Dear Chelsea - Mothers Part 2

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

In this two-part debut episode of their brand new advice podcast, Chelsea and co-host Brandon Marlo take some roads-less-traveled in discussions about motherhood.  Chelsea and Brandon hear from a few mothers struggling to manage their young children’s R-rated behavior, with special guest consultant Charlize Theron weighing in with some advice of her own. And a young woman asks about the ethics of having her 18 year old brother donate his sperm for her and her wife to have their first child.. The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to part two of our Mother's Day episode.

There was so much to discuss, we had to do part two. We did, and plus it's our premiere episode, so we wanted to give people something a little extra. So we have people calling in with advice about their children, which is obviously going to be my wheelhouse, and you can pick your own wheelhouse because that's mine. I picked it. It's just like a Monopoly piece. We'll figure out what mine is as we get going. I think yours is gay. That would make sense. Yeah. So these are women. They've got some kids that are kind of fucked up.

Well, we don't want to say fucked up. You know, just because there's a situation happening doesn't mean your kid is fucked up. It means your kid might be behaving in a fucked up way. Yeah, it's a fucked up way. We don't want to say you're fucked up. Nobody's fucked up. That's a permanent description of somebody and everything's temporary. So that's the first thing to remember, everybody. Everything is temporary. Even if you're an asshole, that can be temporary. Even if a kid is an asshole, that can be a temporary asshole kid. And that's what I call a TAK, T-A-K, temporary asshole kid. Okay. Well then today we have a couple TAKs, temporary asshole kid. And that's what I call a TAK. T-A-K. Temporary asshole kid. Okay. Well, then today we have a couple T-A-Ks. Temporary asshole kids. Oh, good. These kids are up to no good.

Okay. Okay. Laura is our first submission. She is in her 30s. She's a newly stay-at-home mom. And she says, Dear Chelsea, how do I get my toddler to stop swearing? I don't know what sort of advice you're going to give on this topic. Well, I mean, I personally like when toddlers swear. That's why. So I don't mind it. And I, as far as parenting goes, like, they're going to find out what fuck and, you know,

and all these words. Were you going to say cunt? Well, I was. It looked like it was on the tip of your tongue. It was, because I've been saying that word a lot lately for some reason. But, you know, they're going to find out fuck, shit, piss, whatever, pussy. They're going to hear these words. Yeah, they shouldn't be throwing them around, but it is entertaining. And I feel like the entertainment value aspect of it outweighs

the moral one because it's not really a moral argument. It's just like, do you want your kids cursing or not? Obviously you don't. But I think from like until they're five, it's fun. Well, so she goes on to say he typically says, oh, shit, with conviction and in perfect context. He's almost three, so he's old enough to understand that he shouldn't be saying these words. I've explained to him that he shouldn't. And later that day, he said, what the hell? Any advice? Hi, Laura.

Hi, Chelsea. Hi. Is it funny? Him cursing? Yeah. It sounds funny. It is funny. My husband and I usually look at each other and kind of do a little giggle and decide whether or not we're going to say something to him

or just try and ignore it. And it's just kind of a, we never really know what to do. Yeah, I think just go with it. I had a friend who had this similar situation and she told the kid, you can only say those words at home. So I don't know what sort of impact that had, but set it up that like, hey, you know, there are certain things that you do and don't say in public.

And those were, if you're going to say those words, you only say them at home. Like, you don't say them at school, you don't say them to another kid. I don't know how that worked out for them, but I would just like to provide you that sort of insight. It's what another parent is doing and also I would enjoy the comic relief

of it yes it is very funny however one time he did it when we had family members over and they kind of shot us some weird looks so we were like well we're just trying to ignore it right now yeah but you know what fuck people like when family members are so judgy

about like your toddler and about other people, how they raise their children. That is reason enough for your kid to be cursing, in my opinion. There's more serious shit going on. Like you guys have bigger fish to fry. When you have a kid, this is the thing. Chelsea is not ever going to have kids. I'm on the fence.

I really wanted them. And now I can't imagine having to deal with them. So I give like the utmost kudos to anyone who is willing to give of themselves to raise children. That is the least of your fucking worries. Is this kid swearing? Like, is he kind? Is he pushing kids down on a playground? If the answer is no, then like, who the fuck? Let him say fuck. If that's the worst thing this kid is doing, it's probably not that bad he'll grow out of it he'll be able to understand later that's like not appropriate in certain settings but i would think also the less attention you draw to it the less it's going to have impact right yeah like if you're laughing at him like he sees he's getting your attention

then of course he's going to want more of it so if you're laughing which i you know encourage i would look away and laugh with your husband. And then, you know. Just appreciate those little moments. Use it as foreplay. Sounds good. Okay. Thanks for calling in, Laura.

Thanks, Laura. Thank you so much. If I had a kid, he would be such a dick. Yeah, but not a dick in like a celebrity L.A. type way. No, he would be like, he would order cocktails at dinner and stuff like that. He'd be a dick to me. You would have one of those kids, though, that people want to be around. Right.

They engage in adult conversation. Like they know what the fuck is up. I'm just so, so glad that I don't have children. I know. I'm so grateful that that never happened to me. I'm so grateful that I don't have someone at home when I get home except for you and Mabel and Felix. And even Mabel is limited.

I really don't want Mabel there when I get home all the time. This is something that everyone should know. When Chelsea comes home from a trip, she hates if anyone is home. She's like, I don't want to see people when I come back. Mind you, I always have to be there to make sure things are on the up and up. So he could help me turn the lights on. Usually what it is is I'm bloated and tired. You want to see people when I come back. Mind you, I always have to be there to make sure like things are on the up and up. So he could help me turn the lights on. Usually what it is is I'm bloated and tired. You want to decompress.

And I want to get in bed and sleep. I'm so glad that I like there's no accidental pregnancies in a gay relationship. But I thought for sure I was going to have kids by the time I was 25. That's all I wanted. I never even thought about that, that you guys don't have to deal with the threat of an accidental pregnancy. No. So it's, you know, it has to be much more organized if you're going to have kids. But even then, I do not want, I cannot imagine having kids and just having to sacrifice yourself and your time. And the questions that they ask, repeated questions about the sun and the moon and answers I don't have. And I don't want to pretend to know shit that I don't. That is so funny. My nephew called the other night and asking me how the moon got its glow. And so then I had to fucking figure

that out. I'm like, oh my God. From the sun. From the sun. Yeah. I am way late on the fucking moon and sun being two separate things. I learned it from Google about three weeks ago. I thought the moon and the sun were the same fucking thing until like late in life. I thought Chicago was a state until I was like 19. So that's not saying much. But this seems to be a common problem. These kids swearing. But guys, like there is so much else to worry about in life than your child saying shit. So sweetheart, you're oh my God, exposing yourself. my breasts are exposed and i didn't even know they have popped out and they're fucking huge right now i mean they're always big i'm gonna get my period okay well speaking of parenting styles this next submission comes from lindsey a out of california she writes dear chelsea my goddamn four-year-old says some crazy shit

usually i can respond to him and help him understand I speak to him like an adult he's allowed to use swear words which many think is fucked up but whatever the issue that I'm having is he now tells me and anyone who will listen I feel like I want to suck my penis now if he's into penises that's cool but I don't believe he is I asked him why he thought that and he said that he wanted to see what it tastes like. Please help. What the fuck do I say to this little weirdo? Well, it sounds like you created this weirdo. Probably. And I want to suck my penis. Isn't okay to say even if he is into penises.

Like who wants, that's like me sitting there. I want to suck my own beaver in nursery school. No, kids aren't supposed to be talking like that for a reason. So you can have your kid curse all the time. I also think kids cursing is funny. But I mean, you've made your bed. Now you have to lie in it, right? I guess so. I mean, this isn't a situation I'd ever want to encounter. I don't I don't know what you say. A kid saying, I want to suck my own penis. Can you just shut up? Yeah, exactly. Who are the moms in your life that you know that like you watch their parenting style and think

like that's a good fucking mom or that's someone like, that's the mom I wish I had. Yeah. It's like long-term, right? I mean, I like kids who behave. So I like their parents, like kids who aren't like throwing iPads at their mother's faces like that. You know, you could see the difference in parenting and the effect on the child, like children who say, hello, goodbye, please. Thank you. Or even more exciting is children that engage in conversation, you know, where you can connect with a kid instead of them just like looking at you as an adult and like, okay, you know. So which of your friends, do you feel like their parenting style is closest to how you

would parent? I don't think about that ever. There has to be one of your friends. I just, I like the way Charl's parents, Charlize Theron, she's like fun and cool. But again, I'm not there all the time. So I don't know. Like Charlize just has that attitude that I would want from my parent. Like, you know, she's strict, but she's totally real. Like, yeah. Like if it's really funny, it's really funny. You know, like she's not going to be in front of you doing that. Like, she's very, she's more private about it.

Like, when she has to have real talks with her kids. She's just like, she's a real person all around, so I respect how she behaves in general. But related to the kids, yeah, I like those two kids a lot. And I think that's a direct result of her and her mom's parenting. Okay. Well, we can call her, right? To get her. Let's get her on the phone.

Well, okay. We're going to take a quick break and then we're going to see if Charlize Theron or Throne. Throne? Yeah, I don't know. Is around and Throne. Charlize Theron. Throne? We'll find out when we get her on the phone.

Okay. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth plus does tom cruise really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to Really No Really sir Bless you all Hello Newman and you never know when Howie Mandel Might just stop by to talk about judging Really? That's the opening?

Really No Really Go to reallynoreally.com And register to win $500 A guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition Signed Jason Bobblehead It's called Really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app On Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, we're back. And guess what? We do have Charlize Theron on the phone.

Sweetheart, are you ready to speak to our friend? Yeah, since we just discussed her parenting style. Yeah, we should wish her a happy Mother's Day. Hi, Charlize. Hi, chicken. Oh, we were talking about you and we've decided to call you to wish you a happy Mother's Day.

What? Oh, you guys are so cute. Happy Mother's Day. I had asked Chelsea who amongst her friends has a parenting style that would be most aligned with how Chelsea would parent should she have kids. And she said that your parenting style was the one she appreciated the most. Well, just given that we all know how little she wants to do with kids for herself, I take that as a real compliment because you really just don't want your own kids. So

I mean, that's like a really high compliment to get from you. Thank you. It means you're doing something right with those two. What is it specifically that you think that I'm so good at? Because it probably, if it comes from you, it probably means I'm doing it wrong. It's a good note, Charlize. I would say like, I like that when you get mad,

like you have long, serious talks with them, almost like they're your equal, like they're adults. That's how I would describe it. I feel like we do parent a little bit like we were parented. And then we also I don't know whether it's trauma or what it is that makes us kind of erase some of that stuff. But I do know that my mom brought that into her parenting. And I always appreciated it because it always that was my introduction to respect, was my mother treating me that way. And it felt very respectful.

And I remember being a young girl and being like, wow, my mom has so much respect for me. Like she's sitting me down. She's having this discussion with me. And so I try to do that with my kids and they respond to it. I only do what works. And this seems to work. I think your dryer is done and your laundry is ready. Well, I'm doing laundry. Okay. This motherfucker over here cleans her house.

You don't have to try and prove yourself to be real and down to earth. Okay. Charlize, nobody has any time for that. We need your advice. We had a caller call in and she has a little boy that curses and says, we had a couple of submissions for children who are cursing incessantly. And then one child who is like getting to know his own anatomy and is very fascinated with his own dick. And he really wants to suck his own dick. He says that he says,

I want to suck my own dick. And I was like, well, I really don't know what to say about that because that's actual real parenting. So do you have any advice for them? Both of them? There were two. How old are these kids?

One, I think, was three and the other was four. They were like old enough to kind of know what was going on. Like one who was swearing knew how to use it in context. Was the three year old or four? So they're both like really young, right? So they're off to a strong start is our point. And then I guess my other question would just for context, do they have siblings or are they only children? Do you guys know? They did not preface.

A great question. And if we were actually good at this, we would have asked it. I would say that with young kids, I think to lean into anything too much is a mistake. I think, you know, sometimes we worry when they say inappropriate things or when they touch themselves. And I think it's purely just innocent to them. It's exploratory. They're just they're figuring shit out. And some of it is uncomfortable for us to watch. But you have to always remind yourself at that age, they're not hurting anybody. And I, you know, not to embarrass my children, but there was definitely one of my

kids who loved like just the feeling of things touching down there. A lot of like grinding on pillows. And she would say blatantly, so she's like, that feels so good. And it made me so uncomfortable. And I knew that she was doing a little bit of preschool. And so my conversation with her was just like, that's awesome. Like, I want her to have like, really just love how good things feel on her body. But to know that maybe she should just keep it in our house and not, you know, there, there are certain things that we may need when we don't take to preschool. So I, and then it went away. Like, I think when you make a big deal out of it, it makes, it becomes a bigger thing. And with her, as soon as I told her that it was fine to do it,

it's almost like she lost interest and then she stopped doing it. The swearing thing is, is interesting because I think my youngest one struggles with that more than my older one. So that's why I was asking if there was siblings and all like if there's a sibling and I don't know, maybe I'm like a little bit more lenient with my older kid, Jackson. And so the little one really wants to join the coolness. I mean, I let Jackson every once in a while. I'll be like, I'm okay with you saying there's certain words that people think are swearing that I'm just like, that's not swearing. I don't know. Like, but you can say, but you can say like, they're just, they're like the S word. I'm like, what's the S word shit. And they're like, no, stupid. And I'm like, it's like, we're just getting a little too, like, just speak normal. And then every once in a while, because we are very big RuPaul fans in this house, there's a lot of expletives.

And the one reason, the rule that I have is like, when you get your swear license, when you're older, you can talk like this. But up until then, you're not going to talk like that. And so every once in a while when we watch it, they'll say like, can I just say the B word just once? Can I just say it once? And also they're surrounded by you and Gerda. So, I mean, where do you think they're picking this up in the first place from you guys? And Gerda, just so you know, is Charlize's mom and they basically co-parent together. I'm going to blame it on Rue.

And I'm going to say it's not us. The swearing thing goes a little far, right? It's like I've had kids say to me, like, you can't play that song because there's, it's not the clean version. You guys won't know this because you don't have kids, but literally kids will talk like that. Be like, no, we can't listen to this. It's not the clean version. And I'm like, we're listening to this. It's playing in my car. We're listening to it. So do you think it's like an overcorrection? Is it about teaching your kids how to like, just respectfully communicate that like these

are all words that we're all going to use at some point and it's just about how you're using them? Like you're not going to go out and call another kid on a playground a bitch. No, listen, I am probably not the right person. Any advice when it comes to swearing, because like Chelsea said, I really, I really love to swear. And I learned it from my mother and my mother is 10 times worse than I am. So I'm sure my kids are either going to go the complete opposite and not swear at all, or they're going to totally lean in and like,

you know, strap their flak jackets. But I feel like it's language that when you're older, you can, I don't feel comfortable with my kids up until like way into their teens, you know, saying bitch. Every once in a while, like I do think it's funny and I have to watch myself. Like the little one will say it with like, she's just lost her upper tooth. So she's got this big cap and she'd be like, beast. Every RuPaul, she gets one try. There's one chance. Like, and then she knows she can't say it again.

She's like, can I say it? Can I say it? I'm like, all right, go for it. She's like, bitch. Hey, you know what I was talking to Brandon about the other day that made me want to talk to you is we were talking about apologizing and how like one of the first times I learned to apologize was after you and I got in that really stupid fight in South Africa. We went to South Africa for your charity, CTAOP.

Charlize Theron African Outreach Program. Which everybody should know about. I was just being crabby or bitchy, and everyone kept using that phrase 100%. And you and Mary kept saying 100%, 100%, 100%. And finally, I was like, can you please stop fucking saying 100%? And Charlize was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's your problem, dude? And we got into like this fight because of that. Because you guys have been friends for a long time. Was this your first fight or disagreement? Pretty much. Yeah, for sure. Definitely. Yeah.

I feel like that was the first time that we spent like, we were together for close to two weeks, I feel like, right? We were traveling. And I feel like the old saying is true. Like you really get to know somebody when you travel with them like that's that's when you see them not just in an hourly period in a weekly schedule like you see them every single day and especially on those trips we do everything together we have breakfast together we eat dinner together we ride in vans together, you know, for five hours. And then we get on a plane. And so the whole it's intense travel. It's exhausting. And there's so many

moving parts to it. So. So then you're on this trip and this like even though it seems a minor conflict or conversation, what happens? Does it escalate? Who addresses it? Well, we left the trip and we were like I had bad vibes going at the end of the trip. Like I kind of blew up at dinner and then I like went up to my room and then we just all kind of like played nice for the rest of the trip, but we didn't really talk about it. So we flew home. And then when we got home after a few days had passed, I was like, one of us said, let's talk about it. And I went over to Charlize's and we had that really nice long talk. And, you know, that saying about being able to apologize is so liberating is cheesy, but it's so true. Being able to apologize is like such a friendship

builder also, because you end up you do become closer because you're more honest. You know, you can say I fucked up and I'm sorry and I won't do it again or I hope I'm not doing it again. You know, that sort of thing. So we were talking about that the other day and I just thought that was a sweet memory and I wanted to wish you a happy Mother's Day. So I thought, let's call my baby Kate. You know, the thing that I remember the most was, listen, your role, I hate this word, but your journey with Dan is really inspiring.

My therapist, Dan. And was then even to me because you were just the evidence of whatever he was sharing with you information-wise that was just, I thought really powerful because you changed. It was a deeper thing with you. And I think that was the thing that freaked me out a little bit was because nobody gets that upset about anybody saying a hundred percent, maybe way too much like I did on that trip but you know and having some perspective on like what we were doing there and like the conversations that we were having part of me was like who gives

a fuck if I say a hundred percent a thousand times we're talking about investing in youth here and like future leaders of Africa like fuck you so when we came back and you reached out to me it just I think the thing about good friends is that you reached out came over was not defensive at all told me a little bit about Dan but didn't say it in a way that felt like you were justifying your behavior and then I just remember you being so sincerely sorry. And I was like, fuck, like, that's grace right there. And deep down inside, I thought, thank you, because I don't say 100% 1000 times now. And I'm sure I sound way more intelligent. But I didn't want to let you know that in the moment. But yeah, I mean, I think of you almost

like Chelsea pre our Africa trip and then Chelsea after our Africa trip. Like it's really like, that's how I think of you. You've really changed so more than anybody in my life. Actually, you are the person in my life that has definitely made the biggest changes. So now looking back on this, do you think that you would have apologized immediately after? Or do you think you still would have needed some time to decompress from it? No, if I hadn't been in therapy, I would have been defensive still. I would have just been, you know. But now with your knowledge and your experience, is that something you would have had this altercation at dinner? Oh, yeah. I would never get upset at dinner for somebody saying 100%.

But would you apologize quicker? Yes, of course. Of course. Yes. Yes. I wouldn't have held on to it. I would have been like, I'm so sorry about my outburst. That's the best type of relationship.

The ones that you can and want to apologize for. Yes. You know what you just brought up was my bigger problem with her when she eventually came over because remember Chelsea I said to you I was like it's the fact that you just stayed there and like never addressed it and I felt like the rest of the trip was destroyed I was like we were like so weird with each other and then we had to sit on planes with each other and it was so fucking awkward and there were other people there and I was like I love that she calls me out on shit I love that that's who she is I hope she never loses. I don't mind her calling me out and

be like, you sound like an idiot. Don't say that. But there was this aggression behind it. And then she hung on to it. And I now know for a fact that that's not Chelsea anymore. Like I know that if something came up between us, Chelsea would address it. She wouldn't be defensive. She'd be sincere and wanting to know what the fuck it is. It's really, it's incredible. It's really inspiring. Okay, so can I ask for other people who are listening? What was the reasoning behind Charlize, you not addressing it, like giving her the day and then being like, hey, we can't go on the rest of the trip like this. So for people who have that dynamic with a friend or a family member, or one of them responds differently, like, you know, they need either more time or they hold on to things longer. I don't feel like maybe it's always the person's

responsibility who isn't holding on to it. But in that instance, why didn't you just address it knowing that you had these extra days? Oh, I listen. I should have. Yes, I should have. No, I think you did. You came up to my hotel room the next morning. I went to her room and, and I tried, but I would also be very honest in saying that I was really pissed. And I felt like there wasn't, there was so much. And this is again, you know, you have to watch yourself when you talk about this stuff because I don't

want it to sound like I'm making excuses, but like part of me was so pissed that I went to her room and I was like, instead of going to her room and be like, what's going on? I did say what's going on. And I knew we weren't going to get there. There was a lot, we were basically packing to get onto another plane, but you're right, Brandon. Like the thing that I learned was that I am a little bit scared of conflict. I'm scared of rocking the boat. Right.

And there was some stuff going on with my mom. We were home. We were kind of reminiscing about our family lives. And like, there was just some deeper issue stuff going on with me as well. So part of me going to that room, I wish I went to that room and just said, I'm not leaving here until you can actually just sit down, be quiet, look me in the eye, don't move, make eye contact and be fucking have a sincere moment with me where we look at each other and we're like, what are we doing? This is ridiculous. Well, because when I think of you two, that's how I see you and your dynamic together. Like I always compartmentalize her friends into her celebrity friends and then

her real friends. And you are like that centerpiece. You are a real friend who happens to be a celebrity. And a lot of times that wouldn't be a conversation that you have with another person who's just in the industry. You're on this trip and like you'd come and go and you'd never speak again. I think our connection is very, we became really good friends because I think we appreciate that directness. I think we appreciate that directness, that no bullshit. Like a lot of people are scared by that. I think Chelsea would speak that to you too. I've met women in my life who are like,

fuck, I'm just scared. Like you're too direct. You're too honest. Like, I don't know what's going to come out of your mouth. And I think when you meet a like-minded person, the way Chelsea and I met each other, we're like, fuck, okay, I'm not scared of you. She's like, I'm not scared of you, bitch.

As a matter of fact, stop saying 100% because you sound like a fucking yeah that's not our problem but i think in that moment i also realized like if we were gonna fight we were gonna be both stubborn right and like that's my problem i have to work with that like i find that sometimes i'm expecting way too much from the other person instead of just like bringing my end to it, my part, and then like letting it be. And like then going, okay, I did what I was supposed to do. Instead, I'm like, what are you going to do? How are you going to fix this? But again, that's kind of like the perfect way to wrap this up because that is you always go into these things with the intention to fix your part.

Like you can't fix the other person and you can't make them respond the way you want them to. So you just have to operate in the best way for yourself, knowing that you're doing what you can in that relationship. And so you can't always expect the other person to meet you halfway. So you kind of have to go yourself. And if they end up meeting you, great. And if not, like, you know, you've done your part.

What a beautiful wrap up, sweetheart. I don't know what I would have done if you and Charlize would have broken up. Am I going to see you later tonight? Yeah. Oh, awesome. I can't wait. You guys, I'm so proud of you for doing this podcast. This is so awesome. Thank you for taking the call. Yeah. You never know who's going to pick up. So wait, do people just call in like the like people just call in and ask questions and stuff? People call in for advice on stuff. And we either talk to them or we read their question and then we chime in.

Yeah, sometimes we have to bring an expert in. Yeah, sometimes we have to bring an expert in, a celebrity guest, you know, that kind of thing. You guys should probably make them sign some kind of a liability. Like, I mean... We try and preface to take all the advice. A non-disclosure agreement. Well, happy Mother's Day. Tell Gerda happy Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day, baby. Thank you. And don't take any of my kid advice, please. All right. Bye. Thank you. Bye. See you later.

I just love her. Let's tell people about Charlize's charity, please. Yeah. So it's Charlize Theron African Outreach Program. They provide schooling and education for people. They provide scholarships for young girls to go to college. And they do a lot of HIV prevention. And they serve tons of adolescents in all of Africa.

So it's really, really important work. Anything else, sweetheart? Well, they can donate online if they want to go to CharlizeAfrica. CharlizeAfricaOutreach.org. Yeah, they can donate right on the home screen. It's really easy. And the money is actually going to. And we donate, sweetheart, as a family.

We donate every year. Do your part. Donate. That would be a very good Mother's Day donation for anybody who's listening that's a mother and for anybody who's listening that's not a mother. We should all donate for Mother's Day. I'll make a donation in your name, sweetheart. Oh, sweetheart. Thank you. You're not a mother and that's not a mother, we should all donate for Mother's Day. I'll make a donation in your name, sweetheart. Oh, sweetheart. Thank you.

You're not a mother and that's for the best. Yes. Well, it seems like you and Charlize had very similar... Parenting styles. Yeah. Very similar takes on the swearing and not drawing attention to it, keeping it in the home. Yeah. So, I mean, maybe you're onto something. Maybe you could be a mother. I just know if I had a kid, I'd want them to be cool. Like, I want them to be cool. Don't be a

dick. Don't be an asshole. Don't throw your iPad ever at anybody or even... I wouldn I had a kid, I'd want them to be cool. Like, I want them to be cool. Don't be a dick. Don't be an asshole. Don't throw your iPad ever at anybody or even— I wouldn't want a kid like that. So I would have to be really diligent. You want your kid to have a childhood and experience that and enjoy it, but you also want them to operate a certain way around adults. Like, don't be a fucking asshole. Yeah.

I mean, I was a real fucking asshole growing up. Like, I was the worst that you could possibly be. I was. I put my parents through hell. Pregnancies, you know, I ran away. So you can have a kid to break that cycle. I can have a kid to break that cycle? You could. What cycle? I mean. Your asshole cycle. Oh, oh, right. I thought you meant my menstrual cycle.

No, your period is coming though. It's coming. It's always around the corner. I thought we were going to try and get me to get early onset menopause. Or is it outset? Is it outset? Onset. Well, when you're on the beginning, on the precipice of something, you're on the outset of it, though, aren't you?

You're the human thesaurus and dictionary. I don't know. You tell me. I'll have to look into it. All right. Well, thank you, Charlize. But we should probably be thanking Gerda, her mom, because whatever sort of parenting. Yeah, thanks, bitch.

That's what she calls me. Gerda calls me bitch and I call her bitch. Well, thank you, bitch. And thank you, Charlize, for calling and taking the time to do this. We learned a lot. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?

His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all.

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead.

It's called Really, No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our last submission comes from a Gabby. Is it my Aunt Gabby? Because that's like her to write in and propose to somebody else. Although I sure am posing as someone else.

Based on the context of this. Okay, read it. Okay. Dear Chelsea, my girlfriend wants kids. Not now necessarily, but in the next few years, which as a lesbian couple would require some effort. I love kids, and she's always wanted them and I didn't, so it's a bit of an adjustment for me. My girlfriend's suggestion is using my 18-year-old brother's sperm to make this hypothetical

child, causing my anxiety to quadruple. I bought a book on the subject, and honestly it covers too many batshit scenarios. My mom had the same idea as my girlfriend and offered up my brother's sperm. My mom recognized that my brother's too young to make that call and shared some of her own concerns. How old is he? What do you mean?

The brother's 18. Why is he too young? Oh, too young. No, because he's 18. My girlfriend is worried about picking some random sperm from a bank. So I guess the question is, how the fuck do you pick sperm?

I don't know, but I find the brother thing to be weird too. But it's something people go through. No, I, well, I get it and I get it. It's your genes, but like, are you that married to having your own? It's like, how important are those genes to you? I'm fine with someone else's genes. I prefer it actually. Just break that cycle. Yeah. I mean, she doesn't, she hasn't thought about that much about having a child in the first place and to have your brother's child. I mean, the brother's 18. That's really not fair to him either.

Well, let's see. Gabby's on the phone. So let's see what sort of movement they've had on this. Hi, Gabby. How you doing? I'm doing well. And yourself? Oh, well, we're just sitting here thriving as a couple.

Thank you for asking. What's going on with you? So I just yeah, I ran and just read me your submission. So you're a lesbian who wants to have a baby while your partner wants to have a baby, right? More so than you do, but everyone's contemplating now using your 18 year old brother's sperm. Is that right? Yeah, that's what's going on. Does that creep you out a little bit? Oh yeah. Yeah. First, we haven't even like talked to him. I think it's way too soon to talk to him. Yeah. Yeah. And the fact that he's 18,

it's like it's almost not fair to even ask him. It's inappropriate. Yeah, I would say it's inappropriate, too. And even in a couple of years, even if he is 21, I still think that's way too young to make a decision like that. Yeah. I mean, first of all, it's way too young. You're not even sold on. Okay. So you've been convinced to have a child and all of a sudden now your whole family's being roped into having the child. Like using a sperm donor, people do that all the time. Lesbian women do it all the time with or without partners. They use sperm donors so that it's not that difficult to find something that someone whose sperm will measure up to what you

guys are looking for. I don't think I'm being roped into it. Like I do want to have a kid. I just wasn't, it wasn't necessarily something on my mind right now. I think it is a little early to be having that conversation. But as far as having using a sperm donor, I think I'm more comfortable with that idea because it is it just makes more sense. It's also your baby. So you get to decide if you're going to use your brother's sperm or a sperm donors. Right. I mean, this is your baby with your partner. So it's not like they can, you know, just go and steal your brother's sperm unless you have a jar of it somewhere. it to be biologically both of ours you know she wants to see our traits and the both of our traits in the kid and it just happens to be that as a gay couple that that's that's not a thing that's

not real um but like I understand where she's coming from with that I think that's fair but I also think for me having a kid does not need to be biologically mine for me to love it. Like, I don't even necessarily think it has to be biologically my partner's for me to love the child. I could adopt and I could be content with that. And does she feel the same way? No, she could not adopt. She said it would have to be at least half ours. Yeah, I don't understand that. I don't understand why.

But this is, again, it's a very common. Adoption is just such a gift. You are saving a life. You know, why are people so against it? And why are people so attached to seeing their biological reproduction? Well, why though? What is that? I don't know what it is. I mean, why not get surprised by a brand new personality that has nothing to do with you. A live wire. Yeah, a live wire. Of course, listen, you can love any baby, obviously. That's what adoption is, you know. I mean, how could you not love a baby? Even I could love a baby if someone dropped one off at my doorstep and I had to take care of it. I mean, I wouldn't. I would hire someone. But I would take care of it financially, make sure that it was clothed and fed.

And, you know, I would do the right thing. I would have a baby. You would have a baby, Brandon. If somebody just, yes. But I don't understand the tie that people have to seeing by their own biological reproduction. You know what I think it is? Is that there is an element of wanting to correct issues that people had as children. And by having their own, they feel like, oh, I can redo all of these things that went wrong

in my childhood. Because now that I'm thinking about it in my own terms, that would be why I want one of my own. Then I'm like, no, no, no, we're going to amend all the issues that I went through and give you the childhood I wish I had. But I see it from both sides because my mom's adopted. Terrible scenario for her.

She had the best parents who adopted her, but she did not, she was not happy with the adoption process. Like she did not, she does not feel good about that. Your mother? My mother. Yeah, but you've already explained that your mother doesn't feel good about most things. So who cares what she thinks? Gabby, this is, we covered this earlier, but so from your partner's perspective, a lot of times people do have a reason why they, they saw something, watch something, talk to someone and they don't want to adopt for that reason. Or, you know, there's a more specific reason why they want a biological child of their own. But so many gay couples go through

this. I mean, I've had this conversation with my partner, and I actually pulled an article up from online of another lesbian couple who did this with their brother's sperm. And so the process that they went through, she says, for instance, it enabled us to have a child that was biologically related to both of us. And it was an amazing and unique way to keep our donor involved, which is an issue for a lot of people is do we have an open situation? Is it close? Are you close with your brother? No, not really. I mean, I'm not not close with them, but I was 18 years old. Right. I'm 29. There's a big gap. We kind of grew up differently. And so no, I'm not that close to them. And I also like I've read, I bought a bunch of books. I've read a little bit. They skim over, you know, using a relative's sperm. I wonder why? Cause it's weird. Yeah. And it's just like, I don't think I would ever want the donor involved. Like I wouldn't see them as a parent, like after the, when the kid's 18 years

old, if they want to connect with the donor, okay, that's your decision. But I wouldn't want to like use a friend's sperm. And so like to be like at Thanksgiving dinner and it's like, oh yeah, there's your uncle, dad. Like, yeah, yeah. Well, it sounds like, okay, so your partner's the one that wants a biological child of her own. So she can accomplish that with a sperm donor. And it seems like you're pretty cool without having a biological child of your own. So it seems like the right thing. Just get a sperm donor. And you're just going to agree to love the baby that has no biological relationship to you. Well, her qualms with that. And I'm starting to agree a little bit. I've been reading on like sperm donors is that you don't really know what you're getting. A lot of these guys donate when they're young and they need cash.

And so it's not like, you know, I'm doing this necessarily out of the goodness of my heart. I'm doing it for 50 bucks because I'm broke. And so even if you have a medical history, like you have a medical history of a kid up to the age of 20, and he's not necessarily going to contact the sperm bank and say, Oh, by the way, I found out like I have this medical issue or this medical issue. And then also you have these sperm donors who wind up helping a lot of couples have kids. So then if your kid is 18 years old and they want to connect with the donor dad, then they find out that they have, you know, 100, 500 half siblings,

especially now when you're doing those like little DNA tests you send in. I have a friend like that. She found out she has the son of another, like this guy donated all the sperm and it was really popular because he was tall, handsome, and very bright. So all these women picked his sperm and it was really popular because he was tall handsome and very bright so all these women picked his sperm and they all have his babies and they're

all starting to connect with each other talk about fucking futuristic and weird does that i mean will that creep out a kid like i mean i get all kids are going to have some sort of trauma like that's just unavoidable but it's a good way i mean, why not get the trauma? I think you have to lean into the fact that he's going to grow up in a diverse household anyway. Yeah. And why not get the trauma out of the way right away? Like this is what you can be mad at for the rest of your life. OK, you will find anything normal as long as you frame it that way to them. Like, hey, sometimes moms need help. They get help from Tom, Dick or Harry down at the sperm bank like it's all how you present it to kids so if you present it as this is the option this man helped this many people he's

gonna have a much different response to that than like this is what you've missed out on to a certain degree like oh you have all these siblings no no that's not how you frame it like look at how many kids this man was able to provide these families who really wanted one. Yeah. And I've read what I read. It says that kids of gay couples do seem more receptive and understanding of the sperm donor process versus straight couples who had fertility issues and then had to go with the donor just because children of gay couples are cooler. As soon as they understand how children are made, realize that, you know, this.

Yeah, I think, I also think finding like one people who want to get in touch with their sperm donor. I mean, that is a real stretch. It's like that is somebody who got paid for their sperm. Like, and you want to contact them and get to know them better. It's like, that's a really, then that's people who did a bad job at parenting.

If your kid is that desperate to meet his sperm donor, but I would agree with you that gay, I mean, children of gay couples do seem a little bit cooler and a little bit more progressive and with it. So, but I still would stick to the original plan, which is you get a sperm donor and in this day and age, you can get that background information about sperm donors that is available. Okay. I have one more. I have a question. I have a follow-up. I would say maybe they should use your sperm. You would have great... Someone's asked before. Oh, really? I'll tell you about that. Yeah. So, Gabby, what about having your egg and her egg, her being the carrier, inserted with the sperm from the same donor so that way the kids look alike

and also look like both of you to some degree. So now she has to have twins, Brandon? Well, you would. I'm just, I'm offering options here. What if you use both eggs and you just didn't tell each other, you just didn't know which one, which egg actually ended up being, oh no. Oh, then it was like roulette. No, but I think you can only do that with sperm, not eggs. Oh.

You have to use one egg, right? Or do you, no, no, you put in a bunch of eggs and a bunch of sperm and then whatever fertilizes. So no, no. You put in a bunch of eggs and a bunch of sperm and then whatever fertilizes. So you could do it. IVF or I see or IUI, you could do that. And that's something she's brought up. She said, like, you know, if we go the sperm donor route, then, you know, use her egg and the sperm and have a kid. And then if we have a second kid, use my egg and the sperm and have a kid. And then if we have a second kid use my egg and the same sperm,

that way you can kind of differentiate what are the characteristic, you know, like our characteristics in the children and what are the sperm donors characteristics being that you use the same sperm for each child. So it's just so multifaceted with all these gay couples. And I'm a lot more comfortable with that. Yeah, you are? With that idea, yes. Okay. Oh, well then that's, yeah, yeah, then do that. I think you have the answer that you came in with,

which is get a sperm donor and do that. What you just described sounds perfect. Okay, okay, thank you. Do you feel confident about your decision now? Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've always felt pretty confident with my decision. It's just the fact that it's not solely my decision. Yeah. But you're doing, I mean, I think you're contributing pretty much all that you're able to contribute. Right. Right. Without

your brother, leave your brother out of it. Yeah, no. The only reason I even considered that, which I didn't consider it very highly just because I think it was important to her, um, you know, to my girlfriend to have both of our characteristics. And obviously like, I want her to be happy. And also, you know, there's a cost associated with like sperm donation. So if you do it like at home, like at home insemination, they say to do like two vials every month and like frozen sperm for like healthy woman in her early thirties, no fertility issues. There's like a 10% chance of conception and they suggest using two vials. So it's like two grand a month. So like 10% chance, let's say after like six, seven months, you finally get pregnant. You're talking like 14

grand in sperm. And like, I don't know. That's just, A, it's a lot of money. And it's a lot of money for sperm. The idea that sperm isn't free is absurd. It is. So I guess that's one of the things where I was leaning towards, you know, my brother.

I'm like, ah, it'll make her happy. And also me from a cost perspective. Rationally, it's a more economic decision. Really with no regard for your brother's feelings at all in this situation. Keep us posted, Gabby. Please keep us posted. And if you find sperm donors, I would love to review those with you to see what's going on and help give you some direction that way. Yeah. And for next Mother's Day, I'm going to start donating sperm.

Mine? Mine. You're going to pimp me out. Thank you, Gabby. Thank you, Gabby. Have a great Mother's Day when you're a mother. Okay. Thank you.

Yeah. So I had a professor of mine after I graduated. I'd probably been graduated from college for two or three years. And she reached out asking if she, she was with a girlfriend. I think they had been long term at the time. What a compliment, sweetheart. And she reached out and she said, hey, this is going to be a really strange question, but would you ever consider being our sperm donor?

And I was about to start for you. I just had so much going on. And we had talked. That you thought I can't have a baby yet? Right. I was like, I'm not prepared for this. I'm about to start on my new life adventure with Sweetheart. I'm not ready to be a dad, even a distant dad. But the conversation never ended up really going

anywhere. I think they had broken up. Well, I tried to donate my eggs when I was broke and I was in my 20s and I was waitressing and I went in and donated my eggs. I filled out a questionnaire, did an hour interview, and they rejected me and said that I should seek a psychiatric evaluation. And did you? No. I just, I was so excited to make like the $3,500. So I was crestfallen when I didn't, when I found out that I was psychotic. Well, I'll schedule it for this week. Yeah, maybe I can donate my eggs now.

I have a girlfriend who donates eggs regularly and you get more and more as you do it. Oh, you get more and more eggs? You get more money. Oh, oh, I see. So it seems like a pyramid scheme to me. I don't know how it works, but. An egg pyramid scheme. It sounds like something I want to stay away from. I don't blame you. Okay, well, that was part two of our debut episode. We did it, sweetheart. We covered a lot of topics. We launched a podcast. We did it.

We have a podcast, Dear Chelsea. I look forward to this little new home of ours, and I will see and hear. Well, you'll hear me, and I will see you. You get the gist. We'll be back every week on Thursdays. All right, and for anyone who does want to write in, they can do that at Dear Chelsea Project. D-E-A-R-C-H-E-L-S-E-A-P-R-O-J-E-C-T at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea Project at gmail.com.

That's wonderful. Okay. Thanks for listening. Happy Mother's Day, everybody. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, Brandon. Not anytime soon, sweetheart. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500,

a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.