Dear Chelsea - Links to Your Kinks with Tony Hawk

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

Tony Hawk joins Chelsea this week to chat about recovering physically - and mentally - from a serious injury, the importance of seeing a need and fulfilling it, and the age-old problem of smelly teenagers.  Then: A son discovers his dad’s quirky kinks by way of an innocent TikTok video. A ski accident has a divorcee scared of the bunny hill.  And a Canadian cop wonders if she should continue to work - even if that means missing out on the important years of her daughter’s life.  * Check out Tony’s podcast Hawk vs. Wolf here.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

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Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Oh, hello, Chelsea. Hello. It's Thanksgiving Day today. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. in Houston that only has chows. I'm getting a dog for Whistler. I'm bringing one dog to Whistler. Bernice does not like Whistler, so she's going to stay back with Mabel and her lover, Fernando, who's Mabel's son. They send me illicit pictures of them multiple times a day of her in bed with Fernando under his arms, sleeping under the covers, which is a joke because she doesn't fucking do that. So obviously they're staging these photos. Anyway, I am leaving her behind because I feel like it's abusive making her come to Whistler with me. Yeah. Sometimes just don't travel. I don't want her to have to travel. So, but I do need a dog. So I'm going to pick one up and get a winter dog. And I am choosing between three male dogs. One is named Doug. One is named Albie and one is named Jim. And I, they're all

between one to two years and they're not like the most they're not I really want a full full chow I want the full blown yeah but I don't want to buy a dog I think that's gross I probably will do it anyway at some point but I'm gonna rescue now good for you and I'm gonna yeah so I'm just gonna keep you posted on that I'm just they're not the the cutest dogs in the world like I have a type, a face, and these are all very cute dogs, but they're not, I just want to say that's how great of a parent I am. I'm still going to get a dog that I don't think is perfect. Don't judge a dog by its cover.

No, I know. I learned that the hard way. I sat next to somebody at an event recently and I was like, oh no, I'm sitting next to this person. And then we had a fucking blast. I was like, oh, I like you. Sometimes people are surprising. Yeah, they are. It's hard not to judge a book by its cover because sometimes people make it so hard to not judge them by the way they look because the way they look is so ridiculous. Right. Or like they look like a specific kind of

person you already have sort of a groove for in your brain and you're like, oh, they're going to be like this. And then sometimes they just like shock you. Yeah. I remember growing, like I was always afraid to go into Hot Topic. That's like where they had all the stuff that I wanted to buy. And I finally braved it and went in when I was like in sixth grade. And then everyone in there was so nice. And I was like, wait, all the nicest people are actually in Hot Topic. What is Hot Topic? Oh, it's like the goth teenager store at the mall. That's why I haven't heard of it. Back when we had malls. You are headed to Whistler soon. How long are you going for? I'm going for winter. Yes, like four months. Yeah, so it's December through, I have all my Canadian dates there, so I'm doing, awesome. I'm basing myself out of Whistler. My house is still not ready. It'll never be ready,

I guess. Your house here. My house here. I just came from a meeting again. I'm constantly going to meetings, and then I'm constantly picking out things. I'm like, didn't we already pick this out? I really can't even express how long this has taken. No, truly. Like when we met, you were shopping for a house and then you bought one and it's still being renovated. I mean, I would love the timeframe because it was supposed to be ready in August. Before that, it was supposed to be ready in June. Now we're at the end of November, and they're saying December. So we started recording, I think, in February 2021. And I spent two years in a rental house. So that brings us to 23.

Here we are, two and a half years later. Couldn't happen to a better person, you guys. Couldn't happen to a better person. So true. Chelsea, we have a pretty exciting guest today. Please welcome co-host of the Hawk vs. Wolf podcast and skateboarding legend, Tony Hawk. Hi there. Hi, Tony Hawk.

Tony Hawk is with here today, everybody, okay? And I'm here too with us. Tony, how are you? Nice to meet you. You too. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm good.

I don't think we've ever met before. I feel like we know a lot of the same people, but I don't think we officially met. So nice to meet you. Thank you. Yeah, it's nice to meet you. I am a big fan. Oh, well, thank you. Likewise.

I mean, I'm a very big admirer of everything you've accomplished in your life, in your sport. I know that you came big on the scene with skateboarding. You were like, it was the 80s. And you invented, it's called the 900. Can you explain to our female listeners what that is in case any of them don't know? Yeah. Well, that refers to degrees of rotation. So it is basically a two and a half spin in the air, kind of like what you would see on a trapeze, but from a ramp and coming back down the ramp without anything to catch you. Well,

how does it compare to what Simone Biles has been up to these last few weeks? It would be like if Simone Biles was trying a trick for five or 10 years and then she finally made it once. Yeah, okay. And then also landed on wheels. Well, yeah, she might not be far behind you. I'm not discounting what she does at all. I'm a huge fan of Simone Biles.

I'm just saying like, this was more of a thing that I had been trying off and on for the better part of 10 years of my life. And then finally made it during the X games in 1999. So it resonated a lot and it was a big deal for me because it was, it was sort of the end of my competition era. So it was a good out. Yeah, seriously. And did a bunch of people mimic you after or try to, were they able to also? Yeah. Yeah. Um, actually I was within that same year, two other guys did it. And nowadays, honestly, like it's not very commonplace, but there is a dozen or so people that can do it. And now they have managed to surpass that with extra spins all the way up to a 1260. So now we have three and a half spins.

It's on a bigger ramp, so it's a different setup, but it's amazing to me. Yeah, that is amazing. So when you're able to perfect something like that, how many more times are you able to do it after you were able to pull it off at the X Games? After that, I could do it pretty regularly. I would say I probably did it 40 to 50 times after that. It's kind of like when you, when you know it's possible, it's a little easier to, to navigate. Uh-huh. And when was the last time you were able to pull that off? I did it about five years ago, six years ago. And it was so hard to do at that. I

mean, I was 40, I was 48 at the time and it was so hard to do. I was like, that's definitely the last one. Yeah. I liked what I read about you, about you. So skateboarding, you were kind of, it was like very hot during a certain period of time. And then it kind of dulled a little bit. Then it blew up again when your video game came out. And that's how a lot of people were introduced back into skateboarding and it became

hot again. So what was, tell me about that. And you had a hand in your video game, I'm assuming. Oh no, I was, I was very much involved. Yeah. I think there was a perfect storm of events happening at the time. Skating was in a lull of popularity. It was still progressing and there was still obviously very passionate people doing it but all the parks were closed it was more like a street element street culture thing and then the x games came around in 95 they built up some momentum for skating and then our video game was released in 1999 we had worked on it for nearly two years up to that point. And it was kind of like skateboarding was hitting a stride, the video game hit, and then that was the tipping point.

And then skating was just kind of in the mainstream. Talk to me a little bit about, recently, didn't you have a, you broke your femur, right? I did. Was that during skateboarding? That was during skateboarding. Yes. Uh-oh. And that was more recent. That was like a year or two ago, right? That was last March. Yeah. First of all, let's talk about mental health during an injury, because especially when you're an athlete, I want to talk about being an athlete and your mental health space transitioning kind of out of being at the top of your game, meaning your youth and what that does. Cause you have chill. I know you have children who, and one of them is a pro skateboarder, correct? So talk to me about what that is like. A, let's start from transitioning out of your career because you, I mean, there is no one who's more famous for skateboarding than you are. And so what did that feel like? a very hard and fast transition for me because I felt like I was still skating up to my potential

at that time. And then I fucked around and found out like I, you know, that was, it was, I was doing a trick that I had done thousands of times. I didn't have enough speed that I didn't have the usual amount of speed. I came down on the ramp sooner than expected and just couldn't adjust for it. And this thing, I know my leg is pointing the other direction and the recovery for that was very difficult. I've actually had sort of a failed round of recovery because I got back on my skateboard too soon. So I had to have surgery again about eight months later. And ever since then, I've been humbled in terms of what I expect of my skating, what I expect of myself, what it means to be a professional, what it means to be even relevant on a skateboard. And I've definitely toned down all my expectations since then,

and just happy to be skating again. So mentally, it was really difficult for me because I felt like that was my identity, even though I have a lot of other things that I do and I advocate for skating and public skate parks and the like, but I was always wrapped up in walking the walk. And when that was taken away from me for my own fault, I had to wrestle with all that. And I've come to a place where I'm just glad to be able to do it at all. And it doesn't have to be at that level, but I did it at that level for so long that it was, it was very difficult to let go of. Yeah. I find it fascinating with athletes, you know, when they retire, when they have to kind of transition out of their sport because

of age and because of their body just isn't willing to cooperate anymore, what that must, what that must mean for them, because I know how much irrelevancy I get from work, you know, and if someone said, oh, you can't, you know, you're not allowed to talk anymore, or what, I don't know how I would compute that. Is that something you dealt with, like, on your own? Did you deal, did you have to go to therapy for this? I do see a therapist regularly, and he definitely helped with giving me that perspective. My wife was really the one who was the most helpful because she's the one who gives it to me straight and is like, look, you represent more than just riding your skateboard. And you should embrace that more and be thankful for that and lean into it.

And she's right. And so when I go, like, for instance, if I go to do a skate exhibition now, I am not so hyper fixated on my own performance. I'm just stoked to be in the mix. Yeah. And, and I'm, I'm happy that people want to see me even. So I've lowered my expectation and it's more enjoyable that way. I think that's what it is.

I was always so driven and so motivated to do the absolute best I could possibly do that I lost sight of just the enjoyment of the act of it and the scenarios where I get to be like I get to travel the world and ride my skateboard and people pay me to do that. That's just wild. I'm 55. I know it's crazy. It's crazy that you're still skateboarding at 55 years old. I mean, hopefully that's a new norm that people will, you know, be able to.

I'm the guinea pig for how far you can take it. For everybody. But I think what you're describing is missing gratitude for what you're doing in the first place, right? Yes, absolutely. In place of the competitive spirit, you become like a little bit more spiritually awake and aligned and realize how grateful you should be to be here in the first place with everything you've accomplished, right? And then you're able to kind of show up in a different way. Yeah, absolutely.

And take it in more, you know, because it's more just swallowing your pride and realizing, look, you're not going to be killing it. You're not the best out there and have fun. And, uh, I'm learning to have a lot more fun. And so how are you with your son? That is a pro skateboarder. Like how do you guide him? Shall I say, and instill in him some of the things that maybe you wished you had known or learned at that time? Um, I think I just help him to navigate the business aspects of it more. He really has his own flair, his own style, and he's very creative and he's always motivated to do new things. So that I feel like is something that was just more inherent to him.

But in terms of making good business moves and what will resonate more, what will have more long-term effects for him are the things that he needs help with. But I trust his sensibilities. And so I think he just sees me as sort of, okay, that's one way to do it. And I can grab parts from that. It's a little bit more challenging for him because he's not on social media anymore because that was really messing with his mental health. And he was engaged to Frances Bean Cobain. So there was a lot of scrutiny for them. And so they both bounced from social media just for their own health. Oh, jeez. I can only imagine. Oh, my God. And are they still engaged? They did get married. Oh, fantastic. Great And are they still engaged? They did get married.

Oh. Oh, fantastic. Great. That's a success then. Get away from social media if you want to salvage your relationship. I mean, and many other things. So since this is kind of like sort of a sensitive, it's not a sensitive podcast, but, you know, we try to talk about meaningful things.

I would love to hear from you about yourself. Like, what are the things that you've learned about yourself since you've had to discover this kind of different style of life where it was skateboarding isn't necessarily at the center all the time? What are the things that you like that you've learned about yourself? I think that I'm good at more domestic routines better than I thought I was and a good parent in terms of being available, being supportive, always being ready to drive wherever and whenever. And so I think those things, I knew I was good at them, but I was always just home for a couple of days and doing these things and then off on tour and whatnot. So it was hard

to keep that balance. And I think that I have a much healthier sense of that balance. And I know that my kids can turn to me and I will be available to them at any given time. Yeah. I've heard a lot of really famous men talk about this. I heard something Bruce Springsteen said, and then there was another, maybe it was Dave Grohl there. And then there was another man who's talking about, they were only really tested to do the domestic aspects of their life or participate in the domestic aspects of their life. When their wife was like, listen, you're going to miss all of this, either participate in this, be up in the mornings. That's when they're at their best, or you've got to be doing the school runs. You've got to be with them when it's not the thing to be with them, like when it's not an event

in the real life moments. And the benefit that that seems to have on men is just, it's really a beautiful thing. Yeah, I think so. I think that I was doing those things, but I was doing them in pockets and not in a truly long, consistent sense. Like I said, because I was home here and there and then the knot, but, but then now I have made a much more concerted effort to be home for long stretches at a time. So there is that consistency and it's, it's great. You know, it's exhausting, just like any parenting would be. And I feel for the moms that are doing it alone, but it's rewarding. It's the most rewarding thing.

I believe you. I believe when people say it's rewarding, I can see that it's rewarding. It just seems unfathomable to someone like me who has zero children that any person or two people even could raise four children. It seems crazy. Like I just don't even understand how, and I'm from a family of six children, but we were kind of left, you know,

to do whatever the hell we felt like it, but we still survived and we're all working and living. So it's pretty amazing when you think about bringing that many people into the world and then just kind of ushering them through life, right? It is, but you get better at it. So unfortunately, your first one or two kids, they're sort of the test for how it's going to go. But everyone knows that. That's how it goes. And sometimes they become the caretakers of sorts. But I agree with you. We actually, my wife in between us, we have six. Oh. And so there were years where it was like four kids in school mode, but going to different schools and that got very challenging, but you figure it out. It's hard when you see it from a different perspective. And the most rewarding thing is when you see them make good choices. It sounds cliche, but it is. It's true. You see that you've given them at least a sense of values and the tools

to make a good decision in a challenging time. Yeah. I always am very surprised by my nieces who always show extraordinary strength in their philosophy on life. I'm like, or they know how to make a decision. I'm like, how did you know that? I didn't know that at that age. It's like kids are smarter from social media and dumber from social media, but also smarter just because of evolution, right? Everybody keeps getting smarter, it seems like. I know that you open like 900 skate parks. Is that right? Through our foundation, we've helped to, yeah, we've helped to open, I think, over 700 or 800 now with a lot more in the works. That's incredible in lower socioeconomic neighborhoods, right?

Yeah, just underserved areas. It all started with the idea that it was like around 2002, I believe, skating was really starting to explode and there were very few facilities. And I saw that firsthand and I ended up getting invited to a few big grand openings of skate parks. And there was one in particular that I went to and the city council was so excited because they thought that they were cool. They thought they were progressive. They made a skate park for, for their, their community. And the park was so subpar because it was built by a sidewalk contractor.

They got the lowest bid to do the work. Didn't know how to make a skate park. And I went to the park and I got to be the first one to ride it. And they were all up against the fence. I got, I went the night before. So no one was watching me except for the city council members. And they all like, what do you think of the park? What do you think of the park? And I said, oh, it's terrible. It's not fun.

It's not functional. You've got stairs leading up to a wall. Like I don't understand who designed it. And they said, well, you know what? That's what all the kids were saying when we were building it. But then we said, wait till Tony Hawk gets here and I'll show you how to ride it.

And in that moment, I thought like, this is just a bad cycle that has to be turned. And I thought if that's what they're, you know, they're saying that I'm the one that they're leaning on to ride it properly. Maybe I'm the one that they, that people would listen to and say, look, this is not how you do it. You've got to include the local skaters. You've got to include the local community. You have to go with experienced skate park builders. And I went on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire with Regis within that same month and won $125,000.

And that was the seed money for what became the skate park project. That's incredible. And did you? Yeah, that's incredible. Incredible contribution. Nice. Is this something you envisioned to do at some point in your life? Oh, absolutely. I mean, to date, we've given away over $9 million and I'm here advocating for it as

much as I can. I'm always a big part of it. In fact, we just raised over $700,000 this year with this online competition that we did through Colossal. And so I'm still very much involved. Something that you talk about that I can relate to a lot is envisioning what you want to happen happening. Like when you focus on the negative, that can become bigger. And when you focus on the positive, then that can become your reality. So will you speak to me a little bit about that in terms of competition or in regular life? I think my best parallel to that is how I approach learning new tricks. And my approach to learning new tricks is that it is possible. And I have visualized it to completion

and the success of it. And I don't go at it going, man, I hope I don't get hurt. You know, oh, this might go wrong because if those things are in my head, those are the ones that end up coming to fruition. So I'm always on in the, even if it's like extremely difficult and I'm exhausted, I'm still there going, this is possible. You got to make it happen. And sometimes it doesn't happen that day, but eventually it does happen. And so I have the same approach to life in terms of how we raise our kids, what we wish for them. We help them through our positivity and through our, not expectations, but hopes for them. Yeah. Well, your visions of positive, like a positive, like, you know,

envisioning positive outcomes for everything is a really great way to go through life, to go through anything. I mean, to constantly worry, worry, worry. I mean, just had this experience with a friend who was so worried about the situation. So worried, so worried, so worried. And I'm like, I couldn't get to her to explain to her like the worrying is actually making the problem bigger than it needs to be. This is an unlikely outcome. And you are focusing on the most unlikely outcome rather than what— The most extreme scenario, yeah. Yeah, rather what the most positive outcome could be.

And sure enough, we just found out this weekend that the most positive outcome happened. Exactly what she had been worried about happening, you know, the opposite thing happened. And I know it's hard to tell people not to worry, you know, because that's that's like in your it's like in part of your DNA and your genetic makeup, I think. But there is a practice that to be learned of thinking positively about things and positivity does definitely breeds more positivity. There's no doubt about that. That can be scientifically proven at this point. Do you do any sort of a meditation or anything like that, Tony? I don't. I feel like my skating has always been my meditation. And I sense that more now than ever. For instance, we were just traveling a bunch and going to a bunch of events. I did not get to

skate for almost two weeks. And I felt very on edge and realized, you know, I wouldn't have connected that before. I would just have related it to stress or whatever, or a crazy schedule. But, but I realized like, it's because I haven't skated. And I went and skated for a couple hours the other day and all that anxiety just washed away. And I wasn't pushing it hard. I wasn't trying anything extravagant or dangerous. It was just more that I got out there and that was my meditation. Yeah. It's interesting when you talk about like, you know, athletes and like the tremendous pressure you I'm sure experienced as a younger, you know, competitor, the pressure that you put on yourself attached to the very thing you love the most to do. And even at that time, being able to imagine a time where you could enjoy

it without the pressure. It is. Yeah. And I don't, and it used to always be, I needed a directive. I needed a goal. Like I needed, I needed something to aspire to when I'd go skate. And I, and I, now it's just like, I just want to go out there and, and play the hits and cruise and have fun and see my friends and laugh and then go home sweaty. That's what I'm aspiring to. Cute. I love it. Okay. Well, we're going to take a quick break and then we're going to be right back and we're going to take some calls. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

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And we're back. We're back. Are you ready to give some advice, Tony? Oh, I don't know. Are my kids calling in? If so, yes. They are not, but we do. We blocked them from calling. Don't worry. Tony? Oh, I don't know. Are my kids calling in? If so, yes. They are not, but we do. We blocked them from calling.

Don't worry. They wanted to, but we said no, absolutely not. We'll start with a caller. Our first email comes from Chris. Chris says, Dear Chelsea, When my kids were grown, I went back to college during a nasty divorce. I started taking ski lessons through the school to deal with the stress, and I loved it. There was something about riding to the top and feeling the freedom of looking down the mountain or the bunny slope in the beginning,

and I felt great every time I made it to the bottom. As I started to get better, the man I was dating at the time decided I should go skiing with him, which to this day I regret. He had skied his whole life and had me moving across the mountain from the beginner slopes to the harder ones without even looking back to see how I was doing. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. My question is, I've gone skiing since this happened, but I'm still afraid that someone is going to run into me. Do you have any advice or tricks that could help me in overcoming my fear? I want to have that feeling of freedom and that sense of accomplishment

I had in the beginning without being afraid. Thanks, Chris. And she'll join us here. Oh, is that Chris? She looks like a beautiful meadow. Hi, Chris. Hi, Chris. Hi. Hi, how are you? Hi, Chris. I'm good, thank you. I am in the beautiful meadow. That's a nice background. Well, our special guest here is Tony Hawk. Tony, I'm going to let you start with this since it's a overcoming a fear kind of question, and then I will chime in. Well, I'm sorry that happened to you. And just know that it is very unlikely for that sort of thing to happen, especially when you're on the sort of beginner or intermediate slopes. Generally, people are all sort of looking out for each other unless someone is very beginner and out of control. But I think that you survived a worst case scenario for the most part and it's you know

the old the old cliche get back on the horse if you get back out there and you really just start to enjoy it and enjoy the freedom of it I think you'll gain that confidence back and also you'll be able to be more aware of your surroundings right thank you yes. I do want that freedom back to enjoy because I loved it. I loved every second of it until that happened. And now I have like this gripping fear and now I'm like so tense and I want to get back to where I was. But you're also being led by someone with great experience and not considering that maybe you shouldn't be in those areas or, and, and that kind of thing can really be a recipe for disaster. Absolutely. Listen, part of your fear that you've already walked through the door of it because you're already back out there trying to ski again.

So that's half of it. Okay. You've already stepped through that doorway and you don't have to live in that fear because you're not going to put yourself in that situation again. You're not going to put yourself on a mountain or run that doesn't feel comfortable to you. You're going to take it easy and you're going to enjoy the very thing you loved about skiing, which was the open air and the freedom within it and going down a hill at whatever speed you feel comfortable in without overdoing it. I had been dragged down a mountain by a man before. I have ended up in a gully by myself that I had to climb out of my ski boots with. And I never spoke to that man again either. So there can be a lack of conscientiousness

regarding others, especially when you are around men and sports. They think just keep up. If you're worth your salt, you'll be able to find me at the bottom of the hill. And the answer to that is fuck off. So I'm glad that you never spoke to him again. I'm glad that you're healthy enough to be using your body again to ski and do the very thing that he introduced you to. So there is a silver lining. You know, the person that kind of gave you a bad experience is also the one who introduced you to the experience, correct? No, he was not. I started skiing after a divorce and I wanted to try something new and something freeing. And that's what I started with. It just that he just came along after that. Okay. Well think of that as a second divorce and now you can party. Okay. So you've gotten

those two people out of your way and now you can have a good time. And I think you should just say a little mantra to yourself when you are skiing down the mountain. I am safe. I am okay. I am careful. I am safe. I'm okay. I'm careful. Just don't put yourself in a situation where you're out of your element. And even if you do, even if you end up on a scarier run than you're used to, you're still safe. You just proceed with caution. You know what I mean? You have more skills run than you're used to. You're still safe. You just proceed with caution. You know what I mean? You have more skills now than you did then. And you proceed with caution and just remind yourself, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. And I think if you repeat that to yourself while you're skiing, it starts to kind of live in your body in a little

bit more of a deep, more meaningful way. And I think taking a step that's a little easier than what you think is sort of your max, you know, one step easier than what you feel comfortable with might get you back doing it a little bit more. But if you aren't finding that you're able to get past this fear, you might try some EMDR therapy. I think for an event like this, that can help you process the trauma and also sort of reframe it, especially for something that's so physical and had such a long recovery time, which I know Tony went through just recently as well, that can help with this lingering fear in the back of your mind of like, oh my gosh, is somebody going to crash into me? It'll get easier though. Each time you might not notice how incremental it is, but at some point you'll be on the slopes thinking, oh, I'm not worried

about that anymore. And it'll happen. Great. Because I'd like to hit up like Placid this year, if I'm lucky. Do it. Do it. Do it, woman. Come on. Let's do it. Go. You got it, Chris. Send us a picture from the slopes, okay? I will definitely do that. I thank you. And thank you so much for your time and help today. I really, really appreciate it. Oh, you're so welcome. Thanks for calling in. Thanks, Chris. Thank you. All right. Bye, guys. Bye. That was easy. Problem solved, Tony. See how easy that was? We'll see. Yeah, no, but I do think what you said, you know, about having those reps and just doing it several times, it's like you have less of a fear of like, this is the time I'm going to get hurt because you have more experience of like, oh, I'm not

getting hurt. I was once skiing with this guy that I was dating, Andre Balazs. I'm starting to just drop all my ex's names in public platforms so they can all. But I was once skiing with him. I think we were in Aspen, some film festival. So maybe it was Sundance. And we were the Kennedys, a group of the Kennedys. And they started skiing. And I just I had skied my childhood, but never like, you know, to a very strong degree. So I could ski, but I didn't know how to get down, you know, something hard easily. And I had no technique. And they all made a right. And as soon as I just saw what was going on, I'm like, I don't want any part of this.

Like, there's no way I'm going to be able to get down what they're going down. There was a jump. They had to jump into the next run. And I was like, I just stopped, took my skis off. And then like three other people came and they're like, what the fuck is that? I was like, I'm not, took my skis off. And then like three other people came and they're like, what the fuck is that? I was like, I'm not doing that. Will you guys please not do it with me? And they're like, yeah. And I remember when we came down to the bottom of the hill, we all met up for whatever lunch or whatever. I was like, hey, asshole, we're on a date. Like,

how could you ditch me like that? And he said, any woman worth her salt would be able to get down the mountain. Absolutely. That's what he said to me. No. would be able to get down the mountain. Absolutely not. That's what he said to me. Nope. And I was like, what? Anyway, that's my skiing story where I got ditched. And that relationship was a hot mess because of that. And I got ditched too.

Yeah. My experiences with dates or significant others were just me teaching them. So it was a mutual frustration, but it was never, you know, it was never, I'm you're out. I'm out of here. It was more like, we're going to get down the mountain. It's going to happen. Nothing worse than a man who has no regard for a female safety. When you're on a date, there's nothing more disturbing and you snowboard, right? Tony. Yes. Yeah. who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or

a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This next question is a little bit of a tricky one, but Tony, I thought you could help us with this. Since you are sort of known for tweeting about these awkward interactions that you have with folks who are like, you look just like Tony Hawk, but don't think that you're Tony Hawk, et cetera. So this is an awkward social media quandary. Dear Chelsea, please help me with this very modern TikTok social media nightmare. This summer, my dad mentioned he was getting bored, so I told him all about TikTok and how

he can use it to watch funny videos and search for things he's interested in. A few days later, he called to say how much he loves TikTok, and I've been sending all of the family, my mother and sister included, funny videos, and I told him to send some to me. The next day, he sent me a cute video of dogs getting washed in sinks. Something made me curious about the other accounts he follows. The problem? My father exclusively follows swinger accounts,

ultra skinny women with gigantic boobs, and accounts of women eating bananas suggestively. My eyes. Good for him, I guess, albeit I wish I hadn't seen the list. The problem is he's sending these videos to everyone he knows without realizing the accounts he follows are easy to see. So he's basically sending my mom, sister, and all of his aunts a direct database of all his fetishes for all to see. Please, God, give me a way of addressing this with him so he stops sending everyone links to his kinks in a way that will also make sure he doesn't get funny with me or annoyed. Help, Robert from the UK. I mean, that's pretty straightforward. Just show your father exactly

what he's doing, going, this is how this comes up on my phone. This is very transparent. Yeah. It's so obvious to everyone. And like, it's one thing. I mean, it's a little too late, but at least you could save some face. But it's also like, first of all, it's so upsetting that I even have to know about this. And now I have to explain to you that you have to keep it to yourself,

which is a disgusting thing that I now have to know you're doing in your private time. I know. Which I guess everyone has the right for their own fetishes as long as it's not harming anybody else. But it is emotionally harmful to know that your father's into some sick shit. The women eating bananas, that one really gets me. Honestly.

Yeah. You have to confront him and show him and go, dad, you've got to stop forwarding this stuff. If you want to follow this stuff, great. I mean, not great, but if you want to follow this stuff, that's your own right. But you have to stop sharing with it because you're giving everybody a database of what you're doing. Right. Tony, would you just like tell him? Yeah, I think so.

I think it's, you know, my simple parallel would be like, you got some mustard right here. Everyone can see it. Everyone can see this issue. Yeah, exactly. See, me as someone who is like more of a people pleaser, I would probably be like, look at my account. Here's where you can see all the accounts I follow and like hope he puts two and two together that everyone can see who he follows. But no, you just be direct. You don't have to pussycat around all these

fucking people i mean honestly you're doing him a favor it's like i'm not gonna i think that's it you're doing my favor by being the most obvious about it absolutely i i think that you know i respect people that will will just tell you even when you're out in public or whatever it's like hey man your fly's down. Thank you, because no one, everyone's embarrassed to do that or whatever it is. Yeah. Where it's like, that guy saved you. Yeah, and I know I'm making up these minor comparisons,

but it would just benefit him so much more. It's like, dad, everyone can see that you're into this banana thing, swingers. Everyone can see it. Yeah, okay banana thing, swingers. Like, everyone can see it. Yeah. Okay. So just be direct? Yes.

Direct. Direct is the best way forward, everybody. I would think so, yes. All right. Saves everybody a lot of time and agony. For sure. Our next caller is Jennifer. She's a police officer in Canada. Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you because my doctor recommended I see a therapist.

You sadly did not make the list of recommended therapists in my area, but I thought I'd reach out anyway. I'm 31 and I'm five years into being a police officer in Canada. Until last year, I loved being a police officer and found purpose in it, but now I just keep thinking about quitting. In 2021, my boyfriend and I welcomed a daughter. She was planned into the world. I thought I would still be the same person I was before she was born. Career-driven, striving to be the best police officer I could be. But after maternity leave last year, my heart's not in it anymore. I feel guilty leaving my daughter at our various child care arrangements while working 12-hour shifts.

Basically, I'm feeling that my career is taking all of my energy, and I want to put all of my energy into my daughter's life and activities. I don't want her at 18 hating us, thinking her parents put their all into everyone else's problems instead of focusing on her. I want healthy meals on the table. I want time to work out. I want my relationship with my boyfriend to be strong. I want to ski the Rockies and not feel like it's a chore because I'm mentally and physically exhausted from work and I want to have one more baby. I've talked to my boyfriend and he doesn't want me to quit. For the income and benefits such as a guaranteed pension at 25 years of service, I'd retire at 50, medical coverage, maternity leave up to 18 months, etc. So Chelsea, do I quit my job because my day-to-day is an exhausting

grind and I feel like I'm not the mom I want to be? Or do I stick it out, risk missing out on these younger years of my kids' lives and hope I work my way up to a nine-to-five position by the time they hit their high school years? A working mom listening on my commute to work, Jennifer. Hi, Jennifer. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, Catherine. I'd say hi, Tony Hawk. He's our special guest today. Hi, Tony Hawk. How are you? Hi. He specializes in maternal advice, so you've got me. Perfect, you called on the right day. Something similar. I have many children, so I do have plenty of experience.

Awesome. That's what I'm looking for. So let me ask you a question. Financially, would you be stable without working as a police officer? We would be, because the idea is not that I would be like a stay-at-home mom, not bringing in income. I would ideally be replacing that income with something else that's more conducive to the work-life balance.

Right. Well, then I just don't think there's any question. It's like you have to follow your heart and your gut. And as a mother, I understand the inkling. I mean, I don't understand because I'm not a mother, but I can pretend to understand and empathize with the idea that you want to spend time with your child while they're growing up. You're never going to get those years back. And you're pretty dispassionate about being a police officer. So that would be a waste of time to continue to pursue that just

as a means to an end, in my opinion. I think that all women and men should always listen to their intuition and their instinct. And your instinct is telling you that you want to be there for your child and to create some sort of revenue and career that would bring you a lot more joy and would keep you around a lot longer, you know, more hours in the day to spend with your daughter, something probably more part-time, it sounds like. Yeah, probably something similar to that. So I don't think there's any question. I mean, you know, your boyfriend's probably going to disagree with you, but I think your happiness is pretty much more important than your financial stability at this point. You know, as long as he's working and your intention is to create another job that will bring you more pleasure and allow you the time to spend more time with your daughter,

then that's what you need to do. Absolutely. Yeah. I think the hard part is because like, I feel like going into it, I like before having my daughter, that was what my passion was. I was really good at it. So I feel like I'm, I'm worried that I'm only shifting this mindset because I have my daughter now. And maybe I'll go back to thinking that way after like these really tough, like early years are past and then regret walking away from it instead of just like sticking

it out, I guess, for the like few years that are really tough. No, I don't think so. I think you need to listen to your inner voice because that's your voice telling you that this isn't right for you anymore. I don't think you're going to look back and be like, I wish I had remained a police officer and stuck it out. I don't think so. Like, I think that you should be respectful of your own feelings. I think women so oftentimes are taught to second guess their actual intuition and instinct. And you don't need to do that. You just said it, you know, you wrote in, you're taking the time. And even if you did in a few years, miss that. I'm sure there's an avenue of your of a way back in to a police force. Once you once you become a police officer, you can take a leave of absence.

You can, hey, I'm a retired, I stopped being a police officer. You can go back to that vocation. Yeah, I guess it's not permanent. It was something I wanted to go back to. Yeah, and I think it's, I mean, Tony, what do you think from a male perspective? Oh, I absolutely agree. I was hyper fixated on a career like you with being a police officer and I was just sucked up in it. And then I got carried away and I definitely missed milestones definitely a sense of regret in their early years because I thought that, well, I need to be doing this. This is the success. This is what I've already dreamed of. I have to chase this to the very end. And what is the end? I don't know. I guess that's

what I'm, my point is like, if you wanted to be the police officer and to be working those hard hours, what is the end goal of all of that? It feels like you're just chasing the carrot the whole time. And you would definitely miss out on a lot of things with your daughter, right? Yeah, my daughter. And then we actually just found out that we're expecting our second. So that adds to it. Congrats. I feel like that's the sign you're needed.

That's it right there. Yeah, totally. And also, you're in a lucky position because, hey, do you know how many mothers feel this way and can't do anything about it? You're somebody who feels this way and can do something about it. That's the other issue. Yes. Can you take your 18 months of maternity leave before you go? That would be, that would be the plan. Preemptive maternity leave. I like that. Yeah. Well, I basically have to sign saying that I'm going to work the amount of time that I've been off. So this would be kind of the long game of doing it for like a few more

years. And then if I'm still in the same position, I guess I'm walking away then. I do wonder too, we have had, there may not be a parallel for you, but we've had a couple people who've called in who've worked in the school systems and, you know, teaching hasn't been right for them anymore, but they've moved into sort of like a parallel position, like librarian or something else in the school. So they will still qualify for their pension. So like that may be something to explore if there is any alternative for you. Yeah, that's, yeah, I definitely think I have options. It's just a matter of like narrowing it down. I'm very like type A personality. Like I'm not just going to jump ship and not know what I'm going to. I'm gonna, you know, research it, figure out what the income is.

And if it fits, like what my needs are, I guess now versus what my needs and like wants were five years ago. Sure. Okay, well, well, thanks so much. You're absolutely welcome. Thank you for calling in. And I hope you have a clearer conscience moving forward about your move. Well, I have three more opinions, I guess. Yeah, kind of on my side. So yeah, it's the best. It's the best thing you can do. Yeah, it's the most rewarding thing you could do as well. Yeah, yeah.

For my kids, for sure. And that's the biggest thing, right? Is not looking back. And then, like you said, like regretting missing those times for what, right? Like the, I guess, on the work side of things, like times for, for what, right? Like the, I guess on the work side of things, like those people, you know, aren't going to remember that I was there that day, but like my kids will remember that I wasn't right. So that's it. Yep. Yeah. Well, and Chelsea said this before, but you know, the decision that you make will be the right decision, you know,

listening to your gut, do what your gut tells you. And then when you make that decision, like go forward in confidence. And if you need to change later, you can change later. Yeah, for sure. Like where the things come up also is like, I was listening to your podcast the other day where the sister was really struggling with supporting her sister who was in an abusive relationship. And so it's like things like that that I ended up dealing with, like that's where I find meaning and purpose. So I guess those are the hard things that I'm, I feel like I'd be missing out on and walking away from like, I do find purpose in doing that. I do think that there is, you know, a space and a need for women in policing. And so that's kind of what comes into it too, right? Is like, if I'm a woman who's leaving, then it's almost like,

not like they want, but it's almost like, okay, well, you're already, you know, the minority started having kids, that's kind of what ends up happening is you walk away from it. And then what's left, right, is not as many women who should be because they do serve a purpose. Yeah, but maybe that can trigger you into finding out like, you know, your next career path, which is could be social work, or it could be counseling, and being there for women in a different way, you know, showing up for women in ways that they they will need that kind of support. Right? That's not, yeah. Mutually exclusive to policing. That's fair. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, thanks so much. Yeah. Thanks Jennifer. Today's career day. So off and running. Sounds good.

Have a good one. Okay. Keep us posted. Bye. Good luck. Bye. I can't believe she got pregnant during that phone call. I know.

That was quick. Maybe it was Tony. He's got six kids. He seems pretty, no, I made sure it doesn't happen again. Oh, okay.. That was quick. Maybe it was Tony. He's got six kids. He seems pretty. No, I made sure it doesn't happen again. Oh, okay. So it wasn't me. It wasn't me.

Excellent. Tony, you may be able to help with this since I know you have had some teenage boys in your house for quite some time. Dear Chelsea, I'm the mother of 18-year-old boy-girl twins. I'm very frustrated with my son's lack of good hygiene. He does shower, but he puts his dirty clothes back on. He rarely does laundry unless I force him to. He never brushes his teeth and somehow doesn't have cavities.

His room smells like dirty ass constantly. How can I get him to care how he smells? He's not depressed. He's just lazy and doesn't care. Thanks for any help you can offer. Tara from PA. Yeah, that's tricky. My best approach to that has been about how offensive it is to your partner or your potential partners or your, you know, girls at school, et cetera. The girls at school. Yeah. I mean, that was it. Like I, one of my sons was, I think he was trying to be more hippie about it, but at some point it was

just offensive to everyone. And I had to tell him, you know, cause we could travel with them. And I was like, you got to put on deodorant. You've got to brush your teeth more often. And, and at one point he brought a girl along to one of our trips and I, that's when I got serious because it was like, you're in close quarters with this person all the time. Yeah. I mean, hygiene in general, I understand there's a phase within all of our lives. I have had phases where I didn't feel the most hygienic in my life where I just like, I like to eat food in bed. You know, I don't care if there's like mustard on the sheet. I'll go to bed like that. But in terms of personal hygiene, there is something very undignified about not accessing

healthy water, clean water when you have access to it. And it is putting on dirty clothing after you take a shower is really gross. That is counterintuitive. It's counterintuitive. And I'm sure there's a lot of masturbating going on with this kid too, because he's a teenage boy. So who knows what that's he's, I mean, Mick put that in the mix that we didn't mention, you know? And I want to say like, in these instances, it's almost more important for someone outside of the family to make the point to them rather than somewhere in the family. And not in the sense of like publicly shaming them and like, you know, posting pictures of his room or whatever on your social platforms.

I don't mean like that, but I think it would be important if you could enlist one of his friends or one of your friends or someone to make a comment that would actually make him care that he's having an impact, not only on his inner family life, which he clearly doesn't care about, you know, offending,

but someone outside the family circle. you know, offending, but someone outside the family circle, you know, maybe it's a girl. Maybe you have one of your friend's daughters say something or, and it doesn't have to be like a public roasting, but like in a private way, like you'd be a lot cuter if you smelled better or who knows. Yeah. Or just by the accounts of, of girls and women who are like, I was not going to go home with that guy because he smelled and his place was a pigsty. I was out of there. Like that's, that's a, you know. Yeah. Maybe you can go through TikTok or Instagram and just collect a bunch of videos of women talking about how gross they find men who don't pay at all. And it's always a deal breaker. So,

and not always, but you know, it seems like more often than not. Yeah. It is a deal breaker. I mean, I understand teenage boys are one always, but, you know, it seems like more often than not. Yeah, it is a deal breaker. I mean, I understand teenage boys are one section. But listen, also, there is a very, very strong chance he will grow out of this phase of his life. So while it's not fun to deal with, you have to take some comfort in knowing that most people don't go through life like that. Yeah, I agree. I feel like he might grow out of it soon. And there's also, like, maybe you can incentivize it a It's a little bit, but you know, hopefully he will just.

Yeah. I mean, I don't have any problem with bribing children to behave better, you know, throwing in an extra video game or whatever he's into. If he, you know, if he cleans his room, washes his clothes, all of those things. I mean, I don't think there's anything. But they're, they're almost college age, right? I mean, that's, that's. Yeah. 18. Oh, he's 18. Yeah, they're going to go off to college. Then it's going to be a roommate's problem. The roommate's not going to bribe them. Yeah. And I feel like I feel like college, you're going to get more peer pressure around like, dude, you didn't shower this week or whatever. Yeah, that's going to get sorted out in college.

So don't worry. Set him free to be harassed by his peers. OK, we're going to take a quick break, and we will come back to wrap things up with Tony Hawk. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's gonna drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.

It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Tony, thank you so much for joining us today and giving maternal, paternal life advice, all of the good things. It was a pleasure to finally meet you. You too. Thanks for having me. Will you also tell us a little bit about your podcast and where people can find that? Oh, sure. It's Hawk vs. Wolf. My friend Jason Ellis and I, we were both on SiriusXM for almost 20 years. And we decided to do our own podcast because it was way more fun and way more freeing. And so we get a lot of fun, good guests, but also we have really funny conversations on our own because he is a comedian by nature, but also by profession.

Awesome. I love it. Okay, great. Well, thank you, Tony. Thanks so much. Thank you. See you guys. Bye bye. Chelsea, do you have some new dates for us?

Oh, you know I do. You know I do. I have a lot of, we added lots of Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming. We added about 15 new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary, Indiana, Baltimore, Verona, New York, and about seven dates in Canada. So go to ChelseaHandler.com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the rest of the year through December. And then next year, I'm going to be touring all year. So come and get it, you guys.

It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world. So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine. Do you have a holiday-themed question for Chelsea? Please send us all the questions you need answered about crazy family get-togethers, arguing over which cranberry sauce recipe to use, and all your holiday drama. Just send your questions to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden and together our mission on the really no really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor what's in the museum of failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of nontraditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s,

tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in in thought provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences. Decisions Decisions is going to be your go to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts.