Dear Chelsea - My D*ck is Exhausted with Boom Boom "Jeff" Hiller

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

Jeff Hiller joins Chelsea in NY to talk about finally booking the role that launched him, why casting directors love to give you a soft ghost, and the *one* little problem that kept him from becoming a pastor.  Then: A couple wonder if they should be opening up or breaking up.  A gay son wants to get his mom to stop pushing her religious agenda on him.  And a daughter struggles when her mom gets remarried to her Uncle Daddy. * Pick up Jeff’s book Actress of a Certain Age here! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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or wherever you go to find your podcast. So what happened at Chappaquiddick? Well, it really depends on who you talk to. There are many versions of what happened in 1969 when a young Ted Kennedy drove a car into a pond. And left a woman behind to drown. Chappaquiddick is a story of a tragic death and how the Kennedy machine took control. Every week we go behind the headlines and beyond the drama of America's royal family.

Listen to United States of Kennedy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Where in the world are you right now? I'm in London. I'm in London. I just finished Glastonbury. I still have my voice intact. I have my body parts intact.

It was a wild, wild ride. I'm hoping... Well, I don't know what kind of photographs are out there, but there might be some. Things got pretty, pretty carried away, as one can imagine. And I had never been to Glastonbury before, and now I know what it's all about.

And it was ridiculous. It is one of those ones you hear about, always being like very epic, very wild, but very fun. Yeah, I usually don't like, like, a music festival, just by the nature of being outside and like the heat and all those people. But Glastonbury just has a different ring to it.

And so I had to come up, and I had so many friends that are going. And so, yes, we had a wild, wild time. And let's just say I dosed a lot of people. Oh, fantastic, fantastic. With your LSD that you're no longer traveling. I don't travel with drugs. I don't travel anywhere with drugs. I don't have drugs. I don't do drugs. She's drug-free.

As long as I'm in London, that's the story I'm sticking to. And my name is Chelsea Handler, and I am drug-free. I only like alcohol Excellent. Well, we have a really fun guest today. I know he's so funny. Oh my god, you guys know him from somebody somewhere He's hilarious and he has a new book that's out and his name is Well, his Instagram name is boom boom. Hiller and that's what I call him during the entire episode, but his name is Jeff. Hiller Okay, we're sitting here with Jeff. I want to call you Boom Boom. Do I want to call you Boom Boom because that's your Instagram handle?

That is my Instagram handle. Okay, Boom Boom Hiller is here, everybody. For anybody who knows him on Instagram. And for those of you who know him from his hit show on HBO with Bridget Everett, Somebody Somewhere, which is in its third season, right? You're about to shoot your third season or is it about to air?

The third season already aired, yeah. Third season already aired. Okay, Boom Boom, otherwise. Third season already aired, okay. Boom Boom, otherwise known as Jeff Hiller, has a new book called Actress of a Certain Age, My 20 Year Trail to Overnight Success. This is a very, very, very funny book and there's a lot of highlights, so let's get into it.

First, I wanna talk about your upbringing, cause you grew up in Texas, okay, as a gay boy man. You had a man, right? Yeah, and a little bit of a girl. Yeah, and your childhood sounded, I mean, your school experience just made me wanna start a group. Like, I wanna start a parenting group for parents

to make sure that their children don't treat other children so horrendously. I wonder if there are actual parents out there that are proud of having their children be bullies. I mean, there's all kinds, right? That's right. Of course there are all kinds. But it's just harrowing to go through. I mean, I was bullied. I was a bully at certain points. Oh, really? Yeah, because I had to flip the switch. I was like, fuck this shit. I'm going to be the fucking bully if you're going to bully me.

Oh, my God. I think I'm feeling support for bullies now. Yes. It's so beautiful. Yeah, I need a support group for other bullies. That's actually what I'm trying to get at. So thank you for helping me get there. But your childhood in school and the torturing

or the teasing and the bullying just sounded terrible. Yeah, it was bad. It was, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, and when you look back at that now, what do you think? Do you think it helped build character? I mean, it probably did.

I wouldn't say that that's a reason to encourage it for your children, but I, yeah, I think it did. I think that's why I'm funny now. I think that was like a self-coping mechanism, you know, to try and be like, try and be like, let me make you laugh so you won't hit me. That kind of thing. Yeah, absolutely.

You're like, I have to find out. Like in one scene you're on the bleachers with somebody and you're like, why do you keep kicking me? And he says it's because of the way you hold your books in school. So you were, cause you were holding them to your chest, like a little girl. And so they were making fun of you

for not holding your books to the side, like the way our strong man should hold his books. Exactly. And to this day, I can't hold my... If I ever hold myself like this, I'm like, oh, butch it up, you know? I have to put my hand down. Yeah, don't get a briefcase. You're going to walk around holding it to your chest, looking like a real asshole, you know?

Well, I mean, when they say it builds character, it's always like, you know, I remember going through high school and going through high school and going through those periods of time where some girl would call me up and be like, we're gonna kick the fucking shit out of you tomorrow. And you're like, my mom's like, it's okay. Everything's gonna be, I'm like,

it doesn't sound like it's gonna be okay. And how is this character, like- So sweet of your mom though. It's like character building. Like, I don't know how it builds character because it seems like a nice pat answer for when the bullying is happening. But I wonder if it really does builds character. Because it seems like a nice pat answer for when the bullying is happening. But I wonder if it really does build character.

It definitely builds a resourcefulness for you to deflect, deter, and wiggle. Yeah, and I mean, whatever. I think it's always nice to find the silver lining, but I would, it was really, I think I could have gotten sufficient character with just 80% less of the torture. Yeah, no, when I was reading it, I was traumatized for you. I was like, this poor kid.

I was like, no wonder. I mean, no wonder I don't know what, but no wonder like, No wonder you're like this. Just no wonder you're like this, absolutely. So you grew up in Texas and you fantasized about becoming a pastor, but that wasn't gonna work because.

Big ol' homo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I mean, thank God. I don't think I would have been happy being a pastor, and I feel like if I had been born straight, I probably would be a pastor right now and have a nice life, I guess,

but I think I would have not been able to perform in the way I wanted to perform, so it's good. It's good I got to be gay. Well, you're still a churchgoer, though. You like church. Yeah. Which is kind of similar to your character on the show. Yes, yes.

You're kind of pastor-like on the show as well. Yeah, yeah. And that's just a coincidence. They had written that. They didn't write it for me. How funny. I know. Isn't that weird?

Yeah. But yeah, that was just a beautiful little coincidence. And I do like Jewish, I don't go every Sunday or anything like that. You don't? No, and my husband's Jewish, so it's not like- So there's a conflict. Yeah, exactly.

Well, congratulations on getting a husband. See, everything worked out for you, okay? That's all any girl needs is a husband. It's true, it's all I've wanted since I was playing with my dolls. The book talks about all sorts of things. It talks to you, you quote lots of different memoirs of lots of different famous people,

myself included, I believe I was in there. And you also go over lots of humiliating auditions and on-camera roles. So let's start with some of those. What do you think was your most, I find auditioning degrading also. Like I find that to be an insult to anyone's, first of all, you use such beautiful teeth.

I just wanna say that. Thank you. I'm very much into teeth and mouths and I like when they are put together well. And yours, I don't know if they were put together or if that happened naturally, but they're nice. You know, I just went to the dentist and the hygienist was like,

there's nothing to clean. You must floss. You must actually floss. And I was so proud. God, that is something to be proud of. I was like, yes, give me a star. Every time I go to the dentist, she's like, oh my God, when was the last time you were here?

I was like, two fucking months ago, bitch. You told me to come every two months. And then she's like- I just didn't come every two months? Yeah, and I don't know if she's trying to hose me because she knows I'll just pay for it because I care so much about dental hygiene. But she'll be like, oh, there's a lot of plaque buildup.

I'm like, that's impossible. I just got here two months ago. I haven't even eaten anything since I last saw you. How could there be plaque buildup? That is shocking. Sometimes I actually just left one dentist for another because I felt like the other dentist was like, shaking me down.

It was like every time I went there, there was something else crazy wrong. You're like, you need an x-ray. It's like, do I? I'm pretty sure my teeth are set. Like, I'm pretty sure you're not gonna find a fucking cavity now. 50.

Exactly, exactly. But then I went to this new one and they were like, no, we still need an x-ray. And I was like, maybe they're all shaking us down. But to go back to auditioning, you know what? I feel like my self-esteem is so low that I'm just like, I deserve to audition. So I'm like, let me dance for you.

Let me dance for you, daddy. Yeah, but I mean, some of your on-camera work, your early on-camera work was as degrading as an audition. Absolutely. Let's talk about the one in the stall where you had to basically, well, there's two scenes that I'm thinking of right off the top of my head. One is the butthole, waxing the butthole,

and then the second one was the stall. By the way, I don't want us to explain either of these. I just want them to be like waxing the butthole. Out there, perfect, right, out there. I mean, elaborate, please. Okay, so. For our listeners, these are fun stories that are within the book,

along with many other fun stories, but I'm gonna focus obviously on the most humiliating aspects. Which I truly appreciate. So I got hired to be in this sitcom that was originally supposed to be a straight woman, and they sold it to Logo, and they were like, can you just make the lady a homo? And they were like, sure.

And so then one of the scenes, they were like, we want to spice it up, make it more gay. So I was playing an esthetician and they were like, we're going to have you do laser hair removal on your client's butthole while you're doing this scene. And I was like, so I have to just stare at an actor's bare butthole? And they're like, he'll be wearing a modesty pouch. And a modesty pouch-

And you're like, what am I gonna be wearing? A fucking face mask? Who gives a shit what he's wearing? Also, a modesty pouch just covers your balls and your dick, it doesn't cover the hole. So it was just like staring into- An abyss. Yes, exactly.

What did you call it in your book? A chocolate cheerio? What did you say? Leather cheerio. I want everyone to visualize a leather cheerio. And if you can't find one, get a mirror, put it on the ground, take your pants down and do a squat. Okay. Then there was another scene in a bathroom

where you had to simulate, you were like, you're giving a blowjob, right? I was hired as a gay hooker and I was, yeah, on my knees giving a blowjob. I mean, you know, I wasn't actually, it was for FX. For the purposes of this story, I would like to pretend that you were actually giving a blowjob, okay?

I'll do anything for this job, anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I just had to, yeah, I was staying, sit on my, or be on my knees and hold this background actor's butt. And you know, like be going like this.

And then I had to go like, like peek around and say my one line. And then they ended up not even using that footage. They just had me come in and do ADR later. Yeah, exactly. Audio, they had came in and having him loop the, which ADR means audio for the movie when he's not even on camera now.

And then being directed by a guy that's not the director. No, he was just like, just sit, cause it was only one line. And he was like, oh, they want it pretty flamboyant. And so I jokingly did it. The line was, that's just so wrong, or that's just wrong. And I went like, that's just wrong. And I was like joking like, like that.

And he was like, yeah, that's perfect, thank you. And then I was done. Yeah, God, so humiliating, right? I mean, this business is so fucked up. I know. It is. It's unbelievable the things that people have to go through. I mean, I think- I know, but also, if that show had called me back,

I would have gone in a heartbeat. Of course, of course you would have. Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean? There's not a lot to stop you. You talk a lot about achieving success and how long it's taken you. And that you would always kind of use as a barometer other people's like when was-

Yeah, so stupid, but yes. Well, it's not because I think it's very common. People have these timelines and everything. People get very rigid about when they're gonna achieve certain things in their life. Like when am I gonna be successful? I remember always looking at Jennifer Aniston that she got friends when she was 32 years old.

So I related to this part of your book because I always thought as long as by 32, if I've got my, I have until I'm 32, like I always had that in my head based on her success, which is so silly and so stupid. But luckily- But then I would move the line sometimes. Yeah, of course, because you get older

and you're like, why am I still fucking waiting tables? You're like, oh my God, how long is this gonna go on? I know, and I was in LA for pilot season and I heard a podcast with Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman and they were like, we both got our shows at 39. And I was 39 and I was like, I've got one pilot season left. And of course, nobody wants to hire you when you're like,

please, please hire me. I've only got this one season left. Yeah, so talk about how Somebody Somewhere came along. That really just came right out of, came right for you. It did. It's, I mean, a perfect role for you. I know. After reading your book, I'm like,

this is kind of exactly who this character is. I know, and it was, again, it was like just whatever, fate. I have a, not a friend, a person I know. I write about this in the last chapter, but it's like- A sponsor? No, no, just a frenemy, I think is more the word I'm looking for. Okay, a frenemy, okay. Or not even a frenemy, just someone I'm like,

oh, what are you doing? Anyway, this person told me- A friend that you don't like. It's a friend that you don't like. Let's just say what it is. We all have them. This person said me... A friend that you don't like. It's a friend that you don't like. Let's just say what it is. We all have them. This person said to me, the reason you got your sitcom is because your mom died.

And so like all of her good energy went out in the world and like... Helped you? Yeah. And part of me is like, what are you talking about? Also, like don't say that to people. They're going to kill their mom to get a sitcom. But I do kind of feel like there is some truth to that because it does feel really perfect.

You mean somebody somewhere? Yeah, yeah. That doesn't feel like a sitcom to me. So that's where you threw me off. Oh. That doesn't feel like a sitcom. I feel like sitcoms, I think of like multi-cam, live audience.

What a dream it would be left to. Well, for you it would be because you're gay. But for me, that's like, I fucking hate that shit. And I love live audience because I'm a standup. But I like cameras and like- But you had your own multi-cam. Did I? Barely.

I mean, it was about one of my books and then they forced me to be in it. It was just not, it was not running on all cylinders, that's for sure. That's not my world. Like I have to be real. I can't be like that. You know what I mean?

I can't be like doing things 50 times and over, you know, like in front of a live audience. Like I find that very cheesy. There's no improvisation. Like I like to be able to improvise. So a sitcom is not for me. That's not my bucket. In case you haven't fucking caught on, okay?

See, that's what's so great about you is you know yourself so well. Don't you know yourself well at this age? How old are you right now? I'm 49. Okay, I'm 50. I just turned 50. So we're the same age.

Yeah, exactly. So I would, don't you think you know yourself really well too? I guess I'm not as emphatic about it. Do you think that you're actively learning new things about yourself? I mean, it's not as frequent that I'm learning something, you know, really shocking about myself as it was in like your 20s or something.

But yeah, I think I still... What was something that you found out about yourself in your 20s that shocked you? Well, that I was fine with rejection. Because I told my mom I wanted to be an actor and she's like, oh, you could never handle the rejection. I was just like, oh, okay. And then I started doing it. I was like, this is nothing compared to getting just like, oh, okay. And then I started doing it and I was like,

this is nothing compared to getting bullied in high school or whatever. I was like, a soft ghost where they never tell me if I got it, totally fine. Rather than getting hit in the head with a fucking trapper keeper, absolutely. I would choose that any day of the week. Excuse me, I just quiet burped just for our guest.

I love that Boom Boom is your Instagram name because I call everything a boom boom. Like when I say lower the volume, I always go lower at one boom boom. Like if I'm talking to someone about a remote, I always say, oh, did you like if someone farts, I go, is that a boom? Did you make a boom boom? And I mean, boom boom is applicable to like if my bra strap is like, I'll say like, can you like tighten it? Like if they're if they're getting me dressed, I'll say, can you tighten it one boom boom? Like I use boom boom all the time. So I just love that that's your Instagram name.

That was what first drew me to you. Yeah. Well, I feel like when I started it, it was cause like whenever anybody would say anything slightly sexy, I'd be like, boom, boom. But then recently- You realize how unsexy that is? Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

And also people told me that a lot of, when people were children, a lot of parents called taking a crap a boom boom. A boom boom, yeah. I call it a should do be, but there is a boom boom factor to that too. I didn't wanna throw your name in shit right there. I actually left that part out.

The jig is up. But you brought it back, so good for you. Thanks actually left that part out. The jig is up. But you brought it back. So good for you. Thanks. Still learning about myself. Yeah, you're still learning. So we all are. So talk to me now about the success

of being on this show for three seasons, what it means to you about your relationship with Bridget, whom I love. And of course, you guys mean Bridget Everett, who Jeff stars with on Somebody Somewhere. Bridget once told me, we were on the Vineyard, Martha's Vineyard at Amy Schumer's house, and she told me one of the funniest sex stories I've ever heard.

One of the most enthralling sex stories I've ever heard. And I could not ever get it out of my mind. But I will leave that to tell, share on her own. But tell me about working with her, tell me about working on the show. Well, I was like, I admired her. I was like, I was kind of like the character and then I was like obsessed with her.

I just, I always went and saw her shows in New York and stuff. And then she just out of the blue emailed me and said, would you be willing to audition for my HBO show? And I was like, tempting. I was like, yeah, I guess I'll, you know, Dane to do it. And I read the character and I was like, oh, you know, this, you know, Dane to do it. And I read the character and I was like,

oh, you know, this is me. I think she wrote this for me. And they were like, no, we didn't, we didn't. They didn't? No. They didn't? No, and so many people have told me that they also auditioned for it.

And- Oh, wow. Yeah, so I know, I mean, it doesn't matter, I got it. Yeah, it doesn't matter really. We need to look forward, not in the rear view. But you used to always go see her perform, right? And her cabaret, she performs cabaret, right? I don't wanna-

Exactly, but it's not like- She's incredible, she has an incredible voice. Wild and insane and funny, really, really, really, legit hilarious funny. Not like, it's not like, you know, I once heard this song. It's really. Yeah, I had to go see somebody do cabaret once and I honestly could not believe it. Once.

I did. I went once. It was a friend and I couldn't stay until the end because I couldn't face her afterward. It was just the opposite of everything that I respond to. That's exactly what you just did right there. Like this talking slash singing to the audience. I am not on board for that at all. I wanna circle back to-

It's embarrassing. That's not Bridget. No, that's not Bridget at all. Bridget has a force and has her own thing going. She's very unique. I wanna circle back to learning more about yourself at our age because I think I was thinking about this the other day.

Like I heard something about a friend and I wasn't involved at all, but I'm an interloper. I like to involve myself, you know? Respect. And it was an issue that I was like, you can't do that. It's bullying. It's mean to this person, blah, blah, blah. And I had overheard it. And I said, I had overheard it from some friends.

I'm like, I'm going to say something to her. I have to. And they both just kind of looked at me and went, well, it's really none of your business, but of course you're gonna do it. And I was like, because she's gonna hear it from me and she's gonna know that it's serious. Like if I heard this, and I was hesitant

to even get involved, but I was like, no, actually she needs to hear it from me because I know she's gonna take it seriously from me, rather than my group of friends that were talking to her. Like there's a little bit more of a dynamic between us, which is I know that she would listen. And I thought this is exactly the kind of thing that you do, Chelsea.

Like I thought before, I was like, there was a moment of hesitation and I said, maybe you don't get involved. And I go, no, no, no, this is actually like important to say out of respect for all women. Like it was one of those things. And when I did it, it was one of those things. And when I did it, it was a reminder of who I am.

You know what I mean? Like that, yes, you're always gonna do that. You're always gonna do the right thing. You're always gonna be the person that says the uncomfortable thing because it's important. Not just to fucking swing my dick around. It has nothing to do with that.

I'd rather not swing my dick around. My dick is exhausted. Will you name this episode, My Dick is Exhausted with Boom Boom? I'd absolutely be happy to. Okay, thank you. I actually agree, same. My dick is also exhausted. But I think that the moment of self-reflection before you did it, that's what's important.

And that's where it's growth. Yeah, that's what's important. But it's also, the other side of it was how reliable I am to myself and to my, like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not gonna let things fall under, like, sweepy swept under the rug. I'm not that personality. I don't like that.

I'm always gonna stand up when something needs to be said on behalf of a person, an underdog, a woman, whomever. You know what I mean? And I like that about myself. And sometimes it is being an interloper, but guess what? The net result was exactly what I wanted it to be, where this woman was like, I can't believe you heard this.

I can't believe anyone said that. I can't believe I said that. I'm so embarrassed that you know about this. And I'm like, I know, but like you can't do stuff like that to other women. Like it's so uncool, especially when you have a daughter, you know? So it was like one of those moments

where I was really happy I did it. And I was reminded of my reliability. And I don't know why I'm bringing this up, but I mean, I'm just talking about learning and growing with yourself. You kind of start to settle into your personality. And then while there are things you always want to change, there are also things we should remind ourselves that we like about ourselves. Yes, exactly.

But I think also, if you hadn't thought, wait, is this something I want to do, then I don't think you would have known that either. Exactly. And that's about the growth, too. And I like my big thing is I want to have compassion for everyone. And I just made this realization recently where and I always say for everyone. And in my mind, that means like, you know, Donald Trump or whatever, like, you know, like even though he is oppressive to people and groups,

including groups I'm a member of. But I realized I'm not ever compassionate to me. Towards yourself. Yeah. And that was a thing that I just realized about myself. And now I'm really being active to be like, I've journaled for years. And when I was writing this book and I'd go back and look at my journal,

I was like, Jesus, I'm the most mean to my, I mean, it was just like, ah, stupid Jeff. I mean, if I'd found this from someone else, I would have been like, what is wrong with this person mentally? Like, why are they so obsessed with me? And I found that anyway. So that's like a thing where I'm like, okay, I'm growing.

And it's about self-reflection. And it's about like taking that little moment to be like, wait, who are you? What are you doing this for? Why are you doing this? And then you can feel good about being the interloper versus, whoops, I interloped with. Yeah, I used to interlope too much.

Like when I wasn't involved and it wasn't my friends, I would be a stranger on the street. And I have a problem with that. So, but I've basically modulated my behavior. Is that the word? Is there any way we can make it a little cooler in here? Jeff took his pants off and I am now, I feel like I'm going through perimenopause

for the second time. Turn it down one boom boom. I like your mustard socks. Oh, thank you. I mean, I think I do. I'm just, thank you. I like that mustard socks. Oh, thank you. I mean, I think I do. I'm just, thank you. I like that it's a- What was that about?

Always being truthful? I'm digesting them, but I like the outfit that you've put together. It's like an ensemble piece, and I like it. I like it. Oh, I read on camera and I was like, make it cute. Oh, that feels so good already. Thanks. I'm very specific about air conditioning. I want it.

I mean, I want it all the time. I want it at night. I want it during the day. I feel like when there's not circulate, like especially if I'm on stage, like the theater has to be fucking cold. Well, and especially for, to do comedy, people don't want to laugh when it's like swampy.

Yeah, well, some people don't mind that. Some people just sit and sweat and they don't care. And you know what I call those people? New Yorkers in the summertime. Just sitting and sweating and walking through this like, you know, there's something really gross about New York with this steam coming up in the summertime from the subways and from the sewers when it's already hot.

And it's just like cement mixing in the air with like dog shit and who fucking knows what. Home sweet home. But like it doesn't even have to be summer. Like I was there a couple weeks ago in the spring, like in April and it was like 50 degrees and I'm sweating. I was just like, why is it so gross? The air is terrible.

Well that sounds like perimenopause, Catherine. There you go. I'm going through it again. 50 degrees and sweating sounds like something. How long have you been married? I don't know how long married, but 17 years together. 17 years together. And what does your husband do for a living?

He's a visual artist. Okay. And he teaches visual art. And how did you know that he was the person that you wanted to marry? Well, when we got the legal right. Was he the only person that asked you? He's exactly my type.

Willing. When we had our first date, he had volunteered at a shelter for women at a synagogue the night before, and I had volunteered at a shelter for men at a Lutheran church the night before, and it just felt too cute to not really go in. That is really, really sweet.

Yeah, it felt very like ordained or what have you. Yeah, I mean, two volunteers, what are the chances of that? Well, listen, when you're dating in New York City, it's pretty rare. Yeah, it would be pretty rare. Do you still volunteer? Yeah, not with that same shelter anymore, but yes, I do.

Oh, good for you. I always, yeah, I wish I were someone who volunteered. Well, you can't, I mean, you can't. Yeah, I could, I could. You could volunteer. Barack Obama and Michelle Obama go to soup kitchens and volunteer. Not every week or anything. No, they don't. But yeah, it would be a nice thing to do. I like to think I'm doing good things in other ways, you know? But who cares about being famous? I'm not talking about that aspect of things

and volunteering. You know, you either can volunteer or not. It really doesn't matter who you are. Yeah. And shout out to all the famous people who are doing it. And not getting photographed. If you're famous and volunteering, does it even count if there's no camera?

I don't know. What's something that you've learned about from being married for this or being together with someone for 17 years? What's something that you've learned about yourself? Did you know you would be this good in a relationship? I mean, am I good? I don't know.

I mean, like it just lasts cause you don't leave it. It's not like, I mean, I guess the thing that I learned is like, you do have to work at it. You do have to like check in with people. And there can be times when you're like, oh man, I really have been sort of neglecting my spousal duties. That sounds like oral.

I mean, like, I'm not just- Waxing his butthole, is that what you meant to say? Exactly. No, just like, I'm not just... Waxing his butthole, is that what you meant to say? Exactly. No, just like, I'm busy with my career and I'm doing press for this book right now. And so, we have a day every Saturday that we is like, that's a sacred day. We can't, if something really big comes up,

we can say yes to it, but we need to like check in with the other and stuff like that. And that's the kind of thing that I really would not have done. Picture it for yourself. Yeah, exactly. That you would have to carve out that kind of time.

Yeah, exactly. And that, like I kind of just thought it would all just happen organically. Yeah, I think, but it is important to know that relationships take work. You're not just gonna, you know, people have this idea, especially young dumb girls have this idea, like they're gonna get married and everything's just gonna come together. And it's like, you know, people have this idea, especially young dumb girls have this idea, like they're gonna get married

and everything's just gonna come together. And it's like, you're not taking into account any of the pitfalls of a long-term relationship and what can happen. And all of the drama that goes along with like life changes and job changes and city changes. Every relationship takes work, even friendships take work. Exactly.

During certain times, you know, hopefully it's not all work, but yeah. Right, and occasionally there's annoying, and like sometimes, I think that's a surprise too, is that like sometimes I get annoyed by him, which like, of course, like you get annoyed by your roommate, why wouldn't you get annoyed by the person who's not only in your apartment, but in your bed, and you just have to think like,

well, first of all, we, because I'm a real people pleaser, so for a lot of the beginning of our relationship, I just to think like, well, first of all, we, cause I'm a real people pleaser. So for a lot of the beginning of our relationship, I just never said like, it bugs me when you do whatever. And so that's the big thing that's been for me has been, has been like, okay, is this something that is worth saying? I want, you know, do I, do I pull a Chelsea? Do I say it?

And that's been a really big learning curve and it needed a lot of like therapy and stuff. Yeah, no, I can relate to that completely. Oh really? Yeah. I'm surprised. Because I used to just pop off and now it's more like discerning.

I'm more discerning and it's more focused and targeted. Right, and I used to just suppress. Right, I would now know. I have the opposite, explode, explode, explode. You're suppressed, suppressed, we're opposite. Do you know what number you are on the Enneagram? Do you know what an Enneagram? Three wing two. No, no, I have the opposite. Explode, explode, explode. You're suppressed, suppressed, we're opposite. Do you know what number you are on the Enneagram? Do you know what an Enneagram is?

Three wing two. Oh, okay, three wing two. I'm an eight wing seven. Or it might be a two wing three. Oh, that's like, oh, that, yeah, that makes total sense. I'm just getting into the Enneagram and I love it. But you know when I first found out I was a three? In college, when I was in my Christian college,

I took a class called Vocations and Voices and our campus pastor gave us the Enneagram test. Isn't that surprising? Yeah, that sounds like modern, very modern. Because I feel like the Enneagram is like a new thing. I mean, but I don't know why I think that. Well, it was at least around in 1993 or four. It was, that's when the internet was invented least around in 1993 or four. It was.

That's when the internet was invented by Al Gore in 1994. Do you remember that? Yes, I do. Thanks, Al. We're going to take a break, and we'll be right back with Jeff Heller. So what happened at Chappaquiddick? Well, it really depends on who you talk to.

There are many versions of what happened in 1969 when a young Ted Kennedy drove a car into a pond. And left a woman behind to drown. There's a famous headline, I think, in the New York Daily News. It's, Teddy escapes, blonde drowns. And in a strange way, right, that sort of tells you. The story really became about Ted's political future,

Ted's political hopes. Will Ted become president? Chappaquiddick is a story of a tragic death and how the Kennedy machine took control. And he's not the only Kennedy to survive a scandal. The Kennedys have lived through disgrace, affairs, violence, you name it. So is there a curse? Every week we go behind the headlines and beyond the drama of America's royal family. Listen to United States of Kennedy

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. -♪ Don't miss the You vs. You podcast. Join Lex Borrero every week as he sits down with some of the biggest names in entertainment to talk about the real stuff, the struggles, the doubts, and the breakthroughs that made them who they are.

They go deep, covering childhood trauma, family, overcoming loss, and the moments that shape their journey. These honest conversations are meant to take the cape off our heroes with the hope that their humanity inspires you to become a better you and therefore set you free to live the life of your dreams. Here's a sneak peek. I'm trained to go compete. I'm trained to be like harder, but sometimes that mentality

stops you from stopping and smelling the flowers in your own garden. Is it wrong to want more? We migrated, our family migrated here. I'm like second generation. Listen to You vs. You as part of My Kultura podcast network. second generation. Listen to You vs. You as part of My Kultura podcast network. Available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I know a lot of cops, and they get asked all the time,

have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. Across the country, cops called this Taser the revolution. But not everyone was convinced it was that simple. Cops believed everything that Taser told them. From Lava for Good and the team that brought you Bone Valley comes a story about what happened when a multi-billion dollar company dedicated itself to one visionary mission. This is Absolute Season

One, Taser Incorporated. I get right back there and it's bad. It's really, really, really bad. Listen to new episodes of Absolute Season One, Taser Incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge episodes one, two and three on May 21st and episodes four, five and six on June 4th. Add free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene, the podcast where silence is broken and stories

are set free. I'm Ebene and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that will challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all, childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the strength to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house.

Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on the street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines.

Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. And we're back with Boom Boom Jeff Hiller. He is the author of his latest book, well, his only book. It's called Actress of a Certain Age, My 20 Year Trail to Overnight Success.

Let's put him on the New York Times bestseller list, okay guys? Let's all make sure we order a copy to support him and how funny this book is because I read it, you're gonna laugh, it's worth it. We all need something to escape and we all need to be laughing a lot more as far as I'm concerned. Okay, we're gonna take some callers

and we're gonna give advice, okay? Catherine, what do we have in store for us? Well, I love that you called him Boom Boom Jeff Hiller, like the Jeff is in quotes, that's my favorite. For me, the Jeff is in quotes. It's actually Boom Boom Hiller. Well, our first question comes from Rob. He says, help, I'm a liberal gay man

and my mom won't stop sending me Bibles. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 36 year old gay man who's been out and proud for 14 plus years. I come from a very evangelical, republican, Midwestern family, and I'm the polar opposite of them all. I still identify as Christian, but in a more new agey spiritual way. I can count on one hand how many times in the past decade I've seen the inside of a church and it was probably for a wedding or a funeral.

Or because it's my polling place and I was voting blue down the ballot. I'm super progressive and my family knows this about me as I'm extremely outspoken about it. Overall, they've been very loving and accepting of who I am. They've really come a long way. However, my mom especially continues to shove religion down my throat. I have more Bibles than I possibly know what to do with,

yet for my last birthday, she sent me another one. I wanted to be like, thanks, let me just go add this to the stack of other Bibles you've sent me over the years. A couple of years ago for the 4th of July, she sent me a bunch of Americana shit to put around my house, including, but not limited to, a red, white, and blue cross that says, God bless America. Barf. Basically any opportunity she gets, she sends me some Christian crap that I don't need or want. It doesn't help that she works at Hobby Goddamn Lobby and gets a discount. Basically, any opportunity she gets, she sends me some Christian crap that I don't need or want.

It doesn't help that she works at Hobby Goddamn Lobby and gets a discount. I know she's coming from a loving place and means well, but I swear to God, if I get one more effing Bible or Christian knickknack in the mail, I'm going to scream. Please help, Rob. First of all, why are people sending Bibles? Is there new information coming out in the Bible? Is there a new edition or something? I think for certain Christian folks, like, a different,

there might be a different translation or have like a nice cover or pictures. What are we translating it from? What language was it originally written? Hebrew is the Old Testament, Greek is the new. Okay, Hebrew and Greek. Okay, yeah, I feel like Bibles are wrapped. You know what I mean?

Like, it's enough. We get it. And they're out there. There's enough out there. We don't need to be re-interpreting them. It's like, stop it with this. First of all, you have to have a very direct conversation with your mother, I would say. She's obviously a Bible thumper,

and she's gonna be very upset that you don't want this, so you have to think of a very gentle way to just say, I'm up to my ears in fucking Bibles and I need you to back up. But I do think it's worth saying that too. What do you think? I mean, you come from a religious background, I don't. It's true. And I'm also like from the,

because my mom also was very much into church and stuff. And she, and I think like the more important thing is that she's supportive outside of the gift giving section, which I think is sort of obviously probably really difficult for her and beautiful that she does that. But I think that what you're saying is right, a polite, tactful way of saying, I think I'm good on Bibles is maybe enough.

But if she sends you 4th of July stuff, like, I don't know, you know, sometimes people just, you get a gift from your Nana and you're like, this is not something I'm ever gonna need. Maybe you could just collect all of her stuff and give it to someone like that you know, like someone in your neighborhood, like re-gift it, drop it off in front of someone's house

who you know will appreciate it. And then you take the conversation, you know, I mean, it's worth having a conversation anyway, because I don't think your mom's gonna listen. She's gonna probably, it will probably like tamp it down a bit, all of the things you're getting, but she'll probably continue to send. She works at a Holly Lobby, like it sounds like

you're gonna get gifts regardless. That's her type or taste. Yeah, so you're gonna have to think of a way to like repurpose her gifts. You know what I mean? So that you can deal with it head on, but then also deal with the reality that you're gonna continue to get those gifts

because mothers don't really listen to their children. Exactly, and is this an issue that you're willing to have like a knockdown drag out fight for? No, it's not like that. This is a light question. We don't have to, of course it's not so serious, but it is annoying to, I mean, I would be pissed if I were getting this, but I didn't grow up

in a religious background, so I have no history of this. So I would be pissed because it would be coming out of the fucking blue. I have to be as much confused as pissed. I mean, oh my God, I just love the idea of me opening up a Bible. Even in hotel rooms when I see one, I'm annoyed. I'm like, why?

Don't push that on me. But yeah, it's not a serious situation, but you can say something to your mom, absolutely. Offhandedly. I wonder if you could say that when you should, you can say something to your mom. Absolutely. Offhandedly. I wonder if you could say like that, when you sent me for my last birthday was my favorite. I don't need any more options. Like.

Yeah, I don't know about that. That's like a mislead. And I don't think that works with religious people. Indirect. Yeah, that's probably true. All right, Rob. Well, Brandon, we have Timothy. Chalamet?

Yes. Okay, great. He calls in every week. It's like, and it's always aboutalamet? Yes. Okay, great. He calls in every week. And it's always about Kylie Jenner. It's so embarrassing. Every week. And it's like how she hasn't heard about this at all yet is amazing. He's always just like, uh, my girlfriend.

Do you believe that those two are together when you see Timothy Chalamet and Kendall Jenner? Is it Kendall or Kylie? I don't know. Oh, it's Kylie. It's Kylie. It's Kylie. Yeah. Oh, nevermind that. We'll get back to that.

We'll get back to that. We have a caller I can see. We're so sorry. We got sidetracked with gossip. Talk about Timmy. Well, Timothy says that his subject line is open relationship or breakup. Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of a little over a year

and I recently moved to the Netherlands from South Africa. Our sex life has never been great, but we really love each other and we make a great team. Although recently we've been having lots of disagreements, the move and adapting to a new country has understandably put a lot of pressure on the relationship. I'm generally a happy person and I'm committed to self-improvement, etc., but my boyfriend is not on the same page with me about that. I recently started to feel like we're not on the same page regarding our personal growth

and emotional maturity in general. My boyfriend brought up the option of trying an open relationship, which I'm happy to do because our sex life is basically non-existent. Although this could be really good for us, I also feel like it could be the beginning of the end. All of these things have made me think about the future of our relationship and if I want to continue with it at all. What makes things even more tricky is that I moved over on his visa, so I'm pretty sure I would have to leave the country

if we broke up, which would suck because it wasn't easy to get here in the first place. I love him dearly and he's very important to me, but I feel like he needs to do a lot of growing and I don't know if I should be a part of that. Please help, Timothy. Hi, Timothy. This is our special guest today, Jeff Hiller. Hi. Hi. You can call him Boom Boom. Boom Boom, great.

That's another thing I call Boom Boom's penises. I always go, oh, look at, he's got a, or I'll say to a friend, like if I, I'll be like, did he have a nice boom boom? So boom boom is just a great word for everything, I think. It really is. So, okay, what are you thinking in terms of, if this relationship, it sounds like this

relationship is coming to a head. And that's okay. But I just want to talk about your like actual logistics like for living. Like if you guys do break up, what are you prepared to do? Are you going to go back to South Africa? Like if that if if this is a real conversation, then we should be talking about those things. Yeah, so I wasn't exactly sure how it would work because I moved over on his visa,

so I did a little bit of digging. So it does seem like if we break up, then I wouldn't have any other choice but to go back to South Africa unless we find some way to work around that. But legally, that is what will have to happen. Are you guys legally married? No, no, no, we're just like dating.

And you can bring somebody over on your visa if you're dating them? Yep. Okay. I have that wacky EU. What about, and then is moving back to South Africa an option, like how do you feel about that? I'm not crazy about it because I mean, I obviously sold all my stuff there, used

all my savings and everything to move here. It's, it was very stressful. We just kind of like rebuilt our life and like create a little home here. So, and we were looking forward to like traveling because it's so much easier to travel when you live in Europe. And I found a job here which is also not very easy for people. Okay, okay.

So, yeah. So ideally you wanna stick around there. Is your boyfriend open to like couples counseling? He, I'm trying to get him to just see a therapist himself, but he is not very open to the idea. I keep bringing it up because I've been in therapy for like 10 years. So I know the benefits of it. Like, and I know he needs it. Like the other day, he asked me something in shame. Bless him, he's very sweet. But he asked me, do you think trauma from your childhood plays over into your adult life?

And I was like, yes, that's exactly what happens. So he hasn't been in therapy, so he doesn't know the benefits from it. Is he younger? He's only three years younger than I am, but I feel like there's quite a difference in emotional maturity between us. Is he someone who would read a book? If you brought home a book based on the question he asked you and said, oh, I found this at the bookstore, here's a book on childhood trauma.

I thought you might be interested in this. Do you think he would read that? Yeah, I could try that. I read a lot of Southall books, so then it kind of caught on with him. Oh, well, that's something. That's not nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

No, he's definitely looking into himself a little bit more, but I don't really wanna, leaving him is not really what I wanna do. I really do love him. Okay, so then don't. So then don't, you're not there. You're not there yet. And right now, I think what you should focus on,

how do you feel about open relationships? What's your, like? Well, I mean, I feel like as long as both partners are into it, which it sounds like you are, then why not? I mean, you define your own relationship, right? I think it sounds like an opportunity for him to grow up a little bit too, having an open relationship.

Because when you have an open relationship, like what I would suggest is creating, like to have parameters and have boundaries and have an understanding about how much information you both want, how much information you both need. Those kinds of adult conversations are going to lead to more intense conversations about emotions and about and like, even though you're a little bit farther along on like an emotional maturity level, it's good to, as a practice, have conversations like that where you're including him, like you're introducing a subject matter,

like, okay, what are the rules gonna be? How are we gonna feel? What if I feel emotionally left out? Is it okay for me to come and say, actually, I don't feel comfortable with this? Like, you can have adult conversations that kind of pull him into a more mature position. Do you know what I'm saying?

And the boundaries that you set at the top don't have to necessarily be constant, you know, you can say like, oh, actually I thought I was okay with that thing, but I'm not or whatever. Yeah, like it's actually, like this whole open relationship thing is actually an opportunity for you to have more depth within your relationship. So I would say that to go for it, I mean,

you're kind of at your wits end. Ideally, what you want to do is get him into therapy so that he can start having some real conversations. But until that can happen, I would really share the books you're reading. I would share the topics that you're interested in, like the things that you're reading about, self-help or childhood trauma, and not in a patronizing way, as a way to like bounce it off of him. Like, what do you think about this?

I read this, I'm not sure I agree with this. Do you agree with this? What do you think about this? You know, just try to engage him a little bit more in what you're interested in. And even if he's not there yet, just introduce the subject matters, you know what I mean?

So there are catchphrases he's heard. Childhood trauma, does that roll over into your adult life? That's good that he said that sentence, regardless of whether he understands it. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, fair enough. Just on the open relationship thing, I have a little bit of an update. After going back and forth, he actually told me he wants to try it. This was like two weeks ago. So we were like, yeah, cool. Let's me, so he wants to try it. This was like two weeks ago.

So we were like, yeah, cool. Let's go out, let's go try it, let's go have fun. So we went to a few bars in Amsterdam and towards the end of the night, we were both standing kind of outside and then this really attractive guy came up and like just fully kissed me on the mouth. And it lasted for like one and a half seconds. And then I pushed him away because I

knew this was going to be a problem. And I looked over at my boyfriend and he was not even looking at me didn't speak to me. And then on our way home, he was just like, I can't do this. I can't handle you being intimate with anyone else than me. Like then it was just such a, it's such been such an emotional roller coaster from him being on board with it. And then not, and then yes, and then no. So currently it's no, but I feel like

it's gonna come up again at some point. But these are also opportunities to have more conversations around the subject matter of having an open relationship. Talking about boundaries, talking about intimacy, talking about what doesn't feel right. Like, would it feel better if you weren't kissing someone, if you were just having sex with them? Like, really introducing all of these,

because the more you can get him talking, the more that he's going to open up emotionally. And I know it's not your job, but if you're in this relationship and you're committed to staying in the Netherlands, then you kind of going to open up emotionally. And I know it's not your job, but if you're in this relationship and you're committed to staying in the Netherlands, then you kind of have to make this effort. But I would also say like being in a relationship that's not right is not worth

not moving back to South Africa. Yeah, maybe see if there's like another plan you can do with your work, even if it takes a little bit of time, just to have that as sort of a backup plan. Yeah. I mean, you've got one foot out the door, you know, I mean, clearly. So I know it's not a desirable place to be, but I would say to exhaust all your

efforts before you shut the door for obviously multiple reasons and one of those being geographic. Yeah. I think we, we, we have had a problem of just being like honest with each other having honest conversations Saying how we feel and that's only recently been really talked about so Yeah, it's it's it's a lot of

Things that we're going through at the moment, but our sex life is like a it's been a problem for a while So how long have you been together only a year and a half but it's been like a problem kind of from the beginning what's the problem so the problem is mostly with me i've kind of like lost my physical attraction towards him like i really love him there's no doubt in my mind about that. But I just can't get that physical attraction back and I feel really guilty about it. And

every time like I can see him trying to like, you know, engage, I feel really guilty and I feel bad, but I don't really know what to do about it. Can you actually physically have sex with him or you can't? I really don't want to. Okay. I don't mean to laugh, but I mean, it really sounds like you're not in this relationship anymore.

It sounds like it's your friend. I know, it feels like, yeah, it does feel like that. Okay, let me ask you, is he, where is he in your relationship? Like, if you said like, okay, this is our last ditch effort. I'm not feeling it, we're not feeling it, we're not in sync, I really want us to go to therapy as our kind of like last effort, what would he say to that?

I think he might be open to it. I just wanted him to go to therapy first a little bit, just so you can see. Yeah, but don't make it about him, make it about you. The only way to get someone to go to therapy first a little bit, just so you can see. Yeah, but don't make it about him, make it about you. The only way to get someone to go to therapy is to make it about you. You have a problem with your sex, that's a perfect thing. Like, hey, I'd love to figure this out.

He knows that you're having trouble sexually, right? He's part of this equation, right? Yeah, and couples therapy can demystify individual therapy, so it might actually be a perfect way to introduce them to it. Oh, that's excellent. Yes, very well said. That's exactly right.

You know, you get in there because it's your problem. Like, I want to work on our sex life. I know this is my issue, you know? Take responsibility. And then that becomes like less intimidating for him to go into a therapy session when you're framing it that it's more about you. Yeah, that's a very good idea. I think that's a good thing.

And then hopefully that can lead into single therapy like Jeff said. Hopefully with his exposure to therapy, he'll like it. So I think your job is to find a couple, get him to agree to that, try to tell him that you really wanna work on your relationship and that you're aware of the issue. We're gonna have an open relationship,

now you don't want to, he's got jealousy issues, okay, that's fine, you're gonna respect all of it, but you do wanna work on your relationship even from a sexual standpoint, starting there, so that you can get him into therapy. And yeah, and then start with that. Also, it's so much easier to have a third person there to help you discuss things like,

I'm no longer attracted to you that would be very difficult to bring up to someone who you're no longer attracted to. No, it's horrible to bring up. It doesn't have to be a permanent thing. You might just not be attracted to him right now. You know what I mean? If you build this relationship back,

there's always people that come back from this that can have sex after periods of not having sex. So I wouldn't look at it as like a final thing. Like this is not your final act, but put in an effort to salvage the relationship. Okay, I'm gonna do that. And get a couple of therapists who certified in sex therapy.

There's a special certification and it's very helpful. Good to know. I also think it's a little bit of a shortcut if you're able to find a queer therapist, just so like there is a shorthand there. Do they have those in Amsterdam? Just kidding. I haven't heard good things about therapists

in the Netherlands. Apparently they're not very, not great. But I mean, we can always do it like- Zoom, yeah. Virtually. Yeah, you could do it like, virtually. Yeah, you could do it exactly. So who cares about that? You can do it over Zoom with someone in New York or LA or London or somewhere where there's better therapists.

Aren't there a lot of therapists from the Netherlands? Not so. Well, I guess those are from like the 18th century. So who gives a shit? We've had to update. They're dead. Maybe everyone has been, people love to say negative things about the Netherlands. Like the doctors are terrible, the therapists are terrible, blah, blah, blah.

So who knows? Maybe it's all just lies. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, I hope we helped you. I mean, I don't really feel like we did. Yeah. Do you check back with us?

Yeah. Why don't you have that conversation with him and try and nail down a couples therapist, even if it's in the States, just so you guys can start having more conversations. And I would say one thing is, I understand you're farther along in your spiritual journey. Don't judge him so much.

Try not to, try to flip the switch in your head and think of him as like, that's an opportunity to actually teach and for him to learn more. Like you can be a party to that. You can be like part of his exposure to different things, but not in a condescending or patronizing way. He is your equal, you're in a relationship.

You can't be superior to him because you're more emotionally mature. You kind of just have to look at him like he has a different set of circumstances in a different history. And you're both in the same place at the same time. So like, how can you help each other grow and how can you help each other learn? And that goes for your growth and your learning, too. Yeah, because judgment is a real boner killer.

But take those first steps and let and hit us back and let us know what happens. OK, I'll do that. OK. All right. OK, Timothy, thanks for calling in. a real boner killer. But take those first steps and hit us back and let us know what happens, okay? I'll do that. Okay. All right. Okay. All right, Timothy. Thanks for calling in, Timothy. Thank you, guys. Okay. Bye.

Bye. That made my boner go down, that call. That's tough when you just aren't attracted to someone anymore. No, I feel like that's the end of the road. But there are stories about people who have completely lost their boners, so to speak, for their spouses, and then reclaimed them.

Well, I think what you're saying about having that judgment of you, it really is, it builds up this resentment in this sort of not interest, and so that will kill your sex drive too, for that person. Especially if you're thinking someone is stupid or they're not as smart as you are or spiritually advanced as you are.

Then you get into tricky territory. It's like you can be like a spiritual narcissist. You know what I mean? God, what a coined term. Okay, we're gonna take a break. I'm gonna boom, boom, boom, boom. And then we're gonna be back. So what happened at Chappaquiddick?

Well, it really depends on who you talk to. There are many versions of what happened in 1969 when a young Ted Kennedy drove a car into a pond. And left a woman behind to drown. There's a famous headline, I think, in the New York Daily News. It's Teddy escapes, blonde drowns. And in a strange way, right,

that sort of tells you the story really became about Ted's political future, Ted's political hopes. Will Ted become president? Chappaquiddick is a story of a tragic death and how the Kennedy machine took control. And he's not the only Kennedy to survive a scandal. The Kennedys have lived through disgrace, affairs, violence, you name it. So is there a curse? Every week, we go behind the headlines and beyond the drama of America's royal family.

Listen to United States of Kennedys on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Don't miss the You vs. You podcast. Join Lex Borrero every week as he sits down with some of the biggest names in entertainment to talk about the real stuff, the struggles, the doubts, and the breakthroughs that made them who they are. They go deep, covering childhood trauma, family, overcoming loss, and the moments that shaped

their journey. These honest conversations are meant to take the cape off our heroes, with the hope that their humanity inspires you to become a better you, and therefore set you free to live the life of your dreams. Here's a sneak peek. I'm trained to go compete. I'm trained to be like harder, but sometimes that mentality stops you from stopping and smelling the flowers in your own garden.

Is it wrong to want more? We migrated. Our family migrated here. I'm like second generation. Listen to You Versus You as part of My Kultura podcast network, available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I know a lot of cops and they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun?

Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. Across the country, cops call this Taser the revolution. But not everyone was convinced it was that simple. Cops believed everything that Taser told them. From Lava for Good and the team that brought you Bone Valley comes a story about what happened when a multi-billion dollar company dedicated itself to one visionary mission. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Inc. I get right back there and it's bad.

It's really, really, really bad. Listen to new episodes of Absolute Season One, Taser Incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge episodes one, two, and three on May 21st, and episodes four, five, and six on June 4th. Ad free at Lava for Good Plus on Apple podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene.

The podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebene and every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all,

childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles, and more, and found the shrimp to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on the street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal.

He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. And we're back with boom boom, end quote, Jeff Hiller. Well, our last caller today is Judith, and she has one of my favorite

subject lines I've ever seen in our email inbox. It is my mom married her dead stepsisters husband, and now I have an uncle daddy. Wait a second. My mom. Say it again. My mom married her dead stepsister's husband, and now I have an uncle daddy. So she says, this is along with buckle up, but it's a real journey.

Just a stepsister's husband. Yeah, it's not like she married her. Because why does she have an uncle daddy? Oh, because it's her stepdad. That's her uncle. Okay, this isn't the worst news. Okay. No, no, no. So Judith says,

Dear Chelsea, I'm Judith, a 47 year old single mom. Despite life surprises, I strive for purpose and gratitude daily. I have one issue I can't get over and I thought I'd email you. The one person who'd tell me if I'm being a stubborn asshole. My 72 year old mom just got married for the fourth time.

While multiple marriages don't faze me, it's her taste in men that's the problem. I know you're like, isn't one of them your dad? Yes, he was. He was a volatile addict. Her second was a jackass. Her third was a paranoid hoarder. In 2019, she retired and became single, finally, and went to live with my sister.

When the pandemic lifted, she had the idea of driving around the country in a customized van to explore the world. A hippie at heart, we told her to go for it, make the most of her life. About seven months into her vagabond journey, she stopped in Mississippi to attend her stepsister's funeral. She reconnected with the side of the family and decided to stay an extra week. This is where things get weird. She begins talking about her stepsister's husband a lot. Larry this, Larry that. Here's the thing. Larry has been our uncle our entire lives and he sucks. He is one of those military guys who yell talks,

knows everything and is outright socially belligerent. I didn't like him when I was four and I don't like him now. After a couple months, my mom tells us she's going on a cross country train ride with Larry. I sarcastically joke, what are you banging Larry now? She stammers, I want to vomit. This is six months after her stepsister has died You know the one who was Larry's wife for 47 years. They were together since high school

Six months later she moves in with him and a few months after that she announces She's marrying him in an email to us. She says there's not a wedding They're just going to the justice of the peace the next day. We wake up to a Facebook post They're standing under a tree. She had a bouquet, a new dress. His family was there. We were not invited. Here's my predicament. Last week she asked if they could come visit. This means her and Larry.

I am the only sibling who hasn't spent time with them. Two of them tolerate him. The other has tried it and is done trying. The idea makes me rage. I want to say no. I want no part of him in my life. Am I being too stubborn? Chelsea, what do I do about my uncle daddy, Judith?

Hard no. Hard no. Hi. Hi, how are you? How are you? This is our special guest, Jeff Hillers here today. Hi Judith. Hi.

I totally know who you are, I'm a huge fan of your show. Oh, thank you. So you're a no? Yes, I would say a hard no. Listen, I'm of the belief, at our age, you're a no? Yes, I would say a hard no. Listen, I'm of the belief at our age, you're 47, I'm a few years older than you, Jeff is 49. We don't have to tolerate this kind of bullshit anymore. I don't want to be around people I don't want to be around.

I have earned the right. I have extended my generosity for years leading up to this point and tolerated people that I don't have to tolerate in my family and outside of my family. And I'm just, I'm not really willing to do that anymore. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's creating a healthy, who wants that guy in their house

fucking yell talking at you? No, no, you already stated that. Your mother, and then, and your mother is kind of has been kidnapped by him basically, right? I mean, so she's been hijacked by this man and and while that sucks and I know you love your mother You can easily say I want to see you but I don't I don't want to see him And so if you ever want to see me alone, let me know

But I'm not really interested in hanging out with Jeff my uncle as my father Or Larry or Larry whatever the hell we call him. I mean Larry, sorry, I got confused with Jeff. Jeff's like, what did I do? Sorry, Jeff knows what he did. Jeff knows what he's done, okay? Oh, I know what I did. No regrets.

You know, I have this like, okay, and again. Go, no, no, go for it. I, you know, people walk over me sometimes, so grain of huge salt. But my thought is, okay, it's clear your mom has terrible taste in men. And I don't have family, but I have good friends who have truly just shitty taste in men.

And I'm wondering if you could just say, I'd love to see you and I'll go to dinner with Larry, but I can't have him staying in the house. Is that enough? Or you think no, just across the board, don't come at all. Well, no, I mean, I think anything's an option. I think this is what you know, this is why you're here. You have your point of view. Well, because I just feel like, you know, I got a dead mom and I just feel like, I don't know.

If you could have hung out with your mom and a big asshole with her, you're saying that you would have done that? I just feel like this could possibly create, you know, a rift. But I feel like that rift has been created already, right? And not by you, but her. Yes, no. You all are, I feel so validated right now, because literally what the both of you are

saying is what my friends and family around me are saying. Chelsea, I'm a hundred percent with you. In fact, I've used the word kidnapped multiple times. I'm like, it's like he stole our mom from our family because he needed a replacement. Yeah. But then I have people saying, but you know, it's your mom, she's 72, you might have five to 10 good years with her left, and be the bigger person. But when it boils down to it, it's like, I don't want to go to dinner with him because I feel like I can't control my face. Well you've made the choice then I think.

I don't know how to look at him and be kind or nice. I don't trust myself. Great. These are all your answers. Yeah, I'm not a people-pleaser anymore. I don't have to do this. I don't trust myself. Danielle Pletka Great. These are all your answers. Nicole Jardim Yeah, I'm not a people-pleaser anymore. I don't have to do this. I've learned that lesson. I pushed through in my 40s to like, stand up for what I think is healthy and the people I want in my life. But there is some lingering guilt. And I just don't know if I'm being too stubborn because like I said, my other siblings have stepped in and tried. And they all say like, girl, we didn't enjoy it either. But it's one of those things we're doing it for our mom.

And I just would prefer not to. I just don't know if I'm being stubborn or not. I don't think it matters that you're being stubborn. I really don't. I think I completely support your decision to say fuck it. Where are you in the birth order? This is just a kid. I'm the third of four and we were all, we're all very close.

Like my mom had four kids in six years. We're up your head around that. So it's like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom with us. And we all feel the same way for the first time ever about something. But usually I'm the people pleasing middle child that can be friendly and like keep her chin up and do whatever. But when I got divorced, like eight years ago, I quit doing that. I just don't do that anymore. I'm not performing for anyone. I don't want to have to be forced into things that I want to be into. And I want

to stay in my own power and my own decision making and let the people that I trust into my circle and into my world. And so I did talk to my therapist about just going to dinner with him. And even then, it feels like I'm going to be fake or performing for them. And I don't want to put myself in a situation where I'm not being real, you know what I mean, or authentic. You've done the work too.

You've like really thought about this and talked about it with your therapist and your siblings. I feel like you've, yeah. I mean, how many more opinions do you need? Just yours, Chelsea. I just want yours. That's nice. Do you blame me? I would trust it then.

Yeah, for sure. You got it. You got this. Don't do it. Don't do it. Be nice to your mother. Tell her you love her and that you're always open to seeing her.

She's your mother. You'll always love her. Reiterate that. Always say that. Make sure she knows. But you're not interested in hanging out with Logan or Larry or whatever the fuck his name is. The fact that they met at her funeral,

that is like your first date. No, but this happens all the time. I have a grandfather, not my grandfather, but my nieces have a grandfather. He married his cousin right after his wife died, like the cousin that looks the most like his ex-wife or his dead wife. This happens all over, this happens to men all the time.

Men can't be alone. And so they immediately, they're like, oh, you're alive? Okay, you come with me. It's like, what? Are there any prerequisites to us being in a relationship? Yeah, so I support you, I'm with you. Thank you, Chelsea, I feel so good.

But what's up with that dog in the background? Is that dog a Republican? Why is he on an American flag? That's Texas, trust me, I'm not a Republican. Okay, I just wanna make sure I fucking hate Republican dogs. Do you live in Texas? I do, I'm in Dallas. But I'm in a very blue, beautiful space, don't worry.

Like I'm... Yeah. The dog is very cute. Thank you. Judith, will you take a picture of that and text it to me so we can include it in the video? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. I work with rescue animals and so I'm in my office and we're celebrating

big dog energy. OK, well, thanks for calling in. Thank you. Thank you so much. Tell your mom I said hello. Girl, I just hope she doesn't know this podcast happens. So we'll see what happens. Pray for me on that. I doubt Larry's an avid listener.

Apparently he's deciding what she's listening to these days. Okay. Okay. Take care, Judith. All right. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Don't you feel like we solved the world's problems today? I mean, honestly. Wow. Definitely Judith. Way not so much. Well, we started with him. I mean, he's wow. Definitely Judith, way not so much, but yeah. Well, we started with him. I mean, he's got a lot of problems. You know, imagine going to a city,

moving with somebody on their visa, and then you're beholden to them, and you're not really, you're not sexually attracted. That, he has a lot of problems. And if we could solve that in a podcast, then this would be more successful. You know what I mean? We would be getting awards, Michelin star rating. Michelin star. We're the first Michelin star podcast.

We'd have a bakery. We would have Michelin stars, you guys. We would have Michelin stars, you guys. If we could solve every fucking problem. Problem not solved for Tim. Was that his name, Timothy? Okay, well, Timothy from South Africa, who's in the Netherlands. It's like he's searching for Dutch people. Well, we have to wrap things up.

This is, it's over. This podcast episode is over. Everyone, everyone, I want every, you've been boom boomed. I want everyone to order a copy of Actress of a Certain Age, my 20 year trail to overnight success. It's really worth it. And you've been a pleasure. I'm so happy that, have we ever met before?

No. No, but I will, you did one time on Chelsea lately. I did this truly ridiculous musical in real life and you did your monologue about it and you called it a gay hate crime in reverse. And I do have a slight sense of pride about that. Okay. Well, and now I do too. It's wonderful.

Well, wonderful to relive memories like that. To cruise down memory lane before our podcast was Michelin star. God, what a day, what an afternoon. Thank you, Jeff. Thank you. Seriously, thank you. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas.

There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July 5th. We will be the next state that I'm there. July 5th, August 30th and then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th. I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason.

Okay? Thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law, and be sure to check out our merch at Chelsea Handler.com. I know a lot of cops and they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes,

but there's a company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. This is absolute season Season 1, Taser Inc. I get right back there and it's bad. Listen to Absolute Season 1, Taser Inc. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebene and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that will challenge

your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect Podcast Network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and batter than ever. I'm Erika. And I'm Mila.

And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.

Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast. Every Wednesday. On the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast. I'm Jeff Pearlman. And I'm Rick Jervis. We're journalists and hosts

of the podcast Finding Sexy Sweat. At an internship in 1993, we roomed with Reggie Payne, aspiring reporter and rapper who went by Sexy Sweat. A couple years ago, we set out to find him. But in 2020, Reggie fell into a coma after police pinned him down and he never woke up. But then I see, my son's not moving. So we started digging and uncovered city officials bent on protecting their own. Listen to Finding Sexy Sweat on the iHeartRad Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast.