Dear Chelsea - Keeping the Tags On with Atsuko Okatsuka
Episode Date: December 15, 2022Chelsea is joined this week by Atsuko Okatsuka to talk about growing up with a mentally ill parent, not being afraid to ask for what you need, and the trouble with tampons. Then: A neurodivergent wo...man struggles to feel valued and worthy. A college grad decides to break up with his boyfriend - who’s also financially dependent on him. And a recovering bulimic wrestles with the shame of a disorder that’s cost her so much for so long. If you’d like to donate to Anna’s GoFundMe, click here! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hi, Catherine. Oh, hey, Chelsea.s, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine.
Oh, hey, Chelsea.
Oh, hey, hey.
I was with my sister in San Francisco caretaking for her
because she had that surgical procedure.
How did that go?
Oh, my God.
I was such a good nurse.
I was like, okay.
She has this huge scar down her back, which was really gnarly.
And I was like, listen, I was up there for 10 days over Thanksgiving
in between my tour dates, and I was able to, be there for her which was very meaningful but right away I was like let's get
into some physical therapy like I brought bands I had my like Pilates ring I had like very light
weights she's like Chelsea I they told me not to do anything for six to eight weeks like you're not
a doctor I'm like bitch I am a fucking doctor and until the physical therapist because we had to
wait to find a PT that could come she was gonna because we had to wait to find a pt
that could come she was going to wait a month to go to physical therapy finally i found you know
through my assistant she found somebody to come over to her apartment right away gave her every
single exercise that i gave her the physical therapist was like now you do and she's looking
at me she goes oh my god you are a doctor and i was like i am a doctor simone okay you need to
follow my lead you need to keep your body moving at all times. That's how you gain strength. That's why they make you like
get up after, you know, six hours after the worst, most gnarly surgeries. They make you keep moving.
You got to get up right away. It's not like 40 years ago. You know what I mean? Like you have
to build strength. So we'd go for walks each day. We would add a thousand steps. And by the time I
left, we walked over the Golden Gate Bridge together. You guys were shopping? Oh, my God.
Yeah.
She was in great shape.
She's like, wow, you really know what you're talking about.
I was like, yeah, I do.
She's a medical professional, everyone.
And I know you have a cold this week, but we actually recorded most of this episode with Otsko a few weeks ago when we were all in the throes of midterm elections.
Chelsea, I have a time sensitive question that I wanted to get your
opinion on. So Karen sent us an email. She's 34. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest child of
a mildly dysfunctional family and have two older sisters, 40 and 45 respectively, and an older
brother, 47. All my siblings are married with children, and I'm the lucky auntie
to eight nieces and nephews ranging in age from 18 down to two. I'm in need of your perspective
and advice. My brother and sister-in-law just sent out an email to myself and my two sisters
stating that now that their oldest is 18, they don't want us giving presents to her for Christmas
or birthdays. They said, we have to stop giving gifts
at some point. I disagree and replied stating that I think gift giving is the voluntary choice of the
giver. And so if they don't want to give anything, don't, but you can't tell me not to, especially
about giving a gift to another adult, even if they are your child. It's been over a week and
it's radio silence on the group email, no replies, but I know that she has since started side messages with each of my sisters.
I've come to terms with my place in the family and the fact that I'm given less credibility
because I'm unmarried with no children, even though I'm an independently successful woman
in a high-powered career, my own mortgage, retirement savings, and have traveled the
world.
But what do I know?
I'm not sure how to go forward with Christmas this year.
I love giving a good gift
and seeing the joy on someone's face when you nail it.
I don't want it to feel like I'm punishing my brother's kids
by not giving a gift to them either,
since that would only be fair.
What should I do, though?
Do I give nothing to everyone?
Do I leave one out or three out?
Do I give extra presents to spite my sister-in-law?
Do I make a donation
in their name or buy them therapy sessions to unpack their childhood? Help. As a fellow youngest,
what do I do? I'm at a loss. Karen. Oh, Karen, do your thing. Get your gifts for all of your
nieces and nephews. Don't overdo it. Just do what you would normally do. Nobody can control whether
or not you give a gift to somebody else. That's their prerogative if they don't want to give the gift to their 18 year old kid. You're an aunt. That's your specialty. That's what we're
here for is gift giving. So keep continuing to do that. I 100% co-sign. Exactly. Give those gifts.
Amen. Yeah. But anyway, this episode is exciting. We taped this episode earlier, you guys. It's with
one of my favorite comedians, Otsuko Okatsuka, whose special is now available to stream on HBO called The Intruder.
And she is our guest today. And she's fucking funny. So get ready.
Otsuko Okatsuka, everybody. Say it three times.
Otsuko Okatsuka. Otsuko Okatsuka. Otsuko Okatsuka. Thank you, Chelsea.
You know what it is? It's actually Chelsea. Chelsea, Chelsea. You know what it is?
It's actually Chelsea.
Chelsea.
It is in Mallorca.
Do you all remember it is?
It's Chelsea.
That's like a, they always have to add like a little flair, right?
Well, my German grandmother used to call me Chelsea.
And I fucking hated that pronunciation.
I mean, she sounded like such a Nazi every time she said it.
Chelsea.
Chelsea.
She's like Chelsea.
Nein.
Yeah.
Nein is no in German.
How's the Spanish going?
Thank you for asking, actually.
Yeah, pay attention.
And you know what it is when, you know,
it's just like so different than Spanish.
And I'm like, oh, maybe she's got Spanish brain.
Well, that's a great excuse. But no, I mean, I've been taking Spanish lessons again. My Spanish is
getting very good, actually. Not very good, but like, Mabel now speaks to me only in Spanish,
and I understand 50% of what she's saying rather than like, it used to be 20%. And now I can speak
in the past tense, which I learned through my tutor. So it's developing. And I'm just going to keep, I practice in my books every day, like a little girl.
Well, not every day, but like once a week, I do my workbook for my homework for my Spanish
class.
So it feels good.
Like I like to learn, you know, and I'm so into language.
So it's perfect.
And Mabel's like, I was talking to her about like pronunciations.
Yeah.
And she was like, oh, you know, you don't say that in Mexico.
And I'm like, well, no offense, Mabel, but like, I'm using this for Spain. And she's like, well, you know, you don't say that in Mexico. And I'm like, well, no offense, Mabel, but like I'm using this for Spain.
And she's like, well, I just only know it in slang.
And I'm like, well, no offense either, but I'm not trying to learn slang.
I'm trying to learn proper Spanish that I can speak regionally in all different sorts of regions.
Yeah.
She's trying to make you relatable to the streets.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, exactly.
How many languages do you speak, Atsuko?
I speak three, but I feel like all of them not that well.
And one of them is the one I'm talking to you in.
You know, it's really just like a lot of it's improvisation.
What are the languages that you speak?
I speak Mandarin, Japanese, and English.
And oh!
Oh no, now she's been moistened.
Oh my God, and it's fruit punch flavored electrolytes because I'm eight.
Oh.
It's okay.
Why?
Does that stain?
Yeah.
Oh.
That's okay.
I'm just going to have a stained shirt.
No, no.
It's okay.
Don't worry.
There's nothing that's going to help it.
I'm drinking during this podcast, too, so hopefully I also have a spill.
Oh, I'm so shy.
She's just like, oh, no, a little wet.
Is that a maxi shield?
Hold on.
I have maxi shields before you go, okay?
I give them to every guest before they leave.
What's a maxi shield?
I don't know the product.
It's for you putting your Pikachu when you have your period.
And your underwear, it's like a little pad.
Oh, sure.
Like a panty liner?
Yeah.
Like a liner.
But I like the word shield.
Yeah.
Because it sounds ridiculous.
I was like, I need to know about this new invention.
I don't use that because I'm getting what they call an ablation next month before Christmas as my Christmas gift to myself, which means they go inside your uterus and scorch it, blanch it with steaming hot water so that you don't bleed anymore.
Wow.
I'm so sick of getting my period.
Like, I'm over it.
So it just gets so hot that your uterus just goes like, no more.
It just, you're killing it.
You're killing the blood.
So the blood, like 1% of people have a period again after they do this.
But my sister did it because my period's just like, you know, I don't want to deal with this anymore.
You know, I have too much other shit to deal with.
I don't want to deal with it.
Yeah, every three weeks.
It's like again, again, again.
Well, it's supposed to be every four weeks. Are you getting your period every three
weeks? You know, because I'm a gynecologist. Oh, is it not every? Oh, it's Oh, my gosh. You know,
mine comes different times. We're very different people. You're on it. You know, I see your videos
about like, this is how you pronounce this word. I'm the type of person that's like, look, you know what I meant, you know?
And you just imagine what I meant.
But honestly, I thought it was every three weeks
because then a week is when I have the period.
Can you make sure the camera's on?
Because her price tag is still on her clothing.
That's what I'm saying, but we're different people.
No, I used to do this all the time.
Everyone I worked with was like,
your price tags are still on your clothes.
Are you going to return this or should I take it off?
Can you tell me how much it was before?
It was $78.
Okay, put it back in because I'm still thinking about it.
I thought for some reason this was like a sale one.
Anyway.
Atsuko always wears the same outfit when I see her.
And so I'm convinced that she went and got this outfit
just to be like, I have different outfits.
Because she's like, listen, you've seen all my outfits already.
Oh, girl, I'm going to free people right after this.
Yeah.
I'll be like, do you take returns after I've been near a spill?
Maybe you should try and return this as an extra challenge.
No, you've already dried up.
Just like your pussy's going to do.
I'm so excited for you. Just like my pussy's going to do. I'm so excited for you.
Just like my pussy's going to dry up right after that ablation.
There's really nothing grosser than dry pussy.
Like even when anyone says anything like that, it's such a disgusting thought.
I know.
I know.
That's not what I meant.
You know, what I meant was I'm so stoked for you that you're never going to get your period again.
It's all I dream about.
It's all I dream about. That's why I'm doing stoked for you that you're never going to get your period again. It's all I dream about. It's all I dream about.
I know.
That's why I'm doing it for you.
And I can't, you know, I don't use tampons because not that it's like, oh, I'm so small
down there, but it always falls out.
Yeah.
That means you're actually big if your tampons are falling out.
So that is a problem.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Either way.
Yeah.
So I hate using pads.
I just feel like a baby once a month.
I don't like I've never used a pad. Even the first time I got my period, I think it was 13. And my
sister came into the bathroom and she was like, OK, you can use this or this. And I was like,
I'm going to not going to walk around with blood floating between my legs in like open areas like
that's gross. Yeah. Free bleeding. It's so gross. But I guess some people really don't like tampons.
I swear to God, a tampon, I do not know how to keep it in. That would be the advice I ask you
about later. I mean, we can... How to keep a tampon in? I'll show you. We can do some Kegels
to wrap this episode up when we're done. I swear it's not because I'm too big. I think it's because
I'm too small. Like I literally... Are you putting it in the front or are you putting it in the back?
I'm putting it... What? Like, okay, this is a trick question, but what do you mean back?
You know that when you get your period, you're supposed to put your tampon in your asshole, right?
I'm not putting it in my pee-pee hole.
What do you think?
I'm not bird-brained.
I have, yeah, obviously I'm putting it in where you're getting scorched.
That's where I'm putting it.
Where you're putting your tampon in.
Yeah.
And it falls out, no matter what size you use?
Yes.
Like, yeah, it's just always halfway hanging out.
You know what I don't understand about tampons?
And this sounds really stupid at my age, but I am stupid about a lot of things.
So I'm just going to say it because my old assistant, Karen Wacker, told me, she's like,
you know, your tampon isn't going into your pee hole.
It's going into your vagina hole where you have sex out of.
And I was like, OK, but then why when I pee, does the tampon get wet?
Yeah, I do have that question, too.
Maybe because it's like falling out a little bit already, like especially if it's already a little bit soaked, it can fall out a little bit.
And then you're like, oh, no, this is it's got pee on it.
It shouldn't be getting pee on it. It shouldn't be getting. It does, though it does. Every time I take a tampon
out, even if it hasn't come out a little, and I've peed with it in like if you because for me,
I'm always like, Oh, I just thought you always had to take your tampon out when you peed,
because it was coming out of the same hole. And this was until I was in my 30s. And someone
explained to me it's a different hole. And I was like, oh, shit.
Shitsky doodle again.
Way to come late to the party.
And then I was like, but wait, why does it always get wet?
And it comes out a little when you pee.
Sometimes the tampon can come out.
Oh, that's what I'm saying.
Maybe because you're bearing down.
Are you bearing down a little bit?
I mean, I'm always bearing down.
At all times.
There's always something in there and I have to hold on to whatever is in there, even when I'm driving. Sometimes it's a stick shift,
sometimes it's a tampa. Right, just like don't come out, right? That's what I'm saying. That's
why I'm a pad girl. That's why I walk around like a baby every month. And one day soon I will do
the ablation too. Ablation? Ablation. Yeah. Atsuko's another person that isn't looking to
have children, so you could get an ablation, right?
Are you still there?
Do you still feel that way?
Yeah, I'm still there.
I don't think that's going to change.
People always say, oh, you know that clock, it's going to hit, right?
And I'm like, what clock?
I know that much about myself where I don't think I'll change.
I know.
I know.
It's so annoying.
People still ask me that.
I'm 47 years old.
I'm like, when are you going to get the fucking message that I can't have a baby anymore?
Yeah, like little things change, like maybe my favorite color.
But like, you know what I mean?
Like, I'm not going to a whole life change.
Okay, Atsuko, talk a little bit.
Tell everybody about your history and how you moved over here,
the circumstances about how you moved over to the United States,
because it's a fascinating story.
Yeah.
So I came to the States when I was 10.
My grandma said we were coming for a two-month vacation.
And then she had us overstay our tourist visas.
And then we became undocumented.
And then we were stuck here.
And then I made the best of it by doing stand-up comedy.
But you lived in a garage, right?
Right.
Yeah, I lived in my uncle's garage.
Yeah, for seven years.
With your mother and your grandmother.
With my mother and grandmother.
It's like if you've seen Grey Gardens, it's kind of like that.
But less room to move around probably in a garage.
That's true.
But yeah, Grey Gardens, but poor.
And one more person.
Uh-huh.
If you follow Atsuko on social media, she posts videos all the time of her and her grandmother, who's adorable.
And her grandmother gets down to business.
So tell us about that experience, though.
What was that like going to school?
I mean, you had to learn the language when you got here, right?
Yeah.
And so it's kind of like immersion.
What Mabel's doing to you right now.
It's part-time immersion.
Mabel's doing to you. Yeah, right? It's part-time immersion. What the hell is doing to you? Yeah. Part-time, you know, pretty much. Yeah. Where, you know,
everyone's speaking that language and that is really the quickest way to learn a language
is no forgiveness. You know what I mean? No room for, you know, explaining what's going on. No,
just this is how I talk to you. Yeah. It was, it was tough because also like you're a kid and you want to really fit in.
And I feel like, yeah.
And then I was also embarrassed about our circumstances.
So I didn't invite friends back to my place
because, you know, even for birthdays or something,
if it was my birthday, you know,
I would just not have a party
because I didn't want them being like,
oh, you live here? You know what I mean?
Yeah. And my mom and grandma, they're just like elbow to elbow. A garage is, it's a lot to hold
three generations of people. You know what I mean? And our whole ass personalities and baggage,
it's not enough space for, my mom has schizophrenia and then I developed an eating disorder too and I remember
like thinking back being like god a garage is not enough space for an eating disorder and
you need a lot of space well you need privacy for an eating disorder you do yeah and so we were just
so on top of each other and so I I'm kind of you know I joke that I'm sort of delayed and stunted as an adult because I feel like it wasn't until I got out of that situation that I was able to. Yeah. Largo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I think that was the first time we met.
That's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I was following her on social media and she's so funny.
And she also did that drop down challenge where everybody, what's that song called again?
Yeah.
Beyonce's partition.
Give me some.
Give me.
Yeah.
And then you dropped your ass down, which is basically the only dance move I can do.
And I can't even really nail that one.
It's so slow motion that I thought maybe this is one for me. That's such true. You're like one of the most athletic people I know. Well, athletic,
but I don't have rhythm. But it's like a squat. Yeah, it's a squat. Yeah, that's why I could do
it. And then Otsuko slid into my DMs asking if she could open for me. She wanted to open me.
And I said, sure. She said, yes. Open for me on a couple of stand-up dates. And I was like, yeah, absolutely.
I love that you asked me.
And then I met your husband, who's also just a sweetheart.
And you just taped your HBO special, which is going to come out in December.
I did, which you gave me so much advice about.
And so I super appreciate it.
Because I called you to be like, I had this opportunity to maybe do it off Broadway first, which would mean more dates running it, you know, maybe a hundred more times or more than that before taping it. And you were like, you know, just tape it because and that's how I work too. And so that was really great advice. And that's why it's coming out already. You know, that's exciting. Do you know the date it's coming out yet december 10th is oh exciting
we're going for yeah december 10th so your special comes out december 10th my special
comes out december 27th oh my gosh hers is on hbo mine is on netflix amazing
yeah december babies december is a good time people are at home they want to watch stuff
yeah with family maybe they're sad yeah that. Oh, how nice is that?
Yeah, that's great. And how did the taping go? Tell us. The taping went well. It was in New York.
I kind of wish I did it in LA now. But everyone's always like, don't do it in LA. LA people are
jaded with cameras. So they're not going to show as much excitement, you know, but I'm an LA baby.
I've been here since I was 10.
And so it's just one thing I would, for my next special.
For your next special. Yeah, it's a good experience nonetheless. I mean,
for your next special, you'll tape that in LA.
Yeah. And so New York was great. Brought grandma, flew grandma first class.
I saw you guys. I saw you posting her in first class. Oh my gosh. She was like, this lays down flat, you know, and I could just keep bugging the people for food and snacks. And I found, Chelsea, that when I was in first class, because I had never flown first class too, I could not sleep because I was like, oh, I think I need to be a little uncomfortable to be able to sleep because that's what I'm used to. Isn't that wild? Is that sad?
Well, no, it's not sad, but it's like I could see that being true.
Yeah.
Where it's like, oh, like, you know, I need to be sitting up straight and my neck crooked
and I need to have a kink in my neck when I wake up.
You don't want to be truly be comfortable.
It's so wild.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Be totally exhausted, feeling awful.
Right.
That's how you fall asleep on a plane.
You don't ever win, is what I'm saying.
Yeah. The grass is always greener. And then even when you get there, the grass
stopped being green and it turns yellow.
Oh, yeah. We got to Willie was burned.
Because somebody urinated on it or had their period who didn't have an ablation.
In that order, everybody. If you're having trouble following this conversation, you're not alone. Yeah, go back, listen to what we just talked about. Catch yourself up 100%.
And talk about how you met your husband.
We met through a mutual friend. And, you know, we had, gosh, like third date in, we were at this patio, you know, it was a nice day in LA. And there was somebody who was sort of talking to
themselves. And people at the restaurant were sort of afraid and didn't know what to do.
And Ryan, my husband, knew how to handle the person and sort of calm them down. And it kind
of surprised me because I was like, wait, how do you know to do that? Because it was like signs of
schizophrenia, which is one my mom has. So I recognize it. And I was like, how do you know to do that? Because it was like signs of schizophrenia, which is one my mom
has. So I recognized it. And I was like, how do you know how to deal with someone with that?
And he's like, oh, my mom has it too. And so that was, yeah. So it was kind of cool where I was like,
well, I was already feeling you and liking you a lot, but this really like-
Turned you on.
Yeah.
What a connection.
Yeah. A connection and the empathy the empathy you know everyone was scared to
deal with this unhoused person who was talking to themselves but this guy that i was ready to
fuck but i was like yeah we'll fuck now you know definitely right where he was like so kind to this
person and knew how to calm them down you know so that's it's always surprising when men surprise
us with just regular things that women would do and when we see a man do it we're like that's it's always surprising when men surprise us with just regular things that
women would do and when we see a man do it we're like that's so hot and so sexy when men show
empathy compassion oh yeah that's why that's why there's waves of like women i don't think we'll
have the fandom of like keanu reeves or you know oh his mystery you know he's worked with mostly
women directors and that's supposed to be mind blowing, you know, like wherever it's like, oh my God, he is so hot.
God.
And he's just, you know, he just lives in hotels and, you know, he works with mostly
women directors.
And it's like, you know what I mean?
Like when women do that, it's like.
Not as much of an allure.
I think so.
It's not hot.
It's more like, oh, they're starting a movement.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to Disneyland after this.
Oh, actually.
Is that psychotic?
Actually, Catherine just came from Disneyland.
Oh, you did?
I just went this weekend.
Oh, my gosh.
Yes.
I got a Mickey tumbler.
I bought all the Christmas merch.
I haven't even told my husband about it yet.
I got bowls with Christmas Mickey.
I got a platter with Christmas Mickey.
It was too much. It was too much.
It's too much.
Catherine and I have nothing in common.
No, I mean, I was going to, I mentioned this because I was like, I mean, how does it feel to have two Disney adult friends?
Not great.
Right next to you.
We got a tape here.
I feel like I'm being attacked right now.
On election day, when our bodies are at stake, I'm going to'm on a roller coaster because that's how I deal with chaos.
You're going to go to Disneyland.
Have you done this before during a chaotic day?
No, but this year it felt right.
I was like, you know, if I find out what happens with the elections,
I want to at least be upside down on the roller coaster screaming, you know?
I know.
I don't even know if we're going to find out everything today.
People are like already filing lawsuits for things that haven't even happened yet.
It's just like, oh, great.
This could carry on for weeks.
I hope not.
I mean, I hope most of them get called.
But yeah, I'm not that optimistic.
I hope we have some surprises.
But I just I'm so sick and tired of this nonsense, you know?
No, for sure.
Yeah.
For this.
You can always move to Spain.
Yeah, I can.
I can move to Spain or I can move to Canada.
Yeah, that's closer.
But you're learning Spanish.
I know, but I'm also learning Canadian.
It's so cool.
What have you learned?
I'll talk to you about that later.
All you have to learn in Canada is how to ski.
Opsco's never been skiing though, right?
No, I'm not like an outdoors athletics person. Extreme sports, I like to watch. Yeah, I've never been skiing, though, right? No, I'm not like a outdoors athletics person like the extreme sports. I don't I like to watch. Yeah, I got it. Do you like to watch it, though? Like if my friend is doing it, I'll stand there and watch. Oh, okay. It's very horny energy. Like, would you like to watch the Olympics when that happens? Oh, not really. Yeah. Yeah. I watched it. I watched the performance. Oh, the Spice Girls are back together.
You know, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Well, that's the Super Bowl.
The Olympics, the Spice Girls don't fucking perform.
They did one time in London a long time ago.
For the Olympics?
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh, 2012.
I was at the Olympics.
At those Olympics.
Yeah.
I went to the London Olympics.
Were you competing?
Yes, I actually was.
I was doing the curl.
It's called curling, but I call it the curl.
And it's men's.
I was competing with the men's team.
So on this podcast, we give advice, life advice to people.
Sorry, I just molested you.
No, it's okay.
We give life advice.
We have real people calling in, writing in, calling in.
Catherine, you can break down for us what we have in store for today.
Oh, yes.
We actually have a couple of really big questions.
And Asko, you're so open about so much of the stuff that you've been through. I was able to pull some really great questions for you that are right in your wheelhouse. Oh, great. Even
better. Oh, the stakes are high. Yeah. We can take a quick break and then we'll be right back
for callers. Okay. We're going to take a quick break. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And
together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's
baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.
We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned
during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you.
And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.
Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?
His stuntman reveals the answer.
And you never know who's going to drop by.
Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.
How are you, too?
Hello, my friend.
Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park.
Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, Not Really, sir.
Bless you all. Hello, Newman.
And you never know when Howie Mandel
might just stop by to talk about judging.
Really? That's the opening? Really No Really.
Yeah, really. No really.
Go to reallynoreally.com and register
to win $500, a guest spot
on our podcast, or a limited edition signed
Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really
and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app,
on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
And we're back.
We're back.
And we're back.
We're back.
So, our first question comes from Kalina. She's in Romania.
I was just going to say, where the fuck is Kalina from? Because I have never heard that name. Where am I when I say it's named? Kalina. Kalina. She's in Romania. I was just going to say, where the fuck is Kalina from? Because
I have never heard that name. Kalina. Kalina. Romania? Romania. Dear Chelsea, my name is Kalina.
I'm a 30-year-old girl from Romania. I really enjoy your podcast. It opens my mind while making
me laugh. Great combo. I struggle with anxiety with depression sprinkles. I'm also neurodivergent, which makes life even more interesting.
I'm an only child, and the only family I have close by are my parents.
So all my life, I relied on making strong connections with friends, which come easy.
I'm currently going to therapy, but it's a long process, as you know.
Based on your experience as a human on this planet, I would love your input.
I tend to rely on other people to feel safe, to feel loved, and to feel worthy.
Which is funny because I really enjoy being alone, but I just need to know that there's someone there just in case.
Because of this, I sacrifice my knees and self-sabotage sometimes,
spending time with people who don't treat me well because of that fear of being alone.
Even though I'm well aware that what people do is out of my control.
My question is, how do I become enough for myself?
How do I become secure enough to make decisions and be clear about what I want?
How do I feel worthy?
Thank you for sharing your joy, Kalina.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Kalina. I think that one of the ways in which
you can make yourself feel more full without relying on somebody to fill you up, because
that's not really a great recipe. You know, like, I mean, you can get that from a spouse or a partner
in the best, most ideal situation, but ideally for you even to find that person or best friend,
you really have to be full on your own because you kind of attract
what you are. So if you are healthy and you are alone and you're happy doing that, which is an
exercise, not everybody feels comfortable being alone. And there was a long period of time in my
life where I was never alone. I always had a group of people around me. I always had lots of, you
know, action, chaos. Even when I grew up, I was in a family of six kids. So there was always commotion and there was always action.
And I took that through my adulthood because I thought that's the way things were supposed to be.
And it wasn't until I went to therapy where I learned how to be by myself and through therapy.
And this is something that I learned even before therapy is like, what do you do when you are
alone? What are the things and activities that fill you up? Like for me, it's reading books and watching TV and exercising. Like I love to do all
of those three things. And I do that always alone. I don't like to exercise with other people. I
obviously don't like to read books with other people because that doesn't make any sense.
And I like watching TV with people, but it's like my alone activities. So what I would say on a very basic fundamental level is to pick three things that you really love to do and then start doing that in your alone time by yourself to just kind of recharge and regenerate your own relationship with yourself.
Because that's really all that is ever going to matter in your life.
When you can depend on you,
that is going to get you through every difficult time and every happy time.
And the more secure you become,
the more secure that the people you attract in your life are going to be.
What do you think, Oscar?
Wow, that was really, you know, as a person who's never alone,
I'm so opposite, you know, because I'm like,
gosh, I'm just always with at
least my husband. Yeah. And so I will say I was working out to somebody and I that is a time I do
it myself. Besides, you know, I like to work out by myself to the workout teacher said, you know,
she had gone through a divorce, I get very heavily invested in my fitness instructors.
But she just went through a divorce. And she was saying, you know, it was hard to get through the divorce and having to wake up alone because she hadn't been alone in a long time.
But once he was gone, you know, from her life, she was instead of waking up and loving someone else, she was forced to love herself.
And I was like, oh, wow, that's so true.
And so, you know, it's just that switch of a mindset where it's like, when people aren't around,
take that as an opportunity to be like, oh, I can invest in me right now. What am I thinking? What
am I feeling? I love myself instead of being like, what do you need right now? What do you need? No,
what do I need right now? And so I think it's just a switch of a mindset, kind of like,
instead of I'm nervous to go on stage, it's I'm excited to go on stage,
kind of. Yes. Or nerves mean I'm excited, you know, or nerves are a good thing. That's what
I remember someone telling me, like, when you're nervous, it means you care. I'm like, oh, OK,
now if I can think about it that way, this means I care, which is much better than not caring at
all. And I think one of the things that you said that stood out, Kalina, is it Kalina?
Yeah. Am I saying that right? Okay. You did great. Is that your friends are like, sometimes you're
not hanging around with the best people that you could choose to hang out with. And that's a
telltale sign that you have work to do on yourself because a healthy person just doesn't need that
in their lives. So don't settle just for whoever you can hang out with. Actually be discerning about the people you choose to hang on this show, I think
those specific things are also where things like affirmations can come in. Just like Atsuko said,
our brains are very malleable. Just reframing what you're thinking, spending time with yourself,
telling yourself how great you are, that you're smart, whatever your qualities that you love the
most, finding some affirmations that really feel good to you can help reframe just the thoughts that come up
in your brain on a routine basis. Yeah. You know, we mentioned Laurelyn Jackson earlier, that famous
Long Island medium. She's not the Long Island medium because there's another Long Island medium.
But anyway, Laurelyn Jackson, who's a good friend of mine, I go, I just want to be positive towards
everybody. Even the people that I don't like. I want to have good vibes. I want to throw good vibes at them.
I want them to succeed. I don't want to wish for anyone to have bad luck or bad fortune or whatever.
And she gave me this exercise where you get up every morning and you write, you know,
for one minute, the first thing before you do anything, before you even brush your teeth,
you write down for one minute, just everything you're grateful for. And there is scientific data that proves that after 21 days,
you're changing your energetic field, which is the field of energy that you give off.
And so I already shared that with like two of my girlfriends, because my girlfriend said to me
three days later, she said the same thing to me. She goes, I am so fucking mad at this woman. I'm
so pissed. I hate her. And I'm like, you don't hate her. Don't even put your energy towards that. And I gave her the exercise that I have been doing.
It's been like nine or 10 days since I've been doing it. And it's so easy to wake up and just
write all down, write down all the things that you're grateful for. It could be your dogs. It
could be your bed. It could be your job. It could be the weather. It could be someone, you know,
your mother's health, all of those things. And you can change your vibe.
And I think by having a higher vibration, which is a definite scientific thing, it's not woo-woo
talk. It's true. Like, are you a positive or are you a negative? Everyone knows a negative. And
I'm sure I'm not saying that you are, Kalina, but I think that would be a great exercise for you to
do. You do it for 21 days and you will feel it immediately. I promise you. I love that. Well, our next caller is Ryan. And just as an aside. Is this Otzko's husband?
Yeah. What if he's just like, what do I do? My wife is always going to Disneyland.
I hope not because this one's about a breakup. So. Oh, okay. God, can you imagine if he broke
up with you on my podcast? Oh, gosh. Oh, God.
Talk about a gratitude list.
I know.
Really good TV.
So he's 23 years old.
He says, dear Chelsea.
He's gay, right?
He's gay.
He is gay, indeed.
We don't have straight men call in.
Okay.
No.
Got it.
We have a block.
Maybe that's why he's leaving you, Otsko.
He's gay.
I'm currently in a long-term relationship and desperate to get out.
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, and last year decided it was time to move in together.
I had just graduated college, and he was planning on transferring to a school in the big city.
Things were going great for a while.
I landed my dream job and love life in the city.
The issue is I've realized we're each in very different places in
our lives, and I don't know that we're still compatible as a result. My entire life, I've
been told that I was very mature for my age, and I could feel this was true for myself.
I feel that I'm at a threshold of an exciting new chapter in life. The transition into adulthood is
one I've waited my entire life for, and for the first time ever, I feel as if I have all my ducks in a row.
My boyfriend, however, seems to be feeling the opposite.
As a 20-something in college,
he exhibits all of the behaviors one would expect,
and I don't blame him for any of this.
I want him to do all the fun things
that you're supposed to do at that time,
but I can't help but feel
as though we're holding each other back.
I've essentially made up my mind about leaving him,
but there are two major issues. The first is that he is completely financially dependent on me.
When we moved to the city, I was the one with the big boy job, so it was clear that I would
be the one paying for our new lives. He lives with me here, and if we were to break up,
he wouldn't have anywhere to go. The other issue is that I know he's still head over heels in love
with me, and if I were to end things, I know it would destroy him, and I don't know that I have the heart to do it.
I have so much love and respect for him, but just feel that we're operating in different phases of life.
In the recent episodes of the podcast I've listened to, you talk so much about showing up for yourself, and I think in order to show up for myself, I need to exit this relationship.
I just don't know how.
Thanks for your help ryan
hi ryan hi hi hi this is our special guest otsuko nice to meet you wow just like so heartfelt and
honest honest words i'm glad you're so like self-aware to know that you need to exit though. Thank you.
Yeah. In Chelsea's episode with Ross Matthews, she said it's undignified to pretend that things
are okay when they're not. And I'd never heard somebody phrase it like that. And it is so
undignified and I don't consider myself an undignified person, which has brought me to
this decision. The thing is I made the decision and now I just don't know how to execute it. Okay. So how long have you guys lived together?
Only a couple months, about six months. Okay. Well, that's great news because it hasn't been
like, you know, years. So that's to unravel the relationship. I know you've been dating
for longer than six months, but you've been living together for six months, right?
Correct. And does he work? Yes, he does. And he pays a
fraction of the rent. But as I said in the letter, he is completely financially dependent on me.
Okay. Well, that's also not your problem. You know what I mean? You can unravel this relationship in
a nice, dignified way by just setting up a boundary like, okay, listen, I know this is hard.
I mean, obviously, you're going to have to break up with him.
You know that already.
So however you want to manage that.
The financial aspect and the codependent aspect is something that you can just show grace in.
You know, you can say, hey, I'm going to help you.
I'm going to give you three more months.
Why don't you start saving your money so you don't have to pay me rent?
I want to, you know, you're going to live alone anyway, right?
You can afford to pay your rent for yourself.
Correct.
Right.
And give him three months or whatever time frame feels right to you.
Don't let it go, though, six more months.
That's really unhealthy.
Yeah.
The one other caveat that I forgot to mention in the letter is he's about to go on this
giant vacation for the holidays to Germany.
And I don't know if I should do it before that and potentially
ruin his big trip or wait until after and just prolong this pretending.
That's tricky.
That is hard. My instinct would say to wait till he gets back.
I don't know. What do you girls think about that?
How long is he in Germany for?
He's going to go for a couple of weeks.
He'll leave around the 19th of December and he'll get back around New Year's.
Okay, so that's still like about five, six weeks away before he leaves.
I think if you have a month before he goes.
Oh yeah, if you have that much time before he goes, I think you should.
Because that could be an opportunity for him to actually grow a little bit
and be out and about in the world knowing that his relationship isn't there when he gets back.
It's not him going on the assumption that he's coming back to you.
If you have that amount of time, I would say definitely do it before.
Do it as soon as possible.
And, you know, that you want to do this before he goes on that trip.
So, you know, he's going to have some time to think about things and you definitely don't want to ruin anything.
But you just can't be this dishonest with each other at this point.
You're being dishonest with yourself and him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Agreed.
I think you can't do it like the week before he leaves.
Like do it.
Do it this week.
So he's got a month to adjust and then have a few weeks where he can go like have fun.
But you also don't have to be playing the game of like miss you, sweetie the phone and you know that sort of thing right yeah yeah and has he left the country like this before
on a trip like this no not really yeah so i think giving him the space to acclimate to the idea
before he goes away i think major things happen when people go on their first trips overseas you
know what i mean it's a major wake-up call and it's a major growth spurt.
So I think the timing, if you can do it sooner than later,
give him some room to like,
you don't want him to cancel the trip, obviously.
And if you did it right before,
there's a chance he could do that.
But you wanna give him some space to think about it
and some space when he's away from you,
when there's distance and time,
that's the best time to contemplate and reflect on things.
And by the time he comes back, you know what I mean? You're almost kind of like, if you say from
now, I'll give you two months or three months, don't pay rent to me anymore. I want you to start
saving your money. I'm going to pay the rent, whatever's comfortable for you financially.
Obviously, don't bend over backwards because he's not your responsibility. You can be generous,
but you don't have to be his sugar daddy. That's just not
necessary for anyone when you're breaking up. That's just the way it goes. And just remember,
people break up all the time. People get heartbroken a lot. You're not the first person
to break his heart. And I know that will be difficult for you. But what will be more difficult
is living like a lie. Yeah, I agree. And I think you're definitely right I think that giving him some time
to go on this trip and heal himself I think is the better is the better option and like I talked to
my best friend about this and she had said that I had like involuntarily taken on this sort of
caretaker role not even in the there is the financial aspect but there's also like I said
the biggest thing for me is the emotional aspect that I just wasn't really prepared for before all of this. So I think you're definitely right. And I think I need to do it sooner rather than later. By being honest with him that it's too much of an emotional burden for you and that, you know, you didn't expect this and your feelings have changed so that when he goes into his next relationship, he has a different dynamic instead of him repeating the same patterns.
You know, he may do that anyway, but at least if you're truthful with somebody, as hurtful as it may be, there's always a softer way to say everything.
And if you're truthful with somebody, then they can really take that information and do something different in their
next relationship. Yeah, I totally agree. Do you think there's a way to offer that like financial
support for a moment of like, you can live here for a couple more months, you don't have to pay
me rent, that doesn't come off as condescending.
It sounds like you have a lot of respect and love for this person, but it's just not working out anymore. So I would just say, you know, I want to be there for you as this transition happens.
And, you know, we'll continue to have the situation where I'm paying for the rent for the next however much time you think that he needs to get on his feet.
But like, let's aim for this date for you to be finding somewhere else to be. And I don't think you offering to pay the rent is condescending. You know, like, it's not
like you, I mean, only if you said in a really condescending way, the act of it is very generous
and it's sweet and you love him, you know, as a person, you're just not in love with him anymore.
And it's not an arguable thing, you know, giving a person, you're just not in love with him anymore. And it's not an arguable thing.
You know, giving him plenty of time before his trip is generous, giving him plenty of
leeway.
And when he moves out, it's also generous.
Then you can feel good about this down the road.
I mean, he's going to have a whole roller coaster of emotions about this.
Definitely.
Yeah, I agree.
That was my biggest fear coming into this is that you guys would say, you know, you
just have to do it. But I think, you know, when that's, I think you just know that, that that's what's right. If that's what's, you know, making.
Okay, I'll be the devil's advocate. You know, you stay with him. No, it's the loving thing, I think, to to leave before it turns into resentment. And then it's gonna be worse for both of you.
Yeah, absolutely. I agree.
And there's also a dynamic that can start when someone doesn't leave when they know they're
ready to leave, which is that you're wasting his time to go and find out what's next for him,
meet somebody else, make out with a German on his trip, you know, whatever,
whatever it might be. Don't say that to him. Don't tell him to make out with a German on his trip, you know, whatever, whatever it might be. Don't say that to him. Don't tell him
to make out with a German on his trip. Nobody likes that when they're being broken up with.
Yeah, maybe. Go find somebody in Germany. Totally. Let it be his idea.
Yeah, I completely agree. And just act with dignity like that sentence struck you. Remember
that. Be dignified, you know, to be dignified with your generosity, be dignified with your
attention that he needs while you're breaking up. But don't sell yourself. Don't say, OK,
fine, I'll stay in the relationship because you're so upset. Being dignified means like
you have to give people bad news. Absolutely. And that's why I mean, that was part of
my decision to write into this podcast. I think you being so candid about all of this
has helped me be a more candid and honest
person. And the candid, honest person that listens to Dear Chelsea would be honest in this relationship,
say that it's time for things to end and do it, like you said, in a dignified way.
Yeah, definitely.
So you put on that seatbelt, turn that car on and go straight to talk to him right now. No,
I'm just kidding.
I honestly might just do that.
Okay, well, great.
Keep us posted, will you?
Like, check in with us in a few weeks
and let us know what happened.
I will, thank you.
Okay.
Thanks so much, Ryan.
Call us back when Otzko's not here, okay?
I'm bad at this.
I'm bad at this.
You are good, though.
There's so much love for him there,
and you could see it, and that's why this is the decision you're making. Thank you. I appreciate that, though. There's so much love for him there, and you could see it.
And that's why this is the decision you're making.
Thank you.
I appreciate that, guys.
Thanks for your help.
Okay.
Bye, Ryan.
Thanks, Ryan.
Bye.
Am I fired?
Can you imagine if that was Ryan wearing a disguise and he was really talking about you?
Oh, my gosh.
Can you imagine?
That's our round four.
That's our SUV he's in right now.
He shows up to the studio.
He's like, hey, so I bought you a ticket to go to Germany.
He's like, I don't know if you knew this, but you're going to Germany.
Look, there's a lot of men out there in Germany.
You can make out with a German.
Catherine said so.
I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm out with a German. Catherine said so. Yes. I'm Jason
Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together
on the Really No Really podcast,
our mission is to get the true answers
to life's baffling questions like
why they refuse to make the
bathroom door go all the way to the floor.
We got the answer. Will space junk block
your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned
during a spacewalk gives us the answer.
We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you.
And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.
Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?
His stuntman reveals the answer.
And you never know who's going to drop by.
Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.
How are you, too?
Hello, my friend.
Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park.
Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir.
Bless you all.
Hello, Newman.
And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.
Really?
That's the opening?
Really, No Really.
Yeah, really.
No Really.
Go to reallynoreally.com.
And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason
Bobblehead.
It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Anna.
The subject line is shame, regret, and dental bills.
Dear Chelsea, I'm a 34-year-old woman who's fought hard for the life I live today.
As a young teen living in a trauma-filled household, I developed an eating disorder
that followed me through many eras of my life. At one point in my 20s, I was hospitalized
multiple times for major dehydration and electrolyte imbalance due to bulimia.
After a final near-death experience, I finally decided that recovery was my only option.
Since then, a lot has happened. A divorce, graduate school, major career changes,
lots of self-discovery. Now I'm healthy, happy, and proud of the person I am today.
I have a job that allows me to be creative while helping others, a wonderful partner of four years,
a dog I'm obsessed with, and a life of adventures big and small. For the last several years, I've worked primarily low-paying jobs in education and the
nonprofit space. While I don't make much, I've worked hard to save a humble amount of money,
and I'm in a better place than ever financially. My new job has afforded me with dental insurance,
and this summer I went to a dentist for the first time in a couple of years since I didn't have
dental insurance prior to that.
But because of my years of bulimia, my teeth are very damaged.
After a thorough exam with my new dentist, I learned that dental work I had done years ago needed to be replaced ASAP to avoid losing multiple teeth.
The total cost of the essential procedures is well over $10,000. There are also additional things that would be
really good for me to have done to avoid problems down the line, but those total an additional $18,000.
My dental insurance will only pay for $1,000 worth of work annually, so the rest of that tab is on me.
When my dentist went over this information with me, I couldn't help but crumble into tears.
The overwhelm, the shame, and hopelessness took over.
My dentist was lovely and kind and explained how we could break the treatment into chunks
to lessen the financial blow. Still, I currently work for a non-profit, making $40,000 a year,
and I have two side hustles that pull in about $5,000 a year. I have student debts, rent,
a car payment, and I still manage to put a little into savings every month, but it would take me years to pay this off.
I've looked into personal medical dental loans, but the interest rates on those are astronomical,
so that option is off the table.
I've booked the first set of procedures with my dentist, totaling $2,500,
and I'll be using that savings money to pay for that.
But I know I need a plan for how to get the rest of the care I need.
Moreover, this experience has thrust me into a familiar spiral of shame, self-disgust, and sadness,
similar to what I dealt with early in my recovery from trying to heal from health issues resulting from my eating disorder.
I worked so hard to overcome those issues while also trying to heal from the trauma that caused my eating disorder.
I know that I need to think creatively,
ask for help, maybe start a GoFundMe campaign, but the shame and feelings of self-disgust have me frozen in that regard. How can I find a creative solution to this problem, which at its heart is
just a financial issue but feels so much bigger than that? How can I view myself with kindness,
despite the shame and regret I feel over harming myself so many years ago?
I know your ingenuity and positivity can illuminate resolutions I may not be able to see right now.
Thank you, Anna.
Hi, Anna.
Hi, Anna.
Hi, how are y'all?
This is Otsuko Okatsuka.
Hi, nice to meet you.
She's our special guest.
She's a very funny comedian who also had
an eating disorder at one point. I've also had an eating disorder at one point. So I mean,
most women have. Catherine, did you ever have an eating disorder? Oh, yeah. I mean,
eating disorders take a lot of different forms. But basically, as soon as I learned about calories
growing up, I immediately developed an eating disorder. So, yeah. Yeah. So sorry that you feel such shame. I
mean, that's the first thing that you have to flip around, you know, you're healed now, you're better.
And like, that's something that's very positive. And to like sit there and, and berate yourself
and self immolate about something that's in the past is pointless. That's just pointless. So you
can either start by like writing down daily affirmations for yourself.
Meditation, I think, is a good way to start putting some more positivity back into you from you.
The financial aspect of this, I'm really not worried about this. You can do this segmented,
like you're going to do your first treatment for $2,500. Yeah, you could start a GoFundMe or you could get an, do you have time to get a waitressing job for a short period of time that you work like
two shifts a week? Is that a possibility? I have three part-time side hustles right now.
So I'm definitely doing that kind of a thing. The financial aspect of it is obviously kind of
the simpler thing in a lot of ways, right? That it is just money. There's a little bit of a time
crunch with a couple of the procedures
because they are like, we need to do this yesterday. We need to do this last year.
Basically, I did just get the first set of things done. I actually had a crown put on for one of
the procedures like two hours ago. So I just left the dentist a little while ago. And so,
you know, the plan as of right now is to do it in segments. Like you were saying, the shame thing is something that I've had times where I'm like, I feel good.
I feel confident in the person I am.
I feel like the people who love me understand my story and accept me.
And then things like this will happen where you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm such a fuck up.
Like nobody get nobody's going to get this.
Everyone's going to judge me.
And then and then it's just such a process to dig out from that for sure yeah but a real fuck up would never be we're sitting where
you are yeah that's not a fuck up by the nature very nature of you addressing the issue and having
recovered from your eating disorder you've recovered from your eating disorder yes so
you're not a fuck up you're not you're the opposite you're somebody who's going and handling
a situation do you know how many people would never want to deal with the truth of what they have to do and get the work done because they don't want to? They're so scared of the cost or they're scared of what the doctor or the dentist is going to tell them. You've been brave. You are brave and you're recovered. You are on your way. This is all positive and there's no reason to make it negative. So you need to have like some deep conversations with yourself. And you need to start meditating and you need to start writing daily
affirmations down every single morning when you wake up going I am brave, I am strong, I am
handling my life independently, all of these amazing things that you're doing all by yourself.
You have three side hustles going. That's fucking badass, too. Yeah, Yeah. It's so positive to be wanting to take care of something.
You know, my husband just had 10 dental procedures done because he was always afraid of it. He grew
up with very little money and he was just always insecure about his teeth. And he was also ashamed
that like, oh God, I have so many cavities and these root canals that I never got to. How could
I get it to this point?
But it's the positive of like, no, okay, now I'm going to find a pathway forward to fixing it.
Some of them were emergency, like we got to do it today.
And then the financials we figured out.
But the shame of it is like all of us are really just trying our best.
You know, like my mom, to be honest, just to go out there with it.
My mom hasn't showered in 20 years because of mental health issues. And she has OCD. She's
scared of soap and stuff. So talk to people who are supportive about it. Because you know,
when I talk to my mom, I'm never shaming her. It's not coming from a place of like,
reprimanding, how could you let this come this far, whatever, because her toenails are really
long, there's infections and stuff. But it's really just about being like come this far, whatever, because her toenails are really long. There's infections and stuff.
But it's really just about being so proud that you were like, I'm going to start handling it, you know, because that's really a big first step, honestly.
It is a big first step.
And you know what?
You should find a support group online for people who are recovering.
That's going to be free.
There's tons of support groups for people who have eating disorders and are recovering from that. And I guarantee you're
going to find so many people that are in the same position that are going to help build you up and
may also have ideas of how you can actually afford all of these treatments. You know, you're not the
only person that this is happening to. So remember that you're not alone. And I think that would
actually be really helpful to you because your shame spiral is
just because you don't have anybody else who's going through the same thing sitting around
you going, oh, God, I did that.
I did that.
You know, and that would be a good step for you to take as well.
I think you're going to be fine with paying this off in a slower way.
I think that's totally reasonable.
And you're going to feel so empowered as soon as you start.
I'm sure you already feel a little bit of that after going to the dentist, you know,
and getting your first crown put on.
Yeah.
The dentist that I've been seeing too is just so caring and thorough that I also just feel
really happy and confident that I'm making the right investment.
It's not kind of going to be another thing that's an issue in a few years.
So that helps also. But yeah, you guys are helping me kind of see too that I think that I have focused on the
financial aspect of it. And that's really just been a little bit of a cover for this deeper
feeling of overwhelm and shame. Years ago, I had tried to kind of do the support group thing
and just never invested in it. But one thing I do
know about myself, which is probably evident from having all these side hustles and things like that,
is that if I set an intention to really do something, I will do it. That's why I'm in
recovery. And so exactly that. Yeah. You took the step to recover from this. You're capable of
everything that comes after. That was the hardest part. Yeah. And I think what you're doing now, seeing that as an extension of the self-care
that you've already done, you know, taken the steps to, you know, go to therapy, go to recovery,
get yourself to the point where you no longer are in an active state of self-harm. You're in
a state of healing. And this is just the next step in your healing journey.
But the other thing that I loved in your email was about asking for help. Anybody who hears this
story is not going to feel like, man, she did that to herself. That's not what's going through
anybody's mind. And so, you know, you never know who in your life, and maybe you won't know,
it might be anonymous. If you do set up a GoFundMe, you don't know who is going to step up and donate to the
cause or help you out with that.
But the first step there is not being alone in this and not keeping it hidden, which is
probably the scariest part.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've really only talked to my two very closest friends
who also have an eating disorder history
and my partner in detail about this.
And they've all been so wonderful and supportive.
But yeah, I feel like maybe talking more openly
to trusted people would be healing in its own way.
You live in the States, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, for a system that works so hard to keep us down, you're crushing it. Like for a system where every American girl, the system is made so that we're all supposed to get eating disorders. I think the average American is supposed to get a stroke and a heart disease, maybe diabetes too. These are things we're actually supposed to have, get as Americans. you're crushing it. My enamel is all messed up from the throwing up that
I used to do too. And like, and so when you set up something like, you know, a GoFundMe, other
Americans will understand because it's a system that keeps us down. And so we, you know, if anyone
will understand its fellow people who've gone through it, you know, and yeah. Yeah. And I would
think I would also offer up to say, like, stop treating it as some big, dark secret. You know, have a little levity about it. We all have had eating every four out of four of the women that are talking right now have had an eating disorder. Like, it's better to be like, oh, God, yeah, I was I was just, you know, a product of my culture. I was a product of society. Now I've taken my own life into my own hands and I'm driving the wheel instead of letting somebody else drive the wheel for me. That's empowering. That is powerful. You're a powerful. I can tell that by looking at
you. You know, your teeth are just a reminder and you're never going to go back there. And now you
are fixing the situation and it might take a little bit longer than you would ideally like.
But the actual pivot points, like if you're looking at a graph or a chart of where you are in your life, you're headed in the absolute right direction. Yeah. Thank you. Well, and I think that
it's interesting, like I'm 34, I'll be 35 in a couple months. And when I was like 27 was kind
of when I was really newly in recovery. And I really embraced being very open about it and
talking to it almost to the point that it was like my whole identity, which was healing in its own way.
And I did connect with a lot of people, but I also felt like probably around 30, I was like, OK, I need to do some investing in like I don't want to just be like the recovered girl.
I wanted to invest in the woman version of myself and that identity.
And I have been doing that. And now I do need to
do a little bit of this reconciliation in some way of, okay, you're a woman who's grown in all
these different ways and you're still a person in recovery and there's still stuff that's going to
come up and some of it might be health problems. And so it's kind of this reintegration again,
which will continue through all of life.
Absolutely. And here's a thing that I can totally relate to about what you said. I went to therapy and I made so many overcorrections. Like I became so self-aware that I was like, okay,
maybe you shouldn't talk at all because you talk too much. You insert yourself too much.
You have too many opinions. You tell everybody too much of the truth. And I overcorrect it.
And there is a period of overcorrection that we do when we're recovering from something.
And then we have to kind of balance it out and integrate what we've learned with the
new person that we've become.
So it's like, that's totally normal what you're describing also.
Like, yeah, that became kind of your identity.
Therapy became my identity for a period of time.
And now I get to talk to all these people that call in and help them. So that's also something that would really help you helping other people that have survived
eating disorders and are in recovery. Instead of looking at it like you're getting the counseling,
I think you get a lot of counseling out of counseling others. Yeah. Yeah. And another
resource we've talked about quite a bit on this show that may be a possibility for you is Pandemic of Love.
They help people out with different situations that they run into and they pair donors with somebody who has a financial issue in order to help get that solved. So I would say definitely
reach out to them and see if they can help with some of the financials. Yeah, thank you.
But you're going to be fine. Everything's going to be great.
I appreciate y'all so much. You really have helped me kind of see things from a different
perspective and it's simple and complicated, but that's kind of everything, right?
Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So proud of you taking the steps.
Thank you. Yeah. All right. Well, follow up with us. Let us know how everything goes. Okay, Anna?
Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you guys so much. Chelsea, I love you. This is so exciting. I've been breathing this whole time
to be calm. Oh, you're incredible. I'm excited for you. Thanks. Okay. Take care. Bye. Bye.
Chelsea, I did have one idea. So, you know, I know Anna's talked about setting up a GoFundMe.
What if we could have listeners of the show head over up a GoFundMe what if we could have listeners
of the show head over to her GoFundMe I mean we can put the name in right here and have people
head over and help with some of those even if they have five bucks yeah I think that's a great idea
anyone who wants to help somebody who's recovering from an eating disorder anyone who heard this and
wants to help another person yeah I think that's a great idea, Catherine. Okay, great. If you'd like to donate to Anna's GoFundMe, take a look at the
episode description. It'll be right there in the show notes. Good thinking. Well, let's head to a
quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Otsko and Chelsea. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,
our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like
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That's the opening?
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Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, that was so deep.
And I learned so much.
And yeah, I got so emotional.
And wow, what a day.
That was uplifting.
Even though those were sad things to be talking about, they're all uplifting because it's like seeing somebody on the other side of something is really empowering. And I'm sure there are plenty of people that are listening to this who are experiencing eating disorders at this moment and plenty of people that are on the other side of eating disorders. So feel free to write in or call in about any of this stuff, you guys, because everybody just needs somebody to just kind of be
there for them. And we understand that. And there's something about hearing someone else's story.
You know, while that's not exactly my story, I found it so moving. And it's exciting to hear
about her healing journey. And it's tough. There's tough steps in the middle of that.
Yeah, I was hoping that, you know, one of you, you're more well-traveled than I am, would know something about like Mexico.
But I didn't want to be like, because maybe you could get dental work in Mexico.
Don't some people do that?
No, I don't think that's a good idea.
Oh, okay.
Dental work in Mexico?
So this is how I would do it, but I still have my tag on on my shirt that I'm going to return later.
No, my housekeeper went to Mexico for dental work and it was a shit show.
Her teeth were, not that every dentist in Mexico is bad, but wherever she was going,
we had to redirect her to our doctor here.
So I wouldn't recommend that.
If you could get dental work done in the United States, that's the place to do it.
We're good for something and it's good dental work.
Even though it's cash. Wasn't it so good that I didn't bring it up though. Yeah. We're good for something and it's good dental work. See, even though it's cash.
Wasn't it so good that I didn't bring it up though?
Yeah.
Like I just, I want a little prop here for not, not being like Mexico, go to Mexico.
Good for you for holding your tongue.
Cause that's totally, yeah, I thought about it.
Well, Atsuko, did you have any advice that you'd like to ask from Chelsea?
Oh gosh.
I feel like, again, like, I feel like you've already given me so much with, you know, even figuring out the title to my special.
Which is called The Intruder.
It's called The Intruder because there was another option.
And she was like, intruder, go with your gut instinct.
And that's such a great piece of advice.
Intruder, which airs December 10th on on hbo you guys you're gonna fucking love this
woman she's so funny you are gonna love this special i cannot wait to see it thank you chelsea
and december 27th go check out your girl chelsea chelsea okatsuka on Netflix. On Netflix. That's right.
Double duty.
Chelsea's like, oh, how benevolent can I be to one person over and over?
She almost sent a person to Mexico.
And we're going to go.
We should give Mike Birbiglio's show a shout out because we're about to go see that together.
She and I are going to go see that in New York together.
And I'm going to come to your show on Tuesday what's the name the old man
the old man and the pool
the old man and the pool is Mike Birbiglia's show
which just launched on Broadway
and it's getting rave reviews
and if you get a chance to see it
you should definitely go see it
and we're going to be there and Chelsea will probably have better seats
than I will but we will both see the same show
fabulous
thank you Otsuko.
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
I love you too.
Always.
Check out Atsuko's new special, The Intruder, on HBO.
And if you'd like to donate to Anna's dental work, take a look at the episode description.
A link to her GoFundMe will be right there in the show notes.
So I am winding up my stand-up tour.
Vaccinated and Horny is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year. I have my last dates and these are the last opportunities you have to
also buy merch from the website chelseahandler.com if you want Vaccinated and Horny captain's hats
that say we're the captains now for women only or t-shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry
because they should be. I only have a few dates left, Baltimore, Maryland.
And then my very last date is December 16th
in Redding, Pennsylvania.
If you are enjoying what you're hearing,
you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea.
That is our podcast.
And you can rate us if you want.
Yeah, that's a great idea.
It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast,
for any podcast that you like. Subscribing, giving it a rating, actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any podcast that you like.
Subscribing, giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
Subscribe and comment.
Yeah.
And follow.
So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio,
executive produced by Nick Stuff,
produced by Catherine Law,
and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.
I'm Jason Alexander.
And I'm Peter Tilden.
And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast
is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's
in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to
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signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app,
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Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.
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