Dear Chelsea - Minisode: A Magic Sprinkle with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

On today’s episode of Couples Counseling with Chelsea, a husband and wife call in to deal with a passive aggressive sister-in-law. * Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

45 years ago, a Virginia soul band called the Edge of Daybreak recorded their debut album Behind Bars. Record collectors consider it a masterpiece. The band's surviving members are long out of prison, but they say they have some unfinished business. The Edge of Daybreak, Eyes of Love, was supposed to have been followed up by another app. Listen to Soul Incarcerated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Love at first swipe? I highly doubt it.

Reality TV and social media have love all wrong. So what really makes relationships last? On this episode of Dope Labs, poet and relationship expert, Young Pueblo breaks down the psychology of love and provides eye-opening insights and advice we all need. It's a big realization moment that you should not be postponing your happiness. Like, your greatest happiness is not necessarily going to, like, come from a relationship. Your partner, they should add to your happiness, but your happiness is really coming from within you.

Listen to Dope Labs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The legendary escapologist Harry Houdini was obsessed with the afterlife. I see a little boy. He is in a happy place. Join me, Tim Harford, for a cautionary tales trilogy on the world's most famous magician and his campaign to ban mediums, a mission that would cost him friends and leave him fearing for his life. They're going to kill me. Listen to cautionary tales on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Couples Counseling with Chelsea Handjob, where we do couples counseling on

all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families. Welcome to my office. Okay. Hi. Hi, Catherine. We are doing welcome to our mini-sode. Hello, Chelsea. You know, I like everything nugget sized. You do indeed. Chelsea, should we just jump right into it? Of course. I have a couple of fun emails today. One follow-up and one just that I got that I thought was good to share.

Gretchen says, Hi Chelsea, I loved your new book. So fun and entertaining. Sometimes audio book narration cannot do justice to its content, but I must say you nailed it. Congratulations Gretchen. That's so nice. Yeah. And that's a good reminder too.

Like I feel like with personal stories and especially for comedians, like always go audiobook, you know? Yeah, I got a couple notes that I talk too fast on this audible. Most of the notes say that people love it and da da da, and it's also on all the lists, so thank you for that. All the bestselling lists, audio lists. But I do want to say that's how I fucking talk. So like, I'm sorry that I talk fast, but if I were talking slowly, that wouldn't

really be authentically who I am. And also guess what? People can play it on 0.75. So that's up to them. Oh, they can slow it down. Yeah. Yeah. So if you think I talk too fast, welcome to my world.

It's called, I'll have what she's having in case you haven't heard. Yes. And then our next follow-up comes from Aspen. She had called in, she was a hairdresser who called in on our low Bos Bosworth episode. She was in a career funk and so she let us know I've actually been meaning to follow up with y'all. It was kind of crazy actually. I had been in that career slum for about a year when I emailed in. I really love where I work but I needed a new challenge. Lowe and Chelsea really encouraged me to just settle in and enjoy my success and I did just that for a few weeks

I shit you not a few weeks after the chat the women who owned my salon Offered me a 20% ownership of the company with a whole new set of responsibilities I'll profit share with the rest of the ownership team as well So it's safe to say my question was answered and the universe worked its magic and now my next 10 years are fully planned and booked. Thanks again, Aspen. Look at that and see if she had left, she would have never gotten that. Exactly.

Wow, and that's not usual that I tell people to sit where they are and enjoy it. Right. Usually I'm like, get the fuck out of there. No, but it's like sometimes there's a little magic in the air happening on this show. I do think so. Sometimes there's just magic in the air happening.

So you got to really fucking look at it. Look up. Don't miss the rainbows, people. Well, our question today for our mini-sode comes from Gemma and Cameron. They're a husband and wife. Oh, good. I love couples. Yes. Gemma writes, Dear Chelsea, my relationship with my sister-in-law has always been complicated. For context, we're both in our early 30s and my husband is in his late 30s.

Before we met, she said I wasn't pretty enough for her brother. When we met, she acted like she liked me and then went back to not liking me. I asked her if I had done anything wrong and she said she was just protective of her brother and apologized. That was 10 years ago. Since then, we've gone back and forth between having a good relationship and not speaking at all. Sometimes she's cool and fun to be around,

and sometimes she's passive aggressive, moody, and self-centered. I've tried to do everything right, but I've always had to walk on eggshells with her. Last year, when we both got pregnant at the same time, she started reaching out to me regularly, and we finally had a great relationship for the first time. I was so excited that we were on good terms and our babies could grow up together.

We hung out multiple times, and I thought her issues with me were finally in the past. Then we spent a weekend with my husband's family, and things went south again. She told my husband that everyone in her family doesn't like me or how I treat him. I admit I can have an attitude, but nothing crazy. Nevertheless, I texted her a long apology and assured her it wouldn't happen again. She was understanding and seemed to forgive me. But since then her passive aggressive behavior has made it obvious that she didn't forgive me. My husband had a serious conversation with her about it and she admitted that she just doesn't

like me and never has. I feel like she's been waiting for 10 years for me to do something wrong and I finally did and she's never going to let it go. Where do I go from here? What would Chelsea do? Hi Gemma and Cameron. Hi. Okay, so Gemma, what was the last infraction that you apologized for? Where she kind of got what she was looking for from your version of things? So I didn't even know that I had done anything wrong. This was news to me. But I'm a very straightforward and blunt person and if my husband is

irritating me I'm gonna tell him that he's irritating me. And so it was I feel like a situation like that but it was just in front of her and I had a little bit of an attitude with him and she didn't like it. And so I apologized. I was like, you're right. Like, if I made you uncomfortable, I'm very sorry. Like, I did not mean to speak badly to my husband. I'll try to be more aware of what I'm doing and saying kind of thing. And I thought that everything was good after that. Yeah, right. Well, it sounds like this has been like an ongoing thing, right?

So she's touch and go, hot and cold. And And then so Cameron, what was your conversation with her after that? After that, it was my sister. Well, my mom brought it to my attention first. And then, you know, in what way? She was just like, you know, your sister is really uncomfortable with basically how he retreated that weekend. She tends to blow everything up like way out of proportion. Like I didn't even think it was, I didn't realize there was a problem to be honest with you. Nothing offended me. So I don't know why she was so offended. She tends to be a

little bit overprotective of me. Just given how we grew up, you know, our, my mom was a flight attendant and there was, it was really just her and I around a lot. So she's pretty protective, but it goes too far oftentimes. And so it does get frustrating and I've had serious conversations with her about it, but she seems just unwilling to change. And so it's making it hard to have a relationship and I get caught in the middle because I wanna have a relationship with her

and we want our daughters to have a relationship. But when she's not willing to forgive or makes all these passive aggressive comments constantly, it just makes it really hard. And she told you in this last conversation that her your whole family doesn't like Gemma. Yeah, which is not true. It's just her trying to be hurtful. Of course.

It sounds very immature, like somebody who's very I mean, it sounds like first of all, it's her problem. A, how old are your kids now? They're toddlers. I mean, it sounds like, first of all, it's her problem, A. How old are your kids now? They're toddlers. Okay. And do they have a relationship with each other? Your kids and your sister's kids?

I mean, not at the moment. Cause we don't see them. We're not gonna make an effort to visit them. Okay. And what's the, her sister, what's your sister's husband's situation? Does he just fall in line with what she thinks or what's that?

Yeah, he stays out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney, and my dear friend, Joe Locke from Heartstopper and Agatha All Along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun. I like a man.

You like a man. What do I like, Joe? You like a man, too. We often... There's quite a similar... There's some cross-pollination happening in here. Not like... No! No.

No. Not yet. Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls, gaysays and theys to join me on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world and what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan Hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen

to your podcasts. Love ya! Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith. And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, dickless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless, Dickless Me. I'm the old one.

I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.

It's a work in progress. Listen to Beardless, Dickless Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever. You get your podcast. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend.

And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Hmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out of his element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived investigative hookups.

Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my brah. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at soundedouttogether.org. That's soundedouttogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. Well, I think it's kind of gonna require a little bit of you guys being tough, you specifically, Cameron, because of your relationship with your sister. You really have to kind of put your foot down

and like lay it out like, okay, I'm not leaving my wife. This is my family. We have a child. So this is the way it's going to be. If you don't wanna be in our lives, then that's something that we're gonna have to have a child. So this is the way it's going to be. If you don't want to be in our lives, then that's something that we're going to have to have a conversation about because I'm not leaving my wife. I don't want to have to choose between my sister and my wife. And I don't think you want me to have to choose between my sister and my wife either.

So this seems more like a you problem. Gemma doesn't have an issue with you. She has been trying for, did you say 10 years? Yeah, 10 years on and off, going in and out of this relationship, kind of basically being manipulated by this woman. When she feels friendly, she's friendly, and when she doesn't, she's not.

Like, it's not fair to you either, Gemma, at all. And you telling your husband that he's irritating you is very healthy, in my opinion, regardless of who it's in front of like that is very healthy, rather than being passive aggressive, you know what I mean? That's a very direct you're annoying me, please stop. So I think that it's a matter and I don't think you should double team her in that sense.

Like I think Gemma, you should just stay out of it. You've tried hard enough. You have to kind of let her do her thing. And you're not going to ingratiate yourself towards her anymore. You've tried hard enough. You have to kind of let her do her thing and you're not going to Ingratiate yourself towards her anymore. You've done it. You've done it. You've done it You've done it and now she wants to come back and say everyone in my family doesn't like you So that's her strikeout. She has struck out with you guys as a couple So I think Cameron it's really up to you to be like listen, I've done a lot of soul-searching

I've thought about this a lot. I've talked, you know, if you guys want to talk to a professional therapist about it, you can, but I would intimate that you have spoken to like an outside party about it and be like, this is just so immature. We don't want to deal with this anymore. We're trying to have a beautiful life and we want you to be a part of that life.

But if you're going to tell me you don't like my wife and that you can't make efforts, then I don't know where we go from here. You know, you kind of have to lay it on the line that like she might lose you as a brother, whether you mean it or not. Like it is kind of something you have to think about because, and you both have young children that could be like spending time together and hanging out together and developing their cousinly bond. She's missing out on all of these opportunities by holding onto something from 10 years ago or however long she doesn't like you.

It's just, it's not relevant. Right. You know? Thank you for validating that because that's where I've been at for a long time where I'm like, I just feel like I'm done. Like there's nothing else that I can say or do. And I haven't wanted to put him in the middle of it. But I also feel like that's really the only solution at this point. And I also just wonder like, what am I supposed to do after

the fact? You know what I mean? Like, how am I supposed to be into the same spaces with this person? Am I supposed to just keep eating shit and be friendly and pretend everything's all good? Or should I just ignore? Like, I just don't know. Because I know myself and I'm just like, I'm a girl's girl. Like, once we're sitting around drinking wine together,

I'm gonna pretend that it all never happened and just be cool about it again, because I don't want to deal with drama. Like I don't care about that. So I feel like I never know how to address it because it's hard to address a passive aggressive person in the first place. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because it's dishonest. No, I can't have an honest conversation about it. And I think that's where I just have to do it. Yeah. We've had this before with different callers where most of the time, if it is your family

member that's kind of acting up toward your partner, it is sort of like your role to go in. You understand the family dynamic better because you grew up in it. And like you, your family member will forgive a multitude of quote unquote sins, whereas they might not for your partner, you know? So yeah, I do think when that next conversation happens, it's on you.

And I think like Chelsea was saying, it's very immature, right? It's like, I feel like your sister's in timeout right now. Treat her like the toddler she's acting like. And then when it's time to maybe come out of timeout You can have that conversation we want you in our life But the boundary is you're not allowed to say mean shit to my wife You're not allowed to say mean shit or and be passive aggressive to my wife. This is the partner I've chosen This is my wife. We're not getting a divorce. I have a child with her. We are a family

Do you want to be part of that or do you not want to be part of that? This is a choice on you you get to decide you're that or do you not want to be part of that? This is a choice on you. You get to decide. You're not saying, you're not excommunicating her. You're telling her to make the decision. And when she does make the decision, these are the boundaries that are now in place because of her ongoing 10 year behavior. So it's now pathological. She's done this over and over again.

And because she's a baby and you can have this in a conversation, you could say it in an email, you know, you don't have to do it immediately, but you do have to stand up for Gemma. And in a way, that's like not threatening, but like we're just not interested in communicating like this anymore and dealing with this. Well, you don't want to have every family gathering, Gemma leaving and wondering what she did wrong

or having to apologize for something. I'm fine with the way she treats me. I love her. I appreciate her directness. I don't see it the way that you see it. I don't feel like I'm being abused in my marriage. You know, all of those things. Like, it's just silly.

Like, what's her end game here? To get you guys to get divorced? I don't know. I honestly don't know. You know, you should ask her that. Yeah, but you should ask her that, Cameron. You should go, I'm sorry, what are you trying to do? Do you think you're gonna get me to get divorced?

That's not gonna happen. So there's either you can move in to accept it. Maybe she should talk to someone. I mean, that usually sounds a little bit patronizing when you tell someone to talk to someone. But I think you can say that all without being patronizing, just like we've kind of had enough. And I also think it wouldn't be wrong

to share it with your family. This is how we're feeling. And it doesn't feel good when we leave a family gathering. It doesn't feel good. Like we're, you know, and reminding them of your togetherness so that they realize and then they can talk amongst each other and be like, okay, we're just gonna have to do better.

You know, hopefully is the outcome. And I think with your parents influence, if they're kind of normal, are your parents pretty even keeled? Are they cool? Are they going to side with her? Like, is that what the vibe is? Well, my mom probably will, but I mean, she also listens to me. So if I bring it to her attention in a non-emotional manner, I think that she'll actually hear what I'm saying. Yeah. And I think maybe it's an email that you, or a conversation that you have with your mom

and your sister so that they have some, that they can have a conversation about it after and where they could come to an agreement. You're not making my life easier, you're making my life harder. Is that what you want? Like you're making my life more difficult because now I have to think about,

do I want to see you guys? Like, this is not fun. You guys are steering me away from you. You know what I mean? Don't put any of the blame on her. Put the blame on the people that are acting that way towards her. Like, it's not their job to decide whether or not you're being respected in your relationship. You're not being abused. You're not in danger. Your child is not in danger. Someone's saying that you're annoying or the way they... Get over it, I'm with her.

It's not a problem. Yeah, it's not a problem for you, so why is it a problem for them? And lay it down so that they feel like they have to make a decision about this and come together and end it in love. I really love you guys, I really hope that this conversation will change the dynamic between us.

And you can reiterate, she's just like, take it or leave it. She's like, I can see your family or not. So you're like, it's you that has the problem with it so that they can't pin anything more on her. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think that's great advice. Make him do all the work. Yeah. Well, I mean, I have a situation like this with my family, my sister in law. She's not passive aggressive, but she's annoying.

She's not passive aggressive, but her belief system is not like my own. And I've come to the end of my rope. I have extended my generosity. I have done everything that I could to be a good sister-in-law and I'm wrapped, I'm done. So like I can relate to the situation. It's completely different circumstances,

but yeah, it's not your problem. It's not your family. You know what I mean? I yeah, it's not your problem, it's not your family. You know what I mean? I mean, it is your family, but it's not your family. You married into this family, you don't deserve to be treated that way, especially when you love your husband. And especially when you are the chill girl who's like, I'll just get over it.

You know what I mean? Yes, exactly. Like you can take this and move on. You don't need to come to Jesus with them, just act normal and be normal and consistent. Like not hot and cold It's not fair. That's abusive being hot and cold is manipulative and abusive Yeah, so what do you do Chelsea when you're around your sister-in-law now?

Cuz I ignore you ignore you ignore her you don't have to do anything. You don't have to play nice You just she's in a room and you guys are all in a conversation, that's great, but you don't have to engage with her one on one, you don't have to do anything, don't go out of your way, you're done doing that. If she wants to come to you and actually make moves to be friendly and do, then great, reciprocate, but don't bend over backwards for her anymore. That's what she wants. And she knows she's got the upper hand because she's the sister.

Agreed. So let her be whatever she wants to be. You don't have to be involved with her anymore until she comes around and has a more sensible intention with you and actually a sincere one. Anyone who gets offended by people who are direct, they're not direct. It's just, that's not a threat, that's actually a shortcut. You know what I mean?

Being direct is a real shortcut in life. So anyone who's threatened by that is like, okay, then you've got your own problems. Yeah. I mean, I've always told myself that, that I'm like, this is her own issue. It's not me. It's just a reflection of all of that. My problem is that, like I said in the letter, when she's being cool, she is really cool. But then stuff like this happens and I'm like, were you just being

fake that whole time? So you're saying like, if she's coming and being sincere, I'm like, I don't know how to know when it's... But now you know, now you've had 10 years of data to explain so that even when she comes around and she is nice, you just stay five feet back. You don't have to be mean. Yeah, okay, that's great. And just see how consistent she can be in that. And then when she's earned your trust again, and she's earned your respect, then I hope you guys do have a great relationship and your kids grow up together. But she's got the work to do, not you. Your husband is willing to come on here

and sit here with you and be told that it's his problem now. So, I mean, that's a sign of a strong marriage. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I like to hear. Yeah, that's a good husband. Mm-hmm, he is. Will you guys follow up with us whenever the next sort of iteration of this I like to hear. Yeah, that's a good husband. Mm-hmm. He is. Will you guys follow up with us whenever the next iteration of this comes to fruition?

Yes. We will. Let us know how it goes, you guys. Yeah, that's a way easier way to say that. All right. Thanks, Gemma. Thanks, Cameron. Have a great day, you guys.

Bye. Bye. Drum roll, Catherine, please. Chelsea Handler Abroad Abroad is my European tour. So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the hell out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik.

I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK, I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast, in May and June, I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna, I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona, and Lisbon. I'm coming. ever been to Vienna. Berlin, Barcelona, Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad. That sounds like fun.

I'm gonna go see you abroad. I know, I wanna go see me abroad. And there I'll be. There I'll be. Excellent. Upcoming Vegas dates, March 21st, April 18th, July 5th, August 30th, November 1st, and 29th at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast.gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler.com. 45 years ago, a Virginia soul band called the Edge of Daybreak recorded their debut album behind bars. Record collectors consider it a masterpiece.

The band's surviving members are long out of prison, but they say they have some unfinished business. The Edge of Daybreak, Eyes of Love, was supposed to have been followed up by another app. Listen to Soul Incarcerated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Love at first swipe? I highly doubt it. Reality TV and social media have love all wrong.

So what really makes relationships last? On this episode of Dope Labs, poet and relationship expert, Young Pueblo, breaks down the psychology of love and provides eye-opening insights and advice we all need. It's a big realization moment that you should not be postponing your happiness. Like your greatest happiness is not necessarily going to like come from a relationship. Your partner, they should add to your happiness. Like your greatest happiness is not necessarily going to like come from a relationship. Your partner, they should add to your happiness, but your happiness is really

coming from within you. Listen to Dope Labs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up y'all? This is Eric Andre but I made a podcast called bombing about absolutely tanking on stage. I tell gnarly stories and I talk to friends about their worst moments of bombing in all sorts of ways. Bombing on stage, bombing in public, bombing in life. Like the time I stole a girl's phone during a set and she jumped on stage and threw a big haymaker punch to my nose. Listen to Bombing with Eric Andre on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The legendary escapologist Harry Houdini was obsessed with the afterlife. I see a little boy. He is in a happy place. Join me, Tim Harford, for a cautionary tales trilogy on the world's most famous magician and his campaign to ban mediums. A mission that would cost him friends and leave him fearing for his life. They're going to kill me. Listen to cautionary tales on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.