Dear Chelsea - International Women’s Day with Monica Lewinsky

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Monica Lewinsky joins Chelsea to talk about the power of using your voice, surviving public shaming, and the growth that comes with adversity and lots of therapy. Then: An almost-50-year-old wants to ask for help but isn’t sure how.  An almost-30-year-old can’t let go of the pain around her father’s death.  And a young doctor struggles with sexism in the workplace. * See some of Monica’s anti-bullying work: Stand Up For Yourself In Real Life The Epidemic Defy the Name * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Oh, greetings from Whistler, Canada.

You guys got dumped on. Oh, gosh. I cannot ski in deep powder. I got buried like three times the other day. The powder is so deep that I can't even navigate it. I don't know which way to go and then you fall down and it takes forever

to get your skis out because they're under like six, four. I was under like four feet of snow and I was hanging upside down at one point. I skied through a tree, double ejected, went through the woods.

Finally, after the third tree I hit, I was like, I think it's time to get out of the woods. Yeah. It's just a hot mess up here. And now I have children at my house. My cousins are here, Molly and Carrie. Oh, cute.

And they arrived with their three-year-old and four-year-old girls. So that's cute. I don't have children at my house very often. You know that. Little kids. And then I had my other children here, Katie, my little daughters, my twin Buddhas, Katie and Jesse. And I was trying to make Katie some food on Saturday night. So I made a bunch of hamburger meat. And she's like, she calls me dad. She goes, dad, that's disgusting. I'm not eating anything you cook. Like you're not a good cook. And we

all know that we can't eat. I'm like, all right, all right, I'm fine. I'm like, it's good. I put seasoning. I put onions. I'm like, it's good. It's good. And I took a bite. I'm like, oh, this is terrible. You know, I destroy everything I cook. So the next morning I gave it to Doug because I figured dogs like hamburger meat. Doug has had explosive diarrhea now for 48 hours. He exploded all over my carpet. And Molly, my cousin, is trying to clean it up because she knows I don't know how to clean up feces. PSA, dogs are not supposed to have onions. So maybe that is why. What about hamburger meat though? Hamburger meat should be fine. Oh. That could be why. What about hamburger meat, though? Hamburger meat should be fine.

Yeah, I was like, what is it? Maybe too fatty for him? That's why he got the diarrhea? I don't know. I think it's the onions. It's a hot shit show in this house, though. You should have seen us this morning. The dog walker, friends coming, going, diarrhea.

Oh, poor Doug. My friend stepped in the diarrhea. Comedy of errors. I added a new show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, and then I added a new show in Prior Lake, Minnesota and then I added a new show in Santa Rosa, California. Second shows for that. So you can go to

ChelseaHandler.com. I'm coming to Salt Lake City too, which is exciting, in April, and Denver, Colorado. So go to ChelseaHandler.com for all my tickets and we're going to be adding

more and more dates. Excellent. You're just always adding more dates. That's always happening. That's a great thing. This weekend, I have Kelowna and Victoria. Both are sold out, but Victoria on Vancouver Island and then Kelowna.

And then I'm going to go to the Oscar parties on Sunday, I think, and just get dressed up for the day and then, you know, ski some more. That'll be fun. Chelsea, it's International Women's Day this week. Is it? Oh, my goodness. It is. It's tomorrow. Happy International Women's Day.'s International Women's Day this week. Is it? Oh my goodness. It is. It is. Happy International Women's Day. Happy International Women's Day. We love women. Women, women, women, women. Chelsea, since it's International Women's Day, I wanted to ask you,

as women, what are some ways that you feel we can regain our power? I think it's very important for you to be honest with yourself and never to sublimate your feelings for the benefit of others. I think you have to really, there's such an overcorrection that needs to be made in order for us to balance out. Because we have been fed this whole song and dance our whole lives that men are just more valuable. And that's simply not true. We are valuable. And to understand your value, you have to be in a relationship with yourself to understand who you are, what you're good at, what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are. And once you can figure those things out, like what you're good at and what you're not good at,

then you can excel at the things you're good at and kind of minimize your exposure to the things that don't bring you as much joy and as much power. But I think the most important thing is to always stand up for yourself, to always, you know, be your best ally. Yeah. And one thing you talk about a lot is like asking for what you want and asking for what you need. And I was with someone this weekend who, you know, when she didn't want to do something, she would say, oh, but you guys go ahead. I'm not going to, but you guys go ahead. And I just was like, I want her to feel confident enough to say like, no, you know, let's not do that. I'm not really into that.

Let's go to this other thing over here. And I think the more we can work that muscle and gain that muscle, the more powerful we'll be. Yeah, absolutely. Very important to always just kind of, I like to think of myself as like my own little daughter. I'm not going to ever let somebody hurt a little kid, so I'm not going to let anybody hurt me either. Yeah, you'd want her to stand up for herself, so like let's stand up for her. I love that. We have a very special guest for International Women's Day. Her TED Talk has topped over 22 million views. Her Reformation

campaign went viral this week, and her self-care and anti-harassment activism is widespread, including her most recent anti-bullying efforts with StandUpToYourself.com. Please welcome producer, activist, public speaker, and contributing editor at Vanity Fair, Monica Lewinsky. I can't believe you're in my studio, but I'm not there. Yeah. It's so good to see you, Monica. Thank you so much for being our special guest on this very important International Women's Day, which we should be having more frequently than once a year, it seems like.

Monica, where do we meet? We've met a couple times, right? Once was with Alyssa. Right, whom I love. And I think we have Maria Shriver in common. Yeah. We probably have some people in common. Well, I was meaning to hang out with you at some point. We still have to do that anyway, but now we're hanging out here. So we'll start here. So I'm very excited to talk to you because obviously, well, you've been a very public

figure for a very long time. And now you have a huge, big perspective on all of the things that you've been through. So I'm sure the way that you look at things has probably changed a lot since you were a young girl, right? Absolutely. I've had a lot, a lot of therapy. And like a lot of healing modalities. I do it all. Do you? Oh, yeah.

My main therapist is a trauma psychiatrist. I have a somatic therapist. I have I call him my energy worker, but he's like, I don't know. It's more resonance, kind of resonance work. And I have a friend of pissed. What is a friend of pissed? I mean, obviously, I can figure that out. she kept stepping up to the plate so much and I was relying on her so much that I just felt like because we had had a transactional relationship before and now there was this deeper connection, it just didn't feel like an even exchange to me.

So I was like, I know I'm going to just pay you a tiny bit of money each week. And then, you know, so it's great because I just felt like there needed to be an even exchange. But what I find really valuable is that I don't have to always wait until my next therapy session to process something if it's really important. Yeah. I want to catch our listeners up for anyone who's not familiar with Monica or her story. This was a very, very long time ago. Let's set the scene because this was before social media.

So we didn't have Instagram or even Twitter at that time. We had nothing. And you were caught up in a very, very, the most public scandal of all time, probably, or one of the most public scandals of all time. And you were only a 22-year-old girl. So your TED Talk, which has received over 22 million views, was so moving because it is on the subject of cyberbullying and what you went through and the disparities between men and women and cyberbullying. So at that time, how were you reading this stuff about yourself that people were writing? It was horrific.

I think in large part, I think it's challenging for anybody in the public eye to read or hear something negative about themselves. But I had not chosen to be a public person. And I literally went to bed one night, a private person, and awake in the next morning and there was my name above the fold on the newspaper. So it was a very jarring transition and obviously not something people want recognition. That's not what you want to become known for. And so it was quite challenging. And I think I went through a period where I became almost obsessed with the negativity, but I also felt in many ways that I had to follow along with everything that was going on because it was giving me clues to what was happening legally. And even though I had

lawyers, I think we've all gone through this before when you feel you're in a helpless feeling situation, any straws that you can grasp for agency can feel valuable. So it was that way. But it was, I mean, it did a total fucking number on me. So, I mean, I still deal with, you know, with insecurities and issues from ways that I was talked about, both true and untrue. And didn't you mention in one interview that your parents didn't have really the internet on their computer at home, so you had to like go to an internet cafe. So my mom, yeah, we didn't. So my parents are divorced. I was living with my mom in DC and my dad and stepmom are in Brentwood. So my, at my mom's, we did not. And then when I went out to stay with my dad and stepmom, they had the internet. And that was, I was actually just thinking about it when we were saying this a few seconds ago because I would get up super early.

I'd go on the internet and they eventually established a rule that I wasn't allowed to go on the computer until after breakfast because I would just dive in and then I was, you know, little Miss Cuckoo Pants from what was being said. The moment you woke up, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's just a – I mean, it was – I wouldn't wish the experience on my worst enemy. You know, I think about influencers these days, and obviously it's somewhat different from what you went through, but there are bullies out there. There are nasty comments and that sort of thing. And most of us are picking up our phone first thing in the morning.

We're going on social media. And so like same sort of situation where they're filling their minds with that from the moment they wake up. Well, and I think, too, what we don't think about enough with what we're seeing online is that we all become collateral damage to that, particularly women. When we observe what other people, even if it's other women, are saying about other women. We all relate on some level. And so I think that's where it can become so toxic for the culture. When you say – I want to go back to something you just said when you said you became obsessed with the negativity. Can you expound on that a little bit? I think it was, I had, I mean, like most young women, I had insecurities going into 1998. I had insecurities as a young woman and trauma that led to my even being in that

relationship. I don't know about either of you, but I think that there's, when I was young, that feeling of almost the worst thing that could happen would be someone confirming my worst fears about myself. And when that someone is the entire world, it's pretty fucked up. So it was just, I think that it became sort of like a wound that you just can't leave alone. It's fascinating to me, that psychology, because it's impossible when something is being said about you to just look away, right? Especially with that magnitude or that cacophony of the whole world watching. So I can't even imagine on such a large scale, because you don't have the tools as a 22-year-old girl. Your brain isn't even fully developed. You don't have the

tools to weather that storm. So it's like a miracle that you're okay. Okay-ish. No, I'm kidding. I'm okay. No, you're okay. You've done the work. You are okay. But you know, I've found, I don't know if either of you have experienced this, but I think one of the things that's been so magical for me about how things have changed in my life in the last decade is that I've come to learn and understand how when you have that balance of things starting to sort of gel more in your life, I think feeling like I've been seen for more as my true self, that it has allowed when there's been something negative, something that might have laid me low for an entire day, that it has allowed when there's been something negative, something that might

have laid me low for an entire day that I kind of am miffed for five minutes and that there's just a wider landscape that you and a wider context that you feel seen and judged in. So that's been better. Do you think that's something that kind of comes naturally a little bit with age or would you talk it mostly to the work that you've done? I think it's a combination of both. You know, so there's the maturity.

Then there's that, you know, sort of the alchemy that happens between maturity, age, experience, and how they all sort of work together. But I'm grateful for it either way. Right, because without the work, if you didn't have the work, you would be a completely different person right now. And you would be so easily triggered by that experience. If not working through that experience, I would only just come up and tap you on the shoulder at the worst, most inopportune time. So you're kind of left with no choice but to do the work, right? Because it's the only way out. Exactly. And I think that's, for me, I had kind of jettisoned what I thought I was doing,

was jettisoning my public life in 2005. And I left the States and I moved to London and went to graduate school at the London School of Economics. And the intention there, I think, was that I would leave this old Monica Lewinsky behind. And now I was going to be the new Monica Lewinsky with a new scaffolding and start my real life. And of course, you know, that didn't happen. I mean, obviously, you could clock when you were being introduced to people that you have to get over that hurdle. I'm so curious as to what that is like every time someone meets you. They're like, oh, that's the story. Like, how does one handle that?

Like, did you go at it with humor? Did you try to disarm people? Or did you just let everybody figure it out as they went along? I think probably, I mean, I like to think I'm funny. So I would, I'd like to think it was like disarming with humor or just, you know, I probably have a much higher EQ than I do IQ and just in

that way of sensing people, but also trauma, you know, trauma will definitely shape your senses and your nervous system around how you perceive things, how you try to feel safe. Someone once said something so interesting to me that people with trauma can't feel safe until everyone else in the room is safe or feels safe to them or is comfortable. And I think that's definitely true for me. But I've had people, which I took as a compliment, people saying that they get over the speed bump really quickly, which I think is good. But, I mean, then you have those funny moments where you can just somehow tell the difference between sometimes people don't recognize you, they don't know your history, all of those things.

And then there'll be times where someone will pretend that they don't. Have you ever had this happen? Like someone pretends that they don't know you or your history and you're like, I don't know, there's something about the way you're doing it. Like, I know you're either trying to make me feel comfortable or you're trying to be cool or whatever that is. So what was your first job out of college?

Exactly. Exactly. Have you ever worn a beret? I think you'd look really good. And on a larger note, the saying where everything happens for a reason, there are a lot of people who believe that. What do you think about that saying, everything happens for a reason? I think it's bigger than all of that because I believe in karma and I believe that idea that things become cyclical in a much larger way over lifetimes. And so that part of me thinks that's an accurate statement. But then there's another part of me that is like, no, you just try and survive. And then this is the story we tell ourselves

that, oh, it happened for a reason because it's easier. You know, it's sort of like if you've had a friend who's not made great choices in relationships for a long time, and then they meet their person, and they're like, well, I finally went for the nice guy, you know, and it's like, okay, or that's just the story you tell yourself, you know, that you stopped wanting the other things, and sometimes that's true, and sometimes it's not. It does seem that you have sort of intentionally tried to arrive at the reason, arrive at the

reason that this happened. And you recently have been doing, you know, in the last several years have been doing this anti-bullying work. Can you talk a little bit about turning your pain into purpose? And it really seems like that's what you're doing. Sure. It really ended up being, it was not intentional. I think I was trying to find purpose in my life and I couldn't. When I got out of graduate school, I couldn't get a job. And so then I found myself approaching my 40s and not really having anything close the first thing I did a decade ago, which was writing a first-person essay for Vanity Fair. And I think that opportunity I was given to reclaim my narrative and reintroduce myself on my own terms was a really powerful moment. And it allowed people to start to see me

in a different light to reevaluate the story. And that allowed me to eventually step into, it was actually an anti-bullying group in the UK called Anti-Bullying Program that's part of the Diana Award. And they were the first ones who were sort of said, hey, we'll work with you, and really embraced that I had a story to share in a way that could help other people feel less alone. And so that became really important to me and finding a way that, you know, it's so, if you're a sensitive person, you just, I hate to say feel, you know, I feel your pain, but I'm feeling other people's pain in that sense of the work that I've been able to do has been incredibly rewarding for me. And I think that all of the anti-bullying organizations

that I'm connected to in different ways, we've all tried to make strides in this area, but there's still more work to be done. So what's great is we're now having more conversations about bullying and public shaming and harassment. And therefore, people feel less alone if it happens to them. It's less stigmatized, which is really important. I believe the worst things happen when someone's suffering in silence.

I want to talk a little bit about what happens to these people who get bullied. I was bullied in high school or elementary school. I was a bully and I was bullied. Which came first. Yeah, exactly. Which came first. I think I got bullied and then I started to be like, oh, I have to be that way in order to defend myself. And then I took, yeah. And then I was like, oh no, you know, it took me many, many years to realize that's not, you know, that's not cool either.

So I was guilty of both. But I do remember in high school and or in elementary or middle school, all of those terrible periods of time, I fucking hated school more than anybody. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I just could not wait to be out of school because I thought it was torture. But I remember having this thought, and this is so childish and I never was going to go through with it, but I remember thinking if I just ended my life, if I just took my own life, then I would teach everyone a lesson. And I know that that line of thinking goes through many people's brains. Did you feel that way?

Oh, absolutely. For sure. There were a lot of times that I sobbed myself to sleep just praying I wouldn't wake up the next morning and thinking about, I mean, really it was my family that kind of kept me here. And I think anybody who's gone through one cycle of that, the only thing that's positive about having gone through one cycle is that the next time it happens, there's that little tiny voice in your head that knows, if I can just get through this moment, it will get better. Yeah. And that's the thing with young people, you know, and online bullying is that that thought isn't as fleeting. You know, everyone can have the thought, but the idea is to have to be able to tell them this isn't it. This isn't the end of the world. You will survive this and you will get through this and you will come out stronger. It's so hard to get through to a teenager. Right. Well, and I think it's so important why we tell these kinds of stories, why we talk about the difficult times that we've been through. Because especially if you have a public platform, because it does allow other people to hear, oh, this person went through something shitty. They felt the way I'm feeling.

And their life has shifted and it's turned around. And that's really is sort of at the core of easing other people's suffering and giving a purpose to your past is taking that pain and trying to jujitsu it. And do you communicate with a lot of young girls? Do you work with them? Not so much directly with a lot of young women. I work with different organizations in different ways. And in opportunities that I have, sometimes when I'm speaking somewhere, someone will have brought their daughter or their son or their non-binary child. And I'll sometimes have an opportunity to talk to people there. And I will talk to a lot of different people who have gone through big public shamings, but very privately. Because you touch in your TED Talk on these themes of, you know, how you survived and how

not everybody does survive this like public shaming and public bullying. And in another interview I listened to of you, you mentioned that a lot of times people come up and say, I showed this to my 15 or 16 year old kid. And like, that was a gut punch. Oh, it was for me too. It was, I mean, on the slightly more humorous side, it was a nice shift for me for instead of people coming up and saying, no offense, but do you know who you look like? People would come up and sort of talk about my TED Talk, which was very meaningful to me. But I've had teachers say that they've shown it to their students. I've had parents talk about that. It was a very meaningful moment for me shortly after the talk.

A friend of mine from graduate school had gone to visit her cousin who was going through a hard time, and she saw that he had handwritten out on a piece of paper that was on his desk a quote from my talk. And it was sort of just a deep heart moment for me and real gratitude there. So I think it is, yeah. Yeah, that's really wonderful. I think in healing also that there are so many moments of healing, right? Like it doesn't all come in one fell swoop.

You don't all of a sudden feel like yourself again. But there are these milestones, right? Can you talk a little bit about what some of yours were like over the years where you felt like, oh, I've got my feet back underneath me or I feel like I'm coming into my own in a new way. Yeah, I think it's interesting because I sort of gone through this a bit this past week after I launched this Get Out the Vote campaign with Reformation. And it was received really well. And so I worked all last week on, okay, I've gotten good at weathering a storm. Now I have to be able to enjoy this sunny day. And that's fucking hard. Like it's really – I can swear, right?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Go ahead. Hello. Yeah, I know. But I'm just checking, just double checking. So I think that there is – I mean for me, I would say there were some quieter moments of like getting my master's. So the morning of graduation, I was having a really hard time taking in this fact that I was getting a master's degree. And I came up with this cockamamie thing

where I thought, okay, if I ran into someone I hadn't seen in the last two years, and I said, oh, what are you doing today? And they said, I'm going to get my master's in social psychology from London School of Economics. I would have thought to myself, oh, I could never do that. Wow, that would never be me. I could never do that. And somehow that unlocked something that allowed me to step into some of the pride that I had for that. But definitely when the Vanity Fair piece dropped and people started to, I mean, not everybody, there was a lot of controversy around it, but there were loud enough voices that wanted to start to revisit the story. Doing the Forbes talk, my TED talk, you know, doing the work with anti-bullying groups. And we did a campaign for Bullying Prevention Month in 2018.

And it was nominated for an Emmy in the commercial category. And that was exactly what I had wanted to do coming out of graduate school and I couldn't get a job in it. So it was very rewarding for me. But it's people saying I'm funny on Twitter, my brother having to finally acknowledge I'm funny. Like that was that was such a moment after I was I was interviewed by John Oliver and my brother's like, OK, fine, you are funny, you know, because he was always saying, you're really not as funny as you think you are.

I'm like, I'm funny. I am funny, you know. So I think those are some of the moments. I turned 50 last year, and so I did a lot of personal work leading up to it of really trying to catalog the past decade from before that. And I burst into tears one morning just really thinking about how much had changed and how much had happened and just how grateful, just how fucking grateful I am. So yeah. Yeah. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for you too. I'm grateful at your strength and perseverance. I'm really just, I mean, if you could get through something like that, you can get through almost

anything. Really, you've turned all of it into something positive. And that is just so admirable and so important for our listeners to hear. Because if you're not a kid, you have a kid, or if you're like me and smart or like Monica and refuse to procreate, then because I can't procreate because I don't want any of my daughter. I don't want a daughter going through any of the shit that happens in high school. I'm like, I will never have children because I will never put them through this. And that was just regular high school.

Well, I have baby popsicles. So I, you know, I froze my eggs and I, you know, but I think I'm at a point now where that just didn't happen for me, which me, which has actually been not always easy. Right, yeah. Tell me, how is your trust level? Like how is your trust with men and in relationships with women too? Right. Well, I, you know, I consider myself really lucky because I could see, you know, if I stepped outside of my own experience of this story, I could look at what happened to me

and think, oh, yeah, this is going to be a person who is bitter and whose heart is closed for the rest of their lives. And that's not me. So I consider myself really lucky that way that I can trust. I, you know, I think it's still a challenge in romantic relationships. It's still more of a challenge there. And my therapist will often say to me, she's like, well, the paradox of you is that the very skills and things that allowed me to survive this sort of well of hope or my perseverance and not giving up, she's like, it's not so, it's like a little

maladaptive in romantic relationships. Well, I think not every man can be with a strong woman. Not every man is up to the challenge. Well done, Brad. And I also think too that there's, I think there's something with this generation too that we're sort of sandwiched between the boomers and the millennials and that where things were changing who got married – a lot of men who were gay who married women either because it wasn't acceptable or they didn't even know they were gay, right? And then our generation, it was – I think men started to come out later. But then the younger generations are the ones where it's been much more fluid. And so, I think that there literally are less straight men available. So, I mean, it is. Thank God.

Thank God. We had an overdose for a while. We need some non-straight men, more of them. Yeah. So it's, you know, I'm at a point now where I'm like, it'll happen or it won't happen. You know, I have a lot of great things in my life. Would I like a partner? Sure.

But. Okay, well, on that note, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding?

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How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all, I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart Series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests

who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from

the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Oh, we are back. For our first question, we're going to have a caller. And Christina is going to join us on the line. But she says, Dear Chelsea,

I'm a female in my 30s and a resident physician at a hospital in New York City. During my training, I've experienced a substantial amount of sexism within my department, including favoritism, rule bending, inappropriate and non-constructive criticism, additional tasks or tasks withheld, and yes, sexual harassment. I have discussions with my other female co-residents in which we all have our own experiences to share. I decided to become involved in leadership and was asked to create a project relating to diversity, equality, and inclusion. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to conduct a survey with the goal of bringing to light the gender inequalities in my department. After finding a legitimate and validated survey with many citations and publications, I was met with complete pushback. After talking with higher-ups, I received numerous phone calls from our HR rep expressing concern for potential consequences of

the survey. I was advised to just drop it and go ahead and find a new project. The havoc caused by a request for permission to conduct a survey along the lines of sexism tells me all I need to know. I listen to your podcast every week on my walk to and from work and all the great advice you provide. I know there's no quick fix to this, but I'm at a loss as to how I can move past this.

How am I supposed to continue these next few years working for such a sack of shit place knowing it covers all this up and there's nothing I can do about it? How am I supposed to encourage female medical students to come here for their residency? I cannot risk my training position by pushing the issue and I need some of the higher ups in question to write me letters of recommendation upon my departure. Any guidance on how to navigate the sexist political nightmare while we wait for these old barnacles to fall off. Christina. Wow. Hi, Christina. Hi. Hi. This is Monica, our special guest today, Monica Lewinsky.

Nice to meet you. Christina, I know you mentioned something to me that I would love for you to share with Monica as well of why you were like, I actually have to call it. I have your biography from 98 on my nightstand. I had about 40 pages left when Catherine told me that you were going to be on. And I was like, OK, I have to go. I have to do it. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that was an authorized biography that Andrew Morton did and that I participated in. And he's a great person.

I do not recommend doing an authorized biography right when you're coming out of the most traumatic year of your life that is also written in three months. But, you know, help pay the legal bills. Yeah, exactly. You know. There you go. Yeah.

So your situation, you have tried to kind of blow the whistle on the situation there and you were met with a lot of pushback right correct and do you see any other avenues for you to pursue that line of accountability so the only other thing I could do is like go I guess find the correct authoritative people to kind of report things to but unfortunately I think it would have the same outcome or the same negative effect in terms of what my reputation would be or some of the ways I would be treated and and I still need you know a lot of things from these people forward with my career. Kind of a tough situation. It sounds like a tough situation

and I'm sorry that you're in it. Did you, so did you already deal with HR on this when you asked to do the survey or? So they just kind of ghosted me. I never heard anything back. They said they would get to, you know, touch base with me at some point, but it's like, they wouldn't even say no.

You know, it's like, I'm just asking for permission. So the answer is no, then just say no. And you know, give me whatever reason you can come up with. But it's like, they just completely brushed it under the rug and just ignored me. What is the vibe at work? Is it a daily occurrence? Like, are you constantly just dealing with being marginalized there? Yeah, pretty much. And it's, and it's not just the men either. It's the women too. You know, it's kind of like sometimes the women attendings are harder on the female residents. And, you know, a lot of the HR people are women. It's tough. It's just kind of, you know, no one wants to lose their job. I know. And I'm so against keeping your head down.

I don't know how you feel about that, Monica, but like I'm very much about telling on people. I like to tell on people, especially when it's this issue because this issue, it's so weird that we're living in this time, you know, where we just had Me Too and the repercussion of Me Too was basically the overturning of Roe v. Wade. Like I look at that as all, you know, like we stand up for ourselves and then they're like, shut the fuck up. Don't, don't talk too loudly and don't stand up for yourself too strongly. Like whack-a-mole. Yeah. Right. Right. And how many years do you have left in the program? About two. Right. And do you think that, like, what are you thinking? Are you thinking that you can survive that and that you're going to just like get through it? I mean, I guess I don't really have another choice.

Well, you do have a choice. You, you are, you do have choices here. You can decide to make a big deal out of this and blow the whole thing up. You can, I don't know if that's what you want to do. It's that doesn't sound like that's necessarily the best option for you. That is what I want to do, of course. But no, I don't think it's the best thing to do in my particular situation. But it's kind of like, how do we ever progress if everyone thinks that way? You know, if everyone is putting their head down and just complying because we're trying to get, you know, to what we need to get. And we've all worked very hard to get to this place. You know, it's not, it's a lot to put on the line, but how do you force change

if everyone does that? Well, I think there are other ways to kind of stand up for yourself without making it this huge thing where you're calling everyone out. I think it's kind of like how there's microaggressions. There's also microassertions, like ways to make yourself be more, you know, standing up for yourself in a way where it doesn't have to be kind of a blanket statement. It's actually individual to you. Like, I'm actually not willing to do this. I actually don't appreciate being spoken to like this, or, you know, like little, little things where if that's how you see yourself and you start actually calling people out on the little things without making it a huge deal,

but being like, I actually don't really appreciate being spoken to like that or just being overlooked in that way. It kind of feels like it's because I'm a woman. I find the phrase that's not going to work for me sort of sometimes can feel really empowering and also puts the ball back in someone else's court of, okay, this isn't going to work and therefore come up with another fucking solution, you know, or suggestion of something else. Yeah. You mentioned there are opportunities that are given to some of the male residents or taken away from the female residents. Maybe there is just some questioning that you can do on an individual basis, like, oh, is there a reason that this task or opportunity is going

to this person instead of this other person, whether it's you or another woman resident? Yeah, I mean, that's true. For instance, there's a certain rotation where if there is a female resident on with other male residents, this one attending will only ask the female to go run errands, like go consult other physicians or give them cases, like not even their case. But if there's two females on, then he'll kind of go back and forth between the two females, but like the males never get asked

unless there is no female in service, of course. So things like that. But yeah, I think you're right. I think it does need to be just said in the moment. Yeah, in the moment. And also like, I learned this a few years ago about when I'm having a confrontation to be light

and happy about it and be overly smiley because you have to actually act that way with people, especially men, because they're like, oh, all of a sudden you're contesting something that they're saying and you're a bitch. But if you're smiling and you're friendly and you're like, but wait, it's kind of weird that you're only asking the women to do this, right? It's almost like you have to play with their brains, you know? And it's almost, I don't want to say in a flirtatious way, but sometimes I do do that where I'm like, wait, I don't understand. Are you giving, because this one guy, I went and I was pulling up to this nail salon. I had forgotten something.

And this guy, I was at a meter and I didn't put money in the meter because I was just running up to the nail salon on Montana Avenue. And I came downstairs and the guy goes, excuse me, miss, miss, miss, miss. You didn't put any money in your meter. And I was like, who the fuck are you? My fault. Like, why are you a meter maid? Who cares what I'm doing? But I was like, okay, this is a man telling a woman what to do. And even though it's not the biggest thing, it is a very micro aggression. If you get enough of those, it becomes a macro aggression. And it's fucking annoying. You know, what man would say that to another man? You forgot to put money in your meter, mister. Like, no, that's, it's definitely a male female like dynamic.

So I said to him, I go, I'm sorry, but I just, I'm so confused. Why do you care what I'm doing with my meter? And then I like slapped him on the shoulder, like in a playful way. I'm like, I'm just really curious. He goes, well, I'm just looking out for you. And I said, but are you, are you looking out for me? Like, do you think that I don't know about parking meters? Like that? I don't know what goes on, you know, this isn't my, so it's like, but just that tonality, like he clearly saw what he did in our, in our small exchange. I just wrote about this and he, he was like oh, God, I go, it's just kind of unnecessary. Do you understand like women were just so sick of being told,

especially by men, I'm sure you meant well, but it doesn't, I don't need you. You're not my babysitter. I'm a grown woman. I'm in my like, I'm almost 50, you know, like, stop. So and it was a nice conversation. I ended up giving him a kiss on the cheek as I left him for being such a good listener. But do you know what I'm saying? It's like the small kind of calibration to just kind of change the narrative. So it's not like you're whining and bitching and moaning because that's like can use against you. So if you go in there with like playfulness and kind of, you know, not flirty, you don't need to flirt with anyone. That's like, you know, that's not cool for us to even have to do.

But in a more playful manner, like, oh, interesting. You should take a look at that. And so it doesn't feel like such a threat to them. I think maybe it's easier for people to see it that way. Yeah. They're definitely more, men especially, are more receptive when you're a little smiley. Yeah. And who cares? We're just manipulating them anyway into seeing their own behavior. So I'm all for that. I feel like we are societally built to think this is a zero sum game and only one woman could succeed. And we're in competition with each other because of what men, the way that, you know, we've all been going through the world for millions of years. It is a man's world. And women are like, oh, fuck, there's not going to be three

of us at the top. There's only going to maybe be one of us. So everyone else get out of the way. But I think you can do the same thing. Like, actually, it's not even like confronting them. It's actually pointing out and go, oh, that's interesting. We're actually working against each other, like because of the guys. Like, isn't that funny? Don't you think it's funny? You know, like in a conversational way, just like pointing out things that you notice in the moment that they're happening. Or after the fact with a version of, you know, I'm sure it was unintentional, but it seems to me that I've been asked to do this where some of the other male residents haven't. And is there something personal to that? I don't, you know, or that you doubt it's personal.

And you can also sort of, you know, you know these things are happening. So you can maybe bypass the questioning about it and go straight to the solution. And I think especially with the women, applying to their better nature and their mentorship may be a good solution saying, you know what? I really am feeling like I want to challenge myself over these next few months. You know, I want to take on additional tasks. If there's any time, you know, maybe you have specific examples, but if there's anything that I can do to do more challenging work, I'm really interested in doing that because I want to be the best doctor that I can be. And like really applying to that sense of mentorship could be a way through that as well.

Yeah, definitely. I think that's great advice. I think it's difficult for women in medicine, and especially if you're, you know, we have a lot of international attendings too. So I think they had to work really hard and probably had to experience that stuff themselves. My best friend from college is a pediatrician. So I know she's, I hear numerous stories about both ways she's respected and ways she needs to assert herself at times. And so it is a balance. I think it is finding that balance. And I'm sure you've done this, but it's also good to just be documenting

what's happening, you know, so it doesn't have to be a whole report, but. Yeah, I agree with that too. Yeah. And even if, you know, I don't know if this is the sort of thing that you would talk to somebody in the media about on an anonymous basis, but especially if you are documenting it, you have specific examples and dates and times and people that you can, that you can reference. And then again, like, you know, these things are happening. Maybe it's skipping something like the survey and going straight to suggesting like, Hey, hey, you know, you wanted me to do this leadership and DEI. Maybe we go ahead and have a training. Maybe we go ahead and take some steps and, you know, do some sort of a rotation where it's like doctors are all about systems, right?

You have your checklist. You have your system. So maybe it's like, hey, instead of just like picking willy-nilly, here's who gets the task or here's who gets the opportunity. Maybe we have a rotational thing. So everybody is getting, you know, the same level of opportunities. I don't know if that's something that can happen because I know it's very hierarchical, but maybe just bypassing going straight to the solution. Yeah. Yeah. One of the things we talked about for like a project idea was to do like some sort of PowerPoint like presentation on, you know, workplace sexism and microaggressions.

But the thing is, is it's already a training, you know, it's already a module training that's required. And so it's like, no one's paying attention to that, are they? People, I think with trying to change social behavior, we found with some of the PSAs that we did that getting people to feel an emotion always helps shift thinking and behavior a lot faster than just hearing information. And maybe there's, I don't know what that creative solution is, but maybe there's a way of, if you're doing that, maybe it's writing scripts and having the men be the women in something funny and, you know, some version of that, because that's what people remember. It's how they felt.

Yeah, that's so true. That's true. Like, especially through humor, even though it's not a humorous situation, it kind of takes the weight off of it. It takes the weight off of feeling like you're learning. Yeah, like a skit or something like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Medical SNL. Yeah. Yeah. It's like we have to outsmart men now just to like, it's so exhausting, you know, we're not allowed to be smart. And then we have to become smarter than them to like make change or make something different. And it makes you pay more attention to the, you know, to things that probably are nothing. And you're like, oh, that's something. It's like when I go for a hike and, you know, you're trying to pass somebody and it's a male. And then he's like, he's like, go ahead.

And I'm like, don't tell me what to do. You know, it's going to be nice. But it's like, isn't it funny? I find in the car so much. I don't understand why people have such an issue of letting someone pass. Like, I want to go faster than you do. Why do you fucking care? Like, it's such a weird thing.

It is so. But also, what about people who scream at people while they're driving? Oh, wait. Road rage. It's so embarrassing to be in a car. I do. I had a boyfriend once, Ted Harbert, who pulled over someone else. He pulled over another car. He's not a police officer. And he wasn't then and he literally made this arms gesticulation to this crazy driver we were in Venice California and he went like this and pulled over and the woman pulled over and I was like oh my god what are you doing he's like I can't deal with this and he went out and screamed at her and goes you have no friends that's what he said to her and I was like how I'm supposed to be fucking you? Like, are you kidding me? You have no friends? I'm like, after this, and all of it was mind blowing. I'm like, who pulls

over for a random man going like this? Talk about mansplaining. Oh, my gosh. Anyway, I digress. That wasn't a very necessary story, but one I had to share. But yes, I think it's great that you're asking these questions. And I think it's great that you're open to like solutions, like a non-traditional solution, like you have to get creative. And that's only going to serve you in the long run anyway, to deal with more situations like this, because they're going to unfortunately be there. You know what I mean? You're going into the medical field. This isn't going to be the first time you're dealing with this. So I think if you just try like a couple of different approaches, and then when you find one that works, then that's going to be like something that you're going to be able to use throughout the rest of your career to put people in their place. Yeah, no, I think everything you guys said is really good advice. I think it's, you know, you have to kind of grow the courage to say things in the moment and not everything is in the moment. Some things are like, you know, you talk to my, like, I'll talk to my male co-residents

and then they'll tell me, oh, that's weird. weird like they didn't have me do that and you're like you know it's kind of like you're finding out after the fact things that do happen I think I think you're right I think you need to just address it just you know finding the courage yeah and the tone and the right tone because the right tone is everything you could say you could say fuck you 18 different ways and one of them can be friendly. You know, like you can find different ways to say almost anything where it becomes

more of a conversation and more of a thought. Like, oh, you say to your doctor, like, oh my God, that's so funny. I was talking to the male interns. Like they've never done any of this stuff. I wonder why that is. They don't know how the coffee maker works. How funny.

Yeah, is that part of the rule? You know, like almost kind of in a playful way. And see where that gets you. Yeah. As Chelsea said earlier, I'm sorry you're going through this. You shouldn't have to do all this extra fucking work. I agree. But it's everywhere.

I mean, that's the unfortunate part. You know, we're still talking about this. Yeah. It happens everywhere. Medicine, not medicine. Yeah. Well, keep us Medicine, not medicine. Yeah. Well, keep us posted. Let us know how everything is going with you.

I will. Hope you enjoy the last 40 pages of the book. If I did, I finished it. Bye. Bye. Well, our next caller, Allie, says, Dear Chelsea, My dad was diagnosed with ALS when I was two and a half

and died a week after my fourth birthday. I'm turning 30 on March 14th, and every year my birthday and the weeks leading up to it are awful. Try as I may, it's often an anxiety-ridden day that I white-knuckle through and often don't enjoy. I get stressed about it months in advance. I've tried everything. My grief tends to commandeer the month of March every year. It's like my body is remembering everything and grieving, and every year I'm surprised I can't get out from under it. Honestly, my best birthdays aren't even up there with neutral

days in my life. I'm an extrovert with incredible people in my life who want to celebrate me and who know this and try to support me each year, and it's still a day in a month I'd rather just fast forward right through. Can you help me enjoy my birthday? Allie. Yes, yes, we can, Allie. Hi. Hi. Hi. Look how cute you are. This is Monica Lewinsky, our special guest today. Hi. Nice to meet you. Hi, Monica. Nice to meet you. Nice to see you, Catherine. You need to flip it and reverse it, sister. You are going to start now in the month of March and just do every morning. You are going to get up and you're going to write down.

We're going to get you a list of affirmations where you're going to say, this is going to be the month that I celebrate my father's life and that he celebrates my birthday with me. And you are going to go through that month in joy because you had a father. It wasn't his fault he died. He doesn't want to see you mourning for him a month every year. He wants you to enjoy your birthday and you're going to enjoy it with his spirit in mind. You have to take hold of this and take hold of him and be like, we're doing this together. This is the year that I am going to enjoy my birthday and I'm going to enjoy this month. And I'm just going to be appreciative for all the love that I have in my heart for you,

because that's really what it's all about. You know, there's no, there's no point in grieving. Obviously it's a natural feeling. You can't control grieving, but there's, there's no point in suffering because now you're suffering more than grieving. Do you understand? Yeah. That's the difference.

It's like, I'll, it'll hit me in October and I'm like, this is grief. And then every March I'm confused and it feels more like suffering and not like grief. Yeah. Yeah. Also what Chelsea's saying in other words is finding a new story for it. You know, so I went through something similar, different underpinnings, but so January 16th for me every year was, January 16th was the day I was stung by the FBI and I found out about the investigation happening and was told if I didn't wear a wire, I was going to jail for 27 years, blah, blah, blah. And the sort of next year or two, I dreaded that day. I dreaded 1.01 p.m. This is when it happened last year.

And then I think it was maybe by the third year, I decided that I was going to celebrate it as Survivors Day. And so my family and I do that every year. And January 16th is Survivors Day. I buy myself a present. I try to celebrate as much as I can. And changing that narrative around that event made a difference. And so I wonder if there's, you know, is there a different story to find? No, it makes sense. Yeah. It's this bodied remembering. Yeah. Yes. And you just

change. I mean, we, we have the power to do that. It's just that we feel kind of wrapped up in our own feelings and we don't know how to get out of them sometime, but like even as simple as finding out some of your dad's favorite books, right. Or some of your dad's favorite things and spending that time when the date is coming along or, you know, your birthday is coming along or whichever the date, you know, reading what he loved or experiencing some of the things that he loved, whatever his hobbies were, like as a way of connecting him to your life now. And I guarantee you, the more you welcome people who are gone and the more you bring them towards you, like I do it in meditation all the time. I always just imagine my mom who's passed away and my brother as these kind of like mythical little nymphs, like in Greek mythology, like dancing

through the sky. I always just summon them when I'm meditating because that's like my light, that's protective. And your father is protecting you. Like that's what happens. You know, people who are in your life, they never just go away. Their energy is with you forever. And it's worth celebrating and it's worth honoring. It's not just about the time you didn't have with him. It's about the person that he was and that he created you. And I think there's a lot of stuff that you can do and set yourself up for turn it into

a celebration. There are also what comes up for me is I wonder, too, if there was anything that happened when you were so little that you somehow coupled, you know, kids as kids, we we make our own stories. Definitely. Yeah. Was there some narrative or something you you overheard that you maybe misinterpreted as a kid that made you loop that connection of sort of this negativity and that, and I'm clearly not saying you were responsible for your dad's death, but I think kids can take that on and sort of that, you know, that version. And so there could be, you know, your younger self could be in there sort of still holding on to that narrative. Yeah. I think it's a feeling of a lack of control that I, that's a trigger for me

in my life in general, but I think, yeah, I, he did hospice in the home. So there were years of me watching that, that I don't remember, but I was there. Right. And so every March it's like, my body is like something happened 25 years ago that scared the shit out of us right and like my body remembers first and so I really I think because of that I avoided this month maybe more than I would in a different month because I'm afraid to kind of like turn into the curve and I like what you're both saying about claiming it not trying to put it under the rug because I'm not like that my family's not like that there's no reason for me to say, hey, I really miss him today. There's no reason I can't say that or do a toast to him at my birthday dinner.

Do you live either in California or Florida where there's like a Disney? I'm in L.A. Okay. You know, my energy guy, he talks about like literally disrupting the pattern in your body and how it could be so great. Like Disneyland is a great place to do that. Going on a roller coaster rides, going on the rides and maybe doing that on your birthday. It's literally shaking up your pattern. Just switch it up. Yeah. When I travel, my birthdays are better. Every time I travel, which is interesting that you say that. I have people coming here, which will still be different and good. And know something, you know, whatever you focus on intensifies, right? So if you're focusing on the loss, that is intense

feeling. If you focus on the love and the experience that you had, that will intensify. So it really is a choice that you make and it becomes a practice, but it works. You know, it's like, have you had any somatic healing or somatic therapy? I talked to Catherine about that. I do therapy and I've always done like Reiki and body work. I don't know that I've ever done like a somatic therapist. Yeah. You might want to look into that because that is healing your body. Yeah. The LA Pain and Psychology Center is where I have gone. My therapist is there. And that's been super, super helpful for me in getting certain stuff out of my body.

And just how you say, like, it's like your body triggers your emotions with this. Like, it starts in your body. That might be something to look into. Yeah. And I know, Monica, you did some somatic therapy, too. I have a somatic. Yeah. Every other week, I do. I have a somatic session.

Yeah, because your body remembers, for sure. I'm, like, always, every year, I do, I have a somatic session. Yeah, because your body remembers for sure. I'm like always, every year I'm like the last to know why I'm anxious. I'm like, oh, every year I do this. Every year I forget. And you just, like when you start to really pay attention to it too, I mean, they're just these subtle. I know early on working with my somatic therapist, I had this realization that I feel I am on my legs. I'm not in my legs. And so like even just a little something like that just really reorients how you see and experience your life, you know? Yeah. So interesting. Thank you so much. I'm going to look into that. Happy early birthday. Thank you. 10 days until I'm 30.

Oh, well, this is perfect. This is perfect timing for you to turn the beat around. New decade coming. And also, have you ever read any of like Science from the Universe by Laura Lynn Jackson? I haven't, but I heard her on your podcast and learned about her work. I have her book. I haven't read it yet, but I do do that. I have a sign that I have with him and he does, it's the band, The Who. And he does come to me a lot when I ask for him. Yeah. I talk to him a lot. I feel connected to him the older I get, which is great. And so this year, I think I'm like, let's get real, dad. Okay. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Well, good for you. You're going to be fine. It's going to be better. Thank you. Yeah. I really appreciate this. Yeah. Okay. Take care. Thank you. Bye. What a perfect little face she had. I was looking at her face. I was like,

oh, you're like a little baby doll. But I think that idea of turning toward the pain that you're feeling or turning into your body, that was something that was a real key for me was because I was having a lot of stress that was manifesting in physical pain. And there were times when I would have pain in one part of my body and I actually turned inward and focused on it and either changed or dissipated or lessened. But also I would notice things like, oh, I think I'm only having this pain in this. This is the only sensation I can focus on. And when I actually did a body scan, I'm like, oh my gosh, my hands are tingling. Or, you know, these other body sensations that I could, I wasn't even aware of because I was so focused on trying

to not focus on the pain. And when you actually look inward and focus on it, whether it's emotional or physical pain, it can change your relationship to it. Obviously, it doesn't cure every pain, but it can change your relationship to it. Well, our last question comes from Adria. Dear Chelsea, I'm turning 50 in August and I'm blissfully single and child-free. As such, I have not had a wedding, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a baby shower, or received gifts or money for any major life events beyond high school graduation. I didn't even send out graduation notices when I earned my undergrad or graduate degrees. My chosen careers have never been especially lucrative.

Actor, teacher, bartender, and I'm currently self-employed as a pet sitter. I also volunteer five or six days a week at my county's woefully underfunded animal shelter. My goal is to open a humane society operating on government contracts, essentially doing away with the animal shelter, as was done with great success in a neighboring county. I want to ask my friends and family members for money to start this humane society, with the purpose of the announcement being my 50th birthday present. My conundrum about doing this is twofold. First, will starting something like a GoFundMe for start this humane society with the purpose of the announcement being my 50th birthday present. My conundrum about doing this is twofold. First, will starting something like a GoFundMe for this be perceived as gauche or worse, lazy? In other words, why am I not well-connected or financially

solvent enough by this age to accomplish this without their help? Second, I think I deserve to be acknowledged, nay, celebrated for not adding to the world's overpopulation or being another divorce statistic, which I surely would have been if any of my prior relationships had led to marriage. So how do I bring this up without offending those who have chosen to get married and have kids? Thanks so much. Love the show. Adria. I think starting a GoFundMe, is that what she's asking? Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. That's perfect GoFundMe material. I don't have a problem with that at all. And I wouldn't worry about, I mean, the people you're going to offend, you're going to invite a lot of people that are your friends to share it. And I think this is such a cute, funny way to be like, I haven't asked for baby shower gifts or any of these other things. This is how you can give back to me because I want. I mean, you're not asking for yourself.

You're asking for this humane society. That's incredible. And also can always sort of say if you can to people. I think just like giving people because sometimes people feel uncomfortable asking for money. It's like if you can. If you can do this, great. This is what I would like. And you should feel good about yourself that you have such an amazing friend who this is what she wants for her 50th birthday. And if you can't give financially, I would love if you share it on your social media. And other people may get involved. It can be a whole community effort. Like,

I think this is a wonderful thing to do. Yeah. Love it. Yeah. I love it. Yeah wonderful thing to do. Yeah. Love it. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Good job, Adria. Go for it. Problem solved. Well, that's all we got.

Oh, okay. Well, we're going to wrap it up. Monica, it was such a pleasure to have you on our show. Thanks, Chelsea, for being here. And I want to hang out when I'm back in LA, okay? For sure. Let's go out. We'll go out with Maria and we'll have some drinks.

Maria has to watch me drink though because she doesn't drink. Oh, I don't drink either, but. Well, then you'll both watch me and I'll drink. Until 10 o'clock. I'm like, everybody who drinks gets boring after 10 p.m. So. Don't worry, I'm in bed by 9.30, so no problem.

Me too, grandma hours. That's what I call it. I keep grandma hours, so. Okay, well, take care. This is so great. And happy International Women's Day. We mentioned this at the start of the show, but the team here at Dear Chelsea is celebrating International Women's Day this week. For more programming, honoring the incredible women at the network and worldwide, head over to iHeart Podcast's International Women's Day feed by searching Women Take the Mic wherever you look for podcasts. We're featured alongside Therapy for Black Girls, The Psychology of Your 20s,

Cheeky's and Chill, the Nikki Glaser podcast, and others. That's Women Take the Mic on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so Chelsea Handler is my name, and comedy is my game. Comedy and therapy are my games. I'm sorry. I misspoke. I have added more shows. I added a second show in Vancouver. So I have two shows in Vancouver, March 29th, March 30th.

Then I've added another show in Sydney, Australia on July 13th. So I have two shows in Sydney, July 12th and 13th. For other shows in Australia and New Zealand, go to ChelseaHandler.com. And I've added two shows in Oklahoma. Norman, Oklahoma on May 3rd. And one in Thackerville, Oklahoma, which is May 4th. And then I'll be at the YouTube Theater May 11th in Los Angeles with Mateo Lane and Vanessa Gonzalez and Fortune Feimster and Sam Jay.

Those are my updates. And more shows are coming, so pay attention. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com, and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is.

Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.