Dear Chelsea - Temporary Mormons with Bridger Winegar

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

Bridger Winegar, host of the podcast I Said No Gifts!, joins Chelsea this week to talk about psychosexual intrigue, using your love language, and the costs of delayed emotional intimacy.  Then: A couple of bears are frustrated by a friend’s awkward invitations.  A wife struggles with her husband’s lack of effort when it comes to gift-giving. And a Jersey girl can’t stop daydreaming about her personal trainer.   Have a question you'd like to ask Chelsea? Send us an email at [e-mail]   * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and

conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, WeezyWTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. How are you doing? I'm amazing. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And I drank it and I have been cold since. Oh, no. Have you ever done one of those juice classes where you are fucking freezing by day three because you have no food in your system to warm you up? Maybe there's something in the air because I've been hot. Or at least when we were in New York together, I could not stop sweating. I was so hot. Maybe it was the humidity, but it was like 64 degrees and I just was so hot. That's weird. Yeah, that's annoying too. Hot or cold.

I mean, I guess the only thing about being cold that is annoying is that my nipples get so hard and that's painful. Yeah. You know, like I'm breastfeeding or something. That's a very annoying feeling. So I don't like that. But I do. I hate when I go on stage, like if I don't have the right jumpsuit for the right climate, if I have too much material on and the air conditioning isn't on the up and up, then I have a real problem. I had to perform a few weeks ago in a backyard outdoor barbecue for a corporate gig that I did. And that was very in Austin. Oh, it was sweaty. And it was very moist is the word that I would use to describe that environment. Moist is a troubling word. Speaking of shows, though, I have shows coming up,

stand up shows. I just added 30 new stand up dates for areas all over the country. So make sure to check those out. And there are still tickets for my second show in Nashville where I'm taping my next special directed by none other than my lover, Jokoy. Excellent. Okay, so I want to welcome our guest today, comedy writer, actor, and host of the podcast,

I Said No Gifts. Please welcome Bridger Weiniger. Hi, Bridger. How are you? I'm doing pretty well. How are you? I'm pretty well. You know Catherine because you're sitting right next to her. Of course. Yeah, so that helps that. I wanted to talk about that we have Mormonism in common somewhat. Oh, sure, sure. I'm happy to talk about that.

I know that you came from a Mormon background, right? Or you come from a Mormon background. I guess kind of both of those things. My family is Mormon. I grew up Mormon, no longer Mormon, for a variety of factors, but the big one being my homosexuality, which is a tricky— Yeah, that's a big no-no for Mormonism. Yes. I didn't grow up Mormon, but my sister converted to Mormonism, my mother was Mormon, and then she dragged my sister down to Mormonism with her. And then my sister slowly has snapped out of it over the years. When did your sister convert? Well, my brother passed away when we were kids, and she was older.

And then like they say that, you know, a lot of people come down with illness after somebody dies in their family, you know, because of the internalization of everything. Right. And so my sister got lupus when she was in college. And when she came home, part of the ordeal of having that kind of, and we believe it was misdiagnosed at this point, because they put her on so many meds and so many drugs that she was just a zombie, basically, for six months. She didn't leave the house. She lost all her hair. She was on steroids. Her face, you know, she just was unrecognizable. And I think in that, my mother thought, okay, let's, you know, she had turned

to religion after my brother died. And then my sister, she thought that was kind of going to be the salve for her as well. So she converted my sister to Mormonism. And then my sister, over time, and once she had, you know, got married and had children of her own, I think realized the absurdity of Mormonism and how exclusionary it is. Oh, yes. And wait, so did she marry a Mormon as well? No. And that was a good thing because he's not... Right, that's helpful. Yeah, it's always helpful to try and shake that out of your system.

But yeah, growing up, it's funny that I meet so many Mormons that are homosexuals. It's like... I think those are the only Mormons that are going to be coming into your general... Into my orbit. Right. I don't think you're going to be getting any just regular Mormons. Yeah, I also have an issue with the proselytization, you know, the constant infringing on your personal space with talk of like what missionaries do, showing up at your door, teaching you the word. I have a problem with that kind of bullshit too. It's like back the fuck up and I'll let you know what I'm interested in learning about. Of course, I have an incredibly big problem with it because I did it. I went to, I was in Malaysia doing it. That was the breaking point for me. It was?

It was like, what am I doing? So what happened when you were there? Tell me about your breaking point. I grew up in Utah and obviously my family was Mormon. And in Utah, it's kind of just a given, if you're, at least if you're male, that you'll be going on a Mormon mission when you turn. At the time it was when you would turn 19. I think it's younger now. But so even if you're male, that you'll be going on a Mormon mission when you turn. At the time, it was when you would turn 19. I think it's younger now. But so even if you're not that convinced of it, you're going to end up going somewhere for two years to do the proselytizing and trying to convince people to get on board. And also keep in mind for those people who don't know, you're not, well, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not allowed to even call your parents, right? Except

on their birthday or something during this time? Oh, my gosh. I believe you get to call them on Mother's Day and Christmas. And maybe, I think like, and this is all, of course, based on my experience. I don't know even how many years ago, 15 something years ago. So I do think they've kind of adjusted it, but not that much. You basically are cut off from the rest of the world. You can't watch TV, you can't listen to popular music, you can't read the news. It's essentially, the one thing you get to read is

the Book of Mormon or the Bible. And then the rest of the world is very, unless you're like in a restaurant and there's a TV playing the news and you're like kind of stealing a glimpse of what's going on in the outside world, you have no idea what's happening. Yeah. It's slightly eerily similar to The Handmaid's Tale with less forced, I guess, seclusion. You know, I mean, you're also not allowed to have caffeine. You certainly can't have sex, no drugs or alcohol, which would be really hard to deal with. If I was going to become religious, that would be the first thing that I would need are drugs or alcohol, which would be really hard to deal with. If I was going to become religious, that would be the first thing that I would need are drugs and alcohol. Just completely give up. An exorbitant amount. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take a quick break. Okay. Sounds good. We'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really? No, really. Yeah, really. No, really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And so what about your siblings? Are you in touch with your siblings at all?

Oh, yeah. I mean, my family, for the most part, is like, I came out extremely late when I was 30, largely because of Mormonism. I had left the church. I had been out of it for maybe a decade before I came out. But the reason it took me so long was I was afraid I was going to lose my family or lose connection with them. And then most of them were oddly cool with it. My parents were very, they were able to catch on pretty

quickly. And then some of my, like my younger sister and I are like best friends. And I think she saw it coming and was totally cool with it. Then I have two brothers who are on board for the most part. So it's, and then like extended family seems pretty good with it as well. It's been very surprising. Yeah. Well, that sounds like a great experience then. Right. Because that's not the typical Mormon experience.

I mean, it can really go in any direction and that's what I was prepared for. So for it to have worked out this well and for them to have embraced my boyfriend the way they have, it's been pretty amazing. Sometimes I'm like, does my mom still think this is a phase and that eventually I'll just break up with my boyfriend and then find a wife? But I think for the most part, they've just been lovely.

And do you think that having to wait until you're 30, coming out till you're 30, like do you think that had a deleterious impact on your growth as a human being? Or do you feel like that was just your road? Oh, my God. I mean, it continues to impact me. Within my relationship, I'm still like, there are still things I struggle with. Just intimacy in general with friends, with people in my life is still very difficult for me because

I held so much from the people I loved for such a long time. It's hard for me to share feelings with. Even with my boyfriend, we'll have to drag information out of me because I'm just used to having the shield up. And then it affects other things too, just like making decisions. Just in general, I probably have another decade of therapy before I feel like I'll feel like a complete operating person. Yeah. And I think that is the point for any listeners who are parents with children who may come to you with a decision that you may not like or approve of. You have to remember the impact that you're having on them for the rest of their lives. Postponing, you know, doing something at 30 that you could have done when you were 20, or if you were really lucky and felt secure and, you know, even younger, you know, you could have

been completely honest about your situation and not have stunted your growth as an individual, as a sexual being, as somebody who could be vociferous about their feelings towards the same sex and your pursuit of a relationship. These are all things that we should be able to be open about. And our family should be open and loving because that doesn't preclude you being a lovable person. That just means you have a different set of interests than your parents do or that the people that you're surrounded with do. And prolonging that and stunting that has a negative impact on anybody's life.

And that's something that would be helpful to remember and to think, especially when you disagree with somebody's lifestyle. As long as there's not doing anything harming another person, there's no reason for your judgment to cloud your loving and acceptance of that person, your love and acceptance of that person. So I would hope that anyone who finds out that they have a gay son or daughter or their son or daughter is interested in things that they are not interested in to try and just accept and love that person for who they are and their individuality, you know? 100%. Yeah. So your relationship now, you've been in a relationship for a bit, right?

Yeah. I've been with my boyfriend for seven years. Ooh, that's the lucky number, seven years. Do you feel a seven year itch or no? I feel like a 30 year itch after the last two years of the pandemic. I truly feel like we could have celebrated like our 25th anniversary this year and it would have felt normal. It's like putting 20 years into a time capsule if you survived the pandemic together. Right. I mean, thank God, knock on wood, we're doing all right. But it's been a very challenging two years. I mean, especially the first year of like, this is the one person I get to spend any time with.

It can be a little tough. Is that when you started your podcast? I started the podcast in December of 2019. We recorded our first episode. We banked 16 episodes. And then we premiered on March 12th, 2020, which was like literally the day of lockdown. So then it was this weird thing of like releasing 16 weeks of episodes that were recorded pre-pandemic. The pandemic is not mentioned in any of them.

It's like being sent from another universe, essentially. I then was right into like getting on Zoom and being like, well, we'll only be doing this for three or four weeks and then we can get back into person. And now it's been two years. Yeah, right. A lot has changed since the beginning of the pandemic when we were washing our food with Windex when it got delivered to our house. I mean, we did a process where my niece was living with me and she would get the takeout food. She has OCD, so we'd let her clean the food. And it was about 45 minutes before we could even get the packages open because she would clean them for so long.

And I look back at that time and think, what a bunch of assholes. But we didn't know. Right. It did feel like the dark ages where everyone was, it was like superstition essentially. Yeah. And I have to say, when that first happened, there was a sense of like, ooh, it was like a snow day for two weeks. Like the first time you're like, oh, nobody can leave their house and nobody can socialize. Like I, that was such music to my ears. The idea that I was forbidden from socializing or leaving my house because if left to my own devices, I would love to just bop around in my own living room, popping a Xanax here and there, taking mushrooms, reading books and watching TV because I'm being ordered to by the government. There is no better elixir for me.

But then obviously after the first initial two weeks, it started to get a little bit dicey. That's when people started to get antsy. And then here we are. So hopefully we're on the tail end of things. So talk about your I Said No Gifts is your podcast. It's called I Said No Gifts. Tell us about your podcast because somebody brings a gift to your podcast, even though the title is to not bring gifts. That's exactly what it is. Once a week, somebody shows up with a gift that I did not request. And then it kind of derails conversation. We end up having to talk about whatever they brought me.

And how much you dislike it or like it, surprisingly. Which is extremely frustrating. Yes. Right. And so you got discovered by Jimmy Kimmel. Is that right? For your tweets? I did. Yeah. I had been in LA for like four and a half years and had been tweeting kind of as my job. I had been working as a PA and I was like, the one way out of this might be Twitter. I don't, because I didn't really know anyone in the industry or anything. And I was ready to give up. I was like, well, I gave it four and a half years. Maybe it's time to move back or anything. And I was ready to give up. I was like, well, I gave it four and a half years. Maybe it's time to move back to Utah. And maybe a month later, Jimmy DM'd

me and was like, I like your tweets and then hired me. It was truly turned my life. Yeah. Truly, I owe him so many things. And I like at this point, I've probably said that so much. He's like, back off. But I don't care. He's such a sweetheart and started my writing career. Oh, awesome. How long did you work there? Do you still work there? No, I was there for a year and a half. And then I went and I worked on Un an advice podcast, right? So people call in asking for our advice and we're just going to give it to them straight. Catherine, what do you have in store for us today? Or what do we have in store for us today? Well, we have some dramatic stuff, but I'm going to make you wait until after an ad break

and then we'll get to it. Okay. We're going to take a break and we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by

to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. So our first email today comes from Heather. Heather says, Dear Chelsea, I don't know how to tell my husband he fucking sucks at buying presents. I have to always send him links to gifts I want, which takes away all the surprise. He's a great husband, father, and best friend. I think it bothers me so much because I'm so thoughtful with my gift giving and take care of

everything when it comes to birthdays and holidays. I buy all the gifts for the kids and his parents. I don't need expensive items. A card and flowers would be nice. But once, he bought me Microsoft Office for Students for my birthday, and I couldn't stop crying for an hour because I was so disappointed. I was pregnant and hormonal and in grad school at the time. He's sensitive, and I know his feelings will be hurt. How do I tell him I need more thoughtfulness when it comes to him buying me presents without sounding like a materialistic asshole?

Heather. Oh. Okay, well, actually, yeah, this is your wheelhouse gifts. Unwanted gifts. I mean, let's just first of all say buying anyone Microsoft Office for any occasion is an attack. That is... An assault, if you will.

An absolute assault. I mean, there's no excuse there. Like, that's just a flat out bad gift. But we should also say to Heather, some people are, I think, are just not good at giving gifts. It's a skill. It's like not being good at playing the piano. It's like you can't be mad at somebody for not being able to play the piano. But this guy sounds somehow worse than not being good at playing the piano. It's like you can't be mad at somebody for not being able to play the piano. But this guy sounds somehow worse than not being good at gifts because he's like Microsoft Office. But giving gifts is so important, especially if that's your love language. I mean, I know a friend of mine who a series of bad gifts, it wasn't just one, but a series of bad gifts and lack of thought about these gifts was one of the things that led directly to her breakup. For example,

for a significant birthday, this guy had gone to the jewelry store and bought her something that was just like kind of weird and sort of dowdy. And he gave it to her. And as she's trying to sort of like put on a happy face and like say thank you, he goes, oh, well, yeah, I know it's not really your style, but the jewelry store was closing, so I just had to pick something. Like I actually said that. Like truly, I think there are people who are just really bad at that. And for some people, it's a really important thing. Right.

This might sound judgy, and so be it. I would just argue like if gifts are that fucking important to you, then that's a need for some reevaluation. Because like you said, I like what you said about being bad at playing the piano. It is a skill set and some people don't have all the skill sets. It shouldn't be the basis of whether or not you stay with or break up with somebody. And to the question, to Heather, I'm sure your husband has caught on to the fact, I mean, that you're not impressed because you cited various examples of that.

But in a very loving way, what you can ask him for is something that shows love, you know, something that shows your intimacy and that demonstrates that he knows and sees you. And Microsoft Word or a blender are the same thing in that category. My driver, Billy, is the worst gift giver ever with his wife. And this is a lot of straight men's problem. Like they don't have that attention to detail. You know, they don't care. I mean, the guy leaving the jewelry store, like, oh, I just got that. It actually sounds like the person that your friend is, Catherine, that you're talking about. It sounds like their partner's like, you know what? Fuck you. Maybe that was what really led to it. Yeah, maybe. But for Heather, you can say in a loving way, it doesn't have to be a big production, but it has to be something

that you've given thought to about what my reaction will be. Something that you know that I'll enjoy. I just need to show, I need you to demonstrate your thought and care for me Right, and that's not something that's going to blow up. You don't have to have an argument about it It's just like please, you know instead of crying I understand you were pregnant and your emotions and hormones were all over the map, but like That's not the way to make your point either The point is just to say like listen I need you to demonstrate and give them some examples of things that would make you happy. Noticing something that you need or that you're

missing or that something that you've mentioned you've liked before or on a friend or something like that. You can give the examples and also not hold everyone to the standard that they're going to be the best gift giver. I'm sure your husband has other qualities that you enjoy, and you should really start focusing a little bit more on those things. Yeah. A rule in my marriage is I don't want something I need, I want something I want, which may be a love actually quote, but he steers toward those things. Whereas he wants like an ice maker for the kitchen. Like he wants stuff that's useful. Practical. Yeah. Like he wants stuff that's useful. He wants, yeah, he wants hobby stuff. Yeah. My general thought is I just, I'm very loud about the few material things I like to my boyfriend. I make it very clear. They're like three categories. I just

repeat them over and over, especially near holidays or my birthday. And it makes it easy for him. He's not a great gift giver. He is a decent gift giver, but because I've given him all of the information. Gave him the tools. Gave him some basic building blocks and let him go ahead with it. Yeah, I'm not good at gift giving. Luckily, I have an assistant who does that for me and then kind of does small amounts of research with my relationships to find out what those people need. But if I didn't have that, I wouldn't be great at it. With Joe, I had one milestone with him, which is Christmas, and I got him a fancy watch because I know he loves watches. But I'm already like,

fuck, what am I going to do for his birthday? That was my one gift. Not getting another watch. That's my one idea. I mean, he loves sneakers, but he buys himself pairs of those all day long. So I'm already like, ugh. And he got me, you know what he got me for my birthday, just that just recently passed. He got me this because I said, please don't get me a gift, please. You know, I don't care about gifts. I have everything I need and I don't want for anything. And so he got me this huge amethyst stone that's got good vibes and all of that. And I was like, oh God, that really made me think I better step my game up because that was a great gift, something I didn't know I needed. But of course, I would welcome it to my home. I always want

positive vibes around me, especially with my negative attitude. Now, let me ask, if he had just straight up not gotten you anything, how would you have reacted? Would you have felt kind of bad? I wouldn't. I just don't care about that. I don't. I mean, it's nice to get gifts and I appreciate it, but I don't require it. I'm going to get myself whatever I need. I'm an independent woman and I've been doing it for so long that it's going to take me a while to be able to really loosen up and get excited. That's the thing. I don't get excited about gifts. So I feel like it's fake. When I open them, I have to go, oh, oh my God. Oh my God, I love this. That is the part that I desire the least. What would you say your love language is?

What are the love languages again? Service. So it's like doing things around the house. There are words of affirmation. Quality time is one. Gift giving and... Physical touch. Physical touch. Yeah. I would say quality time is my love language. Yeah. I would say probably acts of service. Yeah. I feel like that going both ways is a nice thing you can do and it helps the other person. It's always personal. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one too. I do that too. I like to show up for people,

you know, especially when they're in need. Make sure they know they're not alone, that kind of thing. And so few people do that. Yeah, right. Exactly. It's not a two-way street a lot of the time. Well, Heather, I would say like look into what your husband's love languages are. Let him know that gift giving might be really important to you. Also, if all else fails, recruit a girlfriend to be like, hey, here's what she wants. Get this thing. So it still feels like a surprise to you.

Or like one of your kids. Right. Or just say, write me a nice card and give me money. Then I'll just buy the damn thing. Yeah, actually, I say that all the time. I'm like, please just write me a card. I love that. I love to read a card. I love words and I love language. That always moves you when you can read something sweet about yourself. Make a list of my best qualities, put it in a card with money. And then write a fucking poem. I'm rhyming them all. Okay?

Get on it. All right. Well, Heather, let us know how it goes. And if you get better gifts, maybe next time? Yeah. We are going to take a quick break, so you can hear an ad, and then we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden.

And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly

mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. God bless

you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really.

No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it

on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, we have a couple of callers with us today. Our next question comes from Ezra. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you about a problem I'm having with this one friend who I think doesn't understand certain cues. She and I have been friends for about four years.

It's a solid friendship, but I think there are things we can work on. She's known my boyfriend for about three years and she gets along with him well. Him and I have been together for about seven years. She made a point to me that she considers him a friend separate to me, which I'm totally cool with. My problem is sometimes I'd ask her to hang out and she'd say she's busy at the moment, but later would text my boyfriend to hang out at a bar with her and her boyfriend so they can all hang out, watch sports, except for me. Now, I don't know if it's intentional, but it makes me and my boyfriend really uncomfortable. He'd come to me with a text, and he wouldn't know what to do out of respect for me.

I personally think it's weird and hurts my feelings a little bit because I always include her boyfriend when we're doing a group thing. I love that she loves my boyfriend and I don't want to make it an awkward thing between us. She's very German and can sometimes be a bit bitchy, but I can too. What do you think I should do? Sincerely, Ezra. And he's here with his boyfriend, Nathan. Oh, hi guys. Oh my God. Two bears. I love it. Thank you. Are you guys on a standing? Oh, my God. You guys are so cute. Look at this. Double the fun. Matching beers. I know. I love it. I love it. Yeah, I think that's weird.

I mean, it's so funny that you say she's German because I'm German and I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly that kind of abrupt social cluelessness that comes with that. A lot of my family members have it or they're just like, it's a little harsh, but it doesn't make sense for her to be doing that. It is exclusionary. Like, especially if you have the foundational relationship with her, which you do, right? Which one of you has the relationship with her? which you do, right? Which one of you has the relationship with her? She's my friend. Okay. And she's been friends with you way before you were

in this relationship. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, that is weird. And there's a nice way to say it and it should come from both of you. Hey, it makes us both uncomfortable. It's not you being paranoid or jealous. It's like, we're both a little bit weirded out by that because why would one of you want to go hang out with them as a couple without both of you? Like, what is, you're not a thruple. Right. Yeah, it's really strange that she's doing that

because we were totally fine hanging out as a group, like, all together. And she's been doing that, like, recently, I feel the last like year I would say she's been reaching out to us like reaching out to each of us individually and especially me and kind of yeah and now less me which I'm like what did I do yeah it just feels off so and I don't know if like I should be the one to like say because she reaches out to me or like he should bring it up like it's kind of like you say no every time to her I say no because I'm like I don't want to make it awkward I think there's a little I mean you could do that too I mean somebody should say something to her I like the idea of you guys going together as a united front so she

doesn't get it twisted and moving forward that she understands you guys are a pair you're a unit you're a couple and there's no more of that. And as a united front, it's like parenting, you know, an errant child, like then there's no question about what, what the next move is. I mean, do you feel comfortable sending it an email or just like having, is it something that you would sit down and have a conversation with her about? It's funny because she kind of, she didn't bring it up. She was like, Nathan, he's never available.'s like it's it's weird he keeps blowing her off and I guess that was like my way in to say like by the way I think this is a little strange but I just kind of froze I'm just kind of like yeah I think it's just it's

just busy or maybe he feels weird about and then she didn't say anything and she kept doing it afterwards so yeah yeah I think in person is probably the best way just because then we can like see her and have the conversation and not get it misconstrued with text and stuff you know yeah bridger what do you think well ezra i don't want to point any fingers but maybe you're a little at fault for getting a boyfriend that she likes more than you damn it's It is like it. Did you think about that before entering this relationship? I feel like this woman socially is just very strange.

She is, actually. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. What are either of you getting out of this? She's very direct, and she just says things sometimes. And some of her reactions sometimes, I'm like, if I ever cross her, she gonna be like this she's gonna do something really drastic so i try not to like

get on her bad side even though like i really do like her as a friend we have great conversations and i love her honesty but yeah there's a part of me that i don't feel 100 comfortable with everything with her yet yeah well hey she should not have that kind of power over you. She's a friend. You know what I mean? She's not your employer and that your employer shouldn't even have that kind of power over you.

So yeah, that's why it's even better to go at her with a united front. Bridger, I'm sorry I interrupted you. I couldn't control myself. Well, it's a very odd situation. I mean, if you love conversations with her, she seems like a bad friend, but she could make a good co-host to a podcast.

The three of you could host conversations. And then you're scheduling everything together. It's very formal. And I feel like she's trying to drive a wedge between the two of you. And if you've got a podcast contract, there's more legal issues that she's going to have to get around. I'm just setting up some – I'm thinking about some outside the box options because this woman seems out of control. Yeah, it's a little weird.

I also wonder if you could just joke with her and be like, why do you keep doing that? That's so silly. And then start a group chat, a group text chain. So it's like, come ask us both if we want to hang out. And Ezra, like you had mentioned on our call together, they like sports a little bit more than you do, but like, it still would be fun to be invited. So like, just be like, girl, like, why don't you?

I'll come too, even if I'm not into sports, you know? Yeah, but you know what I will say? I know what you're saying, Catherine, but I find with people like who are direct and abrupt, they respect being, you know, when you're direct and abrupt with them, they don't expect it because they know that they've got power over you. They know, she knows she's intimidating. She knows that she's a strong personality.

So if you come back at her with the two of you in a united front and you're actually very direct about it, there's no room for any misinterpretation. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you have to bully a bully almost. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't think about that approach, but no, I didn't go for it.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't be worried about retaliation or getting on her bad side. That's not a friendship anyway, if you feel that way. So this isn't going to be a good exercise for you guys, for you as her too. If you feel that way about her her it's good to stand up to a bully in a way you know i mean i know bully is a strong word for what she she's doing but it is a little bit bullyish and the good news is if she blows up she's losing two friends and you each are losing half a friend so you have numbers on your side here that's true it's a good way to look at it that's a good thing to tell her too. You're half a friend. Yeah. Yeah, because my way to deal with it

was just to not, because I haven't reached out to her at all, so I haven't seen her. It was just like, I didn't ghost her. I just don't, I haven't reached out

because I just, I've been feeling weird towards her. And I know she told you happy birthday a couple of days ago and she said she wanted to hang. Yeah.

But I haven't heard from her so I don't think she is aware. She's kind of MIA right now. So we're keeping our distance, but I think if she comes back, we should have a conversation with her together. I think that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sounds good. That sounds good. Let us know how that goes. We will. We'll do. Thank you. Okay, you guys. Go have sex, okay? Perfect. So cute. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Okay, well, that woman sounds like a, what is that? What is that behavior? It's, yeah. It's so weird, right? They're not going to figure it out? Like, they live together. I know. I know.

It seems a little bit twisty. Yeah, there's some psychosexuality happening there. It seems dangerous. Psychosexuality. That's a good term for this podcast. Psychosexuality. Define that for me, Bridger. What does psychosexuality mean? I feel like there's just some real basic instinct type. Somebody's going to end up – there's some danger. Somebody is playing games, mind games. Mind games, right. Yes, I agree with that. She obviously knows what she's doing. Yes.

And she's got two very attractive men that she can kind of toy with, and she's using them as her pawns. Yeah, those two are very cute. I'm going to say that as many times as I can during this hour. Yes. Well, our next call comes from M. She's 33. Dear Chelsea, I have a huge crush on my personal trainer, and I don't know if I should do anything about it. I've been training with him for six months, and my feelings haven't changed. I'm aware in his type of work he gets to know all his clients and that it's part of his job to help them feel good,

but I almost feel like sometimes he's trying to see how I'll respond to some things, maybe find out if I'm liking him too or if it's all just fun and flirty and nothing more. I know this probably happens a lot with people in the fitness industry, but he doesn't seem like the type of trainer out here just to hook up with clients. On the other hand, he's the best personal trainer I've ever worked with. He teaches me a lot, we talk about nutrition, He really keeps me on track and I'm finally seeing results. So part of me doesn't want to ruin a good thing by opening my fat mouth. I feel like a little girl with a schoolyard crush and it's getting to the point where it's consuming my

thoughts day to day and becoming a major distraction. I need to know if I should let this go or tell him how I feel. M. How long did she say she's been having these feelings and how long have they been training? Six months. The whole time she's had a crush on him? Yeah. Right. Yes. Right, M?

Yeah. Yep. That's right. Hi. Oh, my. You're wearing a Joe Coy sweatshirt. I love it. I thought you'd appreciate that.

Oh, Joe, come up here. Hi. Hi. how are you? I'm great. How are you? Thanks for having me. Bridger's here today. Bridger Weiniger, he is our special guest. And then Catherine is my co-host. So say hello to them as well. Okay. So you've been training with him for six months and you felt this way since you started training with him. Yeah, that's right. I actually had a trainer at the same gym previously and she moved on to another role and I had the opportunity to pick my trainer. And I like, you know, I had taken classes with him

and kind of knew like he had a cool personality and everything. And then once we started having like our one-on-one sessions, I was like, oh, okay. I think I think a little bit more about him, you know? Are you from New Jersey or Philly? South Jersey, yeah. Oh, I can tell your accent.

Can you tell my accent? That's so funny. Yeah. She said you sound like my old roommate, Colleen, who we have on the podcast. That's funny. Well, Bridget, do you want to go first on this one? And then I'll chime in. Well, let's just say, first of all, finding a decent trainer at all is

such a nightmare. So the fact that you found one that you like, you liked him from the day one, he must be good looking. Yeah. So have you had any conversations outside of anything that you know about his outside life outside of being able to lift weights or do cardio? Yeah. During our session, sometimes we'll talk personally, just kind of get to know each other. But I feel like that's probably typical, getting to know your clients. Sometimes we'll text outside of the gym, but it's always gym related, nutrition related, things like that. So it's still kind of keeping it professional. Right. And would it be a huge loss if he went away as a trainer? That's the thing. I feel like it's really hard to find a good trainer.

So that's why I'm torn inside on if I want to do anything here. Because, yeah, I think there's plenty of great trainers out there. Okay. Well, just my initial gut instinct is he's not your therapist. You're at the gym. I think that it's okay, at least flirting with the idea of asking him to hang out. I think that's perfectly fair. And if it goes south, you'll move on to another trainer. Chelsea, what do you think of this situation? Okay. I'm going to disagree with you because I think a good trainer, especially now that you're

seeing results and you're getting your act together and that he's doubling as a nutritionist, I think all of those are such valuable components to have in your life because they will shift everything that's happening in your life when you're healthier and you're stronger. Like there's a mental gradation that happens and you're just kind of now starting to feel it.

Six months isn't that long of a time. If something is going to develop between you two, I mean, your feelings may pass is what I'm saying. A lot of people have crushes on their trainers. And then after nine months, three more months could happen. You're gonna be like, what was I thinking? You know, so don't sacrifice a relationship that's working for what it is on the surface. It's working for what you hired him for, right? He's working in that sense. Don't sacrifice that for six months of like a feeling you have. You just have a crush on your trainer. That's not a big deal. You'll probably get over it. If you're not over it in a year, things will develop and progress if it's a mutual

thing naturally. If he's into you, you'll find out about that at some point as you become closer and as you guys spend more and more time together. But I would take the benefits of having a good trainer over the benefits of exposing your crush and maybe having to get a new one just when things are clicking on that level. Right. And to that point, I will say you're only interacting with him in a professional way. For all we know, outside of the professional atmosphere, he's horrible. He's giving you his very best self. And he's probably in shape. He's obviously good looking. And then you go to his apartment, it's a total shithole. And this guy's obnoxious and you have nothing in common. That's the risk you're taking here. He might just be great at getting you in shape and like he's pleasant enough.

Yeah. And also as time goes on, you know, yeah, there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, do you want to join me in a group of friends or do you want to go to a concert or whatever you're interested in doing with him and get a read on it, you know, but you don't have to be like, I have feelings for you. You know what I mean? You can kind of get your answer without digging too deep, but focus on all the good things you're getting out of the relationship and be content and happy with that because a lot of people work a long time to get a good trainer and to get healthy and to get stronger.

And that's going to benefit you more than anything else that we're talking about right now. Yeah. No, that's really good advice. And it's one of those things I've been thinking about. It's like I don't necessarily want to go out of my way and say, hey, you know, I'm having these feelings or whatever. But at the same time, I'm like, this is a really good thing that we have going on. So maybe it's worth just letting it be that. And then if something comes of it in the future, great. If not, like you said, like I might in a couple of weeks or a few months be like, I can't believe I had a crush on him and be over it. So I've done that with almost every trainer I've ever worked with. In fact, the trainer I use now is somebody I've never had a crush on,

which is why I'm still with him. But I mean, I felt that this way that you're talking about, which is why I'm giving you this advice, like with a bunch of guys that I'm so glad I never did anything with. I once had a tennis coach and I texted him, we had gone for drinks and I texted him, this was years ago. And I was like, Hey, do you want to come over and let's get this party started? And he wrote back, no, I don't. And this is a totally professional relationship. And I can't believe you even sent that text. And I was like, mortified. So I never made that mistake again, because that was more and more, you know what I mean? Like that was just why, why just don't mess up a good thing. Right. Yeah. And I know like

younger version of me probably would have done something like that, you know, like sent a text, never regretted it. But older, like me now, I'm like, you know what, don't like don't make the same mistakes you've made before and just write it out. See what happens. Maybe nothing happens. I don't know. But it's that thing where it's been in my mind and I'm thinking about it all the time and I just needed somebody else's perspective on the whole thing. Well, good. I'm glad you called in. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank God we're here for you. Come say hi to our friend from South Jersey who's wearing a Joe Coy sweatshirt, honey. Look, she got you your merch.

She helped pay for that birthday present you got me, honey. Look, say hi. Yes. Hi, Joe. It's so nice to meet you. Oh, my God. This is crazy. You are phenomenal, by the way.

This is Atlantic City a few weeks ago. She said it was AC a few weeks ago and you were phenomenal. Oh, thank you. We don't have enough headphones for the both of us. We can't afford that yet. So I have to translate. But that's okay. Okay, bye, honey.

Okay, bye. Bye, Joe. I used to be her trainer. He used to be my trainer, he said. Shut up, honey. There is a microphone. I'm so confused about how microphones work. I can hear him. Shut the fuck up and She can hear me. There's a microphone. Oh, there is a microphone. I'm so confused about how microphones work. Yeah, I can hear him.

Shut up. I was talking into the headphones. Shut the fuck up and get away from us. I'm sorry, you guys. He's such an interloper. Okay, well, good luck with that and keep training. Yeah, yeah. Go, girl.

Yeah, I love it. Thank you. But let us know if he ever makes a move on you because that'll be a nice twist and turn. And then you'll be so happy you waited. Yes. I know, right? Yeah, we'll definitely keep you posted. Great. All right. Thanks so much, Em. I know, right? Yeah, I will definitely keep you posted. Great.

All right. Take care. Take care. All right. Thank you. Bye. This is going to be called Dear Chelsea with Joe Coy interruptions. People are always charmed by those, so, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we have two more quick questions. Our next email comes from Philip. He says, hi, Chelsea. I really enjoy your podcast, and I love how straightforward and honest your advice is. I'm a 40-year-old single gay man, and I feel like I've been looking for a meaningful relationship for forever.

I've used just about every gay dating site and hookup app from gay.com back in the day to Grindr, Scruff, and Adam for Adam. It's relatively easy to find hookups online, but if you even hint that you want to go on a date, you're likely to get ghosted or get told that they're just looking for friends. The amount of guys in relationships who are on dating and hookup apps is also truly staggering. I'm pretty happy being single, and I'd rather stay single than be in a bad relationship, but I often think about how nice it would be to have someone to come home to every day

and experience life with. Using dating apps exhausts me, and I'm not much of a bar person. Do you have any advice for how I might be able to meet some eligible single guys that might actually be interested in more than just a one-night stand? Philip.

Well, if you're not interested in any of that, well, Bridger, I mean, you're gay You probably have a better handle on this situation than I do Yeah, well, I mean, who can say for sure? But I do have some experience in this I entered my relationship seven years ago through Tinder And I think at least at the time Tinder was, at least for the gay community

The dating option compared to Grindr Grindr took care of hookups and that sort of thing. Then you would get on Tinder to meet people who actually want to meet going out to parties and this sort of thing. I know a lot of friends who've had a lot of success going to like joining an adult soccer league, like a gay soccer league, or what are you interested in? You get online and look up groups. And there are frequently, especially in the queer arena, groups of people that share interests that will meet up. And that's a nice, easy way to do it. I love that. I love that. And another thing you can also do is reach out to your other, your network of people, other gay friends and other straight friends who, and ask everybody in a very genuine, earnest way, like, Hey, I'm having, I haven't had the best luck with all these dating apps. It feels a little slightly insincere. I'd like a more personal kind of connection with somebody vis-a-vis you or somebody that I trust and ask people like, do you have anybody that you think I could maybe connect with even on a friendship

level? Because some people aren't great at seeing who potentially would have chemistry together, but you can ask your friends and the people close in your life if they have anyone they can think of at work, someone they know fairly well, someone they know really well, just to try and get out there in a different way and meet people in a different way. And if they'd be comfortable setting you up. And another thing, I know we just talked about all these apps, but like Instagram is a way that a lot of people are hooking up these days, DMing somebody. It is kind of the new dating app also, like because you you can see a whole person's vibe from their instagram page and then you can get a conversation going and it's not necessarily like being on tinder you know it's more of a casual kind of and then if you click with somebody

it's a natural thing to say hey let's go meet for a drink or let's go for a hike or whatever your idea of a date is yeah yeah. Yeah. Instagram is nice in that way where it's not dating first, it's life first. And then you start liking someone's things or whatever you do on this thing. And then you can kind of casually get into it without the pressure of it feeling like it's going to be a relationship. You can kind of get to know each other. I think that takes a lot of the pressure off because being on a dating site is like, there is something embarrassing about both of you being like, we're trying to find somebody, you know, like there isn't really, but it can feel slightly desperate or it can feel embarrassing

because there's no chance of a friendship because you know, if you're DMing somebody on Instagram, you could develop and cultivate a friendship that doesn't lead to anything. And that's nice as well. And the same with any of your friends or family members who may have somebody that they think of that might be a good match for you. That's a better way of networking if you're over the dating apps. And I will say, I mean, speaking personally, I love matchmaking. I love putting friends with other friends. Don't underestimate, especially if you're gay, there's definitely someone in your life who loves doing the same thing. Start reaching out and somebody might be just waiting to set you up with somebody. Yeah, that's a good point. There you go. There you have it.

Problem solved. I was waiting for that. I was waiting for it. Well, thanks, Philip. Let us know how it goes. And our last question comes from Jessica. Jessica says, Dear Chelsea, let's get straight to the point. I'm hilarious. I've been told that I need to do stand up. I know that I would absolutely thrive more than ever in the business. I just have a problem with overstimulation. Another problem I have with this career pursuit is the fact that I may have to relocate, which is expensive. What is your advice for getting started and handling all of the attention and pressure that comes with the fame? Cheers, Jessica. Well, first of all, if you really feel passionately about something, you need to go after it. You know,

so you just, it's like a bowling ball. You just got to throw it down the lane and then everything gets out of the way that's supposed to. So you have to be so intentional about doing it because it's something that doesn't always turn out exactly the way that you want, but absolutely can turn out the way that you want. And it's your attitude that is going to get you there. So the attention that comes from it, that's kind of part of the equation. So handling it should be something that you're very comfortable with moving into that. You are going to get attention, negative and positive. That's guaranteed. And you have to be okay with that. And you have to be solid enough inside that that's not going to fluster you and it's not going to make you feel badly about yourself. You have to have a real strong sense of self moving into that and that

you should get started sooner than later because your belief in yourself is great. And that's what you need to succeed is you need to believe in yourself because there's nobody's going to believe in you unless you do anyway. But there are a lot of people trying to do the same thing. So that belief in yourself may be the very thing that sets you apart from other people. And that does cause you success. But you just have to move in that direction quickly and start it because it's a process. And it can be arduous doesn't necessarily happen in a couple of years or five years. It could take 10 years. Yeah. I will say if you're afraid of the overwhelming attention, if that's the part

of stand-up comedy that you're afraid of, that probably won't be a concern for five years. You're going to have a lot of people, maybe a lack of attention might be a bigger concern. Yeah. Right. Exactly. But yeah. Yeah. I think it's funny because she, in her email, there's only one option and it is like maximum fame and fortune, which like I kind of love for her also. Like it's funny, but it also like I love it for her because I do think you have to be

like, well, obviously this is the outcome. Chelsea, we've talked about this with you before. We were like, I just was going to have to be rich because I like to go do fine things in life. So, you know, I think that's great. Yeah, exactly. It's funny that you say stimulate, like the stimulation. It's like the stimulation is part of the job. You want to be stimulated and you want to be stimulating to other people. That's part of being a performer, you know, engaging and stimulation. So you got to get on board with it. Like if I do this, I'm going to be famous. So like what are the real consequences here? Jessica, let us know how it goes and good luck. Good luck and Godspeed.

Yes. Well, we'll take a quick break and be right back with Bridger and Chelsea. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel

might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to

reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really

and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Bridger Weidegger. So this is the part of the show where we usually have our guest ask for a piece of advice from Chelsea. Chelsea, I would love to be better at making decisions. I feel like you're a probably pretty decisive person. And I am truly awful at even the small, like deciding on what I'm going to have for dinner can take hours. How do you get to a decision quickly? Honestly, I just don't think there are a lot of bad decisions. I think that you when you make it to

especially when you're talking about what you're going to have for dinner, I think that when you make a decision, you just have to forget about the other decisions and stick with that. You know what I mean? It's again, like referencing the bowling ball. Whenever I've had trouble or I've been indecisive, which isn't an ongoing theme with me, I'm very decisive. I can always say, yes, no, I want to do that. I don't want to do that. But if I am having trouble with something, I usually just say, okay, you just have to pick one and then stick with that and then go in that direction. Like if you're choosing, okay, am I going to have sea bass tonight or chicken, whatever, just pick one. That's the least of your worries. Have one and then enjoy it and forget about the rest. When you're talking about bigger

decisions that are a little bit more nuanced, I think it's very beneficial if you are indecisive to practice just sitting with yourself quietly for a moment and just closing your eyes and thinking about your options because more often than not, your instinct will rise up and inform you what you're supposed to be doing. Once you've made the decision, being the confidence to go forward with it, that's my concern. I feel like I continue to second guess until even after the result. I don't know how to get rid of that. Well, I mean, that's self-talk, you know? That's your dialogue that's in your head, and that's your ego saying, did you make the right decision? Did you make the wrong? So you have to give yourself a little bit more self-love and be like, these are the decisions I'm making. Like, you know, it's a practice. It doesn't happen overnight,

but you have to have confidence in your decision-making ability. Look where you're sitting right now. Look at your life. Look at the decisions that you've made that led to where you are. You're obviously capable at making good ones. So have a little bit more trust in yourself. That's lovely. There you go. Problem solved again. Yeah. So easy. Well, I'm glad I came. Me too. Me too. This was fun, Bridger. I had such a good time with you. Oh, I had a wonderful time. I'm so glad you had me. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Well, take it easy, Bridger. Catherine, I will see you next week.

Bridger, I'll see you at whatever house party we run into each other at. Don't bring a gift. I won't. Don't worry. So if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at dearchelseaproject at gmail.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer.

Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions,

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