Dear Chelsea - If You’re Asking The Question, You Have The Answer

Episode Date: June 24, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon chat about Cabo, Chelsea’s mega-high after 30 days without weed, and what happens when you send videos of yourself dancing to the wrong person. Then they take some questions: Fidelity in a long-term relationship is in doubt due to one partner’s new moves in bed. A single woman learns to depend less on other people’s opinions. And a drummer’s girlfriend wonders if she missed out by staying child-free.The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

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The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists

like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just reading an article about myself, Brandon. So you're just going to have to start this podcast without me because I'm interested in what I have to say

here. You're busy. Well, I guess we'll have to wait for your update on Cabo then. Oh, never mind. Let me get into that. Okay, let's not be silly. Cabo. Can I just say that I don't think of myself as a beach vacation goer in the way that I like to do it when I was in my 20s and didn't realize that skin cancer was just around the corner. So I think taking a beach vacation, it sounded so nice when someone brought up Cabo and I don't love going to Cabo, I'll be honest. I mean, I love Mexican food and I love Mexican people and I love mango margaritas frozen. So I would say that that is the main impetus for me when I go to Mexico. I like the vision or the visual of seeing a mango margarita that is frozen, that's headed towards me and that I know is coming in my way. And especially when they choose the appropriate glassware to put a frozen margarita in. It has to be the thick glass.

Well, no, not necessarily. It's the glass shape that I'm talking about, but it doesn't have to be thick. It has to be, I actually prefer it thin, but I like a large volume of it, right? Because then it becomes an issue. You have to drink it before it gets slushy. See, and I like the thick glass because I feel like it retains the cold better. I don't know if that's true. I think that it's not. I'll do some research on that. Yeah, it's going to end up like the research I did on rice.

Well, I haven't done research on rice yet, but I have done research on ice, which is that if you put a lot of ice in a drink, it maintains the integrity of the coldness of the drink. A lot of people think that if you put a lot of ice in a drink, it dilutes the drink. If you're in the fucking Bahamas, yes. But if you're in a place that can hold ice, the more ice, the colder your drink will remain if you put two to three ice cubes in a vodka soda in europe i don't like that that's when it's going to get diluted yes but back to my trip to cabo i stayed at a resort that i hadn't stayed at before which was recommended by my travel agent she said that i would like it we went for three nights and days, which is basically all I can take for a beach vacation. But I was so looking forward to just sitting on this chaise at a pool near a body of water. But I also had just gotten fraxel done to my face around my eyes. So I looked like Batman when I left. And I had to protect myself from the sun, which was an exhausting part of being there.

But a good practice. Yeah. But no, no, not a good practice because I'll never wear a hat like that again. But I had to wear a safari hat that kind of like covered the back of my neck and then the sides of my faces. So I was basically talking out of a hole. It was hot to be wearing a contraption like that. Jamie, my makeup artist, who started a company called Bly Lighter, which is the only product I use on my cheeks for blush. Look it up. Bly Lighter by Jamie Greenberg. She was trying to teach me how to dance in Cabo and I can't a dance. And then when we got home, I was dancing for her in my kitchen.

I made a Marco Polo of me dancing in the kitchen the way she taught me. And I sent it to someone else. Her name is Jamie Greenberg. And I sent it to my friends, Jackie Greenberg. So I got a really funny Marco Polo. What did she think of your moves? Not a lot. She was like, they were just laughing, laughing hysterically. And then I found out that I sent it to the wrong person.

And then I just realized I do shit like that all the time. But yeah, so I came back from Cabo. We basically had mango margaritas. It was Jamie, Molly, my cousin, who for any of you have read my books, Molly's always in my books. And we had, it was just so delightful and it was so nice.

And it was, we got, yeah. And that was really your first trip post pandemic yeah my first vacation I would say well I went to San Francisco to see my sissy but yeah it would be my first trip like that oh and we announced the tour everybody vaccinated and horny that's me I'm vaccinated and I'm horny and we just are adding shows to the original shows. We are adding a second show at the Beacon in New York City. We're adding a second show in Denver the same night as the first show. We're adding a late show.

So, yeah, get your tickets at Ticketmaster. I'm doing the Santa Barbara Bowl and I'm so fucking excited. And Humphrey's by the Bay. And it jumps off at the Mirage in Vegas, July 10th. The Mirage. So I'm going to spend the night there in Vegas for the first time in a long time. Another place that I don't typically like to spend too much time in for obvious reasons. Yeah, that's a location where you only go for 24 hours. You get in and out of there. Or 12. Well, that too. Yeah.

It's exciting that you're getting back on the road. Are you excited to be out on the road? Yeah, I am. I did like six shows at the Irvine Improv a couple weeks ago. And I put a whole brand new hour up. Like you have to go up with all brand new material. Some stuff I had left over from the last special that I didn't use. So that was great. A little buffer.

It's hard to do that. I was so, so nervous. And then I did it and I was like, yeah, that's tough. Like I like to do tough stuff like that. It makes you feel really confident in your ability to like challenge yourself, you know? And the accomplishment of getting like starting the set from scratch to then cultivating over your next tour dates and really like fine tuning that. Yeah. Yeah. So I love it and I'm really glad and people are excited about the tour and that makes me. Yeah. Yeah. So I love it. And I'm really glad and people are excited about the tour and that makes me so happy. Yeah. So that's good.

They need to laugh. Yeah. It's a good time to be doing it. Exactly. All right. Well, speaking of timing, you wrapped up your 30 days of no smoking cannabis. Yes, I did. And what were your takeaways? Okay. That's a good question. I think that, I mean, they're obvious takeaways. I don't have to clear my throat as much. What's important when you're smoking weed is to be smoking really organic weed that doesn't have pesticides and chemicals that so many of them do that you buy. So it's like you have to have a friend who like my friend sends me weed. So I just try now to smoke it off of that one hitter because anytime I smoke a pre-roll, it's just like hurting my throat. And obviously I'm not going to be banging on about

cannabis and then not getting all the good effects, you know? Right. So I've been using my one hitter, which is great. But my takeaway from quitting is that it's good to exercise your willpower in life. It's good to, that sounded so annoying. It's good to show yourself what you're capable of. You know, 30 days was nothing, even though it sounded like it was going to be something it wasn't. And it gave me a lot of hope for people who think that it's hard to break habits because it's really not because I have to say, like, I do love smoking joints. But now that I took the 30 days off, it's like, I don't love it as much as I thought I did. I don't care. I'll take an edible. You know, that's a nice feeling, too. Should we see how Shane felt about it?

Oh, yeah. Speaking of which, this is why we're talking about this. For anyone listening who maybe hasn't listened to that episode, Shane went on a 30-day cannabis detox with Chelsea. So they went cold turkey after the initial phone call, no smoking for one month. And now they have both completed that month. So let's see how that went for him. Yeah. Hey, Shane. Hey, how's it going? Hi. Nice to see you again. Hi, nice to see you again. How are you? We made it. We did it. We did it. High five. I'm so proud of us. I know. I know. How was it? The first week was kind of rough. Like I had no appetite at all, but it got pretty easy after that. Okay. So for any women who are looking to lose weight and you're a pothead, take a week off and

you'll have no appetite. You know what's funny? You say that. I totally felt that too. I was like, why do I not feel the need to be living with my head inside of my refrigerator? Yeah, I was not hungry like at all. Yeah. And then what? What about it? What about cravings? I didn't really have cravings. The first week was bad. And then like it was chill, smooth sailing after that, other than like slow drivers and irritating people oh right people became a little bit more irritating yeah yeah how did you manage your stress while you weren't smoking i went running a lot oh this is great this is a great trading habits yeah totally i did like 30 plus miles i wanted to do at least one mile for like every day but yeah did you run that much when you were smoking weed? I tried to, but I think I did it more when I was less stoned. Yeah.

Well, that makes sense probably. Although I bet you when you're stoned, you can get into a really good groove when you're running. Right. And then just be like, you turn into Forrest Gump before you know it. You get that natural running high and the actual high. Yeah. Yeah. Cause sometimes I work out and I smoke weed right before I work out and I get in the zone like it helps me. Yeah, totally. So how was it with your roommates? Because they were all still smoking weed, right? One of them actually just kept that to their room smoking so I didn't have to see any of it. That's nice of them.

The other one went on a break with me. So it was I had a little buddy. This is like a huge success story. Yeah, this is great great and how are things with work i know you said that you would you'd forget things you'd constantly be leaving stuff behind i forgot absolutely nothing the entire time however as soon as i started smoking again i did forget something shane how old are you i just turned 31 on friday okay happy birthday thank you yeah yeah happy birthday so that's. And did you at any point think about like, fuck this? I cannot keep up with this. And I'm just gonna smoke a joint and I got so paranoid that everyone in my house was going to know I cheated and know I was high that I like had a little mini panic attack. Oh, oh, that's the story I didn't tell. The first time I smoked a joint after my 30 day thing, my 30 day break.

Did I make it to 30 days, though? Did you only you can answer. I think I did a full menstrual cycle. So let's just say it was 28 days because I think I did do a day early if I'm going to be completely honest, which I have to be. But I was getting my hair done and I smoked a little bit of a dog walker and I got up. I was so lightheaded and I just was like, oh my God, I'm a weakling again. But I like it because I like to, you know, it's nice to have a low tolerance. I mean, it wasn't nice to be lightheaded and then, you know, fall. But other than that, it was fine. Yeah. I also I was so sober that I told my parents that I'm trans. I didn't do that for like eight years. I kept it to myself. So that happened. All thanks to being sober. Oh, my God. My God. Everyone was pretty chill other than my mom.

What was her reaction? How did you say it? What did you say? So I was at my parents house and they started talking shit about the like trans athlete ban and I was like well now I'm gonna come out out of spite. So as soon as I got home I sent a group text message to like my siblings and my parents and my mom didn't respond for like three days. But everybody else was super nice. What were their responses? That they support me and they love me. But what can you tell us what you wrote?

Oh, it was a long ass text message. But basically that I've like been transitioning for eight years. Didn't feel like telling any family because I didn't want to deal with their like negative opinions. Wow. Good for you. That's so fucking hard and brave. How do you feel now? Relieved. Yeah. A lot of relief. I don't have to hide anything or ever shave my face ever again. That's what I would do when I would go see them. I'd just shave.

It's very powerful though, too, that, you know, you've kind of made this like bold decision to get out of your comfort zone and stop smoking, something that you've relied on for a long time and out of that came something like totally unexpected yeah i think that i was stoned all the time and that's what kept me from coming out whenever i was uncomfortable i just smoked yeah i think well that's what a lot of people do instead of thinking about it as something that enhances the goodness You're thinking about something that kind of shoves a feeling away or something, you know? Yeah, totally. A distractor. This is incredible.

I'm so glad that you called in like when you did. And I hope you consider, because it sounds to me that this has had such an impact. Like look at the ripple effect of you making just like one strong decision about your wellbeing. Look at the ripple effect of you making just like one strong decision about your well-being. Look at the ripple effect that it's had. And I hope you can think about that in other ways, like in your life, that you can implement

that, you know? Yeah, totally. I'm going to try not to smoke during the week while I'm at work so I don't forget anything. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's good. Let's keep you to that. That's a good one. That way, when you have the weekends, it's actually a celebration, not just another day where you're stoned out of your mind, you know?

Yeah, totally. Well, keep us posted, Shane. Let us know how it goes if you stick to your weekend regimen of no smoking so it becomes more of a treat and how things develop with your family and kind of how things turn out with your mom. All right. And Chelsea, I'll see you when you come to San Jose. I got presale tickets. It's San Jose Civic Center, right? Yep. I'll be there. I'll be there, too. See you there. I hope so. Yeah. See you there. Bye, Shane. Bye, Shane. Well, I mean, if that's not a problem solved. Oh, my God. Wow. Well, that's like what's our track record here? I don't know. But that's really moving. He has hit his life out of the park in a 30-day period. He has made major changes.

I mean, wow, I'm very, I'm speechless. Good for him. Okay, so, okay, I think we should take a, I think we should, you know what? I'm going to take a shower. Let's take a break. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make

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Okay, I'm back. Are you done chewing, sweetheart? I mean, I'm never going to finish that protein bar. It's going to sit in my teeth for the next three months. That flavor of that protein bar is a little bit off kilter. I don't like berry protein bars. There's nothing protein about berries. Okay, sweetheart, what were we talking about? Well, our first submission for today. We're going to get right into it. Okay, let's do that. It comes from... I'm ready to get to work.

It comes from a man. Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of 14 years for the past year has not really been interested in sex, at least not the way he used to be. He's 42 and I'm 54. When we do have sex, I notice that he's quite literally fucking differently. There's a whole different energy and vibe, like he's learning something from someone and it's not me. The sex is great, but infrequent. I can't stop thinking that while we're having sex, where did that come from?

Should I be worried? Should I just assume he's watching an extra helping of porn and picking up tips? Is he cheating? We're two gay guys and our relationship has been monogamous. Is it still? What do you think? No, it doesn't sound like it. It sounds to me like something is definitely going on. what do you think no it doesn't sound like it sounds to me like something

is definitely going on what do you think sweetheart after that long you know your partner's habits you know their go-to tricks to get things going so if a new trick has been incorporated they're probably getting it somewhere else yeah yeah do we have this caller on the phone no this is just right probably because it's personal there's okay so what advice can we give them, though, to like what? I mean, I think you need to address it head on. I think that you need to. Yeah, but you know how people are. They're not always honest. Well, they may not be honest. But for your own mental well-being, I would I would say, hey, like you've done this this way. I was just thinking, is there a way for them to set up getting catching them in the act? That might be a more effective way of getting to the truth faster.

I feel like it's tricky in long-term relationships. Do you need some help? I don't know, sweetheart. It's like I'm wearing a carpenter's outfit. I can't get anything. Oh, your little sleeves got tangled up in there. Thanks, sweetheart. Is that better?

Yeah. There you go. Now you look like Popeye on that side. You have this huge bicep. I wish everyone could see this. That sweater's cute, though. It's from Aviator Nation. Okay.

They're not a sponsor, but they could be. So, yeah, after 14 years, I think trying to set your partner up to catch them doing something or to set yourself up in a way that you catch them doing something, if there's that little trust in the relationship after 14 years, then you probably shouldn't be in that relationship. That's a good point. But I think it's just quicker with people who are liars. The quickest thing is just to fucking ask. Yeah. But a lot of liars don't tell the truth. They lie again. And then they convince you that you're safe or that you're not there. You know, you're crazy. You're out of your mind. Yeah. Gaslight you, exactly. I had a boyfriend like that once who did that.

And I also was, I deserved to be gaslit because I wasn't in a good place at that time, but super jealous and always like looking and thinking something was happening. And it's like, oh my God, that's such an exhausting place to live. It's so unfair. So yes, obviously asking for the truth straight out

is the way to go, but be prepared to have to get creative. Well, this submission makes me think that they probably don't have open communication as it is. Right, exactly. If he's writing in. If he's asking us why his boyfriend got his new moves and hasn't asked his boyfriend. Well, and like, you know, do you watch porn together? There are a lot of aspects to this that without additional context, we can't give thorough advice.

But I would say ask him up front. If not, take Chelsea's approach and try say ask him up front. If not, take Chelsea's approach and try and set him up. Or just grab his phone. I mean, isn't that the quickest way to find shit out? Seriously, like everyone should just hand each other their phones and be like, here, here, here, unless you're hiding something. Right. I mean, especially because how many stories you have to hear about women. And also, that's the other thing. If you're looking for something, you usually find it. But you can also find something that's the other thing if you're looking for something you usually find it but you can also find something that's out of context or that isn't actually framing something in the way that you're finding it so again if you do that great and if you find something just be aware

that that might be the outcome that what you're what you're seeing is not actually what you're finding and their boyfriend was 542 right so there's definitely like in the throes of being horny yeah i mean i don't throes of being horny. Yeah. I mean, I don't think men are ever not horny. Well, right. Women are the ones that are not horny. He's 42.

The boyfriend is 54. So also, who knows? Like maybe he's going through a little midlife crisis and he's just trying to incorporate new things to keep it fresh for himself to feel that vibrance again. Who knows? Don't say vibrance like that. Effervescence? I don't know. but not vibrance. Youth?

Yeah, probably. It's hard to be gay. It's the worst. Well, I don't think we really tied a bow on for this one too nicely, but... Well, sometimes this advice isn't going to be uplifting. I would like to know what happened to this. So if you're listening, please let us know what the result is. You better be listening. I mean, you can't write into a show and then not listen to see if we address the issue. Unless he doesn't really want the advice. He's like, actually, I've decided against this. Yeah, and then he cuts off contact. Yeah,

he unsubscribes to the podcast. Yeah, he's like, no, thank you. Not from these fucking two. Okay, so our next submission, this is a really common theme that we get. People wanting to know if they should pull the trigger on this decision, moving to another city, going after a big dream. And it always comes down to, should I stay or should I go? And this submission is no different. So maybe we can give some overarching advice for anyone who has written in or is thinking about writing in. The submission says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 49-year-old married woman with no kids who has been in the same career for 28 years dental assisting has been good to me but now i want a complete change i lost my dad in december not to

covid but had to say goodbye over the phone since i couldn't see him it's changed me and i don't want to waste another goddamn day doing something that's killing me mentally i want to become a nail technician yes you heard me right probably the oldest in my class. And I know it will take time to build a business, cost money and time. And I'm scared. I have a job now that is steady and reliable. I'm at a crossroads. Stay at this job that's steady or build a business slowly that could give me freedom and a chance to be my own boss. I'm terrified that I'll fail and have to rely on my spouse instead of the financial independence I have now.

Okay, Chelsea, give it to me straight. What should I do? Erin. Move on from your job and take a chance and build a business and live your life and win. Win. Don't live out of fear. Don't base decisions out of fear. Don't think, what if this doesn't work? There's only one scenario and the scenario is that it's going to work. So you're perfectly capable of doing this. You've admitted you want to make the change. Do it. No questions asked.

That's it. Seems to be thematically that a lot of people have already made the decision that they're going to make, but they just need us to chime in and give them a go ahead, right? Yeah, it's a little nudge. Like a little nudge. And that's good.

I want you guys to treat us like your sisters or girlfriends or whatever. Well, you're not a girlfriend, but. That's all right. And yeah, most people want to make a decision. When I can't make a decision, I like survey it like to my group of like six closest people. And I'm like, what do you think about this? What do you think about this?

What do you think about this? And, you know, actually, the less you do that, the better you are at recognizing your intuition and your gut. Well, that's what you're great with. You go with your gut a lot and it normally doesn't point you in the wrong direction. So when you have that inkling of what you want to do, it's just a matter of... And also the other thing is making the decision,

just making a decision because there's not a wrong or right decision for everything. Most of the times it's just about you making a decision in either direction and then putting your energy towards that decision. And then it will always work out, you know? So you just have to be confident in your decision making and know when to listen to your gut, which is all the time. And to all listeners, if you're asking the question, you're answering the question, right? Don't you think so?

Ditto. Great slogan. Print those up on our t-shirts. Oh, we should have t-shirts. The next one we do have on the line, her name is Katie. She's 37 on our t-shirts. Oh, we should have t-shirts. The next one we do have on the line. Her name is Katie. She's 37. She's from Maryland. Katie says, Hello, Chelsea. I'm a single, childless, 37-year-old woman who is somewhat successful but constantly feels I'm being judged. How do I help myself feel fulfilled on my own? I'm a rather confident woman, strong, and enjoy eating at my favorite restaurants alone. I question whether I'm too independent Thanks, Katie. What do you think the bottom line question is?

How do I? I mean, I think it's really just learning to be okay with yourself and where you're at. Yes. I think I can relate, though, to that. I go through periods where you're mad at yourself for having a feeling or you're mad at yourself for doing this or you're mad at yourself. And it's like, oh, she's on the phone. Katie. Hi, Katie.

Hi. How you doing? Good. How are you? Good. We were just saying, I was saying, like, I can relate to the self-loathing and to the, like, kind of beating yourself up. Like, you know, why didn't I do this? Or being embarrassed of past behavior or, like or like you know especially since I've been home

from Whistler like I feel like uh not an isolationist what's the person who stays home all the time a recluse yeah you say recluse I say recluse you do think about your own behavior and stuff and obviously beating yourself up about your own feelings is pointless task and just creates suffering of your own ego all the time. So I, when I do that, I just always try to, this is going to sound very corny, but this is really true. And it works as a practice when I do that. And I'm like thinking about myself too much or being too self-conscious about what I really like and want to do and how I feel. I really, oh, fuck, I already forgot what I was going to say. I had such a strong lead up. And then I'm like, wait, what? This is why you don't smoke a joint right before we get here.

Brandon, I'm sober by now. I don't have to even feel that joint. I'm sorry that you're bearing the brunt of this, Katie. Okay, it's your practice that you do when you're starting to feel like you are critiquing your- Okay. So my practice, Katie, is to really to just shift from that to the present moment, to be mindful of like every moment that you're in, the more present and aware you are leads to the next moment of presence and awareness. And the more present and aware you practice becoming,

the less self-conscious you are about judging yourself or berating yourself or any sort of self-loathing because you know like I think of it like this like if I start talking to myself in that way I'm bringing my energy down I'm bringing my vibe down I'm not attracting a lot I'm kind of my eyes are watering a little bit are you are you crying I yeah I think I'm I'm getting there oh oh why Oh, why? It is just a very real thing of like, how do you defeat that and not not. We do it with the way we look. I'm very vain about all of that stuff. I suffer a lot in that regard, but I do practice being present because when you're really present in every moment and you're paying attention, like in this conversation, in this moment, I don't have time to think about anything else. Like, you know what I mean? I'm not thinking about that. And even if you're in your apartment

and it's just you and you have your thoughts, it's like, okay, now I can feel like this for a moment. And then I'm moving on to the next thing, not denying the feeling, but knowing it's not healthy for you. Okay. And practicing just present moment awareness, which is like, there's a million books on present moment awareness or mindfulness or whatever you want to call it. Vaginal rejuvenation. I mean, it can be referred to as a lot of things, but it makes you much less filled with self-doubt and less self-conscious. Well, and I think to your point in that regard, like Katie, you bring up the things that are out of your control is what you feel like you are criticizing yourself over. And the one thing that you do have control over is how you respond to those things. So again, change that narrative

for yourself. Don't worry about what you're not able to control. What you do control is how you respond to those things. So again, change that narrative for yourself. Don't worry about what you're not able to control. What you do control is how you feel. You do control your success. You do control the fact that you are confident enough to go have a solo dinner and be happy. Yeah, that's cool. Like that's confident. And I like that. I like to do stuff like that too. Do you know how many people can't fucking do that? That they would not have the balls to walk into a restaurant or go see a movie alone like oh that's one of my favorite things like that is that is something that's like so hot about someone where they don't need anyone like that think about that don't think about what you don't have think about like i can go do this like other people can't like i'm a fucking badass woman who does not need someone to fulfill these things for me yes i know it's hard because mainstream media

and mainstream media what are are you, a Republican? Well, sorry, I should just media media in general and society continuously sets a standard for what a woman's life should look like. Right. And that's something that you see in every way that you no longer have to apply that to your life. Like that is a standard they're setting. That's not a standard you have to accept. Yeah, it's so true. It's like it's just a mindset. Are you taking notes on this call because you need to be writing this stuff down? No. Because that's really good advice, too. All right. Well, this is going to be in the podcast.

You can always just listen to it. But you need to listen back to the podcast. But you need to start implementing this to your life because it is about your confidence, right? It's about your belief in yourself that you are responsible for instilling. You have to believe in yourself. And so if you're constantly reminding yourself about all your good attributes and all your good qualities, which is a theme that's come up on the show now multiple times, it's like you need to be reminded of the things that you do have, the things that you are good at, the things that are working for you. You know, it looks like you have a beautiful apartment. You have a beautiful blowout. Like, you know, things are good. Yeah, exactly. You're rocking it. Like you have a lot of things to offer, which I don't even know about. But you need to focus on those things to instill your own confidence to build yourself up so that you're not worried about what other people are thinking. You know, you're worried about what you're thinking. What do I think of myself. Yeah. It seems so simple, but it is really like resetting my entire narrative,

my entire mindset about how I process and think about things and internalize them too. You bring up in your submission about being judged and that that's, you know, a big point of contention that you feel like people around you are judging either your circumstances or your decisions. But remember, like that's something about them. That's not you. They're projecting what they think on you. So it doesn't matter good, bad, or indifferent. Like if you've set yourself up in life to be happy with where you're at, it shouldn't matter what someone else thinks of your current circumstances. Like that is theirs. They go to bed with that, not you. Luckily, because you can put yourself in a good space where you don't have that mentality and you get to go to bed with that, not you. Luckily, because you can put yourself in a good space where you don't have that mentality and you get to go to bed peacefully every night, not giving a shit about

what someone else is doing or how they're living their life because you've created the life that you want for yourself. It's very true. So fuck those people. Yeah. Why do you say you feel judged all the time? Is that something from like childhood or is that something that... I think it's more... So when I sent in my submission, it was the day after my 37th birthday something that I think it's more so when I when I sent in my submission it was the day after my 37th birthday and I think that had a lot to do with it too it's kind of I feel like I should have I should be you know with a husband and kids or something at this point and most of the people that I used to associate with that's their life so it's almost like breaking away from that and being comfortable

if I don't end up married if I don't end up with a child if I end up you know maybe on a farm with a woman who knows being comfortable with that stuff I also came out more recently as bi so I think that's a whole other accepting thing as well I like that you think being with a woman leads to farming. I mean, it very well could. It's another stereotype, but... Wouldn't you rather be the exception, not the rule? Those people in those nuclear families, they're fucking miserable. So again, create the life you want for yourself. Don't worry about what they have going on because they're going to end up divorced. You're 37. You've not been through a divorce, which is great. Congratulations on that. You're on your own. You've built a life without a man. You were able to afford everything that you've wanted to take care of yourself.

Yeah. And that's the fucking win right there. Like that's what you should be proud of that. I've not needed anyone for this. Yeah. So when I would like to say I would like to go on the record and tell you I'm 46 single and do not have a man in my life. And I don't have any regrets about that. I mean, I know we're not the same person, but like there is a very unique kind of boldness about it that feels pretty powerful to have been able to do this whole it sounds like I am every time I talk about them. I'm not. I'm not. But I'm just I have standards and I'm not willing to compromise who I am at this point. And so that might mean that I'm alone for the rest of my life without a meaningful relationship. So I can relate to you. You know, these are all constructs, societal constructs that are just telling us milestones in people's lives. I obviously respect everyone's decision to live their lives how they want to, to a degree. But you're basically comparing yourself to a race that no one had agreed to. Everybody has to go through all of these milestones at the right amount of time. And it's just a societal construct that we've all allowed to happen. So we think, oh, what's, you know, that's the... It's a frame of reference. It's like life mile markers that you're supposed to hit. And it's also just like the lameness of people's ability not to have an original conversation when they're like, oh, what's up with Melissa?

Or, you know, she's not married. She's still single. Or would Chelsea ever be with somebody? I don't know. But it's really not anybody's fucking problem, right? But your own. And it's only a problem for you if it is a problem for you. Sounds more to me like you're worried more about what other people think than what you think. Yeah. Well, and be excited. Like, do you know

how many more possibilities you have now that you can date men and women? Like what? Yeah. What a success. I got to open up that can of worms soon and become a lesbian or become bi actually. Just become open to the possibility. Like that's. I guess I am. I will be. I guess I will be. Yeah. Because you're right. Yeah. Again, it's not about what you don't have. It's about what you do have on the horizon. Like you're going to have some hot lesbian lover possibly. So like, let's, let's be excited about that. Okay. Yeah. Well, I really appreciate you guys and I love your energy too. I think that's part of it. Like fucking positivity. And that's the new narrative or just a reset that I need to set for myself. Yeah, you just need a quick reset.

So just like write some things down, like some positive things that you can like remember about yourself. Make sure it's visible. Just start on your most fundamental level of like telling yourself that you're important and what you think matters more than what others think. Okay. All right. Nice to talk to you, Katie. Thank you, Katie. Nice to talk to you as well.

It's Katie with a C. Is it Katie? Are we pronouncing that correctly? You are. Yeah. to talk to you, Katie. Thank you, Katie. Nice to talk to you as well. It's Katie with a C. Is it Katie? Are we pronouncing that correctly? You are, yeah. It's not Katty Harry. Exactly. Thank you so much. You knew exactly what I was getting at.

It's a Mean Girls reference. Oh, oh, oh. Sorry. Yeah, you wouldn't know. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Will you let us know if you do find a girlfriend?

I would like to hear about that, please. Yes. All right. Thank you, Katie. She was cute. Yeah, I liked her. Liked her enough to date her when that time comes well i mean god i know i just feel like yeah that's just right around the corner from me transitioning into a lesbian or a bisexual person well that's not really trans well it is a transition metaphorically i think it could happen for you i think maybe it

should happen because it sounds like me. A woman would annoy you less possibly. Yeah. There's just so many different ways to be annoying though is the thing, you know, that's what I worry about. Yeah. And this would be, well, we won't get into the specifics of the sexual dynamic, but I imagine there would have to be a tap out for you at a certain point sexually be like, okay, thank you so much. That goes for men and women. So there's, yeah, I need to tap out. Safe word. Okay, Brandon, would you like to take a bath?

I could. Okay, well, we're going to take a quick break. So let me run you a bath. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all's baffling questions like... Why they refuse

to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer? We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does

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Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register

to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Our next and last submission comes from

initials JK39. Oh, JK Rowling. We do not know where. She needs some advice. She's gotten in a lot of like. Well, this is probably her. What is she saying? Cultural situations lately.

She says, dear handjob, I'm 39. I got married in my 20s to a doctor and divorced him for a drummer. My parents are very proud. I'm sure they are. I'm uninterested in marriage and feel fine with that. Still, with the drummer, after 10 years, we have always lived apart and it's a fun relationship where I have lots of time to focus on my career during the week and then we hang out on the weekends and play in a band together. He has kids from a previous marriage and several years into

our relationship, he told me he didn't want any more kids. Understandable, but this was initially something that made me feel deep grief. Even though if given the choice, I have trouble visualizing my life with kids because I like my freedom. Plus, I enjoy not being broke and kids would interfere with this. Yet sometimes I see myself as having quote unquote settled, like I should have picked up and left when my boyfriend said he didn't want kids when I am otherwise happy in our relationship. My question is, why do I keep ruminating on the fact that I don't have kids and feeling like a total weirdo for it? Is this a midlife crisis

or just an antiquated sexist idea that has gotten stuck in my head about what it means to be a grown woman? What do you think? I think she should just let go of the idea of kids and stop forcing it. Again, societal pressure, societal standards. You're happy. Everything's good in your life. And you're just going to complicate things by, yeah, you're thinking, what if, what if, what if? You have to go with the fact that you're not having kids and it's going to be a great life. It's sad to see how many of these women feel like they need kids to fulfill something in them. Yeah, I know. It's a real, it's like drinking the Kool-Aid. Like, it's so unfair. This is a conversation I have with all of my sisters really regularly, actually.

Oh, really? Yeah, because in the Midwest, your life is on a certain timeline of, you know, you graduate high school, you either go to a trade school or you start working immediately. You have kids by 23 or 25. That's so icky. You're married. Like, it's just. And so I always tell my sisters, like, you can't live for your kids. They have to be incorporated to your life because eventually they're gone.

So, you know, people have kids to try and fix a marriage or they have kids because it's what's expected of them. And I'm like, life has so much more to offer. And it's also like you're allowing somebody else to dictate what is your true happiness. You know, if you really wanted kids that badly, you wouldn't be with your boyfriend. You would have left him at that moment. If you really, really, if it was like everything to you, you would have worked harder to make it happen. So you can accept that it's not for you and that you're not going to make it happen. And it's so easy to enjoy yourself. It's so easily identifiable. Some of these women that just had the kids because it was what they thought was expected of them and should not and fucking hate being a mom. I'm thinking of

one of your friends in particular. It's like you were not made to be a mom. That's OK. Like, again, that's something that women have to accept. She knows it. That's great because a lot of women don't. And then you see what happens. They just get up and leave. They disappear. They're just like, oh, I should not have done this.

Well, too little, too late. Yeah. You have the kids. Yeah. Too little, too late. I've definitely seen a lot of people have kids. Not a lot. But I've had my fair share of friends that have had kids that are like not good at it and not happy about it.

No. And then there are some people that, again, like I think we've talked about this, that you knew that exactly what they wanted, that it didn't have anything to do with anyone else. And they're a great parent. They love it. That's exactly how they want to spend their time. I can't imagine that. Speaking of kids, there's about 16,000 kids at the border that need foster homes. So if anybody's thinking about fostering, we should give them the resources to register as a foster parent. Well, that's great to know. And yeah, if you have a house or a bed, these kids have nowhere else to go. So if you do want information on how you can foster a child who is stuck at the border, you can go to the Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Services at LIRS.org. LIS dot org. Find out more. And on that upbeat note, I think we've come to a conclusion. Do you have any parting words of

advice for all of our callers? What would you say the theme was of today's episode? Well, really just for the women listening. Well, I guess men too, but just be okay with where you're at. Like you don't let anyone else influence how you feel about what you're going through, what you've been through, what you're going to go through inevitably. Like it's all okay. It's all in motion. It's all changing. Yeah. It's all cyclical too. So like you also something to remember is like, you know, if you're in a bad frame of mind or if you're feeling down or you're feeling depressed, like that's cyclical too. It comes in waves and ebbs and flows and like, so no mood is permanent. So like the impermanence of everything is a good reminder of like, things don't stick around forever. You're not going to

feel this way forever. You're not going to be insecure forever. Like things move. Do you have one piece of advice? So say someone who's listening is feeling that way right now. What is your best advice to get them out of that feeling in this moment? Like, is there something you do? Is there something you would suggest that they try to do? Like if they're down and they want to feel happier out of that melodramatic, self-loathing space. I mean, you know, I want to say just go outside and take a walk in nature. That's exactly what I was going to say. Yeah. Go look at the trees and the greenery and just be like, oh, wow.

Wait, you know, get out of your own. I think half of the problem is right now, especially during this time period, is that people are so isolated. So like you are thinking about yourself too much and you are having more thoughts than normal because you're stuck. So it's about being unstuck. And like that is up to you to get yourself out of being stuck. And that's like as easy as taking a walk in nature and like going for, you know, something, whatever is going to make you feel good in 30 minutes, do it, you know. And do it now. Get a Peloton. And if you or someone you know needs advice, you can write in. We might get you on the phone

for additional details or context. And you can do that by submitting your advice request to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Okay. I mean, we really did it today, sweetheart. We really, really knocked it out of the park. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s,

tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation.

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