Dear Chelsea - How Do I Put This… with Laura Wasser

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon get help from divorce-attorney-to-the-stars Laura Wasser to tackle questions from listeners who need relationship advice. A lovebird wonders how to bring up the subject of a prenup. A friend-breakup raises some good questions about leaving a friendship vs. a romantic relationship. And a wife wants to know how long to share the same roof with her husband after asking for a divorce. The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and

conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests

to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, well, good afternoon or good evening, whatever time you're listening to this podcast. Good day. I am on my first full completed week of not smoking cannabis out of a paper. And how's that going? I mean, the first couple of days I was grossed out by myself because I was coughing

and that made me grossed out by cannabis, but it didn't last very long. And I feel a mental clarity that I haven't felt in a while. So I feel the benefits of it for sure. It's really just not that hard to stop smoking pot. Well, and you cough quite a bit while you're smoking. So then there's a come down period where you're coughing more, right? Well, I cough when I don't smoke the good joints. Like when they're not the proper joints or they're chemically treated. Like that's why you want the au naturel, organic.

You know me. I'm just like such a quaker about everything I put into my body because it's a temple. So there's a lot of power in taking a break from something, especially when it's got a hold over you, like our friend Shane, which brings me to my next question. Who is in contact with Shane? I don't know that anyone's been in contact. I think someone from the iHeart side has been checking in. Oh, Catherine has, our producer. Catherine, what's the status? Is Shane also staying off the weed? Shane is also staying off the weed. Feels very clear. Oh. Doing well. And yeah. Oh, wait. And

there was another screen grab that I sent you, Brandon, of a woman who said she was going to do the 30-day detox with us, too. She DM'd me on Instagram and said she was going to quit weed for a month. And I said, please do it with us. I think a lot of people are. I've seen a lot of conversation online where people are already invested in this path of no cannabis for you and Shane. I don't know if people think it will last, but they're very interested in it. Well, I mean, it doesn't have to last. That's what the beauty of it is, is that it only has to last for 30 days. Do you think you'll last for 30 days? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'll definitely last for three weeks. I can't. I think probably. The other thing is, is that I don't have a very competitive side to myself in terms of like having

to prove a point or beat somebody at something. So I could see myself like quitting before I reach the 30 days because I just don't care anymore. And that's something I've had to live with my whole life. Well, we'll have to check in with Shane. I think we should get him back on the phone at some point to get a real update on what he has going on and how it's affected his work life. Right. That's an important update. There's also an important update. Have you been watching Mare of Easttown, Brandon? No, I have not. Everyone's talking about it. I was talking about someone yesterday and they're

like, I'm not getting anything done. All I'm doing is watching this show. Yeah, it's really good. I watch each episode twice so that I really understand what's going on. And I want there to be a new episode of it every week for the rest of my life. Is it a limited series or is it a series? It's a limited series because Kate Winslet is in it. Yeah, they're all limited series now. Or maybe not.

Maybe no. Maybe it will be another year. I don't know. But she is fucking awesome. Oh, my God. And the accent is a little bit much, but it's that's the SNL skit that they did. Kate McKinnon did it about my daughter's murder, daughter, daughter, father, murder accent was really funny. But the show's really good. I just love detective dramas. I also tried to watch a show called Luther with Idris Elba.

Oh, yeah. I've heard of this. And he was so hot. Oh, God. So I was... He's distracting on screen. He's so sexy that I Googled to see if he was married and he was and I had to stop watching the show. Well, they've discussed him being the new James Bond and I could not... I've never watched James Bond. I have zero interest. But if he was James Bond, I would have my ass in a seat at the theater. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's pretty hot and he's tall. You know, that's nice, too.

A nice, tall, masculine, but not one of these actors that you see that looks tall and then you meet them and they're like underneath you. They're all tiny, tight. It's like, how are you? You're not even a real person. No, you're a whisper of a man. Just a little itty bitty thing. A little itty bitty titty committee. That's just what you need. A committee that I will never be a whisper of a man. Just a little itty bitty thing. A little itty bitty titty committee. That's just what you need. A committee that I will never be a member of. Should we get into it today? I feel like there's a lot to cover.

Yeah. Are we talking to Laura Wasser today? We are talking to Laura Wasser. It's a lot of relationship, perspectives, issues. People need your thoughts. Okay. Well, I'm excited to dive right into it. You know, interpersonal affairs are my number one passion project. I don't know that we have an affair today, but I'm sure we

could find one. Oh, well, just interpersonal relations. It doesn't have to be an affair, but if we could find one, that would be better. Yes. All right, sweetheart. Well, for this week, we had a lot of submissions and they all had an overarching theme of like uncomfortable conversations that you have to have with different people in your life. And we've had to have a few of those together and separately that then we've discussed. What do you mean separately? Like you've had to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or someone that you work with. Or I've had to have one, someone in my life, like my mom, and I kind of confide

in you about it. So we're all having them all the time, it seems, because this week they're very uncomfortable. The key is to continue having them. Yes. No matter how uncomfortable they are. Yes. Right. Right. Right. The more uncomfortable, the more necessary, probably. I would think so, because there's no way to get around some of those topics. I mean, you just have to dive right in. Yeah. And for one of them, I thought that we would give an expert a call, even though we are experts in our respective fields. Yeah. Why do we need any more experts? Well, sometimes I think it's good to get a third opinion. Okay, a third.

Okay, well, not more than a third, though. No, that would be too many cooks in the kitchen. So after this break, we'll get right into them. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, this first submission, I'm going to have to look up what this even means.

I truly don't know. I have a general idea. But this is a written submission that says, Dear Chelsea, how do I tell women I'm into cuckolding? Do you know what that is? Cuckolding. Well, yes. I mean, cuckolding is like to have another man's woman,

like to be in a relationship with someone else's wife. I would have had no idea what that is. I had to Google it. It is for a man, a cuckold is having a sexual relationship with another man's wife. Okay. Yeah. Right. It's so desiring exactly what you can't have.

And do you know anyone who has done this? God, it's hard to decipher between shows I've seen and actual friends of mine because they kind of all blend together. So it could be a TV show that I'm watching. But yeah, somebody likes to have sex with somebody who's married because it gives them all the freedom to not have to really participate in the relationship, but get the sex when they want it. Does this man watch his wife have sex with another man? Is it just something that he allows? Well, wait, say it again. I thought you said he likes to have women cuckolded. It doesn't have to be his wife. Okay. This is the Google definition of a man make another man a cuckold

by having a sexual relationship with his wife. Yeah, so you're having sexual relationship with the wife of someone else's husband. It's not your wife. It's someone else's wife. It's someone else's wife. Yeah, you like to have affairs with married women. But the husband knows. Isn't that like part of the whole dynamic? Yeah.

So again, are they watching? Is this just an acceptance thing? I don't know. I mean, they don't always know, though. I mean, I think it's up to, like, whatever the party is. But what's he asking me? Well, he wants to know how to address that. How does he broach that subject with women he's into?

No, I mean, I don't have any advice on that because it's all, it's cheating. And you know how Christ-like I am? Yes. I hate cheating. I think it is just so cowardly. The morality. Yeah. So as long as you're involved with someone being cheated on, you know, even if you're not cheating on someone and the person you're fucking is cheating on someone. Yeah. Like that's a guilty party. I know shit happens. Like we've all fucking, you know, we've all done it and we've all been in

bad situations where we made poor decisions. But seriously. OK, so hypothetically, then say that cuckolding is an approved situation for everyone involved. What if a man came to you and was like, oh, I want to fuck someone else's wife like they all know and approve of this? How would you feel about that? Yeah, it would be hard to not pass my judgment on that. Like, that's so gross. First of all, men can't talk about fucking wives anymore. Like, that's a wrap on that.

Ship has sailed. Yeah, ship has sailed about men talking about whatever they want to fuck. Like, no one cares anymore. Party's over. So that already annoys me. So if we flip the switch and we say cuckolding is basically a man allowing his wife to cheat and know about it. Right. He's the one being cuckolded.

Yeah. It's the man whose wife is out on loan. Like a rental car. See, and I don't know. I always thought that cuckolding, and it wasn't even a cheating aspect because it was something that was set up that this guy liked either watching his wife

have sex with someone else or knowing that she was having sex. So this is obviously not our area of expertise. Maybe we could find a cuckolding couple. Maybe if the fucking word cuckold wasn't so stupid, maybe more people would know what it meant. I mean, it's like a word you don't even ask twice about. No, that's an urban dictionary word. It's not one we need to concern ourselves with.

Isn't that what Republicans call liberals? Cucks? Snowflakes? Yeah. I've never put that together, but that sounds right. Well, so cuck-holding, it would come from cucks. Maybe it's short for that. It probably is.

Does that mean they're sleeping with our—who's sleeping with who? In that scenario, I don't know. Someone's getting fucked, but— You know who I'm not sleeping with? Republicans. A lot of people. Okay, well, we'll have to ask somebody else about that. We'll put an ad up on Craigslist.

I'm sure someone will respond. That seems like exactly where you'd find a cuckolding couple is Craigslist. Yeah. That seems like it would be easy to find that online along with a bunch of other sick shit. We hope that answers your question. Well, this next one is from a woman and this is where I think. Is she willing to transition to become a man? She could. We'll get her on the phone. Her name is Caitlin and she says, Dear Chelsea, how do you tell someone you're going to marry that you want a prenup without making it awkward? OK, well, this is something we could get help from an outside source. But I would honestly say, yeah, why not get a prenup in this fucked up crazy world where 50 percent of people get divorced? All you have to say is write down the sentence.

Fifty percent of people get divorced. Put that on a piece of paper, show it to the person you're marrying and say, I need a prenup. It doesn't matter how much we think we love each other. We need to protect ourselves. I would think that if you're going to get married, this is a conversation that would have been had in advance or that you would kind of know the person's temperament. Like, I don't know how it could be awkward if the person you're with. Well, because some people's parents have money and it doesn't come up until, you know, the last minute or it comes up after you're engaged. So it's like it's not about you. It's about your family's money. Like, I know plenty of people who've done that and are like, oh, you know,

their parents have a lot of money or I've seen people who, you know, that's how it happens. You can I mean, it could be a variety of reasons. If it's just one person like a Jeff Bezos saying, hey, I need a prenup, you know, that's a different story. Would you get a prenup? Yeah. What if your potential husband also had money? Definitely. OK, so it really is just a way to safeguard yourself regardless.

Yeah, safeguard. And it's like and if if, yeah, everyone should be open to signing a prenup. Who gives a shit? I know I have my own thing going, but still, like, it's just a way to say, like, it's like guaranteeing not to get into a fight. Right. And Caitlin, as a woman, you should just be able to stand your ground and say that you want to protect what's yours. And that's that. You shouldn't, you shouldn't have to rationalize it. I second that emotion. If you were presented with a prenup, I think a lot of times it's so awkward because this is finally the last time that you can identify if someone is in the relationship for money. If that's an underlying factor for them, if you were presented with a prenup, is that how you would feel? Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're really asking someone if they're in it

for money, isn't the answer? Yeah. I mean, if you have to ask someone that, can't you? I know it happens all the time. I know. And maybe just because it hasn't happened to me, I don't relate to it. But the idea that you could get married to somebody who's only in it to get your money, like that's a long way to go. I think it's multifaceted.

There are elements of how long have you been with this person? Were you with them before they had the money? And now collectively, you know, you've both invested different things. Well, and our next submission comes from Lindsay with a similar question, but hers is regarding divorce. So let's see what you think on this. She says, I've never been divorced and I don't think you have either. So you're the obvious choice to give advice on the matter. Here's what I can't figure out. Do you tell your husband you want a divorce some random night and then spend two weeks together in the same house? Or do you tell him and then walk out of the door and come back for all of your stuff? What is the worst situation? To move out while he is at work and leave a note? No one talks

about this situation. Plus, we have two dogs. Can I really take my dogs legally? Not being an attorney makes you the obvious choice for legal advice. Asking for your help is just another bad decision to add to my 20 years of bad decision making. Thanks in advance for your help. Your bad decisions, walking out the door and leaving a note when you're breaking up with your husband is not, that's not an option unless he's abusive. So what do you do in this situation? You sit down and have a conversation with him. And especially when they have two dogs, she can't just take the dogs if they got them together. She can't hightail it out of there with all of her shit.

Well, she can if she was in an abusive relationship or if he was like, you know, cheating on her or something. But like handling it in an adult way is the best way to handle that conversation. Sitting down and saying, hey, I'm unhappy in this marriage. You can't just bolt. We got to figure it out. Yeah. I mean, that sounds harsh. Well, you know what? Maybe we should ask Laura Walser about this as well. What sort of timeline there is when you finally make the decision that you want the divorce, how and when to talk to them about it, and then where you go from there. I mean, I can't imagine that it's a brief or swift move

when you finally make the choice to have the divorce. Maybe she'd have some insight for Lindsay on... Well, yeah. I mean, after you tell the person, hey, I'm leaving, and then you stay for two weeks. I would think you have a game plan. You have something set up. Well, yeah, you should have a game plan. Like, something set up. Yeah, you should have a game plan.

Like once you make the decision, like I no longer want to be with this person. Right. You know that internally. It's not two weeks like a job, like I'm giving you two weeks notice. Yeah. But you have things kind of in motion or set up so you know that you have somewhere to go if things go poorly, that, you know, you have your money available to you so you can take care of yourself. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. I would say so for sure. Well, let's see what Laura Wasser has to say. Hey, bitches. There she is. Hi, Laura Wasser. How are you? How are you? I'm good. You know, I moved across the street from your ex-husband. I know. They told me. Yeah. He's really gone to shit with my kid as a result. He got caught vaping at school. I blame you. I feel like you've been kind of an absent co-parent to me. I know.

I know. I do that a lot. I don't show up in the way that I promised to or I show up sporadically. So I'm more of the father figure. That's really like an ex-husband. Like a divorcee father is what I am. Like I come in with rainbows and money and then I leave right before things get serious. How about a Disneyland parent?

Yeah, that's exactly a Disneyland parent. Although I would never go to this. I would never be caught dead at Disneyland. Right. Thank you for calling us. Of course. We wanted to ask. We're giving a lot of advice, solicited advice for the first time.

And people are calling in with legal questions. So obviously that's a little bit out of my wheelhouse. Yes. Which I kind of like it when you make shit up though and tell them the legal answers. I watch it on Instagram. Sometimes I think it's good. You're doing well. And how accurate does she seem to be in her guidance? Very much so. I mean, about as much, about as accurate as me and I've been doing it for 26 years. So yeah, you're good. Well, everything I know, I've learned from you. So thank you. People think that it's solely for celebrities and it's not. You hear of it more and more people introducing prenups into their relationship preemptively, really just as a means to make it a smooth transition. If you do have to divorce,

that's not about necessarily how much you have. Or even before, even if you're not planning on getting divorced, because people are like, oh, I wouldn't do a prenup. It's just pre-negotiating my divorce. That's not what it is. What a prenup is, is a means for you to opt out of what the law would otherwise be. A lot of people are like, I'm not down with this whole California community property. The minute I get married, half of everything I make or create goes to the other person.

I don't like that. I want to support them. I want to have a commitment with them. I want to raise kids with them, but I've been a writer, sculptor, painter, lawyer for all these years already. What I make and earn and create, I want to be mine and I'll share some of it with my spouse, but I don't want it to automatically be 50-50 or I've worked really hard. I've got this amazing lifestyle. I'm happy for when we're married, we fly private, we go to five-star resorts, we have nice meals. But if we split up, I'm not down with having to continue that going into the future. I want us both to be kind of contributing. So I think it's really important for people, even if you're not

flying private or going to five-star resorts, to have a conversation. So many people come to me and they don't even know what the law is that they're entering into when they're getting married. They don't even know what the law is. Knowing the law, deciding whether that law fits for you and your partner, and if it doesn't, kind of figuring out a way to carve it out so that you make the law that is applicable to you. Also, by having a prenup, you have a lot of discussions that you might not otherwise have when everything's

rosy and sexy and romantic and you're planning this wedding. Have some real life discussions because if you're going to stay married for a long time, there's going to be some not sexy, romantic, loving times in your life. Might as well start having those communications and having those tools to get through those times before you get married, right? Well, that's the perfect segue because we had a woman write in. Her name is Caitlin, and she wants to know how to broach that subject of wanting a prenup as she enters into this relationship. Let's tell her. So what do you think?

How do you go into that conversation confidently and without putting someone on the defense or making them worry that the relationship doesn't have longevity? I think you say this is something that's really important to me, that I hope we stay married forever. However, in order to do that, we're going to have to have some real life moments here. One may be when I'm giving birth to your child and I like poop on the delivery table. One might be having a discussion about money and finances and what's mine and what's yours and what our expectations of each other are. And a testament to how much I love you and how much I want this to work is entering into this discussion now, which isn't super comfortable for me, but I want to do it so that we're able to make it through anything.

That's a great way to frame it, that we're able to make it through anything. I like that sentence. Write that down, sweetheart. The way that you just spoke about that, it really seems to be a safeguard for both people. So even if one person may be the breadwinner and the other person is taking care of, you know, stereotypically more domestic aspects of the relationship, it's really protecting them both in the long run to negotiate what they would like. And it's also an eye-opener for both. You have so many people that are these support head spouse that go into relationships and they're constantly like looking over their shoulder.

They don't know what their rights will be. What happens if we break up? Am I going to have to move out of my home? Am I going to have to get a job working at the Lancome counter at Neiman Marcus? Like what's going to happen to me? Let's talk about that now. Let's figure out exactly how to protect both of you and make you feel comfortable so that you're equipped no matter what ends up happening. Yeah. Cause a lot of people though would argue, I think that for a woman agreeing to get a prenup with a man that has more money, right? If I were to get married,

which I won't, but if I were, and somebody had a lot more money than I did, them asking for the prenup, it invokes a certain amount of like unease, right? It makes you feel uneasy to have to have the discussion about potentially breaking up. So there is a natural defense that comes up, right? When people are faced with this, unless you're dealing with two people who both agree they want a prenup and for their own reasons, right? Have you seen that men or women are more resistant to a prenup? Because around LA, there are a lot of very well-to-do women who enter in relationships knowing they want a prenup. Is it harder for a man to accept because of his masculinity? No, most men are like, I'm down with that. I'm a guy. can, but the women that I've represented, particularly

younger ones whose managers or parents or entertainment lawyers are like, you really need to get a prenup. They're very resistant because they really want it to be romantic and loving. Most of the time, the guys are like, yeah, I'm fine with that. I have had women that have been asked to sign prenups by their male counterparts who are very offended. And I say to the guys, because I'm usually representing them, you need to really look at that. You need to really look at why they're so offended. A lot of prenups give an annual gift to the less moneyed spouse. I mean, they're actually doing better as a result of having a prenup than they would if not. So, I mean, it's not always like,

screw you, if we break up, you're leaving and you're gonna go live in a refrigerator box under a bridge. The refusal to kind of get educated and understand what's happening and be a partner in the relationship is something I think anybody who is being met with that kind of resistance really needs to examine

before they enter into a marriage with that person. Well, it's such a good point because people forget and we're not set up at a young age to acknowledge the fact that a relationship is a business to some degree. It's work that you enter into these things and it's not smooth sailing. It's constant addressing the issues and reassessing and growing. And part of that is the monetary side and the collection and the accumulation of things together. So it's much easier to separate those with the prenup. And as women, particularly, we're so quick to abdicate. I don't want to hear about that. I want to worry about being pretty and doing that. I don't want to think about money. I don't want

to be bothered with that. If you want to enter into a relationship with someone, even if they have more money than you starting out and be a real partner to them, find out about the money. I don't want to be bothered with that. If you want to enter into a relationship with someone, even if they have more money than you starting out and be a real partner to them, find out about the money. Insist that you go to the quarterly meetings with the business manager, even if it's not your money, you're still using that money to live, raise your children, get involved in some of it because it really does. It will enable you to grow better together as partners. Okay. So Laura, we had a caller call in or a listener. Well, then she became a caller when she called and she called him with a story about she wants to get divorced, but she doesn't know, like in what order she's supposed to do things. Does she tell her husband she wants to get

divorced and then move out immediately? Does she tell her husband she wants to get divorced and then stay a couple of weeks? And she has two dogs. She's like, am I allowed to take them? And I'm like, yeah, you know what? Great question. I have no fucking idea. Is it best to put something in place of a place to go a way to get yourself out of a potentially complicated situation or harmful? Like, what would you say to someone who's coming in and they're like, I know I want a divorce. What now? So I think, again, it depends a lot on the circumstances. Like God forbid you're in an abusive relationship and you tell your spouse that you want a divorce and you get the shit beat out of you. That's not good. But sometimes it's really just a difficult conversation. Sometimes what do we do about the kids?

We don't want the kids to think mommy's leaving daddy. Also the law in different states is different, but in almost every state, there's nothing like an abandonment anymore. That's not very us friendly. So particularly in California, you don't have to worry about leaving the house and somebody saying, Oh, you abandoned the house. So now your rights are gone. If you own part of the house, you can leave. It's okay. But I would always recommend that somebody either goes online, makes a consultation appointment with an attorney, figures out what the law is in your state to start putting your ducks in a row. That's why we created It's Over Easy, the website. There's a ton of information on there. Even if you're not

ready to start filing divorce papers, educate yourself so that you can put a plan in place. As for the dogs, interesting question, Chelsea. Always dogs have been chattel property, no more than, you know, this, this bull, whoever bought the bull, that's who owns the dogs. Now in California, we've changed that law a little only in the last couple of years to say that a judge may actually listen to evidence about who took care of the dogs, who had a better bond with the dogs. I mean, I know this is the kind of stuff that you care about. And that person, even if the dogs were not purchased by one or the other or they were purchased jointly, because you're not going to cut a dog in half. Sometimes we'll be. I mean, I'm not opposed to splitting a dog in half.

Right. I want the back half of Bert. Of course you do. If my bell ever takes him, I want the back half of him. The meaty half. So that law has changed a little bit. But generally, they're just property, just like a car or a vase or whatever else. So will they interview the dogs?

No, they don't do like a child custody evaluation like they do with kids. But you could actually give a judge evidence like, yes, I bought this dog for my husband for his birthday. So generally it would be characterized as a separate property asset because it was a gift to my husband. However, my husband never did anything with the dog. I took the dog. I walked the dog. And a judge might go, you know what? I'm going to find that the dog's yours. That's like a literally in the past year and a half new law. So but what would your advice be to we do we know what state she's in? Because she was asking if she if she could take her two dogs, what would be the repercussions of that? And I guess what you're saying is that she can do that probably, right?

You should do that. And again, I think, and similarly to kids, I mean, if you're not, if you don't have any orders in place and you need to go somewhere to kind of get clear, as long as you're not like kidnapping them, you leave an email saying, listen, I'm going to move out for a little bit. I've got the dogs. Let's discuss this. I'm not disappearing with them, but I just think we need a little bit of physical space and I don't want you to worry.

You will see them again. That is what I would probably tell her to do because I don't think anybody is then going to accuse her of stealing the dog. She's just taking the dogs for right now. All right. So that's great advice. What other like top tips does Laura Wasser have for people going through a divorce to make it just an easy event for everyone. Like no one wants to go through a divorce. Right. And it's never going to be easy. It's heartbreaking.

It's difficult. It's confusing. But my top tips would be educate yourself. Find out what the law is in your state and how it applies to you. And if you didn't know a lot about some of the financial stuff, find out. There's basically four components to the financial part of a divorce, right? There's what you have, like what part of a divorce, right? There's what you have, like what you own, what you owe, any debts you have, if you've got, you know,

mortgages or car leases, loans, whatever, what you earn, you and your spouse and what you spend, how much, what's your budget every month. Those are the four things. Find that shit out, find out what the law is in your state. If you've got kids, you have got to figure out a way. Most states now, particularly California and New York, but now almost everywhere in between are much more dad centric than we used to be. Dads are no longer seeing kids every other weekend and one Wednesday for dinner. We really are sharing custody more. We want your kids to be able to have as much time with both of their parents as possible because in most instances,

we believe that's best for your kids. Remember, if you have kids, you're gonna be dealing with this person for the rest of your life. So don't burn a bridge, okay? I mean, so many people say and write things they regret to their spouse as they're going through a divorce. And the greatest is they're paying somebody to write and say these things because they're paying some lawyer to do

it. Take it back. Think about the moment when you fell in love with that person, when you were with them and you first had that baby. Think about the things you loved about that person. You don't want to live with them anymore. You don't want to be married to them anymore, but you are going to co-parent with them. You are probably still going to be sharing some assets with them. One of you is going to be writing the other one a support check for a certain period of time. Figure out a way to make it as pleasant and civil and respectful as possible. That's what I would say is the main tip, because I've heard so many people say to me, if I only knew then what I know now about this, I would have approached it so much differently. I

spent so much money and so much toxic energy going through this. If I only knew then what I know now about this, I would have approached it so much differently. I spent so much money and so much toxic energy going through this. If I could have approached it more like a business transaction and approached it with a little bit more, you know, the golden rule, do unto others, treated my spouse like I would have liked to be treated and he would have done the same. You will. It's not going to be easy. It's still going to be scary and heartbreaking and whatever, but you'll come through it to the other end in your next chapter and you'll be so much better off. I have a bunch of friends who

are going through divorce, actually. What age are kids allowed to decide if they want to be like, you know, at a certain point, it's their decision if they want to go to the dad's or if they want to stay with the mom, right? Not really. Not really. At a certain point, their their position will be heard by a judge. It's usually 13 or 14 in California, but they don't get to decide. I mean, let me tell you something. If your dad's, you know, the dad that's like in the den smoking a bong five nights a week,

and you're a teenager, you're like, I wanna go live with dad. Your preference will be taken into consideration by the judge, but you're still a minor. And so your best interests are still gonna be decided and factored into everything else. So yes, you can have a say. It's not going to be till you're 13 or 14. That's in California. Other states take it differently.

Almost every state has really said by now, we don't want a kid on the stand in a courtroom like you saw in the movies from the 60s and 70s saying what he or she wants. They'll usually either go in chambers and talk to the judge with a court reporter there, or they'll have a mental health evaluator that they'll speak with and talk about their preference and why that's their preference. Is that their preference? Because mom really understands what I'm going through because I like boys and I might lose my virginity and have my period and I'm a girl. Or is it because dad lets me be on my computer and my iPad and play games as much as I want? What why is that your preference? And then what's going to be in your best interest? So I think the moral of the story is do not get married and do not have children.

You should have children. Children are okay. And if you're going to get married, get married knowing that this is a relationship like any other relationship that you have to work at if you want it to work. And if for some reason it doesn't or things change, which obviously happens quite a bit.

I mean, look, when we used to live till we were 35, getting married till death do us part was a lot easier than if you're living until you're 80, 90, 100 years old. That person's going to start getting a little stale for you. Oh, my God. If I live till 90, shoot me. Seriously, I do not want to be around and see. I'll be willing you around in your depends, sweetheart. Sweetheart, don't say such things. Laura, can I ask one more question?

This is just a personal, interesting question. I love anytime I see an attorney remove themselves from a case, why would an attorney choose to not move forward with their client? Choose to? Like when I see like, okay, so-and-so is no longer representing them.

Is it like a joint decision that they make? Or is an attorney like, I'm tapping out. Like this is just too much for me. It depends. Who are you talking about? Are you talking about Britney Spears and her lawyer from that documentary? Oh, no.

I would love to talk about that if you have any insight or any thoughts on a conservatorship. I have no insight. I cannot talk about that. Because I would like to put Chelsea on a conservatorship

if at all possible. And I would love your help with that. What if we just made Chelsea Britney's conservator? I would do that. Oh, I think she help with that. What if we just made Chelsea Britney's conservator? I would do that. You know what? I think I'm qualified to take care of her. I wouldn't overwork her and I would be sympathetic to her. Very sympathetic. I am. I mean, how does something like that happen though, Laura? Like how does he get to be her conservator? Like why is her mother not in that role? You can't. Laura's too close to she's she's she's in Hollywood.

All right. Well, forget it. Thanks for nothing, Laura. I can't believe you. OK, well, this was very helpful for the questions that you did choose to answer. I love to get Laura back. I love anything legal. I know. And I love you, Laura. I love you guys, too. Anytime when Catherine Law tells me I have to be somewhere, I just show up. Awesome. I love it. Thank you so much, Laura. Bye, guys. Have a good one. Bye. Catherine Law, for the record, is one of our producers. Yes, she is. There are a lot of people behind the scenes who make this all come together and work. And one of them is Catherine, who got a little hair zhuzh. Her hair is pink, and she's got a cute fringe happening. Let's get back to Britney Spears for a second. I watched that New York

Times Hulu documentary. It's pretty upsetting. It's very upsetting. I mean, I can't imagine they either have her on so many drugs or she's been lobotomized because something is really off. Right. Like something's wrong. So my friend said it feels like she got electric shock therapy. And I was like, oh, my God, do you think so? And it's like, well, of course. Yeah, nothing would be surprising in this fucking town. Right. But why is her father in that role? So the way I understand it is that the conservator has to be requested by a person. So her father probably is the only person onlooker saw something going on and maybe with good intention to like we need to get her back on track. But then there becomes a point which I think she has surpassed where that person is capable of taking care of themselves. They've gotten out of the situation. Well, if she's working, which she was, as soon as that conservatorship happened, he cleaned up her act and sent her out to work. Right. She is able to work at that capacity.

Then she is able to also take care of herself in a sense. Yeah. So if the conservator, the fact that he is making money off of her is a complete conflict of interest. Well, it's a whole team of people making money off of her. And what people should understand, celebrities have a team around them. There's like a nucleus, which is the celebrity,

and then the people all around. Yeah, it's like you're the center nucleus. There's no U after the C. That's like when George W. Bush said nuclear, nuclear, nuclear. Anyway, so the celebrity is at the center of it. And there are people around them, a business manager who helps them manage their finances and keep them on track. And sometimes they're bad. A lot of times they're really great. You have managers and agents. You have all these people who you do end up paying out to, to help keep your brand on track.

Your assistant. Yes. Everyone wants you to be successful because they're all making money off of that. However, her team has become so expansive that the number of people she's paying is no longer proportionate for her situation. Well, and it's also like a conservator, in my opinion, should be a legal guardian that is getting paid a salary and that's it. Yeah. There's no like, you know, commission situation.

He was supposed to be helping oversee her finances, which she already has a business manager in place to do. So again, they're kind of like doubling down on that to just to make sure she's not overspending in certain ways and that she's retaining her wealth, which is good and appropriate. The personal control is what I think more people have issue with in this situation, that some people are just not good money managers. But her not being able to drive a car, her not being able to kind of leave at her own will or having to check in on where she's going and who she's with, at a certain point, if she's going to make bad decisions, she's an adult.

She should be allowed to make those. Yeah, and she doesn't see those kids, an adult. She should be allowed to make those. Yeah. And then she doesn't see those kids, those boys. There must be a medical reason. It just all is like white male patriarchy. The judicial system, the father getting they go to court, keep going to court and he keeps winning. I think that's why she's saying I don't want him to be my conservator. And right now I believe she has a woman as the co-conservator who she's asked to take over the permanent role and remove her father. And I'm sure that there is a comfort that comes with having a woman in charge of you. Women need other women. Because it's women

supporting women. Whereas I'm sure for a woman, it feels very much I'm being controlled by this man, whereas I'm being guided by this woman. Yeah. It's an unfortunate situation. And again, if you want to look this up, you can go to It's Overasy.com. That's Laura Wasser's website to help you get divorced quickly. Over easy. So the last write in for the day is not so much about an intimate partner, but sort of the platonic relationships in your life that we all go through this. So I'm interested to get your take on this. She says, Dear Chelsea, what is the best way to tell some of my loser friends to get out of my life? So hard.

It is so hard, but it has to be done sometimes. I know, but it's so hard. It really is. I end up just participating in the relationship and just making myself fucking nuts because of it. God, I have so many situations where I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me?

Why am I still in this relationship? I don't know, Brandon. You're pretty good. I mean, you don't have a lot of friends. No, I have basically zero friends. Like, no friends, right? It's because I don't. That's what, I mean, I don't know. People are so annoying. Well, but no, not everyone is annoying. Some people are not annoying and some people are awesome friends. But a lot of people are annoying. But a lot of people suck, suck, suck energy or you've allowed yourself to expend too much energy on them. And

that's the story of my life. Well, so what I started doing was I overly invested in a lot of relationships and friendships. Like I would, if I've not heard from you in a year, I would still drop a birthday gift off at your door. Like I'd be the one to offer. I'd be the one to offer to like take you to the airport. And as soon as I realized, and this was during quarantine, that I was like, I'm not going to keep investing time that's not equitable in these relationships. So once you make the decision to not overly invest yourself, those people fade away. So I don't even know that's necessarily something you have to tell people most of the time. Well, hello, I have like five examples of people that you do have to tell because I've the time. Well, hello, I have like five examples of people

that you do have to tell because I've not returned their texts. I've not done so many things and they do not get it. Yeah, that can also happen. They will be listening to this podcast and they will still not get it. But she says loser friends. So imagine these people don't have a super high commitment

to whatever the friendship is anyway. And then a lot of people just fade into the background. And that's kind of the best way to deal with it is you don't overly invest. You know, that relationship will just kind of distance itself naturally. But to your point, a lot of times people do not get the fucking hint.

No, I just, I can't understand how people don't get the hint when you don't want to hang out. Can you remember the last time that you had to verbally tell someone like, I'm no longer interested in this relationship? Well, I had to do that with a guy that I started seeing. It was just because I was done seeing him. It was a wrap on that relationship. It was a wrap and he didn't get the hit. So I had to say it. Is it harder in a more intimate relationship like that than with

a friend? What do you find to be more challenging? No, I think it's harder with a friend because there's history. With the guy you're dating, it's like, you know, whatever. You've known him for a few weeks or a few months. It's not that big of a deal. So there's not water under the bridge with friends. It's like, you know, their history and how sensitive they can be and how they'll react. If you blow them off, like actually say, hey, I don't want to be friends with you anymore. It seems pretty harsh thing to say. You had a history for a while, which you've discussed, where you just kind of cut people off. Yeah.

As soon as they did something that you did not like or grossed you out. I'm a friendship ender. Yeah, and that's right. You would be like, no more, no interaction. Or people end their friendships with me for something I've done. But I have a lot of friendships that end, for sure. Do you feel that it is healthier to try and maintain some sort of communication with all of your friends, even if it's not one that you want to engage in often?

I mean, I'm so serious about, like, saying the truth and telling people the truth that people I understand do not like that and that they don't want to hear the truth or my version of the truth. So I have a really hard time not expressing that. That could be a friendship ender because I've had it and then this is it. Or I tell someone the truth and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like they don't want to hear that. Okay. There's a large conversation going on right now, kind of generally about mental health and investing your energy and time into the right things that provide you something. So do you feel that it is better to maintain some sort of connection with people or cut them off completely, like for your own mental well-being? Yeah, I think for your own mental well-being, it's better to maintain a connection with everybody and

have good vibes with people, you know, and try and maintain some level of decorum or friendship. Yeah, I think that's probably the healthier way to go through life. I try and often remind myself that everyone has something worth enjoying. Everyone has an aspect of something you would like about them as a friend. It's fucking hard sometimes because that's very Jesuit of you. Well well it's not the trait that comes out most often which is the hard part so normally this is what I do if I don't like someone anymore I go through these phases where I really want gay friends and then as soon as I get them I would just want to drop them at the nearest goodwill like I want nothing to do with them yeah so then I have to pawn them off my boyfriend I'm like oh I had to change my number or I'm out of town what's

the worst is when I tell them I'm doing something with you and they see you're out of town and I'm out of town. What's the worst is when I tell them I'm doing something with you and they see you're out of town. And I'm like, oh, fuck. But you can always blame me. You can always just say you're suing something at the house. And I do. Or that my Belle needs, you know, some sort of body wax. For those of you who don't know,

my Belle is my housekeeper. She's been my housekeeper for a very long time and she has a maternal instinct and I don't. And that's why my dogs love her and hate me. I said I had to go over and brush your hair one night. I was like, she couldn't get her extensions out. I have to go take them out for her. God, my extensions. Those were so disgusting. Well, thanks to your sweetheart. Now they're gone.

What do you mean thanks to my sweetheart? Did you cut them out? I did while you were sleeping. I don't know that we really answered that thoroughly for her. Oh, okay. So yeah, I guess try and do it softly by stop returning their calls and texts. Try and do it like that. And if it takes more than five times, just say, hey, I'm going through something. I really don't have time to hang out for the next few months. I'll call you when my crisis is over. I'll be in touch. I'll be in touch. I'll be in touch is a great way to end everything. Just I'll be in touch. Hey, I'm sorry you haven't heard from me for a while, but I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now. I don't

have time to hang out. I'll be in touch. That's perfect. That's all you need. Why don't we take this moment to take a little break? And I'd like to read an ad, actually. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

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His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all.

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com.

And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What was the last instance where you had to dump a friend? The last instance, it's an ongoing process because it doesn't take. Yeah, I say that you're thinning the herd because when I started working for you, which was five years ago, there were a lot of people in the mix. There were a lot of people on trips. There were a lot of people popping in and out of the house.

It is a much smaller and I would say better group now in terms of quality. This is a friend that I've had for many, many years. An old friend who every once in a while pops up, but it's always something work related. Like, do I want to do this for her friend's production? Do I want to do this for a friend's production? Do I want to do this? It's kind of always like that. Or we have another friend in common and she kind of, when that friend is around, will invite me around to get me there for my other friend. Right. And so I obviously don't participate in that because it feels weird. Like you're being leveraged. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

So anyway, she emails me and she'll text me every once in a while. And I just have always had this feeling about her that I don't find her sincere and I find her to be a bit, you know, she's always working everything. Which is very common in L.A. Yes, that's very common. So she texted me the other day and was asking for us to get together out of nowhere. Or she mentioned, oh, I saw so and so, da da da. They said that you guys were just together here and there. And again, it was like that weird, you know, she just rubbed me the wrong way. So then she texted me the other night and said, hey, do you want to go to dinner? I'm back on this date. Are you back from Canada? And I just said, I am back from Canada. No time for dinner. Sorry. I'm trying to figure out who this is. You wouldn't know her. Oh, no. So this person is really not like part of

your. No, no, no, no, not part of my life. No, you wouldn't even know her. But she's somebody who just resurfaces all the time. And I'm not trying to end the friendship, but I'm not going to dinner just to be nice anymore. Why? Which is OK. Yeah. It feels good to say no. And you can't like that is a full, full sentence. No, that's it. Like, I don't want to do that. And I don't owe you an explanation. Exactly. The explanation of like the excuse, like, I wanted to come, but it's like, I'm not coming. Yeah. Sorry. Do you feel like the friends that you have longevity with and that you can be open with, would you give them that same response? Like, no, I don't want to. Or do you feel more of a need with those people

that you are close to to not give up? No, no, I'm pretty good with my friends. I could say I'm not in the mood for that or I don't want to do that or blah, blah, blah. Those are the best friendships. Yeah, of course. And that's how it should be with everybody. You shouldn't be doing anything that,

like, I mean, the idea of going to dinner with someone that I'm not really interested in seeing is not on the menu for me. There's nothing worse. You've said it when we've been somewhere that I will make an audible sound if I'm disinterested or you can see it on my face that like I will roll my eyes and I don't even know.

But that's why I don't engage in things I really don't want to do because I could never be an actor. I hide it so poorly that I don't want to be there. I also hide it poorly, which is why it's even more frustrating for the people that the people that I'm trying to blow off do not get it because I'm not there's no mere shield here. They think you're having a great time. Yeah. So what what's

wrong with them that they don't understand that I no longer want to engage? People are just very dense. It's hard for them to understand that someone wouldn't want to hang out. I think they're just you know, they've got nothing going on. But is this example applying what we were talking about with the last? Well, I think, you know, she wanted to broach the subject of not being interested in friendships anymore with some of these people in her life. Yeah, right. Yeah. So I think that that does apply. Right. You could easily just say, don't have time now. Keep it short and sweet. And don't worry about what their reaction is to that. My friend's reaction was like, got it. We'll catch up in a couple months. That was her reaction, which is perfect.

And see, I've just gotten to the point like you where, no, I don't want to do this. Where if I feel like a relationship has kind of run its course saying that, being like, hey, you know, like we used to have a really good time together and that was great. But like, you know, we're both on different paths now or like i'm investing time myself like i really don't have time or energy to do that right now i don't know that sounds a little bit much i'm investing time in myself it's just like i don't have time right now i'm sorry period that's it because you don't have the time so i'm explaining too much don't explain don't over explain that's the minute and then that's when lies come in because we always always are like, I was going to come. It's so much cooler just to say, I'm not coming.

Sorry. Didn't work out tonight. Sorry. I'm going to pre-program that in my phone as a response. Yeah, don't over-explain. Because I just feel like that just sounds like bullshit anyway. I mean, it probably is. It does. It sounds like bullshit.

And, you know, it's just another excuse. So you just have to be direct. That's the moral of the story in this episode. Yeah. That's the moral of the story of this season. I want a divorce. Goodbye. There was a lot going on here today. What did you take away from all this relationship, the dynamics of them? I think this comes back to the same fucking thing all the time is that people, A, are annoying. And then B, it's hard to have conversations about anything. Right. But I think the overarching advice that we gave is that you have to just be honest with your communication and just address it head on. I mean,

you just have to have that conversation. There's really no way around it. Whether it's a note or in person, you're going to have to deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. You got to just fucking go for it. And the sooner the conversation happens, the sooner it's over. And the sooner you have your answer on the other side, you know, like it's just saying it. It's just the ramping up to the actual encounter. That is the most anxiety inducing. What was most anxiety inducing for me during this episode was thinking about you married. Oh, my God. I won't get married.

Who's going to marry me anyway? Someone would. Someone will. If you wanted to. They would for sure. But I couldn't go through that. You mean the actual wedding or the post? All of it. The lead up or the breakdown. I don't want it. Like, I want you to have someone for intercourse. I support you in that. Thank you for that.

Even a live-in to some degree, but just everything that comes along with a marriage. I don't think I can live with someone. I'm also in support of that. Or maybe it's a Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter thing. They just shared a common wing, but they each had their own sides of the house. Aren't they fucking divorced because he was having an affair with a nanny? Let's call Laura Wasserbeck. We'll find out. Okay. Well, I want to thank you listeners for calling in and asking for our advice. I know how magical it must be for you to get it. I would like to thank my co-host Brandon and his very bushy eyebrows. But yeah, we want to say thank you for listening and that we will be back here. We should be announcing something, probably

tour dates coming up. You're getting back on the road. Oh, don't say it like that. That makes me sound like a motorcycle mama. I would love for you to travel between cities on a motorcycle. Oh, my God. Can you imagine what kind of shield I would need? We could get a sidecar for Bert. Bert would love it with those goggles on. He'd be overjoyed. Oh, yeah. That would be so cute. I'll figure that out for you, sweetheart. Until next time.

Okay. Shabbat shalom. And of course, you can always email your issues, your questions, your thoughts to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Again, DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Problem solved. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.

The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly

means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.