Dear Chelsea - Love, Loss and Lasering Your Ladyparts with LadyGang

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

From the runaway hit podcast Ladygang, Chelsea is joined this week by Jac Vanek, Keltie Knight, and Becca Tobin to discuss why everyone seems to be cheating on their husbands, focusing on your wins instead of your shortcomings, and what can happen when you combine strengths with the women around you. Then: An avid listener wonders whether she should let lasers near her nether regions.  A girlfriend struggles with the memory of her boyfriend’s dead wife and the existence of a live-in nanny. And a nutritionist who’s tried everything makes peace with not becoming a mom.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. While I'm taking the month of September off of doing stand-up, I return on October 1st to complete my Vaccinated and Horny Tour. October, November, and December, I have new dates up. I kick it off in Saratoga, California,

and I'm coming to all parts of California, Long Beach, Bakersfield. I'm coming to Niagara Falls, Tucson, Arizona, Colorado, Minneapolis, San Diego, Reading, Pennsylvania, and Baltimore, Maryland, just to name a few. There's also some Floridian dates in there since this will be my last year that I'm able to go inside the state of Florida. So check out ChelseaHandler.com for more stand-up dates for my Vaccinated and Horny tour. These are my last dates. Hi, Katherine. Hello, Chelsea. How are you? Hello, hello, hello. Hi, guys. Guess where we are? We are in Mallorca. Hello. Buenos dias a todos los agentes. That means whatever. We are in Mallorca, guys.

Catherine is here with her lovely husband, Brad, who also works on our podcast with us. And we are just partying it up in Spain. You know that in Spain, mushrooms are legal? We really? Yes. In España. When I was in New York, I passed out so many mushrooms to so many random people, whether we were at the U.S. Open, whether we were at bars. I was just like, here, put your finger in this. Just dip it in. It's almost like a chew, like tobacco, because I have this little pill container filled with mushrooms. And I just figure if I ever get caught with it going through TSA, I'll just say it's my mother's ashes. There you go. My sister, I gave it to two

of my friends when I was in New York City. And I was like, here, dip your finger in this. And then they both did. And they're like, this isn't going to be too strong, right? I go, no, no, it's going to be fine. And then I was like, those are my mother's ashes. Probably tastes about the same, right? I've heard they taste terrible yeah yeah yeah exactly for anybody who's snorted somebody else's ashes you know what i'm talking about well i have a couple of follow-ups today chelsea okay great this one i just kind of thought was really funny chelsea i just wanted you to know that i'm a baptist who has enjoyed you for years i don't agree with your opinions 100 of the time but that's okay I don't agree with your opinions 100% of the time, but that's okay.

I don't agree with my pastor 100% of the time either. I just wanted you to know that many Christians put love first. Loving one another is the greatest commandment of all. I don't do everything perfectly, but I am secure in knowing that God just expects me to try and be a good person, have a sense of humor, and be open to hearing other perspectives, even if I don't agree with them. So I hope hearing from a fan who is also a Christian will make a positive impression on you. Take care, Angela. Oh, and she also said Uganda was her favorite special. Oh, well, there will be a new special coming out soon, and that will be your new favorite. But thank you. I appreciate that. And, um that. And what do I have to say to that?

I just thought it was cute. Yeah, it is cute. I like that you have differing opinions than I do and you're willing to sit and listen to me. That's nice. And I hope that I can do the same for people who have differing opinions from me. And I try very hard to do that.

And all of our listeners should too, right? You know, as long as somebody's not being hateful and acting in love and they're not being discriminatory or racist or sexist, then I think that whatever smokes, what's the saying? Whatever rocks the, whatever rocks your cock. No, whatever floats your boat. I could have remembered whatever floats your boat. Yeah, that's what I meant to say.

It's more appropriate for Angela than the first one. Yeah. And then a couple of other ones. These are sort of on the same theme, but these were responses to after we had talked to Dan Savage and you had talked about like being on the playground and masturbating for the first time and all that. Yeah. But Jenna says, oh my gosh, I just have to say I learned another reason why I connect

with you so much. I just finished the bathhouse episode with Dan Savage. gosh, I just have to say I learned another reason why I connect with you so much. I just finished the bathhouse episode with Dan Savage. Yes, I'm behind. My first orgasm was also on the playground, climbing the support stand of the swing set. Just had to tell you that. Love you, Jenna. Oh, Jenna. Jenna.

Do you know how many of us probably have masturbated on playground equipment? I mean, all of us. That's a comfort to a lot of people because, yeah, you feel such shame like you're the only one. That's an important thing for all of our listeners to remember. You're never the only one who did anything. Totally. If you feel embarrassed or shameful about something, just know there's a bunch of people out there in the world who have also done the same exact thing, no matter what the fuck it is. Yeah.

Well, and that actually leads me right into the next email, which is on the same topic. Hi, Chelsea. I just wanted to send a quick email after catching up on the pod. I had a similar experience to Chelsea with masturbation as a child, and the shame I still carry about it today makes it honestly a little hard to type this email. I just wanted to say Chelsea's openness about her experience really was so helpful to me and lifted a lot of those feelings of shame right off my shoulders. I really appreciate your discussion surrounding the topic and it meant a lot to me. Thank you. I love the podcast so much. People in my life are sick of hearing me talk about it all the time. Andrea. Sick of hearing you talk about the podcast or talking about masturbating. That's funny.

Both, hopefully. Good, good. Yeah, we should get to talk about more embarrassing or talking about masturbating. That's funny. Both, hopefully. Good, good. Yeah, we should get to talk about more embarrassing. I'll have to think of some more embarrassing things, Catherine, that I've done. And I mean, there is no end of the things that I have experienced or done. I love it. You're just out here doing the Lord's work. It's great.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, also, guys, we have merch. We have Dear Chelsea merch. We have Vaccinated and Horny merch. I have these awesome band t-shirts now. And we have podcast merch.. It's out September 20th. That means it is out. And they're coinciding Lady Secrets Tour. That has kicked off in September on the 13th. And they are New York Times bestselling authors and hosts of the Lady Gang podcast. And their names are Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin.

Hi, girls. Hi, hi. Hi. Oh, my God. It and Becca Tobin. Hi, girls. Hi, hi. Hi, guys. Oh, my God. It's the Lady Gang. Oh, shit. Let me get my shit together. Hi, girls.

How are you? We're so nervous. Don't be nervous. Don't be silly. Come on. We're all ladies here. We're so excited to be here. Catherine, I love seeing your face.

I've been imagining it for so many months now, and you're cuter than I imagined. Thank you. Likewise. Look at you all. This is so exciting. We're such fans of the show, so this is very surreal. So thank you. Oh, well, I'm so excited to have you guys back. I'm glad we could reciprocate. Awesome. Okay, so our guests today are a great group of ladies that I have. Don't say ladies. That's like saying gals. I would like to make an announcement. I don't like when people refer to women as gals. That puts you into a generation that I can't relate to. Broads. It's very similar to broad.

Broads. But that's for men because no woman's like that. I met a broad, but gal, it reminds me of like George W. Bush would say something like that. So I don't want to say gals. And I don't even like girls anymore. I just want to say guys about everybody. And I don't know if that implies some sort of sexism, but I just think we should all be considered guys because we're a group. But anyway, okay, girls, let's delve into your new book without me describing it. I'd rather you guys describe it more aptly.

Kelty? Okay. So Lady Secrets is a collection of secrets from the three of us, as well as our community of Lady Gang from all over the world. When we wrote our first book called Act Like a Lady, we all kind of had little anecdotes from our lives, plus some advice that we were given, like giving to all of our ladies out there. And it turns out nobody cares about our advice. Nobody wanted the advice. Because it was questionable at best. And a lot of the time we're just like drink a bottle of wine when all else fails, it'll fix all your problems. But they really loved our stories. So we kind of dug really deep, went into like repressed memories that we'd have, things that we've tried to block out forever and came up with some of our

deepest, darkest secrets to include in the book. And the Lady Gang is so much bigger than the three of us. It's all about our community. So we thought it was only right that we include them into the process as well. So we set up a hotline called 1-844-SEXY-LADY where girls would call in and anonymously share their secrets. We had an online submission form. We got thousands and thousands of secrets. And the best made it into this little baby right here.

I love it. I love it. So what did you guys learn? Everyone's cheating on their husbands and they don't care and they don't get caught because women are smarter than men. Yeah, I just came from a lunch with two people who were talking about

cheating on their spouses. And I was just like, who's got that kind of energy? And they were like, I don't even want to have sex with spouse number one. Well, that's the problem. Nobody wants to have sex with anybody for a long period of time. And that's just natural behavior. But I don't know, cheating and not cheating. It's like, it's not even a moral issue.

It's an energy issue. It's true. And sex is always so much better with a stranger. So that's, I feel like, where everybody is like reaching for when that comes out. Well, sex is better with a stranger, but it's also better in the beginning. Like any new relationship is always sexually like explosive because you are like, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I could be. You know, everything is like a new rebirth. Even though you've done this a million times with different people, you're like, oh, no, I could be. But, you know, everything is like a new rebirth, even though you've done

this a million times with different people. You're like, oh, no, this is great. And then and it's very hard to sustain any sort of newness, which is the big problem here. Well, what's interesting is the only women I know who are fucking their husbands and want to be is because they're the women who are being cheated on and they know it. They like feel it in their bones because it's that weird butterfly thing that you get. You think that that's because they're the women who are being cheated on and they know it. They like feel it in their bones because it's that weird butterfly thing that you get. You think that that's because you're excited, but really it's just the nervousness and the insecurity. And so those are the women that are fucking their husbands night and day. They're being cheated on.

So you're just trying to like hang on. Interesting. Yeah. Does this mean I have to have a really intense conversation with my husband after this? Oh, no, you do have good sex. Potentially. You're the exception to the rule, you know? Yeah, I told him, I was like, we might need to after this recording today, just like midday.

And then you call out in the middle, lady gang, lady gang. They told me you were cheating. How are each of your individual romantic lives? What's the lowdown? So I've been married to my husband, Chris, who is a music manager and he, uh, we've been together 12 years, married nine. And I'm like, uh, you didn't ask about my sex life. I'm going to leave that out. I was going to go right into like, I like a nipple tassel. That's how I keep it alive. But like, you didn't even ask that. Why am I like, oh my God, I went right into my horizontal life. Like right now. Okay. Sorry. I didn't just Chelsea was here and I was

pasties. She does love a nipple tassel and somehow it goes into every interview that we do. She interjects it somehow or another. I'm so proud. I have no boobs. It's not an appropriate time. I have been with my partner, Jared, for a little bit over four years. We got engaged last year, hopefully getting married next year if I can ever actually plan a wedding, which it's daunting and I keep pushing it out of my sight. But yeah. And then Becca? Married for almost six years and we have a six-month-old baby, so we barely have sex. And anytime he looks at me when I'm naked, I'm like, please don't even think about it. I don't have energy. Yeah. Get away from me. Get away from me. And how did looks at me when I'm naked, I'm like, please don't even think about it. I

don't have energy. Yeah. Get away from me. Get away from me. And how did you three come together? So Kelty and I were in our twenties dancers in New York, not with tassels. We were like Broadway dancers, Rockettes and all that kind of fun stuff. And then we just both happened to land in Hollywood at the same time. I was an actress and Kelty was doing entertainment journalism and we kept seeing each other on red carpets and making eye contact and being like, isn't this the weirdest place you've ever fucking been? Like, what is this LA so weird? We always feel bad about ourselves. So we had a salad at Cafe 101 one day and Kelty's just always been a really like a pioneer of the digital space. And we were like,

we want to talk show, but no one's going to give us that because we're not anyone famous as kids. We don't have a lot of money. Like we have absolutely no, like nobody's going to give us what we want. So Kelty called me one day and she said, let's start a podcast. And this was 20, like the end of 2014. And I had no idea what a podcast was. I was like, Adam Carolla, is that like the, what you're talking about? Yeah. You're like, do I have to be Joe Rogan? Yeah. Kelty was like, no, it's podcasting. That's the future. And we can do proof of concept with a podcast. But the problem is, is we had no third person with any street credibility. We needed somebody who was in the business world, an

entrepreneur, self-starter, not really somebody in Hollywood. So Jack and Kelty have a mutual ex-boyfriend and Kelty stalked Jack for a really long time because she thought she was like the coolest girl ever. And we just reached out to her and we were like, do you want to start a podcast? And Jack had, she's such a fun, like good time girl. Her answer, she had no idea what it was. And she was like, sounds fun. She didn't't know seven years later we would be routing our tour across america and crying every night so yeah i didn't like i have to go to twin falls idaho fuck you guys grand rapids literally when we had our uh our show for a blip on e that got almost instantly canceled so our talk show idea did not work out.

Jack's like biggest problem with it. Cause she's so out of Hollywood was that she had to wear a bra on television. She was like, I can't wear a low cut shirt. Like I have to. And we're like, well, at least a nipple cover. And she was like, no, I was like, this is when I lose my identity and I'm not down for it. I was like, I need to have either a nipple kind of showing through a shirt or like a V down to my belly button. So I wasn't getting that. So I'm not down for it. I was like, I need to have either a nipple kind of showing through a shirt or like a V down to my belly button. So I wasn't getting that. So I'm very glad it got canceled. And that's why it got canceled. Had they let the nipples out,

I think we would have been more successful. How long, how short-lived was the show? How long was it on for? It did 16 episodes. It was 17 very grueling, hellish episodes. Yeah, for me. And then, so that show got canceled and then we decided to write a book and then earth got canceled during the pandemic. So we released

that book into a void of nothingness and we didn't get to tour it or do anything. And now, and now we're out here and it's so difficult for me to be on this podcast. Cause I just want to be like, Chelsea, are you doing late night? Like what is happening? If you want to talk about it, you can talk about it, but like, we need you. We need you. Yeah, no, I'm, I'm in discussions to talk about it. I'm ready. After I did Jimmy Kimmel for a week, like a few months ago, I just was like, oh, I, this is such a, there's such a dearth. A, like, I don't even want to have to be responsible for that. But at the same time, I'm exactly the person that will be responsible for that. Like women need a voice right now,

especially with all this disgusting turmoil about our rights being stripped away and gay people and and contraception and just what's coming next. You know, like all of it is just like the fact that there are not women on late night in a big way. I mean, there's Amber Ruffin, who's on Peacock, who's doing an incredible job. But Samantha Bee got canceled. Like you can't cancel a woman right now. I'm sorry. Like you just can't. Cause as if these fucking guys are just telling the story, they're not. The story is, it has to be told by a woman now. Yeah. So I am in discussions to do that. I have to do it at a much more minimum, minimal commitment because I don't want

to do a show five nights a week, but I'm just trying to figure out, you know, where that place is and what the right approach is. So I appreciate you saying that. And I do feel a big responsibility to show up. You're like the only one, like if anyone's going to get this job, which is so sad that there's like a tiny half seat at the table. And we're like, Hey, we could maybe get a woman in. And then there's like one that has the career that could possibly be like given this opportunity. Like it should be there should be 10 Chelsea's that are all fighting for 10 spots or whatever. But the fact that there's like one you and one half seat is so disheartening. But like we need you.

We want you. Like if there's anything we can do to help, like I literally will start a petition. Oh, you guys are the best. That's so sweet. I will make a petition. Oh, you guys are the best. That's so sweet. I will make it happen, but I also will make it happen so that there is a door open for 10 other women to take that place of me because there's no reason that this dearth, the imbalance after everything that we've been discussing for the last five years between men and women and the imbalance of power and Hollywood

pretending they're on board, but not really being on board because if they were, there would be women represented. And it's bullshit. It's fucking bullshit. And any executive that doesn't want to pull the trigger and say, yes, okay, let's give a voice to women now. This is enough with these five men, you know, who basically are rotating the same thoughts with different hairstyles. Well, actually the same hairstyle. Anyway, girls, back to you. Okay, so I got the lowdown from your relationships. I love that. How does the dynamic work between the three of you? Because that's an odd pairing, you know,

two is different than three. So can you speak a little bit about those dynamics? They were great until I had a kid. Yeah. You made your bed and now you need to lie in it. I know it's really fucking hard. I thought I was going to be exempt from like having feelings and feeling obligated and having the guilt. It's all bullshit. And I thought I was going to be an exception to the rule and I'm not. However, up until six months ago, we have a stellar dynamic because we don't hold anything in. We let it out. We take nothing personally. We trust each other. We all have very different things that we're really great at. And so we stay in our lanes. Let's talk about that for a second, because I think that's a really

important thing to identify as any person, but specifically for women, like to identify your attributes and your strengths. So let's go around. Becca, you start. Tell me what your strengths are. I'm like the big picture person. Kelty says, if we need an idea, I'm really great at figuring out what that is. And she's the executor. So it's like I have these big dreams and Kelty really does hit the pavement. She calls whoever needs to be called. She doesn't take no for an answer. We say that if Jack and I were doing this alone, we'd still be sitting at the Cafe 101, mapping out the format of the podcast.

Kelty gets it done. And then Jack is this insane creative where everything you look at, everything you touch, all the aesthetics of the brand and really like the voice of the brand comes from Jack because her history is in creating it. She has a clothing line. She was the original, like the OG of the sassy t-shirt where it was like, I'm a ray of fucking sunshine. And then everybody ripped her off, but that's her brain and it's crazy and wild and works in mysterious ways. And that's sort of like what we kind of fall under. Like Jack designed this whole book, the cover, every single vagina wallpaper inside that's vaginas hand drawn by Jack. Vulvas Kelty. We're learning. I'm sorry. Yeah. And Becca's also, I will say like Becca's lane is, is in our charity component. Like she's always like, this is so great. We can all quit our jobs,

but like, what are we doing to help other women? And so like she always, and I'm like, wait, there's other women other than me? I'm so self-centered. I'm always just thinking about myself. You're like, wait, I'm right here. There's seven of me. Yes. No, without Becca, it would be pretty soulless,

to be honest. Like I'm just trying to scrape by and like be able to like pay my rent and Kelsey is a narcissist. So like without Becca, it would definitely just be very inward. Yeah. So, you Becca, it would definitely be very inward. Yeah. So, you know, it's a good thing.

It's a good thing. Well, it's a great example, I think, for women, you know, in dynamics. I mean, you guys are a lot younger than me. So you've grown up with a little bit more like a larger, broader breadth of how important it is to help other women. But like when I was growing up,

it was like women against women. And you're like, no, no, it can never be this way. You can't be pitting each other again. Like we have to collectively work together because we are the most powerful people. So when you get into dynamics, when there's two, three, four, five, six people, it's so important to understand whose value stands where and to respect that and to respect each other in like a really thoughtful way in order to demonstrate for all of these generations to come how important female partnership is. Yeah. And we got really lucky, like back to the respect component, like above anything, we have such respect for each other and we really, really do care for each other. And we got really lucky because we started this podcast. None of us really knew each other that

well. And we're business partners first. We're friends second, but that doesn't mean that we don't, that doesn't mean that we don't like deeply, deeply care for each other. But I think that there is such a level of respect that we have for each other. And like Becca said, we stay in our own lanes. Like we trust each other to do the things that we do well. And we really, because we were one of the first women podcasts out there, like we kind of feel like we have a responsibility to have as many seats at the podcast table as we can and help other podcasters out. There's no secrets. Like if we found out that something works for us, we're going to share that with somebody else because we did enter a world where it was the Adam Carollas and that's it. So that's where we kind of felt where we can do our job to try to help other women out

in the same space as well. And the only difference is when we go to Boise, we just split it three ways, which is great. And how has your success with everything that you guys have accomplished impacted your personal lives individually? Well, I used to be a desperate actress and I was waiting for the phone to ring and my identity was wrapped up in like the next TV show, the next job, the red carpets. I was very, I really wasn't fulfilled. I was just sort of like, I have to achieve. I have to achieve. I have to get picked, pick me. I didn't really know my worth outside of that world. And so building this thing where we show up twice a week as ourselves and having that be the thing where like the doors fly open for me, it's been

something incredible for just my, my self-esteem quite honestly. And just finding out who I am outside of that like weird actress, like caricature that I was playing for so many years. Right. That's powerful. I love it. What about you Kelty? Well, for me, I was a dancer in New York with, with Becca. She beat me out. Like the competition thing. We actually actually started that way. Becca is incredibly talented and I can't sing a lick, but pretend I can. So we would be in rooms auditioning for Broadway shows, which I never successfully did. And Beck would be like, mama, mama, mama. And then I would come in and be like, yeah, it's my turn. Here we go, Jerry.

So I had a beautiful, at the time I had a beautiful long showgirl body. So I'd always make it past the dance cut. And then when we'd sing, it would be like, everyone would be like, please God stop. But she thought she, she thought that didn't stop her from trying. Well, that's the thing. She's got tenacity. I'm not the best. I'm the best. I'm the best.

So anyway, but there was competition. But for me, I transitioned from dancing to being a reporter. And I worked at Entertainment Tonight and CBS for over a decade. And I was doing this job because I saw the people doing this job. And I thought, this is a great job to have. This is so fancy and fabulous and glamorous. But like I went home every night, my guts kind of hurt. Like my guts kind of hurt because that job is so amazing and so wonderful when you're at like the Venice Film Festival or you're at the Oscars and it's like a celebration. But so much of that

job is sitting down with people who you barely know and trying to get them to say and talk about something that they maybe don't want to talk about. And there's a lot of like back wiggling in that to get you to that point where you're like, there's a, there's a weird push and pull. And I was always kind of uncomfortable with that. And so when the podcast became so successful that I could walk away from that job, it was very empowering. And then in the next six months, I turned around and sold my dream show back to CBS that I just finished filming. And now I have my own music show that I'm the host, executive producer and creator of and a podcast. And I don't have to ask anyone about their divorce. I love that story. What a great, good congratulations. You fucking deserve that.

It's weird because I was like, no, this is it. This is the number one show. This is the number one job. This is the highest ever going to get. And then when I walked away, I was so scared and life is way better now. Like if we want to go to Puerto Rico and do our podcast for the beach next week, we can. Yeah. Walking away is very underrated. People don't understand how empowering that is. When you walk away from something, you're not only inviting other things. Like there's an energetic force that is immeasurable that nobody takes seriously because it's energy and karma. And people are like, well, how can you prove that? Easily. Fucking karma is provable. Like it's happened. I've lived it. I've seen it happen to others. And when you walk away from something, you are saying, I need more. And then more comes

right away. And that is indisputable, I would argue. What about you, Jack? So I came from a completely different world than them. I started a clothing line when I was in college and I had kind of just been walking to the beat of my own drum for a decade, having my own brand, doing my own thing by myself. So with the Lady Gang, it was the first time that I was ever kind of working with other people as equals and as peers, not as somebody's boss. And it kind of gave me purpose for the first time. And especially once our podcast started taking legs and we started building this community, we were actually affecting women's lives for the first time. And we're getting this feedback.

And our mantra has always been to make other women feel less alone. We're not curing cancer or anything. But if we can kind of offer you know, offer a friendship up to our listeners or, you know, a piece of advice, kind of change their perspective on something, those little things are what kind of started fulfilling me with the Lady Gang that I wasn't getting from selling sassy t-shirts on my website. So that's kind of where I started taking value from the Lady Gang when we first started. Yeah. It all started with the snail trail and it's been seven years of sharing everything. So you don't feel so bad about your vaginal discharge. There's a shocking amount of women out there who don't understand that we all have. Who don't understand that certain underwear you just have to throw away. Well, and it's like people, women or girls are like, is something wrong with me?

Like something's coming out of my vagina. It's like, no, that means that you're fertile. I know. I mean, oh God, I know. I wish women understood that. It's so gross though. It's like, no, that means that you're fertile. I know. I mean, oh, God. I know. I wish women understood that. It's so gross, though. It's so embarrassing to have. I can't understand women that don't wear underwear. It's like, I need something to catch whatever is coming out of my Pikachu. And there's stuff coming out.

I see it about, you know, one week out of a month. And I would like a cum catcher. I don't want that freestyling. When people say they don't want underwear, I'm like, what are you doing with your jeans? Fucking sending it to the fucking dry cleaner? Okay, girls, we're going to take callers and letters and we're going to give real life advice. You guys ready? Yes.

Excellent. Catherine, what do we have in store for today? Oh, my goodness. We have some vagina stuff. We've got some really tough stuff. We've got some WTF stuff. It's going to be very fun. OK, we're going to name this episode Come Catcher. Oh, my God. And we're going to take a break and we will be right back.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you

and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth plus does tom cruz really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to really no really sir bless you all hello newman and you never know when howie mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really.

No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Fabulous. We're back with the Lady Gang, everybody. We're back with the Lady Gang,

all three of the girls, and Catherine, and myself. All right, are you ready? Our first email comes from Brittany. Brittany says, Dear Chelsea, I wanted to write in about my relationship with my boyfriend of three years. I love the man and his two children very much. However, there are several

things that concern me about the future of our relationship. Let me start out by saying that my boyfriend lost his long-term wife to cancer about seven years ago. I'm the first serious girlfriend since the wife passed. The dynamic is a really strange one. My boyfriend is a successful physician with an amazing heart. When it's just the two of us, we get along fabulously. That being said, his home stresses me the fuck out. He still has the deceased wife's belongings just as they were before she passed. There's even still a mirror up in the house that has, quote,

cancer you will not defeat me written in her lipstick. I have voiced my concerns about the wife's stuff still being present, and he's slowly working on moving her belongings to the basement. There's also the nanny. She's been with the family for four and a half years and has really given a sense of consistency to the boys. The boys are 16 and 13 and still very much in need of a little bit of help. The older son struggles with behavioral issues, among other things. That being said, the nanny drives my boyfriend's van, lives in an attached apartment for free, and makes seriously good money. While I respect her relationship with the boys, I can't help but feel taken advantage of. The nanny often goes out of town and I'm left to fill in for her without the pay, often watches her boyfriend's children while watching my boyfriend's kids on the clock, and will

even drop off her dog for us to watch over the weekend. The employer-employee lines have definitely been blurred. Oftentimes, I'll get to the house and there's no food or the laundry isn't done. I've had it out with both the nanny and my boyfriend. My boyfriend states that he needs the nanny a little bit longer and he's scared to lose her. At what point do I give up this insanity? Or am I being too impatient? I recently moved back into my parents' house and they weren't living together. She was living somewhere else. It was beyond upsetting that my boyfriend didn't invite me to move in and allows the nanny to drive his extra car, Not just for work, she uses it for personal errands. I love this man and want it to work. Brittany. Oh, God. That's a lot to unpack. Oh, that is

weird. So unhealthy. Oh, and so hard, hard, hard, because when you love someone, you want anything to work. I'll go first, girls, and then you guys please jump in collectively. I just think that women are really bad at setting boundaries just because of the way that we've all been raised and we just learned about boundaries like a month ago. And we're just bad at setting them. And until you set boundaries and standards, no one will meet them. So, like, somebody will take as much from you as they can. And that's not to say that your lover or boyfriend is a bad person. He's not. He's just in a situation where he's being taken advantage of by the nanny and he's also letting her take advantage of you. And that's dynamic because you've allowed it. The simplest thing is that you have allowed this.

And as soon as you stop allowing it, it will stop happening. And if it doesn't, then that's, you know, a different conversation. But I still think there's hope. You have to literally sit down with him. And if it's with a third party, even better. Like, it's better to have somebody else kind of comment on the situation. If you can go to a couples counselor, if you can afford that, that would be really beneficial to just lay the groundwork and saying like, I'm no longer comfortable with the way things

are working. I understand the situation I'm getting into, but now I feel taken advantage of and I'm trying to be an addition to this situation, not be a subtraction and not be subtracted from. And I think it's worth a conversation. If you can do that with a third party, great. If you can't, I think you should really write down your thoughts, get it together for a conversation with him to state what your boundaries are and to state kind of what's going on with

this nanny, which is, you know, that's great that she's filling in a void, but it's kind of feels like your voids are crossing over each other. You're both filling a role that is counterproductive. I think you really have to say what you need and give the person an opportunity to meet you. And if he can't, then there you go. Then that sucks. And I understand you love him. I just left a relationship where I loved somebody.

But the standards were not at my level. I'm not accepting anything less than what I know I deserve. Not doing it. So you have to have a conversation with yourself and then you have to have a conversation with him and then give him an opportunity. And if he doesn't meet you, then that's your answer. What do you girls think? I was going to lean into Becca for this because you've sort of been through a similar situation where you're in a new relationship after losing someone. So I was going to throw it to you, Becca. Well, I'm glad you covered boundaries because I still don't have those. So I can't tell you anything about that, but I can tell you as somebody, I did lose my boyfriend that I was living with seven years ago. Wow. See, it's like

crazy. And I actually started dating my husband pretty shortly after that. But the only reason that we were able to have a healthy relationship was there were two things. I was in deep grief therapy. And if your partner's not doing that, then I think that's kind of, for me, that that would be like a red flag and maybe even a not worth you being in that relationship if he's not working on that part of this whole equation. So grief therapy for me. And then the other part was, and I'm sure you're really wonderful at this, but my husband had a sense of security about him, about us, that was so strong. And I never felt that he was trying to compete with my dead boyfriend.

I never felt like he felt threatened from what came before him. But I did the work to make him comfortable. I cleared out the closet. I didn't keep things around that were mats. I really did the closet. I didn't keep things around that were mats. I really did the work. And so that equation was the most perfect thing. So if you're feeling insecure and the wife's things are around the house, it's okay to gently mention that, making you feel uncomfortable, but he's not going to just do that. He has to have help. He's obviously

holding onto something. And a lot of men really struggle with loss. So yeah, I just therapy aspect of it. And also those boys lost their mom and you can never forget that. You can never, ever, ever forget as like shitty as those kids can probably be and how bad the behavior can be, just hold firm. Remember that you're just there to support and try not to take it personally because it really isn't about you. It's not about you. And I want to just piggyback on that. Like, you know, women are so much better at talk therapy than men are just by our nature. You know, we're more emotional. We're more in touch with our emotions. We have more of a vocabulary to articulate our pain. And I really believe you can keep someone's memory alive for a really long time,

which is exactly what those boys should be doing for their mother. And you can be a conduit for that. Like you can be like, tell me about your mom. What's your favorite, you know, favorite memory? What did she do? And that's a way to honor her without having a room shrouded around her. Like, yes, of course, he doesn't have to throw her things away or anything dramatic like that, but to have a room dedicated to her after all this time is also not healthy, but you can keep, it's almost like you can fill the void that is there with other ways

to talk about it with the kids, with your husband, to keep her memory alive out of respect because she did exist and she did create these people and that's valuable. And she died. So it's important for you to present yourself as somebody who is a conduit to that energy rather than a blockade to that energy. I think also being in a relationship with anybody that has kids from a previous relationship, they're always going to come first. So a lot of the decisions that he may or may not be making are hopefully with them in mind. So it's, you kind of have to take yourself out of the equation, not out of the equation, but like out of your own head and look at things a little bit objectively sometimes as well, because when you're taking everything so personally, his number one goal is probably hopefully to make sure those kids are

still supported and raised well and, you know, still have a connection to their mother. So it's very complicated and there's so many different layers to it. But I think keeping that in mind, it's hard when you don't have kids of your own. Or did she have kids of her own? No, huh? Yeah. When you're kind of filling in for that, like stepmom. Because you want to act as a bridge. You don't want to be shut down and like, I can't hear about her. That's immature. Like you have to acknowledge other people's little children, the imprint that you make on their brains, you really don't know about that until years later, but you're making an imprint and it should be like the most positive, good vibe one that you can make. Yeah. Yeah. Just to take a slightly different tack, the nanny stuff, I find a little funky. The fact that she's talking

about this person is getting paid for this work and I'm not it makes me think like my mom always says you marry the family whether or not the family's in the picture you marry all the baggage that comes with that so like if she's not ready to take on like the fact that this family needs to have somebody else in their life to help with the behavioral issues or whatever then it maybe isn't a right fit. Yeah, you're totally right. Oof, hard. Well, Brittany, keep us posted on what happens. Yeah, Brittany, keep in touch and let us know how it progresses, okay? I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer.

We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really.

Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to ReallyNoally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question comes from Marjorie. Marjorie says, I'm a 44-year-old cisgender woman. I've been married for almost 10 years to an amazing and supportive partner. I'm a business owner with six contractors working for me. It's a lot of work,

but I love what I do and I'm successful. We have wonderful families and strong relationships with our friends. The part of our life that has been difficult and painful has been trying to start a family. I've had multiple miscarriages over an eight-year period. I've sought consults from four different fertility clinics, which included medicated cycles, IUI, IVF, acupuncture, Reiki, therapy, functional nutrition, genetic testing, fertility coaching, you name it, I've probably tried it. Our marriage suffered during these years as my depression and anxiety took me over. Now we're in a place where we are reimagining our lives as a childless couple. This has been particularly painful for me, but I do feel I'm on the other side of the darkest parts of it. I'm now on medication. I see an amazing therapist

weekly, meditate, exercise, journal, and generally practice self-care in a way I've never done before. And it works. I feel better overall and I'm seeing a life without children that no longer frightens me. Although it's still painful, it's less painful than continuing to try. Over time, I've come to realize that adoption doesn't feel right for me. We talk about fostering someday and are both on board with giving back to kids that need a home and love. However, we need more time to strengthen our relationship before welcoming foster children into our home. As you can imagine, the years of infertility have taken a toll, and in order to be good foster parents, we need to work on ourselves first. The advice I'm seeking is how to continue to bolster a positive relationship with myself

now that my purpose in life to be a mom has been altered. I know you never wanted kids and so you can't identify with some of this. However, I identify with you and your choice to be childless because more than anything, I want to feel like it is my choice. I'm an awesome, cool aunt and I spend as much time as I can with my 12-year-old niece. I'm planning to give my 15-year-old nephew my car when he gets his license next year just because I can. I have plenty of money and will be able to retire early. I travel to see friends whenever I want. On my lunch break, I cozy up on my couch and read a good book. And while this is all good, I still feel a pain every day and maybe always will. Chelsea, any advice or ideas that will help me continue to grow in

this new lifestyle I'm creating? Thanks in advance, Marjorie. Hi, Marjorie. Hello. Hi, Marjorie. Hi. We have all the girls here from Lady Gang today. Yes. Wonderful. Nice to meet you all. Well, thank you for writing in about that. You're right. I don't want children, but I can relate to the struggle of wanting something and not being able to get it. So I want to say a couple of things to you before the other girls pipe in. Just off the top of my head, I have a very close person in my life who recently fostered a child to adopt, and she's two. And it is probably the most rewarding thing I've ever seen happen to anyone I know. So that is always something to pursue because you are taking somebody that has been given away and loving them. So I

understand and respect the idea of you wanting to repair your relationship to where you see it's fit enough to bring that person because I am definitely a proponent of, I don't believe when people are like, we're going to have a baby and fix everything. That's not right. And getting married doesn't fix everything and all of that. But it's really positive that you're this in touch with yourself and you're this self-aware, like a lot of people are not. What I would like to say to you, though, on a personal front is I have so much availability for not only my nieces and nephews, kind of like you mentioned, you know, in your letter, but for other children in the world, because I don't have my own. Because if I had my own, it would be all about them.

And I look at it like, because I don't have my own children, I'm able to send strangers to college. You know what I mean? I'm able to support people that I'll never meet, kids that I'll never meet in countries that I'll never even probably visit. But I'm able to give so much because I don't have my own family. And to me, that is my purpose. I would be a shitty mother. I would be selfish. I would want everything to be great for my kid and forget about all the other kids in the world. When I think some of our responsibilities lie in taking care of the world, like that's the way it's supposed to be. Not just your kid, everybody's kid. And you're in a position to do just that. So instead of thinking of this as like something that has limited you, it's a huge opportunity for expansion.

And I get that and I appreciate that. And that is actually a point that I've been working with my therapist on for a long time because it's hard to see past what you don't have. And the infertility and the miscarriages and everything, it just broke me down to a point of just, I didn't know who I was for a long time. And I'm just trying to figure that out again. And so I've always very much identified with a lot of what you say around kids. I mean, obviously you don't want any, but just it's a safe space. You know, I really enjoy listening to your podcast because I never have to worry because everything is a trigger when you've kind of been through the ringer in that way. Yeah. And I think the most important thing to remember is to

accept your lot, right? Okay. So it's been a struggle for you to become a mother. So stop, stop trying to do it the way that you think it has to be done. Look at the other ways. There are millions of other ways to accomplish the love that you want to feel between you and a kid without being a biological mother. Like that is a limiting, narrow-minded view that you're stuck to because it's your experience and you wanted something that you didn't get. But what will evolve your soul is to let go of that and to say, how now, how can I help more people now? Let me look into fostering. And if that's too much of an onus for you, totally fine. But you can go volunteer you know at the yw you know ca or the ymca or any of these

you know organizations or you can you know you could be a big sister you could be a great aunt you could do there's just so many avenues where you can give so much and and you have to look at it as like oh i'm now in a position where I can give more to so many others than I would have been able to give to one person, right? You're in this situation, like stop resisting what happened. So you weren't meant to have a baby biologically, maybe, you know, that's not the end of the world. Look at you. You're beautiful. You're thriving. You're healthy. You have a husband. You're working on your relationship. You have self-awareness. You know, you want to give out love. These are all beautiful things. It's nothing to be sad about.

This is true. I'm connecting with that more in the past few months. And things don't look as bleak. But even just getting there has been really difficult. And it's obviously up and down. And so I can appreciate that. Yeah. Girls, what do you guys have to say about this?

What do you think? Hi, Marjorie. I'm Becca. Thank you so much for this because I also went through five years of fertility hell. And I know exactly what you're feeling and what you're going through. And it's so hard to not feel like you've failed every single time. And there's so much, not even just the energy and the stress on the relationship financially. It is so insane. The amount of money that you put into this and to have it not turn out the way that you envisioned,

it's a heartbreak. You're grieving. And I think what Chelsea said is amazing and incredible. And she's a much better human than most people will ever be because most of us are just narcissists and we just want to keep trying and keep trying to make our little spawn. And I get that pull too. And I was sitting here and I'm like, do I say this thing or do I not say this thing? Because it could be received in a way that you're not wanting or sounds selfish. But I have a friend who went through exactly kind of what you have gone through, just kept hitting the roadblock and kept hitting the roadblock. And she got to a place where she tried really hard to soul search and think, what does life look like without this baby? And she wasn't ready and she didn't want that. And she actually used a donor egg from an agency. And that's a thing that a lot of straight couples

are doing. They just don't talk about it. And my friends actually own an agency. It's called Elevate Baby. And I was like, well, who uses donor eggs? And they're like, oh, it's not just two men. It's a lot of women who have spent their lives building their careers and they aren't necessarily And I was like, well, who uses donor eggs? And they're like, oh, it's not just two men. It's a lot of women who have spent their lives building their careers and they aren't necessarily thinking of their eggs not being viable when they want to use them. So there are a lot of people that do this. My friend just did this because she wanted to carry a baby. And that was what she did. Her babies won.

And she's very, very everything that you imagine a new mother is. And I know that, you know, all the options are out there, but I've seen it firsthand. And it's like the way that I feel about my baby, who is actually genetically mine, as far as I know, she feels exactly the same way. And I know that people feel this way about adoption and about fostering, but I just, I've seen it. And so I had to say it and take that for what it's worth. But I also think that what Chelsea said about, if you decide this is the end of your road for this journey, life can still be really beautiful. And what you're describing of your life, it sounds really magical, especially to me right now.

Thank you. You can travel, you can see friends. And my life just became very myopic. And while it's wonderful, it's still, you know, it's a, it's an adjustment. Yeah. We have explored some of those other options talking about the financial, you know, piece of it. We did all the paperwork for adoption, which was probably, you know, 10 grand in total. And it just didn't feel right. And I'm, I'm almost 45 and it, you know, getting pregnant has been a challenge over an eight-year period. But maintaining the pregnancy has, even with eggs in IVF that we knew were genetically

normal, I still lost. So after that, the idea of a donor egg just, I mean, it would have been possible maybe, but less likely. And I hear what you're saying. Like I, I did reach that point about a year ago after my last miscarriage where I knew I had to stop, even though I didn't want to. And that I'm still dealing with that. Although it's getting better, it's, you know, getting off the roller coaster because I could have just kept going on and on and on and on. And so, you know, that acceptance piece has been a real challenge, although I know I need to and it's getting easier. It's I don't know if I'll ever not feel a loss, but I I do see more ways to fill that hole and spread that love. But you're looking at something that's a loss. That's just not, and I don't want this to sound harsh because it's going to, it's not your reality.

Like if it's this difficult, then it's not meant to be. And it's not a loss, it's a gain. Because once you come across it and stop resisting the fact that you're up against something, and you come to the idea that, okay, this is another opportunity then. Me being not able to have children is an opportunity to have children in a different way. And that's what you need to accept because when you resist something, it persists. And that thing that will get in your head and get in your body and live in you. And it's your spiritual work that needs to happen now. All of the things you're doing that you said you're doing are great. Keep doing them.

Have faith in yourself and believe in yourself. And you're going to give gifts to the world that you're not even aware of yet. But you have to let go of the thing that didn't work out for you. It didn't work out. And that's heartbreaking. And I'm sorry, but there's so much more. Once you become available and shut the door on that and make peace with it,

you're gonna find a whole new world that you're able to contribute and love children. And whether that's fostering or adopting or just being somebody who spends time with children, whatever it is, you're gonna find your way as long as you make peace with what didn't work out. You can't hold on to things that don't work out. It's just, it becomes an energy that lives in you and then it directs you and you don't want that to run you. True. I appreciate the harshness. I

need more reality checking because it's something I haven't, I've only started talking more openly to friends and family about because, you know, it's this deep, dark secret. And when you're in it, you just don't want to talk about it at all. At least I didn't. And I know I'm hanging on. I'm still hanging on in ways that are not serving me. Not that they ever did, but I need to ramp up some of my self-care in a way to fully let that go. I agree with you. Thank you. And I do appreciate that. I need to hear it in a harsh way, I think sometimes. Yeah. We just kind of get so stuck in our own psyche, right? Like we go around and around and around and around, and then you realize you're a cyclone by yourself. And like

the whole world is out there. And as soon as you want to be a part of it, then you will be. Right. Marjorie, I want to say thank you so much for your beautiful letter and for being so open with us, because I think this is something that will help a lot of women who are going through exactly what you're going through and just don't want to talk about with friends or family. But hearing your story is going to be really helpful to a lot of women. you know that you can like there are no secrets like keeping a secret is is it makes everything a little bit more dysfunctional it's so much better to get it out and understand and then you're going to meet people that have been through the same exact thing and then you're going to be able to help each other yeah thank you and that that's definitely part of the journey right now and just being more open and honest about it, which is another reason why I wrote in and was just so excited to share and talk to you and, you know, meet everyone. Well, I'm so glad you did. Will you keep us posted and let us know what happens in your life? Yeah, 100 percent. Of course. All right. We're sending you lots of love.

Thank you. Lots of love. Bye, Marjorie. Bye. Bye. I'm going to become an in vitro doctor. That's the next on my list. I'm just going to start making everybody pregnant who wants to be. It's so fucking insane. It feels like a natural transition from what I've been doing. You should. Thanks. Very lucrative. Thank you, girls. I appreciate that kind of support. Well, going from a very serious question into a less serious question but impactful nonetheless jess says dear chelsea after years of promising myself i would do it i'm finally getting laser hair removal my full legs my armpits my bikini line i'm pretty far along in the process on my legs and i love it i feel like a different person. Truly changes everything about my self perception and confidence. I thought I was going to go full Brazilian or something close like a

tiny triangle, but for some reason I never arrived at my appointment fully prepped for that. Then I started to second guess if I really wanted to go for it. A Brazilian style has never been a regular part of my routine. Then to top it all off, I saw a clip of you doing a bit about it, saying it was a mistake and now you're left with nothing but to get plugs. I know it was a joke, but I'm interested to know how you feel about it. I've got my next appointment coming up soon and I need to decide ASAP if I'm going to go for the Brazilian Pikachu. Help, Jess. Girls, I'll let you take the lead on this and then I'll follow up. Well, I'll start because I have a giant vagina. So I can really understand the pressures societally in the summer with a bathing suit, with a

spank, even with a jean these days, where your whole vagina can be flopping out the side of, you know, like it's a ball and it's not. And so I have lasered and I thought this vagina is so much trouble that I just want no more trouble. And so I did the full Brazilian and here's what they don't tell you about getting older is that if you have a little bit of a floppy vagina, it just becomes floppier as you age. And so I think in retrospect, it would be nice to have a small crowd cover to cover up the flappy vagina lips in my elder years, which I don't have because in my twenties, I also went crazy and now anything that's left, I'm waxing. And so, you know, I like an option just from someone with an old long vagina.

It's kind of like how men will hide some of their facial features behind a beard. You can kind of hide your floppy vagina behind a little bit of a bush, you know? But I like it. There are some men I will only date when they're bearded. Once a man with a beard, like a hot, hot guy shaves his beard. I'm like, no, they look like a vagina. Actually. My friend's husband used to shave his beard. I'm like, you look like a vagina. I don't like it. Please put your hair back. I don't like that. Yeah. Yeah. I think the option is nice. I mean, I did the same. I feel like we live in a generation where it was not gold-headed hair on their vagina. And then obviously trends change and you know, whatever, but I am hairless down there because hair on my body,

it makes me itchy and it makes me feel uncomfortable. So I feel like whatever you're going to do, do what's going to make you feel the most comfortable. I wouldn't worry about what, no offense, what Chelsea is saying or your boyfriend saying or whoever, like it feels good on your body because you're never going to see her a little trail, you know, like, so I don't know. I would just, I get so itchy down there that I'm like, I'm, I'm happy with my, uh, laser hair removal choices in my early twenties. At the end of this podcast, we're all going to show very close up 3d photos of our vaginas. And so everyone can understand the different options that are available.

I didn't, I didn't realize my vagina was not great until I was a showgirl in Las Vegas. It is great, Kelty. Everybody's vagina is great. No, it's great. Both of us, sorry. But we had a vagina off. There were 16 girls in the cast, and we all stood naked beside each other and looked at each other's vaginas, which was very... And there's some beautiful vaginas. Mine is not. I mean, she's pretty. I love myself. Mine is not that cute too. But I would like to add on like I got laser hair removal when I was in my 20s so I could swim faster and then I realized as I grew older like no man gives a fuck what your vagina it doesn't matter if it's flappy it doesn't matter if you have an innie or an outie or you have hair on your asshole they don't give a fuck. So whatever you're doing is for you. And I would

say like, I'm not in a bald beavers. Like I find that to be very juvenile. Like I don't want to look like a little girl. I want hair on my vagina. I would recommend lasering your asshole though, because that's just nice, but don't bleach your asshole. My girlfriend the other day was like, I have to bleach my asshole. She just got divorced. She's on the market. She's like, I have to bleach my asshole now. I go, no, no, you don't have to bleach your asshole.

Just fucking laser it so there's not hair coming out of it. Only if somebody, if you're waiting, you know, if you're going to have anal sex, yeah, like keep it as clean as possible. But if you're not into anal, then don't even worry about it. But, like, just keep your options open. There's a bikini line. So you don't want your pubic hair to grow into your thighs. That's gross because you have those errant hairs. So it's cool to laser that area and, you know, laser around the area. So like on maybe on your vaginal lips, like it's not fun to have hair there, but on the base, what I call my base of my vagina,

I like that to have a scientific term. I like that to be covered. Becca, any final thoughts? What about you, Becca? You didn't. Well, I don't feel like I really don't need to at this point. I, you know, I did do laser hair removal and I don't follow through with anything in my life. It's like a theme.

So I didn't finish up. And so now I just have patch through with anything in my life. It's like a theme. So I didn't finish up. And so now I just have patchiness that I have to maintain. So like a balding vagina. It's really, it's not pretty. So I didn't. Yeah. It's also one credit away from a degree in school. So this is a theme through her life where she doesn't quite hit the nail each time. Almost true. Just about there. But yeah, no, if you're going to do it, just at least commit to whatever you're doing because what I've got going on is not attractive.

Catherine, what are your views on Pikachu? I mean, I have a dedicated buzzer. That's how I go. Yeah, just keep it neat. I also don't like when my hair on my vagina, this is probably too much detail, but who gives a shit, gets too long and grows outward.

I'm like, I have straight pubic hair. I'm not really sure why. But when my hair grows on the base of my vagina, it goes curly and goes out like a little boopsy doodle. And I have to cut that sometimes and be like, okay, I don't want this. This is like my version of a boner. Oh my God. Yeah. I haven't want this. This is like my version of a boner. Oh my God.

Yeah. I haven't had hair on my vagina for so long that like I don't even know what it looks like. I'm going to send you a merkin. I'm going to send you a merkin and then you're going to FaceTime me. I will. I'll do a little show.

Oh my God. Well, on that wonderful note, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be back to close out. We're going to take a quick break, put on our merkins, and we're going to be right back. Party. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly

loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

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No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Amazing. Well, this is the point in the show where we like to ask if our guests have any advice they'd like to ask for from Chelsea. Chelsea, goddess handler. Thank God.

When I read that we got to do this, I was like, thank God. So we are currently like a week out from our first bus and trailer tour. And we thought, we're fancy. We've got a successful podcast. We're going to get a bus. Like all these people are on the bus and they're touring around. It is, I'm saying like, it's like planning 15 weddings with three brides in four weeks. It is so hard. So much of my emotional component of like who I am as a person is directly attached to ticket sales. Like, why don't you want to come New

Orleans to see me? I know there's listeners there so like how do you separate and what are the secrets to like doing a tour without losing your mind okay first of all i'm glad you asked this question because i listen you have to appreciate everything that you have not the things that you don't so if a show is not sold out or you have 1,000 people instead of 2,000 or you have 500 instead of 1,000, you have to go out there with the notion that there are 500 people that are there to see you and you the people that are your devoted fans, if that's not what you want it to be or if you're letting your ego run you, you're going to lose. You have to always perform for whoever is sitting in that audience. And every time you guys walk out on that stage, I want you to think of me and think of walking out on that stage and saying we are going to give every single person who bought a ticket the best show that we're going to give them. And you cannot worry about anything else. And that is how you build your audience. And that is how you build a fan base. And when you show up for those people, the next time you come back, there's going to be double the amount of people.

How do you take that? I hope. I'm listening. I'm putting it in my brain. Write it down, Kelty. Write it down. I absolutely understand. And like, you know my brain. Write it down, Kelty. Write it down. I absolutely understand. And like, you know, my person that's trying to be a better person really gets it. And I absolutely, I'm here for it. I just like failure is such a difficult thing for everyone. But when you are failing at being Chelsea Handler, not that you've ever really failed, but I'm sure things don't work out sometimes. Like, it's like failing at doing my job at Microsoft, I think would feel different than failing as being like Kelty Knight.

You're failing though, but you're not failing. You're working, you're growing, you're working and you're growing. There's no failure. The failure is in your ego. That is not a real thing that is tangible. That is your shadow voice telling you, why didn't you sell more tickets? Why didn't you do this?

Why didn't you kill this? The only way to succeed is to have a good attitude about everything that comes your way in this moment. So you embrace it and you capitalize on it and you don't count the numbers and you're not worried about, I check my fucking ticket sales every day, honey. I know exactly what you're talking about, Okay. But I don't ever go, I mean, I've gone out to shows that are 60% sold or 50% sold where I'm like, what the fuck? And you know what? There's some of the best shows I've ever had. You focus on the people that are there for you. And that is how you grow as a performer and as an entertainer and all of it. It's all a build. And so it's not happening instantaneously.

Everything is a build. This is your first tour. There's going to be another one. So just keep that ball rolling in that right direction and try to get outside of your ego and just be in the moment. Being present is the best gift you're going to give your audience and yourself.

And when you go out there on that stage, you have to acknowledge all the people that are sitting there waiting to see you. And you just have to keep playing that game in your mind and running it around. And if you have to write affirmations or whatever, do that. But just remember, like, it's not black and white. It's always like a move. You know, for me, I've been famous for, I don't know, 20 years and there are struggles and there are times where I get low and I don't believe in myself or I'm self-conscious and I have to pull myself out of that. I'm like, you're not here by mistake, but your behavior and your attitude towards failure will bring you down. And if you have a great attitude and you just go, that didn't work out. Next thing. That's what brings you up and keeps you afloat. I have one more question. I know I'm like taking over.

Sorry. Well, obviously we're big fans of your books and everything that you do. And our new book, Lady Secrets, has a lot of celebrity stories in it. Like Julia Roberts hates me. Jack accidentally went on a date with Josh Duhamel. And we're naming names in these stories. And like it's about to come out in the world. And like any advice on just like holding true to like the haters and when people are coming at you or like when it feels like it's all swirling?

No, you're telling the truth. Who gives a shit? Everybody, not everybody gets along. Some people are not going to like you. That's the way of the world. If you think this is a popularity contest about everybody liking you, then get out because that's never, ever going to happen. The only bonus is that anyone likes you. You know what I mean? And you focus on those people. Once again, you focus on the people that you're serving, not the people

that don't want to eat at McDonald's or whatever you want to, you know, not to compare you guys to McDonald's, but you know what I'm saying? I love McDonald's. I know. So do I. So do I. I mean, I will never fucking love a breakfast more than I love that sausage McMuffin. But you just you have to be in your world. Like Josh Duhamel, who cares about that either? It's better to be truthful and honest than worry about the repercussions. I mean, you don't want to be mean and nasty, but like whatever, you know, you're telling the truth and that's okay. And you have to be down with that and stop focusing on the people that don't get it. Stop focusing on the people who don't get it. Jack, I need a Jack Vanek t-shirt.

I need a sign. Chelsea. Can you imagine if Harry Styles went out on stage every night and was trying to find the mother in the crowd that wasn't into being there or the father and he was focused on that? He's like, wait, I have 200,000 people at Wembley Stadium. I don't know how many people that seats,

probably not 200,000, but... And he's looking around going, where's the guy that doesn't get me? No, you're looking at the people that get you. Yeah. That's such a good point. Wow. Men. Kelty, I want you to listen to that. I'm going to put that on a voice memo on my phone. So when you're being a real cunt on tour, I'm going to play it for you. Yeah, for sure. Well, if there's three of you, there's bound to be one cunt. So you know what I mean? Like that's why I travel alone. Just depends on the day. Exactly. Yeah. Well, I love it. You guys, this was so much fun. What a great episode we had with you girls. I love you girls. I'm so glad you're going on tour. Have the best time. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

We are really excited. Chelsea, I have one more question. I did send you a giant, I sent you a joint. I sent you a joint in the mail and I'm wondering if you ever got it. Wait, hold on. Let me see if I have it right here. No, in the mail. After you were on our podcast, you were like, send me a copy of the book. So I got the address, your PO box, and I sent the book, but I also sent a huge gold joint with it. I, I don't want to sound, I don't want to brag, but I get so much mail, so much cannabis sent to my house. I have a refrigerator in our gym and the guest room filled with cannabis and mushrooms because I, so my cleaning lady was like, we have to get another fridge. I thought it was so inventive. Oh my God, what a loser.

No, no, no. I bet it's there. I just bet I haven't seen it yet. So I don't want to dissuade you. And when I do see it, I'm going to let you know. Yeah. You smoke that giant, giant gold thing. And you think that to Kelty's ego. Love it. I will. I will. You girls. Thank you so, so much. Love you girls. Love you. Nice to meet you, Catherine. Thank you. Likewise. Love you. Enjoy your good sex life. much. Thank you for having us. Love you, girls. Love you. Nice to meet you, Catherine. Thank you. Likewise. Love you. Enjoy your good sex life. Bye.

Thank you. I'm going to go have sex now. I was like, who, me? Where? Okay, bye. Bye, guys. Thank you so much. Thanks.

Bye. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseepodcast at gmail.com. We have a special call for submissions this week. If you've done any sort of genetic testing and maybe made a discovery about a new family member or found out that your uncle maybe has a secret family somewhere or you found some health markers related to your DNA that have led you to take certain steps and investigate further,

and especially if you'd like advice about what you found out in your DNA analysis, please write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor,

what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.