Dear Chelsea - Sherman Oaks SVU with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

This week, Chelsea and Catherine talk about ugly breakups, what happens when you take a break from weed, and how to live with it when your best friend marries the wrong person.  Then:  A foster parent goes back to work after a heartbreaking loss - and a series of lies.  An ex-fiance discovers there’s a statute of limitations on getting the ring back. And an aesthetician struggles with her clients’ trauma-dumping. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, what's going on? Chelsea, I have a couple of follow-ups for us. Okay, great. We love this. This is our favorite. So our first follow-up comes from Katie. She called in on the Ethan Nadelman episode about she was taking some Xanax

because she was in a really stressful job. She smokes a lot of weed. You had told her like, you know, if you need to take a break, take a break just to do a little reset like you had done last year. So she says, I added a link at the end of this message to a video that I apparently recorded when I got back from Greece and was so stoned that I forgot I made it. I started to record again and my friend said, why are you doing that again? Taking a break from weed definitely worked and I'll be taking more regular breaks. I have still not been able to get my hands on chocolate mushrooms, which you also recommended to her or she was curious about. Thankfully, my new job is infinitely better

than my previous job, and I haven't had a panic attack or needed Xanax in a while. Oh, nice. Yes. Thanks again for such a cool experience, Katie. Great. I'm not even sure how we helped her, but it sounds like she's doing great. She's doing amazing. She couldn't get her mushrooms. I remember she lived in the Northeast, right? Yes. And she didn't know if mushrooms were legal, blah, blah, blah. But she stopped taking Xanax. That's good. I always have to taper my Xanax because when I travel, especially I love I fucking love Xanax,

but it's not good for you. And so I can't take it as frequently as I would like. Yeah. So I'm going to actually share this video with you. She's very stoned. She's very, very stoned. So quick video update. Our conversation. And after 15 days off and smoked my first joint. As you can see, it did the trick.

So she took a break from weed or she did? She did. And this is her first time back. Her first time to take smoking it again. That's how I looked when we did my interview with Ben Bruno. Good work, Katie. Good work. Way to go.

I mean, and you know what? Now that I've tried the chocolate mushrooms, they were a very chill experience. Like I felt them, but not in a way that I didn't feel like I could be having a cocktail at the same time sort of thing. It was not overwhelming. Yeah. They were very light. I felt like it was just a good time. Like you said, it's very giggly. I noticed the lights were a little bit strong when I went inside. I was like, wow, those lights are so bright sort of thing. But really, I could feel when they tapered up and when they tapered off, like at the end of dinner, basically.

Oh, really? Yeah. Did you take the, you took the chocolate? Or the gummy. Gummy, gummy. Those were light. Yeah. I doubled up the next night. I took two. Yeah. And I felt it then, but one was mild. So yeah. Yeah. It was perfect. So, we went to a party that was out in the valley. Mm-hmm.

And a friend of ours had some mushroom caplets. Fun mushrooms. Caplets or capsules? Well, capsules. Okay. But I think it's something that they, like, made at home, like, measured out sort of thing. So, I had said to Brett, did you like ask him how much is in these? And he said, no. But I was sort of thinking there might be a microdose in there, right?

So I tell Brad, I'm like, well, you have to find out. Is this a good time or is this like a microdose? Like we just need to know kind of what we're getting into. But he refused. He was like, no, you can't ask about that stuff from your drug dealer. I was like, this is not a drug dealer. This is like a friend from he's like, well, I'm not going to text him that. I'm like, that does make sense to me. You don't want to like put that in a text message or like, you know, he's like, what if he doesn't know the measurements? I'm like, but he'll know if they're like one is a good time or five is a good time. You know what I mean? What do you think about that as far as like asking? Oh, I mean, I'm always the person that everyone's asking. Cause I'm always the one doling out the drugs and everyone's like, how many milligrams? I'm like,

who cares? You're fine. But I actually took mushrooms on Vancouver Island and I had a terrible reaction to them, but I was so jet lagged. I think it was the jet lag because I don't ever have bad reactions to drugs. And I was like, wait, what? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's fine to ask. Who cares?

I mean, I mean, yeah, you sound kind of like a pussy. I mean, it's good. I'm okay with that. Yeah. You're okay with that. So you just want the information. So yeah. Exactly.

I'm someone who researches something to death before I pull the trigger on it. Oh, yeah. I see. I'm the opposite of whatever you are. You're like, just put it in your mouth. If somebody hands me drugs, it could be a stranger. I'm like, this isn't going to put a dent in me. That's how I feel. Although I've become a little bit more of a lightweight in recent years. So I guess I'm just transitioning into an elderly lightweight person. Well, and also right now there's a lot of like scary shit and drugs out there. Yeah. No, no. You can't do cocaine.

You can't do like ecstasy. They put in all the stuff like fentanyls and everything. So you can't really. And no one knows how much. Like apparently that was what killed Tom Petty is he had gotten, I think, some sort of painkillers or something, like not crazy drugs, just like some sort of painkillers from the Internet. And they had fentanyl in them. Oh, is that what happened? Yeah.

That's. Yeah. I was once at a friend's birthday party and Tom Petty and his wife showed up for his girlfriend as a surprise to the birthday girl. And it was so weird. It's so he was so weird looking. You know, in person, you're just staring at him like, what a strange looking man. Yeah, he is kind of like. So unique. Yeah.

Yeah. Not strange, I guess, isn't the right way to say it. But maybe different than you'd expect. Yeah, strange to me. Was there anyone who you've ever met that really you got starstruck? Probably Tom Cruise because he's like bigger than life. I was walking out of my agent's office and he was walking into my agent's office when I was at a CAA and I was like, wow, like I just couldn't even believe him. I was like, wow. And like, you know, because he's like

so ridiculously famous that you're just and then he was like, hello, Chelsea, you know, like very intensely looked in my eyes and I was like, oh, me, you know, like very intensely looked in my eyes. And I was like, oh, me. Well, at the time, all I did was make fun of him and Katie Holmes, like on my TV show. So I was just like, fuck, I don't want to even have this interaction. Like, please be nice to me. So Luke was our one straight guy who called in. Oh, my God. It's a yes tokenism, everyone.

Yes, exactly. He called in on a Ferris episode and had a friend who was dating a girl who was pretty controlling. And he didn't know if he should confront his friend about this. I think the advice was, we've already sort of mentioned it a few times, you might need to lay off because it's sort of his choice to make. But Luke followed up and he said he actually ended up getting engaged. I decided to follow Chelsea's advice and not bring up his relationship to him again. And I let it go. It's tough to stand by and watch. But at the end of the day, it's his life, Luke.

Oh, yeah. There you go. Yeah. Well, that's the right thing. Yeah, I think so. And also, I really firmly believe that from an outside perspective, you can never truly understand what's happening in someone's relationship. And for example, I had a friend who I wasn't super like worried for her getting married

to this guy, but someone that close friend of mine married who was sort of very vanilla ice cream, you know, like not offensive, but not very exciting, sort of boring. I thought she'd get very bored. And like now, several years later, she's very happy. They have a family together. And she's like living the life that she wants, I think, in most ways. And so people do mature. Maybe this girl is going to mature and become a better partner.

Yeah. You never know. Like, yeah, you could grow to like somebody after a bunch of times. And your judgment over someone else's situation is just pretty invalid anyway. Yeah. Or, you know, they might get a divorce and then you could really lay into her. Exactly. Our next follow up comes from Marcus. He called in when Monica Padman was on the show. And he says, Hi, Catherine, I was just thinking about how I needed to update you guys on what happened. He had a really conservative family. The Orthodox.

What was it called? Yes. The really Orthodox family. And he was contemplating moving out. Yes, exactly. And we told him to get the fuck away from his family. Indeed. He said, I did, in fact, move out.

And it was super dramatic. Basically, my whole family turned their backs on me for a portion of time. I set firm boundaries with everyone and Chelsea's advice was ringing in my ears to keep me moving forward during the darker times. As of now, my family is not thrilled about my move, but we have a cordial relationship and I visit them from time to time, which I think is perfect. That was my commentary. Although moving out has not solved all of my issues and my roommates can be a lot to navigate at times, in many ways I believe the universe is forcing me to learn boundaries, I am incredibly excited and empowered that I took the initiative and made this move. I do have mood swings and

definitely depressive episodes alike, but I'm incredibly honored to say that I am alive. The feeling of, quote, living is not something I can say I felt for a long time. I feel like I'm a participant in my life again, and I feel hopeful for the life I'm creating. A main driver in this decision was the podcast, and I can confidently say you guys changed the trajectory of my life. I have a new therapist, a new apartment, and a new lease on life. Best, Marcus. Oh my god, home run, Marcus. What a great update. Yes, I'm so thrilled for him. And like, navigating roommate stuff is very normal. You know, that's all just

the stuff you deal with in your 20s. But I'm so happy to hear that his family has already come around. Yes, right. Exactly. That's the best news. Oh, my God. I love it. I love it. I love telling people to get away from their families. And then they take that advice. And then it ends up all good and moving in the right direction. Absolutely. Oh, Marcus, I'm so happy for you. It's just great. It's just great. I loved that email.

Almost made me into tears. Well, Chelsea, should we get into some phone calls? Oh, yeah. We're not having a guest today. We're doing some episodes without guests to see how you guys like that. Yeah. I mean, some guests are great. And actually, all of our guests have been good. Yeah.

We haven't had any doozies. No, no duds. Oh, I can think of a doozy. I'll tell you after. Okay. I can actually think of one, too. I wonder if it's the same one. I bet it is.

I like having guests, and I also like not having guests. So I'm open to either way. Absolutely. I mean, some guests are great, so they're worth having. Some guests are good, and some are great. Yeah. Juliana Margulies is our... People are so in love with her. I hope she becomes our ride or die.

She is. I love her. I think she already is our ride or die. So pleased. Oh, my goodness. Well, let's take a quick break because we have to, and then we'll come back with some emails. Okay, sounds good.

Let's go take a bath. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

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And we're back. Ugh, sudsy. Very sudsy. I just want you to know, Katherine, before we get into today's episode, that I'm heading straight from here going to my ophthalmologist to figure out how to replace my eyes. Because I can't fucking see anything now after six o'clock. If I get a little stoned, I can't see anything. If I have a buzz, I can't see anything up close. Distance is fine because I had LASIK. But there's a thing you can get called monovision, which one eye's short and one eye's long. And I'm like, but that's a little dizzying, it sounds. So I have to go today to see what my other options are. And I'm hoping that I could

just get an eye implant. Just have them swapped out for a new one. I want to take Bert's vision and install it into my head so that I can see through his eyes. He has these bright blue eyes. Going to have Bert's brown eyes. Well, Chelsea. I actually have one follow-up that I wanted to share from Kat. And she wrote in and said, Can you all please shut the fuck up about the Kardashians? If I hear an update about the Kardashians on another platform right now, I will shoot my ears out. Seriously, what the hell. All the best, Kat.

That's so funny. I read this and I just couldn't stop laughing. I just love it. That's funny. Speaking of the Kardashians and I just couldn't stop laughing. I just love it. That's funny. Speaking of the Kardashians, I shot a Skims campaign. I used to make fun of the Kardashians and now I'm working for one. You can't escape them. No, it's ridiculous.

You can't. You can't. And now there's a new generation of them coming. So what the fuck? You just have to sit down and bear it. It's pretty. But yeah, I hear you. I can't believe it either. In like 30 years, North is going to be running for president. Don't even worry about it. They're here to stay. Isn't her name North Star? Northwest. Oh. I don't. Whoopsie doodle. I hope her middle name is Star, though. I think that's

great. My favorite these days, though, out of the Kardashians is Kourtney. She just seems really real. You know what? I feel like...

I'm like a bitch and I like that. Yes, but also, like, having just binge-watched all of the Kardashians, she is somebody who, like,

did... I love that this woman writes in about listening to Kardashians and now we're fucking talking about them. Kat, look what you've done. No, no.

Out of respect for the writer, let's end this conversation. As much as you want to talk about that, you'll have to save it for another episode, Kat. I will. I will. We have to be loyal to our viewers. That's right. I mean, listeners. I don't know if you're fucking listening or viewing.

And if you're viewing, please tell me how you're viewing, because we don't record this. Exactly. It is actually on YouTube, but it's just a still. The video's not out there. So you can watch a still photo while we talk. Oh, that's lame. Yes. Shout out to all our YouTube listeners. We had an email come in just like a day or two ago from Emma, and she was so sweet. She said, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of seven years, technically a little on and off, but three years straight now, broke up with me this week. We'd been struggling for a while,

but working through it, I thought. During our last disagreement, he told me he couldn't do it anymore and that he's felt this for a while, but didn't know how he could tell me. He loves me, but isn't in love with me. I'm blindsided and indescribably sad. Our town isn't tiny but small enough we'll run into each other. I'm supposed to be starting grad school for a therapy program in a week and don't know how I'll focus. I'm afraid I'll never move on. How can I move forward and heal because right now it seems impossible. Emma. Oh, no. Oh, that's sad. You feel you're so sad. But first of all, you're going to grad school. Why do you think it's the timing is as perfect as it could be? That's exactly what you need to do is go to grad school and get, first of all,

an education, a higher education and get a huge pivot in your life. He just told you he doesn't, he's not in love with you. Like there's no other way to say it. The only victory you can have now is completely diving into yourself and going to school, focusing on yourself, focusing on your career ahead and grieving with it. But knowing that you have something else going on in your life, otherwise you're just going to sit at home and cry about this and be depressed because he's not in love with you anymore. No, that's not an option. Yeah.

Give yourself a little bit of time to feel this. Eat some chocolate ice cream. Do what you got to do. But, you know, you're going to meet so many new people and not just, you know, potential romantic people, but new friends. You're going to have new experiences as you start grad school. I think, you know, potential romantic people, but new friends. You're going to have new experiences as you start grad school. I think, you know, she doesn't want that, though. I know you're listening and you don't want new experiences. You want your old experience.

I know. But I'm here to tell you that this is a huge opportunity for growth for you and that you are going to be fine. You are going to be okay and you're going to get through this. And the first step is going to grad school. That's exactly what you should be doing. And you're going to run into him. Great. first step is going to grad school. That's exactly what you should be doing. And you're going to run into him. Great. Every time is going to be easier than the last time.

But you have to think of this as an ending for that relationship and a beginning for the rest of your life. I love that. I think that's wonderful. And it will get easier. I think maybe not every day, but every week. It just gets easier, don't you think, Chelsea? Yes, definitely.

Definitely. Yeah. Thanks for writing in, Emma, and all the best. Let us know how grad school goes. You know, when you break up with somebody and you kind of go back to all of your people, it's like very nice and you feel very grateful. You're like, oh, wait, I wasn't as present before. You know, when you're in a relationship, you're never as present. But I don't like to think of myself as that. You know, like, I like to think that I am available even when I'm in a relationship. But when I think back about my most recent relationship, I'm like, oh, I was on tour. So that took up like 80% of my time. Yeah. And then the other 20% was always with my ex boyfriend. And I'm like, wait, I had no time for any of my friends or any of that

stuff. So that's like interesting. And the other thing I am conscious of watching, like have an awareness of now is like phases of grieving or getting over a breakup. Like once you have the vocabulary and you understand what's happening, you understand that the more distance you get, the more perspective you'll have and the more clarity you get. When you're in such a state with somebody and especially if the relationship dissolves, you're both not thinking clearly at all, you know? And so when you get the perspective and you allow enough time because people think time is bad. But like the longer that you have away, the clearer that you are able to see things. Yeah, absolutely. And understand exactly what transpired instead of being emotional about it.

You know, so it's nice to see the different phases of a breakup or grieving or whatever you want to call it, because, you know, I didn't want to ever lessen. I didn't ever want to take away like meaningful things that I said. I didn't want to like. It doesn't mean they're not true. Right. I don't want to do anything to negate me being my best possible version of myself during this breakup. Being able to conduct yourself in a way that you feel respectful of is a really great lesson

to learn. Yeah. I mean, and it usually probably wouldn't come to a person until they're in their 40s because we're so stupid. But I really feel like, okay, this is one way to conduct yourself. And it's the best way. Yeah. And you're always you're not going to have any regrets. And you don't participate in any, like, I have a couple girlfriends who read, you know, they will go on someone's Instagram and then go to the other person's Instagram that they're photographed in

their picture with to research that person. And these are grown women, and they're my close friends. And I'm like, you guys, and they're like, we just need to research that person and yada yada yada and these are grown women and they're my close friends and i'm like you guys and they're like we just need to know we need to know like i don't like that you don't like you don't i know i know they don't but they think they do they think they're collecting information that's their answer they're collecting information but i think it's good not to collect information to have a separation be a separation like you're now separate and there's no reason to be going, doing those things. Not because they're childish, because that's kind of sounds judgmental, but it is childish. And it's better. Because it doesn't matter.

Yeah. What that person is doing or thinking or saying about you. It doesn't matter. Exactly. And also like you don't get the headspace that you would if you were just, like, giving yourself time away from thinking about that or thinking about it, but not engaging with that person, their Instagram, whatever. I mean, but when you talk about as we mature, we react differently. I had one friend a few years ago who got divorced from her husband. They had been together for 12 years, married for five.

And she actually went through her whole Instagram and deleted every picture of them together. And like, it wasn't a particularly nasty divorce. It was pretty amicable. But I was like, you can't just erase somebody from your life, you know? I think it's interesting when people want to do that. Well, that's being angry or reactive or, well, I guess she wasn't being reactive because it was after the, but it is being reactive. It's like, just honor the, what it was. You don't have to erase it. Exactly. Exactly. But I mean, I think something that's totally undervalued is the value of giving yourself space and time. Like people want to rush things. I know I certainly do. I'm very impulsive.

Like I want answers and results quickly whenever I'm interested in something or the outcome of something. But that adult-ness to give yourself space and time to actually reflect and digest and get clarity is like, oh, okay, now, you know, I feel like a woman. Yeah. And it's a gift to yourself to be able to like, give yourself that clarity,

give yourself time to heal. But also, you know, like you said, healing doesn't necessarily mean that you're like totally moved on from that person or you're, you know, you don't ever think about them anymore, or there's no chance of getting back together. That's not what it means. Healing means that you get that different perspective and you can think about it differently. Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, that's a good point too. People confuse that word a lot. What do you think about closure? Everybody talks about closure. I mean, listen, it's not fun to be like, you know, left in the lurch and not know what happened. That is not ideal. But I don't know. How many closures

do people need? You know, that's my thing. It's like, if you're broken up, you're broken up. Do you need to break up twice? Yeah. Everyone thinks that they want closure, but I'm not positive that that's true. Yeah. You want to know what happened. Yeah. So I think that also, it's so nice to be with your family, you know, and be reminded of like the people that have been in your life forever and will always remain on your team and be with you. It's very nice to have that familiarity with family, especially with my sisters, because, you know, brothers are useless. My one brother, Roy, is the sweetest thing in the world. He's adorable and so loving and just a sweetheart. And then I have my brother

Glenn, who's just an idiot. You know, he has no concept of how he is or cares. He doesn't care because he's fucking, he just thinks he's killing it. He's a straight white male. Yes. Yeah. Over 50. That's the key ingredient. I mean, it's a different dynamic. Like, it is nice to be around people who, obviously, they loved your ex and they loved being around him, but they love being around you, just you, you know? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, well, that's it. I mean, how many times can I say, yeah, well, yeah, yeah. Family is great.

Family is great, everybody. Write that down. Write it down. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us tonight. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. God bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really?

That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our next email.

Chelsea, this is a juicy one. Oh. This is from Shaina. Should I get my water wings? Shaina's 29. She says, Dear Chelsea, About 18 months ago, a friend of mine ended an engagement with his girlfriend of many years. They just wouldn't have been able to make it work.

The breakup was super hard on both of them, and he feels bad he let the relationship go on too long. He's been talking to a therapist and believes it was the right decision to end things. He just wants them to be able to have closure. He recently contacted her to get the ring back, as well as some of his other stuff. Well, she returned his stuff, but not the ring. He tried to contact her about it and got radio silence. Legally, the ring should return to him. Since the wedding didn't't happen the ring doesn't officially become a gift but before he takes legal action against her is there any way i can help him get the ring back peacefully shana uh first of all shana you better not let you if you're influencing him at all do not let him take legal action to get his fucking ring back uh yeah he just broke

up with her she's allowed to keep the ring. The ring was a gift when he gave it to her, not when they get married. So you're letting him influence your thinking because you're a woman and you should know better. Do you know what I think?

I think Shayna is the new girlfriend. Yeah, obviously. I thought I really had like a moment there. you're going to sue to get your fucking engagement ring back?

Who does that? Yeah. And especially because like he broke it off. And here's the big thing to me is Shana says he broke off an engagement with a longtime girlfriend, not girlfriend, fiance, first of all. But second of all, he let 18 months go by without bringing this up. 18 months, that's too long. Even if like, and I looked up the laws on this too. different for differ from

state to state so some states have a law where like it becomes the woman's like as soon as look at you i love to research chelsea i actually really do but so you know it depends on the state it sounds like in their state it does legally revert to the giver since the wedding didn't happen. But if the wedding had happened, it would. Here's my thought. If he had asked within a month or two, maybe. First of all, it's not up to the man to ask for the ring back. It's up to the woman if she wants to give it back.

And any other man or non-binary person that has been proposed to and is returning a ring. It's up to the person, the recipient of the gift. That's at their discretion, not the person who gave the gift. You can't ask for a gift back. You know what that's called. We're not allowed to say that term anymore. Right. But like, what are you going to do? Give it to your next girlfriend? That's gross. Like a used engagement ring. We just want some money back so we can go buy her another one. I know. I heard a story about that too recently that somebody got proposed to his next girlfriend with his old girlfriend's engagement. Fine if you need a deal on a ring. Rings should just be taken out of the equation altogether. It's a bit silly. Go on a vacation. Yeah. I'm going to go to Bora Bora. I got to figure that out. Every time I see pictures

on Instagram of Bora Bora, I'm just like, holy fuck. I went there once with my girlfriend, Sophie, and we spent a week there and I was like, this is like a honeymoon. I'm like, this is what I would want my honeymoon to be like my girlfriend and myself. And just drank every time we came out of the water, they handed me a mango margarita because that would be the last thing that I drank. I love it. They came. It was just, it was heaven. You could be in that water for seven hours a day. Oh, I love it so much. Yeah, I got to get back there. It's a long trip.

And I cried the day we left. I did. How long were you there? One week. It was heaven. Heaven. Where is Bora Bora? Like, what's it called?

By Tahiti. Okay. Okay. Just, yeah. I know exactly where Tahiti is. So that's great. It's like French Polynesia. Okay. So that's great. It's like French Polynesia. Okay.

So that whole area. I think I have some research ahead of me when I get home. Bora Bora. Oh, no. Maybe that's by Indonesia Bora Bora. Because when we came from... No, we came from Papiete. No, yeah.

Tahiti. It's Tahiti. Okay. I have been to Indonesia. They take you... Did you go to Bali? We did. Yeah.

That was wonderful. Bali's cool. Yes. It was interesting to see the two different sides of it. Like how there's like one side that's so beachy and rustic. I've just never seen that much pollution in my life in Bali on the beaches. Yeah, it was all washed up. So the beaches were covered. I went for a surf competition. We must have been there at a different time because they were pristine when we went. Oh, yeah. Well, I think parts of the island, but there's those big pyres, right? Is that what they're called? Those of garbage in the ocean. And then they like washed ashore. Yeah. So they had a massive, my friend

used to run that WSL. So they had like a massive cleaning of the ocean thing where everybody in the same day went out to clean the ocean and get bit by sharks. Oh, God. And attacked by sharks. Fucking sharks are everywhere now. Oh, no. I know. There's like a shark app that tells you where all the sharks are because many of them are tagged. Yeah. In the Cape Cod area. And if you look at it, it's like, what the fuck?

It's just the entire ocean. Into the ocean. Yeah. Yeah, they're all up like in the northeast now because they're like, eh, we like this better. Yeah, and they're coming closer and closer. And you can say whatever you want about sharks not attacking, but they attack. And that's what's happening. They're fucking hungry and they're attacking.

Just sometimes. Only when they get a taste for it, right? Well, our first caller today is Wes. Wes has a pretty crazy situation. Wes says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a former foster parent who mostly took respite cases. One of my recurring cases were two brothers. They and all their siblings, ages 0 to 10, were in and out of care. I became close enough to the bio parents that I would occasionally babysit the kids even when they weren't in the system. The bio parents felt close enough to me to confide in me one day that mom was pregnant with twins.

They wanted me to adopt the twins when they were born because they had the common sense to know that otherwise they'd be in and out of the system, too. After speaking with DCFS and my own family, I decided to adopt the twins. This essentially involved letters of intent on behalf of the bio parents and myself that the babies would leave the hospital with me and the bio parents would have no rights to them. So there's legal implications here, too. Long story short, nearly seven months in, we found out it was all a ruse. The pregnancy was faked. This was truly mind bending. And I approached my work about time off to grieve.

I had prepared space in my home and in my life for these babies, and the sense of emptiness was profound. Their response was, we have difficulty justifying this extended time off because there was no actual death. The next day, I quit my job. I had already had some qualms about the industry and it's been 18 months since I quit and I'm ready to go back to work. I'd like to obtain a position of similar title, senior director, but I feel that the 18-month gap in my resume will be hard to explain and mean that I need to settle for a lesser position. How can I explain the gap in my resume without revealing too much information? I have no problem sharing my story when it's appropriate, but an interview is

definitely not that. Thanks for your time. Hope to speak with you soon. Be well, Wes. Hi, Wes. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. Good. How are you doing? Doing well. You guys look radiant.

Thank you. I was going to say you looked ravishing earlier. Oh, thank you. Well, I'm pretty hungry. So, Wes, that's such a fucked up thing to have happen yeah it was pretty crazy so they basically faked it for what to get you to give them money or pay yeah i mean that's that's the question i get a lot it's like why did they do that and i think one of the reasons why this is like such a, you know, difficult, confusing situation is like, we didn't really give them a whole lot over that seven month period. I mean, we like gave them and their other kids presents at Christmas, we would babysit. I mean, like one time I bought them gas and another time I bought them groceries. But when they announced that they were pregnant, we had in our care their two oldest boys.

And so I think, you know, it's one thing to fake a pregnancy, but then it's a completely different thing to fake a pregnancy with twins. they wanted to in their minds they wanted to swap these twins for and they thought that somehow they were going to be able to do that but if the if the pregnancy wasn't real then there was there were no twins yeah so i don't think they thought that yeah and we talked and there's some like mental illness involved and it's like a pretty sticky situation. Yeah. Yeah. The entire history of the family involves like DCFS, which is like the foster care organization. And the mother had trauma. The father, you know, had been incarcerated. So, I mean, they're not rational, well-adjusted people. I mean, the children were brought into care for a reason. And are the rest of the kids still with them? So, you know, I'm not supposed to know this, but I do because I had some contacts in the agency after I released my license.

But essentially what happened is, this is really crazy, are not adopted yet. But the two younger sisters were. The baby that I babysat a lot of the time. He got adopted. And then just recently, like a couple months ago, we found out that that the mother is pregnant with twins. Actually? Actually, like verified, like the system has already taken measures to bring those children into care once they're born. Wow.

It is wild. You can't make this up. once they're born. Wow. It is wild. You can't make this up. Talk about a manifestation. Yeah. So what's your status with this family? You're obviously not in contact with them now, right? I mean, how do you really get past a fake pregnancy? Yeah, yeah.

And they told us that if any of their other five kids came up for adoption, that they would like immediately make moves for that and there were like a lot of like tearful phone calls and just kind of integrating their family with mine and you don't come back from that like you said no and you made space in your life for them like that line of your email really stuck out to me because you would I mean you'd be planning baby showers and where they're going to sleep and all these things. Yeah. Yeah. We had this lovely nursery set up.

It was so much fun to do that. And even, you know, with their existing real kids, you know, we would always have the because you have to have supervised visits when your children are in care and you come visit them. So we would always have like all four to five kids in care meet at our place. And so, you know, it was, it was a place that the parents were familiar with. It was a place that all the kids were familiar with. So it was just like, yeah, there was like the physical space. And then like, I, I told my parents and all my family like, Hey,

we can expect one to like five kids in maybe a year. Like, isn't that crazy? And like, you know, it was just and then it turned out that it was all fake. And I'm so sorry, but let's talk a little bit about getting you back in the workforce, because I know you took 18 months off, and you have a pretty high level position, right? But did you say you rescinded your license? Yeah, yeah. Why? So I love what foster care does for children because, you know, babies get adopted all the time. There's like negative babies in the adoption space. There's a there's a deficit of babies. But in the foster system, there's just this overwhelming surplus. I think it's like 400,000 in the United States alone that are looking for homes at any given... That's just

children needing care. And so my aunts adopted a lovely boy who they turned his world around, and I became of age and career to support, you know, my own instance of fostering. Is it a different license in each state? But don't you need to get your license back in order to go back to work? No. I think the license was for DCFS, right? Like the foster license? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the license that says that like, you know, like you're capable and your house meets all the requirements. Sure.

Yeah, I think, I mean, in the last 18 months, I mean, you're not the only person who's lapsed in employment. Like I think you can, there's so many things you can say. You can blame it on COVID. You can blame it on your family. You had a family member who had COVID who got really ill. Like, you know, obviously don't get into too many details, but you can just make that the reason why you didn't work. Yeah. And even I think there is room to like get closer to the truth of I had a loss in my family, like you don't necessarily

have to say death. I had a loss in my family. And so I took some time to grieve. And some people may ask for more information, but you can also just finish that sentence and, you know, change the subject, ask a question. One thing that I did find, I did a little research on this as well, is for, for example, for women who have a significant gap in their resume, you know, this study was done with like gaps of 10 years for people who took time off to go back to school or raise a family or whatever. When they addressed that gap right on their resume, they had a 40% higher chance of getting hired. So I would say right there on your resume, even just say it, and then it might not even come up in the interview. Like, I think it would be hard pressed to find an interviewer who's like, so who died?

Like, let's talk about it. Talk the grieving process right right yeah no that's a that's a great point I never thought about just being old and out there with it you know because I I want to be truthful to the point where you know I'm not lying that just feels like the opposite of like what the whole point of taking off time was but But at the same time, like, I don't want to like destroy someone's day with this like terrible story. I think Catherine's advice is perfect. You get closer to the truth. I was just coming up with a blatant lie because, but I think I'm wrong when it's a situation and Catherine, that was really good. Oh, because you had to say you lost a family member and let people and if, you know, they probably will think it was related to COVID. And then we both get our way.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, definitely. And if they press it, you can invent a family member, just like Chelsea said. Yeah, totally. Just a little bit of fun lying. Yeah. And also focus on well, you're just talking about your resume, not the actual interview. Well, that's what I'm nervous about. There are so many topics or conversations about how aggressive the workplace is becoming. And bosses are demanding that people work in the office, go back to the office. There's this conversation about quiet quitting, which is just basically acting your wage. And it just seems like the corporate hierarchy office environment in America hasn't improved in my time away. And I certainly hope that I'm

stronger, but I think that that environment still seems pretty toxic across the board. But you're still ready to get back to work? I would like to. I mean, my partner has a lot of like, I hear a lot of his conversations and I want to get back into those like decision making meetings and I want to do the financial analysis and, you know, I want to be a mentor and a leader again. Well, it seems like you've really thought about it and had great thoughtfulness about it. You sound like you really know what you're talking about in terms of what's good for you and the way you're going to like perform the best.

So that's positive. And also, you know, focus on all of the things that you, like this is a great job interview right now, I feel like. If somebody heard you talking, I'd be like, wow, you're so capable and you have so many things to add, you know, and just your awareness is, you know, impressive. So those are the things you want to sell yourself on anyway, and not harp on the last 18 months where you didn't work. It's

like, that gave me enough time to reflect and figure out and have like a laser focus of exactly what I want to contribute. Yes, that's powerful. Thank you. I didn't think about it like that. Thank you. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And listen back to this, because everything you just said is stuff an employer would want to hear like here's why i want to be here this is why i love being in corporate america this is why it allows me to think creatively and problem solve and i want to be in there yeah i think i could use that to my advantage and awesome all right let us know what happens keep us posted absolutely i'll send you an email have a good one thanks bye yeah what a whirlwind yeah that was our longest caller i think in a while it sure was

we learned about corporate america and here we are well this is an email from marie she's 26 dear chelsea this is a long complicated, but let me try to boil it down. Impossible because I always end up going on and on. Five-ish years ago, meet John in my hometown, San Francisco, through mutual friends. We ended up becoming great friends. Six months later, John moves to L.A. We keep in touch through texts and phone calls once or twice a week, occasionally visiting while with friends. July 2020, so this is several years later, John invites me to come down to L.A. for six weeks to stay at his house with friends. July 2020, so this is several years later, John invites me to come down to LA for six weeks to stay at his house with him.

We gradually start hooking up. We spend the summer hooking up, but he's clear he only wants to be friends. He doesn't want to fuck up our friendship, etc. I'm cool with this. By October 2020, things get weird between us and we're not really talking anymore. A few months later, we start talking on the phone every day for hours at a time. We'd talk in the morning, usually for an hour, and then again at night for a couple hours. He invites me to come stay with him for a week, and when I get back to his place and have lunch, we immediately have sex. Oops. We spend the summer going back and forth between L.A. and San Francisco. September 2021.

I help him move, drive his shit from LA to San Francisco, where I live. We're hooking up all the time, but, quote, just friends. It's been nine months. I'm basically living with him. Haven't slept in my own bed since early April. We say we love each other. He paid for us to go on vacation. Looks and acts just like a boyfriend, but still he's not. He still won't commit. He's not sleeping with or talking to anyone else. I fully trust him on that. He literally doesn't have time because we're together 24-7. I just don't get it. He says he's scared. He doesn't know how things will end up, if he's going to move away, or if we'll just end up with our hearts broken. Is he wasting my time? I would literally marry

this guy, but he still won't call me his girlfriend, so what does that say? I don't want to give an ultimatum, but I also need him to make a decision. Why would he want the cow, me, when I already give him the milk, full girlfriend treatment, for free? Last time I brought this up was a month ago, and he said he just wasn't ready and couldn't give me what I wanted. We ended up crying together, and things went back to normal. Chelsea, please help. Hi, Marie. Hi, how are you? Good. So you want to marry the guy that doesn't even want to acknowledge that you're his girlfriend?

I mean, like, I feel really strongly for him, probably not marriage right now, but like I would like I'd be open to a full relationship. I don't understand like why he won't. Because something's stuck in him. Something is stuck in him and you're not going to get it by sticking around. You're not going to get him unstuck by sticking around. You have to lay down the law and say, listen, this is ridiculous. We're not going to get him unstuck by sticking around. You have to lay down the law and say, listen, this is ridiculous. We're in a relationship. We have been. We're together all the time. I don't care if you're scared. This is now disrespectful to me. You won't even acknowledge that I'm your girlfriend. And if you don't, if you can't, then that's fine. But we're not going

to continue this way. And you have to be strong and actually mean that this is beneath you. You know, if you want to be in a relationship with him and he's saying, no, this is and you have to be strong and actually mean that this is beneath you. You know, if you want to be in a relationship with him and he's saying, no, this is beneath you and you're lowering your standards and what you are going to get in terms of respect from people. You asked, is he wasting my time? And I think for my part, the obvious answer is yes. I personally think that wasting someone's time romantically is truly a cardinal sin of dating. Like, I think that is one of the things that's really unforgivable because you are not only taking that person's time currently, but you're taking that person's time, keeping them from meeting someone else, keeping them from healing, keeping them from going and having adventures, whatever the case may be. What do you think about that?

I agree with you again, Catherine. I agree with you. Like, I know you don't want to hear this. I understand that this is difficult because you're in a situation, but I'm imploring you to get yourself out of this situation because as soon as you do, you're going to see things more clearly. And if he's ever going to wake up and stand up and say, yes, it's going to be because of your absence.

Yeah. I just needed to hear it from someone who wasn't in my life. Yeah. Totally. What do your friends think about it? Are your friends like, stick around, he's amazing? They're like, dump him. Yeah.

Well, you can't dump him because you're not even in a relationship. I know. Well, they're like, you need to bring it up. You need to bring it up. And I feel like I waited until, like I said, I was waiting until I was ready to like really walk away but I feel like that's not coming and I just have to do it yeah you do and then deal with it yeah Marie you seem like somebody who's very level-headed you're very chill and one of the red flags to me because I was in a similar relationship was you, kind of you

talk about at the end where you cried about it together. And that's not mocking at all. No. Like just this sort of up and down and will we or won't we end, like he's got these rules. This to me feels like somebody who maybe is thriving on the drama of it all. And he is addicted to the highs and the lows and all the highs are super high and all the lows are super low. And like, maybe there's a little personality disorder going on or maybe there's just like a bad boyfriend situation going on. But that to me is kind of red flaggy. Is that what your relationship is like dramatic and highs and lows? It was like two years ago. And then the last like nine months have been really calm and like really good. And honestly, like perfect aside from this whole thing of not having a label on it, which is like the one thing I'm asking, you know, and it's not a lot. No, it's not. It's totally normal. And

yes, yeah, honestly, just get away from him, break up and do it with meaning. And I guarantee you, your life is going to be incrementally better in three weeks. Okay. Three weeks, three weeks, you're going to start to feel the impact of making a strong decision and what that means as a woman and setting an example for yourself and for all of the people in your life that you're not a doormat and that what you're asking for is not a tall order for to be called someone's girlfriend is an everyday language that men women women and women men and men everyone uses it's not a big deal so he should get over himself or he's not going to have you as his girlfriend. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

It's pretty simple. So do it. Report back. OK, let us know. I will. I will. I'm scared. Don't be scared.

Be strong. Be strong. Step in your strong shoes like you have strength. Go find it. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Bye, Marie. Bye.

Bye, guys. You know, I think it's interesting that she mentions ultimatums. I do you think that they ever work? No. It's so dumb. Ultimatum. Like, I don't even understand where that came from. Yeah.

You're going to do this or else. So stupid. You know, I think, like, the only time something similar to that has worked for me is like when I'm giving it to myself. So it's like I in the past have been like, you know what, if I still feel this bad in this job or this relationship or this friendship or whatever it is in two months or six months or whatever sort of the situation calls for. And I will actually put this on my calendar, like get out of that situation if you still feel bad at this point. Because like things get good things get bad like things change but like I've given myself ultimatums and I think that's the only thing you can do you can't give an ultimatum to another person no I mean it's almost like a

way to state that the opposite will happen and it's yeah as soon as you say if you do this you know it's gonna happen right exactly and if you know, like Marie, if you do actually just leave, it's not an empty threat. It's like, OK, well, this is the boundary. You're not going to give me what I want. So it's done. Marie's going to follow up with us. She's going to leave him and then she's going to follow up with us. She better find it in her courage machine to do the deed.

It's empowering to walk away from things. I mean, not in an arrogant way or like, oh, I'm a big. It's empowering for your self-esteem to be like, this is not acceptable for me anymore. Like, I don't accept this. And you actually truly never know what good thing can come out of saying no to something that's not working. I had a situation recently where I was working on a show. Brad and I were actually both working on a show. It felt like the right decision to leave the show because of a few different things that were going on and we had too many projects going on and whatever else. So we left the show and I actually was able to find two people who are actually two of my closest friends to fill those positions and

got them all set up. And the very last thing, like on my last conversation with the hiring manager or with the manager of the show was, you know, the host of the show just wishes he could do this show with you. And as it turned out, the other show that I was leaving for had fallen through. It had turned out to be a bad, toxic situation. So we got out of that. And it turned into this situation I never could have realized where I got hired back to the show. I get to work with two of my best friends who are brilliant at their jobs. And I get to like help on this on this show that I just absolutely love. And like all the bad stuff there has gone away.

So it just was like I could have never envisioned that this was a possible outcome. But like I got hired back with like a better title in a race. Wow. It's amazing. I know things do work out like that all the time. That happens all the time. They do. Well, we have one more caller today, and her name is Jocelyn. Jocelyn says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 36 and I live in Austin. I made a career switch and became an esthetician a few months before I moved here, February 2020. And well, what a fucking time to move to a new city. Over the past few months, clients will come in, lay on the table for a service, and just start trauma dumping. I've always been an empath and people

have opened up to me a lot throughout my life. I value deep conversations. As my friends were gossiping in a booth at a bar, I would always be found having a hard time with a stranger. It's just who I am. Lately, though, I haven't been able to deal with the weight of the trauma dumping my clients tend to do. It leaves me exhausted mentally and emotionally. I have my own shit. I'm seeing a therapist and have even talked to her about this. So it's difficult dealing with my shit and having clients who I know feel like they may not have anyone to talk to. I usually go home and feel so drained that I don't want to do anything. I end up sleeping in. They get nothing accomplished before work. I don't necessarily feel depressed,

just bogged down and in a daze of sorts. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this slump and get motivated to take action in filling my own cup before I get burnt out? All the best, Jocelyn. Hi, Jocelyn. Hi. Hi. Hi. How are you? Doing well. I see we both have beautiful curtains behind us. Yes, it's a curtain podcast. We have curtains behind there because there's seven small people living back there. So we have to hide that for publicity reasons. Of course there are. So what is your line of work? I'm a medical esthetician. Right. I would have to say, listen, I think that job just that's what that job comes with. Right. Like people are always going to come in there and air their laundry. I think it's a matter of you getting your head in a different space about it and realize that you are serving a really important purpose in so many people's lives because that is when they do relax and they are willing to be vulnerable and discuss their problems. And that's a far better option than people not discussing their problems. While you don't want to be the recipient all the time because you've got your own stuff going on, I find that when you're there for other people in a generous way, which is part of your job kind of, you know, it's not written, but it is kind of like a tacit part of your job.

I feel like that's going to give you so much comfort and fill you up as well. If you have the right attitude about your being that you're there to help them instead of, you know, being annoyed by people's stories, which I can totally relate to. It's nice to flip the switch and be like, this person needs me right now. Yeah. Have you tried anything like that? Yeah, no, I definitely have been working on it and trying to set boundaries in different ways. It's more so the like constants of it. Like sometimes I'll have an hour facial and then a 15 minute break and then back to back where sometimes it changing my state of mind for sure. Like I said in the email, I was seeing a therapist, but I fired her last week. So I'm looking for another one. Why did you fire her? I gave it four sessions and every time I felt like I was the only one initiating any of the conversation. And there was a lot of lulls in

between until I started talking again. And the last session with her, she confused me with another client and brought up someone else's trauma with me that I was like, I don't think I said that. And so it was kind of awkward. Well, good for firing her. That's not a match. That's not a good therapist. So yeah, you should definitely find another therapist, but don't give up, you know. And listen, we all go through different phases in our lives. We go through happy spells and sadder spells and listless periods where sometimes you feel super productive and sometimes you don't. But I really think if you can try and remember to be of service to others in a sense and that you're doing job like you're doing the Lord's work you know like think about it in that sense take it seriously

on that in that sense and try and separate your personal life from theirs you know I think sometimes hearing a lot of sad stories makes me feel realize how lucky I am and fortunate not to be experiencing those things. So there's that aspect of it too. You know, it can shine a light on how different your lives are and how grateful you are to have the life you are. Even if you're not in the happiest state right now, you never know that could be just around the corner. And it's, it is really an inside job to get ourselves to feel positive and happy and optimistic, that doesn't just always come naturally. Definitely. Yeah. And I think there might be some things you can do at the end of your workday to

sort of like literally and figuratively like wash that stuff away so that you're not taking it home with you, whether that's sort of resetting your nervous system by taking a shower or some people love to have light some sage, unsage themselves or whatever, but having some sort of a little daily ritual, even if it's just changing your clothes or taking a nap or whatever it is to sort of separate those two parts of your day. Do you find it's a few clients in particular or is it just all your clients are trauma dumping? Not all of them, but there's a steady amount. Like my coworkers and I talk about it, like everyone's kind of going through it. And it is obviously with our job, it is a common thing. And then with the last couple of years and all

the shit that everyone has been through, there's even more. Yeah. Definitely trying to separate, change my mindset and be more positive about it, knowing that I am helping people. I just feel mainly that I carry it with like... You take it on. Yeah. Yeah. That will definitely be something to talk to your new therapist about. Like, how do I hear this and be present with them, but also like not have it affect me and like carry it with me every day, there might be an opportunity for you to set the tone when you walk into the room. So maybe that's asking questions that have sort of like a positive basis or even redirecting like, I'm so sorry that happened.

So maybe let's talk about something positive. What's one of the most fun things you've done or seen recently? You know, setting up those conversations, even right from the beginning when someone walks in the door, of engaging them with what's something positive. Let's talk about this. What was fun this week? What are you liking to listen to right now? And just getting the ball rolling, encouraging them to talk about things they're excited about. No, I love that idea.

Because, like I said earlier, I've tried setting boundaries. I have tried redirecting, but I haven't thought about the, like, asking them, you know, what's a positive thing going on? What's something fun you've done? And so that's really great. Like first date questions or third date questions, stuff that's like light and positive, but it's like gets the ball rolling and it's very open-ended and yeah. Awesome. Great. Well, let's say try that out and let us know how it goes for you. All right. Thank you so much. Thank you. Good luck. Thanks for jumping on. She's sweet. Yeah. Of course she's a medical esthetician. She was beautiful.

It's so funny that whenever I go to the doctor, I feel like they're fucking trauma dumping on me. Any of my estheticians, not trauma dumping, but I'm always getting information. That's because I ask a lot of questions. That's why. And that's your vibe. You're like, tell me all the things. Tell me all the things.

Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. Okay, Chelsea? Yes, yes, yes. Bye, Catherine. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast OK, Chelsea? Yes, yes, yes. Bye, Catherine. Cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer? We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you, and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?

His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello. We're back. Excellent. That was so easy. Chelsea, this is usually the part of the show where someone asks for advice from you. But I think since it's just you and me today, I think we can close with one last email that I got. And I wanted to share this kind of at the end, but it goes with our theme today of breakups and makeups. Dear Chelsea, this is from Ariana. I'm writing this email to express my deepest gratitude for you as a role model. My ex and I broke up in June and because it was my

deepest, most loving relationship yet, it is now my most painful breakup. I've gone through many periods in life where I was sure that I probably won't find my person, not really based on insecurities, but because I just didn't think there was a great fit out there for me. That all changed last year when I was swept up in love with the most amazing person I've ever met. We moved across the country together and went through rough patches and then had so much growth together all in a little over a year. Things were never perfect, but as the saying goes, love is all about hard work. What saying is that? Love is all about hard work?

No. Okay, anyway, marriage is all about hard work. That's accurate. That is accurate. In June, he had the courage that I didn't to say what we both knew to be true. It just wasn't the right fit. We hadn't lived there long enough for me to have a solid group of friends and I had no family nearby. My mom flew out and helped me pack up and just like that, my new life and all the plans we made for the future were gone. I'm still picking up the pieces of my life, finding a new job in a new place. But this is the only relationship that has reached this level for me.

And just as I was starting to slip back into my pessimistic view of, well, this is as good as it could get and it didn't work, so that's it for me, I listened to your podcast. Hearing your hope and positivity for your future is healing a part of me I haven't touched yet in my journey. Yuck, sorry, I said journey. We're all works in progress. And to hear you speak and spread love helps make this all a little easier. Ariana. That's nice. Okay, well, this is our close then, you guys. Thanks for being here with us today. And we'll be back next week. Yep, we sure will. Bye. So I am winding up my stand-up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year.

I have my last dates coming up. And these are the last opportunities you have to also buy merch from the website, ChelseaHandler.com. If you want Vaccinated and Horny, captain's hats that say we're the captains now for women only, or t-shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry, because they should be. I only have a few dates left.

Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. There, I said it. And then San Diego and Riverside, California. And then Baltimore, Maryland. And then my very last date is December 16th in Redding, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea.

That is our podcast. And you can rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any podcast that you like. Subscribing, giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word. Okay, yeah. Yeah. spread the word. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Subscribe and comment. Yeah. And follow. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseepodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the Really

Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world.

Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.