Dear Chelsea - Put Some Luxury On It with Da’Vine Joy Randolph

Episode Date: December 5, 2025

Oscar-winner Da’Vine Joy Randolph joins Chelsea to discuss the tea on Shakespeare, how to develope emotional fortitude early, and why she’ll never bring a man onto the red carpet.  Then: The girls break up no fewer than two engagements.  A traveler gets dumped by his boyfriend just before their European getaway. A corporate drone is desperate to get out of the office and into the great outdoors. And a May-December relationship is nearing its end… just not nearly fast enough.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and Portchester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June, so go get your tickets now. If you want to come see me perform, I will be on the high and mighty tour. Hi there, Catherine. How are you? Hi, Chelsea. I'm doing great. We have two episodes this week. In case you missed it, we had an episode with Elizabeth Olson that came out yesterday, so be sure to check that out. So our guest today was named one of the 100 Most Influential People in 2024. She is a best-supporting actress Oscar winner, and her new movie, Eternity, is out now. So please welcome Dave Vine Joy Randolph. Oh, yay.

We're sitting down with Dave Vine Joy Randolph. Do you know that we have the same middle name? Oh, I love that. Chelsea Joy Handler. That's beautiful. They did a good job. You're beautiful. Thank you.

Yeah, that's nice. Chelsea Joy. First of all, Dave Vine is joining us on her wedding day. She is in a beautiful white wedding dress, and she's on her way to get married and had time to squeeze in an episode of Dear Chelsea. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Oh, I'm so excited to meet you.

I don't know if I met you when you won your Oscar a couple of years ago. I feel like we... I feel like during that time, right? We were at a party at around. in award season because I said something and you go Chelsea and like like shut up and I was like you like rolled your eyes but in a way in an affectionate way where you understood me right away and I appreciated that I want to before we talk about your current movie that we're going to discuss I want to talk about that period of time in your life because you had such a powerful

acceptance speech when you won you won more than an Oscar didn't you win a couple of other awards as well. Yeah. Okay. So you said some really powerful things. And one of the things that you said, do you ever go back and watch, did you go back and watch that speech ever? Okay. One of the things that you said was that you spent so much time trying to be something that you weren't. And only when you started or really became who you are, did you start to get rewarded for that? Right. Because I think in this industry or wherever, right, like you want to figure out how you can be. make yourself the most marketable or like, you know what I mean, I think I was still in the process of the becoming and figuring myself out. But I think where I'm this stepped or where

it took a longer process for me to get to the thing is that I was trying to figure out my similarities in other established things that was successful and try to find those things within myself and not realizing it's just work on this, this is the thing. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, well, I guess I have this part of this person that everyone loves and enjoys. Let me bring that out or this aspect and then it through that process. And that's a huge reason why I do like acting because you're, at least for me, I always say if I wasn't an actor, I'd be like a behavior psychologist because I'm very fascinating to the how and the why that people move. and tick and do the things they do.

And what I like about acting is that it requires me to develop a skill set to not only examine other people, but I hope we're also examining ourselves. So in this process of this career, it took me some time, but that I finally landed on, oh, no, no, no, it's here, it's within you. And let those things shine and the right people will align and attract to those things. And when you have that feeling about yourself, right, when it clicks in that you want to be who you really are, isn't it crazy the way the universe starts drumming up all of like the positivity in your life when you get on your own team?

There's an ease, there's a fluidity, there's an abundance, and things just, yeah, it just clicks in and you're like, gosh, why didn't I do this sooner, you know? It's like not resisting. No. Because what you're talking about, and I, as women, we all have done this, resisting who you really are instead of embracing who you really are. Yeah, because I think in life, you know, like, at least for me, growing up, you see these things in women that are older than you that you aspire to. I remember it used to be like my aunt and her jewelry and how it was just, it seemed so feminine. I used to love the bracelets she used to have, right?

So we lock these things of like, okay, when I grow up, I want. that. When I grow up, I want to do that. And I think I was collecting all of these things, which I think is beautiful of women in my life that I loved and in the process overlooking who I was becoming as a woman and that I already had some of my own things. Well, and I do think when you're developing your creative voice, you're at first sort of seeing what you like and copying those things. But after a while, if you're successful at it, you do get into your own voice. You find through what you like, you find your own voice. Yeah, and it's also nice, it's powerful.

We were just talking about ascension. Like the idea of ascending as a woman, the idea of you are growing into the woman that you're supposed to become, and I like to think of that. I had a friend at Glastonbury this year of all places where we were discussing this. Like we're ascending.

Like it's not, that's why I hate when people complain about their age. It's like... I don't get into it. No. I don't fuck with it. I don't fuck with it. I don't fuck with age.

I just do it. No. Just live. What do you lean in? it. Yeah. And I think women, especially now that we're all kind of realizing how important it is to stick together rather than to separate that like you can help, like what you're saying about your aunt's jewelry, like I can totally relate to that as being a young child and looking to things that you want as part of your identity, you know, like when you grow up. And that is, that's like part of

our ascension. That's when our ascension starts. Like when you're a little kid and you start to envision who you're going to be. You know? And then all of the things, along the way that kind of maybe bump you off track and then getting back on the right track. What do you think like in terms of adversity, something that really shaped you in your younger years that helped you? Totally. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up and I was really grateful that my parents, they knew I had a gift in performance, but they let me do any and all of it. Like I was like the after school kid. I did all the programs and stuff because I wasn't quite sure where I wanted to land. But I started off by way of singing. And I think growing up as a black

woman, there are certain things that you have to deal with, especially when you want your gifts to be displayed in public, like through performance, that very quickly I understood sometimes quicker than other kids did the differences and how to celebrate them, own them, not shy away from it, and actually, like we were saying, lean into it. And so it required me to have this kind of actually quiet but grounded confidence and resilience at a very young age. How young? Like elementary school. Because my mom, my mom is an educator. And, And so education was really important. I lived in the same city all throughout, well, up until high school. But nonetheless, I had an army brat kid mentality because I changed school so much. Until a graduate school, I had never stayed at a school for more than two years because it was never good enough for my mom or in some weird ways, the school burned down or it stopped at grade five or whatever. And so I, because education was important, I went to produce. dominantly white private schools.

And so some of these schools would require me to do testing to get in that they did not require other people to do later we found out. And so that kind of sense of like competition but also like celebrate my mom celebrated it. I remember when I would do the testing, she would like pull me out of school to go test for this other school and then she would like take me out to a really nice lunch. And she kind of like hid the fact. It wasn't until later that I realized, why am I testing to get into this school? And sometimes it was like, so you can get a scholarship.

Because to be honest, we couldn't afford to go to these private schools. But I think it was early realizing like, not everyone in the world wants you. Do you know what I mean? And it is as open and is inviting. And I learned that early. And so what my parents did that I'm really grateful for is they just kind of, they were like, look, this is the world. And it is what it is. but we're not going to be victims or completely change,

you know what I mean, or you bow your head in any way. You're going to be polite. You're going to be a good person. You're going to treat people well. And you're also going to have a confidence and annoying within yourself. And so that was early. And I'm grateful for that because now with this as a career, like, it's tough. And you need that tough skin.

I think sometimes when people comment on those kind of essences of what they see I'm like, oh, well, I had to do this young. It's just now transitioning to a different platform, medium, whatever, because you're, you know, you're out there on display and on your own. Yeah, and you've, yeah, well, you've been to lots of schooling also. You went to Oxford, you studied Oxford. You studied singing in Oxford? Shakespeare, because I had got into Yale and I realized, oh, I don't, I don't know this at all.

Because I came into it, so I got into acting through being rejected from singing. So I was a class, I guess I say was, but I'm a classically trained to opera singer. And so we were doing Aida, which is a very intense story. Is that she related to Evita? No, no, no. She was like a slave. Well, she was first a princess in Egypt and then it gets enslaved by this really hot guy. So she ends up falling in love with.

And they have this interracial relationship, which totally was not the thing. at that time, they get buried alive as they're singing this beautiful song, like it's epic, right? But not Avita, definitely not Avita. No, different time, different time. Not that I was into acting at all, but I was like, I think I need to do a little more than just like sing, and they were not into that. And so I worked with an acting coach on it just so I could, you know, do my job well, and they did not like it.

And they ended up flunking me out. And I was like, okay. And it was my mom, right? to adversity. That was my junior year. It was my mom that was like, you go across that street to the theater department, probably because most of the credits transferred. But she was like, I actually think you can do this as well, which at that time as a junior in college, you're thinking about, you know what I mean, like, okay, I'm about to be on my own. I'm now a singer, like fly me to Milan, feed me pasta, and I'm about to sing opera. You know what I mean?

like that was so my entire world quickly changed and so that was definitely a moment of adversity but like yeah so acting came way later got into Yale but that was an area where I was like I'm not equipped for because I didn't have that formal training and so yes that's why I went to Oxford to study Shakespeare wow how cool is that yeah it was really cool where they filmed the dining hall scenes for Harry Potter was our like cafeteria So what do you think about all the Shakespeare lore that, like, Shakespeare didn't really write all of this stuff? I know. It's intense, right? What's your take on that?

Because did you read that book? Did you read Hamnet? Have you read that book? I haven't, but I'm really excited. So that's a lot about that, too, about Shakespeare. I'm excited. I mean, you know, a lot of people. A part of me believe, I mean, I don't know.

Maybe there's, like, super geniuses. But don't you feel the same thing of, like, I don't have to be controversial, but like, Da Vinci or Michelangelo? Like, did you really do all of them? Like, maybe you had a staff. like a team of people like, team of writers that we collectively, but like, okay, I get it. He's the figurehead of it all. But I don't know.

I mean, that's a lot of books. It's a lot to do. It's a lot of work to do. Maybe he did. But I know, I don't believe, like I, when you hear about erasure of art and history and all of that, it's just women and we got no credit for doing it. So I'm sure, definitely. Yeah.

I believe all of it now. Yeah. At first, I'm like, that's such a big thing to cover up. But then as you know, as you learn more. and more, and you're like, oh, yeah, this is all women and nobody wanted to give them any fucking credit. Yeah, totally. Or even like 200 years later that I'd be like, yeah, it was a man that did that one.

It was actually, everyone already knew it was a woman that did that. Yeah, it's weird. Okay, well, wait, I want to circle back, though, to your, to you winning your Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for the Leftovers, because I just want to revisit and ask you what that time in your life, now that it's, you've had time. Yeah. What does that time in your life mean to you? How did it feel? How do you look at it?

Yeah. It was a lot. It was also because the industry was at odds, meaning it was that award season, there was strikes. You know what I mean? For writers, then the actors. So timeline-wise, now was when we, so the movie I'm promoting now and that movie are coming out the same exact day. And so due to the strikes, it wasn't until, I think it was like November 10th. 10th, that we could even get involved.

That was part of the bylaws. Like, we could not promote or anything. And so it was a very unique experience. And then once the strike ended, it was just full steam ahead. It's all a blur. I was like, it was a marathon. It was. Those campaign season, award season, I mean, it does turn into a campaign.

Yeah, let's be honest. I mean, let's be honest. And I say camp, like, right? So different people could do any different things when you say campaign. But at the very least, you got to show up. You got to show up to a lot of different places in front of a lot of different people. And I just try to just come from an authentic place

of like, I'm just going to speak about what I love and what I love to do and why I love this character because that was the only way I was going to be able to get through it because it's eight months. It's a very long time. It's like having a baby. You do. That's honestly, I did not.

Because people are like, oh my God, you cried. I said, no, no, no. I bawled because it was a release, quiet as it kept. It's done. We're done. We did this from November to March. I'm completely, who, yeah, you're, yeah, I'm, you know what I mean? Yeah, I do.

I understand. I get it. I get it. I had the best sleep that next day because you're just like, we did. I'm so grateful, but we did it. And it's done. Well, a lot of people win an Oscar and then they end up leaving their partner. Did you do that?

No. I didn't know. Is that a thing? Yeah. It's the best actress curse, right? Is it best actress or best actress? It's the best actress. What?

Like, how quick? Like, I mean, within a year. I know it happened to Hillary Swank, Kate Winslet, like a whole bunch of them. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think why. Maybe because you are, you're not around. You're not home. You may, but.

I just figured it's because their husbands weren't carrying their weight, you know? That's like I got my Oscar now. You can get the fuck out of here. Oh, you know what makes me think of. you know how like if you get a surgery or something done i've experienced this you get a surgery or something you come to and you're like you know what let me do some inventory through people do you know I mean like maybe it was that right of like by doing something else you had time to think and be like actually you're not shit so my eyes are now open that's interesting yeah to be fairly clear

I i've always made a vow to myself and maybe this is a very feminist thing to say I don't care if I'm in a relationship or not. I don't ever want them on the red carpet with me. Because it's not about you respectfully. It's not. Slash, you know, as a woman, I don't want that to then be the conversation. It's all about what we're here for. My job and what I did.

And I feel like women, I don't think maybe some men get this or then they're like, oh my God, tell me about your partner. Do you want to have babies? And it's like, let's do the job. job and so for me i always made that a thing early that i was like i love that and i that's like you know for me acting's the job but all this stuff comes up with it right and being in the public eye but that's something that i want to always keep for myself i don't ever want the industry to have that because the reality is this is very hard to do you want to make sure that your support

whatever that looks like family you know what I mean your main partner that that's protected because you need that to be a good safe space for you to you know what I mean have that sounding board with so would you date an actor have you dated actors no I've come close to dating them it's kind of hard to be an actor I know it's an egg but you know they treat it like it's a sport oh I got to go work out because I got this role playing somebody who works at the grocery store like why are you now hitting the iron so hard they like treat it like it's the Olympics

and it's very fratty it can be very fratty energy that's icky to me I haven't yet met the actor guy that's like you know what I mean because he's an actor he's like emotionally intelligent and it's like a little soft with the mask the ones that are interested in me are like

bros and it just makes me want to vomit But, like, I also think people frown on and, like, miss the opportunity of, like, crew. That's yummy. Yeah. That's young. Every woman has had a moment while filming. Oh, yeah. That's happened to me the other day.

And you're in a scene and you look over. I was like, I definitely when I'm sucks with that guy right over there. I definitely, totally can really. Well, they're hotter because they're not in there. Because, listen, they've got a beard. Yes. And they're dressed and they're, like, they're tatted. They've got excellent facial hair.

hair, they wear hats really well, and they're ripped. But like just enough ripped that it's like it's because I lift heavy things all day. Yeah, it's not the glamour muscles. It's just like strength. And I think it's something really refreshing of they're so regular that you're like yum. Yeah, that's a good one. I like yum. I like that. I mean, I was looking at this guy the other day. I was filming something like three days ago with Kevin Hart. He was shooting this show and I came in to do something on it and there was a crew guy and I was like that guy is fucking hot

and I was miced and everyone heard me including him and that was my intention I was like I just want you to know I think you're hot you should know you know and they love it they love it too

absolutely yeah I don't know I don't think I could do an actor and the director thing is weird to me too it feels like a dad thing that freaks me out a little bit, you know? Because they think, like, they're, like, over you in some way. They're, like, a little bit smarter than you because they're running things.

I don't do well with that. We're equals cut it out. You know what I mean? Like, so I always think with the directors is like, ew, it feels like a daddy thing. Like, I'm dating this older guy. He could be my same age, but just how they carry themselves. Yeah, yeah. Well, a woman director probably wouldn't act like that.

Amazing. No, I've worked with female. Have you worked with female directors? More, please. I mean, isn't it wonderful? The way they get things done. It's astonishing. I literally just try to take notes and be like,

pass it along to the next male director that I work with because you would think they're reinventing everything. It's baffling. It's amazing how efficacious women are when, like, I just made a, I just posted something on my Instagram the other day talking about how men are, it's just so disappointing. Like, just the most, and it's not all men. We have nice men here.

Sure, sure. Your husband is a nice man. Sure. I don't want everyone to, think that I'm a man hater because everyone thinks that. But it really, the comments that came in on my video about why I'm not dating anyone, the women were like, and it's like every man just needs to read all those comments. Like women are opting out of, you know, not just actor men. We're talking about men as a whole. At least I am. Absolutely. Absolutely. But when you're talking about acting like,

you know, men who take themselves too seriously, like that's gross. That's an ick. But there are so many other problems along with that, you know? Yeah. And anyone who doesn't understand should go read those comments on my Instagram from all the women because women were saying stuff and like I snapshoted some of them and sent them to you. And I was just like, oh my God, we are so unified in how we are all feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like what is it called? Purple Weddings, Rainbow Weddings. Were you like marry your gay best friends? Lavender. Get it. I understand. Do you have a gay best friend? I do. Yeah. We've talked about it. several times.

I'm like, do we, do you want to? We were like, no, let's just be besties. But I can process and understand why people would do it. Some people just want to feel safe. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. Tax breaks. And let's keep in mind, people were doing this for decades all the time.

But now, you know, we love to label things in this day and age. What have people been doing for decades? Like being beers or leverage of marriage. Yeah, like for you, and so happy and like then, you know, have the agreement. To me, I'm like, it's no different from like an open relationship. You just, this is us and then go off and do. And then here I go with someone else. This is us and this is me walking away from us to my other boyfriend.

At some point. And you love it, yeah. Okay, let's talk about your movie, Eternity. Yes. Okay, so this is a great premise for a movie. We like this because how can we talk about it without giving away the plot? We can talk about it, right? because I don't want to give anything away.

Sure. Okay, so the choice is basically, if you had the choice, it's two men, if you had the choice to, how do I describe this? You like choose between, she's choosing between her husband that she had for a couple of years

who she was very in love with and who's very hot. It's a plot point. Both of them are hot. They're both hot. Yeah, please, for the sake of this press tour, please say that both of them are hot. They're both hot.

But one's like hot, hot was every man hot. You know, it's like, one's crew hot. One is hotter. One is hotter. One is Croat. That's funny. Yeah, that's true. But, and then he dies, and she's choosing between him and the husband that she was with for decades that she built a life with. So it's sort of like. So she gets the option.

Yeah. So you're suspending disbelief because this is afterlife. Yes. You get the option to either meet your first husband that died and get back together with him and all the possibilities of what never happened. Right. Or you get to stay with the husband that you have. have now who you do have those memories with and you have created a life. Yeah. It's a valid question. It makes you really think about all of your exes. Like, and if there's anyone you would

ever feel like, I understand someone dying and being ripped out of your life. You would always question that, right? You would always, as a woman, what if, what if he was alive? What if what, what would our life have been like? But it's harder to think about in the framework of a breakup because that's, it's over because it's broken. Yeah. So. Are you the type that like when it's done, like when they're your ex, are they your ex? Or do you, can you like still like chit chat and hang out? I don't typically talk to my exes until about 10 years after our relationship ends. That's right.

And that's usually when we'll resurface and then it's nice. Yeah. Because there's nothing left there. Yeah, exactly. No one cares. No one's angry. I don't think people realize that. I don't want to make a generalization about women, but when we are done, we're done.

It's gone. And I don't think guys realize, I don't think they really get that. And they're confused. Like, I think they say scientifically too, like women process, how women process a breakup and how a man does literally is in reverse order, which is like, makes sense. So what is it? We go through all the big feelings first. Like, we basically go through it in a healthy way. Yeah.

And in order. And we get to that point when then we're like at peace with it. They're in denial. They'll go out, party, you know what I mean, smash other people, whatever, whatever. And right at the point, when we are like, I'm at peace, they're now processing it. And that's when the phone rings. Oh, 100%. Yeah.

It's so weird. Or, like, you know, there's that weird phenomenon. Like, I don't like to say that men are dumb. But I will say one thing that they do have that's fascinating. You realize, like, when something's going on in your life or, like, that next partner you had or that moment where you're like, life is good, they call or text you out of, it's spooky and you're like, what like kinetic thing made, it happens every, and it's a different person. It's not like, oh, that one guy that he's just, no, they'll just send the text and you're like,

jump scare him. Yeah. Yeah. Stay strong. Yeah. That's why you got to block him. Block and I'm strong in a block. I'm strong in a block. I'm strong in a block. Don't play with me. I'm stronger than a block. Yeah. I don't need a block. Yeah. I'm not going to call you. So it doesn't matter.

I don't need a block. Like I trust myself. Now I do. Now, when I was young and a drunk. Like I'd get drunk and call, you know, booty pop people. That was always so humiliating. But I'm so glad that that's not even an option. You know what I mean?

Anymore? I don't have to be worried about how I'm going to act if I have a couple of drinks. I know. Yeah. It's when we're done, we're done. Because in my mind, it's like, at least me, I've flushed out every possible. option and I've tried my hardest to make this work, what are we now doing that?

Now it's like, so then what was all of that for? Do you know what I mean to think we could just be casual again? No. What's your longest relationship? My longest one now, I think is five years. Wow, that's a long time. I know, especially for an actor, right? Yeah. So that's long. Before it was like two years was my mark. Yeah. That I was like, okay. I can't even make it past 10 months. That's usually my mark. At 10 months is usually when I'm like, okay, that's good. Bye. And is it that they end up doing something at that moment?

The I, once I, there's a couple of X and then when I hit like 3X, I can't, I can't look at you. I'm disgusting. It's probably healthier, actually, because you're going through the process quicker as opposed to staying too long. Yeah, and also, it's not a revulsion. I don't want to sound so harsh, but it's, um, there's just, There's no negotiation. It's so final when it's final. Like, it's almost like you can, when you're taking, like, some people say I'm easy,

easy to take advantage of. Like, the people who work for me would say that about me. That I'm always like, sure, take it. I'm like, that person's not out to, you know, for anything bad. And people are like, you're so naive for somebody who comes across is very, you know, in control of my own world. But you can push me, but then there's a stop. So that's what I've learned about myself.

It's the same with men. You know what I mean? You can push me a little, but don't push me a little, but don't push me. too hard. Yeah, and you clock it all the way. Well, I don't know. I think as women, you don't, you know, we realize I think as we get older, you're 39, you're okay with me saying that? Totally. Yeah, yeah.

You should be, right? You're 39. We were just talking about aging and how, you know, coming into, you know, now I trust my gut so much more than I used to. I don't question things. I know what, I'm like, think about it. You know, if I'm on the fence about something, really think about what does your judgment tell you? Because this is

what got you this far. It's one of my favorite things of being a woman. The universe giving us the gift of women's intuition, oh, God, I love it so much. And some women don't know to listen to that intuition. And that breaks my heart. We block it. We're going to deal with that today with our callers, by the way. We're going to take

callers and you're going to give advice, and it's going to be a lot about women's intuition. Because you do, like, what would you say to anyone listening about knowing how to listen to your intuition? I don't know, because to me, it's such a loud voice. And I guess I never thought that in some people,

that voice would be quieter, right? You know what I mean? To me, it's just a, it's what, I don't know, maybe it's, in layman's terms, that Jiminy Cricket, right? That thing that's like, uh-uh, or, yep, go for it, whatever, right? It's not always negative, too. And I think people don't realize that. It's sometimes, it's just that little.

It's like a nudge. Yeah, it's that little you. That's the truest of you. And it's, sometimes it's telling you a piece of it, Like, right? It's not sometimes telling you this is the game plan of exactly how to do everything. We'd be completely different people if that was the case. But it's a nugget, a significant nugget that sometimes, right,

initiates that trigger or that red flag, right? Of like, just clock that, watch that, be observant of that. It can be just that. 100% is women's intuition. And then sometimes it could be a little more witchy, if you will. And it's like, right, before something happens. You're like, hey, uh, I know you said you're going to go on that date with that guy. I don't know, girl.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And then they go, something happens. And you're like, I relayed the information. Uh-huh. I don't know what to tell you. But I do think it's something, it sounds like you are someone who's been in communication with that, still small voice for a long time. I do think that if a woman is just starting to learn to listen to it, especially after having made some mistakes, like the more you.

you listen, the stronger it becomes, and the more you follow it, the more in touch with it you can become. I think for people who don't have that gut, you know, when people, like, that it is a matter of actually sitting with yourself and like literally getting into meditation and literally trying to understand who you are when it's quiet and like sitting with your body, you know? That's a key point, right? So then I think essentially that might be that people are running, running from themselves and making themselves busy. enough. It distractions. That's right. Right. So they don't have that time

to sit with themselves. Well, on that note, we're going to take a break. And we'll be right back. I'm Robert Smith. This is Jacob Goldstein. And we used to host a show called Planet Money. And now we're back making this new podcast called Business History about the best ideas and people and businesses in history. And some of the worst people. Horrible ideas. and destructive companies in the history of business. Having a genius idea without a need for it is nothing.

It's like not having it at all. It's a very simple, elegant lesson. Make something people want. First episode, How Southwest Airlines Use Cheap Seats and Free Whiskey to fight its way into the airline business. The Most Texas Story ever. There's a lot of mavericks in that story. We're going to have Mavericks on the show. We're going to have plenty of robber barons.

So many robber barons. And you know what? They're not all bad. And we'll talk about some of the. classic great moments of famous business geniuses, along with some of the darker moments that often get overlooked, like Thomas Edison and the electric chair. Listen to business history on the IHeart radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. May 24, 1990, a pipe bomb explodes in the front seat of environmental activist Judy Berry's car. I knew it was a bomb the second that it exploded. I felt it ripped through me with just a, a force more powerful and terrible than anything that I could describe. In season two of Rip Current, we ask, who tried to kill Judy Berry and why?

She received death threats before the bombing. She received more threats after the bombing. The man and woman who were heard had planned to lead a summer of militant protest against logging practices in Northern California. They were climbing trees and they were sabotaging logging equipment in the woods. The timber industry, I mean, it was the number one industry. in the area, but more than it was the culture, it was the way of life.

I think that this is a deliberate attempt to sabotage our movement. Episodes of Rip Current Season 2 are available now. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Dr. Lori Santos from the Happiness Lab here. It's the season of giving, which is why my podcast is partnering with Give Directly, a nonprofit that provides people in extreme poverty with the cash they need. This year, we're taking part in the Pods Fight Poverty campaign, and it's not just the Happiness Lab.

Some of my favorite podcasters are also taking part. Think Jay Shetty from On Purpose, Dan Harris from 10% Happier, and Dave Desteno from How God Works, and more. Our goal this year is to raise $1 million, which will help over 700 families in Rwanda living in extreme poverty. Here's how it works. You donate to give directly,

and they put that cash directly into the hands of families in need. Because those families know best what they need, whether it's buying livestock to fertilize their farm, paying school fees, or starting a small business. With that support, families can invest in their future and build lasting change. So join me and your favorite podcasters in the Pods Fight Poverty campaign. Head to give directly.org slash happiness lab to learn more and make a contribution. And if you're a first-time donor, giving multiplier will even match your gift. That's give directly.org slash happiness lab to donate. If one of us wins, we all win.

I'm Ashley Reifeld, and I'm the host of the women's skateboarding podcast. Good luck with that. Good luck with that is a skateboarding podcast that is part cultural record, part news brief, mostly group therapy, and a place to talk about the past, present, and future of women and gender expansive skateboarding. This week, me and my co-host, Nora Vascenzelos, and Alex White, we have Fabiana Delfino on the show, a professional skateboarder from Florida, whose grit was forged in a family of athletes. tune in to hear how she broke into the boys club

what it takes to be pro and why just being grateful you're here shouldn't be the price of entry maybe the industry thinks that we just started skating five years ago because that's when they maybe started paying attention it's a no-fluff conversation about putting in the years stacking clips and receipts and still having to prove your worth while the industry catches up

you break down the door sick now like hold the door for everyone we created good luck with that because we want to share our experience existing in an industry that wasn't always built for everyone So listen to good luck with that on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. For 25 years, I've explored what it means to heal, not just for myself, but alongside others. I'm Mike Delarocha. This is Sacred Lessons, a space for reflection, growth, and collective healing. What do you tell men that are hurting right now?

Everything's going to be okay on the other side, you know, just push through it. And, you know, ironically, the root of the word spirit is breath. Wow. Which is why one of the most revolutionary acts that we can do as peoples just breathe. Next to the wound is their gifts. You can't even find your gifts unless you go through the wound. That's the hard thing. You think, well, I'm going to get my gifts.

I don't want to go through all that. You've got to go through the wounds you're laughing. Listening to other people's near-death experiences, and it's all they say. In conclusion, love is the answer. Listen to Sacred Lessons as part of the My Coutura Podcast Network, available on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And we're back. Didn't even grab from my son of it.

She's like, what? We're back. We're back with Devine Joy Randolph. Not to be confused with Chelsea Joy Handler. There's a lot of... Do you feel... I take my middle name. Very seriously.

As a provider of joy. Do you feel that way about the name Joy? Yeah. Good. I love that. Yeah. And is it actually your middle name? Because some people that have Joy have a two-name first name.

No. It's my middle name. It's your middle name. Only joy, yeah. Yeah. But it sounds so beautiful together. Thank you. I didn't really appreciate my middle name until I turned 40.

The way it sounds with Chelsea is really nice. Yeah. You're right about that. I'm going to just change my name to Chelsea Joy after I marry myself. I don't hate that. That doesn't know like that. I like it. Well, here is a woman who is beginning to learn to listen to her intuition.

Kay says, dear Chelsea, I want to start by saying, thank you for giving me the confidence to find my voice. Your podcast has been the nudge I didn't know I needed to start reclaiming my life and made me realize I'm not crazy for wanting more. At 22, I fell in love with a man 30 years older, who promised me the world. I had dropped out of college. I moved to California and built my life around him. Now, at 31, I've realized this is not my person, and at his ripe age of 61, he's not changing into the man I need or want. Looking back, I can see how much the age gap shaped our relationship.

The power dynamic was never balanced. He always had more control, financially, emotionally, even in how I saw myself, and it's taken me years to recognize that. Over the past few years, I've started quietly rebuilding myself. I got my mental health in order. I started taking happy pills and just landed a full-time. accounting job that I love. I finally feel ready to leave, but our lease isn't up till May. And I want to hold out until then so I can save enough to move out on solid footing.

The hard part is surviving the in-between. He spends part of his time away for work, but when he's here, it's emotionally draining. I have to mentally remind myself to respond when he talks. Our sex life is non-existent. And after a long day at work, he's the last person I want to see. It feels like I'm living with the ghost. of a relationship that in my head I've already left. I guess my question is, how do I protect my peace and stay sane until I can leave? I feel like I'm just trying to play nice to make it to May, which at this point is like seven months away.

You've helped me believe that I can start over and actually be excited about it. P.S. Is it bad to keep the engagement ring and sell it? Okay. Wow, there's so much. There's a lot going on. My favorite, favorite life. I'm going to ask you, girl, are these normal ones you get? Oh, yeah, all the time.

Wow. That isn't one of my favorite lines from a letter ever. I have to remind myself to respond when he talks. She's gone. Welcome to the world. I just, when you're done, you're done. Yeah. But not seven months staying there.

No. She has to get out of there. Why did she say, is it a financial she can't afford? Well, she says she, they're leases up in day. But she's got a new job. But she's got a new job. She wants to save up a little bit. Uh-huh.

I would say get out of there. Where's the, yeah. Yeah. If she has somebody like paying. Or because she's still A friend. Yeah. Find a roommate.

Stay with a friend or find some cheap Airbnb, whatever you could afford. But honestly, the energy suck that you're talking about is going to have, that's seven months. That's not seven weeks. That's going to have a negative impact on your mental health. And they're already there. So I always say don't let money control you. If money's the thing, you'll figure it out.

And if anything, maybe it needs to be a little tough, humbling in those seven months because that's part of the rebuilding. Sometimes when you have hit rock bottom is where you get the most work done. But sometimes we can't always be in cushy, I mean, it doesn't sound all that comfortable. No, right. Do you know what I mean?

Like, yeah, it's nice that you're in whatever this house or places, but like what that house and home represents is not what you want. Yeah. Go somewhere else and begin rebuilding. Yeah, because your mental health is more important than how much this is going to call. But it sounds like she is actually at the point.

where she's ready. Like, if she was like, I'm just starting to think about leaving, that'd be a different story. But she's mentally gone. Like, she's checked out. Yeah, I personally just wouldn't let, waiting for the lease to end to be the thing.

Because also, you could be on a payment plan and say, hey, take me off the lease. I'll pay the rest of the lease, my half of whatever. I don't know, but don't, I would never let money be a reason

to keep me in a bad situation. Yeah. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Like, everything's at least again. How old 30? 30 what? 31.

Yeah. Yes. Good for you for making the decision also. Yeah. I was going to say she is actually quite mature for being 31. Well, she's been with a 60 year old. Exactly. And she shouldn't beat herself up.

Yeah. Because she met him at a young age and she's grown up in that process. So I wouldn't beat herself up, but now she's known what she knows. Yeah. Yep. So keep listening. Keep listening to your. Matter of fact, hold on.

That last line. got the solution for her. Can I curse? Yeah. Sell the fucking engagement ring and get that to get out. What? Yeah. Definitely sell the engagement ring.

Sell the engagement ring so you get a down payment on the apartment. Good. Bees, you're out. Yep. Excellent. We just solved it. Get out. Problem solved.

Look, problem solved. Problem solved. What's next? We're on a roll already. All right. Here we go. So Shariah is going to be joined. us here we can actually put on our what can they see us yes because I have a very expressive

face okay okay great question behave all right so shiraya says hi chelsea I'm 27 now but when I was 23 I got divorced thank God I got over that while I was young I found that I was solely relying on my then husband to provide financially I was working a shitty job and had some college experience but no degree after we split I felt like I woke up and thought, what the fuck am I doing? This is like the after of the question we just read. I promise myself to never be reliant on a man ever again. I've worked extremely hard to be where I am now by completing my bachelor's degree and got a job to help me get situated again. However, I'm now a legal assistant, which I find to be a soul-sucking job. I really only got a degree

because most relatively good paying jobs require a degree in anything. As I'm sitting at my work desk now, I'm typing this and thinking about how I can incorporate my love of being active and outdoors into my career. But it seems almost impossible and I don't even know where to begin or if a job like this exists. Do I continue being miserable at my jobs and then go hard on my time off or somehow incorporate my passion for being outside and not stuck in a corporate office into a career? Thank you, Shariah. Definitely. Hi, Shariah. Hi. Thanks for your letter. This is our special guest today. Dave Vinejoy. Hi, sweetheart. Nice to meet you. Okay. So yeah, you got to get out of that job.

That's not going to fulfill you. I don't know what you're going to do, but you're going to figure it out, right? It's not an option to stay in an unfulfilling job. We're not doing that anymore. Yeah, and then this day and age, like with social media and stuff like that, like just start doing it.

And it may be like, look, if that ends up being your hustle job and that's how you make your money, make sure you do just enough hours to pay the bills. So, like, right, on the realistic side of things, you're taking care of that. but invest your creativity in a thing that you love.

Yeah. Well, I guess, you know, my question is, too, in a world where you can do just about anything or, like, you know, how do you even start to find out what you want to do or what you want to make your career? Well, let me ask you this. Are you currently located in the type of geography that's the type of outdoors you like? Oh, that's a good point. You know, are you a desert person? Yeah. I mean, somewhat. What? Yeah, I guess I'm happy where I'm at. But that's another thing, too, is like, I don't have, I don't have kids. I'm not married. I don't have anything holding me anywhere. So it's like, kind of overwhelming that I have all these things that I can do. So it's just like, where are I even start? Well, first of all, Google outdoor jobs and start making a list of things that seem fucking appealing. Let's start at the very beginning. Like, go on Anthropic. That's the new one I'm using Anthropic instead of chat GPT. Delete chat GPT because those guys are mom.

Okay. Anthropic actually wants to regulate. They care about, they care about AI. They're actually responsible. One of these tech companies that is using really responsible. And it's not as quick as chat GPT, but it's improving all the time and it's, and it's going to get there. So first of all, download Anthropic. Go on there and ask them outdoor jobs. Use AI to figure out how to curate the skill sets you have and your, the experience that you've had in the business world. What kind of degree do you have? Like a business degree? Yeah, business degree, general. Girl, that's good.

Yeah, that's great. That's amazing. Listen, we are, this is all great news. You're not married, you have no children. You're young and you know you're unhappy in your job. We're going to change, you're going to change all that. You have your whole life ahead of you. It's a good thing.

So this is a very exciting time. Yeah. Yeah, I think Devine was right. Like start with you've got your job and start going hard on the weekends. Also, go ahead. See if you could do it remote. Right? Because I feel like since the pandemic,

There's still a lot of remote jobs so that you can still keep that going. And like you were saying, be in a location or at least balance your time so that you check in the hours and do what you've got to do for that one. But that you have more free time and the ability to travel wherever you need to go to tap into that. And I think it's going to be about developing communities too. Yes. So being around other people like minded, that you're going to start to figure out where your niche is. Yeah. And if you're finding that like just spending going hard on the weekends isn't enough, like my brother and his wife, they sort of did that. They got jobs where they could work about four days a week and then they would go, they live in the Pacific Northwest. So they just like go camping every single weekend and see waterfalls and beaches and whatever else. But then that wasn't enough for his wife. And she just went and spent a few years extra in school. And now she's an arborist. And that's her new job. And she took a tree climbing class. That was part of her Work. Like, there are these jobs out there, but as you start exploring, you're going to find out more about them as well. And your business degree is going to come in handy because maybe you're going to start your own business, you know? What are you into outdoors-wise? Like, what are your passions? I mean, like I like to hike. I like to trail run and camp, all those things. I like to ski. And like, if I could be a ski bomb for the rest of my life, I would love to. But they have jobs. Doing anything. But also, you know, I would eventually like to.

maybe buy a house or so then this is the business part of it all so you i need to have a company where you're doing hiking tours or you're aligning what you could do is let's put some luxury on this reach out to like top five star hotels when you said with skiing like hit up the aspen network stuff like that where you can have your own kind of service whether you're giving tour guys or ski tours or whatever but as the business where you get to on their dime experience the things you love, have something where you're teaching them, and then you're staying at these amazing, do you know what I mean, hotels and locations? I think right now it's this day and age of what are you an expert in, expert.

It's just your passion. What are you passionate? And you can literally sell that as a commodity now. And you can do it in amazing and beautiful places. It's like an outdoor adventure guide, you know? Exactly. Like start with that concept. Glamping or something.

And just, and then you're going to like put that. down, you know what I mean? Put that into something, type that into something and see what comes up where all the options are. Like maybe it's a VIP service you offer people, you know, like when I go on vacation and places, I always have like a concierge service. That's right. And then they'll set up my activities, you know, they set up like, and this is all related to business. You know what I mean? Like you can make anything into a business now. But like something like that where you're basically planning people's activities and whether that's outdoor stuff only or whether it's like vacation stuff, or are you focusing on skiing?

Like, do you live in a Mounted Town yet? I have before I lived in Salt Lake City, but I live in Spokane now. That's super outdoors. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah. It's super outdoorsy. I mean, everybody in Seattle in that area loves outdoor stuff.

Yeah. So you're in a good place to do that. So you just need to start networking, A, get a sense of like ideas and just you don't have to figure this out. you know, today, obviously, but you're going to start thinking about it. And when you start thinking about it and putting your energy towards that, more things are going to come your way and you're going to meet more people. And who knows, maybe you're going to meet someone and you're going to start a business with another person.

You know, but I would get very active in like all of the stuff that you like to do. Get active in the groups around that do that. You're actually in the right spot. You can start a hiking group. You can start a hiking community for women, you know, between this age and this age, who are looking for community or for women only or whatever you're interested in. you can start that with like three or four girls of your friends and then expand it and then you know kind of think about which different directions you can take from there but but you're at the

perfect time in your life so take it seriously and don't you cannot be in a job that's unfulfilling and thank you i think just to kind of keep this energy going i'm sure you have a book you can recommend as well but go get yourself a copy of you are a badass by jens chero read i'm talking like a couple pages a day and this is going to help keep you your energy up, keep you thinking of good ideas, and really, like, shift your energy, because I still feel like there's a little, a little hum drumminess, you know, and this is very exciting. She's just called. I mean, yeah, she's going to still have the humdruminess.

Yeah. Let's get you out of that. Give her a minute, Catherine. Okay. I mean, I still do have to go back to work. Yes, yes. And then I have to do that for a little bit. But you can't, no, no, absolutely.

You can balance it, though. But, yeah, and it's going to be infused with this energy now because now you're going to be thinking about how you're going to make your way. Is the remote option a possibility for your job to work remotely? Yeah. Yeah. And I kind of just started. So in a few weeks, months.

Oh, yeah. Lean into that. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's great.

You have this conversation and it's going to ignite more conversations. Yeah. Yeah. So keep us posted. Will you let us know when you make your move and what you do? Absolutely. Okay. Thank you.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Be an outdoor hiking guide. Yeah. Yeah, and I think luxury, VIP, those are, yeah. Well, that's my jam. I'm not hiking nowhere unless.

Is it Aspen Four Seasons? What are we talking about? She can have a real good time. Yeah. I need a guide with me for whatever I do because I can't be trusted to find my way back. You know what I mean? Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with one last caller to wrap up. Okay, we're going to take a quick break.

I'm Robert Smith. This is Jacob Goldstein, and we used to host a show called Planet Money. And now we're back. making this new podcast called Business History about the best ideas and people and businesses in history. And some of the worst people, horrible ideas, and destructive companies in the history of business. Having a genius idea without a need for it is nothing. It's like not having it at all. It's a very simple, elegant lesson. Make something people want. First episode, How Southwest Airlines Use Cheap Seats and Free Whiskey to fight its way into the airline business.

The most Texas story ever. There's a lot of mavericks in that story. We're going to have mavericks on the show. We're going to have plenty of robber barons. So many robber barons. And you know what? They're not all bad. And we'll talk about some of the classic great moments of famous business geniuses,

along with some of the darker moments that often get overlooked. Like Thomas Edison and the Elections Chess. Listen to business history on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. May 24th, 19th. A pipe bomb explodes in the front seat of environmental activist Judy Berry's car. I knew it was a bomb the second that it exploded. I felt it ripped through me with just a force more powerful and terrible than anything that I could describe.

In season two of Rip Current, we ask, who tried to kill Judy Berry? And why? She received death threats before the bombing. She received more threats after the bombing. The man and woman who were heard had planned to lead a summer of militant people. protest against logging practices in Northern California. They were climbing trees, and they were sabotaging logging equipment in the woods. The timber industry, I mean, it was the number one industry in the area, but more than it was

the culture. It was the way of life. I think that this is a deliberate attempt to sabotage our movement. Episodes of Rip Current Season 2 are available now. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Dr. Lori Santos from the Happiness Lab here. It's the season of giving, which is why my podcast is partnering with Give Directly, a nonprofit that provides people in extreme poverty with the cash they need. This year, we're taking part in the Pods Fight Poverty campaign.

And it's not just the Happiness Lab. Some of my favorite podcasters are also taking part. Think Jay Shetty from On Purpose, Dan Harris from 10% Happier, and Dave Desteno from How God Works, and more. Our goal this year is to raise $1 million, which will help over 700 families in Rwanda living in extreme poverty. Here's how it works. You donate to give directly, and they put that cash directly into the hands of families in need. Because those families know best what they need, whether it's buying livestock to fertilize their farm, paying school fees, or starting a small business.

With that support, families can invest in their future and build lasting change. So join me and your favorite podcasters in the Pods Fighters. poverty campaign. Head to give directly.org slash happiness lab to learn more and make a contribution. And if you're a first time donor, giving multiplier will even match your gift. That's give directly.org slash happiness lab to donate. For 25 years, I've explored what it means to heal, not just for myself, but alongside others. I'm Mike Delarocha. This is sacred lessons, a space for reflection, growth, and collective healing. I don't tell men that are hurting right now.

Everything's gonna be okay on the other side, you know, just push through it. And you know, ironically, the root of the word spirit is breath. Wow. Which is why one of the most revolutionary acts that we can do as peoples just breathe. Next to the wound is their gifts.

You can't find your gifts unless you go through the wound. That's the hard thing. You think, well, I'm gonna get my guess, I don't wanna go through all that. You gotta go through the wounds you're laughing. Listening to other people's near-death experiences, And it's all they say. In conclusion, love is the answer.

Listen to Sacred Lessons as part of the My Cultura Podcast Network, available on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. If one of us wins, we all win. I'm Ashley Reifeld, and I'm the host of the women's skateboarding podcast. Good luck with that. Good luck with that is a skateboarding podcast that is part cultural record, part news brief, mostly group therapy,

and a place to talk about the past, present, and future. of women and gender expansive skateboarding. This week, me and my co-host, Nora Vascenzelos and Alex White, we have Fabiana del Fino on the show, a professional skateboarder from Florida, whose grit was forged in a family of athletes. Tune in to hear how she broke into the boys' club, what it takes to be pro, and why just being grateful

you're here shouldn't be the price of entry. Maybe the industry thinks that we just started skating five years ago, because that's when they maybe started paying attention. It's a no-fluff conversation about putting in the years, stacking clips and receipts and still having to prove your worth while the industry catches up. You break down the door, sick now like hold the door for everyone. We created good luck with that because we want to share our experience of existing in the industry that wasn't always built for everyone.

So listen to good luck with that on iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And we're back. We're back. Quickest break in town. I can't speak either now. Quickest break in town. Quickest break. Christopher wrote in, his subject line is he shut down and canceled our trip.

So Christopher says, dear Chelsea, I've been with my boyfriend for about three months. Things moved quickly between us, but we both felt it had real long-term potential. We had a few bumps. He's very type A, and I'm much more easygoing, but we've always managed to talk things through. Recently, we took a short practice trip before we planned a two-week vacation in Europe. During a sunset cruise, he got upset with me over something small and completely shut down, to the point where he acted like I didn't exist. It was really painful, and we eventually moved past it.

Fast forward to now. I planned almost the entire Europe trip, making sure it was romantic and thoughtful. A few days before we were supposed to leave, I mentioned I was playing tennis after work with a coworker. When I got home, he refused to speak with me. And after a day of silence, he told me my location didn't show at the tennis courts, even though it did. He wouldn't hear me out. He shut down again, and ultimately decided not to go on the trip. I'm heartbroken and confused

I care deeply about him but I don't know how to move forward with someone who doesn't trust me and can't communicate like an adult what should I do, Christopher and I think Christopher you just got back from the trip by yourself, right?

Yes, I went to Amsterdam I changed the whole trip and did a solo trip to Amsterdam. Oh, honey, that's ridiculous. Did you get any action on that trip to Amsterdam? He can't say that publicly. Okay, okay.

So a little update, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. A little update on that is, so I went and I shut my location off because I didn't tell him that I was going to Amsterdam. Uh-huh. And I-smart, because he's really into the locations. And I may have downloaded Grindr. So, yeah.

Okay, so have you broken up with this boyfriend yet? We are on break. We are supposed to talk this weekend about next steps. but I'm kind of hearing from my friends as well that I should run and they always wanted to tell me that. Oh, they said they always... How long has it been?

How long? Three months. Three months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is around that time. Together three months, but like seeing each other about five to six kind of dating and then dating.

Just get away from him. Get away from him. He's got a lot of work to do. You can't be with someone who can't communicate and that shuts down like that. He needs to go to therapy. and until he goes to therapy, you have nothing to do with him.

Period. Yeah. Sorry. Listen, it's not three years. Be happy. It's only been three months. I'm going to say that. You got the sign quickly.

And it's hard. But they showed you, and it doesn't mean that people can't change, but you saw what you need to see early. So at this point, right, you can stay in it if you want to, but you know what you're signing up for. Do you know what I mean?

So it's kind of like... Grindrinder is what you're signing. up for basically. Yeah, I think it's on me, too. I think what I need to work on is I become kind of a you-hauler. A lot. And I really you-hulled this one to where I'm like, was ready to move in. But then I realized, what if I move in and he kicks me out because I was late home?

Yeah, he's unpredictable. You don't know what's going to happen. And the silent treatment is like toxic bordering on. abuse. It's called withholding. It's really bad. When you give someone the silent treatment, that's withholding and it's abusive. Because, yeah, and it's also so immature,

like it is so un-evolved and so not worth your time. It's disrespectful to you as a person to think that that's okay. And I guess to me, too, is kind of a sign of them just wanting to hurt you and not wanting to work it out because it's like, we have all day, like, let's talk it out. They're choosing

to really lock into that pattern, but they just seem I think you would just be literally be on pens and needles around this person the entire time. Yeah, and then the location off, like, I actually would like to hear this conversation that you have next with him because

you know that he was tracking you while you were gone and you turned your location off. I'm surprised he's even talking to you. Right, and that upset the fact that you turned the location off. Yeah, I think what hurt me the most of was everything was like perfect. Like, as in a day before tennis, we were going on this trip but I honestly did play tennis and I think for me it's like I started to get in my head

of like of course because you care I did play tennis like I didn't lie and I think that's what really got in my head of me and me starting to gravel and be like please like let's fix this but like I didn't do anything wrong exactly because you want that's a natural reaction you really care about this person you may be even in love or love this person and you wanted it to work, but at the same time, it also should reveal to you, like you were saying, the amount of work that this person needs, because it seems as if, to put it politely, they can very easily get triggered and set off on things that aren't even there, right? Yeah.

That's not about, like, his fear of that, you. That's past up. You're experiencing stuff and hurt, which is legit, right? That you had nothing to do with before you even came into the picture that's coming up for them and they don't know how to process or deal with it. It's not to say that they're a bad person at the very least they need the time to

work it out and maybe, but you know what else sucks? Can I just say this? Sometimes the most fun exciting swept up be the craziest ones. Do you know what I mean? I'm like I sometimes in past relationships

would get over time I was starting to pick up on these kind of I'm saying as to say you're not the first one to experience this so don't feel like you're alone in all of this and sometimes it's not for everyone but those fast and furious heavy you also get fast and furious bullshit too you know what I mean like there's two sides of that coin with that kind of personality and so it seems like you're also seeing not to say it wasn't real and what you guys felt is is what you felt but sometimes I don't know sometimes love is a little bit more boring and a little bit more it's not always high voltage

and it's sometimes because those people are like a little more higher strong and you're going to also get those highs of the bad highs too i don't know if that makes sense i absolutely i totally make sense i think but you know you always have to look at these moments as with gratitude like thank you for showing me who you are thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for not wasting my time don't it's not a struggle you don't have to make it this big struggle and like i don't No, is it, what do I do? You know what to do. That's a bad sign. He has work to do. If he wants to do work and come back, great. You can talk to him in a few months after he's had some therapy. But this is not how you're going to go through life. So that's the end of that story.

You got the message, loud and clear, right? Problem solved. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's definitely solved because I was also about to, I was going to propose to. Oh, no. No, no. No. I had a raid. No. Propose. No. Propose. No. Propose. No. I'm so glad you called it today. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is really funny. He didn't know.

It was no one really knew besides one friend. Oh, God, this is a gift. You're a secret safe for that. 100% it was a gift. It was a big, big, big, big, big gift. That's the universe stepping in to tell you wrong decision. And also, you have a big, beautiful heart. There is someone out there that's going to be down for all of that

and will reciprocate the same exact thing back to you. And this relationship. relationship and the relationships in the past will all make sense when you meet that person. I promise you that without even knowing you. So continue to be your beautiful, full heart itself and the right person will be

able to handle all of that and give it all back in spades. Yeah. And I think I'm going to need to take my time. I don't need to rush. I think you've said that too. There's a lot of men out there. You're going to be fine. Don't worry about it. All right, Christopher.

Godspeed. Godspeed. Thanks for calling in. Yeah. Thanks. Well, that was really good advice. You know what? I like the intensity with which you are paying attention to these questions. I appreciate.

Oh, this is serious. I appreciate your attention to this matter. Absolutely. You really, really work. My soul left my body when that man said he was going to propose. I got so scared. We didn't even get into only murders in the building, Devine. That's okay, but thank you for watching everyone.

I love that you got that you asked for him to do a scene with Merrill Street. because she... Oh, yeah, you got to ask for certain things. That's right. There's no way that they're going to be in this building. I'm like, oh, no, it's okay. So you can catch DeVine. She's a new movie.

It's eternity. It's out in theaters now. You can catch her on only murders in the building. And it's such a joy to sit down with you. It's such a joy joy. Yay. Triple joy day. It's a triple joy day.

Thank you for being with us here on your wedding day. Thank you. of the week is efficacious adjective having the power to produce a desired effect efficacious used in a sentence everyone knows that women are more efficacious at problem solving and multitasking than men efficacious I just announced all my tour dates it's called the high and mighty tour. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the high and mighty tour. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear

Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler.com. I know he has a reputation, but it's going to catch up to him. Gabe Ortiz is a cop. His brother Larry, a mystery Gabe didn't want to solve until it was too late. He was the head of this gang. You're going to push that line for the cause? Took us under his wing and showed us the game, as they call it.

When Larry's killed, Gabe must untangle the dangerous past, one that could destroy everything he thought he knew. the Brothers Ortiz on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I knew it was a bomb the second that it exploded. I felt it ripped through me. In season two of RipCurrent, we ask, who tried to kill Judy Berry? And why? They were climbing trees, and they were sabotaging logging equipment in the woods. She received death threats before the bombing. She received more threats after the bombing. I think that this is a deliberate attempt to sabotage our movement.

Episodes of Rip Current Season 2 are available now. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Dr. Laurie Santos from the Happiness Lab here. It's the season of giving. And this year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is partnering with Give Directly, a nonprofit that provides people in extreme poverty with the cash they need as part of the Pods Fight Poverty campaign. Our goal this year is to raise $1 million, which will bring over 700 families and

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If one of us wins, we all win. I'm Ashley Rayfeld, the host of the podcast. Good luck with that. Good luck with that is a skateboarding podcast about the past, present, and future of women and gender expansive skateboarding. In our show, we'll talk with skaters like Bobby Delphino on pushing style, culture, and the conversation forward. You break down the door, sick now like hold the door for everyone.

I believe in that solely. So listen to good luck with that on iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. What are the cycles fathers passed down that sons are left to heal? What if being a man wasn't about holding it all together, but learning how to let go? This is a space where men speak truth and find the power to heal and transform. I'm Mike Delo Rocha. Welcome to Sacred Lessons.

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