Dear Chelsea - Season Break Nugget 2: Not If You’re Gonna Hit On Me

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

We’re on a quick hiatus before Season 2, premiering Oct 7, but that doesn’t mean the show stops!  This week in our bonus nugget episode, Chelsea reveals the object of her now-official affection (hint: it’s Jo Koy) and shares all about finding love where she least expected it. And we hear updates from some of the first season’s callers, including one caring for a special needs sibling, a big breakup that ended well, and an ex-codependent on his own Eat Pray Love journey.  *****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. Oh, hi. Welcome to us. It's Catherine and me. Hi, Catherine.

Hi, everybody. Hi. This is one of our little mini episodes before we come back for season two. I wanted to check in with all of our listeners and make sure you know that we are not leaving you hanging, that we are here. Catherine is our producer and she is going to be my de facto co-host, right? You are going to keep my shit together so that I get everything in order. Keep it moving. Yeah. And Catherine's pretty much in charge of this podcast. So it's basically like having a nanny at work, right? I hope I'm a nice nanny. You are. You are. So yeah, you guys, I'm really excited because I'm in love. I'm in love with

somebody that I've known for like 18 years. He used to be on my show, my old show, Chelsea Lately. His name is Joe Coy. And he was like my little brother. So I just really never thought that I would let that happen or would be interested in that happening. And I hadn't seen him for a really long time. But he used to be on my show all the time. And we always had a great bond. But it was never anything more than a friendship. And then I think about a year and a half ago, he reached out to me because he wanted a blurb for his book that was coming out called Mixed Plate and I'll never forget he texted me and said hey can we talk on the phone and I wrote not if you're going to hit on me and he wrote god Chelsea what's wrong with you and

then I was like okay you can call me but he facetimed me and so I don't like I didn't like facetime now I like facetime because he's forced FaceTime on me, but we kind of reconnected. And then I went to Whistler and then he called me almost every day when I was in Whistler FaceTime me, which means I rarely answer, but he just kept FaceTiming me and FaceTiming me and FaceTiming me. And, you know, no one could come to Canada because of COVID and all the borders were closed and I got in by the skin of my teeth. So I just never really thought about it. And then when I came home, we started hanging out and everyone kept saying to me, like, when are you and Joe Coy going to get together? I'm like, it's never going to happen. Like, it's not like that. It's not like that. And then one day it was

one day he walked in, I was performing in Vegas and he came to my show and he walked into the Mirage into the hotel room and my sister and a bunch of my friends were there and I just thought oh like this is okay okay now this is gonna happen like I was just a total I just saw him in a different way and I I definitely think therapy made me look at him through a different lens even though it took me a year to see he was never going to make a move on me because he really valued our friendship. So I basically had to get to the point where he tried to convince me it was my idea, even though I know it was his idea all along.

He wanted me to believe that I've had a crush on him for 18 years when really the truth is that he's had a crush on me. But whatever, we're not going to, you know, parse words. We'll have him on the podcast at the beginning of season two so we can both tell our versions of the story. But it's basically like Harry met Sally, but he's Sally and I'm Harry. And I have to say, I would never, ever shout from the rooftops about a dating situation unless I felt completely different than I've ever felt before. And I have to say that all of my work, like therapy, internal work, and trying to like, you know, self-awareness, meditation, all of those things really contributed to me being able to be in a healthy relationship with somebody who just is so healthy. I said to him the other day that I found cellulite on my arm.

He goes, you know how hot that is? I love cellulite. And I'm like, you make me want to do anal. Like those times, if men could just talk to women like that, then everything would be fine in the world. If men could just tell women that every shortcoming, every self-conscious thing that they have, every insecurity, if they just sat there and I mean,

he calls me every morning all the time. He's just everything he says is right. And I want to write a handbook. Well, I'm going to write a book called The Filipino Inside Me or no, The Filipino In Me. Well, I haven't decided on the title, but don't steal it. And it's going to be a handbook for men and men how they need to treat women. Like everywhere I walk, he just follows behind me and picks up everything I put down my purse, my sunglasses, my lip balm, my phone. He just follows me around and picks it up. Never lets me hold anything. Never lets me do anything for myself. I mean, it's just like exceeded any dream I've ever had about how any man could ever be. And I, you know, now I'm, I'm So I'm with him. And, and he has sleep apnea. So he basically

looks like an octopus every night when he goes to sleep. He hooks up this machine, this plastic bubble that wraps around his nose and over his mouth. And then it's a strap behind his head. And it's a box and a cord that he can. It's like basically living with somebody from Jurassic Park every night. And I'm I'm OK with it. I mean, I'm OK with sleeping with somebody who has a loud hippopotamus in the room. That is love. That is love. So I'm in love and I plan on staying this way, you know, for forever, really, with him.

And I just wanted to share that with you guys and the audience, because I know a lot of women out there, you know, think, oh, God, and I really was ready to just assume that I would be by myself for the rest of my life because of the way that I feel about, you know, not all men, but certain types of men are really discouraging. And they make you feel like, oh, God, I'm never going to be with anybody smart enough or cool enough or kind enough. And I just thought, oh, I'll be alone. I'll be fine. I've got money. I've got friends. I've got my family. Like, what do I really need? Do I need all of that? So for that to come along into my life means that there's a plan for everybody and everybody's going to get what they're supposed to get. And it makes me believe that everyone's

going to be fine now. Yeah. And like you had a full life, but it's like the cherry on top. Oh, my God. The best cherry on the top. I mean, he is just the best. Funny. Tells me to shut the fuck up. I love that. He's like, hey, Chelsea, why don't you shut the fuck up now? I love that. So hot. I mean, that's not really in style right now, but it is for me. Well, our first update from a caller today comes from Andrea. She was from the episode, If You're Asking the Question, You Have the Answer. Her sister has Down syndrome, and she was wondering if she should continue to have her

sister live with her. Yeah, yeah. I remember her. Yeah. So she said, After the show aired, I was able to listen a few times and thought your advice was bang on. A few days afterward, I kind of broke down in overwhelm and tears as the realities and responsibilities are big. But I've been feeling a lot better since, so that's good. I've been messaging a guy for 16 months and obviously talked to him about my life dilemma, and he said something really nice about needing an understanding partner. I also remembered that I had told my ex-husband I wanted Adele to live with us, and he had said no, hence I think why he's the ex-husband. So that might be something I need to let go of.

For now, Adele's still with me, and we're going to make her a YouTube channel to share her cooking and dance moves. I think her going back for the winter is the best course of action, so I can just be out in the mountains without having to make sure I'm home on time every night. Andrea. talked about, right? Like any man worth their salt that's going to come into your life is also going to love your sister. So that can't be your impetus for however you decide to move forward with the future. So I understand she's going back and maybe it is too big of a responsibility for you. But to put a man that you haven't met before your sister doesn't make any sense either. And I'm glad you re-listened to the podcast and keep us updated. And I like the guy that you've been talking to for 16 months, but like, when is that party going to get started? Let's go, right? 16 months. I mean,

something more needs to happen. Yeah. Right. Okay. So like in person. Yeah. And 16 months messaging. I mean, I would have lost that. I would have lost steam for that about two weeks in. So our next update comes from Andrea, who wanted help breaking up with her boyfriend. I took Chelsea and Brandon's advice and broke up with him. Oh, God, that sounds so terrible. It was hard, and at the beginning, he took it very well. It's been rocky ever since. He wanted to keep talking as friends, but I found it hard to differentiate the before and after, so I told him I needed distance. I loved what you said about his feelings not being my responsibility,

and I try to remind myself of that whenever I feel bad for him. Knowing that someone who I was extremely close to is no longer close with me, it's sometimes hard to process. Otherwise, I feel great. I love being single and everything that comes with it. Andrea. Oh, I love that update. And also, you know, about someone else's feelings not being a responsibility. Feeling bad for somebody is totally normal. That doesn't mean that you get back together with them. All you have to think about is if somebody got back together with you because they felt sorry for you. Would you ever want somebody to date you out of pity? No. So that's your answer on that front, too. And it's nice that you feel sorry for him, but he's going to be fine. Everybody survives breakups. They happen all the time. So I'm proud

of you. That's exciting. Our last update for today comes from William, who was dealing with codependency issues and he had gotten divorced. And then when he went on another date, he found himself like immediately thinking this was his person every single time. He was a teacher, he was in a band, and he had written about these dates that got him ghosted after he read too much into the connection. He says, I found Chelsea and Brandon's advice to be absolutely spot on. The most controversial advice, when I told other friends about it, was the one-text rule. Remember, he had said, well, I only text people a couple of times if I haven't heard back from them, and you said, no, no, no, you get to only text them one time, and then it's done.

I've implemented it and have had positive results. No one gets scared off anymore, and I shake loose those that aren't interested. What was controversial was when I told my female friends about this rule, they said, what? That's terrible. I want someone texting me all the time so I know they're interested. Both of my friends, like me, suffer from codependency issues. I admire Chelsea's ability to separate sex from emotions. It's a characteristic I had prior to my marriage, but haven't been able to separate since my divorce. I often confuse these passionate interchanges with something deeper, much like the

date I originally wrote about. So I started realizing that I need to love myself first, take some time to myself, which was what you recommended. So I started doing some soul searching. I planned out vacations and took them on my own. I took a few with my son and family. I went camping. I went to Vegas. I did everything to reaffirm my identity. I ate well. I loved being with my family. And next, I'm going to do the pray portion. I'm going to a Buddhist monastery for six days. I'm hoping this will open me up to a spiritual definition of who I am. I'm already starting to feel like I'm ready to date again, and I feel more affirmed of who I am. So much so that I applied to the

master's program for education. I'm slowly starting to dip my toe in the dating pool one text at a time. Thanks, William. Oh my God. I know. Yeah, I remember William was a bit of a hot mess because here's the thing. Yes, when you're into somebody and the relationship has developed, then the constant texting is fine because you're both on the same page. But when you're starting the relationship, it can't be uneven like that. You have to like have a little bit, I don't want to say gamesmanship,

but there has to be a little bit of allure. Like I don't want to be bombarded by somebody in the beginning. And you know, a perfect example is of Joe and I dating, like whatever terms I set, he just agreed to them and met them. If I was like, okay, we saw each other one night, I need three nights off. He never said a word. He would just

go make himself busy. If I call him and say, oh, let's do something. Now we're inseparable because it happened at a natural clip. It wasn't forced on us. So like, just because something doesn't start out like so fiery, like, oh my God, we have to be texting back and forth. That takes a while to develop and it's unnatural false intimacy if it happens before it's ready anyway. So it's good to just meet people where they are instead of trying to push it into something that it's not. And I think with all of your self-reflection and introspection, you're gonna be at that place

where you realize you don't have to do that. You don't have to force a situation. When it's right, it will develop naturally and you'll know how to behave in an appropriate way, tantamount to the situation. So this is good. We should have a summer camp, a Dear Chelsea summer camp. It would turn into just a Molly party though,

you know, with my history. Well, I think we have to take a quick ad break, Chelsea. Oh, hello. Oh my God. Yes, let's do it. Excellent. And when we come back, we'll have some questions for you. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really.

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So our first question for you, Chelsea, comes from M.W. My really pressing question, they say, can you discuss your eyelash experience? They look so beautiful.

Oh yes. I have a money does my eyelashes and I have a girl, Sarah, who also, well, I don't have her, but she does my eyelashes too. I get fake eyelashes installed is what I liked,

how I like to frame it probably every two and a half, three weeks. I like to ask for the chocolate brown because I'm a blonde. So the black ones look very fake and I don't like them too bushy because they look fake. They do fall out. You're supposed to clean them. I don't do that. I don't follow the protocol. Whatever protocol there is for hair, nails, face, I do 50%. And then I hope for the same results. So I get my eyelashes done like every two and a half weeks. But yeah, I mean, that's my eyelash story, really. It helps you look a little bit more alert, especially if you're someone who's stoned all the time. And it also takes off a couple of years, probably makes you look younger.

So there you go. We actually get a ton of emails about your eyelashes. Oh, really? Specifically, like what mascara you use, all that stuff. Oh, you know what? The great thing about fake eyelashes is you never have to use mascara ever because it's already mascara. So, yeah, I wish we could call out her business. Let me just see what it's called. House of Lash L.A. That's where my woman Amani works. House of Lash L.A. So if you're in L.A., that's a good person to go to. Oh, the other question that people ask about eyelashes is if they ruin your regular eyelashes. And the answer to that is I have no idea because I haven't seen my regular eyelashes in a really long time. But if you didn't have eyelashes, they would have nothing to affix the fake eyelashes to. So I've been told it doesn't cause damage. So you can

take that with a grain of salt. I do. Our next question, we really, you very much answered in the beginning of this, but this was actually written in months ago. You talk a lot about the men you date. Do you ever date other comedians, Charlie? Oh, well, yeah, this is the first comedian that I've ever dated. Maybe the one, the first one. Oh, no, it's not the first comedian I've ever slept with. I've slept with a couple of comedians, none of which I'm proud of. In retrospect, I think they've all been canceled. But anyway, yeah, this is the first comedian that I've been in a relationship with.

Well, that's great. Yeah. If you had to decide between comedy and humanitarianism, which would it be and how would you pay those Hollywood bills, Christian? Well, I mean,

in order to be more humanitarian, it's good to have money. So I would never be able to choose between the two because being a comedian allows me to do nice things for other people. And, you know, so if I was just a humanitarian, I probably wouldn't get that much shit done. I mean, my biggest value, I think, is the money that I can contribute. And of course, the advice I give on this podcast, that's humanitarian. Our next question comes from Zoe. All jokes aside, I'm curious when you will dabble with the thought of actually running for president. You have such a loud voice and advocate so well for the greater good of humanity.

Well, that's very nice of you. I will not be able to survive on that salary as a president. I do not have any desire to be in political life, especially after watching what happened in the last six years. I am spent from politics and it's depressing. And no, I'm not going to run for any sort of political office ever. Thank you. I like to stick my neck out and say stuff. I mean, I shouldn't say stick my neck out. It's just good to stand up and say stuff. So I find that to be very important and also something that I just would never not be okay not doing. I would never be okay not doing. All right. I'm just not with a very special guest for our first episode of season two. We will have lots of different guests for season two, people who will be helping me dole out advice depending on the subject matters. All of our episodes are going

to be themed, right, Catherine? We're going to pick the subjects that kind of cluster together and find the right guests for those episodes. Some will be celebrities, some will be specialists in certain fields, psychiatrists, doctors, neuroscientists, that sort of thing. But it's going to be a panoply of different ways to kind of help people get through whatever they're dealing with in their lives and your lives. I'm talking to you. And if you have a question or you and a loved one have a question, please write in to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Please don't be shy about writing in.

If you have a problem, don't be shy about calling in, writing in with another person, whether it be a friend, a family member, a lover, a boss, a coworker, I don't know, your dog, if he can talk. And for my Vaccinated and Horny Tour tonight, I will be in Cincinnati, you guys. I am in Cincinnati as we speak.

September 30th, 7 p.m., I'm in Cincinnati at the Taft Theater. And then tomorrow night, I'll be in Detroit, Michigan at the Fillmore. And Saturday night, Indianapolis at the Marat. Sunday night, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Davos Performance Hall. I will see everybody there. I'll see you guys soon. Talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The really no really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.