Dear Chelsea - How Much Sunshine Are You Spreading? With Minnie Driver

Episode Date: January 27, 2022

Minnie Driver joins Chelsea to discuss fake engagements, finding your way through grief, allowing for different opinions, and the impermanence of everything.  Then: A girlfriend struggles to co-parent with her boyfriend’s ex.  A writer worries that she’ll cringe when she looks back on the beliefs of her past. And a best friend wonders if a formal breakup is needed when there’s nothing left to say.  *Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, Joe, are we rolling? We are rolling. Fantastic. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Chelsea Handler. Thank you, Joe.

Check one, check two. Hi, Chelsea. Stop it. He is so hard up to be. check one check two hi Chelsea stop it and uh here's your he is so hard up to be like here's your uh

he thinks he's the producer I got it thank you got it have fun enjoy you guys I'll be right over here okay thanks

hi guys hi I like want to call him your pal Friday since he helped with set up today I know he is he's my little

my girl Friday honey good afternoon good morning and good evening this is Chelsea Handler since he helped with setup today. I know he is. He's my little my girl Friday, honey. Good afternoon. Good morning and good evening. This is Chelsea Handler on the podcast called Dear Chelsea. And I'm here with my producer, Catherine. Hi, Catherine. Hi, how are you? Hi, I think after however many episodes of this podcast, I finally got an intro down that sounds respectable. It doesn't sound like me, but it sounds respectable. I just want to start by saying that I am very weak today. I had food poisoning or a 24-hour virus. I'm not sure because my friend texted me this morning saying she also has diarrhea now. But we went to APRE, Joe and I, with some friends the other day,

and then we came home, we got massages.ages i went to bed and around five in the morning it was all hell broke loose oh god i was vomiting and i had diarrhea and it was brutal and of course joe was so ridiculously sweet that i just was like oh my god because i was like who can i text for diet canada's dried ginger ale that's all i wanted you know when you're that yeah all i cared about was ginger ale. That's all I wanted. You know, when you're that. Yeah. All I cared about was ginger ale and I've been trying not to drink soda because I have this big photo shoot coming up or commercial shoot. But sometimes you just got to like have the thing

that like your mom gave you when you were sick. For us, it was Sprite and orange juice. Sprite and orange juice together? Yeah, together. That was the thing. It's like whenever I get that kind of sick, I'm like, I need Sprite and orange juice. Although these days it's LaCroix and orange juice together? Yeah, together. That was the thing. It's like whenever I get that kind of sick, I'm like, I need Sprite and orange juice. Although these days it's La Croix and orange juice. Yeah, yeah.

That's how I am with ginger ale. And it can't be regular ginger ale because the sugar leaves this weird taste in my mouth. It has to be Diet Canada Dry, which by the way, is my elixir for everything. And if I feel off, if I feel tired, Diet Canada Dry is... I once called them and I was like, I need to do a commercial for you guys because I'm so passionate about your product. And did you? And I ended up doing a Diet 7-Up commercial because they're owned by the same people.

And they're like, we don't need a commercial for Diet Canada Dry, but we'll pay you to do one for Diet 7-Up. And I was like, okay, let's go. But truth be told, I prefer a Canada Dry over a 7-Up. So you heard it here first. It's a cure-all. Yeah. So I was laid out yesterday and I was just like, and it felt like every organ of my body

was being attacked. My kidneys, my back. I was just like, oh, this is so annoying. And then I took what I thought was a Zofran, which is an anti-nausea drug. I'm going to say I have no idea what that is. That I travel with in case I get sick. Yeah. And I was like, Joe, please get me the Zofran.

It's in the cabinet. And he went and got it. But I had mixed my Zofran with this thing called NuVigil, which is basically a drug for narcoleptics. It's for combating jet lag when you travel overseas. And it's this high-level prescription. It's basically like a very sophisticated adderall i was gonna say you gave yourself uppers while you're trying to like rest

so i fucking woke my ass up to be sick and nauseous for the next six hours and luckily i threw that up too right away and then once i took the zofran i was able to stop throwing up it's kind of what they give you on safari in case you get, you know, really sick or something. Anyway, I had all the medical tool I have. I don't know who's been mixing my medication, but it sounds like her name is M-A-B-E-L. So when I get home the next week, I'm going to have a nice sit down with my belle. I'm sure she has a lot to tell me about as well. I requested that Joe bring Bert and Bernice back and she said no. She put the kibosh on it? He left for three days to go into the States and come back here to Whistler,

and I said, okay, bring the dogs back. And then he said, my bell said no. Oh, my. She didn't let him? No. I've lost complete control of my own domestic situation. Oh, my goodness. Well, I don't know if this will help at all, but if you want, I can let you meet my daughter,

who is here with me in the studio right now, Brad. That will help. I think it will. I think it will. Right now, she's actually, there's like a giant beanbag chair here at the office, and she makes Brad bring it down into the studio so she can sit in it, even though it's like a giant, giant one. Oh.

This is Mimsy. What's her name? Mimsy. She is a brindle pug. Oh, she's a nugget. How old is she? She's six. She just turned six.

Oh, she looks like a bitch. I like that. She is very bratty. She does whatever she wants. See? She's already done. That's exactly like Bernice. I pick her up, and then she's like does whatever she wants. See, she's already done. That's exactly like Bernice. I pick her up and then she's like, no, I was never interested in being picked up in the first place.

Please leave me alone. That is Mimsy. Yeah. She will not listen to anything my husband says. Like she won't obey him until I look at her and I go in a serious voice. I have to go, Mimsy, obey. And then she'll do whatever he asks, like putting on her harness or whatever. Yeah. So that's my daughter. Now you've met her. That's cute. Mimsy's cute. Oh,

do we have a podcast merch available now? We will very soon. Oh, dear Chelsea merch is going to be available very soon, everybody. Yes. And it's cute and it's going to be comfy i made sure that we got like comfy shirts comfy stuff so cute okay great i love that for all our for all our female and gay listeners yes exactly although i i got a couple of dms from a couple of straight guys that want to be very pointed about the fact that they listen to the podcast and are straight. I'm like, what do you want a fucking metal? Yes, they do. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Several, in fact. Okay, so yeah, let's move on to today's guest. She has a new book. It's called Managing Expectations. It is available now for pre order. It comes out in May. And she has her own podcast that I've done called Mini Questions, which

she asked the same seven questions to all her guests, and season two just premiered. So make sure you check that out. Please welcome a very good friend of mine, Mini Driver. Hi, honey. How are you? I'm all right, darling. How are you? Happy new-ish year.

Where are you? I'm in Malibu. Oh, okay. Where are you? I'm in Whistler, Canada. The Sea to Sky Highway. I love that highway. Oh, I know you know that from your truck driving days.

I do. Honk, honk. A lot of people don't know that about Minnie Driver, but I do, and that's all that really matters. And that's what this podcast is all about, unveiling who was a truck driver and who wasn't. Minnie, congratulations on your engagement. Oh, thanks, darling. Yeah, thanks. Oh, very casual reaction. I'm not, I'm not engaged. My boyfriend will literally die if he, I'm not engaged. It was.

What? You're not supposed to say engaged or are you not engaged? No, I'm not engaged. I'm not engaged. However, only because my boyfriend, he doesn't really want to get married because as he said, I love you. So why would I want to be in a thruple with the state of California? Uh-huh. And I totally get that. So we're not engaged. We're just, I wore a diamond ring that I'd actually bought myself on my ring finger because I show up for myself every day. And if I'm married to anyone, it's me.

There we go. There we go. I told Joe Coy, my boyfriend, that if he ever buys me a big fucking diamond ring, don't expect me to wear it. I told him we could be engaged and you can plan the wedding because I don't really care about those kinds of things at all. And I know that his potential for actually planning a wedding is never going to happen. So if it's all on his plate, it won't come to fruition because he is such an in the moment person. So you and I are kind of opposites. I don't want to be engaged or publicly planning a wedding.

And you decided that you are going to marry yourself. So those are two different perspectives. I just want, I quite like a party. I want a party. Well, who doesn't like a party, Minnie? Obviously. With dancing and toasts. But I like toasts.

I want people to make toasts about me and him and you want also one of those videos like a great montage video of all the wonderful things that you've ever experienced and people saying amazing things about how they've never seen two people more in love than the two of you yes yes I get that I want I want that and dancing and like those big fucking lanterns in trees outside and like a barbecue and long tables. I want that. I've seen it in like a Nancy Meyer fucking movie. That's what I want. Yeah. Well, good. I'm glad that you're able to visualize your expectations. I've got a mood board for the wedding I'm never going to have.

I want to ask you about finding your true love after you lost your mom, because I think things like that happen in life all the time when somebody kind of exits our life, someone comes into it. And a lot of times, for me, I know personally, there's a lot of my mother around with my guy. you know they actually they knew each other and they had a really amazing friendship and she didn't she didn't suffer too many of the men that I was with because she took it personally when they broke up with me or if I broke up with them but she really really loved Addison they didn't know each other for long enough but I do think that there is an exchange, that there is some sort of relay that happens when, I think you're absolutely right, when someone leaves, something else comes in to fill that space. I think you just have to kind of be open and aware. And it's very difficult when you're grieving to allow that in. Yeah. Have you had any of those experiences yet about your mom? Have you felt her around you?

Have you felt like you've gotten little signs of her? I have. I hear her. I think she co-opts my brain because I heard her say, I was having a conversation with her one day, I was missing her so much. And I don't know if these are psychotic breaks or part of the whole process. And I don't really care because I could hear her voice talking to me. And at one point I said, am I making this up or is this you? And she was like, well, you know, of course it's me, but I don't have a brain anymore. So I'm having to use yours. And it was so exactly something that she would have said that I knew her sarcasm was a sign.

Yeah, right. And then we chatted. And now I chat, I do, I chat to her all the time, particularly in nature. I see her, whenever I think about her, I see a single bird, it's really strange. Yeah, I do that, I do that too. Whenever I see a single bird, I'm like, hi mom.

Always, yeah. It's really strange and maybe that's, I don't really mind where that's created from, because it continues to make me feel connected to her. So I don't think it matters. I don't think there needs to be any kind of, no one needs to verify if this is true. It is true for us. It's just kind of like what you believe in, it works for you. It doesn't have to be proven to be a fact or fiction, right? It's like whatever the possibilities are it works for you it doesn't have to be proven to be a fact or fiction right it's like whatever the possibilities are which means you're open and as long as you're

open things will come to you and who cares if they're real or not you know i think it's so funny we judge so much that the way in which everybody else passes life the way that everybody else synthesizes it and that this this the way that everybody else synthesizes it, and that the way that we look for outside verification of what we fundamentally know to be true, and then we don't trust that. And so then that leaks out into the rest of our lives, that we don't trust this basic instinct that we have about what feels good, what is righteous, what is true for us. That's actually any intention that I have about this new year is to insist on no outside verification. Well, it's also funny because so many people, we don't know the answers to so many things, which people pretend are so black and white,

like, no, there's no God, or there's God. It's like, first of all, nobody fucking knows if there's a God or not. Nobody has any proof of that except for your belief system and what you think you've personally experienced. So the idea that you have to have a definitive belief system to begin with is silly, right? The fact like, oh, they're religious. Like I have a friend, if anyone's religious, she just regards them because she thinks they're stupid. I'm like, well, okay, that's a little bit much. I mean, I also have a little bit of that, but not, and then people like the new thing is, you know, not to say you believe in a God, but there's something. It's like, well, that's a God. I believe in the universe. It's like, well, that's another word for God. Like we're all saying the same thing, but people have to be so black and white about it

as if there's been proof about it. Either way, we don't know what happens when you die and nobody's ever going to find out until you die. And then it's probably still not going to be the news we're looking for. So why not just create your own reality of what you think is possible? Yeah, it's weird. Dogma is absolutely shit as far as I can make out. And it really, I hate that it's got dog in it because I love dogs it's absurd because it's like if you got everybody to agree with you it's sort of like and then what like so everybody agreed what if everybody agreed on the same on the same thing we'd find conflict elsewhere like it is hardwired into this human experience is contrast and conflict I think it is

it is part of this human experience and it's it's absurd and the more that one can disengage from needing that or underwriting that I do find myself stepping away more and more from people who are dogmatic in any kind of belief they just put me off my dinner I'm like I want to eat my steak and peas I don't eat steak I don't know why I said I want to eat my baked potato I'm glad you said that I don't know why I said that I don't eat steak like that steak is out of style quite frankly meat has got to change Chels I'm so glad I'm on the phone with you because I just lots has got to change and it's got to change now. So fucking help me. I mean, all of it is so, I mean, wait, back to your, I want to talk a little bit about your

siblings and with your mother passing, because I found that to be such a great comfort having my brothers and sisters around and experiencing that kind of transitioning, you know, from life to whatever happens after life, you know, like together. And there were moments of hysterical laughter and moments of unbearable pain. But I feel like without those moments, my brother once said, we were all in the hospice and my mom was on her bed. That's where you go to die, right? And my one brother just still didn't understand what was going on. And we were like, Roy, she's dying. This is where we're taking her to die peacefully. And he's like, but what if she gets better? And we were just like, oh my God, we can't keep explaining this to you. It's a wrap. Okay. Anyway, so we're all lying in these mats on these like cots that they had at this hospice.

And I was with next to my one brother and my other brother and sister were across the room. And my other sister was on a chair and my brother, who's a complete asshole and really sarcastic and thinks he's hysterical, goes, hey, Chelsea, because Shauna and Roy were like lying very close to each other, holding hands. And he goes, how long do you think Roy and Shauna have been sleeping together? And you just heard my sister across the room groan. She's like, Glenn, honestly, seriously, why would you even bring that into this space? And we were all laughing so hard. And it was such a funny moment because, you know, without those moments, it's just so painful. You need that. And you can only really be that way with the people who knew what it was like to grow up with your parents, right? Yeah. I mean, there are moments that are starting to happen,

but it's so weird. It was nine months ago. We haven't had enough moments where we've laughed together. We're still gingerly being able to talk about her because we're still dealing with the probate of her estate and selling her house and all of this stuff. Like I'm hoping once these things are done, we'll allow us to kind of commune about her in a way that is, because there were certainly really amazing

moments while she was dying. Just like you said, we were sitting around watching her like she was a TV when she was dying. And my aunt said, she was like, God, I always thought that if I was dying, having all these people who weren't dying standing around looking at me would really piss me off. And my mother was like, it does piss me off. She was like, I am a TV. Turn me off. This is really annoying.

And we're still laughing about these moments. I know it'll come. I know it's there. I know it's in escrow waiting for us, being able to laugh about it. But it's astonishing how grief, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. And then it just rises up and it fells you. It just literally brings you to your knees. Sometimes when you least expect it, I'm astonished by it. I'm grateful to all the people who have witnessed that happening and not freaked out. Yeah. That's so common also to be like, I'm doing great. I'm doing great. It's over. It's over. I'm through it. I'm through it. And then you're like, no, no, it's like, you don't, that's not how grief works. And we all, and like for some reason, you know, we believe like, okay, I've gotten through it.

Like, why is that important to believe? So it's over, it's in the past. It's like, it's never going to be in the past. I know. You know, it's another just like time construct that doesn't make any sense at all. It's emotions, it's heart, it's all those feelings. Yeah, I've got this birthday coming up and I don't I've been having these existential dreams and feelings whilst awake how can you have a birthday if the portal through

which you came is gone like how it there's there's something that's been happening about this idea that without my mother there how how do I sort of exist it's's really strange. Like it's an absolute mind bend losing your mother. I experienced grief with my father dying and huge loss, but not this existential stuff about my own mortality and about the impermanence of time. I mean, the impermanence of everything and the existence, the constant existence of time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just think about how old we are now. You know, I was talking to my friend the other yeah. I mean, just think about how old we are now. You know, I was talking to my friend the other day. I'm like, I'm 46, I'm going to be 47 this year.

My half of my life is over. And she's like, you don't know that. I'm like, oh, please, it's over. Like, come on. Like, the idea that, you know, you get to this age and you start to go like, oh, it could happen at any time. I could get sick, anything could happen. And then the idea of like, you have to live every day like it's your last.

I don't want to fucking live every day like it's my last. That's exhausting too. Exactly. Like sometimes I do want to lie in bed and watch TV all day. I don't need to like be out there showing the world what I'm made of. So it's all these thoughts that you think about with your existence and how long you're going to be here for and what else you have left to say or do or what impact you want to leave. With you, you have a son, so that's even a bigger thing. Yeah, but it's all about, it's so interesting because this is my new

obsession since mom died, is this idea of assigned meaning and meaning and what that is and what a meaningful life is. And the pressure that we put on ourselves or the pressure that other people put on us. Like, what the fuck is that? And how could anyone describe what that meaning is except us, except we who are in it? And if that is lying in bed watching bad TV or good TV in a day, who says that isn't meaningful?

Well, I think pretty much everybody thinks that's not meaningful, but I don't think there's an argument there. But I would argue with like, you know, what's meaningful? Like being a celebrity, being a well-known person, is that supposed to be more valuable? Like obviously as you get older, you realize that how fickle that is, you know, how silly that is. 100%. How silly it is to think that you have more value. I think like, okay, in my best run of thoughts, I would think your value in my estimation would be what kind of impact you're having on every single person you're around, right? How much sunlight are you spreading and joy and happiness to others? Like what's that? Or strength or inspiration,

you know, maybe that's the most valuable things, the things that are not measurable, because it's clearly like all of the woodwork going I sat next to your mother at a dinner in 1985 and I've got to tell you it was one of the you know that that's that is the most and the best that we can hope for but it's weird how maybe it's now that there is just so much information shared this idea that if you don't have a private plane and if you're not earning you know you don't have a hundred zeros after the amount that you make in your life I mean I don't know like we're it's so it's become so disconnected what an idea of a successful life is yeah right well Hollywood can do that to you you know that can make you very disconnected yeah totally maybe that's why I am the way that I am.

An ex-truck driver is what you are. And that's what you're... Did I tell you, wait, did I tell you when Kate and I, my sister and I were driving down Sunset Boulevard and we saw this billboard? I always called it my billboard because when Circle of Friends first came out, my friend took me there and he made me stand outside of his rabbit, his VW rabbit. And he was like, close your eyes. Okay, now look. And there was this, I was on a billboard and it was exciting. So anyway, we were driving down sunset, we see this billboard and Kate looks at, there are three men on it. She went, she went, oh my God, we've slept with a hundred percent of that billboard. I died laughing. I was like, that is connection in Hollywood right there. I miss your sister. I haven't seen her since COVID obviously, because I haven't been over to London, but she and I had some really fun nights together when I was over there. I know she would send you a huge, I got to tell her that I was doing this. She would send you a huge hug. She's actually on the line eavesdropping, so you can just say hi to her. What's up, Bates?

So we have callers that call in, and we give them life advice. And we kind of curate the episode to things that you might talk about publicly or have. And we just kind of give them feedback. And people are pretty kind of serious when they call in here. So get ready, sister. All right. That's what we're going to do today on Dear Chelsea. You're going to get advice from Minnie Driver, from myself, and from my producer, Catherine.

Hi. And we're going to give it to you straight. Yes. But before we do that, we're going to take a quick ad break. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us tonight. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

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No, really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. We're back from our break. Okay. I hope that was as gratifying for you as it was for us. Wonderful. Well, we have some questions, Minnie and Chelsea. And our first one comes from Frustrated Stepmom. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 28 and my boyfriend, 29, have been together for two years. We moved fast.

We were friends when we were younger and have lived together almost the entire time. He has two daughters, age five and three. I'm very involved with them, picking them up from school and taking them there. And I absolutely adore them. The problem is their mom raises them very differently than me and my boyfriend wish to. I obviously don't want to step on her toes at all, but it's very hard when she refuses to actively potty train them and feeds them McDonald's or whatever. And then they come here and we struggle to get them to eat real food and they've regressed on whatever we're working on. I know you're not a

mom, but do you have any advice? P.S. I was an early childhood educator for five and a half years, so I do know a bit about kids, and all I want to do is help them. Sincerely, Frustrated Stepmom. Oh, wow. Well, Minnie is a mother. Minnie, would you like to take this first? Gosh. I mean, I don't envy you.

I feel for you because you're also very young and your boyfriend had children very young. And it's so I'm imagining that the co-parent, the mother is also very young. And when you're young, you don't like anybody telling you anything. All I can say is because my son, he lives with me, but he goes to his father's and he has a relationship there. And weirdly, all you can really do, trying to get someone to do what you want them to do is an impossibility. It really is, unless they want to do it, it's not going to happen. And all you're going to do is frustrate yourself. So it's, you might not want to hear it, but it really is. You maintain, you hold your

course in your household and what the rules in your household are and how it runs and what happens there. And you do that gently and kindly with consistency. And I think by creating that environment, the children, while they're being given an alternative experience in another household, hopefully that consistency will bring them back to you. But you can't get her to stop feeding them McDonald's. You can have conversations about it, perhaps, with her if she's open to that. But because you can't change what she's doing, you can only carry on doing what you do with love and compassion. And I know it's really annoying when people say that, but it is true. You guys just do you and make it the place that they want to be. Make those the choices that they want to

make. Raise them to be kids who can decide what is good for them and to choose, make good choices. That's what you can do. That'll probably feel better. I think that's great advice. That's their mother. You can't tell her what to do. So you can only set the example for when they're with you. And kids respect rules, even when they don't like it and they rebel against it. It's like it sets you up for success in the long run. So you have your set of rules at your house and she does what she wants at her house. You can't control any of that. So yeah, just give it your best shot and be consistent and do your thing at your house. And you're going to reap the rewards, probably not as soon as you'd like, but eventually everything will come around into the right spot. Yeah, they don't get McDonald's when they're at your house. Sorry.

And you don't have to give in to them. You sound like you know what you're doing. So the only thing you just have to do is probably just refrain from thinking that you're going to have an impact on her. Yeah, yeah. That's true for everything. Yeah, I mean, the only way to ever influence anybody anyway is by setting your own example, not by telling them what to do. Nobody listens to that.

I mean, maybe some people do, but I haven't met those people yet. Yeah. Well, our next question comes from Taylor. Dear Chelsea, first off, I've read all of your books, and you're the first person I've been able to relate to after losing my brother. What a shitty thing to relate to someone for. But you're great.

Anyways, I'm 25, engaged, living with my fiance's parents, and starting a business. I've always wanted to own a food truck, which I've been working on opening since I graduated college in May of 2018. I feel like it's been the longest process to get this thing up and running with 1 million speed bumps, financial issues, timeline expectations, truck failures, food service regulations, and of course, COVID. It's still not open and was supposed to be by this past summer, and it's causing me a large amount of anxiety when it comes to other people asking me about it. I think my question is, how do you process the stress of people being so excited for you and your endeavors while also feeling disappointed or like you failed your own expectations?

It's to the point where I don't even like going out for fear that someone will ask me, when will the food truck be up and running? It's almost done. I've been saying that for a year now, but it actually is. And at this point, it's not even exciting to me anymore. I think once it's open, I'll feel a ton better, but it's been weighing heavily on me. Taylor. Hi, Taylor.

Hi, Taylor. Hello. Hi, how are you? Good. How are you? Good. Hi, Taylor. Hello. Hi, how are you? Good, how are you? Good. This is Minnie. She's here today as our special guest. Hi, Beth.

Hello. Great to talk. Okay, so you were planning on starting a food truck, right? And it hasn't come to fruition in the time. Is this because of COVID? Yeah, just COVID. Lots of road bumps, but I definitely would give it all to COVID for the most part. Yeah.

Well, at least you have a good excuse. So there's that. That's true. I would take this as a, I've done this before in my life, just so you know, like I've talked about something, talked about something, talked about something. And then when it didn't come to fruition in time, felt like an idiot because I was no longer interested in talking about it, was sick of everybody asking me questions, and then kind of had lost my oomph for it. So I have taken it as a lesson. For things in the future, first and foremost, sometimes you

don't need to advertise everything that's going on until it actually is close to happening. And you're learning that lesson. So what's great about this is it's a huge opportunity for growth and learning because you've done this. It's not a mistake. It's just something that you don't want to do again. So make a note to yourself that you're not going to. And in the interim, when people are asking you questions about it and blah, blah, blah, you can be completely honest. I felt like I just talked about it so much. I'm over it. You know what I mean? There's nothing wrong with being honest. And people always seem to have respect for that kind of integrity when you're talking about something. You don't have to lie or make up excuses. You just have to be direct and say, yeah, it's taken me longer than I thought.

I was supposed to start a cannabis company five years ago, and it still has not happened. And I just tell people, like, it's been a shit show, just can't get it off the ground. Like every time something happens, something else happens and we can't sign the paperwork, you know, but I, I, I'm no longer embarrassed about it because I, I never was embarrassed about it. Cause I kind of learned that lesson a long time ago. It's like, I didn't overly promote something that I, and it's not my fault. So, you know, you have all of those things on your side. It's like, it's more a little, it's, it sounds like it's a little bit more about ego, you know, which is something that is easily kind of, it's easy to get over.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I have been talking to people and when people do bring it up lately, I'm like, honestly, I'm just over talking about it. It'll happen eventually. Like, but for now, I just don't even want to talk about it. I'll be like, just stay tuned. And if I post about it, it's going to happen. If not. And what are you doing in the meantime? Oh, just anything and everything. Like after I got my degree, I didn't end up getting a job because I thought, you know, the truck would be up and running a lot sooner. COVID hit. So I just have a lot of little odd jobs right now, but it should be up and running here soon. And yeah, I just don't want to commit to something like a career right now, long-term while I'm working on this. I just want to focus on it and get it going. Is it close to happening now?

Yeah, but it feels like it's been close for a long time. But I think actually it is close. Yeah, I think if you start to believe that, that will have a powerful effect on the outcome as well. Minnie, do you have any words of wisdom in this situation? I know that you've wanted to open up a food truck for some time now. You know me and trucks, Chelsea. You have the greatest reason in the world for telling people that the timeline, timelines for every single person in this world were shot to shit with COVID. I'm literally looking out at the ocean right now and I'm looking at like three tankards, which are part of the supply chain, like just hanging around waiting to go into the port of Los Angeles.

So you're not alone. And I'm sure that people are a lot more understanding. It's probably the pressure that you put on yourself to go, God, I said this thing was happening. And then there was a global pandemic and now it's not. It's not happening on the same timeline. It's getting rid of the timeline, getting rid of the pressure and going, I want this thing to happen and I want it to happen now. If we could just say, I want this thing to happen and I'm going to keep focusing on how awesome it's going to be when it happens. I'm going to keep working on the details and stay out of the timeline. It's the hardest thing to do, but it sometimes gives you relief to do that. Just trust that

there's sometimes a different itinerary than the one that you have. Exactly. That's good advice. Yeah. Timelines are all in our, you know, why are we making these time constructs anyway? Just it's going to happen when it's supposed to happen, when it's right, and when it's going to be the most successful. And it's not far off, it sounds. So I think you're on the right track. Keep remembering that. Just keep thinking that. I mean, even in the best of times, especially when you're starting a business, you only have so much runway. I mean, even in the best of times, especially when you're starting a business, you only have so much runway. I mean, I was an entrepreneur once upon a time, and it was like, whether it was financial

runway or emotional runway or attention span runway, like you just only have so much. And having COVID have dropped in your lap in the middle of that runway is super frustrating. So like what Chelsea said, being honest and being like, it's super frustrating. We keep running into all these delays and it sucks. But like when it happens, I'm so excited. I think that's the best case scenario. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, good luck to you and keep us posted to how that goes. Definitely. Thank you guys. Thanks, Taylor. Yeah, good luck. All right. Bye.

Bye. Bye. I'm glad we were here to help her. I'm glad we were here to help her. I'm glad we were there to help her as well. Young people, I was remembering being young the other day and how much you just thought that it was an outrage when everything didn't come to you immediately. Because now I just sit around being so grateful if anything actually shows up yeah if anything works out when you're young everything is an

emergency everything well like a few months feels like forever when you're 25 I know it does it does and I think I think it's it's okay young people shouldn't be thinking about what older people like it's it's such a different season. It's so weird. I sound like a crone now, now that I'm actually moving into that particular archetype. But it is true. We're not supposed to be thinking about that when we're young. You're meant to be burning through all of that youth, I guess. Yeah. It'd be so fun though to go back to being a young person with this mindset. I wish that could happen.

I know. I know. What's that quote? Youth is wasted on the young, which is so trite, but so true. It's trite because it is true. All of those kinds of things. It's like, oh, God, yeah, if I had this mindset. And then sometimes you meet younger people who have their shit sewed together.

You're like, what's up with you? Where the fuck did you come from? I know. That you're so sagacious and smart and know that you already know what many adults don't know yet. I think my son is like that. I had him read something the other day. I was like, you've got to read this article because, you know, this is like from one of

the great modern thinkers had written this piece. And I was like, Henry, you've just got to read this because like, know this is like from one of the great modern thinkers had written this piece and I was like Henry you've just got to read this because like I can't start thinking about it and he read and he was like yeah I know I call bullshit on that and I was like do you and he's like yeah it just feels like bullshit to me it just feels like a whole bunch of words and a whole lot of not doing that's so funny I love I love you doing his accent that's really something he's very sure I love it doing his accent. That's really something. He's very sure. I love it when young people are sure, even in their hubris. I like that it's like, no, this is the way that it's going to be. This is how it is. And that's bullshit. And this is cool. Yeah. I like self-assuredness in any person. That's always such an attractive quality.

I agree. Absolutely. But there's a complete difference between dogma and being self-assured. It's like a self-assured person can, I think, can be flexible and move with whatever they're presented with because they're just sure of who they are within whatever maelstrom they find themselves in. Maybe it's just my kid. Well, kids are pretty self-assured these days. They're a little bit smarter than we were. They have a little bit more access to intellectual property and stupid properties. I mean, they also do sit on TikTok and video games all the time. Fuck. Oh, my God. My sister was here a couple weeks ago.

We had all gone skiing and everyone's lying around in the living room. And I look at my sister who's 55 and she's like scrolling and I could see just by her eyes. I was like, what are you doing? Are you on Instagram? She's like, I'm on TikTok. I'm like, Simone, get off TikTok right now. Get off the TikTok. What do we have next, Catherine?

Our next email comes from Miranda from Sex and the City. I mean, I hope so, but she's not on the phone. I hope not. Somebody said to me the other day, they go, how did Miranda become so stupid all of a sudden? I'm like, why is she so dumb? She was so smart. I'm like, yeah, all of a sudden she doesn't know anything about, you know, equality or social injustice. Like, that's a Kristen character trait, not a Miranda.

And what's up with her husband? Why did they do that to him? Why did they do that to him? Why did they make him like an 85-year-old? They made him like my grandpa. I know. Why do they do that to him why do they do that to him why do they make him like an 85 year old they made him like my grandpa why do they do that like he's literally like 56 or something like it's absurd i know treating him like he's what i can't hear in the goddamn farmer's market it's like what are you doing that's so true it's so funny i haven't been able to access the most recent episodes because i'm in Canada and there's like one- I think you're all right.

I think it's okay. Yeah, yeah. From what I'm hearing, that's exactly right. It's like weird. Super weird. It's like a geriatric installment. Super weird. It's like they're 80 and they're not 80.

They're these beautiful, gorgeous people. I don't get it. It's weird. I don't buy it. It's like they've been in a coma for like the entire time. It is. It was full. I just said that with my best friend the other day.

We were like, it's like they've rumpled stilt skin. All of them. What is this? Oh my goodness. Podcast. Technology. Email. Password.

Jesus. It's like, where have you been the last 10 years? It's like, you were alive. You weren't in a shoebox in new york yeah the other thing i mean tell me if this just like crushes your heart but they go to what they keep calling a comedy concert and i just i'm like i mean what why why is it called a comedy concert that's what i'm saying like they keep like a stand-up show? Is that what they're meaning? Yes, they keep being like, we went to their comedy concert. And I'm like, what?

No one has ever said that phrase ever. Oh, my God. It's so true because Sarah Ramirez is just, she's doing stand-up, but they call it a comedy concert. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe that's because that's what old people call stand-up. Comedy concerts. A concert of comedy. Yes. How boring. Quite weird. I'm going to change my tour name to Vaccinated and Horny, a Comedy Concert. A COVID Comedy Concert.

A COVID Comedy Concert. Do you want to get COVID? Come to my show. Oh, my God. Well, our next email does come from Miranda. Dear Chelsea, my name's Miranda and I'm 27 years old.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse

to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a floor? We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com.

And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My best friend and I have been inseparable since seventh grade. We've been through just about everything together. I was drawn to her big personality and how outspoken she is because I'm the opposite. However, we haven't talked since before Christmas over something very stupid. It was very frustrating because she was home for Christmas and didn't bother to see me, even though I did try to make plans because of the stupid disagreement.

I think our friendship no longer serves us. I often get scolded by her or ignored. I've always just put up with how she treats me because I don't want to lose her. Family and friends say that's just how she is because of how easily she can be set off. I think there's an unspoken agreement that we're done. We have never gone this long without speaking, and I don't want to be mean or point out things in her character that I don't like.

I'm afraid she'll do that to me if I try to reach out. But does our 15-year friendship deserve a formal breakup? Best, Miranda. I mean, I've had a lot of friend breakups. Me too. Yeah. And then I got back together with them. Like, it sometimes took a couple years.

I think sometimes you don't need a formal goodbye because then you're leaving it also open-ended for, you know for maybe six months or a year down the road for you guys to come together maybe again. And you might care a lot less about the things you care about right now. And that might be true for her as well. It doesn't sound like there was some huge fissure. It sounds like you just have personality types and it's totally acceptable during a friendship or any relationship to kind of go your own ways for a little bit, each of you. And I think that's healthy and you should embrace that. And you can actually examine how different things are without her in your life. If it's a positive impact or a negative impact,

if you look at the world a little bit more differently when you don't have her in your life or the opposite is true, it's a good time for self-examination and friendship examination. Yeah, definitely. Me and my best friend of like 20 years, we broke up for four years. And in that time, she got married and had a baby and got divorced. And actually, I was the perfect person at the end of this whole thing. I knew her so well to be able to kind of counsel because I hadn't been in the drama of everything. And when we did come back together,

it was like a whole new friendship. It was really interesting. I think it's okay, exactly as you said, to go your separate ways for a while. And then, you know, you can find your way back. You know, I think you often do find your way back. Did you say you were counseling, you were the perfect person to counsel her, or she was the perfect person to counsel you? Kind of both, but really about her husband and their divorce and being able to look at it in a much more sanguine way from not having been inside that relationship as I would have been if we'd been as joined at the hip as we had been. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's nice when you can come back together, right? Really nice. It's a perfect testament to like, who knows what would have happened to your relationship had you

been there with that husband, you know? That could have been damaging upon no repair. Who knows what all the circumstances, the things that were prevented by allowing you guys to separate. I look at things a lot like that. Instead of being upset that they're over, being like, this is obviously some sort of gift that I can't see yet, you know, and to take time away from people is always a good thing. And it makes you really appreciate and, and understand if you are supposed to be friends with that person and be that close with that person. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's significant breaking up with a friend in terms of you really have an opportunity to look at yourself and go, well, that wasn't a love affair,

which can cloud one's judgment. But really, this was like a choice. This is a friendship. What is it in me that is not working in this relationship anymore? Is there stuff that I might need to look at? I think it offers a really a great opportunity for self-reflection. I think it's win-win. If you're not supposed to be friends with them, you won't.

And if you are, then they'll come back or you'll come back together once you've, you know, had a bit of time apart. I think it's win-win. If you're not supposed to be friends with them, you won't. And if you are, then they'll come back or you'll come back together once you've had a bit of time apart. I think it's okay. Yeah, I was talking to my mom the other day and we were talking about friendships that sort of come and go. And I mentioned, some people come into your life for a while and then they leave.

Maybe they're not meant to be for your whole life. And this stuck with me so much, but my mom said most are like that. And yeah, it really sat with me because I was like, that's actually very true. There are so few friendships that we might have for, you know, 10, 20, 30 years. And most of them are just meant to be there for a time. Yeah, that's a good way to look at things, you know, because it is more unique to have most of your friendships aren't your lifelong friendships. A lot of them are when you do have somebody from high school or from primary school or something, you know, that's people are always like, oh, really? You're still in touch with them?

You know, my sister has a good group of girlfriends from college. I make friends every year I make a new friend. I'm always making new friends. So I have so many good girlfriends that are even recent friends for the last five or six years, ever since I started skiing. So I don't think there's one prescription for any of that. And you shouldn't ever hold yourself to anything like that because it's demanding and people need to grow and evolve. Yeah. So there's that. There's that. Problem solved for you, I hope. Keep us posted and let us know what happens with your girlfriend and if you guys, you know, how you handle it.

Okay, great. Dear Chelsea, this is from Yvonne. I've read and enjoyed some of Chelsea's books and I've been astounded with her strength to be exposed. I've written a book manuscript and have just started to send it out to literary agents. See, I've always been a writer. I'm astounded when I read stuff I wrote in high school or college because my ideas were so misinformed.

I recognize that I wrote what I thought was true at the time, but I'm on a continuous path of growth, and my opinions have evolved. How do you have the conviction to publish anything with the knowledge that you are also an evolving person? Sincerely, Yvonne. Well, actually, Minnie has a new book coming out in May, so I think she can speak to this as well. Thanks for that, because that's what keeps me up at night. That's what I wake up sweating in the middle of the night going, why am I putting this out here? Why am I doing this? Listen, I did realize the other day that no book is ever finished. You might put the final period,

but it's not finished ever. You just have to stop writing at some point. If you're a writer, you put stuff out into the world. If you create content, if you are an artist, whatever words you want to call it, you create stuff and you put it out into the world. And that's just how it is. And I think, yes, you evolve and your ideas evolve. But, you know, as long as they're not deeply problematic, I think that's okay. I think one can look at stuff and go, you know what? I might not want to talk about that time I killed a horse. You know, it's like you can write from the vantage point of where you are and stand in that truth and go, this might change. So then

write another book about how it's changed. But you can't not write because you're scared that time is going to move on and it might make your stuff look old. I mean, you know, I don't think Dostoevsky is turning in his grave or any dead author. So carry on. And I think also writing something is being very much in the moment. You know, you're writing what your experience is up to right now. You're being reflective in this moment. You know, it's not about the future. It's about now. So that's one of the most freeing things I think about publishing a book is like, okay, I just put all of that out there. That's gone now. Now the next project is going to be stuff that hasn't happened yet or

stuff that I haven't contemplated yet. I may revisit old things, but it's like, it's kind of putting your stamp on a period of time. So I like to look at it that way. Like, here's my experience. I've documented it. It's out there. Don't challenge me on this because I've already expressed it. So it's out, you know, I already said this and I can always refer to it. So there's a lot of advantages to putting out your, putting your stuff out there. There's a lot of, you know, advantages personally, professionally. Obviously, if you want to be a writer, you want to be published. You know, that's one of the goals of being a writer. Not everybody's goal, but, you know, many writers. Yeah, there's a huge advantage to documenting your experience here. I agree. And there you have it. There you go. And there you have it.

Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be back with Mindy Driver. Mindy and I just took a bath together and we are on the Sea to Sky Highway, actually, because it's raining. So we just had to. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast. Our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like. Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Brian Cranston is with us tonight. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app

on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The Stand Outside Nude. We love to do that together as well. Love it, love it, love it. Anyway, we're back from the break. Wonderful. Well, Minnie, was there any advice that you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Oh, Chelsea. Yes.

Is it going to be marital advice? No, it's not. How do you regroup when you've been professionally punched in the face? Oh, that's a good question. Because I've just been professionally punched in the face and I really would love to know what you do. Well, that's ego. And so you have to understand that that's ego, right? And then you have to sit there and do the inside work of understanding that your value isn't contingent upon outside success, even though your career is and your public persona is, to a degree, it's not the whole sum of your parts. It's a part of your

parts. So everyone, anytime I get punched in the face, I look at it immediately like, oh my God, this is a huge learning opportunity. Huge, huge, huge, huge. Because your reaction is your strength of character, right? Because all of our reactions are like, it's a gut punch, it's a gut punch. But after you get past that, there are so many options to operate out of strength, out of character, and to understand that this is a tiny little thing in the impermanence of everything, not the biggest thing in a

litany of things, a small, small thing. And we've all been through it before. So it's not a new thing. It's part of the process. And it's not something that you should sit too long in your shit fork, personally. In my opinion, I would say that then you really are like, you know, if you allow that sinking feeling to take over, that's all your ego. Because you can easily pick yourself up from that.

You just give yourself a couple, you know, a shorter period of time. And then you're like, that's enough. I'm not going to cry in my own milk anymore. Like, that's a wrap on that. And then then the next time it happens you have an even stronger reaction and you know we've all been through it so I don't know if that helps but I know that yeah it really it really it really does I mean it really is just the notion of like what is the opportunity I'm wildly vengeful in a really really like awful way way. Like I want vengeance so badly. And yet there's no elegant way to get vengeance in this situation. But to see it, to actually be less

interested in what happened and more interested in how you can process it to become stronger on the other side of it is really, really good advice. Because it's the judo move, right? It's take the stuff, you take the energy that's thrown at you and you actually use it and you use it for your own good. Yeah. Because then nobody remembers even the falls. They just remember you getting back up like Thor and you're like, I don't think so, buddy. That's not my story. Yup. Yeah. And I mean, my mother would say that them swilling around in their own revolting behavior is really payment enough. Yeah. You can't spend time on thinking what you want to happen to other people. That's a bad use of your time. And then you're sending out bad vibes, bad vibes.

I know it's like, you know, listen, we all do it. We have to because it's part of our psychology. But I think you give yourself an afternoon to do it and then you go, that's it. You can sit around thinking about them slipping on the ice and then that's it. Yeah, exactly. And then eventually, you know, you don't care about those people or what happens to them. Exactly. Thank you. I feel better.

Well, that's what this is for. That's what we're all about here, Minnie. So I'm so glad you were able to join us today. I really am very glad. It's why I came on, so you'd answer my, I could get my question in before all the other people. You could have just called in like a regular caller. I could have just texted you.

Thank you, Minnie. I love you so much. I love you so much. Thank you so much. Such a great show. I can't wait to see you again. And I love doing your podcast too, by the way, you guys. Mini Questions with Mini Driver.

I did an episode which I enjoyed thoroughly and it's a great podcast. She asks everybody the same seven questions. I do. Thanks, Chels. You're welcome, honey. I will speak to you soon. Loads of love.

Bye-bye. Bye. Bye, Catherine. Bye. See you. Oh, hey, Chelsea, let's not forget show dates. Okay, yes. I have some stand-up dates coming up.

I am going to be in Seattle February 2nd and 3rd. I'm going to be in Portland, Oregon February 4th. Two shows. There are tickets available for the second show. Then I'll be in Eugene, Oregon on February 5th. We added second shows to Kansas City, to Winnipeg, to Toronto, to Huntington, New York, to Port Chester, New York,

to Montclair, New Jersey. And I'm also coming to Louisville, Kentucky. So please mark that down. Oh, and we added a second show in Los Angeles and a second show in Santa Rosa. Louisville, Kentucky, if you want me to come back, then we need to sell out tickets.

So buy them. I think that's all I have to say for today. Oh, and I'm coming to Hawaii July 1st and 3rd, Honolulu, and then I'm coming to Maui. Yay. Amazing. Yay. Do you have a question you want to ask Chelsea? To get some advice, write into DearChelseaProject at gally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeart

radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.