Dear Chelsea - Minisode: Offed in Bermuda with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

Rosebud and Andy are back for more Couples Counseling with Chelsea to discuss becoming a better partner, jealousy of your partner’s success, and why Andy thought Rosebud’s family was ready to disappear him in Bermuda.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline.

Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together our mission on the really no really

podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor what's in the museum of failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason bobblehead. The really no really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships

and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections.

Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome back to A Couple's Counseling with Chelsea. I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her husband, Andy Haynes. Hi, Rosebud and Andy. Thank you for being here today as a couple. So as you have gotten to spend all these years together, how many years have you been together now? Five. It'll be five. That's not even that really long of a couple. So as you have gotten to spend all these years together, how many years have you been together now? Five. It'll be five. That's not even that really long of a time. But within the five years, do you think that your performance within the relationship has improved? Learning to

get to know somebody, meeting someone else's needs, like how do you think that you have changed from the beginning of the relationship to now? I think in the beginning of our relationship, I genuinely had no idea how to be a partner to someone. You're nodding, Andy. She was never like a not compassionate. Don't nod. But when I first started dating Rosebud, she was like a feral child. She was, you would go into her cupboards and there would be like a half-eaten open box of saltines and an empty Tabasco sauce. And that was her entire pantry. Like she.

I wasn't home. I was on the road. And, you know, she just was, she had like one towel, you know, it was like very, it was just a very different person. Yeah. But I was always, I always decorated well. Yeah. Let's always decorated well. Yeah. Let's just say that. And do you think you had a big hand in not changing her personality,

but where her relationship, her ability to be within a relationship is now? Do you feel like you had a big hand in that? I think I probably changed what she thought she needed out of a relationship maybe or like maybe i changed like the type of partner she thought she needed is because i don't think i'm her type if you go back to 2019 and you're like pick a guy out of a lineup i don't think i'm i think i'm like in the waiting room you know i'm number seven you know but i think that really changed a lot because rosebud's can i can i say this rosebud's dad is very stoic and you know how we're like usually attracted to people that are kind of like the opposite sex parent so i think that i was kind of the anti that to some extent

because her dad is like immovable i went to it's like hugging a ghost yeah i went on a trip with him to the bahamas and i was like, partially like, does Rosebud want a divorce? And they're just going to an accident is going to happen. Like that's the whole time I was like, just divorce me. Like, I won't fight you. Like, you don't have to have me killed in the Bahamas. Yeah.

If anything, you've learned how to be less trusting in a good way. Yeah. Just by being a part of my family. Yes. I want to be now that I've gotten a little taste of it and also trusting in a good way. Yeah. Just by being a part of my family. Yes. I want to be, now that I've gotten a little taste of it. Less trusting or more trusting? Less.

I want to be so, I want to be, I want to be like one of the characters from HBO's Industry. I want to be just a cold-blooded capitalist. I would love it. What impact do you think you've had on Andy since you've been married and now that you have a kid? That. I think Andy's learned how to kind of go, okay, my feelings aren't necessarily the facts. I can get through this day by just like planning ahead and getting what I need to get done done.

And I can deal with my emotions later. And I think, I don't even know if that's healthy, but it seems like it's balanced him out a little bit. Well, yeah, I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, if you have an emotional reaction to everything, that's not conducive to being like an even and balanced because there's a time and a place for those kinds of emotions, just like there's a time and a place for certain conversations, right? Yeah. So like, yeah you you want to be able to mitigate your emotional response in certain situations yeah and then in other situations it's totally acceptable to be like you know if you think something's wrong with you internally and you

feel your organs are suffering yeah you know what your organs feel like when they're moved around yeah you know that is like you can have a reaction to that but that was a big change for us like when you had it was like earlier this summer when he was going through all of that i that was like a big wake-up call for me where i was like oh i gotta be a better partner about like but also i don't like sick people yeah it's not i it's not hot it's not i don't like them either i get upset around sickness and i get up i feel yes it feels to me i'm like i i don't really afford myself it seems like a luxury and of course there's i'm not talking about people who are like you know deathly ill or people who are like what's the word when they're it never stops yes whatever but i'm talking about just like the flu

or like really leaning into a sickness with a guy a few weeks ago that i'm sleeping with who limped yeah went to dinner and i was like what's wrong with your leg yeah what are you why are you limping yeah it's like on my knee i'm like no no no i think there's something like animal in us where we like want them to be put down. You know what I mean? Like we're like, we got to leave the pack. You're slowing everybody down. You're a weak link. Right. I've always felt that about certain men.

Certain men where I was like, you're, because I'm like, I'm kind of a pussy. I'm a huge pussy in a lot of ways. I think we've gotten. But I also could survive like for a month in the woods without any help. You know, like it's a weird. Well, you're obviously very bright yeah but also i'm like i was raised in this like wilderness and kind of outdoorsy and all that stuff like that and so i think i still have this thing where like if i meet a guy and i'm like you're pathetic you know like i just i have this weird animal thing where i'm

like we gotta kill him we gotta he's gonna slow us down and we're gonna miss the winter we're not gonna be able to get over that pass and we'll all die. And that's what happened to me when you had your ulcer. I know. So you understand. Yeah. But I did realize I need to be a better partner. That's good.

Yeah. I do think that the biggest thing that I learned in the relationship recently is that I have to keep certain things for certain people. Like I do think like you can't go full Don Draper and have like another family, but you can go like I'm going through all this stuff and I'm not going to bring it to my wife or my kid or like the dinner table. Well, the first thing is we don't eat at the dinner table, but also. Also, I'm so sick of the dinner table. Like who wants to sit down and have a full dinner every night? I want to eat on the sofa. I want to eat on the sofa.

I want to eat on the floor. I don't want to, the formality. Like, I don't like that. Well, I don't want to cook it. It feels out of style to me. Yeah, it does. We went to her grandpa's house in March and had like a big sit down dinner

and all the people came and brought the food. And I was like, this is, you know, this is how it should be. Yeah. Like a Sunday roast. You want to be a, you want to be a Kennedy is basically what you want. Oh man. And do you see how dysfunctional that family is? Bring me on.

I love it. I'm already dysfunctional. He wants to get shot is what he's saying. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed.

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So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter.

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And how would you feel if your doctor advised you to keep your life-altering medical procedure a secret from everyone? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child? These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since season one and others are just tuning in. Whatever the case and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our Family Secrets family

where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others and the secrets we keep from ourselves. Listen to season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You mentioned early before that Rosebud is the breadwinner. So how, as a modern man, does that impact your feelings about the relationship? Is that something that you've

ever had to struggle with? Does that bother you? Did it bother you? I definitely had to get used to it because there's kind of, you might know this because you've been in relationships where you can be in a relationship where you're both kind of doing something and then all of a sudden one person's doing this. And there was this feeling

when she started to get a bunch of stuff where it was like, should we like be together? Like, you're not gonna bring me on red carpets. Like a feeling like I was like, should we like be together? Like, you're not going to bring me on red carpets. Like a feeling like that. Like, should we even be together because you're doing so well? And it was like all insecurity. And then I think I've gotten used to it. You know, like I think that it ebbs and flows.

And I think there'll be times where I'm probably doing a lot and she wants to not do as much but she also I mean she's so much better at making eye contact and being personable so maybe not you know but I haven't noticed your eye contact issue yet maybe you're I'm working on it I took my he's actively he's actively yeah I took my propanol so that I could look you in the eyes. During what we're discussing, like your burgeoning success, like having it happen in the beginning, how did that make you feel to see him feel that way? I expected it a little bit. And just to be clear, like I don't, I haven't achieved like anything that I actually want to achieve yet. Like, I mean, I've achieved more than I thought I would at to achieve yet like I mean I've achieved more than I thought I would at the beginning but I this I don't even have a Netflix special out yet

you know what I mean so it was kind of like it was good that we went through this early because I was like it's good to just get these feelings up and out like if you don't get them up and out and you don't like examine them and you don't look at them and go like oh this is probably bullshit I probably don't need to feel this way but this is how I'm feeling then that's good but there was a part of me that got really upset and got really defensive you know there was uh defensiveness about just feminism on a feminism level you know like this would never be a conversation if you were doing better than me this would never be it but then I thought about it and I was like there have been comics that I've dated that were doing better than me and I did have those same feelings so I was like this

is more about like us both being comedians than it is about men and women and I think at the end of the day that's just something that we have to, we just got to support each other through it and like be there for each other through it. Yeah. I think airing out that kind of stuff is so important because the longer you ignore a problem, you know, the bigger it gets. It comes out sideways. If you're being dishonest about that and you're not being honest about your insecurities and labeling them, like we're all insecure and it's impossible not to be envious of someone achieving something that you haven't yet achieved yeah so denying that is more problematic than actually exposing those feelings yeah and I won't like deny that like a lot of it came from

like being a man you know like I was like I want her to design the living room and I just want to write a blank check because I make that kind of money and I provide for my family and there was a lot of that that I wanted and also there was like a competitiveness in comedy right like we're both comics and I'm so progressive I get jealous of women comics too but you know it was like wow she's like doing a lot of the stuff that I want to do. And so it was all insecurity. And I think it was bumpy, but we navigated it pretty well to a place where it's pretty comfortable. And I really did a lot of, even though I'm jealous, even though I'm insecure type of stuff, I'm going to make sure she knows I'm really proud of her.

Because I think that was always really important that even if I had insecure type of stuff, I'm like going to make sure she knows I'm really proud of her, you know? Cause I think that was always really important that even if I had those feelings that I wanted her to know that I was like so stoked that she had got cast on something or that she got a job writing for something or now that she's like doing this special, like it was always important for me to, for her to know that, even if I felt some type of way. Well, it's interesting though,

cause you're saying it comes down to you guys being comedians, and you're saying a little bit of both. Because I'm wondering if she were in that. Well, I'm saying a little bit of both, too. Yeah. Because, like, if you were in the financial world and crushing it financially, would that have had the same impact on you? Right. So it is more, I think, about being comedians and being in the same business

because that's just naturally competitive. Yeah. It is. And I think, but he he did he was like I remember when I my first day at SNL I came home and Andy had this big sign up that said congratulations you know and he was like waiting for me and was excited when I got home and I was like and I knew how he felt you know so the fact that he was able to do that and kind of like rise above it meant so much to me. Because I'm like, you didn't even have to do that, you know.

Yeah. And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy. Tune in next time as we continue Couples Counseling with Chelsea. You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast. It's called Find Your Beach. Andy will be on tour in Dallas, Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October 25th, and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December. So check out his Instagram and TikTok at I'mAndyHaynes, H-A-Y-N-E-S,

for tickets to those dates and for more. And you can find both Andy and Rosebud on YouTube. Rosebud will be taping her new special on September 16th in New York at the Village Underground. And you can get tickets to this and more of her dates at rosebudbaker.com. And you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at Rosebud Baker. Upcoming shows that I have, I'm coming to Texas, I'm coming to St. Louis in Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets

on sale throughout the end of the year in December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational.

The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance

that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com.

And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences. Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly

means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once

we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.