Dear Chelsea - Stimulation Junkie with Kristen Johnston

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Kristen Johnston is here to chat with Chelsea about her occasional foray into cocaine before she got sober, her new role on Leann (on Netflix), and why fame initially terrified her.  Then: A sister worries that her brother’s drinking has gotten out of control. A new girlfriend finds that beans and boyfriends don’t mix.  And a daughter grieves the father she cared for, whose personality changed at the end of his life.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Okay, guys, here are my dates for the high and mighty tour. In September, I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego, New York City. Philly and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho, and Spokane. And then in November, I'll be in San Francisco. I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, babies, I'll be there. And then in December, I am closing out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your tickets at Chelseahandler.com for the high and mighty tour.

Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. You're back in the States. I'm back in the States. Fantastic. You got your little pookie off to college this week. Oh, pookie. Pookies in college.

Yeah, one of my poopsie-whoopsies just entered the college chat. Oh, my gosh. So she was just facetiming us. You're such a supportive auntie. You're just like being there for her. It's very sweet. I'm her father. Sorry.

Excuse me, her stepfather. That's right. That's right. We're back in Los Angeles. I'm home from Majorca. I did sets last night at the comedies. Oh, I added dates in Florida, by the way, for our listeners. By the way, I have one listener who has been like emailing and texting me for a long time being like, can she please come to Florida? I'm like, you know, a DM is great, let her know. And then he was so excited when you added Florida dates.

Yeah, we added Florida dates. We're adding second shows in Tampa and Vancouver also. I'm going to tape my special, I think, in Vancouver. So for anybody, all of our Canadians listening. Those shows are going to go on sale. at the beginning of next week. And yes, I added Orlando, no, no, not Orlando. Tampa, West Palm Beach, and Hollywood, Florida. I'm coming. I'm coming to Florida. I decided the fans are more important than the state.

I think that's great. I think that's great. And now, you know, they're hungry for Chelsea. Yes. You haven't been there in a long time, so I think it'll be really good. And the next, my first show back is September 18th in Santa Barbara. So get your ticket. September 19th of San Diego.

That sold out. But September 18th is Santa Barbara, and there are tickets. Philadelphia has tickets. and New York still has tickets. So get those. I loved our guest today. She reminds me of an old friend that I didn't know I had.

You guys know her from Third Rock from the Sun, Sex and the City, Anne, which is back for season two. Please welcome Kristen Johnston. But then mother comes whenever I move in somewhere and there's a bird's a butterfly. So, oh my God. Oh, right. Yes.

I totally get that. She just brought me a beautiful tray Oh my gosh. It's in the kitchen. A tray which she put wallpaper on with these beautiful birds. It looks like a starling. Is it a starling? I don't know.

You're going to have to ask mom. I know. We're going to have to ask her. I have to get it in my bird watching era. Oh, no. We're hitting that, aren't we? I'm not. I'm not ready for that.

I'm not ready for bird washing. I'm just going to watch dogs for the rest of my life. Bird watching to me seems like a very slippery slope into wearing Velcro sneakers. And I am not. It's so. True. In fact, I might be close to the Velcro sneakers. Do you think you are?

Well, I'm a side person now. Yeah. So I'm moving there. I do actually own a pair of Velcro sneakers, but, you know, they're like cute and trendy, I think. That's what you think, though. That's when we start becoming attracted to it is the problem. I'm like, I know, I think I know what you're talking about.

And those are passable, but I do have a problem with Velcro on clothing. No, Velcro is bad. Velcro's bad. But if we can figure out a way Like that's why I like the slides Like even do you ever wear eye shades You know how they have the Velcro band In the back of the eye shades sometimes

You mean like the tennis that one? No like eyes Where you cover your eyes and so it's black out So there's a Velcro in the back there And that even like for some reason The feeling of Velcro Is it the feel of it? It's just like it rips at things like your hair

Like I don't have any hair to lose So don't fuck around with my hair You know what I mean? trying to add hair, not subtract. You have a nice head of hair. Thank you. It's my one, yes, it's my one shining. I thought you were going to say, it's my wig.

No, I don't know why. And thank God for it. My mom has a nice head of hair, so, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Because for blondes, it's not easy to maintain a thick head of hair. It's not easy. God help us. No.

No. So I want to talk to you about the scene in Sex and the City, where you, that famous scene, which is really, it is one of the, it is one of the, the most iconic scenes. I'm so bored I could die. Your last name is Featherton and that? It's Lexi Featherstone. Lexi Featherstone, which is a great

fucking name. Featherstone is pretty much where it's at. It was a scene in sex in the city. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Oh, yes. Best iconic scene where you're talking about because it's, first of all, it's very emblematic about how I feel about L.A.

Right. The parties has ended in L.A. I know. It's sad. Or is it that we're old? I don't know. It could be both. I mean, I hang out with a lot of young people who party too.

Okay. But the party, so like if I hang out with them, it's still happening. Yeah. But as a general, there's a general malaise, I think, that has set in into L.A. I agree. Which you're describing and talking about in New York. But it's happened there too. Yes.

It's all the gentrification and there's no more funk, just mess. And I think she represented that because it clearly, it struck a chord. because people still come up to me. It's the first thing people will say to me. It'll probably go on my gravestone. I mean, falling out the window is pretty iconic to your death. And then Sarah Jessica Parker's reaction was also pretty iconic. Yeah, yeah.

And then I think what... Whoops and doodle, basically. I think what really nailed it was the cover of the post that they had, which is me in that... Some photo they got of me with the word splat. And that's the episode. Yeah. It's pretty cool.

Yeah. It is pretty cool. I'm not mad at it. Sober when you shot that? No. You weren't. No, no, no. I was a hot mess.

And were you, like, would you, when you were using drugs, I know you've been sober for a long time. Yeah, yeah. And I know you lost your sister. Yes. To addiction. Yes. And yeah. But so when you were using and you were filming scenes like that, would you use drugs and

alcohol or opiates or whatever your thing was? No, no, no, no, no. Never, never. You would do. I was just kind of messy, like, late at night after, I was doing a lot of theater, a lot of drinking after theater, lots of wine. Mm-hmm. The occasional foray into cocaine, but not like her.

Right. But I, you know, I knew what I was talking about. Let's just put it out. Well, I just think in those situations, like, first of all, it's kind of all goes together, like acting, theater, waitressing, restaurant life, all of that stuff. Like, you get off so late at night or you're so wound up by the time you're done with your job that you have to come down. So it is a very tricky area to not get into a situation where you are abusing drugs or alcohol or both things.

Yes, exactly. And, you know, I think from I was an addict since I was a kid, even though I wasn't obviously doing it then. But I like, I just needed to escape always. I did not like being in my skin. So one of the first things I really had to figure out was how to be in my skin. And I know, like, I brought you that tray and I make, I have hobbies. But at a certain point at like five o'clock, you're like, what do people do at night? if they don't get drunk.

Right, right, right. So I had to come up with crafts. Right. Well, she made me this beautiful tray, and then there's wallpaper on it, and it's two birds. It's like a big bird on the bottom and a little bird. And then she covers it in an epoxy, right? Apoxy, yeah. But the trays can be anything from West Elm or they can be from Etsy.

Right, right. Well, it's beautiful, thank you. It goes with my house, but I had this, my friend, who I call Sissy, sent an energy healer to this house yesterday, and she came and said, oh, there's a bird's nest. And I said, oh, that's my mom. My dad mom always makes a bird's nest wherever I am. And she looked at me and she's like, tell me more.

I'm like, there's not much more to tell. She's dead and that's her nest, I guess, you know? Yeah, yeah. But so you bringing that tray in was just like right on the heels of that. I really, like, could not decide. There's this other tray I made, which is like, it's a skeleton of a cowboy at, like, at a bonfire and he's just smoking. And it's so funny and cute.

Oh, my God. I feel like I deserve too. I mean, yeah. Did I bring the other one? I might have. I got to check my car. I'm happy to leave you too. I assumed you rollerbladed over here. So I'm just so happy to learn that you have your license. But I guess you do have to pick up hobbies, though, when you get sober. Well, you have to just think of other things to do with your time because you can't, you don't realize until you quit how much time if you're a real active addict like I was. How much time is spent figuring stuff out, how to get this, getting that thing, getting this delivered. You know, it takes a lot of energy. It takes a lot of energy. And does it, what, like when you first get sober, how long have you been sober? This time, 10 years, but there was a little verbal about 10 years ago. Okay. And then before that was 10 years.

So all together, probably 20. Oh, all together 20. Oh, so 10 year and a little verbal. I got it. I got it. And when you start that journey or like, I know it's different for everybody, some people really lean heavily like on the program or some people. Yeah, that wasn't for me.

Wasn't for you. Initially it was, but yeah. Did you have people that you were able to lean? heavily on though like whether they're a sponsor per se or not not really a sponsor but really good my great friend joe shrank who we're still buddies like that name too shrank feather he's a great guy he's a good names flying around he's actually professional like sober companion and does a lot of yeah but he so we're buddies but he really helped me initially and i got sober in new york so my whole home group is there and i did go for a year pretty diligently and then i just kind of was like let me just

try to wing it. Try this on your own. Because I feel like with drugs and alcohol, there's a period of time where you really believe that they're working for you. Yes. And I think it's true. Initially, they do. Whatever your thing is, I need more confidence.

I want to feel comfortable or whatever it is. I need to escape or come down for my performance. So there is a small window where they're helpful. But unfortunately, that lasts very briefly. And if you're a real addict, it just goes south so fast. Because within a week, you're like, you know, buying bags of Coke or, you know, it just, it doesn't stay at a nice, sane level very long. Right. So what are you?

I know that you, like, you say you were waiting to get back to New York. Yes. You're a New Yorker. Yes. Yes. Forever. And what do you think? Tell me the things that you love about New York City.

Well, New York City, I mean, everybody, you know, it's the theater and your friend, all my friends are, a lot of my friends are there. I do have some really good friends here. And it just feels like home to me because I went there when I was 17 to go to NYU. And so I was there for years, which is where I met Mary McCormick. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's one of my oldest friends in the world. Oh, wow. And I love her.

And she, so we, you know, I knew all these people there and then had kept coming back to L.A. to do work. And it always feels temporary to me to be here. Yeah. But I end up staying, like, I've been here now nine years. Oh, wow. So it hasn't been super temporary. But my real.

It does feel like a transient town, though. It does. It does. It really does. And especially here, like, it's very, you're either in with this young crowd or everyone is like talking about their kids in college. And so there's, I don't know, New York feels probably there's a bigger gay community for me there. Yeah. I don't know.

I love that crowd. So, but I don't think I want to live in the city. I think I'm more like a farmhouse upstate New York kind of vibe. Yeah. Because if you think that's your, you're in that phase of your life, kind of. Yeah, I want to go to my, I want to, like, find my forever land. Farmhouse. Farmhouse rescue dogs.

Yeah. I want to be, you know, just let my hair go full gray and just maybe have some whiskers. Right, right. Well, they're coming. I mean, they're coming for all of us. My friend made me feel her chin. My sister has this habit of going like this and feeling for her whiskers. And I was like, you have to stop doing that in public.

She goes like this. She's like, mm. And I'm like, stop doing that. I think I do that with my upper lip. Yeah. I do go like this to find their hair here because I always get these little whiskers right here and shave them.

Do you have like, I have a magnifying mirror tweezers sunlight out in my backyard. Yeah, the sunlight is key. The key, whenever I have these little eyebrow razors and I just shave them off. Oh, you do? I did then cut my skin.

You didn't cut your skin? Well, sometimes I do, but I try, you have to be a little gentle. But they're like the little eyebrow raisers. But when you get the right light to shave the hair off your face, and obviously like, I'm blonde, so blondes have fuzzies.

Like, you have fuzzy faces. Beach fuzz. Yeah, yeah. And so this, like, area here, when you can get after that in the right light. And then you, like, I have so many friends who I've assaulted and I've been like, listen, give me your face because I have a son. I'm like, I'm seeing something. That's a good friend.

And then you show them the buzz, the buzz that comes off of the razor and you're like, this was on your face. And you're like, what? No fucking way. I'm like, yes, I'm your friend. I worship women that do that to each other. You have to. How many people secretly let you have like an eight-inch hair growing there?

Oh, God. I hate it. It's so unbecoming to age as a woman with the things that are sprouting. I know. You know, you really have to nip it. And if you're blonde, you can't get lasered. I know. Oh, really?

No. It only works for dark hair? Yeah, exactly. It doesn't pick up the light hair. But the other good news about aging is as you age, for some reason, you start growing thick black hairs in random places. So those are laserable. I was like sitting in my

day. I'm like, why are these, why do have black hairs inside my thigh? Like, there's like four. Can it tell what's different? The laser? Yes, it'll go. And so you can go and get dark follicles removed.

It will actually grab those, but the light hair, not so much. Right. I have a lot of experience and maintenance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that you don't, but if you have any questions, I'm sure I probably do more than anybody in this world. If it's available and it's on the market, I've done it. You know about it.

I know about it. All right. You've heard the chaos. Now you can see it. Hello. My gosh. Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish, right inside the free IHare Radio app. Gets the blood going up. Catch every laugh and eye roll on shows like the Tom Green Farmcast and park the bus.

Now with full video. We're building a ramp for Tony Hawk. It's the same hosts and the same chemistry with all the hilarious moments you've been missing. Right on your screen. Cheers. Open the free IHRRA radio app. Search video podcasts and tap watch. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, aka the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicists for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this?

How about we flip it on his head? Right? How about we flip the script? Okay? What is the surprise woman? Who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect.

I have. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm, open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity. Exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway,

to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope. It's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, what's a state.

Everyone's so dumb. And fake. Right. fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life, I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way,

Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're passionate about animals. Yes. How many dogs? I have, well, I had four, and unfortunately,

the lucky past last month, but I have three now. Okay. I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you. I had a dog for a week that passed away too. A week? Yeah, well, we rescued him. I was trying to give Doug a little brother, and then he wasn't neutered. And so we went in to get all of his, like, you know, stuff done, and they put him under and his heart stopped.

So, but it was okay. I'm not, like, highly emotional around that. I wanted to give him a good home. And luckily, he had a week of, you know, safety and security and good food. I know. That's so terrible. I'm sorry. I know. Oh, my God.

I know. It's not. I know. But losing them is so hard. I don't care if you've had them a week or 10 years. It's just the hardest. It's funny. I wonder what's wrong with me because I just feel like it's such an understood and expected thing that I don't get that emotional about my dogs when they pass away.

Like it's sad for me to see them age. Yes. I hate that. Yeah. I hate when they start struggling and I hate to see them in pain. But I always think, and I guess this was how I felt when my mom passed. way, which was she was out of pain. And I just think that that's a superior notion than living in pain for that I understand. And I think like my dog Lucky who just died, she was old and like, yes,

in pain and she was on a bunch of meds and whatever. But it's when they're young. Like that kills me. It just kills me. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like I still have one being this little Yorkie I had who had a club foot. And oh my God, I loved him so much. And I can still like actually cry about him. And that was like six years ago. Yeah. Do you do a lot of dog activities? Like, are you a person that goes to dog parks? I do that a little bit, but mostly it's walking.

My neighborhood's very, very dog-friendly, walkie. So we just do that every day. Do you do it? Well, off-leash? Are you allowed to do that with your dogs? No, I mean, they do it, but not with mine. I want to live in a community where all the dogs are off-leash. Yeah.

And everyone is just playing nicely together. Yes. If only. My next-door neighbor has a dog and they have play dates. Oh, really? And your dog gets along with them. Yeah. My dog gets along with pretty much any dog, except for the one that I brought home.

We had to, I don't know what. I was like, I'm getting you as a sibling because you're so hard up for one. No, he's like, he wants you alone. But he got really jealous. But that, you know, that was okay. I mean, he could have gotten over that. I was not going to let that stop our integration. Right.

You know what I mean. Well, how do you feel about children? I feel really good about children. I do. I really like them. About the direction that they're headed. I really love them. I love being around them. I just didn't want any.

Do you feel like children are smarter today than when they were when we were children? In some ways, but also in some ways not. Like how? Well, like when we were kids. What area did you grow up in? I'm from New Jersey. Okay. So I'm from Milwaukee, like the outskirts.

Oh, love it. I just performed in Milwaukee. I mean, Milwaukee. Yes, it is. It's a great city. It is the fucking best. It is a great city. It's one of the best cities in this country.

It is. I agree. I think it's really in the canals that they've done. It's amazing. But anyway, growing up, we were all the neighborhood kids, you know, we'd be out until like, I don't know, 11 o'clock at night with no one checking on us. And, you know, I think there was like, I don't know, just less screen time. I mean, there's no screen time, but just so much more of an innocence. Yes. Like, there's innocence now in like, there's almost like sexual innocence now because everyone's, the kids are having less sex because they're more like, I guess they're exposed to it so much earlier that they are maybe repelled by it. But they're also not innocent in the sense of the way we were innocent where you could be out to 11 o'clock in the night playing in the street and read a book and fall into it. Yes, that's a big one.

Yeah. Like even now as an adult, I find it so frustrating that I read a chapter of a book and then I check my phone. Yes. Like I'm so disappointed in who I've become. Yes. Here's what's how. Because I was like, this year, because when I'm on set for the show I'm doing, Ann, and I would check between each scene, and you know, you kill time.

Right. And I realized I was doing like four hours a day on that. Yeah. And I just, no more. So I let myself check threads once a day. Okay. And I keep everything else logged out. I do that for mostly news stuff.

And I just, I keep the phone away. I just... Good for you. But you've, you have to like work on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard intentional. I'm not there yet. So do you have like a screen limit time on your phone?

Like, does it give you? It doesn't do that. But I just decided, like, I didn't want to do more than an hour a week. Oh, well, that's a really good. I mean, I've had days where it's had six hours and 13 minutes and I'm like, what the fuck? I don't always hit that. So just so you know. But, yeah, because I just realized I was, like, it's this whole world that has nothing to do with me.

I know. But why, like, okay, we understand that it's addictive. Obviously, it's addictive. Yeah. I don't know why it is, though. And why does it feel so important to, like, okay, the news. is important to be informed. Yes.

Right? Yes. We can agree on that. It's not that important to be informed about everybody's personal lives. That's the ancillary part, like the social media aspect. That's not important.

But the news we could get in, like I have friends who are off social media who only digest the news in the morning. They like, you know, and then that's it. And then they spend their day not knowing about the rest of the world and what's going on in the world. And I'm like, I want to be like that.

Yes. I think you can do that. I think it's really hard. Yeah. But I think you can do that. It's like kicking drugs. drugs. That's what it is. It's absolutely as addictive. I mean, that's what I've read. Yeah. If you're not using your phone in between takes and stuff, are you like picking up a book? Are you just chatting? Like what did you replace that with? Well, now this was something I tried to work and I didn't always get it this past season is I tried to just be okay being bored.

They say that's like the healthiest thing you can do for your brain is like have moments of boredom. Just be, well, it's the healthiest for me because I'm a stimulation junkie and that was part of my addiction for sure. or just constantly needing to do something and escape my head. So to have this scenario where I'm in a doctor's office, I'm waiting, and I don't look at my phone. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. And it's, I don't know.

It's kind of great. No, I know what you mean. I've done that before. Yeah. I have moments like that where I'm like, don't pick up your phone. It forces your brain to just go, chill. Yeah. Stop.

I think that's the addiction is the constant cycle of information, just gathering information, whether it's helpful or unhelpful information. I don't think, like, we need to see. you know, what's happening around the world. I think if you see that, like, I don't think you're supposed to see that 17 times a day. It's so traumatizing. It's emotional whiplash too, right? Because you're seeing, you know, war and horror, and then you're seeing a cute dog.

And then you're seeing a cooking video. And then you're seeing like a starving town somewhere. Chelsea Hamler being hilarious. Exactly. It's exactly it. Yeah. And it desensitizes you to all of it also. Yeah. Right.

Which I don't like that because you look at it and you like, scroll past something that you should actually be paying attention to. And you're like, I don't even care about this. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's a kid. Yeah, yeah. Like, what do you mean? Yeah, you got to go look at that. I don't want to see that. So you scroll, so that you can look at, you know, who's dating whoever, Taylor Swift or whatever. And it's just, I think it makes you a little crazy. And it definitely makes you less caring and less an empathetic person. Yeah. And it's funny because like in the pursuit of wanting to know more, you're having diminishing returns of knowledge. Yeah. Like I remember I dated.

a guy once who wasn't really up to speed on like, you know, the news or like the political situation. This was many years ago. And I was like, it's not. And when I would tell him about something, even if it was like, you know, a tragedy that happened in Somalia or something. He would be like, that's such a bummer. I don't want to hear about that. And I'm like, it's our duty as human beings to lay witness to stories that are not pleasant. Yeah. Like, isn't it? Yes. I think it is. It is. I think we have to. Just not every second of the day. But temperate so that we're not inundated and desensitized. The other thing that is troubling is like we used to have, you know, from five to six o'clock,

you'd watch the evening news and you'd get all your news that way. And now that whole situation is now so weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you don't really want to see that. So you then you do turn to your phone because you follow this, you know, independent news person. I don't know. You know, so it's hard to get that hour of trauma over with it. It kind of ends up spreading through.

your day. Right. Yeah. Right. So let's talk about Leanne. She's Leanne Morgan. Her show's on Netflix, Leanne, which is your show too. She is a breath of fresh air. She is. Do you, have you met her? Yes. Yes. Yes. I love Leanne. I was going to say you guys would love each other. Yeah, absolutely. She's just the best, man. I'm so proud of her. Like what she's learned and become super naturally great at in a year, it's shocking. It really is. Like, she is a really good actress. And she had never done it before. That's a huge compliment coming from you. Oh, thank you.

But she really, really, I mean, we were sort of partners together in that, especially the first season. Because you play her Hot Mess Sister, which is your favorite role ever. My favorite role, too. Yes, it seems to be the one role I'm really good at. So that's fine. But yeah, so she didn't know what she was doing. So it was fun for me and also kind of scary to kind of try to help her with that. And she was just amazing.

And now she's off to the races. She's incredible. So how do you compare your experience? I know these are completely different experiences. But talk to me about working for so many years on Third Rock. Yeah. And then doing a sitcom like this. It's the same.

Is it? Just different casts. Oh, yeah. It's a multicam, which is basically you put on a 20-minute show every week. You know, and you shoot it in one week and it's done. And that's what Third Rock was. Same thing. And when Third Rock blew up.

in the way that it did. What was that experience like for you? I didn't like it initially. I loved the job. The job was always gold. But the insanity surrounding it was really hard for me. It really was. It felt very scary.

It just felt like malevolence. People recognized it. It didn't feel like, you know, like I thought it was going to feel. It felt really overwhelming. And then I'm fine with it now. But it was scary for like five years for me. Oh, interesting. Yeah, it felt scary.

Yeah. I don't know if it was, but it felt. And how did you get through that? Drugs. Drugs and alcohol. Of course, I guess stupid question. That was a big part of it. And then when that was over, I moved back to New York.

And that's when I, in some ways, it got messier with alcohol. But I at least had my friends there, like real friends. So. What is your ideal neighborhood in New York? Well, I spent a lot of years in the West Village. And that's probably my favorite. Yeah. Yeah, if I lived in Manhattan.

I mean, you must be looking at New York in this moment, especially with all of the stuff happening with the NICS. Yeah. With the mayor, Montpadani, his first year, the Nix. Well, first of all, that... How crazy is that? I know. What a good omen.

I know. It really is. And all the billionaires who were like, I'm out of here if he wins. And they're all like, oh, it's fine. We're okay. I was in New York this weekend. And my driver was like, no, but it's not good. It's not all good.

I go crimes down. Yeah. Burglaries, murder's down. Everything's down. What do you mean? This is a good thing. And he's like, all the billionaires are leaving. And I'm like, but did they actually leave?

No. And A, they didn't leave. And B, what the hell are they doing for your city anyway? Who cares? That tax that they implemented on people's second homes that are vacation homes in New York, they already didn't live there. Yeah. Like that's a tax on people who already don't live in New York City.

She's killing it. The other thing is the reason he's so scary to people, even Democrats, is he's actually doing the thing. He's like, oh, no, you just flip a switch. And then all of a sudden everything starts working again, as opposed to, well, we have go through years and years of pain. He's just doing it. Yeah, hopefully that can happen in L.A.

Like, hopefully we can get that kind of energy. That would be great. Something happening here because this system doesn't seem to be helpful to people. It's not. I don't think. But, yeah, I think it's a harder city to run, L.A. For sure. You've heard the chaos.

Now you can see it. Do we want to jump right in? Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish right inside the free IHard radio app. Make some noise. Wooee! Catch every laugh and eye roll on shows like Bestie Listen, Hey Jonas and Las Culturistas. Now with full video.

I'll just leave that there. It's the same hosts and the same chemistry with all the hilarious moments you've been missing right on your screen. Open the free IHR radio app. Search video podcasts and tap watch. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week we talk to someone in show business, aka the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicists for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman,

not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on his head? How about we flip this script? What is the surprise woman? Actually, you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird. Adam Scott

This entire time You've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen If the universe allows for something like that to happen I'm open to it I'm always going to accept

You know Danny McBride Fine Yeah it's all this fragile masculinity Exuding I could smell it walking on the hallway To be honest with you I was like, is that weed? Nope. It's fragile masculinity.

Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, it's so stupid. Everyone's so dumb. And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life.

And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Farrell told us personally, he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is, and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to, to book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up. but don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed,

and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive, Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We were talking about the beautiful tray that you brought me and my mom's son, like my mom's sign. I'm very curious about what a house cleaning, spirit clean. What is that? Well, I went through a lot of drama with this house. So it was a long time. So my friend gifted me this. I've already had, it's like they bring sage and they do a sound bath and they bless, they go through the house and they light candles.

or I was in my hyperbaric chamber when this was happening. So I don't know exactly what went down. You are the most L.A. person. But I met with her for about 20 minutes beforehand and about 20 minutes after. And that's all I did. I was like, do you need me for this? Because I would rather opt out. And she was like, no.

She said, just tell me a little bit of history about the house. And I told her, I said, listen, it's feeling much better. I feel like much calmer. And it's like becoming the sanctuary that I had envisioned. because for me, I travel so much. I also feel like L.A. is a place for me to just to like tap down and like get my sleep for three days. And then I get back out into the world. But and so, and then afterward I came and she said just, you know, there's like lots of magic happening around this house.

And like the trees are you've got to look at the trees for energy and they're dancing. And there's a lot of dancing happening because it's not about the structure. It's about the property. and she kind of broke down all the kind of like, you know, stuff I had to deal with, which is just bullshit, you know. Like renovation stuff? Renovations, contractors, liars, you know, money, not being, you know, taking... Are you the one or mixing stories?

Are you the one that RFKJ has seen, okay. Yes, yes, yes. I read about that. Yes. How crazy it was. I bought this house from them and it was a disaster. But that wasn't the only problem. Then I fixed it and that guy was a disaster.

Okay. It just was like... And I got into not victim mode, because I'm not a victim, but I just got into this mode of like, is anyone going to help or protect me? Yes, but also it's your home. It needs to feel safe and taken care of and good. It shouldn't feel. Especially when you're bopping around.

I mean, not even if you're bopping around. Just feeling rudderless and feeling listless like you're just unmoored. Yeah. So that was it, really. Yeah. So, but anyway, my friend had gifted me with this, with this woman. And so she said, oh, you know, there's a bird's nest right above your house. And I said, oh, that's so funny. Wherever I am, a bird comes into the house. And I go, that's my mom. I, you know, I mean, I think lots of people feel that way about birds, right? I mean, I'm not obviously the only one we've talked about this. But do you have a sign for your sister? Do you? My sister, she comes to my nieces in the form of a butterfly, especially my niece, Emma. So we've talked a lot about that.

So now when I see butterflies, I think, of Julie. Yeah. So that's another common one, right? Yeah, yeah. And I just love the feeling that that kind of belief system sets up for you. Yeah. For people to, because it doesn't matter what's real or what is it real. Yeah, no, it doesn't matter.

It matters what you believe is real. Because every time you connect with that creature or seeing that, it's your mom. and it's so good to feel her. Yeah. It's so good to, I hope I show up as like a tiger for people. No, but you know, like I hope I show up for someone is some sort of creature just to represent me in their heart. I love it. Yeah.

And I'm so glad I made you, you're like, yeah, weirdo. No, no, no, no. I agree with you. I believe in that stuff. I believe in energy. I think it's all energy. And I think when people pass, like, when you have someone that has such a big impact on your life that they're never gone. No, that's exactly it. And so whether your mom is a bird or not,

doesn't matter. It's she, you see her, something about a bird reminds you of her. And that's, I love it. I think that's really good to believe in that. Yeah. And also, like, I don't think of anything, like, I don't know how you feel about this, but I don't think, I think, the more I'm learning, even though we had, I didn't learn that much from Neil DeGrasse Tyson, who was on our podcast, because he's too smart. I'm like, wait, what? Yeah, yeah. Because I like to learn about quantum physics, and understand this whole, you know. He's a genius. But I never understand it because I'm just not that brain.

You know what I mean? I'm like, wait, what? He said something like, you can look to the future. You can time travel into the future, but you can't go into the past. Like, theoretically, technically it is possible. Yeah? Or was it the opposite? No, you can go to the future.

The past has already happened. Yeah. But the future hasn't. So you could time travel to the future. Anyway, we're talking about like, I always get my things confused because I could get quantum physics confused with like a simulation or the matrix or when people talk like that. Isn't that all sort of what it is? Is it connected?

I mean, we can't seem to get a straight answer. Like different. Yeah, I think it's like the multiverse and quantum physics I feel like are kind of related. I thought the multiverse was marvel. Yes, me too. They use that, they use that like terminology. Oh, but it's a real thing. It's a real theory of like every time you make a decision or everything that happens,

basically there's two realities where you did make that decision or you didn't make decision so it splits into another reality and so it's like a choose-your-own-adventure kind of then are you living those two lives separately or you're yes so there's like a million of you out there like living different paths well that's really hard to get on board with it's a lot to rep your mind around yeah that's one of the theory that's the theory of the multiverse got it what do you think you believe in well i was going to say this is a kind of a a tangent but i was nervous to come here today because even though i've seen you around and met you before but um i am so I might actually get a little emotional about this, but I have admired you for so long because

I know what it takes to survive in this business and thrive. And then thinking of you in the 90s or early 2000s surviving and thriving stand-up comedy world and what you've done with your life, like I just think it's the coolest thing ever. And you have you have absolutely bridged. You have You have formed careers of so many people coming up behind you in a way of how to be a really funny, really smart woman and not, I don't know, get gross. I don't know. I just admire how you've lived your life. I really do admire it.

I think that it's so sweet. Thank you so much for saying those kind words. I mean, I don't know what that has to do with quantum physics. It doesn't. But I was like, wait a second. Are you trying to deflect? You know what I were saying that. DeGrasse Tyson was intimidating and that made my brain jump down.

But I will say I have no idea what the hell either of you are talking about with that. But what do you believe? Like what do you believe? Do you believe? Karma. Karma. For sure. I do believe in karma for sure too. Yeah. But that's the only thing I'm sure about. Do you believe in energy fields like that people have energy fields? Oh yeah. Yeah. Because sometimes, you know when you can see a dark cloud coming or you can see someone who, someone who, is like a glow. Yes. But not always.

Not always. You can't always tell. You can't always see it, but you can always, I totally get that and I feel that a lot. I feel it a lot with a lot of people, especially people like who are too nice. I get really freaked out by that. Do you consider yourself to be an empath? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I pick up on people's, that's what it means, right? You pick up on other people's energy. Yes, completely. Probably to a fault. Yeah, because as an actor, I think that would be probably, you're probably very sensitive to other people's energies, other people's vibes. But it's why I'm like, I'm one of those, you know, what do you call it when you're

outwardly gregarious, but you also need chill out time. An extroverted introvert? I'm an introverted extrovert. Oh, maybe. Is that an word? Ambevert. It's like ambidextrous. Like I love to have fun.

I love people. And then I have to shut it all down. Uh-huh. Yeah. Because I get, I'm too sensitive to people's vibes, I think. I also think like some people start using because. they are so sensitive to other people's vibes that it's like overwhelming and they have to find a way to like shut that down or calm that down and like not be a sensitive. And one of the

things for me too was during third rock it was so much press stuff and I'd never done anything like it and you know red carpets and stuff and I felt so like an imposter and I felt unable to do it really without medicating myself. I think probably that's very common. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's just scary. It felt scary. Now I think it's a hoot. But, you know, I can't believe I said who. We're going to get into this advice portion of this podcast where we give advice to people. We have real people. Can you remember either some of the best advice you've been given or some of the worst advice you've been given, either or? Yeah, weirdly. I think I'm one of those people that for some reason nobody gives advice to, weirdly. Well, you seem like you've got your shit together. Well, that would be nice if that was the reason. I don't know why it is. But, I do know that I either got this advice or just learned it, which is no is a complete sentence.

And I wish I had learned it earlier. But I've started figuring that out when I was like in my mid-40s. And it's really changed my life. It really has. And are you using that now? And you say it and you're done. And I'm done. Yeah.

Yeah. No more toxic people. It just goes with a whole bunch of stuff that I just don't allow myself to get sucked into anymore. Right. Right. I think as a woman, that's all any of us really ever, like, I mean, I'm sure men suffer from this too, to a lesser degree. But like, there's a big freedom in being able to say no period. Which is weird because since we're kids, all we're taught as women is to say yes or figure out a way to make everybody happy and please them. So to learn that, I just wish I'd learned it earlier. I really do. I think everything we learn as women after the age of 40, we wish we had learned. when we were young. Yes, that's true. Like, there needs to be, but I don't know how to impart that wisdom to the young people, because you don't really gain the wisdom until you've gained it and earned it and grown it. You have to learn it on your own. You can't be told. No.

That you're not, you know, not to chase out. Like, I was talking to my girlfriend this morning who's like chasing after this guy. Right. And I'm like, and she's old enough to know better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't understand how you could be this age in acting this way. I go, I go, I mean, with all the judgment in the world, I'm telling you, you've got to pull it together. And she's like, I know, I go, it's funny. I go, it's like you haven't had enough romances in your life to understand this is not a big deal. Like, it doesn't matter if this guy's blowing you off. Don't let him wind you up.

He doesn't get to take over your day's emotions. And also, do we ever stop and ask ourselves, is he even worth it? No, right, exactly. It's just the chase or making sure. But yeah, I love no longer worrying about any of that bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very liberating and very freeing. But it is something I've learned like there's, there's,

You can't, you don't learn it until you grow it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, our first question today comes from Alex. This one's just an email. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a single gay man living in a major urban area who's 46 years old. I'm very happy with my life and completely financially independent.

I can travel whenever I want. I have a great group of friends. I stay very active, both physically and socially. I've been in a number of long-term relationships, but I've also had long periods where I'm single. And I've been single now for about a year. I'm perfectly content. I can have sex whenever I want and I don't necessarily feel the need for a relationship. Unless someday I meet somebody who's really bringing something to the table, I don't want to be in a

relationship just to be in a relationship. Chelsea, I know you have similar feelings to me when it comes to relationships. I'm completely content, but some of my more traditional-minded friends still feel a bit like, oh, I need to fix you up or, oh, you need to be with somebody to be happy. How do I convince them that not everybody needs to be in a relationship to be happy and content? Do you ever feel this from any of your friends or people you know, Alex. First of all, Alex sounds like he has a great life. I know, I know. It's like he's bragging.

It's like he's bragging. It's like a diary entry. It doesn't sound like he needs a lot of advice. It's true. I just don't think it's important or worthwhile to spend time trying to convince people of something. Like, you have to live it and breathe it and exercise it instead of saying it. Like, I'm so happy.

I'm so single. Just show people that you're happy and that you're single. Or just tell your friend, I don't want to be set up anymore. And if they don't respect that, you know. I really like your hair color. It's really not brassy. I know this is a little off topic, but it looks, it's nice. Poor Alex is like, I know. Alex is like, wait, does this have to know it. It does nothing to do with you, Alex. Yeah, I just think like, you know, you can tell your friends you don't want to be set up. If you really don't want to be set up, then yeah, you should tell them. But also, it's hard to tell people what they don't want to believe. People want to believe. People want to believe. that everybody wants somebody and needs somebody and that's their like, you know,

that's when everything is going to come together. And it's like, sometimes that's when everything falls apart, quite frankly. You know, some people get together and then their whole, and I was like, well, nobody ever, like, you know, nobody talks about the upsides to divorce. Yeah. Like, which are, which there are many.

Like you, you have, I have girlfriends that are going through, they have gone through divorces and realize that they get like half a week without their children. Yeah. And they're excited. Yeah. They have, like, singledom and alone time. I've always felt that's the best way to parent is like part-time, right?

You get a divorce and you have your kids half the time. I'm like, that's ideal. When you do have them, you're putting in 150% because your time is less frequent. And most parents want their kids, you know, more than they get them. And so then you're really actually doing the great parenting that you could probably be more lazy about when you have them all the time. Or too tired or whatever. And there's also something to be said for never having gotten married. And you don't have to deal with all that financial nightmare of divorcing.

and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, I think you just want to, Alex, you just want to tell your friends, like, don't ruin a good thing.

Don't rock the boat. You're having a good time. Also, your life sounds awesome. Yeah, it does. People would kill to be you. Yeah. Alex, you're doing great. Hey,

I'm Tori Webster, and I host That Digital Take. If you've ever wondered how the internet really works, from influencer culture to digital marketing and pop culture, this is your inside look. Each week,

I share what's actually working online, the behind the scenes of building a career as a creator and real conversations with people shaping the industry. Think of it like your big sister guide to the digital world. Follow that digital take on IHeart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a row. rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of a new version of of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran

or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business,

aka The Biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicists for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on his head, right? How about we flip this script? Okay. What is the surprise woman? Actually, you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird. Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come.

to visit the show. I would never expect. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding.

I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, what's a state? Everyone's so dumb.

And fake. Right. Fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. Well, our next one has a caller. And so May says, Dear Chelsea, I lost my father a few months ago. He was my best friend, my protector. He was incredibly gentle and kind. He carried me through every low in my life and celebrated every high bigger than anyone else ever could.

He loved me in a way I don't think anyone ever will again. And I feel so lucky to have had that. He worked out every day until Parkinson's slowly robbed him of his body. In the last few months of his life, his symptoms took over. He was diagnosed with dementia that affected his frontal lobe, causing hallucinations, delusions, and eventually aggression and violence, which was so far from who he truly was. I felt like I was losing him before he was even gone. I'm struggling a lot with grief, and I feel incredibly alone in it.

Some of the people closest to me who have also lost their fathers aren't showing up in the way I thought they would. I understand that it may be too painful for them, but it's been really hard. not having support. I'm also struggling with the end of life and that I didn't get a peaceful goodbye. I didn't get that moment where he told me everything was going to be okay, that he was ready, and that he loved me. I didn't get a clear last conversation with him, and if I did before he got really sick, I can't remember it. I know many people don't get that kind of closure, but I'm having a really hard time understanding how to accept that. I miss him more than I can put into words, and I'm trying to figure out how to keep going while carrying all of this. How do you move through

grief like this, especially when it feels isolating and unresolved? May. Hi, May. Hi, sweetie. This is our special guest, Kristen Johnston. Hi, hon. Hi. Oh, I feel for you. I really do. I can feel the pain in your writing. And I can understand that you're going through really, really difficult, probably the hardest time of your life so far. Are you single? I have a boyfriend. Okay. And how long have you had him? About three years. So he knew your dad? Yes. So he's seen you go through. this loss. Yes, he just, you know, hasn't lost his father, so he doesn't really understand. Yeah. Like, you know, the grief of it all. I think the thing about grief is that it is such a singular thing that you can't expect people to show up for you in the way that you would want them to because no two grievings are the same. Like your loss is not the same as someone else's loss. loss, what you're saying in your letter, what it feels like to me is like you feel like you were

robbed a little bit. You know, you didn't get the goodbye that you had hoped for. You didn't get the ending that you had hoped for. You didn't want to see him in that state. He didn't want you to see him in that state. And that's really, really painful. When you love someone so much and so hard, like you loved your dad, it is so hard to see them suffer. And so I would say to you, to really, in his memory and out of your love for him, to really write down some of the best memories that you've had of him and like the highlights of the times you've had together or things that he said to you that really impacted you,

just like the best of him. Because I think what you might want to do or what might help you through your grief is really holding on to the good parts of him and not letting go of those and letting them be overshadowed by the end because that's not what he would want. And I also think it's really important

we were just talking about this is picking out something that is assigned from him and making an agreement with him that he's going to show up for you in this way. Like for me, it's an orange with my mom when she died. I was like, you have to show me an orange out of place. It can't be at a grocery store. And I saw this big, fake, plastic orange somewhere.

And again, these things, things don't happen in the way that you want them to every single time, but they do happen. And like, you have to choose to believe that he is in a better place because he's no longer suffering, you know, and seeing your father turn into a man that he was never is, is, is even more disturbing sometimes than the loss itself. Right. Do you, can I just ask, do you, is there somebody in your life, whether it's your boyfriend or friend, that, you could have a conversation with about what is you need from them? Like what would help you in this moment? Yeah. I think I have a little bit of a hard time kind of verbalizing what I need

in that moment. Like a lot of times like I do internalize it all a lot and I try to figure it out on my own, which I'm trying not to do so much. Yeah. And so I do try to like express to him like what I need sometimes it doesn't always come out in the right way because it might it might be after like I don't know I'm feeling a big wave of sadness or something I do have a therapist which I'm like she's helping me kind of work through that where I'm trying to express myself more and tell people what I need more like I'm good at doing it with my mom because she's like my mom but yeah with like friends and my boyfriend I am really trying harder to like express how I'm feeling and like what I need yeah Because like if I was your friend right now, I would love if you said to me, Kristen, can you, you know, check in with me three times a week or, you know, because sometimes I think when you go through a loss, people don't necessarily want to be like, how are you doing? Like they don't want to, they don't know what to do. A lot of times. No. It's true. People don't know what to do, especially if they haven't experienced that same kind of loss. And I know it's disappointing when people have had losses and they still don't show up in the way that you expect them to. But it's

also I think, you know, that's all well and good, you know, expressing yourself and saying what you need. But it is a real inside job for you to like talk through like these feelings with your therapist too, to really to accept that he's gone and to do the work to remember him in the best light, you know, because that's really what he wants. He wants the best for you. He wants you to be happy. He doesn't want you to be grieving, you know, so hard, which is obviously unavoidable. But, you know, you want to just be able to think about him and, like, kind of beam yourself up in a sense. Like, him, like, thinking of him as, like, a buoy for you in a sense. Like, when you have his support and you're thinking of him, it's almost like he's helping you, you know, like through it. And

it's totally fine to have your breakdowns and times, because as soon as you let yourself cry, it's like, you're better, you know? Like, you're, you know? Like, you're, you know? Like, you're, you know, like, It's a release. And you give yourself five minutes or ten minutes or an hour, whatever it is you need. And then come back and you're like, okay, that felt good. I can move on. And those things are all fine. Those are all worth acknowledging.

But I think it's really important to write down all of the things that your father meant to you. I love that. And get that all out. That's such a good idea. And so then you have that and you can look at it. And you can keep adding to it and you can keep remembering things. And then it's kind of like a fun memory game of like, oh, God, and then it spurs another memory. Like, oh, remember when I was in fourth grade and he took me to

this dance or he dropped me off and he said this funny thing to my friend. Like, once you kind of train your brain to get on that bicycle, you will start to think of all the different things and the ways he impacted you, which you probably have forgotten because your grief is overshadowing all of that. Yeah. I do a lot of journaling and stuff. And so I do really like that idea because, I mean, like you said, like, his, like, passing and everything before, it lives so presently in my brain. And, like, I get, like, flashes of that. And it's, like, all of a sudden it's, like, I'm thinking, that's all I can remember about him. And that's not what I want to remember him. So, like, I do like that idea of, you know, digging deep and writing all the good, positive,

silly things about him that I miss. Yeah. And I would even challenge you as well when you do have one of those traumatic, very recent things pop into your mind to not reframe, but to take a different step and say like, okay, right now I'm going to think and focus on something that was wonderful from our past. So it trains your brain that when that comes up, you actually give yourself a reward of something beautiful or like a funny jokey would tell or something fun that you guys would do together. But to Chelsea's point, Solica Joad, who we had a few weeks ago, she has the alchemy journal. And that basically every chapter is a story and some prompts for your journaling. So not all of them will apply to stories with your dad, but a lot of them do.

And you could use them as sort of like prompts to be like, oh, yeah, this time we went to such and such or something to do with this that reminds me of my dad. So that might help with like specific prompts as you kind of work through. And it'll jog your memory like Chelsea said about like things you didn't realize you'd forgotten. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. And instead of thinking of it, like just really get into your mind the visualization of

instead of thinking of it as sadness and darkness and grief, start to move into the territory of like love and energy, like, and healing and that he's still with you. Maybe it's like every night you can spend a little time, like having a great time with your dad, you know? Because that, I think that's what I would want. Yes. I mean, him being buoyed by you,

like you letting that happen, I think sounds like such good advice to me if you can do it. You can. You can do it. I can. Yeah. And I'm so sorry for your loss. Yeah, me too.

That you're in a lot of pain, but you're going to be fine. Thank you. You'll get through this. All right. Thanks, May. Will you check in with us in a month or two and let us know how things are going? Yes, definitely. All right.

Thanks for calling in. See, guys. Bye. Bye, honey. Oh, that made me that was so moving. That letter was really moving. It's really tough when someone's personality changes end of life. I have a couple family members that that happen.

No, I mean, who wants to go out like that? Nobody wants to be remembered like that. So hard. Or even just, it's, I mean, that's like a double whammy because people get sick and weak and die, you know? And nobody wants to be seen like that either. Like when my mom was dying, she was like, I don't want anyone to see me like this. And we're like, we're not leaving you.

She's like, I wish you would. Like, I don't want to be seen this way. You've heard the chaos. Now you can see it. Do we want to jump right in? Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish right inside the free IHard Radio app. Make some noise.

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Open the free IHard Radio app. Search video podcasts and tap watch. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going. going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept to. meeting people. And they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your

first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, aka The Biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on his head? How about we flip the script? What is the surprise woman? Actually, you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird.

Adam Scott, this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity. Exuding.

I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? They're like, they're like, oh, everyone's so dumb. And fake.

Right, fake. And also not interesting. or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right.

Well, our next caller is Megan, and she has an addiction question. So I thought, we have a real stupid one to end on. Don't worry. Is it about epoxy? I need something lighter. Well, our question from Megan, she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the oldest in my family of three siblings. I have two younger brothers.

We grew up very close and remained close today. The middle brother lives a couple hours away from the rest of the family. He seems to always have been the one to take drinking and other substances too far. He's married with a successful career, so it's been unclear whether or not his substance and alcohol abuse is problematic. He does shift work, where he works for multiple days, straight, and so he's not drinking. This means he often drinks heavily on his days off. Recently, his wife admitted that he drove while intoxicated for a couple of hours.

This revelation was obviously very concerning. I feel like we've reached a point of likely needing an intervention. He does not have kids, but he wants to have kids in the near future, making this behavior all the more concerning. While my family is close, we've never dealt with anything like this before, and I'm unsure how to approach this with my parents and other brother. I want to show compassion and concern without feeling accusatory. Should I have a conversation with my other brother, the non-addict. Should I speak to his wife, my sister-in-law, about her thoughts on the situation? I feel like going to my parents together with the two of them with these concerns would be beneficial. Any advice that's appreciated. Megan. Hi, Megan. Hi. This is our

special guest, Kristen Johnston. Hi, Megan. Hi. Nice to meet you. You too. Hi. Oh, how old is your brother? Early 30s. We're all in our 30s. Okay. Yeah. Obviously this has been going on for a while, right? Yeah, yeah. It's always been kind of like the known thing that, oh, he's the one with a little bit more of an issue compared to the rest of the family. And it's getting worse, right? It's hard to say if it's getting worse. He is very private. So I only hear about things like from his wife. And if we're at a family event or something, obviously I'll see him drinking excessively sometimes, but it's hard to say whether or not it's getting worse. He goes through like ups and downs. And has he ever had any counseling or therapy? No, no. And he's had no like negative impacts on

his life from using. I mean, that's that's the hard thing. He did have like a DUI when he was younger, but that was that's it. He hasn't really had many other negative effects, I would say. And that's what's tricky about it is because of the work he does. He goes like days at work without drinking, obviously. But then on the off days, it's like, oh, well, I have to make up for the time that I haven't been. So he's a highly functioning addict, it sounds like. I'm super high functioning, which is the worst kind, honestly. It is because you can keep your addiction hidden so much longer than if you're just a hot mess. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and they say like when you're having consequences, right?

That's when you know it's quote unquote an addiction. But I would argue even though he hasn't gotten into an accident or anything like that, driving for a couple of hours drunk and his wife being upset about it is a consequence. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's what I fear is like I don't want it to come to a serious consequence. Yeah. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I get it. Yeah. Kristen, where do you think the conversation starts? Is it with the rest of the family?

It's just very difficult when there haven't been. And by negative consequences, I mean losing a job, losing a wife. And you want to nail it before it becomes that. So I understand that. And I certainly am not an expert in addiction, although I have my own personal history with it. But I would say definitely talking to others in the family very quietly, kind of trying to get an assessment, is it me alone?

Like, am I the only one worried here? or how can we fix this and getting kind of a team together to see where all of you feel so that you're a team about it and not alone with it. Yeah. Yeah. Since I wrote in, it's been a while since I wrote in, I did kind of breach the subject with our other brother. Uh-huh. And he seems to be totally in denial about it. Oh, wow.

Okay. Yeah. I think it's just they are particularly close. So it's really hard when, you know, like you're so close to someone. to really see things for how they are. And I'm a little bit more on the outside. Yes. So I think that's why I notice it more.

What about his wife? Does his wife, is his wife concerned? It's hard to say. She also drinks pretty heavily. Right, right. Unfortunately, I think probably as a result of him, like they just do it together. It's an activity.

They're enabling each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she has brought up concerns for sure. Mm-hmm. But, like, whether or not I haven't ever, like, said the word addict to her or like, oh, I think this is a problem specifically. Yeah, but she has voiced some concerns.

Mm-hmm. And are you worried that there will be no going back if you broach it with him or your parents or anybody? That's a hard thing to talk about. I'm worried about, like, being, you know, like, the one to kind of break the ice because I already feel like I'm a little bit like of the hour. outsider of the family and I don't want to be the one to kind of like disrupt the peace. And I know with addiction, it's just like if they're not ready to face it, they're not going to, you know. Is it okay if I connect her with my friend Joe Shrank?

My friend, he's an addiction specialist. He's brilliant. He's certainly helped me. But his big thing is doing interventions. So at least he's somebody who could talk to you about with a lot of actual knowledge as to what your options are. Yeah. That'd be amazing. Yeah, because it sounds like you're not,

not everyone in your family is on the same page exactly. So that's a problem with an intervention. Like your sister-in-law sounds like she's partying to. Your brother seems like he's in denial, the other brother. And then your parents, like where do they, it feels like you don't really have like a coalition formed to have an intervention. So it feels like you might want to,

it might just require a conversation between you and him, like, hey, I'm a little concerned about your drinking. Yeah. And rather than a full scale intervention, just to put that noise in his ear so that he's a little bit more self-conscious about it until your family does want to, like, have a come-to-Jesus kind of situation. And unfortunately, it's like what you said, like, until there are consequences, there aren't, you know, like, there's no, they think they're handling it.

And I just know from my time as an active addict, you will do. anything to keep that steady, you know, to keep the ability to abuse these, whether it's alcohol or drugs or whatever, going. So you will, I mean, I would have fought like a tiger. Somebody was like, I'm worried. I'd be like, no, I'm fine. So I just don't want you to end up feeling like this sort of lone, the lone same person. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because then you're ostracized from the family for doing the thing. I was hoping that like another. family member. And honestly, like my mom, I think she, if I really talk to her about it, she would agree with me. Yeah. But it's just one of those things, again, that's so touchy that it's like,

I don't want it to come from me. Like, I think she probably is aware. And she just also probably feels similar to me. What can I do? What can I do? Like, I think sometimes you really need to have that massive negative consequence to really look at your life and stop. But I get why you're, you're wanting it now before there are any really terrible prices to pay. So, yeah, I can hook you up with my friend. Yeah, that would be awesome. Thank you for, thank you for volunteering,

because he certainly has a lot of experience with it. Okay. Yeah, that would be great. And he's a sweetheart, so, yeah. Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Okay, I'll do that. All right, Megan. Thanks for calling in.

Yeah, thank you. Okay, good luck. Good luck. Good luck. Thank you. That's so hard. I know, I know. It's really, yeah.

And especially when you're like, when you're not the family member, who's present, you know, she's a couple hours away. Yeah. Yeah, you're definitely the enemy, the minute, the first person that brings that up. Yes. So difficult. Yeah.

We have a really dumb question to wrap up with. Perfect. We need a, we need a less serious question. This has been a heavy show. I know. You come over here. This is going to happen. We put you to work.

Okay. So this is our one-drink question for the day. Monica says, I've been dating my new guy for about three months. and I'm on a bean-eating journey thanks to the dense bean salad lady of TikTok and the allure of regulating my hormones. The only problem is that they are, as you suspected, musical fruit.

How do I soft launch farting in front of my new boyfriend? Oh, wow. Soft launch. I love that your commitment is to the beans. Is there such a thing as soft launching? I mean, I don't know. This is where I am with farting.

I'm wrapped on farting in front of people. I don't think it's appropriate anymore. I used to be like it doesn't matter. Who cares? You can fart in front of people. Obviously, if things slip out, they slip out. But I think we need to have a little bit more respect for each other. I mean, it's not the hottest thing.

It's not sexy. It's not. It's not the hottest thing. Thank you. But I really think we need to relaunch etiquette. And that's not a good thing to be starting to think about. But it's also so awkward if all you're doing while you're, watching a movie with him or whatever is like

holding out to the bathroom. Maybe lay off the fucking beans then. I mean, don't you think? Lay off the beans, lady. Like you're giving the beans away for the good. What's more important? I mean, isn't there something else you can eat besides l'joums? I do have to tell you when Brad,

this guy out here, when Brad and I first started dating, the first year that we were together, he would get up in the middle of the night. He would go in his bathroom. which shared a wall at the bedroom and fart the loudest farts ever. That's kind of romantic. But they were in the next room.

That was considerate. That was considerate. But now he doesn't worry about it. It's hard to hold in a fart. That is true. It hurts your tummy. And also I think it's bad for you. Yeah, but so are those, that amount of beans.

Like, I mean, we shouldn't be, but we shouldn't be farting all. That's because you're not on social media. So thank God. otherwise you'd be farting too. I would edit the beans a little bit. Yeah, maybe one. You know, I don't know if you're,

why are you eating it every day? These TikTok ladies, they're saying like two cups of beans a day. For what? For what? But regularizing your hormones. It's supposed to help with perimenopause. Oh, okay. There's a health risk.

Allegedly. I know, but you know what? Next week they'll tell you toothpaste works for that. That's true. That's true. Bone broth. Yes. Yes.

So, yeah, I would say lay off the beans. And then maybe. once you guys get into a more secure situation, then you could be like, by the way, I'm going to need to up it to two cups of beans a day. And this is going to be, this is the, this is the result of what it's going to be. What are your positions on farting? Yeah, I like that. Do you like it? Yeah, do you love it? Well, I mean, like, is it a huge turnoff or does it bother you at all? Or do you just think it's funny? Right, right, right. That's a good way to ask, actually. Yeah. Kristen, you're a real tall drink of water. And so are you, Chelsea, Handler.

here. I'll come on anytime. I can come on once a week. Thank you. If you love giving advice so much, we'll help you back as a regular. Make sure you watch Leanne, you guys. It's on Netflix. Season two is on. And yes, you were a wonderful guest. It was such a pleasure to sit down with you. I've had so much fun. I really have. Thank you. If you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of IHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find Catherine on TikTok at Flashcadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine

Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea Live at Chelsea handler.com. I am talking to a felon right now with face tattoos and I cannot decide if I like him or not. That was a caller from my podcast, Therapy Gecko, where I speak with anonymous callers about their problems, relationships, and anything else in the depth. of their mind. It all happens on my show, Therapy Gecko.

So if you're trying to get out of your own head and into someone else's, this is the podcast for you. Listen to Therapy Gecko on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Self-care September is your reminder to slow down, check in with yourself, get off your phone, and maybe ask, why am I like this? I'm Jemisbeg, host of the Psychology of Your 20s podcast, and this month we're helping you make sense of the person.

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