Dear Chelsea - Minisode: Underwater Murder with Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

In this Minisode, Jason and Jenny chat with Chelsea about giving your partner space to deal with their emotional baggage, why that fight with your spouse had nothing to do with them, and what to do when a diving instructor tries to murder you.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and

conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to a new segment of Dear Chelsea called Couples Counseling with Chelsea, where we do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families. I'm here with my friends, Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs, and we are going to do some couples counseling. Welcome to my office. Okay, we're back this week with Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs. I would love for you guys, this is week three, okay, of our therapy session. I would like you to regale us with the story about when you guys went scuba diving and you thought Jason was getting murdered underwater. Okay, so we were getting our advanced certification,

our open water advanced diving certification, and we were in Maui. And I noticed the instructor where we were on a dive, a beach dive. And I noticed the instructor getting like dangerously like close to Jason, like almost like crawling on his back. And he starts to like screw something and I am convinced that this guy is turning off Jason's air so why wouldn't you think he was helping him it looked sus it really did not look normal okay and the guy already was like shady to me so like I already had questions about him going and when I saw him mount Jason... Was it a mount or did it become a mount over time?

It was like a full mount onto Jason's back. Because it's not unusual for your scuba guide or dive master to be adjusting things on your tank. It's not unusual. No, this was like a full mount

and I... I don't know. I just like survival instinct kicked in and I... Instead of like going towards Jason And I, I don't know. I just like survival instinct kicked in. And I, instead of like going towards Jason. Your survival instinct, not mine. My survival instinct kicked in instead of going towards Jason and like really sussing out the situation or kind of checking out like what exactly was being pulled on. I did a U-turn in the water and swam as fast as I could to shore. Because you thought you were murder victim number two.

And that after he kills Jason, he was- It was me. I mean, I've seen that dateline where the couple goes to Hawaii and like, you know- And one person comes back. One comes back. Only the instructor comes back. And so instead of helping your husband, were you guys married at the time? Or were you just-

We were married. Yeah. Because you guys got married pretty quickly. Yes. Right? How many months were you dating? Nine. Nine months.

And then, yeah, and then I swam back to shore. And Jason was like, where are you going? When we surfaced. We surfaced. He was like, where were you going? And I said, well, I was just swimming for my life back to shore. I thought he was killing you. I thought that you were done.

At which point it dawned on me, if you thought that, why didn't you come and help me? What would I have done, to be honest? Let's just say the guy was murdering Jason. What would I have really done? What was the time frame that you saw this and that you were out of the water?

I turned pretty quick. The minute he mounted Jason, I was like full breaststroke back to shore. Full Michael Phelps-ing it back to the beach. And what was your reaction, Jason, when you got back? Because I know you also, when scuba diving, you're more in charge. You're very organized. It's a lot like you're packing, right?

Sure. He's helping everyone. He's adjusting my goggles. I'm like, I'm fine. Get, yeah. He's helping everyone. He's like adjusting my goggles. I'm like, I'm fine. Get off of me. I'm fine. Stop touching me. Let me put it this way.

I would say nine out of 10 people who scuba dive with me want me to be their dive buddy. One out of 10 is Jenny. Yeah, like get off of me. Let me live my life. Do you guys ever scuba dive holding hands? Like I did with the dive master from

French Polynesia? We have. We're very competitive. So it's like if we hold hands, but I need to be on the deeper side. You're very competitive with him. Or he's competitive as well. Or who had more air left at the end. We like to look.

But he always sucks his tank down. It's not even a competition for me anymore. It's more, by the way, when we say we're competitive, it's more, it goes this way. He always says that. But our couples therapist thinks you're just as competitive. Does she?

Yes. Because I'm going to actually counsel with her after this. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

How do you see that he's competitive with you? In a parenting way, for sure. Okay, but in scuba? In scuba, in tennis, it's just he's a bit of a know-it-all. So for instance, I'll give you a great example the other day. But if I'm better

at certain things, that doesn't mean I'm competitive. It just means I'm better at them. He likes to play tennis with you and I'm better. She's like, it's interesting that you're choosing tennis or things that like I was talking about sports, but now I'll do another one. OK, parenting or he likes to point out when I've like not done something correct. So, for instance, I think we were in L.A. and I ordered something on Postmates and, you know, you get that notification on your phone that says like your order, whatever. You think it says your order has been delivered. So a notification comes up.

I don't see it. It's not like scrolling at the top and the phone's kind of locked. The next morning I go downstairs. I'm like, oh, I saw that I have an order down here. Something came up on my phone. And the guy's like, no, nothing was delivered. So I was like, that's so weird. I got a notification from Postmates.

I look and it said, actually, your order's been canceled. So it's not there. So we get into the elevator and Jason's like, so I guess you never got a notification saying that it was delivered. It's like, why the fuck did you have to say that to me now when we're alone? Like a little bit of like a finger wag in my face. There's a lot of that that goes on and that was in the middle of a fight already you're not wrong actually it wasn't because

i said babe you don't say that and you're like okay you're sorry i'm sorry yeah i shouldn't have said that but he you can't help yourself is what i'm saying you have this like but i don't know that that's competitive it's this idea that like you need to be like the good kid you need to be the one who's always right. There's an element of that that is like... But you have a very competitive nature with your husband. That doesn't apply to every couple. I mean, do you meet any other couples with your same dynamic? No.

No, but I don't know that I was... I think it's something about the two of us because we both want to be right. We both want to be the good kid. We both want to be the good kid. We both want to be the best parent. We both want to get it right. We want to be the A student. And I don't know that I was ever with somebody that had that same trait.

So this really brings that out because we're both trying so hard. It's why I think we'll always be married because we both want to get it right. And we're committed to getting it right. I like that. That's nice for couples to hear. Yeah. You're not wrong. I agree. There is that when it comes to life stuff, parenting, etc. You're right, Jenny. I will say, though, on the professional front, it's different because I came into the relationship having already had achieved a certain level of success that you hadn't yet achieved. And you came into the relationship with a family of origin situation, meaning your dad

being this larger than life guy that you were and still are competitive with. So it tracks more on. No, really. I'm not saying that in a negative. This is stuff she talks about as well. Of course. I don't come with that... When it comes to work stuff,

I don't have the need to get the validation or to sort of show or like... I don't present it in the same way that Jenny presents it or, in my opinion, needs it to land in the same way like I think there is a resentment that Jenny has towards me simply because we've talked about this simply because of the position that I had coming into the relationship you know and it's not a coincidence I think that she found somebody who you know she went you're psychoanalyzing me which wasn't really even we're talking about the competitive nature of ourselves.

But you're going to the easy place of it. Okay. Well, I think it's... Well, where would you prefer, though? Where would you prefer he went? Well, I think that there's also an element of, like, it's like his mom's learning Italian, and I think that it bothers him.

There's something that triggers him about, like, he thinks whenever anyone wants to, like, show off or do something in a certain way he has a need to like put you in your place a little yeah that's how you feel it's historical I don't think it's necessarily about me but I do think that it plays out with me uh-huh so I do think that when he sees me being competitive or activated by something, it triggers a family of origin issue for him. That really isn't, oftentimes I think that our stuff gets enmeshed in a way that really isn't about the other person. And that's true of all couples. I think that when you're, when you're

fighting, it's like you're in your shit and they're in their shit. And it just looks, it looks the same, but it's not, that's not actually, you know, I'm not his mom. He's not my dad. What do you think about that, Jason? She's right that obviously I have a reaction to that. That was the part I hadn't gotten to. Like, I think there is one of us brings something to the table. In this case, Jenny brings her competitiveness with her dad, but it does bring up a reaction in me that probably has nothing to do with Jenny. She's right. You know, and vice versa. I'll bring something to the table that triggers Jenny. And it's not about my actions

so much as it is about, oh, it feels like it's her dad. You know, it looks the same. Right. And actually, that's exactly. I mean the that's exactly i mean that's all couples that's all couples and that's the thing it's like i am not your dad but like when you know we got married it felt in a lot of ways that dynamic of being in my shadow if you will jason biggs's wife all of the things that you know hurt my plus one all of that stuff it it goes you can take that shit that she was dealing with in the early stages of our relationship and still deals with and just go and go back a couple of years and see that it's a similar thing to how she was dealing with her dad. When I'm triggered, it's like I'm reacting the same way for sure that I reacted when

my mom said something when I was living at home. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? It's the same feeling for sure. And we're having a hard time. Like we, we've been with the same therapist for 17 years since before we got married and we were married at nine months. So to tell you, you know what I mean? Like she has been with us before we even knew each other. And now it goes like this in terms of our abilities to recognize these triggers and take a step back before we get into a fight, like seeing that we're being triggered and go, oh, okay. And we're like in a place right now where we need, we just happen to like, we're getting caught up in our triggers more than usual.

We're both very busy. I think we're, parenting is fucking hard. It's the hardest thing we've ever done. And all of these sort of external factors have now made it harder for us to, all the work that we've done and all the tools that we've paid for quite a lot of money for 17 years worth of therapy you know expensive is are like we're forgetting them we're forgetting them or we're just not accessing them or we don't want to access them because we're back to wanting to be right again for some reason right now it's not even that we want to be right we want to be considered because i think that there's a thing with jason and i where we were both like codependents to like a narcissistic parent, right?

And so we want to be heard and we want like to be prioritized. And so it's hard for us to like, it's like you can go first. It's your dime. You go first. And it's so hard to like allow that other person to go first.

Because it feels like we're giving ourselves up to our narcissistic parent. Where you go, I'm going to let you go first and I'm not going to bring up my shit right now. I'm going to hold it. And I don't need to say, but what about me?

And that's the discipline that you like have to learn in a relationship to not say, but what about me right now? It's like, save it for later. Let them have it. Be generous enough to like, let them make it, make it about them to sort of like help them heal that shit and then get your own needs met later.

When you both want to go at the same time, it never works. But even when we're able to do that, we're not always able to do it with empathy. Like we're like, OK, fine. You know what? You go. You go. You go. But when you're ready, I'll go.

It's like that's also not how to do it. It's like but like props to me. I stopped. OK, you go. You're a dime. But it's all in tone. It's all in how to do it. It's like, but like props to me, I stopped. Okay, you go, you're a dime, but it's all in tone. It's all in how you do it. We're not doing it with empathy.

Then it's like, fuck you. I don't want, no, I don't want to go now. That's competitive too, right? Exactly.

Because that can become competitive too. Exactly. Okay. Well, on that note, that's the, we're going to wrap up this episode of Jenny and Jason, and then we'll be back for episode four.

Okay. So you can check out Jenny Mullen's sub stack, the best friend experience, and her new check out Jenny Mullen's sub stack, The Best Friend Experience, and her new side hustle, The Shirts Off My Back, where you can buy fabulous vintage clothes. And you can also check out Jenny and Jason co-hosting Dinner and a Movie on TBS.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast,

or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.