Dear Chelsea - Meditation with Deepak Chopra

Episode Date: June 3, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon are joined by Deepak Chopra to discuss psychedelics, radical mindset shifts, and the healing power of meditation. A Philly rowhome resident deals with a noisy neighbor. A happily married man worries about how good-looking women perceive him. And an ex-girlfriend shame-spirals about her shortcomings.  The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

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conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests

to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello. Hello, guys. Hello, everybody. Hi. Oh, God. What to cover? What to cover? This is week three of my no smoking pot with my boyfriend, Shane. And now I really don't even care about ever smoking a joint again, quite frankly. Like now I'm just like, what was that? Are you partaking in any other sort of drugs? Are you taking your chocolate mushrooms? Just no, I haven't had the chocolate mushrooms. No, not in a while. I thought I would take a break. I've been writing a lot, so I've had to be sober for that because I'm writing a lot of my stand-up, which I started. So, you know, I've had to focus on that. So, yeah, it's a good time. It's a good time for me to take a break. And if Shane had not come into my life in the moment he did, God, where would I be same. I wonder if he's just elevated right now, just on a different plane, cognitively, very aware of his surroundings and what he needs to be taking on the job site.

Yeah, I feel like when you have a connection like that, it can't just be one way. It's got to be a two way connection. Although we did speak to somebody who had no connection with somebody and didn't understand that it was broken. So I could also be playing that role in this scenario. Anywho, what else is new, Brandon? What do you have to say for yourself? Not much. You're going on trips. You have standup dates that you're doing all through the fall now. Standup dates, looking for a house, trying to plan vacations, but you know.

Now that things feel like they're opening up again and people are vaccinated and getting out. You see people without a mask and it's very jarring. I just did this podcast with these two girls and they were saying that it's so different here than in New York. Like New York has wrapped COVID up so much more than we have here that they're not used to wearing masks, walking out to outdoor restaurants and stuff. And they were saying it was so strange. They're like, oh, New York has been over it for so long.

But I did a podcast where they asked me lots of really personal sexual questions. And I just thought, who talks about that stuff? You know, I don't love talking about personal sexual proclivities or people like, what are you into? What kind of games and role playing? That makes my vagina clench tight. It shuts. Yeah, I get that. And I think that that's like a societal change that people are really adamant about making. Like there's so much body empowerment that it's like all about masturbation. And yes, I watch porn. And yes, I finger blast myself. And yes, and it's almost like, oh.

I know the number of vibrators that you're sent is really staggering. Oh my God, I get a dildo in the mail like every other. It looks like you're an addict. It looks like you have a problem. My brother sent me this text this morning, my brother Glenn. And he was like, hey, my friend sent you one of these water bottles and I need you to post it on Instagram. His son is starting a business. I was like, Glenn, do you know how much fucking shit I get every single day?

Like, give me a minute. And I went to go look for the bottle and I found two dildos while I was looking for this water bottle that my brother wants me to post about. So if you're my brother or if you're this person with a company, hold your fucking horses. I'll do it when I find it. And if you're a person selling a vibrator, she's got enough. Yes, please. No more vibrators for me.

OK, I've lost them all. I'm reading this book called Set Boundaries, Find Peace, A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. I mean, I'm not really reading it. I'm skimming through it. I'm skimming through it. I'm going to read it. But I just came upon this. Here's a reminder for adults who experienced emotional neglect in childhood. It was never your job to be the man of the house.

That applies to you. To be a confidant for your parent also applies to you. Neither of those apply to me. To take care of your siblings. That applies to both of us. Well, not when I was growing up, though. I didn't have to take care of them. of those apply to me. To take care of your siblings. That applies to both of us. Well, not when I was growing up, though. I didn't have to take care of them. They took care of me. To learn things without parental guidance. Definitely for me. I mean, that's why. Yeah. No one ever said a thing to me about sex. You were like Matilda. You were on your own. No one said

anything. All I did was know that my parents were having sex and that I wanted to start having sex also. To keep the peace within a chaotic home. Does that apply to you? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, that doesn't apply to me. I was the chaos. To figure things out without emotional support. Yep, that applies to me.

That applies to you. And to be responsible for bills when you were a kid. Oh, God, that's so terrible. Luckily, my mom worked bills when you were a kid. Oh, God. That's so terrible. Luckily, my mom worked, like, three jobs at a time to take care of us. But we were always concerned about the bills. Like, that is something I don't wish on any child, to have that sort of awareness of what's going on. I do think it probably helped me have appreciation for money and things now.

But fucking stressful. I was annoyed by my parents' of savings account and like acumen towards like future plans. Like they had no business acumen or financial acumen about like, oh, eventually these children are going to have to grow up and go to college. Luckily, I didn't have to because I didn't apply anywhere. I like to think of you asking your parents about their business investments as a little child. I remember being like, do I have a dowry? I was like three. And I mean, maybe I wasn't three because I knew what a dowry was. So I must have been like six. And I said, and my dad goes, can you believe the chutzpah? He always used to say that I had so much chutzpah. He's like, can you believe the chutzpah on this girl? He would say to my mother,

like I wasn't in the room. And she'd be like, it's a good question seymour where is the money and he'd be like please are you revolt we don't have any don't worry about it but yeah i was always questioning because i started a babysitting ring on martha's vineyard when i was like 12 you know and i was babysitting for older children sometimes because i lied and said i was 15 but i was i was 12 and i was babysitting for a 14 year old boy once i think we talked about this. And I would come home and I would count my money because I made so much money. Like a stripper. Yeah.

I called all the hotels in Martha's Vineyard and I babysat and I made thousands of dollars that summer. And I had a little cigar box and my dad would come up and be like, I see you counting your money. I'm like, back the fuck up. I saw what you did. Well, I didn't because I was 12 at the time. But when I had my bat mitzvah, they threw me a party. Like bat mitzvah is when

you cash out as a Jewish person. Like that is when you go cha-ching, cha-ching. For my bat mitzvah, all the money that was given to me by my relatives, my parents took and I never saw a dime of it. My dad was like, we'll hold this for you. I'm like, oh, please. I was like, kiss that goodbye. Yeah, my dad was terrible with his finances. There were weeks where like, if he hadn't sold a car, it was very, very tense at my house because there was no money coming in because he was always working in cash, right? And I remember once it was like two months he hadn't sold a car and then he finally sold one and he walked into the living room and handed my sister Shoshana and i each ten dollars okay this really is just like matilda have you ever seen the movie no then you're gonna need to watch it it starts danny devito ray perlman i love danny devito i love his

shape his body type oh that is my type of guy he's but her dad's a used car salesman she's left her own devices she literally has to admit herself into kindergarten. It sounds just like you. Oh, that's what I did. I had to do that. You went to school and just like, I think I need to be educated. I don't know. But you tell me. Well, no, I noticed that all the other kids started disappearing after summer.

And I was like, where did they go? And then on the weekend, I ran into one. And I was like, hey, where were you all week? And he's like, I went to kindergarten. I was like, kindergarten? I was like, is everybody doing that? And then when I went to my parents, she's like, don't worry about it. You know, things don't really take off until first grade.

You don't have to go to kindergarten. I'm like, I do have to go to kindergarten, you fucking idiots. I like to think of your mom as watching, like, soaps during the day. Yeah. And just eating in a recliner. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. As the world turns.

General Hospital was a good one. Days of Our Lives. Days of Our Lives. But Santa Barbara was, for me, you know, the one. The one. I loved Kelly Capwell, who was Robin Wright. I loved her. And I just wanted to come home and watch her swing her blonde hair around on the television.

And she was so beautiful. And I tried to call her. I called information. And I asked for Kelly Capwell in Santa Barbara. And I called someone named Kelly Capwell. I told Robin that story. She thinks I'm making it up and she doesn't realize. What could we get her on the podcast for?

I don't know what sort of advice she has. Robin's not a big talker. Like she doesn't love being interviewed. I did interview her on Ellen, actually. She was one of the people that I interviewed on my episode of Ellen. I just love her. They told me to pick who the people that I interviewed on my episode of Ellen. I just love her. They told me to pick who I wanted, and I gave them a list of names, and it ended up being Robin Wright, Wiz Khalifa, Kristen Bell,

and then a nice, cute human interest story, because this woman was doing an awesome act of kindness that we wanted to highlight. Yeah, it was a nice lineup. Wait, I heard something. So this guy, Jason Baldoni, I i think his name is he's an author you actually bought me his book recently man enough or something okay i was on the phone with my friend yesterday and she was telling me that he was describing the time before you're born you're in a womb right you're in like a sack and you that is your reality and that is technically a different dimension than when you

are born into the world and then you are part of something. So you're in that little womb, you don't know anything. You're just developing, growing, sleeping, eating, getting nutrients and turning into a human. And then the human experience of being born when you're in the world. Okay. So like you can look at those two things and you're like, okay, I get that delineation. And then he was saying how you have to think of death the way you think of birth, that then when you leave the world, it's similar to the way you came into the world, that you're not gone. You're just not here. That's interesting.

And I thought that was so, yeah, I liked that. I was trying to explain it to my sister Shana last night and she's not on the same page as I am with, you know, the physics of it all because I have a hard time understanding physics, but I understand what energy means. But when the math gets involved and the dimensions get involved, I'm like, but I know that it's true because it's science. But that analogy seems very easy to digest. Yes. And it makes sense. Right.

I thought so, too. I was like, this is an easy way to explain it. There was an Instagram post. It was a guy who had lost his brother three years earlier, was shot. And his brother did this ad campaign, a print ad when he was like six years old. And it was on the side of this truck. And his brother took a picture of the ad that he had done himself when he was like six years old and it was on the side of this truck and his brother took a picture of the ad that he had done himself when he was six and right before he died and sent it to his brother and on his birthday which would have been his 30th birthday his brother was driving

along the freeway and the truck there's only one truck with that ad on it drove right past him that's fucking crazy and when you hear stuff like that you're like okay there's something else at play here that we can't identify and that we can't see because that's not just a coincidence well i think that's why people have a hard time accepting things like this because upon death like the physical material of our persons is no longer present so they think like at conception as soon as those cells merge, they can understand, oh, a baby is being formed and then a person is born. But then when you die and you remove that factor, like that is what's hard for people, I think, to reconcile or understand that you continue on even though that material is gone. Because like when you ask for signs from a loved one who's died, some people get them right away and some people don't. So you're like, well, what does that mean?

Why can some people get them? And why are they available? You know, sometimes I'm like, I say to my mom, like, I need you right now, can you, whatever. And I don't feel her presence. And other times I feel her presence all the time. So I guess maybe it's not up to us to be summoning the people.

But yeah, when you think about it, like, okay, that person's in another dimension now, but they still exist in some realm, you know, dimension, a matrix. I don't know. I mean, you can use whatever word makes the most sense to you. But yeah, I did think that was an easy way to understand it. And it makes death so much more palatable. I feel like we're a little bit behind the eight ball when it comes to death in this country. Like it should be a little bit more of a celebration of life when people are taken from us.

I mean, it's hard to look at it like that in all circumstances, especially when, you know, innocent people are gunned down by the police force that is meant to protect us. That's hard to be like, oh, this should be a celebration instead of a huge miscarriage of justice. Have you watched Surviving Death on Netflix? No. People should watch that.

It's a really interesting take on what you experience after death or people's experiences with it. There was a woman who knew she was going to die while giving birth and no one would listen to her. And she did. And she came back and she knew exactly who was operating on her, how they were trying to resuscitate her. It was fucking weird. But Laurel and Jackson is in it. And Laurel and Jackson wrote the book Signs. And that's, you know, about like asking for signs from your loved ones who have passed away. Right. Not passed on. Yeah.

And so I started doing that. And my grandmother's is dragonflies, which I never see anywhere. But something will happen. I'm like, where the fuck did that guy come from? Like, I literally had one fly through the house the other day. Yeah. Where the fuck do you ever see a dragonfly? Right, right, right, right. Well, no, because there's mosquitoes everywhere because the fucking world is melting. Yeah. Where the fuck do you ever see a dragonfly anymore? Right, right, right.

Well, no, because there's mosquitoes everywhere because the fucking world is melting. Oh, that's true. So ask for signs. I think of my mom as a bird. And I think of her as one of my dogs because she's definitely, she's fucking with me. All right, well, before we dive in,

why don't we take a quick break? Okay. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions

like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor we got the answer will space junk block your cell signal the astronaut who almost

drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer we talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason

Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, who's on deck? Up first, we have actually a caller. Her name is Claudia. So why don't we get her on the line. I pronounce that Claudia.

Claudia. Claudia. To see what she's got going on. Hi, Claudia. Hey. Is it Claudia or Claudia? It's funny that you say Claudia. Some people do say it, but it is Claudia.

Some people say Claudia. That's what I thought. Very South American of you. Yeah, I always try an air on the side of South American, especially when I'm in North America. Well, for me, oddly enough, it comes from a German side. Oh, sprechen Sie Deutsch? Mein bisschen.

Oh, well, that's one more word than I know. I know how to say it. A little. Oh, yeah. Yeah's one more word than I know. I know how to say... Make a little. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I figured. My mom was German. Oh, really? What about you?

Who's German on your side? Yeah, my mom. Her last name's Hummel, which is Bumblebee. Oh, is it? I guess. That's what she told me. No, it is. Actually, I took three years of German in high school.

I also took three years of German in high school. I also took three years of German in high school. I took four years. I know nothing besides ich liebe Dick, which means I love you, not I love Dick. I think it means I love Dick. Well, it depends on how you pronounce it. I guess so. Do you pronounce it cock?

Or how do you pronounce it in German? Dick or you? Dick. I couldn't tell you. Ich is I. I know that. Ich, lieber, ich. And schlaf is sleep. Well, now that everybody's gotten there. This is very educational. Yeah. Well, it's always been my intent to educate the masses. So, okay. So, Claudia. Yes. Tell us why you're calling in today. Nice to meet you. Oh, well, nice to meet you too. Yeah. So I was telling your producer when I wrote the letter, I must've been very angry and it must've been happening at the time. So my neighbor's been

redoing his home. We share a wall. It's a row home in Philadelphia. There's no firewall. There's no insulation. It's just basically, you know, some wood slats and some horse hair from a hundred years ago and that's it. Right. And then some plaster and I can hear him sneeze. I can hear everything. And I've lived there for 10 years or I lived here for 10 years transplant from New Jersey. And, um, you had to get out of there, right? Well, I mean, thank God that's a lateral move though. Jersey to Philly is a lateral move. Totally. It's like, I'm saving on my property taxes, but everything else sucks. So right. I've been here 10 years. They had three adult children living with them when we first moved in.

And I always considered them to be quiet neighbors. When I thought we were the loud ones, we would have dinner parties and friends over, but nothing ever really crazy. We're adults, and everybody's got to work. So it's not a big deal. Well, slowly over the past few years, he's been redoing the house and little things here and there. But once the pandemic hit, it was like all day from eight in the morning to six o'clock in the evening, banging, hammering, like floor shaking crap. Right. You know, and it's like, is he going to come through the wall? Because either he's going to come through the wall or I'm going to go through the wall. Like, what the fuck are you doing? So based on the sounds we hear, we can guess what is he doing

now? Like doing his own electric is the one thing that we came to that got a little scary, right? So we were like, okay, well, houses are notorious for burning down in Philly. So then we try to move, right? And then it's like, no, you can't, not unless you have like several hundred thousand dollars cash in your pocket. Are you even able to get out of your home at this point? So I'm like, okay. So now we try to like play music, turn up the television. I don't know. We just try to like offset it, but it's always not so easy. So what have the conversations been like up to now? My husband will say things like, hey, so it's pretty loud today. And he'd be like, yeah, we're almost done. We're doing the loud parts now, but we should be done soon. And he'd be like, okay. And he comes inside and then he tells me and then I'm like, okay, that's great.

And then three months later, it's like, I guess we're going to have to leave again today because it's pretty loud. I know they can't afford to pay for somebody to do the work and get it done sooner. So there's that, right? I don't want to be like totally insensitive. But how many months has this been going on for? Well, I mean, how long has the pandemic been on since like, what, a year ago? Yeah. So that's over a year. Yeah. It was here and there up to that point. And we could handle it, I guess. But it was on. We got locked down and they were like, OK, well, we're doing this

now then. And we were like, OK, well, it would have been nice if we had a conversation. I think this guy deserves you need to start playing hardball with this asshole. Like he's gotten away with this for a year. I mean, if he was giving you an honest timeline, then that would be one thing. But you're living with a connecting wall. It's a much different issue. You can't just start construction without letting your neighbors know. And that's clearly what he's doing.

If you can hear all of that, it is construction. Do you have any lawyer friends? I would put together a letter that scared the shit out of him. What do you think, Brandon? Like I'm going through construction in my house right now. Your rental has construction next to it. So I totally understand your frustration that it's at all hours. But a year, a year, that's like abuse. That's like, you know, chronic abuse. It's not to the point. Yeah. Especially if he says we're going to be done soon, we're going to be done soon. That guy's never going to be done with anything, it sounds like. So, you know, that's disrespectful to the neighbor.

So it's one thing like our house, the rental house I'm staying in, next door they're building a huge monstrosity. There's nothing I could do about that. Yeah. They own that land. They can do whatever they want. But this if you're sharing a wall with somebody, it's basic common decency to be a little bit more forthcoming with the actual facts of the matter and when he will be done, because it feels like there's no end date. You've been playing softball with him and it's not getting you any results. So I would start playing hardball. And even if that means you having a fucking meltdown, running outside and just like throwing shit at his house. Like he needs to see that. He needs to see that this is the last straw, you know, like it's at the end and you're not going to be playing Mr. Nice Guy anymore. OK, totally, totally understand.

This sounds like a perfect assignment for me, though, to walk in and fucking talk to your neighbor. I may just fly her there because she will do it. Now, it's still as intense all day, every day. Like for me, if this were my neighbor, I would go over and I'd be like, hey, we need a schedule of when this is happening, because now it's such an inconvenience for me. You need to work around my schedule and what I have going on. And so these are the times where you can make noise. These are times when I'll leave the house. So we're not in this constant conflict. Also, she's on Zooms. I mean, you're all in a pandemic. You have to make you have to do Zooms all day, don't you? Are you in a job that does that? I am. And, you know, my work is they they're so good.

You know, they don't care. They've got kids and animals crawling all over them, too. So they're cool. Yeah, but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know that's the case. You could say to him, buddy, I'm about to get fired from my job because of this noise. I do know many times I've had to hang up on a Zoom because of the noise coming from your house? Like, he has to feel your pain. Yeah, and I think that's a good point. He doesn't know that you have nice colleagues and that they're accepting of this. He doesn't need to know that.

It's a shit show as far as he's concerned. Asking him for a schedule would be really interesting because I think you guys are right. Like, we have this conversation, my husband and I. Like, it's almost like, does he have a mental problem? Like, is he one of those people that's like really literally going fucking crazy because he can't do anything else? Well, I think people who play with lots of tools do have, you know, a little something, this is something's a little bit loose, right. And that's what they're trying to tighten. But guess what? Fucking asshole. We're all in a pandemic. We're all about to lose it. So

that's not an excuse either. And, you know, you definitely having a good job or a good work environment that's accepting of it is of no relevance. He doesn't need to know that. But yeah, asking for a schedule. Or presenting your schedule, being like, this is when, based on my schedule, you can do this audible work. No, I think it should be the other way around because he's the one causing the problem. That's bending over backwards for him. Why is she presenting her schedule? Then that gives him all these pockets

to do construction in. But well, because she can set that. Like if she only wants him to do it from X time to X time, she can be like, these are the times that you can work within that are convenient for me. Or I can say something like,

give me your schedule and then I'll take a look at it. And if I have something going on, I'll tell you, you can't be working that day. Yeah, just say you've had a couple of tricky Zooms. Let's say you're a professional. I understand you're doing work on your house, but we've been pretty understanding for a year because that's how long it's been going on. Right. You're not exaggerating. No. Right. Okay. So it's been going on for a year and I've had some issues with work and I need your

schedule because I now need to schedule around your construction. He doesn't have a construction schedule, it sounds like. So that's going to throw him for a real loop-de-loop. Something you should also check, because it's something I had to deal with, is you should check with the city because there are working hours for construction of when he can do something like the decibel of how loud it can be with people around. So I'm sure that there's some sort of city guideline or regulation that you should look into. Yeah, we have an agency called 311, and they definitely keep the work within the hours. It's like between eight and eight. Like,

he's always really good about that. But I will say, he's able to do construction till 8pm. Eight to eight. Remind me never to move to fucking Philadelphia. What is that? That's why we're so angry here. Claudia, just remember, though, like there is a light at the end of the tunnel now, because if this is COVID or pandemic related, like everyone's going to be coming out of it. Summer's starting. People are getting vaccinated. He's going to want to not be in the house. His daughter just found out she's pregnant. So the mother said that they'll be going to visit more often and that they won't be home as much. So that'll be good. So there's a bright spot on the horizon. You wanted the adult children that was living with him when you moved in? Yeah. I have a feeling that they're going to move. I actually heard him on the phone asking

how much he had left on his loan. But asking him for a schedule is a great first step, especially for the rest of those. Maybe everyone would appreciate that. Yeah, I think that's the most civilized way to go about it. I have some other ideas, but it seems like that's the one we should stick to for now. Why don't you get back to us and we can circle back with another option. And if I need to call him, I'm also open to doing that. And what would you say? Oh, I have a way with men.

They don't like to talk to me, so they want the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. So I have a way with like really making my voice be heard and them ensuring that they will not hear from me again. No one wants a second call. No, no. I believe that I've had it up to here with men. You know what I mean? I have no patience for it anymore. And that is something I do know what you mean. But I absolutely know. Are you fucking sitting there wasting space or are you contributing something right now? I just had an incident with a guy, this pilot, and he was just wasting so much time. And I looked at him like, buddy, why are you wasting so much time? Why not be pushing the ball forward instead of holding us all back? And he's like, oh, is that what you think I'm doing?

And I'm like, yeah, that's exactly what you are doing. And then he's like, well, thank you for telling me. But it's like there's a lot of people that are not doing much and are taking up room. I agree. Well, maybe he's also fixing the house up to sell it. That's the other thing, right? So that makes sense. I mean, I don't want to stop him from progressing in his life, right?

You're very nice. A little too sympathetic. Like if you go out every day and get bitten by the same dog, you need to go make a left and then avoid that dog. So you need a different framework from here on out. I agree. So keep us posted. I will.

Okay. Claudia? I will, Chelsea. Thank you. Okay. Don't be a stranger. I won't. Likewise. Goodbye, Claudia. Bye, guys. She said likewise. How are we supposed to keep in touch with her? Brandon, did you get her digits? I'm going to hit her on the hip. Don't worry about it.

Does she have a beeper? I hope so. Well, if you're going to hit her on the hip. Don't worry about it. Does she have a beeper? I hope so. Well, if you're going to hit her on the hip. I wish we all had beepers. I want a beeper. That would be so great for my drug deals. That would be really nice for both of us just to be able to page each other.

Well, but that's why you have five of your friends on me so you see where I am when I am lost. Always got an eye on you. I feel like, you know, she seemed very normal and reasonable. She was rational. She's going to be just fine

because she's going to go into this with an empathy. Yeah. Maybe it was an overabundance for this man, but I think that's going to put her on much better footing than going out and just being a total cunt. Yeah. No, no, no. Don't call me a cunt. Always say it off air. Who taught you the word cunt? I use it probably too much. And I think that it's like now I've taken it on because it's more appropriate for a woman to use that word. And I feel like I can because I'm a gay man, but I should probably rein it in because it's pretty aggressive. Well, I don't mind men calling each other cunts. Like they kind of, that's okay.

I would never call a woman in the street a cunt. No, no. Like I would never call her a bitch. Of course not. No. But like to you, I would refer to one of your girlfriends as a cunt. And you have. And she is.

And her name is... Do three syllables. Should we get the next caller on the line? Well, I feel like we're rocking and rolling here. I mean, it feels really good to be listening to people's problems. Well, let me read you his submission and then we can get right into it with him. Okay. His name is Amir. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 52-year-old married man who looks like Mr. Potato Head,

yet I find myself obsessing over looking good to younger women. I know that there's no chance of scoring at all with them, and I don't try, but how do I get past this? tail as old as time. Oh my God. Where's Amir? Amir? Hi. What a cool surprise this is. Who would have thought?

Well, you did apparently when you wrote in your request for advice, Amir. Yeah. Well, if you could see my face, wrote in your request for advice, Amir. Yeah, well, if you could see my face, you'd realize I only look smart. Okay, well, that's a bad outlook on yourself, but we can get to that in a minute. Brandon just read me your submission, and it talks about why you want to attract younger women or be attractive to younger women, and that you look like Mr. Potato Head. Is that correct? Yeah, that's pretty accurate. Okay. Well, I would like to start by saying, A, why are you concerned with attracting younger women when you are married?

I don't know. And I'm happily married too. And I would never consider cheating on my wife, but that's what just goes through my head. I'm going through a weird midlife crisis. Right. You just want their approval. You want them to think you're attractive and that's all you need. Right. Right. So that's your own insecurity coming to the surface. And why do you think you're insecure? I don't know. Probably because I'm just an average looking guy and all my life I've seen all the other guys I know get all the attention. So I think that might have something to do with it. This is very interesting to me because so infrequently do we hear a man talk about his comparison to other men in relation to how they look. So for Amir to write in and wanting to look good to younger women when really it's probably him internalizing like these handsome men that he's seen his entire life. Like this is something that men also deal with.

And, you know, I deal with personally to try and adhere to, I guess, a societal expectation of what we should look like. So, Amir, like, to your point, you're constantly under a state of comparison to who's around you. You're pouring out my heart right now. But, Amir, I think the thing, and I'm going to take the lead on this one since I'm a man. I'm manly. Well. Thank you, Amir. What I've realized for myself, Amir, is that

you can only provide this to yourself. So when you feel good and attractive and you have to find a way to make yourself feel that way, you won't care about what someone, an onlooker thinks. But no one else has that responsibility besides you. And for me, it was changing my diet because I ate like a 12 year old. I mean, Pop-Tarts for every meal. And donuts. He would eat like six to seven donuts in one sitting. Wow. Yeah. He had some bad habits. And Brandon's a really good looking guy. But I felt so bad about myself. So typically people who feel that way, what you're seeing is not a representation of what the world sees. So like when I look at myself,

sometimes it's like I have to take a quick little glance and walk away because as long as I know I'm put together to go to a meeting or wherever, I know that I'm seeing something much different than what Chelsea sees. You have to be able to recalibrate your brain and reassure yourself that you have something of worth to provide. Not everyone looks like Daniel Craig. I always say I want to look like Ryan Reynolds. Never going to wake up one morning and look like him. But there are other things that you have that someone else doesn't. So like my attentiveness, like what I know I can do, and I don't have a skill or a talent.

Truthfully, I tell people that all the time, but what I can do is take care of people and I'm good at that and I like to do it. You have comedy, you have a cooking skill, like everyone has something that they can provide. What are your best qualities and attributes? Wow, I don't know. Well, forget about the exterior. Let's talk about like interior. What are,

what's your personality? Like what do people love about you? What's your wife's favorite thing about you? Well, I'm, I like to think of myself as a generally easygoing kind of guy. I think that so many things in life aren't worth making an issue over. I see people getting upset for the silliest things and I just don't understand why they expend that kind of energy. I try to be nonjudgmental. I am open-minded. I'm open to new experiences because I think life is all about experience and that adds to one's personality and breadth of knowledge. But you know how many people don't have those things? Like those are

traits that one are very hard to teach or to be learned. And you have that in you already. I'm someone who takes issue with everything. And I wish my partner, which he tells me all the time, he goes, I wish that you were lazier. Like, I wish that you were not as observant as you are that things, not everything was life or death. And let me tell you just one thing, aesthetically, not everyone can pull off a chunky glass and you're wearing glasses and you look great. Yeah, you do look cute. I couldn't wear those. I think you have a negative narrative going, you know, and I think a lot of people feel that way. They have a negative narrative going in their head.

Like you're holding on to this one ideal that, you know, that's impossible to reach. You're not going to look like Daniel Craig. But you have all these other attributes about yourself that you're underplaying where those should be in the forefront. Yeah, you need to leverage those. Yeah, leverage those. Like all of the things about being open-minded, being nonjudgmental. Do you know how badly I wish I didn't judge people?

I fucking judge everybody. And it's a constant exercise to try and dismantle that, you know, to not look at somebody's shoes and go, oh my God, how does anybody fuck that guy? You know, like, so that's a huge advantage you already have. And, you know, who are the people in your life like the closest people? Do you have kids?

No, no kids. It's just my wife. Another reason to celebrate. You have no children. I mean, how fucking awesome is that? That you went through COVID and didn't have to homeschool anybody. That's a victory dance right there. Yeah, I suppose you're right.

I didn't think of it that way. So I think you need to flip the narrative that's going on. It feels like you're stuck with this idea of something that's unattainable. So that's useless. And you need to focus on what is attainable for you and what you are good at. And then start bringing those qualities, like really focusing on that, going like thinking about your open mindedness and how you can apply that to your life in terms of if you want to make more friends or if you want a bigger social life, you know, you want to be more outdoorsy. No one's ever like, you know, as far as your body and your weight and exercise goes, like no one's ever gotten in shape. Excuse me. I just vomited. No one's ever gotten

in shape. And then I have that effect on women. No, no. See that narrative. Just extinguish that. That's self-loathing. And it's it's not that makes me feel sorry for you. Not go, oh, that's a fun guy that I want to hang out with. Well, you just you just made a good point. How do I get people to think that rather than think that I'm pathetic? I mean, when when these feelings of inadequacy creep up, can you suggest anything I should do to try to get around? You have to overdo it. I was made fun of my entire life. When I walk into a room, if people are laughing, it doesn't matter if I know them or not. They're my best friends. I will automatically assume they're laughing at me. Yeah, me too.

It has nothing to do with me. You have to like, in those moments, I hold my head up a little bit higher. It's like you're putting on a character. But I also just want, sorry, I want to jump in. I love to interrupt people. I want to jump in because you're saying like, how do I get these people to like me? By applying your thought patterns to the things that you do have. Yes, I'm outgoing. I'm open minded. I'm not judgmental. You know, I'm easygoing. All of those things are great qualities. So amplify them., it's there because you were able to vocalize it. And I think that, again, going back to the physical part, so many women from Chelsea and I's conversation, Chelsea and my conversation, not my conversation, my grammar. Sorry that you had to hear that family. Our conversation. Okay. There you go. Great. Look at you. Look at you. You're great at grammar too. So there you go. Put that in your bonnet and smoke it. But being that outgoing and leveraging those other things that you do have, like the physical part for most women is not at the forefront. Like, yes, there has to be a basis of attraction. But those other things like making someone laugh or giving someone knowledge on something can be equally as attractive in engagement.

Yeah. And like, you got to start believing it. You know, you've got to, whether it's affirmations as like lame as that sounds, you know, think about it. You've got to change the pattern in your brain. You're not high on yourself. You got to be high on yourself. You're alive. You're not dying. You have your whole life ahead of you. So why not get after it? I agree. And that's the reason I wrote in. I want to learn how to seize the day. Well, do you feel like we've given you some ideas that are tangible enough for you to start putting into practice? Yeah. Yeah. Some really good, really good advice. And what about your exercise routine? Because I think that always puts people in a good mood. What I was saying earlier is that no one ever does, makes that change in their life,

starts eating more healthy and starts exercising and feels worse. Like that is a definite recipe for feeling better. Well, I bought a bike and I usually go for an hour long bike ride every day now and I have changed my diet. So I am losing weight. Great. Well, that's awesome. It already sounds like you're on your way. I have faith in you. You just need to hear from a strong woman that you're valuable and you are valuable to the male race and to the human race. That makes all the difference in the world to me, especially coming from you. Yeah. Okay. As long as you're not a sexual assaulter, we've got no problems. No, no, no. Couldn't get laid in a morgue. Okay. Well, we're going to stop that. We're going to stop those jokes. Couldn't get laid in a morgue isn't a funny joke and it's not worth repeating. Okay. Okay. Okay. What, you know what a funny joke would

be is I could get laid in a morgue. No, I've tried. Okay. Well, let's just leave the morgue out of it. But, you know, check back in with us. Okay. In a few months, I'd like to see how your progress is going or write us or whatever. Keep in touch because yeah, you just need a little bit of a pep talk. And if you need another one, we're happy to give it to you. Will do. And I can't thank you enough for your time. It's really appreciated. And I've got a lot of good takeaways from the call.

Great. And don't forget to have sex with your wife consensually. Okay? Oh, okay. Consensually. That will help you feel good too. Will do. Thanks, Amir.

And try and make her feel good while you're at it. Okay. What is next on the docket? Well, I mean, we are covering a lot of bases in this episode. No, we have more. Oh, oh, God. Okay, great. So we better just keep plugging away. Yeah, I feel very motivated right now. Let's just keep it going then. The next caller is Kit from Southern California, age 32, and tech sales, writes, Dear Chelsea, can you speak to your experience with shame? And do you have any

advice for deprogramming it within oneself? Let's have you explain your backstory, Kit. Hi, Kit. Hi. Hi. Thanks. It's nice to meet you both. Nice to meet you. Yeah. My backstory. So I have had a couple, I didn't start dating until I was in my late 20s. And I had a couple of failed relationships and realized that I kind of internalized the responsibility for those failed relationships. And so I started to see a counselor and a therapist who's been really great and it's been really helpful. And as I've been kind of confronting things that have prevented me from self-actualizing, I suppose. I've been realizing how shame has kind of had this deep, insidious hold on my subconscious and has been kind of at the wheel of a lot of my decision

making. And I'm hoping to combat that. I recently was driving and listening to Justin Long's podcast. He was talking to Kristen Bell and she was talking about aging and being okay with aging because, you know, she got to be young and feel confident in a bikini. And I kind of had to pull over and cry because I feel like I'm kind of approaching the sunset of my youth and I've never been comfortable in a swimsuit. And that's like body shame, but there's lots of other shame. And so I'm really in awe of a lot of the choices that you make and the things that you do, because it seems like shame does not play a role in that at all. And I'm hoping to maybe get some guidance from you and kind of deprogramming the shame to live a little bit more carefree. Well, the first thing I noticed is that you said you had a couple

of failed relationships. Like there's no reason to look at any relationship as a failure. That's what relationships are. They're for a period of time. I mean, did you want the first relationship you had to be a success by way of marriage? I mean, then you would have no life experience. So they're not failed. That's the first mistake. You're looking at that as like it's a negative, like the whole purpose of life is to evolve, to have experiences, to become wiser, to become more confident, to become less self-conscious, right? To have less shame. So without plentiful experience, you can't move on and experience the world in that way. You're looking for like a home run in your first relationship. That's not normal.

You shouldn't have those expectations. You have to allow room for things to lead in your view of a success and failure. Like, so we have to get those words things to lead in your view of a success and failure. So we have to get those words out of your vocabulary because some relationships are neither a success nor a failure. I've had, I don't know, a few long-term relationships, and I don't view them as failures. I view them as incredible life experiences. They all gave me something I didn't have before. So that's the first thing. I know shame plays a very big role in a lot of people's lives, especially a lot of gay people's lives.

You're right. I don't have a lot of shame. So it's not like I have a lot to unearth of it. But I have been witness to a lot of it. And it is really about the narrative that you're telling yourself about the way you want your life to go. And you have to be open to not planning, executing and succeeding in every single thing that you think you should do because of what society tells you to do. You have to explore what makes you happy. Like what does make you happy? What are the things that make you happy in a relationship? Like what would make you happy? Do you want to get married

and have kids and have a family? Is that what your goal is? Maybe marriage, maybe some dogs, a lot of plants, probably. So what would a successful relationship look like to you then? I guess one in which there's a lot of challenge for that kind of like mindfulness and intention and growth. I did a meditation this morning and it was with Deepak Chopra's meditation with Oprah. And it said something. He said, every day is part of your path to get where you're going. Like every single day, whether you see it or not, or it feels like, oh, that happened. Why did I have this setback? Nothing is a setback.

Everything is moving you forward. Right. As long as you have the attitude that this is part of your journey. I can't avoid using that word because it's just too, everyone fucking uses it now. I hate it. I hate it so much. It reminds me of the band journey, which I also wasn't a big fan of. But, you know, your journey, it's so important for women, especially to be okay with your current circumstances and to not put all this pressure on yourself about what you think you should be doing.

You have to really find out what brings you joy, what brings you happiness, because there are plenty of things that are going to bring you joy and happiness that you don't even know about yet, because you're 30, right? Like, I didn't find out about my own interests and, like, hobbies until I was older.

I was just sitting there like running that kind of bicycle of life for a long time until I was like 37, 38. I didn't slow down and think, wait, what do I want? What am I looking for? What do I want to get out of life? And it's not saying that you have to wait until you're 38 or 39 to find that out. But you do have to take the pressure off of your shoulders. Like that's no way for you to enjoy life. You can't put all of this pressure on. And that's where I think shame comes

from is when you're not meeting the expectations of what you think people expect from you. Yeah, 100%. I know that you're pretty familiar with the Enneagram. And I'm like a textbook one, the perfectionist. So that, that all makes a lot of sense. Right, right. So there you go. So you're a perfectionist and you, yeah. And you want everything probably wrapped up in a nice little bow. And I would say like, you know, do you have a dog right now? Yeah, I do. Okay. Well that must keep you busy and that makes you happy, right? I know dogs make me so fucking happy. Yeah. Fat dogs. Do you have a fat dog? I do. He's a hundred pound mastiff named Abner and there's just drool everywhere. Everything about that visual is very exciting for me.

Oh yeah. A mastiff named Abner. I love the drooling. I love when dogs are like that, when you get them off a sofa and the whole sofa is just wet because of their big, most people are grossed out by that, but we just get our couches cleaned. So anyway, back to you. The moral of the story is how are we going to diminish her shame, Brandon? What's a good exercise? Well, Kit, I really feel for you because I am a perfectionist in a way that my boyfriend basically says it makes life unenjoyable, that I have a certain expectation of how things should be at all times, which makes me very good at my job, but really miserable in my personal life. So it could be anything. I won't go to an event if I don't look or feel exactly how I thought I should leaving the house. It's overwhelming at times. But what I've realized is that feeling keeps me from doing so much that life has to offer.

And as soon as I started to retrain how I approach situations and not feel a pressure of moving forward, but being present and being mentally engaged with what's going on today, like all I can control is what's going on around me right now. I would think so far ahead of the future and just trying to construct these ideals of what my life should look like or be in that moment. I remember turning 30 and feeling really fucking good about where I was at. I was working for Chelsea. The only person I wanted to work for went from an internship to working for her. I make great money. We own a house. I have a boyfriend, like all these things.

I thought like, I'm in a great place. I literally got out of the shower to go to my birthday dinner and was crying because in the shower, all I could got out of the shower to go to my birthday dinner and was crying because in the shower, all I could think of was how many people had said, like, are you where you thought you would be at 30? Like, oh, you're an assistant right now. Like, you know, it was what other people were putting on me. I'm like, I'm an assistant who makes incredible money and does what I want to do. Like, you're in a miserable job sitting at a desk that you fucking hate. So not you, Kit. He's talking. Yes. In a broader scope. But I started to remind myself that the pressures I was feeling were those being placed on me, not what I actually

was concerned about. And so I guess my suggestion for you was what helped me through this was, I don't know if it's a lifestyle per se or a thought process, but it's called Wabi Sabi. It's a Japanese thing. And it's basically embracing the imperfection and allowing that to be perfect for you. So I literally got it tattooed on me. I never thought that I would get a tattoo. And it's my little daily reminder. And mind you, the tattoo is fucked up. And it's like the universe. It's the universe's way of reminding me when I look down at it, it's all faded, like some of the letters you can't even see. And I'm like, this is exactly what it should have been because I would have gone to get it lasered off like if it wasn't exactly

perfect and it was hand done and very thin print you have to create a new mindset for yourself and basically allowing yourself to feel imperfect and it being okay like I'll look at things now let's be like wabi-sabi that didn't turn out how I wanted it doesn't matter because there's tomorrow like what the fuck does most of this matter that we are so worked up about? It doesn't. Yeah. Getting a mantra in your head or like, do you meditate ever? I have done it a couple of times.

Yeah. My therapist is pretty on board with me doing it more. Yeah. You should do guided meditation. Download like Deepak Chopra's app or Headspace or Calm or any of these apps. Guided meditation that is specific to your perfectionism, right? There are all of those.

And it's about just being in your life. If there's one about shame, like there will be one about shame. There will be one about perfectionism. There'll be, there are all sorts of things. But it's really about accepting your life for what it is in this moment. And if there are changes that need to be made,

knowing that you're capable enough to make them and knowing that that voice in your head is most likely like that little girl version of you that's been taught to be that's kind of stuck in this certain kind of pattern of thinking. And it's almost like, you know, my therapist gave this to me. He's like, my little girl version of me is like nine years old. And when I get scared or I get nervous or I get competitive, it's that nine year old girl thinking, are we going to be OK? Are we going to be OK? And he goes, you need to talk to that little version of you. You need to name her. I'm like little Chelsea. He's like, well, whatever, but name her. And so when those feelings come up that you're not

comfortable with, you know that to soothe her, it's like, no, I'm here now. This is adult me. I've got this under control. This is your life and you're in control. I mean, you've got your shit together enough to be calling in here. I can see you. You have your shit together, you know, so you're not a hot mess. And there's power in that and being able to acknowledge how you're feeling and that, you know, it's not how you want to feel. You can literally pull yourself out of that. And that is power. Knowing that right now I'm feeling shameful. I'm not feeling happy where I want to be in that moment. You have the power to change that. And that is power, knowing that right now I'm feeling shameful. I'm not feeling happy where I want to be. In that moment, you have the power to change that. Say like, oh, I'm going to

acknowledge this, but I'm going to make an adjustment. Like some people never have that sense of self or awareness. And so they just sink. Like you're on the horizon. Like you, there's so much ahead of you because you've been able to acknowledge that you're not where you want to be. But every day you can make the choice to put yourself in a different position. And every day will get easier to not feel that way, to not feel the shame, to not feel the pressure and to embrace where you're at and how you're going to move forward. Are you crying? Yeah.

Why? I'm pretty emotive. I think just naturally. I'm curious if you have experience with like, or advice for how to keep the faith. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. It's a daily practice. You need to write down, there is no shame in my game on your refrigerator, right? You need to write that down so you fucking look at it first thing in the morning and

you're like, and say it out loud. There is no shame in my game. Make it fun. Make it cool. You are going to be fine. The very fact that you're here is proof that it's right. You know, you are unique and you have qualities that nobody else in the world will have. So you have to always celebrate yourself. You have to always say like, oh, look what I did there. Look what I did there, you know, and challenge yourself and be brave when you need to be a little brave so that you can even boost that confidence even more. Because I know when I do something that scares me, I always come out the other side. I'm like, OK, yeah, yeah, you're still brave. Like, that's good. That's good. You're a badass, you know, and that helps me always. I think it's about Chelsea talks about this a lot. It's about

retraining, like flip the script on the story that you're writing for yourself and not allowing it to be like what I don't have from those past relationships that didn't work. Like look what's available to me because they did not work. Like look at how many potential suitors are out there. Like if you're holding onto that baggage, you're not going to be able to pick anything new up. So you have to drop all that shit from the past. You have to let that go. Give yourself the space to allow new things in. It's like a hoarder, like your house is packed. So you're going to allow new things in. It's like a hoarder, like your house is packed. So you're going to start tossing some shit out, cleaning that space and allowing new people to come in to occupy your mind, your heart,

whatever that looks like for you. Because it's not about what you've missed out on. It's about what you have available to you now. Yeah. You're 30 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have your entire life ahead of you. Seriously. Like 30 is nothing. People are by the time you're 70, people are going to be living to their 150. So with science, overwhelming in certain moments. And I had a list wrote in my notes of everything I hated about myself. And just to like physically see it written down, like, do you realize like someone would kill to have any aspect of what you have? Like you're offering things that you don't even know that you embody or that you have to offer. And so as soon as you start thinking about what makes you different, it will help you think why you have value. Not what you don't have, what you do have. Yeah. What are some of the things that you like about yourself?

Like what's your favorite thing about yourself? I'm a pretty solid shit talker. That's fun. That's the best. You know what that means? That means you're good at happy hour. And who doesn't love that? Oh, I don't drink.

Well, you can eat. There's happy hour food, which is basically what gets me there in the first place. I mean, do you feel like any of this advice has been helpful to you? I do. And I think that using that hoarder analogy was really helpful. This has been one of the hardest things is when we've had women calling in. I have all sisters. So I just feel such sorrow for the way that we have conditioned women to believe like how their life should look. And you can cast a fucking really wide net. And if one day doesn't work out, there's always another guy. It's not like these five are all that's available to you.

Like you are a beautiful woman. You have great hair. You have a beautiful smile. Like there again, you have to look at the things that you do have. I'm sure you see yourself differently in a mirror. And I hate to make it physical, but I'm looking at you. So this one that did not work, there is always another one. And it's not about men. It's about jobs. It's about opportunities. It's about friends. Like you can't hold on to the things that did not work. Right. Right. And stop saying failures. Nothing's a failure. You know, who cares? It's a redirection. It's like, thank God that's over. Next, next, next. You know, everything is a stepping stone to get where you're going. And you have to have faith in that. And you have to. And I think meditation would help you just to be in the present moment.

You know, it helps you to kind of get that noise out of your head and get that kind of negative thinking out of your head. So you might want to try one of those and try and do it for like 10 days, make a commitment and see how you feel at the end of 10 days and go, huh, my therapist made me commit to meditating for three months, every single day for three months. And it, I saw the difference right away in my pattern of thinking. So I'm not easily influenced. So I think that it will help you and going to counseling is going to be helping you. And yeah, I think you just needed a pep talk. Probably. Thank you. And thank you for an action item. That's helpful to you as a perfectionist. Yeah, right. Right. You'll love to put that in place with a little calendar and some check marks,

I'm sure. And go write that message. No shame in my game on your fridge. I'm going to. I'm going to request a really bad tattoo of it also now. Perfect. We'll match. Thank you so much, Kit. Keep us posted. Let us know how it's going. I will.

Thank you very much. Why don't you give us a 10-day check-in on your meditation? Okay. I can do that. Thank you for keeping me accountable. Yeah. Well, we'll be checking in. So if we don't hear from you, you'll hear from us.

So you better do it. Okay, good. Bye, Kit. Thank you. Thanks. Well, us. So you better do it. Bye, Kit. Thank you. Thanks. Well, we have a very special guest today. His name is Deepak Chopra, and he is going to talk to us about meditation, about his own probably personal experience. I do his meditation app all the time.

He has a new one with Alicia Keys called Activating the Divine Feminine, The Path to Wholeness. I feel very whole as a woman. Do you feel whole as a gay male? Well, I feel like this is going to be the perfect meditation for me because I think it's going to cover a lot of bases. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. It's like all, yes, it's intersectional. Well, as it should be. I did one yesterday and I did another this morning to familiarize myself. But I listen to Deepak almost daily when I meditate. Do you feel less masculine now?

Do I feel less masculine? Well, right now my breasts are the size of cantaloupes and they are erect. Like when I got out of the shower, they almost hit me in the chin because when I get my period, they turn into water balloons. So do I feel less masculine today? I feel very feminine because of those two basketballs. But when they deflate, I will go back to my more masculine form. Well, then you'll have what, 19 or 20 days left of the challenge. So that'll be perfect through my cycle. Feels like we talk about my period a lot on this podcast, but. I keep it on my calendar just to know what's coming. Well, you know what, Brandon, when you were in Hawaii, I got my period and I had no idea

it was coming. That must have been very shocking for you. It was shocking. I was like, what? What is this? Especially, you know, how forward leaning I am towards wrapping this little area up. Yeah, you're ready to. I am pro men this little area. Yeah, you're ready. I am pro menopause all the way. Bring it on, please. Periods are for the birds.

Such a pain in the ass to be a woman. Such a pain in the ass. Well, this seems like the perfect time to bring on Deepak Chopra. Exactly. Hi, Deepak. Hi. How are you? I'm good. Sorry for being a little late here. Were you meditating? I like the bling all over your glasses.

Cute look. Oh, yeah. That's like ancient now, 35 years. 35 years you've had those glasses? Yeah. They're fake, just like everything else about me. Right, right. Of course.

We were very excited because I do your meditations all the time. And meditation for me has become a great tool in my life to get my day off on the right foot, to calm myself down, you know, all the good things that come from meditation. And I was hoping maybe that you could give us a personal story about either you or someone that you've worked with that had a huge transformation with meditation, somebody whose life changed for the better, obviously. Okay, so the year is 1980, and the date is October 1. And I am a resident in medicine in a teaching hospital in Boston, Harvard University Associated Medical School. And I've just resuscitated a patient who had a heart attack and put him on a ventilator and put a pacemaker and then walked outside the hospital

to smoke a cigarette. And there's a moment there where I asked myself, what am I doing? At that time, I had 30 patients outpatient, 30 patients inpatient, 15 patients in the ICU, and totally burnt out. And that moment was, what am I doing? I'm trying to help my patients and I'm burnt out. So I threw away my cigarette at that moment. And those days I was also every weekend, on Fridays, if I was not on call, I was getting smashed with alcohol. So that was one moment where everything shifted. And I took up meditation very seriously.

Now, I'd grown up in India, where it was a tradition. But when you go to medical school, and you go through all the internship and residency and all the crisis, I was very poorly paid. I was making $200 a month in 1970s, moonlighting in an emergency room after working in the hospital, going without sleep for days on end. And then I started meditation. And then, you know, that led me into what we today call mind-body medicine. That led me into what today we call integrative medicine and ultimately led me to spirituality. So that's my journey. Wow.

Wow. That's a great story. I didn't know that about you. I've read many of your books, but I didn't know that personal story about you. That's probably something so many people can relate to. I certainly can. Being in that position under so much pressure and then not ever, ever allowing yourself the rest to be practicing it in a mindful way, right? Or in a more mindful way. A question I have for you is, by the way, I did your new Alicia Keys meditation about the feminine. Yeah, yeah, I loved it. Very spiritual. Yeah,

I did it yesterday and this morning. I love your 21 day challenges with Oprah. I do them all the time. How to get unstuck. I did that. So I love I love listening to your voice. It's so helpful for people who don't think that they know how to meditate to do a guided meditation. It kind of takes the thinking out of it for you. So it's really good for anyone listening to download that app and find a series that applies to you or something that strikes your fancy. And they can download the Chopra app on iPhone or Android and they can register online through the website as well. Talk to us a little bit about the things that I hear all the time, and I'm not a medical doctor, even though I pretend to be. The things I hear all the time

are people asking, when are you doing it right? When are you meditating right? And how do you get yourself to stop thinking? What do you have to say to that? So Chelsea, it's the wrong question. If you're doing it, then you're doing it right, period. And how do you stop thinking? That's a thought. So to stop thinking is also a thought, you know.

So you don't try to stop thinking because when you try to stop thinking you have more thoughts. And all you do is follow the process. And whatever happens is appropriate for you at that moment. So some people say, I fall asleep. Well, that's means they need more sleep. Some people say I get lots of thoughts and lots of stress, actually, all these demons start coming out. Well, they're releasing stress. In fact, thoughts are a release of stress. Think of meditation as having an upward stroke and a downward stroke. So the downward stroke is the practice of meditation, whether it's a mantra meditation or it's reflection or mindfulness,

whatever. That's the downward stroke. The upward stroke is thought. So you have both. You can't have one without the other. It's like a wave that rises and then it subsides. And in between the rising and the subsiding of the wave is a little bit of flat line. That flat line is when you're in touch with your spirit. And you don't even know it because when you're in touch with your spirit, time flies. And that's the only sign that there was no time. You say, I wonder where I went.

You know, it's like, and then there's an aha experience. And as you ground yourself in the experience, it becomes very delightful and very joyous. So that's the spiritual component of meditation. But there's a biological component. The biological component is your mind starts to settle, and then your body starts to settle, and then goes into what we call homeostasis or self-regulation. Inflammatory markers come down. Now recently we published a lot of research that has been replicated by others, but our research originally through our foundation was with Harvard and UCSD with a Nobel laureate

from UCSF, Elizabeth Blackburn, who discovered the enzyme telomerase, which is the anti-aging enzyme at the level of our genes. What we found is all the genes that cause self-regulation or homeostasis or healing, they went up some 17-fold. All the genes associated with chronic illness and inflammation went down, and the level of the enzyme telomerase went up 40%. Elizabeth Blackbird, who won the Nobel Prize for discovering the enzyme, she was shocked. She actually published a book after that called The Telomere Effect. Now similar studies have been replicated by others.

So meditation has very profound biological consequences, but then also creates emotional resilience, emotional flexibility, more empathy, more compassion, more joy, more peace. So the benefits are biological, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Yeah, that's helpful for people to know because I always tell people it doesn't matter if you're doing it right. It matters that you're setting aside the time to give to yourself. And when it clicks, it will click, but it may not click each time, right? And when it does, and all of a sudden the little bell goes off and you've forgotten that you're even meditating is when you feel, I've done it, I did it. So tell us about this new exciting partnership you have with MindMed about psychedelics.

This is so exciting. Okay, so MindMed came about because I was looking of a way to de-stigmatize both mental illness and psychedelics. There's a lot of literature on psychedelics also creating a decreased activity in a part of our brain that's called the default mode network. So you might want to read about it. It's on the internet, but also Michael Pollan's recent book talks about it and many scientists talk about it. So this is a part of our brain, which is the

neural correlate of our ego drive. So when we are very aggressive, very predatory, very hostile, the default mode network gets activated. When you meditate, it goes down. But when you take psychedelics, it also goes down. It cools down, which means your ego goes down. But when you take psychedelics, it also goes down, it cools down, which means your ego goes down, you have access to a broader awareness, which spiritual people call the spiritual domain. We don't have to call that, it's expanded awareness. And when there's expanded awareness, there's also self-regulation also, because you're not editing information out based on your habitual patterns of behavior and belief. So when I saw MindMed is engaged in both increasing the awareness and education on the research

on both mental depression, the stigma around mental disease, and the stigma around psychedelics, I thought this was a good opportunity to partner with them. It's not about selling recreational drugs or anything like that. It's about bringing awareness, education, and research to remove the stigma and then go the FDA route to get approval for psychedelics for assisted therapy in not only depression and suicidal tendencies, but also in chronic illness. Only 5% of disease-related gene mutations are fully penetrant, which means there's 5% of genetic errors that guarantee the disease. You know, Angelina Jolie is the example I cite. She had the Baraka gene that predicts breast cancer. So she had to have a preventive mastectomy.

For that now, there are new techniques that are being developed like CRISPR and gene editing. So I think in a few years, you'll be able to cut and paste genes the same way you cut and paste your email. You'll be able to read the barcode of a gene, delete the defective gene, insert the healthy gene, and voila, the disease is cured. But that applies only to 5% of people, whether it's cancer or chronic illness or heart disease or diabetes, less than 5% are genetically determined completely. So when you actually introduce things like good sleep, stress management, movement, yoga, breathing, emotional intelligence, nutrition, restoring biological rhythms, spiritual practice, and then you add in selective cases, psychedelic therapy, that's a pretty good promise for the future of well-being. And that's why we partnered with ByteMed.

Okay. And what's your experience with psychedelics? I had my first experience when I was 17 years old in medical school. And I was in India at that time. And we had some students from Harvard who had some LSD with them. And so one day they invited us, the Indians, to join them. And it was a very interesting experience because, you know, I remember still, I was looking at a poster of Mother Teresa and she was hugging and licking the wounds of children with leprosy. And we were told that when she did that, people got healed. I mean, that was the gossip on the street. But I had immense feeling of compassion. I mean, I sat there for the entire session, just feeling the deep, deep longing to alleviate suffering in the world. And that was my first experience. And then

thereafter, actually, I had a few other experiences while in medical school, then I didn't think about it at all. But recently, I've been assisting with the people who are experts, you know, people at NYU and other experts. I've been assisting people go through the last phases of their life and their terminal, and they're confronting death. And so far, my experience, I'm not taking the stuff myself. I'm just sitting there during assisted therapy. And I've been amazed at how people lose their fear of death, how they feel at peace, and how they become so calm that they lose their pain, they lose their suffering. So that's been a very interesting recent insight for me. But if you look at the literature of pain management, treatment of addictions, treatment of severe anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, PTSD, all the evidence is coming out right

now. Yeah, I've read a lot of that stuff. And I read Michael Pollan's book. And I, yeah, I go to this conference annually called the wisdom 2.0 conference where there's a lot of neuroscientists, doctors, therapists, you know, psychiatrists of that sort talking about the benefits. And there was some crazy statistic about something like 78% of people suffered from PTSD after taking micro doses guided of LSD that like 75% of them after one year were cured of their PTSD. Yeah, a lot of that research is on veterans and you know, people who are suffered PTSD because of the trauma of war. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is all

awesome information. Thank you so much for calling in. I was very excited to talk to you. I hope to talk to you some more in the future. And I just want to personally thank you for your meditations. They've really helped me. Your voice really is soothing and wonderful to listen to first thing in the morning. Thank you, Chelsea. Delighted. And I don't like men. I don't like men first thing in the morning. So that's a that's a big compliment. Thank you. Thank you, Deepak. Sweetheart's a that's a big compliment. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Deepak. Sweetheart, we didn't get you to say anything. I just wanted to hear your experience with meditation, and you have done it for years now.

And then to hear someone who is so enlightened, I can't imagine it must be a burden, honestly, to have that level of responsibility. I mean, he's kind of the face of meditation. Well, there are a couple of faces. Yeah, he is definitely one of the biggest ones. You know, Eckhart Tolle is another one who I think is incredible to listen to. They both put it in a scientific way. And when you hear about the body and the mind getting on board with, you know, like so even the practice of meditation helps your body physically calm down is a big thing. Something that he said, which is always important to remind everybody of, is that when you are acting in anger or frustration at any time,

that is operating out of ego. Anytime you're angry or yelling, it's your ego because there's no reason to yell unless you're in a war. I found that very interesting as well. His reference to the ego and how it really affects your intake of the things around you, because when it's filtered through that very personal lens, like you don't have awareness to your surroundings. Right. And it's like if you're driving in traffic, you know, I have friends who have like severe road rage. If you're driving in traffic and you're getting that upset during traffic, like that's not normal either. That's operating out of ego. Like that, even though it doesn't feel like it is, your anger towards other drivers is almost like they're taking something away from you. And it's really not personal. I think everyone has had that or

experienced it to some degree where you're trying to merge onto a lane and people are taking it personal. Like, sir, I have to get over. this lane ends. It's not about you. I'm not trying to take anything from you or to prove a point to you, but they take it as like the cause they're going to take up. Or also like somebody beeps at you or yells at you through the window and you react like, no, fuck you, asshole. It's like, no, no, that's that's your ego. If somebody is an asshole to you out of nowhere or beeps at you, it's like there's no reason to react that way. The response is, oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't see you. Or, oh, that person's having a really bad day. Like, you know, don't be a cunt. Don't give them the finger. Don't be a bitch. And don't yell at strangers in traffic is the bottom line. That's the moral of this episode is please stop yelling at people in public.

I don't know who I'm talking to. Everyone. I've stopped doing who I'm talking to. Everyone. I've stopped doing it. So if I could stop doing it, almost anybody can stop doing it because I think I am the prime example of somebody that is not easily susceptible to changing their patterns of behavior. So anybody who thinks that they can't do something, please use me as your bounce house. I was going to say something about your breasts, but we talked about this. I'm trying to rein it in. We can't have any more comments about my breasts, I don't think, unless I'm talking about them. One other thing

I did want to add on that we didn't get to during discussion is that Deepak also has an organization called Never Alone, which focuses on mental health and suicide prevention. So anyone who needs any sort of assistance or you know someone who might need some assistance, please go check out Never Alone. It's curated information

available 24 hours a day. Also, let me just go over the meditations that I've been doing on his app for people so that they have a reference point if you're kind of looking. There's one called Journey to You, which is really good. It's like it's just about talking about how to meditate. It kind of gives you there's an emotional SOS. There's a mental revival. There's a balanced body, spiritual activation, which is a good intro. Like I've done all these courses and the ones with Oprah are really good, too, because her voice is also also like silk and it's also 21 days because that's how long they say it takes to make or break a habit so really i thought it was three three days well three days of a consistent habit usually sets the

tone but yeah 21 i don't know i looked that up at one point because i was like why 21 days seems like a strange number and 28 days is a cycle, a menstrual cycle. A menstrual cycle? Yeah. And it takes nine months to make a baby. It's also a movie starring Sandy Bullock. I think she goes to rehab in that movie.

In 28 days. 28 days? Yes, that is a Sandy Bullock movie. Go watch it. I love stories about rehab. I love movies about rehab, too. Anyway, yeah, go rent that movie.

Go rent that movie. Like, people, what fucking century are you living in? Go to yeah, go rent that movie. Go rent that movie. Like, people, what fucking century are you living in? Go to Cockbuster and rent that movie. Okay, well, it sounds like it's time to take a quick break, and I just can't wait to get back to you. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all baffling questions like... We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer and you never know

who's going to drop by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to really no really sir bless you all hello newman and you never know when howie mandel might just stop by to talk about judging really that's the opening really no really yeah no really go to really no really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really?

And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I remember growing up and just looking at my parents and thinking, they do have their shit together and childhood is going to be a waste of my time. And I was not interested in being a child. I thought other children were also annoying. And I just wanted to sprout up and get my own apartment. All I could think about was getting my own place from the time I was like three. I like to think of child Chelsea in her own apartment, just running that ship.

Smoking cigarettes. You know what I mean? Yeah. TV dinners on like a TV dinner tray as you watch the nightly news. My feet up and I'm on like a Barka lounger. Yeah. Yeah. That makes the most sense. That was exactly why I probably didn't feel right when I was born. I was like, something is off with this scenario. Like it just doesn't seem right. Like it didn't feel right when I was born. I was like, something is off with this scenario. Like, it just doesn't seem right. Like, it didn't seem like it felt like we were trying to fit a triangle into a round hole. And the round hole being my family, me being the triangle in case

you weren't able to follow that. I'm not good with shapes. Okay. I don't know if you remember Nicole Tran. She was the woman that we spoke with who lived in the college town and was basically just surrounded by douchey guys. And your advice was to reapply that energy into herself. Well, she wrote in to do a follow up and she says she's pregnant. Oh, my God. What sad news. Well, it could be happy for her. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've taken your advice and I've been focusing on myself. I feel so much better not having to worry about anyone but me. Nicole Tran, short and sweet. Oh, wow. Look at that. But great. I think that's a wise piece of advice for everyone. If you feel like you're watering a dead plant, whether that be dating or friendship, like reapply that. Take time for yourself. Do things for yourself. You're never going to lose when you do that. Right. Just don't become a narcissist. Well, that too.

OK, well, I think the moral of the story here is that meditation is helpful for many different things, many different struggles that you might be experiencing in your life. It's not going to hurt you. No one's ever meditated and been like, oh, well, that fucking ruined my life. It's just like therapy. You know, nobody ever comes out of therapy and was like, oh, my life is ruined. That therapist ruined my life. I mean, there are bad therapists, but obviously you have to find somebody that understands you and is coming from a good place, which shouldn't be too hard because they have to get a degree to do it. But I do understand chemistry is a thing for a lot of people. And I know a lot of people go to a therapist or they go to two therapists and they give up because there's not the right match. Well, like Deepak said, there is no bad meditation.

You can't be doing it wrong. And any meditation is a good meditation because you're doing it. So that's a great starting place for people. Yeah, agreed. And, of course, you can always email your issues, your questions, your thoughts to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Again, DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Problem solved. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door

doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world.

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