Dear Chelsea - Proper Trash with Antoni Porowski

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

Queer Eye’s Antoni Porowski is here to chat about making Awkwafina cry on his new show No Taste Like Home, the truth about heartbreak, and where Poutine REALLY comes from.  Then: A husband’s lack of sex drive has a wife at her wits’ end.  A skier is stuck doing the flowers for an ex-bestie’s wedding. And a new girlfriend struggles with the fact that her boyfriend has a roommate… that he’s previously slept with.   * Pre-order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey y'all, I'm Maria Fernanda Diaz. When You're Invisible is my love letter to the working class people and immigrants who shaped me. Season 2 shares stories about community and being underestimated. All the greatest changes have happened when a couple of people said, this sucks, let's do something about it. We get paid to serve you, but we're made out of the same things. It's rare to have black male teachers. Sometimes I am the testament.

Listen to When You're Invisible on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How? Go slower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20

comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough.

Get Ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians people like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. and writers and comedians, people like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olaya, host of the podcast, Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story, and what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Krumz on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea.

Happy birthday. It's been a long time. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Happy birthday. It's my birthday today. Even though this is airing on Thursday, we're recording it on my 50th birthday, everybody. I am 50 years old. Five-oh, baby.

You know what? It's a significant birthday and hopefully this year will be just as significant. It's going to be significant in more ways than one. Hopefully more good ways than bad ways. Good. I mean, your book is out. You're going on tour in Europe. You have like all these things and you're still doing your book tour. My book is available, everybody. It is finally on the shelves. So if you are listening to this podcast and you're an avid listener, not only do I want you to go and purchase my book, I want you

to leave a review on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.com. Support the book if you like it. If you love it, tag me and tell me which part you love the most. I'll retag you and repost you. But I want lots of interaction. So please, all my podcast listeners, this is our moment. This is it. This is it. So where's your birthday party in New York? Can you talk about where, when, all the exciting things? It's just we threw it together.

It's tonight at Mulberry or the Mulberry, I don't know, some little kind of bar restaurant situation. Cute. I'm going to the 92nd Street wide, I have a conversation with Tynx about my book. I've done 57 talk shows in 24 hours and 50,000 podcasts. And definitely people know I have a book out. There is no way around it.

Good, good. I'm so glad. And people may notice that you sound a little bit different right now, and that's because you are literally in the glam chair getting ready to go do both of those things. Also, I want to remind people that my Owl's Brew is on the shelves. Chelsea Handler's Vodka Lemonade is available now in stores. So if you have a book club and you guys want to drink while you're reading, which is definitely

what you should be doing, and not even if you are reading the book, just if you want some nice smooth vodka lemonade mixes. We have classic, we have pink, and we have mint. And I'm so excited about this collab with Owls Brew. So please show your support when you can if you like beverages that are mixed, smooth and non-carbonated. We made them especially for, well, for me and for you. And Chelsea, we know you have good taste.

So we're so excited for our guest today, too. It's Antoni Porowski. Oh, my God. Wonderful. Let's get the fucking party started. And Antoni Porowski's new show, No Taste Like Home, is on Disney Plus and Nat Geo. Okay. Am I unmuted? You are muted now,

Chelsea. I'm muted? Oh, okay. Now I'm unmuted. Hi, Antony! Hi! Oh my. I don't know, guys, I'm sorry. I really don't even know how the fuck to use a computer. I mean, it really does not matter how many

times a week I do this. I really still can't understand what's going on and nor do I have any interest in finding out. Case in point. So this is your first ever podcast episode, right? And I'm honored to be your first tab. I mean, you would think so. Yeah, it's probably like-

I can barely send a fucking email, so. But you're younger, you're a different generation. I'm 40, I'm no spring chicken. That makes you what, a millennial 40? Is that right? Congratulations on your new show, by the way. It's so sweet. I love that shit.

I love when you can go travel and have a really beautiful situation and then also talk to people there about the culture and make that actually palatable for people who don't give a shit about other people's culture. It's a way for them to, no pun intended, swallow it. No? Totally. Well, I think it takes, my therapist always says she can attribute 99.9% of the world's

problems to a lack of embracing of diversity. And we're afraid of what we don't understand. And that's how we end up we, I'm saying collective we, but them. That's how like you end up judging people and stereotypes and all that kind of stuff. And when you get to know an individual and you that's how we end up, I'm saying collective we, but them. That's how you end up judging people and stereotypes and all that kind of stuff. And when you get to know an individual and you get to know even just like the history of addition, like what influenced it and all that kind of stuff, it just makes it less scary and sorry for the comparison,

but like more palatable, you know? Well, it's also like I was reading something or listening to something, who knows what I was doing. And they were talking about the idea that the color of your skin or the way that you look makes you different. Like that whole, somebody had to build that notion because it's so fucking stupid. It's like imagining opening up a box of crayons and having one color. I just want to ask, it's the ADD kicking in. I see beautiful like snow covered trees. Where are you?

I'm in Whistler, Canada. Fuck yeah. I love it so much. I lived there for four months. I see beautiful like snow covered trees. Where are you? I'm in Whistler, Canada. Fuck yeah. I love it so much. I lived there for four months. You did? Why? Well in Vancouver, my sister was running a bunch of stores called Aritzia. Oh my God.

Yeah. They give me stuff all the time. Last year I came in and they were like, we want to give you free jackets. I was like, that's amazing. Go ahead. They have a line called TNA that my sister called tits and ass. Where's your accent from? My accent, I'm Canadian originally. I'm from Montreal.

Oh, okay. And my family's Polish. You have Polish ancestry. Do I? Mm-hmm, apparently. How do you know that? When we were casting the really big web of like dream people, I'm just gonna like throw it out there.

Me and my sister, like 40% of our identity is you. Like we f***ing love you and you're just so plucking funny. She's losing her shit. This is the coolest thing I've ever done in her eyes, more than like all fucking seasons of Queer Eye. So she was just really excited about this. That's really cute. I love it. We did initial research and just by Googling,

we found out that you supposedly have some Polish heritage. Well, I definitely have some Eastern European in there. So I'm sure that at one point, everything was Poland, wasn't it? So I'm sure it was Poland. But I love that I'm 40% of your personality. That really makes me prideful. I love that kind of stuff.

So when you were doing these, like whenever I have to travel for work, I always find it. It's such a great idea. And then you do it and you're working instead of actually traveling. And I would always be like, I have to come back to this place when I'm not working. Like we went to St. Peter's, or no, we went to Moscow

and that's one place I actually don't have to go back to. But when we were there, I was like, it would be such a different experience if we weren't filming. I mean, the point of going is to film, but then you want like an extra two days to vacation. I mean, what I do is typically I try to get somewhere at least a few days earlier.

First of all, jet lag, because it just wipes me off my ass and I have to like- What do you take for jet lag? Do you take new Fijl? New Fijl is a good pill for jet lag if you can get a prescription for it. No, my dad's a physician and so is my stepmom, so I'll get it.

I love the pharmaceuticals. Oh yeah, it's like Adderall but smooth. Like it doesn't make you jumpy and it makes you, like if you have jet lag and you have to go somewhere, you know that feeling is like almost, it feels insurmountable. Oh, I go cross-eyed and then I try to stay a few days afterwards.

Just take it into like, cause it's like, when the hell am I going to end up in Borneo again? You know what I mean? Right. Probably next season. But I hear what you're saying. So what's your situation? Are you gay, straight, fluid, all of the above? So I've, I mean, my past few relationships have been with guys. I still consider myself attracted to women. I've had a lot of relationships with women. And I don't know, it's like if you had to put me in a box, I think it would be fluid, I guess. Fluid. I mean, who isn't really fluid when you really think about it? I think everybody's

a little bit something, you know, it's a spectrum just like everything else. I mean, like how could you say no to Zoe Kravitz, you know? Right, of course, of course, obviously. There are exceptions to every rule, even if there are no rules. What's your family situation? Do you have a brother? No, so I wish. In actually in elementary school, I used to lie that my mom was pregnant and I was going

to have a brother and they would come back from parent teacher conference and be like, you need to stop fucking telling everyone that I'm pregnant because it's super awkward. Like I'm having it. I'm a three minute mausole. Yeah. I used to lie all the time at school. I have two older sisters raised in a very matriarchal household. Parents are Polish.

Everyone was born in Poland or my father in Brussels because his family fled there after the war. I was the first one born in Canada. Oh, okay. Yeah. I lied to my teachers all the time too, by the way, whatever, anytime there was an opportunity for a lie, I would lie to them just because I thought they were

kind of insulting to my intelligence, you know? I'm like, they're gonna tell me what to do? Like I just couldn't, I couldn't square it. It's like you get to know the real me. Yeah, but also you get caught for it and then it's super embarrassing because they're like, you're not gonna be in the private Benjamin movie, you're not Goldie Hawn's daughter,

you're actually a psychopath. And you're like, oh, maybe Private Benjamin movie. You're not Goldie Hawn's daughter. You're actually psychopath. And you're like, oh, maybe I am a little bit of a psychopath. I started watching the Aquafina episode and it seemed like she was gonna start crying. And I was like, oh, I would love to see her that vulnerable. Yes. I feel like she mostly cries in the episode. There's like more tears than not tears.

Wow. Yes, yes. Wow. Well, we haven't seen that side of Awkwafina. That's pretty cool. That was by far the most emotional episode. I mean, I like snot cried. There were, it was embarrassing, but there were a few scenes where like

she had to actually take care of me. So with Nora, she hadn't been back to South Korea since her mother passed away when she was four years old. Oh wow. Her mother had this really rare illness that she developed as a result of her pregnancy. And they basically told her she had a few months left to live and she decided, fuck Western medicine, I'm going to lean into Eastern practices.

And she lived until Nora was four. And the dish that kind of like brought it all together, we were sitting with this woman who had a PhD in fermentation, who like supposedly according to herself, cured herself of breast cancer using Eastern practices, was making this soup with this broth and this rehydrated kelp and these pieces of beef. And Nora smelled it as we were doing it and she got really emotional and started getting shaky and she was like, wait, I remember this scent from when I was four years old. And then we learned that this is something in mythology, the Koreans used to look at

whales giving birth and they were depleted of iron and they would eat kelp to make themselves feel better because food truly is medicine in their culture. Like, their mentation is UNESCO protected. And so this one, like for Nora to have that realization that her mom not only made this for herself, but fed it to her daughter as a way of trying to heal herself was just one of the most wild, wild. Wow. That's really deep. Yeah. Yeah. Watching someone like take a bite of something, she takes one bite

and like bursts into tears and is just transported. That's the power of sense. That's the power of food. And I think it's surprising because the show is not. People would expect like, oh, Anthony is going to go do a cooking show. It's not strictly a cooking show. It's a little bit. Who do you think you are?

A little bit Anthony Bourdain, like very beautifully produced, like really rich storytelling, gorgeous vistas. I went on, who do you think you are? Did you ever do that, Anthony? No. I did it, my director and I did not get along either. He was really annoying. It's just like you're sitting there at a table

and that is a comp that we use when we were developing the show. And it's like, fine, it's interesting to learn about your family history a table and that is a comp that we use when we were developing the show and it's like fine It's it's interesting to learn about your family history and all these people that you don't know about but to actually have it be experiential and go in and Try the things within their environment and understand what was going on We meet the historians and genealogists who are like way fucking smarter than I am Who were able to provide context into like what was going on culturally and politically at the time.

And it's like the most basic things like we were in Senegal and we try this thing called dame, which is like a baguette with a bean stew in it. And you learn that the importance of it is because you know, French occupation for hundreds of years, they left the Senegalese were like, we're going to take the baguette, we're going to fucking make it better, softer, sweeter, we're going to put in our own stew. And now it basically become, it's kind of like when you're in LA and you see like burrito stands on every corner. It's like everyone enjoys it. And this is something that is going to be with history and has all of these clues as to like what was going on at the time. It's just fascinating. That is fascinating. It's so cool.

Yeah, it's so cool to be passionate about it. It's also, it is very Anthony Bourdain. We need that. Are you hoping to fill his shoes? I mean, obviously you don't want to fill his shoes, but you do want to fill his shoes. I mean, look, I like, I read his books. I was obsessed with him growing up. I certainly don't want to be derivative.

It is something that comes to mind. I think where he really excelled was using food as that vehicle to tell those personal stories for people to understand what was going on in the Middle East and all these other places in the world where it was like, it's about the food, but it's not really about the food. It's everything that's kind of tied around it.

And I think what we learned from him is that he just went personal and he got to know that like, he got to tell these like human stories, you know? What is your least favorite food that you've experienced so far? You have to be honest. Yeah, in Borneo, it didn't make it to the final cut,

but I tried durian. Are you familiar? No. Stinky fruit, right? Smells like a rotting chicken carcass, like old fruit situation. But one of our camera ops described it as an overly ripe camembert with really sharp garlic. It's intense and funky.

I'll put almost anything in my mouth. It's one of those things that like, I tried it. I don't need to go back there again. It was a lot of funk. What is going on in Borneo exactly? So with, that was the Henry Golding episode and his mother is, his father's British, ex-military. His mother is Iban, traditional, like an indigenous tribe in Sarawak.

And they lived in these longhouses where like 40 to 60 families have their own living quarters. And then the other half of the longhouse, it's literally a longhouse in the middle of the jungle. And it's these communal spaces where they like teach each other to like cut bamboo and put the rice in and put it on the fire so that it becomes really like nice and sticky. And it's just, with Henry, it was tricky because he knew so much about his family history, but we actually uncovered that he had literal headhunters in his family line and he had multiples of them

and he had like a witch. And just kind of like learning about the spiritual practice and like the spiritual significance of headhunting when they would literally bring back these heads to their tribe. He remembered when he was a kid, he was long live. I was like, I was like, what kind of headhunter are we talking about? Not for a job. Not the one I'm thinking of.

Correct. Not our agents, but he remembers being a kid and he was like, I actually remember seeing like human skulls on like shelves. So to kind of like learn the context of the whole thing is just, I mean it's a whole other world. I tried things like torch ginger, I tried eight wild ferns which were freaking delicious and wild eggplant and it's like everything that they have there. It was like such a balance of I've never felt like I was more out in the wild like in the literal middle of nowhere in nature and just away from civilization. But at the same time, this very human thing

of like the sense of community, I've never experienced it more strongly than I did being with those people for a week. Wow, that's so cool. I felt like Indiana Jones. All right, let's not get carried away. Did you bring a lover with you or were you on your own with your crew?

Like, did you bring a plus one? I was on my own on my own with the crew. Mm-hmm Yeah, it's nice to do that on your own, especially with a crew because it's like camp It's a small crew like Queer Eye We're like we're a shit ton of people and we're in the US where you have trailers and everything there You don't have any of that when you're in northern Italy with Justin Theroux or in Borneo It's like you're waiting like you're waiting in a car. So you don't have a significant other in your dating life right now, or are you just kind of dating? Single.

Single and mingling. I'm at a point where I feel like whenever I have something big or that I'm really excited about professionally, the way that it works out, I always happen to be single. I'm so with you on that. I'm so with you. I get to focus because I fucking love relationships.

I love the melding and getting to know each other's families and like and then breaking up. Yeah in that order. Like it's okay to break up if that's not a bad thing. That means it's time to move on to something else. Like we need to start celebrating divorces and breakups. Who cares? That's great. It's a new beginning. You learn the lessons. You know what to take on to the next one. You have hopefully you learn the lesson. Some people are really really remedial and you need You learn the lessons, you know what to take on to the next one. Well, hopefully you learn the lessons. Some people are really, really remedial and they need to learn the lesson multiple times. But some people really learn lessons and then that's really nice.

And then you have a celebration, like every relationship is a celebration. You got to know yourself a little bit better. And it's a cycle too, like I'm closer with my friends when I'm not in a relationship. I get to spend more time with my family. It's, you know. Have you had your heart broken? Yes. What was that like? It was devastating.

It was really hard. It was, I don't know, sorry, I didn't expect that, but it was, it kind of, having your heart broken or having my heart broken just put into play and had me question sort of like, do I need to change as a person in some ways? And then in other ways it was like, oh no, like I really fucking did my best.

Wasn't perfect, made some mistakes, but like I really fucking showed up. I put in the work, I gave it all I could. I don't have any regrets. And then sometimes I questioned myself and I'm like, is there anything that I need to change? Am I to this or to that? But I'm like obsessed with therapy.

I've been going on and off since I was 17. And for me, it's like, I love self-improvement. And then it just kind of brings up that whole notion of do I want to change and do I want to evolve? But I'm also 40 and I'm kind of like, I'm half-baked at this point. I'm like, parts of me are the way that they are. And I should just accept myself for who I am

as opposed to striving to change all the time. So I'm in constant, I'm always in as opposed to striving to change all the time. So I'm in constant, I'm always in conflict with myself over like change, grow, evolve, adapt, be better, listen to fucking Mel Robbins. And then the other side of like, no, like just be happy with who I am and content and like they should fucking figure it out, you know? Yeah. And evolve doesn't mean change.

Like you don't have to change. You just get better at being who you are. So whatever qualities you have, good or bad, should always stay. You should just be able to know when to control them. And then they become even more enhanced the more evolved you become. Everything just gets better.

So there's, yeah, you should have no apologies about your personality. That just keeps improving and improving as long as you're willing to take a look at yourself and admit when you're wrong, which is so hard for so many people to do. They don't know how to change. Change is so fucking easy. I haven't had a drink for fucking four weeks because of this shoulder situation I'm in. Finally, I'm understanding the benefits of not drinking. I went to two things without drinking and I had a great time.

And I'm like, oh, I see the other side. This is like God's way of getting me to just be sober. I'm like, no matter what though, I will never give up on alcohol. Like you will not ever get me to quit drinking. So I might become like less of a drinker, but I will not ever give up on alcohol. We've had a good thing going for many, many years, 40 years.

Anyway, I digress as I always do. We're in the same boat. We're vibing, right? So it's okay. But anyway, we're gonna get to the show now. You know what goes on here, right? Like we're gonna give advice to people and they're gonna call in

and they're gonna want your full attention. So you better get ready for it. Catherine, tell us what's happening. We have some great questions for you, Antony, but we'll take a quick break and we'll come right back. Hey y'all, I'm Maria Fernanda Diaz. My podcast, When You're Invisible, is my love letter to the working class people

and immigrants who shaped my life. I get to talk to a lot of people who form the backbone of our society, but who have never been interviewed before. Season 2 is all about community, organizing, and being underestimated. All the greatest changes have happened when a couple of people said, this sucks, let's do something about it. I can't have more than $2,000 in my bank account, or else I can't get disability benefits. They won't let you succeed.

I know we get paid to serve you guys, but like, be respectful. We're made out of the same things, bone, body, blood. It's rare to have black male teachers. Sometimes I am the lesson and I'm also the testament. Listen to When You're Invisible as part of the MyCultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I started to live a double life when I was a teenager, responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened,

and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is John Cameron Mitchell, and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation Island, stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled. In the future we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies like Bad Touch Football, Anti-Racism Spin Class, and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the cancel

to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us? Cancellation Island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation Island on the a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation Island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously.

Hmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out of his element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my brah. Listen to The Hook Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to

your favorite shows. And we're back with Antoni Porowski. Yes. I have a husband who is a lover of Queer Eye, and I was, like, watching some of the episodes of your new show on my computer, just, like, in the same room as him, and he goes, is that Antony? So he recognized your voice. I was like, it is actually.

Did you ask him who his favorite member of the Fab Five is? Of course, and he said Antony. Good. Would have been awesome. You're my favorite so far, but I don't know if I know every single one of them. Well, we had Bobby Burke on the show. We had Bobby Burke and Karamo. We haven't had JVN. And then there's the Salt and Pepper.

We haven't had Tan. And there's Tan. Yeah, right. Tan. Yeah. And our new friend. And Jeremiah. Yeah.

Okay, perfect. I'm going to take a break then. I'll be right back. Oh, she's in Whistler. I'm so jealous Yeah, so what were you doing living in Whistler? Well, not with thousand Vancouver, but we would go on weekends with my sister Are you a ski bum? I am I am skiing since I was like four years old. Oh my gosh. Well Canadian that makes sense I guess yeah. Yeah, it's kind of mandatory. I Am NOT a ski bum, but I'm a ski lodge bum. I like to be in the lodge with a cup of cocoa and a book under a cozy blanket.

That's what I want. Yes. And maybe a poutine. I know that's really Canadian of me to say, but come on. Well, see, I grew up in Chicago and had a lot of Michigander friends, and they claim that poutine is from Michigan, which we all know that that is a reach, but I'm sorry. They do love their poutine. Let us have Canada.

I like Trump's trying to fucking make it part of the U.S. Like just let us have our own thing. You know, leave us alone. Poutine is Canadian. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Okay, kiddos. Don't make it a thing. It's literally our entire national identity.

It's fucking fries and gravy and cheese curds. Cheese curds are pretty disgusting. When they're melty, they're pretty good. Of course they're good, but they're disgusting good. That's disgusting. Like I'd rather eat like... Yeah, it's like good. It's like proper trash. Yes, proper trash. Yeah, but I'd rather... There's other proper trash I prefer over that. Like what? I'm trying to think, but like, it's gotta be trash. You love a McDonald's. What's like your fuck it thing? Like a pig in a blanket.

I fucking love that. Polo bar, pigs in blankets, perfect ratio of crust and the- Crispy, like that leaf, what is it called? That filo dough. Oh, you like the filo? Filo dough. Yeah, I love it when it's just fucking thin and flaky and it's a burnt, it kind of crispy.

With grainy honey mustard, just to dip into it with that sharpness. Yeah, I like yellow mustard. I like yellow Jew, Jew mustard. Excellent. Well, we'll get to colors now, so. Let's do it. I can't wait.

I can't wait to see Anthony giving advice. Oh God. Literally my least favorite thing to do. I can't wait. I can't wait to see Anthony giving advice. Let's see how- Oh God, literally my least favorite thing to do. I hate unsolicited advice, but this is solicited, so it's fine. Yeah, totally. Exactly, exactly. Well, our first question comes from Priscilla.

Dear Chelsea, I am in a pickless pickle. I've been with my husband for almost 10 years now. He's six years older than me. I'm 33 and he's 39 and we grew up together I've had a crush on him since I was a kid and still do he's my best friend and I'm certain he feels the same way One problem is that I've learned over the years. We're not sexually compatible at the beginning It was fireworks incredible, but then quickly fizzled out due to quote-unquote stress I'm always the one initiating telling telling him what to do, not do, and if I'm honest, the sex lasts less than five minutes

and I'm rarely satisfied. It's a miracle we got pregnant twice, both times on the very first try. He's the sole provider for the family and has a very stressful job. He's a general contractor and is always extremely busy with work. He gets calls about flooding basements, money issues, angry trades, etc. at all hours of the day. This, plus some financial issues, all weigh heavily on his shoulders. I have a part-time job, but it hardly covers groceries, and soon I'll be busy with a new baby. I feel like I can't help carry the burden. He can't turn off his brain from all the stress and get in the mood unless he's drunk,

which is a major turnoff and again, leaves me unsatisfied. Over the years, it's become, as soon as I get this job done, I'll be less stressed, as soon as, as soon as. I've come to realize he's maybe just not as sexually charged as I am. For a while I thought it was me, am I not sexy enough? But we've talked about it and it's not that. I can say for certain he's not gay,

I've seen his internet search history. I can say for certain he's not gay, I've seen his internet search history. I can say for certain he's not getting it elsewhere, he's too busy. I feel cheated. I've been told my whole life that all men want or think about is sex. I don't know any female that has been in this position before. We've been to a sex therapist and had to stop due to lack of money and time. He was open to it, but good therapy is expensive. Divorce does not feel like an option and I don't feel like an open marriage is either because of our small community I have no answers. My friends have no answers and he has no answers which leaves me in a pickle-less pickle help Priscilla Anthony, what are you thinking? Okay off the top of my head near the beginning I felt like she was making a lot of excuses for him, which kind of like bothered me a little bit.

I also felt there's something about it that just kind of make made me sad. Like she just feel like I feel like she's like in a really helpless. She's just like out of options and the options that I was trying to think of, of like, talk to a sex therapist, talk to a therapist in general, check in with like, do you guys have different libido? Are you not compatible on that front? in general, check in with like, do you guys have different libidos? Are you not compatible on that front? To like even opening up the marriage in some way, all of that was kind of caboched in the explanation.

So I think it's like, like, dude, you need to like go revisit some of that stuff, cause I really don't know. You want to be with the person, but it's like, I don't know. Cause I'm torn. Cause it's like at the same time, like I feel like I have a pretty high libido and physical and sexual intimacy are incredibly important to me. Yeah.

But I also know people out there who've had really long relationships where there is a disconnect and they love each other unconditionally. They respect each other. They're each other's like biggest fucking cheerleaders, but they don't necessarily have that. So it's like, again, it goes back to what I was saying earlier about like accepting things the way they are and then being like, no, I need change. I'm a little torn, Chelsea. I mean, I feel the same way.

It's kind of hard to say because it obviously matters to her because she's talking about open marriage and whatever. If sex is that important to you, which it's in most of us, it is. I'm one of those people that I want sex. I'm not just like looking for somebody to hang out with. If I had to choose hanging out or sex, I would choose sex. So I think that it depends how important it is to you. If it is a deal breaker, I mean, if he can't perform sexually, like if whatever his issues are, it usually has nothing

to do with a woman. So I'm glad that you already figured that out. It's not because you're not sexy enough. Yeah, well, she already expressed that in the letter, said that she knows it's not her fault. It's something to do with him and that's his issue. Like, are you willing to put up with that because you love him?

Like, I would say, life's too short. Like, you could put up with it for a while. I mean, it's great that he was open to going to a sex therapist, but to what avail? Like, so you're not fixing the problem, and it seems like a pretty important problem to be fixing. So I just think that, like, you know, you've got to either go the extra distance So you're not fixing the problem and it seems like a pretty important problem to be fixing. So I just think that like, you know, you've got to either go the extra distance and really

exhaust all possibilities of finding out what the possible solutions are and finding one that works for you. And if you don't, then what's your game plan? Like are you going to hang out with him and be okay with that in some sort of sexless relationship for the rest of your life? See, I feel like there is room for a third option here because- A third person.

There's definitely room for a third person to come in and fuck the shit out of her. There definitely is. But when we think about sex, as far as this couple goes, we're thinking usually about, she's thinking about penetrative sex. It lasts five minutes, she's not satisfied. And part of sex is like having the intimacy, having that closeness with someone.

So maybe you can talk to him about like, hey, I really want to like improve our intimacy, improve our closeness. And like, let's take some time to not even think about like the penetrative part of sex. Because if he's not up for it, he's not up for it. But like, can he spend some time pleasuring you? Can you guys play with some toys? Like, it's so weird. It's so weird.

Oh, by the way, I, oh, I wanted to say one more thing too. Sorry, I know I'm being so interrupt you today, but I'm just in that kind of mood. The other thing is a lot of women, you said none of your friends experienced this. I do know many women who have experienced their partners not being up for the amount of sex that they are. Yes.

So just wanted to throw that out there before. I agree. That's like a really, that's a really common thing. That's also a gay thing too, isn't it? Like a lot of gay guys, not a lot. Actually, I only know one gay guy who won't, who doesn't penetrate. Like he doesn't penetrate.

He doesn't want to be penetrated. He only gives blow jobs. I learned there's a name from that. What? Yeah. What is it called? It's called siding. Siding. Siding. Yeah. They like, he only gives blow jobs. I learned there's a name for that. Yeah, what is it called? It's called siding. Siding. Siding.

Yeah, they like give each other like blow jobs, but there's no like penetrative sex. When my friend told me about this, I thought that's, he feels such shame for the act of penetration. He feels shame at doing that. That's why he can't. I mean, that's the whole thing, yeah.

I recently stumbled across a follow from, we had this caller Marco like a long time ago, who was in the same situation. He's like, I'm gay, but like, I do not, I'm not interested in anal. And he followed up actually recently and said that he- I'm into anal now? Well, no, he's still not into anal,

but he's like, I've discovered that I love having my ass eaten out and eating out everybody else's asses. So I'm like- Good for him. That's- A win. What a huge discovery. What if he had gone through,

how much more life could he have gone through without figuring that out? Thank goodness for the show. Just saving lives. Oh yeah. Saving lives. That's something people always go, what's the best piece of advice you've ever given

to start eating more ass? That's my advice. I'm gonna write that down. That's the tattoo. Yeah, for sure. Eat my ass is my tattoo. And then I'm gonna write that down. That's the tattoo. Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. Eat my ass is my tattoo. And then I'm gonna put it on a different part of my body so people are doubly confused.

So to wrap up for Priscilla, I think there's some intentionality that you guys can, like, take some time. If he's not into, like, performing, quote-unquote, because he's too stressed, try some other stuff and, like, hint-hint, he might get in the mood. But, like, it's really also really also like about you and your pleasure.

It doesn't necessarily have to like have anything to do with him getting off. Right. Try harder to make the situation, try to find a solution. And if you can't find the solution, then you know that you've done everything you can to try to figure out the problem and then move on. Look, I know I'm like a mega optimist, but like clearly she fucking loves this guy. The fact that she reached out to you, they've been together for 10 years,

they're kids, there are like so many added layers there. I'm a fighter in relationships. I would go back, the stuff that you revisited, that you heard, that you think- You're not that much of a fighter, you're single. That's not nice. Chelsea. No, it's not.

That's not, I'm saying you're not that much of a fighter. Come on, if you were willing to fight for anything, I'm not being mean. I'm just being truthful. I'm partially messing with you. One thing about me, I fucking fight for relationships as much as I can till the very end, whether it's therapy, whatever it is. I'm just saying sometimes things happen that are just like outside of your control and you just have to like deal with it and pick yourself up.

I think I was thinking of fighting like I'll do anything to do what it takes to like be in the relationship. I was interpreting it a different. I am that person. I'm a fucking romantic through and through hard on my sleep. I'm like I'm such a lover falling in love is like the way what is it that. But yeah but falling in love that's the in love, that's the best part. That's the best part.

No one will dispute that. Everyone knows that's the best phase of life. Being in this phase that this caller's in is not the good phase. You fight for it and you go back and stuff that she may have addressed earlier or conversations that they had, you know what? Maybe they need to be revisited.

Maybe you need to get Esther Perel has that card game where you ask each other intimate questions. Is it like wearing like some crazy fucking outfit or like the crab walking naked towards him when he enters the room and going full sexual or building the intimacy with like some kind of romance and getting to know each other intimately? Maybe they should use the intimacy coordinator

from it ends with us. What about that woman? That ended super well. Maybe they should use her. Yeah, that worked out great. Or like, I don't know, go to a rave together or something. You know what I mean? They definitely have to change up the dynamics. Something has to shift.

If you want people to change, you have to change, period. But like, so get the ball rolling in some direction and be tireless about it. Like exhaust all the possibilities, period. I agree. And if all else fails, just get like a really good vibrator and like leave him out of it.

End of list. Yeah, that's quick. That's quick. Yeah. So our next, uh, email comes from Laura. She is calling in, so we'll be chatting with her. Laura says, dear Chelsea, I have a sticky situation with my newish boyfriend, Dear Chelsea, I have a sticky situation

with my newish boyfriend, and I'm hoping to get your perspective on it. My boyfriend lives with a girl who he has been friends with for a few years, and they've slept together twice in the past. They're in the same friend group, and he claims it happened when they were both drunk and lonely. To be fair, we were friends at the time. We met at work and were friends first before dating,

and he told me what was going on, and I was dating other people at the time. He told me he's been into me since we first met and patiently waited for me to break up with my then boyfriend. It really hurts me and makes me sad picturing her with him, even though it was before I was in the picture and he's been upfront about the information. I hate how much this weighs on me and I always feel sad knowing he's at home with her when we're not spending the night together.

I hate that I'm jealous and losing my zen when I'm ordinarily a confident person. I'm mad at him for inflicting this situation on our relationship. Yesterday, he had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to go out dancing this weekend with her and some of her friends. I said absolutely not. Why would I want to go out dancing and drinking with some girl you fucked before? I flipped it back on him. Would you want to go dancing with me and some guy I used to fuck?

He didn't have a good answer to that. For context, I'm 27 and he's 32. He should know better at his grown age of 32. I feel like he downplayed their friendship to try and appease me. This makes me question if I can trust him. Any advice you have on boundaries and how to get my peace back are greatly appreciated. Laura. Hi, Laura. Hi Laura. Hello.

Hi, thanks for calling in. This is our special guest, Anthony Borovsky. Yes, I'm starstruck. I love Queer Eye. That's awesome. Nice to meet you. Wait, how long have you been together? So we've been dating since November last year. So what is that? It's like four months. Four months? Yeah. This is new. Four months. Yeah, this is new.

It is. Yeah. Well, that's easy. That makes things a little bit easier. You know, I don't think anyone should be judged on having an ex like a past or anything. But you're in a perfect spot, I think to kind of like conduct yourself in a really cool way. You can go to him be really honest about your feelings. It doesn't have to be an argument or disputatious in any way and be like, hey, you know,

you told me about this, you know, your roommate. He lives with her, right? Yeah. You told me about your roommate. You told me you had sex with her a couple of times. It's kind of bothering me. I mean, I don't wanna be crazy and tell you like to move out or anything, but then you asked me to go dancing with her. That kind of gave me. I mean, I don't want to be crazy and tell you like to move out or anything, but then

you asked me to go dancing with her. That kind of gave me the ick. You're kind of giving me signals that there might be something more here and that, I don't know, if we continue to date, am I going to have to deal with this woman in the background? Like, I think this is a perfect opportunity to have really one of those honest upfront conversations before your head over heels, marrying this guy or deeply madly in love, four months is still new enough to get over quickly. And I think he'll show his true colors. Like you don't want to go dancing with some roommate that he's fucked, that he's still living with.

That's not an ideal situation for someone. So if someone, if he really cares about you, have you guys exchanged I love yous yet? Yeah, we're, we're pretty in love. And Chelsea, we kind of have had that conversation already. And- Oh, sorry. I'm just fucking railing off here. Yeah, no.

Anthony, why don't you tell me to shut the fuck up? I'm not telling you to shut up. Ah, sorry. Sorry, sorry, Laura, go on. Yeah, so after this little like disagreement, we had that conversation. I was like, this is really hard for me. Like, I don't like who it's making me.

Like I really want to be chilled. Like I have a past to my respect that I do, but this is so hard to deal with. So I was like, we need to set some boundaries or something so I feel better. And like what we came up with is he can't hang out with her one-on-one, which he lives with her,

like he's hanging out with her when they're at home. Like I don't expect him to just start being rude to her. And well, I mean, I actually would like that, but I'm not gonna ask that. Yeah, it starts coming home and he's a total fucking asshole, that's funny. And he's allowed to hang out with her in groups, but like I wanna know about it.

And that's kind of where we're at, but I'm still just like struggling with it at night when we're not together. And I know like I'm losing my chill and I hate it. And that's kind of where we're at. But I'm still just like struggling with it at night when we're not together. And I know, like I'm losing my chill and I hate it. I hear you. I hear you. Was he sympathetic to the idea of you being upset by this? Yes. Yes. And he's like looking to buy. So that's why he likes living with her because it's a month to monthly so we can move out really easily when he does find the place he wants to buy. And he's like actively working on it for sure. Okay. So that's nice.

Okay, that's good. Okay, these are all good things. I, as, okay, this is gonna be my advice. I think this is perfect time for you to put your foot down and go, you know what? I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I don't think I'm gonna be comfortable until you've moved out of that apartment.

Now that I have serious feelings about you, I don't want to cut you off. I want us to continue talking, but I really need to know that you're going to move out and not just giving me lip service because it's starting to fuck with me a little bit. And I'm looking at our relationship as a possible fun future. We're going to be together for some time. And and I don't wanna have this be part of it. I like that there's kind of like a compliment sandwich going on here where it's sort of like, hey, I fucking love you.

I think that there's potential here. That said, like there's a massive roadblock. I'm really struggling and I need your help. Everything that I'm kind of gathering from you and what Catherine kind of mentioned about like the backstory of it all is that you've been very communicative of it. And one thing that I've learned in relationships and through therapy is that sometimes I think that they're like I get obsessed

with the idea of resolution. That there has to be like this tangible thing that kind of happens. And I know that it's not perfect and I recognize that it's like painful and you're like in a lot of like adjita, Yiddish term that my therapist, Carol taught me. I love it. The fact that you're, you're, you're able to have like that, that those open lines of communication, even just addressing it without giving an ultimatum or backing him into a corner or whatever it is, makes it a safe space for him to be able to have a conversation to take in what your feelings and like the stuff

that you're dealing with and vice versa. But I feel like, yeah, presenting it as sort of starting with like the good and then going to like, I'm really struggling with this and like, I could use your help, not telling him specifically, like, get your ass out of the house or kick her out or imposing like some kind of like severe restrictions or like, or hard rules that are just going to be hard to abide by. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. I have been very focused on like trying to resolve this and yeah, there's

no resolution until it moves out, so it's hard. We added a little context when you and I chatted earlier. Tell us the timeline. So this was like a while ago that they slept together, right? So when we had our fight, he was like getting confused about the dates. I can be pretty intense and I think he got a little like flustered Like, I was questioning him a little too hard. So here's the real timeline. We started dating last November. He moved in with her last August, and they slept together last September.

So I'm like, that's fresh. Okay. So, like, two months before you guys got together. How did he reveal this to you? So I was friends with him, because we're coworkers before, and he told me about it just kind of casually because we were becoming good friends. He was like, yeah, I slept with my roommate. What do you think about that?

And I was like, that's a bit messy, but okay. So I always knew that when I started developing feelings for him. Tell me, I'm actually kind of surprised about your advice here. I don't know. I just, I thought that your advice would be more along the lines of like, that's okay, he's moving out, putting Laura at ease. And I'm, yeah, I just think that's very interesting. Oh, I love surprising you.

That's one of my big joys in life. And joys in life, but like, yeah. I don't know, I think there's something like, it's just an interesting start to a relationship, so you would want to pay attention to it. And you're correct, it is messy. Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be messy,

or you could be clean about it. You know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. Like you say this, and you kind of, you're not breaking up with him. You're just kind of saying like, I'm not cool, these are my standards. They have to be met.

So if you really care, go fucking meet them. Would you like participate in like a cooling off period while he's looking for a house? What do you mean by cooling off? He's not gonna want that. Like if he's looking for a house actively, he's gonna wanna be like, okay, come with me, look at the house, da da da da.

And then I would be like, okay, it's clearly happening. But not until like he's actually taking active steps that you've seen some of the houses and he's doing anything he can to make sure that you feel safe. And Laura, I feel like you'll know if he's doing those. Like he's gonna be, he's gonna wanna tell you like, oh yeah, like I had an appointment at a place

and like this place is interesting and I didn't like it because it didn't have X, Y and Z. But you know what I mean? Like I feel like he's gonna include you in the narrative because it seems like you guys communicate pretty well. Yeah, and I like last weekend weekend we looked at a house together. Like we communicate great. Like I love everything about him except for this.

For those nights that you are apart and like he is with, you know, quote unquote with her at their apartment, I'd say like remember that he's into you, harness your inner Zen and like remember that like you're the person that he cares about. He stopped sleeping with her before you guys started hooking up or getting together before you guys got together and like you're the one he's into and like rest easy in that I

think. But also play the role that you just said you have played in your life which is you're not like that. Like so remind yourself of the queen that you are in the moments that you don't feel like it. Remember, yeah, I am. I am that way. This is a circumstantial.

This is making me feel this way. These are not logical thoughts, period. Yep. And like there will be a new season very soon when he's got his own place. Right. Yeah, totally. Won't matter then. Yeah.

All right, Laura. Best of luck and keep us posted, okay? Okay. Thank you, everyone. So nice to meet you. Thank you. Nice to meet you. Okay. Awesome. Bye. That was my favorite kind of call ever. I love that kind of interpersonal relationships, boundaries. I'm down with all of it. There's so much to unpack with it though. I feel like I'm going to be thinking about it hours from now and being like, oh shit, I unpack with it though. I feel like I'm gonna be thinking about it hours from now

and being like, oh shit, I should have said that. You know what I mean? I also think age, in my opinion, has something to do with it, cause she's like 27. I feel like when you're 27, like your person's exes feel so huge and they loom so large. And to have them in the second bedroom is like terrifying.

But if she was 10 years older, it'd be like, okay, this isn't great, but we're moving forward. And 27 year olds seem so much more involved than they did when I was 27. Or maybe I'm just internalizing, because I was a mess. Should we take a quick break

and then come back for our last call? Yeah, let's take a break and we'll come back and do our last call. Perfect. Okay, so we're gonna take a break with Anthony Barofsky and then we're coming back. Hey y'all, I'm Maria Fernanda Diaz. My podcast, When You're Invisible, is my love letter to the working class people and immigrants who shaped my life. I get to talk to a lot of people who

form the backbone of our society, but who have never been interviewed before. Season two is all about community, organizing, and being underestimated. All the greatest changes have happened when a couple of people said, this sucks, let's do something about it. I can't have more than $2,000 in my bank account or else I can't get disability benefits. They won't let you succeed.

I know we get paid to serve you guys, but like, be respectful. We're made out of the same things. Bone, body, blood. It's rare to have black male teachers. Sometimes I am the lesson and I'm also the testament. Listen to When You're Invisible as part of the MyCultura podcast network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community.

And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation Island, stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes.

But don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies like Bad Touch Football, Anti-Racism Spin Class, and mandatory Ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the canceled to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing Here in where have you brought us? Cancellation Island where a second chance might just be your last

Listen to cancellation island on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst

as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche.

Follow our out of his element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my brah. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeart Radio app,

Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Okay. And we're back with Anthony Barofsky. It's P, Barofsky. Right? Barofsky. Am I saying Barofsky? Close. What did I say?

It's one letter. Oh, Barofsky. Sorry. I've been saying B. You're good. You're good. It's a P. Well, Hannah says, Dear Chelsea, I need advice from someone. You're good. It's a P. Well, Hannah says, dear Chelsea, I need advice from someone wiser than me. The past year and a half has been filled with change and heartbreak, leaving me feeling lonely and lost.

Growing up, I never had close friends. I floated from group to group, but never felt truly like I belonged. As a shy, introverted person, this wasn't surprising. After college, I moved to Utah to be a ski bum, and for the first time, I found like-minded people. I belonged. I came out of my shell, built a social life, and formed friendships where I felt supported. I had community. Over time, we all grew up to some degree. I became a lawyer, bought a house here, and found ways to keep skiing integral to my life.

My friends evolved, too, and through the changes, I believed we'd remain close forever. But life had other plans. Friends got married, moved away, had children, or found new priorities. The tight-knit group I cherished slowly dissolved and I find myself floating again. The most recent gut punch came from a friend I've always considered family. She's planning a small bachelorette party for her close friends and I'm not invited. She said we're at different life stages. She and her fiance spend time with other couples while I'm single. That stung deeply. Early this year, another friend ended our relationship with a hurtful tirade. She said she didn't see a place for me in her life because I

don't want kids. It's not that I haven't made new friends. I have. I've connected with an amazing group of women who share my love for skiing and ice climbing, yet I still grieve the friendships I thought would last a lifetime, the ones that felt like family. I feel like I've been in a painful, unrelenting cycle of relationship loss since my ex and I broke up in the spring of 2023.

So how do you mourn the pain of losing friendships? And how do you build meaningful friendships as an adult, especially in the second half of your thirties, Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Hi. This is Anthony Parovsky with a P. Hi, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Wait, can I ask how long were you and your ex together when you broke up in 2023? Three years. Three years. Okay. My therapist says it can take like half the amount of time of the relationship to get to a place where you kind of like feel like you're a normal-ish human being again.

So I don't know if like you're dealing with that or if that's something that's helpful, but like be gentle with yourself with like healing because it's not linear, it's super freaking messy and you can be feeling amazing one day and then kind of go down the next. But, Kelsey, thoughts? Well, I was gonna say, I write about this in my new book,

I'll Have What She's Having, which just came out, I write about this very thing, about losing friendships that we've had for a really long time, and the understanding that comes from a lot of inner work and a lot of therapy, that not everybody is your friend forever, and some people are

supporting characters in your story and sometimes we're a supporting character in another story. The endings of friendships while painful and hurtful are not meant for your grief they're meant to understand that that door has closed and now there's an opening for a deeper more profound friendship than the ones you had before. My circle of close friends now that I'm about to be, well, I'm 50 when this comes out, I'll have turned 50. My circle of friends and the support group I have now is more loyal, loving, supportive

than anything. It makes me understand that I'm a good person. The people I have around me now makes me believe I deserved this and I earned this. Whereas when I was younger in my 40s or in my 30s, I had a lot of people around me who did not have my best interest, who did not have my support. While I treasured our friendships with those these people, they were not good for me and they outlasted their expiration date the same way many relationships can. So our job isn't to mourn the loss of friendships,

it's to understand that that part of our life is gone and to welcome the new and there will be new friendships. And you know now how meaningful friendships can be, so you're going to be already operating in a different way within a new friendship. Do you feel like the friendships that you've made like that are in your close circle of friends now, are they people you've met in the last like 10 years

or are there any people who? Yeah, tons, tons of them I've just met in the last 10 years. I have maybe three, four, well, probably more people that have been in my life for 10 plus years that are not family, you know, people that I've known. I mean, it's longer than that. The older I get, the longer that list is.

But, you know, plenty of them are new people. Like I'm always making new friends. I'm always meeting new people and I'm always learning things and understanding like, oh, friendships can be even richer than I had thought when I was younger. I a hundred percent agree with that. I think sort of like leaning into the impermanence of things, whether it's like a relationship or friendships, it doesn't make sense at the time,

but I feel like when I look back at really close friends that I've lost that I thought were gonna be in my life forever, I'm sort of like, whether there was resentment or I did the cutoff or they did, or we just organically kind of like grew apart, a lot of them also, I could definitely relate to like the habit and kids part, it all kind of like makes sense when you look back, which is kind of like the weird thing and the annoying thing about life is that like once enough time has passed and you've

been able to like process the feelings and deal with all of the, the different stages of brief, the denial, anger, bereavement, depression, acceptance, like all of that messy stuff. You look back and you're sort of like, Oh, like that kind of made sense. And I will point to, I had this argument with a friend about, she was saying how, like, Oh, it's so much harder to make friends when you're like in your thirties and your forties than when you're younger. It's not that it's harder.

I think that it can become more challenging if you're working on yourself because your antennas are up for what you're going to tolerate and what you're not going to tolerate. But some of my most close, I refer to it as my board of directors. It's like the people that I go to when I really need advice, where I need to be like right size, who I like really trust. They're going to tell me the truth. I wouldn't be scared of like not meeting those people at where you're at in life

right now, because like my, one of my closest friends, Leah, we were like, casual acquaintances and in the past year and a half, we have become inseparable. Part of it was trauma bonding, but like we've gotten really close. So I think just like be open to the possibility of like, that it's never, it's just dynamic and there's impermanence and things end. And it's like, there, there's it's, it's that whole, like that dumb line about, well, it's not that dumb there's impermanence and things end and it's like, it's that whole like that dumb line about, well, it's not that dumb, because I think it makes sense.

It's like people are in your life for like a reason, a season or a lifetime or whatever it is. I do really believe that. Does any of this help you? Yeah, no, this is helpful. Hearing it back is helpful. Yeah, don't spend time thinking about the past and relationships that are no longer there.

There's no, it's just kind of a wasted regret and it's an old habit. Just focus on the now and the possibilities of the future and being grateful for everyone in your life that you do like and all the new people. Just show a lot of gratitude and it'll keep showing up for you. The newer friends I've made are great

and it's been really fun to have them. So I felt a little awkward being like upset about this, but it's like a big change for me to go through. So. But I think that's a bit, you seem like a vulnerable, old, sensitive human being, which are really beautiful things. And I may be the way you're feeling that way is because you care, cause you give a shit about them.

And like, yeah, it sucks when people leave our lives and it's like they were there for a really important, important chapter and we learned so much of them. But I think being like knowing the difference between what I can change in my life and I'm not good at this. So I have to remind myself all the time, the things that I can't control versus the things that I can, I constantly have to be checking myself and being like, why am I focusing all my energy on this thing

that I have no control over that's like in the past? As opposed to like, I can focus to Chelsea's point about gratitude or like spend time on the wonderful people who are in your life. You know what I mean? Like I've had that situation with family cutoffs where people completely cut each other off. We've been each other our entire lives

because we just don't know how to talk to each other. And at one point it's sort of like, you're not going to give me the fucking time of day. I'm going to, sorry, I'm going to focus on someone who is. I can put my all my attention to my love towards them because you clearly have so much to give. Sorry, I know that sounded really queer, I.E., but I mean that. I don't know. You just seem like a really sweet girl. The friend who didn't invite me to the bachelorette party, she texted me last week and asked if I would still do the flowers for her wedding. So, do I do it?

Oh, the plastic hands. Say that part again. Friend who told me I'm not a close friend and not invited to her bachelorette texted me to ask if I would still do the flowers for her wedding. And they're like a beautiful Venus flytrap. Like, is she going to hire you to do the flowers for her wedding. And they're like a beautiful Venus flytrap. Like is she gonna hire you to do her flowers? Because that's a very expensive proposition. No, it was something I had offered to do way back.

Just say when I got disinvited from whatever the bachelorette weekend, I just assumed that you didn't want me to make the flowers so I haven't planned on doing that, right? Why would you do that for her? Are you going to the wedding as well? I'm invited. Yeah. Are you, do you want to go? Feel like it might be more awkward if I don't. I don't know. Trust your gut though. Sit in, sit in for a moment. Like wait until the RSVP is due and like think about it. Cause

it's like, you've got to take care of yourself too. And if she made you feel that way, I don't like that. No, that's nasty. It sounds like the friendship is on her terms. I don't want you in this, but I want you to do that. I don't like that. I don't like to exist in a space like that. Yeah, and I don't like that you being taken advantage of

in that way. Say you were to show up with those flowers, what does that say about you? That you don't have any dignity? Yeah, someone who's close enough to do flowers for your wedding at no cost is someone who should be invited to the close friends, quote unquote, bachelor party. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe write that and just say, so I'm assuming you don't expect that. Since I'm not invited to the thing, I'm assuming you don't want me to write. Right, what you said before about like, so I wasn't planning on it. I love that language. I think that's great language.

Also playing the Tate forward, I can't imagine you would enjoy the process with all of the weight around this of planning flowers for her that feels like a personal intimate thing. It's almost like you have no backbone if you do that. And it's not about ego. It's just about like, you're treating me like shit

and I'm taking it like in the mouth. No, thank you and also That's like please have some sort of positive affirmation that you do in the morning like reminding yourself that you're a powerful woman And you don't have and you have the ability to not allow people to push you around and that you're valuable and your friendship is valuable Keep saying that to yourself. Thank you, Paul. I appreciate it. Thanks, Hannah.

Thank you. Yeah, okay. And start believing it too, please. Thank you. Class is dismissed. Thank you guys. First of all, Antity, what a fun, fun, you're my favorite Queer Eye so far.

Out of the two that I've met, you're my favorite. Bob, which part? No, I'm kidding. Definitely better. Yeah, you're definitely, you're my favorite over Bobby Burke and I'll tell him to his face when I see him. Are you in New York or LA? New York is home, but I'm currently in LA this week. Oh, okay.

And Anthony, where can people find No Taste Like Home? So glad you asked. It's gonna be on linear on Nat Geo on February 23rd and then Disney Plus and Hulu on the 24th. Ooh, Disney Plus. Daddy, Daddy Disney. Daddy Disney owns everything now. All right.

Thank you so much, Anthony. Chelsea, enjoy all the skiing and fucking hot cocoa and the powder. I was just an Aspen for gay ski week, which is so unlike me, but I'm like trying to make more gay friends. Yeah, since I was four years old. me, but I'm like trying to make more gay friends. Are you a skier? Yeah, since I was four years old. Oh, fun. Oh, love it.

Yeah, I'm sick for it. There's nothing more freeing than skiing. Oh, yeah. I love skiing. Yeah. It's amazing. Thank you. Appreciate that.

Drum roll, Catherine, please. Chelsea Handler Abroad Abroad is my European tour, which I just announced. Tickets go on sale tomorrow or today, or there's a pre-sale code Chelsea. So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the hell out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think.

So I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin, to get the hell out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin, I'm coming to the UK, I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast, in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona, Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad.

That sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see you abroad. I know. I want to go see me abroad. And there I'll be. There I'll be. Excellent. Okay, all upcoming Vegas dates, March 21st, April 18th, July 5th, August 30th, November 1st, and 29th at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. My book tour, I'll Have What She's Having, means I am doing book events February 26th, Brookline Booksmith, February 27th, Cincinnati, Ohio, February 28th, the H Foundation in Chicago, and Barnes & Noble at The Grove in Los Angeles on March 1st, and then Seattle, Washington on March 3rd, Elliott Bay. And I'll see you guys all there.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast.gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseyhandler.com. Hey y'all, I'm Maria Fernandez. When You're Invisible is my love letter to the working class people and immigrants who shaped me. Season two, share stories about community and being underestimated.

All the greatest changes have happened when a couple of people said, this sucks, let's do something about it. We get paid to serve you, but we're made out of the same things. It's rare to have black male teachers. Sometimes I am the testament. Listen to When You're Invisible on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How? Go slower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi.

And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm Emi Olaya, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout.

I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Krumz on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast

about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week, I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians, people like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I love storytelling and I love you, so I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest Escapes

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