Dear Chelsea - Tarot, Cults + Body Counts with Christina Ricci

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

  Christina Ricci joins Chelsea to talk about her new tarot deck, why even 3-year-olds should have boundaries, and having a dad with a cult of his own.  Then: A wife struggles with guilt over her judgmental family.  A 30-something worries about escalating fights between her in-laws.  And a girlfriend’s body count is a point of contention in her relationship - but should it be? * Find Christina’s Tarot deck Cat Full of Spiders here! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, Catherine. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hello, everyone. This is our first episode that we're recording since the election, so that didn't really go the way we wanted it to. No, it did not. And people are very, very down, and I have been sifting through my DMs with lots of messages of fear and defeat

and people who want to give up. And that's kind of just what they want. They want us to give up. So while we have to lick our wounds and realize that this didn't go our way and all of the reasons it didn't go our way, I think one of the most important things to remember is to activate and to actually turn and channel that anger and that rage into something powerful, like we did in 2016 when this happened. And when we had the midterms two years later,

it was because so many people activated and organized and got involved. And while that may feel like a big, you know, hopeless idea, it matters and it makes a difference. And it's been proven time and time again to make a difference, getting involved in politics, getting involved with local groups, support groups, if you need a support group, instruction, like places like ACLU, who are constantly fighting legal battles and have been preparing to fight legal battles against this administration. That's one good source.

But we are going to do, we have many episodes now. We're going to do a mini-sode that will come out tomorrow with all sorts of resources for you guys so that you can actually join a group, donate to a group, go and volunteer for these groups. All of the groups that are fighting for LGBTQ rights that we are very well aware of, human rights, immigrants rights, all of these groups that are here doing work on the ground. We are going to put together a big list of places that are reliable and have avenues for you to actually get involved and start making a difference because we can't just lie down and take it and just say, well, they're going to do what they're going to do. is for you to actually get involved and start making a difference because we can't just lie down and take it and just say, well, they're going to do what they're going to do. There are ways

to delay doing what they want to do. There are ways to get involved. And there are good things that have come out of the election, even though this feels very, very dark. I'm with you. I just spent the whole weekend doing stand up, which thank God I had to do that because it served as not only a reprieve for hopefully my audience, but for me. I mean, it made me forget about all of this for at least an hour. And I'm with you. I understand how dark it is and how it can feel hopeless. But that energy doesn't get us anywhere. Hopelessness and giving up and defeatism doesn't get us anywhere. Hopelessness and giving up and defeatism

doesn't get us anywhere. So we really have to work together in community knowing that there is half of this country that feels the same way we do. There is half this country that wants to protect all of these rights and probably more than half. A lot of people just voted because of their pocketbooks and some people are voting for their fucking lives. So it would be nice if everyone was on board with humanity, but clearly, with all this divisiveness and the ugliness of Elon Musk and his, whatever he did with Russia for this election, like, I don't even want to go down that rabbit hole because I don't like, I mean, you go online, if you even mention it, I mean, there's so many conspiracy theories out there.

It's just so gross and uneducated and stupid. Yeah. And the algorithms are so dangerous. It's like I've seen people that I love who are brilliant, who are discerning, who are politically savvy. And even they are getting like sucked down these weird YouTube rabbit holes. And I'm like, where are you getting this rhetoric from? I know. And it's everywhere. It's permeating everywhere. And that's Russia, for sure. Because that's what they and that's what Elon Musk did. You know, when he bought Twitter,

that was with this intention to do this, which is exactly, you know, he was victorious. So it's like, we have to, you know, we have to not lie down and let this roll over on us. So I don't know what the answers are. I feel everyone's pain and I've responded to probably thousands of DMs, but I will continue to go through them and respond to more. Just trying to convey some sort of comfort and understanding that we can't be paralyzed by this. Yeah. I saw so many people saying, you know, this week we're going to take our time to mourn and we're going to take our time to wallow. And, like, next week we get up and we start fighting.

And I think, like, we've taken our time and now we get brave, you know, and we start getting active, too. Yeah. And if you're in Texas and you're feeling lonely and dispirited, I will be coming through there this week to Austin, Houston, Dallas, going to Sugar Land Friday, Saturday, Sunday, actually. So I'll see you guys there and I'll pump you up for the night and we'll just take it one day at a time, you know, but just remember whoever you are and however hopeless you feel, you are not alone. There are so many millions of people that are feeling the same way you are. So I would really encourage people who are feeling very insulated or insular, like, and they don't have community around them. I would really encourage you to join support groups, go online,

look for LGBTQ support groups, look for people who are worried about their family members being deported. There are support groups for everything. And I would really encourage you to try and find a group like that, you know, to seek out support. And now we have an interview with one of the only celebrities I don't think I've ever met in my entire life. And not the only one, but one of them who I would have thought I had met before, but I haven't. And she's been in so many of my childhood memory-making, core memory movies, like Mermaids. You probably know her most recently from Yellow Jackets.

Please welcome Christina Ricci. Hi, Christina Ricci. Oh, my gosh. I'm really excited to be here. I've been such a fan of yours, and we've never got an opportunity to... Yeah. Yeah. I said earlier, I'm like, I don't think I've met you. But then again, I don't remember because sometimes I've interviewed somebody and completely forgotten with no reason for. Do people get really upset when you've interviewed them? Typically it's not a great, it's not a great look, but I'd rather be honest. I mean,

I've interviewed like 50,000 people. It's true. I mean, it's justified. great look. But I'd rather be honest. I mean, I've interviewed like 50,000 people. It's true. I mean, it's justified. It's understandable. But now as I'm looking at your face, I'm like, oh, because obviously I've known you for as long as everybody else in this world has. I'm older than you. I'm five years older than you. And so I grew up with you. And so you are a familiar face to me. But as I'm looking at you in person, I realize I've never met you in person. Yeah, we haven't met. No. But first of all, this is the most exciting part. Well, not the most exciting part, but one of the most exciting parts is that Christina is here today because she is releasing

a tarot card collection, which is very unexpected, but also kind of right on track for your brand. Yeah. And it's weird for me too, because I love tarot. I've always thought it was fun. I'm not one of those people who like fully buys into anything, really. Like I don't really believe in anything. So I don't believe in the like mystical aspects of this, but I really love it for like self-exploration.

It poses lots of questions. So it's a funny thing for me to put out because you would think like I'm putting on a tarot deck. I must believe in like fate. Yes, all all the stuff and I really don't I believe more like we're totally in control of ourselves if we ask ourselves the right questions we can you know see situations fully and understand where we're going and that's really what tarot is you know well I'm glad you said that preamble because sometimes when people think you're talking about tarot cards they think you're like out to lunch yes i used to always at barnes and nobles i would ask for the crazy lady section when i was going to get my you know birthday book remember you'd have to like

immediately go find out what his birthday was and they're like i gotta go get the birthday book and then you start by by the way when you go to the birthday book and you look at the guy that you're dating and you look at yours, and then you go to any random guy, any other birthday, and it also aligns. They never once say, this is a bad match. There aren't very many. There are a few, I have to say. But I think this tarot, I'm looking through the tarot cards now. It's a beautiful deck.

Did you design these? No. So my husband and I came up with this idea. Is this you? He's the creative director. Well, here's the idea. The idea basically is that they're all me. Just like an individual has a million different facets and potentialities and versions of themselves.

So my husband's creative directing it and we found this amazing artist, Felipe Flores, and he did all the artwork. So cute. And came up, like, all the cards have little, like, two-sentence stories, backstories for the characters that then are metaphors for the theme or question that's being posed. This is very good for Christmas, you guys. This is good for your family, Christmas. There's a West Elm one, too, with a collectible set that comes with, like, a tray and a smudging thing and candles. Smudging? What kind of smudging are we talking about?

Smudge. Like you had to smudge your house? Like energy smudging. Like you had to do here. I have to smudge my house once a week. It's called Cat Full of Spiders. It's a tarot deck with a guidebook, you guys. And it's from Christina Ricci.

Because you know what? I was looking at your history of all of the movies that you've ever been in. And it's from Christina Ricci. Because, you know what, I was looking at your history of all of the movies that you've ever been in, and most of them are pretty scary. Really? Well, not scary, but you always... Spooky girl stuff. Yeah, you play spooky.

Like, that's kind of your thing. Well, the ones that have stood out. I've made a lot of ones that nobody ever paid any attention to. I mean, there was one that was not scary. Well, like, Mermaid wasn't scary. That was not. But a lot of your roles are spooky scary. And I was like, oh, that's interesting for a woman.

Yeah. I mean, you know, I've always been somebody who I just like can't be normal. So I can't be in romantic comedies. Why do you think you can't be normal? If I say I love you on camera, it's not believable. It is not. You don't believe me for a second. I also can't be in horror films where I have to be afraid.

Like I don't, I'm not convincingly fearful. Even though I spend my life in fear, for some reason I can't convey that on screen. Do you know that, though? Have you tried to act scared on camera? Yes, I've done a few horror films. I remember I did this one and I went to see it with my boyfriend at the time. And he was just like very, I don't know, wasn't a lot there. But he was like, wow, you should never do a horror movie again.

And I was like, no, you're right. He's like, you just seem like you didn't really care about anything. Oh, no. That's pretty funny. What a great review. You're like, thank you for coming with me. Yeah, I guess I brought my apathy to that performance. Yeah, but I mean, at some point you would.

I mean, it's not like you can hit a home run every single movie or job that you get. I mean, it's like a doctor. A doctor's not hitting it out of the park every single time. Unfortunately, it's true. That is so true. And I'm really glad you said that because I think it's fine to admit that you weren't very good in certain things. Yeah. It's also always so horrified. And I'm like, no, I'm terrible in that movie. I'm glad you like it. I'm not good. Right. And that's OK, because I was 12. My. And I'm like, no, I'm terrible in that movie. I'm glad you like it. But I'm not good. Right. And that's okay. Because I was 12. My friend has a number one movie that's on Netflix right now.

And she's like, oh, I put the least amount of effort into this movie. And I didn't even like my performance. Not the least amount of effort. She said, I was very dissatisfied with the outcome. And it ends up being the biggest movie I've ever done. And I'm like, there you go. You never know what's going to hit. But it's so true, though, because I can relate to that. Because I in my work experiences,

even though I'm not an actress, per se, I have done not per se, I'm not an actress. I don't know why I'm saying it that way. We're all actresses. Exactly. I have definitely performed at higher levels and lower levels, depending on what the fuck is going on in my life and how grounded I am. And I would imagine with your career, that's about what? I mean, you've been acting since you were five? No, seven. Oh, well, okay. Much older. But I didn't get my first movie until I was nine. So I never know whether it's seven or nine. So in that area. So at some point along the way, between seven and 45, I'm sure that you were not batting 1,000 every single time. No, it's been a rough road.

So occasionally, the performances have suffered. You're correct. Yeah. Well, that's to be expected. And I think this is a very refreshing conversation, actually, to be having about acting. Because some people take acting very seriously. And the idea that you can never have made mistakes, or you're not talented because you

once made a bad choice, or you know what I mean? Right. Or there are things that, like, I think it's okay for me as an actress to be like, I can't do romance. Like, I just can't. Right, right, right. I think it's fine, but I've had things. But a lot of people react as though you're like, oh, no, don't bash yourself. You're

not allowed to be self-critical. Like we're not allowed to be self-critical anymore. Everyone's always so worried about our self-esteem. Oh, exactly. I know. And I'm like, that's not healthy either. I'm being objective. Okay. Yeah. So was there ever a point in your career where you had a lull where you didn't know if you were going to continue acting? Yes. Because I just can't imagine doing something for that many years. That's your whole life. Yeah. It is. Yes.

Like you never wanted to be a secretary or anything? I did. I wanted to be all those stereotypical things that actresses want to be. A therapist or interior decorator. So I like, you know, toyed around with those things. And then when I went to high school, I was sort of like, well, I already have this thing. And if I just do this thing, I don't have to do any more homework. Yeah.

So I'll never have to study again. So I'll just do this. By the end of my 20s, I really wasn't working very much. And then I did a TV show, Pan Am. And then when that was canceled, I really didn't work. I mean, I worked, but not the level I wanted to work at. And so were you able to afford to live financially without working? Yeah, I was able to support myself.

But by doing things that, you know, I like watching Lifetime movies. I don't really want to be in them. Right. But, you know, that is one way that I supported myself during that lull. And there's, you know, there are other things. Well, it's also nice to also be able to come out of that lull and now look back and be like, wow, because some people would have too much pride to do something like that. You know, not that Lifetime is the bottom of the barrel, because I also enjoy watching

Lifetime movies. I mean, that's what dreams in bed were made of. You know, like Sunday days before we had all of these streamers. That's what you did on a Sunday was watch one Lifetime movie after another. But I hear you about not wanting to be in them. You know. Not your heart's desire. No.

No. So, but then this TV show I'm on now, Yellow Jackets, really changed that for me. Yeah, of course. Huge hit. Yellow Jackets, which is on Showtime with Melanie Linsky. I mean, you have such a great cast. Yes. Everybody's so incredible.

That's the other thing. You've worked with so many incredible women from Winona Ryder to Cher to this whole cast of Yellow Jackets. Talk to me about that, those relationships. Like, is there someone who's had a huge impact on you that you only spent a short amount of time with? Well, I think that all of the women I worked with

when I was very young, you know, like my first movie was with Cher. My second movie was with Angelica Houston. I worked with Ellen Burstyn in between those movies. Like I worked with a lot of older women at the time that were just so self-possessed and powerful without being dickheads and smart and just educated me in so many ways. And I think that that was really helpful for me to see as a little girl. Yeah. Well, because sometimes I think when you have experiences with people like that, that are like huge kind of almost figureheads, it's not even about them necessarily teaching you. It's about watching them do their thing. Exactly. And learning from them, right? Yes. yes yeah because Cher is such a force and I think I heard you talk about her once that you were she was like kind of

you know took care of you on set since you were such a young kid she would hide me in the back of her trailer when they had production meetings because she didn't want me to ever feel like I didn't know what was happening and it made me feel nervous oh wow yeah so and she was like I know they're not gonna like everyone's gonna think i'm crazy if i want you to be in the production meeting so you just sit in the back so you can hear what's going on oh that's very cool yeah and i there was also i didn't realize it at the time but we were um well i did realize this we were changing the director was being replaced and one of the reasons he was replaced was because he really didn't like my performance. And I think that she was afraid that somehow I would hear that, like some little bit of that and then turn it into something bigger.

So she wanted me to hear the actual production meetings. Yeah. Yeah. So when you have a career that is this long, right, and successful, even though you've had some lows, which is to be expected. I don't know anybody who hasn't. What is your relationship to your work and to your career? Well, it took me a really long time to consider myself an artist, really. Not until I was in my 30s. Yeah, like late 30s, like after all the opportunities had passed. And I was like, I was an artist and I never

appreciated any of it. That was when I really came to terms with it and finally accepted myself. But I feel very strongly now about my work, whereas in the past I didn't really. I had a very sort of nihilistic attitude towards many things. And one of them was my work. But now I feel very connected. I feel very passionate about but now I feel very connected I feel very passionate about it I feel very protective of it and I think I used to view all that stuff as someone being pretentious and so as I've gotten older I've gotten more comfortable with like that's not pretentious it's just somebody who you know is treating their talent or skill the way it should be treated it's kind of how you feel when you're in a situation when it's mostly like male dominated, like in most every industry, basically.

And you want to be like the girl that gets along with everybody, you know, like I've had that experience where I want to be the girl that's like the cool girl. But you don't realize in doing that you're sublimating what you need. And then you're also sublimating the women around you. Because you're trying to make inroads with the guy.'m not talking about you right now i'm talking about me with the guys so that you're not the problem you're not difficult you're fun you get the joke you know you guys can be dirty around me i get it i get it and you don't realize how damaging that is until you are older and realize that that's false you're basically feeding into this whole male domination by acting like that instead of congregating with the women.

Yeah. So I would imagine that's how you feel about like how many people feel about their craft too. It's like what makes you a strong actor like you saying that you thought that was pretentious is actually empowering, right? Yes. To know what your skill set is. Yes. And standing up for yourself and, you know, being able to come and say, you know, I do my best work when this is what I need, but also like being willing to reciprocate that

for other people. And yeah. And what I've noticed too is like the more you stand up for yourself, it inspires people around to sort of set their boundaries and their needs, which is kind of in line with what you're saying as well. You know, it's beneficial to everybody. Because it's like you saw the example of people like Cher and Ellen Burstyn, Angelica Houston, and then you want to set that example also for the younger people that you're going to be working with. Yeah. And it's easier for other people to stand up for themselves when someone else is doing

it right next to them. You know what I mean? Totally. Especially on a cast with many actors, like if one actor agrees to sit on the side of the road in between setups, then everybody has to sit on the side of the road. You know what I mean? But the more people stand up and say, no, actually, I'm going to go to my negotiated place

to sit down until you're ready for it. The more other people stand up for themselves, the more everybody can. I don't know. Okay. And you're a mom. That's right. You have two children?

I do. I have a 10-year-old and a two—oh, wow. She's almost three years old. Okay. And so how is that being a mother? It's good. I mean, I love being a mother. I love my kids.

But I think just like most mothers, sometimes it's absolutely awful. What are the awful parts? Just like fighting with your kid to do homework, school, anything school related. It's really a nightmare. I feel like it's worse in these towns than it is everywhere else in the world. New York and LA, like for school is a nightmare on multiple levels for children and the work, but also because of the parrying to get into schools and having to like, you know, basically submit in like a college admission.

Yeah. When you're when you're six months pregnant, it's really scary. That stuff is scary. And then when you have a child that turns into like a Wolverine feral creature, anytime you're like, do your 30 minutes of reading. And that's your 10 year old. Like it's, yeah, it's that, that part I don't enjoy, but there's lots of fun stuff too.

Yeah. I would obviously, obviously. I just always like to focus on the negative. I do too though. And then I ended up sounding like such a jerk. No, no, no. Okay. Well tell us, tell us your favorite parts too. So we don't only have that in the interview. Of being a mom. Well, no, no. Okay, well, tell us your favorite parts too so we don't only have that in the interview. Of being a mother? Of being a mom.

Well, they're very snuggly. Snuggly, but think about a moment. I want you to like think about a moment that really made you go, oh my God, like this is magic.

I think, well, I spend a lot of time with my son and we travel together and the last couple of flights we've taken, like he's just, it's just

fun to see them learn and grow and like now the way he travels is exactly the way I travel and like he does everything and like how even to ask for things and how we do it and where we line up and what how early we need to be at the gate because mommy's crazy um and it's just it's just really but it's just fun to see it you know yeah and have you been married or is that yes I've been married twice this is my I'm on my second marriage oh you're on your second marriage well congratulations that's exciting I got through that first one um great that's a practice marriage exactly exactly and how did you two meet? Well, he has been doing hair for fashion for, God, like 20 years. And I met him on a photo shoot.

But I was still married. So I didn't really meet him until after I was separated, like two years later. And did you get married when you were young, your first marriage? No, I was 31. Oh, okay. So you waited a little bit. No excuse for that mistake. Oh, no.

Well, it's not a mistake because you have your son from it. So there you go. That's your net gain. Yes, yes. So you waited a little bit. There's no excuse for that mistake. Oh, no. Well, it's not a mistake because you have your son from it. Exactly. So there you go. That's your net gain. Yes, yes. Right? Did you find, I mean, I wonder what it's like because you weren't married to a famous person, right? So what did you feel like? How did you feel about that dynamic when one person is famous and the other person isn't? I mean, it's not great all the time, you know?

I wonder what it would be like, though, to, I mean, two famous people is that worse I don't know I've never dated anyone famous yeah I don't know yeah I I don't know I I don't you know it's it's weird like people defer to you a lot of times don't acknowledge the other person totally things like that that just aren't nice you become a plus one yeah the person becomes a plus one. And you know, I, I'm not comfortable with that, but you know, it's just human nature. Yeah, it is human nature. And some people are okay in that role. You know, that saying there's a gardener and there's a flower, like there's a flower and there's a gardener. I love that because like, I want to be the flower and I want my person to be the gardener. Yes, I'd like to be a gardener. But then sometimes you have two flowers and you're like, where's the fucking gardener?

No, there's no water. And that's a really hard, I think, dynamic. I can't even imagine. And do you think it keeps you more grounded? Because you seem fairly normal. In this short time we've spent together, you seem fairly normal. You know, I don't actually like attention. I don't like attention

I always find that interesting when actors say that I know it's weird I don't like my picture taken I don't like attention I love being on like the outside of the room and watching people I'm not overly friendly but my husband is like incredibly like gregarious and warm and takes care of everyone in the room so it really works with mark because even if somebody were to treat us as me with a plus one and he's my plus one well the plus one's the only one talking to you so you know so he actually becomes the guest you know so it's great it works that's cute and who what about your so So your daughter's two with Mark, right? And what's her personality like?

She's amazing. Does she look exactly like you? I would imagine you have very strong dominant features. She looks a lot like me. I think we have the same eyes. And then my son has my eyes, but they're bright blue, which is pretty amazing. He's really quite gorgeous. And she's so beautiful and adorable.

But she's like a feral creature. And she's very... She has a lot of boundaries. And she's so beautiful and adorable and but she's like a feral creature and she's very she has a lot of boundaries and she's very strong and I was like my son was just like attached to me needed me all the time and you have to ask her permission to kiss her yeah be like Cleo mommy's gonna kiss you goodbye now and she's like no mommy not today that's funny I was at this trick-or-treating thing for my nieces and nephews and my uh assistant karen has a daughter willow who's three and she kisses everyone on the lips everyone it was like you have to meet willow she'll kiss you on the lips i'm like i'm coming over i want to kiss on the lips from a little fat nugget she's such a nugget yeah and of course i

didn't get one you know but i was like what are you guys going to do when you send her to school she can't just go around kissing everybody on the lips I think she'll grow out of there I know but when she needs to learn about her piece she wants to hold hands with all strangers and kiss everybody on the lips but I like having boundaries at three that's pretty funny

she's amazing she will say no touching right now please and I need some space wow I frustrated I need some space. Mommy, I'm frustrated. I need some space. And then I'm like, okay, cool. Go take your space. And, yeah, she's just very willful, very strong.

She's big, very tall, which is surprising because I'm not very tall. But, yeah, she has like a cat-like personality. So when she finally does like completely melt and just is all over you, it feels really good. Because you feel like it's really based on something. Yeah. Like with cats. That's an interesting way to describe your relationship with your daughter. I think that's intriguing.

I have a lot of respect for her. I do too. I love it. That's great. I respect her too, just hearing about her. You would also respect her. She sounds like a badass. She really commands a lot of respect. Okay. So we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Christina Ricci. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love.

Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me. It's like having a guide for the hardest parts of life. The wolves are hungry.

What will you feed them? Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the

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And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a

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Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone. I'm Madison Packer, a pro hockey veteran going on my 10th season in New York.

And I'm Anya Packer, a former pro hockey player and now a full Madison Packer stan. Anya and I met through hockey, and now we're married and moms to two awesome toddlers. And on our new podcast, Moms Who Puck, we're opening up about the chaos of our daily lives between the juggle of being athletes, raising children, and all the messiness in between. We're also turning to fellow athletes and beyond to learn about their parenthood journeys and collect valuable advice, like FIFA World Cup winner Ashlyn Harris. I wish my village would have prepared me for how hard motherhood was going to be. And Peloton instructor

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Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and admire,

join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy, and very fun. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Christina Ricci. Well, our first email comes from Rebecca. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 28-year-old codependent millennial who was in a controlling relationship. I finally sought professional help and therapy and medicine

helped me begin healing. In my journey of healing, rediscovery, and homecoming, I met a man who helped me become a better version of myself. We met a little over a year ago and have been together ever since. It's the partnership I want in my life. He's supported me when I'm down, held me when I'm anxious, took care of me when I'm sick, and motivates me to want to be a better and higher version of myself. However, he feels that I have not been honest with him about my body count. It's like the number of people you've slept with. Wow. Yeah. And he doesn't like the- Not that I'm surprised, but I knew it was body count, but I'm just surprised he's upset about this. Right. It seems so trivial. If he's so great. Yeah.

It's not over 15, but it's more than eight. Oh, for God's sakes. It's the only contentious point in our relationship and the only thing we argue about. I fear this will never be resolved. That is so stupid. I mean, this is so stupid. It's also a really low number. Yeah.

That's what I was going to say. You're fine. Do you know how many times I've tried to count how many people I've had sex with? You know when you're in your 20s and you're like, one, two, and they're like, I can't know. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. You're fine. Do you know how many times I've tried to count how many people I've had sex with? You know when you're in your 20s and you're like, one, two, and then you're like, I can't even. And then three days later, you're like, I remember three more guys. I actually wrote them down at one point and then found the list and was adding to it. Yeah.

Because I was like, I'll forget. Well, as you remember and as you have more encounters. Absolutely. But it should be limited. I mean, who gives a shit how many people anyone had sex with? Agreed. The more, the merrier as far as I'm concerned. Right?

And she says, you know, she doesn't want to keep arguing about this, but, you know, one of the qualities he wants in a girl is someone with a lower body count. Maybe he needs to do some work on himself and his insecurities. Absolutely. I think that's true. You can't. This is the beginning of it. Like, that is somebody who's hiding their jealousy and they're hiding their controlling like behavior and that is going to come out because anyone who cares what you did in your past before you met them like everyone has

had sex with lots of people some people have had sex with fewer people but that can't be a stipulation so if the answer is above the number he feels comfortable with, then what? Then you're broken up? What does he want her to do? There's no way to change it. You can't change it. Exactly. But he thinks she's lying. Yeah, he thinks it's more than what she's saying.

I would just say that this is a harbinger of things to come. It's not a good sign. Yeah. If you're seeing these little controlling things come out now and you were previously in a controlling relationship, that should be a big red flag that maybe this is more of a controlling relationship than he's let on, like you said. Absolutely, because I had a relationship with somebody who tried to pretend like he wasn't controlling. That wasn't. Oh, I love the way you are. I love that you're so free. I love that you ski topless. Well, I guess what? He didn't like any of those things. And it didn't come out until about seven months into our relationship. And I was like, oh, you were pretending that you

were okay with my personality and you're not okay with my personality. So yeah, I would just say that doesn't look good. That's a big red flag. Yeah. His deal breaker should be your deal breaker. Because it's judgment also. And you're not, why are you judging the person that you are in love with? Like, why would you judge them? It has no impact on your current relationship. No, it has no impact at all. Yeah. Right. So goodbye, guy.

Yeah. Blow that emotionally unsafe whistle and get out of there. Yeah. Your emotional whistle? The emotionally unsafe whistle. Oh. I just did. I wanted one really badly.

So, like, I could be in any situation just like. And then, like, my protective troll would, would like come out from somewhere and be like, what have you done again? And like pick me up and take me to safety. I like that. I feel emotionally unsafe right now. I'm leaving. Woo-woo.

Well, our next question comes from Dolly. Is it Dolly Parton? Didn't we try to get Dolly on the podcast? We did and we're still trying. Yeah, she better come on. Dolly, come visit us, please. Oh, look at this cutie. Yeah.

Dolly says, Dear Chelsea, I've been listening to the pod since the beginning. I feel excited to finally have an issue that I feel is worthy of input. My brother-in-law

and sister-in-law are both 36. Let's call them Victor and Kathy. They've been married for almost 10 years and have two kids in elementary school.

My husband and I have been marginally privy to their ongoing fights, tit-for-tat jabs, revenge spending, and recurring threats of divorce over the last five years. My husband has a decent relationship with his brother, and I do with my sister-in-law, Kathy, but there's always a feeling

of walking on eggshells around them. Through the years, I've encouraged couples therapy, individual therapy, and given a book on building a healthy marriage. I even had conversations encouraging them to reflect on what this relationship is doing to their children. It always seems like things get a little bit better and then no work is invested into the relationship. She can tell us a little bit more about this, but recently there was a situation where they got in a fight late at night. Kathy left. Victor also left the kids at home, and now Kathy's gotten

into therapy. It just feels like a vicious cycle where things get better and then the fights keep escalating. I'm at a loss because I feel I can no longer act as a blissfully ignorant bystander, knowing the negative impact their relationship has on each other and their kids. How do I encourage them to invest time into bettering their marriage, or maybe better yet, calling it quits? Dolly. Hi there.

Hello. Hi. Hi, Dolly. This is our special guest, Christina Ricci today. Hi. Oh my gosh, how cool. I know, right? Okay, so she just started going to therapy. She was supposed to this week, and I haven't heard any progress on that. So I'm not sure if that has actually been held up or not. But so what kind of like how do these fights escalate? What happens? They scream and yell. What I've seen is it's more like passive aggressive comments. And then it sort of escalates into them talking poorly about each other in front of the kids,

in front of other people. And then it's always alcohol involved too. So, you know, that always kind of escalates emotions and people aren't acting like their best selves. And yeah, I mean, it just really depends on the situation of what triggers them. It's not like one thing necessarily. Right. And what, have you ever had a conversation with your sister-in-law? I have, yeah. And it always kind of gets cut short in a way. It's like a sensitive subject. And if I try to bring it up, it will be shut down pretty quick. So that's also a sticking point because it doesn't feel like she's really receptive to anything that I have to say. Well, she's probably not because they're stuck in

this kind of like bad cycle of behavior. So they're probably not very open to hearing any criticism about it because they're both just kind of like swimming, you know, trying to stay afloat. So what are you and your husband thinking about doing? Has he spoken to the, the, his brother? Yeah, we both have talked to the same gender partner, you know, spouse. But yeah, we've really encouraged therapy and going individually and as a couple. And it just has always met with like, we don't have time, the kids, this, and then we offer to watch the kids. And there's like, follow-up for them asking for help either. So I don't know, I feel like at a loss of not really knowing what to do because I feel that we've both encouraged what we think they should do. I just think you can't make somebody force people to like go work on their marriage. It's nice that you care and that you're thinking about them and that you're observing it. The only thing you can really do is have like a meaningful conversation that is very pointed to say, listen, I see that you're unhappy.

Like, are you happy? Do you feel happy in this relationship? Like, I want to know because if you do feel happy, then fine. Then that's it. From what I'm seeing, it just feels really damaging for you guys to be talking about each other in front of the kids. And there just seems to be a lot of fighting. And I just feel like it doesn't have to be this way. Not that she should leave him, but they should at least try to work together towards a more common ground where they can like get along in a nicer way and be more pleasant to be around. But beyond that, I just don't think that it's anyone's place to be like, okay, you guys, it's time to get divorced or it's time to whatever. You can only be, whatever your tactic has been up till now should probably flip because that hasn't yielded any results, right? And so how would you describe the tactic that you've used thus far. I'm pretty conflict-averse or anti-confrontation.

So it's more just conversations if it comes up naturally with her, and then I'll give my thoughts on things. But I'm not ever the one that's driving the conversation, if that makes sense. But it's always kind of lingering back there of when the next fight is going to happen. Would you describe their behavior towards each other as like abusive? I mean, I haven't seen it, but from their personal accounts of things, yes, there is some abusive, like verbal abuse, some physical intimidation, some of that other stuff going on too. So that's also why I feel like a push against, like, I need to do something because of the kids and like it's impacting their whole household.

How old are the kids? Their elementary age. Yeah, it's really bad for them. I mean, if anything, I would say just really be there for those kids, you know, but I think having an honest conversation with the parents about what this sort of stuff actually does to children's brains and how negatively it affects them. It can change a child's brain and development. And what kind of partner they choose in the future. It has incredibly negative impacts fighting in front of children. And if it's abusive in nature then they could already have

ptsd and you know what i mean like really be traumatized so i think that's the conversation to have like you guys you're grown-ups you get to make all your choices but there's two little kids here who have no say and you're supposed to protect them so they have to do something about if i would think that they would do something about their marriage based on their concern for their children. Right. Is there any scenario that you could imagine where you and your husband sit down with him and his wife together and have this kind of conversation? I think so. Yeah.

Because maybe that's a different tact. That's serious. You know, if you're sitting down and you're like, listen, we're here because we're seeing the impact of your relationship and the impact it's having on the children. And we want to support you in whatever way we can. But there is a discussion to be had. And all the things that Christine is talking about, like there's all these books to support. I mean, there's a million. Yeah, do some research, bring some facts. Exactly. And be like, you know, this has such a deleterious impact on kids' brains growing up with that. And, you know, you might not think of anything because you guys are used to talking to each other like this. But then you're creating a situation where your kid grows up thinking that's the way you talk to other people.

And then they're going to find themselves in a similar relationship. Or it could have an even more serious impact on them. You know, I think you show up armed with stuff and in the most loving way, obviously, to be there for them. But you should make it all about the kids so that it's that's the focus. Then they have they're both motivated to do something, right? Yeah, they can be heroes instead of being to blame. Right. You know, right.

And one thing that might be a little bit less confrontational for you or feel a little less confrontational is to ask questions. Like, is this how you guys want to be behaving in front of your kids? You guys don't want to be fighting, do you? Another thing is I think people think, and a lot of times it doesn't, but people think that like couples counseling doesn't really do a lot. But when you get a good counselor and you're really like in it to win it, they give you tools to actually like disrupt these fights. You know, for example, when Brad and I were first married, we went to a couple's counselor for like two years and it was great because it gave us these tools. Like, for example, if you're kind of arguing about the same thing for more than like half an hour, you just stop, especially late at

night, especially if you've been drinking. So it's like actual practical tools that they can get to like disrupt these patterns that they've developed. And if they shouldn't be together, a couples therapist will help them become more comfortable with the idea of separating. Right. And I think you should like present yourselves as the support system. Like we're, you know, in essence, the closest people to you because we're related to you. So we want to help you. We want to be here for you. We would hope you would do the same thing for us. And this isn't a judgment. It's just, it's a little, you know, dysfunctional. So like, do you want to help yourselves? Cause we want to help you. We want to help take care of the kids. So you guys can have time to go to a couple's counselor or spend more time alone together and go on date nights, present it as that you're their best ally and that you're there to

help them. Yeah, for sure. Thank you. Your husband will be down with that, right? Oh, definitely. We're on the same page of everything, so it will be an easy sell. And there is a chance it'll all blow up in your face because they're not going to want to hear the truth, but you have to be prepared for that. Yeah. And I guess that's also why I'm cautious because I value the relationship that we have. But yeah, I think that it's worthy. I think so too. I think it is very worthy. What I find to be very disgruntling or I find myself very annoyed by is when people do not, I'm an interloper. I like to get involved in people's problems and it doesn't always go well, believe me. But it takes a lot to say something to somebody

that is uncomfortable, especially when you're conflict-averse. Like it's an effort. It's not like you enjoy telling people, hi, this is unhealthy and this dynamic is unhealthy. No one likes that. I don't get off on that, nor do you. But it's when you have

concern for someone and they're like, yeah. And especially when there are children involved, there's no better reason to get involved. Yeah. You wouldn't be doing it unless you loved them really deeply. And that's obviously where this is coming from. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. You want to follow up with us if you guys have this conversation and let us know how it goes for sure i will okay cool best of luck dolly bye dolly thanks for calling in thank you well that was very she was sweet yeah no i know i hope that all kind of works i mean it's just so interesting because sometimes are you are you an interloper at all do you get involved with like if i know i don't but I don't really have

well actually I have a few I have very few close friendships where I would but I have in the past been like with certain girlfriends time to cool it or get your shit together but it is very difficult

it is very difficult especially if somebody can't hear anything you're saying. Yes. You know, but most people can. In my experience, most people are like, oh my God, thank you so much. And when people have interfered in my life and told me like, hey, you're a little bit off the rails right now. I have never been more grateful in my life to experience that feedback. It means people care about you. Exactly. It's effortful to actually have that uncomfortable conversation. So you have to know it's coming from love. It's not like people want to, like, what would be the motivation otherwise? Right. Right. Exactly. Well, our next question comes from Beth. She says, Dear Chelsea,

I'm a 33-year-old female that is sick of my familial bullshit. I'm a middle child of four, and we grew up in a church cult and were raised by emotionally neglectful parents, one with alcoholism and the other a shopaholic. I was the happy child who was always- Cults turn out so well for people. Yes. Always a good story. I was the happy child who was always eager to please and stay out of trouble. As I left home, I met the man I call my husband of 11 years. From the moment my family met my spouse, they've been nothing but unsupportive.

They judged him for his looks, for his wealth, and God knows what else made their minds deem him unfit for me. It's caused contention with my siblings, and I had a come-to-Jesus moment with my parents eight years ago when my therapist suggested I write a letter to discuss the hurt my parents caused me and how I wanted to reconcile and move forward. This was not only thrown in my face, but has ruined the relationship ever since. Slowly, I've realized over the years that my family is just kind of a bunch of assholes. So my question is, when you feel like you've done what you can to have a relationship with your family, but it hurts too much. When is it time to move on? Thank you, Beth. Hi. Hi. Hi. Look at you. You're standing, well, you're sitting and you're alive and you survived a cult. Look at you. I did. It was, you know, a lot of speaking

in tongues and weekend retreats for church, but here we are, a blessed non-believer. Christina just said she was born into a mini-cult. Yeah, but mine had no religious—not mine, my father's. Not my fault. Had no religious affiliations. It was pure therapy-based. Therapy? It was called the Center for Emotional Re-education, and it started with—he had a primal scream therapy group that then became his acolytes.

But why does, that doesn't sound, I mean, cults have a very negative connotation. They're not positive, really. No. Because, yeah, because the whole one person wanting to control everybody else is not a normal impulse. Usually a man. It's not healthy. Yes, usually a man. Generally nefarious.

A man who's having sex with everyone. Probably. I'm of the notion, I think, when you have exhausted all possibilities, like I understand family is family. I'm very close to my family. I think highly of remaining and trying as hard as you can to be close with your family. But when you're dealing with that situation, it's so irrational, you know? And I'm a fan of just saying enough is enough and moving on so that you can enjoy yourself and enjoy your life and be happy with your partner.

Yeah, I hadn't seen my father since I was 15 when he died. I was like 38 for context. When she died. Yeah. And I don't speak to one of my siblings. And it is, you know, you do have, I've experienced a lot of guilt over the years about it. But at the same time, those are negative influences on me. They were toxic.

It was not healthy for me. So you need to protect yourself. You do. And like the idea, like the toxicity that these people have, like the impact it has on you is really never like, you can't overstate that enough, that the impact that having that kind of negativity around you will yield in your life. You really, you're choosing, like this is your opportunity. You didn't get to choose whether or not you were born into a life. You really, you're choosing, like this is your opportunity. You didn't get to choose whether or not you were born into a cult. Now you get to choose what your future is going to look like. And so you have every right to just say enough is enough. Do you

have other brothers and sisters that you do talk to? How many siblings do you have? I have three siblings and I'm really close with my sister and my oldest brother. And then I'm close with my sister and my oldest brother and then i'm close with my mother but you know my father was a crazy person uh-huh and unfortunately one of my brothers was you know it's not his fault because he was in an abusive situation but it resulted in behavior that was not safe for the other children around right and when it's and a big and when that happens then there is, it doesn't, of course, it's no one's fault of the circumstances they're born into,

but that doesn't mean that you're allowed to be around them, like that you have to allow yourself, you know, allow them to be around you or what have you. Yeah. There's just so many outside opinions and I was just so curious

to hear thoughts from you gals of, you know, what that looks like of, you know, well, you should be thankful your parents are alive. And it's like, well, when everything they say is a judgmental comment or something, you know, coming at you that isn't loving and accepting, should I? You know, I don't think so with my own maternal mother. It's never been accepting and loving. There's always been judgment. Yeah. I mean, you get to choose now as an adult, how you want to be treated and who you want around you. And families should be held to almost the same standards as friends. You know, if they don't, if you don't enhance each other's lives, then what's the point? We can all feel bad enough on our own. Why are you in it? Exactly.

Don't need like an extra person to make me feel worse. Yeah. It's just something that's always felt like, you know, it's a guilt that I haven't been able to let go of. Well, they're alive and they're there. So why don't you keep trying? Well, both parties have to try. And it's just been such a hard thing to try to let go of. Yeah, they're alive, but they're just kind of shitty. It's just not healthy. Yeah. I think one thing I would encourage you to do, like if you are making this decision to go no contact like for forever or for an extended period of time is to maybe this is through meditation, maybe this is through therapy,

but find a way for yourself to sort of release some negativity around it. And the guilt. The guilt can be a real killer. I used to wake up in the middle of the night. That's my biggest problem is the guilt. Because right now I'm doing so well in my mental health space. But when I'm not, that guilt seeps back in. And it's like, you're a bad daughter, you're a bad child, whatever the case. And it's like, but no, I'm not. I think the more you do, I don't know know just from personal experience the more i did work on feeling like i was the most important person to myself you know then you feel less guilt or viewing yourself as your own child in a way you're protecting you yeah you know you are

little you from things you couldn't protect yourself from before just there are different ways that you'll learn in therapy to view the situation or from doing research or reading that will help you feel less guilty, I guess. Yeah, I think the guilt is a big thing for everybody because you can always go back to that. But I love what she just said, Christina just said about acting like it's your own child. Like, would you allow your child to be treated this way? Would you allow your child to be in a relationship where they're constantly being judged and made to feel bad? And then their partner, the person that they chose,

is also, you know, being judged. No, you're setting yourself up for just all sorts of negativity and guilt patterns. Like, part of the reason why you feel guilty is because of the manipulation, you know? And so you really do want to do work to get rid of that guilt. Like you're empowering yourself by saying no more. It's like talking to an abuser. I mean, if the relationship isn't feeding you, it's doing something else. So what's the opposite

of feeding you? It's taking from you, right? Exactly. Yeah. The biggest revelation I had this year was I have a couple of family members who have had children and, you know, they're getting to an age where now I had those memories as a child. My mom said to me, I'm like, I would never say that to my nephew or my niece ever. And my own mother, you know, and dad did that. And it's like, I would never do that, you know, as their aunt who loves them. Why would you ever? Are your parents still in the cult, did you say?

Or are they out of it? No, but they're still avid Christians and love to use that guilt against you. Which is stupid. I mean, all religion, you know, like just stop it. It's insane. It's the root of all discord in our world, you know? Yes. It all comes down to religion. Yeah. And what's crazy is, so yes, they're avid Christians, but so are my in-laws, the most loving and accepting humans who know I don't believe in God, but couldn't care less. Good. Go with them. Go be with them. That's where the light is. Go towards the light.

Yeah. I'm swimming towards it. Okay, great. You can swim, walk, rollerblade, however you want to get there. Yeah. Yeah, girl, get after it. Well, that's good. I'm glad. Do you feel better now? My only question, I guess, would be because right now I am so good mentally what I've worked on throughout this year. When I am in my darkest places in my depression and anxiety and that guilt comes in, you know, what would be your biggest advice there to try to talk myself out of that? That's where I struggle the most is when I'm not doing okay mentally. Well, that's where everyone struggles the most. And so, well, you know, a good example of this is that book, Letting Go. You should pick up that book.

I just started listening to it. Oh, you did? Oh, well, then there you go. There's a whole section about guilt. And it's really quite beautiful. And I actually tried this the other night. I was stoned. So I just want to put that out there because that helps me get to a little like more of a meditative place when I'm trying to be in touch with myself. But I was having all these kind of like negative emotions and I hadn't for a couple of weeks. I was feeling pretty high and vibing pretty high, right? And I had read Letting Go and it just set me straight. I read it every couple of years.

It's this book by David Hawkins. Have you ever heard of it? I have. Okay. And I was sitting there and I was like, okay, the negative feelings you can't repress or suppress. You have to acknowledge. And guilt is one of those feelings.

So you acknowledge that it's there and you kind of think about where it is in your body. You know, when you're feeling anxious or uneasy, it's usually in your stomach or it can be in your chest. And sometimes it's in your head, right? Like you feel pressure. And so I remember I was lying in bed. I smoked a little bowl and I was like, I wonder where these feelings are coming from. What is the, what is the emotion behind it? Just like the book says, like, am I feeling insecure? Am I feeling fearful? Do I feel scarcity? Like what, what, where does this coming from? And I was like, don't try to figure out what it is. Just acknowledge that the feeling is there. And it was a very spiritual experience I had

every, I felt it in my stomach and then it started to move. And I was like, it's okay. It's okay. Just let it be here. And it's going to disappear. So you're acknowledging it. You're not denying it, right. Or repressing or suppressing it. And then I felt it kind of move up through my chest and it was really heavy and I felt it go through my throat and then it was gone. And that's what this book talks about. And I've never been able to accomplish that. I'm always like, oh, OK, how do you how do you let go of these emotions that aren't serving you? You know, because it's not serving you.

Guilt never serves anybody. And I woke up in the morning and I just felt like so much lighter than I had the day before. And I was back on track. So when you get to that part about guilt in this book, listen to it over and over and over again until you understand how it's just not of use to you and practice that. Like it's good to acknowledge where you feel something in your body because then you're not running from it. And when you run from it is when it keeps coming back because you're not facing it. And you make terrible choices. Right. Avoidant behavior just leads to, let me tell you. Yeah. Yeah. So you seem awesome and you seem, you know, like a beautiful person and I don't want you to feel like, you know, hampered by your

family or this obligation to them. You know, they've worn out their welcome and you don't have to write them off forever. But when they want to come around in a loving, positive way, then you will welcome them with open arms. Yeah, that makes complete sense. I'm looking forward to that chapter. Just a couple chapters in, not there yet. Oh, okay, good. You'll see what I'm talking about. That's wonderful. Thank you. Thank you so much, Beth. Yeah, thanks, everyone. Have a good day. Do you guys have any idea what I'm talking about when I say that? Absolutely. The thing you were describing, I had no idea that you could,

that you would ever be able to have that experience in such a tangible way. I mean, either. I felt like letting things go to me has always felt like a metaphor. Yeah. Not just like. Right. But in this book, they tell you exactly what to do, like, you know, to sit with these feelings that are uncomfortable and then surrender. Like, okay, I feel, I feel

envy or whatever the feeling. But do you engage with thoughts? Like, do you like delve in and you're like, great. So I feel envy. So I'm going to really experience how jealous I am of. No, no, it's not like that. It's, I feel envy. This feeling is envy. I accept it. It's here. Okay, okay. It's here. Like, I'm not in denial.

Because, you know, sometimes if I felt envy in the past, I would go, I'd push it away. Like, oh, no, no, I just don't like that person. Right, right, right. It's like, no, no, you're envious. You don't not like this person. You're just being, you know, I would just completely ignore what's behind all those thoughts.

So that was a pretty metaphysical thing that happened to me the other night. And I was like, oh, and it's a constant, like, you don't just surrender that and then the feeling is gone forever. It can come back and then you have to do the same thing again. But now I know that I actually felt it like move through my system. That's crazy. I want to try that. Yeah, it's like the mind body connection. Like when you when you start to be able to feel, okay, I have this emotion, but where is it physically? And then you realize like, oh yeah, it's in my stomach or it's here or it's here, it's here. And then you can kind of process it a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm glad we got to share that today. Yeah. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll do a little quickie sister drama. Oh,

I love it. Okay. We're going to take a break and we're going to come back and wrap up with Christina Ricci. Inside you, two wolves are locked in battle. One thrives on fear and anger and doubt. The other, courage, wisdom, and love. Every decision, every moment feeds one of them. Which wolf are you feeding? I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. I've been there, homeless, addicted, and lost. I know the power of small choices to turn your life around. On this podcast, I sit down with thinkers, leaders, and survivors to uncover what it takes to feed the good wolf. This podcast saved me.

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Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. And we're back. We are back. So our last email comes from Missy. Her subject line is, my sister got pregnant to compete with me. Dear Chelsea, I've had a long history of my two years older sister

trying to take every milestone in my life and turn it into a traumatic event in her life. When I got engaged years ago, she faked a cry for help suicide attempt. I've always had her back despite her obvious hatred of me. She's married now with a four year old son and she's told everyone, friends and family that she is done having kids. My husband and I have been trying for about a year, started fertility treatments two months ago, and I've purposely kept this a secret from my sister. Long story short, my mom spilled the beans to her, and I get a call from my sister five weeks later telling me she's four weeks pregnant, way too early to tell anyone, let alone your infertile sister. Like she couldn't wait to tell me and my husband. I can't wrap my mind around why she would secretly try at the same time as me if it wasn't out of competition. I know this sounds crazy, but all of my friends that have known her past behavior are not shocked at all by this.

I'm struggling to deal, and now I'm being alienated from my family. I can't for the life of me understand why my sister would want me to feel this hurt. Am I wrong for being angry? Missy. Complicated. What do you think? It's a tricky one. It's tricky because I do think that

a lot of this has to do with perspective. You know what I mean? Like she's outside of in another context all of this could just be... Coincidence? Yeah. And like people living their lives and things happening and unfortunate times. But if you're a person who's been in the relationship and knows that it's more loaded than that, then there's that element too.

But I think in situations like this, I always feel like the only power I have is to choose to not be affected by it. Like why does it lessen your pregnancy any to have someone else get pregnant also? Yeah, I would say that you're actively being, you're part of the problem because of your reaction to your sister. And if your sister really is doing these things to get a rise out of you, or that is part of the problem because of your reaction to your sister. And if your sister really is doing

these things to get a rise out of you, or that is part of her agenda, it's working. So you actually have to like retreat and actually figure out that your life doesn't have to be impacted so negatively by her. And I know that you're probably going, but you don't understand what she's done, all the things she's done to me. Yeah, I believe you, that your sister's done a lot of things to you. And you feel like she's undercutting you and stealing your thunder. But your behavior is as responsible for this dynamic as hers. Like your reaction to this is exactly what she's looking for. If everything you say is true, and her motivations are what you think, she is trying to get a rise out of you and she does want to compete with you. So you have to withdraw from that. And you have to do that with a lot of like work on yourself with your therapist, because you can't change her,

but you can change yourself and you can change the way that you respond to her. And her baby is not your baby. That's a totally separate situation. Your marriage is different from her marriage. You're going to have your sister, unfortunately, for a long time. So you better figure out a better way to cope with this. And what if you thought of it and thought, oh my God, how wonderful that my sister got pregnant. How fun we can raise our kids together. What if you just like turn the table so far on the situation that you create a completely different reality between you and your sister? Yeah. And I think especially since you are going through fertility stuff, like it makes everything feel so much more heightened. Yeah. Just in general, this is a very difficult time. We're dealing with this major election. We're

dealing with women's rights being rolled back. You're dealing with that IVF, which is a total dipsy doodle on your brain chemistry and everything. So you have to also just like sometimes take your emotions out of the situation and look at the situation like you're not involved in it. And I'm not saying any of the stuff you're saying is untrue, but you have to find a better way to deal with this because otherwise this is just a cycle that will continue. Yeah. Yeah. I also feel like she may be doing stuff to intentionally be hurtful. But there is also a world in which it's possible that she's just so self-involved and like thoughtless that she doesn't think about how it's impacting you at all.

And the result is the same hurt and everything. And what you need to do as far as like freeing yourself from this is the same but she may also just be like not thinking about anybody but herself right yeah yeah right okay well on that note christina how would you rate your advice giving today i mean i think i'm not bad i need to learn a few more words i'd like i i need to increase my vocabulary and perhaps my confidence. But I think I did okay, actually. I would give you an A. But I do think that we should make emotionally unsafe whistles. Yeah.

Well, maybe that's what we'll name this episode, emotionally unsafe whistles. Done. That's not a bad idea. Do you have a whistle? No, I don't. Okay, I'm going to get you a whistle. I'm going to get that sent over to you. It's going to be my next offering to the public. Oh, yes don't. Okay, I'm going to get you a Whistler. I'm going to get that sent over to you. It's going to be my next offering to the public.

Oh, yes. And also, this is a great holiday present, great Valentine's Day present, great all of the things that are coming up. It's Cat Full of Spiders, Tarot Deck and Guidebook, Christina Ricci's personal guidebook. So this is going to be really fun for your family members and your girlfriends and all of the things that we have coming up in the world. So please get yourself a copy. I'm going to take this to Whistler and play this with my friends. Not that you play tarot cards. I say that too sometimes. I keep making my son, 10 year old son sit through readings. So what is your favorite like thing to add? Like when do you go to tarot cards when you have a question about your life? do you go? I have trouble focusing in on the issue at hand many times in my life.

So sometimes I'll just kind of shuffle and draw a card. And that theme or question allows me to like approach whatever sort of confusion I'm going through from a different perspective. Like just the idea that like sometimes you're asking yourselves the wrong questions. And so this is a way of bringing in different questions and ideas to what you're going through. So a lot of times I'll draw a card and just be like, well, how does that relate to what I'm going through? And does that give me insight? And, you know.

Yeah. Okay. Well, great. I love it. You were so fun. I love meeting you. I was really happy to be on. I've been a huge fan of yours. Oh, my God. This has been really great. Why weren't you ever on were so fun. I loved meeting you. I was really happy to be on.

I've been a huge fan of yours. Oh, my God. This has been really great. Why weren't you ever on Chelsea Lely? I don't know. Why wasn't I? It was during my dry spell when I couldn't get around. You were like, that has been. You could have at least been on the round table.

All right. Thank you, Christina. We'll see you guys next week. Okay, guys. Stand- see you guys next week. Okay, guys, stand-up shows that I have coming up. I am going to Texas this weekend. I'm going to Houston. I'm going to Austin, Houston, and then Sugar Land, Texas. Then I have my specials taping in Montclair, New Jersey. Those are all sold out. I have San Diego on 11-29. That has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on November 30th, right after Thanksgiving. And there are tickets available for that. Then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa, December 5th.

December 6th is Omaha. And then December 28th, I'm coming to New Orleans right before New Year's. And then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December 29th. And those are the rest of my stand-up dates for this year. It's over. New tour, new year. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com, and be sure to include your phone number.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress

on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you want a shortcut to the best version of you? Here it is. Feed the good wolf. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. Every week, I talk to brilliant minds and brave souls about the art of small,

powerful choices. Our listeners say it all. This is a lifeline. Transformational. The best antidote to a bad mood I've ever heard. Join the pack and start feeding your best self. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor. What's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts,

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