. We don't really know if she's running away from something, what she's doing there. During the course of it, she has her students.

She meets Ed Harris's character. I love Ed Harris. He's another older man that I'm attracted to. Well, you know, you see his... Is it Ed Harris? The old Ed Harris? The beautiful Ed Harris. The's another older man that I'm attracted to. Well, you know, you see his. Is it Ed Harris? The old Ed Harris? The beautiful Ed Harris. The one and only.

In the movie. You see his butt? Yeah. Oh, okay. I've been attracted to Ed Harris for a long time. Along with Robert De Niro. I'm so sorry, Ed. Along with Robert De Niro.

Older men are my, that is my mediate. But Ed is like, that's the most beautiful face. He's got the best dimples. And his eyes are... Yes. And he's so sweet. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And he's the greatest actor. He's a legend. Is he single? No. No. And boy, no. For a long time, right? She's the greatest.

Yeah. I would imagine that to be true. And then during the course of the film, she sort of falls in love with this town and I think is kind of confronted with her life, where she's at, what she actually wants, what she's missing. And then there is a big snowstorm that comes and wipes the town out based on an actual storm that did happen.

In North Dakota? Yeah, this like whiteout prairie blizzard. It's too cold up there. And I like Canada. But North Dakota, something is happening. There's like a vortex of cold we shot in Minnesota and it was cold cold and we had to we had we needed it to be cold because we had to sort of beat like the we couldn't have blossoms on the trees so we needed

to be freezing yeah well I'm sure it's going to be an incredible performance and I will be renting it it's available now right it's available now it's available now okay I'll be renting it. It's available now, right? It's available now. It's available now. Okay. I'll be renting it tonight via Apple or Amazon. Thanks. Okay. So that's one project that you have. Your other project is The Great Lillian Hall. So tell us about that. Yeah, which just, this is all like very new news

because I think they just announced that it's- That you're going to be starring in that. That it's going to be on HBO soon, May 31st. And that was with Jessica Lange and Kathy Bates. I play her daughter. Okay, let's just back up about Jessica Lange and Kathy Bates, too. I mean, you're working with legends. Thanks.

Ed Harris, Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates. I know. I'm working with Robert De Niro. You are. And they have the best stories, too. Like, there's nothing, you know, I just, gosh, they really, because you, the stories are so romantic about how movies used to be made. And so I just like to bask in those stories. But yes, I played Jessica's daughter, and I loved her so much. I love Kathy soates and had a couple drinks with her. She's a lot of fun. So much fun. She's exactly what you would imagine, right? So much fun. Just from seeing her and all of her roles. I love when people are exactly how you picture them.

I mean, you know, sometimes you meet somebody and you're like, I wish I hadn't met that person. That was a disappointment. But when they live up to your expectations, it's really like joyful. Yeah. Now, with your experience as a mother, right? How old is your oldest? So seven, turning four and two, three and a half, two. So little ones. And your stepdaughter's how old? 17.

17. So I've had a lot of relationships that have had children. And I love that dynamic. I love to step into that role. Less know, more reward almost. You know what I mean? You have to do not less of the work once you're married to them. Obviously, it's an equal amount of work that you are, you know, you have another kid. But talk to me about acclimating into that role of, like, of becoming a stepmother. I had, my mother was a stepmother to my older brother. I have a younger full brother and an older half brother.

And my older brother lived with us mostly. Of course, I didn't realize it at the time, but then becoming a stepmother, and I had lost my mother by that point. But it was this amazing gift because it just all made sense to me. It felt really natural and sort of like, oh, this is something I'm supposed to do. Because I don't really have a lot of stepmother friends, I've realized. But I kind of communicate in the way that one does with my mother about the experience, even though she's not around. Like I'm constantly reflecting or getting these hits of like times that she was a stepmother,

which was all the time, basically. So I love it. I also, it can be tough because I'm the third vote. Like if there's a decision to be made, I know I'll get like the third vote. But I also get all the truth. Like I know the truth about everything that's going on. Uh-huh. Right, right.

I can relate to that as an aunt. I get all the truth. Yes, yes. That's a very, it's a very maternal role to be in, right? Even though it is, it is a maternal role, but like, that's where your maternal instinct comes in, you know, with younger women, younger girls. For me, I know, especially like, I feel very, very protective of young women and helping them bloom, you know, helping them with their confidence and like helping them come into their own. Like, there's nothing better than like a 16, 17 year old girl that's blossoming. My ex-boyfriend had

two girls. One of my ex-boyfriends had two daughters and I'm so close still to one of them. And we broke up like 10 years ago. She's in her thirties now. Her name is Alessandra and she's my baby. Like she is my baby. Like I'm, I don't look at her as a friend or as a younger sister. I look at her as my stepdaughter, you know, and I don't know why that as a friend or as a younger sister. I look at her as my stepdaughter, you know? And I don't know why that lens helps me to, like, prioritize her. But just because she is like that, she has a special position in my life that nobody else has. Well, she's so lucky to have you. It's a really wonderful dynamic.

I'm so grateful for it. How did you meet your husband? Well, I met him because he had worked with my mom, actually. But I met him. He said I was, like, texting the whole time. Like Like we just met. I didn't get to know him. But he was like my mom's friend. Like they loved each other. And they worked together twice, actually. But then however many years later, like probably, I don't know, I want to say like seven years after they had done a play together, we were cast opposite one another in The Merchant of Venice.

Which you were nominated for a Tony for, right? Ultimately. Like it started in the park with Al Pacino. Then we transferred to Broadway. Hamish didn't come to Broadway. David Harbour, Hamish went to make Battleship. David Harbour replaced him. So it was like, you know, two great actors in that role. And then we ran on Broadway for a while doing Merchant of Venice. But that's how I got to know Hamish. We weren't dating, but that's like, and then we did play after play after play together. So we, we love working together. Like that thing of don't bring your work home or like, we just bring the work home all the time and we love it. And we keep wanting to do more and more together. So, and it's funny, like life, we keep wanting to do more and more together so and it's funny like life we create

jobs to do together and we go to you know we we pitch things and we're developing things but then like we get cast opposite one another just randomly from the outside world a lot. That's interesting. Are you into past lives and all that stuff regression a little bit? Yeah. Do you think that you guys have had lives together? Have you looked into that? Yeah I have. That's interesting. I'm starting to believe it because the stories you hear are just like, they're just ridiculous. You know, not even that book, Many Lives, Many Masters is a book we've mentioned a lot, which everyone I'm sure you've read. But beyond that, like the

stories that I hear about past life regressionists, I'm like, oh, God, I just really don't want to fucking come back again. So I'm trying to make this the last visit. You know, every time I hear someone tell a story, I'm like, oh, no, oh, no, I'm going to be born somewhere in some country that I don't want to be in. And it's going to be a struggle. Well, maybe this is the one. Yeah. So I talked to a guy and he goes, if you want this to be your last life, you've got to double down on your spirituality, like double down and get as spiritual as possible. And I was like, all right, I'm already,

I'm on that road and I'll take it more seriously. It makes sense. This would be a good last one. Like you're really going out with a bang so far. I'm so grateful for this life. I'm so happy. I just want to go to sleep now. I mean, not now, but when this is over,

I want to go to sleep peacefully. Okay. She's tired. And on that note, we'll take a break and we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all.

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And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This week we'd love to get questions from anyone with parenting questions or step parenting questions.

We'd also like to hear from any trans or non-binary folks who would like advice from Chelsea, whether that be about friendships, dating, work issues, or anything else. Write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And we're back with Lily Rabe, who is a delight and so talented. I mean, that's where you started was the theater, right? I mean, everybody knows you from that. I mean, you've been in so many plays, and you must just really love doing that.

I really love it. I really miss it. It's been a long time since I've done a play. I never thought I would be away from the theater for this long. And what is it about it that you love? You know, it's like I love process so much. I hate being done with things. I hate letting go of things, which is a total blessing and curse. But with the theater, when you're doing a play, you never you're just in process the whole time. You never have to sort of, you know, you're never like moving on from the scene or handing it over. You get to revisit it the next night, the next night, the next night and keep trying things and have the experience of what it is to say those words in front of a completely different sea of people and have that relationship. And I love that. And then it's sad because when it's over, it's like those sand sculptures, like, it's just gone.

So just an interesting metaphor for life, really. Yeah, rather than like, and then I had it on the other side editing this movie where I would be looking at Ed Harris and I'm like, but I have four takes that are like, they're all the greatest things I've ever seen and I have to choose one and you know which one it should be and there's a reason for it and you're you know the movie is sort of talking to you in the edit and that was such an amazing process but I find that you know I that like choosing the best it's like well there is no the best and but then the rest of them just they they have to disappear.

And at least with the theater, you're like, well, I tried that and I'll try this tomorrow. I'll try something different tomorrow. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's take some callers, Catherine, shall we? Absolutely. Well, our first question comes from Heather. Heather says, should I change my son's name? Dear Chelsea, I'm on a bit of a sticky wicket. I'm a single mom by choice with a boyfriend who's been in the picture since I was five or six months pregnant. We dated before I decided to have a baby, broke up, and he came back after finding out I was pregnant thanks to Facebook. He's been a father to my son and an amazing one at that. He loves my son, now three, more than anything,

and takes great pride in his relationship and care of him. He's changed diapers willingly, picked him up when I got stuck at work, and just been super attentive in a good way. The irony is, the part of the reason that we didn't work out in round one is he wasn't sure he wanted kids. Well, apparently he did, and my son is equally in love with my boyfriend. It's a really beautiful thing to watch. Here's the issue. We were talking recently about the future, and he thought that if we get married, we'd both change our last names to his, Berger. I thought he knew that my son and I would keep my last name, which is Cook. I agonized over what to name my son, and I really love his name. I appreciate my boyfriend's feelings and that he would formally adopt my son when we

got married. Hyphenating isn't an option. Cook burger, I mean. And while we're both Democrats, I don't think he's quite progressive enough to take my name. I could tell that my boyfriend was hurt when I said we'd be keeping my name, and I do want to honor the father he's been to my son. But the other part of me loves my son's name and feels a bit of, haven't all the things I did solo, like egg retrieval at 38, doctor's appointments, shots and more painful shots, appointments alone during COVID, spending the money, earned me the right to decide his name. Like I said, Sticky Wicket. Curious for your take on this. It's new territory for me and my family. Thank you, Heather. Well, first of all, you have no, yes, keep the name, whatever you want the

name to be. You did this on your own without him. It's great that he's back in the picture. It's great that he's an active father. That's wonderful. I couldn't be happier for you. He can get over it. Yeah, I was going to say I'm not married technically. Even if we were, I wouldn't change my name. But my kids have Hamish's last name because I wanted them to have the same name as my stepdaughter. But Hamish has his mother's name because he was the only child of a single mother. And I also think it's just all mixy and matchy these days. It doesn't matter. Like, that's the least of the worries.

Like, I understand. But he could get over it. So that's the end of that story. And it sounds like he's great and he will. And he will. Yeah. Based on his actions, it sounds like he's going to be great at getting over it. All right.

Well, there you go, Heather. Our first caller today is Shannon. Kind of have this theme of what makes a family. But Shannon says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 35-year-old mom in Northern California. I've been with the love of my life for about three years now. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy in a relationship. I love this. I know. It's like positive affirmations.

Yeah. I have kids from a previous relationship, and he does not. Also, my tubes are tied, and I'm not interested in having any more children. He's accepted this and sees my kids as his own. They call him dad, and his relationship with them is beautiful. My ex-husband pays $1,000 a month in state-mandated child support, but that's where his involvement ends. He makes zero effort to see them and hardly ever even bothers to call. He didn't even call them on the holidays this year.

Thankfully, my kids now have my boyfriend in their life. We plan to get married soon, and he's mentioned wishing he could adopt them. Because I know I'm unable to give him a chance to have kids of his own, I would love to make the adoption happen for him. My kids absolutely love him and see him as their dad. They were only two and three when I left their birth father. My question, do I have the right to ask their birth father to sign over his parental rights since he isn't involved in their life anyway? Thanks, Shannon. Hi, how are you? This is our special guest, Lily Ray. Hi. Hi. Nice to see you. I think that's a great idea. I think your situation sounds awesome. First of all, congrats on everything.

You have great children. You've got a great partner and you've got an ex-husband. Sounds like he probably will be relieved to be relieved of any child support. Does that stop his child support once that happens? I think so. Yeah. So I think you have every right to ask him. Absolutely. Have the kids spent any time with him in recent years? He has never gone out of his way. Like maybe six months ago, he lives about three hours away and I was in over there. So I called him and they went over there for a little bit. I see. Never gone out of his way to get them or anything like that. Okay. Well, I mean, it's a totally reasonable question for you, a request, actually, for you to ask him. I don't see anything wrong with that. I don't know what he's going to say,

obviously. Yeah. I think it might hurt his ego a bit, but... Well, yes, because he's a man and he has one and it will hurt his ego. But, you know, maybe if you give him some time to think about it and don't demand an answer right away, this will relieve you of your child support payments. You know, they're very close with him. I don't want to offend you. I don't want to hurt your feelings. But if this is something you're open to, this is something that's come up in our conversations. And, you know, we totally want you in on this decision yeah okay you know

inclusivity bring him into the decision making make him feel like he's actually having a say in it yeah and he has other kids now so like i know he would love to spend his money on them great mention that too mention that too yeah you know that sounds like that that will work in your favor as well. Yeah. Yeah. And emphasizing what a healthy relationship your kids have with your boyfriend. And that I think that would be great. Chelsea, is this do you think this is an email? Is this a handwritten letter? What what kind of communication? I like an email. I don't know. I think emails are nice. Are you comfortable writing that kind of email or would you rather talk to him? No, I'd definitely rather it be an email or a text message. I don't think a text message is right to give up your children. But

I think an email is more appropriate because you can make all of your points and then wrap it up nicely. You know, like, again, this is not my decision. It's up to you that this is what we're proposing and this is what we'd be willing to do. And be very coddling to a man whose ego is, you know, a factor. True. Yes. I don't want to say manipulate, but sometimes you have to manipulate men in order for them to think it was their decision. And that's not the advice that I would stand next to and be like, yes, I say that. But you know what I'm talking about.

So just do it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. One last thing I would say is if he is sort of upset about it at first, give it like three to six months and come back to him again.

Again, with the same like loving kindness and like, we thought this would be great for you. It's your decision, but it would help make our house a home. Right. Yeah. Give him some time to process. And make sure you accent the part about him being able to do this now with his new children. He can shift his focus and his money to them so that they can create the same environment

that you guys have created in your home. Right. Okay. That's the kind of manipulation I'm talking about. Well, good luck with that. Thank you, Shannon. Thank you, Shannon. Let us know how it goes. Yeah, I will. Thank you. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. Lily, do you have any thoughts on that as far as making a house a home, incorporating family, maybe in a less traditional way? Listen, I guess we sort of have, I have a very untraditional

home in a way because we're not married, but it doesn't. Are you not into marriage? No, you're not. We're not married, but maybe we'll get married. We had sort of like compelling reasons not to do it. Those reasons are becoming less and less compelling. And now our, my eldest is asking about it. But then the other day she was like, but why would you get married? You're already married. And I was like, right, right. Kind of. I mean, that's sort of how I feel. But I think that this sort of, I don't know how to even define traditional. It's like, you know, he was raised in a sort of theater commune. It was by a single mother. I guess mine was slightly more, my parents were married, but they were it was my dad's second marriage. We had my stepbrother living with us. They're artists like, you know, I just feel like the definition of family values is a moving is a moving definition. And for everybody, like what we're told is traditional and correct isn't right for everybody.

And it's so personal. And I think so often it's like, what are you doing for other people? You know, often I will just call him my husband just for ease to take care of the other person. It doesn't, I'm perfectly fine to do it. But it's like, I don't want to, I want the other person to feel comfortable. Because I have had people say when I'm like, well, my boyfriend, they're like, oh, what happened to the father? I'm like, no, the father. So but I feel like so much of that are like, you know, when divorces go well, but then there's all this, I don't know, the way you have to take care of other people is so much of it. And I don't,

it shouldn't be like that. It should be you taking care of your family and whatever that looks like. I think that that applies what you're saying to so many things with babies, with pregnancies, with your dating. With the home birth question. It's like when people, I'm not like pro home birth. It was like right for me. But I'm not, you know, it's, it's, I, I'm very kind of wary of when people say, well, this is the way to do it. And yes, with pregnancy, well, this will happen. What do you mean this will happen? This is what happened to you. This is what. So, yeah, it's like it's just so personal and specific. And it's so nuanced for each person, like every situation, every pregnancy is different for every

woman, like you're saying, every marriage, every relationship, every dynamic between a child. It's like there is no blanket assessment that you can have, which is what tradition kind of is, is a blanket assessment. Like you're going to have a husband, you're going to have a dog, you're going to have two kids and you're going to be like, there's all this, there's all this, it's like a box and the box is made to be broken open by other people choosing to do other things. And when people say like, you know, when you show up with, oh, when are you guys going to get married? Like, or when you get married, when are you going to have a baby? Like, that's so rude to say to people because I'm out of ideas. Like I've caught myself and going, why are you doing that? Why? Just don't say anything instead of being like asking such a predictable question. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register

to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Olivia, and she has a very unpredictable situation. Olivia is 54. She lives in Canada. She says, Dear she has a very unpredictable situation. Olivia is 54. She lives in Canada. She says, Dear Chelsea, here's the issue.

I dated a man for six years and lived with him for three until I was served at work with a registered letter. Unbeknownst to me, he had stopped paying our rent for 14 months, and I'm on the lease. I paid him, and I paid the majority of our expenses thinking that he was paying rent. Once I found out that he lied about this for 14 months and we owed over $70,000, I moved out. Now I'm learning he lied about almost everything, including being legally married even though he was separated. The issue is we own a business together. I have to work with a proven liar and someone I don't trust.

How do I cope with my rage when I watch him interact with all the same BS he used with me? The staff haven't caught on yet and I worry about the business because he's incompetent. I can't afford to buy him out yet and I love my job except that I work with a con man. Any thoughts on how to cope with this situation? Olivia. Ooh. Hi, Olivia. Hi. This is our special guest, Lily Ray, who's here today. Hi. Hi. So, wow, this sounds like a script from a TV show or a movie.

This is a terrible predicament you found yourself in. It is, and I'm not getting paid for it, so I wish it was a script. Well, A, let's start with the good stuff. Kudos to you for getting the fuck out of that house and not letting him manipulate you any further. That's great strength, good moves, and you made strong decisions. So good for you for doing that. And I know that must have been really difficult to find out all those things about him,

someone you trust that is lying. So the status of the business, when can you get away from him? And when is the possibility of that happening? Never, because we're 50-50 partners. And he won't buy me out because that's his only link to me. And I don't have the money to buy him out. So I just feel trapped.

And I have to see him five days a week. He's in and out of my office every hour. I can't get away from him. Well, you have to. So you have to figure out a way to get the money to buy him out. Have you thought about a small business loan, like going to your bank and actually getting a loan to buy him out? I could, but I just bought a place because I had to get away from him.

And I've talked to three people in my life that are possible investors. So what I'm waiting for is maybe he will he will do like pull a shotgun clause, and then I'm out of there. He would have to offer me the money, then I would have to come back with the money. So I'm trying to tee up the money now so that if that happens, I have it ready to go. I just don't think I could get a loan because now that I've bought a house, right? I don't have the equity. Well, you do have the equity because you bought a house. Yeah, there's not a lot of money into it yet. Right. So I don't know, I could check into a loan. I mean, there's a legal argument for this also. I know that's costly as well to hire a lawyer, but this is awesome. I do have one.

Oh, okay. And what is his take or her take on it? Well, he's saying that if he's not financially viable, that would be one way of getting him out of the business, right? Because I'm shouldering all the debt of the business because he has no credit. He can't get a credit card. So everything is put on my credit card until the business can pay for it. So I just put a stop on my credit card. I've locked it.

And I said, supply a credit card or we just don't have the money. And also because of what he did with your money already and that you were $70,000 in the hole, like there is proof of that behavior. So there has to be a legal argument for you to regain control of the company, get him out or get him to buy you out. Well, you said that part isn't an option for him to buy you out. I don't think he can come up with the money to buy me out. I think that he's tapped out all

his sources. Like he's used everybody in his life. He's 66 years old. Like he's not going to find another sucker, I don't think. Oh, they can always find another sucker. Yeah, but the move is for you to buy him out. The move is for you that you need to get him out of your life completely. And I think, so there's a possible investor, you're saying, that might give you the money? Like the people would want to be partners with me.

That's what I'm looking at because if I had three partners and I have an accountant right now reviewing the books to make sure the books are good because it was his accountant. Yeah. First, you got to find out if the books are good.

Oh. Yeah. And just, I have a question in terms of just like when you said he's coming into your office every hour, why? With work things or just to torture you?

He's actually delusional. He thinks that we're going to work on this. Things are going to get better. Just give me another chance. It's like, are you kidding me? Can't you have, you have to have some boundaries just in your workplace so that he's not coming in because it's your office. He can't just come in all the time.

I mean, just to sort of protect your state of mind and your ability to do your job in the time before this all gets sorted. He's like a small child. I lock my office door and I have a window and he'll do like, hi, knock, knock, knock. Hi. Like it's constant. Right. So I'll open the door. Like, what do you need? I just wanted to see, you know, like, you know, did you read that email? Like, it's just like, so like, it's just mind numbing, right? Like he's beyond. And so the frustration for me is I feel trapped, but I'm like, the process has already started. I have a lawyer. I have investors teed up potentially. It's my mental health in going there every day and being lied to every day and, and feeling harassed.

And, you know, like normal people, you could say a boundary, like don't come in my office, only email me, don't call me, I have to block him. Like, I feel like he's like a cloud over me. I just can't. He is. And he is. He is a cloud over you. I want to jump in with something about boundaries, because there's a very common, I think, misconception that like the boundary you set is for the other person's actions. So you say, my boundary is that

you can't do this. But in reality, we can't actually control what another person is doing. You can only really set the boundary for what your behavior will be. And it sounds like you need to extricate yourself in every small and large way you can. So that means setting up a home office so he can't be in your window waving at you. You know, he's breaking a quote unquote boundary, but that's like you're there in the office. And I think any way we can get you out of this in small ways as well before you're out in a big way is something you need to take action on. Right. Except it's hard for me to run the business with staff if I'm always from home. So I need to be present. And the good thing is he's incompetent. So he's not there a lot.

He's in and out. He's there for 15 minutes. Then he goes for a drive. I don't know what he does. But I need to be there. And the boundaries that I've established are as soon as I leave work, I block him. And so what he does at night is he'll start sending emails that are work related. And the boundaries that I've established are, as soon as I leave work, I block him. And so what he does at night is he'll start sending emails that are work related. And of course, I don't get any of those. So every day he has to resend things, but it doesn't seem to click with him that there's a structure here, right? So if I didn't go to work, I'm going to miss a lot of things that are going on the day to day because it's a client based business. I need to see these clients. Can he not come to work?

Would it work that way if he stayed away? Yeah, I would love that. Okay, well, maybe you have to get a third party involved, like a mediator of sorts. You know, business partners do this all the time and you have a marriage history. If you get a third party involved to create some more specific boundaries where he's accountable, not only to you,

but to the third person, like it's an unworkable situation. And I can totally, I totally feel for you, but I know you're moving in the right direction. This is just the ugly murkiness until you get, you know, until you get an investor. And if it's not this investor, it'll be another one. But you've set everything in motion, like you're looking out for yourself and your business. And I have complete faith that it will work out for you. But I would bring in another person, whether it's a business counselor or a marriage counselor.

I mean, not a marriage counselor. You're not married, but a relationship. I think a business counselor to really set the tone with him also that you guys are not together in a romantic relationship. And these are the behaviors that you're not willing to put up with. You don't want emails from him after you leave work. You don't want him walking into your office unannounced. He has to make appointments. I mean, you have to be very stringent with the rules with someone like that and make more rules than you care about, because then he has more walls to climb. You know what I mean? And he's going to be more easily defeated

knowing there's not as many avenues to get to you. But I would definitely bring in somebody, a professional. Yeah. Like a mediator. Like a business. Yeah. Like a work counselor or like, you know, like what a couples counselor would do. But for a work partner, like business relationships, those kinds of things are all over the place, you know, and then you're having a third party tell him. So it's not just you and your history going back and forth with each other and him trying to get back to you or back with you or, you know, whatever into into your your life into you. But what you were going to say inside you know, I wasn't going to say that. But thank you for filling it in for me. Have you sat down with him and asked him like, what's the number that would get you to go away? No, because I don't want to do that. I don't want to start that up until I actually have the funds.

And I do want to do like this financial review to know if the business is even viable. Like, should I be buying them out or should I be bought out? Absolutely. Find that out. Right. So I don't want to start like opening that can of worms without having my facts and money lined up. Okay. Well, you sound like you have your shit together. So I would say, just keep doing what you're doing and then do what we said. Okay.

People like that, that you, he can't be trusted around you alone. I was just going to say that you need, you need other people. Like, even if it's like you have an assistant, just another body in the room at all times when he's there.

And then this third person to come in and help. But, but it seems like being alone with you is something that uh he knows how much it's provoking you and how crazy making it is and i'm sure that's part of why he's continuing to do it so like to break up that dynamic the problem is is when i am alone with him he's constantly grabbing me and and i'll say to him don't touch me and he's like you know you like it like oh Jesus you gotta have another you can't that's well that's that's

harassment in the workplace yeah so that's yeah to me like like his aggressive tendencies with me like grabbing me and saying like don't worry about it you know you like it you know we're gonna get back together it's like I start off my day every way like I'm not going to react to this I'm going to stay calm and then usually by two o'clock I'm ready to fucking throttle him and then I'm telling him how much I hate him and and then I feel like oh this is really good for the whole like staff vibe right yeah right exactly I would really try to get he's got to not be at work I know he's really not gonna I mean you're gonna have to figure out a system where he's not coming in as frequently as he is and that's a boundary you're gonna have to set as a part business owner I did ask him I said do you want

to split days like I work Monday Wednesday Friday you work Tuesday Thursday for example we don't have to both be here well no he doesn't want to do that because then he doesn't have access to you. Right. But don't ask him. You have to kind of state that this is the new mandate because he doesn't seem to respect the fact that you are not together anymore and that you're a business owner and he's not being professional and he's proven himself to be untrustworthy. So these are all things that you need somebody else to be in the room as a witness so that there is actual like consequence you know what i mean so that there's accountability and then what's the accountability like you know i mean if he continues to act like this then what happens nothing he's still an owner well i mean there's an accountability in the

terms of the three-party that's the first step and you're right he still is an owner until you figure out the situation but you can't keep operating the way you're you can't just keep rebuffing his advances. You don't that's not acceptable. He's 66 years old and he needs to hear from someone. I mean, it's like it's irrelevant. He couldn't do that. He's not he can't do that with anyone in the office. He can't do that. Right. Right. And there are there are protections in place. Yes. And he needs to be aware of all of those protections. And that's why you want someone who is very familiar with workforce laws and like parameters and everything to be the person that you go to, to be like, just so you know, this is something you could get in trouble for. Just so you know, I'm not interested in your advances. This is me telling you in front

of a third person, I am not interested. And I find them to be an affront. You are sexually harassing me in the workplace. Now we are not together. Like that's why it's always important just to have another person involved, like a witness and just start there and see if that affects his behavior at all. It might take a couple of weeks, but if you make a weekly appointment with someone, he becomes accountable to that person and he's going to be less interested, less and less interested in coming to the workplace if he knows he has to deal with that person. Okay. It's worth a shot. All right. Well, I don't envy your situation, but I think that you're going to see your way out of it.

Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you. Thanks for giving me that advice. Yeah. And good for you for getting the fuck out of that relationship. And now you'll get out of this one. Oh, totally. Yeah. One of us will. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Godspeed. Thank you. Lily, why do you keep moving away from me? Yeah, you did it again. It's because my mic. Oh, wait, no. Yeah, you can move your mic. Yeah. Oh, you were going back to your microphone.

Okay. Okay. I'm like, is it my breath? Is it my body? I love being, I'm very, you know, close. Another reminder to all listeners not to go into business with your partner oh sorry Lily's here she's in business with her partner watch I fall in love and start a business with my partner in about six months anytime I say something and I declare something I do the opposite well let's take a break and I have a really cute one to wrap up with. Okay, great. We're going to take a break, and we'll be back with Lily Rae. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter

Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobbblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Lily. Hi. We're back.

Our last question comes from Waverly. She is 24. Dear Chelsea, I met a boy over the summer who was passing through my city before he went on a month-long trip. We instantly hit it off, but I was convinced I'd never see him again as he doesn't live here. He ended up stopping back in my city again on his way home one month later and stayed with me for 24 hours. I was then again convinced that I wouldn't see him again. Long story short, we kept talking and calling every day, and I ended up traveling across the world to see him for five days. To start a business together.

He's now coming back to stay with me for two weeks next month, and we've decided to be exclusive and long-distance date in the meantime, and then revisit next steps when we're back in person again. All in all, we've technically known each other for about five months now. I've been toying with the idea of moving to his city if this next trip goes well, but I can't decide when it's too early to seriously think about that. I'm only 24 and I've been wanting a change, so it's kind of perfect timing and I really like to where he lives. I'm just worried about being that girl who moved for her boyfriend and relies on him for everything and also being so far away from my friends and family if this doesn't work out. But honestly, I could see myself marrying him years from now because I'm basically still a child,

and he feels the exact same way. He's a really, really good guy, and everything feels right with him, but is this insane of me? I kept all of the cities vague because I think my sister listens to this podcast, and she would seriously think I'm nuts if she heard me ask this. Thank you in advance, Waverly. Lily? Oh, I just think it has to be, you know, worrying about what other people think is that's the ego. It's just quiet those voices.

It doesn't matter. And some will think it no matter what you do. You're always screwed with what will other people think. But if you feel excited about the place, if he were making a demand, like the only way this relationship will work is if you move here, but that's not at all what I'm hearing. So if you're excited and that feels like invigorating and a sort of chapter, it's not permanent necessarily. You're just trying something. And you're 24. This is the time to try something like that. Go for it. Go for it. Go move and fall madly,

deeply in love. And if it doesn't work out, that's okay. Then you'll move back home and you'll have another lover. Just go for it. If you're in love and you feel that way about someone and you're that young and you have nothing keeping you there but your family and friends who you can still communicate with and visit, go for it. This is the only life we get. Make it count. And that period of a relationship,

that leads so- Actually, this isn't the only life we get. We've been talking about reincarnation. Maybe, but in this one, this could be a great part of it. Or this could be your last life. But it's like that. It's so romantic.

It's so, I love love. It is romantic. I love love too. I like that it's so romantic it's so it is romantic i love love too i like that i like like you know kind of impulsivity and love i'm for that i love it yeah this is basically exactly the story of how my one of my besties sam met her husband thomas and now they have lots of little irish babies together so it's very cute perfect perfect all right waverly go go okay well lily you have been a delight it's such a pleasure to meet you in person okay so you guys can see downtown owl you can rent it on and like apple you can rent it on amazon and then you can also catch lily in upcoming the great lillian hall and uh you'll just see her all over the place and probably in theater again soon.

I sure hope so. At some point. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Okay. Okay, so upcoming shows that I have, you guys. These are the places I'm coming in May. Prior Lake, Minnesota.

Verona, New York. Auckland, New Zealand. Wellington, New Zealand. Melbourne, Australia. Brisbane, Australia. Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to places that have sold out the first. And then I'm going to be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahului,

and Honolulu. I will be there in July. Also in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July 27th. I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in Florida on July 28th. I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August 1st. And then Santa Rosa, California for my second show, August 2nd. And then I'm coming to Atlantic City. Mateo Lane and I are co-headlining a really fun show in Atlantic City this summer, August 10th. August 17th is the Santa Barbara Bowl. You do not want to miss that. And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.

I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I'm Jason Alexander. Executive Producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check have the answer go to really know really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign jason bobblehead the really know really podcast follow us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts