Dear Chelsea - Nineteen with Ziwe

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

Happy New Year!  Chelsea’s back in-studio this week, joined by Ziwe Fumudoh to talk about walking alone in the woods, the secret ingredient to the best conversations, and their mutual love of chow-chows.  Then: A wife worries that her husband’s porn preferences are too young for comfort.  And a New Yorker’s dating life runs afoul of a wicked curse.     * Books in today’s episode: Cassandra at the Wedding  Black Friend: Essays * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, Chelsea. Can you see my background in Whistler? Do you see how beautiful it is here? I can. It's a snow blizzard. It's a blizzard. It's like the snow is falling so softly behind you.

It looks like a quaint little town because there's snow on the rooftop. It is. It is. Do you know, first of all, I'm sick. I'm still sick from the last time I saw you. I've been sick for a month straight. I don't know what's, I think I have monkey pox.

I don't know what is wrong with me. So excuse my sniffling, everyone. But I can't get well. And you know what the cutest thing was yesterday? What? My friends, I was having dinner with my girlfriends here. I have a crew here. You know, my whole family was here for a week.

And then my two of my nieces stayed here for another five days. And my one niece woke me up at three in the morning. I feel a tap on my shoulder. And Seneca's like, Chelsea, I've been throwing up all night. And I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it? And so of course I get up, I'm in my bra and underwear. I put her in my bathroom. She's still throwing up. I'm trying to shove a Zofran down her throat. I'm like, here, fucking swallow this. And you know, when someone's vomiting, you can't like, they can't even drink anything.

And I'm sitting on the side of my bathtub in my bra and underwear. And I'm like, thank God this isn't my life. You know, like I don't even know what to do. So I'm just sitting there watching her vomit. And then I get into my bed and I'm like, okay, Sunny, you know, come in my bed. I moved over. She got into my bed and stayed in my bed for 24 hours. And I'm like, oh, this is what it must be like to be a mother. But I guess I caught whatever she got. And then my other niece, Charlie was here. She's a dream boat too. She's skiing like a maniac, but we didn't have a lot of snow. And so it was kind of depressing. There was enough snow to ski, but you can't ski in or like to the bottom of the

hill. And it was a little light. And now we are in full blizzard mode. So as soon as we are done with today's episode, I am getting my boots on and I am taking my sick ass out on the slopes. Amazing. Just drink a lot of bone broth when you get back. I'm going to bring a camelback of bone broth on the mountain, but I've just been, I love it here so much. I can't tell you the unadulterated joy I feel. I'm sitting here, I write my book every day. I'm working so hard on my new book. Everyone is going to be, well, I mean, I hope everyone's going to love it because I'm starting to love it. I'm sure they will. Actually, you know what? Speaking of books,

well, first of all, I'm curious if you've been reading anything, but I've gotten a few emails asking where people can find the books that we talk about on the show. And I usually try to pop those into the show notes. So for anybody who's wondering where can I, I'm listening in my car and you guys mentioned a book and I don't remember what it was, go ahead and look in the description of the show, and you'll usually find the book that we were chatting about. I just started this book that Tanner gave me called Cassandra at the Wedding by Dorothy Baker. Anyway, it's really good. It's about sisters.

It's a short book. You know, when I'm writing a book, I don't read as much, so that's been an issue. So this morning, I got up and read two chapters of it because I was like, I need to be reading while I'm writing. I don't like when I don't read as much. So that's been an issue. So this morning I got up and read two chapters of it because I was like, I need to be reading while I'm writing. I don't like when I don't read for long periods of time. And when I come to Whistler, I just kind of avoid the news and I avoid, well, all things that are real. So I'm just in like this fantasy land. It's like your Disneyland. I'm coming home tomorrow because everyone needs to watch the Critics' Choice Awards

on Sunday night that I'm hosting and I cannot wait. Yay. That's going to be so exciting. I have watched every single movie. Oh, my God. There are so much horniness in the movies this year. So many penises, so many prostheses. Horniness, queerness is great. There's tons of that.

Horniness, queerness, everything. It makes me horny to watch all these movies. I can't wait to get on stage and talk about it. Do you have a favorite or a couple of favorites? Salt Burn was pretty twisted, and I like that. It was like kind of a modern-day talented Mr. Ripley. You know, it was a little analogous to that, so I liked that a lot.

I really liked Oppenheimer. I mean, it's really long. Killers of the Flowered Moon took me about seven hours to watch it, and it was three and a half hours long because I had to take breaks. I think Salt Burn is the most compelling. I watched Stranger from Us, all of us strangers. Yes, all of us strangers. That guy in it, I love him so much. He's so sexy. And it's a really sexy gay love story. And it's nice to be straight and appreciate gay, sexy love stories. Yes, indeed. And like, sometimes they're a little sexier. Yeah, yeah, I know. I was like, should I masturbate? I'm like, don't get carried away.

And then wait, what else happened? Oh, I have my little baby here, my Buddhas, you know, Kelly's daughters are here. That's just so fun. I just am like, I love being a stepfather to them. And we announced some new shows. We announced shows in Australia. And we announced a really fun show that I'm doing with Fortune Feimster and Matteo Lane and Sam Jay at the YouTube Theater in May for the Netflix is a Joke Festival in Los Angeles. So get your tickets for that because that's about to sell out. And that is going to be a wild night. And Vanessa is going to be there as well. And then, yeah, we added, I've added five dates in New Zealand and Australia. I have Canadian dates coming up.

I'm going to be January 19th in Edmonton and then Saskatoon. And I'm coming to Kelowna all over winter. Vancouver, Kelowna, Calgary. So yes, please go to ChelseaHandler.com. Get your tickets because everything is almost sold out. So maybe I'll be adding second shows, but I'm not sure. We'll see.

I like my winter time. Did you wind up getting a new dog? Did that wind up working out? I didn't. You know, I rode up. I got that CO2 treatment on my face, which we should show a picture of at some point, even though this is a podcast, because I looked like Mike Tyson just got done with me. I got a CO2 treatment.

I drove from Los Angeles to Whistler. So it was like two and a half day drive because I took my time. And I stopped in Bend, Oregon to visit a friend of mine, Melissa. And she saw my face and she's like, holy shit, what the fuck did you do? And I was like, listen, I have done a lot of shit to my face. This one was otherworldly. I looked crazy. Not only was I black and blue, I have done a lot of shit to my face. This one was otherworldly. I looked crazy. Not only was I black and blue, I was bleeding and swollen. Oh, God. And so like the seven top layers of your skin just start peeling off after like day three. So I'm driving and there's just like little gray matter all over my seat.

Like when your clothes shed. Like I was shedding like a reptile. It was so disgusting. But meanwhile, my face is like a reptile. It was so disgusting. But meanwhile, my face is like a baby's ass now. Oh, amazing. But the skin is so sensitive under my eyes. She really zapped me under my eyes for my crow's feet. I like to keep my crow's feet around, you know,

to stay grounded. I don't want to Botox those or anything. Yeah, you got to at least like look like a human, you know, just live the little life. But I am excited about my dresses for this Sunday because they are I didn't know if I was going to be able to top last year's outfit changes for the Critics Choice Awards because I was really happy with my dresses last year and you know I don't really give a shit that

much about clothing but I am fucking banging it out again this year you look so good last year are you able to give us like a preview of like are they sparkly do you have color all the above no I don't wear sparkles Catherine the above. No, I don't wear sparkles, Catherine. You know better than that. I don't wear sparkles. I like color, one color, one dress, and I like to show my body off. There you go. My body, my choice. Excellent. Chelsea, are you a resolutions person? Is that something that you get into at the beginning of the year? No. No. I'm not. I mean, I think it's, I don't know. I don't like when everybody's doing everything. You know something. That's true. You know's, I don't know. I don't like when everybody's doing everything. You know something. You know how I feel about trendiness. I don't like New Year's resolutions.

I just get better every year and we all should be getting better every year. Honestly, that's what I kind of realized a few years ago. I mean, I would set these like grandiose resolutions and then I would realize at the end of the year, like, oh, I actually like started doing a few of those things, even though I thought I didn't do the resolution because I didn't, I wasn't real strict about it. But like after a few years, I'm like, oh, I'm actually like doing these things I wanted to do on a regular basis. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we can always, I mean, I'm always just trying to improve. I mean, sometimes I take a couple of breaks, you know, but I've been better. Like I had family around me for three weeks straight. I had guests and family because I had some friends come up too.

And, you know, I did that in Mallorca this summer. And I just know my patience has gotten so much better. When they leave, I do have to take a Xanax and sleep for fucking 12 hours. Or actually, I slept for 20 hours the other day. I woke up, took some NyQuil, went right back to sleep. But my patience has improved. My self-awareness is on point. I'm aware. I'm calm. I don't yell at people anymore. So I'm happy with myself. That's really good.

And I would imagine, too, since your patience has gotten better, everyone around you is having a better time, but you're also having a better time. Yes, I'm having a better time. And I'm also enjoying... I always used to imagine when I was, the kind of aunt I would be like, I wanted to be this like bad ass woman that my nieces and nephews looked up to and came to. And that's happening. They come to me for advice and they tell me secrets and they tell me things that they don't tell their moms. And my sisters are probably both listening and wondering what,

but that, you know, it makes me feel so good to like have these relationships in my life with children at this age, because they're all getting older now, you know, they're not like 18, 19, 20, some things. And now we can have like adult relationships. And I just, I love that. And I, my relationship with my sisters has always been really good. And I had a great time with my brother this year. I mean, there were a lot of mushrooms going around in our family, a lot of mushrooms, a lot of edibles. We're that kind of family. We had a dinner out where it was just a complete disaster. We could not stop laughing for about three hours. So I mean, this is kind of what I dreamt about. I wanted a big family like this, but I didn't want to make one. And I have one. I didn't want to make my own, but I took what I had and we

all come together. And there's so many of us now with the kids and their boyfriends and their girlfriends. And it's just awesome. Well, and I think when you imagine something the way you had been, you see it in your mind's eye, it's so much more likely to come to fruition, to actually happen, you know, and you've made that happen in your life. Yeah. So it's a, it's, you know, manifestation can sound like such a corny word sometimes because it's like, but so many of the things that have happened in my life are, have been manifested by me unconsciously or subconsciously. I've just always envisioned, okay, when I grow up, I want to have a ski house. I want to have this. I want to do these things. And to feel really secure. I feel very secure and I feel calm. I've started working with a

new therapist, a woman. Oh, fun. Yeah, because I wanted some feedback on some things. And so it felt really good to reach out to a new therapist. That felt really empowering to know that I needed someone to talk to that was outside of my circle. And I've been working with her, and she's a real, very different than my previous therapist, which is good because I did that. And I wanted something different and a different fresh eyes on something. And so that's been good. And my kind of approach with everything like romantic liaisons and men and all of it, I have a, I have, I feel really

good about all of that stuff that's happening too. Like I'm open to love, but I really like, I'm also open to casual encounters with lots of different men. And there's nothing wrong with that. They're like, that's fun to have a guy in a place and I have another guy in another place. And to be honest and upfront, never lie about what you're up to, but to have an understanding like,

yeah, we're friends and we're going to have sex and we're friends and we're going to have sex. And we're friends and we're going to have sex. And this is going to be a romantic relationship and it's not going to be exclusive. But if someone does come along and I feel that strongly about it, I will enter into a monogamous relationship. But I also just want to use my body and share it. Yeah. I mean, how great is it to be just like living in the moment where you're at being like, cool, whatever comes my way that's positive and feels right. Let's do that. Yeah.

So, excuse me. I just took a sip of my bone broth at my friend. Oh, and so yesterday I was sick. I was supposed to go to dinner with like six of my girlfriends here. And I arranged it and then canceled. I was like, can you guys go without me? I'm just spreading germs basically. And then three of them came over with soup.

Like three different people dropped off lentil soup, bone broth, and then this guy brought me flowers. I was like, what? This is like my little village of happiness. Yes, you have community there. I do. I do. I feel so loved. I just, it feels so nice. I'm soaking it all up. Yeah, you have community there. I do. I do. I feel so loved. I just it feels so nice. I'm soaking it all up. Yeah, that's wonderful. I think something it's not

really a resolution, but something I want to be more intentional about this year is interacting in community and sort of like getting off of my screens, which I've pretty successfully done this last year. Like I don't keep Instagram on my phone just because otherwise I just keep going to it. But getting off of screens and getting into real life. So like rather than having a Zoom, going in person, scheduling, you know, I'm going to trivia night tonight

with some of my girlfriends, that sort of thing. So trying to be intentional. Yeah, that's nice. That's nice too. I mean, it's always nice to be off your phone. I don't spend nearly as much time on my phone as I do when I'm home, when I'm here, because when you're skiing, you're not sitting there looking at your phone. And that feels good too. I don't want to be like that. It says,

I got a thing on my phone that says your screen use time has gone down 37% from last week. And it keeps saying that every week it keeps going down. I'm like, exactly. And Bernice! And Bernice! Oh my God, I'm missing the whole point. Bernice and I are bonding like it's nobody's fucking business. Bernice, I took up with me to drive because I thought I was going to rescue that other dog. We went to the rescue. The dog bit me. So I was like, okay, well, obviously I can't get this dog. by the way what business do I have having more than one dog anyway Bernice is all I can handle and every she pees twice a day and that's the schedule I'm on there you go so I she is so cute she sleeps in bed with me she follows me around because she doesn't know where the fuck she is she is I mean I can't wait to see what

happens when we bring her back at the end of winter and see how she reacts when she sees Felix. Because I mean, she'll probably drop me like a hot potato. But we are bonding. She gets into bed with me on her own. And then she comes in when she wants to pee. She taps me on the shoulder. And she's like, come on, let's go with her paw. I mean, I'm like, oh my god. And the other day I was walking around. I posted this on Instagram. I took her for a walk and this little kid was on his balcony and he goes, Daddy, Daddy, come outside. There's a little baby bear. I mean, everyone stops to talk to her, which is also, you know, very annoying. Right. We're right.

It's like, oh, this is so fun. And then you're like too many people. I'm not looking for any extra any extra attention or conversation. I'm like, back off, back off. She does fully look like a bear. Like, she looks like she should be hibernating. I know, she's so fucking cute. She's so sweet.

Well, should we introduce our guest today? Yes, yes. We have a guest today whose book is called Black Friend, and she had a very funny show on Showtime called Z-Way. And that's her name, Z-Way. So please welcome this hot potato, Z-Way. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you

find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle.

One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me.

It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

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No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, take your time, take your time. I'm so sorry. Hi, honey, how are you? Hi, nice, how are you? Good, good.

Let's get this party started. Yeah, sit down. Let's go, bitch. Are you fucking ready? I'm ready to go. Let's do it. Look. No, I'm good.

Raw dogging it. Oh, I love a raw dog. I like it a little moist. It's okay. This is Catherine. She's on the thing. Hi, Catherine. How are you doing?

I'm great. How are you? I'm great. I'm chilling. I'm coming from an interview with Penn Badgley of You Slash Gossip Girlfriend. Oh, yes. He has a podcast as well, so I just did that. Oh, good.

And how was that? It was great. I can't complain. Okay, great. See, wait. He has a podcast as well, so I just did that. Oh, good. And how was that? It was great. I can't complain. Okay, great, Ziwe. Great. Of course. How are you doing today? How many people did you interview already?

I've interviewed one person so far. Okay, great. Yeah, but I can't stop clearing my throat today. It's almost like I smoked a joint last night, but I didn't. And I don't smoke joints specifically because I hate fucking going... Yeah, it's not cute. So I don't know what happened, And I'm irritated. You know, I'm sorry. I would offer you a lozenge, but I don't have one. You don't know. Well,

of course you don't have a lozenge on you. Why would you? You know, sometimes I travel with cough drops, but not today. We have a lot in common. We do. We have a lot in common. We're both white, blonde, big breasted women. Oh, yes. BBW is what they call me. So that's what I've been calling you behind your back, actually. Thank you is what they call me. feel comfortable sending you here because it seems like a setup show. And I said, I can handle a fucking setup show. Like, I'm not worried about someone setting me up and catching me out. Like, I mean, it's already all out there. Wow. And so and then I never did it. But then I was watching your show and I had forgotten that I was and then I was like, oh, I wanted to do you. I would have totally loved to do your show. It would have been really, really great. And by the way, I used to watch you every day after school on Chelsea Lately I love

that show I really did so it would have been such a fun meeting of the minds but you know what next now we'll have to do it next time exactly and how was that show for you it was what it was wild I know yeah it was wild I mean what was the nicest part of that show was that the guests were so uniquely different like Andrew Yang versus like Chet Hanks versus Fran Lebowitz. Like, they're all so disparate. So I felt like I was learning a lot about American culture. Oh, right. You needed an update on American culture. Yeah, just like a heat check.

Like, okay, what's popping? Okay, Andrew Yang. And so I read that you studied Oprah's interviews to see who you wanted on your show, or did you study her interviews to see how to interview people? I mean, I definitely think that Oprah was really good at capturing, like, sensational interviews. Like, they were always so ecstatic.

Even the Tom Cruise is, like, such a lightning in the bottle, that interview. And so she really taught me the value of, like, creating a moment with the guest. Yeah, so that's something that I really... Also, she would interview a wide plethora of people. So she'd talk to, like, Tom Cruise or a different with the guest. Yeah, so that's something that I really, also she would interview a wide plethora of people. So she'd talk to like Tom Cruise or a different celebrity, Tony Braxton. And then she'd talk to like, oh, the mother of a serial killer.

And it'd be like all in the same episode. So she had really wide range, but she's a journalism background. So I think that was really important. Yeah, and she also is a great fucking listener. Yeah, she can. That's what's so good about her. She really can. Yeah, when she's interested, you're interested. And that's actually the key ingredient,

I believe, for anyone to do a decent interview is to actually fucking listen and stop thinking about what you're going to be saying. And it sometimes takes a long time to relax enough into that. Like I was talking to a friend of mine who has a TV show or has had several TV shows, and he's a talk show host. And I've been a talk show host, and we were at drinks last night, and he was saying it's funny when you haven't done it for a little bit, and then you do it. There's a rustiness that comes with it, because, like, you can do it for many years, and you think it's, like, in your pocket, but then you actually need to warm it up again, because, like, talking and interviewing people, I feel like I interview people wherever I go. If I'm at dinner, I interview them.

I can't stop with the questions. And then I will badger them if they don't, you know, if they're shy or they're resistant, I go in harder. Oh, really? Because I'm more curious about what's up, you know, what their story is. What are you hiding? Because there's a natural curiosity, right, that you have with people. Totally. I might have an unnatural curiosity because I like to get involved in people's business do you feel that way I yes and no like I like to mind my business

I like to let people tell me things on their own and that's part of why people feel comfortable maybe is because I will sit quietly and that is enough to make people feel uncomfortable enough to speak I see yeah so a very different approach different approach yeah I won't like corner someone and be like tell me your life secrets. But maybe I should, honestly, like I'm really, I want to see what that tactic does. Well, there's also like an anthropological element to interviewing, right? It's also just like you're trying to understand everybody, where everybody's coming from. And I always give, I notice when I'm talking to people and I'm curious about them, like I always think there's some big mystery behind everybody. And sometimes and more oftentimes there isn't. You know what I mean?

People are pretty fucking basic. So sometimes you're like creating this story in your head where you think somebody is going to like reveal some thing or you're wondering a lot about. And it's really not that complicated. I feel like for me, it's about connection. Like what do we have in common? Like as disparate as we seem,, what is the thing that we can come together on? And that is how I find gold. And what's your background? So where did you grow up? Massachusetts. Oh, okay. Where are you from? I'm from New Jersey. New Jersey. That's right. Yeah. And you live in LA or New York? New York. Oh, yeah. You know, you texted me about your chows. Yeah. Yes. Do you get your chows? Yes. And he is so sweet, so cute. I dropped him off at daycare today.

What color is he? Black. Oh, I want a black one. He is so sweet. He's so cute. Oh, they're so— They're quiet and clean. I know.

You know what? They don't bark, and they don't fucking want anything. No. Don't you just love their faces and the way that they, like, sag? It's regal. Yeah, and then the lips that come down. Like, I can't control myself. And I have a little one at home.

Oh, Chow as well? Yeah. I only have Chows. Let me show you Bernice. Sorry. I know that the listeners can't hear this, but it's okay. Well, they can see it on your social. Can I tell a story about Chow Chows as you search?

Oh, yeah, but that's Bernice. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so she's groomed. She's kind of short cut. Yeah. She's so sweet. How old is she? She's like 11 or 12.

Her brother died last year. And I like older dogs because I'm good at transitioning them from that age to death you know like that's my sweet spot like i want them to feel loved and attention and i also they're gonna no one's gonna get a five-year-old dog no and usually when dogs are around me for a few years they tend to pass away wow wow my housekeeper like she has bernice when i'm on the road so she is like only spanish speaking now bernice oh that's so funny well i speak spanish a little bit now to communicate with her i love that but um okay tell us your child story oh well my child story this is not my personal child but so the child the chow chow basically like in ancient china the emperor was

like okay what dog can kill a bear? And they brought them 13 different dogs. And he's like, okay, this dog, Chow Chow, is the cutest. And so he made that the official Chow Chow dog. And he had like 3,000, and they would hunt and kill people and be warriors. The Chow Chows? The Chow Chow. Google that. Oh, my God.

Fun fact, they're regal, beautiful dogs, and they're killers. I was going to rescue this other big fat nugget that I found at this park. Ooh, a Chunko? Oh, he was a big fatty. I was going to rescue this other big fat nugget that I found at this park. Ooh, a chunka? Oh, he was a big fatty. I like a chunky. But he nipped at me twice and the guy said he's going to nip at everyone. He goes, that's his personality. I'm like, well, that's not going to work.

I have too many people coming through my house. I can't have him biting everybody. Because, you know, I don't care if a dog nips at me or bites me, really. I really don't. Unless it's like, you know, a lunatic and it's like carving up my body. Oh, my gosh. But I don't mind a little bite. But most people get freaked out by that, you know? I've never been bitten by a dog, I'm going to be honest.

How did you get into chow chows? Beautiful, like research. And realizing that they were the dog of Chinese emperors. I identify as an empress. So I decided that this was the dog for me. I also honestly love the temperament of like quiet and clean. Like barking gives me agita. And so it was really something

that I needed from my roommate. Well, fucking barking is so fucking annoying. It just gives me agita. People have dogs that bark. I want those dogs to shut the fuck up. And I want other things to happen to those dogs too. That I won't say.

No, no, I won't say it on air because it's obviously not nice. But and I don't mean it, but I just, barking is so annoying and it's just such a bad quality, you know? I spend a lot of time with my dog. Like I spend, because I write all the time. So my dog and me writing. And so if my dog was barking, I don't think I could get any writing done. But dogs that bark, hey, God bless you. We love PETA. I mean, PETA doesn't love me. PETA will bite you fucking in the ass. The minute you do something wrong, they will come back. They act like they're your best friends when you rescue a dog. And then they're like, we saw you on your plane with your dog to whatever. Is that appropriate to fly a dog

14 hours? I'm like, back the fuck up. Oh, my gosh. I'm like, listen, my dog and I are traveling together. Back it up. So you grew up. I'm like, listen, my dog and I are traveling together. Back it up. So you grew up in Massachusetts. Yes. And then how many brothers and sisters do you have? Two siblings. One older, one younger.

They're both boys. Okay. I'm the only girl. I'm a middle child. Okay, so you're a middle child. That doesn't really track. What do you mean? Because usually it's the youngest of siblings that are in this business. Really?

Especially in the role that you play. Because, like, for people who haven't seen your show on Showtime, I want you to describe what the premise is. The premise of my show is that I interview guests and I bait them into saying uncomfortable things. And it's pulled from this like this hardened trope that we see in like Fox News where they would talk to like Barack Obama

and accuse him of wearing a tan suit and how that was to the destruction of democracy. And similarly, I kind of take my guests at their worst word possible and exploit that for comedic relief. And then how does that work out for the guest? Comedically. Does it? I mean, yes, it's chaotic. It's funny. But every guest is like a consenting adult. They know what's going on. They know. They're briefed entirely on what's going to happen. And the people who do the best on the shows are the ones who sort of surrender to that chaos and like double down on it. Yeah.

I like that format. It's very new. Thank you. And original. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, you know, I never thought I would say Tucker Carlson inspired me, but here I am. I know.

He is such an inspiration. Let's talk about your book a little. You wrote essays, right? Yes. I read that you don't want them to be too personal. I mean, who wants to share anything? Well, you actually have so many books. I've read your books. I ever share. I mean, you've written five or six books. Yeah, a lot. You've written a lot of books. I don't even know if I have that many stories. You do. I do, but I don't think I'd ever share them. But I respect that. I respect that. Honestly, it's really chic. Cult do. I do, but I don't think I'd ever share them. But I respect that. I respect that.

Honestly, it's really chic. Culturally, Nigerians, it's like, why share any of your business when you could simply not? So that is where I'm coming from. But my book was due. I did sell it.

And so I had to finish it. And I didn't want to give back the advance because there was a strike going on with the writers and the actors. Did you think about giving back the advance? A hundred times. Because you didn't want to write it the advance because there was a strike going on with the writers and the actors. Did you think about giving back the advance? A hundred times. Are you kidding?

Because you didn't want to write it? No, I wrote it. I wrote it very quickly. And I didn't want to release it into the world. Oh. Yeah, I wrote it. I mean, I'm a writer. Like, that is the easy part.

It's the idea that people are going to perceive me. That is very Nigerian. Yes. Shout out, Niger. So you were resistant to releasing it because you were exposing a part of your life that you wanted to keep private. I was exposing any part of my life. Yeah.

I mean, I'm lucky enough that when I interview, I get to hide behind the artifice of a character, right? So she's being devilish, not me. I'm the good guy. I'm the friend. I'm the kind-hearted woman. And so when you have a book, you can't hide behind 200 plus pages. You have to say something of value. And so finding out what I said that was of note and what to share

about myself that is worth my reader's time is something that I really toiled with. Yeah. And then how did you feel about that once the book was out and you got the reception that you did? How did you feel? Did your feelings change at all? Of course. I mean, I was called a genius. So it's like, yeah, I was just dabbing. I'm dabbing through New York City. I mean, it's a sense of relief, right? That anyone can connect to any one of my stories because that was my fear, that I was like writing into a vacuum. So I'm really appreciative for sure. Yeah. I read one of them that talked about your walk. You're walking in the woods in this cabin you rented.

And this guy, this white guy pulled over. Yeah. And, well, you tell the story. I don't want to tell your story. I mean, the story is so deeply creepy. So I have to write in silence. And that's why I have a very quiet dog. And so I also like to go to the woods of upstate New York to write. And so I would hike up this trail at this place, Airbnb.

And every day we'd hike with friends. And the only time we ever encountered people were like desperate census workers being like, please, please fill out the census. We need to know who's living here. And we tell them, sorry, Airbnb destabilizing. And so one day this I'm walking the trail by myself. My friend had just left. My other friend was coming the next day. And this Subaru pulls up beside me.

And I think, oh, hey, it's not I'm not on the census. the next day. And this Subaru pulls up beside me. And I think, oh, hey, it's not I'm not on the census. It's OK. And he's like, what are you doing here? And I'm confused, like walking. And he's like, you know, you're not supposed to be here. I own this property. You're trespassing.

I'm like, oh, you own this property. Well, thank you for having me at your beautiful Airbnb. It's so nice. I love the pool. Oh, so you're staying me at your beautiful Airbnb. It's so nice. I love the pool. Oh, so you're staying at the Airbnb. So I realized he was lying. And suddenly my heart skipped a beat because now I'm alone in the woods with a man who is a liar. And so I'm thinking like Jason Bourne style.

I'm thinking like, oh, should I calculate like how fast can I run? What should I do? And he keeps asking me, what's your name? What's your name? What's your name? And this was like right at the time when I was starting to like become more prominent. And so I'm like afraid to say my name. Like what does he have? This is like during the like 2020 summer where everything was so politically fraught.

And I noticed that there's a blonde woman next to him. And she's saying like, it's OK. It's OK, Justin. It's OK. And I'm like, I'm just walking. And you have to understand, like, it's really weird for me to, like, tell you my name in the woods. Like, I'm alone. I'm in, like, a purple fur hat.

Like, this is strange. And she keeps insisting that it's okay. And he's like, don't worry. I understand, like, the political climate. We have a black friend in the back. But in the super room, dead ass, dead ass. It's so creepy. Dead ass.

But the windows are up. So all I see is my reflection. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, when do I run? Like the tinted windows are who else is in the back of this car? Like, am I going to be murdered for this Jordan Peele fantasy? And I say I would say hi to the black friend in the back, but I can't see them and then the two the couple starts arguing and I'm like this this should be my chance like I should run right now and then they slowly roll down the back window and it's this emaciated little black girl and she's sitting forward like this and it's so still and I say hi they're like hi I'm like I love to go swimming at that pool they're like oh she loves to go swimming at that pool that you're staying at I'm like yeah I would go swimming more but it's cold and they were like yeah it is cold and that was the first moment when they realized like oh we have a shared humanity like we can agree that it is cold too cold to swim and then

the little girl who's facing forward just turns and screams, Lucky! And I jump. Like, I was not expecting such, like, a low timbre to come out of, like, this, like, nine-year-old tiny girl. And I go, yeah, I guess I am lucky. I guess I am lucky. And then this guy, Justin, goes, hey, just so you know, the side of the woods you're staying on is on this side. The side you're on belongs to Elliot Spitzer.

I'm like, Elliot Spitzer? Elliot, what the fuck? I know that name, but I don't remember. So I'm like, okay, thanks. They're like, just so you know. Okay, thanks. Okay, bye. Thanks.

And they drive up the hill, and the little girl does not break eye contact with me until they're over the hill. I run back to the Airbnb. I Google Elliot Spitzer. I'm like, oh, if I was caught in the woods with him, I would be a problem. I would be worried. And then, you know, you Airbnb, you have to clean the place, whatever. It's super expensive. $400 cleaning thing.

You're still cleaning it, whatever. And so I like comment on the Airbnb like, oh, had a lovely time. It's such a beautiful place. Just so you guys know, like I did have this get out experience. I do not judge the host. However, don't hike alone. And then the host texts me and he says, it's so weird that you said you had that experience. Like, who is that guy? He said, and I'm like, oh, he said he was your neighbor. He's like, oh, that's not my neighbor. And that was the end of that story. Oh, so you think that little girl was their adopted daughter?

It seemed like it. Like how old was she? She was nine. She was like a young kid. She was like nine or maybe seven but tall. But he wasn't a neighbor. He was just a stranger. Yeah, I love it. I love that people just want to get involved in fucking shit that has nothing to do with them. I mean

who would care about anyone walking down the fucking street and why would you ever get involved in that? Like, imagine. What are you doing here? It was 100 acres and there was nothing I was disturbing other than, like, leaves, dried leaves.

And so that he elected himself as mayor of the woods is unwell. I know, and I hate when I hear that there's a woman with them that just sits there and like, lets that go on. Yeah. It's like, why do you, why are you letting your husband act like such a fucking asshole? I know she knew enough that she knew what he was doing was bad, but not enough to stop him.

Say something. All right. Well, we're going to take a quick break and we're going to come back and give advice. Okay. Are you ready for that? Yes, please. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back. We're back. That was it. We're back. What do we have in store for Z-Way today, Catherine? We're back. That was it. We're back. What do we have in store for Z-Way today, Katherine? We've got a lot of stuff. We've got a question about porn.

We've got a dating in New York question. Okay, great. Let's start with porn. Okay. Do you watch a lot of porn? No. No. This comes from Tina.

Tina says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in my mid-40s and my husband is a few years older, closer to 50. We've been married since we were in our early 20s and have two daughters who are now in their early 20s. I'm finding the aging process to be brutal. Yeah, you think? I want to embrace it and still feel beautiful and desirable, but I generally don't.

I look in the mirror and I see someone with what feels like rapidly sagging skin, wrinkles, and gray hair, and it's all such a bummer. I find it completely unfair that men are not held to the same standard as women. I recently started therapy for the first time, but there's one topic I don't want to bring up with my therapist, and that is porn. When we were younger, my husband and I watched porn together occasionally, and it was fun. As we got older and had kids in the house, that's kind of faded away, but we've still had a very active sex life. Over the years, I've known that he still watches porn, and now that it's so easily accessible on our phones, I'm pretty sure he watches it very frequently. I know this shouldn't bother me, but as I'm getting older, and so are our kids, I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable because the females in the porn

are now the same age as our children. And it feels a little creepy to me now. Of course, they don't make much porn with women our age. And if they do, I'm sure that porn with women in their early 20s would be more appealing to him and most men anyway. So my question is, do you think there comes a point when aging men watching porn with much younger women gets inappropriate? Do I just have to accept this fact even though we're both very much aging and he's always going to be attracted to young women and accept that as normal and not creepy? Anyway, love your show. Look forward to hearing your opinions.

Tina. Wow. Wow, Tina. Right? Wow, Tina, yeah. Wow. Well, Ziwe, what do you think? That question makes me sad.

So the reason why I don't watch a lot of porn is because I get, we're in TV, right? So I get caught up in the ethics of it. I'm like, is it a safe set? I start to unravel the actual production of it. And so that, I can't get off if I know my girlies aren't getting put on. And so if the question is, is it inappropriate for her man to watch porn with young women, I'm going to say yes, but not because of what you think. It's because of the ethics of how they shoot it. So you're getting into a different area. Yeah.

I would say with regard to her husband, it is creepy when your husband, when the porn actors, like, I think that's a very valid point to bring up to your husband. Like, you're going to want, you want to watch porn, fine. You know, if that's what you're into, that's fine. But there is an issue, like, if the porn actors are their daughter's age, like, that is disgusting. There is something very creepy about that. And that's reasonable to convey to the husband. It is? I think so, yeah.

I don't know. Can you police people's desires if they're legal? I mean, if they respect you and you say, hey, this really bothers me. Like, I don't, I mean, I understand you like porn, but these girls are so young. And, like, I'm aging. I don't feel great. I feel like you'd rather, you're more attracted to that, which is nothing I can change. But I'd rather you wouldn't, you know, there's a couple of reasons.

Watch MILF porn instead. Yeah, I'm sure there is MILF porn. Yeah, there is MILF porn. Yeah, I'm sure there is. I think I've seen that. But I think you totally have to say something. Yeah. Just because it's like self-preservation.

You have a good sex life. You seem like you have a good relationship. You've been together for many years. If I can just say, this doesn't make me feel good. I mean, he's going to watch it anyway anyway and he's just going to hide it more. So is that a resolution if he hides it? That's not a resolution. No, it's not a resolution.

Well, it could be because, I mean, let's say maybe he... She ignores his bliss. Well, no, no, no, no. I'm saying maybe he will listen to her and take that into consideration and go, oh, okay, be sensitive about watching it

or maybe watch less of it or at least she's... Even if he ignores it and just sneaks it more and makes sure he's more discreet about it he is at least she's getting it off of her chest and saying it like i think bottling that stuff up is like that adds to the you know you're feeling bad about aging i agree and secondly i just want to make a comment about aging like obviously you know i have access to all sorts of things that help me anti-age. But there is something very, like, when you look in the mirror and you say, I don't like looking at the saggy skin and everything.

Like, those things have an impact on your well-being. Like, you know, you have had a long, like, it sounds like a healthy life, a healthy marriage, healthy kids. Like, there's a lot to be proud of. And there is a lot of elegance that comes with naturally aging. Like, I look at people that naturally age a lot and think, I wish I were more, you know, natural about it. I believe in natural aging, but I think everyone is entitled to do what they want with their body. Who cares? Who am I to judge? But to your point, there's so much to be like the wrinkles that you have are a reflection of a lifelong lived.

And like they are a reflection of like you have a beautiful family, as you just said. You have a beautiful husband, and you have such a great conversation and community, and that is something to be proud of. Do I want to age and die? No, but it means that I'm lucky enough. I'd rather be old and die than die young. So I think that it's a privilege. Yeah, it is a privilege.

But it's hard for me to say that because I'm, like, 19. Well, it's also... You're not 19. How old are you? Cuckoo Gaga. 19, Chelsea. No, you're not. Yes, I am.

You're 19 years old? Yes, I was born in 2003. Oh, my God. Cuckoo Gaga. I didn't know you were 19. Wow, wow. Wow. You have a lot of stuff happening at 19.

You haven't seen anything yet no not even the bottom of a beer really you've never had a drink no i nigerians don't like that they don't like to drink who have you dated a nigerian you know my best my best friends married i mean my old best friend oh no when uh no we're still friends but she was my bestie for a long time her husband's nigerian and they are just like, yeah, no drinking. Very, very bright. They're all doctors and lawyers because there are no other choices.

You have to be a doctor or lawyer and successful when you're Nigerian. There's no room for any failure. It's like Tucker Carlson, Piers Morgan, doctor, lawyer. It's like that same scenario. Exactly. Okay, Catherine, what's next? We just told that woman to,

oh, oh, let me wrap that up. I just want to say like, yeah, you need to start talking in a nicer way to yourself, you know? And as long as you're living a healthy lifestyle, like, whatever it is you're going to do to make yourself feel better about the way you look, drink more water, exercise more, eat healthier food, that shows up in your skin and your face every single day. And when you're feeding yourself and you're feeling healthy, you do look better and you do feel better. So it's all this kind of like psychological structure that you need to get on board with as we age, because there's going to be plenty of things that you don't like about yourself. No one gets to escape from that physically. Okay, Catherine, we solved that problem, I think. I think so too. I'm trying to switch my bracelets over to my other wrist and it's really not working because I'm already, because I have to do, I have to go to this event tonight. Yeah, I knew you'd understand, Z-Way. I can't believe you're 19 years old. Goo, got it. Yeah, I knew you'd understand, Z-Way. I can't believe you're 19 years old.

Goo-goo-ga-ga. Can you help me with that? Yeah. Since you're 19, you probably have great eyes. I do have great vision. And dexterity. Well, our next question comes from one of the most thorough callers I think we've ever had. Oh, wow. We've had some really fucking thorough callers, too.

Hey, shut up. She starts with her stats. Age, 29. Gender, female. Ethnicity, black. Location, NYC.. Age, 29. Gender, female. Ethnicity, black. Location, NYC. Sexual orientation, straight. Topic, dating and specifically what to do when you lose hope.

Okay. Straight but not for long. Here's my situation. I'm a 29-year-old female living in New York. I've been single and actively dating for the last two and a half years. I have been on a lot of dates. 65 first dates to be exact since May 2021. She was keeping a spreadsheet, by the way. Some of these dates have turned into second and third

dates, and there was one guy I dated for a few months, but nothing has turned into a committed relationship. In my most recent experience, I went on what I thought were three great dates. After expressing a lot of interest, this guy disappeared. I understand that no one owes you anything early in dating, but one, we were intimate, and two, this man was 35 years old, so you'd think he'd at least send a text. Typically, I would dust off the rejection and just keep moving. I've been ghosted before, but for some reason, this one got to me. The accumulation of trying and trying with no success has had a bigger emotional impact

than I thought. Outside of dating, life is great. I've been working with a therapist for the past five years. But there's this other thing. I recently saw a psychic for a tarot reading a few weeks ago, and she told me that someone who's jealous put a curse on me, and that's why dating has been such a struggle. I enjoyed the psychic and other energetic readings, but I also know it's not all fact. Although maybe she's onto something. A curse would explain a lot, lol. I'm taking a break from the apps for now. My question is,

how do I keep going? Polly. Hi. Hi, how are you? Hi, we have our special guest Z-Way here today to help. Oh my gosh, my two favorite people. Hi. Oh, this is your story. Yes, this is Callie. Wow. Okay, so I had a similar experience. I had a dry spell for a long period of time where I was not connecting with guys. Or the guys that were interested in me, I was not interested in. And the guys I was interested in would seem interested and then either, like, back off or get scared. And I thought, I seriously was like, I feel like I'm cursed. I said that to my girlfriends in London. Because I would, like, hang out with these guys for guys for like two and a half hours at a bar.

And then I'd be like, all right, you want to come home with me? And then like they would disappear or they were scared. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? First of all, I'm ready to rumble. You're never going to hear from me again. I mean, this is my experience. I'm not speaking for you. Anyway, I went through this whole thing. And then I was talking to my new therapist. I have a new therapist. And she was

saying something to me. I said, I don't know what kind of energy I'm putting out there. I think I'm putting off the wrong energy or some weird energy. And she said, I just really want you to think of what the essence of you is, really. Who is the best version of yourself? And she's like, can you see yourself and I and I was like she's like can you see that person and I was like yeah absolutely I know exactly who that person is and she's like okay when you are on these dates or you're having these interactions she's like I just want you to always remember like the best version of yourself like the essence of who you are and I think if you're getting tarot cards readings or any sort of psychic readings, you probably understand what I mean by essence, right? Yeah.

And it's important to think of that because we all have like what is our essence? Who are we? And she just said, I just want you to hold on to that version of you instead of getting into like, you know, because sometimes we have all these like guardrails up and these invisible defense mechanisms. We're trying to self-preserve. We're trying to protect ourselves in different exchanges. And usually it really has nothing to fucking do with you because all these men are fucking batshit. I had a guy reach out to me a few weeks ago

chasing me down on DM because we had matched on Raya and I didn't respond. Chasing me down on DM to go to a drink with him. I finally make a plan with him and he ended up blowing me off. I'm like, excuse me, you fucking moron. But again, that has nothing to do with me. You know what I mean? That has something to plan with him. And he ended up blowing me off. I'm like, excuse me, you fucking moron. But again, that has nothing to do with me. You know what I mean? That is something to do with him. That's somebody that I'm glad I never went on a date with because if that's how he handled the situation, you know, good riddance. But A, take some of the pressure off of yourself by

understanding that men are, it's a hot mess out there and it's a numbers game. And I understand you went on 65 dates, which is a lot, but that attitude is right. Like it's fun to go out and experiment and just keep in mind the best version of yourself. Like when you were a little girl, like the most innocent, joyful kind of version of yourself, not to act innocent, but be playful in that way when you're in these situations so that you're not waiting for them to like blow you off or walk out the door or that you're not going to hear from them again. Like don't set that narrative up. Go into each situation with an open, healthy, like exciting mind. And if it works out, great. And if it doesn't, good riddance. Thank you for sparing me, you know, another person that's not going to add to my life.

And I think if you just adjust your attitude slightly when you're dating, are you dating a lot? Yeah, I'm dating, but not a lot, but I'm dating. Yeah. And I've been dating a lot lately and my attitude has totally changed. And that advice she gave me, and you have to do a little bit of work to figure out, you know, what your exact essence is, but we all know who we are deep down, like, and we all know what our best qualities are. And so you just want to go into all of these situations with a lightness instead of a worried kind of feeling or paranoia that it's not going to work out or are you good enough? All of that is irrelevant. Curses are real. I would say that you should pray or do whatever thing that you believe in to help protect you against that because they are real. I don't know if your friend really did that, but people, curses are real. Well, how did she say to remove the curse? How do you remove a curse?

So she gave me like very specific instructions about like little rituals that I was supposed to do, which I did because I just felt like I had nothing to lose. Lighting this candle and putting a bay leaf in the water, things like that. I did everything that she asked. Like I filled a water bottle with salt and like it in my window to catch the moonlight. And then I lit a candle and then asked for the universe to remove this curse. I did everything that she asked me to do. Basically, you just carried that out and asked the universe to release the curse from you. So that's what I did.

Yeah, well, that's going to work then. I mean, you're doing all the things that you can do. And also, you know So that's what I did. Yeah, well, that's going to work then. I mean, you're doing all the things that you can do. And also, you know, meditate and pray on it. Just like do whatever your thing is. Do you meditate? I do. Not as consistently as I would like to, but I'm trying to build a more consistent practice of it. And I think when you're meditating, when you think about radiating light, like I always think about that when I meditate, like I'm such a good vibe, like I'm just have light around me and anyone who comes in is going to also get light. And anybody who doesn't deserve that light that will be rebuffed by the strength of that light, you know, and like, I want you to think about that for yourself too, because you want to keep like any sort of negative energies away from you. So what's the latest? You haven't been on a date in a few weeks? So there is like a little update to the original email that I wrote, actually. You're married now? I'm fully married. So I actually ended up seeing that guy two more times,

but it was like the same result. Like I think it was kind of like an inevitable result. People tell you, you know? Yeah. know yeah yeah yeah exactly like he i don't know i mean it was just like very surprising because this man is truly like 36 years old and like did not have the emotional maturity to be like hey like this has been fun i'm just like not interested like that like he sort of tried to do like a slow fade and i confronted him about it and he got very uncomfortable and then you know tried, tried to say, oh, like I'm really busy. And I was like, okay, say no more. Got it. Good. Like I'm ready to move on. I don't know. I haven't been on a date since then. Cause like the thought of going on another date just made me very anxious

and like frustrated. So I was like, that's not, but obviously this is like not bringing me joy right now. So yeah, you have to be in the right headspace. So you have to get yourself like do that little talk with yourself before any date about your essence, about your intention, about being light and not having huge expectations. Yeah, because that's also something we fuck up. We go into dates sometimes and be like, oh, I wonder if this is going to be my boyfriend. And it's like, not everybody's meant to be your boyfriend. Some people are just meant to have fun with.

Some people are just meant because they're going to be friends, you know, and on and on. Can I tell you what I do with dating? I like to approach the people that I'm potentially dating the way I approach friendships. So it's like, oh, I wouldn't let a friend talk to me this way. So I wouldn't let a potential suitor talk to me this way. I wouldn't engage this way with a friend. So I wouldn't engage this way with a suitor. So it's like, for me, it has to to be in the words of Kim Cattrall I don't even want to spend one hour not doing something that makes me happy so like you said it yourself you took a break because you

weren't feeling it that's cool and then ease into it however you ease into it but I think you have to lower the stakes every single person is not going to be the perfect person in the same way that when you meet potential friends every single person isn't your bestie all of a sudden like it has to happen like you have different friends that you ebb and flow with so allow that to be as organic as you would allow your dating life to be because again you're in theory when we date we're looking for a partnership that lasts more than six months, right? That is supportive to both of the people in that partnership. So it has to be like a healthy, organic exchange.

Yeah. And also it's a great exercise in communication. Like it's really good. It's not for naught if you go on a date with somebody that you don't click with because you're getting better at communicating. You're getting better at being in an uncomfortable situation and making it natural. So there's advantages to going through the process regardless of whether you end up with a boyfriend right away, you know. And it's like I feel like if you put that much effort into it, you're going to yield results. Yeah, I hope so. I think something that the psychic said to me that was like a little less esoteric and actually like really resonated with me was she was like, I feel that you have been like searching and like really seeking and like really people come to you and that really struck me and I am I'm just like now in the

process of trying to figure out what that looks like in real life like how do I sort of just like sit back and let people come to me you know yeah how do you make friends in real life um I mean this is a good question I it's something that I'm working on. Honestly, I, luckily like my job, I spend a lot of time meeting a lot of different people. I manage a Pilates studio full time and I teach there. And I've actually like made friends with some of my clients. Basically, they started out as clients. And then, you know, we would just spend a lot of time talking after class. And then I just was like, hey, I think, you know, we should hang out. I feel like we never have time to like

finish our conversations anyway. So like I've been able to meet people that way. Outside of that, it's a little bit of a, it's been a little bit of a challenge for me to like make friends like as an adult, as I imagine it is for a lot of people. But that's been really helpful. I've also been trying to like go to events and stuff. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like from Pilates, at least, these are people who have your shared interests and you're able to have like a mutual connection. So it's like, I hope that as you find a prospective partner,

you're looking at places where you actually want to be yourself, where you're actually having fun and you're attracting that energy to you in those spaces, but you're not changing anything about you or what your wave is, but simply being yourself and doing the things that you like. Yeah. I think my biggest struggle is like the things that I really love to do. There just like, aren't a lot of straight men there. And I think a lot about like, is the reason why I like it and like I feel more comfortable is because there are no straight men in that space. I mean I think you speak for lots of women when you talk about preferring areas spaces without straight men. I think we can all relate to that. When you're on dates are you very like are you do you sit back and let it happen or are you like controlling or steering the conversation?

It really depends on the person. I try to I try to be conscious of like not talking about myself for the entire time. And also because like I do I am curious about the other person. But there are times when I feel like if I don't ask a question, this person is just going to sit here and like let it be dead silence. And honestly, like do people do that on dates? Do people just sit there in fucking silence? Yeah. Well, no, they just they just kind of wait for you to ask them a question.

Like I'm I'm interviewing them. And sometimes like if I get frustrated, I will just sit there because I'm like, this is not, like, I'm not going to interview you. But I really try to, like, let there be a conversation. But occasionally,

yes, there's just... Yeah, that's pretty fucking awkward when you're on a first date with somebody and you're sitting there in silence.

That's like, yeah, that's... Well, then you're not a good match. No, not at all. Yeah,

they're not good at conversation. It's a hard thing to hear, but you know. But anyway, you're going to get rid of this spell if you haven't Yeah, they're not good at conversation. It's a hard thing to hear, but you know. But anyway, you're going to get rid of this spell if you haven't already. You're going to get rid of that. You just have to think of that as gone. You did everything you had to do to get rid of it, and you're going to just kind of adjust your expectations

and understand that you're going to go into these dates with just a little bit of a lighter attitude about it and not look at it as a reflection of you each date. And also get out there more. Do other stuff in your community so that you can meet other people. Go rock climbing. Go to one of those classes. You'll find some straight guys there. You know, go play tennis or, you know, you could join a book club to make girlfriends. I mean, I'm sure there's no straight guys in a fucking book club. But just be actively trying to like widen your circle of comfort and put yourself out there a little bit more.

And I think that will yield results also. It always does. Yeah. What city are you in? I'm in New York. Oh, well, hello.

There's plenty going on here, sister. Lots of action everywhere you look. So just go down to the pier. There's men there all the time. Just go to the pier and wait. All right. Thanks for calling in.

Keep us posted. Thank you. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Bye. We'll take a break and we'll be right back to close out with Z-Way. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle.

One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors

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And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out

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Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. She was real cute.

It's amazing how women are so worried about men. Even me, like a woman like me, you would think wouldn't have issues with men. And I do too. They're so, they're just, it's a hot mess situation dating. Yeah. I'm sure the older I get, the more I... You're 19. Goo goo ga ga. So from what? When you were six? From when I was seven. Thank you. A year after that. I'm trying to get to a place where I don't need a man. And I just like, whatever comes into my life is cool. Yeah, well, I'm at that place

and eventually you need penetration. That's true. And what I said to my therapist, she goes, what do you want exactly? What about toys? That's not as fun. I like a man, you know?

I like a man. But sometimes you have sex and it's like not that good. that's true but what i'd be alone what i would i'd rather be alone than have bad sex also but what i would like and this is has happened once in my life before and i liked that setup i like having men just all casual men in different locations like different new york la spain lond, just different guys to have sex with and real fun, flirty. No, like no serious commitment. If I fall in love with one of them, great. Then that could become a serious commitment. But to go, and she, and I started laughing because I thought as soon as I said that she was going to go, uh, first of all, no one really wants that. And she's like,

that sounds awesome. She was like, that sounds awesome. I go, that's exactly what I want. I want fun and flirty and light. and like you go and you have fun with someone and you're not stuck with them long enough for anybody to get on each other's nerves. You know what I mean? That's how I would like to. And when I'm single and I have money and I can do what I want, there's no reason I shouldn't be doing that. Yeah.

You know, I don't want this body to go to waste. I mean, so why aren't you doing that? I am doing that, actually. Okay, so you have a perfect life. Yeah, I started doing that as soon as I talked to my therapist about it. Okay, flex. I mean, so why aren't you doing that? I am doing that. Okay, so you have a perfect life. Yeah, I started doing that as soon as I talked to my therapist about it.

I'm like, okay. And just to clarify at the end of this episode, I would just like to clarify that Z-Way, I did fall for her bullshit, but she's 31,

so she's not 19. She's half of, she's twice as, whatever, you get the drift. Older than that. 19 times two is not 31. Okay,

well, that's it. That was the episode. Yes, yes. Thank you, Z-Way, for being here today. It was very nice to meet you. Thank you for having me, Chelsea. You're an icon.

You're a legend. Oh, thank you. Chelsea lately, Chelsea presently. Yes, thank you. Okay, so show dates coming up. Canadian show dates. These are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming January 19th, Edmonton.

January 20th, Saskatoon. February 9th, I'll be in Winnipeg. February 23rd, Calgary. That is almost sold out, so get your tickets. Victoria, BC is March 8th. March 9th is Kelowna, also almost sold out. Not sure if I'm adding second shows yet because of my schedule. Vancouver is March 29th, and that is almost sold out. Then I will be in Salt Lake City, April 4th, and that is almost sold out. Then I will be in Salt Lake City April 4th and Denver April 5th. I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa April 12th. April 13th, I'll be in Brooks, California

at the Cache Creek Casino. And then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday, April 14th. I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia. Baltimore, Maryland on April 20th, Gary, Indiana, Prior Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on May 3rd and May 4th. I will be in Thackerville, Oklahoma for my rescheduled WinStar World Casino date. I'm coming to Englewood, California, Saturday, May 11th. At the YouTube Theater, this is for the Netflix Is A Joke Festival. I'll be performing with Fortune Feimster and Mateo Lane and Sam Jay

and Vanessa Gonzalez. And then I will be in Verona, New York on May 26th. And then I'm coming to Australia in July. And New Zealand, July 5th, Auckland. And I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney. And then Thursday, August 1st, which is a long way away and a date I am just seeing that I am not ready to announce. Okay. So those are all my dates that are up and available.

So get your tickets. I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law.

And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it.

For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all.

This is a lifeline. Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor,

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