Dear Chelsea - How to Giggle with Hannah Berner + Paige DeSorbo

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Giggly Squad Paige DeSorbo and Hannah Berner are here to talk about losing brain cells while writing their new book, How to Giggle, Hannah’s embarrassing choice to get married, and why you should choose your own boyfriend. Then: A single girlie finds her married-with-children friends don’t have the time - or the budget - for the fabulous outings she’s planned. A stinky boyfriend is on the bubble.  And a 30-something wrestles with a toxic ex sliding into her dm’s.  * Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello! Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, how are you? I'm so great. I'm so great. I'm here on my last day of Whistler. I'm leaving. Doug is staying for another week because he loves it up here so much. My little lion bear. Oh, I fucking love Doug. Is he coming with you or are you going back there again?

I'm going to come back and get him in a week. Yes, I'm going to come back and get him in a week. Yes, I'm gonna come back and get him in a week. I do wanna make an announcement on my European tour. We had to cancel Dublin, unfortunately, because something came up that I can't rearrange. So I start out in Reykjavik and all the other cities. I'm still coming to, I think that starts May 11th. So I'm not coming to Dublin, but I will be in Belfast

and Paris and Brussels, Amsterdam, Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, Zurich, Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona, and Lisbon. And most of the shows are almost sold out. So if you haven't gotten your tickets, get them now. And I don't think I'll be adding second shows on this tour because my schedule is so crazy. So we were talking about it,

but I don't think I'm gonna do it for my sanity. That's what you learn when you get older. And then of course there's Vegas, you guys. I'm gonna be in Vegas next weekend, April 18th. And then July 5th is my next Vegas date. So get your tickets for that. And I have summer dates all throughout the year I'll be in Vegas once a month.

Awesome. Yeah, you'll be there in the heat of the summer. I know, I know, I can't believe it. And I hope everyone is checking out my standup special, The Feeling on Netflix. Thank you for all your messages about it. Thank you for all your messages about my book that I still get coming in all the time, I love that.

Yeah, it's all great, it's all great. Wonderful. That's great. Life is great. I started mountain biking in Whistler because the seasons are changing. I brought my e-bike up here, so I am becoming a full-blown lesbian. Our guests today are the hosts of The Giggly Squad, which is a very popular podcast. They have a new book out called How to Giggle.

Please welcome Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo. Hi girls. Hi Giggly Squad girls. Paige DeSorbo and Hannah Berner. Look who we have in studio today. Actually, we're not in studio. No one is in the same place. You two aren't even in the same place.

Have you guys thought about moving in together yet? We don't spend any time together. This is strictly business. It's a very transactional relationship. Yes. Yeah. Okay. I understand.

We say that we're in a non-sexual marriage like most of America. Yeah, most married people are not having sex. Well, Hannah's married. I find one of the most surprising things about you, Hannah, is that you're married. And I kind of object to it. No, Chelsea, it's so embarrassing. And I feel like we'd be better friends if I wasn't married.

I think you would have a lot more friends if you weren't married. I feel like it's like when... I had a friend recently who got pregnant unexpectedly and I was like... We're so sorry. Yeah. I was like, you can't... Are you gonna keep it? And she's like, I've been thinking about it. I'm like, definitely don't. Look know, like look at the world, it's a disaster. What are you gonna do with that baby? And then she did decide to keep me. And you're like, hey. And all of the other part of this friend group,

we were having dinner and I was like, is anyone else kind of bummed about this baby? And both of the women who are mothers were like, yeah, we're disappointed that she's having a baby too. Like we're all in concert. Everyone is in agreement except the woman having the baby. Well it's true it changes friend dynamics. Paige has this thing where she's like you can't have a baby until I have a baby. Yeah that's where I'm drawing the line. Yeah but she's newly single so I'm like okay well like my, like, my husband's old, so he's

running out of time. Yeah, your husband is just like this like ghost-like figure. Where is this person? I actually want him to say hi, but then I shoot him out. Yeah, I don't want to ever see him. I don't ever want to see him. It's better. When Hannah got married, she literally didn't post a single picture of her husband.

It was just pictures of Hannah in her wedding dress. But you know what, Chelsea? We did reality TV for a second, and he was on it for like a second, and it's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life, and I just don't want to subject anyone I love to my shit. Do you know what I mean?

That's nice, and I don't want to be subjected to him either, quite frankly, you know what I mean? I want more of you and less of him. I think there's a comic, Erika Rhodes, she just posted something like, you know your friend's in a good relationship when you barely know her husband's name? Yes. You know your friend who's always talking about the guy? You're like, I think you're going to murder him at this point.

No, I've met Des four times. It's also good to be low-key married because you're not really dealing with that aspect of things on top of your career. You're not also going out with like, you know, having like turbulent relationships, which is what would be happening anyway, you know, ups and downs. That's the one pro. So that's a good thing about being married is you don't have to date. It's less bad than having a kid. Literally Chelsea, I don't have to worry about the other dating apps and what do I text this guy emoji or no emoji because you

know I was in the weeds with that back in the day. I know. I'm sure you are. You guys, I read your book. I read your book. The girls have a new book. First of all, you know them from the giggly squad. They have a new book called How to Giggle, which is them talking about their high levels of stupidity also in concert with all of the things that have made them successful thus far, which is like one chapter is called How to be Delulu, which is short for what, what generation are you guys? You guys are Gen Z? No, Gen Z no no we're millennials you're millennials okay so hardcore millennials you guys i don't know what generation is what i don't know what generation i am either millennials like a slur now i know i know it's not it's not a compliment so

that's why i was trying to avoid saying it um but dilulu for all of those who don't know what that means is delusional but i love that chapter because it is really fucking true. So Paige, why don't you, you tell me about your delusion and how it got you to be successful. No, I really think that I... I'm drinking a Coors Light by the way, sorry. As you should, as you should. I think that when I I started on social media,

I wasn't nervous to start because I truly was delusional. I was too dumb to think of people judging me. It never crossed my mind. So when Instagram came out and it was like, you have to have a following to get anywhere in life, I was like, oh, well, I have to try and get a following. So when I would put Instagram videos out, I wouldn't even think of haters.

It wasn't even on my mind at that time, because I was just delusional. I didn't think anyone would dislike me until I went on reality TV. And then I was like, oh, OK, I get it. Yeah, you can be disliked on a nice big level. So you two met on Summerhouse. We met like the year prior, but like very briefly,

but yeah, then we re-met on Summerhouse and became best friends. We were the two new girls, so like you walk into an already established like friend group, and we were so scared, and like we've never shot reality TV before, so we had this kind of trauma bond, but you know when you look at another girl and you make eye contact and you're like,

oh she's on the same page as me, like this is fucking crazy. And so it really was a trauma bond that I think makes people closest. Yeah, I mean reality TV is pretty traumatizing for all of the people who are subjected, for the people who are on it, and then for the people who view it.

It's trauma all the way around. It's a full circle moment. My favorite thing is when I meet people who watch whatever show we were on and they're like, you guys just make me feel so good about my life. Like, glad I got that service for you. Paige and I, we were reality TV fans. Again, I would watch Vanderpump Rules when I had a bad day

and I was like, okay, at least my best friend didn't punch me in the face for sleeping with Jacks. That was how I went to bed at night. Yeah, I want to circle back to the delusion part because you talk about it too, Hannah, in the chapter. They each speak on everything in both chapters. And they both, god, fuck, this core's light is really hitting me.

I was going to say, the book has made you dumber. I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I was gonna say. I was gonna say. She's like, you guys didn't form one full sentence in that book.

No, but talk, because I love this idea. And I think more people should subscribe to him. You know, regardless of what medium you work in, like it is really good just to be, have your dreams at the front and center of your mind and really believe in yourself and have blind faith in yourself.

Because if you don't believe in yourself, there's not gonna be anybody else who believes in yourself. And that works. It's like faking it until you're making it. But it really, that also works, I believe. We've always been obsessed with seeing how people make it. And I realized the first step is that person alone somewhere has to decide that they can do it.

If you don't at least decide you want to do it, you can never make it. And it's been fascinating to see the delusion is the fun part, but it's really just being brave. And it's just saying, if you want to do something, say it out loud and go for it because so many people will sit back and complain why something didn't happen to them and it's like but you didn't even try yeah and i think like i i think hannah is very much like that's the other

part of our book like we are best friends i wouldn't do half the things i do if i didn't have hannah like i would never go and do, like, a live tour. Like, I don't know how you guys do stand-up, like, by yourself on the stage. Like, that makes me so anxious. And so, like, when we do our, like, live shows, I would not be able to do it without her, like, knowing she's on the stage with me.

Yeah, you talk about having a panic attack before one of the shows, right? And when you guys go on stage, you're not, Paige, you're not doing stand-up, right? You guys are just doing your podcast or? No, it's like a, I mean, we're doing the same show at every show, but it's, it's ad lib of us in our podcast format, but it's like segments.

Like we know- We do a PowerPoint. Yeah. Because PowerPoints are hilarious. It's really- Oh my God. What a fucking nightmare to create a PowerPoint. That's like my worst nightmare, is to be in an office and have someone tell me that I have to start, that I have to create a PowerPoint. Chelsea, we have a Gen Z doing child labor who made the PowerPoint for us. We didn't make the PowerPoint.

But it's so funny to just press the next slide and there's like a funny photo. It's really good comedy, really high level. But no, with Paige, she's hysterical. And I think I saw that in her, but she jokes. She's like, I would never do stand up because I don't want to stand for an hour, which is just, that's why we're best friends. Because we're different in those ways.

When, what was I going to say? Every brain cell has been burnt. I'm fighting for my life here. But Chelsea, even like what you've done and with stand up, like there wasn't women in late night talk shows everywhere to see. Like you had to first consciously decide that can be me and you didn't, no one like forced you into it. It was you. And then even women doing stand-up like us taking up space is us having to be brave and not caring what people think. Yeah, absolutely. You kind of, you do. I

mean it's a hard, it's hard to navigate because people assume that oh if you are acting in a brave way you don't give a shit what anyone thinks. That's not true. Of course you care what people think. No, we're all human. We're all human beings. Yeah, we all get our feelings hurt. We feel like we're not good enough at certain points in our lives. I was telling Paige, Hannah, before,

while you were trying to figure out how to work a microphone, I was telling Paige how much I liked the pictures of her in the book as a young girl, because she looks like a young woman at like six years old. She looks like a little, like a woman. Like her features are already womanly, but she's a little- I was an AI baby. An AI baby.

I love AI. When they do, I follow this site called Tiny Gentle Asians. They have really cute little Asian babies. But sometimes they, because of that algorithm, because I look at that site, I get all these other little Asian babies sent to me. And then, but some of them are AI where they have long hair and makeup and they have like a briefcase and you're like, where are they going to, you know, like woman, like little women. I don't want babies, but I do want little

I love looking at babies. Oh God, I love them. I especially real big ones, you know, like when they're oversized, oversized, I just them. Especially real big ones. You know, like when they're oversized. Yeah. Yeah. Oversized. I just don't understand why anybody ever has a thin baby. The whole point is to have meat. You know what I mean? You have, you need the meat to grow. And you want to be snuggly. Like who wants to snuggle with a little skinny baby? Nobody. And if I have to carry it around, I want to get a workout in too. Yeah. Like I'm not just...

And also hide food in it, you know, in its little rolls or whatever. Use it for storage. I wanted to jiggle when it laughs, but Paige was a limited, she was a limited too model. Like she was the girl in the magazine. Your baby was a limited edition baby. No, I was like the Fabio of teen novels. When I was 12 to 14, I was on every teen novel cover. Never read one of them.

Oh, really? Really? Oh, interesting. So you were, oh, that's so funny. How many teen novels can they put you on? Oh my God, I was on like 15 of them. As different characters or is the same? That's really stupid. But like, you look the same in all of them. I'm glad you made money doing that.

Let's talk about decentering men because there's a lot of people listening that have issues or are thinking about ways in which we can handle men. And now we're living in a time where women, I think in general, are pretty sick of men. It's pretty much out, like the cat's out of the bag that you've really got to step it up to be respected. And there are great men out there that do step it up

and do like stand with women, but there's a lot of things that overshadow that. So I- So we're having a loser epidemic for sure. Yeah. What do you think that's about? I don't know. I saw there was like a study or something,

like the rate of how many more women are graduating college and own houses and how like it's society. She saw it on TikTok. She watched it on TikTok. Yeah, society hasn't caught up. Society hasn't caught up that like men need women more for marriage because like we don't need them anymore for financial support. And so I just think it's so funny that like the world hasn't, won't admit that.

But like we make their lives so much better. You know? Well, also it's just because we don't need because we don't need them for those things anymore. We don't need them to buy the house anymore. We don't need their financial input. So it kind of leaves men with like, okay, now you have to actually show us what other valuable things you can contribute because that's not a necessity. And they're like, wait, what?

Like, what else do I have? You have to be charming, you have to be kind, you have to be charismatic. You have to be actually all the good things that are more important than finances. Although you do have to have some money. You can't just fucking be broke. It's like, come on.

I mean, you have to have your shit together. 100%. We're a big proponent of like being single is so much better than being in a relationship that isn't the right fit. Where I think there was a time where it was like, just being in a relationship and being picked or chosen by a man meant you were successful.

And then we realized like, oh no, that could actually be so much worse for your mental health. And Paige and I are both guilty of being boy crazy. And I used to make so many decisions based on, well, is he gonna be there? Is he gonna like this? And I was so good at morphing into like the perfect girl

I thought a guy could be, like we should get Oscars with some of the performances I had in my 20s. And then once I realized if you get the guy and you're not being your authentic self, you become a shell. Yeah. Yeah, I once pretend to be into the Grateful Dead. I was dating this guy named Brett and he was a dead, he loved the dead.

And he was from Jersey. He was, and I, I just pretended that I was a dead head. Like I was like, Oh God, I fucking love them. I've been to like 40 shows. I've just made up cities that I had seen them in. So ridiculous. First of all, I was lying to him about my age too. I think I was 17 at the time because he was a 20, he was like 28. So I lied and said I was 21. And I hadn't even been to half of the

places that I pretended I had been. And then when we got there, I was like, oh my God, like I tried to listen to one of their albums before the concert. Like I was going to pick up all of, first of all, there's like no fucking lyrics to their song either. I was gonna pick up all of, first of all there's like no fucking lyrics to their song either. Just fucked up at these shows, you know? It's like, oh Scott. I was doing a lot of crowd work about like what's something you pretended to like for a man and the comments were so funny.

Like girls would yell anal, his parents, Harry Potter, it was everything. And look, I appreciate a man with a hobby. I do like them being busy. His parents, Harry Potter, it was everything. And look, I appreciate a man with a hobby. I do like them being busy. And I do like you learning from a man, but just making sure that you're not, he's attracted to you for who you are and for who he is. Yeah.

Right. And also finding out if we like them. Like, it's not an audition. You're auditioning for me. I am not auditioning for you. I had this friend who set me up recently with a guy and I wasn't into him and she's like, Oh God, I go, thanks for setting me up, but that's not gonna work. You know, there was a couple things that I just was, were boner killers immediately, which is almost

anything with me these days. And, and she was like, God, I find him so hot. I'm like, well, that's the problem. Then you fucking go out with him. What do you mean? You find him so hot, so you wanted to vicariously fuck him through me? What are you doing then? You stayed him. I do live vicariously through Paige though,

because now she's single and I'm like, what are we doing? And she's like, we're not doing anything. How's single life going, Paige? Honestly, I haven't really like, I haven't felt like I've gotten to enjoy it because I've been doing so much. And that's actually probably the best part about being single, being home by myself on a Saturday night.

I fucking love it. Like, there's, I've never gotten bored by myself. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I'm with you on being alone. When I'm in Whistler, I like to get into bed at around 730. Yeah, and like, being in my 30s and being alone, when I'm in Whistler, I like to get into bed at around 730. Yeah. And like being in my 30s and being single, it's so, I was really nervous. I was like, cause I mean, when I was 25, I was like, oh, I'll obviously be married by my early 30s.

And now that I'm 32 and I'm single, I'm like, I couldn't imagine. I would not, I don't think I would like it. I'm not ready. I it, I'm not ready. I already know I'm not ready. Yeah, well that's great that you know that. So talk about Decentering Men though. You guys never answered that question. Oh, stupid.

Oh yeah. Stay focused, okay? Fuck. I just wanna ask Chelsea questions about her life. No, Decentering Men is so, so important. We have a whole part of the book where it's like list all these things that don't involve a dude.

It's kind of like the Bechdel test where like being conscious that you're not making all your decisions based on if a guy likes you. And Paige, remember your therapist, what she said to you about like how you sometimes wait for men to choose you? Yeah, I had a therapist one time tell me

that like I've never picked my own boyfriend and it just kind of like hit me. I mean, she was exactly right. And I was like, I couldn't ever get over that. Yeah, I've never gotten over it. I'm like, oh my God, I haven't picked a single one of them. They've all picked me and I've just like gone along with it. And when I was first going on a reality show,

I was dating a guy and he said to me, if you go on this reality show, I'll never speak to you again. And in my head, I was like, easy, done. Like I'm going on this show. And that man truly did never speak to me again. But like, if I had made a decision based on my career because he didn't want me to, like I don't know where I would be.

So I feel like that too is like a part of decentering men. Like you can't make decisions based on what they're telling you or what they want because again, they're losers. And you know, we are that I feel like that last generation that had the Disney movies of like The Prince is going to save you. And I feel like it's important to have that relationship where you find the guy who on paper is everything you want. Like he's tall, he's charming, he's successful, but he's not right for you. And like to me that was signing a deal with the devil. Like I don't know if you guys have ever been

in that situation where you got the guy and then you realize like, oh no, I've done this all wrong. So to any girl listening thinking that a certain guy who you're making up in your head, because we get very creative when you're filling in the blanks, is gonna make you happy. It really isn't happiness is when you know yourself

and you're comfortable in your own skin and the guy who's with you just like amplifies it and elevates you. Honestly, if he's not bringing value to the relationship, we don't have time. Yeah, I think that it's interesting what we are willing to kind of like give away of ourselves as women for not just men for lots of things like you're willing even when you meet a new

friend sometimes you'll pretend you're interested in things. I have a friend who is different depending on who she's hanging out with. I mean she's not a close friend obviously because I fucking hate that shit. Oh you hate children? I hate children. Like you know somebody who changes their temperature based on who they're speaking to. And I think women could do that a lot

because we just always are trying to please people. But it is very empowering to finally step back as a woman at whatever age you are and realize, oh, actually I'm the one, like I have to choose. I'm choosing to be your friend. I'm choosing to be going on a date with you and being the one that is behind those choices. Yeah, people around you,

I'm just saying therapy speak now, but Paige and I have been deep in therapy. Do you guys go to therapy together? Because you should. We haven't, but I heard a lot of podcast duos do. Paige and I weirdly don't fight about anything. Like a case. That's nice. That's not weird at all, by the way. That's nice. We fought about one thing and I haven't really fight about anything. Like a cape. That's nice. That's not weird at all, by the way.

That's nice. We fought about one thing and I haven't really let it go. We had a husband. We hosted the- Yeah, that was fucked up that day. We hosted the Vanity Fair Oscar red carpet and I had a dress on that had a slit on my right side.

And so like- Which you should have thought about. And and so like I really needed to stand on a certain side but it's Hannah's bad side oh yeah Paige doesn't have a bad side and she wouldn't let me stand on that side and I just stared her the entire time oh yeah which is your good side Hannah my left side is my good side. The other side is like monster report. Monsters Inc. Yeah. Yes. I, yeah, it's, yeah.

Yeah, Paige, you don't seem like you have a bad side. So that's why I was like, I don't care that you have a slit in your little princess dress, bitch. Right. Get to the, your side because I don't want to get fired from this gig. She looked at me like she was my child and like I was sending her off to summer camp for seven months. She looked at me and she was like, I'll literally die if you make me stand on this side. We're very low priority friends.

You know those friends where they're always looking for a problem? You can't make dinner and they're like, you always do, they make things into bigger things. We're low maintenance friends. We're very low maintenance friends, yeah. Yeah, it's really hard to have high maintenance friends in this climate.

In this political climate? In this political climate, it's hard to stay in touch with anybody. It really is. We're fighting for our fucking lives right now. Save yourself. You girls talk a lot, we are, we are fighting for our lives. You girls talk a lot about, we're about to just be disenfranchised from voting completely.

So especially married people. So there you go, Hannah. Again, another wing, the winner, winner, winner. You guys talk a lot about being nervous, like, and you do so much. I mean, your social anxiety, you talk a lot about, and you talk about talking about that a lot, but you're both public, doing public facing things. So when you have that, how does that a lot. But you're both public doing public facing things. So when you have that, how does that work? How do you manage your social anxiety? If you are a propanolol.

Yeah. Yeah. I gave them, I gave them to my friend the other morning when she woke up, she had done mushrooms the night before and she was all anxious the next day. And you know, sometimes the mushrooms hit weird. Are you guys don't do enough drugs? I feel like your generation doesn't do enough drugs.

So I don't. I've talked. No, we're millennials. We've done drugs, but Gen Z, they don't. Yeah, that's the generation. They don't do drugs. Even their teen pregnancy rate is even down. Yeah, they're not even fucking in their parents' basement.

They're not even sneaking out. They're not even getting fingered on the side of their leg. They're using therapy speak. Yeah. How do even getting fingered on the side of their leg. They're using therapy speak. Yeah, how do you get fingered on the side of your leg? When you're like, you know, when you're like 14 and he has no idea what he's doing and you're like, that feels so good. And then you tell your friends, you're like,

we're like, we had the best time. That was my thigh. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Hannah and Paige. If you're single, if you have issues with someone that you just met, if you have issues with someone that you've been dating for a while, please write in at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. And we're back with Hannah and Paige from the Giggly Squad. We're talking about their new book, How to Giggle. Catherine, we're gonna take some callers

and I'm sure you guys can give your sagacious advice. All right, well, our first question is just an email. She's not joining us, but it comes from Carrie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to ask an etiquette question regarding my nephew's wedding. The wedding invitations arrived and my grown daughter, 27 years old, was invited. However, her partner, with whom she shares a home

and a child, was not included. The two-year-old was not on the invitation either, which I understand it'll be an adults-only event, but I'm confused why her partner is not included as they've been together for five years. I can only assume it's because they're not married. Should I say something or just let it be? I do not think my daughter will attend without her person.

Thank you, Carrie. That's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you just so? I thought the rule was over 18 you get a plus one. Well not everybody invites you with a plus one because but if you know somebody has a partner they should be invited yeah and they have a fucking baby together that is weird. I would say something I would say something but I say something about everything so yeah what do you girls think? I would say something. It's worth it. We throw it out there. Was this the mom, by the way?

This is the mom. Yes, the daughter. This is the mom. Get your mom to call her. Get your mom to deal with that. Exactly, for sure. But also lose the baby. Don't include the baby in that invitation.

Nobody wants them there. Yeah, fuck that baby. I do think moms sometimes want to make it more drama than it actually is. It might actually have just been an oversight. Maybe someone was helping with the invitations and left off, you know? So I mean, act like, oh, maybe this was just an oversight.

Like they forgot to put a name on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But definitely bring it up. Yeah, all the wedding stuff, weddings have become like, I hate to use this word, but chuggy. Like it almost feels like weddings have become like Handmaid's Tale-y to me. I don't know.

As someone who had a wedding. They have a certain like eeriness to them. The dad walking you down the aisle and then you're wearing white. It's all, yeah. He's like, you're like ow. Very outdated in my opinion, weddings. It's like, let's update this.

Exactly, exactly. I felt awkward during mine, but it was fun. Okay. You keep telling yourself that Hannah. I'm going to be divorced by the end of this. Can you just black out? It was like the night I decided to try whiskey sours for the first time and I was like, I fucking love these.

Oh my God. I did that at my sister's wedding. I was like 16 years old. I went up to the bartender, we were on Martha's Vineyard and I was like, what is a drink that is gonna fucking get me fucked up? I was 16 in my Laura Ashley bridesmaids dress and he's like Long Island iced tea.

I had seven. My father carried me up to my sister's honeymoon suite and put me in bed at like 730 at night and said, don't come down to the wedding again. That was me and that was when I fell in love with alcohol. I was like, I could use this to avoid weddings. That for sure. And you get carried. That's amazing. I want to get carried everywhere. We actually at my wedding, we planned for Paige to catch the bouquet.

So we like fully cheated, like fully like quarterback. Like I called the shots, but it's now really just because I didn't want anyone else to catch it not because I wanted to get married next I was just like no one's catching my best friend's bouquet right now this video is going viral of the bouquet being thrown and all these girls running away from it like that's the theme now like I don't want to get married next that's's cute. I like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Who, yeah, trying not to get hit with the bouquet is the new game. There you go. And you just try to peg your friends like dodge ball. Yes, exactly. Like tag your it. That's actually, that's an ominous warning. Yes.

Well, our next caller is Nora and she had a toxic ex reach back out to her. So she says, Dear Chelsea, I had one of the most heartbreaking breakups last summer, a couple days before my birthday. It all started with me going out sailing with my boyfriend, having a great time about to say I love you to him for the first time when he stopped me mid sentence and said, don't say it. And then long story short, she got wasted and got him banned from his yacht club.

He then proceeded to ghost me for two days and blow off the dinner I had planned with him and a friend. After my friend left, he broke up with me via text. We continued to talk here and there the following month. He'd say how he missed our sushi nights together. Then one morning, he texted me saying we needed to cut ties because I drunk texted him the night before.

Not more than 10 minutes later, he posted a picture on Instagram of his new girlfriend saying how he knew right away he found someone special. It felt like a slap in the face because he claimed he didn't want me to post us together because I haven't met his 11-year-old daughter yet. This was a lie since he posted the new girlfriend a week after meeting and also met his daughter the first week. Meanwhile, we dated for over six months, and he never introduced me to her.

I never felt so hurt or disrespected. I was planning to let the air out of his tires, but saw his new girlfriend's car in the driveway and not his. I got mad and pushed over all his lawn furniture and went home. I also signed him up for every cult and weird religion out there when I was high with my friend one night. We blocked each other since, but recently he's reached out via Instagram to ask how I was doing and say that he was sorry for the friend one night. We blocked each other since, but recently he's reached out via Instagram

to ask how I was doing, and say that he was sorry for the way things ended. I told him I'm not ready to be friends or talk to him. I ended up blocking him because I didn't trust myself. However, hearing from him has brought back all the feelings I felt for him before the breakup, as well as sadness and anger I felt after the breakup. I feel like sometimes I like the drama,

and secretly I would love if he wanted to get back with me even though I know deep down I shouldn't. Any advice on how to move forward and not let this affect my dating life? Nora. I love your voice. I could listen to you read stories. I feel like all day. Oh thanks Paige. Hi Nora. How are you? Hi. How are you? Oh she's here. Oh my god. Surprise. Hi, how are you? Oh, she's here! That's mine! Oh my God! Surprise!

Yes, this is Nora, tipsy doodles. My God, hello, Nora, say hello to Paige and Hannah. I love you guys, I listen to Giggly Squad literally every week, and my friends are gonna freak out. I'm so glad you guys are the guests because I'm literally obsessed with you guys. Thank you so much. I thought you were a producer.

I was like, oh, she's coming for us. Yeah, we thought you were gonna fire us. We thought you were on the Zoom to fire us. And Chelsea was just surprising us. She's an interventionist. We're intervening. But this is about your marriage, Hannah. She's actually, this isn't a podcast.

Paige, tell her what we're doing. Yeah. Nora's like, I'm, does a secret family. You need to fucking wake up, Nora, first of all, okay? Let's yell at her. You do not, you cannot be attracted to men who treat you badly. This is a condition, and if you don't learn it now,

you're gonna continue to learn this over and over and over again. You, he is not worthy of you. No man who treats you that way is worthy of you. And regardless of what happened, and like posting on Instagram, and like posting on Instagram, all of that is garbage. It's all nonsense. You know, he's completely full of shit, completely full of shit and just did that to like actively torture you.

Like posting at 10 minutes after you spoke is somebody who's actively trying to hurt your feelings. And you're saying that you like that. The girl who's dating was like, okay, we need to, you need to post something because like we need like she was feeling insecure that I was still talking to him. But I'm like, all you need to do is just text me and say, Hey, I'm seeing someone and like we can't talk anymore. Instead of just post on Instagram, which he knew is what I wanted for the six months.

This is all like I want to take everything he said to you, everything he said to you, all of your communication, put it in a big plastic garbage bag over your head and throw it out the fucking window, because none of the details matter. Nothing you said to him and he said to you, you're like, you're focusing on the minutia of it and this like, what did you say and what did he say? It doesn't matter. He's a piece of garbage. He doesn't respect you and he's not careful about your feelings. So that's all that you've got all that information. And that's all you need to know to stay away

from men like that. Because otherwise you keep repeating this nonsense. You know what I mean? And as a woman, I can tell you it's true. You repeat these cycles until you break them. So don't you want to break the cycle and only date men that are going to treat you with respect? Yes, and I have had long-term relationships where I've had boyfriends that treated me with respect. And I mean, sometimes it's just not the right place or sometimes they're a little bit boring.

I guess I do like the drama a little bit, but. We understand playing games. Paige and I love games, and we love getting obsessed with the guy who never lets you fully have him, but as someone who's very competitive, the way you really win is not getting him. The way you win is him never having access to you ever again and going and crushing it.

That's, you want him to look at his phone and be like, I f**ked up with her and she's so happy without me. That's the win. Hannah, like if I, I also love a little bit of toxic. Like I get the fun of like back and forth and back and forth and I get like that can be exciting until it gets to a point where it's just too much. And I used to do this thing where I would like block them

and be like, okay, they'll never see me again. And then Hannah was like, why would you block them? Let them see how much better you are than them. And then I started posting for revenge. And then I would want to accomplish things in my career truly out of revenge. And then I would do it and I'd be like, oh, I actually started this

because I wanted to get back at some guy, but now I really am gonna go on Jimmy Fallon. You know, like the shit like that? And now he has no access to you. He can't even be in the same room as you. Like that's winning. Him choosing you and then fucking it up later is just a waste of your time.

Yeah, and I went to Japan and he was supposed to come and he got to steal the photos he missed out on. I went for two weeks. I went on a solo trip to Puerto Rico and that's when he saw it and was like, oh fuck, she's having an amazing time. I miss her, and I'm like, yeah, I know. You can't meet a new guy unless you also close it with him.

I'm about that with careers too. You have to really close the door for other doors to open, and I think you should torture him by never talking to him again. But just posting like my travel. Yeah. Yeah. But just also as like an ethos to yourself, you have to like make a promise to yourself

that you're not going to be that's beneath your set of standards. Like you want your standards here and people need to meet them, especially if you're going to be dating them. And that's just the way it has to be. Yeah, don't engage. And it did take six months to really work on myself and not date anyone. And I got a new therapist and everything.

So I feel like I really learned how to be on my own without dating, because I was always dating someone or having questioned someone because it's fun. But I was like, well, I need to learn to just be OK okay with my career, my friends and like by myself. And that's the hardest part. It's always a learning process. Yeah, but then you're gonna realize like, oh, that actually brings you so much more and long-term

like your career and your friendships are gonna be there for you. So throughout all these guys, however many men you end up dating in your life, and there will be multiple people, hopefully. You're not, you know, like that's a nice thing to have variety and have different experiences. But yeah, I would say put all your energy into your work

and into your friendships and into your family. And that's where you're gonna get the light back, not from someone. And I feel like as much fun as it is to like have that toxic relationship sometimes It's so much more fun when someone's obsessed with you Like I really do believe that the guy has to like the girl more and I love that, you know, I love when they're Also, there's nothing hotter than a guy who's like playing games with you and you don't actually know what he's like

Like you're making up in your head how great this guy is. That girl's bored with him. Yeah. Like anytime I see an ex with a new girlfriend, I'm like, oh, I feel so bad for her. She's like a week away from realizing this guy fucking sucks. Well, he broke up with her after two months because he's like, oh yeah, I was wrong. Leave him out to dry.

Leave him to dry. Sorry, I'm yelling, Chelsea. No, it's okay, I prefer it. It's funny because she dry. Sorry I'm yelling Chelsea. No it's funny because she's like I'm like what happened to the girl? And the singer's like oh no like it didn't work out I was wrong. She's actually like. Stop talking to him. Just stop talking to him. How tall is he? I need to know. I literally need to know. Six, five, three, nine, five. That's the only reason you're giving this a chance. If he was five, six, would you even be responding? No. No.

And he's been in bed too, which is also, you know, I know it's not something. Let's fast forward to if it actually did work out and you're in the kitchen with him one day and he's annoying you and you hate how he breathes and you remember how he didn't even choose you the first time around, you'll hit him with a kitchen knife, you know?

Like this is not good. Yeah. What's up with the pen in your hand? Are you journaling? Yeah, what are you doing? I'm taking notes. Just taking air notes. You always tell people to write stuff down,

Chell, because you're doing that. I was getting, I was going to take notes, but it turned into hearts and doodles. What were you going to take notes on? She doesn't know what she's talking about. Honestly, it's so ridiculous. It makes me look official. Nora, thanks for calling in.

You need to get your shit together, okay? No more of this bullshit, okay? Okay, just my love life. Everything else is good. Everything else is good, but don't obsess over this guy. I know it's easier said than done, but you just hurt us. That's a waste of your time. You're better than that. Okay, bye. Okay. Okay.

Bye. Bye. Bye. We love you. Bye. Love you too. Wait, Chelsea, look at my sweat. No, that's insane.

This is how worked up I am. This is what men do to me. I got pissed at the last call. Hannah looks like both of her underarms water just broke. She's sweating. Like she both of her underarms water just broke. She's sweating, like she has diarrhea from under her arms, oh my God. Okay, it's actually a disease, Chelsea,

so you should be more sensitive. Hyperhidrosis? A disease called hypo something. Anyway, who's next? Okay, our next caller is Joelle. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 37 year old single woman looking for some advice on how to embrace and fully enjoy my single life. For most of my life, I yearned to be in a relationship, but thanks to therapy and your

insightful podcast, I've come to realize that being single can bring me immense joy. Recently, I've found happiness in simply enjoying life, pursuing hobbies, traveling solo, making the most out of every moment. I have a successful career, own my home, and am surrounded by an amazing group of friends. My life feels absolutely perfect. So what's the problem? Well, I genuinely love my independence. I often find myself wanting to share the experiences with someone.

Whether it's going on trips, going out dancing, or having nice dinners, I've noticed that most of my friends are in relationships, married, or have children. This has made organizing activities a bit tricky. They either have family commitments or financial responsibilities that make it difficult to join in, and while I'm not mad or jealous, I do miss having more spontaneous social opportunities. As I grow older, I find that fewer friends are available for a casual Friday night out. I also want to mention that I don't want children, and while I'd be happy to get married, I've stopped trying to date because it just became too hard. So I'm focusing on living my life to the fullest as a single woman. So I'm reaching out for advice. Should I accept that as the only single gal in my

circle I might have to do most activities alone from now on or should I make an effort to find new friends who are more in the same lane as I am right now at Joelle? Hi Joelle. Hi. Hi, this is Paige and Hannah, our special guests today. Hi Joelle. Hi guys, this is so great. You guys are perfect to give me advice. Yeah, seriously.

I feel like we need to start a forum. I mean, there must be some forums out there for people who don't have children who need to band together, right? There should be some sort of where you can meet people in your community who also have these same ideas about life. Because you do, first of all, you have to branch out, you have to make some new friends, not replace your friends. Of course, you know, they can be your friends and you want to maintain friendships with all the people that, you know, are important to you. But yeah, there's plenty of people out there that are doing exactly what you're doing that don't doing that aren't into that lifestyle.

But how do you go about, where do you live? I'm in Toronto. Oh, okay. Well, that's a great, well, that's a big city. So that's gonna be, that's not that, I think you just have to like get outside of your comfort zone and like do some things that you wouldn't normally do

just to start taking exercise classes, like going to some sort of art event or going to like any any sort of like group hiking activity like doing things where you're just going to meet people you know what i mean that you wouldn't normally meet in whatever you're doing thus far like what's your social situation like like where do you what do you like to do no i do i like i obviously like exercising and i i love like going to concert and things. I guess like it's just that like I'm 38. So it's just at the point of like, okay, I guess my friends have kids and they're like

in the younger age. So I know that like, oh, you also get easier for them to like want to hang out. But this is like the age where like they need a babysitter and stuff. So I'm just like, okay, do I wait it out? Or do I just like exactly like you said, like like try to find new friends, which like I hate meeting people, but so I guess I need to get a friendship and try and meet people and just get new friends to kind of do the activities I want to do. I think you wait for your friends to get divorced. They will soon.

Give it a couple of years. Break them up. You start a fight. You sleep with one of their husbands. Yeah. Get her back. That's a nice idea. That's a great idea you guys.

Great idea. Have you done that yet? Have you thought about doing that, Joelle? I haven't. You know what? I'll think about it. I'll think about it. No, I do think making friends as an adult, Joelle, is so hard and weird. But what Chelsea's saying is I feel like there's so many people just like you.

Like there needs to be an app or something made. And Paige literally sent me a meme today talking about how these later in life friends you make could be so special, because they're like meeting you when you're fully evolved. And what it sounds like, I'm hearing two things. One, that you love being single and you love being alone, but you also yearn for a little bit of friendship

or possible relationships. So you gotta get out of the nest a little. That's the first step, even though it is uncomfortable, but I think the rewards will be big. Yeah. Are you on like dating apps or how are you meeting people? I am not on dating apps. They're just the word.

I know, I know, but it's, yeah, I know, I know. But we're talking about friends and she, you know, she's saying that she's not, the dating thing isn't the priority for her, I think. Right, Joelle? It's friends. No, exactly. If I meet someone, that's great, but right now I'm good being single.

I just want to end my life and just not have any boy drama for now. Yeah, I respect that, and that's fine. You can take a cooking class. You can kind of just bounce around to do different things that may seem corny or whatever that you wouldn't normally do, or even if it feels like it's a couple's thing, like you go like sign up for some hiking class or some like short, you know, five mile, like running group.

Chelsea wants you to hike so bad. I don't know why I keep saying hiking. Whenever I think of that things, group activities, I think of hikers. Wait, actually one of my friends randomly joined, like took a ballet class. Hikers Anonymous. Like, just like wanted to take ballet

and just like see what it was like. And she was obsessed with it. And she met like this whole group of girls that like can't do ballet. And now they hang out like outside of ballet instead. There's something about getting older where you get connected to your inner child again, where you're like, wait, what did I love to do? Or what do I want to do and Paige and I are starting this new thing called hobbies

We never did it before It's very difficult But trying like like what Chelsea was saying random things that you think you might like it's so easy to make friends while you're like Doing pottery you're like I like your pot and she's like I like your pot and you have a commonality instead of any smoke pot They smoke pot. Then you smoke pot. But you don't have to like creepily go up to someone like at a bar and be like, do you want to be my friend? Yeah.

Right, right. But also just like expand your surround, you know, like broaden your horizons. Like do just get out and do some things that you haven't done in a while. And with the vibe that you're down and ready to make some new friends and you're going to attract people just by having that kind of energy. Very positive, upbeat, optimistic, just like looking for new connections. I've made tons of friends. I just turned 50 and when I was 40, I made a whole new group of friends when I moved

to Whistler, when I bought a place in Whistler. I have like 10 super close girlfriends that live here now, in addition to my regular rotary. So you're never going to stop making friends. And while it might be like an awkward attempt in the beginning, it's a good practice to keep going. Then you start traveling with people, you meet people when you're away. There's no shortage of opportunities to meet other people. It's really in the vibe that you're putting out. That's true. And actually like second part to that, and I feel like you guys probably like, I don't know if you have that issue, but like on the money aspect,

when you're making those friends, like sometimes that is hard to be like, Hey, like I kind of like nice things and want to go to nice dinners. But then other people are kind of like, Oh, I don't have the disposable income. Like, can you guys have like this issue of just like, Hey, like you're obviously in a like bracket where you can like, just afford anything that you want. But then do you have friends that are like not in the same bracket? And like, how do you manage that? Well, it's good to be a question. It is a great question. It's I mean, you know, in my situation, I just pay for everyone all the time. But I know that's not reasonable. Because I don't want to fucking hear about

splitting checks. I don't ever want to hear about that. It's like, just I would pay extra money to not hear that conversation. But I understand that's not a reality for everyone. I would just be sensitive to other people's financial situations and be like, yes, you don't have to cut someone off because they can't afford to go to Nobu with you, but you can just be mindful and go somewhere with them. That is a little bit less expensive and save Nobu for your friends who are in the same kind of income bracket.

And there's also nothing wrong with you going to No no boo by yourself, you know what I mean? And having a nice, I've done that plenty of times and I love that. So just really be mindful, I would say, of the energy that you're putting out to attract. Like there's a magnetism that we all have when we're in like a happy, good, curious place. And that's where you wanna be when you're meeting people.

And you know, you could take a dance class you could do any of that any of those things you could go play pickleball people love pickleball I know I know I feel that way about pickleball too Hannah likes pickleball I know she's a proper tennis player yeah so are you Chels but I do like having specific friends for things. Like, you love sushi, you have your girl you always hit up when you want to go to sushi, or you have your like girl who likes to do yoga with you or something. So that's okay too, I think, to have those people that you pick for different events. Right.

Well, we're just focusing on getting her some new friends, okay? So not right now, she doesn't have 50 to choose from. We want to make her go out and get these friends. And then yes. And then you can pick ones for specific activities. Chelsea, how do you approach people if you want to be their friend? What do you do? If I want to be someone's friend? Yeah, I'm full. I'm full right now. I don't have room. Do you, I'll give you some of my friends, Joelle. Do you want that?

Yeah, I love it. Just the rich ones, though. Joelle is like, I want some sugar daddies. Sugar mamas. Sugar mamas. Sometimes when I meet someone and I don't have time for them, like the bandwidth, I give them to my sister.

I'm like, I have a new friend that wants a lot from me. Do you want her? That's so funny. My sister's like, I like a new friend that wants a lot from me. Do you want her? So funny. I hate it. My sister's like, I like her, I'll take her. Once I did invite a bunch of people to a dinner, including Paige, and then I didn't show up, so Paige had to hang out with them. Oh, I love that.

I love that. That was the craziest move I've ever seen her pull. I got a cough. Had it all arranged. And Joelle, in the meantime, with your existing friends that you have, be flexible about spending time with them when they can so that you're not missing them too. And I understand when people have little children,

it's really difficult to make those kinds of arrangements. And it is kind of taxing. But don't count them out. You can go and hang out over there. I know you don't want to hang out with the kids all the time. But just be a little bit bendable so that it works both ways. Yeah, no, for sure.

That's definitely something I can do. Yeah. Okay. So what are you going to do now? What's your plan? Well, I guess I'm going to go find new friends. I want to do ballet, but I do, I do started playing tennis. So I think that's great.

That's so fun. A doubles league, you meet so many people. Right. You could join a tennis club. That's such a fun backdrop. It's like White Lotus. Yeah. Okay. Well, hopefully we get killed, but yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, it's just like, I guess it's just getting out of my comfort zone and like, it was like, maybe like, oh, do I wait it out a couple years and, you know, see when my friends get available. But yeah, no, as you mentioned, and I also read your book and I love that part in Whistler

when you made all the new friends, like your skiing friends. So I was like, yeah, maybe I'm just in the part of my life where I can find like new single friends that wanna do like no- Yeah, I'm always making friends. Like seriously, I mean, I know I joke about not wanting anymore, but I'm always making new friends. And like, as you age,

I think you get better at making friends. And you also are more discerning about who you choose to be friends with. Very true. Very true. You're a better picker. Yeah. So pick wisely, Joelle.

You're going to have lots of people wanting to be friends with you. Amazing. And you have four new friends today. Where are your friends? Perfect. Great. You're all in my, hopefully in my pack bracket. We'll see you in Toronto.

I like choosing friends with financial. You have to choose friends based on their financial situation. And me your tax return and I'll see if I can make you a friend. A tax return and a therapy bill. Yes, both. Thanks so much Joelle. Thanks for calling in. Have a great day.

Thanks Joelle. Bye. Chelsea, I love how you hold people accountable for calling in. Have a great day. Bye. Chelsea, I love how you hold people accountable. You're like, so what are we doing when you leave this call? Yeah, I just feel like women need to know that, you know, you do make friends as you go through life. Like there, it's not like you just, you make friends and then that part of your life is over. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to be willing to like, you know, do stuff that you don't want to do. Like I went mountain biking the other day. I mean, I didn't want to do that. No. I don't know what the point of me saying that is, but I just like all my friends here,

the snow is not that great. And they're like, let's, I'm, so I had my boat bike. I flew my bike up and then they were like, okay, we're going to take you mountain biking now because this is what we do when the snow is gone. And I'm like, okay. And then I went mountain biking. I'm like, I don't really think this is for me. It's so much dirt. But you're so adventurous.

I know, but I'll do it again because whatever. It's like my friends like to do that. So I'll do it with them. You know, like you wanna be like malleable. You're not like rigid. I will only do this. I only like to do this. I hate when people are like that.

It's not fun. Well, some people have like friend groups since they were like in elementary school, which I was always jealous of, but then I realized- I was just going to say that. Yeah. No, I have a friend, I have a friend who, she and her nine friends have been friends their entire lives. They're like, they're all 44 and they've been together and it's so beautiful and nice,

but they all have other groups of friends too. You have to, you have to. Yeah, I went to three different high schools, so I've always like- Well, we know why that happened. We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Hannah and Paige. And we're back with Hannah and Paige.

Paige DeSorbo and Hannah Berner wrote a new book. They wrote it together. They actually wrote the book together, which is called How to Giggle. And they're from the Giggly Squad, which is your podcast that everybody loves. And everybody loves to giggle. And Chelsea, we were very inspired by your books.

Yeah. Well, I didn't see that when you shouted out to all of the icons in the book. I didn't see my name there, so that's funny that you say that. Although you're on the back cover. That's funny you say that. I saw Barbara Corcoran on there,. I didn't see my name there, so that's funny. You're on the back cover. That's funny you say that. I saw Barbara Corcoran on there. But I didn't see Chelsea Hannah.

Hannah's obsessed with Barbara Corcoran. It's kind of easy. I haven't heard her name referenced outside of that show ever. I'm like, Barbara Corcoran? I'm like, who is she talking about? Is this a politician? You leave Barbara Corcoran alone, Chelsea.

Wait, you have to have her on the pod. Oh, I have to find out who she is first. Is she the blonde woman from Shark Tank? Yeah. With the short hair. She's a pimp. You would like her. But no, Chelsea, we got you to give a quote on the back.

That was the only quote I wanted, was Chelsea on the book. Well, I don't have that because I got the book electronically, Hannah, so fuck off, okay? So there is no quote from me anywhere to be found. Do you know what your quote is? Do you know what it is? What does it say? It says, I met them once, Chelsea Handler.

That was before I even met Paige. Yeah, it's one of them. It should be I met one of them once. I met one of them once. I met half of them once and I forgot. I forgot what it was. Okay, well, Catherine, what else do we have? Do we want to close up with something?

I do have one little quickie if you're okay on time, gals. We'll hit it hard. We'll hit it quickly. Okay, cool. So this comes from M. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. He's extremely attentive to my emotions, patient, passionate about his interests, driven, and successful.

Problem is, he's a slob. Not only are the surfaces in his house always sticky, full of crumbs, and cluttered, but he often forgets to shower after the gym and never puts the toilet seat down after peeing. In the beginning of our relationship, I didn't say anything. But after the first three months,

I spoke up about how I'd appreciate him cleaning up after himself some more when he's at my house, but it's fallen on deaf ears. I have to keep reminding him. It's frustrating to sometimes feel like I'm being a mom to him, but I can't not speak up when he's leaving the toilet seat up and leaving crumbs and messes everywhere he goes. At least once a week, I wince when he tries to kiss me because of his stench. It's very unattractive. I love him a lot He's emotionally mature in ways

I've never seen in a man But will his messiness and general lack of awareness about things that aren't emotional in nature break us up? It's never gonna work. Should it? It's my most frustrated. It's over. He's untrained. Find a man who's pre-trained. I'm not training him. I'm not even trained. Find a man who's pre-trained. I'm not training him. This is so gross.

I once dated a guy who had a funky smell that came from his gut, I'm assuming. And he didn't smell in the daytime or at night, but in the mornings, I was like, I can't deal with the smell. Like it was strong. It was like this, his bio-mome. His pherom whatever. Whatever it was, it doesn't go away. Smells don't go away when someone doesn't, he's like a, it's like a feral cat, this guy. Also, I feel like, not that I'm married or like wouldn't know what it's like

living with someone or whatever, but I feel like it is those like little day-to-day things that like keep you together. So like, yeah, he can be emotionally intelligent, but like he stinks. Yeah. I don't care if he's ambitious. He's a literal skunk that's running wild in your apartment. Yeah. Unless you're planning on removing your nose, like you have to move on and find a different partner. I also have a theory that you will fall in love with your partner's natural scent and like you two have like a similar smell. I don't know. I made that up, but I feel like it's a thing.

No, I think when you, when it is, when there is good chemistry, then the smell is good. What you smell is, smells good to you when there is natural, but clearly that's not working because he's, yeah. Like you get less UTIs and stuff with the right guy. Oh God, how gross. I have a raging UTI right now. Yeah. That's kind of a thing where like sometimes

your like smells don't work together and like you guys know or whatever. I will also say some of this smacks a little bit of undiagnosed ADHD. So like get him tested and get him on something and see if that changes. That might be your last ditch effort. Oh yeah. Medicate him.

Yeah, medicate him. And then maybe he'll start wiping his ass. I mean maybe, who knows. And also like he doesn't get to kiss you if he hasn't showered. If he's stinky and he wants to kiss you, you can be like go take a shower you stink. Yeah. I mean he could hire a cleaning lady, but the not showering thing, that's like, I don't know if you're changing that in a person.

Whenever we do advice, I always envision it's the same people. So like, this is the guy who started dating a new girl, and this new girl is calling in about how he smells. That's a great idea. That's a great idea for a podcast, actually, Hannah. Okay, well, that was an upsetting way to end this episode. That was not what we wanted to go out with, but that's okay.

I think it's apropos for our guests today. Paige, I don't mean to be so cutting towards you. This is only directed towards Hannah, okay? Only me. I don't know you well enough to treat you this way. So I just want you to know that that is all Hannah. No it is such a privilege to get harassed by Chelsea Handler. That's all I want to do all day long.

Put your arms up for a sec. Will you please? Both arms. Both arms. There we go. Okay and we're wrapped for today. Have a great day, girls. Everybody, you can go get How to Giggle at your local bookstore, local bookseller. Go buy your books in bookstores, people. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Drum roll, Catherine, please. Chelsea Handler Abroad Abroad is my European tour.

So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the health out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin, I'm coming to the UK, I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna.

I've never ever been to Vienna. Berlin, Barcelona, and Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad. That sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see you abroad. I know, I wanna go see me abroad. And there I'll be.

There I'll be. Excellent. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com.