Dear Chelsea - Related feat. Roy Handler

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon are joined by Chelsea’s brother Roy to talk about siblings, karaoke bars and unconventional relationships. An older sister wonders if she has to choose between her love life and caring for a special-needs sibling. A brother and sister think about spilling the tea on their cheating parents. And a small town girl considers sleeping with her best friend’s brother… again. The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and

conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I do have some very exciting news that I will be playing the Santa Barbara Bowl, everybody. Didn't I say that like a radio announcer? I think I just did. I will be at the Santa Barbara Bowl, August 21st, and pre-sale tickets go on sale today from 10 a.m. I said that like a radio host too. 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. And the pre-sale code is Chelsea SB for Santa Barbara. Chelsea SB for Santa Barbara. So get your tickets to that. And then if you can't do that, come to the Mirage on July 11th. Santa Barbara Bowl, August 21st. And then there's a San Diego date somewhere in there. Humphreys. You know where you usually get your podcasts slash tickets? LiveNation.com, ChelseaHandler.com, Ticketmaster, any of those places. So I will see you all this summer. Okay, well, welcome to our show today. I'm very excited about today's

topic of conversation because our theme today is siblings and we have one of my brothers calling in, which I cannot wait for you to hear. I'm very excited for that. Yes. I love sibling dynamics. You have siblings as well. I have three sisters. And yes, I come from a family of six. And there's always one that's a big hot mess. Well, or it could be your parents, right? One out of all of them. And then sometimes some families have multiple hot messes. I heard an interesting theory the other day. My sister was telling me about there is scientific data to show that when you have two children of the same sex, the third child, your body biologically wants to produce one of the opposite sex. So that's why the third is always a tomboy if she has two older brothers or if it's a younger boy, why he may be more feminine than his brothers, because your body theoretically is preparing for the opposite sex. And I said, are there studies on that? And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah. Like it's in the zeitgeist. Well, my family on my dad's side,

all of the men had one son followed by two daughters, all of the siblings, same pattern. Isn't that strange? Like what sort of biology is that? Well, yeah, it does make sense that your body would try to prepare like, you know, a lot of people have three boys and then they go for another one, you know, and then they get the girl or some people have three. They're waiting for the girl and they're pissed. I remember my friend was so pissed when she found out she was having a baby boy. And I was like, oh, my God, that is so terrible. And then, of course, you have them and you love them and you can't even imagine it being any other child, boy, girl, you know, whatever. My sister, she had three boys and she was so desperate for a girl.

And luckily she got it on the fourth try. But then there was another family right in town. That woman has had, I think it's 10 or 11 children always trying for a girl. All boys. Oh, that is so icky. 10 or 11 births. Ouch. I know. They have to drive a passenger van just to put things into a very clear picture for you. What it looks like to put her stomach in there. That's where the passenger van has to go. She's probably spent more time pregnant than she has not spent pregnant. Without a doubt. Yeah, that's so much. It's so unfair what women have to go through. It really is.

I can't wait until we can figure out a way for men to have babies. You know, let them do it all. Let them take that over. The closest thing I could come to talking about or relating to children is, you know, obviously my own experience with parenting, which bernie's tammy and chunk and gary wherever he may be in case people don't know gary was a dog that you had for a short period of time it was a bernie's mountain dog that you really wanted and then you got and did he run away he was my only non-rescue dog and yeah supposedly he ran away but that is hard to believe. But also believable.

I don't know what happened, what happened really. And I won't ever buy a dog again, first of all, because we just did not mesh. You know, rescue dogs, there's a purpose in it. It feels so purposeful. You know, you can't just love a breed. Well, you can, but I don't want to just love a breed so much and get that breed only. Then that's favoritism. And I want my children all to feel equally but i have to tell you that burt is my favorite because of his body i try to give

bernice the attention you know to make up for the attention i give burt but she's just not as receptive and it's just not the same she's an independent woman and she knows that he's the favorite and she has an attitude and i get it i like, I think, better than girl dogs because the two girl dogs I've had have been very distant. Tammy. Tammy and Bernice both had very similar personalities, and that may be because they were part chow, or they are. See, and I don't like a boy dog. I mean, I love any animal, but I do not like to see— Well, Bert doesn't like you. I know, and I'm the one who went and rescued him, so I don't know how that happened. He was so excited that day. Ben Bruno and I rescued him originally. Well, Bert doesn't like you. I know, and I'm the one who went and rescued him. So I don't know how that happened.

He was so excited that day. Ben Bruno and I rescued him originally. Yes, that's true. The OG rescue was Ben Bruno and me. So technically, Ben Bruno is their father. No wonder he hates Ben Bruno. Yeah, right, exactly. Bert doesn't really like men.

I don't know where he gets that from. Well, and speaking of sibling dynamics, that is Bert and Bernice. They are brother-sister. They are from the same amniotic sack, everybody. They came from the same litter. Bert and Bernice. Yes. And those were their birth names, just so you know. I didn't even name them that. That was just good fortune on my end. So when he rounded the, I'll never forget the day that Bert rounded the corner and I saw his ass before I saw his face because it was bigger and it was it was like an elephant coming towards me slowly that was furry and I couldn't believe it I was like holy fuck this is my day all right well we have a lot to get into in regards to siblings so why don't we take a quick break we'll come back I love using Burt and Bernice as a

jumping off point for siblings well they, they are the dynamic duo. We'll be back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you

and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really, No Really.

Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our first submission comes from Hallie. Hi, Chelsea. My name is Hallie, and I live in Boise, Idaho. I've been a fan for such a long time. And I know you have a really good relationship with your siblings. So I was wondering, how do you keep that relationship with them so strong? Because my relationship with my siblings

is not the greatest. Well, I would just say, listen, I know sibling dynamics can be very, very challenging and difficult and complicated because there's a lot of like injury that nobody even knows about like people aren't even addressing it so you're like holding grudges from a million different things that happened in your childhood and I would just say to exercise a good communication with them like just keep in touch even if you're not necessarily getting what you want back in that relationship just keep the dialogue going because people ebb and flow and go through things where even if you're not necessarily getting what you want back in that relationship, just keep the dialogue going because people ebb and flow and go through things where they'll need your support or you'll need theirs. And because that line of communication is already open, you'll be able to lean on each other in those times, which will bring you closer.

And, you know, you can just be consistent in your communication. And that usually will help cultivate a better, stronger relationship, you know, as long as you're constantly communicating. So and think of being the bigger person and being like, you know, I'm just going to put myself out there and let them know this line of communication is open. What do you think? I think that I was going to say the exact same thing, consistent communication. And the thing I found with my siblings is finding ways that they prefer to communicate so my one sister she likes to FaceTime my other sister is much more of a texter my other sister prefers a call like right when she gets to work in the morning so again like kind of finding the tempo and ways to communicate based on preference or where you know that you'll be

able to have an in-depth conversation and taking the time to really ask you know thoughtful questions not questions, not just how's your day going? You know, like, how are the kids? What are they doing? What are they learning in school? Shit I don't really care about per se, but that she does care about because, you know, when they have kids, that's where all of their energy is going. So, yeah, I think you just have to make consistent communication a priority. Yeah, I think that's pretty obvious. So there you go. Problem solved, Hallie. The next one we do have on the line, her name is Andrea. She's from Ontario. She's in her 30s, and she writes, Dear Chelsea, this is literally the biggest decision of my life. My sister, who has Down syndrome, was visiting me at the end of February 2020. So just for context, remember beginning of the pandemic. So February 2020, because we had a grant to make

a little film about her. Then everything blew up and the week trip has surpassed a year. Our mom passed away from brain cancer eight years ago. And Adele, my sister, moved into her own apartment and a group home. But due to the pandemic, all of her programs in Ontario have been canceled. I kept her with me and enrolled her in Whistler Adaptive, and now she doesn't want to leave. Every day I ask myself, how can I live with this little lady for the rest of my life, but also how can I not live with her for the rest of my life? I like to move freely through the world, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how I'm supposed to do that. I know family is very important to you. What do you think, Andrea? Hi, Andrea. Hello. That sounds like, yeah, that is a big life decision. Totally. So what's the status? Like, if you can have your sister, what's

her name? Adele. If you can have Adele live with you, is there a way for you to continue to have some help with that? Yeah, for sure. Like I have a big community. We're from Ontario, though. So our whole like my entire extended family is in Ontario. And then here it's just the two of us. And with the program that she's in, are they able to help in any way for like vacation care or if you wanted to get out and go do something? I imagine it's kind of all day, every day, but for the times you wanted to get out and go do something, what is the restriction on your life with her being there with you? That part's okay. Like she's, she's pretty high functioning. Like I can leave her.

And two days ago I left her for 12 hours. Like as long as she has food, she's good. I guess it's just like, honestly, the originally the biggest issue I had was I was really scared. Kind of feel emotional saying it. Like I was scared I was going to die.

And, and I'd be the only thing she has out here. And right now in Ontario, she's like in the system, she's really well cared for. And I just felt scared of taking on that responsibility, like for the rest of my life. Yeah, no, it is emotional. But I think did I hear you when you said Ontario cut all her programs right yeah like right now this is the best place for her right in the sense that like she lives in her own apartment in a group home but because of COVID she's not going to the adult learning center she's not engaging with people she wouldn't have been able to see any family members or the only window in the last 13 months she would have been able to see family members was for like a month last summer. And they weren't even allowed to like hug. So like, like right now I'm good. I'm just thinking long-term what to do. Cause it's like, she's my best friend, you know? And I look at her and like, my heart explodes like every day. We just,

my brother and I bought her a trampoline for her birthday and gave it to her early. And I've never seen anybody like when she's on it, she sounds like a giggling dolphin. Like she's just can't control herself, but then she's just shaking her hands and like, just can't contain herself. And she's funny. And she's like a little boss. I'm just, I was thinking about it like two nights ago, thinking about you and it honestly it's like death I'm like I'm scared that I might die and I'm scared she might die because we both watched that with my mom and my mom was like her big caregiver do you feel like you are able to incorporate her in your life though where you still have a life because this is I think a common issue my partner's going through like his mom's going through this with having to move his

grandma in because she has dementia. And the biggest thing is, are you still able to live your life without giving yours up for someone else's? I think now, like, we found our rhythm, for sure. In the beginning, it was so hard anyways because COVID was so scary and unknown. And now it's been 13 months. We've, like, got our flow. And, yeah. And can I ask are you partner do you have husband and wife happily divorced okay well that's good I'm glad you got that out of the way yeah it's best you have you the rest of

your life to live alone which is really where you're gonna try I have a question though so isn't it something that you can take on like you know like a six-month by six-month basis If the programs are closed in Ontario. Oh, so you're talking about just extricating her from Ontario for good and not even going back to that program ever when it reopens? Yeah. Oh, I see. Okay.

Because right now her life is preserved, right? Like her apartments, they're all the programs like she's in the system. Everything's good. Everyone's happy. She's here with me. But it's, you know, when the pandemic ends. And I think about it every day. Yeah, right. And what is the downside of when the pandemic ends and their and her programs are back in place and she's got it all dialed in in Ontario with your extended family? What's the downside of having her go back there and you visiting her

regularly? She doesn't want to go back. She wants to live with me. Yeah. And she's, she is thriving and she's happy and she definitely gives more to my life than she takes. But it's just also, I guess just being divorced, like it's like, this is the biggest commitment there is because it is forever. Like I wouldn't be able to just take her on. And then six months later, put her through all that trauma and stuff. And then I also she talks about how she wants to be in BC all the time. And I heard her telling someone that we're going to go back to Ontario soon and pack up all her stuff and then bring her back. And, you know, and I'm like, like, and I don't talk about it ever, because I don't want her to have false hope or not. But yeah, well, it sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship with your sister.

And like, I totally get it. I would do it because I would be like, how could I not do it? You know, I get what you're saying about that. So it does sound like though that she adds so much to your life and you love her so much. I mean, think about what you were just describing, like watching her on the trampoline like that is joy and like the meaning of life, right? That is it to see somebody in that kind of space and to get to experience that on the regular. I think it adds to your life more than it takes away. Yeah, I guess I have a fear of commitment. You know, right. I get that. I have that too. I understand. Just remember, everything has been magnified in the last year, like everything feels a bit more intense because

of what we're going through collectively. So you've said that you've kind of found your footing and in your routine with her. And I think that's only going to get easier the longer that she's there and that you'll just find more ways to incorporate and have your own space mentally and physically for yourself where she is not a burden, where she is incorporated. And you said yourself, like she adds so much. I think that will only continue. I do. And part of me is like, am I just completely selfish? And if I wasn't where I live, like if I was in another country, a different culture, it wouldn't even be a question, you know, like she would just live with me. But it's also okay to have those thoughts and feelings and want to figure that out because you're a person and you're entitled to feel that

way. Those are emotions. Like you can't help the fact that you're having feelings or thoughts. Yes, everyone has a desire to be selfish. I mean, that's not something you can beat yourself up for. You're at least being honest about it, which is a lot healthier than being in denial. The worst thing you could do for Adele would be not thinking about yourself and just leaning in and doing it because...

Oh, that's a good one, Brandon. That is good. Because it's true. Because then months later, you build resentment. You really should have taken more time to think about it. So the fact that you're doing this now before making the commitment is just going to set you both up for success. And I think her being there and vocalizing to you, like, I don't want to leave, that's definitely something to take into consideration, but then having to think for her where is going to be the best place for you long term. Like that's also that is sadly your burden and responsibility. That may not be the result she wants, but ultimately, you know, because you're operating in her best interest, that maybe Ontario is the best place for her. And again, it would be a hard conversation, but you're going through all that right now. So it's going to take a little time for you to really

hone in on what that looks like for you both. Yes. When do you want to make a decision by? I don't know. Like I was going to bring her back last fall and then everything, then I was like, Oh, nothing's really changed. So I feel like I'm, you know, I've taken her on to take care of her for this time. So I have to commit to that. I also feel like right now, like I can't really go anywhere. So it works really well. And that's the thing, like maybe when the restrictions go, I don't know if it looks like she goes back for a few months to see how we both actually really feel and then kind of come back, have a healthy break. That sounds like a very reasonable option.

And is that a conversation you could have with her and that she would understand and accept? I've been trying to just position it to her that she does live in Ontario. And I would never say this is a trial for you going back. Usually she fights me on it. And then a few days later, she'll walk around my house and she'll be like, oh, I need this pencil when I go back to Ontario. So she does get it. And she's... Yeah. I think that would be the best option would be to obviously take a little space break. And then I bet you, you'd really miss her. Yeah.

I look at her like my heart explodes and I miss her like in that second knowing, you know? Yeah. And it's, it is that pure joy, but it's also like, just like that unconditional love. And like, I wish I could have as much compassionate for myself as I do for her. Well, it seems like you have your decision made. It's just going to take you some time to reconcile it because seemingly she's not going anywhere. And even if she does, she'll be back. So I think it's just going to take a little time for you to accept that this is your new life circumstance.

And that's OK. Yeah. Yeah. There is a really incredible bond between sisters, though. So I, you know, I know what you're talking about. OK. really incredible bond between sisters though. So I, you know, I know what you're talking about. Okay. But then part of me is like, will I ever date again? Or will we just be two middle-aged women living together for the rest of our lives? A question that comes up with me and my sister quite frequently as well. So that's the common theme among sisters. I'm going to tell her the

same thing. I'm going to tell her the same thing I tell you. No, you're not going to be alone forever. And it'll speak volumes of whatever person you end up with that knows like this is part of my life. And this is like a part of my life that I love. And a reason why they're going to be drawn to you in the first place, you know, because you've taken this on and then you're creating a whole this great non-traditional family, you know, like that's fun and modern and cool and compassionate. And what Adele will bring to that person's life. Like this is all part of it. It's the mix of like personalities and love and affection that you'll have with whatever person you end up with next, who will see that in her. And like, I want that in my life as well. Like, look what she can bring to me.

Yeah. I wouldn't worry about that. Yeah. Okay. She's funny though. She's like a bit manipulative. Like, she's like, you can't date anyone. She's like, you're with me. How old is Adele? Adele's 38. And a lot of her, she's like an eight-year-old. A lot of her, she's like a 60-year-old. That sounds like me.

Yeah. Yeah. She's amazing for sure. And she's hilarious. Send us a picture of the two of you together, will you? I'd like to see. I'll send video of on the trampoline. Yeah. Oh yeah. Send us a video of the tramp of you together, will you? I'd like to see. I'll send a video on the trampoline. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Send us a video on the trampoline. We'd love that. And let us know what you end up doing, please. Okay. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you, Andrea.

Nice to speak to you, Andrea. You too. That was probably the most serious. Yeah, but very rational. I know. So cute. I mean, it's definitely a complicated situation to be in i don't know what i would do in that circumstance but it seemed like she knew before she even called what she wanted to do yeah like i remember saying when my father was in a nursing

home on the east coast i say to my brothers and, why don't we just move him out to LA? Like I can get him 24 hour care here. Or, you know, we have my bell. And they were like, no, you can't take that on. Like you think you can take that on, but you just can't. And they saved me from myself. But that was a different situation because that's my father and I have no patience and I'm not nearly as, you know, loving and sweet as this woman is. So when you're talking to somebody who, you know, has an eight-year-old brain and they're like, I want to be with you. I live with you now. I live with you now. Not giving into that is really respectful. Like not just appeasing them because they're just in a moment and they love you and they're a little kid and you want to make them happy. So she's already

very adult-like, you know, because she's made it clear, no, you live in Ontario, you live in Ontario. But I think that they should be together. I think that they will be. I'll be curious to see what happens over the next few months. I really do hope that she checks in. I mean, I guess if these people check back in will be a big reflection on the podcast, Brandon. I think I think a lot of people really just need a perspective that is not part of their bubble, their group, because you just get so overwhelmed by what's going on. Like think about about her friends who are, you know, having this conversation daily. It's really hard to give an honest opinion. Good point. And we don't know them. So it's very easy for us to tell them things that they may not like. But I shaved my legs this morning outside on the deck.

Did you shave your face too? No, I haven't shaved my face in a while. Actually, I should probably do that. But on the patio or whatever that area is, and I cut myself bleeding. And then my pants got blood on them, and they're white. Do you dry shave? Well, I was because the light was so great that I just thought, you know what I should get? A razor right now. That seems tricky. Yeah, it was.

It turned out to be a little bit of a bloodbath this morning. Luckily, Felix came in first thing. Oh, did he? Yes. Felix is the groundskeeper at the house. Well, don't say groundskeeper. That sounds very white privilege. Well, how would you describe him? I thought he was the dog walker, Brandon.

Solely the dog walker? Well, no. I mean, I know he does other things. How should we frame this for people? I describe him as Bernice's boyfriend. He is the best. Felix? Yeah. Yeah. He's much better than Oscar, who was the last guy that did this job.

Oscar... No, there was the other one. Oh, yeah. Let's not even mention his name. He quit. Do you remember why? What was it? He didn't like that a gay guy was giving him direction.

Oh, right. Yeah, you say that a lot. Yeah. You run into that a lot, right? Gay guys. Straight men not respecting... Yeah, they don't like it. Straight men, I found, really do not like it if I have to work with them and give them direction on something.

Very butch men don't give a shit who they get direction from. There's like an inherent insecurity, and they don't like that. And what about women, straight women? They love it. No, they don't give a shit. There's no ego in anything a straight woman does. Like if you give them direction, it's like, hey, we need to do it this way. They're just like, okay.

It's so easy to communicate with a woman. Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. It's why men, there are signs everywhere. Wear a mask. Cover your fucking nose. Or wear a whistle. And they can't do it.

Yeah. I mean, we spent an entire pandemic with signs everywhere saying wear a mask and they wouldn't fucking do it. If I ever see another man with a mask underneath their nose, I mean, I'm just going to lose it. I am. I can't not say anything. I mean, I know it's kind of like over now, but if I see it again, I'm going to get as mad as I did before. It's like poking a hole in your condom before you put it on. Like it serves

no purpose. It's also just the most unflattering way to look at someone is to see them without a mouth, like to see nose up. Yeah. No, no, no, no. That doesn't isn't. It is like looking at a dick pic. Most people don't have the face for that. They don No, no, no, no. That doesn't, isn't, it is like looking at a dick pic. Most people don't have the face for that. They don't have the face structure to carry half of it. You have to ask yourself, do you have the nose up face?

Although it is an adjustment to see people's whole faces, I am very glad we are transitioning out of this phase and I hope it is permanent. I think I'm just going to keep my mask on, but I agree. I mean, it's nice to have the

option to take it off. I once slept in a mask, accidentally woke up with it. Obviously I was intoxicated, but I think I was so disgusted by the person that I was with who said he didn't think masks worked that I kept it on for extra coverage that night. Yeah, you're like, I'm going to make sure I'm protected after being around you. I told you about the guy I went off on at the gym, right? I was walking down the stairs and gyms finally reopened here. So I was really excited and went in for one of my first workouts and I was walking down the stairs and this guy was on the elliptical. I mean, he was barely moving, had his mask totally off, not even under his chin. And so I beeline it for him. And I was like, hey, hey, put on your fucking mask. And the people are all looking. And he goes, what's going on? I go, are you new to the-

What's going on? I don't know, a pandemic where 550,000 people are dead. I go, are you new to the fucking planet? I go, because it doesn't matter where you came from. You know what's going on here. Like, put on your mask. I go, do you see this woman over here sprinting uphill on the treadmill?

She has her mask completely on. You're barely fucking glistening. Like, what are you doing? You're not exerting yourself, buddy. You have athletic-induced asthma from wrestling in sixth grade yeah put on your fucking mask yeah and then take a puff of your inhaler and get over yourself well wait remember that happened in new york city when we were filming my special we were coming around the corner we took a pilates class in the morning two guys outside fedex workers and they weren't wearing masks and i was like hey guys why aren't

you wearing masks and they're like we're outside and like, yeah, but you're two feet away from each other. Like that's what's happening. We're all spreading it. Two feet away from other people walking on the sidewalk. Right. And then some guy came up on a bike and he's like, you shut up. What do you call me? Bitch. Bitch. And I was wearing my mask. So there's no way he even knew who I was. And I was like, as if that would be a little bit more understandable and I was like what I mean when somebody provokes me like that I can't not engage like I want to be like you will not get the last word which is so stupid but it's so ridiculous that they want to validate their behavior or become aggressive and that's oh yeah so I was a

little in front of you and I didn't realize what was happening and as soon as as the guy pulled up on his bike and called you a bitch, like I stepped up because I'm like, you don't know what people are going to do. Right. And he goes, all you need is some fucking vitamin C. You just got to take vitamin C and then that's all you need. There's no such thing as COVID. And I was like, oh, OK, well, now we're dealing with like, you know, a troglodyte. Right.

A New York troglodyte. It's just so unbelievable. Okay, well, should we take another caller? I mean, I guess, unless we want to go on about those guys. The next submission comes from Jessica. She's in her 20s. We do not know where she is. Oh, it's a mystery.

It's like Mystery Alaska. Remember that movie, Mystery Alaska? Carmen Sandiego, where in the world is she? We don't know. She writes, dear Chelsea, I recently got really drunk and hooked up with my best friend's brother. Tale as old as time, Jessica. I told my best friend I wouldn't hook up with his brother because he's notorious for banging lots of women. Well, that should have been your signal right there.

We all hung out and had a great time. In the community we live in, it's really small, so it could cause problems in the long run. I've had a huge crush on his brother for eight months, and I held out for this long, and then I just fucked it all up because of whiskey and White Claw. Also, tale as old as time. But now it's done,

and he expressed that he really enjoyed it, and he hasn't been acting weird at all. So the question is, do I bang him again? Yes or no? Hi, Jessica. Hi, Chelsea. Jessica, I can tell just by the looks of you that you're a have sex with him again also i can already tell look at how happy you are yeah you're every fun

girlfriend i had in college i'm not in college anymore i'm past that but i think i got worse after i graduated so yeah but whatever who gives shit? You get worse in what way? That you like sex? Who cares? That's what we're here for. That's what we're here for. That's what this age is for, is to have fun and go explore and find out who you're into and for how long.

Yeah, the problem is that I make the wrong choices in who I want to have sex with, and then I get myself into trouble because of it, as you can see. Yeah, but it sounds like you like trouble then because you knew that he doesn't want you to sleep with him. Does your friend know that you slept with his brother, by the way? He does. He does. And he wasn't very happy about it. And he's assuming that I'm not going to do it again. Oh, he assumes wrong. Has he met you? Unfortunately, when you say that, well, don't say't say that i mean i've met you and i can tell you're gonna do it again so i mean i don't know what without a doubt i mean there's not there's no question in my mind she's gonna fuck him probably tonight okay you say that you get into like trouble with your decisions what is it that becomes problematic do you get involved emotionally and these guys are just pieces of shit or what? No, no. I just, I choose the most dramatic situations to be in. So there's

more to the story than just the email that I sent you guys. Well, can we get the CliffsNotes? CliffsNotes. CliffsNotes. There's some developments. So I live in a very, very small town. So that's one of the problems. And this boy who I hooked up with, his ex-girlfriend happens to be my laser hair removal technician. And she's batshit crazy. Okay, well, don't go back to her. Yeah, or you'll lose more than you wanted. I'm not. I'm terrified. Does she know? How many sessions have you done of the laser hair removal? Like five. That's plenty. You she know? How many sessions have you done of the laser hair removal? Like five. That's plenty. You don't need to do any more. I mean, honestly, I just wrap on that.

I mean, I just go back for a touch up to someone else, obviously. The other thing is, I understand what you mean about being drawn to drama. I used to be like, how old are you? I'm 27. 27. That's an age to be kind of a fuck up. Sorry to say it, but that's like we're attracted to at that age, because we're not fully an adult yet. You're really not an adult until you're in your 30s. But you shouldn't beat yourself up. Like I understand about making bad decisions. You don't want to piss your friends off. You don't want to piss your family off or you don't want to do anything that's so unforgivable. So it's important to like check your behavior. But at the same time, like, I'm sorry, but your 20s are for mistakes in bed, you know, and like, it's kind of like a coming of age really integral part of your life.

Yeah. And as a woman, you shouldn't have to be validated by anyone else for your decisions. Like if you want to fuck someone, you do it. As long as you're not harming yourself or them physically or emotionally. You shouldn't have to answer to anyone about that. First of all, it's very personal. So even your friend, he should have no voice in this. His opinion, again, unless it's harming him physically or severely emotionally, you should be able to every time I want to like, like I said, I'm not like the type of person who's a homewrecker. I'm not going to do anything awful like that. Just I feel like every time I go out and I find somebody that I'm like, I want to do it with you. It's you. I'm attracted to you. Somebody has something to say about it. And I don't know why. I don't know why. It's always just like, no, like you're going ruin everything you're am i only supposed to bang like complete strangers like i'm not allowed to do it within like the friend group because it's such a small community there are no strangers for me to go find like everybody knows everybody so are you can i ask a question yeah as someone from a small town do you make it dramatic afterwards because i know that sometimes that can happen i don't you go into it with like zero expectations and that you just want to fuck and that's fine. But then you get wrapped up in the drama yourself. Yeah, sometimes

exactly. Like if you're prone to a lot of drama, it's usually because you like drama. I don't. I swear. I think that the people that I surround myself with do. Maybe I feed off of that. Brandon, should she have sex with him again? Yeah, fuck him again. If he can keep his mouth shut, if he's respectful of you enough to where you want to keep this very casual and noncommittal and he respects that and will not tell anyone, then you guys should have a good time. You're 27 years old. Like this. It shouldn't be such an issue. Everybody shouldn't be weighing in.

Who cares about his ex-girlfriend who's a wax esthetician? Like she has nothing to do with your life at all. I mean, they're not together, right? No, I'm just worried if she were to find out. But all your worry is what if, what if, what if, what if your friends are all worried about what if, what if nothing's happening. So stop fucking worrying. You're going to make something happen and you're going to you're engaging the drama. You have to be like, hey, guys, I'm an adult. I'm 27 years old. If I want to have a little fun, I want to have a little fun. The other thing is, if it's your friend's brother and your friend's really sensitive, then you have to have a more adult conversation with your friend and be like, hey, like, I don't want to ruin our friendship. But like, that was a lot of fun. Like, what's the problem? Can I have a casual relationship with your brother? Or is he worried that it will get serious and you'll get your heart broken right no you're right i should have that conversation with him well also because he he's made like

moves on my friends i'm like why can you do it to mine but i can't do it to yours exactly great because men want control over everything they're the fucking worst do not give in and don't answer to anyone you shouldn't even be answering to us in this scenario. You need to go fuck this guy. You need to get off the phone. I need an outside perspective. That's why I was saying. You're not doing anything wrong. I think, listen, if you're in a small town,

the drama probably is a lot bigger than what it is. You know what I mean? It seems a lot bigger than what it actually is. And so I would go with that and tell everybody just that you're not a little girl. You're going to do what you want to do. And everyone can weigh in when you ask for their opinion. That's true.

That's very true. I hope that it happens organically if it does and that it stays where it should be. Well, good luck to you and to the city that you live in. Thank you. Maybe I should just move. That was going to be my next suggestion. When you're done with there, move. When you've gone through all those guys. When you're done with their move. When you've gone through all those guys.

When you're done their move, yeah. When you've gone through enough guys in that town, fucking leave it and just go to a bigger city where you'll have options galore. Perfect. Hopefully by that time I'll still have the skin on my body after this woman lasers everything off. Well, yeah. You're not going back there, so don't worry. You'd rather deal with some extra hair on your beaver

than going back there. All right. Bye, Jessica. Bye, Jessica. Good luck to you. Have fun. Bye. Thank you so much.

Bye. Jessica's one of those girls that is just fun to be around. And it's such an exploratory age. It's also like everyone takes themselves way too seriously. Way too seriously.

And that's the only thing. I think that's advice to listen to from like a really early age is to not take yourself so seriously. Because that is the biggest hurdle between people and their fucking egos and the way that they're perceived and the way that they're coming across and the way that they're presenting themselves is ego. It's all about this like sick cycle. So it's like step one, don't take yourself too seriously. Okay. You go to the bathroom too. I'm sure you've stained some underwear. Okay. Well, this is a golden opportunity for us to get my brother Roy on the phone. So we're going to call Roy and he doesn't know what's happening because, you know, what's the point of explaining it?

I can't wait to see him. To reiterate, he's not asking for advice, but this is going to be unsolicited advice. We'll give it to him. Yes. Thank you. Hi, Roy boy. How are you guys doing? Hi, Roy.

Roy, your camera screen is so clean. Is it? I'm sorry. Can you wipe it with something? It's like very opaque where you are. Actually, I would love for that filter to be on us because he looks just very smooth. Okay. So I'm at Shauna's house.

I can go upstairs and do the wipe it down if you need me to wipe it down. But my internet went out. So that's why I'm over here. Okay. Well, does she have a computer cloth? Maybe I'd like to see you a little bit more crisply. Okay. Okay.

Great. I'll give you some background. Okay. Set this up. Roy is a hot mess of our family. He's kind of like, you know, the baby of the family, even though he's the oldest. So we sent him on sabbatical a couple of years ago to get his life sorted out. He went to live on an island in Palau.

My sister got him a job. Somebody she went to law school with owns a resort. So he's a chef and he went to Palau. He lived here for a few years and kind of with you with me. And it was, you know, it turned it got pretty hectic, you know, irresponsibility, having girls at the house who were asking for pictures in my kitchen at 7, this little island off the coast of Indonesia and Singapore, maybe. And he has been living there for the last I have no sense of time. So it could have been four years. It could have been three years. It could have been six months. We'll find out when he gets back. Anyway, he came home. He's done with that job. He's over it. He came back to live in New Jersey. He lives across the street from my sister Shauna and he got a job, but he's got a wife now who's in the Philippines that he supports. And she has two children. Roy. Hold on one sec. Let me wipe your face. Hold on.

I heard everything you said. Okay. Perfect. Roy doesn't want advice from his family members, right? Is that correct, Roy? I wouldn't say that. I mean, advice is good,

but you just got to take everything with a grain of salt. Some people know what they're talking about. Some people have no, no, did you shave half of your mustache today? No. Why? One half looks shaved and one side doesn't,

but that's the least of your worries. Do you see what I'm talking about? I think it's just the shadow on his face. Okay, it's probably just the reflection. Anyway, great job cleaning it up. We still can't see you. Roy, can you give Brandon the rundown? You left for Palau when? I left for Palau in 2015 after I left LA.

Okay. Simone got me the job in Palau. She has a friend who she went to school with in Emory and they own a restaurant in Palau. So they asked me to go there for three weeks and I went there for four or five years. And got married. I did not get married. We are not married yet. Oh, okay. Well, that's good to know. I thought you were married. No, we have to get married because I'm not allowed into the Philippines with the virus thing.

Unless I was, if I was married, I'd be able to get in, but I'm not married. So I'm not able to get in. Okay, so you're thinking about getting married just to get in because of COVID? Yeah, because that's a big mistake. Now I can't see her.

I haven't seen her in 18 months, so. And the last time he didn't see her for a period of time, right? She had a baby with someone else, right? That's correct. Yeah. But that was before we started going out. Okay. So explain the dynamic with you and your wife. Are you engaged? I was in Palau. I was working in Palau. There's not much to do in Palau. So we go to karaoke bars a lot. So there's waitresses who entertain the customers in the karaoke bars. And I met her and I went in there almost... Roy, I'm going to interject with some questions as you set this up. When you say

entertain, do you mean like entertain or sing at karaoke? They sing, they do a lot of stuff. They do, you know, favors and stuff like that. But I'm still not super clear, but keep going. I told you this was a tricky case. It depends on the girl. She was a sweet girl and I liked her. And I walked into the bar the first time I met her. She was sitting down behind the bar. There was no customers in the bar. And I sat down, I ordered a drink and she had her head down and she was just behind the bar there was no customers in the bar and I sat down I ordered a drink and she was she had her head down and she was just behind the bar in a chair and she didn't say anything to me and for like 10 minutes and I'm sitting there I'm like so I grabbed a piece of popcorn and I threw it at her head and then she looked up and she looked up and she smelled

at me and that was that was it that was the start of your relationship. That was the fire that lit the candle. I met her at the karaoke bar. We went out for a couple times. And then she wanted me to be boyfriend and girlfriend with her. And I'm like, if you're working here, I can't be boyfriend and girlfriend with you. Because I don't like you going out with other guys. Right. We didn't know what she was going to get up to.

Right. And she said, okay, that's it. No more. No more for you. And she went out with another guy and she got pregnant. And then she went back to the Philippines. So we didn't talk for like six months. And then six months later, I called her to see what's up. And she had a baby and she was in six months.

She's an easy make of it. How did she have a baby pinos are very ripe they're very they're so they only have six months pregnancies okay well we don't believe in birth control okay and the other guy was just to clarify the other guy was a customer was a karaoke bar yeah yeah okay so he was a customer? At the karaoke bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so he was a customer at the karaoke bar that she had a baby with, and that you're now the father to, correct? That's correct. I am the stepfather of two of them, yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, but you're not the stepfather, Roy, because you're not married. That's true, but I am the step, what you call it, whatever it is. You're a father figure. Step boyfriend. You're the acting paternal figure in their life. Yes. Okay.

So are you formally engaged to this woman? No, I'm not formally engaged. Nothing with Roy is formal. Okay. Well, let's get to know, but people need to know that. Yeah. So Roy told me this story, obviously, over the summer. We got to see each other.

And I thought, you know what? Good for you. He told me how he met her, the karaoke bar story. And, you know, years ago, I would have really laid into him and been like, what are you thinking? But I want him to be happy. And he makes her happy. So who gives a shit what the fuck she does? And I'm sick of judging women for doing stuff anyway.

Well, that's all we want. So we're laughing, but you're happy. I am very happy. Yeah. I wish she could be here, you know, or I could be in the Philippines instead of this long distance stuff. That leads me to my next question. What is the plan? Would she move here? How serious is this? If she's still gallivanting alone through the Philippines with her two kids, does she have... Well, don't say gallivanting. Brandon, what are you talking about?

Brandon, that's very... You're now being judgy. No, I'm... Gallivanting isn't... No, I'm- Galavanting is like- No, no, no, that's judgment. She's in the Philippines. First of all, when I was in Palau, I built a house. Well, I didn't build it, but her father built a house in the Philippines. A simple, small house.

It was 20,000 bucks. And they live in a house now with their parents and their sisters and all that. So there's like nine people in the house. So she's not, she takes care of the two kids. She's very loyal. She's a sweet girl. She reminds me a lot of mom. Like she's super, super, super sweet, does everything. She doesn't go out. She doesn't go out drinking or anything like that. You know, she does when I go there just to have fun.

But when I'm not there, she doesn't do that. She's very spirited. So could she move to the U.S.? Could you guys form a real life together? Yeah, she can move, but we have to get her visa thing done, which is working, but it's not ready yet. She's only been to Palau. So she's only allowed to go to like three countries, and one of them is Palau. And I think she's allowed to go to Japan and Vietnam,

but she's not allowed to come to the U.S. And so how does it work when, if you were to meet someone, would you have to marry her there to bring her back? How would the marriage work in terms of getting her here? You met her off to marry here, and then we can work it out in the Philippines. And once you get married, that's it. There's no divorce in the Philippines. Well, that's not going to work out. More recognizable if you get a U.S. marriage

rather than. Can she not come to the U.S. with the kids? Just to get married? No, and stay. She can come like an F like Glenn's, like Olga did on an F30. Whatever. I don't know. H1N1. I'm not sure. I think that's the bird flu, actually. Olga did that. So but that was years ago. So it's changed. Yeah. I bet you would be easier to bring her over here, marry her in the States, and then she becomes a U.S. citizen by way of marriage. I think I can get a three month thing where she's here for 90 days and get married and then it'll work. Yeah, and then so she would come over with the kids? No, she would come over by herself.

Get married, then go back? Right. Uh-huh. Okay, well, normally I would step in and do all this stuff for him, but I have a hands-off approach now to my family. Let them figure it out, and if they need me, they'll ask, right?

Personally, I hope that it works. I hope that she's able to come over. I hope that you guys can start a life together. Because what you're doing now is no life. Like there's no... What are you talking about? I have a life. Well, Roy, you have a life,

but you want a life with your wife and your kids. And what the long distance and 18-month intervals. I mean, that's no way to build a relationship. And no matter how long you're together, I mean, relationships are constant work. And so we laugh about it. Well, all we want in life is for people that we love to be happy. Yeah.

I want my brother to be happy and she makes him happy. So we have to figure out, Roy, you have to put all your efforts towards getting her over here with the visa and getting that shit sorted out. Yeah. No, but yeah, yeah. This is a person who didn't have health insurance. Now he does. Well, yeah, but not because of himself.

So if he has to take the initiative, you know, instead of me taking the initiative. Is Shauna there with you, Roy? Shauna? No, Mike is here. We're going to share vodka soon. Oh, that's fun. Do you and your fiance, what's her name again? Mariz.

M-A-R-I-Z. Mariz. Do you guys have phone sex? We do not have phone sex. We joke about it, but we don't. We don't. There's no penetration. Thanks for clarifying that, Roy.

There wouldn't be, right? Because it's phone sex. No. Well, right. So I don't even know what he's talking about. But anyway, I mean, I guess what is the moral of this story? I wanted you to weigh in for him so that it was an outside family member. Listen, I honestly think that as long as Roy's happy, healthy, and he has health insurance,

so check those two boxes, that she's happy and healthy and that there's consistent communication about moving forward. Like, that's the one thing I wouldn't want either of you to get too comfortable in the dynamic that you're currently in to where nothing changes. Right. Because again, that's not a real relationship in terms of the process of building a life together. So as long as there's movement on getting her here or getting you there, I think you keep doing it.

Right. The thing is with the COVID, everything, everything slowed down. So I'm not even allowed into the Philippines. Only Filipinos are allowed into the Philippines. So it's tough to get in and out. But I think you should focus, Roy, on bringing her to America because anyone can travel into America. You can get her here. So focus your energy on getting the visa that's appropriate for that for her. OK, well, that was anticlimactic. And I. Well, it's still in process. So you're going to need to keep us posted, Roy. I would like actual updates on what's going on. OK. What is the

name of the podcast, by the way? It's called Dear Chelsea, where people call in and ask advice questions to Brandon and me. And we're a couples counseling team. So if you need any help with Maurice when she gets to town, you know who to call. Are you guys special in couples counseling? Well, we're the couple, but we also specialize in other couples. So it doesn't really matter. You could be single or a couple or a threesome or a throuple. And we're here. We handle all dynamics. Well, congratulations. Well, congratulations to you, Roy.

It looks like you got yourself a bride, and it's going to happen any day now. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Well, I can't wait to make a toast at your wedding. I'd like to go to that wedding. Yeah, we will. Don't worry. Okay, love you. Bye, Roy. Love you, too.

Bye, Brandon. Nice meeting you. You as well. Peace out. I love every one of your family members because they all bring something to the table like something here's the thing though you dealt with Roy's health insurance so you know what I'm dealing with with him getting a visa for his potential wife is it gonna happen I mean I don't want to say that because I want to believe in my brother but I just know his habits but it will speak so highly of Roy if it does get done because

it means like that was something worth I would be attracted to Roy if he could get that done. Well, you don't have many other male prospects right now, so maybe you can get with your brother. I'll get him to break up with his fiance so I can date him. That sounds like a Lifetime original movie. Oh, you know who has a great podcast about Lifetime original movies? Who? Sarah Colonna. Is it about Lifetime original movies? Yeah, only about Lifetime. She and her friend. It's really funny. Well, I'd like to pitch you a project right now then because I would love Is it about Lifetime Original Movies? lived in a small 10 million dollar mansion he built a gymnastics studio no one in town does gymnastics small town of 1300 people and was he gay when could have been who knows so turns out the state found out what he was doing he went to a meeting where they basically said like hey we've backtracked all the logs we know what's going on he went home he hid a safe told his son's

girlfriend that if anything happened to them like you know she needed to find the safe and killed his entire family that night burnt the house down with everyone in it oh my god that that sounds like a lifetime original movie totally totally it was a horror story can put me in contact with someone well that's a real our lifetime movies based on real a lot of them are my favorite is they don't seem like they are well my favorite lifetime original movie is this one called she's too young and it's about this girl who everyone in high school is having sex and she gets syphilis. And her mom is Marsha Gay Harden, who I fucking have a love-hate relationship with. Sometimes she's on screen and I'm like, oh, my God, like you're like the modern day Stalker Channing.

And then other times I'm like, please. Where is Stalker Channing? She's another fucking awesome person. I love. Where is she? Gays love Stalker Channing? She's another fucking awesome person. I love. Where is she? Gays love Stalker Channing. Oh, yeah. And Sally Field.

Yeah. Yeah. And Frances McDormand. Stalker Channing reminds me a little bit of Frances McDormand. I'm not sure why. Probably because of that no bullshit attitude. It's hot. I just love her.

It's hot when people have confidence, right? You know Stalker Channing was a good fucking time back in the day. Oh, yeah. Like, can you imagine her and Jane Fonda? Yeah. They would have. Yeah. I'm glad that they are still alive because if they did hang out, I don't know how they made it out of that.

That would have been a lot of quaaludes. Right. But if they survived that period of time, that's why I'm still alive for surviving my period of time. Totally. Which can you imagine if I had been alive during the 60s or the 70s? No. 70s?

I mean. They gave you permission to behave badly. Yeah, right. Thank you, ladies. Oh, man. Roy has a lot to digest after that Zoom. I think he got more than he intended. Well, yeah.

He gets, yes, that's true. But he enjoys it, and he's always a good sport about it. I love my brother, Roy. Yeah, he really took that in stride. Yeah, and I also, you know, like, I do want him to just be happy. So, you know, who's anyone to tell anyone who to be with? It's like we are the last generation. Well, I am, sweetheart. I'm the last generation of anyone that will ever have to learn to accept other people's choices. I know, but in terms of transgender and gay and bisexual and binary and non-binary and

learning all these things. No one will ever have to learn this again. I mean, but it is a learning process for a prolonged amount of time. So you will make mistakes. You will have to readdress it. And it's, again, you have to give people kind of the leeway and ability to make a mistake and still move forward. So who knows who you'll end up with?

I keep telling you, and I will stand by this. I would like you to be a late life lesbian. Well, that's your desire, Brandon. Oh, I know. All right. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll come back to that. And our last submission is really going to thrill you. Oh, thrill me. Thrill you. We'll see about that. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

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I know how much you love an affair and that type of interaction. Oh, yeah. I love it. Assessment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like to hear about these types of things. Our last submission is about an affair. Okay. They write, Dear Chelsea, I'm 21 years old, living at home for the next two years to finish

my degree. Over quarantine, I found out that my dad is having an affair. I was preparing to tell my mom when my sister told me that my mom was also cheating on my dad with our neighbor who is also married right on so there are a lot of cheating spouses in this scenario okay wow this is like desperate housewives this is like days of our fucking lives like sand through the hourglass this is exciting stuff okay we were planning on telling our mom about the affair but decided against it after her cheating was discovered my sister is older and has since moved out but i'm finding myself feeling overwhelmed he lies every day that he works

late but i know he's at his mistress's house i know that because i broke into his phone to share his location with me as far as i know my mom's affair is over now but it has been on and off for 10 years there are a lot of complexities here my father's affair has been going on for years too i had a seemingly normal and healthy family before i found out about everything and it makes me sad that i can't completely open up to my mom my dad is trash for other reasons but my mom is an amazing person and mother i'm planning to live with them for the next two years should i just avoid my dad and stick it out or is living here not worth the trauma oh this is i I have some thoughts on this. What are your thoughts? Well, why don't you take it? Why don't you go first?

Well, I just, first of all, I think that relationships and marriages are much more complex than we are prepared to understand from a young age. So you have this idea and this archetype of what your family life should look like, what your parents, how they should interact with each other and the outside world. But a lot of times our expectations are not going to be met because of these complexities. Like maybe they have an agreement in place. You don't know the interworkings of your parents' marriage. So I think you need to give both of them a little bit more compassion in this because you don't know why they're still together. Like if there's still love there, I think that there are a lot of elements to any affair. There are extenuating circumstances on both sides, I would say. What do you think? Well, I would give your parents a

little bit more wiggle room. You just said like you judge, you have such hatred, you're so angry, you're so angry. Like why? You don't know what their arrangement is. You don't know what they've been through together. You don't know the nuances between their relationship. They might just be hiding it from you and not each other. But I do think it's an opportunity if you really care about the well-being and health of your family, like to sit down and actually have an open conversation with both of them all together, like a family meeting. Like you and your sister have all the information you need to know that you're living in a dysfunctional house or it could feel dysfunctional. It might not be, but it sounds like it is dysfunctional and confronting both of your parents and like, why not do that? You know, that's a good way to participate in this because yeah, if you stay there and you don't address the situation head on, I think you're going to get very, very angry and very resentful. And then that's just going to cause more and more drama. I think you could also, though, potentially just start investing some energy and time into your parents separately to kind of figure out where they're at

in life. You know, if your parents are both happy separately, how they're feeling in these situations. I think as you get older, you have to remove yourself from that parent-child relationship. And if you're really curious about something like this, you know, have in-depth conversations, maybe present it to your parents as if you're going through something similar, see what their take is on it, that you're dating someone, or I don't know, you know, what you really have going on, but that you're dating someone and they wanted to cheat on their spouse or their partner with you. And I think that there are ways to kind of get answers before addressing it with them to get a sense of kind of where they're at. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely don't think you can just stay there and not say anything.

And I think you have to look at saying something as an investment into your like family's future. You know, this could be a huge turning point for all of you guys. Or they could get divorced and decide that they are not, you know, that they were staying together for the children. And now that both of you guys know, it's no longer a healthy relationship, which is also a healthy decision. You know, if they were staying together for you, like to let them know, hey guys,

we both know that you're both having sex with other people. So, you know, like the party's over. Well, not party's over, but like- Pressure's off maybe? Just like the illusion is gone. We're not under some illusion that you're in a happy marriage. So why are you together?

And what are we doing as a family? I think that's totally reasonable and actually really responsible. And I would be really proud of myself if I had done something like that with my family. I mean, my parents weren't having sex with other people, but well, maybe they were. Who knows? Who knows? Exactly. I hope they were.

Well, I hope my mother was anyway, because if she had to have sex only with my father, that would be sad. Well, I hope my mother was anyway, because if she had to have sex only with my father, that would be sad. Well, let us know what's going on. Please give us an update on if you do have a conversation with them, if you find anything else out. I mean, this is pretty fucking juicy. So I don't want to lose track of the story. Yeah, I know. This is probably one of the juiciest stories we've had so far. So please keep in touch. I would also like to encourage our listeners who have affair problems or are aware of affairs that are happening or in an affair or having relationship problems with their partner, like you can call in together. You can write in together. If you want to receive our counseling as a couple, I'm very good at that too. And I think you think you probably are good at that too, right?

I could be. I've not tested it out yet, but I like the thought of it. Yeah. I've done some couples counseling indirectly, But like, you know, if you have a friendship that's in trauma or you have a relationship that, you know, is in trouble and you can get someone to agree to do it with you, we won't show your face unless you're comfortable with that. We don't have to do that. It can just be a phone call. It could be a private Zoom. But just so you know, we're open to that. I think that's where I thrive, sweetheart. I think that is where you thrive too, actually.

Well, that's a wrap on this. I don't know that there was a better way to go out. Wow. Okay. Well, shitsky doodle on that one. Bye. Brandon? If you want any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you can write in to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com.

DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. And just for all the listeners who are listening to this episode today, just take some solace in the fact that Roy will not be giving you the advice. I will, and Brandon will. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and

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