Dear Chelsea - Minisode: Couples Counseling with Jenny Mollen + Jason Biggs

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

In the first of our new series of minisodes, Chelsea is joined by Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs to tackle the marital conundrums of pillow placement, tolerable temperatures, and night sex.    * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to a new segment of Dear Chelsea called

Couples Counseling with Chelsea, where we do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families. I'm here with my friends Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs and we are going to do some couples counseling. Welcome to my office. Welcome to Chelsea's Couples Counseling or where's the beef? Where's your beef with Chelsea? Where's Chelsea's beef with you? I don't

know what we're calling the segment yet but these are mini episodes and I'm very delighted to sit with two of my very old friends, Jason Biggs and his wife, Jenny. Which name are we using these days? Mullen, Biggs, Handler. Okay, Jenny and Jason, if you're familiar with them online, Jenny is one hot mess. And she loves, loves to get into it with her husband, who also really loves to get into it with his wife. I mean, you guys are very, I would call you codependent fighters. A real couples therapist would say that too. Yep.

That you're codependent? Yep. Very. And does that have anything to do with your disagreements? Yes. Okay. Let's start with one. This is one that I actually, as I was reading this, I thought, wow, this sounds a lot like me. So maybe I should be lovemaking to Jason every night. Jason, you sleep with a lot of pillows, right? And you use pillows between your legs like a pregnant woman? I do. Yes. And how many pillows does that leave you with, Jenny? A single pillow.

Okay. That's false. And how many pillows are in the bed total? Well. 26. I can actually count this up for real and give you a real answer here. So I have three pillows that are propped up that my legs go on like that. It's really hot. Because are you, do you have a back issue or a hip? Bad knees, lower back. So this kind of gets me in a nice position. You know like in the movies, the 80s, where somebody's like in a full body cast and they're hanging in a hospital?

I'll tell you what, if I could mount a wire from the ceiling, like a gurney type situation to strap my feet into. To alleviate the lower back issue. And arms need to be up too, though. Yes, exactly. So I have those taking care of my legs, my lower back. I also have shoulder issues. So on either side of my arms, I have both arms propped up. Do you have shoulder issues from eating so much pussy?

My doctor says that's one reason of many. Also sucking a lot of dick. How does that work on your shoulders? I'll show you later. I'll show you later. I didn't bring my dick today, but I have it. So two two arm pillows. And then I've got two pillows behind like an airplane pillow. Like no, no, no. To cradle you.

No, but I've I've I've used an airplane pillow in bed before sometimes. But ultimately, I abandoned that idea. I just go with two. But like I have one of the pillows is like kind of a soft down pillow. A neck pillow goes around his penis, like one of those airplane neck pillows. It props my dick up. Like a cock ring? A cock ring. And then the second pillow is a Tempur-Pedic pillow. It's a whole situation. Wow, this sounds a lot like my situation. It's, yeah. And it's the only way. How would you have sex with him? Well, how do you have sex with him? You don't. I don't. No, I don't. That's the thing. It's like a chastity wall. So how do you, if you are in the mood, are you in the mood?

Well, I don't have sex with him at night. Oh. There's no way in. It's a fortress. Well, but hold on. You're going to point fingers at the pillows for the reason that we're not having night sex. It's also the fact.

Night sex. It's also the fact that. It's like night sweats and night sex. It's the fact that you fall asleep at 7 p.m. Like after the kids go, like, or 8 p.m. also the fact that night sweats and night sex. It's the fact that you fall asleep at 7 p.m. like after the kids go or 8 p.m. when the kids go down. First of all,

I also love that bedtime for myself. By the way, me too. I'm not mad at this. Just don't put false, don't make false accusations as to why we're not having night sex. We are both in agreement that after 8 o'clock

How could any person who wanted to have sex with you have sex with you when you're in that contraption? Well, you could, if you, Jenny, in his defense, if you really wanted to get after that body yeah you would make your way through those pillows yeah if you guys had just started dating and he was

pulling that kind of oh yeah you would figure out a way around it you would get in there and be like hey i want to wake you up with another blow job love of my life you're right soulmate right interesting fact jenny puts me to sleep with her blowjobs oh that's how i lull him to sleep that's nice before a climax before you even climb no just everything falls asleep she just puts her lips around my penis i fall asleep first then my penis falls asleep and then i don't know i wake up and jenny's there somewhere underneath the pillow. Sleeping. Sleeping. No, it's a conversation that can happen.

I'm wearing the neck pillow. You're wearing the neck pillow. How does this work on a plane, Jason, when you need all of these accoutrements? Yeah, it's a whole situation. What do you do on a plane? Do you travel with a pillow? I will often do the neck pillow, even if I'm flying flat, neck pillow helps.

But, you know, I generally ask for an extra pillow or I'm using a jacket. I mean, it's a thing. When did this start? Like what age when you started? It was definitely when I introduced the pregnancy pillow, it changed Jason's life. Oh, that was I mean, that was one of those. I want one of those. The pregnancy pillow was incredible because it's interesting. So I start my night with arms propped up, legs propped up. Like a paralyzed person or someone who's recovering from a massive injury. A massive. Whole body cast.

Yes. A motorcycle accident. Yes. In an 80s movie. In an 80s movie. In an 80s comedy. In an 80s comedy. Yeah.

Over the head. Over my head. Everything is covered. Do you have a straight jacket at the house? That would be fun. Only my eyes are showing. And a hole for my penis so she can put me to bed. But eventually, at some point in the night, I want to sleep on my side.

It's very strange. I understand this. I was just about to ask you what happened. So at some point in the night, and by the way, when I'm in that position, I'm above, there's nothing covering me. So I have the air on as low as I can get it because she wants it on 100 degrees and I want it on 50 degrees. And so we try to compromise, but generally that involves me being very hot at night and having to sleep above the covers.

Above ground. Above ground. It's an above ground pool and Jenny's swimming in the deep end of a nice in-ground beauty. At a certain point, I do get a little chilly. Finally, when she falls asleep, I'll turn the air down. I relax, whatever. My body cools down. I will need to go under the covers, but here's the move. I go on my side, and one leg goes under the covers. This leg comes above the covers. So, the covers are coming between my legs with the pillows, the aforementioned pillows that were for my legs here. And then I'm on my side here. One of my arm pillows comes over because if I sleep like this,

my shoulders like all fecocked, right? So I'm like this. It's a good thing you're taping this episode. It's just amazing that you're not Jewish. You know what I mean? It is amazing. Okay, so when I'm skiing, I always have back pain when I ski. So when I'm skiing, I sleep with my legs up on a pillow

because I always want my knee to like de-swell throughout from the night. And then when I turn over, it's the same thing. And what I realize, I put the pillows in between my legs and I turn over and I have one leg up. But what I realized was when you're on your side like that, that's not helpful for your back. That can irritate your back even more. So I stopped doing that.

Now I only have pillows only when I'm on my back. When I turn over, it's flat. But so your knees are hitting? Well, no, I put one knee, like I do like a little. Like a this? Like that. Like a this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's sexy. It's a hot position. No, it's a sexy position. I think it could be a hot position for you as well. Yeah. I mean, maybe, yeah, it's not going to change our sex life, but it could be fun to just do it and take pictures. I mean, maybe, yeah, it's not going to change our sex life, but it could be fun to just do it. Well, you don't know. I mean, if you guys, what's curious to me is if you guys aren't having sex at night, when are you having sex and where?

Sex for us generally needs to be a conversation and a plan. It's generally not spontaneous. Occasionally it is. What about when the kids go to school? And it usually takes a few days of talking about it for it to happen, by the way. It's it's not like hey babe should we um you know what are you doing in an hour are you free it's like it's like whoa whoa whoa it is not like we need to do it on plan for it on friday it's more like come out of the shower with just an erection yeah i'll be like baby you know what do you think she's like no no no and then that so that's so that's tuesday she's like i can't i'm not you're just gonna whip so that's Tuesday. She's like, I can't, I'm not, you're just going to whip this out.

I'm just not, I have to go to a thing in two hours. I'm like, so two hours. No, it's just, I can't, I'm not in the, okay. And then. No, but don't act like you always want to have sex. No, but then hold on, baby, I'm not done. And then that's Tuesday. Wednesday, she's like, remember yesterday when you,

well, I've got, you know, do you want to? Jason's like, I need to poop. And I'm like, sorry, I have to take a shit. What an aphrodisiac. Yeah, exactly. So then I go shit. And then, you know. And then that's over.

And then that day's done. Well, the worst is when, like, we'll have sex and then he's like, I need to poop. And I'm like, you were holding poop in the whole time we were having sex. Oh, yeah. That was really disgusting to me. Well, maybe if you didn't stick your thumb up my asshole while we were having sex. Yeah, you know that makes somebody go to the bathroom.

I don't know if anyone here has done anal, but if you have, you understand that you get diarrhea for about three days afterward. I heard that from a very close friend. Really? Wait, I never get diarrhea after anal. I mean, I never have. Yeah, it's better than a...

You haven't? It's better than a coloscopy. Oh, maybe you're doing it in a different way. I have to talk to my friend and ask her. Ask your friend. P.S., who are you having anal sex with? I mean, when I've had anal sex. Okay.

So there's no hand-holding in bed. There's nothing like that. You guys are both going to your separate camps, essentially, every night when you go to bed, right? Yes. And do you ever go to bed angry? Yes. Yeah, yeah. More than you go to bed, right? Yes. And do you ever go to bed angry? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

More than you go to bed, like, what's the ratio of, like, when you're having an issue, do you normally resolve it or do you go to bed angry? Like, which one is more prominent in your life? I mean, we will go to bed sometimes, like, exhausted by each other. Do you ever sleep in separate rooms? No. No, you like to sleep in separate rooms.

Well, I mean, if I fall asleep in Sid's bed or something like that. But I don't think we're ever like, I'm going to another room. Our 10-year-old that she sleeps with. That she sleeps with. Listen, I had a friend. I have a friend. She'll remain nameless who slept with her daughter and her husband in their bed. They had their daughter until she was 16 years old.

And they're divorced. So that doesn't work at all they did not have sex for 12 years a couple that was staying together that was married yes 12 but again i this hold on i just go back to the sex part of this because nighttime i like i hear that and i don't go well their sex life is ruined because maybe it's because we don't have nine to fives. It's different. But like, well, like, it'll be like, we have sex more often. Like it's daylight.

Where? Like in the afternoon? Yeah. In the afternoon. Yeah. You know, she's home. I'm home. The nanny took the kids somewhere and it's like, hey, you know, and it finally aligns.

Yes. I don't have to shit and she's not doing something. And then we'll like do it. We're just like worked over. Yeah. And by the time. Yeah, I understand. Because when, you know, I'm always in the beginning of relationships now.

Like, so it's always sex because I don't see them very often. So when I see them, it's nonstop sex. And it's nighttime. I want to fucking keep things that way. You know what I mean? I don't want it to get to a point where I'm like, not tonight. I'm too tired. I want to be like it to be a sex-a-thon and then you leave and I don't see you for two to two weeks

to two months you know whatever when you've been in relationships like do you guys ever like does the sex ever migrate towards the day absolutely day night sex on morning all time okay they're there to fuck me like that's what we're doing. The priority is sex. For us, it's a bonus. Yeah, well, you have a family. For us, it's just like, yeah. Too many balls in the air, not enough balls in her mouth. Okay, well, thank you for sharing your intimacy with us

and our listeners. You're welcome. I hope that turned everybody on. Yes. Okay, so you can check out Jenny Mullen's sub stack, The Best Friend Experience, and her new side hustle, The Shirts Off My Back, where you can buy fabulous vintage clothes.

And you can also check out Jenny and Jason co-hosting Dinner and a Movie on TBS, premiering tomorrow, June 1st. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts.