Dear Chelsea - Never Laugh at an Exorcism with Joel Kim Booster

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

Joel Kim Booster joins Chelsea in-studio to discuss his recent diagnosis of Bipolar disorder, the family who saved him as a teen, and why a good friend is there for your wedding day and your divorce.�� Then: A writer struggles to get anything done - despite working 3 jobs.  A longsuffering wife is desperate for her husband to ditch the stubble.  And a bridesmaid is torn between a funeral and her best friend’s wedding.   * Follow Joel Kim Booster on Instagram or Twitter! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all-access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really know really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign jason

bobblehead the really know really podcast follow us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hi oh hi chelsea hi how's it going, Catherine? Oh, it's great. It's finally sunny here in Los Angeles. I'm so sick of people complaining about living in Los Angeles. I mean, what the fuck? You got a couple. There's been a month of bad weather and people are ready to move. Oh, my gosh. I told Brad, I'm like, I think it's time. We got to make a run for, I don't know, BVI or something. Oh, yeah. That would be a real hot existence. And they'll be underwater soon. So probably don't know, BVI or something. Oh, yeah. Somewhere tropical. That would be a real hot existence. And they'll be underwater soon, so probably don't head down there.

Ah, good point. Okay, guys, we have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour because I'm coming all over. We added a second show at the Pantages in Los Angeles. So that's October 12th and Friday the 13th, which is my favorite day of the year. We added a second show in Boston at the Wang Center.

September 29th and 30th is two shows in New York. I also have a show in East Hampton, New York, August 26th. We added a second show in Portland. So Thursday, November 2nd, Friday, November 3rd in Portland. November 4th and 5th in San Francisco, two shows there. We added a second show in Seattle, November 10th and 11th. Two shows Boston are November 16th and 11th. Two shows, Boston, are November 16th and 17th at the Bach Center at Wang Theater. And I'm also coming to

Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and so many other cities, Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville. So I will see everybody at all of these shows. Thank you. Get your tickets at ChelseaHandler.com. Chelsea, I have a question for you. Yes. Is there anything in a romantic relationship that's not actually bad but would be a deal breaker for you?

For example, I don't think I could date a guy that was like really into sports. Like there's nothing wrong with that, but I just it would be a deal breaker for me. A deal breaker? Yeah. I don't know about sports. I've never really dated anyone that's that into sports because I don't think I'd be attracted to someone like that. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker. If they were watching Sunday football, that would be a turn off.

I know. Like if they had to watch football every Sunday. I don't know. It's just like how you spend your time. Like when Brad and I first started dating, he was doing a lot of jazz music and playing out every night. And like, I was like, I'm not particularly into jazz, but this is fun. It's a cool thing to do. Like I couldn't have been in this relationship if it was like, go to a game with me. Yeah. I mean, of course it's what you're into, right? I would be into

watching jazz too for in the beginning. Yeah. I'm into anything for a short period of time but it kind of takes away if somebody watches football every Sunday it kind of takes away the option of like being together unless you're gonna go and watch and I'm not doing that right I'm not gonna spend my Sunday watching football no especially if it involves like multiple men and beer on sofas like no no anyone who takes sports so seriously it's hard for me to take seriously. Yeah. I get it. But like, it's not like when people are just so invested.

It's just like, are you on the fucking team? Like, relax. And then they have their fantasy teams. They have like fake football. Yeah. I used to play that on Chelsea lately. They made me join a fantasy football league just because I was so clueless about sports. I think I won the whole thing like two years in a row with knowing nothing, just on good luck. Yeah, beginner's luck.

Yeah. Any other sort of like, well, this isn't something that's wrong with this person, but I just couldn't date someone who... I mean, clothing. There's so much clothing that I can't get past. And toe action. And also food.

Like if you can't eat with your mouth closed, I find that to be pretty gross. Yeah. Clumsiness. I don't, that turns me off when guys are really clumsy. I once went on a date with a guy to this restaurant in Santa Monica, and he spilled chips and guacamole all over me, like within the first 10 minutes of me being there. And I just was like, you're such an idiot. Like, why would you, if you did that, you're not together.

Like, you're a mess literally and figuratively yeah i was just like what i mean it's just so clumsy do you believe like when you get the ick you can't come back from it like oh this person gave me crazy feelings it depends how ick it is you know but i have a lot of icks yeah fingernails and if there's any length on a fingernail oh no man I can't take that. That's a no. I don't like anything. God forbid toenails have length on them.

That's also like you have to get your foot amputated. Something tells me our guest today has nicely pedicured feet. Our guest today is a GLAAD award winning writer, producer and star. Yes, and he's a hysterical standup. You can find him at I Hate Joel Kim on Instagram and Twitter.

Please welcome actor, comedian, Joel Kim Booster. Hello. I'm so excited to be here. And now, finally, every single white gay in my life can stop telling me, you should go on the Chelsea Handler podcast. You should really go on the Chelsea Handler podcast. As though it's been my choice all along. I know, that's like when somebody's like

Why don't you go on the Oprah Winfrey show? Hold on, hold on I'm not comparing myself to Oprah Winfrey But I am Yeah, you're like, that sounds like a good idea Why don't you go do SNL? That's a great idea Joel, Kim

Booster Thank you for the full name Who knows. Well, I mean, you know, who knows what you're into? I just want to get it fucking right. Right. Let's talk about your life and your career because everything's taken off for you. And it's it's very nice to watch. Yeah. It is always funny when people say that because it does your your your conception of what success looks like changes every single time you hit a new sort of echelon of success. And suddenly now I feel like I'm a nobody and I'm nothing. And even though if you told me 10 years ago what I'd be doing now, if you told me 10 years ago that I'd be sitting across from you specifically, I would be like, shut the fuck up.

That's never going to happen. I'm going to be working at this olive garden for the rest of my life. So it is funny to hear that. But it's nice to hear, too. It's like the opposite of manifestation. You're like, I'll never amount to anything. Because I honestly think both things work for certain people.

Like some people never think that they're going to do anything. And they're like, oh, when I hear certain celebrities or musicians talking about how they would have never believed where they are, it's like, I have the whole opposite mentality. Like I always believe like everybody should be talking to me and listening to me. Like I have strong opinions.

I'm definitely the opposite. I have a nice mix of imposter syndrome with resentment, which is I never believe that I deserve anything that I have, but I definitely don't think that a lot of people who are as successful or more successful than me deserve what they have. And that's sort of what keeps me going every day is because I see people and I'm like, well, I could be doing that.

And then I get there and I'm like, oh God, can I be doing this? So it's a nice mix. It's a nice mix. That's good. That's good. Healthy mix. And I read that if you're comfortable talking about

your bipolar disorder, I read that you've been diagnosed with bipolar. That happened, yeah. I finally got diagnosed like a year before the pandemic happened, which what amazing time. By the way, no shit. Just to like sit at home and figure out what the right cocktail of drugs is was a real nice wrinkle for my lockdown experience.

But yeah, I mean, the thing is, is I have always been sort of my moods have been wild since I was growing up. And my parents were very, very Christian, very, very evangelical, and did not believe in any sort of actual real hard scientific psychology therapy, anything like that. They sent me to Christian therapists who would pray over me and like try and make me better. And that never worked. But I got to tell you, Abilify works wonders. Jesus, not so much. Abilify and Wellbutrin has kept me in check for a little while. But it is difficult because I don't know if you feel this way. Sometimes a little crazy like helps me. My biggest worry since being diagnosed is that like I'm killing a part of myself that I really relied on to make myself funny, to write, to like find interesting, you know, things about myself.

Because like I definitely do not like being depressed. But being manic, being manic can be kind of fun sometimes until it's not. And productive. Yeah, very productive. Because you can be really sexual right you can be really happy about like shopping like over shopping like yeah yeah yeah you feel like on top of the world that's in fact my manic periods were some of the only times i didn't have imposter syndrome about like what i was doing or what i was having and and so it is

that is it's a difficult thing to let go of because ultimately it is very destructive you know like i don't need to be having sex with four or five guys in a day just because. And I don't need to be abusing drugs to the level that I would when I was manic. I still abuse drugs, but just, you know, at a reasonable level. Thank you for saying that. But yeah, there was a lot of self-destructive stuff that came hand in hand with that. Would I write a script in like 12 hours? Yeah.

You know, like did I write a lot of like 12 hours? Yeah. You know, like, did I write a lot manic? Absolutely. And did it turn out okay? Sure. But like those first drafts were a little rough. I'll tell you that. But yeah, it's, it's one of those balancing acts, I think is like a person in entertainment and an artist, whatever the lie that the disease tells you is that you need me in order to do what you do and what you love. And that is I have found not to be the case because I have been medicated now for going on four years. And off and on, there's been there have been times when I've gone rogue and it has not turned out super well. But for the most part, I think like I am still funny. I am still myself.

I am just a slightly more chilled. Calibrated. Calibrated. Yes, exactly. So when you were growing up, how does bipolar disorder present itself in a person? Is it something that you're born with or is it something that is triggered by an event? You know what? It's probably a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. I think like for me, it definitely manifested really young. Like I was really hyper emotional and hyper reactive to things since I can remember. Like I was just throwing tantrums way longer into my life than was appropriate probably. Like in public, on the floor, screaming, crying, kicking, you know, the whole nine yards.

Cause I just did not know how to process any of my emotions. And I didn't, and my parents were not giving me the tools necessary to process any of this. And I wonder often like how my life would have turned out differently if they had maybe, you know, found, supported me in a more scientifically based way earlier on. But like, I remember this one time I was being such a jackass and like throwing things in my room, slamming the door so angry that my dad tried to exercise me in the middle of the fight. I was 13 years old and he literally started saying like exorcism bullshit to try and get the devil out of me and in that moment I realized what he was doing and I started to laugh in his face which in hindsight is something a demon would do

in that situation is start laughing maniacally at your poor father who's trying to exorcise you so it didn't help matters okay so then what led to you getting an official diagnosis in 2019 or 2020? 2019. Yeah, it was 2019. And it was getting to the breaking point. I was destroying relationships. I think that was like the big thing. I think it was getting harder and harder. Because like, listen, when you're manic and you're like the life of the party, it's really easy to make friends and it's really easy to get people to like you. And then if they hang on and they stick around long enough, those episodes become really destructive and really toxic. And I became a really, I would eventually become a really toxic person. I remember, this is something I haven't shared very much at all, but like I went off my meds to film my movie because I was convinced that I would not be able

to write or punch up the script or act if I was on my meds. And I remember the near the end of the filming process. And thank God they all love me so much. I really tried to burn down every bridge I had with every single cast member on that shoot. And like we're there some of my best friends. But I remember looking at Bo and Yang and saying, you're only friends with me because you wanted to be in this movie. And I said that in the height of a manic episode, that was so insane. And he had so much grace for me in that moment. And it just said like, that is not true. You know, that's not true. I'm going to leave now. And we'll talk about this at another time. And luckily, like it was so like it was so intense and so heartbreaking in that moment that it was a real like wake up call for me where I was like, this is not who I am. Right. You know, and there are little moments throughout the filming process like that.

And everyone had so much grace for me and was so kind. And I eventually, you know, made the decision to go back, and it's a difficult thing to wean on and off constantly. It's not healthy for you. But that's the tricky thing, right? With bipolar disorders, a lot of people feel that way, that they can get on and off their meds at their discretion, which kind of is not the case.

Not the case, no. No, and what is the flip side of the bipolar? So the mania, and then you have the depression? Yeah, the depression, honestly, it doesn't manifest for for me a ton I'm not a super depressed person I will say like those episodes last for shorter periods of time than than the the mania does and they're less noticeable I think because I'm able to push through them a little bit easier without anyone noticing I will say like when I'm depressed I'm just quiet and I like fade into the background and I think that's how people, especially like my boyfriend will know that I'm in a depressive episode because I'm just like at a party standing in a corner on my phone, not engaging with anybody, which is like pretty normal behavior for a lot of people. Actually, I just become more of an introvert.

But like, yeah, they're just they're they're not as intense. The mania was the life-ruining stuff that was going to end up with me in a facility eventually you know and that's that the scariest part about being bipolar is that like untreated and it can turn into worse and worse things if you don't sort of manage it early on and that's my big worry is i don't want to it to turn into from mania into psychosis you know which is like that specter hangs over me and specifically my relationship a lot because I look at my boyfriend sometimes when I'm in the depths of something and I'm always like this could get worse. for something that could eventually get much worse if things don't go my way. And that's a really shitty thing to lay on your partner in the middle of a fight usually. But he seems game for it so far.

He seems pretty game for it. What about your parents and your Christian parents? How did they handle your gayness? Not well, Chelsea. Not well. They were not super keen on it. They also found out in the most invasive, aggressive way possible. They read my journal when I was a senior in high school. I had been out at school for a year. They read my journal at a year's worth of journal entries, which were literal listicles at this point, not even like introspective observations about my life it was literally guys

dicks i've sucked this week and then just like a straight up list and then so they didn't even have to sift through like my dreams or anything like that they just got straight to the meat of it like this is what i'm doing i literally had entries that were like lies i told my parents this week just itemized the bullshit for them. That's pretty funny. I know. I was a fucking idiot. So they confronted me about this.

Well, maybe you were in a manic episode when you were journaling because it sounds like it. Quite honestly. And I had a manic breakdown when they confronted me about it in a really big way because it was a seismic paradigm shift for me. I, at this point in my life, had planned on never coming out to my parents,

never telling them, living like a completely separate life. I thought that was possible. And in a moment, they completely shifted everything and sort of took that control out of my mind. And I broke down. It was bad. And so they sent me to an inpatient mental hospital for teens with the caveat, they tested me three times for HIV. They were like, nope, test him again because they were so convinced that because of all the dick sucking I was doing, I had AIDS. And they left me there for a week

and for the whole week there, the people were like, this doesn't seem like the right facility for you because this was like a place where like kids who are addicted to heroin or who had straight up tried to murder their parents went. And they were like, this is a little outsizedized for you obviously have issues that you need to work out and like this is a serious issue with your parents but like this is not the place for you but they event they left me there for a week eventually my insurance

wouldn't cover it anymore my parents insurance wouldn't cover it anymore so they're like you got to come and get your kid they brought me home I stayed for about like three days at home and then got up and left and started couch hopping. And I eventually ended up living with, there's a girl in my, who I stood next to in choir. We were not friends. She was very popular in a different way than I was because I was also very popular. Okay. Okay. Calm down. Calm down. But she was a jock and her dad was the Methodist pastor in our town. And she, everybody knew I was missing for that week because I was the voice of the announcements. And when the voice of the announcements goes missing, you know, people start talking, you

know, people, people would have started a podcast if it was that time about where I might, where I was. And so she was like, hey, if you ever need a place to stay, you can come stay with me. She was just being nice, whatever, whatever. And then I like, it was getting colder. I showed up at her house and I was like hey remember when you said that shit about me staying here and she was like oh yeah and her parents were like you can't just invite strange boys to stay at our house you know her dad's a paraplegic they she had two younger brothers but I stayed that night talked to her mom like all in through the night and then the next

day they were like come back for dinner and long short, I stayed with them for the rest of my senior year. They co-signed my student loans to go to college. They bought me a car for graduation. She is still to this day, my best friend. I was like her best man in her wedding. I flew back to see her when she got a divorce. And I will say as a follow-up, my parents and I are good. My mom and I are good at this point. My dad did pass away during COVID, and that was really hard. But it was honestly, the silver lining of my dad's passing is I had never been in a relationship in my entire life. And so my entire life, the homosexuality part of my life was sort of a don't ask, don't tell situation with my parents. They were very uncurious about who I was dating,

if I was dating, anything like that. As long as we didn't have to talk about that, then it was cool. And then my dad died. And I was like, well, shit, like I would have liked to have known how he would have reacted if I brought someone home. And so I finally talked to my mom and I was like,

hey, I just need to know, like if I fell in love today and wanted to bring someone home to meet you, like what would you do? I just need to know this., if I fell in love today and wanted to bring someone home to meet you, like, what would you do? I just need to know this. And she was like, you know, we're not on the same page as you are on that part of your life. But if you found someone you loved and who loved you back, I would love them as much as I love your brother-in-law. And your dad would felt the same way.

And then coincidentally, two months later, I met my partner now and I brought him home to meet her. She was lovely. He was a hit. It's still not perfect because they're like, you know, Fox News, Trumpy family to the nines. But things are better. And she asks about him now. And that for me, coming from like where we came from, where it all started with the journal and the breakdown and the hospital and all of this bullshit to now where she's like welcoming my boyfriend into her home with open arms. It's really like it's a nice sort

of closing of the loop for me. It's also a beautiful example of your girlfriend's parents, like the idea of acceptance versus denialism, you know, of your own children, what you can foster when you accept someone's choices, just because they're different from your own, isn't a reason to exclude someone. It's a reason to say, oh, you know, and obviously with people with Christian backgrounds, religious upbringing, obviously that's an indoctrination of another kind. But what a beautiful story to know about that that family that took you in and gave you a home when your only own family couldn't provide that acceptance. Well, and one of the ironic things about that story is her dad was the Methodist pastor in town,

very progressive pastor, though, and like very much like, and I remember this is how fucked up I was when I was leaving my parents' house. And for that full year I was out, I was like, well, I was so indoctrinated into evangelicalism that I was like, I'm going to hell. Eventually I will go to hell. But I can't deny this about myself. So I might as well have some fun, suck some dick now, and eventually I'll go to hell. And her dad eventually caught wind and like figured out that that was what my thinking was. And he straight up, I remember, I will always remember this conversation because it changed my life. He was like, that's not the case. Hell isn't real. And if it were, God would not send gay people there.

And hearing that from a man of the cloth, you know, like an actual pastor, changed my life and changed my outlook on the rest of my life. Because suddenly, it was like freeing to hear that from somebody in authority. So it was really life changing. And it's why I have like, as a card-carrying liberal gay person, you know, obviously religion is a touchy subject for me, but I do believe that there are people out there who are doing good in God's name. Not necessarily all of them, certainly not the majority of them, but there are people out there who are trying to change the conversation. And my friend actually became a pastor just like her dad. And she just held a

drag show at the church is mostly focused on getting homeless people off the street. She does not give a shit about like any of like who, what you smoke or what you drink or who you fuck or any of those things. Her ministry is very much based on like making sure people have community and are feel supported, you know, in all the, the real ways that you need to be supported in order to live a full life in this world. So, yeah, that's sort of where I'm at. Because if those people hadn't taken you in, who knows what would have happened, especially with your bipolar. Who knows what could have happened? Anyone who's listening, when you see somebody who needs help and you can give them that help, provide them,

you can open up your home to them or help them financially or whatever. Like you can change someone's like the course of someone's life and imagine that feeling, not even just for the person you're helping for your own, you know, like it just feels so wonderful. Those people must feel so good. And I mean, and, and their real children must feel so proud of that, you know, and they're going to be able to suck it forward. Since we're talking about so much dick sucking, I thought I would throw in another sucking. Okay. Well, this is an advice podcast, Joel. Are you fucking ready? I'm fucking ready. Okay. Estamos listos. We'll be right back.

Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other? Courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors

to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help

you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be, and who we can be. It's a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity who we can be. It's a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity.

It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, future podcasts. Drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

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Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all.

Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week buying power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders.

It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. We're back. We're back. Our first question comes from alissa uh milano it is it is in fact told her to stop calling into this show it's enough already uh she says dear chelsea i'm a queer 36 year old woman and i'm in my first same-sex relationship it's still a bit new but honestly i feel head over heels in love my question is about telling my own mother-sex relationship. It's still a bit new, but honestly, I feel head over heels in love.

My question is about telling my own mother about this relationship. I have been able to be open and honest and have come out to my close friends and sisters. I've just been learning how to set small boundaries with my mother, and it's been hard. We essentially don't really talk anymore. The next time I see her, we'll be on a week-long family vacation in a few months. Would it be okay to send a text message to my own mother telling her I'm actually bisexual and have a serious girlfriend, or should I wait until we're together? Alyssa. Yeah, I kind of wonder, I would like to know a little bit more context for like where the mom is at with these things, because you do have, you generally know how your parents feel about gay people these days, because we're everywhere.

We're on the TV, we're in Target because we're everywhere. We're on the TV, we're in Target, we're everywhere. Yeah, but if we don't say gay, everyone will stop being gay. But without that knowledge, I think the responsible thing to do for both her and the mom is to text before the vacation because if things blow up because of the text message, you ain't going on that vacation. Yeah, vacation's bad. Yeah. Yeah. What's the dynamic between the mom and her? She just said there's been some boundaries and they're not really talking. Okay. Yeah. You're about to go on a fucking vacation together. Yeah. Well, family vacations are always such a hot mess. You know, three days in, they're fine. And then the last four days you're like, what the fuck are we still doing here? You know, everyone gets so annoyed with their families. But I agree. You have to tell her beforehand, just out of respect,

because you don't want to put yourself in that situation. Yeah. You know, like, go showing up at a vacation that you might have to leave prematurely early. And, yeah, and saying you're bisexual

and that you're in love with someone, like, it's not like you're telling her you're bisexual and that's it. Like, you're telling her for a reason because there's someone in your life that you love and respect and is hopefully going to be loved and respected by your family as well.

So, yes, I would definitely let her know or call her. Yeah, that would be nice. I think ultimately, if you go on this vacation and you reveal this information, I mean, you are following in a long line of bisexuals who love attention, but you will make this vacation all about you like that. Suddenly the vacation is no longer about the vacation. It is about this revelation that you have vacation is no longer about the vacation.

It is about this revelation that you have revealed to your mother and the group. So I think like priming her beforehand so that she has time to get over it too if she is if there is a problem

or she's you know got a time to process it before the vacation is I think the respectful thing to do for your entire fam. Or another creative way

to do it is just to get some video of you going down on your girlfriend and just sending that to your mom. Yeah, leak your sex tape, babe. So good luck. Let us know what happens. Thanks, Alyssa.

Well, our first caller is Mia, and her job is she is a freelance dancer. And she'll give a little more context for this when she pops on the phone as well. My childhood best friend just shat on me and our entire friendship and says she doesn't want to work on our relationship, but she's getting married in a few months and I'm supposed to be her maid of honor. She still wants me at the wedding and the bachelorette, read, to plan both of these things, but I feel there's no way I can go given the unforgivable things she's said to me. I'm worried if I don't go, it'll seem really dramatic and self-centered, which would only confirm her assessment that I'm the most self-involved person she's ever met. Do I fake it for her sake or do I protect my own feelings and wallet

and tell her I won't be attending? Mia. Hi, Mia. Hi, Mia. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. We're wonderful. I have to say for the listeners at home, Mia is gorgeous. All of our callers are good looking. Important context to have for sure. They always are. Yes. And Mia, you told me a little bit more about the falling out that you had centered around a mutual friend's wedding. So let us know what happened.

So my grandmother, who I was very close with, died a few weeks ago. And her funeral happened to be on the same day as a friend's wedding that I was in. I was a bridesmaid. As soon as I knew, I told this friend, she understood obviously that I wouldn't be there until the ceremony. And I would try my best to make it to the ceremony. And she had a plan B in case I didn't make it because I didn't want to leave my grandma's funeral early. And then my childhood friend who was also attending this wedding came with me to the funeral, which was very nice. And then we went to the wedding together and we made it eight minutes before the wedding started. And I ran in, told the bride that I was ready to go,

but I completely understand if you don't want me to mess up your plan B, I can sit in the back. I can stand whatever you need. And she wanted me to walk. So we made it work, went back to the original plan. Ceremony happened. It was great. And then afterwards, my best friend who had come to the funeral with me said, you better not pull that shit at my wedding. I won't be as nice. And then proceeded to talk a lot of shit about me to my friends at the wedding about how selfish I am and how annoying it was that we got there so last minute. And so then I reached out to her a week later to talk and have a sober conversation. And I was expecting it to be very non-confrontational, which she usually is, and kind of just brush over.

But she just went at me and said I'm the most self-absorbed person she knows. And that I should have waited outside of the wedding until it was over. And I made it all about me. And then went on to say that I'm super judgmental and critical of her, of her life choices. And she feels anxious every time she's around me and I'm needy and I need to let go of how our friendship was in middle school and just dig after dig. And I know I can't prove to you guys that I'm not these things, but I think I have a pretty good- You seem pretty chill. So yeah, it was just super hurtful.

We talked for a long time and I was on the verge of tears. And then at the end, I was like, all right, well, it seems like we both have resentments towards each other that we can work on. I'm so sorry for my part, whatever. And she was like, what are you talking about? I don't have any resentments. I'm fine. I don't hold grudges.

Still wants me to be her maid of honor at the wedding. Still wants me to plan her bachelorette. But to me, like she just broke my heart and just like completely dismissed our entire friendship. So I'm wondering if I should go to this wedding. I'm very close with her whole family. My family is going to the wedding. We just got the invite a few days ago. Like it's still very much expected that I go, but I also feel very hurt. And, you know, there is a level of like, do you go to the wedding or are you the maid of honor? I mean, that is a whole other level of commitment and spending hours and hours planning a party

and bachelorettes and cost and all kinds of things. Have you straight up asked this woman, if all of these things are true, why do you want me in the wedding? I haven't. I haven't spoken to her since this conversation, which was like two weeks ago now. Was the conversation in person or on the phone? It was in person. And we ended it with her being like, I'm fine. I'm ready to move on.

And me being like, I need a second. And so I think the ball's sort of in my. And me being like, I need a second. And so I think the ball's sort of in my court to reach out, which I haven't done. I think this needs another conversation for sure before you make a call either way. I think like, I'm having trouble understanding where she's coming from. If she just needed to unload on you

and then expect it to be done, or if there are still, like, she still needs to work something out before having you. Because my instinct is to say no, like fuck this chick. But I do think you because of history over at least one other conversation where you express to her, I don't feel comfortable doing this because of the things that you said. And if this is how you feel about me, then why would you want me to be your maid of honor? Right. Yeah, that's how I feel, too. then why would you want me to be your maid of honor? Right. Yeah, that's how I feel, too.

Have you discussed this with your family at all? That's going to the wedding? Yeah. And they they think I should go and just fake it. And my brother says it would be our friendship funeral. So sort of like there might not be a future after this, but just go and and not give her a reason to say like see she's making it all about her again it's a trap it's such a fucking trap she's trapped you i yeah i also did you bring up during this conversation i was coming from my fucking grandparents funeral yeah she was there i was like i'll try not to have somebody else i

love a lot die right before your wedding and she was was like, I'm not saying don't have them die. I'm just saying don't come to the ceremony then. But it's not like you walked up in the middle of their vows, you know? But wait, she didn't come to the funeral with you. She just came to the wedding with you, right? Oh, she went to the funeral with you too. Yeah. She saw firsthand like how tragic it was. Listen, it doesn't even matter if any of the things she said about you are true. You don't even, you don't deliver information like that to somebody that you care about and love. She's obviously stressed out about her own fucking wedding or her own life or whatever

the fuck's going on. But I absolutely, you cannot put yourself in a position to be abused like that again. And you can't throw her a bachelorette party after she spoke to you like that. It's one thing to show up for her wedding. It's another thing to participate in that wedding and be in the wedding party and be a part of her bachelorette. You absolutely need to have a conversation with her. And I think you can either start it with an email that lays out your feelings in a very calm and graceful way. Like, these are all the things that you said to me. And it's been really hard for me to even think about all of this stuff. And it's been so hurtful

for me that I have to talk to you again about this. Because if this is really how you feel about me, and you don't want to discuss it any further, I don't understand why you would want me to be a part of your wedding. Right. Out of respect for our relationship, I deserve you to be able to have another conversation instead of saying, I can't. For her to vilify you going to your grandparents' funeral before a wedding and then making the effort to show up to that wedding is anything but dramatic. Right. Yeah, it's not like you did this in front of, like, you didn't interrupt the ceremony. It's not like you ran in while they were doing their vows some other girl out of the way for your place in the receiving line like it's giving sociopath behavior i don't like it it kind of is are you like you're sitting there

during the whole wedding crying about your grandparent dying like what is she talking about i don't understand i don't either it. It's really shocked. Has she ever exhibited behavior like this to you before? No. I mean, I will say we have been distant in the past few years and we still, you know, had a great relationship, but it was not as close emotionally. And so I knew something was up and I tried to sort of like sometimes bring it up in a gentle way but it was she didn't want to talk about it and she didn't want to like talk about feelings and so i kind of was just like all right i'm just going to leave it until after the wedding maybe she's stressed about that i don't want to add to her stress i didn't want to make it about me shocker how much time before the wedding

it's in september so several months she's got time She's got time to figure it out. I've got like two months until The Bachelorette. That's plenty of time. Yeah. Take her to Dave and Buster's, okay? That's what she gets. You tell her, if you want me to be your maid of honor, this is what you're getting, okay? Commiserate with the way you've treated me, your bachelorette is at Dave and Buster's, bitch. And I think to further let her off the hook, she did mention there is a co-maid of honor.

Oh, my God. So, like, I feel like you're fully off the hook. Yeah. Yeah. I think you just, you couch the conversation and, like, I don't feel comfortable being in this position in your wedding. I'm happy to stand up for you, be in the wedding, come to the wedding. But like you, obviously you don't want me to be your maid of honor anymore. Yeah. It doesn't sound like you like me. That's what I said. Yeah.

It's a huge prereq for the job, I find. Yeah. So mean spirited. I mean, to go off on somebody, I just can't get past the fact that you were coming from a funeral. Like what friend would be bad mouthing you to your other friends? And how did you find that out? Because your other friends told you? Yeah. Oh, jeez. And they defended me while she was doing that.

Oh, they did? Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Yeah. That's a nice good thing to add in the letter too. Your friend is a mess. As you've told me and as I've heard from others, you were very, you know, and as you said to me, thank you for telling me to my face because I know now how you feel and yeah no I don't I'm all for saying fuck off she owes you an apology

like a major apology and yeah yeah so annoying I hate when friends are like play her this podcast when when it comes out and so she can hear me say definitively you are a mess mess. Yeah. Yeah. That's worse than bridezilla behavior. That's something else. It's funny that you say that your friends told you because I was having a conversation with someone the other night and he's like, this is just between you and me. I go, can we all stop saying that? Like, obviously, but also as an adult, you think I'm going to go to our mutual friend and say that you don't like her, that you hate her.

But then that's exactly what happened. But at a certain age, you just stop repeating what everybody else is saying, even if it's about mutual. What's the currency there? She doesn't like you. Like, we're not in high school anymore. We're adults, at least.

I mean, I'm 48. You're young. So, but I mean, in this situation, again, I actually like your friends for telling you that because, yeah, she is a bitch. I think I need to hear that. She needs to know that no, everyone she's talking to is talking about her.

I think, are you, are you Gen Z or are you a millennial? I'm a millennial. You are. Yeah. It's because we can't buy houses. We're all stunted.

You know, we don't have money. So we have gossip. Yeah. That's it. That's our only currency. That's our only currency is information. Yeah.

Drugs, pills, and information. That's all you can do. Just fill yourself up with all three things. Yeah. I would definitely send her an email, like a preliminary email, laying it all out in a very calm, nice way. Like you've demonstrated this entire conversation to counter the behavior that she's demonstrating and see where that gets you and be prepared to just be like, I'm not doing it. I'm not going to go and be like, it's so abusive for somebody to

tear you down like that. All right, Mia, would you do us a favor and send us the letter that you write to her? I'd be happy to look over it before you send it if you want help. Yeah, absolutely. Great idea. Awesome. Thanks, Mia. Let us know how it goes. We are waiting to hear. And you're real cute, Mia. Oh, yes. Don't forget that. I'm definitely instinctually on your side because I know what you look like and you're pretty. That's a toxic behavior.

I feel like Joel Kim is attracted to you. Maybe a little bit. Hey, it's coming. I'm getting older. Not forever. Gay is not forever. It can be reversed. Don't forget. I did once finger a woman in a bar when I was on my 21st birthday.

Immediately started to cry afterwards. She did or you did? I did. There's nothing gayer than fingering a woman and crying afterwards. Did you cry in front of her? She had to console me. We were sitting on the curb outside the bar afterwards, and she had to console me. Oh, dear.

Drive me home. Oh, man. What about her made you cry, fingering her made you cry, the inside of the vagina? I was like near blackout drunk, and I was like, what does this mean? Does this mean I'm not gay anymore? And she was like, yes, sweetie, you're definitely gay. I'm just thinking about getting fingered by a gay man and how disappointing that would be. All right.

Thank you, honey. Thanks for calling in. Thank you so much. Okay. Good luck with everything. Keep us posted. I want to hear what happens. All right.

Bye. Did you ever, you never had sex with a woman? No, no. Gold star. Did you make out with this woman that you were fingering? Yeah, yeah. Oh, because I like the idea of just fingering without a kiss. No, no. Gold star. Did you make out with this woman that you were fingering? Yeah, yeah. Oh, because I like the idea of just fingering without a kiss.

No, yeah. Going straight in there. That's like whoopsie doodle. Just slipped in. I don't think that's ever happened to me. Oh, yes it has. Inside you,

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Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Well, our next caller is Emily. This is a slightly more sober question, but not too serious. We'll figure out a way to take the piss out of it. Yes. Dear Chelsea, I want your advice on how you remain productive and motivated whilst managing so many different projects in your life and career. I recently had a really hard time with

being really tired at the end of my work days and therefore drained of energy to keep up with the thing I enjoy doing outside of my job, which is writing. I've been chipping away at a novel series, contributing to an online feminist magazine, and expanding an essay I wrote into a book. I recently started thinking that I may want to publish these in the future, but here's the problem. When my workday ends, I have absolutely no motivation to sit down and write like I used to. I work in a high-stress, demanding nine-to-five where I'm constantly interacting with people for the entire eight hours. I work for the federal government. I spend all day writing little notes to myself for my nonfiction book, I've begun, and thinking about plot lines for my novels. I tell myself when I'm done with my actual job, I'll get down to business

with my writing. But by the time 5 p.m. rolls around, I'm so exhausted and tired of typing, talking, thinking of words, and looking at screens that I just lie in bed like a potato on my phone. On top of this 9 to 5, I also work a part-time job, which I enjoy. Yeah, seriously. No wonder you're fucking tired. Just as something to get me out of the house and see my friends. She's 26, by the way. Okay. So she's got the energy.

As someone who somehow – She doesn't have the energy, though. As someone who somehow miraculously finds time to write books and pieces while actively engaging with your career, what's your advice for someone who just feels perpetually tired and whose brain feels like mush after eight hours of work? P.S., as a history major, I absolutely eat up your book recommendations with a spoon. I just finished Cuba and American History, and I've pre-ordered On Our Best Behavior. And as a Canadian, I love how much you love us. Emily. Hi, Emily. Hi. Another gorgeous woman. I know. They're so hot this week. Do you screen for the- Me too. we only take good looking callers actually that's not true

I don't want people who don't think they're good looking to not call in I just want you to send us a picture first this is our special guest Joel Kim Booster say hi

hi nice to meet you nice to meet you too I really relate to this because I worked a desk job for many many years and was writing at the same time

trying to and doing stand up at the same time and doing stand-up at the same time. And so I completely understand the experience of working 50 hours a week and still trying to find time to do your creative pursuits. So this hit home for me in a big way. Can I ask you, so you work the second job for what purpose? Is it for financial reasons or you said just to get out of the house? It is to get out of the house? It is to get out of the house a little bit because it's the first job I had like after undergrad. So all of my friends are there and this current job is remote. So I just find I

don't know that I would be able to force myself to leave the house if I didn't have this other job. So it is Yeah, a reason of course money is involved in that as well. But mostly to see my friends and to get out of the house. And that's at night? Yeah, evenings and weekends. How many days a week do you do that? About three, two or three. Okay, that's not too bad.

So you just have to set, this is so easy. All you have to do is set up a new system. Okay, so writing is your passion. That's really what you want to get after, right? You need to wake up in the morning and do that. I was going to say the same thing. That is what every creative, like there's a book, I want you to get this book. It's called Daily Rituals. Do you have it? Have you seen that? Oh, I've heard of it.

Okay. It shows you what every philosopher, artist, all the fate, like Michelangelo, like D'Angelo, the guy who made the pizzas, any Angelo, philosophers, politicians, comedians, artists, actors, people who get up in the morning and do like the first three hours between like 530 and 830 AM are the biggest peaks of creativity for all artists. And if you have all day to be an artist, then that's supposed to be like a three to two hour work session in the morning. Then you take a break, go for a walk, take a nap, whatever you're into. And then you come back and you have like another two hours in the afternoon. But first thing in the morning for writing, I can tell you is my most creative and where I have the most clarity is first thing in the morning. Because

of course, after the day you're tired, you're working a full time job. So you have to like harness your energy when you have it, right? So just start changing the time that you go to bed and the time you wake up and give yourself, even if it's one hour in the morning before you go to work, if you have to get up, get ready and then do it, or you do it while you're in bed, right, for an hour and then go get ready for your day. Start changing your schedule and reconfigure how you're doing that because your goal is to get your books published, right? So you have to make that your biggest priority. And you're letting the other things that you don't care about as much overshadow that.

And can I say too, this is a big thing, I think, especially for people who work remotely now, change where you are doing your personal writing because you are spending so much time at home and your brain is in work mode now. You've turned your home into work mode. And so it's really hard to make that switch from I'm at work to now I'm doing this thing for me when it's all in the same place. So if you can find a separate space, a coffee shop,

what have you, if you have the money, a WeWork space, whatever you need to do, either take your work out of your home and make your home your sanctuary of where you do your actual writing or take the writing out of your home and figure out because it really does change your mindset when you're trying to do both things in the same space. It doesn't work as well. Yeah. And she actually was at a cafe when we had our pre-interview. She was like, I'm doing some writing. So that was great. What time do you start your workday? Nine? My workday? Eight to four is what I work. Oh, eight to four. So that's early. Okay. But I think I think you should try that for a week. Get up early. You're gonna have to try and

go to bed earlier and get up early. Let's set your alarm for 530 in the morning, or whatever can allow you an hour of creativity. Okay? Where do you live? You live somewhere where you can go somewhere that early? Like at 6am? Can you go to a coffee shop? I could. Yeah, actually. Yeah, I think you should. I was even saying to Catherine yesterday as well, like trying to that mindset of trying to get out of the house. Because even when I was in university, I found the same thing. Like I was not able to get academic writing or creative writing done at home, I had to go out. But even that I'm finding like, it's much harder to make myself focus even out of the even outside of my house, like if I go to a Starbucks or wherever else.

Okay, well, you have to try out a couple places. Can you go right in a park? Like, is there a lot libraries? Yeah, underrated. You don't have to buy shit. But they're not open at six in the morning is true. That's fair. But if you go after work, you could go like make four to six sort of your your period to I know it's not as effective because it's later in the morning is the problem. That's fair. But if you go after work, you could go like make four to six sort of your period too. I know it's not as effective because it's later in the day. No, it's not less effective. I just think you need to get into a habit, right?

Like you want to create a habit so that you're, because if you do something for a week, you're going to, the next time you're like, wait, wait a second. Why am I not doing it? Like it becomes part of your day

and it becomes a daily ritual, which is really important for you to just, because that's going to infuse everything. Once you get your creative juices flowing, that infuses the rest of your life. You're not going to feel as tired, I promise you, from your regular job when you're giving yourself the grace. And like he said, if it's completely undoable, but it doesn't sound like it is, you start at 8.30. You can get up a couple hours earlier. Get up at 6 o'clock in the morning and write from 6.30 to 7.30 and then get ready for work and do that for a week. And you're just going to feel your self-esteem is carried by your creativity when you're a creative.

That's all you need is to constantly be working and writing. And then that fills you up and it adds and lends energy to the stuff that isn't as exciting. And I don't want to – I feel like I need to address the elephant in the room, which is why aren't you writing while you're at work? I'm sorry. I know what it's like to work a desk job for 50 hours a week. There's so little work that you – there are ways you can figure out how to to sort of half-ass it

at your real job so that you can spend some day some hours during the day doing your writing work you work for the government so it sounds like you have a really intense job i was working for fucking startups where you sell men's socks online so it's a little different but i did some of my i wrote my first script while at work so i I think it is possible. Or lunch breaks. Maybe there's a lunch break situation. Big lunch break. Yeah, my lunch breaks are really short. Unfortunately, the nature of my job,

like my notes on my phone are full of stuff, like little thoughts that I do have time to jot down throughout the day. But then by the time I do get off work and go to sit down, I just don't want to look at a computer anymore or do anything. And if I had more opportunity throughout my workday, I definitely would be taking more advantage of that.

I would also say, I mean, maybe, maybe not staring at a screen, maybe you're writing longhand that you can then point your phone at it and it turns it into text. That's like a new thing that you can do. But if you are- Who's writing longhand besides Barack Obama? Me. Oh, really? Oh, yes. I can't. I write a thank you card. I'm like, oh, forget it. I'm just like, thanks. I think I'm going to write this whole thing.

And then my hand is so tired. They're barely teaching kids how to write longhand anymore. I know. No more penmanship. You're not allowed to read or write in this country. But also I'd say take a look at your notes at night right before you turn off your light so that you have those sort of percolating in your brain all night. And when you wake up, you're going to find like things have synthesized and you are like,

oh my gosh, I can't wait to get this onto a page. That's a good idea. Yeah, that is a good idea. Wow. And then, or you could take Joel's advice and lose your job. Yeah. Okay. Then you'll have plenty of time to write.

You decide. Even if there's a little place in your apartment, like a side little sanctuary that you set up as your writing area. Like you put a couple of things, notes, like things that, you know, all of your writing notes. If you put those on little post-its or you print them out from your phone and just put them all over. So it's like a creative kind of little area for you. So, you know, we just have to psych ourselves into situations sometimes. And that's what you're like. Yeah.

And you could do it. You'll do it. Do it for five days straight and get back to us and let us know if it made an impact. Yeah. And you could do it. You'll do it. Do it for five days straight and get back to us and let us know if it made an impact. Yeah. I definitely will.

Thank you so much. If it doesn't, if you're like, I just can't like will myself into this, get a writing buddy. If you know you have an appointment of like,

I owe three pages to this person on Wednesday. Accountability is everything. Yes. I will say too, like. Is it? I mean, I don't, I don't feel accountable to for another,

but I'm more accountable to myself than anyone else. If I tell somebody that I'm doing something, then like I feel so much guilt if I don't actually show up. Midwestern guilt. Yeah, Midwestern guilt. Like I, you know, I'm about to do a full frontal scene for the first time on a show. And I have now told all my friends I'm doing this.

So I cannot chicken out. I have to do it now. It's accountability for my dick. Great. Is that an honor of AAPI? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing the Lord's work. I'm putting the P in the AAPI.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay. the AAPI. Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay. Good luck, Emily. Thank you. Bye. Bye. I like how Joel just goes into an offshoot at the end of each call about his own issues

and what he's up against. Listen, I'm only here. I'm here for a short time, not a long time. I got to get it in. It's a nice bookend to the calls. To look within. Introspection for Joel. Well, let's take a quick break

and we'll be back to wrap up with more of the last question. Oh, that flew by. Okay, we'll be right back. I can't believe it's almost over. Shut up, Joel. Inside you,

two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf.

This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls, and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth

with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be.

So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It could be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden and together on the really no really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor we got the answer will space junk block your cell signal the astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer we talk with the

scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know

who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight,

welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter.

Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. We're back. Sorry, guys. Sorry. We're back. That really flew by. You're funny. It's always so much fun to do it with a comedian. Mateo came and we laughed so hard the whole session. Like people were calling it was – we couldn't even – we were just making fun of everyone.

And Mateo was like, this is so fun. I'm like, it's not normally like this. I'm like, but when you have a comedian where everyone just goes to the wrong place right away or the right place. Yes. Okay. Well, our last question comes from Jenna. Jenna Bush. Dear Chelsea. I hate my twin.

Close. I have a simple question. Is it fair of me to ask that my boyfriend shave his face more regularly? He regularly lets his stubble grow out, and frankly it is painful to kiss him after a couple of days of growth. He does not have a gene for facial hair and is certainly not growing it out with intention. He just can't be bothered to shave. What grows in is sporadic around his upper lip and goatee zone and by no means attractive.

I see it not only as him not bothering to take care of himself, but also that he can't put in a minimal effort for me and my comfort. I find the stubble very pokey and irritating to my skin when we kiss, and I tell him as much all the time. I think the lack of any sort of initiative is what bothers me as much as the stubble itself. He also regularly compares it to how I don't always feel like shaving my legs, and how would I feel if he asked me to shave my legs more often? I don't think it's a fair comparison. What can be done about this?

Am I being unreasonable or controlling? Or is it fair to ask that he simply shave his face every couple of days? Much appreciation, Jenna. Listen, Jenna, you got to take a page out of the WGA book. You got to go on strike, bitch. No more kissing until you shave your little Fu Manchu. That's what you need to do. Because to compare it to shaving legs, the surface area alone. missing until you shave your little Fu Manchu. That's what you need to do.

Because to compare it to shaving legs, the surface area alone, okay, it is not the same thing at all. And he's not having to put his lips on her legs, his entire face on her legs. Great point, Jill. Great fucking point. First, absolutely you can demand that. And also, you could also say, sure, I'll shave. Great. I'll shave my legs every three days and you can shave your face every day. Facial hair that you're kissing exactly is the point. Like it's bothering you and it's not attractive to you.

If you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that says, I love this, I love this about you. Don't you do it more? Like, oh, I love your hair like that. Then like oh i love your hair like that then you start to wear your hair like that you don't change your personality but it's like pleasing to the person that you care about so you want them to like it so it's totally within your right to be like okay fucking shave yeah it's not bad facial hair is bad yeah it's not hot this is the worst like a patchy beard there's nothing and if he's acting like that when you're dating, then like, oh, then that's only going to get worse if he doesn't nip it in the bud now. You need to, you need to, do you not have like a mean gay friend who can just straight

up to his face every time he doesn't shave? Be like, bro, you look ugly as fuck right now. Can you get a gay friend that will do that? I'll do that. Give me his number. Okay. I'll FaceTime in. Yeah.

Yeah. You don't have to put up with that i had a boyfriend who when he did shave i didn't like it like he looked better with facial hair than without and i was like oh you better keep that fucking beard buddy like i don't want to see what's under there without the beard well your boyfriend has facial hair right and a lot of men look better with facial hair i like like him both ways, I will say. But he does look considerably younger. And he is already younger than me, so it's a problem. And he looks like, he just looks like a little boy without his

beard. Which I guess I shouldn't have just said that I liked it both ways, because God knows, in this climate, hearing a gay man say, I like my boyfriend when he looks like a little boy, that's trouble. Well, I think based on everything you've said during little boy, that's trouble. That's trouble. Well, I think based on everything you've said during this podcast, nobody's going to hold that against you.

I will be lifting that out and we'll be putting it online. Yes, yes, yes. That's the pull-through. Well, use that as the clip. Joel Kim Booster, groomer. Thank you, Joel Kim. That was so much fun.

Thank you for having me. Love you, honey. What a dream come true. So much fun. And thank you, Catherine. Oh, yay. It was good to be with another Midwesterner. Yes, Kim. That was so much fun. Thank you for having me. Love you, honey. What a dream come true. So much fun. And thank you, Catherine. Ah, yay. It was good to be with another Midwesterner. Yes, finally.

Shabbat shalom, everybody. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you?

Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational.

The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got,

and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all-access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor? What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast.

Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.