Dear Chelsea - Let’s Get Married with Tim Gunn

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

Tim Gunn joins Chelsea to talk about taking no prisoners while fencing, his favorite podcast (👀), and why he’s no longer on Project Runway. Then: A girlfriend and her partner have trouble syn...cing their sex schedules.  A fashion pro finds out his paycheck isn’t what it should be.  And a caller fighting cancer struggles with how much to give back.    * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Over the last couple years, didn't we learn that the folding chair was invented by black people because of what happened in Alabama? This Black History Month, the podcast, Selective Ignorance with Mandy B, unpacked black history and culture with comedy, clarity, and conversations that shake the status quo. The Crown Act in New York was signed in July of 2019, and that is a bill that was passed to prohibit discrimination based on hairstyles associated with race.
Starting point is 00:00:28 To hear this and more, listen to Selective Ignorance with Mandy B from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. You can scroll the headlines all day and still feel empty. I'm Ben Higgins, and if you can hear me, is where culture meets the soul. Honest conversations about identity, loss, purpose, peace, faith, and everything in between. Celebrities, thinkers, everyday people, some have answers. Most are still figuring it out. And if you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this show is for you. Listen to If You Can Hear Me on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:08 What if mind control is real? If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you? I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused. you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. Mind Games, a new podcast exploring NLP, aka neurolinguistic programming. Is it a self-help
Starting point is 00:01:38 miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the Iheart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In the middle of the night, Saskia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop. What was on his screen would change Saskia. his life forever. I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing. And immediately, the mask came off. You're supposed to be safe. That's your home.
Starting point is 00:02:09 That's your husband. Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, guys, I am officially on my high and mighty tour. February 19th, Madison, Wisconsin. February 20th is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. February 21st, Detroit, Michigan, February 22nd, Rama, Ontario. That's Canada, for those of you who don't speak Canada.
Starting point is 00:02:35 March 13th, Cleveland, Ohio, March 14th, Columbus, Ohio, March 15th, Cincinnati, Ohio, and then March 20th is Denver, Colorado. March 27th, Portland, Maine. March 28th, Providence, Rhode Island. March 29th, Springfield, Massachusetts. April 10th is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater. April 11th, Indianapolis, Indiana, April 12th, Louisville, Kentucky.
Starting point is 00:03:02 April 16th is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17th is Mesa, Arizona. April 23rd is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24th is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25th is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April 30th, Nashville, Tennessee. May 1st is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2nd is Durham, North Carolina.
Starting point is 00:03:22 May 6th, I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement, along with Atlantic City. May 15th, Saratoga, California. May 16th, Monterey, California. May 17th, Modesto, California. And then June 4th, Portchester, New York. June 5th is Boston, Mass.
Starting point is 00:03:42 And June 12th is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle is June 13th. So suck on that, everybody. Go to Chelseahandler.com for tickets. Hi, Catherine. Well, Well, Céthéci. How are you?
Starting point is 00:03:55 Buenos Aires. What do you? Oh, my bien. We figure I'd speak Spanish. I'm in Jamaica right now. So I thought I would, you know, that's apropos of
Starting point is 00:04:04 Jamaicans. I'm getting all my countries confused. I figure we just should start speaking Spanish everywhere because of Bad Bunny and letting all letting all these white,
Starting point is 00:04:14 cranky people know that it's too late. Yes. My mom, this was so funny, my mom's visiting. And Brad and I didn't watch anything
Starting point is 00:04:22 with the Super Bowl. And I told her Yeah, we didn't really see anything. And my very sweet mid-70s, Mennonite mother goes, you didn't watch Bad Bunny? And then she made me turn it on and like walked me through all the symbolism. And it was just absolutely wonderful.
Starting point is 00:04:38 I'm going to walk me through all the symbolism because I didn't catch all the symbolism. I never catch all the symbolism in anything. In movies, in culture, and art, I'm always like, oh, what? I'm like, I need someone to, I need a culture guide. Yes. Did you know the wedding was a real wedding? the wedding that they showed? Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Well, I wouldn't have, except that I read that. So I wouldn't have known it. So I'm not, I feel smart sometimes. And then there are many other times where I just feel incredibly stupid. So I don't know. I'm somewhere in the middle. That's the world we live in. It's not your fault.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Yes, yes. I'm excited, though, because I have shows tonight. I'm on my way to Madison. And then I have Milwaukee. And then I have Toronto, casino rama. Where else do I have this week? weekend. Detroit. That's right. I'm coming to Detroit on Saturday night. So there's still tickets for that show. So definitely come. And there's still tickets for Milwaukee. I have started
Starting point is 00:05:31 the High and Mighty Tour. We are on our way. My listeners better, I better see all of you on tour, okay? Ladies and Gay Men. Yes. I've gotten so many emails from people who are like, I'm coming to this show. I'm coming to that show. So it's really exciting. And like say hi to people when you're at the show. Like meet other listeners, meet other fans. Like I think that's one of the most fun things about going to a show like that. Yeah, I know. I love that. I love when my fans meet each other become friends. I see that a lot. There's a lot of women that come by themselves. I'm like, you couldn't get anyone to come with you? And then they hook up with each other. And I'm like, oh, that's nice. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, our guest today is someone I'm very excited to
Starting point is 00:06:08 I know, I know, as was I. It was a very great conversation. Yeah. He is a cultural icon. Who isn't these days? Best known for his role as mentor and executive producer on Project Runway and making the cut. He's a former chair of fashion design at Parsons School of Design and a New York Times bestselling author whose career has been rooted in elevating others with clarity, compassion, and conviction. Please welcome Tim Gunn. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look who's here. Hi, sweet cheeks. I'm great.
Starting point is 00:06:44 How are you doing, Tim Gunn? I'm better for being with you and Catherine. You look like a very serious news broadcaster right now. Well, thankfully, I'm not a news broadcaster. Seriously. Thank God we're not news broadcasters. I was just listening to a really interesting podcast. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Do you ever listen to Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway, like Pivot or any of those podcasts? Occasionally. Occasionally. The only one I listen to regularly is yours. Oh, my God, Tim. Do you know what a compliment that is? I love it. I love it.
Starting point is 00:07:15 And it's really true. Let's get married, Tim. I feel like we're on the exact same page. You know what? Oh, this is what I want to talk to you about. Well, first, let me finish my thought. So I was on my way here today listening to a podcast, and I was just talking about new media
Starting point is 00:07:29 and how you're really kind of more untouchable when you produce your own thing, you know? And, like, on YouTube and doing, like, independent media is now on the rise because of all of, you know, the quashing of opinions. Oh, yeah. And all this old media, it's like, it's so stale anyway, and it's on its way out anyway,
Starting point is 00:07:47 so that, you know, the president going after all that stuff is just another reason for independent media to rise up. And like when people like Don Lemon who take to the streets and some other great examples like Tim Dillon on the bulwark and all these different people doing their own things is really getting a lot more attention. And I don't know how exactly you monetize that, but there is a way.
Starting point is 00:08:08 So that's promising and that's something to, you know, keep focused on. In these days that we're living in, Tim. Oh, these days are quite unbelievable. I just have to say I feel very fortunate and very lucky to have my health and to have shelter and to be here with you and Catherine. First of all, I want to talk to you about your celibacy. Let's talk about that. That's one of the reasons why I think we could make it as a couple. Because I feel like, you know, there's no... I'll leave you alone. There's no pressure. We'll enjoy each other's company. We both won't have any
Starting point is 00:08:39 qualms about telling the other person to get the fuck out of our space when we need to. And we have similar sensibilities, I feel like, and we don't have to worry about having sex. Exactly. It's perfect. How long have you been celibate, Tim? I've been in New York for 42 years, 43 years. Wow. So this was a choice that you made. Yes. Tell me about that choice. What, were you just, tell me why? Well, I would keep a psychiatrist very busy. I can say that. I had a very... Well, that's great, because I'm also a psychiatrist. I, and you're a good one. I had a very serious, nine-year relationship in Washington, D.C. And I loved this person deeply and would have done anything for him. And I still remember the night that it all ended. We were in bed watching
Starting point is 00:09:34 MASH. It was the first run. And he said to me, I have no patience for you any longer. I want you to leave. I had my own apartment, but I had been living with him for years. And I left. I drove to my apartment on Rock Creek Parkway, and I had to pull off because I was hyperventilating. I was beside myself with self-flagellation and self-pity, and it was awful. And this is someone I worked with, so it wasn't as though I just would never see him again. And one of the things that he told me that night was that he'd been sleeping with just about everything that walked by. And I had been loyal and faithful to him. He was the only person I'd ever been with. And this is the advent of AIDS. It's 1982. Wow. And I thought, so the self-pity
Starting point is 00:10:31 then turned to completely unbridled anger because I thought he may have given me a death sentence. And I was tested every six months for 10 years for HIV. And thankfully, I had a a clean slate. Yeah, thank God. But whenever I was even tempted to engage in something that could become serious with someone, all this would come back like Niagara Falls and it would just take the desire away. And I have to say, being celibate and being someone who lives alone was a bit have an adjustment. But now I wouldn't have it any other way. And COVID and the pandemic and our sequestering brought this all back for me because we had to stay home. And I'm probably one of the few people who really loved it. Another thing we have in common. This is not a popular thing to
Starting point is 00:11:25 proclaim, but I also loved the beginning stages of COVID. I'm not going to lie, I was slightly disappointed when people were told to go back to work. Again, we are kindred spirits. I've held same way. And we could imagine the funds we could co-mingle. I feel like I'm supporting too many things in my life. And I'm like, I just want to join up with someone who also has a robust bank account and we can just be fair with each other so that there's not so much pressure on my shoulders. So it's probably a better deal for me than it is for you, but I'm just throwing it out there. And throughout this podcast, I'll continue to remind you of the possibilities. I'm so sorry to hear about that relationship. And what a horrible ending to a relationship.
Starting point is 00:12:07 I'll invoke a phrase that I use all the time, and my mother absolutely hated this phrase. Things happen for a reason. And sometimes the reason isn't revealed at the moment. It may not be revealed for days, weeks, or months, or sometimes even years. But had this relationship not fallen apart, I would never have moved to New York. It would never have happened. In 1982, when this relationship was still ongoing, I had been offered a teaching position at Parsons here in New York. And I said, no.
Starting point is 00:12:36 I said, I'm very happy. I have no desire to leave D.C. But a year later, after my life had changed, Parsons called again, and I said, I'll be right up. And two weeks later, I was living here. So, like, how long do you think it took you to get over that relationship, to really, truly be grateful to be in your own company, to that point? Well, to be honest, upon reflection, I would say it was the end of those 10 years of those 10 years of being tested for HIV. I thought, okay, I have a clean slate. I'm good. But every six months, I would have this bout of anxiety about what if. It took a while. And, you know, I occasionally relive it in my head, but it doesn't hurt any longer. Right, right. I mean, I think I'm asking you this because so many of our listeners call in, as you may know about these kinds of issues, when are they
Starting point is 00:13:32 going to get over something? How do they deal with such a big loss? And it sounds like you went in a certain direction and we're able to heal from that and feel like this has been the right decision for you after a lot of reflection with, I guess, COVID reinforcing that. But is there anything that you can share with our listeners about coming to grips with a breakup, coming out of a relationship that was a long relationship? I can only reflect on. on my own experiences, really. We all know that time is a great healer, but the amount of time that it takes depends upon the circumstances.
Starting point is 00:14:12 It was helpful for me to get out of Washington because I wasn't seeing him every workday. What was it like when you did see him after you guys broke up? It was completely horrible, horrible. I wanted to kill him. Yeah. And I wanted him to hurt as badly as I had been hurt. He seemed to be impervious to it, though.
Starting point is 00:14:35 So it was just great to get away. And also moving to New York, I had this huge learning curve about this entirely new environment and different social interactions and a completely different academic environment in which I was teaching. So that was a wonderful, I won't even, I won't say it was a distraction. It was just a new beginning and it was truly new. Yeah. So I would say to someone who's been in a long-term relationship that's termed in some way, it's good to, I want to say change your job. It's good to move to another city and change your job if you can, if you can afford to do either of those two things. Or just get a new living environment, something that makes you know that things are different in more ways than just this relationship going away.
Starting point is 00:15:30 I think what you're saying is the world is so much bigger than we are in that moment of defeatism, you know, or brokenheartedness. The world is so much bigger. And it's like sometimes you have to physically take yourself into a new version of your world. So, and a new part of the world geographically to understand that how big the world is and how small that was. Even though it was massive to you, it's a blip in your history now. And because you've made such a big life for yourself. Did he ever make contact once you hit the big time? No. No, I haven't heard a thing. It's awesome. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. What's that thing they say about, like, success is the greatest revenge? Success is the greatest revenge. Or revenge is a dish best served cold. Yes. Yes. I agree. I agree with that. Because by the time you ever get revenge, sometimes you just don't even care. You know? You don't care. You're like, I don't care about you looking. Like, I remember breaking up with a certain boyfriend. And I, I, couldn't wait until it hurt him, right? You know what I mean? In a way that I was like, wait until you see how much you've lost. Like, I'm valuable. I brought everything to this relationship and you fucked it up. And like, now when I see him, I can see how much he misses me and how much he cares for me and respects me.
Starting point is 00:16:50 I mean, he doesn't try to like get back together with me, but it's very apparent. And I don't get any pleasure from that. Because you moved on. You know what I mean? I'm just like, oh, I told, I know. it and it came true, and I think that's true for so many of us. You know, by the time you get what you were looking for, it's a little too late. I agree.
Starting point is 00:17:07 So, Tim, tell me, okay, you have one of the most distinctive voices in television. So I want to, because I have a distinctive voice. So when I'm sometimes talking, I could be on a ski hill covered in ski gear with a face mask on and people will hear me and be like, Chelsea. And I'm like, what the fuck? I can only imagine how annoying it must be for you living in Manhattan and going out to restaurants. I mean, what is it like when people hear your voice and don't even see your face? Chelsea, all this incredible phenomenon happened after I turned 50. Oh, even better. And that was
Starting point is 00:17:42 22 years ago. So I am delighted to have people shout out or say hello. I consider it to be really a great honor. And it doesn't, not only doesn't bother me, it actually kind of invigorates me. Oh, that's a great answer. I still got something. Yeah. But it's very flattering. Yeah, yeah. You look very sharp today also.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I would like to know how, what do you sleep in? I would like to know what Tim Gunn's wardrobe for nighttime is. I sleep in a white V-neck t-shirt and J.Crewpajama bottoms. Okay. With a cigar in your hand? No. Maybe a Manhattan. I like the idea of falling asleep with a Manhattan in one hand in a cigar and sleeping with your arms over your head all night to protect your property.
Starting point is 00:18:37 I want to ask you, what do you think? I hate trends, okay? I hate fashion trends. Me too. I fucking hate it. And I know you do. And so I, I, what is the, what, let's think about what you think is the most annoying fashion trend of the last five years. Well, for me, it's easy to say.
Starting point is 00:18:56 though the more I say it, the more ubiquitous this item becomes. And I know it's kind of hackneyed now, but in God's great kingdom, how did leggings become a pant? I know. How did it happen? I agree. I agree. I don't understand. Remember when people used to get dressed up to go to the airport? Yes, I miss those days. Yes. I mean, that was a little bit before my time, but I remember watching.
Starting point is 00:19:26 Like you're a little bit older than me, but when I remember watching like love boat and those kinds of things. And you saw the way people would travel for for vacations. And you don't need that. Like you don't need to be in a three-piece suit to get on an airplane. I'm not suggesting that. But be decent and respectful of others. Like don't have your skin out. You know what I mean? Also, why do you want your skin touching the airplane? No, no, no. Yeah. Don't be in flip-flops on a plane. Like there should be some sense of decor. I think I've approached almost every airline and offered to make an etiquette video, but I think because I'm such a divisive figure, they're like, you're not the one.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Yes, you are. I would take advice from you any day. Thank you. And every flight attendant asks me to do it. They're all like, please, Chelsea, do something. And I'm like, I'm here on this flight during the next five hours. If you have any issues with anyone, please, I'll handle it. I like to intervene and be an interloper in situations that don't involve me at all.
Starting point is 00:20:25 That's a bad fashion trend. I also think when trends change every six months, it's like when people take that seriously, I find that very annoying. It happens with language as well. I call people who chase trends fashion victims. Yes. Yes. And I'm always saying to people, don't chase trends unless it's something that really appeals to you that pulls at your heartstrings. And also, you and Catherine know it's fashion's pendulum and it's retail's pendulum.
Starting point is 00:20:54 They want us to buy stuff. So they've got to keep changing things up. What do you think the best fashion trend of the last five years has been? I don't know that there's been one. Honestly, it's been the sloppification of dressing, athleisure rising. I don't understand it. Yes, athleisure is gross.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Because it's also, it's intimating that you just worked out. and also are in the public. And you're just walking around, getting lunch. Even at the hotel I stay at in New York. And next time I come to New York, we're going out for a drink, Tim. I don't know if you drink. I love it. But you can watch me drink.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Do you drink? Do you drink, right? Oh, please, I'm a hair shot. I'm being an alcoholic. Okay, great, great. We're on the same. Another thing. Okay.
Starting point is 00:21:43 So, yeah, we're going to give you my phone number because we need to have a drink. I love it. As enjoyable as this is, I'm going to want more of you. Oh, a flea gear wear. Yeah, that intimates that you are, or infers, that you came from a workout. And when I stay at my hotel in New York that I stay at, I only stay at one hotel, I love it. It's the best hotel. I wish I could say with the name of it to promote them, but I don't want any more people there anyway.
Starting point is 00:22:06 They have like a club lounge, you know, where you get to go and have breakfast or cocktails or whatever, you're in the mood for dinner or lunch. And even when I go to the gym, which is on the same floor as that club lounge, if I go into the breakfast room or the club lounge in my outfit from working out it is only to retrieve a water or get a green druce i would never sit down in those chairs after a workout i find that repugnant i find that people who walk around especially when you're a woman because you have fucking wet vagina stains swamp ass yeah swamp ass and and walking around in public after a workout you have to go home do charsay and then go out into the street and the leisure wear that you see on planes same
Starting point is 00:22:49 goes for that. You're basically saying I worked out, even though most people are wearing it without working out too, it's like I worked out and now I'm ready to relax. I have to share an anecdote. I work out with a fitness trainer, usually once a week, sometimes twice. We work out in Central Park and I wear my workout clothes, which I only own because of Jason and the fact that I work out with him. So I was walking from my apartment on the Upper West Side to the park and a woman stopped me and she said, how dare you? I said, I'm sorry? She said, how dare you wear these clothes? This is exactly what you tell people not to wear. And I said, I'm going to work out. I am not going out to lunch. I'm not going shopping. I am working out. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Everything. The lines have been blurred about a lot of things. Thank God for your voice. Now, you were in the room when Heidi Klum put on her famous worm costume. Yes. I don't know why I'm putting up quotation marks. I don't know what that's about. But you were there. And at any point during that, did you think, what the fuck are you doing?
Starting point is 00:24:01 The entire time. The entire time, I thought, what the fuck are you doing? And did you advise her? Did you tell her what you thought? Well, it was too late. I only believe in telling people about things that they can change. she was already many hours into this costume. And what I really wanted to ask is, how are you going to move in this thing?
Starting point is 00:24:23 You're going to have to ride on the floor like a worm. Like a worm. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't pretty. Yeah, no, it wasn't. It was very silly. A lot of people liked it.
Starting point is 00:24:33 What do you think about dressing up for Halloween? Well, I don't do it. But I've, for the last five, six years, and this will be the sixth or seventh year, I've been a host of the New York Public Library's Halloween party. Oh, nice. And you have to come dressed as a literary figure or a book or something. So it stimulates the brain. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:55 And I love it. And people become, they get very, very ambitious. Well, that's very different. That's different. Yeah. Yeah. That's not an adult, like, high-level prostitute slash nurse party, you know. No.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Yeah. And I don't really. Doesn't appeal to me. No. And if you could dress up as an author, then you could basically just do whatever, address the way you're dressing anyway. or as a writer or as a literary figure. Tell me what your favorite fashion city is in the world. Oh, New York. Really? And I say that because this city accepts you however you want to dress. It's very, very democratic in that way. And you'll stand at a street corner with 39 other people and no two people are dressed alike. And I love that about the city.
Starting point is 00:25:39 they're fashion capitals, Paris, London, Milan, Rome, that they tend to be somewhat formulaic and people at a certain levels tend to all look the same. And I enjoy the fact that the city is so incredibly diverse. Yeah, that's a good point. I guess, you know, at a certain level, like the wealthiest people all kind of start to dress the same. Yeah. There's a uniform almost.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Right. Agreed. Yeah, that makes sense. So what was it like when Project Runway approached you and you became after your first season the biggest breakout star? Like, how did that hit you? Well, do you know the story of how it all happened? I don't. I was chair of the fashion design department at Parsons.
Starting point is 00:26:27 It was January of 2004. The producers called me to say that they wanted to come to my office and speak to me about this reality show they wanted to do about fashion. And my response was the following. I said, fashion reality. I said, this industry has enough trouble without that. And they said, well, just let us come. We'll only require 10 minutes. So I Googled them.
Starting point is 00:26:51 This is when I'm always grateful for Google. And found out that they were the project Greenlight producers. So Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, a reality show about making movies. And I somebody thought, well, they have a lot of integrity and a seriousness of purpose. So they came, and I became instantly seduced when they said that they wanted to work with real fashion designers. It's not pick people that ran them off the street and say, you, well, make you into a fashion designer. And I got excited. And then I didn't hear anything for months.
Starting point is 00:27:23 And then there was an abrupt phone call saying, we really do. And I work you through. Now, this was in a capacity as a consultant. My role on the show did not exist. It was in no one's vocabulary. So two days before the designers were arriving, the producers asked me whether I would be willing to go into the workroom and ask them what they're doing. And I said, well, it's how I've spent most of my life. So sure.
Starting point is 00:27:48 But I never dreamed I'd be in the cut of the show. I thought as long as they had the designers responding to me, no one needs to see me, no one needs to hear my voice. And accordingly, I didn't go to the premiere party. I thought, well, if I'm not in the show, it'll be rather humiliating. And if I am in the show, what is this show? Is it sexual antics in the apartment building where the designers are staying? Because I will also tell you, our first five seasons were on Bravo. And when we were taping season one, well, no one certainly knew who I was, including Bravo.
Starting point is 00:28:23 So I'm standing in the real and metaphorical dark of the Parsons Auditorium where we were taping the fashion show and the judge's deliberation. And this woman standing next to me, who I didn't know, turned to me and said, who's going to want to watch this? This is like watching paint dry. And I said to her, you were corroborating my worst fears. So after she left, I asked someone, who was that grumpy Gus? And they said, oh, that's Laurenzalasnik, the president of Bravo. Oh, how funny.
Starting point is 00:28:58 I know Lauren. Yeah, for sure. So what happened? Are you able to talk about what happened with Project Runway or is that not, do you not want to talk about that? Oh, I can talk about anything with you. Okay, yeah. What happened? Are you thinking of something specific? Well, I mean, you're not doing the show anymore. I'll be perfectly transparent about it. I wasn't invited to the party.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Oh, I see. My agent called the producers to say, we understand how you signed up. We haven't heard a thing about Tim. And they said, we don't want him. Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:29:35 I mean, it was devastating at first, but as I said earlier, things happened for a reason. Uh-huh. And I feel extremely lucky to have had 19 seasons of the show, 16 with Heidi. And I have a beautiful Emmy sitting on my kitchen counter. Yeah. So no complaints. I feel very, very, very lucky. Great, great.
Starting point is 00:29:55 I mean, listen, you got a lot out of that show and that show got a lot out of you. So many people, especially queer people, have such a role model in you, and you've set such a high standard for so many queer people and regular people too. But you really are somebody that so many queer people look up to. I wonder when you were growing up, did you have any one you looked up to? It was so hard then. I grew up in the 50s and the 60s. There were the decorators in the Doris Day movies who were not role models I wanted to have. there was Paul Lind as Uncle Arthur on Bewitched.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Everyone was very flamboyant and I thought that's not who I am. But I will also say it wasn't until my late teens that I came to terms with my sexuality. I knew what I wasn't before then, but I didn't know what I was. And no, role models in that regard were non-existent, I have to say. Yeah. And also homosexuality was considered. a mental illness until the American Medical Association or the American Psychiatric Association, whichever it was, removed it from the list in 1972. So the whole time I was growing up,
Starting point is 00:31:09 it was thought that this is something that's extremely bad and needs to be cured. It's unimaginable to think, I mean, even now that we're in this kind of administration and all of these things are up in the air, it's just unimaginable to think about a time growing up, like, what a muzzle that puts on so many people. What a muzzle, you know, it is to have a government tell you something is illegal that you, that is a natural feeling in your body. Like, that is a, it's perfectly natural to have someone say, no, that's, that's not true. You're not real. Your feelings are invalid. We decide. I can't get over that. Like, I can't get over government's interference and choices like that. I can't either. It's just crazy. It's like,
Starting point is 00:31:52 you don't want an abortion. Then don't get one. one. You don't want to be gay, then don't be gay. You don't have to be gay. No one is making people be gay or transition. No, but that's not true. It's not true. It's all just, it's all crazy. You know, I wonder what you think about this. I have an older gay gentleman in my life. And I remember like a couple of years ago, we were in London and he was bemoaning the whole trans movement, saying that it's really hurtful to include them in the LGBTQ community. And I was like, wait a second, You guys went through this yourselves, like in the 90s. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:32:27 How could you possibly not want to invite everyone in? So I'm interested to hear your take on that, which I guess is you obviously support transgender people. Oh, I do. I will say, though, I'll confess something that I actually stand by. This happened years ago. I was asked by a fashion publication how I feel about. trans women walking the runway during fashion week. And I said, and I stand by it still, I said, I'm not a fan. And the reason I'm not a fan is because the fashion industry is always
Starting point is 00:33:07 looking for a muse who defies a woman's shape. And, you know, we've had eating disorders, and we had limb lengthening that was happening in Eastern Europe, anything to make the model look longer, taller, skinnier. And in the case of a male who's transitioned to female, there are no hips. And that was my objection. I'm all for, I'm a huge supporter of trans individuals. I'm in fact, a young trans woman I used to fence with has since this new administration gone undercover. But it's the intimidation of this administration. As if it's not enough of a struggle to deal with that issue alone that you need, you know, I have so many friends who have children who are trans and the worry and the fear and the constant, daily fear of something happened. You're already
Starting point is 00:34:02 scared when you put a child out into the world. It's already scary. It's scary to have your kids go to school and possibly get shot. It's scary to, you know, have your kids be out in public when we live in such an unsafe country right now and people are, you know, using violence to express themselves. Imagine having that muzzle be put on you, like as if, as if you can choose to not have those feelings. It's just, it's so sickening on every level. On a much lighter note, I had no idea you were a fencer. Oh, yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:34:33 I started fencing very late in life at age 62, so 10 years ago. Cute, Tim. That's so cute. It's a fantastic sport. It's a workout for the body and a workout for the brain. Nice. With a tremendously long history. It's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Wow. Yeah, that is cool. I need to learn a little bit more about fencing. I'm not educated enough about fencing. Well, I wasn't either, Chelsea. It's been a tremendous education. What got you interested in fencing? I was being interviewed by a very dynamic young man, and I didn't know anything about him. And he shared with me that he's a three-time Olympian and a silver medalist in fencing. And that he had just opened a fencing club on the Upper West Side. I said the Upper West Side. I said the Upper West. West Side. That's my neighborhood. So I went to visit him and I was enraptured with this activity, this action, all of it, including the uniform. And I became his eighth student. He now has over 400. Oh, wow. So I was there at the inception of this club and it's just, it's very, very thrilling. It's also, well, I have to tell you, on Sundays, we all arrive at the club. I mean, those who want to participate.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Yeah, sorry, or this is our church. In fact, it's in a synagogue, the club. So you bout everyone at the club on Sunday, regardless of age or gender. And I'm old, I'm slow, I know it, and this is a speedy sport, at least saber, fencing is. I've only won one bout and it was against a nine-year-old girl who was about three and a half feet tall. Arria. And I have to tell you, I, in the middle of this bout, and you have to score five points to win, in the middle of this bout, I thought, should I throw it to her? Should I, but I have this this crazy lust for winning.
Starting point is 00:36:44 I thought, I've never been this close to actually winning this. And I thought I can't do it. So after I won, she burst into tears. I give her a hug. I go to her mother and I apologize. At any rate, I persist. But Ariya still, she left the club, but I see her occasionally in the neighborhood. Poor aria.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Poor Aria. You know what? It's a great story for both of you. I have a quick question about like, since you've been working out, you've been fencing, obviously your musculature has changed. You know, you've got your traps. They're popping. Have you had to have your suits tailored?
Starting point is 00:37:28 Well, I buy off the rack, but they are tailored. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I don't do custom. Okay. And has it changed, like as your body's changed with working? out and putting on more muscle? Well, my trainer, Jason, knows that I'm not interested in
Starting point is 00:37:45 building muscle. I'm more interested in retaining and gaining strength. And I started practicing intermittent fasting. I only eat once a day to keep everything off because the older you get, the less you metabolize. So even if you're just following the same routine, the same diet, you get bigger. And I can't afford a new wardrobe. I mean, you look good. Yeah, you look very strong. Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back with Tim Gunn. Celebrate your pride with the station that's as bold, vibrant and diverse as you are.
Starting point is 00:38:22 I-Hart Pride Canada. From dance anthems to pop icons and hits from 2SLGBTQ Plus Canadian artists. It's the soundtrack that keeps life loud and proud. Just ask your smart speaker to play IHart Pride Canada. Stream us on your phone or listen now. at iHeartRadio.ca. Come together, celebrate love. Pride.
Starting point is 00:38:42 Feel it all year long. Let's go. With IHart Pride Canada. In the middle of the night, Saskia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop. What was on his screen would change Saskia's life forever.
Starting point is 00:39:03 I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing. And immediately, the mask came off. You're supposed to be safe. That's your home. That's your husband. So keep this secret for so many years. He's like a seasoned pro.
Starting point is 00:39:26 This is a story about the end of a marriage. But it's also the story of one woman who was done living in the dark. You're a dangerous person who prays on vulnerable and trusting people. Your creditor might go up and good. Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What do you do in the headlines don't explain what's happening inside of you? I'm Ben Higgins, and if you can hear me, is where culture meets the soul, a place for real conversation. Each episode, I sit down with people from all walks of life, celebrities, thinkers, and everyday folks,
Starting point is 00:40:09 and we go deeper than the polished story. We talk about what drives us, what shapes us, and what gives us hope. We get honest about the big stuff, identity when you don't recognize yourself anymore, loss that changes you, purpose when success isn't enough, peace when your mind won't slow down, fake when it's complicated. Some guests have answers. Most are still figuring it out. If you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this show is for you. Listen to if you can hear me on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast. or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Welcome to the A building. I'm Hans Charles. I'm Minalick Lamumba. It's 1969. Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr. had both been assassinated. And Black America was out of breaking point. Writing and protests broke out on an unprecedented scale.
Starting point is 00:41:04 In Atlanta, Georgia, at Martin's Almermata, Morehouse College, the students had their own protest. It featured two prominent figures in black history, Martin Luther King's senior, and a young, student Samuel L. Jackson.
Starting point is 00:41:19 To be in what we really thought was a revolution. I mean, people would die. 1968, the murder of Dr. King, which traumatized everyone. The FBI had a role in the murder of a Black Panther leader in Chicago.
Starting point is 00:41:34 This story is about protest. It echoes in today's world far more than it should, and it will blow your mind. Listen to the A building on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And now we're back with Tim Gunn.
Starting point is 00:41:53 And we're going to take some questions, which is, I'm assuming it's going to be your favorite part of the show. Well, our first question comes from Ross. This one's just an email. He's his dear Chelsea. My name is Ross, and I'm a 29-year-old gay man living in NYC and working at a multi-brand fashion showroom. My job is amazing. I get to meet new people, travel to Paris four times a year, get free clothes, and work directly with designers. Wow.
Starting point is 00:42:17 I work. A dream. Sounds great. Yeah. Lots of perks. What's the problem? So I work on the women's team and I have two coworkers who have quickly become some of my best friends.
Starting point is 00:42:28 I've been on the team the longest, two and a half years. And the other two are at roughly the one year mark. I recently found out that I make about $12,000 less than they do for the exact same job, same title, same workload. I'm starting to feel resentful of my job and the people I work with and do not know what to do. Do I ask for more money, set an ultimatum? Do I just leave? I feel like everyone I talk to has a different perspective and solution and I'm feeling loss. Would love your advice, Ross. Tim, would you like to go first?
Starting point is 00:42:57 Well, I have a fair amount of experience with this. To be publicly honest, yes. This is interesting. This is the reverse of what I normally hear, and I'm wondering if this is a gay male thing. Like, are gay men getting paid less than women? Right, because the women in this situation are Well, in my experience, my experience goes back to Parsons where I was for 24 years, the last seven and a half of which I was chair of the fashion program. Prior to that, I had been teaching and later in my term at Parsons, I had an additional responsibility as associate dean. And as associate dean, department chairs reported to me, for instance, and full-time faculty. So I knew what people made. and the department chairs made a fair amount of money, certainly more than I made, but I was an associate
Starting point is 00:43:47 dean. It was completely different. So then I become the chair of fashion design. There are 230 students. It grows to more than 800. I'm making so much less than the other department chairs. And I know why. It's because they're moving forward my salary and they can only add a certain percentage. to it from when I started and new people coming in were always making more money. There were full-time faculty at Parsons in my department who were making more money than I was. So revenge can be very sweet. I was going through a reappointment review, which happens supposedly every five years, but mine had been postponed because of the department growth and things changing in the department
Starting point is 00:44:35 rather dramatically, and that was my doing with the faculty. So I was up for reappointment review, and when I was associate dean, I oversaw a reappointment review. So I knew intimately what one had to do. And I kept being told that I had to bring the dean the broomstick at the Wicked Witch of the West, and I kept doing it until we reached an impasse where I thought, I can't do this. I'm not able to do what you want me to do, but I'm said it to myself. at the same time, the CEO of Liz Claiborne had come across the street. We were across the street from each other and dropped this incredible surprise in my lap. He wanted me to be his first hire and his chief creative officer over 46 brands.
Starting point is 00:45:26 And I had this wonderful revenge moment with the dean where I made an appointment to see him. I brought him an envelope and he asked me, is this what I want? And I said, I am absolutely certain it's what you want. And what he had been asking me for were recommendations from fashion educators in Europe. And I thought, I know one person. But he said, well, I'm very disappointed. I need three. And I thought this is total BS.
Starting point is 00:46:01 So I loved watching him open the envelope as he realized that this was my letter of resignation. And I got back to my office and the president of the university called and was screaming, you owe me a year, you owe me a year. I said, you know, I've been here for 24 years. You owe me a bon chants. But what's the moral here? I don't believe in ultimatums. I believe that this young man should shop himself around the industry and look for another opportunity
Starting point is 00:46:38 because it's demoralizing to know that people who came in after you are making so much more. But also, there's no harm in asking, is there? I mean, why not ask first and say, I know that they're making more than me? So, like, did he say they came in after him? Yeah, yeah, like a year and a half. I mean, and you could do both. You could ask. Absolutely to what Tim is saying, but also ask.
Starting point is 00:47:01 You never know. I mean, they've already indicated that they don't respect you because they're paying these two women more. But there is no harm in asking. And, you know, it's a good, I think it's a good exercise to ask for what you are. Well, I don't disagree at all. In fact, I agree. It's nice, though, to have something in your back pocket. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:19 Because until I started making more money, in a matter of speaking, because I want you to know the first, when I I was still at Parsons. I was making almost nothing off a project runway. So it wasn't as though, oh, I have this additional income and I'm double dipping. It's nice to have something in your back pocket just in case, because I always thought if I lose my job, I can't afford my rent. I mean, I'll really be destitute. So it's a better, fuck you if, in fact, the negotiating meeting, if it goes awry, you can just walk and just say, okay, I'm out of here now. Yeah. And you know, it's interesting, going back to my situation at Parsons, they could have offered me more money.
Starting point is 00:48:09 It didn't have to be as much as Liz Clayburn was offering if it had been $20,000. I would have stayed because I envisioned my entire life remaining at Parsons, or my working life remaining at Parsons. there was no effort towards that, none. I'll also tell you that Diane von Persenberg is a dear friend, and she was a board member at Parsons. And after the call from the president, I received a call from her. And she said, you can't do this. You've done so much work in the fashion department. You've repositioned it.
Starting point is 00:48:42 And I said, Diane, let me cut to the chase. And I told her how much I was making. And she said, without missing a beat, leave. Leave now. It's good to have a co-sign. For an effort to pay more. Right. Yeah, of course, because people are going to get away with whatever they can get away with.
Starting point is 00:48:58 Yeah. Right. Right. Ross, will you have your answer? And good luck. Our first caller today is Sydney and she's 28. Sydney, sweetie? I would like to talk to her, actually.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Okay. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been with my boyfriend for five years. Our life is pretty good, except for our sex life. We started dating when we were both 23 years old and have hit the many young adult milestones together, job and career-bound. grief, living with a partner for the first time, losing friendships, etc. At the beginning, our sex life was fun, but after the one-year mark, it just fell off. He does not show outward interest, even though he says he thinks about it often. He has expressed his lack of insight
Starting point is 00:49:36 on what he thinks about his sexuality. He grew up Catholic, but no longer practices, and was taught that it was a bad thing, so he hadn't taken the time to discover what it could look like for him. He told me that it was honestly easier in the beginning when we were casually hooking up because love wasn't involved yet, but now that he's not. He loves and respects me, the way he cares doesn't align with how he viewed sex then. I figured once we settled into real adult life, that part would work itself out. But now we barely have sex. I've tried asking pointed questions, giving him space, tried telling him to man up,
Starting point is 00:50:06 tried the nurturing approach. We've tried therapy. I've asked if he just never wants to have sex because then at least I would have an answer and nothing has worked. He does have OCD and says things like, I want it to be spontaneous, but I also want to feel clean and prepared. He acknowledges that those two things close. and I can tell he knows he's disappointing me.
Starting point is 00:50:24 We talk about it a lot, but I am tired of talking, and I just want to fuck like the girl I used to be in the past. There's a lot of love in this relationship despite this. We live well together, have a great group of friends, have future goals, and we're touchy with each other, but it's cute, not sexy. I do love him dearly. Dating and men in general are both scary as fuck, and if a guy ticks all the boxes but one, should we really break up over this?
Starting point is 00:50:44 Sidney. Hi, this is our special guest, Tim Gunn. Hi. Hi, Sydney. So Tim's celibate. I'm celibate in the moment. Catherine probably had sex on her way here today with her husband. As usual. He also works on the podcast and they're very horny. Especially in the car. Okay. So you're not married. No. Right. And how long have you guys been together in total?
Starting point is 00:51:10 Five years. I mean, sex is a pretty big box to check for you. I started out with Tim being celibate because that's not important to him as like as it is. you. And for me, it would be important in a relationship because that would be one of my primary reasons to be in a relationship would be for the sex. I mean, that would be a big component. You know what I mean? I would expect to be having sex on a very regular basis. Otherwise, I can hang out with my girlfriends. So it's not just one box that he's not checking. It's basically one of the kind of foundational aspects of a relationship is sexual contact. And that can mean a variety of things. But if you're not satisfied, then that's, that's not going to change. And if you've been down the road of therapy, you've been down the road
Starting point is 00:51:54 of trying different things and, you know, doing different things, like, are you ready to actually, like, leave a relationship over this? I don't know. Like, I think that my views have changed a little bit because it doesn't feel as important as it used to. And we do, we do have sex. It's just not maybe as often as I would want. And when we do have sex, it's really good. Like, I'm having a good time. Right? Yeah. Part of me is thinking like maybe I need to, I think I've been pushing him so much to get to my level. And like maybe I need to think about me for a while. I don't know. Yeah. I would think that, you know, listen, that doesn't ever work in relationships when we're trying to force something on somebody else. It doesn't work that way. It's kind of like you change your behavior and people change their behavior because of your change in your behavior. That's what happens. So I would definitely say to do that and focus on yourself. Is there any, world in which it would be acceptable to you and or to him to have sex outside of the relationship.
Starting point is 00:52:56 No, not him. He's been cheated on before. Like in the past, I think that that would never be like he would never be comfortable. Right. Okay. Well, then you have that answer. So you're not going to do that. Yeah. Okay. So your options are to stay in the relationship. I think why don't you start with this? Instead of making like some decision about your relationship, why don't you just really pull back the pressure mode and really catch yourself. Like, really start focusing on all of the attributes of his that you do appreciate and that you do love. Remind yourself on a daily basis, write him down every morning. The three things you love about him. Write that down every morning. Like, what do you like about him today? What was a highlight of your day with him? What was a great moment that you had with him?
Starting point is 00:53:38 And do that for a month to just really get like a catalog of where you are in this relationship. And if this is something worth fracturing the relationship or if it's something you can live with, But also, I predict that if you do pull back, you are going to get a different response from him. Definitely. Nobody wants to be pressured and be made to feel guilty, especially when it's about them performing. I think if I, like, gotten my Dom era, he would really appreciate that. Well, and that is another big question is, like, is there a world in which, like, he is, it's not about his pleasure necessarily, but, like, you're in the mood and he can pleasure you. you guys can do that together. And then like he's off the hook. Like he doesn't have to perform in that way.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Yeah, I think he would be happier if that was me. If I was the one that was just like, it's time, I think. But I've never been that person. So. Well, that's another option. I think that's a great option. It's a really good solution. I didn't even know that was an option until you guys just brought it up. So you had the answer to your own question. Why are you calling you? I don't know how to be a Tom. You don't know how to be a Tom? Have you watched Dying for Sex? Yes, I have. Okay. Great.
Starting point is 00:54:50 You can do what she did. I mean, that was, you know, that was it. You can say, hey, I'm coming home. I want you to go down on me. Like, I've had a long day. Let's go. I'm going to go take a shower, whatever. And then you could go down on me for 20 minutes or 30 or a fucking hour.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Like, you make the rules like that. So there's two options. You can, and you can try both of these approaches. You can pull back, like let it, you know, give it some space that talk about sex before you get into your Dom era. Give it a few months. You know what I mean? Just pull back, don't pressure him, don't make sex a priority. Just, you know, just do your thing and see where that takes you.
Starting point is 00:55:26 If in a couple of months nothing has changed, then I think you should propose that. And learn about it, read about it, go online and read all you can. I mean, most people don't start out that way as Dom's. They learn about it and they're like, oh, this sounds like me. I just listened to a great podcast about this woman who is Dom. And I was like, oh, she's like an extreme marathon. on her and she just like loved I mean well she was into BDSM too so but she was extreme marathoner and she loved the pain in her body that she felt from like hurting herself and hurting
Starting point is 00:55:58 herself and she wanted to feel that in the bedroom and she wanted to feel this is a little bit different than what you're talking about obviously it's another extension but and I was like listening to this podcast it's it's that New York Times podcast that talks about relationships and I was like oh I have a friend I've sent it to my friend who's an extreme marathoner she's like I'm not into this shit Don't send this to me. But it was interesting. She found out she didn't like it. But, you know, she tried it.
Starting point is 00:56:23 And that was BDSM. So she was really trying to like, you know, be in pain and hurt herself, which is not what you're describing. So there's a delineation. But yeah, I would say try some different things to get some different results. Definitely. I agree. Is he in any kind of treatment for his OCD? No.
Starting point is 00:56:40 I think we hit kind of a wall in our therapy sessions. And we're going to go to do kind of individual. for a while. I think it's time to stop that part and do some self-work. Yeah, I think that's a good plan. Because, you know, if this is sort of something that's caused by OCD, just like getting a handle on some of that for him and getting some tools might be really helpful in this area as well as other areas. Yeah. And I think for me, like, I'm way too tuned in to his tendencies of just like the way he likes things. And so like if I see like him dissatisfied in his environment, it all, also pulls me out of it, but that's also not my responsibility. So I've kind of had a hard time.
Starting point is 00:57:22 That's something to bring up in therapy because that's just codependency, you know? So yeah, talk to your therapist about that and just, and like do what I suggested. Give everything a decent amount of time. Give it a month, give it two months. And then, and see if anything changes. And, and keep us posted. Okay. Okay. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Bye. That was genius advice. Oh, Tim. Stop it. I mean, have I been more compatible with any guests that we've ever had on? No. You should get married.
Starting point is 00:57:51 I agree with everything that you say. Honestly. Hi, Doug. I have my dog here. I wish you could see him. He's so good looking and he's so stylish. He's very sweet. He is stylish.
Starting point is 00:58:01 He's not that sweet actually. He was sweet to me today, which I gave me a cuddle. He's sweet to women, women, but men, he's like, no thanks, which I wonder where that comes from. Is he a certain breed? Yeah, he's a chow-chow. He's fluffy. They're adorable. And he's all black, so I haven't had a black chow chow yet.
Starting point is 00:58:19 So he is gorgeous. Yeah. Well, our second caller today is Sarah and she is wondering about purpose. And her subject line is how much purpose is too much purpose. Great question. Dear Chelsea and Catherine, thank you so much for putting your time and energy into this podcast. I'm writing to ask about purpose and more specifically how you identify what your purpose is and how to know how much time and energy you want to put into a specific activity.
Starting point is 00:58:43 A bit of background. I'm currently being treated for stage four, a static colon cancer. Last year, I was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer after what I thought was going to be my 45-year-old preventive care colonoscopy. Instead, the next months included surgery, followed by 12 rounds of chemotherapy over six months. I thought that would be it, but three months after finishing chemo, my early detection surveilling indicated that the cancer had returned. More testing confirmed metastases in a lymph node, and I was put on another course of chemo for another six months. I currently have a couple treatments left to go before they determine next steps.
Starting point is 00:59:14 During the time of shock and fear of the recurrence, I came across research-backed anti-cancer living book and my husband and I read it. We made lifestyle changes and took on a mantra of moving forward by saying yes to new opportunities, like selling our house and moving into an apartment in the French quarter in New Orleans and taking a last-minute trip to Las Vegas to see Beyonce. All that said, in the 10 days between my chemo treatments, I feel better than ever and I have in my adult life. On those days, I'm operating at 100 percent, and I realized before my diagnosis, I was consistently at 75%. This experience of being a cancer patient, which I still find hard to write or say out
Starting point is 00:59:50 loud, has left me asking, what is my purpose in this? I've learned so much about the importance of getting colonoscopies as soon as you can, navigating treatments and finding paths to feel good that I want to share, but I'm not sure how much time and energy to put into the sharing. Is sharing with close friends and family enough? Do I want to write more of this down and share it with my broader community? How much time and energy do I want to put into this? Any guidance on how you decide what is the right amount of time and energy for you to put into a project or purpose would be much appreciated. Love all your work, but especially this pod, which I often put on during chemo treatments, to drown out the folks blurring Fox News in the infusion center.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Love you. Sarah. I can't even imagine having to deal with that and then listening to Fox News. Jesus. Hi, Sarah. Hi. Hi, you beautiful human being. This is our special guest, Tim Gunn. Oh, hi, Tim.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Sarah, you are a beautiful human being and quite a hero. Oh, thank you. Just that letter alone, listen, I love this question because you are living, like, you are living proof that you need to be living. You know what I mean? While you're here, live. Live it up. I love that you went to Vegas and went to go see Beyonce.
Starting point is 01:01:00 I love that you gave up your house and bought an apartment in the French quarter. Like, these are things that you do to live. And I understand that there's the purpose sense of this question. I understand completely what you mean. How much are you allowed to be selfish in like, you know, under the umbrella of selfishness and just do your own thing and like take care of yourself and how much do you need to give back? I would honestly say with everything that you've been through, it is really the most important thing is to take care of you and your happiness and the time that you are here to enjoy yourself as much as you possibly can. You've been through hell and you've handled it with a plum. I'm sure there have been very dark days and I'm sure there have been lighter days,
Starting point is 01:01:44 but it's a heavy burden to bear. And I think what you're doing is perfect. The fact that you're contemplating it means that you're thinking of others during such a time where, you know, your health is at risk. And I just want to say, whatever you feel moved to share, to do outreach, to help and share your experience to others, then do that. But you don't have to adhere to a certain set of guidelines. that are just that are arbitrary.
Starting point is 01:02:12 You know what I mean? You don't have to help other people. You actually really have to help yourself because by helping yourself, the need to help others is almost kind of like it's just a natural progression of things that are going to happen. You know, people see you carrying yourself
Starting point is 01:02:28 in a certain way, even when you're getting your chemo. People can go in there and be down and out and you going in there and having a positive attitude and being hopeful or being optimistic or being kind is already showing and demonstrating something to others. And as far as you sharing, I really would just say you are the number one priority. And whatever excess or extra time you feel like you have, then you could go and do those things. But by no means, this is not your job to educate people on cancer.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Tim, what do you think? Well, I'm reflecting upon something, Sarah, that you wrote about writing. I think you really should keep a diary, chronicle your. your journey, even if it's 100 words a day, I think it would be purging and cathartic for you, and it's something tangible that you can also share if you choose to do so. But I think the most wonderful thing about writing, and I'm a writer, so I do this myself, one of the most wonderful things about writing is you wrap your brain around how to articulate the feelings that you have, and it can just be extremely helpful.
Starting point is 01:03:39 and can give you a lot of insight to things. But I am completely blown away by your courage and your tenacity and your will to live. It's extremely inspiring. Thank you. Thank you all for all of that. I really appreciate it. It's helpful to hear that, like, encouragement of just, like, what am I feeling and do that and, like, one thing at a time? And I think to Tim's note, Chelsea, I know you've mentioned this a lot.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Like, when I do write, I do a gratitude list and I try to make it a long list. So then I have to get into like little things that you wouldn't think about. And I kind of have a mantra of just like, you know, I'm living today. I'm living today well. What, you know, I'm living for. And then I kind of fill in the blank, which kind of helps just like every day. be like you said appreciative of like, oh, you know, I have this day and what's beautiful about the day. Well, here's a question for you, too. There are a lot of people obviously listening to this.
Starting point is 01:04:46 So you're already helping them by like a reminder to get your call and ask if you like go in for checkups. Because you've learned so much, is there anything that you'd say to our listeners about what else they should know, what else they should be screening for? Yeah, I would say, you know, like I said, I am somebody that's like, okay, follows the rules. So I was like, I'm 45, I need to get my colonoscopy. So, you know, talk to your doctors about that. And I would also say, you know, as I thought, oh, I don't have any symptoms. I'm going to be fine. And then when it happened, I could kind of look back and see like, okay, there were changes happening.
Starting point is 01:05:21 And I was kind of saying, oh, it's just stress or it's just this or just that. So I would say, you know, if you feel something changing or different, like ask your doctor and just talk to them. and like ask questions because, you know, if we would have, you know, you could say what if, but if like I would have gone in maybe a year earlier, it might have been a different situation. Sure. So just listening, I think listening to our bodies and when we something feels different or not right, asking those questions. Thank you so much, Sarah.
Starting point is 01:05:55 Yeah, Sarah. Thank you so much. And like, again, back to the purpose. I think a lot about my purpose is like I think a lot about just. spreading light, you know? Like, I've been going through a really rough time recently, and every morning, I'm like, and this is immaterial stuff, you know, stupid stuff, but just a fucking emotional toll it's taken on me. And I have just like every morning, I'm like, okay, try again. Today, try again to be light, to be other people's light. Like, get out of your own problems and be other people's light,
Starting point is 01:06:26 like demonstrate light. And that's not to say, that's not what I'm saying to you. That's what I say to myself, but you can do the same thing with your situation to demonstrate grace, love, gratitude to all of the people that you come into contact with and make that a daily practice. And there's purpose and that that's immeasurable. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. So we wish you well, sending you lots of love. Thank you for calling you.
Starting point is 01:06:54 Thank you. Okay. Bye, Sarah. Bye. Okay, we're going to take a break. Tim and I are getting married and we'll be right back. Celebrate your pride with the station that's as bold, vibrant, and diverse as you are. IHart Pride Canada.
Starting point is 01:07:11 From dance anthems to pop icons and hits from 2SLGBTQ Plus Canadian artists. It's the soundtrack that keeps life loud and proud. Just ask your smart speaker to play IHart Pride Canada. Stream us on your phone or listen now at iHartRadio.ca. Come together, celebrate love. Pride. Feel it all year long. Let's go.
Starting point is 01:07:32 With I-Heart Pride Canada. In the middle of the night, Sasquia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop. What was on his screen would change Saskia's life forever. I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing. And immediately, the mask came off. You're supposed to be safe. That's your home.
Starting point is 01:08:04 That's your husband. To keep this secret for so many years, he's like a seasoned pro. This is a story about the end of a marriage, but it's also the story of one woman who was done living in the dark. You're a dangerous person who prays on vulnerable and trusting people. Your creditor might go up and good. Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What do you do in the headlines don't explain what's happening inside of you? I'm Ben Higgins, and if you can hear me, is where culture meets the soul, a place for real conversation.
Starting point is 01:08:51 Each episode, I sit down with people from all walks of life, celebrities, thinkers, and everyday folks, and we go deeper than the polished story. We talk about what drives us, what shapes us, and what gives us hope. We get honest about the big stuff, identity when you don't recognize yourself anymore, law, that changes you, purpose when success isn't enough, peace when your mind won't slow down, faith when it's complicated. Some guests have answers. Most are still figuring it out. If you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this show is for you. Listen to if you can hear me on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the A-building. I'm Hans Charles. I'm Inalek Lamoma. It's 1969. Malcolm X.
Starting point is 01:09:42 Martin Luther King, Jr., had both been assassinated, and Black America was out of breaking point. Writing and protests broke out on an unprecedented scale. In Atlanta, Georgia, at Martin's Almermata, Morehouse College, the students had their own protest. It featured two prominent figures in black history, Martin Luther King's senior, and a young student, Samuel L. Jackson.
Starting point is 01:10:06 To be in what we really thought was a revolution. I mean, people would die. In 1968, the murder of Dr. King, which traumatized everyone. The FBI had a role in the murder of a Black Panther leader in Chicago. This story is about protest. It echoes in today's world far more than it should, and it will blow your mind. Listen to the A building on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Chelsea and Tim Gunn.
Starting point is 01:10:42 What if I changed my name to Chelsea Gunn? I love it. Chelsea Guns. I could be Tim Handler. Tim Handler, yeah. That sounds more melifluous, actually. That's got a nice ring to it, Tim. Okay, Tim, this isn't all the podcast.
Starting point is 01:10:56 Actually, listen to this, Chelsea. What? We could be Gun Handler. Chelsea and Tim Gun Handler, and that you have to use both of our names when addressing either one of us. I like that. You have to get your concealed carry permit.
Starting point is 01:11:11 Okay, Tim, Gunn, was absolutely delightful. I loved having you on. Please come back anytime you want. And thank you for sharing everything that you shared today. Oh, well, thank you for having me on the show. And I love being here with you and Catherine. And I would love to return. Okay. Well, we'll definitely have you back. Can't wait. Word of the Week, bilingual edition. Our first word of the week is do charsee, verb, Spanish, to shower. Dutarche is Chelsea's Spanglish for, You'd better shower your swamp ass if you're wearing at leisure.
Starting point is 01:11:49 Dutarche. Our second word of the week is, Bonchance. Franklish for good luck. Bon chance is a perfect way to wish someone luck if you're a refined gentleman like Tim Gunn. Bonchance. Okay, guys, I am officially on my high and mighty tour. February 19th, Madison, Wisconsin,
Starting point is 01:12:12 February 20th is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. February 21st, Detroit, Michigan. February 22nd, Rama, Ontario. That's Canada, for those of you who don't speak Canada. March 13th, Cleveland, Ohio. March 14th, Columbus, Ohio. March 15th, Cincinnati, Ohio. And then March 20th is Denver, Colorado.
Starting point is 01:12:33 March 27th, Portland, Maine. March 28th, Providence, Rhode Island. March 29th, Springfield, Massachusetts. April, 10th. 10th is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater. April 11th, Indianapolis, Indiana. April 12th, Louisville, Kentucky. April 16th is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17th is Mesa, Arizona. April 23rd is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24th is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25th is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April 30th, Nashville, Tennessee. May 1st is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2nd is
Starting point is 01:13:09 Durham, North Carolina. May 6th, I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement along with Atlantic City. May 15th, Saratoga, California. May 16th, Monterey, California. May 17th, Modesto, California. And then June 4th, Portchester, New York. June 5th is Boston Mass. And June 12th is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle is June 13th. So suck on that, everybody. Go to Chelseahandler.com for tickets. If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of IHeartMedia.
Starting point is 01:13:48 Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find Catherine on TikTok at Flashcadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea Live at Chelseahandler.com. You can scroll the headlines all day, and still feel empty.
Starting point is 01:14:12 I'm Ben Higgins, and if you can hear me, is where culture meets the soul. Honest conversations about identity, loss, purpose, peace, faith, and everything in between. Celebrities, thinkers,
Starting point is 01:14:23 everyday people, some have answers. Most are still figuring it out. And if you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this show is for you. Listen to if you can hear me
Starting point is 01:14:33 on my iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. In the middle of the night, Saskia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop. What was on his screen would change Saskia's life forever. I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing.
Starting point is 01:14:53 And immediately, the mask came off. You're supposed to be safe. That's your home. That's your husband. Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Malcolm and Martin are gone. America is in crisis. And at Morehouse College, the students make their move.
Starting point is 01:15:16 These students, including a young Samuel L. Jackson, locked up the members of the board of trustees, including Martin Luther King, Sr. It's the true story of protests and rebellion in black American history that you'll never forget. I'm Hans Charles. I'm Inalick Lamumba. Listen to the A building on the IHeart Radio app,
Starting point is 01:15:35 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Over the last couple years, didn't we learn that the folding chair was invented by black people because of what happened in Alabama? This Black History Month, the podcast Selective Ignorance with Mandy B, unpacked black history and culture with comedy, clarity, and conversations that shake the status quo. The Crown Act in New York was signed in July of 2019, and that is a bill that was passed to prohibit discrimination based on hair styles associated with race. To hear this and more, listen to Selective Ignorance with Mandy B from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the I. IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.

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