Dear Chelsea - Split Sh*t 50/50 with Gabrielle Union

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

Gabrielle Union joins Chelsea this week to talk about what it meant to her to document her recent trip to Africa, finding her inner peace, and what it’s like to marry someone almost a decade younger than she is. Then: A want-to-be mom wonders if it’s time to give up the IVF fight - or try one last time.  An artist struggles with jealousy, and finding the patience to keep creating despite past failures.  And a bestie wonders if she’s lost her friend after their kids get in a tussle.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small, powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline.

Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

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Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jumpstart series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all-access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500,

a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Oh, hi, Chelsea.

I'm watching my whole entire crew that works with me at my house. I say works with me instead of works for me because I don't want to be a cunt. But let's be honest, I'm not doing fucking anything at my house. I am leaving so that they can move me into my new house. Wait, really? It's happening? Well, no. I'm moving out of my rental because I'm going to be gone for pretty much the whole summer. Although, don't worry, we have fresh podcasts coming every week. We've taken care of everything.

We will not desert you. But they're packing everything up. And then I have to basically pack everything that I want for the first leg of my trip, which is a month. London, Portugal, Norway. And then I have to come back for Ben Bruno's wedding at the end of July. So I'm stopping down. So I was at my chiropractor yesterday for my neck, not cracking my necks because I have some neck issues. So he's just doing body work on me.

And one of the guys there, I go, are you guys all going to Ben Bruno's wedding? Because everybody knows each other. And one guy was like, no, I'm not going. You know, I've got kids. It's just too much. I go too much. What? He goes, I'm like, you've got kids. It's on a fucking Saturday night. Like, what do you mean? He goes, yeah, I just told him. It's just like, you know, it's really hectic with the kids. I'm like, first of all, dick shit. It's Saturday night. Okay. Are you too cheap to buy a present? Is that why you're not going? And a babysitter.

I'm like, I'm flying back from fucking Europe to go to Ben Bruno's wedding and you're too lazy to fucking get in your car on a Saturday and drive over to the hotel where they're having the wedding? I mean, people get really offended if there's no kids at the wedding, though. Like, if you're not allowed to bring them. I know, I agree. There should never be any children at weddings.

Even if you have children, leave them home. But also, it's kind of insulting to be invited to a wedding and you don't go unless you have a really good reason. Not because you don't feel like it. It's just like, what? Like, I miss my girlfriend's Sophia Bush's wedding, for instance, but I was on tour.

Right. That's a pretty good reason. I would have much preferred to be with her than on tour. And you probably sent a gift. Yeah. Hopefully. Hopefully somebody sent a gift. Yeah. Or maybe not. Hopefully. Hopefully somebody sent a gift. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

But even, you know, you bring up a good point. Like, maybe it doesn't have enough money to buy a gift, whatever. Do a really nice card and be like, we'll take you to dinner. Not everybody can afford an expensive gift, but, like, you can go to the wedding. You can go to the wedding. I don't even, yeah, I don't even think people, well, I shouldn't say that because people are expecting gifts. Like I shouldn't say, I don't even think people are expecting gifts. I know people. If I got married, I would not want a gift, but I'd also probably not get married. So I wouldn't expect, yeah. But so I wouldn't say that. I think they do want gifts this wedding.

So I think I got a very specific instructions about a gift. So hopefully somebody's doing that too. Oh my gosh. If you wanted to be really shady for her, you could get her a bread box. But we like her because she's no bread. She's at no bread. Oh yeah. Right.

No bread. At no bread. Nicole Kogan is her last name. As a gluten free person. I appreciate her. Oh yeah. She's good. If you guys are looking for dietary, if anyone has celiac or is gluten-free or all of these things, you can follow

her at No Bread on Instagram. She'll like that shout out. Yeah. And then I come back. Well, I'm going on vacation and then I come back in the fall and do my debut performance, my fall debut performance at the Clubhouse in East Hampton on August 26th. By the way, make sure you check out my tour dates, everybody, because I'm taking the summer off and then I'm going to be back with a vengeance. Okay, guys, we have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour because I'm coming all over. We had a second show at the Pantages in Los Angeles. So that's October 12th and Friday the 13th, which is my favorite day of the week or the year, I guess. We added a second show in Boston at the Wang Center. September 29th and 30th is two shows in New York. I also have a show in East Hampton, New York, August 26th. We added a second show in Portland.

So Thursday, November 2nd, Friday, November 3rd in Portland, November 4th and 5th in San Francisco, two shows there. We added a second show in Seattle, November 10th and 11th. Two shows, Boston, are November 16th and 17th at the Bach Center, Wang Theater. And I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and so many other cities, Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville. So I will see everybody at all of these shows. Thank you. Get your tickets at ChelseaHandler.com. So our guest is, she has a new rom-com actually. It's called The Perfect Find. It is out on Netflix, June 23rd. She has a docu-series called My Journey to 50, which debuts on BET, June 15th. She is the actress, producer, bestselling author, and entrepreneur, Gabrielle Union. Oh my God.

She's there. You made it. Hi. Hi, Gabrielle. How are you? Beautiful. I'm good. You guys look great.

Where are you in the world? We're in the Valley. Don't be jealous. Okay. We're right around the corner. Same here, bitch. Like I am deep in the fucking Valley. I'm like

oh i really how deep oh deep deep deep we're like hidden hills we're like oh are you with the kardashian do you live with the kardashians i am right on the same street oh wow lucky you not a primary residence of course it's a shooting residence but still still. Oh, I see. Copy that. Yes. Copy on shooting residence. We need so many residences these days for everything that everybody's shooting, don't we? Well, it makes us relatable.

And that's really what's important today. Totally. Totally. As soon as you say Hidden Hills, we all know what's going on. It's so nice to speak with you, Gabrielle. This is my co-host, Catherine. Hi. How are you? Very good. And I wanted to just dive right into things because one of the things I admire so much about you is how outspoken you are about everything in your life and everything

that you've experienced with your family, with your career. And I guess I want to ask you first off about how your childhood impacted the way that you have your family now. And our experiences are so different when we become parents. So I'm curious because you're always learning and growing and you're dealing with a nontraditional family that's blended, right? Which is basically the new tradition. So tell me like how you learn and grow as the head of a family like that with you and your husband. Yeah, no, I mean, it's a process and it keeps changing. But my ability to sort of weather those changes and those constant evolutions comes from childhood. I come from a family on my mom's side, the larger family is called the Dozens of Cousins.

And we have the largest black family in the state of Nebraska and one of the largest in the Midwest. And you're literally related to everyone. And your business is their business. And if somebody sees you on the street causing mischief, as one might say, they are completely within their rights to smack the shit out of you. That was kind of how I grew up where every, your village was large and vast. And on my dad's side, like both my parents are one of seven. My dad's the youngest of seven. My mom's the oldest of seven. And you are your brothers and sisters keepers. That's just what it is. And by brothers and sisters, that can mean your actual siblings or your extended family, your community. You have responsibilities that are much, much

greater than just, you know, taking care of yourself. So that was what I grew up in. We always had cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone like would come to our house when they were having, you know, some troubled times or whatever. And they'd stay for a couple months or they'd send their kid who was having disciplinary issues to my dad and he'd straighten them out and he'd stay for a couple months or they'd send their kid who was having disciplinary issues to my dad and he'd straighten them out and he'd call it camp union and we're like don't come to camp union it sucks but they've just kept sending kids so you just kind of figured it out you'd wake up and there'd be a couple extra cousins there and you know you had to figure out how to share your cereal and that I've just sort of taken that into life. You do what is necessary to cover as many people as possible.

That's beautiful. That was so, like, controversial until. Oh, until you guys just talked about splitting shit 50-50, right? That's not the big thing? Oh, my God. I had, honestly, it wasn't even, that wasn't even the point of what I was talking about. It was how feeling like you need to take care of everyone can be fucking stressful, like incredibly stressful, not resentful, not anything else though that has percolated in my body at times. But I was

just talking about how it can be incredibly stressful when you are the answer to everyone's problems. And because, you know because everyone's like, but your husband has money. And it's like, yeah, he has money and he should keep his money. I don't need that part of him to make me complete. And maybe knowing that he could cover me if need be makes it easier to then set a different boundary where I'm like, no, I'm paying half because that's what makes me comfortable. But yeah, I was talking about like, I'm stressed. It's hard being head of household for multiple households outside of the one you're living in. Yeah, right. So you were talking about splitting. Wait, what was the confusion? You were talking about splitting something 50-50 that you like

to split your economics 50-50. And then what were people saying? What was their problem? No, they were outraged that I would even want to split a bill that my husband isn't forcing me to allow him to pay my bills or he just has so much more than I do. I'm a damn fool for even like looking towards my purse or my checkbook. I'm a stupid idiot for even like looking towards my purse or my checkbook. Like I'm a stupid idiot for even wanting to pay half. And it was an eye opening conversation because I was like, it's like if someone said, yo, I write checks and somebody else was like, oh, I do direct deposit.

No, I write a check. I go into the bank myself. What the fuck? What? what oh you guys are legitimately this is week two of this it just speaks to the patriarchy such bullshit where people think that they're fucking with it and they know what's going on yet these ideas are so old and stagnated and stuck in their heads that the idea of a woman wanting to pay for herself is so anathema to so many people. It's like when I talk about not wanting children, the ire, the anger I receive from men who don't have anything to do with me. What the fuck do you care what I'm doing?

Why would it make you so mad unless you had such a rock stuck in your head about a belief system that is starting to kind of, you know, shed. It was funny because we, in our group chat, we had, we covered your, your comments and everyone was like, I don't really even see, it was the quickest debate, non-debate that we had in our group chat. Everyone's like, I don't, if she doesn't want to have kids, who cares? What does that have to do with me? And I was like, nothing. And they were like, okay, moving on. So it was a very quick discussion that we had. And it was like, what you eat don't make me shit. Literally, literally. Like it has nothing to do with anything. But what I will say is I remembered feeling very triggered in a cluster of moms who've made other choices, different choices than I made and feeling like them

talking about their lives and their joys and their decisions somehow was an attack on me and that I'm a bad mom because I work or I'm a bad mom because I can't make it to certain things. And they weren't even looking in my direction. They weren't, they could have given two thoughts about me. It was everything I was taking in because I hadn't made looking in my direction. They weren't, they could have given two thoughts about me. It was everything I was taking in because I hadn't made peace with my choice. So that's what it sort of felt like with this.

It was like, if you feel triggered to such a degree where you're going to do a whole TikTok or a stitch or a real chat, what? Baby, that's not even, this conversation isn't between you and I, it's between you and yourself. Because what about how I pay my bills even causes any kind of reaction for you? And I don't think a lot of old white guys about powerful women, people not having a nucleararchy that has been in place since for so long. Because before the patriarchy, there was a matriarchy where women were in charge, you know, and maybe if it had stayed that way, our planet wouldn't be on fire. And women now are starting to understand, oh, it's not our job to judge each other either.

We need to support each other if we're ever going to win this quote unquote war. I hate to say the word war, but that's what it feels like, a culture clash and a culture war where things are evolving. to support each other if we're ever going to win this quote unquote war. I hate to say the word war, but that's what it feels like, a culture clash and a culture war where things are evolving. But now women, it feels, and I know it too, because I catch myself, instead of judging someone, I'm like, oh, oh, that's another woman. I'm here for support. I'm not here to say she did the wrong thing. I would have handled that differently. Who gives a shit how you would have handled it? You're not her. And no one asked. Especially her. She didn't ask. But it's that feeling of wanting to be accepted through sameness, right? If me and everyone I know are making the exact same decisions,

then we are right. Because just look at the sheer numbers of us doing the exact same thing. But if someone comes in to do something just different, there's billions of people doing the exact same thing. But if someone comes in to do something just different, there's billions of people in the world, which means there's billions of ways of getting from A to Z, right? So what about someone doing something different just makes us feel so fearful or judged or observed or surveilled or attacked when people are just talking

about their choices and it really doesn't have anything to do with or it shouldn't have anything to do with how you walk into your home and how you and your family get down like that has literally nothing to do with me and if you're making it about me then let's okay let's have the conversation this one dude was like you know on a beautifully done stitch i mean the production quality was phenomenal the music supervisor was amazing let's have the conversation. This one dude was like, you know, on a beautifully done stitch. I mean, the production quality was phenomenal. The music supervisor was amazing,

but he was like, you know, at the end of this stitch was like, Gabrielle Union, no one cares. I don't care. And I was like, but look at you.

Yeah. This whole ass damn. And then for some reason it didn't send. And I was like, okay, because perhaps I am getting triggered that I'm not comfortable with my decisions. And I need to be in a place of complete comfort, that no matter what anyone else says about anything that I do, it rolls off. And sometimes it rolls off. And sometimes it doesn't. And I'm going to have a sassy little response. Yeah. And well, that's, I mean, that's part of it. And as you do, as I, as would I, I'm not going to lie there and not say anything half the time, you know, and then sometimes you got to, I was sending the email this morning. I got an email from

my attorney about this like lawsuit that I'm in. That's so annoying. And I reacted right away. I'm like, you know what? Tell them, forget mediation. And this is what needs to happen. And I was writing and I'm like, you're in a reactive mode. Why don't you just calm down and wait till you get home and see if you still want to send this. And you know, I get home and I look down and I was like, oh, what was I doing? Like it was only 10 minutes ago. But you know, as you get older, we catch ourselves doing more and more when you're self-examining and you have self-awareness and you desire to get to know your inner self and the work we do on ourselves really results when we're in our 40s and 50s. I know you're celebrating, you just celebrated your 50th, right? It's passed? Yeah, it passed. It's in October.

Right. Okay. So you had a big party and you filmed it, right? It's a two-part docuseries on BET, right? That's coming out in June. Yeah. So I wanted to go back to Africa and take as many people as possible and hit as many countries as possible, as far as my little wallet could go. I think I got a bill for that, too. I think we're going three ways. Oh, Jesus. But yes, we started, we hit Zanzibar and Ghana and we're in Namibia and we went to Joburg and Soweto and Cape Town in South Africa with just a roving band of my friends and family and extended family, immediate family. And it was incredible. And somewhere like as we were

planning it, I was like, I kind of feel like we should document this I don't know what we're going to do with it but I want this footage I want to see what my mom looks like growing up in Omaha Nebraska setting foot back in the motherland where you can actually create ties that had been denied us and had you know that we've been ripped away from the land and I wanted to see that I wanted to always have that. I mean, she's 76 now. And then I was like, wait, well, I want to see what my daughter looks like. You know, at that time she was three, three going to Africa and being embraced by a whole continent of people that look like her. And, and then that turned into a docu-series, two-part docu-series for BET+. Well, that sounds like a lot of fun. I think what is so obvious from your socials, you and your husband are so vibrant and so happy and at peace.

And I think that speaks to an enlightening. You can see when people are enlightened that they live with a different vibrancy. When you see that people have been challenged, have had their thinking challenged and come out the other side, which is the way that the whole world would ideally operate. Instead of having any sort of discrimination, we just go at everybody with love. Everyone should be treated equal, not just a certain section of people. So I think that, like, what do you attribute the success of your relationship with? Because the two of you have something great going, obviously. What do you think about that? I think it's a choice every day. And I've heard this before and I'm like, fuck off.

But it really legit is, it's a choice every day to show up and to be kind and to be there, physically there, and to consider the other person truly and deeply and completely, not just when it's convenient for me. And to not look at our marriage or the moves in our marriage as pieces in a chessboard where one of us is going to win and one of us is going to lose, right? And I damn well better be the winner. We just make a choice to do better by each other every day than the day before. And it's somehow working. One of my therapists, it's hard to really discern which one, it's just a coffee.

But one said, the greatest gift that we can give ourselves and each other is constantly modifying your expectations, right? And he's like, we have expectations of strangers. We don't know, we don't know what their lives entail, but our expectations are huge expectations. And what you can do at any point is just bring those on down to a reasonable place, right?

Or if there's someone that you work with or a friend, and you know, they're quite consistent in their fuckery, but we still have these expectations that are this big for those people when we know damn well, the only person who's going to be disappointed and annoyed is us. So just constantly reshaping expectations. And the more we learn and the more we offer grace and consideration, you know, maybe now it's time for harder conversations that I'd never, I would have never thought to have. I would have just been pissed. And then when my ragey rage goes, then the anxiety is up and then everything is just like, I wish I just stay in this place. And it's exhausting.

And at 50, I'm tired. I don't want to, I don't want to live like that. I don't want to love that feels like a fierce competition, which is kind of goes back to the 50, 50 thing. He said, he said in an interview, I was, I was listening. I was eavesdropping. And he was talking about our house in Miami. Well, see how I said our house.

And this man said, oh no, my house. And I was like, I picked out this house. I like, like I was, I was instrumental in the way this house looked like even finding the damn house. And I was like, oh, never again, bitch. Like never, never again will I be in this position. And I'm talking to myself. I'm the

bitch here never again will i be in a position where someone can say our communal home is singularly owned so after that i mean this is like maybe a couple years into our marriage so after that anything else we bought it was 50 50 and if our budget has to go lower because of my black actress salary then it's just going to go a little lower so we can both contribute 50-50. And I think the more he recognized the piece that I have in always wanting to offer 50% emotionally, you know, in a lot of relationships, we've been 110%. And we wonder why we like, I can't stand to see you coming.

It's because I'm doing all of the emotional labor, the physical labor. No one's coming to save me from this situation. You're supposed to be the prince. No, I need a different fairy tale. This is not working for me. So in this, the second marriage after that comment, I was like, oh, I can build my own fairy tale. It can look however the fuck I want it to look. And I'm going to do that.

And then he was like bet okay uh how about and we just started communicating what the hell i've never done it and the fact that like people say it and you're like okay but to truly communicate and to hear each other and to listen and not listen for my witty comeback, which I like to do, to really hear him and allow for a space of vulnerability that has never existed in my life. And I thought that was being strong. And I'm just trying new shit at this point because the old way is not working. Didn't work for my parents. Didn't work for my grandparents. Didn't work for their parents so doing the same shit over and over again just sounds like madness and I want peace what do you you want peace yeah I can tell

you want peace and you're and you're getting it I feel like you're getting peace in parcels I feel like we all are as we grow you know we we start to understand that peace is from within and then we start to understand our role in everything and how we can be calmer and braver and more loving and all of the things. And it's a nice awakening to keep happening, you know, as we get older. What do you have to say about a nine-year age difference? What's that like? You know, at first it wasn't because he, you know, he was a teen parent, you know, he had his first kid as a teenager. He moved out of his family's home at 15. So he was a different kind of 25 year old when I met him. And I was a clueless, wild, wild animal that probably needed more nurturing than I was willing to admit. And he definitely needed more fun. So at the time it was like, I'm going

to bring the fun. We're going to have fun ass adventures. But along with that fun, I was lacking in care, someone to do that, to be caring and nurturing and compassionate. And we kind of provided that for each other. So the age range wasn't an issue until when the big three came together in Miami and LeBron's family sat in front of us. And so that was like the first time I really got to meet Gloria, Gloria James, LeBron's mom. And I realized that she was a senior when I was like a sophomore. Yeah. And then when I realized I was older, in fact, than a lot of his teammates' parents. And I had a lot more in common with the coaches. In fact, one of the coaches was like, we had a basketball tournament in high school. We were at the

same tournament. Yeah. So those kinds of things were like, oh, I want to go to a concert. I want to go see Hall and Oates and Earth, Wind and Fire, The Whispers perhaps, The Spinners. And he wants to go to Drake. And I'm like, oh, that's funny. That would be my reaction too. I'm like, oh shit, I'm too old for this shit. Like I want jazz, you know what I mean? And he's looking for like the Budweiser Superfest. So yeah, it's like musically, it kind of is a thing.

Some of our friends and where we're at in life can be a little different. But when we're home, yeah, I think he just experienced a lot in his childhood that I didn't even start to have any kind of understanding for until I was over 40. That he had to intimately understand at six. So I think due to life experience, it kind of balanced it out. But yeah, right now when I wake, well, no, first of all, the fact that sleep number has literally changed our lives, changed our marriage. I'm so happy to hear that. What an easy fix.

You know how hot it is like at night? Oh, believe me, I know how fucking hot it is. I keep my air conditioning at 66 degrees at night now. Oh, my God. Well, like he's always hot. So he likes it super cold. I'm randomly hot and cold depending. So like I can set my core temperature to like very chilly, but my feet toasty. And the fact that like I could have one side with my legs up because you know, inflammation overnight is a, is a killer. I got to reduce my risk of stroke and heart attack.

Every night. He's in his 41-year-old slumber. So those kinds of things where he jokes, I thought I had more time when I can't remember shit. Okay. We're going to take a quick break and then we're going to come back and we're going to take a couple of callers. Okay. And we're going to give life advice to real people. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. You better get your therapist cap on girl. It's about to happen. All right. We'll be right back. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them.

Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt.

And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays

for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls, and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back

into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us

today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel

might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to

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And we're back. We're back. Well, our first question deals with some fertility stuff. Kay says, Dear Chelsea, I'm reaching out hoping you can give me a nudge. I'm 43 years old. Much like the gorgeous Monica Padman you had on a while back, I've been mysteriously single pretty much all of my life. I'm pretty funny, creative, a good friend, well-traveled, I've had my own business for 16 years, etc., etc. I've done all sorts of therapy around this singleness and can't seem to define it or move through it. Anyway, three years

ago, when I turned 40, I decided to try and have a baby on my own. My thinking there was, I have plenty of time to fall in love and only a finite time to have a baby, which was really running out. I work for myself, have a strong support network, and my own condo. If anyone can do it, I can. Well, the last three years have been grueling. Many, many, many rounds of unsuccessful IVF, despite a good prognosis, three pretty devastating miscarriages on top of the pandemic, living alone, paying for it all on my own, and having some pretty dark moments. I'm drawing a line in the sand. However, my younger sister, who has had a baby, i.e. is fertile, has offered me her eggs. She's 38. This offer has been on the table for a while, so I've processed the whole idea of this and I'm fine with the potential baby not being from my

exact egg. But I'm just so tired and traumatized and disillusioned and confused. On one hand, calling it quits on the baby IVF journey means I get my mind and my body back and I can focus on building my business up again, being a good friend, sister, auntie, daughter, work on creative projects, traveling, and potentially living overseas part-time, and working out why the fuck I'm single and trying to get over this massive block. But then the idea that I won't ever have a child just makes me so sad, and I wonder if my excitement about all of the above is just that idea of being released from three years of failure, money going down the drain, having invasive procedures every other

month, all for nothing, and maybe I just need to give it one last push. It's all so annoying. I see virtue and goodness and happiness and grief and sadness in both paths. Most decisions are like doorways. You can walk back through it if it doesn't work out. But this is not a door you can walk back through. My sister's getting older too, so I can't sit on it for too long. Help, I'm really confused and tired. Lots of love, Kay. Fuck, that was like a journal entry. I know. A lot going on. Okay. Well, Gabrielle, I'm going to let you go first because I know you have experience with this.

Yeah. And it's heartbreaking and it's exhausting. It is financially incredibly draining. And I'm saying this as someone who has means it is expensive and it can devastate your financial outlook for a while to come. I mean, I know plenty of people who have got the baby, but their finances never recovered from their fertility journey. First, I would say, are we sure it's your eggs? A lot of times they automatically just assume your eggs are just too old at 43, but it could be some other factor. It could be your donor sperm. It could be how your egg and that donor sperm come together in your body. Your uterus could actually be like a more of a hostile environment. So there's other tests that you can do. You can look into rheumatologists to see if there's other reasons for the miscarriages. There's other specialists that can also chime in outside of fertility specialists.

So if you wanted to, just for your own peace of mind, there's other medical routes you can go. But the way you kind of describe life, what life could be if you opt to let this go, that sounds like a really pretty high quality life where some of your other dreams are coming true and you're still being able to stay true to your heart and get at the, I like that she talked about wanting to like do some deeper self excavation

and see what else is going on there. But also listen, if it's one of those things that you're just never going to be able to make peace with, then I say exhaust every option. But when you feel it, your body and your brain will give you that. This is it. And if you, if you already got that, and now it's just a matter of having peace with it. There's so many great therapists that can help you make peace with moving towards whatever's next. Yeah, I would say to this woman, it sounds like you are so, so married to the idea of having a baby. And to piggyback on what Gabrielle says, I think you should definitely take your sister up on her offer of an egg to see if you have a better situation and a better result from that. I think you should

exhaust all possibilities if you want this. This is just one more thing. You're already so far down the road of it. I think you should give it one more shot with your sister's egg because that could be a miracle waiting to happen, you know, and maybe there will be different biochemistry physiology with that egg and the sperm and all of the other things that were just mentioned. And then if that doesn't happen, I don't think you should stay on this path interminably. I think you do want to get yourself together and get into therapy and start to really kind of capture all of the other beautiful things you're going to be able to contribute to this world by not having to raise a child, you know, but I wouldn't give up just yet. I feel like there's still hope left in your story. So that's my two cents. Yeah. And you just don't know what's coming down the pike. Like she

spent so much time focused on sort of why am I single? Like you don't know if maybe that means you're going to meet someone who has a five-year-old that you then become like another mom to or, you know, maybe adoption or fostering is in her future. And also just, you know, I know you've had multiple miscarriages, but that is a very familiar story too. A lot of women miscarry multiple times before they do get pregnant. And so it's not hopeless always in every situation. Obviously, I don't know your medical history, but there are so many stories that happened to my sister. It's happened to so many of my friends. So don't give up hope until you're ready to exhaust your

hope. And you're not ready, I can tell by the tone of your letter. So just keep trying and then let us know what happens, please. And you and your sister need to go to therapy before you agree to take her eggs. Good idea. That whole different set of sisterly bonding and I don't even know what the right word is. You guys have to work through all of it because it can be a bit of a brain twist or a mind. It's a mind fuck, you know, and your sister may have feelings once the child arrives that may not be in alignment with how you want to raise your children. Yeah. Yeah. So all of this needs to be talked about ahead of you accepting her eggs. So everyone's's clearly on the same page and there's a path forward in case there's any hiccups.

Yeah, that's good. Preventative and prophylactic, prophylactic therapy. Yes. Well, our first caller today is Stacy. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 27-year-old woman getting married later this year. I got engaged in January and immediately started planning. I chose my bridal party the night I got engaged. For context, I moved to a new city a couple of years ago, and the friend in this scenario that she's talking about is one I made through work. We got close pretty quickly. This friend was one that I contacted immediately to tell her I was engaged and asked her to be in my bridal party,

but over the last few months I've come to realize that this woman is not someone I want standing at the altar with me. She's extremely judgmental and often in opposition to me whenever I have conversations with her about my career, finances, even my relationship. On three separate occasions, she's asked me, do you really want to get married to this man? Not because she has problems with my fiance, but just because she personally doesn't believe I'm old enough to get married. Time and again, she makes it clear to me that she doesn't think I'm mature enough to make my own decisions. I believe that she thinks because she's 31 and I'm 27 that she knows better than I do. But she on more than one occasion has told me I'm her therapist and will constantly treat

the time we share together as if she's in therapy. She's always asking me for advice, but somehow thinks I'm not mature enough to make my own choices. I'm trying to figure out the best way to tell her she's not in my bridal party anymore. Or invited to the wedding. Fuck off. I don't want it to seem like it's out of nowhere when I tell her, but I'm absolutely positive I don't want her in my bridal party, and I'm worried it will cause a huge argument. Any help you can provide is appreciated. Love the show and can't wait to hear what you think. Stacey. Hi, Stacey. Hi, Stacey. Hello. Hi. You're braced with Gabrielle Union today. She's our guest today. Oh my gosh. Hello, Gabrielle. Hi. Question. Is that friend married? No, she's not. Surprise. Are you sure she's just

not afraid of being left behind or in her mind that she's going to be left behind, which is why she suddenly had issues about your pending nuptials? You know, that's crossed my mind because then that kind of would make her like one of my only single friends. And, you know, like people get scared that people get caught up in their relationships and kind of neglect their friendships. So I think that there may be some of that happening. Has she had any successful long term relationships? She's had one that I know of. So she's going to be a part of the bridal party, but you're trying to demote her.

So you want her to come to the wedding, but you don't want her to be in the bridal party. Is that accurate? Yeah, I do because I would like her there. But just after everything she said and like being judgmental and like unsupportive in me wanting to get married, I just feel like that's not someone I want up there with me. I don't know. And now I'm like, do I even want her at the wedding? Good question.

So, but. Well, I mean, if you get her, if you, if you do a cease and desist, she's not going to be your friend anymore. Is that what you're looking for? Because it's really hard to make this move without ruining a friendship. Exactly. And that's something that I've gone over in my mind. And I think it would be okay if the friendship ended just because like it hasn't been the

longest friendship. I've only known her for a couple of years. We're close, but not too close. Do you still work together? Kind of. So she... Very vague. All of this information is very vague.

I know. She like fills in at different clinics. So sometimes she'll fill in at my clinic. Sometimes she won't. She's in school right now. So she's not working a lot. But sometimes when she does work, she does fill in at my clinic. But it's not very often.

Okay. Well, it sounds like if the relationship ends, you'll be okay with it. And with that knowledge, I think it's important for you. You absolutely do not want someone standing up next to you when you get married. Right, Gabrielle? That feels that way about you. Hell no. You absolutely do not want someone standing up next to you when you get married. Right, Gabrielle? That feels that way about you. Hell no. You don't want them in the building.

Why would you want that kind of negative energy in the building? No, I've heard, Gabrielle, I've heard you talk about when people come over to your house, you have an energy and a vibe in your house. Don't fuck it up when you come over. And that's how you should feel about your wedding. Yeah, that's true. Absolutely. So I'm like, I guess I wouldn't really want her at the wedding, you know, just with everything

she said and how she feels. Well, I think you can give her an opportunity to recognize what she did. I think you can write her a really nice email and say, hey, listen, I've been thinking about my wedding and I've been really meditating on it, whatever your form of reflection is. And I think it doesn't seem appropriate to have anyone that's not fully wedding positive and happy about our union to be standing up there with me. I would still love for you to come to the wedding if you want to support us, but I don't need you in the bridal party. And you can make this not nasty, you can make this loving, but that it's really coming from

what you need on your wedding day. You want to feel safe, secure, and surrounded by love and good vibrations. And that's what you're after. And if she can bring that, then she's totally welcome to come to the wedding, but she's not going to be in the wedding party. Here's a question for you. Has she bought her dress yet? I don't think so. She was telling me she has a dress that she wears to a lot of weddings, and it just happens to fit the color. And my color is burgundy that I'm having everyone wear and her dress is burgundy. She was like, oh, I'll probably just wear that one.

So she already has that in her closet. She was like, I'll probably just wear that one. Do you feel comfortable writing a letter like that? I do because I... Seems like you kind of want to. I'm trying to get better at doing that and communicating with people like, okay, this isn't working for me. We need to do something about this.

So I think, yeah, communicating it in a loving and like, I still respect you. Like, I don't want to talk shit to you or anything like that. But I think that's kind of the vibe I was going for. Because, yeah, I don't want to be rude or mean to her. But, yeah, like you said, I don't want any negative energy at the wedding. And you have every right to say that to anybody. That's true. It's true.

So write her a nice email and then, you know, follow up with her. And if she can't take the feedback, maybe she'll surprise you. And maybe she'll be like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I hadn't even been thinking about how negatively I've been coming across. You know, and then that would be a nice surprise, a little rainbow. But if that doesn't happen, you're already OK with the results of not having that friendship. So I think you should just be prepared and open minded for whatever happens. But speak your truth, because that's the most important element here is you saying what you need for on your special day. Yeah. And I think preparing for like you mentioned, you think it might be a

blow up, which I love the email. So it's not like she can't get into it with you right then. But if she does have a negative reaction and sends you some like email with a lot of capital letters and all that sort of thing, maybe just agree with yourself now that you're not going to respond to it right away or maybe even at all, you know, maybe just like let it lie. She might have some big feelings about it and like you don't need to take that on either and make it like a back and forth. Yeah, that's true because I definitely can be very reactive. So I think that sending it and then if she emails back, just like letting it. Yeah, don't get into one of those ping pong things. That's not ever good for anybody. Listen, or let her have it. Let her have it. I think maybe she seems a little slick, a little slick on the tongue there. And

too many people have let her slide. So sometimes somebody needs a little emotional two-piece, little pop, pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saying to someone who's getting married, are you sure you want to get married multiple times isn't supportive unless you're a fiance is an abuser. You know what I mean? Like it's just not appropriate. So that's already negative. Exactly. And I, that was just crazy that you would say that in the first place after she had been appointed to a bridesmaid. Like, how are you going to question this when I've already asked you to be a part of it how does she know him so and that's the thing that is also a little confusing so she

has met him maybe four times total we've gone out for drinks once she's just come over to the house before me and her going out somewhere and he's been there and they talk and have a conversation. And she is like, yeah, he's a really personable guy. Like I like the way that you can leave the room and that we can have a conversation and like, he seems really nice. And so I'm like, okay, then why are you pressing me so hard about like, when you're telling me that he's this great guy and he's great for me, like, what's, why are you pressing me so hard about like when you're telling me that he's this great guy and he's great for me like what's why are you pressing me so hard into why do you want to marry this man it's very confusing yeah that's just her own shit you know what i mean feels a little tricky yeah she is anyway write that email and keep us posted let us know what happens okay yes i will thank you stacy and keep us posted okay good luck know what happens. Okay. Yes, I will. Thank you, Stacey. And keep us posted. Okay.

Good luck, Stacey. Congrats. Thank you. Thank you. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I like when our callers are feisty and they're already ready to go, you know, because some people are just like not ready to kind of like have a confrontation or any conflict. They're very conflict averse and they're scared to like make that point of entry where you have to have the discussion with someone. But she seems like she's ready to rumble. Yeah. And she's like ready to lose this girl. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. A little nudge. Yeah. Problem solved. Well, our next caller is Sarah. Dear Chelsea, I'd love your advice on a situation I found myself in with a friend. My friend Becky and I met in prenatal yoga class in 2019. Both of our sons were born in early 2020,

right before the pandemic started. We became very close and would text almost every day. We'd get together for stroller walks outside regularly for the first couple of years of our kids' lives. Now both of our boys are three, and in the last year and a half, her son has had issues with being a little aggressive towards my son, pushing, etc. I've mostly brushed it off as toddler behavior, but it keeps getting worse. The final straw was recently when her son put my son in a headlock and body slammed him. Yeah, I told her that we had to take a break from hanging out with the boys because of it. I reiterated that our friendship was important to me and that I'd still be open to hanging out without the kids, but I haven't heard back from her at all.

Should I reach out or should I just accept that my boundary has ended our friendship? Thanks and love your show, Sarah. Tricky one. Mom stuff. I know, it is tricky, especially when they're three years old, right? They all do weird, dumb, aggressive things. They all do it. Whether your kid gets caught at it more often than not, it's just, they all do it.

Hi, Sarah. Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good, how are you? We're good. This is Gabrielle. She's our special guest today. Hi.

Hi. Nice to see you. So your kid got thrown down with a headlock by the other kid and you said, whoopsie doodle, let's take a break. Yeah, that's basically it. And you haven't heard from her. How long has it been? It's been about three months. Oh, OK.

Yeah. What do you think, Gabrielle? I think she's just embarrassed because it's it's hard. Like when your kid does something and you're like, did it like they just did it and you know especially if the other person is really as they should all moms should advocate for their own kids and make sure your own child is is safe and when you have to create that boundary of like i know they're just kids but you know it's the the aggression is amping up and i i think we need to pump the brakes just for a little bit and you know let's let them grow separately, whatever you want to say.

You know, I'm sure you handled it with, you know, a lot of tact and kindness, but it is, it's embarrassing to come back from that. I've, you know, when our older boys were younger, one of them did something that I was like, and I was so embarrassed. They did it. Like, they just did it. Like there was, I couldn't like try to get out did it. They just did it. I couldn't try to get out of it. They just did it. And I had to just sit there and take that L and I did not want to. I was trying to find someone else to blame it on, to shift the focus. You're just being hard on my kid, but my kid did

it. And sometimes it's really hard to see your little loved one, your little, little chabopio block doing something that requires a hard boundary. And it's embarrassing, but that's part of life. And I think, you know, you're in the right position. You did everything correct. And just say, hey, I know it was probably hard to hear and it was even harder to say. And, you know, like your kid, it was even harder for them to experience. But I think this could be a great learning lesson

in how do we bounce back after poor behavior? Yeah, that's nice. And can we work on it together, like you and I, and then help apply that to our kids? But ooh, it sucks. Yeah, I think that's great advice. I mean, there's no point. I mean, you can totally reach out now.

It's been a while. And send her a loving email or whatever, however you communicate, call, text, whatever you feel comfortable doing. And if you don't hear back from her, then you don't hear back from her. But there's always a point in, I think, reaching out again to show people some grace, too. Yeah. Because, of course, I'm sure she's embarrassed. Yeah. And a specific invite might be helpful as well, especially since some water is under the bridge, like rather than let's get together sometime, like something that your boys would not naturally go to. So like, hey, do you want to catch a movie on Thursday or like you want to grab a drink or

dinner or something like that that's understood to be mom time or like girls time? Yeah. My other thing about it is with it being summer, we live in like a small city and I'm starting to feel like, are we going to see him somewhere? Sure. So lately I'm like, I need to reach out and say something so that if I do see them, it's fine. Yeah. You know, I don't want it to be awkward. Yeah. That's the right thing. You know what you want to do. Yeah. I'm just not. Yeah. What? I'm not quite sure what to say. So I think asking to get together is probably the best thing. And if she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. Maybe. Yeah. And then if you do see her go up, you know, give her a hug, say it's nice to see you and like you can move on, but you can make it not awkward in that situation. But just like let her have her space after that. Like, hi. Right. Yeah. Yeah yeah that's true I always lead with something weird that

Cobb has done um or one of the other kids have done Cobb for whatever reason she is just a glutton for punishment but like when you have to have that like hey I'm getting a little rough out there and you do that with the chuckle and the trying to make everyone feel like this isn't the end of the world but also handle your kid my kid is kind of suffering out there. When it's time to kind of circle back, it's, oh my God, I felt so embarrassed. I felt like when I was spoken to by the teacher or by whoever, I felt like I was indicted as a bad mom because my kid behaved poorly. And I just want you to know, there's no correlation. Momming is hard. Parenting is hard. And at this age, they're testing their boundaries. And, you know, I'm so glad that I have a friend who's

understanding as you. So when are we going to go get a drink? And you're going to feel better after you reach out, regardless of whether you hear back, because you're acting on your higher path. You know what I mean? You're just acting out of love and grace and you do care about her. So there's nothing wrong with reaching out at all. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. I think I just need a little push. Yeah. Yeah. No problem. Good luck with everything. Thank you. Nice to see you all today. Thanks so much, Sarah. Take care, honey. Bye. Bye. I definitely bit my cousin Timmy until he bled when I was two years old and his mom didn't speak to my mom for two years. Oh.

Yeah. That's so stupid. As if your mother's fault that you bit him. No. Like she's training you to bite kids. No. I mean, it's just so ridiculous. It's hard because you want to be angry with the kid, but they're children.

So then it's like, well, who made you? That's who's really in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. with the kid, but they're children. So then it's like, well, who made you? That's who's really in trouble. Yeah. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with one question to wrap up. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the

information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,

for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed.

I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry. What will you feed them? Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket,

it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty is so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the I heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together on the really,

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Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, okay, and we're back again. We are. Look at us, Just steaming along.

This question comes from Quentin. He's in his 30s. I've been reluctant to write in as I carry a lot of shame when it comes to this topic. I'm a Black queer musician and dancer from New York now living in Los Angeles. I've been dancing professionally for several years as well as developing a music project that merges my work as a modern dancer and vocalist. During that time, I faced a lot of hardship, including two major surgeries, one for my vocal cords and the other due to a dance injury. Thankfully, I was able to produce and release my first album in the fall of 2020. The work was well received. However, I'm still sort of struggling.

As someone who is an artist and creator, how do you remain resilient in your 20s and early 30s before finding success? After working so hard on my craft and putting in the work to break down barriers and gain access, I can't help but feel defeated and like all of my effort is fruitless. I have a great deal of friends and colleagues who are starting to actualize their dreams in major ways, and I hate being jealous of them. It's really shitty feeling envious of those close to you. How can I restore my faith and belief in a dream I've had since childhood? What mechanisms do you employ when you feel your talent is overlooked, and how do you stay positive? Quentin. Good one, Quentin. you're putting all this effort forward, like it will result in something. It always does. It may not happen when you want it or exactly in the shape that you want it or have envisioned it,

but it is going to happen. And part of being resilient is accepting that there are going to be lows and that there are going to be highs. And neither one of those things are going to last forever. It's an ebb and flow. And in any creative career, anyone you talk to will have thought about giving up at some point. And it's the difference between the people who do give up and the people who persevere. Gabrielle, I'm sure that you feel similarly about rejection, resilience, right? The sheer volume of no's, hell no's, hell no, not you, bitch. There's so many. It's actually an unnatural amount of rejection that we experience in this industry. But those bills and those bills need to be paid every month. And so I never let

myself get too low where I thought, okay, I have to stop even trying to do this. Now, I had to take some different lateral moves, you know what I mean, to just sustain myself financially. But I never gave up. And the art that I was able to create, that's evergreen. That never goes away. You created something out of everything that is going to last a lifetime. And that is your fucking win. And if you look at each little thing as a major accomplishment,

it allows you to kind of put everything in perspective. If you look at those moments where you're like, okay, I'm going to take fountain, but I don't know if I'm going to get the lights, right? Those days where you take fountain and it's just green light, green light, green light, that's a fucking win. That's a great day. And if you kind of give weight to them similarly, some of those rejections aren't going to feel as massive. And also know that everyone you see, the biggest stars, have been rejected way more than you could ever imagine. And it's just a matter, like Chelsea said, of resilience, but also recognizing where the line of resilience is and where self-flagellation is and where abusive situations are. Those are different things. And you have to figure out with a therapist or trained professional where those different lines are. Because a lot of times

we will be drinking curdled milk like it's fresh. And sometimes somebody, we got to say to ourselves, this is, this milk is spoiled and I need to move on to something that's not going to kill me. I love when you talk about the artwork you've created being evergreen because we live in this culture of like, okay, it's up on social media. All right, your Netflix special came out. All right. What's next? What's next? What's the next thing? But like this stuff that Quentin's creating, I went to his website. It's gorgeous art. It's beautiful. And it's there. And, you know, it was made a little while ago, but that's OK. It's beautiful. So I love that you said that. You want to give a shout out to his website? Totally. If you want to check out

Quentin, you can find him at nonlychildmusic.com. That's his website. It's sort of a mashup of like dance and singing and poetry, and it's very ethereal and moody and really, really lovely. Yeah. And I also think the other thing is like, you know, when you get rejected, Gabrielle, I don't know how you face things like this, but if I don't get something that I want, I have a much different attitude than I did when I was younger. I would, you know, stomp my feet and I was more of a brat and entitled. And now I'm like, what's meant for me doesn't pass me. Like it doesn't, I don't look at it as so defeatist or like, and listen, the comparison game, you're not alone. You're not the only person who feels envy. That is a natural feeling that human beings have.

It's called envy. It's, you know what I mean? Like that's, that's the human condition. As long as you're not acting on your envy, it's okay. That's just a feeling. Don't let your feelings define who you are. That's not your sense of self. No one wants to feel jealous or envious, but that's the world we live in with the comparison and contrasting with what other people are doing. Try and really, really focus on what you're doing and try not to look around at your competitors so much. It's just not a good equation. And nobody comes out feeling great after that. So, you know, take pride in which you work and really level it up so that you are beaming. You know what I mean? That you're giving off vibes that everyone wants to be attracted to. And that when something doesn't work out, it's just the water off a duck's back and, you know, and then you're closer to the next thing

that is going to work out. And so i think you just change your philosophy the things you're comparing yourself to may or may not be real just because just because somebody posts it or just because there's an announcement how many times have you announced a project and people don't understand that development can take five years like and they're like what where's the where's the where is the thing where's the bring it on sequel? Where do you guys been talking about it? It's like, just because they say it, we're working on it, doesn't mean that someone's so far out ahead of you.

Or there's this artist I found on social media years ago. And just, again, by chance, at least seven years later, an agency, a big agency in LA that represents talent has an artist kind of incubator. And this artist's work is going to be in the incubator showing in Beverly Hills. And I was like, mom, that girl that we've been following that I sent you her work, she's going to be showing. So now I get to meet this girl that was just some, you know, this internet artist that, you know, I didn't think we were ever, our worlds would ever cross. I just really

love her work. You really have no idea how your work is touching people and where it will intersect later. And I'm going with a pocket full of cash, ready to buy everything. Cause I'm just that into this. Well, 50, 50 Gabrielle. Well, you never know. Your art may be working some magic that you cannot even fathom right now, but will pay off later in a tremendous way. Yeah, that's very true. Yeah.

Okay, well, thank you. So you are a queen, Gabrielle. I want you to know that. I admire you. I love your energy. I love your marriage. You guys belong together. It's so obvious. And I love the family that you guys have and share. And I just wish you the best.

Thank you so much for coming on and giving such sagacious advice. I am happy to be here. And thank you for always being a cool chick. Everyone always gravitates towards you. And there's a reason. And so I hope you own that you're a light. You're so sweet. Thank you for saying that. I love that. You made my day. You guys. This is so fun. Yeah, so fun. Thank you so much for making the time. Appreciate it, Gabrielle. Bye, guys.

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