Dear Chelsea - Minisode: Bender Baby with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Chelsea and Catherine get an update about a husband’s sexting ways, and a 20-something wants a baby… but is she ready? * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. In the middle of the night, Saskia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop. What was on his screen would change Saskia's life forever. I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing. And immediately, the mask came off. You're supposed to be safe.

That's your home. That's your husband. Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You know, we always say New Year, New Me, but real change starts on the inside. It starts with giving your mind and your spirit the same attention you give your goals. Hey, everybody, it's Michelle Williams, host of checking in on the Black Effect Podcast Network. And on my podcast, we talk mental health, healing, growth, and everything you need to step into your next. season, whole and empowered. New Year, real you. Listen to checking in with Michelle Williams from

the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I actually drop better when I'm high. It heightens my senses, calms me down. If anything, I'm more careful. Honestly, it just helps me focus. That's probably what the driver who killed a four-year-old told himself, and now he's in prison. You see, no matter what you tell yourself, if you feel different, you drive different. So if you're high, just don't drive. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. I didn't really have an interest of being on air. I kind of was up there to just try and infiltrate the building. From the underground clubs that shaped global music to the pastors and creatives who built the cultural empire. The Atlanta Ears podcast uncovers the stories behind one of

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Atlantic City, which I just added, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago, of course. Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Mesa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina. May 6th, I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement. Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and Portchester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June. Go to Chelseahandler.com for tickets. If you want to come see me perform, I will be on the high and mighty tour. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you today?

How are you? Oh, I'm good. Oh, good, good, good. Are you still on pelvic floor rest? I am hopefully going to be over that soon. We'll be able to have penetration. That's a good way to get away from somebody. be like sorry. Sorry. The doctor said. Like a one-night stand. You're like, you know what? At the very last

minute, right, when you're walking up to someone's hotel room, you're like, you know what? Actually, I'm on pelvic rest. You know what? Sorry. Well, I do have an update. This is another like long-term update like we had last time. But this is from Jay who called in on our Justin Long episode from a million years ago. But she was wondering if sexting is cheating. Her husband had been sexting someone. She caught him. Our advice was kind of like, since he was really apologetic and opened to counseling to give it another try. So she says,

Hi, Catherine, I wanted to send an update. I went back through my emails to see how long ago this happened. Well, I should have left him back then. I forgave him and put my trust back in him. This time, he cheated on me for real with one of my coworkers. Gross. And she knew I was married. Her boyfriend saw her messages and thank God sent me screenshots through Facebook.

I'm trying to divorce, but my state makes you wait one year. I've been separated in the same house for three months, and he still tries to fight for me, but I'm not interested. Thank you for the advice back then. Not sure you'll get this, but just wanted to use as a cautionary tale for others if you wanted. Thanks again, Jay. So what was the advice that I gave her to get rid of him? No, we said, like, give him another chance because he was like really apologetic. I'll go to counseling.

I'm so sorry. And he failed her. Yeah. There's nothing really good that comes. from that. You know, if somebody's like sneaking around doing anything, it's going to lead to more things. It's like, you know, even if, yeah. And some people are just like good at really being a liar. You know, they just want to lie and manipulate people. So like they're just a bad seed, which is hard to kind of think about because when you're intimate or you're in a relationship or, you know, a marriage, you're like, oh, no, you blame yourself a lot because you're like, how did I not see all those warning signs? But it's pretty obvious when someone lies. Yeah. And it's kind of like, you have.

have to weigh, did they fuck up one time? Or is it like a habitual thing? Especially with the sex thing. I think people can get really addicted to like the dopamine hit of like getting responses from somebody. Yeah. And I also think it's fair to give somebody a second chance if somebody, if they fuck up, if they fuck up like in a minor way, it's like, hey, I'm not cool with this. But when they fuck up in a major way, then it's kind of like, well, now you have like two red flags. So you have your answer. Yeah. So good for you for staying strong. You're going to find another guy very shortly. Yes.

They're everywhere. There is joy around the corner. In the middle of the night, Saskia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop. What was on his screen would change Saskia's life forever.

I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing. And immediately, the mask came off. You're supposed to be safe. That's your home. That's your husband. So keep this secret for so many years.

He's like a seasoned pro. This is a story about the end of a marriage. But it's also the story of one woman who was done living in the dark. You're a dangerous person who prays on vulnerable and trusting people. You're a predator, Michael Levin Good. Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast. or wherever you get your podcasts. New year, new goals, and in this economy, a better money plan is more necessary than ever.

I am Matt. And I'm Joel. We are from the How to Money podcast. And every week we help you to spend smarter, save more, and make sense of what's going on out there. If you want 2026 to be the year you finally feel in control of your money, we're here to give you the tools and advice to help you make it happen. Listen to how to money on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your money. podcasts. What if mind control is real? If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your

car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you? I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused. Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. NLP, aka neurolinguistic programming, is a blend of hypnosis, linguistics, and psychology. Fans say it's like finally getting a user manual for your brain. It's about engineering consciousness. Mind Games is the story of NLP. It's crazy cast of disciples and the fake doctor who invented it at a new age commune

and sold it to guys in suits. He stood trial for murder and got acquitted. The biggest mind game of all, NLP might actually work. This is wild. Listen to Mind Games on the... the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Volkswagen Beetle started out as Hitler's dream car. It wound up as a beloved hippie icon and the best-selling car of all time. How did that happen? I'm Jacob Goldstein.

And I'm Robert Smith. On business history, we tell the surprising stories behind the inventions and entrepreneurs that shaped our economy. And the story of the beetle is truly surprising. It has so much in it. It has Nazis. It has the German economic miracle. And it features one of the most famous ads of all time. An ad that really redefined what advertising was in the United States. The calculation was that there was some number of Americans who were ready for something different, who were ready for something that was counter to the culture, if you will.

Perfect timing. In this new decade of the 1960s. Listen to business history on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch episodes on YouTube. I think we're ready for our, caller. This is Jane who's calling in. Jade? Jane. Jane. Yeah, like 1950s Jane. So her subject was unplanned pregnancy, not sure who the father was. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've always resonated

to your bluntness and lack of respect for straight men. I'm 29 and I've always known I want to be a mom. However, I have PTSD from sexual trauma at the hands of both men I trusted and men I didn't know. This has made it nearly impossible for me to have a serious long-term relationship with a man. I'd much rather be alone than let one live in my space and tell me what to do. I recently went on a little bit of a bender and slept with three different men in one weekend. I was ovulating and acting like a fuckboy. My therapist says it's to feel in control again and a normal trauma reaction, but I feel bad for lying to all of them. My period was late and I took a test and it was positive.

I grew up Catholic, so I knew my family would not be thrilled about this news. For context, I had an abortion a year ago and it clarified that. the fact that I do want kids. At the time, I didn't have a stable job. I have a good job now with good insurance, but I don't make a ton of money. I wanted to keep the baby, but my mom and sister specifically would probably have had to help me a lot, and I don't know if that's fair. After talking with them about how I wanted to keep the baby, they pressured me to end the pregnancy, and I did. I know my very religious mom is ashamed of me, and I'm not sure how to repair my relationship with her. Any help would be appreciated, Jane. Hi, Jane. How are you?

Good. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Okay. So what's the status with you and your mom? Your mom's upset with you for getting pregnant or for getting the abortion? Both it would seem. So I don't know like where we go from here because I had multiple conversations with her where I was like, I don't want to do this without you. Like I'm not going to involve the father. So you would have to be a big part of me in this baby's life. And she told me, I can't do that for you. I can't be there for you in the way that you need, which broke my heart. And I made the decision, okay, I'm not going to, I don't want to do this alone. It's really hard to be a single mom. Not that I couldn't have done it, but I chose not to.

Now I'm feeling like isolated from my family because all of this vulnerable stuff happened. But then I'm also like isolated socially because I can't like date successfully. So I'm just kind of in a pickle. What do you mean you can't date successfully? Why do you say that? Like I have so much PTSD that normally it just turns out to be more like a bender, like what happened in September where like I kind of go crazy for a weekend and like sleep around a bunch and it's fun and I have fun.

But then I'm like, okay, it would be cool if I had someone I could trust. And also it would be cool if I met someone I could raise a kid with. But I feel like I'm giving up on that. And that's what my parents were saying to me. It's like we feel like you're giving up. And that's what made me decide to get the abortion. But, yeah, I'm 29. Okay, well, first of all, you're 29.

You have your entire life ahead of you. That's nothing. So don't worry about that number. Okay. Are you working with a therapist right now? Yes. Okay. So you're working through all that stuff.

So for you, like for any other regular person who's just going out and doing that randomly or occasionally, that's okay. But if it's a result of the trauma that you endure, then that is a separate issue, right? Because you're acting out and you're doing this for the reasons. So I think your transparency is really like great, A, that you're working with a therapist, that you were honest with your family. It's not your mom's responsibility to raise a child with you. It's an unfair ask. You know what I mean? She's not your partner. She already raised you. She raised your siblings. Like, it's just not fair. So I understand that you were disappointed. and that reaction, but you have to get yourself into a position A, where you're with someone that

you're ready to have a baby with, and then that's going to be your partner. And when that does happen and you show the kind of maturity and growth that you're going to be experiencing, like from this phone call on and through your therapy and on, you're going to mend the relationship with your mom and your family members and everything. They just need to see that you're making changes in the right direction. Going out, having sex with three guys, getting pregnant, and then asking your mom to raise the baby doesn't give people a view of oh this girl's getting her shit together yeah i know and i and i can see their perspective and i did like finally just get a real real job with like benefits and everything so i think i am kind of addicted to the chaos maybe a little bit and that's what my therapist

is working with me on it's just i feel like what have i never find i don't see a world where i'll ever trust someone and want to like you will you will absolutely you will nothing is permanent your feelings right now are not permanent they're just temporary and it's a result of something so like you're in a situation this is a great like growth edge for you you're in a situation where you can like actually decide okay this is not how i want to behave anymore i want to move forward you know what you want you want a partner you want to have a baby move forward with those things in mind having benders with a bunch of random guys every weekend isn't getting you what you want. That's like a Band-Aid that ends up hurting more in the long run, right?

Like, that's not how you want to have a baby. So if you really are looking, like, don't say, I'm never going to, I'm never going to, you're 29 years old. You don't know what you're going to do. You're going to have a lot of experiences and you're going to fall in love with people and you're going to have, like, all of those opportunities as long as you just make sure that's what you want to do and say it to yourself, like with intention. Like, that's what I'm doing now.

And also, there's no harm in like, you know, I don't like, I'm not a big fan of declaring victory prematurely when you feel like you've gotten over a situation or you're feeling like you're kind of like blooming into a new person, so to speak. But like it's important to take that, be patient with your family and in a few weeks time or whatever seems like an appropriate amount of time for you. I don't know how often you hang out with your family or with them. But just give them positive updates about the work and progress that you're making, you know, about your job. It's not all about men. It's not all about the baby. It should just be multidimensional. All the facets of your life. Your friendships, this is what you're working on. This is what you're working on with your therapist. You don't have to get into detail, but just give them little updates to let them know that you are like working towards becoming a more, you know, reliable, responsible adult who's ready for a big responsibility. Yeah. And I think that that is really good advice because sometimes I feel, like what can we talk about though because there's a lot of like trauma in my past and my job is

kind of boring and so sometimes I feel like there's only like a handful of topics that I can talk to my family about but you're right probably just talking about like my goals and things that I am accomplishing would be better than and books that you're reading like you know I read a book like a self-help book that really made you understand or reminded you of your dynamic with your parents, like all positive things. You know what I mean? Don't bring them into the trauma since it's already exposed and everyone knows about it. It's about you like working to get out of it and working to heal yourself. And that's your priority. Your priority isn't your family. Your priorities yourself. But like, you know, your mental health and just sharing with them in a way that doesn't

require them to carry any more of a burden in their minds. You know what I mean? Or responsibility, I think, is a better choice of words. I definitely wish I could go back in time. and just not tell anybody in my family about any of the trauma or the pregnancies. Of course. I know. But you know what? That's okay. You did and they deserve to know because they're your family and they want to know.

It's just about it's not what happens. It's how you handle what happens, you know? I mean, listen, it is what happens. But it's very much more how you handle coming out of that and what you do to heal after that. So I don't have any like doubt that you're on your, you're on your road. you're just in a vulnerable spot right now and you're feeling vulnerable, you know, and you're feeling alone and I get it. But this, this, you have the ability to repair all of these relationships and make them grow and turn into the woman that you really like want to become and find the partner that you want.

Yeah. Like I know right now it feels like the trauma is so, it looms so large in your life and that like, that's your whole life. But as you keep working with your therapist and you get some distance and some perspective, like it will, it will shrink as far as like, how. how much space it takes up in your life. I also wanted to ask, not from a procreation standpoint, but just from a, like, a mood management perspective, are you on birth control at all or no? No, and this is like been a thing for me. I have tried so many different pills. And some of them just really suck. Yes. And they have made me so depressed. I tried the copper IUD when I was in college and I've never had more painful periods. And then I tried to get the

like least hormonal iud. Yes. The Morena, I think. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it was horrible. It was like a, it was a doctor learning how to be a gynecologist. And they couldn't get it in.

And so I just told them to stop. Which is great for someone who already has sexual trauma. Good job. Yeah. But when we're O'Natural, we have these like highs and lows with our hormones, right? And like when we're ovulating, we feel the most powerful. We get the most done. We feel amazing.

but then it can also lead to like, you know, going out and partying a little bit too much and sort of, you know, having to face the consequences of that. Whereas when you are in birth control, it gives you a little bit less of a high, low. So you might talk to your doctor and see if there is a pill that could help just sort of like smooth the edges of that. Yeah, I know. I think that if I could find a good option for me, that would be great, especially because, you know, I'm not going to be celibate. So I don't want to have a repeat of this situation next time I ovulate. Do you have a female doctor, a gynecologist? No.

Well, you should get one. I don't have a gynecologist right now. Okay. Well, do you have health insurance? Yes. Okay. Well, try and find a female gynecologist, and she's going to be much more adept at getting things inside you

and also giving you the options of what's like what a good option for you is. I mean, there's a million things out there. I'm sure there's going to be something. that's going to get along with your system. I mean, everyone needs it. So that's good advice. Talk about positive things. Get on birth control. I think it's just hard because like, like you were saying, Catherine, like it's so daunting. Like I feel okay, you know, like day to day, but like big picture, am I ever going to be able, like, I don't know. I just got a text from like a witness protection person that the guy who assaulted me is going to be out of prison in a week. And like, I don't have

anybody really in this town. My family's not here. So it's just like, I wish I could talk to my mom and my sister about this stuff, but like it's too taboo. It's like, that's frustrating. Why is it too taboo? Like, what is their reaction to that subject matter? They basically tell me not to talk about it. Like, don't bring it up kind of stuff, which is fine. Like, I have friends and a therapist. It's just my sister is very, she's turned to God. And so now she's like, doesn't he want to hear her? She doesn't want to talk about abortion and, like, sexual assault is like she can't handle talking about it. You know what? I think in addition to your therapist, see if there is like a group in your town that is like a sexual assault survivors group, that might be really helpful.

So you have another outlet that you can talk to people who've experienced the same thing, which, you know, maybe your therapist hasn't. That might be a good way to like, and you can talk about this. Like, I can't talk about this with my family, you know, how are your family's reacting and like really get into it? Yeah, that would just feel validating, I think. Especially with the freshness of like knowing this person is out, you know, it might be good to like step up your self-care in that way. I think that's a great idea because you're going to find out you're not the only person that whose family isn't always available for these kinds of conversations.

Yeah. And I don't want them. I don't want to keep traumatizing them. Yeah. Right. I hear you. I hear you. Well, will you follow up with us in a little bit?

Yeah. Thank you so much. All right. Thanks for calling in. We wish you the best of luck. Nice to meet you. You too. Chelsea, I'm seeing you in February in Madison.

Oh, yeah. Great. I'll be there. Madison, Wisconsin. I'm coming. Okay. Take care. Keep us posted.

Okay. Bye guys. Bye. What a sweetheart. Well, I mean, it's like a heavy topic, but I'm glad that this is a resource where people can come and talk about, you know, some of the not so fun parts of life, some of the worst parts of life. Families are so fucked up.

Honestly. truly and even the ones that meanwhile don't always know what to say you know i like when people don't know what to say i like when people say it is what it is what does that mean it is it is what is is there anything more stupid than that sentence maybe like that it was meant to be or you know what i mean when people are like no it's not it's not it's not plan like well it is what it is it's not it's not good enough should it be probably not agree okay anyway katherine i hope you have a wonderful productive day okay thank you godspeed god bless america Bye.

Okay, guys, the high and mighty tour is about to begin. I'm in D.C., February 13th, February 14th, Atlantic City, which I just added. 15th is Norfolk, Virginia. February 19th, Madison, Wisconsin. February 20th is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. February 21st, Detroit, Michigan. February 22nd, Rama, Ontario. That's Canada, for those of you who don't speak Canada.

March 13th, Cleveland, Ohio. March 14th, Columbus. Ohio, March 15th, Cincinnati, Ohio, and then March 20th is Denver, Colorado. March 27th, Portland, Maine. March 28th, Providence, Rhode Island. March 29th, Springfield, Massachusetts. April 10th is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater.

April 11th, Indianapolis, Indiana. April 12th, Louisville, Kentucky. April 16th is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17th is Mesa, Arizona. April 23rd is Kansas. City, Missouri, April 24th is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25th is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April 30th, Nashville, Tennessee. May 1st is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2nd is Durham, North Carolina. May 6th, I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement.

And May 15th, Saratoga, California. May 16th, Monterey, California. May 17th, Modesto, California. and then June 4th, Portchester, New York. June 5th is Boston, Mass, and June 12th is Portland, Oregon, and then Seattle is June 13th. So suck on that, everybody. Go to Chelseahandler.com for tickets. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler.com. In the middle of the night, Saskia awoke in a haze. Her husband, Mike, was on his laptop. What was on his screen

would change Saskia's life forever. I said, I need you to tell me exactly what you're doing. And immediately, the mask came off. You're supposed to be safe. That's your home. That's your husband.

Listen to Betrayal Season 5 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You know, we always say New Year, New Me, but real change starts on the inside. It starts with giving your mind and your spirit the same attention you give your goals. Hey, everybody, it's Michelle Williams, host of checking in on the Black Effect Podcast Network. And on my podcast, we talk mental health, healing, growth, and everything you need to step into your next. season, whole and empowered. New Year, real you. Listen to checking in with Michelle Williams from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. 14 years in prison for killing a young woman. A 15-year sentence for a crash that caused

three deaths. Twelve and a half years for killing a child and critically injuring her mother. All true stories. All caused by marijuana impaired drivers. No matter what you tell yourself, if you feel different, you drive different. So, if you're high, just don't drive. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. The social media trend is slanding some Gen Z ears in jail. The progressive media darling whose public meltdown got her fired and the massive TikTok

boycott against Target that actually makes no sense. You won't hear about these online stories in the mainstream media, but you can keep up with them and all the other entertaining and outrageous things happening online in media and in politics with the bread versus everyone podcast. Listen to the Brad versus everyone podcast on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.