Dear Chelsea - Now Hang On a Second with Brooke Shields

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

Chelsea is joined by none other than Brooke Shields this week, to discuss the ways in which a long relationship changes over time, why not having kids can be a good thing, and forever choosing to be a hustler.  Then: A mom misses her dog who passed away, but worries about signing up for the same hurt with a new pup.  And a river-rafting trip turns tearful when a girlfriend’s in-laws reveal all the resentments they’ve been harboring against her - for years. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast, Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child? These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions

we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that 70% of people get hired at companies where they already have a connection? I'm Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And on my podcast, Get Hired, I bring you all the information you need to, well, get hired. Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes, networking, negotiation, and so much more.

Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. Hi there, everybody. What's going on? Hi, Chelsea. What's happening? How's it going? Really good, actually. Our little puppy is growing up. He is a month older and, you know, getting potty trained, getting there, getting there. Wendell Beignet is a month older.

Oh, poor Wendell Beignet. What's going to happen to Wendell's life? He's going to get chubby like a pug should. He's going to come out of the closet very soon. Oh, yes. Yes, he's definitely gay, for sure. He for sure is with a name like that. Well, Chelsea, I have a quick follow-up for you.

This is from Rachel. She called in on our Mike Birbiglia episode, and she was the one who was getting married, and her brother-in-law was not letting her sister's kids come to the wedding. Hi, Catherine and Chelsea. I'm so sorry about just now replying. I was waiting and hoping that something would possibly change, but unfortunately, that did not happen. My niece and nephew will sadly not be a part of my wedding. We're about 40 days from the big day, and after trying to reach out to my ex

brother-in-law again, we've just accepted the situation as it is. It's been about eight months since he and I have spoken, and things are so messy that he and my sister still have to communicate through a co-parenting app for documentation and legal purposes. It's apparent that he's hurting deep down, and I just hope he can get some help and heal one day. On the bright side, my sister seems happier than ever nowadays. She's thriving in her career as an elementary school principal, and she's been able to really focus on herself for the first time in a while. So we've taken your advice and decided to have a private, quote, pretend wedding in my parents' backyard the week before our wedding. That way, my niece and nephew can be our flower girl and ring bearer and have all the attention and happiness directed toward them. Truthfully,

I just want them to be okay and not have their childhood stripped of their innocence. Chelsea and Catherine, you two are awesome. Thank you for keeping us all laughing during some shitty situations. Love, Rachel. P.S. I'll be sure to send a picture of the three of us at our backyard wedding. Stay tuned. Oh, that's cute. Nice solution. That's good. Yeah, that's all good vibes. Too bad about the brother, but whatever it is. And sometimes we just have to let other people do what they're going to do and make the best of a situation. And I'm really happy that she's choosing to do that. We've got an amazing guest today, Chelsea. Yeah, we do. Actually, we just worked together, sort of, but not really. We both did Kim Kardashian's Skims campaign,

bra campaign. And we both, I noticed, used the same hairdresser. Oh. That's like an outdated term. But anyway, hairstylist Renato, this guy Renato, and her hair looked so badass during the campaign or for the photos when we got all the photos. I was like, I thought my hair looked good. And then I saw Brooke Shields' hair and I was like, whoa, wait. But then I realized she's Brooke Shields. Yes, that's who our guest is today, Brooke Shields. Yeah, she's known for her luscious hair. Oh, she's known for her lusciousness. Yes, absolutely. She is an actress, model, CEO, and host of the Now What podcast. Please welcome Brooke Shields. Hi, Brooke.

Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? How are you feeling? Oh my God, better, but my throat still has a pickle, a tickle pickle. I guess it must be post-asal drip, but I'm lying in bed and I go like this 50,000 times. I'm glad I'm single at this time in my life because I don't know who would want to have sex with me. All I go is like this.

Chris does that. My. Chris does that. My husband Chris does that. It drives me insane. I know, right? It drives me insane because it's neither nor. It's not a great cough, and it's not really a – it's something else. It's commit to one or the other. On the subject of your husband Chris, actually, good place to start for us

because I knew Chris years ago, which I think I told you about. I used to wait tables at a place called Roasty on Montana. And Chris was a young writer who would come in and he was a really nice guy. And I think he had some friends that he would come in with, other writer guys. Yeah. And he would come in and that's how I knew him. And then he went off and married you. And then I never saw him again. Well, see, it was a natural progression. Yeah, exactly. The man who stopped speaking to me completely.

Oh, he said to say hi, by the way. Oh, tell him I say hi back, please. I will. I will. I will. I will. But you guys have had such a long, successful relationship, marriage, partnership. I was wondering if you could speak to that and

tell us a little bit about how you feel about your side of the street in your relationship, how you feel like you've grown as a woman within your relationship with having a family and everything. Because these are things I can't really relate to. So I'm so curious. I'm his first marriage, or he likes to say I'm her current marriage. But I had a marriage before. And I think that that was probably a really great thing because I learned really what I didn't want in a relationship. Maybe I should have learned it without having to actually go through the marriage. But I think that it's, first of all, it's a lot is attributable to him because he's a very solid person. He doesn't get threatened

easily by any of, any of, but I come with a lot. You know, I come with a lot. It's hard. It's hard. I, not only my history, but because I'm recognized and because the world feels like they own me. I think that, you know, I come with a lot. So he's very, very patient. And one of the things that I think what he was willing to do is adapt to certain things that I have asked him. For instance, when we first met, it was always funny how he would make fun of me. And he made fun of me. I do really geeky, stupid things. And I'm that kid that always had different color highlighters. And I'm organizing and I like underlining. And I do things that are kind of geeky. And he used to make fun of me or the fact that I couldn't cook. And it was cute in the beginning because it felt really personal, but it was never mean, but they were little things. And as, you know, like 10 years into the relationship, I said to him, you know what, I'm growing as a person and I don't want to self-deprecate as much as I used to in the same

way and for the same reasons. And you kind of knocking me down a couple of pegs doesn't feel cute anymore to me. Wow. And I know it sounds like a bait and switch. And I know I'm changing the terms here, but we all have to adapt. And you've mentioned accountability when we were talking one time. And I think that there is accountability to, you're not trying to change the other person, but there are certain things that have to become a

compromise and you have to be able to express what you need and also be able to change in little ways that do make a huge difference to your partner. And that type of back and forth and exchange has been just really healthy for us. Wow. Yeah. Like if I start a sentence with to him, I don't think you realize how much I have on my plate or something like that. He cannot stand it because it underestimates how much he really does understand about me and my life. And so he'll get prickly with something like that. So I have to keep in mind that that's not a rhetoric that he, it just makes him bristle. And he, in a second, he's got his ire up, you know?

So I think that the willingness to be, you know, people say, oh, friendship. And so first of all, laughter is just key. I mean, he just makes me laugh. And that's been a big part of our relationship. He is such a good father, and he puts in the time. And that makes being a mother so much more palatable in many ways for me, even though I've always wanted to have kids. It's really not easy. And it's a full-time, it's just forever. And then some. It's forever and then some. It's never over. No. And then sometimes loving that much is just a pain in the ass. It's just, you're just like, why am I doing this to myself? Yeah. I could imagine. It's the kind of worry that you're just like, God, did I want to feel this horrible? It's weird.

I mean, I had that conversation with a really good friend of mine, and she's sort of belaboring the fact that she's not having children. And she never wanted them. And then the clock got to a certain place, and then it became difficult. And then it became, oh, no, what am I missing out on? And I said, you know, don't lose sight of how you can get love from her husband's grandchildren or how, you know, and also keep in mind that she never was motivated to have you do. It wasn't a part of her the way it was a part of me. I say that in my stand-up special, my new stand-up special. I talk about if you're on the fence at all about becoming a mother, then don't become a mother. If you're questioning it, if you're not 150% in it and saying, this is what I want, I can't live without it, then you shouldn't have a baby because it is that kind of commitment. You can't be like, well, I guess I'm getting older and I may as well have one.

Tell your friends to call me. I'll shake her out. Well, it's also true that, A, I respect the way you talk about it because not everybody should want to have children. If they don't want to, they shouldn't be shamed into it. And it is also the kind of thing that there's a lot to it and you know it's not going to fix a relationship i hear couples talk about you know their marriage is having trouble and they think a baby is going to fix it trust me no it's not whatever your problems are

become magnified right when you have babies absolutely. And then the blame starts and you're just like, this is just becoming degraded. Now, what, okay, because I know you have, you've spoken a lot and written a lot about your relationship and the difficulties with your relationship with your own mother. And so I think for your, I'm so curious about when you became a mother, I mean, you must have had such an inner dialogue going on for fear of replicating any of the stuff that was so painful or hurtful to you. The weirdest thing is I'd done so much work on myself in therapy for decades that I focused on the things that I want to replicate rather than just the things I didn't want to replicate because I had done so much work. And so to compare myself in any way, in a negative way, to a woman who really was so broken and couldn't do the work on herself or for herself, which is not only just alcoholic, I don't think she could ever get through step seven or whatever the amends one is. But I think that her humor was so important.

Her willingness to have fun with me, her belief that I should always have someone my own age around me, even within this industry, her very frank way of discussing anything. She was ballsy and that really protected me. And so I try to remember those things and I try to be careful about my drinking because I know that that is in my blood. I'm surprised at how much freedom emotionally I give my kids. You know, how I never thought that talking to them about sex and talking to, I thought, because my mother never talked to me about anything. You just were told, don't do it. You'll burn in hell.

And then I became sort of known for being a virgin. We talk about everything together and I have no judgment. and I'm shocked at myself. Wow. I mean, we talk about it all and I didn't think that I'd be comfortable with it on that level. Yeah, I can see what you mean by that. I mean, I'm just thinking about my nieces and nephews and I'm like, yeah, I guess I would be the closest to non-judgmental, but I'm still, they're like my little babies. And I'm like, I can't even think about the things that they might be getting up to right now.

It's crazy. It's just so crazy. But I always say it's important that you have an ally within these times in your life because you're going to need it. And who better than your mom, in my case with her, because I'm always going to be here for whatever it is. I'm like, but don't be an idiot. Do either of your girls remind you of your mom? Oh, that's a great question. There are some times when my older daughter will do something that is just so defiant, like she's got balls, my daughter. And you think that I would see my mom do that, or she would do things just to be the first one dancing on the table or something like that.

So there are some, right? I some kind of ballsy. And her sense of humor, my mom's sense of humor does really sort of breathe through Rowan in particular. Yeah, that's cool. That must be really meaningful to see. It is because I'll say things that my mother would have said that just can sound borderline. Like, you know, when a dog is outside the deli or something and they're looking inside to see where their master is, like their masters, like they just can't, they can only look at their master or whatever. My mother used to walk by the dogs and go, she's never coming back. Which is a sick joke. It's a sick joke. and my mom was full of sick jokes like that and

so and I would like try them out on Rowan and she was like mom that's so sick but it's so fucking funny that's cute well I think that's a really beautiful sentiment you know taking the best out of a relationship is what we should all be doing out of our difficult relationships, out of our beautiful relationships, out of our best relationships, but taking the best things about that and trying to replicate those instead of focusing on the things that you don't want to replicate, focusing on the things that you do. The minute you start going down the road of the things you don't want or the things that are bad, you're now demonizing this person even more, especially if they're not alive, right? And

then you're not even giving yourself a chance to sort of not live with rose-colored glasses about who they were, but to also sort of say, people are complex and I'm going to try to shift this and start with a positive rather than, you know, making myself terrified that I'm, you know, things, I'm my own person too, you know, and I think that that's important for people to remember is that they are, they can be their own people. Right, exactly. Okay, so we are going to take a quick break. And then we're going to come back and get to some callers who need some life advice, Brooke. We're going to dish it out and give real people advice on what to do in situations. Catherine, are we ready to take a quick break? I think we're ready to take a quick break.

Yes. Oh my God. We're taking a break and we'll be right back. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially.

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Well, you know what? I'm going to switch up the order that I intended these in because we've already been talking about dogs. And I see you have, it's Pepper, right? You have Pepper there with you. She's clearly bored because she just got up and left now. Aren't dogs all bored all the time? Isn't that why they're sleeping all of the time? At least my dogs are sleeping all of the time. I feel like cats are more bored

than dogs. I think dogs, I don't know, mine is so neurotic and insecure. My dogs are like cats. I have two cat dogs. Wow. And I have a neurotic separation anxiety dog. Is he a poodle mix? She's a Portuguese water dog. I mean, those are nice dogs. What happens when you have a dog in the city? Isn't that just a fucking huge pain in the ass, Brooke, to have to go outside into the city every time they need to go out? Yeah, it can be. But you get your dog people in town and we are able to leave the city in the summer and have the best of both worlds. I mean, what's hard is making sure your dog can tell you when they have to go to the bathroom, which like I now know her look, obviously, when she's got to go, but she's not clear. Like

she doesn't go to the door and like paw the door. So there've been many a package left for us. Yes. We trained our little pug, Mimsy, using bells. So if she has to go out, she just goes and rings the bell. I mean, we take her out at regular intervals anyway, but it's a lifesaver. It's a carpet saver. Yeah, well, it's too fucking late for us, Catherine. Thanks for the hot tip now.

I mean, we can't train these dogs to ring doorbells. Sorry, guys. No, that's a dog can't learn. Okay, well, and I actually just got a new puppy, but I actually picked this question for you weeks ago. So this question comes from Lindsay. Lindsay says, Dear Chelsea, should we get a new dog? It's been over four years since our dog passed away. She felt like a soulmate to me and we went through so many life events together. I loved her in a way that makes my heart burst, even today. Her passing was tragic and took years to get through.

I feel her presence all the time, and I miss her every day. In the last year, I've been finding myself wanting the physical presence of a dog again. However, I'm terrified of not feeling that same love for a new dog, while also being terrified that I'll feel that strong feeling again, which ultimately means I'll feel terrible loss again. We travel often, have two senior cats and a six-year-old. Our lives are busy, so I also wonder if maybe the timing isn't right to add a dog to our family. How will I know when the time is right? How do I get past the fear? Lindsay. Just get a fucking dog, Lindsay. I mean, this is not a heart problem at all.

Go get a dog. And don't compare that dog all the time to your deceased little love bug, because it took me a while too. And I was like, I'm not going to love this dog as much. And then I was resistant and poor dog didn't know the difference. She didn't know my other dog, you know. I just think get a dog. And it's good for a little girl to grow up with a dog. I mean, you know, you're going to end up doing all the work, obviously. But also once you get a new dog, your love transfers. You don't have any choice but to love and focus on that dog that you're not going to be comparing it to your other dog even. Like I've had so many dogs and every time you just have

a different kind of love for them. You're like, oh my God, this is my number one now. It actually helps you get over the loss of the other one too. Actually too. And if you have just one kid, I mean, think about if you had another daughter, would you only love the six-year-old more than the baby? I doubt it. Yeah, exactly. It's like growing another heart. Yeah, so buck up and just go get that dog, okay? I think so. Lindsay, get the dog. Well, that was easy.

That was probably the easiest question we've ever gotten. Oh, boy. Okay, well, our next question comes from Jessie. She's a caller. She says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I recently went on a camping trip with his whole family, mom, dad, sister, and his nephew. My nine-year-old son and our dog also joined us. Three days in, we had reservations to go whitewater rafting with my boyfriend's sister, her son, my son, and my boyfriend. The beginning of the river was amazing. We were all laughing,

screaming, and having the best time. Shortly into it, I decided to move back a seat to sit next to my boyfriend. His sister is an aggressive type A and promptly turns around to tell me to move back to my original seat. I told her it should be fine because I'm still paddling in the same area I was before. She continued to tell me no, I need to move back while raising her voice. I told her not to talk to me like that and all hell broke loose. Uh-oh. Ruh-roh. Mm-hmm. She used this moment to stand up, point her finger in my face while telling me all the things she's always hated about me since day one. She concluded it by saying, and I'm not the only one who feels this way. I immediately broke down and cried the rest of the two-hour trip down the river.

We packed up our camp and drove back home as soon as we got back to the campsite. His mom and dad sided with his sister and also doubled down on all the resentments they have had toward me for the four years we've been together. Nothing they've said makes any sense to me, and I honestly feel broken, sad, and confused. I lost my dad to COVID in 2020 and have considered his family my family. I can feel the energy shift in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I truly don't know where to go from here.

Please help, Jessie. Oh, no, Jessie. Hi, Jessie. Hi, Jessie. Hey. This is our special guest. Brooke Shields is here today. Hi. Hi, Jessie. Hi, Jessie. Hey. This is our special guest. Brooke Shields is here today. Hi. Hi, Brooke.

Hi. It's so nice to see you all. I mean, first of all, raft trips are not easy. They're challenging and they bring out a lot in people. I think that was one of the issues for sure. Have you spoken at length to your boyfriend about all of this? We actually both started seeing a therapist. We both see the same therapist now, which is convenient. So on Sundays, basically, he does him at 10am and me at 11am. And we're both kind of talking it out with our therapist. So I mean, I mean, we're just, we're trying to get through it. It's just, it was a lot. And he's not really sure where to go from here either.

Like, what is he saying? Like, how does he feel? I mean, what, does he agree with his family? Did he know that they felt this way? He, he's a different person with them than he is with me. He's very quiet around them. He's very, doesn't really speak his mind. But when he's with me, he's like, that was obviously crazy, you know, and basically, I don't want to surround myself with somebody that's really negative. And that just brings that energy around. So he doesn't really agree with it at all. Well, usually, though, but there's also a part in a relationship where to a certain extent, your partner has to be able to stick up for you in some way, and it can be done in a loving way.

But you are his choice. His family, he didn't have a choice about. Is he older or younger than the sister? He's younger. She's actually my age, and he's three years younger than me. And what's her life situation? She's a single mom. She's always had that aggressive side, a little just abrasive. I think it's kind of like a guard she has up to protect herself, if that makes sense, because she's kind of always been on her own, and she does take care of her son

by herself. So it's just her and him. What's interesting about that is there, I feel like there's some jealousy and projection, but also when anybody says, and I'm not the only one that feels that way, that's sort of a cop-out because they're not owning their vitriol. You know, they're sort of pawning it off on someone.

Yeah, I hate that. I hate that when people use that in fights. Oh my God, it was so hurtful. That was the part for me. Yeah, I hate that. I hate that when people use that in fights. Oh my God, it was so hurtful. That was the part for me. Yeah, I immediately started crying. And so unfair, by the way, to the rest of his family also, because sometimes that can be an opening

for the rest of his family, talking to them and sort of saying, is this true? Do you have a problem with me that I don't know about? Because I love your brother, I love your son. Can we talk about this? Just because to hear it like that, and it being such an outburst, there has to be something else either going on. I mean, I would save her to last, but I don't know. That's so funny you say that, because we had this conversation yesterday, and I'm like, you know, I feel like this was obviously a projection of something, but this might have something to do with her and his relationship.

Oh, of course. You know, maybe that's what made her, because there wasn't anything that led up to that other than me changing seats on the raft that made her so angry. Yeah. Is there another sister? Is it just the two of them? It's just the two of them. Yeah. Well, you're invading her space.

Yeah. Something that popped're invading her space. And, you know. Yeah. Something that popped up for me reading that, imagining myself, like if I were the sister blowing up at you is potentially she had some anxiety about the whitewater rafting and you moving it like brought out this other stuff. But she's also clearly been harboring resentments. And I'm so bummed out that this happened to you. But I'm also sorry this happened in front of your son. Like any adult. That was one of the main issues for me was it happened in front of my son. I couldn't knock her teeth out. You know, I couldn't, I couldn't scream at her. I

just went in the other direction. But that's okay because you don't want to scream and yell because that's a loss of control. Her screaming at you in the middle of a whitewater rafting trip is like a complete loss of control. So if any, like that's on her. Yeah. There's a million ways to have a rational conversation when you have issues with somebody. Flipping out in the middle of a trip is a loss of control that you need to apologize for. That's where accountability comes in. You have to go, God, that was really inappropriate, especially in front of your kid. Yeah. And also if you don't have the guts to tell me personally, you need an audience. I don't know what that says about her. I think she's obviously triggered.

And maybe it sounds like she's jealous of whatever she thinks you have, including her brother. Or angry just at her own circumstances. So what were the complaints that she had about you? What did she say? Oh, my God, they were so ridiculous. One of the main ones because I didn't hear them from her. The only thing on the trip that I heard was that I keep bringing up their childhood and she doesn't like that. I don't know. I like to get really deep when I talk to people. It's almost to a fault. Like I immediately start talking about therapy and you know everybody needs therapy therapy is great and I live in South Alabama I live in in a small southern town but the people around here just aren't that way you know and whenever I talk to them about it I can see they get uncomfortable but I almost take that as an opening to keep going and like helping them just be happier and live happier lives almost you know we don't have to worry about

this other shit we can be on a happy path if we want to but i think maybe they did see me as a threat i don't know maybe they saw me that's what our therapist is saying that like i caused a disruption in their family unit which is no fault yours. It's not a fault of yours. Right. I'm like, I'm just dating this guy. I don't know. It's not a fault of yours at all. I mean, I also think holding a mirror up to people, you know, they get really threatened if they don't have the guts to do that kind of self-exploration, you know, and admit things that, you know, maybe aren't the best about them. But this is not your fault. I mean, God, I want him to come to your aid. But I don't want it to be my decision. We had this conversation yesterday.

I'm like, well, what I would love for you to do is to do this, to go over there and stand up for yourself and say, this is who I am. And, and we're not mad about any of the complaints. His mom is the one who came over and kind of started using this opportunity to tell me about things that have made her angry over the years about me. And one of them was that I didn't help do dishes on Thanksgiving two years ago. And on my side, I'm like, well, all you had to do was ask and I'll do the dishes, you know, but also I don't really pick up after myself when I'm invited to Thanksgiving dinner. You know, it's like, this was your house, you know, this is your stuff. And, but all you have to do is ask. But it was really petty stuff like that. Like I didn't help pick up dishes at Thanksgiving. I didn't help bring bags over to the campsite. I didn't

help them unload the stuff from their, from their car to their tent. Just things like that and how they don't think I treat their son right. Well, listen, all of these examples you are giving are reasonable things for someone. Listen, when I go to somebody's house, I don't know how to do dishes, but I always clean up after myself, whether it's someone else's house or not. That's just kind of like a nice thing to do. So the things that they're saying, whatever, it doesn't matter whether they're right or you're wrong. It's just a matter of how you're having the conversation, right? If they have resentments and like they shouldn't have to ask you to come and help with the dishes as a guest. You should try and help and then they either say no or thank you.

You know what I mean? No, you sit down or thank you. You know, there's a certain like measure of manners that you should impart, especially when you're at your boyfriend's parents' house, just out of decency, right? So all of these things, it's like, okay, that's a good point. That's a bad point. It doesn't matter. It's just a matter of the tenor of the conversation because they've clearly painted you as this person that doesn't help out wherever you go, camping, over to Thanksgiving. They think you're selfish and that I would imagine that you don't treat your boyfriend with respect in their eyes.

That's what they're thinking. Right. It's funny. The dishes thing is a funny thing because my daughter just recently said to me, she said, mom, I'm amazed at how badly behaved a lot of young people are. She said, whenever we're at dinner at someone else's house, she was like, mom, my sister and I are always the first up to go help with the dishes. And it's either, oh my God, thank you so much. Or no, no, no, honey, sit down. But it's that little gesture. There are little things that go a long way, but these things feel that there's something deeper, that they're using these petty things to say, oh, she's a princess. She doesn't want to help with anything. You're obviously not that, but it feels like there's something deeper.

You're taking her son away. Are you his first real relationship? You're the other woman with regards to the sister. Whenever these things happen, it's always about that person, the person doling out. The person doing that is the person with the issue for sure. Yeah. And that's hard for you to say. But it's also important to say, to take accountability when you don't even feel like you've done anything wrong. You know what I mean? To be a bigger person in this larger conversation that you're having about your relationship, I think it's really important for you to consider everything that they're saying and whether or not you think you're wrong or right, doesn't matter, right?

It's just about the actual tenor of the conversation because if you come back at them calmly in a month or so or whatever and say, hey, listen, I've thought a lot about everything you guys said and I want to take some accountability and responsibility for my end of the thing and I will definitely contribute more and this and that. But I also, you also need something in return for that too. So when you're going to therapy with you and your boyfriend, like when you say your boyfriend doesn't know how to move on from this, you've been together for four years. Are you contemplating splitting up over this? It was actually, it was a thought just because I felt like I was coming between him and his family. But isn't that a defensive thought though? Is that a real thought or a defensive?

Yeah, it was totally an insecurity. It was fully based off of he's going to choose them, so I better hurry up and end this. Uh-huh, right. So I was just, this whole thing just made me really uncomfortable. Like the face-to-face confrontation kind of scared me. And I'm like, well, my son is traumatized. And I've tried to have

open conversations with him just so he's not traumatized. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around.

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It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Do you think sitting down and having a face-to-face conversation with his parents would be beneficial? I think that you need to. I think, yes, I think you're on the defense and you have every, I understand why, but I think you need to like lower your defenses and come from a place of understanding and love because they're looking at you as a threat and a loss. So like you have to be bigger than that and you have to go, okay, these people are scared

that they're going to lose their son. They found a bunch of things they don't like about me. Let me make this easier for everybody. You know what I mean? And you be a bigger person and to actually come from your heart not being defensive not trying to get rid of him before he gets rid of you or get rid of him before his family gets rid of you because that's not really anything you know then you might just be losing somebody that's supposed to be in your life if you put the effort forth coming from a place of love and then it doesn't work out then you have no regrets and you have nothing to be ashamed about, nothing at all to be ashamed about. And the most disarming thing is coming at people with love. Because I always say to my daughters, tug of war only works if both people are pulling. And it's so disarming to sort of say, all right, I'm going to own my part in

this. But when these conversations, I've learned not to say, you made me feel like this. You did this. I say, when you said that, all of this insecurity came up in me. And I'm so sorry if I haven't, I didn't know that was the proper, I didn't know that's what you wanted. And I'll always, you know, and it's once you give them the littlest thing, like, you know, I'd love to help you in the kitchen. I didn't, I didn't think, whatever the reason is. Then you're, you've lowered the frenetic, like you said, the tenor of the whole communication. And then you can say, you know, I'm not trying to steal your son. I love this, you know, family or whatever you have to say,

but I do think that once you come at it from a place, like Chelsea said, of love, nobody can fight against that. There's nothing to fight against. Now, they may not be the kind of arrived people emotionally that will be able to handle it. You kind of have to be ready for that too. And then you're like, look, I'm not

trying to fight with you. I'm trying to understand because I felt hurt and I felt embarrassed in front of my son. And this is an important moment. We were on a vacation. That's a very intimate thing. And I don't want that to be the memory from this. Can we move through this? And can we have an open conversation so that we can all own this and own our truth without hurting each other? Yeah, that's such a good perspective. Yeah, yeah. It's the harder thing to do. It's the high road, you know? Oh, yeah.

But it's so admirable and it's so freeing because like Chelsea said, then there's zero regret. And also there's no defensive. Like, you know, if she's defensive, if the sister's defensive, if the mother's defensive, you don't match that defensiveness. The only way to diffuse that is to have no reaction to that. Right. So if someone's screaming at you and you're not screaming back at them and you're just looking at them, then where do they go? But that situation just diffuses. It has to because you can't yell alone. So like, that's where I would say to, you know, to go to

mentally when you have this conversation and should be in person. And it should be with the whole family because they owe you that for putting you in that situation in the first place. You know what I mean? And also, I think that he obviously these are two very strong women in his life. Was his dad there? Mom and dad weren't on the raft with us. They were back at the campsite. Oh, okay. But yeah, he was there, so to speak.

I wonder if that's the dynamic that has been set since he was a little boy. You know, you've got these two demonstrative women that he always is silenced or his masculinity is, is not, you know, important, or he watches how his mother treats his dad or whatever that is. Like that's the stuff that's, that's coming up and hopefully will be dealt with in therapy. But what's really hard to do is to put him also in a position like saying, why didn't you stick up for me? That's also a defensive, you know, that's also very difficult because if he doesn't know how to stick up for himself and probably never did as a child or with these women, it doesn't matter how much he loves you. It's going to, he doesn't have the tools yet. He hasn't learned how to stick up for yourself, but with love.

And remember if that's his blueprint for women, like you're also that woman in his life, another strong, willed, powerful woman. So remember that when you his blueprint for women, like you're also that woman in his life, another strong willed, powerful woman. So remember that when you're dealing with him, because you want to have your own dynamic with him. So that there's also value in dissecting that in therapy with alone and with each other. Oh my gosh. He's never really uncovered any truths about his past until recently. So while I'm like repairing from what happened on the camping trip, he's repairing from all these years of trauma and from his childhood, unlearning things that he learned as a kid. Yeah, wow.

That kind of patience is huge. And I've found in my relationships that I'm always better off if I somehow give them the space to have whatever without being the one that says you have to do this and I want this. And because you can do all that, by the way, the fact that he's going to therapy with you is huge. Huge. Yeah, it is huge. Oh, yeah. And I think that that's where you guys can heal. You know, I think in that together, and that's just yours. That's nothing that that's not his family. Yeah, yeah, we did make the decision this year, I was going to ask you, so my birthday is the day after Christmas, his birthday is on the 30th. And every year on Christmas Eve, we go to his uncle's house for this big Christmas Eve thing, his sister and his nephew go and his mom

and dad and just kind of an intimate Christmas Eve thing. We made the decision not to go just because his sister's going to be there. It was hard, but we made the decision. So I was listening to him one day, we were on our lunch break, and he got emotional talking about not going to Christmas Eve. So I'm like, I'm going to throw a surprise party for him. I've got to do something for him. I've got to repair this. He's upset. So I texted his mom and I said, I'd love to throw a surprise party on the 30th, on his

birthday. I'd love for you guys to be there if you could bring his nephew and if you could reach out to his uncles as well to come. I would love for you guys to be there. If you could bring his nephew and if you could reach out to his uncles as well to come, I would love that. And they said, what his mom's response was, this puts us in an uncomfortable position because they wouldn't want to bring the son without his mom. They're basically his sister. And I understand that for sure. But now I'm like, well, since I was shot down, that was kind of embarrassing

because I've put myself out there. Yeah, but you're being defensive again. You're being defensive. Yeah, yeah. But also you put yourself out there in a way that's very hard because what that is, that's almost like you're doubling down. Yes.

By going, oh yeah, well, I'm going to throw this party for him. That's not the- And then, but putting them in a position where they're not going to invite their own daughter. So that's not correct what you did. Okay. I'm going to be very honest with you, obviously, because I can't be anything else. But I think you are really coming from a place where you have to adjust a little bit now, too.

These people definitely have adjustments to make. But you need to adjust because you're putting them in a position where they have to leave out their daughter for their son's birthday party. Think about that. That's not cool for you to do to a family. And that is a disruption to a family. And if the most generous thing you can do is send his mother a text back and say, you know what? Okay. I understand that this puts you in a difficult position. He's very upset about missing Christmas Eve, either agree to go with him and go together and bury the hatchet and send everyone an email beforehand saying, this is such an important holiday for your boyfriend

and I want to be there for him and I just want to be there in support and love and I don't want to have any issues or any problems. However you want to say it in the most gracious way you can find. Unearth all of the therapy that you have gleaned and use it and give it out right now. And, and then go to this Christmas Eve dinner if you can, if not let him go without you, you know, let him be with his family. Don't take

people's families from them. Oh yeah. You know, I definitely don't want, I don't want it to be my decision at all. Right. But just offer it up. I say offer it up. And I was going to say that early. I was just trying to ease into it. But I think the best thing you can do for him and for yourself is to go. Now, I don't believe they've uninvited you. I'm assuming not. But to go and kill him with kindness.

And whatever it is, I'm sorry I didn't help you in the kitchen. I know holidays are really stressful. I wasn't thinking properly. Jump in the kitchen and be like, I'm cleaning all the dishes or without making it a thing, but saying like, I apologize. What can I do to help?

Yeah, you don't even have to bring up the dishes. Just go there this time and help and do all the things that they accused you of. Just go in there. You don't have to make it a thing. Have a conversation. Just show by example that you heard what they said, regardless of how they came to you and regardless of the altercation that happened on the boat. You be the bigger person. This is a huge opportunity for you to go in. You are going to leave that Christmas Eve dinner feeling fucking victorious. Yeah. God, I hope so. You are. I promise you, you are. You're going to report back to us right after also. And it's the most loving thing that you can do for

yourself and for your boyfriend. And you need to apologize to his mother for putting them in that situation also. Just say, you know what? I wasn't thinking. You're right. I wasn't thinking. That wasn't right. I'm very sorry for doing that. And I apologize. You know what I mean? And then leave it at that. Just then that's it. You put that in a text back to her, you know, when she said you're putting us in an uncomfortable situation. Was that a text from her?

Yeah, that was a text from his mom. Yeah. I think you should apologize to her. Say you're right. I didn't see it that way. I get it now. And then whether you want to text them about showing up for Christmas or talk to your boyfriend and how he wants to handle it, but let him know that you're ready to go and play ball and have a great time. And there are no hard

feelings and you can deal with the other stuff later. Do you think that I should have a conversation with his sister? I just don't see as no confrontation kind of. Well, you can send her a text or an email and just say, hey, listen, Christmas Eve is coming up. This is what's your boyfriend's name? Taylor. Taylor. I know we have some stuff unfinished business or whatever, however you want to frame it.

But be like, this is the holiday season. I just want Taylor to be with his family and be happy. I know this is meaningful to him. I'm going to do my best to show up for you guys in the ways that you don't think I have or whatever. Just, you know what I mean? Vaseline the whole situation and then go in there and demonstrate the fact that you heard what they said and you're still in therapy. You guys have all the time in the world to figure out the nuances and the intricacies of how you want to handle this situation. But in the meantime, go and show yourself and make the situation lovely. It's a good challenge for yourself. You don't have to

get into it with anybody. If anyone says anything untoward towards you, just let it roll over, you know, let it roll off your back. Use it as an exercise. And also, you've said more than one time, I don't want it to be my decision. Well, it has to be your decision, but it has to be your decision under the right auspices, you know, with the right heart, because he's in trauma with the whole process and dealing with issues that he's had with his parents or with his mom and his sister. You know, this is not the first time I'm sure something they have put him in some disposition before. He's looking to you also without saying it to make a decision, but do it because of love

and they won't have anything to fight against. But, you know, Chelsea's right. Like the actions are going to speak louder than any text, any words. Yeah. And I want you to think about it in this way. When you go in there, this relationship may work and there are this relationship may not work. But either way, they were always going to look back at the Christmas Eve that their son missed be here to support my boyfriend and I'm going to be here and show you what a loving family member I can be just for now, just so that that's not the memory that any of you have that he missed a Christmas Eve with his family because of some woman. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely.

And your son too. It's really good for your son to see how you process this information and see how you show up. See how you show up for yourself. And the graciousness of that is such a good trait. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I really need to stop being defensive. Stop being defensive and think of these two words, grace and dignity, grace and dignity. Whenever I am dealing with somebody that I want to fucking kill, I think about grace and dignity and then I am dealing with somebody that I want to fucking kill, I think about grace and dignity. And then I just exude that. Oh my God. And yeah, and putting myself in an uncomfortable position is only going to be beneficial for me. You know, nothing bad can come from that.

They also, you know, they've put you in a position to, it's like they're trying to win, right? And so if you cower away or then pull him away, they've won. They've won and they're right in everything they've said. But if you show them that they're actually not right, and this is how, and this is why, then there's nothing else. Either there's something much, much deeper and it'll come out or it won't come out. But the important thing is, is that you are taking this and saying, wow, I had no idea. Whether you agree with it or not is not the point. Yeah. These little gestures. Like I hurt them in some way and just that alone. Did they ever say that word? You hurt me?

No, but there were a lot of different things that happened that were said. I don't really remember all of them. I just immediately put up a guard, immediately got defensive. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, y'all never said this to me. And that's kind of what I was focusing on was the fact that they've never said that to me. But they're saying it now. So now I address it, you know. Yes.

And also, you know, this is the way you've really always felt about me. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to do anything to you and that it was never my intention. And try not to play like a victim role at all. Just try not to be emotional about it. I understand you have your emotions and you have your right to them, but like just try to be even and just think about grace and dignity throughout the whole thing. Even if someone says something untoward or unkind or a little, you know, slight, you can just look the other way and just not engage, not react. It's not your place. You're just here to support your boyfriend. That's it. Yeah. Don't make it about me. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And don't make it a self-fulfilling

prophecy that you're the gal coming in to keep him from his family yeah i'm i'm being the bigger person yeah yeah this is this is yeah and yeah don't expect a like a medal or anything either like that's the no that's maybe like but i've done the altruistic thing fuck them you know and it's like that's not the way it works and it's like it's almost like you have to do a random act of kindness you know a very targeted random act of kindness, you know, a very targeted random act of kindness. Yeah, to snap out of it. My mom used to pay the toll of the car behind us and then just keep driving. And I'd say, oh, well, you know, they don't know it's you. And she goes, that's why it's a random act of kindness. You don't pull over on the side of the road and point to yourself. I paid me, you know. You're welcome.

Yeah. No, you do it without getting anything back. Right. Yeah. Yeah. them yeah no you do it without getting anything back right yeah yeah yeah well jesse let us know how it goes okay and i will very good luck thank you i think you're your son it's the best thing to do for your son too yeah conflict of resolution we've been talking a lot about about that like how kids will see arguments and they don't see them resolved. So, but I can't thank you all enough. This was like huge for me. And I'm just, I'm really, really, really happy that I got to talk to y'all today. All right. Well, good luck with everything. Okay. Thank you. And keep us posted. Thanks, Jessie.

Okay. Thank you. I will. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Brooke, you're so good at this. Oh, God. I've never done anything like this before in my life. I'm sweating. You guys, she took up our whole fucking episode. I was like, oh my God, this is a serious situation. Because you know what? When that call started, I was like, same. Once I realized what they said to her, I'm like, well, wait a second, maybe they have a fucking point. Because, you know, there are obviously two sides to every story. And then with her defensiveness, I'm like, okay, we're going to have to spend a little extra time with her because she does need to take it down a notch.

Right, right. If someone showed up at my house, I don't care who they are, and they didn't at least attempt to help with the dishes. Right. It's like 101. Yeah. So that's a little bit askew. Right. You don't say.

Nobody's going to say, can you come help with the dishes as a guest? No. Yeah. They don't have, that's not their job to ask you. It's your job to get up. My mom, this, I was, I was like a kid kid, like five or something. And I went over to this little rich boy's house. And after we were finished eating, I brought my dishes to the sink and the mom called my mom later and said, yes, well, we just want you to know that we have people to do that. And so you tell your daughter that she shouldn't bring her dishes to the sink. And my mother said, well, we don't have people and don't worry about it because she's never coming over to your house again. Click. She was always like, come on, come on, you got to do it. Their little things go a long way. Yeah. Yeah, seriously. So let's take a quick break and we'll

be right back to wrap up with Brooke and Chelsea. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out

three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed.

I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make

the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know

when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really.

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition sign Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters.

You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders.

It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. And we're back to wrap up with Brooke Shields, who has been a delight as, oh my God, good advice, Brooke. That was our longest call ever, I think, Catherine. But it was complicated. Well, I'm kind of verbose. No, I was down for it. Listen, I could have been

on the phone with her all day. I'm down with that. Right. Totally. Well, you know what, Brooke, do you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea? Yes, Brooke, do you have any advice you'd like to ask me? Well, there was one bit of advice that I was like, because I don't, this is really from your special, because I'm really bad with any kind of drug. Like I can't take anything. And I was like, I'm going to ask her what she thinks would work for me to sort of dial me down a little bit every once in a while so that I could relax a little more. Yeah. Honestly, I don't think you're, I don't think you're cut out for drugs either. I know what you mean. I know. I mean like a hit of a joint would be fine for you.

Not an edible because those are like long. But like just a hit, not a joint. But just a hit would just take the edge off and make you a little bit loosey-goosey and giggly and not probably as tightly wound as you may feel. Because I know you and you've talked about it. And, you know, I feel tightly wound a lot of the times too, even though people would find that hard to believe. I am, you know, I can be really stressed out about stuff and i find a hit of a joint not a smoking a joint a cannabis drink would be good too i'll send you some leisure town here so you know what i do though is i try to beat it like i try to win at it so the moment where you go wait a minute did i did i just go somewhere i know i'm back i'm that

makes me like panic yeah i know you need to have like less than two and a half milligrams you need leisure town this is a cannabis drink that has two and a half milligrams you have to start with that and it just microdose and that's it and that's all you need and you will feel it and you won't get crazy and you won't go overboard. Okay. I mean, I like tequila. Oh, you do like tequila. I do like, I love tequila. There's nothing wrong with drinking. You don't have a drinking problem, Brooks. You don't have to worry about becoming your mother. That's already a rap. Like you're not that person.

Right. I do have one question though. This is a different type of question. As a, you said you're not an actress, but you really, your talent and your performance, the level of rejection that is in this industry. Yes. How do you find the way to say, no, I'm really good and I'm going to keep putting myself out there and I'm not going to take it personally. You know, when you get doors slammed in your face or you don't get so many of these things, what's the thing inside you that makes you say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I will not be rejected like this. I'm a hustler. God, that's me too. And you're always going to, you've been here this whole time. So you've been here for 30

something years, 40, well, for you, I don't even know how many years. 57 because I started when I was 11 months old. Right. Okay. There you go. And so you've been here this whole time, so you're not going anywhere. So fuck anybody who says no. Listen, rejection fucking sucks. I've rejected all the time too. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. But it's not all there is. There's always, there's acceptance and there's the one person that says yes or the one person that gives you the deal or the opportunity or the podcast or this or that. And when you're a hustler, you will always find a way.

So that's what you are. That's the way I've lived my life. And people say to me, oh, you have such a varied career. I'm like, why do you think that is? It's because when I'm shut out over here, I'm like, oh, go write a book. And it's because I will not not be creative in some way or another. I hadn't heard you say it that way. I've always, when people say, how are you? I say, it's all a hustle, no matter what. It's all a hustle. And there's something liberating about

that too. You know what? Also, I'm proud of being a hustler. I love that. That's a fucking great way to be. Yeah. My mom would be proud of both of us. Well, thank you, Brooke, so much. It was such a fun time talking to you. Thanks for taking the time to do this. Thank you. You look like you're in a beautiful snowy place. I hope you're in a special place, whatever that is, and enjoying the weather. Thank you. Thank you. I am. Good. Feel better. Thank you so much. Have a great day. Thanks, Brooke. Thank you. Don't forget to watch my special on Netflix, you guys. Revolution. It's a revolution. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelelseapodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf,

produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor? What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

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