Dear Chelsea - Sextuple Threat

Episode Date: August 5, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon discuss what Chelsea is like on a movie set, and why you should never date your ex’s sibling. A bookkeeper from Milwaukee wants to get rich quick as an influencer. A girlfriend is concerned when her boyfriend makes plans without her. And a family wonders whether to put down the cat that cost them $25,000.  *****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes, networking, negotiation, and so much more. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. Okay, welcome to the podcast. It's called Dear Chelsea, and we are here today to take advice from callers, from writers, from anybody who needs it. I am performing at the Santa Barbara Bowl on August 21st, everybody. It's happening. And I'm going on tour tour. On tour tour.

On tour tour. So I'm very excited because I'm getting ready to go shoot a movie in Vancouver in a couple weeks. And I'm also performing in Canada, actually, in Edmonton, Canada, at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival on August 15th. I will be performing in Edmonton and then I go to Santa Barbara. And in between then, I'm playing a principal with great shoes who hates children. I can't wait to be on set with children that I can openly... Despise? Yes. I can't wait till I have to be children that I can openly despise. Yes. I can't wait till I have to be in a scene where I can just tell children exactly what I think of them, you know,

but I can't say in real life. Obviously, that would be really inappropriate and probably punishable. But I can say it as my character and I plan on exercising that muscle to a great degree. I hope maybe I'll meet a lover on this film. That would be exciting. A child lover. Can't say that. Maybe I'll meet a lover on this film. You've done a few movies. You did This Means War with Reese. Yes. My personal favorite, Hop.

Hop. Hop was great because James Marsden and I laughed so hard on the set of Hop. That's an Easter movie. Yeah. He's really cute, James Marsden and I laughed so hard on the set of Hop. That's an Easter movie. Yeah. He's really cute, James Marsden. Yeah, he's great. And he and I, we had a day of filming where I think I peed in my pants from laughing so hard. And I don't know what we were laughing at, but we could not get it together. And every time we had to interact, it was a shit show.

And we're bonded from that ever since that because we just knew it was like being at summer camp, sleepaway camp, summer camp. I combined summer and sleep away and said summery. Anyway, it was sleepaway camp. It was like, you know, when you come back from camp and nobody really understands the experience that you had except for you and the people that were there. It's kind of this ineffable understanding. And so I have that with him. And yeah, This Means War was Reese and I did that movie. That was really fun, too. They lowered me. I had they had a stunt woman for me because there was a big car scene where my car falls in this big pond of water that we filmed in Long Beach. And I told them I wanted to do my own

stunts, but they didn't take me seriously. And I didn't do my own stunts. And how does it work on these sets? Because you've said before that it's hard for you to say other people's lines that they are writing for you. So are you able to ad lib? Do you have some sort of like creative freedom when you're doing these? Or are they very stringent on you saying the lines as they're written? Well, I don't know about this movie I'm going into. I guess I'll find out.

But, you know, when you add a little button or you change a word around, most of the time they don't really care unless it's like something that needs to stick to. If there's sticklers about it, I will. But I'm yeah, I'm not very good at that. I like to improv and just kind of do it off the cuff. But if you run a scene a couple of times, you kind of memorize it. So you did Will and Grace and they were very specific. Will and Grace was a disaster. I yes, that is a very tightly run ship. And I was, and I don't know what was wrong with me that week. I could not remember my lines. I was scared and nervous.

I went in not caring about doing it really like kind of flippant, like, oh, this will be fun. I didn't really think about it. And then I got in and I'm like, wait, wait, I'm working with a bunch of pros. I need to step it up. And then I was just too late. By the time we filmed it, it was great. But I mean, I was yelled at. They were like, learn your lines. I couldn't hit my jokes. It was bad. Luckily on tape, it did come together because Deb Messing and Sean Hayes and everyone was so nice to me and felt so sorry for me that they helped me memorize my lines. When that happens, does it make you want to flex that muscle more after you had that experience? Some people would shut down and say, I don't want to act anymore. That was very unpleasant.

But for you, I feel like when that happens, your reaction is to be better. Like, oh, now I need to get another acting role to prove to myself that I can do this. Well, I mean, I was just embarrassed. Like, I walked in like the cool girl and left like the not cool girl. It was how it happens, you know? Everyone was excited for me to be there. And then I just kind of fell apart at the seams. I must have been going through a very difficult time at that moment.

I don't remember what was going on, but something must have been because I was not myself. But anyway, no, I was done with that. And I just thought, oh, I can't do sitcoms. I can't like hit the marks like this. Like I can't do it. And then I'm like, of course, I'll do a sitcom again if it's the right thing or if it's the right role or if it's a guest star, you know, I'm not going to be on a sitcom sitcom. But if it's that, yeah, I mean, it's just a different beast. But this is film acting, which is not live, like you're not in front of an audience. So it's a lot different. You're in front of a film crew. So there's a lot more intimacy. Well, this role makes sense for you. At one time, you were offered the role of Aunt Hilda or Aunt Zelda on the Netflix

Sabrina the Teenage Witch. They wanted you to come in for that. And I remember reading the script thinking, how would she ever take this seriously? Because it was so far-fetched. Well, you know, it's magic. So anytime you read something like that, you're like, you're going to really have to stretch to make this believable. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to be in a movie

just to be in a movie. Like, I'm not going to just do that. But I am going to say yes to things that are fun. And, you know, this idea of being on a movie set right now, I haven't been on one in a really long time. And it's not my main thing. So it's nice to kind of be able to incorporate that with all the other stuff I do. It's nice to change it up. So I'm looking forward to it.

And, you know, obviously it shoots in Vancouver, which I've said before, which is my favorite place in the world is Canada. And I just can't wait to be reunited with all of my girlfriends there. It's going to be magical and they're going to have to be on set with me as my hair and makeup artist stylist. I don't know what other things I can punch them in for, but. Well, it's nice that you have these different creative outlets now. So you're going to be acting, You're redoing a house. You're playing construction worker, interior designer, wearing multiple hats. Wearing multiple hats. I mean, I'm really a jack of all trades. You know what I used to call myself?

It's kind of like David Hasselhoff. He was a lifeguard. He was a musician. And he was a night rider. He was a triple threat. I am a lifeguard also. I'm not on Knight Rider, but I have a podcast.

And, and I do stand up. Wait, and I am doing movies. So I'm a quadruple threat. Wait, and I write books. I'm a quintuple threat.

What else do I do? I don't know, but I don't know the next term for six things. Do you? Let's just stop at five. Well, great. I do think it's a good idea to stop there because we've got some quickies. Your favorite. Excuse my swallowing. Yes. Okay. I'm ready for a quickie.

Okay. The first quickie is, Dear Chelsea, OMG fucking cats. I loved your discussion at the end of McDonald's Anyone and had to validate Brandon on his cat issues. I'm spending $25,000 to renovate my basement for the second time in four years because I have two cats and one will only pee on the baseboards, not in the litter box. I feel like I've tried every suggestion out there for it to stop. I feel like I've given the cats an excellent life and anyone else would have given up on this peeing cat by now, putting it down or sending it back to the shelter where it came from. I think I could bring myself to put the peeing cat down, but my husband says absolutely not and is willing to put us all out on the street for this cat. What should we do? Love, Kelly. I mean, I think cats are your department, Brandon.

Well, if you've tried everything, it's hard to say what else you could do because I don't know what all that has entailed. There are a lot of sprays that you can put on the area where a cat has been urinating. In our house, we use diffusers. We have one in every room. We have a multi-cat and they are supposed to calm. They're supposed to help cats to stop spraying. What's a multi-cat? The diffuser is for multiple cats in a home because a lot of times that is why a cat is spraying to, you know,

obviously market's territory. So we have these diffusers through the house that let off the pheromone of like a mother cat. And so it's supposed to help keep them calm, help them stop scratching, stop spraying. And we've not had any issues. The only time that we've had a peeing issue is when we bring them back from being boarded. It is very unpleasant. What is spraying exactly? Is that like climaxing? Well, kind of. They back their butts up against the wall and just spray.

Spray what? They pee all over the wall to let you know they are here and this is their spot. How do they get it on the wall, though? Cat spray. I don't understand how a cat's penis or vagina work. Well, I think the hole is right under the butthole. So they lift? Yeah, and their tail shakes and they just spray.

Sometimes it's a lot of pee, sometimes it's a little pee, but it's just they'll go around and it'll spritz different areas. I feel like Bert does that. Bert sprays. Bert does spray. Oh. Now that I think of it.

Well, tell me I don't know my son and I'll tell you that I do. So I don't know. Kelly, I don't have any good advice for you other than if you've not tried those diffusers, they have been great in our house. Something else, Kelly, is if you're cleaning your baseboards and using bleach, cats are attracted to the bleach. So I know that that can be a source for their spraying as well. So just maybe take a look at the cleaning products that you're using and if they have ammonia in them, cats are attracted to that and can mark in those places. Yeah, sorry. This isn't like, yeah, I mean, we have an in them, cats are attracted to that and can mark in those places. Yeah, sorry. This isn't like, yeah, I mean, we have an in-house cat specialist,

but I don't have any advice for you because I don't really know anything about cats and I'm not interested in learning. Hope your pee problems stop. The next quickie says, Dear Chelsea, I need some advice regarding my nightmare of a sister-in-law. She is straight up a total bitch and goes out of her way to make it known that she doesn't like me. I have a one-year-old son and when she holds him and plays with him, it makes me feel uneasy. My baby daddy and I are getting married and I have serious anxiety about being forced to include her in my bridal party. I come from a Catholic traditional Mexican American family and feel like everyone will think I'm a traitor and petty person if she

isn't part of the bridal party. Do I have to include her? Christina. No, she doesn't get invited to be a part of your bridal party because of her behavior and because she's made you feel uncomfortable and not welcome. So that's very simple and straightforward. And you can say that kindly, or you can say it like, hey, you've been mean to me. I don't want you in my bridal party. Sorry. That's it. I mean, I'm sure there's two sides to this story. But since you're writing in, you know, I would say that in a nice way.

But I also think you have all license to say that in a, like, forceful way. There's no reason to scream or yell about it. But you can be like, I'm sorry, this is just unacceptable for me. Like, you don't make me feel good. This is my wedding day. It's the most important day of my life. And I want it to be pleasant. So there's, yeah, no. Don't stand for me. Like, you don't make me feel good. This is my wedding day. It's the most important day of my life. And I want it to be pleasant. So there's, yeah, no, don't stand for that. And don't put yourself in a situation where you're not going to feel loved and happy and celebrated

on your wedding day, period. Okay. And the next one says, Dear Chelsea, my ex is 19 and I'm 21. And I recently realized that I actually like his brother more who is 26. What should I do? Should I follow my heart's desire? I don't think so. I think you stay away from brothers and sisters, people, unless it's the love of your life. They had that storyline in Malibu Rising, this book I just read. And I don't appreciate that. I don't want to have sex with anyone my sisters have had sex with. And I certainly don't want to have sex with anyone my sisters have had sex with. And I certainly don't want to have sex with two brothers. So I just don't think that's good.

You know, it's like, are you in love with him or do you just have a crush on him? If you have a crush on him, you'll get another crush on somebody else sooner than you think. Okay, we're going to take a break right now. Well, I don't know what's going to happen, but you're going to hear an ad break. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations.

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And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers but we also love speaking to

the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed you know, keystones to the culture this season we've had some amazing one on one conversations like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland. Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe.

And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year? Or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development, and my show Get Hired brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the

room, and so you really have to think about what is it I want to display. You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive, you are in there pulling out the weeds, you're pruning it, you're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you.

Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. I've read this book that talks about being like open and shut. You know, when you're open to a person, when you're open to them, when you're open to a new idea, or when you're like being adventurous and you're being open, when you say no to new things, you're shutting down. And then that's a whole other kind of space that you don't want to be in. So you had a good result with this, where you felt like you were pushing someone pushing, pushing, because you were just exhausted. And you're like, as soon as I let them in, the amount of energy I was putting into it was

totally different. Yes, right, right. That's true. I had a friend who wanted to hang out a lot. And I was like, you know, not that into it. And but she's an old friend. And so I did. But I was resisting it, resisting it. I didn't want to deal. I didn't want to deal. And then I did. And it was so easy. And it was just like, you know, two hours of my time was for her what she needed and wanted. And I just had to like, give in and do that. You're putting so much energy into saying no to things that sometimes it's easier to say yes to them. Yeah. Unless it's a sexual encounter. You can never be pressured to say yes to that. OK. Does everybody hear me? Means no. My body, my choice. Oh, I learned a cute dance about my body, my choice. No, don't touch me

there. This is my no, no square. No, don't touch me there. This is my no-no square. No, don't touch me there. This is my no-no square. So say that if someone comes up to you at the bus stop. That's going to be great content for TikTok, I think. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks.

Always thinking. All right. So, dear Chelsea, looking for advice on how to safeguard my emotions. I just had a fight with my partner because I've been feeling sad about numerous life events, and it's all sort of come crashing down today. The sadness lingered, and overall, he was there, but not in the way I need him to be. I came to realize tonight it's because he doesn't want my sadness to affect his good energy. He impulsively bought a three-night streaming concert ticket to one of his favorite artists. Sweetheart, are you okay?

Yeah, sorry, I had a seizure. Concert ticket to one of his favorite artists while this discussion was happening. But where does this leave us? When one of us is sad and can't seem to pull themselves up, and the other is doing their best to stay happy and doesn't want to risk your feeling of sadness. How can you be there for someone and not let them, quote unquote, harsh your mellow? I hope this makes sense. What's her name?

Caitlin. Brandon, would you like to take the lead on this or shall I? I think you should start with this one. Okay. Well, first of all, what's her name again? Caitlin. Caitlin. This is going to be a problem because you know how bad I am with names. Ever since I accused of my friend of not remembering names, I haven't been able to remember anyone's. Caitlin, no one is responsible for your emotions but you. So that's the first thing. You cannot expect your partner to keep you emotionally afloat. I understand you want him to comfort you and to be there for you in a way, but like that is an inside job. That's your job. So as a partner, you can only be there so much for your partner as well.

Like he should be buying tickets to the concert. You guys should be doing your own things to make yourselves happy and then worry about how you're going to come together and make each other happy. But you cannot expect somebody else to put you in a good mood. Yeah, you can't allow someone to provide you your happiness. And I've been in a long-term relationship, so I understand this dynamic. And I think as long as your partner is acknowledging how you feel, like, hey, I get that you're sad. I understand the reasonings behind it. That is really all you can expect of them because you're not living the same life. You're going through things separately. Like he's internalizing this pandemic differently than you are. And as long as he's doing that and not making you feel like you're not being heard or seen in

your emotions, you can't rely on him for much more than that. Like you have to be able to pick yourself up from whatever point you're in. And there's also nothing more unattractive than managing another person's emotions, right? This came up with us, but even though I was wrong, I thought you were sulking about something that I said, which was not true because it's about the house and it has nothing to do with you.

But anyway, I didn't like something in the house and I told Brandon and Brandon didn't respond. And I thought, oh, he doesn't, he's taking it personally. And he wasn't, but it goes back to the point of managing other people's emotions is so fucking exhausting. Having to walk on eggshells around somebody because they're going through a hard time or not saying the right thing, knowing that you disappointed them and then trying to redirect your attention in the right way to make them feel heard or seen can be an exhausting endeavor. So it's like, be careful about that, too. And have realistic expectations of your partner as well. Because if you are both going through things, which from your letter, you understand that he is like he probably needed

this outlet to just watch his music, whatever the fuck it is, zone out for a little bit. You as a partner should also want to give him that time and let him have his three days, whatever it is. You know, there are other people in your life that you also can leverage, like a girlfriend, a family member, someone else to confide in or talk to or just get out of the house with. Like you, no one person can provide you everything you need. So assuming that your partner is going to be there for all of your emotional roller coaster. Yeah. And also assuming that your partner should be doing what you would do is irrelevant because you're not the same person. Your whole set of experiences, your

childhoods are different. Everything leads to a different human being. So you're two separate individuals. So how on earth can you expect him to behave in the way that you would behave? Like, it's just that doesn't make sense when you really break it down. And so for this specific example, for me reading this, I would have tried to use that concert to pull myself out of it. Like be excited for him that he got that. Watch it with him. You know, there are other ways to retrain your brain when you're emotionally distressed. Yeah, emotionally distressed to say, oh, let me embrace this moment or embrace his decision making.

Flip the switch on it. Because yeah, I agree with that. There's more positive ways to look at everything. And I think that we, you and I have both had that in different ways with work or personal where people have had to say, like, look at the positive things that are happening. Don't focus on those one thing that you wish you could change. Yes. Yes. That happens a lot where I'll be like bitching to my manager about something. I'm like, well, you know, and she'll be like, wait, why are you focusing on that? You're focusing on the thing that you don't want to do instead of all the things that you do want to do or the one thing up. And obviously, I'm trying to shake that habit. But yeah, I can get negative. And it's like, no, no, no, you can't. Getting negative is just breeds more and more negativity. Yeah. You acknowledge it, you accept it, and you move on.

And then maybe give your boyfriend or husband a blowjob. I don't know. End it on a high note. For him. Right. Sorry. Yeah. Caitlin, well, let us know how that works out for you. All right. So I think we hit that one out of the park. High five on that. So this next one is just a write in from Nikki. She says, Dear Chelsea, your recent special evolution fucking slayed me. Such vulnerability and truth. Here's my question. I like drugs. I like alcohol. I'm not dependent on either. I'm a mom, a corporate citizen, and an anxious, depressed mess trying to hold life together while battling for custody and dealing with the day by day. 40 is around the bend and I want to make changes and actual growth. How do I do this

without the bullshit? And what weed, edibles, etc. do I take? I finally just got approved for my medical marijuana card in New Jersey. I want to be creative, energetic, and free thinking. Who I was before all the bullshit and rage set in. Send me your advice. Well, this is good news because she's not even 40 yet. And so she, I'm 46. I just turned 46 this year. And I didn't even get my shit together until I was 40.

So you're right on track. I mean, what state does she live in? New Jersey? Yes. Okay. As far as edibles go, like, didn't she say she's going through a custody battle? Yes. Okay. So obviously you want to be alert for that during the day, right?

Right. You want to be like on your game. So if you're dealing with something like that, I would use edibles at night for if you want to hang out with your girlfriends and you just want to laugh your ass off and be silly, or for sleep if you have any trouble sleeping. And as far as creativity, yeah, you want to use them when you have time set aside to be creative. Like if I'm going to write a chapter in a book or if I'm going to write some stand up material, like I'll set aside two hours and I will take the weed that I think is going to help me get there. As far as the actual brands and types,

it's different state to state. So I can't recommend any brands, but I can tell you about strains and like, you know, a lot of the labeling that they now have on all of this cannabis will tell you the kind of mood that you can expect to get from it. It's not a guarantor of that, but, you know, it'll say creative or, you know, easy breezy or chill vibe, which, you know, obviously isn't going to be something that's going to keep you up. Sativa is also something that is supposed to give you more of a kick than indica. It's indica is supposed to put you to sleep. I feel like those two terms to describe weed are kind of over, even though they're still labeled like that. I think there are so many more nuanced ways to describe it because there's so much more than taking the edge off or giving you energy. But you just have to do your research about what's available in your state and also really just start with microdosing.

I don't know if you want to smoke weed or not, but if you are smoking it, I would just smoke a little bit just to see how it affects you. And, you know, sometimes when we like a new thing, I always make the mistake of overdoing it and doing it all the time. And like with weed,

it's very easy to get in the habit of just like, because once you see the effect, you're like, oh, I'll take another edible in three hours, and then I'll take another one in three. It's really about minding and being mindful of how your body is reacting to the medicine, right? And cannabis is medicine. It grows out of the earth. It's like from mother nature. So it is medicine. And so you should think about it that way. And when it has a nice effect in you, like when you're trying out strains, make sure you just make a note or take a picture with your phone of all the ones that you have a good time with and a good experience with. But don't overdose yourself. Just start very minimally. Start with two and a half milligrams

or five milligrams. Do not go beyond that until you understand what you like and how you like it. Would you add anything onto that, Brandon? I mean, the only thing from her write-in was I would kick the alcohol. I mean, at this point, it's like, what is it really doing for you? It's a downer. It makes you blow. I would say if you're looking for a major switch, that is good. I would also say you don't have to think about it as like eliminating alcohol from your existence

because I'm sure you think that takes the edge off. I know for me personally, pot does a much better job of taking the edge off than alcohol, but alcohol still has a very special place in my life. So even if you just minimize your alcohol intake for the week and just try using cannabis instead of the alcohol and that transition alone will put you really in touch with the way your body's feeling. Plus, when you're trying cannabis, you don't want to be under the influence of other things because you're not going to be able to identify what the cannabis is doing. Well, and like she said, that she is an anxious, depressed mess. And so for you telling her like the 2.5 microdose of a mint or of some sort of edible, like sometimes you don't even know that it's working. You think, oh, I need to take another, but it is. It's doing its job.

That's the other thing. You have to give it two hours. And sometimes people will be like, I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. And then they take more. And that's a mistake. Until you have experience with it,

you don't want to augment any anxiety or any reaction like, you know, by thinking, oh, this isn't affecting me. I'm going to have to take more. That's not a good solution. That's for very advanced users like myself. Who can take a hundred milligram edible and go to lunch. I can take a lot of things and go to lunch, but I'm a very rare case and I have a very strong constitution and I've also had a ton of training. So I would definitely err on the side of

experimenting. You are a beginner in the world of cannabis and you are experimenting and nothing that I just told you about, five milligrams, is not going to make you go over the edge. Like these are microdosed for a reason. So there's a whole new world of cannabis now. But yeah, I would lay off the sauce for a while if you can or like limit to drinking one night a week. Also be excited entering 40. These are like where things can really take a turn. And you're already divorced. Most people have to go through their divorce when they're in their 40s. So check that box. Thank you, Nikki, for writing in.

Thank you, Nikki. So our next submission comes from John. He's 58. We don't know where he's from, but he says, Hi, Chelsea. Trying this out for the sake of sound advice. I'm a 58-year-old married man to a beautiful 62-year-old female. We've been married for almost 10 years. We are both fit and used to be sexually active and still try to be intimate. But my wife is going through some changes and we haven't been able to have intercourse because her vagina, for the lack of a better term, has shrunk. She's consulted her doctor and he gave her a cream to apply to try and loosen things up, but it doesn't seem to work from her perspective. Intercourse is not my priority. I love sex, but she feels broke if we can't have sex. She's tried to force herself on me and it hurts to see her in pain. So I end up pushing her back.

I've discussed options with her and she says she'd be willing to try and go to a toy store to find something to help our sex life in lieu of intercourse. This seems to go nowhere and I'm trying to figure out if we just need to be celibate for now. Yeah, obviously you need to be celibate for now. I mean, why are need to be celibate for now. I mean, why are you torturing each other? Or let her do what she wants to do. He's like, I don't care about sex. I don't care about sex.

But it's all he's talking about. I know, but. Just leave her alone and go smoke some weed. She's in pain to have sex and her vagina is shrinking. But she's trying to engage. Well, then he should finger blast her. Well, there you go. I mean, we don't know what you're working with.

Yeah, if sex is painful, then try a finger blast. You can start with one finger and if things go well, add another. I love when we can wrap these up very neatly. So, John, there you have it. Just finger blast your wife quick and easy. Thanks for writing in. Poor John. Poor 58-year-old John. He wanted a sex with Sue very specific way to alleviate this pain, and you gave him finger blast your wife. It was perfect. They need some of the relaxation techniques our weed mom from earlier is using. They really do. All right, our last submission comes from— I like the voice you use when you talk about submissions. You know— All right, this is the— It's like the love boat.

Rob Reiner was in a movie where he played a radio host, and his voice, I wish I could emulate. It was just so soothing. He's got that Jew uncle, avuncular voice. I am Jewish. Lo and behold, once we found out, my mom's adopted, and we found her birth mother, and I'm Jewish. How convenient for you.

I'm Jewish on the right side. It has to be the mom's side, right? Yeah, it does. I'm not Jewish on the right side, so I'm not even a real Jew, even though I'm a Jew. Wow. You better, better know that. The more you know.

All right, our last submission comes from Shannon B., 50, age 50, out of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She says, Dear Chelsea, Here I am, suddenly 50 years old, married with one teenage girl. I work two days a week as a law firm receptionist and I'm bored. I don't want to look for just any job yet.

I want to do something cool and make a ton of cash. I'm a big Instagram fan and I see all these influencers raking in the dough. I'm shy and reserved, so I'm a little scared to put myself out there on a social media platform like that, but I'm willing to do it for the right project. I just want to make money fast. None of this working 10-year shit to make the first big buck. I can do just about anything, and I'm willing to do just about anything. Basically, I'm a 50-year-old approaching menopause who is finding herself stuck in life.

What do you suggest? Oh, fuck. Brandon, what do we suggest? Well, Shannon, are you there? I'm here. Hi, Shannon. Hi. Hi. Hi, fuck. Brandon, what do we suggest? Well, Shannon, are you there? I'm here. Hi, Shannon. Hi. Hi.

Hi, guys. All right, Shannon, what's going on? We just read your write-in. You're asking us if you should whore yourself out on social media to make a quick buck, right? Basically. Yeah. Basically. I mean, why not? Everyone else is, right?

But it's so hard if you're shy. But I feel like if everybody else can do it, I can do it. I just don't know how to do it. Shannon, it's never too late. Look at all these moms on TikTok making a living, getting brand endorsements just for being themselves. Just lean into the shyness. Yeah. You'll find your audience. You're not that shy because you called us like that's not a shy thing to do. That's cool. I know know but i'm scared and

very nervous and shaking oh well who cares about that you'll be fine in a while but yeah lead into the social media of it why not and cash in so you don't have to work in an office job i mean did you say you work in a are you a paralegal is that i work in a law firm i work at the front desk law firms are depressing i know that for sure it's it a lot. And I do their billing. So it's like, it couldn't be more boring. Yeah, it's like boring on top of boring. How boring can you fucking get? My sister was a lawyer and my sister was a health attorney. And she worked at this small firm in Morristown, New Jersey. And she was like, this is soul crushing. And I was like, well, so is your marriage, but you're still in that. And so she left her marriage and her law firm.

And now she works in health law in a different way. But she made a big change in her life, not when she was 50, right before she was 50. And she's real happy about it. It's not the same as social media. But like, I think your attitude towards social media, it should just be like, yeah, whatever. I mean, that's what everyone's doing. Do it. But also, I'm in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Like, there's no like I have like two followers. I mean, there's like no there's no. But that's like that's the great thing about social media is it doesn't really matter where you are anymore. Everyone is connected. Everyone is accessible online. And some of these people that have the biggest followings are in bumfuck nowhere. Like I'm from South Dakota, population 1300. Someone there could do it.

You just keep posting. See what works. You got to figure out what your shtick is. Like, what is your shtick? Are you like, what's your thing? Are you going to be a TikTok mom? Are you a dance? Can you dance? Okay. Well then maybe you can make fun of them. You could be like, listen, this is how unlike this I am. You know, maybe that's your, that's your vibe. It's a hard one. And if it's not social media, what is it? You know, like only fans, only fans, only I could probably answer that. But I thought you guys could shed some really good wisdom. I wish I had better advice for you. But I would just say like taking a leap of faith in general, even though that's really

lack specificity, taking a leap in general, I think is a good practice to have as an adult woman, especially when you're 50. You need to kind of reboot, right? Like be like, yeah, motherfuckers. taking a leap in general i think is a good practice to have as an adult woman especially when you're 50 you need to kind of reboot right like be like yeah motherfuckers well and you're right and chelsea you've taken multiple risks in your career you're not 50 yet i'm not 50 but you've taken risks in your career and they've always worked out or benefited you've either learned something or grown from it so it's the same thing just take the leap try it out if it doesn't work it doesn't, but you're not out. And don't limit yourself to social media. Cause that was just like an idea put out there for no

reason. Like don't limit yourself to that. There are other ways to make money quickly, like with the internet and like buying and selling things, trading people get into that rather easily. It seems like there are a lot of different, like, you know, Bitcoin, go get some Bitcoin like that's gonna pay off become a day trader i'm glad i'm glad we got my bitcoin i got bitcoin about four years ago and i don't get bitcoin me neither i'll never understand what the fuck bitcoin is but i know that i'm making money okay you're looking at me i couldn't tell you what it is either yeah you were gonna check my coinbase i have the information shannon let us know what you figure out let us

know what you try what works what doesn't doesn't. Please give us a post. Okay. Yeah. Just do something though. Okay. Make a change. All right. Thank you. Thank you, Shannon. Bye, Shannon. Bye, guys. Bye. I love anyone who wants to make a later in life change. Well, people have, this is what we're dealing with. We're realizing people don't have balls. They need more balls. They need that nudge. They need people to say, hey, hey, fuck, go jump because people will retreat. Well, that's why they need you because most people are not courageous. Right. People need to be. You operate from that place. I think people in general would benefit from being a little bit more courageous,

not arrogant, courageous. Right. Right. Right. You know what? Her question about confidence and arrogance makes me think of an update we just got from Aram. And if you remember Aram, she is the woman suffering from body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. And she wasn't sure whether or not to tell her friends and family about her recovery. So we're going to take a quick break. And when we come back, we will give you Aram's update. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And when we come back, we will give you a ROMS update. ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair

you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. use to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor? We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, Really No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason bobblehead. It's called really know really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created the big take from Bloomberg

podcasts to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Mull, who writes our Business Week Buying Power column. Very few companies who go viral are, are like totally prepared for what that means. And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections.

Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who

are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing

one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland. Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe. And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year, or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I'm Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about, what is it I want to display? You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive.

You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right?

Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. So again, for anyone listening,

we spoke to Aram during our McDonald's Anyone episode, which had Mark the Nutritionist on, and she sent over a little update. So I just wanted to give her a little update. Oh, this is exciting. Oh my God. Let's hear it. It's so exciting when people keep us posted. I know. We have like such good patients because they come and then they return to give us an update. I love progress reports. Well, Aram says, hello, Brandon and Chelsea. I'd say that overall I'm doing well. And although recovery from anorexia has its ups and downs i am improving every day i took chelsea's advice and some of

brandon's with a caveat brandon and i talked about how it could be a good idea to open up to more of my loved ones about my eating disorder and body dysmorphia in order to get more support i found this to be difficult because many of the people in my life unwillingly have fat phobic pro-diet culture beliefs. I mean just the other day my grandma bitched at my grandpa and called him a glutton for eating half of a watermelon which is fucking insane because watermelons are 95% water. So I decided to take Brandon's advice but with a lateral step. I picked a few of my most level headed thoughtful and honest loved ones and asked them their opinions on things like body image, confidence, and the role of food in their life.

I feel like people gave me much more honest and thoughtful answers than they would otherwise had they known about my eating disorder and body dysmorphia up front. I think had I told them about what I was struggling with outright, they would have felt more compelled to filter their opinions and tiptoe around me in an effort to not trigger and offend me. And as far as Chelsea's advice goes, and Chelsea, do you want to remind them? Yeah, yeah.

I remember, just to remind everyone, she asked us if she should tell her closest friends. She wanted to tell her closest friends, I think. She was ready to do that. And then you said it. So she was the one who brought that question. It wasn't like your advice. You just said, confirmed, you know. So she was like so. But also, I think I told her that this is her situation. She has no one to rely on really in this instance for this problem,

but herself, like you can gather your support around you, but it is your decision to change your life. It is your decision to make a move. So I think that's pretty much what I told her. Well, she says, as far as Chelsea's advice goes, I was able to use it and build on it. For the most part, I can't really rely on anyone else when it comes to this disorder. And at its root, it's a problem that I have with myself. Chelsea said that this is not going to be the narrative of my life. And she's right. So I have to take the toxic narrative that is currently occupying my thoughts and change it into one that is healthy. My focus the last few weeks and months has been on diving into why I have so much self-hate, what cognitive and behavioral habits

I have formed around the self-hate, and how my psychologist and I are working on undoing them. For example, in the past I would pedestalize and glorify certain types of bodies while degrading my own. What I started doing instead is actively viewing all body types as neutral and equal to one another. That woman is not superior for having a flat stomach, or you are not inferior for having bigger thighs, or that person is not inferior, superior for having X, Y, or Z. In doing this, I have begun to view my own body and other bodies with a little bit more indifference as opposed to an immediate toxic opinion or judgment. Ah, I love what she said. That's so important. Inferior, superior. We always do that. You know, whenever you're judging somebody, you're thinking that you're better or smarter or prettier or

whatever. If you're judging somebody that didn't do something the way that you would have done it, you're like, well, I know better. So there's superiority in that. Anytime we're judging others, we are acting superior or inferior. So she spelled it out and she is on her way to a brighter day, I think. Well, she wraps up saying, so given this advice and working on erasing self-hate, a follow-up question I have is regarding confidence in general. What makes a person confident in themselves? How do you form it? How is it maintained? When does confidence turn into arrogance? Thanks so much, guys. Aram. Arrogance is when you think you know better or you think you are better. It's a lot to do with, it has a lot to do with superiority. So arrogance and

superiority are linked in my mind. And to instill confidence in yourself, it is a conversation that you have to have with yourself, either through meditation or positive affirmations. There's no reason to not be confident. You know, you have to be confident in the abilities that you have and in the ways that you are able to change your life. And making this change is going to work towards instilling more and more confidence in you. You've already begun the path to get more confident because once you realize that you are powerful enough in your own life to make changes, then the confidence comes because you're like, oh, wow, I just did that. I just changed my life. Wow. And so arrogance

is just when you're an asshole about being confident. You don't have to do that. How eloquently put. Well, eloquent is my middle name or Eloise or Joy. Actually, Joy is my middle name. But, you know, I don't want to tell everybody about that. People just expect too much. Brandon, what are our takeaways from today? I feel like painful sex is no bueno. That's no good. Nobody wants to be in pain during sex. It's supposed to be the complete opposite unless you're into pain, you know, and some people are. I kind of like it a little bit rough sometimes, you know, if I'm with somebody that I really like, like I like it if they manhandle me a little bit. I know that's out

of style, but I do like a little bit of like, I like to be dominated in sex. I don't like to be the dominator. It's no fun. Well, it's good to know what you like. Yeah, it is good. It's good. There's so many straight men listening to this podcast, I'm sure.

So that's great. And on that note, I guess I'll just look for DMs in my Instagram. I'm gonna have to scroll through them and it's very unsettling. But a lot of guys talk about wanting to put their cocks in my asshole and that they want to fuck me and come on my face so I mean there's a lot of opportunities out there and that's why we're gonna have to wrap things up

because I gotta get back out there guys oh yeah yeah slide into my dms also I am on tour my tickets are officially on sale we've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets at Ticketmaster for my shows. I'll be playing my next big show. I'm at the Santa Barbara Bowl, August 21st. So you can come see me there. And then I have all the other cities that I have already released.

And tickets are available. And I can't fucking wait. It's called Vaccinated and Horny. So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horniness and then keep them to yourself, please. If you want any assistance with your partner,

your best friend, really anything, you can write into DearChelseaProject at gmail.com DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly

love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships

and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters.

You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.

You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that 70% of people get hired at companies where they already have a connection? I'm Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And on my podcast, Get Hired, I bring you all the information you need to, well, get hired. Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes, networking, negotiation, and so much more. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen.