Dear Chelsea - Outta My House with Martha Plimpton

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

Martha Plimpton joins Chelsea to talk about leaving her hometown, why abortion rights and trans rights go hand in hand, and the things you learn from young love.  Then: A newly-therapized daughter suddenly can’t stand her misogynist dad.  A 20-something keeps dating cheaters.  And a mom is losing her cool after her MIL moves in.  * Abortion Resources - Get Help or Get Involved at https://abortionfunds.org  NoKings Protests - NOKINGS.org  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from aSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hello, America's sweetheart Johnny Knoxville here. I want to tell you about my new true crime podcast, Crimeless, Hillbilly Heist, from Smartless Media, campside media, and big money players. It's a wild tale about a gang of high-functioning nitwits who somehow pulled off America's third largest cash heist. Kind of like Robin Hood, except for the part where he's still,

from the rich and gifts to the poor. I'm not that generous. It's a damn near inspiring true story for anyone out there who's ever shot for the moon then just totally muffed up the landing. They stole $17 million that had not bought a ticket

to help him escape. So we're saying like, oh God, what do we do? What do we do? That was dumb. People do not follow my example. Listen to Crimless, Hillbilly Heist on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, it's Ed Helms host of Snafoo, my podcast about history's greatest screw-ups.

On our new season, we're bringing you a new snafu every single episode. 32 lost nuclear weapons. Wait, stop? What? Yeah, it's going to be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of fabulous guests. Paul Shearer, Angela and Jenna, Nick Kroll, Jordan, Klepper. Listen to season four of Snaff.

with Ed Helms on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Two rich young Americans move to the Costa Rican jungle to start over, but one of them will end up dead, and the other tried for murder three times. It starts with a dream, a nature reserve, and a spectacular new home. But little by little, they lose it. They actually lose it. They sort of went nuts. Until one night, everything spins out of control. Listen to Hell in Heaven on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The murder of an 18-year-old girl in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved for years, until a local housewife, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. America, y'all better work the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season, ad free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. I just announced all my tour dates. They just went on sale. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.

I will be starting debuting my new material in February of next year. So I'm coming to Washington, D.C., Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago, of course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Mesa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri. St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and Portchester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June. Those are the cities that I'm in. Presale started last week, so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet. but we probably will be to some of these.

So go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the high and mighty tour. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. How's Spain? Spain is relaxing and re-invigorating and redevenating and regenerative. With an R.

I am so glad to hear that. What are you spending your time doing? Well, Doug got arrested. I brought Doug. He is, apparently they're not allowed on the beaches, dogs, but that's bullshit. So I'm just ignoring every person that says that to me and pretending that I don't understand what they're saying. This is where no ablo Español comes in real handy. I'm like, no ablo Español right now, all right, miso.

But he is wiped out every day. First of all, he goes in the water and he drinks the salt water. So he hasn't gotten sick yet, so I guess, but I think it puts him to sleep or he's still jet-locked. I can't tell. But he loves it. We had a vest for him, but he doesn't really go far enough in for the vest. So anyway, he loves the beaches.

Somebody told me I have to get up before the lifeguards are out at seven to take him on. He said, that's when everyone goes out with their dogs. I'm like, seven. I'm on fucking vacation, buddy. You come and get my dog at seven. It's not even light out at seven.

Right, right. But yes, it's been a joy. Everywhere Doug goes, he's treated like a lion, the lion king. Especially, I've noticed, though, that it's discriminatory because when he's dry, people respect him more because he's fluffier and more imposing. And when he's wet, he looks meek, like a pussy. I mean, he is just a sweet boy.

So I'm not surprised that he's getting a lot of, gaining a lot of fans in your neighborhood. He's my baby, yes. So that's happening. I know there's a lot happening in America that I'm going to miss this weekend like that. No Kings protest. So let's remind our listeners that you can find one in your area at no kings.org. And I'll put a link to that in the description. Yes. And I also want to let our listeners know that I am going to boycott Home Depot, since they cooperate with ICE.

And they have these like scanning systems. What is it called flock? I think it's called flock. Anyway, they basically surveil you when you go there. And they can show that information. They surveil your license plates. And they can show that information with ICE or the police, whoever they feel like. And like, that's not American. And with. everything that's happening with ICE, I am looking for companies to boycott that are profiting from ICE. And Home Depot is also backed by Peter Thiel, who runs Palantir, who profits off of detention centers and pretty people engages. So I am going to boycott that store, no one that lives in my house is going to be purchasing anything from Home Depot. We're a Lowe's family from now on. Lowe's is no good either. I have news for you. Lowe's has some, yeah, associations with ICE as well.

So we are not going. You're going to ACE hardware now, I guess. Okay. Okay. I can get down with an ACE hardware. Yeah, I know Home Depot at least is also like one of the major Trump donors. Yeah. Out there. So. And it's not about boycotting until they like meet this like, you know, requirements of not cooperating with ICE. It's literally about like why we're in this situation and this corporate, you know, like capitalism. And that would they, they own us. And we have to start doing things. without all of these major corporations, which is going to be really hard for people to do, myself included. I mean, I'm relying on all of this stuff. But we have to. Neil Young had a post saying, like, we need to buy locally.

I know you don't think we can, but we can. This is enough with corporate America. They are, you know, they're handing over our democracy. I didn't, he didn't see that verbatim, but that's what I took away. And I agree. Yeah. I mean, since we've been boycotting Target

since the beginning of the year, like, I am just sort of like, what was I spending however many $100? a month there. You know what I mean? Why was I going there? It's been so easy to switch over to companies that actually are doing good things that pay their workers a living wage. Like Costco is one. That's kind of where we've started going for bulk stuff. And there's others as well. But also just like for gifts for different things, like shopping local wherever you can. Like I know at least in our neighborhood, like there are so many empty shop windows, like just

because these smaller companies like can't or, you know, mom and pop places can't stay in business. So whenever you can try and patronize smaller businesses. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm reading Malala's book right now because she's on an upcoming podcast. So I'm enjoying that. Her newest book. I can't wait to have her.

And then I just finished watching the show, who we have one of the stars on, of Task. If you guys are watching Task on HBO, then you know how good it is. It's so good. It's so good. I think we're on the season finale. I ended up going all the way, so I won't say any spoiler alerts because we had that little access thing and I finally got, I realized how to use it. But anyway, I first met her in the Goonies. And her name is Martha Plimpton and that's our guest today. So please welcome her. Oh, yeah. Here we are. Hi. Oh, hi, Martha Plimpton. And I'm so happy to see you. I'm happy to see you. How have you been? Well, I don't say this to many people, but you kind of remind me of myself. I don't know if a lot of people, whether or not that's a compliment or not. I don't know if a lot of people come up to you and say,

everyone tells me that I remind them of you. Oh. That's nice. I find that. I think that's nice. I think it's a compliment. Well, that's a question, actually. Do people say it to me that I remind them of?

No. No, they don't. No. Because I feel like you remind me of me. Well, I'm very flattered. What can I say? I mean, there's nothing to really say. I just feel like ever since I saw you, when I first laid eyes on you must have been the Goonies.

And I was like, that's my personality right there. And I've loved watching you through all of your work over the years. And most recently in TASC, which is an HBO limited series with Mark Ruffalo, where you play a real shit-kicking boss who is fucking awesome. Another great role for you. Thank you. How has it been working with Mark? Oh, he's, you know, it would be fine if he was, you know, a nice guy. I know, I know.

It's ridiculous how nice is. It's just too bad that he's such an asshole. You know what I mean? Yes. No, he's just, he's the loveliest, funniest, most dear guy. He's just a great family man, loves his wife, loves his kids, loves, you know, he's just great. He's just a great, great human being. Oh, so it's been a pleasurable experience.

working on that show. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, Catherine said something in that opening, which I thought you should repeat yourself, so I don't take credit for her. I told my husband, like, after just the first scene that you're in in that show, I'm like, she is playing chess where everybody else is playing checkers. Like, there are so many specific things you're doing as an actor, even just in that first scene. And some of it's your character, but some of it's, I mean, it's just, I was so blown away by the nuances that you used. I just fend, I just fend, Thank you. That's very, very kind. I appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah, you really jump off the screen. When you're on camera, it's very obvious that you're...

Now, I don't want to say taking over the scene because there are other actors involved, but, you know, you really add to the flavor of it every time you're on camera. I'm so glad. That's lovely to hear. I really thank you. It's all in the writing, really. I mean, Brad Inglesby did all the heavy lifting for me, you know. And, you know, and when you're working with a guy like Mark or any of these terrific actors, it's just really, it just is very easy. It just feels very, very natural and, you know, things just sort of fall into place really nicely. And how did this rule come to you? Did they just offer it to you? Is that how it works for you? I want to say they did, although I don't know.

You don't remember. I don't remember. I know I got the script when I was working. working on the regime with Kate Winslet, who, of course, did Brad's earlier show, Mayor of East Town. Which all requires that Philadelphia accent, which is very, very hard to do. It's quite an annoying accent, to be honest. It's not an easy one.

It's not an easy, which is why I opted to just avoid it altogether. I'm not even, I'm not even trying, really. Well, you don't really have to, though, because it's like you guys are all detectives. It's not necessary. You don't really know. You don't have, I don't have to know where. I'm from, you know, I could be from anywhere. I could be from Ohio.

I could be from New Jersey. I could be from D.C. I could be from anywhere. Yeah, unless you're ordering a water ice, you're off the hook. Yeah. Kate did a great job of it, a mayor of East Town. There was also, I had a rubate in my early 20s in L.A. She was from the most southerly part of New Jersey.

So she had that because I was from New Jersey, and I had the Jersey accent, but not that accent. And she would say, like, she would say panty hose and moist. Like, oh, is too long. And I was like, stop talking like that. I'm like, you're from New Jersey. You're acting like, that's what we sound like. Don't talk like that. It's already bad enough with my.

My jersey accent comes out when I have a cocktail. You know, then I'm like, I start slurring a little bit. Okay. So are you sort of homeless right now? Are you just moved? Are you kind of? I'm selling my house in Brooklyn, you know, deciding to do it right now when the world is in such a state of chaos.

and nobody knows if we're going to have a massive stock market crash tomorrow. Not a great time for real estate people. The main thing is that I'm leaving New York, which is where I'm from. I'm born and raised there, and it's very heavy to know that you're disconnecting from your hometown and you're not going to have a base there anymore. It's very jarring. It's disconcerting. But, you know, I sort of feel like it's time.

I feel like me in New York are kind of on the outs right now. I can relate to this. I feel like I'm a little bit on the outs, not a little bit, a lot on the outs with Los Angeles. I'm over Los Angeles and I'm kind of stuck here for a while until I finish this stupid fucking house that I've been building for four years and it's been the biggest nightmare so far in my adult life. So I can't wait to have it done and then get out of here. Like either sell it, rent it, I don't know yet.

And I'm thinking about going to New York because I've never lived in New York. I'm from New Jersey. I feel like I want to stay active. L.A. is a very sleepy, inactive place. But I also know that you're going to London, which is pretty much on par with New York in terms of activity. Well, I mean, I think it is, but it's also, there's just a generally, it's a less kind of agitated feel there.

And I don't know if it's because it's novelty for me, because I'm not from there or what. But I just feel like there's more of a sense of sort of common decency there, you know, a sense of politeness, a sense of sort of anticipating your fellow man's humanity, you know, recognizing it. Like, people actually wait to board the train before, you know, so people can get off. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And New York is just, for me, you know, I've lived there my whole life, like I said, I'm born and raised there. And right now, I just, If I want my city Jones taken care of, I think London is the place that's more sort of my speed right now.

I'm not, I am getting to the place where, you know, I'm almost 55 and I just want, you know, I just want some peace and quiet for Christ's sake, you know. I just want to just take a chill. I want to be around nature as much as I can. I want to ride horses. Nice. I want to, you know. Yeah. All that stuff.

feed my birds and my bird feeders and the hummingbirds, you know what I mean? I'm into just taking a little breather. So you feel like New York has become a bit too hectic is what I'm gathering. It's too hectic and it's too hostile. And, you know, I mean, it's just, you know, I want some warmth. I want some common decency. Do you think that's because of the political aspect of things or just because New York has been? I think New York is kind of, well, first of all, nobody who can afford to live there is like they're all wealthy or children. You know what I mean? St. Mark's Place is not the sort of rollicking Lower East Side place it used to be.

It's now like covered in, you know, outdoor cafes with people drinking apparel sprits and influencers, you know, walking around with their beach waves hair. And you know what I mean? It just doesn't feel like New York. to me anymore, you know, and on top of that, it's just mean. It's just, you know, when I walk down the street, I want to say hello to me. I want to go, hi, how you doing? I like your shirt or I let, you know, hey, you look great. I don't want to walk down the street and have people like shove me or I'm just over it. Yeah, I hear you. I think it's the political thing, you know, Eric Adams is a disaster.

Yeah. You know, we keep, New Yorkers keep electing these schmucks. And I just, you know, I'm hoping for a mom Donny. Why does New York always elect such idiots? What is the deep? It's like such a smart group of people ostensibly. Like, you would think that New Yorkers would have their shit together above and beyond almost all cities in this country. I know. I know. And I can't even believe that Cuomo is still like a contender. I mean, I'm just like, what is going? Where is everybody's head at? I don't know. I just, I'm really hopeful for Mom Donnie. I hope that he He pulls through, and I hope he wins. But if he doesn't, I mean, it's even more reason to just get the hell out.

Yeah. Andrew Cuomo is like the death cough of American politics. I mean, he's not even the worst one. I mean, he's bad. But there are so many worse ones. But it's such a representation of how old and out of touch the Democratic Party is, is to be holding on to Cuomo and putting him up against Mondani. And every, you know, all the Jews are like, because I'm a Jew.

All the Jews are like, no, no, no, he's an anti-Semite. I'm like, listen, he's. he's walked all these things back there is a new like there is new blood coming through like he understands you can't say that he understands there's tons of Jewish people in New York City and that that kind of line of thinking isn't appropriate and you have to give people room to make like make amends make apologies and change the goalposts in terms of understanding who's electing you and who is going to be living in the city that you're going to be in charge of so I don't look at it from like a Jewish standpoint like I'm not I'm not going to vote for I mean I don't live in New York anyway. but if I did, I probably would vote for Mondani. Yeah, yeah. I mean, not probably I would. I think it's going to be my last election as a New Yorker, and I think I'm going Mom Donnie.

Uh-huh. And so you obviously love London. I love it. Yeah. You've spent a lot of time there? I love working there, and I get work there, you know, unlike here where it's a little bit harder for, you know, older women, particularly, you know, older women with a mouth, you know.

But, yeah, they tend to respect women there a little bit more, older actresses. It's shocking. It's disconcerting. Yeah. But I like it. I like it. That's nice to know. That's nice to know.

I know that you refer to yourself as self-coupled. Yes. Tell me what that is. I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory, but I would love for you to opine about it. I am happy. I am in a committed relationship with myself. Love it. And I'm really, really enjoying it.

I'm really happy. I'm not interested in relationships. I'm not interested in dating. I like doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, going where I want to go, when I want to go. I don't want anyone in my house, farting, taking up space, taking up oxygen. You know what I mean? I like a dinner party, but then go home. I understand.

I mean, I love my single life. I love having my space. my solitude. It's really just, you know, I'm very happy. It's so interesting women are age. I'm 50. You're 55. It's just women our age are just like anyone who gets divorced or isn't in a relationship at this age is almost so turned off by the idea of it. It's just not even, it's not even something I spend a moment of my day thinking about. My friend said to me the other day, you got to, you know, what I was telling my friend. She goes, I don't want to get old and dry and I'm like dry what do you mean are you talking about your vagina and she's like yeah I go you

masturbate all the time that's all you have to do to keep the juices flowing like that's scientific and she's like that's ridiculous I go it's actually not ridiculous if you use your vagina you don't have to use it with another person you can use it with yourself and it will remain and and she was like carry things in there you know give it give it chores use it as a cubicle absolutely yeah yeah give it things to do around the house and she was like yeah I went through this phase thinking like oh I have to keep having sex in order to keep my vagina operable. And I was like, no, no, that's not actually true. And then she's like, and in the last couple of months, I've come to this place where I'm

just like, I don't think about men at all. And I'm like, I know. It's like a coming of age. There's a time in your life where, like, Catherine, you're married. So that's a different situation, happily married. But like, there is, once a woman either, like, gets divorced, like, we don't feel the need at a certain age to shack up again because we realize. We realize how beautiful being independent and untethered is.

Yes, it is absolutely beautiful. And also, you know, let's face it, I mean, I haven't all had the best track record anyway, usually most of the time. So I'm fine with just giving myself a little hiatus, a little break. Yeah, yeah, I know. Yeah, you dated River Phoenix when you were really young, didn't you? Yeah, but that was 40 years ago. Well, yeah, but you were dealing with that stands out of my brain because you, You were dealing with such adult issues at such a young age, dealing with his addiction,

dealing with fame, dealing with all of the things that you had to deal with as a little girl, basically. So how does a teenage girl, because you were essentially a teenager, right, when you started dating, I think? Yeah. How did you handle those big issues as a small, like a younger person? I don't know. I don't think you really think about it when you're in the middle. of it, you don't think about it. You just love the person that you're with and, you know,

I still love him. I miss him every day. You're not really thinking about all that. You're just kind of going with, you know, what you know, which is you, you know, love, kindness, you know, attachment, you know, a little bit of fear, a little bit of nervousness, all the normal things that go along with having a first love. You know what I mean? Family, you know, I love his family. I love, you know, I loved all of that. I love, and I loved him great. But I don't think I was like, you know, sure, there were difficulties and there were hard things about it. I just think of it as a wonderful, beautiful time in my life. And a connection, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I know you're doing the movie East of Eden. You're adapting the movie East of Eden, which is really exciting. That was one of the very... It's another limited series. Oh, I'm so excited. And who else is in that?

That's Florence Pew. Great. And Mike Faced and Kieran Hein. Great. Kieran Hines and Tracy Letts and Zoe Kazan adapted it and created, you know, she's sort of created this limited series. And it's so, it's such an incredible book. I'm ashamed to say I didn't read it until I was, I knew I was going to do the series. And when I finally read it, I was just, it's got to be, I think it's my favorite American novel. It's just so, so beautiful. And Zoe,

who, of course, is the granddaughter of Ilya Kazan, who is the director of the first film with James Dean. She's just done an incredible job adapting this thing and focusing really on the whole entire life of Kathy, you know, this central female character who's so, oh, man, she is a dark, dark soul, that one, real dark. Yeah, East of Eden is one of the first books that my father forced me to read when I was eight years old.

It was Anna Karenna. Anna Karenina at eight. Yeah, because he had to keep me busy because he knew I was going to be trouble or he thought I was going to be trouble. He wasn't wrong. I read Anna Karenina, I read East of Eden by John Steinbeck, which was at eight years old.

All I remember, I mean, I've re-read it since then, but the descriptiveness of John Steinbeck. The descriptive writing. But also, very beautiful, but also quite annoying when you're eight years old. You know what I mean? I mean, now I can appreciate the beauty in descriptive writing, but at that time, I was like, if I hear one more thing about the leaves

on the trees and the color, like, I got it. Right. There are fucking trees and there are fucking leaves everywhere you look. But what an amazing and iconic American author, you know, just. Completely. And I don't know why. I mean, you know, I sort of, I was afraid, because my grandfather was in the movie The Grapes of Rath.

John Carradine's my grandfather, and he plays the preacher in Grapes of Rath. And I don't know. I just, for some reason, I was a. afraid to read it because I thought maybe he'd be a little bit like Hemingway, who I can't stand. I mean, just as a writer, I just don't like him. And also, he seems like he was kind of a horrible person. But I was so wrong. I was so wrong. It's one of the most beautiful. And you really feel like you can smell that California air, that mountain, desert, dry, you know, scrub oak, you know, and the soil and the dirt. You really feel like you can just, you're just in it. And I love

love that. Yeah. It's very Americana. Like for, there's certain authors that just represent like America. And it's like biblical. It's like a, it's a, it's a, it's a biblical story, basically. What he's, what he's written. Right. Like Canaan Abel sort of situation. Yes, it's a cane and able thing, but it's also a good and evil thing and the inherent whether or not you're born evil or if it's beat into you. And it's just this wonderful, all these themes of redemption and salvation and forgiveness. I mean, it's just a gorgeous book. And I think that the series is really,

it's going to be really good. I have a feeling. Where are you guys shooting that? We shot it already in New Zealand, which is shockingly very similar to early California, early, you know, 1800s California, because it wasn't settled until the 1800s. So the architecture all really looks like. the Old West. It's really kind of wild in the northern island of New Zealand, Auckland area. So that's

where we shot it. It was incredible. Yeah, New Zealand is so nice to be in New Zealand. What do you think about that? Do you think people are born evil? You know, that's a good question. And I don't know if we ever know the answer. There's certainly people who seem like they were born evil. Yeah, like Stephen Miller seems like he was born evil. It seems like, yeah, it seems like he might have been born that way. But it also makes sense that you could be so traumatized, you know, at something that happens so early on in your life and be so kind of ignored, neglected, that you could become evil. And have horrible parents who are horrible, horrible, awful people, too. I mean, you know, I don't know. But then again, you have people who are perfectly nice,

and then they, you know, they have a Jeffrey Dahmer. So I don't know. Who knows? You know, I don't know. It's a good question. Are you good at forgiving people who have wronged? I'm good at forgiving people up to a point. And then when a line gets crossed, then I'm done. So I'll give a person many, many chances. But then when that line gets crossed, when there's like a betrayal or like a, you know, if someone really, really doesn't have my back in a moment when it's necessary or if someone really, really seems to be just serving themselves at my expense, then I, then I say Sayanara. Yeah, I have the same thing. I take on a lot and then I get, and then I, I, it hits critical mass and I go, you know what? I'm done now.

Out of my face. And when I'm done, I'm really, really done. Yeah. I don't like to go. I don't like recidivism, especially in relationships sexually and friendships. Like once it's over, it's a rap. That's it. Yeah.

So talk to us about the relationship with abortion and trans rights. I think you've made a comment. I thought that was interesting to illuminate for this conversation. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think that they fall into the umbrella of bodily autonomy. Mm-hmm. And doing what you feel and know is right for you and your body. And not letting the state control what you do with your own body and what you want to be in your own body and what you are in your own body.

I think they're both incredibly, they're completely intertwined. And, you know, you often don't see one restriction of one group without the other. You know, they always come in pairs or, you know, whatever you want, whatever formulation you want to use. And they're both based in a core hatred of women and women's difference and women's complexity and women's complexity. and women's, I don't know, the breadth of women's experience. Americans, a large number of them, just really, really hate us. They really hate women. And they don't care if we die or if we suffer.

And what I think they don't especially like about trans people. And of course, I'm speaking to this as someone who is not trans, so I don't have the direct experience. But my guess is that what, they hate so much about a trans person is that person making their own choice, living their own destiny, truthfully, freely, honestly, openly. They just cannot stand that's something that they are unable to do, someone else is able to do. They just don't like anybody being able to have full self-determination and autonomy because they believe in control and silence.

That's exactly what's happening. And it's not just in an American issue. It's a global issue. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. People don't want women to succeed in the way that women are succeeding or to be as independent as women have become. You co-founded a women's health care called A is for... Yeah, it's basically, I'm not a member of the organization anymore, although I wish them well. It just was time for me to move on. But yeah, I co-founded this about 13 or 14 years ago. And it was basically an effort to take the same. stigma away from the whole subject because abortion is health care. And we noticed, you know, it was happening during this whole Sandra Flick thing in the ACA, Obamacare, and Sandra Flick was suing Notre Dame for not covering her contraceptives when she was in university there. And, you know, she was being called all sorts of horrible names and women were being told to keep their legs closed or put an aspirin between your knees or whatever, all these ridiculous.

things people were saying. And, you know, it just struck us that that the core of what was happening at that time, of course, has changed a bit, it's mutated, it's, you know, grown like hideous limbs and, you know, spread in various ways. But at that time, we felt that the core issue was stigma and we wanted to fight back. And so, you know, that's kind of what the basis of AS4 was to begin with. And now they do great work in supporting on the ground abortion funds, independent clinics, legal aid organizations, and things like this. What is your advice to women listening, like, about fighting back in the current moment we're living in, you know, in America? First of all, it's very important to remember that abortion is

still available in this country, that Mipiphrastone and Misa Prostall, here, by the way, here two rings I have. There's a Miphyprosone, and that's the Mesa Prostol ring. They do take every morning when you wake up. Yeah. They're very safe and they're very available. And obviously, you should check out what the laws are in your state. And there are several doctors now being chased down who are working in Shield law states who are being attacked, you know, like the doctor from New York, who's the Louisiana's going after him. I think there's a doctor in the Bay Area who's Louisiana's going after her or him, attempting to sue them for wrongful death.

I mean, it's just insane what these people are willing to do. But it's important for women to know that, and for anyone with a uterus to know, that abortion is available. That's right. And you can avail yourself of the tools. to self-manage your own abortion and anyone who tells you that you can't or that you shouldn't or that it's reversible is lying to you. So that's the most important thing to know, I think. And to remember that abortion is a community responsibility, as my friend Amelia Bono at Shout Your

Abortion says, you know, abortion is, it's everyone's job to make sure that every single person in their community is able to make their own decisions about their own life. It's everyone's job to stand up for them and to support them and to protect them. Yeah, so I think those are just two things that I would say. Yeah, and especially to states that like Texas where abortion has become illegal and I mean, I know a woman who had to fly to San Francisco

to get her abortion, you know, that is costly. So like if you are listening to this podcast and you live in one of those places where abortion has been criminalized, please make sure that you are helping your friends and helping women and thinking about their health care as an issue of health. Like this is, every woman has the right to decide what to do with her body, not the state, not the government.

So if there's someone in your area that needs help, that needs help financing or, you know, getting out of that state, please make sure that you are thinking of others and not just of your own community, you know, try and find organizations that help support that and help finance people's abortions in other states. Yeah, I'll put a few of those organizations, if you're somebody who finds yourself in need, some organizations you can reach out to in the description here. Fantastic. We're going to take a break.

We're going to be right back with Martha Plimpton and we're going to take some callers. Hey, it's Ed Helms and welcome back to Snafu, my podcast about history's greatest screw-ups. On our new season, we're bringing you a new snafu every single episode. 32 lost nuclear weapons. Wait, stop? What? Yeah. Ernie Shackleton sounds like a solid 70s basketball.

fall player who still wore knee pads yes it's going to be a whole lot of history a whole lot of funny and a whole lot of guests the great paul shear made me feel good i'm like oh wow angela and jena i am so psyched you're here what was that like for you to soft launch into the show sorry jena i'll be asking the questions today i forgot whose podcast we were doing Nick Kroll. I hope this story is good enough to get you to toss that sandwich. So let's see how it goes. Listen to season four of Snap-Foo with Ed Helms on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. All I know is what I've been told, and that's a half-truth is a whole lie. For almost a decade, the murder of an 18-year-old girl from a a small town in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved, until a local homemaker, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. I'm telling you, we know Quincy Kilder, we know. A story that law enforcement used to convict six people, and that got the citizen investigator on national TV.

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica occur. My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, producer, and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find. I did not know her and I did not kill her, or rape or burn, or any of that other stuff that y'all said. They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her. From Lava for Good, this is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame. America, y'all better work the hell up.

Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and on the new season of heavyweight, I help a centenarian mend a broken heart.

How can a 101-year-old woman fall in love again? And I help a man atone for an armed robbery he committed at 14 years old. And so I pointed the gun at. him and said this isn't a joke. And he got down. And I remember feeling kind of a surge of like, okay, this is power. Plus, my old friend Gregor and his brother try to solve

my problems. Through hypnotism. We could give you a whole brand new thing where you're like super charming all the time. Being more able to look people in the eye. Not always hide behind a microphone. Listen to Heavyweight on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. Samihante, it's Anna Ortiz. And I'm Mark and Delicado. You might know us as Hilda and Justin. From Ugly Betty. We played mother and son on the show, but in real life, we're best friends. And I'm all grown up now. Welcome to our new podcast, Viva Betty.

Yay. Woo-hoo. Can you believe it has been almost 20 years? That's not even possible. Well, you're the only one that looks that much different. I look exactly the same. We're re-watching the series from Star. Start to finish and getting into all the fashions, the drama, and the behind-the-scenes moments that you've never heard before.

You're going to hear from guests like America Ferreira, Vanessa Williams, Michael Yuri, Becky Newton, Tony Plana, and so many more. Icons, each and every one. All of a sudden, like, someone, like, comes running up to me, and it's Selma Hayek. And she's like, you are my ugly Betty. And I was like, what is she even talking about? Listen to Viva Betty. to the My Cultura Podcast Network, available on the IHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Okay, and we're back with Martha Plympton. Martha, we're giving real-life advice to callers on this podcast, okay? Are you ready? Yeah, I bet you are. I hope, oh, man, I mean, with the state of my life, I'm not sure I'm qualified. Yeah, we're all qualified.

Let's go for it. All you need is somebody who's not involved in your situation to give you objective advice. Yes, that's the thesis. That's the benchmark. Great, let's do it. All right. Well, this first one is just an email, but it's continuing on with our theme of abortion.

So, Megan says, Dear Chelsea, in 2019, right before the pandemic, I had an abortion. It went as well as an abortion could go, and I was ultimately happy with my decision. However, since then, I have developed a fear around having sex. I've been happily married for five years, and I still think my husband is sexy as hell, but every time we have sex or even think about having sex, the only thing I can think is, what if I get pregnant again? Major buzzkill. With everything happening in our country right now around reproductive rights, I'm terrified

that I could find myself in a position where I'm forced to go through with an unwanted or non-viable pregnancy. Thankfully, I live in a blue state where things seem to be chill on the abortion front for now, but if the last few years have taught me anything, it's that anything can happen. All this political upheaval, the pandemic, plus day-to-day stressors, have taken a serious toll on my libido too. I'd love to get back into enjoying sex. It's such a great way to relax and get out of my head and into my body, plus connect with my husband, but I'm not sure what steps I need to take to get there. Any advice, Megan? It's called birth control, Megan. Hello. Get them.

What kind of questions are these? Birth control. IUD. You can take a pill. You can get the millifistoprone. Mephistoprone. Mephistoprone. Mimunisoprin. You can get that. Metamucosal. We'll get that. Melatonin. Melatonin also great. No, you can get birth control. You're in a blue state. First of all, you're safe. You should definitely start enjoying your sexual life. You know, be happy that you have someone you're attracted to. That is a victory in it of itself. Yeah. Doing some meditation just to like actually like get into your body totally outside of the sex stuff could help you learn to sink into your body when you guys are having sex. And then my other big piece of advice is like if that's not working like, find a somatic therapist. I also think that, you know, women put so much pressure on themselves, you know, maybe it's your husband's fault. Maybe he's just not communicating. Maybe it, you know, I mean, it might not be you. It might be him. It might be, you know, she says he's sexy and everything, but that ain't enough. You know, you got to be a good communicator. You've got to be empathic. And you've got to, you know, you didn't say really much about what it was like when you went through

your abortion, if you went through it with your husband, if he was supportive, if he was distant or if you felt lonely. So that's also, you know, don't try not to blame yourself for all this. Blame it on somebody else. Blame it on a man. They never get any blame. There you go. Blame it on him. That's what I say. There's some sound advice. But also, if your issue is, I love it, if your issue is that you're worried about getting pregnant, that is so simple to fix. So go and get the proper, go to your OB-GYN and figure out what the best birth control for you is, period. End of story. Or have your husband wear a condo.

Or has your husband, yeah, get a new personality. Or wearing a condom for men who are married. I love that idea. Men are like, what? Excuse me? Also, you know what you can do? I mean, if you're so worried about getting pregnant, I got an ablation. And those are available.

They don't advertise those. But that's where they go in and they scorch your uterine lining so that you, you don't get a period anymore, and I don't get a period anymore, and you can't get pregnant after that. I mean, you're 99%, you know, safe from being pregnant. So that's another option. Or you could, yeah, just get your tubes tied, too. You can do that, too.

My friend this weekend, I was away in Tofino this weekend, and she said, I like getting my period. It makes me feel womanly, and we just all looked at her. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Who likes getting their period? Oh, my gosh. She must not have very many cramps, but. Well, our next question comes from Teigen. It's a little bit of a long one, but it's a really well-written email. So she says, dear Chelsea, first, thank you for being the kind of person strangers like me, feel safe spilling their guts to. A few years ago, my father-in-law passed away suddenly, and my mother-in-law, after talking it through with her kids, sold her house. My husband and I live on a large property and generously offered her the option to build a small cottage in her backyard. The idea was she'd spend less, be closer to her grandkids, and have her own private space. Until the cottage was built,

she'd temporarily live upstairs in our house with her terrible spiteful cat. Sorry, not sorry. Uh-oh, here we go. She has a bedroom, bathroom, bathroom, living room, and kitchenette. The plan, six months, while our own two toddlers, then ages two and three, continued sleeping in our room to make space for her. We share a kitchen, a life, a ceiling, all temporary, right? Well, we started the cottage without permits, naively thinking it would be simple,

and three months in, the town shut it down. Since then, the permitting process has been a soul-sucking hope-killing. multi-year nightmare. Do you know anything about that, Chelsea? Here we are in 2025 and her cottage is just now almost done. That means she's still upstairs and my kids, now five and seven, still share a bedroom with me and my husband. Oh my God. Let me say this. She's not a monster in law. She's kind. She's helped us financially. She loves us, but she's always been a lot. Even when I was a teenager dating her son, she was already the kind of person I felt mildly allergic to. Chatty to a level that feels like psychological warfare, socially unaware, messy,

kind of lazy, and completely incapable of reading a room. She talks through every silence. She lingers in doorways when I'm just trying to mother my children in peace. Being around her 24-7 has turned all those little quirks into rage triggers for me. I twitch at the sound of her footsteps. I get angry when she breathes too loud. And I know that makes me sound unkind, but it is the truth. So after three years of this, I've grown deeply resentful. Early motherhood was supposed to be sacred for me. And instead, I've been in this constant state of stress. Meanwhile, my husband and I have tiptoed around our intimacy, spending three years as a family of four crammed into one bedroom. I know she didn't ask for this tragedy either. She lost her husband. She's retired. She's lonely.

She probably means well. But just because I know all that doesn't mean I know how to stop feeling the way I do. My husband's on the same page. I'm not proud of the tone I take with her or how I avoid her like a sulky teenager or how I let her mere presence ruin my day. I don't want credit. I don't want pity. I want tools to stop mentally living in this resentment swamp. I want to be kind, especially because she's not going anywhere. She'll be 50 feet from my back door for the rest of our lives. How do I get there? Sincerely, Tegan. Hi. This is our special guest, Martha Plimpton is here today. Hi. Hi. Wow, what a conundrum. Yes. You're a survivor. You've survived, first of all. You've survived this.

I mean, I cannot believe you've been sharing a bedroom with your children. I can relate to, at first, I mean, I can relate to a lot of it, but I can relate to the real estate fiasco of it all. It is a soul crushing to constantly be told and to take an advantage of over and over again and be told something is going to come be ready and not be ready. It's just like the emotional toll that that takes. I totally get it. But here's the great news. She's moving into the cottage. So 50 feet away is going to be exactly the amount.

of space you need. That might not sound like a lot, but she's going to be out of your, you know, like inside your house. And even though she's going to be loitering around and lingering, it's going to change the dynamic, like, exponentially just by having your own room back and giving your kids their own room, you know? And so, first of all, I would, if I were in your situation, I would have started taking Wellbutrin or something. Like, I would take a mood lifter, honestly. I would go to my doctor and be like, listen, something is really irritating me. and I need something to take the edge off. I do that at times in my life

when I really need it, when I'm very, very irritable. And I don't do it long term, but I do ask my doctor, like, what's something that will take the edge off? Another way to go is to actually just write down the kind of relationship that you want to have with her, write down that now you can even do this together with her.

You can even bring her into this and go, hey, listen, we just went through something that most families don't survive. We survived it. Let's figure out. how we can move forward with giving us each other the right amount of space. She couldn't have loved living inside your house as much either. Like she didn't, she probably was irritated by that whole situation. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's definitely been hard on all of us. And we're very much aligned in

that, you know, we decided to do this together. We're going to get it, get through it all together. And every step of the way, you know, we've, I've made sure to say to her, you know, nobody asked for this. We didn't know what we didn't know. So I think. I think I can definitely agree to that. Good for you. Good for you for even, you know, doing this and going through it. But now is a great opportunity for you guys to even understand each other better by sitting down together, whether you want to do this and include your husband.

I mean, men are pretty useless. So you might as well just do it without him. You and her sit down together and go, okay, what are some rules we can follow for each other to give each other some space now that we have it? Like, what's going to make you comfortable? What's going to make me comfortable so that you're doing it together and kind of like, developing a roadmap in concert with each other out of respect for women. You know what I mean?

Like you come at it. Like I want to respect you and I want you to respect me and I don't want any weird feelings. So let's talk about these last four years. You don't have to like get into all of it. But like what do we want to be different moving forward so that we all have our own space? I know you must want your own space. I want my own space. I can't wait to have my bedroom back.

And then kind of talk through it with her. Do you think she would be open to something like that? would, yeah. A lot of it is resentment, right? At least on my end. So I wouldn't want to go into it having to bring up things that I didn't like to then kind of prove a point of what I do want. So I guess it would just be navigating that if that makes sense. Yeah, it's not useful to go, you did this and this annoyed me. That's not the right tone. But just, you know, moving forward, like we have a huge opportunity. Let's make this since the last few years have been kind of stressful and we've all been on top of each other. Let's use this as an opportunity.

to figure out the best ways to help each other. Yeah, and what the dynamic is going to be moving. It's like a perfect sort of flexion point where, like, things are already changing and you can set new boundaries, even if you don't call them that. Right. I was just going to say,

this reminds me of like a pleasant boundary to each seven. Yeah, and that way she can invoke her desires and wishes. You know what I mean? She can also say, oh, you know, from six to nine, I would like for the kids not to come over. Like, you know, use that as a starting point. I know you don't want the kids probably running over to your house all day long.

or time of day that you'd prefer to be left alone. And then that opens the door for the times of days you want to be left alone. And like how you're going to communicate coming back and forth or if it's just going to be casual or if there are certain nights that you want some privacy. You know, all of these things can come up very organically. I think you've handled yourself with such a plum thus far. Like way to fucking go. Way to be a team player.

Yeah, I'm over here applauding your fortitude, your strength and your fortitude. I can tell. It's not been easy, but I admire your strength. You're doing great. Thank you. I appreciate that. I definitely don't like to feel like on this, like, not so kind person because most people I have great relationships with. It's just, it was a difficult situation, and it just kept going and going and I think we would see the light at the end of the tunnel, and then it was pushed back some more. So the light is very, very close, I do have to say, probably, you know, within the next couple weeks.

Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Thank goodness for that, right? Yeah. And celebrate yourself for putting up with that and dealing with it and being so accommodating. Like, that is a lot. That's a lot to take on.

Yeah. And you're going to have privacy now with your husband. You can have sex with your husband if you're still attracted to him after all of this. That would be a victory, you know, and it's going to be like a nice new beginning for the whole family because the kids are going to benefit from this too, and they're also going to benefit from having their grandmother so close. I remind myself of that a lot, and she, you know, has all great intentions as far as the kids, and I know it's going to be really, really good for them. And they love it. And they've, for little kids, they really understand the situation and they know, okay, we're going to get our edge rooms soon.

We're going to go pick out the paint colors, like they're on board with it too. So we're definitely all on the same page. And I think what you said would be a great idea to kind of start almost fresh. What we should have done when she originally moved and been like, okay, let's figure out how we can make this work seamlessly. But we didn't know. We just were winging it. Like, okay, it'll be a couple months. Oh, okay, a couple more months.

And then here we are. And boof. Okay, bonus that you can set up when you sit down and have this conversation is figuring out babysitting nights. It's like, hey, we love if like Tuesdays and Saturdays, you take the kids for three hours each night. And then you can have sex with your husband also or go out or do it. But that way you have days where you know you get some private time. So this is even a bonus. That way the kids are out of the house too.

Yep. Exactly. I think that's a great idea too. I'm going to take advantage. And don't beat yourself up for like having thoughts that you're a bad person. That's just women. That's just female guilt. That is us just wrestling with all of our responsibilities and feeling bad about having negative feelings.

It's totally normal to be annoyed that somebody's in your house for that long. It doesn't matter, and especially your mother-in-law. Like, that is completely normal. You're not a bad person. Yeah. All right. I appreciate you saying that. Thank you.

Keep us updated. All right, Tegan? I will. Thank you. Thank you, ladies, so much. Thanks for your time for hearing you out. Yeah, thanks, Tegan. All right.

Well, our next caller is Dev. Dev says, dear Chelsea. I'm 25 and from the Midwest. I'm currently experiencing the worst betrayal of my life. I've been cheated on in almost every one of my relationships, and when I got to this most recent one, I felt I finally healed and was ready to trust. We had so many what I thought were honest conversations about our past and how we could be good partners for each other. I found out after posting the first time, my first post with him, after about five months of dating, that he had been having a full-blown affair under my nose, and now I can see basically rubbing it in my face. The girl DM'd me, and he denied it until I was reading him the damning messages he sent to her.

In hindsight, I had a few moments of questioning. I always chose to trust him to avoid the toxic patterns of relationships I've been in in the past. He was never going to tell me or end it, and his reaction to me finding out truly makes me believe he's not even sorry. Logically, I know all I can do is move forward, that the best revenge is looking, feeling, and doing my best. I have hobbies, friends, and I'm outgoing. I'm a catch, and this is the last thing I deserved. For the purpose of brevity, that's all. I could just stand to hear any wisdom you could offer.

Any laughs or lighthearted spins on the situation and the support from this community. you've created. Love Dev. Hi, Dev. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, this is our special guest, Martha Plimpton, here today. Hey, how you doing? So this pattern of behavior you speak of, you pick men that are cheating. Is that the same pattern that you're referring to? I think the pattern is that I'm attracted to narcissists because I confuse their confidence as an attractive trait. And I need to get better at discerning when it crosses a line. Yeah. Yeah, you do because there's a lot of narcissists out there and you need to protect your mental health and you need to protect yourself because if you have a lot to offer, you want to be able to give that to somebody who deserves it. Have you read the book

attached? I actually am in the process of reading it. It's on my next sound. Great. Well, that's going to help you a lot because that's going to make you understand which kind of version you are, anxious, attached, and you're going to understand why you keep going after the same kind of person. It's called a breakup because it's broken is a decent book about breaking up. It sounds pretty kind of silly, but it actually has some good stuff in there about not repeating patterns. But are you in therapy right now? I am. Yeah. Well, then you really want to really make sure that you are cementing the signs of narcissism. Write them fucking down and put them on your refrigerator and on your mirror so that when you are dating somebody, the first red flag is

the last red flag. You don't need to go through this again because life is about patterns and behavior, and the minute you break a cycle, you're able to elevate and get on to the next version of you. And that's what you want to do. You don't want to keep running around with the same losers. It's an unfortunate byproduct of our society that there are so many narcissists, but you can combat that. You know what I mean? With your own education and your own self-reliance. And also maybe take a break from dating anybody for a while until you have a real handle on how to identify somebody who is out for themselves versus somebody who's actually really caring and interested in a relationship and and also don't confuse confidence

you know narcissism for confidence does that sound right martha do you want to add anything to this listen i could not agree more i'm i've i've gone through similar situations as to what you're going through and uh for a long time it was the bane of my existence i was with one narcissist after another a lot of time it's about you know we're attracted to something that sort of reflects back our initial wound or, you know, a childhood wound, maybe something in your family or something in a parent that you see is sort of hard to get in a way, that confidence can seem like sort of, and you want to attain it so you can, I don't know, communicate with that part of you, that little kid in you. And I know I'm sounding kind of ridiculous right now, but

that's kind of what I've done. I've sort of looked back in therapy with my shrink and my reading and gone, okay, wait, what, what am I trying to correct from my youth or my, my little girlhood that is feeling so left behind or so in need of, of approval and love from somebody who's really just about kind of themselves? You know, I think everything Chelsea said is exactly right. And, uh, you're going to be fine. And she's right, you know, maybe taking a little break is okay. I certainly am and I'm loving it, you know, you don't have to wait until you're 50 to take a break from dating and getting to know yourself better.

But, you know, listen, I'm terrible for this because I've been through the same thing so many times. It's ridiculous. So, you know, all I can say is you're way ahead of where I was at your age. And you also have to remember that you set the tone for, like, who's in your life. You set the standard.

Like a personal story for me recently, somebody tried to set me up. This was a few months ago. Somebody tried to set me up. This person was rich, famous, gorgeous. All of the, like, you know, attractive qualities. And then I sat, I had a couple of conversations with him before, you know, I decided to go out with him. I was like, let me just talk to this guy because I don't really

want to waste my time. I'm in a place in my life that's not dissimilar from where Martha is, where I enjoy my own company. I like to be alone. I like my time alone. I mean, I'm not very self-sufficient. So that's where I have a conflict because I need people to help me all the time. But so this guy was all of these things. I talked to this guy three times and I was like, Definitely not. This guy talked about himself. He didn't ask me any questions about myself. He talked about himself nonstop. Everything was about him and his schedule and what his work and when he was shooting this and when he would be available to meet based on his openings. And I was like, oh, this is a huge red flag. Like this is not a relationship. This is not somebody I want to be in a relationship with. And the biggest narcissist that I ever dated and I've dated a couple, but I don't have a repeated pattern of dating narcissistic. but one I did, like, it's very obvious when someone is out for themselves and their own best interests supersede yours. Like that is a very obvious thing to identify. So now that you've had exposure to that, you should have no problem identifying it. Yeah. And I already had the

epiphany that I was the common denominator in this pattern. And so the call's coming from inside the house. And I'm working on that. But also, just remember a common theme today is don't get down on yourself. You know, these guys, they're the problem. Absolutely. You know, you're looking for something that is exciting and interesting and makes you feel loved and appreciated. And they're the ones who are, who are disappointing, not you. So it's okay to not be down on yourself and to go, you know what? Sure, there are obviously, or maybe there are things about, you know, your childhood or where you come from that make you seek out, you know, a thing that you want to repair from your past. But that's not a fault. That's not a flaw.

That's a normal human thing that all human beings do. It's a question of whether or not the person that you seek out is able to see that and respect it and meet you where you are. That's what it's about. Yeah. Don't bring yourself down. Don't talk yourself down. You know, talk them down. They're the assholes. And talk yourself up for, you know, knowing that there's a problem. You change, if you change your behavior, you're going to change the outcome. You know what I mean? That's as simple as it gets.

So as long as you start making better decisions and identifying patterns of behavior, which you're doing by calling in, by admitting all of this, you're going to change. And the men you're going to date are going to change as well. I do feel like I've already had a change from feeling like so wounded in my ego to realizing that I am not my ego. And the fact that someone else wasn't able to value me and everything I have to offer doesn't diminish my value. Great. And like I have, not toot my own horn, but such a bright light that I can share and touch in so many people's lives that it's their loss, fully, completely hard stop.

He is such a loser. Love it. I love yourself talk. That's good for all of our listeners. Focus more on that. Yes, focus more on that. And you know what? You're in your 20s and dating it. Dating sucks in your 20s. You know, maybe that's part of the common denominator that, you know, that you're talking about. Dating always sucks. It does always suck. Thank you so much. And it's been really good to talk to you. Nice to meet you, Martha, Chelsea. I've listened to your podcast for a long time. And I applied some of the advice. I heard your voice in my head. And I was writing in in the middle of my crash out. Time has already kind of done its thing. But talking to you here today, I feel.

feel rejuvenated and then I'm going in the right direction. I love it. You are going in the right direction. Thanks for calling in, Dev. Yeah. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. This is where 25-year-olds are at with their mental health and their personal growth. Like, they're talking about, like, moving toward the light and their attachment styles. You know, their ego, I think it's great. Yeah, I didn't find out about my ego until I was about 35 years old. So it seems, people seem to be a way, ahead of the game. Boys too, young boys too, for the most part. They seem to be with it a little bit more than guys our age. I feel like there's an expiration day. Like everybody who's above 50 as a white male needs to be updated, like an iPhone update. They do. They need

a software update. Exactly. Okay, we're going to be right back with Martha Plimpton to wrap up of today's episode with one last question. Do we have one last question? We do have one last question. Okay. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Ed Helms, and welcome back to Snafu, my podcast about history's greatest screw-ups. On our new season, we're bringing you a new snafu every single episode. 32 lost nuclear weapons. Wait, stop? What?

Ernie Shackleton sounds like a solid 70s basketball player. Who still wore knee pads. Yes. It's going to be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of guests. The great Paul Shear made me feel good. I'm like, oh, wow. Angela and Jenna, I am so psyched. You're here.

What was that like for you to soft launch into the show? Sorry, Jenna, I'll be asking the questions today. I forgot whose podcast we were doing. Nick Kroll. I hope this story is good enough to get you to toss that sandwich. So let's see how it goes. Listen to season four of Snap-Foo with Ed Helms on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcast.

or wherever you get your podcasts. All I know is what I've been told, and that's a half-truth is a whole lie. For almost a decade, the murder of an 18-year-old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved, until a local homemaker, a journalist,

and a handful of girls, came forward with a story. I'm telling you, We know Quincy killed her. We know. A story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national TV. Through sheer persistence and nerve,

this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran. My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, producer, and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find. I did not know her and I did not kill her. or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y'all said it. They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her.

From Lava for Good, this is Graves County. A show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame. America, y'all better work the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. And one-year-old woman, fall in love again. And I help a man atone for an armed robbery he committed at 14 years old.

And so I pointed the gun at him and said, this isn't a joke. And he got down, and I remember feeling kind of a surge of like, okay, this is power. Plus, my old friend Gregor and his brother tried to solve my problems through hypnotism. We could give you a whole brand new thing where you're, like, super charming all the time. Being more able to look to people in the eyes. Not always hide behind a microphone. Listen to Heavyweight on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Samihante, it's Anna Ortiz. And I'm Mark and Delicado. You might know us as Hilda. And Justin. From Ugly Betty. We played mother and son on the show, but in real life, we're best friends. And I'm all grown up now. Welcome to our new podcast.

Viva Bethi! Yay! Woo-hoo! Can you believe it has been almost 20 years? That's not even possible. Well, you're the only one that looks that much different. I look exactly the same.

We're re-watching the series from start to finish and getting into all the fashions, the drama, and the behind-the-scenes moments that you've never heard before. You're going to hear from guests like America Ferreira, Vanessa Williams, Michael Yuri, Becky Newton, Tony Plana, and so many more. I can hear from. each and every one.

All of a sudden, like, someone, like, comes running up to me, and it's Selma Hayek. And she's like, you are my ugly bitchy. And I was like, what is she even talking about? Listen to Viva Betty as part of the MyCultura podcast network. Available on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And we're back with Martha Plimpton. Okay. Do you love our commercial breaks?

I do. This is another, like, parent behaving badly, but it's sort of a different situation. So Ali says, dear Chelsea, I'm a 30-year-old woman with a husband and daughter, and my dad is driving me fucking nuts. My parents had me when they were young and were never married and separated when I was too little to even remember them being together. But my dad was always very involved in my life. My parents co-parented fantastically and had a close friendship. He contributed greatly to paying for my college, never missed a child support payment, and was the furthest thing from a deadbeat dad. We got along great during my childhood. He was like the Disneyland dad type of parent. And then in 2019, I started therapy. And I have started consuming a lot of what I call

therapy podcasts like yours. Being in therapy, becoming a mom, and learning about attachment styles, mindfulness, and boundary setting has been a huge transformation for me. Without sounding too patronizing, I'm now hyper aware of everyone's emotional maturity around me. And this has led to my dad driving me fucking nuts. I think he has undiagnosed ADHD, anxious attachment and he's very paranoid of other people. Since my daughter was born, he's very needy of my attention, sometimes calling me multiple times today. He's disrespectful of boundaries and will frequently say things like, I need to come over this week, or I'm running errands, but I'm going to call you soon. So make sure you pick up, or you better stop breastfeeding soon.

He calls me all the time, but will only talk about himself and has a lot of difficulty paying attention to what I'm saying. Or he just wants to sit on the phone and has nothing to really say. He's an ass to his girlfriend. He constantly interrupts her and tells her what to do. he owns his own company is very bossy to everyone around him. I've noticed a lot of patterns of misogyny where he pretty aggressively complains about the women in his life and judges' mothers. Every time I try to set a boundary, he pushes back. If he's on a paranoid rant about someone who's bothering him and I try to offer other perspectives, he gets annoyed and defensive. It's becoming intolerable to spend time with him, and I feel myself being short and more confrontational

with him. My question is, how do you cope with maintaining a positive relationship with a loved one who drives you up the wall? Am I being the asshole? After, going through therapy. Do I now just require everyone around me to also be in therapy in order for me to stand them? Thanks for reading this very long email and I apologize for any typos as I am dyslexic. I got that from him too, Allie. I would send that letter to your father. Seriously. Why not? I mean, he's not going to fucking listen any other way. I would send exactly that letter and go, I had to write into a podcast because of how much time you're taking up out of my life. Because it's right there and black and right. It's much more effective, in my opinion, to put something in writing.

Because saying it out loud, it can be obfuscated and it can be turned around and it can be manipulated. And if you put it there, he can reflect and look back on it. And while it's harsh, some people really need to be treated harshly so that they can actually get their shit together. And yeah, I would demand that he has to go to therapy in order to be around you. Yeah. Yeah. Martha, thoughts. I agree.

I agree. So I say even just send the letter that you wrote into the podcast. like verbatim. However he's going to respond, at least you've gotten it off your chest and you've said it. And then once you've said it, then you can go, okay, this is what I was talking about in that letter. Yeah. So I got to go. Right. Or this is what I was talking about in that letter. And I'm going to end this conversation now or I'm going to hang up now. You know what I mean? And you don't have to say it meanly and you don't have to get angry. You don't even have to raise your voice. You have to go, see, this is what I was talking about. So if you want to take note and maybe change it, that would be great.

I got to go now. Yeah, I love that because pointing it out in the moment of like, did you hear how you just talked to your girlfriend or did you hear how you just boss that person around? Or like, what would you know about breastfeeding and when it's time to stop? Yeah, yeah, exactly. When I feel like asking questions about these people is usually a road to ruin. For me, it's not about asking questions. It's about, okay, this is what I was talking about and this is what it, what bothers me.

And if you want to change it, that's great. If you don't, goodbye. It's very cut and dried with me, particularly with men. I just feel like it's very important not to leave them an inch, not an inch, because they will take it. They will take it and they will run and they will take that literally. I mean, it's the oldest expression in the book because it's true. You know, you give men an inch and they take a mile, laying down those boundaries and also

knowing that you're right. You don't have to argue. You don't have to argue with him. You don't have to tell him. you know, anything other than what it is. You just say, look, this behavior is just not okay with me, and I'm not going to get into it. I'm not going to fight with you. I don't have time for that.

So you can change it, and that will be great, and we'll have a lovely afternoon or a great conversation, or I can get off the phone and not talk to you today. Yeah, exactly. It's that simple. I think you should really be firm in your response, and, you know, in your act of telling him, that's a very firm way of telling him. Yeah, and show him the letter first, then he has no excuse. That's his reference point.

Right. And then, and you don't have, it's not a discussion. We're not talking about this. This is the way it is from now on. Because I think men, they want to have a discussion so they can talk you out of it or, you know, make it seem like this is all your fault or whatever. No, don't. No. Bye.

And then if all else fails, give them a software upgrade. Yeah. Good luck with that. Okay. Well, I hope you are enjoying Martha Plimpton. on task, which is on HBO, right? Yeah, Sunday nights, yep. Sunday nights.

And then I think the season, by the time this airs, I think we're going to be on the season finale. Yes. And then we'll be looking forward to you on East of Eden. I cannot fucking wait for that. Yay, yay! Thank you, Martha, for sharing your wonderful wisdom about men. Thank you so much.

This was really fun. I really appreciate it. And have a great time in London. Thank you. Thank you. Bye bye. Bye. Bye. I just announced all my tour dates. They just went on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be starting in February of next year. So I will be touring from February through June. I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will be to some of these.

So go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the high and mighty tour. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea. Podcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. Johnny Knoxville here. Check out Crimeless, Hillbilly Heist, my new true crime podcast from Smartless Media, Campside Media, and Big Money Players. It's the true. story of the almost perfect crime and the nimrods who almost pulled it off it was kind of like the

perfect storm in a sewer that was dumb do not follow my example listen to crimeless hillbilly heist on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast hey it's ed helms host of snafu my podcast about history's greatest screw-ups on our new season we're bringing you a new snafu every single episode. 32 lost nuclear weapons. You're like, wait, stop? What? Yeah, it's going to be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of fabulous

guests. Paul Shearer, Angela and Jenna, Nick Kroll, Jordan, Klepper. Listen to season four of snafu with Ed Helms on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Two rich young Americans move to the Costa Rican jungle to start over, but one of them will end up dead, and the other tried for murder three times. It starts with a dream, a nature reserve, and a spectacular new home. But little by little...

They lose it. They actually lose it. They sort of went nuts. Until one night, everything spins out of control. Listen to Hell in Heaven on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The murder of an 18-year-old girl in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved for years until a local housewife, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. America, y'all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns.

Listen to Graves County on the IHeart Radio. app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And to binge the entire season, ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.